#lark vents

[soaringlark]

Rant/vent about the situation involving EssenceOfThought and VangelinaSkov

On the post I made a few weeks back when "VangelinaSkov Plagiarised My Lily Orchard Series - #JustAnotheriilluminaughtii" released to the public, someone yesterday started arguing with me despite me having stated I wasn't in the mood to argue.

I did comment back at them, because I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and inform them, but gosh, I just really hate having to end up arguing about whether or not an abuse victim was actually the abuser when there's HOURS of evidence to prove who the real victim is

For context, this is about Ethel Thurston of EssenceOfThought and Rachel Oates... just Rachel Oates. I don't believe she has an online alias

TW: mentions of grooming and pedophilia, suicidal ideation, selfharm, trauma, mentions of gaslighting, mentions of rape apologists, transphobia/misia, abuse and genocide

Thurston can prove that Oates is a liar who weaponised self harm to turn her audience in a rabid pack of dogs that abused Ethel Thurston and still have left mental scars in her now!

Ethel has been dealing with suicidality and trauma from the incident and as a former viewer of Oates I KNOW that Thurston is 100% more trustworthy than Oates and a lot better of a person.

Oates is a petty control freak, and I was first tipped off at this hearing her tone about when youtube (wrongfully) took her video down that debated the antimask crowd for medical misinformation. (I believe they took it down for the subject being about antimaskers to try to control the issue of people not wearing masks)

Her tone was vindictive (and in hindsight it was a moment that showed her true colors) when she's normally the type of person to act soft, innocent and sweet.

She was friends with rapist apologist and has thanked a person who compared David Reimer to Luna Younger! They compared a mutilated and sexually abused cis man to a victim of physical/mental abuse at the hands of her father because of her trans status (he cut her hair short against her will at the very least)

But because Rachel has been able to turn everything around to paint herself as the victim Ethel is seen as only a monster.

I just... feel gaslit...? Because I know what is true; Rachel has gone as far as to lie about the fucking color of her *EYES* to demonize Ethel Thurston, how the fuck can you trust her after doing that?

Ethel Thurston deserves to share their story without being called a harasser! Sometimes you need more than one book to tell a full story to its conclusion, and that should be extended to Ethel making 5-7 videos about her, since they are all like different parts of the story being told.

I have watched almost all of Ethel's content since Levi joined the channel, and I know that if Ethel really was the monster people paint her as I would have gotten the same gut feeling I have gotten with people like Blair (Illuminaughtii), Vangelina Skov, Rachel Oates and Lily Orchard (trying to think of more but can't... Johnny Silvestri I guess, the way he worded things was very victim blamy at times)

Even applies to some people I've just seen their writings of; recently someone was banned from a shiny hunting community server I'm in, because they were calling someone lazy and unmotivated for not being able to get a job. They also called people who use AI as a helping tool for CVs stupid and said that you should be smart enough to know how to word things if you deserve a job (paraphrased)

And I had a very bad feeling not long after they had first joined and spoken, something told me they lacked respect for other people and their comfort, since one of the first things they posted was vaguely sexual in a mostly PG 13 server.

And right after their ban they, with no evidence, called the server owner a groomer pedophile who hoards minors; absolutely disgusting reaction to being called out for ableism (+ a lot of the community is in their 20s or even 30s)

Yet what is happening here is the more I learn about Ethel Thurston the more I respect her and that is incredibly rare/has never happened before

And I have watched almost all of their live streams, which is where a person would end up showing their true colors

At most I've seen her irritated it's when her friend interupts and I have those moments too when I'm talking about something I deem important and want to get to my point of.

It happened just yesterday, in fact, because they were a bit too insistant on writing about a black kid being abused by white parents while they themselves are non-black, and more specifically, white.

I think I got them to agree in the end to change the parents to at least also be black so it's more general abusive parents rather than potentially being a racist thing, since this isn't something you just do without hours upon hours of research (if not years) and checking with people who experience racism that it isn't downplaying any harm caused by it.

But anyway, point is that when someone tries to butt in with a point you're getting to on a sensitive topic; being snappy is understandable.

Just needed to get some thoughts out of my head, because I'm feeling frustrated and unsure of my own understanding of things... But I know that Rachel Oates is a liar, because I've heard her lies myself years ago as I SAW her "Lies about me" video before it was taken down to protect her fucking *image* She lies like if she'd stop breathing if she was honest!

She lies about Ethel's pronoun order, she lies about her fucking EYE COLOR, she lies about changing to be a better person, she lies about being unable to pick a side in the literal GENOCIDE GOING ON while claiming she's against genocide!

She's a horrible person for that one especially; you can not fence-sit here. You're either pro-genocide or you're not. What's happening in Palestine is one of the worst crimes happening today and it's been going on for decades; now adults and children are starving to death as Israli soldiers cheer each other on for killing them!

It is vile disgusting behavior to act like you have to be an expert to say that Israel is in the wrong. They are in the wrong; they are genocidal colonizers who have been trying to exterminate the people who's land they were granted by uncaring foreigners (the USA) to claim as their own.

And I know that if Vangelina Skov could prove she didn't plagiarise by not crediting the work of the people behind EssenceOfThought, she would have, instead of calling Ethel an extortionist

Sorry for this long post, but if you took the time to read it then thank you.

Please do not argue about this with me; if you want to know the truth look into it through EssenceOfThought's content.

I know I'm right, and even if I am wrong you can't convince me either way, so please just spare both of us the upset /gen

From now on I will block anyone who does try to argue immediately Just to be clear: you can ask what the sources are, but if you argue from VangelinaSkov's side without having watched any of Ethel's videos you're blocked

I have watched the video multiple times, because I'm autistic and need familiarity and Ethel's tone of voice is soft and soothing, so I'll know if you haven't actually heard her talking points from her own mouth /srs

[froads]

[babacontainsmultitudes]

From some of the discussion I've been seeing regarding Sparrow's decision in the last episode vs Lark's decision to release the doodler- I think people are giving Lark a little bit *too much* leniency based on the rogue card? Like don't get me wrong, Lark was a kid and Willy played a big hand in manipulating him into doing what he did, but the rogue card itself did not *force* Lark to stab his dad. It instilled a hostility within him towards his father (one which admittedly I think would have come to be either way if less strongly but that's another post), sure, but releasing the doodler was still very much a premeditated decision on Lark's end, albeit one swayed by his magically-enforced hatred of his dad. I don't blame Lark for the whole ordeal I'm just saying I don't think it's fair to just write it off as some kind of rogue-induced hypnosis, when Lark did very much still have agency in the matter.

[willow-lark]

i say this as someone who has loved pjo for many many years but how r u gonna walk in and say with ur whole chest something that is so mythologically inaccurate and historically wrong fully believing it just bc it was in pjo. when it comes to actual myth and ancient history you NEED to leave that at the door. come on now

[ouellette]

ohhhhhh i love it when my ex's old blog pops up in my recommended

[go2jail1]

Absolutely fucking tearing me up inside that I cannot draw

[honeysuckle-fae]

I <3 ptsd I <3 locking myself in the bathroom to hide from my mother I <3 feeling like she would just open the door to talk to me if I didn't lock it I <3 knowing that when I was a kid we weren't allowed to lock doors and I <3 that if we did she'd just unlock them with her fingernail <3

[yourdeepestfathoms]

i love your meadowlark headcanons sooooo much😭😭

if you’re looking for ideas for more headcanons, may i present:

the lark and their love languages

the lark coping with stress/upset

what an average day around the home/sanctuary looks like for the lark!

the lark and their most surprising talents and weaknesses

the lark and their favourite things; foods, animals, seasons, etc!

don’t feel any pressure btw!! <3

thank you!!

there’s a lot here, but i’m an overachiever SO

The Lark and Their Love Languages

Cole- Quality time! They love to spend time with hers and engage in their hobbies!

Clémentine- Physical touch ofc! They’re SO cuddly and snuggly. I believe it’s also been stated that they like to give kisses, so they are the CEO of forehead kisses to everyone!

Kingsley- Being a nuisance lol

Perrine- Also quality time! I don’t see her as the type to be only affectionate or to use terms of endearment, but she likes to spend time with the others whenever she can, doing whatever they like to do.

The Lark and Coping With Stress

Cole- Singing and songwriting. You know how some people make vent art/writing? I feel like they would do that with songs! They write vent lyrics to get out their feelings.

Also aggressive scream-singing in the middle of the woods!

Clémentine- I feel like Clémentine is the only one who actually sits down and talks about their problems like a normal person. They don’t like to keep things bottled up and when they try, they just end up blurting it out eventually.

Kingsley- Might be a bit strange, but Kingsley gives me the vibes of someone who runs to get stress out. Like, he’s just like “i’m gonna go for a run” and then just prances around the woods.

The forest calms him, and he likes sitting among the trees when he’s upset to just breathe and be my himself.

Perrine- Compartmentalizing lmao

Average Day

Perrine wakes up first and goes downstairs to make breakfast for the others. Clémentine is usually up next, then Cole, and then Kingsley, who likes to get his beauty sleep.

I feel like they don’t all spend every waking minute together, so after breakfast, they all chill, doing their own things.

They try to do some rehearsing at some point, but usually SOMEONE (mainly Kingsley) won’t focus, and they end up doing something else entirely.

Sometimes Perrine makes lunch, other time she lets them fend for themselves. She makes dinner, though, make days! Otherwise they have leftovers.

The Lark and Their Favorite Things

Cole

Animal: Cat

Color: Yellow

Season: Spring

Weather: Sunny

Clémentine

Animal: Fox

Color: Yellow

Season: Spring

Weather: Rainy

Kingsley

Animal: Frog

Color: Green

Season: Summer

Weather: Sunny

Perrine

Animal: Crow

Color: Purple and blue

Season: Autumn! Unlike the others, she really loves the cooler weather and the pretty colors the trees become.

Weather: Snowy

[ladyannemarie5]

Jaskier: the emotional support bard for EVERYONE

Well, remember my "Things we learned/confirmed about our bard in Vol. 2" post? You can see it here.

I haven't stopped thinking about point #16 (He's the emotional support bard for EVERYONE (Geralt, Yennefer, Ciri and even Dara) but who the hell is my baby's emotional support?) and after many sleepless nights I finally got around to it to write something about it.

So here you have 2k words of hurt/angst for my beautiful bard. Because he needs to vent to someone and I love a Geralt writhing in pain and guilt :D

-------------

Geralt is truly grateful to have Jaskier in his life. Having him is the true blessing. 

The bard is always by his side, with a soft and understanding smile on his face, with the right words that will give shelter to their hearts and a joke to lighten the mood.

He knows just the right combination of words to make Yennefer smile sincerely. He knows what song to sing for Ciri after her nightmares. He knows what to say to elves who have lost their homes and families to always keep them hopeful.

And of course, Jaskier is always sincere about his emotions, the things he likes, the things he dislikes.

Jaskier is colorful, loud, colorful and true with his feelings.

That's why Geralt is at a loss for what to do when he hears Radovid comforting his bard. 

Geralt was about to tell them both to gather by the fire to continue the party after saying goodnight to Ciri. The party in the forest was in full swing when both lovebirds decided to step away from the spotlight and spend some time alone. 

"How are you, lark?" asks Radovid.

"I'm perfect, my prince. All things are finally flowing properly" replies the bard cheerfully.

There is silence for a moment, Geralt sneaking up on the pair, not wanting to abruptly interrupt their moment.

"I could see how your hands shook as we approached the fire, I also noticed that you didn't play your usual notes on your lute, and of course, you tried to sing the dirtiest songs in your repertoire only to have your friends tell you to stop singing in front of the girl" the prince murmurs softly and Geralt stops his steps altogether. 

"Well, I wouldn't want a witcher and his sorceress to cut little Jaskier for singing obscenities in front of his daughter. You should thank me for stopping, I know how much you enjoy little Jaskier."

A silence follows, Geralt thinks the matter is settled, that Jaskier is fine. 

"And now you're evading the issue" replies the prince in a tone Geralt can't detect. "You said you weren't afraid of the fire anymore but you sat in the farthest place from the campfire, you didn't have your twitch with the strings and I know you only do that when you don't want to want to keep playing the lute and I also know you only sing your dirtiest songs when you want to make people uncomfortable and make them stop asking you for songs.

I ask you again, how are you?"

Jaskier doesn't respond. Geralt holds his breath and frowns in the darkness.

Jaskier isn't acting weird, it's just Jaskier being Jaskier, Geralt thinks. His bard is always happy, in fact he is surprised that he always smells like honeysuckle and lavender all the time because humans always have a wide variety of smells about them. Sadness, anger, joy, satisfaction, and more and more, but Jaskier always smells of happiness, and several (many) times of lust. Radovid believes that just by knowing Jaskier for a few years he is already able to read him backwards and forwards. Like him

Jaskier doesn't say anything for several minutes and for a second, it seems like the conversation has stopped there, maybe he'll start cracking a joke about how being the most famous bard on the continent is taking its toll on him or maybe he'll comment that Radovid isn't giving him any enough attention.

If there's one thing everyone who knows Jaskier personally knows, it's that the bard is...

"I'm tired "

And Geralt's heart stops. Because he has never heard the bard speak in that tone. Not even when they had walked miles and miles for hours, not when they had spent days and days sleeping outside instead of an inn, not even when Geralt apologized after the mountain. It's not the kind of physical exhaustion that Jaskier always brags about, it's the exhaustion that comes from his soul.

A soft sound is heard and the witcher must not have special mutations to know that the prince has gotten closer to the poet “Dear heart, it is me. "You know you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not with me."

More silence. More doubts.

And then, like a dam that has broken, Geralt smells for the first time the bitter aroma of rotting dandelions: Jaskier's sadness.

"I feel so lonely." Jaskier sighs, an exhausted, desperate sigh.

And then the sobs come.

Geralt can imagine the prince holding Jaskier in his arms because the poet's voice sounds muffled and sobbing.

Jaskier talks about how he has always felt sad and alone since he was a child. How sometimes he is not able to remember his childhood because his mind has blocked everything bad to protect him. He talks about how music saved his life, how sometimes it's not enough and he just forces himself to make it enough.

Geralt thinks about the times Jaskier didn't sleep or eat because he stayed to write in his notebook, how he took his lute and held it to his chest saying that the muses were blessing him with inspiration. He now wonders how much was real and how much was the bard breaking.

The bard tells the prince how scared he was when he first toured the continent, fearing that he would have to crawl back to his parents to survive. The happiness of being able to find Geralt and follow him. The sadness of being rejected over and over again by the only person who was his lighthouse at that moment. The panic attacks he suffered when he woke up and Geralt was already gone. The tremors in his legs when he ran to the next town to catch up with the witcher and the fake smiles he had shown when pretending that their reunion was accidental.

Geralt remembers a time, in Temeria, when he found Jaskier drinking beer in a tavern and how his leg kept moving, up and down over and over again. How Jaskier told him it was the emotion that the red-haired waitress caused him. He tries to remember how many miles Jaskier had to walk by himself.

Jaskier tells him how devastated he was when Geralt left him. Because he knows that 20 years are nothing for a witcher but they were half of his human life. He tells him that he returned to Geralt because he missed him and is his best friend, the person he has the most faith in, but he doesn't think he can trust him again, not like before. Because he had been his only friend, his only constant after leaving and being disowned by his own family, because he had given him his youth, voice and friendship for decades and yet Geralt had left him. And his heart is so broken that he can't put another patch on it or will be useless forever.

He tells him how ashamed he is of his human condition. Because he's surrounded by gods who can set the world on fire literally and figuratively, he clings so hard to being someone magnificent like them, but sometimes he's so exhausting that the very breath escapes him. He tells that every time they make a joke about being weak, worthless or just being left behind he gets it because they remind him of his family, but now it has become a dull ache that builds up in his heart and he knows it's wrong, but now has gotten used to it.

Geralt doesn't even have a specific memory, but he knows that he has a lot to think about.

The poet talks about nightmares about being burned, about being left behind for being a mere human. Because he knows that he is only a second in the infinite life of the people he loves, that he is nothing more than a thorn in the hearts of the people he considers his family. Because they will live long, wonderful lives and the memory of him will one day be erased from their minds, and sometimes it's okay, but other times it feels like it burns his soul to know that he means nothing to anyone.

He tells Radovid that he is so afraid that he will leave him too. Because he knows that he can be a lot and feel so much that he is used to being left aside, but he doesn't believe he can bear Radovid's rejection and he doesn't believe can bear to say goodbye to the prince he has fallen in love with like never before. He tells him how much loves him, how fervent his love is, but Radovid is a prince, the representation of the gods on earth, the man who has armies and subjects and men and women at his disposal; and he’s a simple bard, with scars from torture and a lute on his back. Jaskier opens up and talks out loud about how scared he was when he met him, because he always jokes about being heartbroken, like every good poet, but he never talks about the fear of not being enough again.

He talks about his resentment and envy of others. He was always the bard of comfort for everyone, always the shoulder to cry on and complain about, always the perfect man to put down and feel good about yourself. Jaskier, the man who always smiles. Jaskier, the man of a thousand words. Always the bard Dandelion.

He says that has no right to cry and complain about his pain, because there are elves out there who have lost their homes, their family, and their lives. Because just a few steps from him, there is a girl who lost her parents, her grandparents and her entire home in the flames. There is a sorceress who was sold by her father, who was undone and remade countless times. Because he has traveled with the man with the purest and noblest heart on the continent, that he has suffered for decades without complaint. Because there is a prince trapped in a viper's nest next to him. He has no right to cry because he is exhausted.

But sometimes it's so hard to stay smiling. Sometimes the curtain must be lowered, sometimes his lips also get tired of saying words of encouragement without any in return, his arms are also tired of holding and not being held, his heart sometimes gets tired of loving without being loved.

Sometimes he just wants to sleep and not wake up again.

Jaskier talks and talks and talks. But for the first time, he's not about the best color for his doublet, but instead he mutters about the insecurities he hides behind those colors. For the first time, Geralt doesn't tune out Jaskier's inane, meaningless chatter and actually listens, hears the tremor in his voice, smells the pain in the air, feels every sob rumbling in his chest. And he wonders how he never saw it, how he always took his friend for granted.

It seems that Jaskier's words are exhausted, because all that remains is a deafening silence and the aroma of salt from tears not shed for years.

“You are not alone, lark,” the prince murmurs, soft and determined. “You have me, Geralt, Ciri and Yennefer. We are your family. We are yours. And I'm sorry you feel that way, because it was never our intention to burden you with our burdens. Because we love you. You are the light of our lives, and the only reason we all have a family. Jaskier, you are my lark, my heart and my soul. I love you more than anything, Jaskier. You can always come to me to listen to you, to cry or simply to be by your side, the way you want me, all the time you want me.”

Jaskier sobs again and Geralt can imagine Radovid holding him tighter, closer, because it's something the witcher wants to do.

Geralt walks away silently with only the thoughts of him.

He returns to the bonfire that miraculously continues to burn, with no Yennefer and Ciri in sight.

Geralt sits in his place. He thinks about everything he has learned from the bard in 1 hour and has been missing for 24 years. He wonders how much of what he sees in Jaskier is him and not his mask. He questions why he never asked Jaskier how he is.

Then he hears footsteps coming out of the forest. He feels Yenn sit silently to the right of him and then Ciri to the left of him. Everyone heard, everyone felt their bard break.

No one says anything, as if the bard had taken away their words. He probably did it. So the three of them sit together until they decide to go to sleep, always in silence.

The next morning, the 3 find a note from Radovid saying that he and Jaskier will take some time together. That they will soon find them.

The witcher, the sorceress and the princess shed tears together and then wait anxiously for their bard. Their lark.

[soaringlark]

Having a bad day, just wish I had stayed in bed

[amaris-ofthemoon]

Welcome to my orbit, dearest Novas~

☆━━━✰━━━☆⭒ 🌑 ⭒ ☆━━━✰━━━☆⭒

Who am i?

A wonderful question darling, you may call me Amaris but I am open to other titles. I use all pronouns and I am 18 in your mortal years.

Why are you here?

Simple dearest you’ve fallen into my orbit. Stay and enjoy the stories and tales I’ll paint for you darling Novas.

Boundaries

I will not allow kink/nsfw accounts to reblog my posts anymore I am uncomfortable with the audience you bring in. I’ll add others as I go and you are also welcome to suggest or ask for a fantasy to be created.

Tagging System

#my sea 🌊✨-Interactions, posts, gushes about my partner

#my roman empire 🥀-this tag is for my current obsession

#my star ⭐️ - this is for my qpps and anything related to qpr

#yaelokre yaps 🌾🪕-All my yapping about my interest in yaelokre, the lark, and the harkers!!

#my sillies- for when I interact with/get interactions from my silles

#my supernovas- my mutuals/family I’ll use this when reposting or replying to a post of theirs

#ris yearning- anything related to love that I crave but in a general sense instead of towards anyone specific

#nova’s moods- Moodboards I create or reblog

#maris scribes- this will be used for all fantasies I cook up for you darlings.

#nova tells- answering any questions given to me

#ris rambles- for all my yaps, relatable contents, and general online stuff

#mar vents- posts for vents typically concerning my obsessive feelings

Caution

Lastly a warning, this blog will be mainly focused on obsessive behavior and thoughts if you are sensitive this may not be the place for you so please be mindful and stay at your own risk.

☆━━━✰━━━☆⭒ 🌑 ⭒ ☆━━━✰━━━☆⭒

[babacontainsmultitudes]

OMG YESSS GO OFFFF

Yeah not to respond to your long post with a long post but

😅 Maybe I should preface this by saying that I've been sippin' on vodka so I am writing this a bit drunk, but if you'll humor me,

Firstly, yes, Sparrow is soooo underrated! I lowkey feel like all the hate he gets played into me becoming as obsessed with him as I am over the course of season 2?

But even still, I can honestly pinpoint the exact point at which I became ridiculously concerned with Sparrow's wellbeing, and that was THIS FUCKING MOMENT

In fucking Retail Therapy. I guess it probably wasn't what most people were focused on during this part but oh my god did this little moment hit me like a truck.

It's just- uuuggghh no there's too much to say about this to be able to do so in my current state but wow if the rest of season 1 from this point forward doesn't just SUCK for Sparrow. Literally like all of it is him trying so hard to cheer up his brother and mediate between him and Henry and for what?? For nothing to get better? For Lark to stab Henry??? Not to mention all the little moments of Sparrow being denied his father's love and attention not because Henry didn't love Sparrow to death but because Henry had no choice but to focus on Lark.

And I actually love Lark so much even if I don't talk about him nearly as much, but fuck if he isn't the anchor that's been drowning Sparrow slowly for the past 20 or so years.

AND THE BETRAYAL. The betrayal. Okay yeah the alcohol is hitting me now lmao It's wild to me that after all this time we still don't know for sure whether or not Sparrow knew of Lark's plan before he stabbed Henry, but the implications are fucked and tragic either way. Either he knew, but like Lark he didn't understand the true consequences of carrying out the plan and now he carries the same guilt (or at least a comparable one) with him, surely for the rest of his life- OR, or, he *didn't* know- and that scenario is actually kinda worse I think? Cause like- that Lark- that *Lark* would *use* him that way, *betray* him that way and specifically take advantage of the fact that Sparrow wanted more than anything to reconcile Lark and Henry's relationship and of course accordingly would be thrilled at the prospect of Lark apologizing to Henry and that DESPITE THAT, despite all of that, he still blames himself for the end of the world. Am I making any sense??

Sparrow is marked by betrayal, actually. So is Lark but that's a different post. Lark's betrayal in the aforementioned stabbing incident (depending on the circumstances ig), but also in sleeping with Rebecca. And Rebecca betrayed him here too obviously!

And I see all these posts I love about how Hero is probably Lark's kid- but what I don't see is discussion of the implications for Sparrow. Do you think at 19 years old (if my math is right? Assumed 12 in S1, +25 years into S2, -18 for Hero's age??) Sparrow was ready to have a baby? It's one thing if that was his own doing. But if Hero was/is Lark's? Oh my fucking god. Sparrow's life has changed forever, he's somehow been more stripped of his childhood than he already was, and Lark can't. even. own. up. to. it!!! And it's such a testament to their relationship because Sparrow is *SO* used to holding himself accountable for Lark's shit

And maybe, in a more subtle way, Henry betrayed Sparrow too. I hate giving Henry a hard time because I love him so much, and he tried so hard, and he deserves the world- but I do think he failed his kids. I think in failing to discipline Lark and Sparrow he enabled- well enabled both of them but especially Lark, and in doing so forced the responsibility of accounting for Lark's actions onto Sparrow. Not that Sparrow can bring himself to punish Lark either, but he can spend a lifetime trying to reunite Lark and his father, and he can spend a lifetime living with Lark's mistakes if it means saving him from being completely alone.

But that's not a secret, is it? He says it himself when he's disguised himself as Lark

Henry can't punish Lark. Henry can't punish Lark, so Lark keeps hurting himself, and Sparrow is caught in a perpetual state of trying his best to fix him.

Oh that's another thing- I've seen people interpret this scene as like, "Sparrow was okay with Lark dying on the throne" or what have you. I disagree! I really disagree! I think Sparrow absolutely fucking hates that it's come to this, blames both himself and Henry for it, but ultimately understands that Lark is going to sit on the throne either way- and gets why he has to. He understands that for Lark there's no other option- understands that Lark's guilt runs so deep that he would gladly die if it meant undoing even a fraction of what he's done.

Hence,

But most of all Sparrow was betrayed because he was taught to love. He was taught to love, and every time he loves someone, whether it's Lark, or Henry, or Rebecca, or Normal, it's never enough. It's never enough, and no one ever thinks to love him back.

i have too many thoughts about Sparrow Oak-Garcia that I am barley containing as is.

[willow-lark]

🌻🍉🎀☯️ for the fanfic asks game, if you so desire! :]

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

oh, that's a good one. honestly, i've got into a bad habit lately of feeling like not having as much engagement as other writers makes me a bad one. like i'm not!! many people rlly like my fics, and i'm thankful for that. but despite a lot of people calling for change in the byler fandom, it can be really hard for smaller writers to gain any traction/response, which leads to insecurity and can be really frustrating. lowkey i miss the 4-5 years i spent ONLY being on ffn/ao3 & dealing with the rest of fandom. i never felt this insecure about my work back then. but i keep going because i love to write, and i do like sharing it with other people. i like putting my blorbos in Situations >:)

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

hoo boy. ok. so there are MANY (unpublished) wips in my drive rn from the summer of 2019, when i literally did nothing but write vent/party-bashing fics about will being mistreated by them. yeeeah. i adore the party, and they r all very good people and friends, but will's experience hit a liiiittle too close to home. and my experience did NOT end up well for me. 😬

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

i think i'm good at writing internal monologues!! i hope people think so too. i really enjoy getting into characters' heads.

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i think it definitely builds a lot of rapport and uplifts people!! i know i always really enjoy interacting with people. although i am a very nervous person, so 90% of the time i'm just making posts being like "HEY COME DM ME." like, i need to stop 😅 (please do tho 👀) but in general people have been very kind, including you!! i'm really really glad i've talked to you 💕💕 i really like talking to people but i always get so nervous about it. (i feel like part of that comes from feeling like everyone has a head start on me in making friends here even though i've been in fandom for like. 8 years now. rip)

anyways,

come ask me a question about my fics!!

[spaghettiisinmysoul]

Once again I’m guilty of drawing my OC with the main characters instead of drawing actual scenes lmao

Here’s love wolf sparrow surprising the shit out of lark, and adult fen trying to get normal to vent to him cause damn it let me love you

[everybody-scream-fxck]

*Lark and Scott's house is on fire, but they don't know it* Lark: Damn, it's hot in here. Scott: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent! Lark: Lark: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is. Scott: What? Lark: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW.

[llostwriter]

The Misery of the Songstress’ Child | 2HA Fanfic

Non Binary Reader

TW: Mention of trauma, rape, intimacy, force-feed, drug usage, child abuse, child neglect, and those following it.

Chapter 1

Two songstresses stood out as celestial beings in the history of the music building in ancient China, known for their exquisite beauty and mesmerizing vocals. When problems arise, Duan Yihan and Xun Fengruo support one another like sisters in the music building. That is how it seems from the outside, anyway. Both have amazing natural beauty that even makes average-looking women envious. Duan Yihan had a complexion that matched the finest jade, and her beauty was as delicate and graceful as an orchid. Xun Fengruo exudes beauty with her elegant motions and siren-like, piercing stare.

Their ethereal appearance, akin to blossoming flowers, adorned the halls, and their beautiful calls, captivated the hearts of both commoners and patrons.

Numerous listeners found solace in the melancholic and unrequited love that permeated Xun Fengruo's songs. Her voice had an unforced purity and precision, and it soared like a lark's. "Clear and sweet as a nightingale's song, her melodies could soothe worries and rouse the spirits of the courtiers," is how fans of Duan Yihan would frequently describe her music. Similar to the nightingale and the crane, their melodies came to represent grace, elegance, and the ability of music to touch the soul. Soon came the notice of a corrupt nobleman, who abducted the two singers following their performance. Xun Fengruo offers herself as a sacrifice by purposefully flirting with the nobleman in order to let Duan Yihan escape.

When he discovered that one of his prisoners had fled, the nobleman vented his rage on Xun Fengruo in private. Because he was afraid of ruining her beauty, he began raping her all day and night instead of punishing her through beating. Xun Fengruo even went on a hunger strike to make her body emaciated, and the nobleman then ordered staff to force-feed her. To him, she is like a porcelain doll, and he must preserve her beauty. As a result, you were born. The nobleman has seven concubines and one legitimate wife; Xun Fengruo was not even awarded a title because she was deemed "unworthy."

When Xun Fengruo was in labor, there was only one person to assist her: an elderly maid to whom Xun Fengruo had grown close during her time at the mansion. With the crack of lightning and the screams of labor anguish, followed by the cry of a newborn. With that, you were born. The concubines and wife were envious of Xun Fengruo's care in bed, while their husband left the rest of the bed chilly and undisturbed. And when they learned about your birth, they were concerned that the nobleman's 'affection' for Xun Fengruo would grow. Yes, the nobleman would continue to focus on his sons and daughters; however, the threat is still there.

When Xun Fengruo arrives, he entirely ignores his concubines and wife in the bedroom. As a result, the nobleman's concubines and legal wife kicked you and your mother out when he was not present. One of the concubines even planned to disfigure Xun Fengruo if the legal wife hadn't told them not to because the nobleman would be home soon. But there was a wound on Xun Fengruo's right cheek by the legal wife.

With nowhere else to go, you and your mother went to the one area she was familiar with. House of Drunken Jade. Madam Mo was enraged, accusing Xun Fengruo of intentionally leaving the music building to meet up with someone before being knocked up and returning. Since Xun Fengruo's departure, the business has declined, with Duan Yihan, the remaining songstresses, and prostitutes shouldering an increased workload. Madam Mo has to observe the disappointed looks on the customers' faces as she tells them in person that Xun Fengruo is currently unavailable.

Madam Mo even had to spend additional taels to hire someone to work at the main gate so she wouldn't have to deal with those individuals who were demanding Xun Fengruo. Stress would be bad for her pregnant body. Yes, she is currently pregnant with Mo Nian and is waiting for her lover, Xue Duanrong, the father of their child, to return home. For the first time in a long time, she smiled just thinking about it.

After observing Xun Fengruo's frail state, Duan Yihan raced over to her.

—-

When the songstress saw your infant form in the arms of a close friend, she realized something. "Please take them…" Duan Yihan removed you from Xun Fengruo's arms, and Xun Fengruo collapsed in front of the brothel, accompanied by your sobbing. Your mother was well after some rest, but no one was spared Madam Mo's fury, who was so enraged that she nearly miscarried when she saw customers leaving because of the mess outside. Madam Mo was about to kick Xun Fengruo out if it wasn't for Duan Yihan intervened and reminded her that Xun Fengruo's return would raise revenues once more.

Madam Mo took one glance at Xun Fengruo's face and instructed her to return to work as soon as the wound on her right cheek healed. Xun Fengruo would also be responsible for the child's well-being. Duan Yihan was willing to spend her remaining cash on baby clothes and toys for you because Xun Fengruo was unable to work at the moment.

When your mother's right cheek cut healed, she returned to work as instructed. The music-building songstresses and prostitutes who didn't have any customers would look after you because Xun Fengruo was like an older sister to them. As a result, you've gotten used to calling them each "big/older sister."

A music building is not the finest location for a baby to dwell, but, as you get older, it is natural to become intrigued about certain things.

There were moments when your younger self would question the "pretty ladies": "Why was there a man on top of big sister?" "Why are they moaning?" "Why is the man grabbing the big sister's neck and sometimes pulling her hair?" "Why is the man biting and sucking on big sister's neck?" "We absolutely need to purchase bug repellant. Big sisters are developing dark red and purple neck marks."

When your mother is serving a customer in one of the pleasure house's rooms, your big sisters would always try to prevent you from going to her.

One time when the pleasure home was particularly busy, and your big sisters were not present to care for you.

Your small self crawled to find your mother and discovered her completely naked in the midst of an intimate act with a stranger. You were shocked because you had never seen the performance up close before. In a matter of minutes, Madam Mo dragged you out of the room after placing baby Mo Nian in his crib. You took a battering.

In the end, one of your older sisters bought ointments for you, not your mother. You've always been clingy to your mother, wanting to play with her whenever you could, but she constantly dismissed you with an "I'm too busy." "Play elsewhere."

But you never blamed her.

——

Duan Yihan has been seeing the same person for the past several weeks. Nangong Yan, Lord of the Ninth City of Rufeng Sect, has been visiting Duan Yihan every day, showering her with gold taels and hairpins. Xun Fengruo had previously seen Nangong Yan in person while shopping for jewelry for her sisters. She recalls seeing Nangong Yan dressed in costly golden robes, followed by servants carrying large luggage.

Xun Fengruo could see true evidence of falling deeply in love in Duan Yihan's expressions; at the same time, she was delighted with her love life, but she was still wary of noblemen, especially given what had happened before.

Her fears were verified when she learned that Nangong Yan has a wife. Xun Fengruo expressed her concerns to Duan Yihan, who laughed it off: "Sister Fengruo, you must have made a mistake. He explained that he was simply a regular Lin'an traveler. No wife."

Xun Fengruo inquired: "If he was truly a traveler, how could he have enough taels to purchase all those jewels for you?"

Duan Yihan responded: "Don't worry, sister; he told me that it was because his boss always paid him handsomely for his good work!"

Xun Fengruo wanted to speak more, but she held back since she did not want to argue with her.

Xun Fengruo: "Alright then, just be careful."

——-

As expected, Duan Yihan became pregnant by the alleged "traveler." You observed her stomach ballooning up and advised her to see a doctor and get some treatment for the disease, but she chuckled and said that was usual for pregnant ladies.

"So how do pregnant women come to exist?" You asked out of curiosity.

Duan Yihan stroked her abdomen affectionately, "A baby is formed when two people love each other."

—-

Duan Yihan's abdomen grew to the point where Madam Mo and the customer noticed it. Duan Yihan continues to perform, but the music building is losing money since she no longer accepts requests to please customers in bed. Madam Mo was not pleased with this change, and there is no way she will let another of her employees have a baby. Madam Mo was unable to prevent one of her greatest songstresses, Xun Fengruo, from having you because she had been missing for several months.

The music building is not a children's playground. Those troublesome kids were always causing trouble in the building. Madam Mo wouldn't let that happen.

Her son, Mo Nian, is the exception because he is her son. Madam Mo asked that Duan Yihan undergo an abortion, which was denied. Madam Mo volunteered to pay for the abortion herbal concoction, assuming that money was an issue. That was also denied. Duan Yihan informed Madam Mo that she would keep the child, no matter what. Duan Yihan even stated that she will leave gladly if that is what is required.

—-

Sister Duan Yihan left. And your other older sisters told you that Duan Yihan has been whisked away by her lover and will have a wonderful life.

You were glad for her. Your mother has repaid her debt to Madam Mo. And from that day on, you never see her lying in bed with a stranger.

—-

By this point, you were six years old. That is when you first met him. A fluffy white cloak hung over his small form. It was made of the finest wool, soft as a whisper, with each thread gleaming with a subtle iridescent sheen. Even the flecks of dirt on it could not conceal the fact that it had belonged to a high-ranking cultivator or possibly a nobleman. The generously sized hood enveloped the child's face, leaving just a tangle of unruly black hair that looked like a bird nest poking out. He observed you and wondered why a six-year-old would be inside this building.

He pulled over a performer and inquired about the location of his mother's buddy. Only then did he discover from the performer that Xun Fengruo is the Top Courtesan of the House of Drunken Jade and that the child he had just seen was Xun Fengruo's.

He informed the performer that he was the son of Duan Yihan. Duan Yihan was more generous than Xun Fengruo when it came to spending money on her sisters, so she was quite popular among them. When the performer realized this, her mood changed totally, and she rushed him to Xun Fengruo. He told Xun Fengruo the complete story, unaware that you were also listening in.

After a few pleadings from the top courtesan, Madam Mo finally gave in. After all, now that Duan Yihan has left, Xun Fengruo is the only one generating the most money. Even though Xun Fengruo no longer sleeps with the customer, her voice and music-playing skills remain superb, captivating large crowds in a matter of seconds.

Upsetting the top profit is not a wise idea. The youngster was distressed since his coat was burned, so you ended up soothing him. The youngster was adopted by Madam Mo and given the surname Mo, becoming an errand boy. He and you work together on errands, becoming closer as time passes.

The nobility had already forced Xun Fengruo to spend her first night. But she still needs to make things better for you and her late sister's son. She promised you and Mo Ran that after she rehabilitated herself, she would take both of you to a better life. The recollections of you being pleased about gaining freedom cause you to have pleasant dreams.

——-

The Lantern Festival was here. The children on the street were all carrying lanterns and holding hands with their families. The streets were busy with activity. Music and singing could be heard around every corner. This was also the day that the music building generated the most money, which dampened your disappointment at not being able to celebrate. Your mother sat on the upper-floor staircase and began playing music on her guqin for a nobleman. You and Mo Ran were both downstairs in the kitchen at the time. Mo Ran was making sticky rice cake as you made tea to accompany the dessert.

Both of you were interrupted by young master Mo Nian's command to clear the table where a customer had recently sat. You were anxious to say goodbye to Mo Ran, but he told you that he would be the one to deliver the glutinous rice cake and tea to your mother. With that, you were gone. After that, you went upstairs to find Mo Ran and your mother. But you were met with the sight of Mo Ran wrestling a greasy rich merchant, and your mother was nowhere to be found.

Madam Mo yelled from across the corridor as her footsteps approached, before grabbing Mo Ran by the collar and slapping him hard in the face.

“Mother Mo, I'm sure A-Ran was not in his right mind when he attacked the customer."

You call Madam Mo. "Mother Mo." The same thing that your older sisters do.

Madam Mo (Mother Mo): "Was he not in his right mind? This son of a bitch obviously did this on purpose!"

Rich Merchant says, "Yes! I was just asking a simple question when he randomly attacked me! He is truly insane!"

Madam Mo apologized to the wealthy businessman and dragged A-Ran away. You had decided to follow them before being told to return to work. You were hesitant, but you had no option; all you could do was watch A-Ran and Mother Mo move away. For the rest of the week, you didn't see A-Ran or your mother.

The unease continued to increase.

——

After a week, Mo Ran returned. You made sure to shower him with kisses, just like your older sisters would do to you when you were sad.

He enjoyed it. You've resolved to do it every time he's unhappy, unconscious of the deeper significance.