#sorry for the vent i am simply

[peppermintlark]

I <3 ptsd I <3 locking myself in the bathroom to hide from my mother I <3 feeling like she would just open the door to talk to me if I didn't lock it I <3 knowing that when I was a kid we weren't allowed to lock doors and I <3 that if we did she'd just unlock them with her fingernail <3

[inkly-heart]

please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤

🌱

[hearts401]

[kyonite]

every day I see someone online like "all my friends hate me" and I want to shake them by the shoulders like. that is a mean thing to say about your friends!! they don't deserve that. It's such a hard lesson to learn and you have to keep internalizing it until you die but you all need to fucking start sometimes!!! if ur friends are ur friends then they don't hate you. that is how friends work. I'm sorry your childhood was bad or you've had toxic friend groups in the past but it is mean to your friends to continue to think this when they've given you no reason to. It is a mean thing to think about them.

[arsenicflame]

the cycle

-i feel stable enough to start to reach out and reply to my friends

-social interaction makes me feel good

-i feel like i can do things, i start having ideas and want to create

-i start to upswing hard

-everything starts to feel like its got to be the best thing the world

-theres a tipping point

-everything starts to feel like its the worst thing in the world

-i run out of energy to message people

-i start to feel bad about not replying or being able to keep up with the things i started planning

-i realise i have to remove myself from all situations that are feeding into the downswing

-i consciously do not interact with friends, still feeling bad about it, but knowing its like knocking a pendulum

-i stop existing as a person on 99% of levels

-i start to balance out, feeling hollowed out and barely human, but not hitting any low lows & generally sitting stable

-i think i feel calm enough to start replying to friends

[dandyshucks]

man I can't even be mean to myself w the idea of Guz anymore djfkdl its been so cemented in my brain that he loves me that i tried to be angry-mean at myself during a breakdown a little while ago and tried to tell myself that he'd be disgusted w me and hate me but i honestly didnt believe that at all and it felt silly to even say it to myself 😭😭 all i could see in my mind's eye was him being worried and trying to help, i couldn't even conjure up the idea of him hating me or being angry w me 😭😭 and now i feel a little silly like maybe im crazy for being so convinced that he'd love me but aaaaaauugghh okay im not gonna go into some sort of stupid morality spiral over that omfg its literally fine. I am not a bad person for thinking fictional character would love me. even if its not Normal™ i dont think it's actually hurting anyone or immoral. its fine its fine its fine lol

[echo-is-super-cool]

please stop.

i am not giving anyone money unless i know them well enough to.

i know those who give these are in war, but i can not fix that.

i can not stop a war.

i don't need to have guilt pushed down on to me for something i can not give.

i can not help, and stop war.

[a-s-levynn]

.

[suddencolds]

~

[lucygrayslover]

I need to stop engaging in things that make me compare the attention I get with others. unfortunately if I want to exist on the internet at all I have basically no choice. sorry about that 😔😔

[morphestic]

I wish to be part of something so badly but my boringness and fear of creating bonds stop me from joining anything

[blushy-tigerrr]

can’t sleep. feeling sad and anxious. not a good time. :(

[batz]

neurologist says my optic nerves are fine/same as last few appointments but still tells me to start taking 12 diamox a day and tells me to get out before i can ask why . also diamox like. cannot fix an issue involving my veins. but idk im not doctor so whatever

im 100% not taking 12 pills a day tho thatd hurt me. past few appointments hes just been rlly wanting me to have more diamox even tho he keeps saying im in remission but he wont answer when i ask why i need the meds then

[piesa2]

everyone is pitying me and i dont know how to feel about that

[katyspersonal]

Cool.. Our rent price got raised. :') I did not know it was even possible to get even MORE poor than me and mom already were, but here we are. Guess I'll start surviving on literal bread and water at this rate.

[lastoneout]

You know the whole "focusing on managing your health with medications other than narcotics" mentality would be a lot easier for me to accept if I wasn't for some reason fucking immune to 90% of the non-narcotic options. Like I'm sorry the only anxiety medication that's ever done me any good is ativan, sorry my pain doesn't respond to NSAIDs and non-addictive muscle relaxers, sorry my insomnia is so bad my only choices are ambien or weed, sorry I have ADHD and literally need adderall to function.

Like I get that there's an addiction crisis but like, idk man I still think I should maybe be allowed to have relief from my health issues rather than "being strong" and suffering nobly or spending years running through a hellish gauntlet of medications that make everything worse to find one that might help all to avoid maybe possibly getting addicted to something. Especially when I have been on multiple "addictive" medications and have never once had a problem with quitting them. The ones that do give me horrid symptoms when I have to stop them, however? Yeah they're the non-addictive ones.

Seems a little backwards is all I'm saying.