#sorry for the vent i am simply | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honeysuckle-fae · 11 months ago

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I <3 ptsd I <3 locking myself in the bathroom to hide from my mother I <3 feeling like she would just open the door to talk to me if I didn't lock it I <3 knowing that when I was a kid we weren't allowed to lock doors and I <3 that if we did she'd just unlock them with her fingernail <3

#from the lark themself #sorry for the vent i am simply #not doing well with how much my mother has been here lately #i appreciate the help she's provided during this time! but this is awful for my brain!#edit to add: would someone please tell her to go to bed the bathroom is too warm and i need to charge my PHONE

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inkly-heart · 6 months ago

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please don’t be sad little sprout, you are loved 🌱 🖤

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#🌱Thank you<33🌱#I guess my latest vent art post made some of you guys worried. I'm sorry ;;n;; )#but I'm alright. well.. kind of? Like I haven't done anything to myself kind of alright?#maybe I should explain bit about my situation but at the same time I don't feel comfortable to open up too much #but simply said it's about doing art as a job and mental health #Things haven't been going well but I am getting help for my mental health #This is all what I will say for now about my situation #I apologize again that I made you guys worried #but I do warn that I might post more vent art if I get enough energy to draw #this is just one way how I deal with my emotions #but if you don't like vent art I suggest to block the words vent and vent art #I remember tumblr has this option somewhere??#and uhh.. I don't really know how to end this post but thank you everyone who has been sending support<33 #I might not know how to reply to them but I have read them all and I'm very thankful for all the support what you guys have given me🌱#Thank you🌱#ask #anon #me talking

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kyonite · 5 months ago

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every day I see someone online like "all my friends hate me" and I want to shake them by the shoulders like. that is a mean thing to say about your friends!! they don't deserve that. It's such a hard lesson to learn and you have to keep internalizing it until you die but you all need to fucking start sometimes!!! if ur friends are ur friends then they don't hate you. that is how friends work. I'm sorry your childhood was bad or you've had toxic friend groups in the past but it is mean to your friends to continue to think this when they've given you no reason to. It is a mean thing to think about them.

#sorry I just!!! it grinds my gears to see those posts on my dash all the time #like please stop being mean to your friends #they don't deserve that #and it's hard to internalize I know!!! its so hard!!!!#but you simply must start at some point #otherwise you'll be stuck in that cycle forever #this post sounds harsh and I'm gonna get yelled at by the no nuance crew but alas #I am personally annoyed and this is a vent post

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purpurussy · 3 months ago

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a ��let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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arsenicflame · 4 months ago

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the cycle

-i feel stable enough to start to reach out and reply to my friends

-social interaction makes me feel good

-i feel like i can do things, i start having ideas and want to create

-i start to upswing hard

-everything starts to feel like its got to be the best thing the world

-theres a tipping point

-everything starts to feel like its the worst thing in the world

-i run out of energy to message people

-i start to feel bad about not replying or being able to keep up with the things i started planning

-i realise i have to remove myself from all situations that are feeding into the downswing

-i consciously do not interact with friends, still feeling bad about it, but knowing its like knocking a pendulum

-i stop existing as a person on 99% of levels

-i start to balance out, feeling hollowed out and barely human, but not hitting any low lows & generally sitting stable

-i think i feel calm enough to start replying to friends

#i guess this is a vent but its just. i was thinking about it #its a really definable cycle. i can see it so clearly #i only picked out the messaging friends part but this goes on in every setting in my life. from sewing to fucking. tumblr posts #how stupid #i know that the best way to feel balanced is to simply. stop existing as a person #i essentially did it for several years there. minimal socialising and no energy into hobbies and yeah #i didnt feel like i downswung as much #but i also didnt feel like i existed #i want the ability to exist. to talk to my friends. to love and be loved without it sending me to places i cant cope with #i want to be a person #why cant i have that?#why does it always have to be like this?#nyxtalks #i wish i could just talk to my friends without the suffering. im sorry to all my friends i am a terrible friend to because of this

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dandyshucks · 21 days ago

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man I can't even be mean to myself w the idea of Guz anymore djfkdl its been so cemented in my brain that he loves me that i tried to be angry-mean at myself during a breakdown a little while ago and tried to tell myself that he'd be disgusted w me and hate me but i honestly didnt believe that at all and it felt silly to even say it to myself 😭😭 all i could see in my mind's eye was him being worried and trying to help, i couldn't even conjure up the idea of him hating me or being angry w me 😭😭 and now i feel a little silly like maybe im crazy for being so convinced that he'd love me but aaaaaauugghh okay im not gonna go into some sort of stupid morality spiral over that omfg its literally fine. I am not a bad person for thinking fictional character would love me. even if its not Normal™ i dont think it's actually hurting anyone or immoral. its fine its fine its fine lol

#banging my head against a wall AUGH get me out of this brain #i avoided having a full meltdown though bc the realization that i couldnt even imagine him being mean was so perplexing to me 😭😭#unfortunately that means i have only put off the meltdown bc it doesnt just... dissipate dbfkdl it simply gets shoved down #but ahhh well that's smth to deal w later tonight or tomorrow or whenever it happens 🤡#... i am not doing well lately sorry. things are simply not very good rn RIP. im trying to just keep my head down and keep chuggin fjfkdl #dandy.cmd #vent //

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echo-is-super-cool · 3 months ago

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please stop.

i am not giving anyone money unless i know them well enough to.

i know those who give these are in war, but i can not fix that.

i can not stop a war.

i don't need to have guilt pushed down on to me for something i can not give.

i can not help, and stop war.

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a-s-levynn · 7 months ago

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#i'm resisting the impulsive urge to vent proper because i don't want to go there especially this tired but #not everything is literal #not everything is serious #not everything is a joke #if you are unsure about something just ask #also #they are not our friends #they are grown men who can and do take care of themselfs and most people in the fandom understand that #so we can clown around over stupid shit while also not forgetting that #the two things can and do coexsist #but also let's not forget that they are simply human and can be tired or make a conscious decision to do or not do something #without any big conspiracy in the background #there is a line too far just as with everything #sometimes it isn't a bad idea to stop and look which side of it we are on #and i am myself are prone to at least dance on it so i'm not here to be smart i'm mostly just ckecking on myself #but some peeps also could use a moment to objectively see stuff #sorry this is fairly vague and half of it doesn't make sense #that's why it's in the tags #and almost certainly gonna get deleted in a few hours #i just needed to think #g'night y'all #see ya tomorrow #hopefully

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suddencolds · 7 months ago

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#not snz #more musings 📝 / mini vent:#not sure why my social battery is so limited 😭 and also so inconsistent #i feel like i can't sustain the amount of... like continued/consistent enthusiasm i see others giving esp in group settings #i just don't know how to engage in that way without burning out #over the past few weeks i've been stuck in like #a strange state where i can't muster the energy to properly respond to even the people i'm most excited to reply to #which is strange??#(and if that is you i am sorry 😭 i love you and i will get back to you)#i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend)#i think a part of it is the stress from work leeching into my personal life #i feel like i've been working so hard and for such long hours but its the kind of work where the progress i've made is very hard to track??#:( i just want to be off of ******* work so i can work on ******* work again #i also want to get ahead enough on everything in my life so that i write y+v D:#i feel like i haven't had a properly restful day in weeks... even over the weekend i was busy attending to others' needs #i just want a break from it all... but i dont have enough time to take off... but i dont know how much more of this i can take #i remember also feeling during uni like i was drowning #like there were simply not enough hours in a day to deliver everything i promised. it's such an awful feeling #i just feel defeated. like i've felt exhausted for weeks and weeks on end and like i spend every waking hour working on something or other #but ofc there is nothing to do but to keep at it 😭 other people can handle all of this and more #there are so many people i refuse to let down

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fruutbaag · 16 days ago

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i barely feel like a person sometimes ngl

#like in the sense that. im barely Here i hardly ever feel really Present in the world #i hardly talk to people unless im talked to and even Then sometimes its a dry ass response because im shit at talking #even if i love someones presence its hard for me to like. actually show it i think #i dont have a Job #i dont Go anywhere really #i hardly have irl friends #like i feel like im starting to get to a dangerous place with this mentality #that i barely Exist #i am a whole nothing sandwich of a person #its not fucking healthy!!! i know its not healthy!!!!!!#but i cant help thinking it because. well its kinda true #i really need to get a job and get out of the house and talk to people face to face #so i feel like a person whos part of the world again #maybe id feel less of a disconnect between me and Literally Everything Else #i need a hug i think. i havent had a hug in so long im so fucking touch starved #i need to get medicated for my stupid adhd so i can be functional jesus christ #because part of why i havent started actually Doing Shit in my life is. the executive dysfunction paralysis #so many things have piled up that i need to do so i just simply dont start Anything #ugh #sorry for the ass o clock vent post #im okay im not in a super bad place or anything #im just. tired of being my mentally ill and brain rotting self yknow #sigh #delete later

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starite-wishes · 1 month ago

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alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone

#day after day after day after day after day after day after day #this has all been nothing but a boring fucking drag #what am i waiting for? what’s the point? nobody’s gonna come in and save me #save me from what? being lonely or something i don’t know #but nobody’s gonna love me in any sort of meaningful way #nobody that i can also love in turn #it would be nice. to love and be loved #to have someone i could talk to #but nothing ever lasts that long. every time i get close something or other makes it not work #i guess i’m just broken or something #and everyone already has other people. of course i wouldn’t be their focus #it’d be weird to expect that but. i dunno. it’d be nice to have someone i’m a little close to #there’s never gonna be someone who actually gets me. who actually cares. i’m not lovable enough for something like that #i wish i had the will to actually kill myself i should’ve done that ages ago #oh well. nothing will happen and i’ll go back to being content with screaming into the void #i like venting on tumblr because there’s a minuscule chance that someone will listen and acknowledge me #and anyone who doesn’t care or can’t deal with my bullshit will simply scroll by and i will never know #it’s better than trying to cry to someone and being rejected #vent #suicidal ideation #sorry for not tagging at first

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qilinkisser · 10 months ago

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I need to stop engaging in things that make me compare the attention I get with others. unfortunately if I want to exist on the internet at all I have basically no choice. sorry about that 😔😔

#Vents 🌧️#I think I may die (exaggeration. probably)#just. bad bad bad all around #unfortunately jealousy is rooted deeply into my heart. I love everyone so so much and I wish I got that love back #I feel like it's filling up my chest. its surrounding my lungs and tightening my body #I can't fucking do this anymore. I can't do this #every time I finally think I have enough of anything it's never enough because everyone around me gets more #it hurts. I can't fucking do this. but I don't know where else to turn to #am I supposed to take a break from the thing that was supposed to comfort me? the outside world isn't any better #perhaps I'm condemned to a life where I can do nothing but simply get over myself..#sorry. I didn't mean to. say all of this #I'll probably delete this later but I need this out of me now

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morphestic · 2 months ago

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I wish to be part of something so badly but my boringness and fear of creating bonds stop me from joining anything

#like friend groups or meetups or clubs or making friends or talking in groupchats #I cannot stress it enough when I say i'm boring #i've got /nothing/ to say 95% of the time #because i'm simply uninterested or i've got nothing “funny” or important to add into conversations #i'm friendly and polite for the sake of socialization because I don't know what else to talk about other than small talk and apparently #from what i've seen online and shit ; people hate small talk so what do I do then??#it never passes the small talk friendly stage so i'm always that 'friendly acquaintance who's just there'#is it me not knowing how to socialize properly or am I just overly introverted #istg people underestimate just how uninteresting I can be and it makes me feel bad towards my friends (or mutuals) I have because #what if they think I don't like them. what if they think i'm purposefully avoiding them. or what if they think I don't see them as a friend #i'm overly awkward and it kills me #i've gotten so used to my life with only 4-5 close people which consists of my mom; my cousin; and like. three close friends #that i'm struggling to keep contact with because 1) they live away from me and 2) I suck at texting on social media and reaching out #idk. I wish I were more interesting so my life would be more interesting #okay whatever now.#my silly little worries #sorry this turned into a rant/vent no one asked for; i'm just in my head this morning :/#// vent #// rant

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blushy-tigerrr · 8 months ago

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can’t sleep. feeling sad and anxious. not a good time. :(

#‼️ i am okay and i am safe ‼️#i’m simply just. feeling sad tonight #and very stressed about the busy weeks ahead #and scared of a nerve wracking conversation i need to have with my boss 😵‍💫#bc i fucked up my schedule #hhhhhh just overall feeling like i’m not doing a good enough job #and beating myself up about it 🤕#sorry for the mini vent BDJSBXJS #i just have a lot of things buzzing in my head #non tkls #vent post

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batz · 1 year ago

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neurologist says my optic nerves are fine/same as last few appointments but still tells me to start taking 12 diamox a day and tells me to get out before i can ask why . also diamox like. cannot fix an issue involving my veins. but idk im not doctor so whatever

im 100% not taking 12 pills a day tho thatd hurt me. past few appointments hes just been rlly wanting me to have more diamox even tho he keeps saying im in remission but he wont answer when i ask why i need the meds then

#frank.txt #diamox doesnt even fix venous stenosis . its a diuretic that fixes like. pressure and water distribution n stuff #my jugular vein is too small and the blood flow sounds are simply Too Loud. its not effecting anything long term #but its causing migraines and nausea which is why ive been sleeping 24/7 . like my life has been sleeping. smoke. make coffee. read news #also i have never heard of someone taking 12 diamox a day. especially when im IN REMISSION #unfortunately its fatphobia. my neurologist is less concerned with my brain now and more concerned with making me smaller #which diamox already did and it was hell.#anyway im not going on 12 pills a day . that will just make me more sick. sticking with 4 and just seeing if it helps w Everything #the big thing is my optic nerves r still good at least. and my brain is too. its just my damn veins #theyre simply too small for my big blood...#fatphobia m #idk tagging that just in case #sorry minor venting abt medical shit. this disease is just annoying bc i do not feel like im in remission and i feel like they just #say that without knowing what it means #like theres no more damage and im basically all good but i still FEEL sick. like . idk its just Annoying #idk annoying is an understatement its distressing but i am learning 2 cope with it #just in a bad flare up or Sick Moment idk #long post #kinda idk #im FINE just mad

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piesa2 · 5 months ago

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everyone is pitying me and i dont know how to feel about that

#i mean i pity myself its bad for me right now and i need help and support because i simply can not do this without it but also #i deeply wish i was not doing just so extremely bad and i wish i didnt need to be pitied #i think im doing worse than when my parents got divorced and i didnt see my dad for 3 months like its. probably the worst time of my life #which is such a nice stopper on the past four years probably having been the best years of my life! and i only have a couple weeks of that #time left and all i can do is feel just. bad. all the time #but then im also affraid people think i’m just overreacting or complaining or whining or whatever and like. rationally i know i cant #help how i feel and what is happening to me but also it just makes me feel weak. this shouldnt be so hard. this wouldnt be so hard for a #normal person. and im having difficulty coming to terms with like. this is just who i am. i cant do everything other people might be able to #im sensitive in a lot more ways and yk its good to realise im not unique in that way but im also not average.#ugh sorry im trying not to vent Online but bluehg

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