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divineprank · 8 months ago

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Solving a 25 year old mystery...

Very early on in the game, we're informed that if the Kokiri dare step outside of the forest, they will die. That's a fairly heavy statement, but it does line up with more lore that we end up picking up as the game carries on. Anyways, this forest is a secluded, protected and magical place, a small haven that is effectively cut off from the rest of the world. As we carry on through the game, we learn that anyone who is lost within these enchanted woods--anyone who is NOT a Kokiri--will twist into one of two creatures: a Skull Kid if you are a child, and if you are an adult you will transform into a Stalfos. Why this happens is still a mystery, but one can guess it's likely connected to the Deku Tree's magic and the Kokiri being a vulnerable race. They're so precious to the Great Deku Tree; he views them as his children after all, and his children MUST be protected!

Makes sense, right?

So why is it, at the end of the game, we actually see a bunch of Kokiri outside the forest, partying it up with Guru-Guru at Lon Lon Ranch? They're spinning him on his organ grinder, and we even see a lonesome Mido situated next to a heartsick King Zora, both of them missing their special person.

Q: The Kokiri tribe is outside the forest at the ending. And the Zora too...

A: This is because Link's success has wiped out the evil forces, and the range of the Deku Tree Sprout protecting the forest has been expanded. The Zoras do not need to be immersed in water all the time. (Kawagoe, Cinema Scene Director).

And there it is! The answer to a burning question that many people have been wanting to know for twenty-five years now! The worst part is, this interview was published in an April 1999 issue of Nintendo 64Dream Magazine! We've had the answer to this question given to us only FIVE MONTHS after the game launched, and yet still to this day I think it is one of the most-asked questions about Ocarina of Time! Funny how things happen that way, huh?

[Source!]

...Aaactually, since I mentioned it...

Remember the cute little boy who is practically enamored with Dampé, the grave keeper? The one whose father you give the Keaton mask to and the very same child you give the Spooky Mask to?

According to this very same Dream64 magazine interview, this child ends up going missing before Link wakes up seven years later. In fact, five years after Ganondorf had invaded the sacred realm, this poor kid ended up taking it upon himself to search for his missing father, (the Hylian soldier stationed in front of Death Mountain's gate - the guy you trade the Keaton mask to!). Upon searching the forest for his father, he became lost and tragically succumbed to the forest's curse. He transformed into a Skull Kid at eight years old and apparently had an encounter with Link. He didn't bother to attempt communicating with Link, asking if he knew where his father was because Skull Kids don't trust adults. He attacked Link instead and I hate to think where that ended up.

Q: Where did the little stalker in the graveyard go when you were in your time (became an adult)? A: Five years later, when he was eight years old, he wandered into the Lost Woods in search of his missing father and got lost. At that time, he became a Skull Kid. Skull Kid don’t talk to adults, so when he encountered adult Link, he just attacked him and didn't ask him what happened to him. (Koizumi, 3D System Director).

Grog is actually mentioned in this magazine, too... You know, the "People are disgusting!" guy? After we are given the medicine from the Odd Mushroom he had given us, we don't get to see Grog again. Instead, Fado appears and tells us that everybody who enters the forest turns into a Stalfos. Everybody. Stalfos. The dark and frankly unsatisfying conclusion to Grog's story, just after giving the poor fellow an ounce of hope, is quite jarring and it only left folks with more questions.

Q: What happened to Cucco Lady’s brother after he gave you the mushrooms?

A: Fado, the Kokiri girl who is waiting for you, is saying a meaningful message. "They all become Stalfos.” That's right, everyone who wanders into the Lost Forest becomes a Stalfos and lives in the Forest Temple. What? What about the human Link? Well, they are not Kokiri... Why is that? (Koizumi, 3D System Director).

While it's not a lot of information, we are given a piece of lore that gets my imagination firing off... Why would Grog--or any Stalfos--be drawn to the Forest Temple? Interestingly, if you show the Skull Mask to some of the Deku Scrubs, they will refer to the mask as looking like their "sacred forest totem". Could the Stalfos be related?

And for THAT matter... Why does the Skull Mask look so similar to Phantom Ganon's face?

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llamagoddessofficial · 1 year ago

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Already posted this on ao3, but I thought Tumblr would like it too. A lovely commission courtesy of Valacre- cecaelia Skull getting to show his spookier and scarier side.

Some TWs, for this! Bleeding, near drowning, kidnapping and general yandere behaviour, vomiting, being pressured into eating. Proceed with caution if these things bother you!

You felt calm. Very calm.

You really shouldn’t have felt calm. You were probably actively dying. Sinking deeper and deeper into an ocean abyss, bleeding from a head wound you sustained from thrashing against coral in a panic, you couldn’t tell if the way the world was darkening around you was from your consciousness slipping away or your depth increasing. Perhaps a bit of both.

... But... you just felt calm. The toxins had already well kicked into your brain.

That was the thing, about sinking too deep in scuba gear. At depths, pressure changed the properties of whatever gas was in your tank. Unless you had a special concoction, suited for the extreme conditions, a tank of normal air would gradually become more and more toxic to your body the further down you went.

The regulator in your mouth, the very thing keeping you alive... was also the thing slowly killing you.

Nitrogen narcosis, right? You thought, nearly giggling. We learnt about it in dive class. What a dumb name, for something that’s gonna kill me.

The fact that you were sinking didn’t bother you. The fact that you were dying bought no panic. In fact, you could hardly remember why you panicked before. Again, you nearly laughed... you were so dumb, it was entirely your own fault you were in this position. Chasing a beautiful fish over the reef, further and further, not even noticing your dive group disappearing from sight.

The nature had been so beautiful, the fish so pretty... the waters so calm.

You went over an edge, the coral shelving away. You hadn’t seen the bottomless, terrifying void until it had already opened up beneath you.

All struggling did was make you hit your head on a jagged coral branch. Nothing could stop the cold current from sucking you down.

You barely registered the plaintive beeping of the dive computer on your wrist. Quietly, uselessly, trying to warn you that you were getting too deep.

... Eventually, your regulator slipped out of your mouth.

Huh. Oh well.

...

Lights.

Lights filled your vision. Lights in a rainbow of colours, beautiful and vibrant, catching in the glass of your dive mask and casting across your face. The glimmering tucked around your fading mind, drawing it upward, drawing it away from the brink of nothingness.

A warm red colour moved closer, and closer, and closer. Pretty. The other nice colours still surrounded you, but the red was the most dominant of them. It was a welcome break, from the endless black and blue that you were sinking into... you felt big hands, on either side of your face, a comforting sensation.

Is this what dying is like? You stared at the warm red. It’s nothing like what people said it would be like.

You could hear a soft humming. You felt it in your core, too. The drunken, narcotic-esque sensation of the gases was slowly replaced by a much softer and more pleasant emotional state. Less giggly... more peaceful.

Something touched to your mouth. Warm. And suddenly, you could breathe again. A distant, disconnected sense of relief in the back of your head- like despite all of the easy feelings around you, deep down, you were still afraid to die.

... The red glow grew brighter. As it did, the peaceful feeling picked you up, and carried you away.

You were more than happy to let it.

///---///

Your eyes opened.

...

You didn’t expect that.

Immediately, panic rushed through you. It was so dark, so horribly dark - am I dead!? - you sat up, head rushing with a wave of nausea, your lips and fingers were heavy and tingly and your eyes felt as if they were swirling in your skull.

You instantly threw up seawater.

... A cave. You were in a cave. You let out a slow breath, it quivered slightly at the end, eyes darting around the chamber and desperately attempting to gather as much info as possible, hand coming up to wipe your mouth. The walls were black and glossy, seemingly volcanic, and the ground beneath you was dry.

... Wait. You forced yourself to slow down. How can I see?

You turned around. Just behind you, the dry rock shelved away into a large pool. And a faint, blueish-green light emanated from all around its edges, where the mirror-like black water met the stone. Algae? Plankton? Whatever it was, it was just enough light to see by, and it was undeniably beautiful.

... You shuffled over to the water’s edge. Kneeling by it, you leant over, and drew your hand through the still water- the cave grew brighter, as a trail of light followed your palm, flickering across your face and casting soft ripples over the sloped walls.

... The panic didn’t leave you completely. It probably wouldn’t, until you were curled up in your own bed at home. But... something about the bioluminescence helped your emotions settle. It was genuinely beautiful to look at, and the sound of moving water filled your ears, grounding you to the moment. You weren’t dead at the bottom of the seafloor, you weren’t being eaten by some terrible beast. Though you struggled to make sense of the cave’s dimensions in the low light, it certainly wasn’t small and you were grateful to be spared any nightmarish claustrophobia. Not to mention the fact that you were grateful you had light at all.

You took your hand out of the water. Watching the droplets fall, creating their own little flashes of light, made you suddenly realise something.

... The cave wasn’t the only thing that was dry. You were bone dry, too. You touched your dry hand all over yourself, but felt no damp. How long have I been asleep?

For a moment, you suddenly worried that you shouldn’t be breathing stale cave air, and you reached up as if to cover your mouth. But... you also realised that you had no idea how long you’d been unconscious for. Clearly, long enough for you to dry.

... Your wetsuit was gone. So was all of your scuba gear. You looked down at yourself, confused; dressed only in your swimsuit and rash vest, your tanks and hoses weren’t anywhere to be found. Even your dive computer was missing from your wrist.

Looking up only confused you further. No longer frightened about stale air or whether or not you were dead, you noticed there were clothes laid against the rocks closest to the pool edge. Clothes you didn’t recognise- clothes that absolutely weren’t yours. A slightly damp towel, and a very damp shirt, placed neatly and flat... as if someone had taken their sopping wet items off after coming out of the water, and laid them out to dry. Given how warm (yet still somehow fresh) the cave air felt, you could definitely see things drying.

Possibilities flashed through your mind. Did you do that, then pass out and forget? Or was there someone else here? You weren’t sure whether to be afraid of that possibility.

“... You’re not gonna get much done sitting on the floor.” You murmured to yourself, instinctively wanting to fill the silence. Regardless of your quietness your voice bounced off the cave walls. “Might as well have a look around.”

Eventually, you forced yourself to your feet. You were a little wobbly... but nonetheless, you were alive.

The cave was, to your surprise, empty aside from you. No other signs of life. No spiders, no worms, no bats or flies- just those smooth dark walls and the shine of the reflected pool light. It was a decently sized cave, more than enough room for you to stand to your full height and stretch your arms above your head. Gradually, you shuffled your way into the back; the roof edged down slightly, before rising up again. You supposed that counted as a second part of the cave.

The second chamber was still a good size, but it was much smaller than the first chamber. It felt a fraction cooler. The light from the pool had grown so dim that you had to use your hands to navigate, feeling the walls to make sure you didn’t fall over- very faintly, above you, you could make out a hole. Though no light was coming through, you felt fresh air on your face... you let yourself enjoy some relief at the knowledge that there was a source of breathable air. You weren’t going to suffocate.

... Though you felt around more, there was no third chamber, and no potential way out aside from the crack directly above you.

And... nobody else was in the cave.

The clothes by the pool must’ve been me. You thought, a strange sensation falling over you. Maybe I have a concussion...?

...

Wait. Your head.

You gasped aloud, remembering that you had hit your head on coral. You reached up to touch your head, expecting blood, expecting matted hair, expecting something, anything at all.

... Your fingers touched dry seaweed.

You paused. The seaweed... it wrapped all the way around your head. Like someone had wrapped it for you. And you felt no pain when you touched the area that you had hit against the coral- in fact, when you moved the seaweed aside, your fingers felt nothing. No scab, no scar, nothing. It was like you had never been hurt.

...

Something wasn’t right about this. The strange sensation grew, uneasiness intensifying. You stumbled back into the first chamber, eyes on the floor to make sure you didn’t trip over anything in the half-darkness, you wanted to look at those damp clothes again to be sure you didn’t recognise them.

You looked up, over to the bioluminescent pool, mostly to see clear light again and partially to try and calm yourself with its gentle blue glow.

... A large, glowing red eye stared back at you.

...

You were frozen. Completely. More than just your physical body- it felt as if the air around you stopped, as if your blood in your veins turned to ice, as if your heart paused in its beating and your breath turned to stone in your throat.

...

The eye didn’t disappear. It wasn’t a stress hallucination, it wasn’t a mirage. As the leadden moments ticked on, the eye remained.

Silent.

... The eye... was in a skull. It twitched faintly. Only half of the head was above the water, the algae faintly shining where the sides of its face met the water. A vicious crack in the top of its cranium... just from the size of the top half of its face, you knew it was huge.

A siren. It must be a siren. A siren big and powerful enough to recover from such a frightening and severe injury as a head crack.

Trapped alone in a cave with a siren.

The realisation filled you with a numb, hollow kind of fear. It spread through every limb like a pale fire eating through paper.

Am I breathing? I don’t know if I’m breathing.

...

The siren, silently, lifted a few more inches out of the water. The only sound was the faint rippling of the pool. Droplets rolled down a smile of razor teeth.

...

You screamed.

How could you not? Pinned in a small cave, with a beast right out of your nightmares.��For a split second, a flash of confusion across its huge face. You tried to scramble away and back into the second chamber, somewhere you’d be out of its reach.

Its smile quickly returned. In an instant, massive black tentacles shot out of the water, sending up sprays of light; though you were aware of the siren’s size you had no idea of its dexterity. Before you could even turn around to run, tentacles seized your arms and legs; wet half-sentient masses of muscle wrapping tight around you. You felt the suckers press your skin, the slimy dark limbs squeezing and twisting, your bones suddenly felt so fragile and your screams so useless. Your voice just bounced off the smooth cave walls.

The tentacles pulled down, and instantly your legs gave way under you. He started dragging you toward him, toward the water- you watched in horror as his grin only grew, razor mouth and feverish red eye growing closer and closer. Death itself, pulling you in, images of those teeth driving into you made you begin to lose feeling in your extremities.

Like a child realising there was nowhere to run from the monster, you squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t want to look, you didn’t want to see the teeth getting any closer, you didn’t want to see the eye fill your vision. You didn’t want to see it coming.

The pulling stopped. You were numb, you’d drawn into your head, you didn’t know if you were even still screaming anymore.

Crack.

The sound of something breaking made any sound you might’ve been making catch in your throat.

...

... Except... you didn’t feel any pain. Seconds ticked by, and you didn’t feel the heat of blood, or the sensation of shock setting in. The tentacles hadn’t moved, still holding onto you tightly.

Whatever had crunched, it wasn’t your bones.

... You were still hyperventilating. But confusion allowed you to, slowly, open up your eyes.

The horrible grin was inches from your face, leering down at you. As was the equally horrible eye, bathing you in an overpowering red glow.

... But also in front of you, was two sides of a cracked sea urchin.

...

You stared blankly. The siren... he was holding them. One half in either massive clawed hand. It was a decently sized urchin, full of golden edible uni.

One hand was big enough to seize your face, crush your head.

...

The siren, upon getting no response from you, moved the split urchin a few inches closer. Like he was showing it to you. You tried to lean away, but he just responded by moving it slightly closer again.

... You glanced up at his face. It was a horrifying thing to behold. Jagged misshapen teeth, a half shattered skull... scars lining his body. That big iris, unblinkingly staring into your Soul. Not giving you an inch of space, as if he wanted to consume you just through eye contact.

...

Back down to the uni. Moments kept passing. Moments where he didn’t maul you to death.

...

... Wait.

No...

You pulled in a little frightened breath.

He didn’t like that, a flicker of something else crossing his expression. That same expression as earlier, when you screamed. Like he didn’t like it- like he was getting upset.

Memories were starting to return, now. Fuzzy recollections of lights filling your vision. Alive in a cave, with new clothes drying on the rocks, your injuries bound and healed...

... This siren had saved your life. Hadn’t he? Dressed your head wound, removed your heavy gear. He rescued you, put you in what must be his cave.

... He was trying to feed you.

Oh no.

You didn’t have a choice, did you? You felt like if you didn't eat the food, he would eat you. Slowly, your hands came up, they were shaking almost comically... you reached forward, taking one of the sea urchin halves.

Judging from his reaction, it was the correct move. His unbearable smile inched wider. And across his tentacles, a dim pulsation of green and yellow light, for seemingly no reason other than happiness.

You didn’t have anything to remove the edible parts with, so you had to use your fingers. Your hands were shaking so much that it took a few tries to actually get it out. But you managed, eventually.

... It was good uni. Incredibly fresh, salty, slightly sweet. But you had to force yourself to eat it. You felt intensely sick from the fear, your head was swimming and several times you had to suppress your gagging. Don't upset him. Just eat it. The food, though the sweetness did ease some of your dizziness, was impossible to enjoy in any way; the entire time you ate, the siren stared at you. He had an intensity only a wild beast could muster. Inches from you, so close you felt his massive breaths washing over your face... watching every. Single. Bite.

... It couldn't have taken long. But it felt like it took hours. Finally, you swallowed the last bit, and to your immense relief he didn’t try to make you eat the other half of the urchin.

He seemed pleased- for now.

... His free hand lifted up. You flinched, closing your eyes again; you felt a large claw trace over your cheek.

It only confirmed your fears.

Sirens don't feed just anyone. They fed their children, their family, or their...

... Their mate.

The tentacle grip around you finally eased. Slowly but surely, pacified by your eating, he withdrew; though the wet limbs dragged across you as they retreated, like he was savouring every moment of contact. The red light of his eye became less and less dominant, the calming blue of the pool returning to your vision.

... He made a sound. It sounded like a deep growl. But given the grin on his massive face, and his obviously pleased disposition... it was probably closer in nature to a purr.

He slipped under the water’s surface, leaving only a glowing ripple behind.

...

... You forced yourself to slow your breathing. You forced yourself to stop thinking about the terrifying implication of what you’d just experienced, but nothing could stop a few tears slipping down your face, nor a few shuddering breaths escaping from your chest.

A siren... was keeping you. Probably as his mate. Not just any siren- a massive, terrifying cecaelia, who clearly had no intention of letting you go. That's why he left you with most of your things, but took all your scuba gear, wasn't it? So you couldn't dive out of this cave.

No... no, you couldn’t think about that. You swallowed the fear, only letting a few more frightened sobs free before scrubbing the tears off your cheeks.

This isn’t ideal. But... you’re alive, at least. You thought. You wouldn’t have survived if he didn’t intervene. So this is better than nothing, right?

Yeah. Yeah, right. You bit the inside of your cheek. You needed to be thankful you were, at least, alive.

You’re alive. Your wounds have all been tended to and healed. You’re safe, somewhere warm and dry, with a supply of fresh air. The giant siren might be freaky, but he bought you food, and even clothes.

He clearly wants to keep you alive. You’re gonna be okay.

“I’m gonna be okay.” You said, weakly... to nobody except the cave walls.

///---///

Skull watched, silently, as the boat moved further and further away. Only once it was out of sight did he allow himself to move through the water again, iris re-igniting. If it had come too close to the den entrance he would’ve attacked.

... He was closer to shore than he liked to be. But it was important he was close to fresh air, and places he could source human things from. For you.

His chest... it warmed so much, at the thought of you. His mate. He had been alone so long, desperate for so long. Now, he finally had company.

... Sure, you were afraid. But it was only natural for a potential partner to be resistant to first advances. It just meant he needed to keep you in the den, and prove he’d be a strong, capable mate. Right? One of his tentacles lashed out, catching a fish. The other divers with you, the members of your pack, were clearly idiots- they didn’t protect you. They didn’t even notice when you were in distress. They didn’t save you when you were hurt... not like he did.

He felt himself warming even more, pride returning, tentacle immediately crushing the fish. He rescued you. He held you close in your weakest moment, and filtered air into his mouth for you. He stemmed your bleeding, he cradled you in his arms, saved you from the brink of death. He held you close for hours, blanketing you with healing magic until he was certain you were stable, nearly killing himself from the exhaustion of ensuring you would be safe.

He was a good mate. Fish blood seeped out into the water around him. You would see, eventually, how good he was. All he had to do was keep you in one place, and prove it to you, no matter how much you fought him.

All he needed was time.

#commissions #tw near death #tw vomiting #some folks on ao3 raised the very important point that skull shouldnt be feeding her raw fish #but dont worry! hes a very conscientious mate who understands his wife's dietary requirements #it's one of the reasons he selected a cave so close to land #he can go and steal human food when nobody is looking #isnt he so thoughtful and forward-planning??

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jemmamaas · 3 months ago

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#twisted wonderland #twst memes #twst shitpost #playful land event #floyd leech #low effort #my stuff #twst meme #I can see the brain cells leaving his skull

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scarletstoriesblog · 7 months ago

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the final group of the land of skulls

#art #trolousa #cats #earth #xenofiction #xenomoggy #land of skulls #cherry ss #midge ss #pumpkin ss #peach ss

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adipoceresaints · 7 months ago

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warhammergoose · 4 months ago

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Some stuff I've painted recently

5 x Battle ready Terminators, I need to highlight them and then base them

1 x Fully highlighted Spartan pattern land raider, I need to stop being lazy and her the weathering done 😵‍💫🫠

Excited to get them looking brighter soon! I'm glad my Veterans have the typical white helmet to denote their veterancy.

I wanted Rick Danger (Tank commander) to have a little servo-skull controlled multi melta

#miniaturepainting #warhammer 40k #warhammer #space marines #adeptus astartes #black templars #terminator armor #terminator #servo skull #land raider #techmarine

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fisheito · 9 months ago

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how would you eat/cook each nukani character

oh noooooooooo (holds my face in great contemplative agony) u can't do this to me

Eiden: oh mein gotTtTtt getting my hands on eiden would be like receiving an entire cart of summer fresh-from-farm produce. or an entire cow carcass . i would have SO MANY PARTS and SO MANY WAYS to prepare him and every part of him would taste delicious in its own way. there's no way i can ONLY cook eiden one way. i'd have to put him thru every process possible (true to his versatility). i thought about spitroasting him (for the joke) but that's too much eiden for one method. i need to covet him like the king tuna at the fish market as i take him apart piece by piece look. i am frying him like egg for a fast breakfast. i am meticulously grinding him to a paste in a traditional mortar and pestle. i am using him as pesto AND as dipping sauce. i will dehydrate him and drink him as tea. he will be roasted . braised. devoured raw in ceviche. i'll infuse him with vinegars! syrups! oils!! is there a way to make a sourdough starter but it's eidough starter so i can just keep him on my shelf and feed him every day and pass him down for generations? i want eiden for every meal of the day prepared 1000 ways

Aster: would aster taste like blood or the absence of it? hmmmm..... i guess it depends on when he feeds! maybe if i bite into him after a feeding session, he'll burst like a cherry tomato. but otherwise i feel like giving aster the sashimi treatment. put him all fancy on the plate with some garnishes after i treat him with a light citrus wash or smth. a fresh cool flavour!! i'm tempted to make some sort of beverage out of him. dilute him into a fancy mocktail of strange spirits and woody spices. aster juice?!?! looks like pink wine???! i have to treat this one like i'm spoiling him with gifts. he'll probably end up on the artisanal charcuterie board with the fusion jams and marmalades...

Morvay: i feel like he would have a very...particular aroma. he eats a very specialised diet so of everyone in the clan, he has to follow "you are what you eat", right?? my first instinct for some reason is to cure him. like, turn him into prosciutto. if he's gonna have a funky smell, might as well turn up the salt and cure him. tie him up and lock him in the carefully controlled environment of the curing basement. dark... surrounded by other meatbags... slap him around every now and then. slice him up thin and put him on that fancy cheese board with a bunch of other strong smelling foods. slurp him down him with a glass of astringent aster juice to balance out the richness of the morv

Yakumo: soup. he's getting souped. it's only right. might split him half and half into one soup and one stew. maybe the soup will just be a concentrated essence of snek-style broth. like a clear, warming bowl of pho that is DISTILLED YAKUMO and doesn't need much else besides some fave spices to accompany the flavour. as for the stew? i just straight up like stew and it can be so nutritionally complete. so he's going in the classic comfort stew. chunks of yakumo and seasonal vegetables simmered to make a thick hearty pot of glorp. maybe add some alcohol to it if i want to live dangerously. he will sustain me for days to come. anything that i do not turn into soup? i'm going to steam him. a mild little parcel of wrapped yakumo, gently steamed for a hot minute. yakumo tastes best to me when a little wet.

Edmond: to honour his thick sugary ass, i have to turn edmond into some sorta dessert. turn the defrosted ice queen into ice cream? now i could just put edmond in a pot and reduce him until he turns into a syrup but then i would waste all the extra good bits that make up edomon. u need the tsun with the dere and reducing him to pure dere is NOT balanced. he can withstand quite a bit of punishment so maybe i'll whip him up like a custard (by hand FIRST. if that's not strong enough, i'll use an electric hand mixer). turn him into an earl grey creme brulee where u can set him on fire then smack that caramelised crust before spooning out the goopy insides.

Olivine: i feel like i'd wanna enjoy olivine in his least processed form. just enjoy the pure marbled goodness of well-exercised, tender oli. so why not a steak? medium rare to rare? just a little pan-sear and we can chew on him all we want. (i considered searing on a grill, but it's easier around here to get a pan instead of a grill. and oli is all about being accessible to the greatest number of people.) on the other hand, that might not honour oli's nature. he, too, can stand up to a lot of punishment. he might even like it. so part of him can be the relatively unprocessed slab and the other can be a cutlet. that way i can beat him with a hammer, dredge and bread him, then toss him into the deep fryer. to be served with a variety of heavy or creamy sauces.

Quincy: this man is OLD and TOUGH and he probably tastes like every bit of wildlife in the forest combined. then again, he's also always sleeping so does that mean his meat is quite relaxed and i don't have to tenderise forever to be able to chew it? quincy probably eats the simplest diet (no processed microwave preservative type cocktails in here) so he'd be best appreciated in an equally simple dish?? i'd like to skewer him. make him bite-size and cook him over a campfire. alternating with simple salt vs. intricate dry rubs bc i'm not sure which i'd prefer. if he ends up being tough, i'll let him hang out in a savoury marinade for however many days he needs (do NOT make me put a pineapple in there, mister).

Kuya: i lied. **THIS** man is OLD and TOUGH and SINEWY and A BITCHASS to deal with and i bet if i cut him at *just slightly near the wrong spot* then some mystery sac of foul gunk will explode all over me like a punk'd prank. i will take any excuse during the cooking process to abuse this one. grate his rind to infuse in the sauce. mince him for the physical satisfaction then throw him into the blender anyway. toss him violently into a fiery wok and start saute-ing him with every other ingredient ever. i hope you get stabbed by a bunch of pointy carrots. i'll broil him as if he's not already crispy. and I BET at the end of all this work, i'll have somehow have messed up and made him inedible. skill issue. at this point i give up, toss the entire kuya into the pressure cooker, and turn him into stew.

G/Karu: i wanna toss them like a salad (i think they'll have fun with that). i could go the traditional way and make wolf jerky. bring it on the road for a durable snack! if i could somehow chop these two up and turn them into furikake, they could become my convenient, reliable flavour injector for a quick bowl of rice. it's tricky because there are two distinct flavours and they gotta be treated differently to bring out their full potential. but they're also inseparable. what do i do??? i might just put them into my party-type foods where flavours are supposed to mix and it's the wildness of the combos that make it all fun. he's going on the 12-topping pizza!! he's being melted onto the giant tray of nachos!!!

Blade: CAN I EAT THIS? WILL I DIE? WILL MY TEETH BREAK OFF? i have to debone him. i bet there are pointy bits hiding everywhere. get my special tools out and pluck at him for over an hour (i must be thorough). might just put him in the microwave (he'd probably enjoy that). i feel like essence of Blade would also do well as a bubbly drink. mix a simple edroid syrup with some club soda and some edible flowers to look pretty (low calories too!). if the legends are true and blade can adapt to any flavour, i might just turn him into a condiment or special spice mix. grind him to dust and put him in a nice glass container near my stove so i can add him to various foods (the weirder the combo, the better). keep the spirit of experimentation alive with Blade popcorn seasoning!!

Dante: i am gonna make him fragrant as hell. gonna smoke him over intricate spice combos or tea leaves and impart him with the most alluring lung-punchiest sniffs. i don't wanna be too harsh with him but i trust that he'll at least stand up to heat well. he'd probably complain about wasting time, but i'm not rushing the process. u will sit in the smoker and steadily break down over time. maybe after the smoke, i can tuck the odds and ends into a savoury saucy pie. bake him for an hour surrounded by a flaky buttery crust? i might also experiment with some fermentation, like a dante kimchi. i'm curious as to how he'd change flavours given time to age (and just relax for a bit, really).

Rei: i am pickling him. he's gonna become that sour salty lil accompaniment to every meal i have. he'll last forever and somehow never mould and no matter how long i leave him chillin in the fridge, when the time comes to put him on a bun, i know i can rely on him to not suddenly go limp. i still gotta be careful with him tho. can't just stick my fingers in the jar and introduce contaminants all the day because it IS possible to Spoil the Goods idk i just feel like i'd have to let him sit in SOME sort of marinade or brine. if i try to eat him raw i might turn 14 shades of purple before dissolving into radioactive bile

#this is something i never thought about until u brought it up #it felt like zizz pointing to this big button on my head like WHAT'S THIS?#and i respond: uhhm. i don't know. maybe you shouldnt-#zizz: presses the button #[a door on my skull swings open and my brain leaps out. landing on the floor with a wet florpch]#dude legit i was thinking about this for days #if you're wondering whether i was imagining real gore or just fun silly metaphorical cooking #it was oscillating between both. i can't tell where the mind theatre is right now. probably jumping between genres #last night i was tempted to erase my entire blurb for yakumo #and just go I WILL CONSUME HIM. ALIVE. RAW. I WILL VORE HIM STARTING FROM HIS FINGERs #then i slept on it and woke up with inhibition renewed so i left the blurb alone #the clan's all here!#feesh answer

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