#lancatster

[notmaplemable]

Blake: There's tops. There's bottoms.

Blake: As for the middle...

Jaune and Ruby: *Doing couple stuff*

Blake: I want to be in the middle of them~.

[jboy44]

Ruby " yang sis I can't hide it anymore. Me and jaune are FUCKING

Yang "

Ruby " its just anal and oral don't worry. He and I have been doing it since Beacon, we weren't dating we were just Fuck friends back then

Yang "

Ruby " what he had a foot long I need that meat hammer up my ass and down my throat. I need it like I need food water and air.

Yang

Ruby " after he became the rusted knight and twenty years older it got better so much pent up decades of need locked into him and we were pissed at each other. Let me till you something this bad girl loves being spanked by daddy.

Yang

Ruby " which is why we are going to elope now. I am leaving you won't see me again but just know they rusted knight is breeding me.* ruby is gone*

Yang

[infoglitch]

wonderfully put good sir, a new request, should you choose to accept it hot goth ren and jaune. They were gonna go out clubbing with neon after a hard day at work in atlas. Their outfits? all black. Their fishnets? torn. eyeliner? sharp enough to kill a man, croptops? displaying abs. The finishing blow? Black. Lipstick. the others came in right as they were about to leave. They never stood a chance. this is me daring you to go at your goofiest, soldier, pure crackfic, absolute mayham, DO IT. YOU WONT.

Pug.. you underestimate me and my sheer fuckin GOOFYNESS. So let me show you

How goofy I shall be!

Jaune found himself applying his lipstick as Ren looked at him.

Ren: may I ask why you decide to go goth?

Jaune: one name, Neon.

Ren:.. why dress like a goth girl, minus the skirt?

Jaune: Ren, my brother from another mother.. I've dressed up like a girl for years because my sisters wanted someone to model them... Plus I may be a tad curious about cross dressing.

Ren: alright then... Can I join?

Jaune: sure thing dude. I should have some extra stuff for you to use.

After a bit they finished up they opened the door and stepped out of their dorm only to stop as they saw team Rwby, Pyrrha, and Nora. The duo and the group stared at each other before Ren gulped softly as jaune spoke with a smile.

Jaune: hey everyone! Don't mind me and Ren, we are just heading to a party neon invited me to.

Nora: ok.. cool.. hey fearless leader you mind if I borrow Ren for a second?

Ren went pale as he looked at jaune.

Jaune: oh sure thing Nora. just be back soon.

Nora: thanks jaune.

Nora grabbed Ren and dragged him away as Nora's face became increasingly more red. Jaune hummed softly as he looked back at the rest of their girls and before he could even speak they pounced on him.

Neither went to the party, they did however go to the infirmary..

their Poor Pelvises are reduced to dust.

[notmaplemable]

Predatory

Yang: So umm, what's that about?

Bunny Faunus Jaune: ...

Blake and Ruby: *Clinging to Jaune*

Jaune: They're protecting me from predators.

Yang: Huh.

Jaune: Yep.

Yang: ...But wouldn't they be the predators though? I mean, they are a wolf and a panther.

[jboy44]

Ruby " Yang now one will believe you, so I eat cookies off Jaune's abs then for milk I suck his man stuff till its empty"

Yang

[jboy44]

Adrian point to ruby " if not mama why mama shaped?."

Ruby confused

Jaune throws ruby over his shoulder " my son has called you mama, so I must marry you Ruby. The baby has spoken

[dragonking10]

Weiss and Yang comes to the scene of Blake holding Ruby back for dear life.

Yang: What the hell happened!?!?

Weiss: I don't know, we were having a normal day having a conversation in the hallway and then Jaune walked past us shirtless and wet and the next thing we know Ruby went crazy!!!

Yang:... Yeah I'm gonna ignore that Jaune shirtless part, but I have two ways to calm her down.

Blake: WHATEVER THOSE ARE, HURRY UP!!! I FEEL MY GRIP SLIPPING WITH EVERY PASSING MINUTE!!!

Weiss: What are they?

Yang: First rub her head until she calms down, if that don't work then use cookies, she NEVER resist cookies.

Yang slowly walks up to Ruby

Yang reaches out to Ruby: Hey Sis it's all gonna be okay I need to calm do *CRUNCH* OW!!!

Yang pulls back her hand that now has a bite mark and shakes the pain away.

Yang: SHE BIT ME!!!

Weiss: Now what?

Yang pulls out a bag of cookies

Yang: Time for plan B.

She pulls out a cookie from the bag and goes to Ruby to feed her the cookie and then the unthinkable happened.

Ruby kicked the cookie away.

Yang was in deep shock.

Yang disbelief: Sh-She resisted the cookie... she NEVER resisted a cookie before.

Arc withdraw

We cut to a beacon academy dorm room where Blake and Weiss are holding a tied up Ruby as she has a craze look in her eye do to her boyfriend jaune being away on a mission longer then they thought.

Ruby: You spineless little parasites! When I get out of here. I am going to write my fudging memoirs in your mother’s blood!

Blake: WEISS! WEISS! What do we do?! I can already feel my grip slipping!

Weiss: AlRIGHT! AlRIGHT! Everything’s gonna be fine! I have a plan!

Blake: Okay! Okay. Lay it on me!

Weiss: I’m gonna go.

Blake: I hate this plan!

Weiss: no no it’s fine! I’m just gonna get yang! She’ll know how to deal with…

Ruby:*Feral growling*

Weiss:"all...of...this"

Blake:"NO WEISS, NO! DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU LEAVE ME WITH HER!!"

Weiss:*encouragingly*"You got this!" *leaves the room*

Ruby: *insanely*"Heeeeyyyy blakeeee~"

Blake:*whimpers*

[notmaplemable]

Snuck Your Way In

Jaune: *Quietly singing to himself as he works*

Jaune: I put up barriers to shield my emotions.

Ruby: ...That sounds familiar.

Jaune: A wall that you could never break apart.

Ruby: ...Is that from... Wait, what the heck?

Jaune: But like a ninja of love, rappelling down from above. You snuck your way right into my heart.

Ruby: Jaune, look- *realization* Is that a Phineas and Ferb song?

Jaune: Yep.

Ruby: You're lucky I love how dorky you are.

Jaune: Second luckiest guy on Remnant. But what was that about looking at something?

Blake: I believe she means me.

Jaune: *Looks up*

Blake: *Repealing down from the ceiling*

Jaune: Uhhh-

Ruby: Back off!

Blake: He said Ninja of Love, and only one of us is a ninja here.

Ruby: You're a ninja? I wear more black than you!

[notmaplemable]

Nora: So like, you guys are like a threesome or whatever.

Jaune: Yeah.

Blake: That's right.

Cat faunus Ruby: Uh huh.

Nora: So are Ruby and Blake dating too or are you just sharing Jaune?

Ruby: Eww, no me and Blake aren't dating.

Blake: We're cousins.

Nora: You are?

Ruby: Our moms are sisters.

[notmaplemable]

A Lancatster Birthday

JR: *In unison* Happy birthday Blake!

Blake: Thanks you two.

Jaune: So, is there anything you want to do for your birthday?

Ruby: I heard a new sushi place opened in town.

Blake: I want you two in nothing but a bow, and a few hours alone with you both.

Jaune: Should have seen that coming.

Ruby: *Flustered stuttering*

Blake: And after we're done with that I'd love some sushi.

[misterlazer]

Some dishes & dinner Later

Ruby: Looks like everything worked out! Dishes are on you next time, Jaune.

Jaune: No problem. Anyway, I'm gonna head out to buy that new part.

Yang: That's gonna have ta wait till tomorrow. Bike's still broke.

Jaune: Oh, come on! The toilet's still broken, too!

Yang: It'll be fine! Just as long as no one needs to go.

Weiss: Wait, Blake went in a few moments ago.

Jaune: Well, do you know if she just needed to pee?

Weiss: Jaune...

Jaune: Uhh, yeah?

Weiss: You know what curry does to Blake, right?

Jaune: Oh... Shit.

Yang: Yeah. Literally...

Ruby: Aren't we out of toilet paper, too?

Jaune: SHIT!!!

And now, a day in the life of Colorguard...

Jaune: Ruby, did you do the dishes?

Ruby: I was about to to them!

Jaune: Well, they're kind of stacking really high.

Ruby: Well, weren't you going to fix the toilet? It's still not flushing right.

Jaune: I need a part from town. I'd take the bike, but Yang's working on it.

Weiss: She better take a shower as soon as she's done. I don't want this house reeking of oil and gasoline.

Blake: As opposed to the smell of burning curtains and singed carpet?

Weiss: I already apologized, and moved my tools to the workshop. It's fine. What about your things? Have you found a place for your books, yet?

Blake: I'm... still looking. Are we eating take-out again, or are the dishes done?

Ruby: I'm about to clean them!

---------------------------------------------------

Yang: (Working on the bike, Rocking out) Kinda quiet today...

[notmaplemable]

Caught In The Act

Jaune: *Asleep on Blake's bed*

Blake: *Cuddled up next to Jaune asleep*

Ruby: *Just walked in, secretly has a crush on both of them* ...

Ruby: *Thinking* I should leave... but they do look really comfy...

Ruby: *Stealthily climbs into Blake's bed and lays down between Blake and Jaune*

Ruby: This is really comfy. *yawns* Ah, no. I can't fall asleep. I just... I'll just enjoy the comfyness for little longer and then I'm done.

Jaune: *Stirs a bit, puts his arm around Blake and Ruby and pulls them closer*

Ruby: Ahh! No! I'm trapped. Okay, just think Ruby. Maybe if I just wiggle out a little bit I can-

Blake: *Stirs, wraps arms around Ruby, nuzzles her back*

Ruby: *Internal screaming*

[notmaplemable]

Blake: *Laying across Jaune and Ruby's laps*

Ruby: *Petting Blake's head, scratching her ears*

Jaune: *Rubs Blake's lower back*

Blake: *Raises butt into the air*

Jaune: ...

Ruby: ...

Blake: ...Come on, I know what you want to do~

Jaune: ... *Grabs Blake's ass*

Blake: Not what I had in mind but that's ni-

Ruby: *Smacks Blake's ass*

Blake: Nya!!!

Jaune: Ooooohhhh, that's what you wanted me to do. *Also smacks Blake's ass*

Blake: NYA!!!

Yang: What the hell are you three doing over there!?

[notmaplemable]

Competition

Jaune: *Scratching behind Blake's ear*

Blake: *Happily purring away sitting on Jaune's lap*

Ruby: Oh Jaune, it's time for me- Hey! It's my turn for headpats and you know it!

Jaune: Just one-

Blake: If you wanted headpats so bad you should have been faster.

Ruby: Hey! *Tackles Blake to the ground*

RB: *Comedic wrestling*

Jaune: GIRLS!

RB: *Stop and stare at Jaune*

Jaune: I have two hands.

*10 minutes later*

Blake: *Happily getting ear scratches from Jaune*

Ruby: *Finally getting her headpats and making adorable Ruby noises*

[jboy44]

Jaune kisses her to shut her up " you can vent later right now we need to escape"

Jaune: *battered and held upright by a pair of Jabberwalkers, physically and emotionally exhausted* …why haven’t you killed me yet…?

Neo: *transforms into Ruby*

Jaune: You think Ruby will come to rescue me? *looks down in shame* After what I said to her, there’s no way she’d ever come back to-

Ruby: *suddenly tears through Neo’s army in a massive storm of rose petals and brutally heel-drops Neo into the ground*

Jaune: Ruby! You came back! How did-?

Ruby: *pokes a finger into his chest* AND ANOTHER THING-

[notmaplemable]

Grandkittens

Blake: ...

Jaune: You can do it Blake.

Ruby: We'll be here go you. No matter what.

Blake: *Smiles, knocks on the door to her childhood home*

Kali: *Opens door* Who is- Blake!?

Blake: Hi, mom.

Kali: *Hugs Blake, nice family moment, all that fun stuff*

Kali: *Lets go of Blake* I'm glad your safe. *Notices Jaune and Ruby* Who are they?

Blake: Mom, this is Ruby Rose, my girlfriend, and-

Kali: *Tackle hugs Ruby* Oh, she's so adorable. I love her already!

Ruby: *Struggling* Help. Me.

Blake: Mom, can you give her a little room to breathe.

Kali: Oh, sorry.

Ruby: *Panting* It's fine. *Awkward laugh*

Kali: Now, who's this young man?

Blake: This is Jaune Arc. My boyfriend.

Kali: ...Arc?

Jaune: Yeah. Hello Ma'am.

Kali: *Tackle hugs Jaune* Oh this is great! I'm going to have so many grandkittens!