spahhzy

[spahhzy]

Yang and Blake are standing across from their possesed friend.

Blake: You won't escape, not here and certainly not with our friend!

Yang: Yeah, so give up Cat, and take your butt kicking like a erm...man?

The Cat laughs and cracks his neck.

CCJaune: Twinkle twinkle little brat...

Cat pulls out the broken sword and turns Jaunes hand into a claw.

CCJaune: Watch me kill your favorite cat!

[spahhzy]

Neo: I hope the date you stole from me went terrible!

Weiss: It is delusion to think your actions had any consequence on my date with my Knight...

Weiss raised her weapon to the mute.

Weiss: The apple orchard date was successful..

Neo narrowed her eyes.

Weiss: and I have ensured many more dates with the knight!

Weiss: But right now I have come for you!

Weiss/Neo:

Ruby: Uh guys? It's just a sparring match...

Blake: Oh, it's just like in 'Ninjas of Love vol 7!'

Yang: Kick her ass Weiss, I got money on you!

Ren: Who did you bet with?

Yang: ...

Nora: You can do it, you mute little psycho. Momma needs all that money for some high ordinance chaos!

Ren: Ah.

.

Meanwhile... downtown.

Jaune sneezed.

Jaune: Huh..

Jaune: Someone must be talking about me...

Jaune: I hope Neo and Weiss will like the gifts I've got them.

Jaune lifts the small bags in his arms

Jaune: Both have been working hard, and they've been very nice to me, hanging out with me at the movies and an Apple Orchard? I'm not worth all that...so best to repay their kindness.

.

Neo: 1 Weiss: 1

[spahhzy]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: RWBY Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary:

The aftermath of Salem’s fall.

[spahhzy]

Weiss: What do you mean all the tickets sold out!?

On the scroll with movie theater.

: I'm sorry, Miss, but the last two tickets were just recently purchased for the movie!

Weiss: *grumbles schneely*

Weiss: We'll now how will i get a surprise date with Jaune?

Jaune: Surprise what?

Weiss: 😱

Jaune: You okay?

Weiss: I'm fine, you dolt! Just don't sneak up on me like that!

Jaune: Sorry! I've been getting good at the whole silent approach thing.

Weiss: Hmm, so you have, and i attribute that it no thanks to that Scoundrel!

Jaune: Hey, now come on, Neo isn't as bad now.

Weiss: Oh sure, the lifelong criminal is suddenly an upstanding person too society...

Jaune: Almost, and she did offer to take me out to see the new Neslie Lelson movie.

Weiss eye twitched, and as if called by divine will, Neopolitan popped into the scene holding tickets.

Neo:

Jaune: We'll Weiss, see ya later!

Neo: 😈

Weiss: You vile scoundrel if you think I, Weiss Schnee, will let you win the battle for the Knights Heart, you got another thing coming! You will rue the day!

Neo: 1 Weiss: 0

The battle has begun.

[spahhzy]

Blake: Weiss, there's been a little problem in the cockpit...

Weiss: Cockpit, what is it?

Blake: It's a little room in front of the plane, where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now!

Passenger: My GODS, THIS BLONDE HAIRED WOMAN IS ALMOST PRACTICALLY NAKED AND CARRYING and EQUALLY ALMOST NAKED MAN, LIKE ITS SOME SEQUEL POST!

Yang emerged from the crowd carrying a half delirious Jaune.

Yang: OHHHHHHH BLAKEY~

Blake: It's does work!

Weiss:

[spahhzy]

Adrian.

Pyrrha: Jaune!? What are you looking for!?

Ren: Uh....

Nora: Oooooh mystery time!

Jaune was searching through his teams dressers. He opened the top drawer and gasped.

Jaune: Bingo!

Jaune reaches into the draw and pulls out...

Jaune:

[spahhzy]

Jaune: Captain, how soon can you land?

Captain: I can't tell.

Jaune: You can tell me, I'm a huntsman.

Captain: No, I mean, I'm just not sure.

Jaune: But, can't you take a guess?

Captain: Well, not for another two hours. .

Jaune: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Captain: No, no, I mean, we can't land for another two hours!

Yang: Brothers, if we weren't saving the world right now, I'd have his babies.

Weiss: Hands off you punsexual fiend he is mine!

Ruby: Nonononono! Bestie, that knight is mine!

Blake: Sorry girls, I plan to make him into a booktok boyfriend.

Nora: Renny, Neo signed she was a certified *moronsexual* does this mean that all of Team RWBY is *moronsexual* ?

Ren: It appears so.

-

GoL: CALM DOWN CHILD!

Pyrrha: SEND ME BACK DOWN THEIR DAMN YOU OR SO HELP ME ILL MAKE A HEAVEN FROM HEAVEN!

GoL: What the fuck...

[spahhzy]

Roman: Jaune, Question.

Jaune: Hmm?

Roman: Would you pick our dear Neo in a room full of other girls?

Jaune: ...first of all, it's not going to matter what I pick when I'm dead, which is exactly what I'll be when Neo finds out I'm in a room full of girls.

Roman laughed and nodded.

Jaune: But yes, I'd pick Neo every single time.

[spahhzy]

Pyrrha: Jaune!? What are you looking for!?

Ren: Uh....

Nora: Oooooh mystery time!

Jaune was searching through his teams dressers. He opened the top drawer and gasped.

Jaune: Bingo!

Jaune reaches into the draw and pulls out...

Jaune:

[spahhzy]

Jaune: Ruby, your sister must be gotten to a hospital!

Yang: *dying*

Ruby: A hospital!? What is it?

Jaune: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now!

Yang:

[spahhzy]

Jaune is holding an LMG.

Jaune: I still don't know how to carry this thing.

Jaune then proceeded to put said gun between his thighs.

Jaune: I know Ruby is a weapons expert but...putting the LMG between my thighs? Surely, that can't be right.

-FAAAAAAR AWAY-

Ruby: eheheheheehehe that's right, baby~

Ruby, with a massive red face and bloody nose, was looking down the sight of Crescent Rose as she saw Jaune with the LMG she had gotten him and watched as he crush put the weapon between his legs.

Ruby: Dinner annnnd a show~

[spahhzy]

Ruby and Jaune were practicing at the firing range.

Jaune: Testing out a new pistol?

Ruby: Mmhm~

Ruby takes a breath.

Ruby: I hate poor people!

And fires her new pistol, hitting targets with ease.

Jaune: What? You can't say that, Ruby!

Ruby: Sorry, Jaune, when I carry this beauty, I legally I have to hate the impoverished.

Ruby shoots at more targets.

Jaune: There's no way that's true...

Ruby: You clearly don't own an air-fryer... or a five-seven.

Ruby hits more targets.

Jaune: What's so special about a five-seven?

Ruby: pfft~what's not special about a five seven?

Ruby shoots at various different targets from various lengths.

Ruby: The mini-rifle rounds means I get twenty in a mag...

She held up her five-seven to Jaune.

Ruby: And this 30 rounder basically makes it into a pocket AR like those rafficas the old huntsman used back in the day!

Jaune: Yeah but...what does this have to do with the poor?

Ruby: Oh, there's this meme that it has a buff against poor people because the ammo is so pricey (Thank you, Weiss credit card, may she never know)

Jaune: Pistol calibers are dirt cheap, though...

Ruby: Five-Seven can be double or triple the price of 9mm...so it effectively hates poor people.

Jaune: Okay, that kinda makes sense.

Ruby: It's also makes you feel rich to have no recoil.

Jaune: That is a luxury...

Ruby: mmhmm~, and each round has a polymer tip, so you're effectively shooting microplastics at people!

Jaune: That does feel rich and cruel!

Ruby: Yep!

Jaune: So wait....why can't you get me one?

Ruby: I don't think the schnee Credit Union will get you through after your last purchase, and plus, your credit score isn't high enough.

Jaune: In my defense... it seemed really cool to just have a mini pocket statue of Pyrrha with me everywhere I go.

Ruby: Yeah, you only caused a kingdom wide panic, no biggie.

-

Ghost Pyrrha: She didn't mean that, babe. She is just jealous!-

GoL rubbing his temples.

-

[spahhzy]

Jaune opened his eyes to see nothing but darkness that stretched infinitely.

Jaune: Guys?

Jaune: Ruby? Ren? Nora? Neo?

Silence.

Jaune was all alone.

: Do you really think I can't hurt you?

Jaune breathing hitched as he felt fingers walk across his shoulders.

: Just because I'm confined to your nightmares?

He felt the fingers walk up his neck, stopping before a solitary finger began tracing his jawline.

: are you not aware that your every waking hour is knit together by your slumber?

Jaune began to take shaky breaths as the voice chuckled at the knights fear. Jaune felt the finger tracing his jaw leave his skin, which brought Jaune a momentary comfort, but it didn't last long as suddenly a hand wrapped around his neck suddenly, choking him, struggling to release the grip he looked ahead and saw neon blue eyes and a horrible cheshire grin staring right at him, but what frightened him the most was whose face it belonged to.

: Eyes open or shut...your sanity?

Jaune could only look on in horror as he saw himself smirking at him.

Curious Cat: Belongs to me.

Jaune awoke with a startle, trying to catch his breath as he touched his neck as if making sure nothing was their.

Jaune looked around the room to see everyone still sleeping peacefully, then to Neo, and seeing her sleeping soundly was enough to get his breathing under control and calm down.

Unfortunately, Jaune knew he wouldn't be getting any more rest for the night.

[spahhzy]

Blake: Dear Diary, Today, the blanket made a sudden move, and I reacted accordingly.

Blake: Full Claws, No Mercy.

Blake: The boyfriend says it was his foot.

Blake: Sure it was. The blanket has been plotting this for weeks, and I finally caught it in the act.

Jaune: Are you writing down your attack on my foot?

Blake: ...no.

[spahhzy]

Jaune:

[spahhzy]

Jaune: Brothers, Neo...

Jaune had to go away on a mission for a week, much to Neo's dismay, but to his surprise, here she was out in the middle of nowhere in some village.

Neo gave him a hug, to which he reciprocated happily.

Neo: Hi! Ooof, you need a bath.

Jaune: How the hell did you find me here?

Neo: Put a tag in your wallet...

Jaune: im sorry hwat?

Neo: Air tag? GPS tracker.

Jaune pulls out his wallet and opens it to see a small electronic device as Neo gives an innocent smile.

Neo: Just you know... you decided to run off with some two-bit huntress, I could find you, kill her, and then castrate you.

Jaune just chuckles as his teammates, who were local to the land for the mission, just sweatdropped.

[spahhzy]

Jaune: I'd wrestle a bear for your number.

Neo: 🙄

Jaune: I'd fight 09 Randy Orton for your number.