spahhzy

[spahhzy]

Silentknight teen walking into the house wearing a suit and carrying a duffle bag full of money.

Silentknight teen: Ma, I got bail! How's dad!?

Neo: 🤭👈

The teen looks to their left and see's there dad Jaune sitting on a recliner.

Silentknight teen: Dad!? I thought you got pinched at work!?

Jaune: ...I pinched a muscle? Where did you get that duffle bag of money!?

Silentknight teen: uh...internet?

[spahhzy]

Neo danced with some friends as Jaune just watched with a smile, happy to see his wife well happy and enjoying herself .

Suddenly, a hand touched his shoulder.

Woman: Well, aren't you just a tall drink of water?

The first thing that hit Jaune's nose was the alcohol, and from the looks of it... this lady drank a lot.

Jaune just looked at her.

Jaune: What are you doing?

Woman: What?

Jaune: I'm married, darling.

Meanwhile, Neo was now looking at the woman talking to her husband, and she was no longer dancing, and the smile now gone, replaced with an ever growing frown.

Woman: Me too~

Jaune: Yeah? Where's your husband out there?

Woman: He's in vacuo~

The woman just gave a drunken giggle.

Woman: Where's your wife?

Jaune: My wife is standing right over there, staring at you. *points to Neo*

The woman looked at Neo, who downed a shot glass while glaring daggers at her.

Woman: I'll handle this~

And the drunken soul walked towards the enraged wife.

Jaune: Don't do that...

Woman: I got this~

Jaune: Oh boy...psst Nora! Ren!

The power couple were engaging in a sloppy makeout but stopped as they saw Jaune walk up to them.

Jaune: Time to go, guys.

Nora: But it ain't midnight?

Jaune: It's midnight enough.

As soon as he said that, the shattering of glass was heard as the drunken woman collapsed to the floor as Neo just looked at the woman before grabbing her hair and proceed to slap the now bleeding woman in the face.

Jaune just sighed with a smile, as he looked back at his wife as she started fighting all the bouncers.

Never a dull moment.

-

Roman: So...

In front of him were his two closest allies and friends, beaten and bruised but smiling like they just won the lottery.

Jaune: In her defense-

Neo: That will teach any whore to even look at my tall glass of water.

[spahhzy]

Ahahaha~

I'm sure even you will love this one.

I am working on another sad dragonslayer post, and it will be based on the song "Elegies" By 'Make Them Suffer' .

[spahhzy]

I am working on another sad dragonslayer post, and it will be based on the song "Elegies" By 'Make Them Suffer' .

[spahhzy]

Jaune: 'eww, monster energy drinks are so bad for you!' yeah? And so are short, angry, tattooed women with colored hair...

Neo: 👿

Jaune: But fuck it, they both taste good~

Neo: 😳🤭

[spahhzy]

Weiss first time playing games with her boyfriend Jaune.

The game was just a generic first-person shooter.

Weiss: Fine, I'll play these silly games with you... but only cause you have been very insistent and nothing more!

Jaune: Love you too, Weiss.

-

Weiss after maaaaaaaaaaany hours of playing video games with Jaune.

Weiss: Das ist ein Valean Spion! (This is an Vale spy!)

Jaune: whaaaaaat!?

Jaune learned a lot of Atlesian tongue thanks to Weiss.

Weiss, pointing her character to another teammate, who just so happens to be Yang playing in the other room.

Weiss: Excuse me, are you a Valean spy?

Yang: Nah nah nah

Weiss: You are here in the Atlas army?

Jaune: ist das Atleasian oder nicht? (Is that Atlasian or not? )

Weiss: Speak Atlesian!

Jaune: Ist das Atlesian oder nicht!? (Is that Atlasian or not)

Jaune points his character to Yang, gun in hand.

Jaune: Ich warte auf den Feuerbefehl! (I wait for the order to fire!)

Weiss: Jaune, exekutiere diesen Mann! (Jaune, execute this man!)

Jaune: ahhhhhhhhhh! *fires gun killing Yangs character*

*Friendly fire*

Weiss and Jaune high-five, and Yang just throws her controller out the window.

[spahhzy]

Jaune: 'Oh, this is a good kitty' I say as i pet on kitty ~(cuddling blake)

Blake bites him on the shoulder.

Blake: 'No, I am evil kitty' said evil kitty.

[spahhzy]

Pov: You're a grimm doing grimm stuff with your grimm buddies, and you unfortunately get to find out what the 'Indomitable Human Spirit' means: in which the phrase has been given shape into the form of a tiny mute and her tall knight.

*spoilers: You die...violently*

[spahhzy]

Villain: So you're just female thor?

Nora: Yep!

Villain: *points to Ren* You're a specialist when it comes to aura.

Ren: Yes?

Villain: *points to Oscar* You literally have another spirit inside of you with knowledge and skills from many lifetimes.

Oscar: .. I guess?

Villain: *points to Pyrrha* and you... you are just haxors made into pure Amazonian muscle?

Pyrrha: We'll not to brag but sure...I guess that's an okay description?

Villain: So I get to call any of you guys out for a 1v1?

Pyrrha: Yeah! You can pick any one of us to fight, and we'll give you a clean one on one, do whatever you like.

Villain: Well...what about that guy?

The villain points to Jaune sitting in a dimly lit room, hands crossed as his face was covered by the darkness, leaving only his eyes to be seen.

Pyrrha: *gulps* uh, that's Jaune...he has no special powers other than to amplify aura.

Villain: Oh...so like no offensive abilities or broken semblances that would make him otherwise a nightmare to fight on the field.

Pyrrha: *looking nervous* nope...no 'over powered' abilities whatsoever.

Villain: Oh, then I'm taking him on! No hax or other unfair advantages. This is going to be a piece of cake!

Ren slaps his forehead as Nora just takes Oscar away to someplace else, not wanting to subject the boys eyes for what is to come.

Pyrrha: uhm, for your safety, i would suggest picking someone else... if you wish to escape this fight...alive... you should pick one of us.

Villain: What do you mean pick someone else?

Pyrrha: He's going to hurt you...uhm bad...

Villain: bah, as if like you said, he clearly has no OP abilities!

Pyrrha: Alright... good luck!

Villain: Ha! as if I need good luck to beat-

-

The villain was taken to a local medical facility before being arrested.

They suffered 50 broken bones, damaged left eye socket and severe mental anguish.

[spahhzy]

Whiteknight kid: Mom! can you please tell my sister to stop pummeling me with snowballs!

Weiss: ...did you say snowballs?

The child gulped at their mom, who had a threatening aura surround her.

Whiteknight kid: ...uh yeah?

Weiss: They called me 'Empress' back when I had... the gift.

Weiss: I was a natural from day one!

Weiss: As I grew...so too did my skills.

The kid just raised an eyebrow at their mom, who just looked out the window of their home, recalling her snowball wars.

Weiss: In prep-school, i was untouchable!

Weiss turned back to her child, her blue eyes clouded with nostalgia and glory of past battles.

Weiss: They were just jealous! Jealous of my powers!

Weiss: For I was the 'Empress!' A force of nature!

Weiss: I was the ultimate snowball warrior!

Weiss: and then...I went to Beacon Academy...I was never the same again!

Weiss dramatically feel over as if hit by some force.

Weiss: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Weiss fell to her knees in defeat as her child just looked at their mom, wondering what the hell was going on.

Weiss: That...was the coldest winter ever.

[spahhzy]

I see Twitter is having a normal one.

I will not have this JNPR slander on my timeline.

[spahhzy]

Roman: Please tell me you schmucks found whatever Neo is looking for?

Grunt: Boss, we're having trouble locating whatever the hell this 'super secret treasure is'...and it's not helping if she keeps-

Grunt 2: AHHHH, MY BACK!!

Grunt: -She keeps hurting the search party!

Roman: Be lucky she is only hurting you and not killing you! Get to it!

Roman hangs up the scroll call then a thought occurred.

Roman: Wait...why does she need the pillow if...

He looks over to see the real Jaune snoozing away with Juniper on top of his head.

Jaune: 😪

Juniper: zzzz

Roman: ...

Roman: I need a very...very strong drink.

Blake: *Walks into Beacon's lost and found*

Secretary: Hello, can I help you?

Blake: I'm looking for my copy of L- *Notices the Jaune body pillow propped up amongst the lost items*

Secretary: Noticed the body pillow? Yeah, someone must've ordered it. There's a shop in the city that makes them.

Blake: ...Why?

Secretary: Because people pay for it I guess. Though really the better question is why the groin area is so worn out on this one.

Blake: ...

(Who do you think is the true owner?)

[spahhzy]

Jaune make a call on his scroll.

Jaune: C'mon, pick up pick up!

Weiss: Hello?

Jaune: Hiii! I love you so much. Can I have 2500 dollars?

Weiss: No, why on Remnant do you need 2500 dollars!?

Jaune: Oh...ahahah, you know for an escape room...?

Weiss: You're joking, right? What kind of an escape room cost 2500 dollars!?

Jaune: ...Prison.

Weiss: I'll be there in 10. Idiot.

[spahhzy]

Jaune: She asked for a nude, I sent her a picture of Joker, gently embracing an impregnated Crazy Frog... and she blocked me.

Jaune: Then I realized... she wanted a nude of my body.

Jaune: I, a fool, sent one of my soul.

[spahhzy]

Blacksmith: I remember when the stars were young...

Blacksmith: When their light first spilled across the void.

Blacksmith: I remember when the rivers of your world were untamed...carving paths with reckless joy.

Blacksmith: I remember the faces, countless faces of those who walked before you, Jaune.

Jaune: ...

Blacksmith: Their laughter and sorrow staining the fabric of time.

Blacksmith: I remember it all, and oh how I ache for what is gone.

Blacksmith looks at Neo.

Blacksmith: The past whispers sweetly, doesn't it?

Neo flinches.

Blacksmith: It wraps you in the warmth of what was, luring you with promises of safety...of familiarity.

Jaune just looks to Neo, and Neo looks at him.

Blacksmith: But...ive lingered too long in those whispers, and i have learned their cost.

Blacksmith: To dwell there is to become a shadow... watching as the future slips away.

Blacksmith: Unreachable.

This time, Jaune flinches.

Blacksmith: The past may hold beauty, but it is a trap as much as it is a treasure.

Blacksmith: It can not change. Cannot grow.

Images of Pyrrha and Roman passed by both Jaune and Neo.

Blacksmith: It is a song already sung. A flame long extinguished.

Blacksmith: You are both still alive.

Blacksmith: Still burning.

Blacksmith: If you plant your roots too deeply in what has been, you will not notice the new light dawning before you.

Jaune and Neo felt a great sadness from listening to the Blacksmith.

Blacksmith: ...and that is a tragedy greater than loss.

Blacksmith: To be alive, yet blind to what could be.

Blacksmith: So mourn the past, carry it gently in your hearts.

Blacksmith: But do not let it bind you...for every moment you cling to its ashes... The fire of the future burns dimmer and one day...

Both Jaune and Neo look to the Blacksmith once more.

Blacksmith: You will turn... and find it gone.

And like that , the blacksmith was gone as a portal opened up.

Jaune: She is right.

Jaune: Im sorry. I should have never brought up Roman like that.

Neo: I'm sorry for using Pyrrha like that...

Jaune just hugged her, sensing that a small step it maybe...but a better and brighter step towards a future.

Jaune turned to Neo, with a smile.

Jaune: Let's go home, eh?

Offering a hand to her, Neo looked at it before giving a small smile and nodded.

Hand in hand, the Knight and the Scoundrel began the journey home together.

[spahhzy]

Weiss getting robbed.

Jaune passing by.

Weiss: Sir! Help me!

Jaune: Oh...I can't...

Jaune raises his hand, showing a ring.

Jaune: Im married, see?

The perp takes Weiss purse before lifting up the skee mask to reveal, Neopolitan.

Neo: I knew I married the right man!

Jaune: ...babe?

Neo: Surprise, baby, you passed the test!

Weiss looks confused, as did Jaune.

Weiss: Wait...you're his wife?

Neo goes to hug her husband.

Neo: Come here, I love you so much!

Jaune: What the hell is going on?

Weiss: So you're not actually stealing my purse?

Neo: Oh, like you tried stealing my husband?

Neo dangling off Jaune's neck rolled her eyes.

Neo: Im not as toxic as you!

Neo just tosses the purse at Weiss as hand in hand, husband and wife went home.

Jaune: Is that a knife?

Neo: Oh, that was just in case you helped her. Don't worry about that.

[spahhzy]

Cinder: What's your name?

Jaune: I'm Cinders Husband.

Cinder: What do you do for a living?

Jaune: I look after my wife and kids.

Cinder: How old are you?

Jaune: I love my wife.

Cinder: If you see a girl in the street, what do you say?

Jaune: I run home to my wife.

Cinder: Okay, hun you can go!

Jaune: Ma'am, yes ma'am!