#know when you have a gambling addiction and get help. if you can choose responsibly then you're fine. i gacha responsibly i promise

[alchemiclee]

I did beta testing for sparkle and really liked using her so I wanted her. I just got so many characters back to back like kafka, e6 dhil, black swan...I wanted them all and glad I got them

well miss sparkle definitely wanted to be stubborn as hell and decided she was actually going to give me up, let me down, run around, and try to desert me.....she made me cry, tried to say goodbye, told a lie and definitely hurt me. and my wallet.

I had to spend money on that fool. she made ME the fool. her ass is so annoying not just in the game but in my pulls too!!!! as expected tbh. I can hear her laughing at me.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Who’s the better big bro?

Killua Or Choso?

What criteria am I judging them on? Let me come up with some.

_________

Powers

Honestly love both their powers. They are both creepy, allow for a lot of creativity and look fucking amazing when utilised. On the sheer coolness of them both it's a draw for me.

I'm morally opposed to powerscaling, I do not respect people who engage in it, especially in the context of HxH and JJK because it stands in opposition to what these manga are. Also I don't give a shit who'd win a fight because they wouldn't fight each other. Alluka and Yuuji would be fucking quick friends, he'd love Nanika too and be very jealous considering the passenger he ended up with. Killua and Chousou would cry in the corner overwhelmed by the cuteness of that encounter.

_________

Protectiveness

Well both have their ups and downs.

Killua forgets about Alluka and Nanika but it's not his choice to do so. Then again he doesn't go back for them immediately but he's in the middle of the whole chimera ant debacle so...

Chousou almost kills Yuuji, though he does that because he hadn't realised Yuuji is his brother at the time.

They both play favourites too.

Killua cares only about Alluka and Nanika, not about Kalluto. I mean I get why, Kalluto is clearly mama's spy and they are a little sadist, and Killua can't stand his mum and he is trying to change himself from that mindset but yeah.

Chousou has his favourite brothers and he's ready to sacrifice the others. He's ready to make up justifications for Yuuji consuming them. It's a hard situation but yeah, he's choosing Yuuji here. And I mean, I get it, I would too.

I'd say it's a wash. in this category.

And from now on I will refer only to their relationship with their preferred siblings.

_________

Affection

They are both very affectionate. They show their love both through touch and they give verbal affirmations.

Killua is probably marginally better because he's a tad less intense, his hugs are probably less smothering.

So like Killua slightly wins here. Or loses, depends on what you prefer.

_________

Neediness

Okay. So like they are both absolutely fucking needy and clingy, same fucking energy there. They need to be needed, that's their primary characteristic, they need therapy.

It's no surprise Alluka promises to give Killua back to Gon. I mean she's just got him back and she missed him so she wants to have him for herself for a while but she knows it'll get old. She knows that if she wants some breathing room she needs to get the green boi's help to distract Killua.

Chousou has nobody left and is a child of abuse and just lost a girl that he probably liked. Yuuji is his last chance at sanity. And he needs to redeem himself so badly after not being able to protect anyone he cared for. He needs Yuuji to love him and he will fucking work for it and work for it and Yuuji will let him because he's nice like that, even if it weirds him out a bit and it's not helpful with his general trauma levels.

So like, a draw again.

_________

Responsibility

This one is hard because neither of them had a normal life.

Killua is 13/14 when he rescues Alluka and she's (if I remember correctly) 2 years younger than he is. So can a, let's be generous here, 14yo take care of another kid? Well, he was left to fend for himself when he was much younger than Alluka now and he managed. He has a pretty good knowledge of how to move around in the world. But he's also a kid with questionable dietary habits, he might give Alluka scurvy if he only feeds her chocolate and fastfood. Also will he know how to give her a more normal life? Get her to school, help her make friends? He also has a gambling addiction and has a very poor track record with his financial decisions.

Chousou has lived as a person in the real world for a few months so far. Yes, he looks like an adult and has been conscious in some way for over a hundred years. He was also likely put into an adult vessel and probably has some memories and general knowledge about how to function in the world from that. That being said it'll surely be a learning curve. Will he really be better at adulting than Yuuji who likely mostly took care of himself for years when Wasuke was sick? On the other hand Chousou will really earnestly go at it. He will become a provider as soon as he needs to, he will do any job, any number of shifts. He has this vibe. But he might not stop himself and try to parent Yuuji, there's a slight risk of that.

So I guess a draw? Maybe Chousou wins a bit here but not sure, Killua would likely be more careful around Alluka and Nanika than he was around Gon.

_________

Dumbass

They will both need dating support from their younger sibling, like 100%.

The amount of eyerolling Alluka will do because of Killua's crush is probably very high, I hope eyerolling can't damage your eyes. Nanika will likely be very confused by the whole situation, still supportive.

But Chousou is kinda fucked. Everyone, who hcs that Yuuji explained to Chousou that he and Yuki were on a date, is wrong. The fuck Yuuji knows about dating. They are both doomed in that respect, can't count on each other at all, rip.

_________

Looks

They both are very good with fashion, though we see more from Killua. So like on cute outfits Killua wins by volume of what we see.

But I don't like the white hair/blue eyes design. Controversial hottake incoming, I think Killua is kinda ugly.

So like face and general design wise Chousou wins by a mile. (in the manga, fuck mappa, may they rot, also his voice actor was shit)

_________

Queer

A queer sibling is better than a straight one, obviously. So Killua wins this one, Chousou's straight vibes are too strong, sorry.

_________

In conclusion it's mostly a draw, depends which categories matter to you most. If I missed any important categories, tell me in the notes :D

[dorematrix1]

Real Money Earning Games: An Exciting Opportunity to Earn While You Play

In the ever-evolving world of mobile gaming, a new trend has emerged that is captivating gamers worldwide – real money earning games. These games not only provide thrilling entertainment but also offer players the opportunity to win cash and earn real money. In this article, we'll explore the fascinating world of real money earning games, highlighting the various opportunities they present for gamers to earn money and withdraw real cash.

What are Real Money Earning Games?

Real money earning games are online games that allow players to win cash prizes by participating in various gaming activities. These games come in a wide variety of genres, from classic card games to modern mobile game apps, and they offer players the chance to earn real money by showcasing their skills and strategies.

Popular Types of Real Money Earning Games

Online Card Games: Traditional card games like poker, rummy, and blackjack have found a new home in the digital world. These games are popular for their competitive nature and the potential to win significant cash prizes.

Fantasy Sports: Fantasy sports games, where players create virtual teams of real-life athletes, have become immensely popular. Players earn points based on the real-life performance of their chosen athletes and can win cash prizes based on their team's performance.

Casual Mobile Games: Simple and addictive mobile games, such as puzzle games and arcade games, also offer real money earning opportunities. Players can compete in tournaments and challenges to win cash rewards.

Skill-Based Games: Games that require strategic thinking, quick reflexes, and problem-solving skills often provide real money prizes. Examples include trivia games, word games, and strategy games.

How to Get Started with Real Money Earning Games

Choose a Reputable Platform: Select a reliable and trustworthy platform that offers real money earning games. Look for platforms that are licensed and regulated to ensure fair play and secure transactions.

Create an Account: Sign up for an account on the chosen platform. Provide the necessary information and verify your identity as required.

Deposit Funds: Most real money earning games require an initial deposit to start playing. Use secure payment methods to fund your account.

Start Playing: Explore the available games and start playing. Focus on games that match your skills and interests to maximize your chances of winning.

Withdraw Your Winnings: Once you've accumulated winnings, you can withdraw your cash through various payment methods. Ensure you understand the platform's withdrawal policies and any associated fees.

Tips for Success in Real Money Earning Games

Practice Regularly: The more you play, the better you'll get. Regular practice will help you refine your skills and improve your chances of winning.

Stay Informed: Keep up with the latest trends and strategies in the games you play. Join online communities and forums to learn from other players.

Manage Your Bankroll: Set a budget for your gaming activities and stick to it. Avoid chasing losses and know when to take a break.

Play Responsibly: Remember that real money earning games should be fun and entertaining. Play responsibly and never gamble more than you can afford to lose.

Conclusion

Real money earning games offer an exciting opportunity for gamers to combine their passion for gaming with the potential to win real cash. Whether you're a seasoned card player, a fantasy sports enthusiast, or a casual mobile gamer, there's a real money earning game out there for you. By choosing reputable platforms, honing your skills, and playing responsibly, you can enjoy the thrill of earning money while you play.

Explore the world of real money earning games today and turn your gaming skills into cash rewards!

[flournoybarbara]

Strategies for Success: Winning Big on Wild.io

Wild.io casino is packed with thrill, fun, and many loyalty offers for casino players since 2022. As it has only been a year since its launch, bettors often ask: Is Wild.io legit? The casino is licensed by the popular Curacao eGaming Authority and adheres to the gambling rules of supporting countries.

Its loyalty program has different ranks and levels, creating a gambling ambiance through authentic Wild.io gameplay. When casino players join the VIP Club (loyalty program), they unlock daily rakeback and exclusive promotions. These offers significantly help new players climb the ladder of gambling experience. 

Game Selection

You now have an answer to your query, ‘Is Wild.io legit?’ but what about its game selection? Wild.io games include slots, live casino, roulette, table games, blackjack, jackpot, and others. Your winning probability increases when you choose Wild.io casino games you are familiar with.

If you are new to the Wild.io gameplay and the online casino world, you can search for ‘How to play wild.io games?’. This will take you to a beginner’s guide on Wild.io gameplay that is quite helpful. Also, know the strategies for selecting games based on your gambling skill set and preferences. 

Understanding Game Rules and Odds

It is wise not to fall for the myth that gambling is all about luck. Experienced players are busy acquiring gambling skills and building strategies. One strategy you must have while opting for Wild.io gameplay is to learn the rules of the game that you choose.

For instance, if you have played Combo Seven and then decide to play Cleo’s Book, make sure you learn the rules of both games even though they fall under the same category of slots.

Furthermore, understanding the odds and house edge of Wild.io casino games is another strategy you must consider. Perform analysis and use this knowledge to make informed bets. 

Betting Strategies

Now that you better understand the casino rules from searching ‘How to play Wild.io games?’, it is time to familiarize yourself with popular betting strategies. Martingale, Fibonacci, D'Alembert, and Labouchere are some popular betting strategies. In Wild.io casino, you can use these well-established strategies to kick-start your betting experience.

An overview of the popular strategies usually entails increasing losing bets and decreasing winning bets. Try your hand at these strategies and customize them according to your gameplay. It is always suggested to play Wild.io games responsibly and set limits to apply the betting strategies. Experts recommend interchanging or customizing the betting strategies. 

Bonuses and Promotions

Any Wild.io casino review will vouch for the attractive Wild.io free spins, bonuses, and promotions. You will be welcomed with the 480% Wild.io bonus and 300 Wild.io free spins under the ‘Promotions’ tab on the website. The bonuses can be applied to many Wild.io games, which are most beneficial for new casino players.

Promotions such as Wild Weekends, Weekly  Spotlight, Wheel of Fortune, Daily Bonus, VIP Club, and $1000 Daily Rakeback are among players’ favorites. While you increase your gameplay time, understand the bonus terms and conditions and apply them appropriately. 

Responsible Gambling

Wild.io casino encourages its users to play responsibly. You should incorporate betting limits and never go over budget. Please refrain from getting addicted to gambling and spending more than you can afford. Also, comply with the gambling laws of your present jurisdiction and seek professional help if you develop a gambling addiction.

Signs include chasing losses without control, being unable to quit, playing in an inebriated state, gambling for long hours, and wagering more than you can afford. Betting strategies, like the ones mentioned before, help to maintain a healthy gambling lifestyle and infuse a great experience. 

Conclusion

From Martingale to Labouchere, try the betting strategies and win amazing chances to be part of the exclusive VIP Club. Besides the usual bonuses and promotions, your loyalty will be repaid with unique offers to boost your winning probabilities. Along with reading the game rules, make yourself aware of the gambling principles and gain confidence as your rank increases on Wild.io casino.

Wild.io's VIP Club is an excellent opportunity for players to enhance their gaming experience. With daily rakeback and exclusive offers, new and experienced casino players can quickly advance their skills and enjoy various games, including slots, live casino, table games, jackpot, and more.

However, it is essential to remember that understanding the odds is crucial to making the most of your betting experience. Make sure to gamble responsibly. Go ahead; success awaits you if you end up using these strategies!

[sattamatka603]

How can I win Sattamatka gidlence?

Winning in Satta Matka requires a combination of luck, strategic thinking, and responsible gambling practices. While there is no foolproof formula for guaranteed success, here are some guidance to improve your chances:

1. Understand the Game: Before playing Satta Matka, take the time to familiarize yourself with the rules, different bet types, and how the game works. Gain a thorough understanding of the various strategies employed by experienced players.

2. Choose Reliable Platforms: Select reputable websites or apps that offer Satta Matka services. Ensure they have a good track record, secure payment options, and fair gameplay.

3. Start with Small Bets: It is advisable to begin with small bets until you gain more experience and confidence in your strategies. This approach helps minimize potential losses while allowing you to refine your gameplay.

4. Analyze Past Results: Study past Matka results and patterns to identify any recurring trends or numbers that have a higher probability of appearing. While this does not guarantee future outcomes, it can provide valuable insights for making informed decisions.

5. Manage Your Finances: Set a budget for your Satta Matka activities and stick to it. Avoid chasing losses by betting more than you can afford. Maintain discipline and gamble responsibly.

6. Seek Expert Advice: Engage with experienced players or seek guidance from reputable Matka forums and communities. Learning from others' experiences and strategies can help enhance your own approach.

7. Embrace Mathematics: Utilize mathematical concepts and probability theory to develop a systematic approach to placing bets. Understand the odds and make calculated decisions based on the available information.

8. Practice Patience: Satta Matka is a game of chance, and winning may not happen every time. Stay patient, avoid impulsive decisions, and maintain a long-term perspective.

9. Avoid Greed: It's crucial to set realistic expectations and not get carried away by the prospect of big wins. Practice self-control and know when to walk away, whether you win or lose.

10. Responsible Gambling: Remember to gamble responsibly and prioritize your well-being. Avoid becoming addicted to Satta Matka or any form of gambling. Take breaks, set limits, and seek help if you feel that your gambling habits are becoming problematic.

It's important to note that gambling should be viewed as entertainment, and any financial risks should be managed responsibly. Winning in Satta Matka  requires a combination of strategy, knowledge, and luck, but it's essential to approach the game with caution and maintain a balanced perspective.

WEBSITE URL : https://www.sattamatkago.in/

[shealthbeauty]

The Ethics of Betting: Is 토토사이트 a Harmless Hobby or even Dangerous Addiction?

Introduction Betting has been a popular pastime since way back when, but an upswing of online betting sites like 토토사이트 has produced it increasingly easy to position bets on sets from sports games to political elections. While some folk view betting for a harmless hobby, others argue that it can become a hazardous addiction with serious ethical implications. In the following paragraphs, we'll explore the ethics of betting and no matter whether 토토사이트 is actually a harmless hobby or a hazardous addiction.

What on earth is 토토사이트? Before you can easily discuss the ethics of 토토사이트, it's important to comprehend the thing it is. 토토사이트 is a web based betting site so that users to position bets on numerous events, including sports games, horse races, and more. Users can deposit money in account and be able to use those funds to position bets on various events. When they win, they get a payout in accordance with the likelihood of the bet.

The Harmless Hobby Argument Many of us believe that betting on 토토사이트 is actually a harmless hobby. They explain that it's rather a fun way to include excitement to sports games along with other events. Incidents where believe that it's rather a variety of skill-based gambling, the spot where the bettor uses their knowledge and expertise to produce informed bets.

The Dangerous Addiction Argument On the other hand, there are the who believe that betting on 토토사이트 can become a hazardous addiction. They explain that the old days of access and enable you to bet on numerous events causes it to be straightforward to develop a gambling problem. This might lead to financial ruin, relationship problems, as well as mental health issues.

The Ethics of Betting So, where can we draw the road concerning the ethics of betting? One primary factor take into consideration is a impact that betting can have on individuals and society for a whole. While some folk can probably enjoy betting for a harmless hobby, others may perhaps be more susceptible to building a gambling problem. This would have serious ethical implications, as it can lead to financial ruin, family problems, along with other negative outcomes.

The Role of 토토사이트 So, what role does 토토사이트 play in pretty much everything? While it's genuine that 토토사이트 offers a platform for betting, it's donrrrt forget this that they may not be solely responsible for the actions of their users. However, they will have a very good responsibility to make certain their platform is not in use to facilitate illegal or harmful activity.

Regulating Betting and 토토사이트 One address the ethical issues surrounding betting and 토토사이트 is through regulation. By implementing regulations that promote responsible gambling and protect individuals from harm, you can easily help be sure betting remains a safe and enjoyable pastime for individuals that choose to get acquainted with it.

The Incredible importance of Responsible Gambling Another primary factor during the ethics of betting is the need for responsible gambling. For example setting limits on simply how much without a doubt, knowing when you should walk away, looking help if you think that you will be building a gambling problem. By practicing responsible gambling, you can easily help be sure betting remains a fantastic and safe hobby for everyone.

Conclusion Subsequently, the ethics of betting and 토토사이트 are complex problems that require careful consideration. While some folk view betting for a harmless hobby, others argue that it can become a hazardous addiction with serious ethical implications. Ultimately, the situation of existing bet or not satisfying you is an affordable one, but it's important to understand the hazards and to rehearse responsible gambling if you choose to get acquainted with it. By working together to promote responsible gambling and regulate betting sites like 토토사이트, you can easily help be sure betting remains a safe and enjoyable pastime for everyone.

[ldss-interactive]

At Alter’s End: A CYOA Novel

Overview:

Trentworth, Maine. A town of ten thousand southeast of Ellsworth and North of Bayside. Its only bragging point since its conception in 1867 was being a shoreline city and cheaper than any of the other big tourist towns. Nothing ever happened here, besides the occasional drowning or fishing trip accident, until the killings started. They lasted five years in total and 48 people were lost to the killer’s sick desires. Robert Hall terrorized this small town, slipping under the radar by focusing on those considered “undesirable”; sex workers, orphans, drug addicts, and the like. Now ten years later, ten years after the killer has been put behind bars, murders have begun again. A copycat killer has come to Trentworth. And they seem to be targeting the ones left behind, still trying to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives…

You take the role of a highschool senior; your parents having died in a home fire shortly before the killer was put behind bars and now under the care of your workaholic aunt. Make allies of your classmates or attempt to go it alone, clear your parents’ name from their believed involvement with the killer or fight to put the past behind you, deal with the skeletons in your closet and mind or bury them deeper... Oh, and make sure your history project is turned in on time. With two young siblings depending on you and a whole host of problems a highschool student should never have to deal with, can you survive this nightmare made real?

Trigger Warnings: This game will go into very heavy topics including the following; murder, death, various mental health issues (such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety), abandonment, gambling, various types of drug addiction, self harm mentions (not happening to the MC or shown in graphic detail), suicide, sex work, child abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), and dangerous situations. This is a murder mystery/thriller, it is NOT intended for audiences below 18.

Hello! Thank you for showing interest in At Alter’s End. This is a Choose Your Own Adventure style novel in the Thriller and Murder Mystery genres. It would also fit nicely in the Drama genre as well, but Drama is not the focus. This will be a rather lengthy project, with fifteen chapters plus a prologue and epilogue planned.

You take on the role of a senior at Trentworth High. Join an after-school activity, take care of your younger siblings, prepare for finals, get a part time job, find a date to homecoming, and survive your worst nightmare come to life. The copycat killer is targeting the students of your school and no one is safe. With the police dragging their feet, no help coming any time soon from any higher up law enforcement, and the locals refusing to acknowledge the possibility of a copycat killer, it’s up to you and your classmates to find the person responsible...before it’s too late.

- You can play as female, male, nonbinary, or trans!

- You can be straight, gay, or bisexual!

- A highly customizable MC including hair color, eye color, skin color, hair length, height, and personality and interests!

- The ability to choose which mental illness the MC suffers from due to the trauma of their past from the following:

Anxiety, Depression, or PTSD.

- The MC is deaf in their right ear ear due to the way in which their parents died; this is not something that can be changed.

- Choose from 7 different official after-school activities! Trentworth Volunteers, Up and Coming Artists, National Debate Society, National Honors Society, Co-Ed Varsity Basketball, Creative Writing, and Trentworth Gardeners!

- Bond with your classmates, explore your town, and help raise your younger siblings!

- Rescue your parents’ bakery from corporate clutches or let it go!

- Find the killer, stop the murders, and put a stop to the rumors that have plagued your every step for 10 years!

Vanya: Oldest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive siblings, 6 years younger than MC. Strong-headed, intelligent, and always getting into trouble. She looks after her brother and MC in the ways she can.

Ajay: Youngest adoptive twin sibling to MC’s adoptive sibling, 6 years younger than MC. Nearly completely blind since birth, he enjoys painting and other artistic endeavors. Obedient yet opinionated.

Aunt Emma: The workaholic aunt that takes custody of MC and their younger siblings after the death of their parents. Well meaning but absent most of the time on business trips or at the office.

Kwan Hall: An adoptive relative to Robert Hall; aloof, intelligent, and completely ostracized by Trentworth as a whole. When the killings start again the town’s attention is immediately turned on Kwan. He’s the first to begin investigating the killings when the police prove their incompetence. He is of Korean descent, standing at 5’6” with dark hair and dark eyes. His most notable feature is the long scar that stretches from his forehead’s hairline, down his left temple, and ends just below his jawline and the constant disinterest on his face. He is asexual in that he doesn’t experience sexual attraction at all. He is also bisexual.

Alessia D’Agostina: Trentworth High’s school president. She’s clawed her way tooth and nail up to earn the respect of both the school faculty and her fellow classmates; she’s strong-willed, dependable, and always looks at things through a logical lens. When she sees her classmates dying, she takes it upon herself to try and stop this once and for all. With dark skin, deep brown eyes, long braided hair, and standing at 5’8” her confidence and sense of self always make sure she stands out from the crowd. Alessia is bisexual.

Georgiy Kuzmin: Twin brother to Anastasiya Kuzmin; he is, in the kindest way possible, not the brightest bulb in the box. Yet he always means well and is more than willing to offer a helping hand. As the co-captain of the basketball team, captain of the baseball team, and the star of the swim team, Georgiy is one of the most popular and well beloved students at Trentworth High. When he realizes his friends are in danger, he willingly throws himself into the investigation to do all he can to help. With fair skin, dirty blond hair, bubbly green eyes, and standing at 6’1” he cuts an approachable figure to anyone who knows him. Georgiy is gay.

Anastasiya Kuzmin: Twin sister to Georgiy Kuzmin: she and her brother are alike in so many ways apart from just appearance. Anastasiya, who goes by Ana more often than not, is head of the Co-Ed Varsity Basketball team, the Girls’ softball team, and the Tennis team. Just as popular and loved as her brother, Ana may not be the smartest but she makes up for it with passion and dedication. Like her brother, she has fairer skin, dirty blond hair, and bright green eyes. Also like her brother, she felt she couldn’t just sit around while her friends were put in danger and agreed to join the investigation. Ana is gay and demiromantic, meaning she only gains feelings for someone after having a strong relationship with them.

Lillian Triano: A quiet, withdrawn girl who mainly keeps to herself. Due to the fact that Trentworth High demands for every senior to be apart of an elective, she is mainly seen in afterschool reading club run by Ms. Habeeb. She’s MC’s closest friend, having been one of the only people who didn’t believe the rumors that MC’s parents were assisting Robert Hall in his murders. She has an olive complexion, brown eyes, a heavy dose of freckles, and stands at 5’1”. Lillian is gay.

Jasmine Abernathy: Jasmine is Trentworth High’s self proclaimed “Best news source!” After the school newspaper was disbanded, Jasmine took it upon herself to keep freedom of the press alive. She’s fierce in her pursuit of the truth and never one to back down from a fight, though her rash attitude can get her into some sticky situations on occasion. With vibrant red hair, dark brown eyes, and standing at 5’3” she puts the term “fire” in Fire Signs. (She’s an Aries in astrology!) When the copycat killings began, it was no surprise when she took the case head on. Jasmine is bisexual.

Asa San Nicholas: Asa is the oldest of a set of triplets; they’re the type to march to the beat of their own drum, often not listening to what anyone has to say about themselves or their interests. Asa is a firm believer in the paranormal and it isn’t uncommon to find them indulging in their interest in various ways. “The spirits are distrubed. These deaths aren’t meant to happen.” Asa’s reason for getting involved seems to tie directly back to their “connection” with the spirits of the town. Asa has black hair, most often tied in a ponytail, hazel eyes, and an olive skin tone. At 6’4” they tower over most everyone...something they seem to enjoy a great deal. Asa doesn’t see gender and is interested in people regardless of how they present.

Leo San Nicholas: The middle of the triplets. They are genderfluid, okay with any pronouns. Leo is, for lack of a better word, eccentric. A bit of an adrenaline junkie, you can often find them cliff diving or giving their siblings heart attacks by playing russian roulette with a chocolate gun. To them, it isn’t fun if there isn’t a little danger involved; naturally, an investigation into a serial killer scratches that itch quite nicely. Their black hair is clipped short, multiple piercings visible on each ear, and their heterochromatic hazel and green eyes are often stated to stare through a person. Although Leo is genderfluid, they are only interested in people who present as female.

The demo is upcoming! When it is available I will make a post announcing it! I will also update this post with the link! This game is written in choicescript; the demo will be published on Dashingdon and the final game will be published for free on itch.io. I am open for questions regarding this game/novel and once the demo is published I will also be publishing a link to my Ko-fi! Until then, please don’t hesitate to ask if you have any questions!

[dropintomanga]

Understanding Yumeko Jabami, Thanks to Mahjong

One of my latest hobbies is about to intersect with a very notable gambling anime/manga series starring a girl who just loves to risk it all.

So I found out that Mahjong Soul, the game/service I play online riichi mahjong on, is doing a collaboration with Kakegurui and my reaction to it is somewhat of a mixed one. 

That’s mostly due to what Kakegurui explores versus the ambiguity of mahjong as a gambling game.

For those who don’t know about Kakegurui, it’s a gambling anime/manga series about a young girl named Yumeko Jabami who attends a school, Hyakkaou Private Academy, where the social hierarchy is determined by gambling with your fellow students. The more you win, the more privileges you get in school. The more you lose, the worse your status is. There are multiple “loser” students that are labeled as “household pets” and have to wear a tag around their neck that labels them as such. Yumeko is noted to be a compulsive gambler. She doesn’t care if she wins or loses; she’s in it for the thrill. Yumeko’s behavior draws the attention of the whole school as she takes on various notable opponents in order to get an opportunity to take on the student council president, Kirari Momobami.

There’s a lot of commentary about Kakegurui with regards to Yumeko’s character. She does have a huge gambling addiction, but never truly pays for it in anyway. The series can be also be commentary about the nature of today’s world and how the nature of capitalism has destroyed important familial/peer bonds for the sake of status.

I find the MajSoul x Kakegurui collaboration fascinating because 

1.) Gambling is illegal in Japan. There’s literally no casinos there at all. You can beat on sports and horse racing, but if you want to play poker/blackjack, underground casinos are your best bet. And the ones who run them tend to be the yakuza. The Yakuza games highlight underground casinos to a huge degree.

2.) Mahjong has stigma from where the game originated - China. The Chinese government has frowned on people playing mahjong to gamble. While there are mahjong parlors in China, there are many stories of police raiding them and many parlors are run by gangsters. It also doesn’t help that some Chinese folks have had their lives ruined due to mahjong.

3.) Mahjong is very popular in Japan. It’s probably the most popular table game there. However, the game is in this in-between space of being a gambling game while also not being a gambling game. That’s probably a big reason why Japan hasn’t been too fussy about it.

So this collaboration has some kind of tension as many folks don’t know about the dark “gambling” side of mahjong. Kakegurui is a trip to that dark side. No real money is bet in MajSoul anyway, but I’ve been thinking about the series after getting caught up with the manga.

There’s a scene where Yumeko and one of her rivals-turned-ally, Mary Saotome, face off in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors Poker. Mary was the 1st opponent Yumeko fought and she lost her place in the school. Over time, Mary built up the resolve to challenge Yumeko again while becoming more friendlier. During their game, Mary manages to win a hand against Yumeko. Yumeko admits that she was scared during the hand, but at the same time, she’s having A LOT of fun.

Mary remarks about her comments:

“Oh. The way Yumeko sees it...fear is part of the fun of gambling. This is so ridiculous. “Fear is part of the fun of gambling”? It makes no sense. And yet, I’m starting to feel it right now. 

Getting afraid, bluffing, going in fully confident...our feelings are exposed in every move we make, and we respond to them and then...the showdown! Our true emotions are revealed. 

We’re having the kind of conversation we can only enjoy when we’re gambling.

It’s like we’re in our own little world...sharing secrets with each other.”

Yumeko isn’t a hero. Gamblers usually aren’t noble characters, but they have this tendency to inspire other people to embrace their vulnerabilities and move forward while doing so. Fear is real, but it closes off the real you. Yumeko wants the people around her to truly be themselves and take the kinds of risks that can change their lives for the better in so many ways.

There was an article I once read about how most work is BS and one of the things that was mentioned was that what’s considered work today doesn’t solve social problems. For example, many people will argue that rampant consumerism has destroyed the world. The writer said something along the lines of that it’s not pleasure that’s a problem; it’s the view that people have to suffer in order to deserve pleasure. That view feels like Puritanism because it absolves those with power of their responsibility in letting social problems happen in the first place. 

Kakegurui is a celebration of that pleasure in a way that generates real change. The freedom to have whatever desire you want. And in turn, that freedom spreads to other people in good ways. In some ways, mahjong is about the right kind of pleasure and learning how to deal with it amongst other people. It’s competitive, sure, but you’re being intimate with 3 other people and are learning more about yourself and those around you.

I don’t really gamble much, but mahjong just grew on me. While I’ve managed to do well, I have lost many times and have deliberated on many in-game decisions. I realize that the game is a safe outlet in learning how to deal with life’s many decisions. You don’t win all the time. There’s also benefits in letting other people win as well. For example, if you’re in 1st place by a lot and the player in 2nd place is chasing you, you can help the 3rd and 4th place holders by discarding tiles that you don’t need and they need. Make them take on 2nd place or each other. Hell, you can even lose to them if you know you won’t lose 1st place at all and they don’t have super-strong hands. Mahjong is a game that connects everyone and really gets going when all the parts (i.e. the players) move together.

There’s a wonderful interview I read last year from a psychology journalist turned pro poker player, Maria Konnikova, about being unable to control things in life and how poker taught her how to stay calm despite bad luck. Maria talks about the beauty of not knowing and embracing that view.

“Look at how many things there are to amaze us, to fascinate us. Look at the power of wonder, embrace it, and don’t be afraid there are things we don’t know. Don’t be afraid of uncertainty, be grateful for it. Would you want to live in a world where you knew everything and where everything was determined? 

He (Carl Sagan) hated superstition, as do I. Don’t take the easy way out. Don’t give up agency. Don’t have these stupid rituals. Science is beautiful. Lack of knowing is beautiful. All of these things we can’t control are beautiful. They’re powerful. They make us human. They make life worth living.“

We all make kinds of gambles in life when it comes to choosing the right partner/school/job opportunity. There tends to be a lot of pain, but there’s almost always something good that comes out of taking the right kinds of risk. I’m learning more about that through mahjong. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever get super-competitive in mahjong because it’s a lifetime to master. But it’s a safe outlet to process my fears of uncertainty. My mom has been a big help in telling me that it’s okay to lose and give up when needed. There has to be rainy days as well as sunny days, right? The “win at all costs” mentality causes so much harm to people and those around them.

While I know Yumeko is criticized to be a sexualized female character, Yumeko isn’t afraid to display her lust for gambling with a sense of pride. In my opinion, she represents female empowerment. There’s so many women who are slut-shamed for being sexually expressive. What bigots fear are people unafraid to express themselves and won’t let themselves be shamed for it. Yumeko is the kind of heroine whose story needs to be out there - potentially destructive and able to harness it for self-empowerment without it getting out of hand.

So, I’ll go pseudo-Yumeko and say - Gamble away responsibly to your heart’s content~! Share your love with fellow gamblers! Have fun! Make that fun destroy those insecurities awful people have placed upon you! (insert wicked grin)

[fe8meta]

The War’s Legacy

As a volunteer archivist at a local historical site, I’ve worked closely with books and documents largely between 150~250 years old. (If you’re curious, mostly regarding the period between the American Revolution to the Civil War, plus the anti-slavery movement. There’s also more “domestic” stuff like agriculture, science, mathematics, and religion.)

It got me thinking: In Magvel, how will the war, and the people who participated in it, be remembered? Most characters have a good portion of their lives left to live after the war too, but for those who are remembered down the line, their participation in the war will probably be their biggest accomplishment.

To start things off: more likely than not, anyone who wasn’t royalty or an important military figure is probably going to get forgotten, especially if fighting in the war was their only achievement.

(From my experience as an archivist, I’ve noticed that a great deal of people who were seen as the big movers and thinkers during their time have been lowered to one-note and forgettable in some 150-ish years of history. That’s not a lot of time!)

I think the list of characters who are remembered decades after their deaths on a continental scale (some characters may remain important figures in their own communities) would be the royals, the generals (Seth plus the Imperial Generals), and the Demon King (plus his cult).

The Royals

Ephraim: Regarding the war, Ephraim will probably get his war strategies and accomplishments written about. I expect a great deal of historians (particularly Renaian ones) debating his decision to abandon his homeland and bring the fight into Grado, though his later decisions will probably receive praise.

Eirika: Honestly? I think she’ll largely receive praise from future historians. Despite getting tricked at Renvall and the blunder of losing the Sacred Stone (on her route), I think historians would agree that her calculations were solid based on the information she knew at the time. Even if she had Seth advising her, she had no formal training in tactics or the art of war, making her achievements even more impressive.

~ / ~ / ~

Innes: Like Eirika, I think he’d be validated by historians, particularly for being the only one to actually predict and prepare for a wartime scenario. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but based on what we know of him story-wise, he probably would go down as one of the best leaders of his time.

Tana: She’s gutsy and I think she’ll at least become a popular figure for young women. Some historians may lambast her earlier captures attributable to her inexperience, but hey, if she got out alive than it’s not too bad. I think later in life, being largely free to do whatever she wants (within reason), she’d continue onto a path of public service, which she can probably gather great acclaim for.

~ / ~ / ~

L’Arachel: I think a lot of attention will go towards her theatrics. If you go with the idea that L’Arachel doesn’t actually lead her country (see the Solo Endings JP vs. EN post for details), I think her relationship with the other royals and how she’s involved in continental politics will be the primary focus in biographies. (She also, perhaps not coincidentally, has supports with all the other ruling royals, discounting Tana as she canonically never lands in a leadership position.)

Joshua: Joshua’s reputation will be very, very mixed down the line. He’s still has wanderlust and a gambling addiction, and regardless of his accomplishments as a king and Jehanna’s glorious revival, neither of those traits are a particularly good look. Not to mention that he abandoned his duty as prince for a solid 10 years, and then left Jehanna to its own devices again while going to stop the Demon King.

Even in Joshua’s dialogue after the final battle, he talks about returning to Jehanna in an almost resigned manner; no doubt he knows full well that he might not be received with open arms.

~ / ~ / ~

Lyon: Oh boy, what to say about Lyon. There are a lot of different ways this can go, branching from 3 options: Lyon’s involvement in the war is revealed in full, Lyon’s involvement is revealed but doctored to paint him in a more sympathetic light, or it gets entirely covered up/omitted and he goes down in history as an unfortunate casualty of the war.

No matter how you slice the first two options, Lyon’s legacy would definitely be extremely mixed, leaning towards the negative side. Not only is he on the wrong side of history, he’s also forced basically half the continent into the wrong side of history and ruined their military and did some very amoral things (reviving his father to use as a puppet, and by extension lying to the public, etc). Even the best doctoring can probably only redeem Lyon’s reputation from “the deepest depths of the sewers” to “neck-deep in the sewers.”

In the case where Lyon’s involvement in the war is covered up, it’s still only a matter of time before someone figures out the truth. With enough time, it can be relegated to a highly plausible and hotly-debated theory, but even so, it’s simply a matter of time. For an additional dose of irony, in this scenario, perhaps Grado nationalists down the line twist Lyon’s war into something “assertive” and depict it as the “correct” thing to do, when it was really anything but.

Vigarde: He’s in the same boat as Lyon. It really hinges on how the royals choose to depict Lyon’s situation to the public, because that will directly affect how Vigarde is seen. There’s little doubt that puppet!Vigarde’s actions probably destroyed popular opinion of him during the War. Whether he is redeemed on account of his situation or not is up for debate.

(Because the game doesn’t delve into Fado, Hayden, or Mansel much, I don’t have enough input to say how they’ll be seen by future historians.)

The Generals

Seth: He’s going to go down in history as a badass, let’s be real here. Took an attack from Valter himself to protect Eirika, didn’t let the injury debilitate him from fighting on the frontlines, mentored Eirika in the art of war during life-or-death battles, guided the twins on their journey, and continued helping them after the war’s end. Guy got things done, regardless of his personal sentiment about failing to protect King Fado.

Syrene: Technically a commander and not a general, but close enough that I’ll consider her. She... honestly doesn’t do that much on-screen. Doubtlessly she’ll be best remembered (on the battlefield) for being overpowered by the remnant of Grado’s forces, but at least she lived and (by the player’s discretion) kept all the villagers safe, so that’s something. At the very least, a coward she is not.

Carlyle: He’s going down in infamy. Like, his story can be crudely summed up as “I was loyal to Queen Ismaire partially because I wanted to bang her.” Yeah, that is not a good look. There isn’t even any interesting speculation or interpretations to make of his situation. He probably ruined the reputation of the Jehannan Army while he was at it.

Honestly, the only thing that would salvage his reputation is the fact that everyone who heard his confession is dead by the end of that battle. (Technically the map was a Seize Throne and not a Rout, but let’s be real -- we killed those guards.)

~ / ~ / ~

Duessel: The only Grado general to make it out alive. He’ll probably get a mixed reaction; those who praise him argue that he made the morally correct choice and had the nation’s best interests at heart. Some may criticize him for not acting sooner, while others may very well despise him as a traitor to the nation.

Selena: Another set of mixed reactions, though inverse from Duessel’s. She remained loyal to Vigarde to the very end, but people will debate where a knight’s loyalty should lie. It would also invite much debate over the ethics of Vigarde’s recruitment methods and whether it was a thinly-veiled manipulation tactic that citizens from poorer areas will fall for because it’s the only way to improve their livelihoods.

Glen: He’s like Syrene, except he died without doing much. If someone is interested in finding out more about him before his death, at least they have Cormag to interview. Depending on whether his two adjutants survived against Valter’s goons, if someone tracked them down, they might get a story out of them as well. That said, his history with Valter would probably be of great interest to Valter’s biographers.

~ / ~ / ~ 

Valter: Historians, psychologists, and scholars will have a field day with him and his circumstances. From his upbringing to his descent into madness and subsequent exile, to his reinstatement and brutality during the war before his ultimate death, there is a lot to unpack with him. People tend to have morbid curiosities and oh, will Valter sate that appetite.

Caellach: Caellach will probably be praised for being good at what he did even if he was ultimately on the wrong side of history. Since he started off as a mercenary, I feel like people won’t judge him too harshly. His potential betrayal and murder of Aias will be an interesting chapter to write about, though, since historians may have access to more knowledge on their pre-war relationship that we players don’t have.

Riev: He’s ugly, a Demon King cultist, and directly responsible for Lyon’s (and by extension, Grado’s) downfall. He’s going to be reviled for sure, though he will spark some interesting discussion relating to his history with the Rausten Church. A lot of speculation on how he came to became an adherent of the Demon King... or not, depending how whether that kind of talk is suppressed.

After all, if a former bishop converted, it not only challenges the legitimacy of the Rausten Church, it would also pique the interest of those who want to see what made Riev change his mind. And should someone also adopt his ideology, the continent can’t take another Demon King revival attempt.

Which leads me to...

The Demon King

Now, this will be a little game called “How many generations will it take before the Demon King gets relegated to a legend that no one believes in again.”

It’s also pretty important that the Demon King is not completely destroyed; he just no longer has his huge menacing body to use and will have to make do with those fragile human flesh sacks. But his soul is still intact, and if nothing is done to get rid of it for good, it’s setting up for a Part 3.

Like with Lyon, how information about the Demon King is handled by the characters after the world will probably have a huge impact. Not to mention the many implications the circumstances around his possession of Lyon has. Dark/ancient magic will most certainly face a resurgent wave of discrimination, far more than seen before. (Magvel was, from what we could see, largely apathetic about dark magic before Lyon’s attempts to redeem its name. Ironically, his actions will rekindle hatred towards it.)

As aforementioned, educating people on the Demon King and how dangerous he is may help ensure that nobody tries to mess with him again. On the other hand, it may inspire copycats who for whatever reason want the Demon King to be revived. (The game also never followed up on the implication that there’s a cult that worships the Demon King; we killed Riev and Novala, and destroyed Fomortiis’ body, but there may still be more members lurking in the dark.)

Meanwhile, trying to bury information about Fomortiis can also backfire down the line, especially if people don’t learn what the Sacred Stone is for and one day crack the seal open for one reason or another. (And we saw how well keeping the true Stone hidden behind trinkets while keeping its wearer in the dark of its true purpose went.)

This is making me imagine Demon King apologists down the line that provide an “alternative history” about the war and how it’s all some ancient conspiracy to lock him away and he “isn’t actually bad, just misunderstood”...

Oh hey, isn’t that the direction Dragalia Lost’s main story is going in?

[asynca]

i've been scouted for 2d art by a company that does graphics for mobile slot games and i feel so guilty cause it's this or centrelink but if i take the (insane salary) you best believe im going to donate a portion back to anti gambling charities. so if you have any recs, please, if this works and i get in and i get money from it, i want to help

Okay, I had a think about how to respond to this because I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t think it’s avoidable. 

The above reads to me like “I’ve been offered a load of money to help manufacture cigarettes, and now I’m explaining to a doctor how I’m planning to donate money to cancer research because I want to help”. Like, that’s great, but you’re going to contribute to causing actual cancer and your research money isn’t going to do much. 

I know you’re in a difficult position because Centrelink is like. a ridiculously low amount of money, but you need to be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be honest. You’re going to cause harm with the game you’re working on. You’re choosing to make that decision, and that’s a perfectly acceptable decision to make given that you’re on Centrelink, but you need to own the decision your making and it’s going to feel uncomfortable: you will hurt people with the game you are making. 

Let me tell you about the most common types of mobile slot games. 

1. Free slot games. These ones are full of adds and will angle you towards the paid games. Basically grooming you to enjoy the style of game and trying to transition you into paid games. PS. they’re very, very successful in doing this. I can’t remember the statistic, but something like 70% of free slot machine game players will move onto using paid games. 

2. Freemium games. These ones get you to buy credits to continue to gamble with. You get some time for free, but then you pay for time, and thses are usually feature or time-gated and will constantly try to entice you to want to continue playing using a number of sneaky psychological techniques. 

3. Paid games that function very similarly to actual pokies. You purchase credits and gamble just as you would a real poker machine. These machines convince you that you have the opportunity to Win Big. When you do win and it’s not very big (say $500), the game will make it SO HARD for you to withdraw the money, you’ll need to send ID, bank account statements, lots of incredibly personal information usually overseas or to some creepy account and it’ll take weeks and weeks to get the money (if you get it at all). The reason they do this is that they know that if it’s too hard to withdraw, eventually addicted folks will most likely use that $500 to re-invest in the slot machine game and then continue to purchase credits. PS, we’re pretty sure at least a portion of these companies actually sell your private information on the dark web. Many have no intention of paying you your money at all. the ACCC and gambling regulators don’t typically pursue small companies so they get away with it. 

So this is what you are working on. The reason you’re getting an insane salary is because the games fleese a lot of money from people. Gambling businesses are very profitable. 

I’m sorry if you wanted a different response from me: but you’re talking to a counsellor who sees hundreds of lives ruined every year by gambling. You weren’t going to get a different response. You can manufacture those cigarettes if you need to eat, I definitely get that, but there isn’t a way you can avoid causing harm. Don’t bother donating. Keep your money, own your decision. 

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Does this capture in any way Peter’s voice? Absolutely not. Is this very much OOC? Yeah! But Peter being Persephone didn’t want to leave my brain, so have this anyway. 

Quite frankly, Peter doesn’t intend to get stolen, and certainly not by the Ever Watching God at that; but he doesn’t exactly flee from him either, because the Ever Watching God wears a lovely tailored suit and lets his hands trail over Peter’s shoulders and back like he’s begging to be devoured and well; god or not, Peter was first a man, and Elias’ mouth on his distracts him for quite some time from his eyes, icy and piercing and inescapable. 

Elias kisses his eyelids when Peter starts to fall asleep after sex, staring at him pensively and hungrily, and he says with all together a very mild and unthreatening voice: “That fog of yours is giving me a headache” Peter laughs and thinks nothing of it. 

(Peter wakes up, a few hours later, in a palace from which you are forever seen and scrutinized, naked and delicately bound. His heart jumps to his throat; it’s fear, and he knows it instantly, in a way he never does, his emotions usually grey and muted at best. He decides he doesn’t like it, and tries to break free. The bounds are easily cut off. But Elias’ hungry gaze keeps him pinned in place all the same.)

*

Elias is charming and attentive, Peter will grant him all of that. There is something flattering about having caught his eye, as it were; the only other man Elias ever took was a mere mortal who now hold every terrible human secret in the dark pupil of his eyes and sits passively on the highest throne of Elias’ palace, cherished and adored and feared; 

Elias doesn’t spoil Peter, he plays with him -- a fact that makes Peter think that, maybe, he’ll be allowed to get back home eventually. Frankly, he’s entertaining, and Peter never minded a good game. It’s easy to laugh against Elias’ lips and sex here takes a whole other dimension; it’s often more intense than Peter can bare, every sensation hightened to the point where a brush from Elias’ finger on his cock is often enough to make him lose track of the conversation. Which is quite a shame because even talking here is different and oddly interesting -- Peter finds himself at time genuinely listening to Elias’ words, though he’s got no clue what to do about the fact Elias listens to his as well. 

Still; sometimes Peter catches sight of himself in mirrors, and his eyes are too alive -- he has to force himself to blink to turn his face away from his reflection, else he spends hours scrutinizing himself, looking for all his failings and qualities, and it’s its own special brand of torture. 

There is no fog here. Everything watches and everything knows. Once, Elias takes Peter to see his beloved Archivist; the Archivist doesn’t have time to open his mouth; he looks at Peter, and Peter’s knees buckle -- he faints because he cannot hide, and wakes up shaking and sick and Elias watching him still; always, always staring at him, charming and attentive and oh so, so very cruel. 

*

“You had your fun,” says Nathaniel. 

“This is unnaceptable,” says Nathaniel.

“We have an agreement,” says Nathaniel. 

“We rule the world,” says Elias mildly, warm hands brushing over the back of Peter’s neck. “Your family is spread wide, and you do not care about him. He is mine. I’m keeping him.”

*

“You’re being unreasonable,” the Archvisit spits.

“A bit rich, coming from you, isn’t it Jon?” Elias asks, irritated. 

“Exactly,” the Archivist says. “If even I’m thinking this is absurd, that should be enough of a warning.”

“You don’t even mind the fog --” 

“The humans do! We have responsabilities and your selflishness is putting them all at risk for a minor, insignificant god that cannot bare to live in our household!”

The power of Jon and Elias’s combined stares on Peter gives strengh to the Archivist’s argument; Peter’s whole body prickles and burns as he shivers and weeps silently, his eyes pressed tightly close. 

“Send him back to his family,” the Archivist says. Orders. “I won’t bear witness to an entire world of humans unable to connect.

*

“Come now, Darling,” Peter gasps. “You’re always going on and on on what a bother I can be.”

“Do you want to leave?” Elias asks snappishly. 

“Don’t make me talk of my emotions,” Peter says (begs)

It’s some sort of progress, he thinks, that Elias respects his wish at all, and merely leans back down to suck on his cock. 

*

“We should destroy you all,” Elias tells the Lukases. “But my Archivist is keen on balance, and the Lonely is useful. Peter and I made a deal.”

*

Peter jumps into the fog with bliss; he is cold and numb and comfortable before the end of the first week, and devours three souls and an entire boat, ravenous. He thinks of hiding forever from Elias’ eyes and likes the idea quite a lot. It’s delicious, to imagine Elias yearning for him, forever seeking him without ever finding him again. 

(He misses him, of course; that’s to be expected. The ache in his chest throbs and hurts, but in a way that’s as familiar to Peter as breathing.)

“Don’t be a fool,” Nathaniel warns him. “You won’t be saved twice.” 

“I’ve always loved a good gamble,” Peter tells him genially. “I know how he works now; it’ll be easy to win.”

*

(What if Elias stopped looking all together, though?)

(Dread settles down his spine. He curls in the fog, deeper and deeper, wishing for Elias to become nothing but a name again.)

*

The thing is, Peter muses, six months later, carefully setting foot on land again, he is a very bad gambler. 

Does he choose to make the fog less thick, or does Elias cheat and have his Archivist help? It’s quite unclear. The result is the same; Elias’ eyes dart upon him, violent and passionate and gleeful in the midst of the night. 

It takes only a few seconds for the Ever Watching God to appear, unchanged from the first time Peter touched him, apart that he is pale and addicted and pretends not to be desperate, pretends as if his heart isn’t terrified of how much he longed for Peter all those months apart. 

“I win,” he tells Peter, almost spitefully. 

“I’m in love with you,” Peter tells him and from the way Elias shivers against him, he realizes as well as Peter that this means they’ve both lost. 

*

Six months a year, Peter lets himself be loved and seen the way no other lonely soul could handle, until inevitably Elias and him drive each other mad.  

Six months a year, Elias allows himself to have one blind spot and aches so sweetly that, inevitably, Peter always end up returning to him. 

[hollyand-writes]

One of the things that hurts me most about Bethany and Carver is how neither of them really get what they want out of life, regardless of which path they take in Dragon Age 2. 

And one of things I have noticed on my current Bethany playthrough after my many, many Carver playthroughs is how much more similar the Hawke twins are than I’ve seen talked about in fandom -- because, ultimately, their fears and worries come down to the same thing. It is easy to miss, though, because they express themselves so differently. 

In my playthrough, Bethany is not necessarily the cheerful “sunshine” and the optimistic “sweet little sister” I often see her depicted as. Carver is not necessarily the grumpy, sullen “middle child” type (although it’s never explicitly confirmed that he’s actually a middle child) I often see him depicted as, either. Bethany has her hard, frosty edges. Carver has his soft, caring ones. 

Both twins are foils for each other in many ways -- Bethany the mage, Carver the warrior; Bethany the one who openly talks about her feelings, Carver the one who doesn’t; Bethany the one who’s overtly religious/devout, while Carver is privately so; Bethany expresses through her words, Carver expresses through his actions; Bethany, who starts on high friendship with (and admiration of) Hawke while Carver... definitely doesn’t -- but their character arcs in DA2 and even many of their dialogues and reactions are the same. 

Note that when you go to Sundermount in Act 1, Flemeth’s advice to them is exactly the same, regardless of how opposite Bethany and Carver seem on the surface. 

“Regret is something I know well. Take care not to cling to it, to hold it so close that it poisons your soul.” 

Curious, no? Why does Flemeth have the same advice for them on regret, despite Bethany being the “sunny” one and Carver being the “sulky” one? 

In a Regency AU longfic of mine, I write Bethany as the sunny, cheerful twin, but with a bit of the snark she has in game. The narrative choice I made to deviate her character from canon was because her circumstances are so different: both Hawke twins are alive, for a start. Bethany, in my AU, has every reason to be happy: she isn’t a mage, she is nobility, she lives in a nice house and has nice dresses and goes to parties where she got to flirt with a handsome prince and lives the life that she canonically loved so much in stories she read growing up. 

The Bethany in-game is... not quite like that. The Bethany in-game is worried. She is constantly looking over her shoulder for templars. The Bethany in-game talks with animation and interest and longing about what their life might have been like if they got to be Amells and nobility -- no poverty, no hiding, no running, no make-shift dresses that Leandra learned to sew when she ran away with Malcolm -- but also with a twinge of regret that her life couldn’t be like that. That her life couldn’t ever be like her dreams, like the stories she loves. 

The Bethany in-game is, as Carver tells you in the Legacy DLC, a girl who wanted so badly to just be “normal”. No magic. No hiding. No looking over her shoulder all the time for fear that the templars might come. Bethany is canonically a virgin in Act 1 but not because she’s this innocent, virginal sweet-little-sister type -- but because she was forced to hide. She couldn’t get too close to anyone, couldn’t let them ever see the real her, because she was a mage -- and because who could she trust, other than her family, not to sell her out to the templars? World of Thedas 2 talks about how she “never did anything fun [and] stayed down in her house most of the time.” It’s likely she didn’t want to be like that, but that she felt forced to be like that. 

(Carver had more freedom in that respect -- able to moon after Peaches or even get busy with her behind Old Barlin’s barn without worrying that he might accidentally reveal himself as a mage. It’s a secret that is easier to keep when it’s not you that’s the mage. And yet, even then, both Hawke twins found ways to help their neighbours and community in Lothering -- we learn from Act 2 letters that Carver helped a neighbour trap rats in the cellar, while Bethany helped the neighbour weed.)

And then, just when Bethany comes so close to that ideal life that she always wanted and dreamed of -- just as Hawke is about to hit the jackpot and reclaim the Amell Estate, and end all her worries about being a poor apostate unprotected by money or title (for that’s what the whole Deep Roads Expedition is about: Carver even says they need money, influence, status, anything to get the templars off their backs) -- her dreams are denied, again. She either goes to the Wardens or gets taken to the Circle. 

As a Warden, Bethany is obviously harder, bitter. Her interactions with you have more bite, less affection, and her regrets about the life she is now forced to lead are obvious. But I argue that while she seems “happier” in the Circle, she is not necessarily so. She is just better at hiding it in her letter to you -- and focuses on the fact that at least she is no longer forced to hide anymore. Her meeting with you during the Qunari battle at the end of Act 2 as a Circle mage is anything other than sunny: she is even cold towards Hawke: 

Hawke: ‘It’s a Hawke family reunion!”  Bethany, bitterly: “What’s left of it.” 

Or even: 

Hawke: “I’m glad you’re safe.” Bethany: “The city is under attack. None of us are safe.” 

Or even her angry response about you getting involved in Orsino and Meredith’s argument at the end of Act 3. Even as a Circle mage, you can hear the bitterness in her voice -- and if she comes back and fights with you as a Warden, it is obvious (at least to me) that she is still struggling to make peace with her new life and how its cost her even more than she thought her status as a mage already cost you all. 

But, as far as Bethany is concerned, at least in the Circle, she is no longer forced to hide anymore. If she can’t join you in (what she perceives, perhaps with some hint of envy in her interactions with you in the DLCs, as) your fancy life as a noble up in Hightown, if she can’t be “normal”, then at least she can be “normal for a mage”. Fleeing is exhausting. Knowing you are the reason your family are always fleeing -- or at least, one of the reasons your family is fleeing -- probably brings on a lot of guilt, at best... or even regrets that you were born and caused them so much difficulty, at worst. 

Bethany spends most of the game worrying about herself, for obvious reasons. Carver, on the other hand, spends most of the game worrying about you. 

Carver’s bitterness and regrets are more obvious than Bethany’s. Carver was not the boy who wanted to be “normal”: like he tells you in Act 1, “I want to be someone.” In the Wardens, he finds his purpose, albeit at a great personal cost he often glosses over in conversation. In the Templars, he is “a man still uncertain of his choice” but if there is one thing that can be said in its favour, it was his choice, for once. Not his family’s. Not Hawke’s. After all, what else could he do, when you chose to leave him behind and Bartrand returns without you and you’re presumably dead? When Fereldan refugees cannot find employment in the city and Aveline denies his application to be a city guard (which I believe would have been the best choice for Carver, and it’s kind of bittersweet that he only gets to be one -- or rather, help them out -- during DA:I when he’s been a templar for so many years and is addicted to lyrium). 

His mother is in mourning during Act 1 and won’t work; his uncle gambles all his money away. The templars are the only option open to a man of someone of his skills and desperation, and he naively joins thinking he can help people like Bethany -- his dead mage twin sister over whom he obviously has regrets that she was the one who died and not him. 

Both twins have a resentful streak over their circumstances, although Carver’s resentment is more obvious than Bethany’s (although Bethany’s resentment definitely comes out on occasion, much more so as a Warden; Bethany is just better at hiding/suppressing hers). Bethany’s codex entry says that “she could never give up her resentment of being different and fear for what their future would hold”. Carver’s resentment, on the other hand, comes from how that “difference” affected him and your family, not to mention the pain it caused Bethany over not “being normal”. 

Basically, neither the Hawke twins got what they wanted out of this life. They are forced to make do with less-than-ideal circumstances that turn them even further away from their hopes and dreams, whichever path you choose for them. They make do, and they cope as best as they can, no matter how well or imperfectly they do it. And it gets me in the feels every time.