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badkitty3000 · 2 months ago

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You Can't Go Home Again

Chapters 1 and 2

Link to Chapters 3 and Four

All Five wants to do is rest. But when yet another apocalypse threatens to doom them all, he doesn't have that luxury. This time, the only solution for the Hargreeves to try and save the world is to unite Five with another, alternate version of himself.

Five starts to spiral when he is faced with the alternate life that he could have had, if only he hadn't gone and ruined everything. But maybe, just maybe, there's still time for him to obtain the happy ending he deserves.

An alternate season three rewrite for a request I received.

Warnings: None

More chapters will be posted as I continue writing this multi-chapter fic. Enjoy!

Chapter One: The Other You

So much for being their ringer, Five thought bitterly as he stewed about the day’s earlier events. Lying there in his shitty bottom bunk bed like he was actually 13 years old, and waiting for Klaus to get back with his scotch, he tried to think of what to do next. Everyone was waiting on him, like he knew the answer to everything. It was damned if you do, damned if you don’t with this family, because no matter what Five said someone wasn’t happy with him. He sighed and flopped a pillow over his face, trying to drown out Diego and Luther’s arguing. At this point, he wished that Cobra Girl, or whatever the fuck her name was, would make him hallucinate he was on a tropical island with a fruity drink in one hand and Dolores in his other.

God damn it, he was tired.

Maybe this was for the best, though. Maybe they could just live here and be normal for once. After all, it didn’t seem all that bad. They just needed to avoid Dad’s merry band of Mega Assholes, but that should be easy enough. They could even keep the briefcase. He didn’t really need the reminder of that part of his life, anyway. The more he thought about it, the better it sounded. This was just what they all needed to start over.

Wait, where are all the lobsters? Fuck.

************************************************************************

“I swear there was a great vintage clothing store around here somewhere,” Klaus muttered to himself as he walked down the busy street, a few blocks from the hotel. He stopped and looked around, shading his eyes from the sun. He let out a frustrated groan. “The one time I could actually benefit from Ben being up my ass all the time. That jerk was like freaking Magellan.” He chuckled. “No wonder I’ve always been bad at directions. I usually just followed him.” Klaus caught the side-eye of a woman hurrying past him. “Aaaaand…now I’m talking to myself. Wonderful.”

As he stepped off the curb to try the other side of the street, he stopped dead in his tracks. Coming out of the café across the road, was an absolute dead ringer for Five. Well, an older version of him. But not like his real, 60 year-old version. More like the correct version, if the correct version had been allowed to age normally with the rest of his siblings.

It had to be him. Same dark hair swept to the side. Same lean build and sharp facial features. Same aggravated look on his face.

The one thing that was clearly wrong, besides the fact that he was roughly 30, was that he had two small children in tow, with one of them holding his hand. Then Klaus almost passed out when he saw a very pretty woman follow him out, putting her arm around his waist and kissing his cheek.

And Five just… smiled at her. Like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“What the…” Klaus started to wonder, before almost being run over by a delivery truck that came zooming down the street. “Shit!”

He stepped back onto the curb just in time, as the driver honked his horn and yelled obscenities at him as he drove past. But Klaus barely registered all of that. He couldn’t stop staring at his brother’s doppelganger, trying to figure out what to do about it. Would he even know Klaus? This was probably a completely different version that grew up here, in the Sparrow’s timeline and would have no idea that the Umbrella Academy even existed.

“Five!” Klaus yelled out, not even thinking.

The older version of his brother stopped and turned, looking for who might have called him.

“Fuck, it really is him,” Klaus muttered. “Five! Over here!” He waved his arms in the air, catching Five’s attention.

He watched as Five squinted across the street, then looked at the woman next to him, shrugging. The small girl holding his hand gave a sharp tug to get his attention, and Five let her pull him along down the sidewalk, taking one last confused look at Klaus over his shoulder.

“Fuck…now what?” Klaus said, one hand on his hip. “What would Ben say? He’d tell me I should not follow him and just go back to the hotel and tell Five. So…yeah, I’m going to follow him.”

Klaus stayed on the opposite side of the street, and hung back a little, but he followed Five and his family for a few blocks. As he paused behind a telephone pole, trying to hide for a few seconds to widen the gap between them, he was engulfed in a flash of blue light before being thrown against the side of a building, the front of his shirt clutched in someone’s hands, and a snarling voice speaking to him.

“Who are you and why are you following me?”

Klaus looked into the familiar green eyes of his brother, whose other version he had just recently been reunited with. There was no doubt it was Five now. Even without the spatial jump and the physical assault. When Klaus’s eyes dropped down to the fist that was clenching his shirt, he saw the tattoo that matched his own.

“Holy shit! Five, it’s really you!”

“How the fuck do you know my name? Who are you?” Five demanded again, pushing Klaus further into the brick wall.

“It’s me…Klaus! You know, your brother?”

Five paused, but didn’t loosen his grip at all. “What are you talking about?”

Klaus held his hands up in surrender, while also showing Five the inside of his left wrist. “See? It’s me! Numero Quatro. Remember?”

Five took a small step back, his eyes wide, but he still held tight. “Klaus?”

Klaus laughed. “Yeah! Hey buddy, how the hell are you?”

After a few more seconds of staring blankly at his brother, Five let him go and Klaus smoothed his shirt down. “I don’t understand. How are you here? This isn’t your timeline.”

“I know!” Klaus giggled. “It’s a LONG fucking story, one which my brother…well, you, actually, can explain much better than I can. But after a couple failed time travel attempts, here we are! And Dad was NOT thrilled to see us, let me tell you. Do you know he has a whole ass other family now? And Ben! He’s alive…or a version of him is alive. He seems like a real dick. But then there’s you, and look at you! All grown up and with a family? That’s so great! But how did you get here? How are you not a Sparrow?”

Five pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger and sighed before smiling at his long-lost brother. “Klaus, it is really good to see you, but please, give me a minute here. I need to think.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“So, how did you time travel here? With what resource?”

“To this particular timeline? A magical briefcase. Before that, it was just you.”

“Ignoring whatever the hell a magical briefcase is, do you mean you used my powers to time travel?”

“Yes, but with varying success.”

“Ok. So, there’s a version of me with you now?”

Klaus nodded. “Yes. And you are ADORABLE.” He saw Five’s frown of confusion. “You’re thirteen. Well, not really. You’re actually 58, since you got stuck in an apocalypse for 45 years and then messed up your own time math on your return to 2019. So, yeah, you’re super cute but, wow, are you ornery.”

Five thought for a moment before quietly mumbling, “So you must be from an alternate Umbrella Academy timeline where I still time traveled at thirteen, but with a different outcome.”

Klaus nodded. “Sure, that sounds about right.” Then he tilted his head in confusion. “Hang on, if you’re here and the same age as me, and you still have the Umbrella tattoo, then how did you get here and how are there two of you?”

Five frowned. “Again, I’m going to speculate, because I can’t be entirely sure. But from what you’re saying, it sounds like there were at least two original timelines where the Umbrella Academy and us and the rest of our siblings existed. I decided to defy Reggie and jump to the future in both of those timelines, except that’s where things went differently. It sounds like in your timeline, that version of me got stuck in the future with no way back. In my particular case, I jumped and instead of going forward in time, I went sideways and got stuck.”

“Sideways?”

“Meaning, I jumped to a different, alternate universe with the Sparrows, but the time remained the same. So, I grew up here, in this timeline but without good old Dad to raise me.”

“Oh right…” Klaus said, nodding as if he completely understood. “So, you’re not the same Five that rubbed hot chili oil in my underwear in retaliation for stealing your sandwich when we were twelve?”

Five looked taken aback, but then he gave a short laugh. “No, but I did dare MY Klaus to touch his junk after cutting up a habanero pepper, then proceeded to take his picture when he started screaming and pouring milk down his underpants.”

“Man, you really are an asshole in every timeline!” Klaus laughed. “Poor me.”

With a grin, Five shook his head. “It really is good to see you, Klaus. The last time I saw any of my siblings I was thirteen. I’m glad to see you made it out and are doing well.”

“Well…I wouldn’t go that far, but I made it out anyway. And what about you? So, you landed here and then what? I didn’t see you with the other assholes who were beating the shit out of us in our own home.”

“Oh, the Sparrows? Yeah, they are a special brand of dickheads, that’s for sure. Even as teenagers, they sucked. Which is why—”

Just then, a pulsing wave of…something…washed over them and the entire city block, only for it to reverse itself and disappear the way it came. As Klaus and Five stood there in shock, a lady that had been walking on the other side of the street screamed loudly. When they looked over, they saw her holding up a dog leash attached to an empty collar. She pivoted in place, scanning all around her while she called out “Winston!” in a panic.

“Well, that’s probably not good,” Klaus observed; head tilted to the side.

“Yeah, no shit,” Five snapped. He glanced down the street, where his family was waiting for him on a bench. They appeared to be intact and he let out a sigh of relief. “Listen, I have to get back to my family. I don’t know what the hell that was, but if I had to bet, I’d say it had something to do with Reginald. So, as much as I’d love to sit here and catch up, I have to go.”

“Oh,” Klaus said sadly. “Yeah, ok. But don’t you want to come meet the rest of the gang? We’re all staying over the Hotel Obsidian, if you know where that is –”

“You’re staying there?” Five asked incredulously.

“Yeah, why?”

“That’s Dad’s place. He owns it. Didn’t you know that?”

Klaus shook his head. “No, I had no idea. Are you sure?”

Five rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve been tracking Reggie since I was a kid. That place is basically his evil lair, and even if I haven’t been able to figure out what is going on in there, it’s a safe bet it’s in nobody’s best interest except his own.”

“Sounds about right, actually,” Klaus mused. “But, hey! He’s not there now, and our siblings would love to meet you, I’m sure. And OUR Five…he’s such a little shit gremlin, you should see him…you…well, you know what I mean. Don’t you want to meet your other self?”

“I’m sure there are terrible consequences to that, actually.”

“Oh, come on…just for a minute…”

“Klaus! A mysterious, dog-eating, energy wave from hell just passed over the city and you want to start planning a family reunion? They aren’t even my real family, anyway! So…while this has been fun, I have to go. Good luck with everything.”

In another flash of blue, Five was gone; reappearing at the other end of the street where his wife and kids were still waiting. Klaus watched in fascination as Five hugged them, and then continued down the street in a hurry, keeping them close to him for protection.

“Well, this is some weird-ass shit, even for us, right Benerino?” Klaus closed his eyes and sighed when he realized he was alone again. “Damn it. I keep forgetting.”

************************************************************************

Five was helping himself to the large selection of booze the hotel bar had to offer, trying to find just the right single malt to drown his sorrows and help him forget the happenings of the day. He decided that things couldn’t really get worse, so he might as well get plastered. He rattled off the earlier events in his head as he tipped back a bottle of Japanese whiskey and swallowed down a large gulp.

Lila tried to kill me. BOTH fucking briefcases won’t work. Lila tried to kill me AGAIN. The Commission is dead and the world is soon to follow. My old, one-armed ass died in front of me without giving me one single piece of useful information except “don’t save the world.” Jesus, what an asshole. And now this kugelblitz shit. He took another swig, grimacing as it slipped down his throat and burned his stomach. Oh yeah, let’s not forget that I’m still stuck in this prepubescent body, which is all sorts of fun. Although I think I spied one single hair on my nuts this morning, so things are really starting to look up.

“Fuck,” he muttered before laughing sardonically at himself and taking another pull at the bottle. “I should have listened to you, Dolores. I should have waited until I was one-hundred-percent sure of the math, just like you said. But you know me, always impulsive. I’m glad you’re not here to witness this, my dear, because I really stepped in it this time.”

“Five! Holy shit, I’ve been looking everywhere for you!

Klaus came running up to the bar, out of breath and smiling. Five frowned before taking another sip of whiskey. “Well, I’m not sure where you’ve been looking because I’ve been right here for the last hour.”

“Well, yeah…I mean I just got here. But, still, I have big news!”

“I’m on the edge of my seat,” Five said dryly.

“I met you!”

“Excuse me?”

“You! Well, another you, but it was still you! But like, older, you know? But with the same Umbrella Academy tattoo and surly attitude. And let me tell you…I was right because you did grow up to be hot. So, never fear little bro, you are one smoking piece of ass once you get past this awkward phase.”

“Klaus,” Five said, running a tired hand down his face. “What in the fuck are you talking about?”

Klaus took a deep breath. “I was walking around, trying to find this store I used to like, when I saw you. Another version of you.”

Five set the whiskey bottle down with a hard “thunk.” He crossed his arms on the bar top and leaned in toward Klaus, his eyebrows drawing together. “Come again?”

“You, Fivey!” Klaus repeated, gesturing wildly to his confused, smaller brother. “And get this…you have a family! An adorable wife and two precious little children. You should have seen yourself in absolute domestic bliss.” Klaus put a hand to his chest. “Oh, it was precious.”

Five slow blinked a few times, trying to understand what his moronic brother was babbling about. The whiskey was slowing his processing speed and he needed to catch up. “Hang on,” he squinted, trying to keep things in focus. “You saw another version of me? And you talked to him?”

Klaus nodded. “Yes!”

“This is…” Five muttered, picking up the bottle, but then setting it back down again with a frown. “This is not good.”

“That’s what he said! Well, not those exact words, but pretty close. I tried to get him to come here and meet everyone but—”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Five barked.

“What? I thought he’d like to see the other versions of us, since he comes from a different timeline, apparently. This you didn’t get stuck in an apocalypse, he just landed here instead. I don’t really understand everything and we didn’t have time to get into specifics before the scary energy tsunami killed the vibe.”

“Energy…what? Damn it, Klaus, I’m too drunk for this.” Five sighed heavily, dropping his head onto his arms before raising it again. He passed a hand through his hair, sweeping it out of his eyes. “Ok, listen carefully. Do NOT, under any circumstances, interact with my other self again. Understand?”

Klaus pouted. “Why? Aren’t you curious about this you?”

With a sorrowful look in his eyes, he shook his head slowly. “It doesn’t matter if I am or not. What matters is keeping us safe. You and our siblings. We can’t worry about anyone else right now, and that includes any other versions of ourselves that may be walking around. We just don’t have that luxury.”

“But…your kids…”

“They are not MY kids, Klaus! They’re HIS!” Five snapped, much more harshly than he had intended. He backed down a little. “I’m sorry. There’s too much at stake. Not to mention I can’t be trusted if I’m around another version of myself.”

“Oh, right…the psychosis thing. Yeah, Luther mentioned you went a little..” Klaus made a cuckoo bird noise and circled a finger next to his head. “I forgot about that.”

“Yeah, well I haven’t. It’s not exactly a great feeling to want to scratch your ball sack off while your doppelganger tries to murder you. You tend not to forget those things.”

“Point taken, mon frere.” Klaus grabbed a shot glass from behind the bar and poured himself some of Five’s whiskey. After throwing it back in one go, he looked around. “Alright, I have to go find everyone else and tell them the news. They aren’t going to believe this.”

As Klaus walked away, Five knew he should stop him. He needed to tell him about the kugelblitz, especially since it sounded like maybe he had already experienced a wave of it. But he had just been thrown some very heavy news and he needed time to think. It didn’t help that his brain was foggy with booze and he had already been in a maudlin mood even before Klaus had dumped this on him.

There was another version of himself walking around that city right now, not that far away. Another version that grew up in a normal world. That didn’t spend decades in a lifeless hellscape, scrounging to stay alive and slowly going insane. One that hadn’t fucked up his life, not once, but twice, with shaky math and a too-cocky attitude. And one that had a real family.

That was what Five kept circling back to. Klaus had seen him with a wife and two kids. Just the thought that there was an alternative life for him out there that included a real family nearly sucked the air right out of his lungs. A wife. A real wife that he presumably loved and that loved him in return. Children of his own.

It was too much. He couldn’t breathe and he furiously pulled at his necktie as if it were a noose tightening around his thin neck. Five pulled in loud gasps of air, but it still wasn’t enough. Grabbing the half-empty bottle of whiskey off the bar, he staggered towards the first bathroom he saw off the main floor. Panting with eyes wide, Five trudged to the old, grimy sink and stared into the mirror.

“Fuck you,” Five hissed to the skinny little shithead that was staring back at him. “You’re useless.”

He took a long swig from the bottle, his hand shaking on the way. As two small rivers of brown liquid seeped out of the corners of his mouth and down his chin, he lowered the bottle clumsily, hitting the side of the sink and smashing it into pieces. As shards of glass rained down onto the tiled floor, the pleasant tinkling sound echoing around him, Five laughed. It was a dangerous, demonic laugh that frightened even himself. He stopped abruptly, his hands clutching the sides of the sink, palms digging into the slivers of glass that had fallen there.

“You stupid asshole,” he snarled at the kid-version of himself. “You absolute piece of shit. Look what you’ve done. You’ve ruined everything.” He looked down sadly, then back up again. This time, instead of hate in his eyes there was only bottomless sorrow. “You don’t deserve that life. That’s why you ended up here, looking like this. Because you are the version that shouldn’t exist. You are the version that does not get happiness.”

Five’s cold eyes flitted down to the ground. There, lying next to his polished dress shoes that he had been so excited to complement his tailored suit, was a large piece of the broken bottle. The shard was long and tapered at the end to form a jagged dagger shape. Perfect for stabbing. Or slicing into a main artery so that someone, or yourself, would bleed out in a matter of seconds. Five stared at that piece of glass for far too long before slowly lifting his head again, facing himself in the mirror.

“I know. Don’t worry, Dolores…it was just a thought. Besides, that would be like drinking bleach while your car is flying off a cliff into a ravine. Why bother? Either way it ends the same.”

A few hours later, after cleaning the bathroom of any evidence, and composing himself back into a man in full control, Five found his siblings. It was clear that Klaus had filled them in on his discovery, and they all hushed as Five neared the group, although he noticed Klaus himself was missing. Pausing to grab himself a tumbler of scotch on the way, Five joined them. After stopping to take a casual drink, one hand in the pocket of his suit pants, Five gestured with his glass in hand.

“Alright, let’s hear it. I know Klaus told you, so let’s get this over with.”

“Five, you have a family! That’s wonderful!” Luther gushed.

“I guess I was wrong, maybe you do have a bit of domesticity in you,” Lila snorted.

Viktor shrugged with a smile and Allison rolled her eyes, neither of them saying a word.

Diego nonchalantly flipped a knife in his hand while eyeing Five up. “So now what? We have to deal with two of you? Because I can barely stand one of you.”

Five smiled his usual, acerbic smile. “Well, Diego, the feeling is mutual. But fear not; neither you nor I will be coming anywhere near my other self.”

“Why not? Klaus said the other you seemed perfectly nice after you stopped slamming him against a wall,” Luther said innocently.

Five sighed heavily, wishing for the umpteenth time that he didn’t have the sole responsibility of critical thinking skills in this family. “Because…” he began slowly, to make sure they were understanding, “Not only does it have the possibility of creating even more havoc to this timeline, there’s also the little matter of –”

“Oh!” Luther interrupted animatedly. “I remember! The paradox psychosis!” He turned to the rest of the family. “You guys missed it, but he kind of went a little…” He lowered his voice to a whisper even though Five could hear everything. “…psycho, if you know what I mean.”

“Jesus, Luther, I’m right here!” Five closed his eyes to try and regroup. “But, yes, paradox psychosis is the real deal. And there’s no way around that. So, let’s just focus on the task at hand, which is trying to get out of here before the world implodes with us in it.”

Five’s gaze landed on Lila, and he immediately knew she was up to something. “What the hell are you smirking at?”

She shrugged while sticking her hand up her short skirt and pulling out a small item. Five made a disgusted groaning noise. “God, please, whatever that is, I do not want it.”

“Oh, shut up, you little perv. Here,” she said with an eye roll, shoving the item into Five’s hand and forcing him to take it. “While you were having your little heart to heart with your freshly deceased corpse back at the Commission, I found this.”

Five peered down at his open hand. It was a syringe filled with a yellowish substance. On closer inspection, he could make out two words scrawled along the side, in what looked like his own handwriting. Paradox Juice.

“Paradox Juice?” he questioned out loud. He looked back up at Lila. “Is this what I think it is?”

She shrugged again. “Your guess is as good as mine. I assumed it was some sort of concoction to ward off psychosis should you ever have to meet with your doppelganger. The old, decrepit you probably made it during his time at the Commission.”

Five held the syringe up to the light and peered intently at the golden liquid inside. “Where did you find this?”

“On one of the tables in the bunker. When you so rudely had me leave during your existential crisis, I swiped them on the way out.”

“Them?”

“Oh yeah…” she reached up into her skirt again, revealing an identical syringe. “There were two.”

“How did you…where did you have those, because we just…I mean I’m pretty sure I would have found those when we were upstairs doing…what the hell?” Diego stammered; his dark eyes clouded with confusion.

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” Lila answered with a smile and a quick pat on his cheek. “Every girl has her secrets.”

“Well, regardless of this finding, there is no reason for me to make contact with my other self. I don’t see the benefit, and it could possibly do more harm, like speed the kugelblitz along,” Five explained while shoving both syringes into his inside suit coat pocket. He took another drink from his glass. “Let’s just forget it, ok?”

“Guys!” Klaus yelled as he rushed up to the group. “I have some bad news.”

***************************************************

Chapter Two: Homicidal Rage

As the seven of them trudged along the city streets, taking up the width of the sidewalk, and bumping into one another while grumbling and shoving each other in return, the sky began to darken. Another pulsing kugel wave washed over them and the surrounding buildings. They all watched in horror as every other living creature evaporated into ashes and blew away with the wind. In a matter of seconds, they were the only ones around.

“Fuck, this is not good,” Five groaned. “I really don’t see how finding my other self is going to help anything. Besides, for all we know, that wave right there just destroyed me.”

“We don’t know, but we have to try,” Viktor said. “Between the two of you, maybe you can figure out how to get the briefcase working again.”

Five looked dubiously down at the mangled black case in his hand. “I just don’t think my other self is going to welcome us into his home with open arms. I know I wouldn’t.”

“I’m telling you, Fivey, this you seemed much less ragey,” Klaus said. Five glared up at him. “See? That look right there, the one that means you want to rip my throat out? I didn’t get that from this other you.”

“Probably because that version is getting laid on a regular basis,” Diego murmured to Lila.

Ignoring his brothers, Five went back to his own thoughts as they continued down the street. When Klaus had told them Chet was kicking them out of the hotel due to “insufficient funds”, there was a moment of panic. They had no money and their only home was currently occupied by the world’s biggest assholes. Five glanced up at a giant billboard looming overhead featuring those same assholes, before looking back down at the ground. Fucking fuckers.

After a family meeting that involved more bickering and finger pointing, they had concluded that the only possibility, no matter how slim, of stopping the kugelblitz by returning to their correct timeline, was to track down the other Five and ask him for help. Five had been the last hold-out in agreeing to the plan. He had no desire to find out what this other version was like. The one with the home and a wife and kids. Because he already knew the answer. He had everything and Five had nothing.

Allison, who had been leading the group, suddenly stopped, causing everyone behind her to cartoonishly crash into one another. She shoved Diego away from her with an irritated scowl, while continuing to look down at the piece of paper in her hand. She lifted her eyes to the building in front of them. It was a beautiful brownstone with magazine-worthy flowers and plants covering the front stoop; the gorgeous geraniums and petunias overflowing from their tasteful terracotta pots.

“I think this is it,” she noted.

“Damn, Five…nice digs. You must be doing well for yourself,” Diego commented after giving Allison a shove in return.

“Why do you assume Five is the breadwinner here? Maybe it’s his wife,” Viktor argued.

“I don’t. But Five is all smart and shit, I assume he’s probably some hot shot scientist or something.”

“Maybe his wife is a hot shot scientist,” Viktor shot back.

As the conversation quickly devolved into an argument among the entire group, Five remained silent. He peered up at the house in question. The one where the supposedly more successful version of himself resided. He stared at the flowers and the set of brick stairs that led to the front door with the cheerful looking wreath. He thought back on a time during the apocalypse when he and Dolores were scavenging for supplies. They had come across a destroyed row of brownstones just like this one, and he remembered finding broken shards of terracotta intermixed with the crumbling bricks. The odds that it had been this exact same house were pretty slim, but not impossible. Talk about fucking irony.

Five wiped the sweat from his brow and absent-mindedly scratched at his shoulder. Luther noticed and pointed his big meaty finger at Five.

“Dude! I saw that. You just scratched yourself.”

“Yeah, and you’re starting to sweat again,” Lila added, wrinkling her nose.

“I just walked several miles in a three-piece suit, of course I’m sweating. And people itch, Luther. Stop being dumb.”

“Denial,” Luther said, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding wisely. “Stage one.”

“God damn it! I am not…” Five started before scratching at his ass cheek, “…In denial, ok?”

“You do look a little weird,” Diego said, leaning in closer to Five in curiosity.

Five stuck his hand out, pushing his brother away with a palm to his face. “I do not look weird. Fuck, I need to take a piss.”

There were multiple grumblings around him, and Five was starting to suspect that maybe they had a point. He didn’t feel great. But…

“Hang on,” he said, glancing around and above him, looking crazier by the second. “This could be a trap.”

“How could it be a trap? He doesn’t even know we’re coming,” Allison reasoned.

Five whipped his head in her direction, eyes wide and manic. She took a small step backwards. “Because, dear sister…I am a fucking genius, remember?” He tapped his temple with his finger. “And I would anticipate our arrival. Probably set up some trip wires or something,” he mumbled, looking frantically around him.

“Ok, this is not going to get any better,” Luther told everyone.

Klaus nodded. “Yeah, Five, I think you need to take that shot of paradox juice.”

Remembering he had the two syringes in his jacket, Five took them out and held them up for everyone to see. “I’m not taking this, are you crazy? HE probably made these and poisoned them just to try and get rid of me,” he raged, pointing up at the house. “Paradox juice? You expect me to believe that I would come up with that lame ass name?” He turned to yell up at the windows facing the street. “I’m on to you, asshole!”

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Lila groaned. Mimicking Five’s powers, she blinked over to him, catching him off guard as she grabbed the syringes out of his hands. As Five began to protest, she looked over at Luther. “Hold him still, big guy.”

No stranger to taking orders, Luther immediately complied. Holding Five in place by pinning his arms to his side, he tried to reason with his struggling, smaller brother that it was for his own good. But that was like trying to reason with a cocaine-fueled raccoon, and Five snarled and hissed while trying to get away.

“Get your giant ape hands off of me! You tried to kill me before, I know you’ll do it again! LET ME G—OW! SON OF A BITCH!”

Lila sunk the needle of the syringe directly into the side of Five’s neck, pushing the plunger down and smiling gleefully while he writhed in pain.

“FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK…” Five screamed as Luther continued to keep him trapped.

“How long do you think it takes to work?” Viktor asked worriedly.

Lila shook her head. “No idea. Might not even work at all. Or I just killed him. But, you win some, you lose some, am I right?”

Everyone watched in fascination as Five slowly started to relax in Luther’s grip. His jaw unclenched and he stopped swearing. After about two minutes, the crazed look in his eyes left and he gazed at the concerned faces around him like a man waking from a dream.

“I think…I think I’m ok now,” he said weakly.

Luther leaned down, studying his face up close. “Are you sure? Because if I let you go and you kick me in the balls again, I am not going to be happy.”

Five shook his head. “No, really. I think that shit actually worked.”

Luther looked around for confirmation, and receiving nods of approval from everyone else, he let go of Five’s arms. Stepping back, he shielded his crotch from any unexpected backlash.

Five took in a deep breath of air and wiped away the last few drops of sweat that had been trickling down the back of his neck. Then he ran a shaky hand through his hair before straightening his suit coat and tie with as much dignity as he could manage.

“Sorry about that,” he told everyone, trying to regain his composure again. “If I said anything rude, I apologize. I was clearly not in my right mind.”

“So, no different than any other day,” Diego muttered under his breath.

Five shot him an irritated look, but said nothing. He turned to Lila. “Even though it was entirely unnecessary to stab me directly in the neck, you lunatic, thank you.”

“Happy to do it,” Lila grinned, slapping him hard on the back.

“Alright, then,” Five stated, rolling his shoulders back. “Let’s do this.”

As he took one step forward, the front door of the house swung wide open, revealing an older, and very sweaty and harried looking, version of himself. In his other self’s hands was a rifle that was trained directly at Five’s head.

“Don’t fucking move,” the other Five warned through gritted teeth.

Five paused, taking in the clearly psychotic version of himself before quipping. “Hey, asshole…the safety’s still on.”

As the alternate version lowered the weapon to check the safety, Five and Lila exchanged knowing glances with one another, before simultaneously blinking onto the porch. Appearing directly in front of himself, Five grabbed the rifle out of his doppelganger’s hands, while at the same time Lila stabbed the needle of the second syringe into his neck.

“AH! MOTHERFUCKER!” the other Five screamed, falling to his knees as he slapped a hand over the pinprick of blood that had started to seep out of the small puncture wound. “WHAT THE FUCK, YOU PSYCHO?”

Five threw the rifle down to Luther, who caught it in one hand, before turning to Lila. “Really? In the neck again? What is wrong with you?”

“I live for your pain.”

With a shake of his head, Five looked down at the panting, cursing version of himself. “Stop being a pussy. It’s not that bad.”

His alternate glared up at him. “Fuck you, Blue’s Clues.”

Lila laughed loudly. “Nice!” She held out her hand for a high five, but when she only received an icy glare from both men, she shrugged. “You’re too close to the situation, but trust me, that was hilarious.”

************************************************************************

“You have a lovely home, ma’am,” Luther said with an awkward smile as he sat scrunched on the couch between Klaus and Viktor.

The seven siblings, plus the older looking, alternate Five and his wife were gathered in the small living room. Five’s wife, who was introduced as Marie, sat perched on the arm of her husband’s chair, rubbing his back while he stared down his younger looking self.

“Thank you, Luther, that’s very kind.”

There was more awkward silence until finally Allison spoke up.

“Ok, so we obviously did not come here just for a friendly visit, although it is lovely meeting you two. However, we have a big problem. Our being in this timeline has caused a rift, so to speak, in the universe and now it’s trying to kill us.” She looked over at her smaller brother, who was standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, glowering angrily at his other self. “Five? Care to explain?”

Snapping reluctantly out of his stupor, Five faced his sister. “Right.” Then he addressed the other Five and his wife again. “So, as I’m sure you’ve noticed there are large energy waves pulsing over the city, erasing dogs and lobsters and now people.”

“Yeah, I have noticed. And I also happened to notice they started when Klaus here decided to follow me.”

Klaus started to protest, but Diego bumped him with his elbow, telling him to shut up. Five continued.

“Well, you are right about that. But it’s not Klaus’s fault, at least not solely. It’s all of ours. I thought we’d be able to remain here, just keeping a low profile, and live out our lives here. But, it seems the universe has other plans. So, we have accidentally created a kugelblitz and in a few short days it will destroy the entire universe.”

“Like a prolapsing rectum,” Lila added helpfully.

Both Fives looked at her with a frown and then turned back toward one another. The alternate Five set his elbows on his knees, leaning forward and steepling his hands under his chin. “So, you’re telling me that you group of assholes are the reason my family is going to be wiped out?”

Five nodded, actually looking a little sad. “I’m afraid so.”

“And you just came here to let me know, why? Just to give me a heads up? Mighty kind of you, thanks.”

Five gritted his teeth. “No, jacka—” He stopped mid-insult when Luther cleared his throat and gave him a look that said “Behave”. “No, that’s not why we came. We came…” He pushed a hand through his hair and he saw Marie bite back a smile as she recognized the same mannerisms as her husband. “We came to ask for help.”

“How am I supposed to help you? In case you forgot, James Bond, Jr., I AM you!” Marie gave him a pinch under his arm and the older Five jumped before looking just a tiny bit guilty. “Sorry.”

Five turned to his siblings, throwing his hands in the air. “See? I told you coming here was useless.” He turned to his doppelganger, leaning in with a caustic glare. “And just to remind you, shithead, I’m 28 years older than you, so watch your mouth.”

“Ok!” Luther jumped in, trying to salvage the conversation. “The thing is, Five,” he said, addressing the older version that was currently looking like he was considering punching his smaller self in the mouth. “We really do need your help. And you need his help. The two of you together are the only chance we have to stop this thing and get back to our correct timeline. Then you and your family, and the rest of the world, will be safe.”

“And how do you propose we do that?” the other Five said, tearing his eyes away from himself and turning to Luther. “My time travel math is just as shaky as his. I’ve been studying it my whole life, so it’s gotten better, but I still wouldn’t trust it. I certainly wouldn’t trust it with my wife and kids’ lives in question.” He placed a hand on his wife’s knee and squeezed it gently.

“Well, luckily, we won’t have to rely on just our powers,” Five explained, picking the black briefcase off the floor and holding it up for the other version to see.

“What the hell is that?”

Klaus piped up. “Remember I told you about the magical briefcase?”

The alternate Five nodded. “Yeah, I remember. So, how does it work?”

“Well, currently it doesn’t. Which is why we need you,” Five said.

The other Five took a skeptical look at the battered case. “How am I supposed to help? I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

Five sighed. “As it turns out, another version of ourselves created it, using our powers as its basic design. It’s one-hundred-percent reliable, unlike our blinks. That is, when the universe isn’t collapsing. Now, it’s a hunk of junk. That’s where you come in.”

“What makes you think I know how to fix it?”

Five’s mouth turned up at the corner with a smug smile. “Because, I know us. And I am willing to bet that you work in some sort of scientific field.” When he received no denial, he continued. “I am also willing to bet you have some sort of lab right here in your home where you’ve been working on time travel over the years, trying to perfect it.”

Marie laughed. “Wow, you are dead on with that. He’s made it his life’s work figuring out how to accurately time travel. Even when he was a teen, his mom said he was constantly in their basement working on it. She showed me pictures of him slumped over his desk, looking just like you actually, having fallen asleep while running his numbers. It was very cute.”

Five paused, thrown for a second by that comment. “His mom?”

The other Five nodded. “I was adopted after I jumped here,” he explained offhandedly. “So, what you’re telling me is that if we can get this briefcase up and running again, you can return to your rightful timeline, the universe will correct itself, and my family will be safe?”

Still dwelling on the fact that his other self had been adopted by different people, Five nodded slowly before collecting himself again. “Theoretically.”

The alt Five turned to look at his wife. “What do you think, darling?”

“Five, they’re your family, even if they aren’t from your same timeline. You told me how much you’ve missed them over the years, and now here they are! They need your help, and I know you can give it to them.” She brushed a piece of hair out of his eye with a sweet smile. “This is what you’ve been working towards. To use your powers for something good and big.” She kissed him, placing a hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes for a moment. “You can do this.”

He nodded and then turned back toward the group. “Ok, I will do what I can to help.”

“Thank you,” Allison breathed out with a sigh of relief. “Thank you, so much.”

“Better go show him your lab,” Marie told her Five. “In the meantime, you must all be starving. The kids were just next door playing, but I’ll have them come back and I’ll make dinner. Sound good?”

“I know I could eat,” Luther said excitedly while Viktor rolled his eyes at him.

“That would be lovely, Marie, thank you. Can we help?” Viktor asked.

************************************************************************

As the two Fives made their way down the basement steps, neither of them said a word. Five was still reeling from the brief bit of information he had just received about his 30 year-old self. This other Five had been adopted by someone other than Reginald. And from the sounds of it, they were nice, normal people. He swallowed down the lump in his throat, trying to clear his head and focus on what he needed to do. But it was extremely difficult when all he kept thinking about was how this alternate version of himself had been given the chance for a normal life while he just kept getting shit on over and over again. It was maddening to think about, and if he let it fester in his mind, he was going to go crazy.

Fuck, he needed a drink.

As his other self flipped the light switch on at the end of the stairs, the overhead lights flickered on with a quiet hum. Five stopped on the bottom stair and took everything in. The space wasn’t huge, but every single usable square inch was filled with something. Long work tables scattered with tools and notebooks, empty coffee cups and paper plates filled with crumbs. The walls were lined with white boards; each one crammed with lines and lines of familiar equations and scribblings. It was surreal to see his own handwriting and obvious work in a place he’d never set foot in before.

As he scanned over the jam-packed computer desk against the far wall, his eyes fell to the framed picture sitting amongst the clutter. It was the other version of himself, with Marie and his two kids. It must not have been taken that long ago, because the two adults looked the same. The kids in the picture looked to be about four and six. A girl and a boy. The four of the them were on a beach somewhere, the sun shining down and making the water behind them sparkle. The girl was perched on her dad’s shoulders, a pink sunhat on her head. The boy was standing in front of Marie, grinning widely with a plastic bucket and shovel in his hand. The other him was smiling directly at the camera, while his pretty wife looked lovingly over at him. Five had never seen himself smile like that before. He had no idea that’s what he looked like when genuinely happy. It was off-putting, to say the least.

“You ok?” the other Five asked gruffly when he realized his older yet smaller self seemed frozen to the spot.

Five cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. So what is all this stuff?”

“Well, I’m sure you recognize the equations and proofs,” he said, pointing to the white boards. He gestured to the tables. “I’ve been working on developing a type of time travel system, much like that briefcase. Some sort of object that could be programmed specifically to a certain date and time, so we don’t have to rely solely on our powers. Like—”

“A watch,” Five finished for him.

The other Five nodded. “Exactly.”

“I never did understand the briefcase,” Five mused. “It’s so bulky.”

“I assume it’s bulletproof, though?”

Five scoffed. “Don’t get me started.”

“Well, anyways, have a look around. Maybe something here can help, I don’t know. I’ve never really tried it in practical application before. It’s always been theoretical.”

“That’s ok,” Five said, setting the briefcase on top of one of the tables. “We have this as a guide. We can see if the inner workings of the case make sense in comparison to your work here. Then maybe we can piece things together to create a working timepiece.”

The alternate Five nodded thoughtfully again, studying his other self. “Hang on,” he said before striding over to the desk and opening the bottom drawer. He pulled out a bottle of single malt scotch and two glass tumblers. After filling each one halfway, he handed one over to Five.

“I recognize the need for a drink,” he explained with a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth.

Five accepted the glass, trying to disguise the fact that he was practically salivating at the sight. Needing a drink was an understatement. He wanted the whole damn bottle. But he didn’t need to be getting drunk at a time like this. And he also didn’t need to be showcasing his shortcomings to this clearly sober, well-adjusted, life-is-just-peachy-keen version of him, either. The fact that he was a raging alcoholic with unhealthy coping mechanisms didn’t seem pertinent to the current situation. Instead, he lifted the glass in a toast and took as generous of a swallow as he dared. The whiskey was smooth and it tasted so fucking good, Five had to silently tell himself to not slug the whole thing back in one gulp. He watched as the other him took a leisurely sip from his own glass. He probably goes to church every Sunday, too. Fucking Mother Theresa over here.

“So, where do you work?” Five asked, trying to change the subject.

“Over at the university.”

“Physics department?”

“Naturally.”

Five nodded. “That’s where I always figured I’d end up, too. Just…didn’t work out for me.”

“Yeah, what happened? Klaus said something about a different apocalypse?”

Five paused, staring into his glass. “Let’s just get to work, ok?”

The other version shrugged. “Sure thing.”

#five hargreeves #five hargreeves fanfic #number five #number five fanfic #umbrella academy #umbrella academy fanfic #tua fanfic #tua 3 #fanfiction requests #fanfiction #badkittywrites #multi chapter #tua #the umbrella academy

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teddy06writes · 11 months ago

Text

X Reader Fic Masterlist

Dead Poet Society:

General/Unit:

Charlie Daltons Annuel Dead Poets Holiday Party: Halloween Edition Diner Days Everything Falls Apart Study Session Repercussions Dating the Dead Poets HCs

Neil Perry:

Music of the Night Why'd I Guess the Ending? Anywhere... Just Not Home Happiness Here For You A Quiet Moment Everyone But You

Todd Anderson:

Favorite Poet Surprise Cuddle Sessions Friday Night Fun, Monday Meetings

Steven Meeks: Of Little Love Poems, Secret Admirers and Anonymous Notes

Charlie Dalton:

Friends to Lovers Hcs

Gerard Pitts: None yet

Richard Cameron: None yet

Knox Overstreet: None Yet

~~~

The Outsiders:

General/Unit:

Being the Fourth Curtis Brother HCs

Dallas Winston:

Never Fall In Love Again No Matter What Ghost Stories Late Nights By The Fire Oh How The Turn Tables People Watching Whumptober '24 Day Twenty

Sodapop Curtis:

Golden Too Old? Yeah Right! Meltdown Soda x theaterkid!reader

Two Bit Mathews:

I'll Try Too Old? Yeah Right! Spooky-est Place On Earth

Darry Curtis:

Pumpkin Spice Everything Hot Tea Heals The Soul Morning Routines Whumptober '24 Day Two Whumptober '24 Day Twenty Three

Johnny Cade:

Protective Cool, Calm, and Collected-- Until He Smiles

Steve Randle:

1955 Chevy Delray

Polyam Jally:

Take Me Back to the Night We Met

Polyam Dallypop:

I Told You It Was A Dumbass Plan

~~~

Top Gun: Maverick:

General/Unit:None Yet

Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw:

Whumptober '24 Day Nine

Jake 'Hangman' Sersin: None Yet

Javy 'Coyote' Machado:None Yet

Natasha 'Phoenix' Trace: None Yet

Robert 'Bob' Floyd:

Whumptober '24 Day One

Mickey 'Fanboy' Garcia: None Yet

Ruben 'Payback' Fitch: None Yet

Polyam Hangster: None Yet

Polyam Bobnix: None yet

~~~

The Bear:

Carmen Berzatto: None yet

Sydney Adamu: None Yet

Richie Jerimovich: None yet

Marcus: None Yet

~~~

Peaky Blinders:

Tommy Shelby:

Can't Sleep? Whumptober '24 Day Five

Arthur Shelby: None yet

John Shelby:

Whumptober '24 Day Seven

Lizzie Stark/Shebly: None yet

Alfie Solomons:

Interrupted Date Nights Lost Words Win Win Much Ado About Nothing Whumptober '24 Day Six Whumptober '24 Day Ten Whumptober '24 Day Eighteen Whumptober '24 Day Twenty Two

Michael Gray: None Yet

Luca Changretta: None Yet

~~~

Star Wars:

Cassian Andor:

Stubborn

Jyn Erso: None Yet

Polyam CassianxJyn: None yet

Bhodi Rook: None Yet

Din Djarin: None Yet

Han Solo: None Yet

~~~

Lord Of The Rings/The Hobbit:

The Fellowship: None Yet

The Company: None Yet

Aragorn:

Whumptober '24 Day Fifteen

Boromir:

Whumptober '24 Day Eleven

Legolas: None Yet

Gimli: None Yet

Frodo Baggins: None Yet

Samwise Gamgee:

Harmony

Pippin Took:None Yet:

Merry Brandybuck:None Yet

Faramir: None Yet

Eomer: None yet

Eowyn: None Yet

Bilbo Baggins: None yet

Thorin Oakenshield:None yet

Kili:

Whumptober '24 Day Seventeen

Fili:

Whumptober '24 Day Four

Bofur: None yet

Bard Bowman: None yet

~~~

The Umbrella Academy:

General/Unit:

Whumptober '24 Day Sixteen

Number Five Hargreeves: None yet

Klaus Hargreeves: None Yet

Diego Hargreeves:

Whumptober '24 Day Three Whumptober '24 Day Nineteen

Allison Hargreeves: None Yet

Luther Hargreeves: None Yet

Viktor Hargreeves: None Yet

Lila Pitts: None Yet

~~~

Marvel:

Bucky Barnes: None yet

Sam Wilson: None yet

Natasha Romanoff: None yet

Loki: None Yet

Druig: None Yet

Makari: None yet

Sersi: None yet

Eddie Brock/Venom:

Quiet Days

~~~

Criminal Minds:

General/Unit: None Yet

Spencer Reid: None Yet

Aaron Hotchner:

Whumptober '24 Day Eight Whumptober '24 Day Twenty One

Derek Morgan: None Yet

Emily Prentiss: None Yet

~~~

More potentially to be added...

#teddy 06 #teddy06writes #Dead poets society x reader #The outsiders x reader #Top Gun x reader #The bear x reader #Peaky Blinders x reader #Star wars x reader #Lord of the rings x reader #the hobbit x reader #The umbrella academy x reader #Marvel x reader #the breakfast club x reader

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blueberrygiggles · 11 months ago

Text

"Hey, cheer up!" (Squealing Santa 2k23)

fandom: TUA

ler!allison, lee!five

prompt: "hey, cheer up!"

hello @atlascozynook !! i was your secret santa this year! hope you enjoy! this would've been done much earlier but i am a horrible procrastinator lol.

fun fact, this is 1500 words exactly! anyways. merry christmas and happy holidays!

warnings: bad coping mechanisms (drinking), but nothing super crazy. five only gets slightly drunk.

The smell of chicken filled the first floor of the house and Mom’s humming lilted softly from the kitchen. For a family as dysfunctional as the Hargreeves, it was peaceful.

Sort of.

Just through the door, in the main living room, Klaus tackled Diego from a bar stool for no clear reason, and Allison was seconds away from pulling out a camera to watch Diego get beaten by a skinny hippie.

Klaus grabbed Diego’s side and squeezed his ribs, Diego yelped and tried to roll away from him. Allison hadn’t seen Diego, or any of them laugh like that in years, it had been even longer since they had all gotten semi-along. It was nice to see them act more like a family unit, even if it was loud.

Luther leaned into her side from where she was sitting on the couch, “Should we… stop them?”

Allison almost snorted and took a sip from her wine glass, “No, let them wrestle it out. It’s good for them.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but Mom poked her head out from the door and called them in for dinner. Klaus climbed off a giggling Diego and ran towards the kitchen. Allison huffed a laugh and downed the last of her wine before following.

Before she could sit at the table next to Klaus, Mom’s cold hand touched her shoulder, she jumped and Mom gave her an apologetic smile, “Do you know where Five is, dear?”

She shook her head, “No, but I can go find him.”

Mom nodded and wiped her spotless hands on her apron, “Would you?” When Allison nodded her head and pushed her chair back in, Mom gave her a small but warm feeling smile, the one that meant she was showing appreciation, “Thank you, sweetheart.”

Five felt shitty.

He felt shitty quite a bit, less than he did before he found his way home, but somehow days like this still managed to worm their way into his life.

The apocalypse was over, the world was saved, his family was safe, everything was good. Even his fucking siblings, who have historically disliked each other and have gone out of their way to avoid each other, were getting along. Logically, everything was as good as it could be.

So, why did Five feel so awful all the time? He had no fucking idea, but he also didn’t want to spend his time trying to figure out why, he just wanted to not feel like shit. And he, just as any man who feels shitty does, grabbed a bottle of vodka and brought it to his room to drink himself into oblivion.

However, he forgot that his fourteen-year-old body was not meant to hold this much alcohol.

The bottle was only a fifth gone, but he was already very decently drunk. His vision was slightly blurry, and everything moved just a little too fast for his eyes to keep up. He wasn’t sleepy yet, but enough time and he’d be passed out on the floor.

Overall, he felt better than he had in days.

Five looked up towards the door to see Allison leaning in the doorway. Her flowery dress caught his eye, the leftover swaying from her walking was enamoring. The colors flowed into each other and yet were so far apart. Allison bent down at the knee to his level.

“You alright there, Five?”

He inhaled sharply, being pulled out of his color fueled haze, “What?”

Allison furrowed her brows in concern, “I asked if you were okay? You were staring off into space and you look drunk.”

He snorted without meaning to and Allison’s concerned look turned into one of amusement. Five waved his hand, “I’m fine. Drunk… but that’s probably why I’m fine.”

She moved to sit next to him, she picked up the bottle and examined the leftover contents, she downed back a small gulp of the bottle and winced. Dad’s old alcohol always had a bit more of a bite, “Mom wanted me to find you for dinner.”

Five barely held back his complaint, “I’m not hungry.” He slurred slightly.

“Just come downstairs for a few minutes, eat something, and then you can come back up here and drink.”

Allison put the bottle down and it clanked against the ground, Five leaned against her shoulder and his head fell back against the bed, “Just tell her I’m… fucking… sleeping or something.”

He could feel her roll her eyes, “Come on, cheer up a bit, Five. Come sit with us just for a bit?”

“I’m drunk. I’m not going to be very fun to be around.” Five said with a slur to his words. In all honesty, he’d probably be quite pleasant compared to his normal demeanor, the alcohol took an edge off and having Allison to talk to was fun; talking to his siblings in general sounded fun. He missed being able to talk to people when he was in the apocalypse.

Allison smiled and pinched his side, “Come o- What was that?”

Five giggled when she pinched his side, he curled into himself slightly, suddenly feeling a bit more sober, “Fuck you, it was nothing.”

Her smile grew into something more playfully sinister, “Are you sure? Sounded like something?” She punctuated her words with more pinches to his side. Five tried to ignore her, but the alcohol loosened his senses. He snorted and covered his mouth with his hand.

Five glanced over towards the door and tried to beeline for it, but he stumbled over his foot and Allison followed him as he landed in the doorway. She straddled his hips, and her hands went for his waist. Five tried and failed to grab her hands, a giggle rising in his throat, he glared.

“I will hurt you, I swear to God, Alihihisohon!”

She wormed her fingers into Five's ribs, squeezing along his sides. Five bucked against her hands and tried to grab her wrists. A snort broke from his throat as Allison went for his underarms. Five slammed his arms down, effectively trapping her hands there.

Five screeched, "Ouhuhuht! Ouhuhuhut!!!"

His voice went up an octave when she reached back to squeeze his left knee. His hands moved from trying to grab hers and went to cover his face. If he was a bit less drunk, he would've been better at hiding the childish laughter, but he hadn't had the forethought.

Not that he fully minded this, he thought. It felt... nice to laugh like this.

It was probably the vodka.

Who knows, really.

Ticklish shocks shot through his system, Allison was plenty strong enough to hold him down, especially at his current size, so he bucked, he snorted into his hands and a small flush flooded his face.

Allison grinned, "You okay there, Five?" She asked through his laughing.

If he were able to glare, he would have given her the sharpest glare he could muster, but all he could do was respond with more laughter.

"Just come downstairs and eat, Five." She added.

"ShuhuUHUT UHUP-!"

She squeezed a particularly bad spot on his knee, and he kicked his legs up and-

"...Ow."

-and hit Allison square in the back.

Her face was one of shock, but not pain. She gasped as if offended, "Well, that was just rude, Five."

The alcohol in his system stopped him from having any kind of filter whatsoever, so he did about the dumbest thing one could do in his situation.

He laughed at her.

Allison's playful grin returned and before Five could blink her hands were back on his knees. He squealed.

Legitimately squealed.

She fluttered over his kneecaps to try and give him a slight break, "Now will you come downstairs?"

Five didn't respond, he was too stuck in his giggle fit to even think of giving an answer that wasn't a laugh. Allison raised an eyebrow and went back to his knees with vigor. He started going after her hands again.

"YEHEHES YEHES! JUHUHUST STOAOAHAP!"

Allison removed her hands and climbed off him, allowing him several minutes to catch his breath. She stood up and offered him her hand. He pulled himself up and refused to look her directly in the eye. She snorted.

"You okay?"

He wiped off the dust on his shorts, he felt a bit more sober than he did before and scoffed, "Never mention... any of that, to anyone ever."

He could hear her eye roll but didn't feel the need to call her out on it, to be fair, he felt much better than he did before, and this time it wasn't because of the alcohol. She grabbed the vodka bottle to return to Dad's old stash.

"Or...?"

He glared at her, a small smile he hoped she couldn't see tugging at his lips, "Or I'll kill you, obviously."

He walked out the door and down the stairs with Allison and pretended he didn't hear her sarcastic affirmation.

God, he really was glad to be back.

#blues writing #tua #lee!five #ler!allison #tickle fic #squealing santa 2k23 #tua tickling #ss2k23 #also not super important but as this is a gift fic #it will not be posted to ao3! this is a tumblr only special lol

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dazed-poltergeist · 2 years ago

Text

Powers of Eden (I)

Associated fandoms: Assassin's Creed x The Umbrella Academy

Pairing: Altaïr Ibn La'ahad x Reader (Platonic), perhaps some Altaïr x Malik in later pieces

Warnings: One (1) spoiler for The Umbrella Academy

Summary: The reader, who is similar to the "The Umbrella Academy" character Five Hargreeves, attempts to travel back in time. While it succeeds, they travel a lot further back than what they would've liked..

Add. Notes: Allow me to give some background on Five, for those who haven't seen the show: The original Five Hargreeves comes from an adopted family of 9. The siblings' names are Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Ben, and Viktor, and his "parents" are Reginald and Grace. Along with his siblings, Five has superpowers, which in his case are teleportation and time travel. He used to work for a timeline related commission as an assassin. In this story, the reader/Five has no affiliation with the said Commission.

>✉️<

{ I've returned with a new piece! I'm pretty sure that I will write more parts for this, but I'm not sure how I should write a specific part related to languages without using Google Translate. So if any of you has advice related to that, I'd appreciate if you spare some for me. In any case, it looks like I managed to write something before St. Patrick's, so happy (still early) St. Patrick's Day! My so-called "spice" for this time is that I speak in English a lot more than in my mother tongue, which causes me to forget words in the latter language. }

-Eero, March 2023

Masterlist ✧⁠*⁠。

ー

When you were younger, you would practice teleporting –and on a few rare occasions, time travel– with Reginald's guidance, starting with a few small units at a time and then building up from that. On these very few occasions, he only allowed you practice time jumping to the future, and whenever you questioned him for that restriction, he would say things along the lines of "A wrong move down the line could change the whole world as we know it," "Time travel is far more complex than teleportation," and "You were not educated enough to understand time travel."

Even if what the older Hargreeves had explained to you these days was true or not, he wasn't just a prick, he was the whole cactus. Today felt like a good day to not listen to what he had told you, just to spite him. It wasn't like Reginald was going to stop you anyway; He was dead, "playing tennis with Hitler in hell," as Klaus said before his funeral.

You told Grace and Viktor about what you were going to do, even though they weren't going to know that when you meet them yesterday, the day you planned to jump back to. You strutted to the Umbrella Academy's courtyard, where after two attempts you successfully opened a way through time.

Except, when you stepped through the ripple of time and looked for signs that you actually time travelled instead of teleporting in an arduous manner, you realized that you weren't in the Academy's courtyard anymore.

You were standing on the roof of a small, sand-colored building. You could see a city around you, with a bunch of houses and towers in different shades of yellows and whites. You recognized a large building as you took in your surroundings; a blue and white temple with a gold dome acting as its roof. With the famous temple in mind, you easily concluded that you somehow ended up in Jerusalem.

Once you came out from your daze of admiring the landscape around you, you realized that a hooded man dressed in white was behind you, staring bullets into your head. You wanted to tell him about what happened to you, but given your location, you doubted that he would understand you.

The assumption ended up being correct, because he began speaking in an unrecognizable language. The only useful thing you could do in that situation was gesturing to him that you didn't understand him, which was exactly what you did. Some gears seemed to align for him, and as a response he took you by the arm and into the building below you.

The two of you landed on the floor of what seemed to be an outdoor living room. You couldn't really take in many details, since the strange man continued dragging you through the building. The room you stopped in had a collection of bookshelves, baskets, pots, and many other things, but what caught your eye was a one-armed man standing behind a table.

The cripple noticed you the moment you and the hooded stranger walked in, and began to question the latter about you. They talked for a short period of time, then the man behind the desk walked away from the table to you and the other strange man.

The two men turned to you, and tried to introduce themselves in the most simplest way they could to someone who didn't understand their language; they pointed at themselves and said their names. The now formerly hooded man introduced himself as Altaïr, and the other one with a dark robe over his similarity white outfit introduced himself as Malik. You told tell them your name in the same manner; you pointed at your torso and said "(Y/N)."

Altaïr looked at the other man and said something in his language, to which Malik chuckled and made another comment as a response.

("A name. That's a start.") ("What a funny name. You certainly weren't wrong about the 'odd person' part.")

The two began brainstorming on what they should do with you now; they couldn't let you leave the bureau, because you didn't understand their language, you likely had no idea what the surrounding world was like, and you looked like someone out of a bizarre story told by a drunk bard. All they could think of with the given circumstances was that they needed to take you in.

Malik went to one of the shelves in the room, and began looking for books that could possibly help with the language barrier. You joined him to look for documents with dates on them; you needed some year written on a recent paper, to get an idea of how far back in time you actually jumped.

Altaïr realized what you were doing, and found some excess paper to write down the year for you. You took the paper and thought that you wouldn't be surprised about the year, since their appearances seemed to give it away. Yet, you were very surprised, even for someone who just time travelled on purpose. You had jumped into the period of the Third Crusade.

You quickly recovered from the shock that came with that fact, and wrote down "2019" onto the other side of the paper Altaïr had given you. You gave the paper to him for both him and Malik to see. The two froze in place, and Altaïr dropped the piece of paper onto the ground. They turned to look at you again, and visibly wanted to ask multiple questions about the future from you; you could see the eagerness on their faces. Unfortunately, the language barrier was no help.

The presence of an inability to communicate with you made the two white-clothed men determined to try and teach you their language while you were under their wing.

For a change of scenery to let you process what happened, Altaïr took you back to the main area of the building, where he sat you down. He walked into a third room to get you some food, after Malik had left you two alone to find you some clothes that would help you blend in—to make it less obvious that you've come from 900 years into the future.

As Altaïr handed you some food, Malik came up to you two and placed a small stack of clothing next to your legs. He muttered something to Altaïr in their foreign tongue as he was walking back into what you concluded was probably his office.

("If they need help with the clothes, you can count me out.")

Since the building usually didn't have any visitors of your kind, majority of the spare clothes were related to what seemed to be their uniform. The clothes Malik had provided you included a pair of dark pants, some white robes similar to the ones Altaïr was wearing, and plain boots fit for running and climbing, along with a leather harness to keep the clothes in place. Those clothes obviously weren't what you were used to wearing, but they were relatively better than the ones you had on at the moment.

You left Altaïr alone into the main area to go change into the robes. Only after you had changed you realized that your clothes looked like a downgraded version of the two men's outfits. You concluded that the clothes they wore had different features based on ranks. You didn't even know what kind of organization they worked for or what their jobs were, so you couldn't put more thought into the conclusion that you had just made.

As you got back to Altaïr, you only then felt the exhaustion from the energy-consuming time jump kick in. Even if you would've had enough energy to try time-jumping again, you wouldn't have wanted to risk accidentally travelling into the Stone Age. The little "living room" seemed comfortable enough to be used as a bedroom, which was the reason why you lied down in the bundle of pillows that were sitting on the ground.

The white-clothed man briefly disappeared into another room and returned to get you a thin blanket. As you prepared to rest, Altaïr sat down to begin contemplating on the things he could try to do in order to help you adapt to a possible life in Jerusalem. Thanks to a sheer lack of ideas, he only thought of recruiting you as a novice for the Assassin Order.

Now that you had fallen asleep, Altaïr went to Malik to consult him on what they should do.The latter thought that recruiting you—a strange person who literally emerged out of nowhere and couldn't even speak their language–into the Order was an outrageous idea that should be out of question. The dark-coated man also added that they couldn't even take you to Masyaf to swear you in and train you there because of the language barrier. But even then, their morals told them that teaching you was the best they could do with the lifestyle they had.

The two decided to show you a little thing or two about being an assassin, without making you an official member, and see how it would go. Malik proposed that he would teach you their language whenever he could multitask, and Altaïr added that he could show you a move or few while he trained or when he brought you along for an info hunt. All they could do now was to wait for you to wake up and get ready for a bring-your-novice-to-work day with the two men.

ー

Personal pointers: A particular bureau for Assassins that Altaïr frequently visits in certain fanart is in Jerusalem, since Malik is the Rafiq there. Like majority of the buildings in that city, the hideout is in the color of sand and maybe a few specific spices.

#assassin's creed #altaïr ibn la'ahad #malik al sayf #altaïr x reader #platonic #eero's fics #assassin's creed x reader #assassin's creed fanfiction #altaïr #ac altair #assassinscreedseries #assassins creed #ac crossover #umbrella academy crossover #five hargreeves #five hargreaves

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auxiliarydetective · 3 months ago

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AP-01: Project Apocalypse

ch. 05: Más a Tierra

AP-01 Masterlist

This fic is part of the Academy Projects series, a full rewrite of The Umbrella Academy with the addition of an original character, Kassandra Hargreeves. Throughout the story, you'll stumble across a few songs. This is supposed to make the fic feel as much like the show as possible, so I recommend you don't skip them.

Warnings: Canon-typical issues, child abuse, very visual descriptions of trauma I guess

“Don’t dwindle, children!” Sir Reginald called. “Gather in the entrance hall!”

One by one, the kids came pouring out of their rooms.

“Not you, Number Seven.”

It was a sentence they had long since gotten used to hearing. All of them were always involved, but not Vanya, not Number Seven. So, everyone else formed a cloud of blue uniforms running down the stairs, coming to a halt on the middle landing, where they almost tumbled over each other. Kassandra stood on her toes to look over Luther’s shoulder, climbing the banister with one foot to take a peek into the entrance hall below. A row of four chairs from the dining room had been lined up in front of the stairs, but a fifth, bigger, metallic one was what was giving the kids the creeps. It looked a bit like a dentist’s chair but also so unlike it, and the man sitting next to it clearly wasn’t a dentist. He was dressed in a leather jacket with studs, a messy beard adding volume to his face as if to make up for his lack of hair, and tattoos tinting his skin. To add to the horror, the device on the tray next to him looked enough like a needle that Diego staggered at the sight.

“Go on!” Sir Reginald ordered behind them.

So, the children kept walking. Diego held on to Kassandra’s shoulder tightly in a ruse of trying to push her forward. In return, she prodded at his fingers, pretending to push him away.

“Take off your jackets.”

They obeyed, Grace ready to collect their garments as soon as they took them off. She placed each of them neatly in the hidden wardrobe beneath the stairs.

“Any day now,” Sir Reginald started another of his speeches, “you will step under the public eye. As each of you is gifted with extraordinary abilities, it is to be expected that you will amass a certain degree of fame. But with fame comes a cost – the threat of imposters. To assure trust and coherence among the team and make sure that your missions aren’t compromised, you all must bear a mark to identify yourselves no matter what.”

Uneasy looks were exchanged amongst the siblings, the anxiety in the room chilly on Kassandra’s skin. She missed her jacket, missed being able to cover herself in it, despite knowing that it would do very little to keep her warm. She wished she was upstairs in her room, curled up in a blanket and drinking a cup of tea.

“These marks will be your pride. They will bind you together as a unit for good, ensure loyalty and cohesion. As such, it is imperative that none of you let yourselves be slain by your childish fear and flee from what is unknown to you. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Dad,” came the scattered murmurs, none of the children looking him in the eye.

Kassandra felt something writhe within her chest, her insides rearranging themselves. The air in the room was thick, pressing down on her scalp, her siblings’ voices overlapping in her brain.

“So. Which one of you will go first?”

The voices got louder, but none of them spoke. The silence was deafening, making Kassandra choke on sticky nothing. Finally, she took a quick breath, looking her father straight in the eyes. But before a single word could come out, Klaus had already spoken.

“I’ll go first!” he grinned, strutting over to the metal chair with a slight spring in his step. “C’mon, guys, tattoos are fun!”

None of his siblings seemed to share his outlook, however, Kassandra only managing a pained smile. Luckily, the simple command of “sit” gave them something else to think about as they started fighting over who got to sit in which chair. There was a panic to it this time, the notion settled into their minds that a certain chair was the death chair and that that person would be tattooed next. In the end, Kassandra, Ben and Five were left without a seat, Ben instead sitting down on the staircase and Five and Kassandra leaning against the banisters on either side. All six of his siblings watched in apprehension as Klaus settled in on the tattoo chair with a giddy smile and laid his left arm out for the bearded man.

“Hold still.”

For a moment, everything was quiet. That was until the needle sunk in for the first time. His eyes blown wide, Klaus let out a pained yelp, the only thing keeping him from jumping out of his seat being Sir Reginald pinning him by the shoulders.

“Hold still, Number Four,” he repeated the bearded man’s words. “You haven’t listened.”

Klaus threw a helpless glance over to Kassandra and bit his lips as hard as he could, his breath whistling past his teeth. Immediately, Kassandra pushed herself away from the banister, towards helping him. But a single word from her father had her freeze in place, her hands clasped behind her back. Still, her eyes were locked with Klaus’s until he squeezed them shut, tears starting to roll down his cheeks.

“Can I at least get some—”

“Absolutely not. How will you save the world if you can’t even stand a bit of pain?”Kassandra nearly forgot to breathe. Klaus’s pain was shooting at her like a ray of desert sunlight, hot and bright and merciless. Her mind was spinning, overflowing with voices, making her dizzy. Closing her eyes, she focused on her lungs, pushing her chest in and out, slowly, in and out. Little by little, she felt a counterweight form in her mind, pushing the noise of voices down. Linking her hands together in front of her, she projected the feeling outwards, a soothing calm, fabricated as it was. Hopefully it would do something, anything to help Klaus get through this. Really, it seemed that he calmed down just a little, the waves just barely flowing far enough to reach him.

The minutes crept by like hours, tensions in the room not growing any smaller all the while. Finally, the bearded man let Klaus out of the chair, and Kassandra took her chance to hurry over to him, breaking her state of focus. The oncoming recoil of anxiety almost knocked her over, but she hurried into his arms, letting him cling to her for dear life as he choked on his tears. As their faces touched, his mind spilled into hers, his thoughts begging and pleading her for help, to put his arm on ice, to do anything to make it heal.

It’s okay, she whispered into his mind. You’ll be okay. It won’t hurt much longer.

“Who will go next?” Sir Reginald asked, his eyes wandering across each of his children.

“I’ll go,” Kassandra instantly declared, her voice firm.

“Kass!” Klaus gasped.

“I said ‘I’ll go.’”

She eased herself out of his grasp and took his left hand, enveloping it within hers, their gazes and minds locked. All of the affection and reassurance she could give, she gave to him, sealing the gift with a kiss to his fingertips before she let him go.

Her thoughts racing, she settled into the metal chair, feeling her heart thumping in her chest, against the barrier she had built inside her ribcage. As she laid out her arm, she closed off her mind, ready for a tug of war. This was training. It was all training. She closed her eyes, imagining a thick brick wall built around her thoughts. When the needle pierced her skin, she felt like screaming, but the noise bumped against her closed lips, only a quiet whimper coming out. The rest of the reflex recoiled back into her chest and spread out to her limbs, making her twitch. But only for a moment. Then, she tied her body down with mental metal bonds, locking herself in an invisible, skintight sarcophagus. The sensations bled into each other, creating a mass of boiling energy in her head and chest – liquid, heavy and tangible, yet shapeless all the same. The boiling syrup splashed around in her chest, stirred up by the rapid beating of her heart, and it stuck to the space between the walls and her brain, seeping into the folds, making everything numb.

“Number Eight, get up,” Sir Reginald ordered, his voice barely cutting through the mess in her mind.

She opened her eyes to find her forearm red and pulsing, a black umbrella with a red handle in a thick circle forever etched beneath her skin. But something within her was proud. Shakily, she got up from her seat, her knees just about ready to give out, though she tried not to let any of it show. Luckily, Klaus was right there next to her, wrapping his arm around her and leading her away.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice still quivering with tears. “You’re okay. We’ll all be okay. … Kass?”

“Yeah,” she croaked, barely making a sound. “I’m okay. I’m fine. We’ll be fine.”

Klaus sighed quietly and held her close, giving her a kiss to the temple. A certain coolness spread through her skull from that spot, easing her issues just a little. She turned around in his arms so she could see the torture chair again, Allison placing herself on the chopping block next, throwing them a worried glance. Kassandra gave a comforting smile and a nod, linking her fingers with Klaus’s above her waist. Despite her heart telling her to cry and scream, Kassandra used the affection she got from Klaus and her care for her siblings to project waves outwards, filtering out any negativity that tried to spill over. She could still feel the burning liquid in her brain, though it was starting to drip out of her skull, down her throat, breaking her voice, into her chest. At least that meant it didn’t strengthen her urge to cry, her eyes long since red and puffy, though they remained dry.

One by one, each of the siblings was marked by the needle and the ink, shaking, whimpering and crying in an event they would never forget. Sir Reginald made them all watch. None of them were allowed to leave until everyone’s tattoos were done. So, they were left clinging on to whatever they could find. The ones waiting for their turn to their knees, ankles, wrists, chairs, the ones already done to each other, squeezing the blood out of their veins – and Kassandra stood in the middle of them, acting as a calming beacon, focused only on her siblings beside her, desperately taking hold of her skin, and the ones opposite, hoping that her presence would somehow ease their pain.

Finally, all of them were done, gathered in a bundle of hands and limbs, trying to look for comfort where there was none to be found.

“Look at them,” Sir Reginald ordered.

They obeyed, forming a cramped circle, seven arms with irritated skin and shimmering ink squished together in the center.

“Look at your tattoos and memorize them. These are what bind you together. They are your identity, your life. You are the Umbrella Academy. There will be far worse hardships in the future. Only if you bond together will you be able to beat them.”

No looks were exchanged, only thoughts and voices, and a shared disdain for their father.

“Training is suspended for the day. Your feeble, adolescent bodies need to rest to accommodate this change. They have yet to develop into the warriors you will one day be.”

With those words, Sir Reginald left, and Grace followed after him. The bearded man said nothing, just packing up his gear. Diego was the first to run for the stairs, then the other kids followed, one after another. In the end, Kassandra was left alone, her thoughts spinning, her breathing ragged.

“Kassandra?” Vanya’s voice came from the top of the stairs.

“Please,” Kassandra huffed, “just leave me alone. I need space.”

Practically blind, she maneuvered along the wall and into the drawing room, stumbled towards the couch. She didn’t know if she reached it, her legs giving out and her mind shutting down, falling into nothing.

Kassandra ran her bare fingers across her tattoo, then buttoned her shirt cuff over it again and mindlessly reached for one of the cucumber sandwiches she had prepared. Almost two thirds of the plate were already empty. Logic would dictate that the one to blame was Klaus, but she knew from experience that it was Luther. Stress-eating. A habit she knew he couldn’t have gotten rid of, even though he was no longer a growing boy.

It wasn’t that she herself was hungry. Instead, she hoped that the taste of food in her mouth would remind her of where she was – in the present, not in the past. She took the time to take in the neatly cut squares, half a cucumber slice and a dash of dill as garnish on each of them. Beautiful. A sign of time and effort and love. Then, she put the little snack in her mouth, and it tasted of nothing but salty tears and guilt, at least to her. The illusion from her brain chased away her appetite.

With a sigh, she covered the cucumber sandwiches with a layer of cling film, then put them in the almost empty fridge. There was a nostalgic tune on her lips as she opened one of the drawers to find a lonely stack of sticky notes and a pen. In the same neat yet curly handwriting she had had since age fifteen, she scribbled a note on the paper and stuck it to the fridge, an empty one right next to it.

Hey,

there’s still some sandwiches left. - Why not have some for breakfast?

I’m going to the store. Do you want anything? ↝

Love, Kassandra

∞

General Taglist: @starcrossedjedis @oneirataxia-girl @daughter-of-melpomene @bravelittleflower @box-of-bats

Academy Projects Taglist: @therantsofawriterrr @come-along-pond @the-wyvern-institute @cherrybombgigi

Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed!

#the umbrella academy #tua #tua oc #oc: kassandra hargreeves #fanfiction #fic: project apocalypse #fic: the academy projects

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sissytobitch10seconds · 2 years ago

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United Together

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: The marriage of Crown Prince Luther Hargreeves to Princess Sloane Sparrow changes a lot of things. It means that their kingdoms and families are going to be combing, which is change that will ripple across every aspect of their and their citizen's lives. The night of the wedding means a lot of change for Prince Klaus Hargreeves and Prince Ben Sparrow as well, even if they didn't realize that it would at the beginning of the night. Warnings: Character death, grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and mentions of bad mental health Word Count: 4,110 Ship(s): Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Previous Klaus Hargreeves/Dave Katz

Archive link!

A/N: So I originally was going to make this super long and describe the whole relationship as it developed between Ben and Klaus but then I decided that it was really boring so I decided not to include that. I prefer the way that it works now, I hope that you all do too! Thank you all for reading. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Klaus didn't like change.

Change had always been bad when they were children. Generally it meant that they were growing up and that they'd soon have more responsibilities, like when their study time had been cut in half so that they could all learn how to fight despite having training their abilities for years already. That change had brought years and years of physical torment as each of them was forced to push themselves farther than they could have with how much they had done before. It had brought about the worst in their father’s favorite child and nearly broken their youngest brother.

It had also been bad when they went to war with the kingdom that Lila came from because her mother was upset she had married the wrong prince. That war had brought him onto the battlefield for the first time in his life, which resulted in constant nightmares and substance abuse problems worse than when he was a teenager. It was a change that rippled across their family again, but also destroyed the lives of many of Klaus’ closest friends and hundreds of their subjects.

He did have to admit that sometimes change was good, like when Viktor finally came out and started living truly as himself. It had been nice to see him full of smiles and sass all the time instead of just every now and again like he had before. It was a massive change to switch the names and pronouns that he had been using for someone he had known for their entire life, but it had been more than worth it to see the utter joy that shone across Viktor’s entire body every time his name was used.

His brother’s euphoria didn’t alter the fact that two out of three of the massive changes in Klaus’ life had resulted in him being miserable and heartbroken. To this day, the majority of the changes that he went through, large and small alike, leaned towards bad.

Such as when their castle was invaded by the most insufferable, annoying, pedantic, stuck up people that Klaus had ever been forced to deal with in his entire life.

The Sparrows had become a lot more tolerable since their arrival, he had to admit that despite the resentment and burning hatred he had for the majority of them. He didn't have to be quite so intoxicated to be in the same room as them for more than an hour anymore, which was always a plus. He still didn't want to spend time with any of them other than Sloane or Marcus out of his own choice. It did, however, make dinners and the wedding itself a lot more tolerable.

The aforementioned wedding had basically gone off without a hitch, which was a relief for everyone involved. Klaus had spent most of the time not paying a single ounce of attention to the couple that was getting married and instead staring directly up at the stars that they had hung from the rafters of the great hall. They sparkled and swung despite the air around them being stagnant, sending twinkling light over the floor and guests sitting beneath them. Everything about the wedding had been relatively dark in color, but it only served to make the couple more prominent.

Something that had been a nice change was his brand new sister-in-law sewing her own wedding dress. She had foregone the normal ballgown that most princesses were married in nowadays. Instead, her gown was sleek and formfitting to her body while being made out of a shimmery white material that complimented the rest of the decorations, which she had meticulously picked out with her fiance at her side. Luther had obviously been dressed by someone else since he was wearing a plain black suit, which Klaus felt incredibly dull.

The reception was something that Klaus was far more interested in, than the ceremony because he knew that it would be acceptable to drink as much champagne as he could stomach without his father’s ire.

At least he thought he would have been more interested in it, until it turned out that they weren't going to be serving alcohol. Given that the last time that had gotten drunk as a family Viktor had destroyed a whole turret of the castle, that was probably a good idea. It did mean that Klaus was bored out of his mind, however.

He stuck around for as long as he could force himself to, exchanging pleasantries with the royals and nobility that had been invited from both kingdoms while sipping on sparkling apple cider. He stayed for the first dance, cheering his brother on when Luther dipped Sloane and gave her the most nauseatingly sweet kiss Klaus had ever seen. He even stuck around to dance with Viktor, whose preferred partner was down in her house at the very edge of the hunting woods that spanned the east side of the palace.

He made sure that he had spent enough time mingling and laughing with his siblings on the dance floor that his father wouldn’t notice his absence when he finally did slip away. This early into the night his departure might cause a few rumors about jealousy for the bride or a hidden romance to another one of the visiting siblings to pop up, but not early enough for it to be validated. He slipped out of the grand hall doors and whisked himself off to the garden, seemingly unnoticed.

He made his way through the rows and rows of perfectly cultivated peony bushes, through the shasta daisies and manicured lawn still plagued with crabgrass, and then through the raspberry thicket until he was able to reach the ever expanding graveyard. It was for those that worked in the palace, a few hundred yards away from the mausoleum for the royal family. He shuddered as he remembered the putrid cement building that he had been locked up in for much of his childhood. "Not tonight," he waved his hand and dissipated a few of the ghosts that were trying to speak to him. With Five and Viktor's help and encouragement he had managed to get most of the staff ghosts to move on to their next life when they were in their early teen years, before he discovered how much easier it was to just drink away the ghosts.

He's almost glad he hadn’t had anything to drink tonight once he finally reached the grave that he had been looking for.

Almost.

It was plain gray stone like many of the other graves in the yard. It had a few lines carved into it, and a symbol at the top. There was an intricate peony, Klaus' favorite flower, and a Star of David resting inside of the blooming petals. Underneath that was a few simple letters of the Hebrew alphabet. Then 'David Katz' with his birth date and death date. Not even a simple thank you for dying in a pointless war.

Klaus reached his hand up and brushed over the peony before he murmured, "May his soul be bound in the binding of life."

He had learned to speak and read Hebrew specifically for Dave, back when they had been stupid, naive teenagers making eyes at each other over the walls of the palace. The memory made his heart ache in his chest more than it already had been. He placed one hand down on the short trimmed grass and the other on top of the cold headstone. A bit of blue light began to emanate from his worn fingers before the only ghost Klaus ever wanted to see had finally manifested.

"Klaus…" Dave whispered, his eyes soft but a bit hurt as well. The prince had seen that look every day for the better part of ten months when they had been serving together, and he wished that he could see it in flesh and blood.

"Hey Davey," he grinned wickedly. He couldn't have this if he was on substances, but he craved something to numb the aching pain in his chest.

"You said that you were going to stop doing this about a week ago," Dave reminded him softly. They had moved so that they were sitting with Dave's back to his own headstone, cross legged, pointing towards Klaus, who was in the same position but facing towards his dead lover.

"I know, I know," Klaus began to pick at the grass in front of him despite the blue glow attached to his long fingers. "But today Luther and Sloane got married."

"Shouldn't you be up there?" Dave pointed up towards the flickering lights of the castle windows. "You should be dancing with your siblings and mingling. Finding new people to occupy your time with. People who aren't…"

"Dead?" Klaus finished, his eyes sparking with anger. He loved Dave so much that the ache was almost constant, burrowing through his chest and down into his stomach. So much that the blond was constantly on his mind, every thought and every emotion completely consumed by him. The only reason that he was able to get mad at him at all was the distance between realities that they now shared. One of them in the land of the living and the other in the land of the dead, trying desperately to pass on to live happily in the afterlife. Which only infuriated Klaus more, because no matter how often he tried he had no way of following him there. If he was going to die and be reunited with Dave then his death had to be natural, not one that he had inflicted on himself.

Dave let out a small sigh. "I'm sorry, but you know there's nothing that I can do about that now. I tried my best to stay with you, but it just didn't work out that way. You know that sometimes these things happen."

Klaus turned away so that he was no longer looking at the luminescent blue figure, instead staring out across the lonely gravestones that went on for what felt like miles. The dog tags and engagement ring were heavy against the place where his heart was, right over the messy wound he had barely survived during the war. He had been so close to being able to pass into the afterlife with the man he had loved more than the world, just a few inches away from the pain and hurt and aching grief disappearing entirely.

"I know," he answered after a while of letting Dave's words sink in again, his voice croaking with strain. "I know that people die, Dave." His mother's pale face flashed in his head, even though he had only seen her a few times as she struggled to bear another heir for King Hargreeves. She had died when Klaus was three, before the king assumed another consort who had borne him Allison. After that he had started taking more consorts, which is why Viktor and Five were so close in age.

Klaus could feel the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes as he brought one of his legs up to his chest. He wrapped his arms around the appendage to try and comfort himself. "That was supposed to be us, Dave. We were so close to the war ending. To finally be able to go home. Father had already approved of our marriage. We should be the ones in there staring at each other and talking all quiet because of how in love we are. Getting everyone to look at us as we slow dance around the stupid grand hall and kissing in front of everyone but it being okay because we're getting married. We should be the ones getting married, Dave, it's not fair!"

He hadn't realized just how jealous he had been of his brother until all of the emotions were flowing out of him and laying bare in the grass. He wanted almost everything that the younger man had been given. He had been promised it, promised a life after the war that he had been forced to go through against his will that had brought him and his people nothing but pain. Luther had gotten everything that Klaus had been promised, everything that had been taken away from him. It wasn’t his fault, but the big green monster inside of the prince had already reared its head and wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

"I know, Klaus, I know," Dave cooed. "Love, believe me, I wish that I could be there with you. I wish that we could be the ones getting married, more than anything. But we can't. Do you remember what we talked about last week, when you promised me that you were going to try and move on?"

"I don't want to move on," he responded sulkily. "Why would I let myself fall in love with anyone else when I can just summon you whenever I want? You're not gone, Dave, you're still here," he reached out towards the ghost but stopped himself short. He had the ability to raise the dead, to summon spirits, but it took a lot out of him to make it even a little bit possible for them to interact with the physical world. The first time that they had discovered that had resulted in a drinking binge that went on for almost a week.

"But I'm not here," the ghost reminded him. "Klaus, you deserve someone that's going to be there by your side all the time, not just when you can use your powers. I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone else, and I know that you felt the same. I'm actively telling you that you need to move on, to find someone else to love you. I know that you're developing feelings for that man, so you need to talk to him. Even if he doesn't end up being the one, a date will do. A conversation where you're not fighting, at least. I can't watch you waste away your entire life until you die. You'll see me again in the afterlife. Please, promise me you'll move on. For real this time."

Klaus was quiet for a while. He didn't want to remember the conversation that they had a week ago, when he had admitted that he was beginning to fall in love with someone other than his dead fiance. He didn't want to remember the way that Dave's eyes lit up unlike they had in years. He didn't want to remember the way that his chest ached when Dave reminded him that he was stuck in the in-between space until his last wishes were fulfilled. Until Klaus had moved on and found companionship with someone else, Dave was going to be stuck as a lingering spirit, unable to attain peace.

He took in a shaky breath before he forced the tears from his eyes and the knot from his throat. "Okay, Dave. I'll move on."

"Thank you, Klaus. You and I both know that this isn't healthy for either of us. Clinging to what we had when I was alive is going to do nothing but make us miserable. And the last thing I want to see is you being more miserable than you were before we met, because that means that I hurt you more than I loved you," Dave whispered. "I love you. Please move on."

The wispy blue spirit dissipated, sending the white stripes of energy up into the fading night sky. The stars were twinkling in the inky blackness, cascading silvery light down on him in tandem with the full moon. The festivities up at the castle are beginning to dissipate as the non-family guests began to disperse and either go back to their own homes or to the rooms provided to them by the castle. Klaus leaned his head back against the grave behind him, no real regard for whose resting place it was. He let the cold from the stone seep through his well-style black curls and the dew from the grass seep through the green pants and jacket that he was wearing.

His eyes flashed open when he heard footsteps from a few feet away and he was met with someone he hadn't expected to follow him all the way out here. Viktor was the most likely candidate to come chasing after him as soon as he knew that something was wrong. Allison might have, if she wasn't busy with her new husband and daughter. Luther and Diego were both still so awestruck by their wives that they only would have come to check on him after being berated by the aforementioned woman to do so. Five would have done it if he thought that something horrible was happening. He loved his family but was bad at showing it and thought that emotions were best processed when someone was left alone. Klaus would have expected even the queen or his own father to follow him into the graveyard, rather than who actually did.

When he turned around enough that he could see who it was, his eyes adjusting to the dark of the night, he was surprised to see Prince Ben Sparrow stalking across the short-cut dewy grass of the graveyard.

His shirt was unbuttoned down to the bottom of his pectorals, which was revealing way more of his caramel colored skin than Klaus thought was fair. His dark black hair was still pushed back by a ridiculous amount of sticky gel, but it did make him look rather handsome. Despite himself, despite all of the aching grief that was still buried in his chest, he felt his stomach flutter.

The foreign prince stood a few feet away from him, looking the eldest Hargreeves over. "He's right, you know," he said after a moment.

"Oh? And what would you know about dead fiances coming back from the dead, Benny boy?" Klaus asked. He was desperately trying to use humor as a way to stave off another bout of crying.

Instead of saying something rude to him (which he had done to a fair amount of them, even going so far as to make Viktor cry on their third meeting), Ben just sat down on the grass between the two graves so that he was close enough that Klaus could have reached out and touched him had he been so inclined. "Maybe not about them coming back from the dead, but I know a fair bit about dead fiance's."

Klaus went quiet for a bit. He let his head loll to the side so that he was looking at Ben properly. "Really?"

"Really," the other man nodded.

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Klaus shifted a little bit, so that he was facing Ben instead of Dave's grave. He could still see the gray headstone in the moonlight, it wasn't like it had disappeared or he was ignoring it, more like he was appreciating them both. This was the kind of thing that Dave wanted from him, he knew, and this was about as far as he could go right now. "What was their name?" Klaus asked.

"Her name was Jennifer. I called her Jenny," a small smile fell over his face. Up to this point, Klaus had only seen him with a scowl pressed over his features. He had seen the fake hints of a smile when he was bringing up a particularly cruel insult or comment, but nothing like this. There was the same dark shimmer of grief that Klaus held with him in every action that he did.

"How did she die?"

"How did yours?" Ben snapped back in reply, gesturing his head over to the grave.

"Touche," Klaus sighed. He rubbed a hand over his hair to try and get the curls away from his eyes. He took a moment before he finally admitted, "We were in the war together. He and I met when I was assigned to bunk with him in one of the tents and then things just kind of took off from there. He died in my arms after being shot by a Commission soldier on the Day of Death."

"If I remember correctly that day was named after something that your little brother did," Ben said, his voice coated with curiosity.

Klaus didn't like to remember that day, but spoke anyway. "Yeah. Viktor's powers had been weak at best until that day. Suddenly he was able to wipe out an entire army of people in one swoop. Caused quite the commotion."

"And then you brought all of the dead soldiers back when…" he trailed off, looking towards the gravestone.

"Dave died, yes," Klaus nodded. "There was a second wave and Viktor passed out because the first wave of power had been too much for him to handle. Dave got shot and then I just… let loose. I brought back every soldier that had died on that ground and controlled them to kill the remaining army. Every single dead person was under my control, even if their body hadn't hit the earth yet."

"You're ridiculously powerful," Ben replied instead of saying something that a normal person would respond to that admission with.

"Aww, thank you," Klaus batted his eyes at the other man. "You're the only person to say that sober."

Ben was quiet for a moment before he asked, "Really?"

Klaus opened his mouth to answer before he just let out a little giggle. "You acted all haughty like you knew all about our family drama when you showed up but you literally know nothing, don't you?"

He felt his heart flutter in his chest, betraying the ache once more, when he saw the way that he looked away and red burned on his cheeks. Klaus moved so that he was laying on his side and reached out for Ben's hands. Slowly, the man allowed him to interlock their fingers. "How about this, you ask me about a family member and I'll tell you about their tragic backstory. Me not included, you've unlocked enough of my trauma for the night."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked as he let his eyes finally travel back so that he was looking into Klaus'.

"Of course I'm sure! You're basically family anyway. Especially if we keep going the way that we are," he winked.

Before he knew what was happening, he felt the press of lips against his own. Fireworks exploded inside of him as his brain released the happy chemicals he had been trying to get since Dave had died. He needed the touch, the intimacy, the reassurance that he was loved. It seemed that he hadn't quite realized how badly he needed it until he actually managed to get it.

They broke apart and Klaus couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face. "Making out with your brother-in-law while your sister is still getting married. That's quite the scandal, Sparrow," he joked.

"Shut your stupid mouth so I can kiss you again," Ben nearly growled as he yanked the other forward and kissed him passionately again.

The second kiss ended and they moved so that they were laying together in the dewey grass. The entire time that they were rearranging, their hands were still clasped tightly together. They were both on their backs, Klaus with one hand on his stomach and Ben with the other behind his head. Their sides were almost completely flush together in their desperation for affection. They stared up at the stars, twinkling far brighter and more joyously now that he had someone to enjoy the cool April night with, and talked until their voices had both gone hoarse from overuse.

He was dedicated to moving on, and this was the first step. Dave had asked that Klaus go on at least one date, so that he could move onto paradise and wait for his lover there. The prince wasn't sure that he was ever going to let someone take the piece of his heart that he had laid in Dave's hands all those years ago, but he was going to try and carve out another piece of his soul for the man laying next to him. He didn't want to admit it when he was still clinging to the wisps of a memory that should have been kept in the box it had originally been stored in, but he was in love.

Klaus hated change, that much was still true, but he was beginning to hate it less and less the longer that time went on.

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usagirotten · 4 months ago

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The Umbrella Academy Final Season Trailer: A Riveting Conclusion to the Hargreeves Saga

Fans of "The Umbrella Academy" have been eagerly anticipating the release of the final season, and now the wait is almost over. Netflix has just dropped the trailer for the show's concluding chapter, and it's packed with the drama, action, and unexpected twists that have made the series a global phenomenon. The trailer opens with a montage of the Hargreeves siblings in various states of distress, hinting at the high stakes and intense emotional journeys ahead. As the scenes unfold, viewers are treated to glimpses of new characters, shocking betrayals, and the signature dark humor that fans have come to love. Key Highlights from the Trailer: - Time Travel Chaos: The trailer teases a return to the complex timelines and paradoxes that have been a hallmark of the series. The Hargreeves must once again navigate the perils of time travel to prevent an impending apocalypse. - New Alliances: Unexpected alliances form as the siblings realize that their only chance of survival is to unite against a common enemy. The introduction of new characters adds depth and intrigue to the unfolding narrative. - Personal Battles: Each sibling faces personal demons and unresolved issues from their past. The trailer hints at emotional confrontations and character development that promise to be both heart-wrenching and satisfying. - Epic Showdowns: Fans can expect plenty of action-packed sequences, with intense fight scenes and spectacular special effects. The stakes have never been higher, and the Hargreeves are prepared to go to any lengths to protect their family and the world. Fan Reactions: Since its release, the trailer has sparked a flurry of excitement and speculation among fans. Social media platforms are abuzz with theories about how the series will conclude and what fate awaits each of the beloved characters. Release Date: The final season of "The Umbrella Academy" is set to premiere on Netflix later this year. Mark your calendars and prepare for a thrilling ride as the Hargreeves family faces their ultimate challenge. Stay tuned for more updates and exclusive content as we count down to the release of the epic conclusion of "The Umbrella Academy."

Certainly! Here are some of the significant differences between Gerard Way’s original comic book series and the Netflix TV show “The Umbrella Academy”: - Powers of the Hargreeves Siblings: - In the comics, Diego has precision knife-throwing skills and can hold his breath underwater indefinitely. - Klaus can levitate and communicate via airwaves. - Allison’s powers in the comics warp reality. - Vanya’s comic book powers involve using her violin to manipulate sound waves. - The show creators made the siblings’ abilities slightly different to make them feel more “human.” - Vanya’s powers are notably more potent in the show than in the comics. - Luther’s Origin Story: - In the show, Luther’s size results from Sir Reginald Hargreeves injecting him with ape serum. - In the comics, his head is attached to the body of a Martian gorilla, granting him physical abilities like one. - Allison’s Appearance: - Comic Allison has purple hair and loses an arm as a child. - It’s yet to be revealed where her second arm came from in the comics. - Diego’s Eye: - In the comics, Diego only has one eye, but it’s never explained. - In the show, Diego has a scar on the side of his head but no missing eye. - Klaus and Vanya’s Sexual Orientation: - In the comics, Klaus and Vanya are not explicitly LGBTQ+ characters. - The show developed Klaus’ gay tendencies as the character evolved Read the full article

#cómics #TheUmbrellaAcademy #tvseries

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its-raining-brellies · 1 year ago

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Hey I wrote down what I could read! (It’s not particularly informative or coherent unfortunately but you can actually read lots of it)

The KENNEDY SIX is a group of Communists said to have orchestrated the assassination of John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, on November 22nd, 1963.

HARGREEVES, VANYA: A Soviet spy and founding member of The Kennedy Six, a group of Communist said to have orchestrated the assassination of John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, on November 22nd, 1963. Though no date of birth is known, education and medical records place Vanya Hargreeves in St Petersburg, Russia, as early as 1947. Official reports released by the CIA, FBI, and the U.S. Department of Defense provide evidence of Ms. Hargreeves’ involvement in the establishment of Soviet Satellite States, during which time she is said to have contact with American Double Agent and member of the Kennedy Six, Luther Hargreeves. The extent of these … relationship remains … .

HARGREEVES, DIEGO: … assassination of John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, on November 22nd, 1963. Once thought to be a ? agent for the Cuban government, who was smuggled into the country as a baby and trained to become radicalized against U.S. democracy from an early age, his true origin remains unknown due to a lack of official records of his birth or origin. The FBI can only officially place him in the United States as early as 1963. According to official reports from the CIA, he is believed to have been an expert in covert radio communication and a disgraced former high-ranking intelligence officer for the Cuban government. It is rumored that he lost an eye in Cuba in a cigar attack as punishment for compromising an intelligence operation. His association with the Kennedy Six is believed to be on behalf of the Cuban government and their interest in removing Kennedy from office by whatever means necessary. While the FBI and other law enforcement agencies have been unable to prove this connection, reports place him in Cuba shortly before his arrival in Dallas and eventual rendezvous with his co-conspirators. His whereabouts to this day are unknown, though he is … believed to be hiding in Cuba.

HARGREEVES, ALLISON: As an American born civil agitator recruited by radical terror groups to infiltrate the American Civil Rights Movement in an attempt to disrupt and discredit the country’s federal government. A hairdresser by trade, Allison Hargreeves sought to use her position in local politics to lure John F. Kennedy to Texas, setting up the 35th President for assassination on November 22nd, 1963. Through … involvement with the Kennedy Six …

NUMBER FIVE: Known only by his KGB code name, Number Five is assumed to be the youngest member of the Kennedy Six, a group of Communist said to have orchestrated the assassination of John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, on November 22nd, 1963. Though existing records remain seal under the U.S. Espionage Act, Number Five is widely known to have been hand-picked by First Secretary of the USSR Nikita Khrushchev, to recruit American citizens in the effort to collect sensitive political and military information as relating to the United States policy of Communist Containment. A Federal Grand Jury issued an indictment for Number Five’s arrest in December 1963. The indictment remains open.

HARGREEVES, KLAUS: A prominent religious leader of an influential cult movement and believed to be a member of the Kennedy Six, which is said to have orchestrated the assassination of John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, on November 22nd, 1963. Initially believed to … and training facility … religious movement … federal authorities … the latter was even … levied with …

HARGREEVES, LUTHER: An American … boxer with connection to … crime families, and a member of the Kennedy Six, … responsible for the assassination of John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States, on November 22nd, 1963. According to reports from the … and U.S. Department of Defense, Luther Hargreeves was an agent and known … Jack Ruby, and his involvement in the Kennedy Six is believed to be on behalf …

I so deeply need a full version of the history book chapter on the kennedy six please please please tua writers I know you wanna...

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shima-draws · 3 years ago

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I just spent the last few days rewatching The Umbrella Academy since season 3 is dropping next month and ughhfhfhfhf. My brain is melting

#Listen a show like that is so good #But it ends up emotionally kicking your ass whether you want it to or not #I’d like to believe we’re at the point where the Hargreeves siblings are a united front now #And just spend all of season 3 kicking the Sparrow Academy’s asses as a family #I mean that’s what the trailer seemed to imply anyway. LOL #It only took them 30 years to get their shit together 💕#The Umbrella Academy #TUA #Also can I just say that Klaus specifically deserved better in every sense of the word #Just in general. He deserved better #AND SO DID BEN #Original timeline Ben I miss you. I am not looking at or perceiving new timeline Ben #Shima speaks

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destinyandcoins · 4 years ago

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i think my favorite sibling moment in the entirety of the umbrella academy is when five comes to collect klaus to stop the apocalypse before they find allison and they’re talking about how reginald always warned them about the apocalypse when they were kids. and klaus is like “yeah i always thought he just said that to scare us into doing the dishes” and five goes “me too” with that somewhat delighted tone of voice like he’s surprised and validated that he and his siblings were on the same page about yet another one of the bullshit things their dad put them through as kids and i just. siblings commiserating over their bizarre and terrible childhood as adults when they never dared to reach out to each other as kids 🥺

#is anyone surprised that my favorite sibling moment is centered around klaus and five or have you never met me before...#the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #five #love them #it's just such a cute and unimportant line but i love the delivery on it #and that feeling of reminiscing fondly about some frankly horrible moments in their shared childhood #i feel like reginald probably tried very hard to build them up as a team and divide them as a family #couldn't have them all bonding too much and getting ideas in their head about opposing him #(let's be real if they had the chance to bond as a unit and the motivation to turn on him reginald would have been TOAST and he knew it)#so they probably spent some of their childhoods slightly unsure of how to acknowledge what they were going through #even after they realized it was Not Normal and not Good #and i don't think five and klaus were SUPER close as kids so they likely never talked about this kind of thing #it just amuses me that 15 & 45 years later respectively they're both like 'oh wait you thought dad was just being dramatic and insane too?'#because at the point that five left they probably were still in that building awareness of how fucked up their lives were #without the open rebellion and rejection of it that came in the later teenage years #so they hadn't ever had this conversation before #okay i think i'm done now i didn't mean to go off quite like that oops

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badkitty3000 · 1 month ago

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You Can't Go Home Again

Chapter 7 (Final)

Link to Chapter 6

Link to Chapter 5

Link to Chapters 3 and 4

Link to Chapters 1 and 2

An alternate season three rewrite for a request I received.

This is the final chapter! Thank you everyone that has been following this story!

Warnings: None

Chapter Seven: The Idea of Happiness

The three men appeared out of the portal, stumbling into the living room of the house. There was a collective sigh of relief from the other siblings when they saw Five and Klaus were still in one piece. Marie gave a short shriek of surprise from them appearing out of nowhere, but as soon as she saw her husband she started to make her way over to him. She stopped as soon as she saw Reginald’s pistol that was still in his hand.

“What are you doing with a gun, Five?” she asked warily.

Her Five’s eyebrows drew together in confusion until he looked down and remembered he had been holding it when they teleported out of the Academy.

“Oh, shit,” he said to himself. “I’m sorry…it’s…”

“Here,” Five said, taking it out of his hand with an exaggerated eye roll and shoving it in the back of his pants.

After the gun was put away, Marie approached her husband again, looking at him curiously, as if seeing him for the first time. She stared into his eyes, her own filling up with tears again.

“You left,” she said, her voice barely audible. “You left us.” When he went to take her hand, she pulled it away with a shake of her head.

“Marie, I’m sorry. I was just so angry, I felt like I had to do something to –” His apology was cut short when his wife slapped him hard across the face. The rest of the adults in the room cringed and let out a collective “Ooooh.”

“That’s gotta hurt,” Klaus whispered to Lila.

“What I wouldn’t give to smack either one of these wankers across the face,” she responded, not quite as quietly as Klaus. “She’s got good form, though, I’ll give her that.”

As the other Five was recovering from his slap, Marie’s anger started building. “You selfish bastard! What were you trying to prove, huh?”

“I’m sorry. But I wasn’t leaving you or the kids, I promise. That was the whole point. I had the watch, so I was returning right away.”

“But you didn’t even tell me! Where the hell did you go anyway? And why do you have a gun? I demand some goddamn answers, Five! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?”

Until now, Five had assumed Marie was a sweet, soft-spoken woman that never raised her voice. But as soon as he saw her losing her shit, he had to smile. Of course his other version would be married to a woman with some fight in her. That only made sense.

Five didn’t really want to piss her off anymore, but he felt obligated to step in. “Marie, he wasn’t going to leave you. That’s the truth. We would never do that.” She and her Five both looked at him in surprise because he had used the word we. “I understand what he did and why. The urge to protect your family at all costs is a strong one.” Five looked around at his siblings. “Sometimes it makes you do stupid shit like getting them stranded decades in the past, or in a completely wrong timeline.” He turned back to Marie. “But I can assure you it was all done out of his love for you. Because that’s what we do.”

Klaus put a hand to his heart and was about to say something about Five being a big softy after all, but Lila clapped a hand over his mouth.

“All of that is true,” the other Five said. “And I can explain everything to you. But right now, I think our guests need to get going.”

As if on cue, another kugel wave shot through the house, accompanied by the thunderous sound of the row of houses across the street breaking off and disappearing, leaving a giant chasm in its wake. The universe was collapsing at an accelerated rate, with whole sections of the earth cracking off into the void.

As everyone gasped, Five nodded. “It’s now or never.”

“Wait!” Marie cried, hurrying off to the other room.

While she was gone, Jack suddenly blinked out of the room, as well.

“Where the hell is everyone going?” Five’s other self asked before looking down at Maddie. The little girl just shrugged.

In another second, Jack was back, blinking into the living room again and directly in front of Five. He held out a small plastic baggie with cookies inside. “Blinking makes me hungry, so I figured you probably get that way too. So, in case you need a snack, here. They’re chocolate chip.”

Five reached for the bag and inspected it. “Chocolate chip is my favorite kind. How did you know?”

Jack laughed. “Cause that’s my dad’s favorite, too!”

Five chuckled and put the bag in his back pocket. “Thank you, Jack. You keep an eye on your sister and keep practicing those blinks, ok?”

The little boy nodded before throwing his arms around Five’s small waist, pulling away again before Five could react. Then he was gone across the room in a flash again.

At that moment, Marie came hurrying in, carrying a garment bag on a hanger. She shoved it at Five. “Here. I cleaned it as best I could. The dry cleaner was destroyed, so I had to improvise. But I figured you’d want your own clothes when you got back home.”

Five took the suit from her with a shy smile. “Thank you, Marie. That was not necessary, but I appreciate it very much. And thank you for letting us invade your home.”

She nodded. “I’d say come back anytime, but that would probably mean disaster for all of us if you did.”

The rest of the siblings gathered around, thanking Marie for her hospitality and the other Five for helping them get out of there. Allison hugged the kids, getting misty eyed with the thought that maybe she’d get to see Claire again soon.

Five turned to his doppelganger. The two men regarded one another, not knowing what to say. What was there to say? Thanks for letting me get wasted and have an existential crisis in your basement. Thanks for talking me out of killing our father who’s not really our father because of my childhood trauma. See you at the next fucked-up family reunion!

After a few seconds of pondering, they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t really necessary, anyway. They were the same person, just slightly different models. Their thoughts were essentially the same. They knew what the other would say if there was more time or if either of them had more emotional capacity.

Instead, they just nodded at one another with small smiles.

Five programmed his watch and stood in the center of the room while his siblings and Lila gathered around. With the earth cracking loudly outside the home and a fiery glow coming from the windows, they each put a hand on one of Five’s shoulders or arms, like spokes off the central hub of a wheel.

With one more look at his other self, Five put his finger on the activation button. “Let me know how this turns out.” And then they were gone.

*********************************************************

Falling onto the floor in a groaning heap, the seven of them pushed and rolled off of one another, trying to get their bearings and stand up again.

“Gross…get off me!” Viktor whined as he tried to shove Lila off the top of him.

Lila smirked and climbed off, ruffling Viktor’s hair in the process. “You’re welcome for that.”

“Ow, get your boot off my face!” Allison yelled at Klaus.

“Well, get your face off my boot!”

Five tried unsuccessfully to pull his leg out from where it was pinned under Luther. “Get off my leg before you snap it in half, asshole!”

“Oh shit, sorry, Five.”

“Everyone move…I’m going to be sick again!” Diego moaned as he tried to scramble away from the group on his hands and knees.

“It’s ok, honey, there’s a plant in the corner over there,” Lila said with a sigh.

With more groans and grumbles, the group finally righted themselves and took a look around.

“I think we did it,” Luther exclaimed after seeing they were once again in the Academy foyer.

“Don’t assume anything,” Five said warily as he started casing the room, looking for clues as to what date, and more importantly, what timeline they were in.

Allison picked up the newspaper on the front table. “Ok, this is a good sign.” She held it up for everyone to see. “March 24th, 2019.”

Five snatched it out of her hand and started rifling through the pages. “Reginald Hargreeves is dead. The Umbrella Academy and all of our names are mentioned. No sign of the Sparrows. Ok, yeah, this could be good.”

The sound of high heels clicking on the floor caused all of their heads to jerk up in unison. No one said anything as Grace appeared in the doorway, wearing her pink polka-dot dress and usual cheery smile.

“Oh, there you kids are! I’m sure everyone is hungry after the funeral, so I’ve put dinner in the oven and it should be ready shortly.” She looked over at Lila with another smile. “And it seems we have a guest! How lovely. I’ll be sure to set an extra place.”

“Mom?” Diego said weakly from the floor next to the potted plant he’d just barfed into. “You’re ok. And not…weird.”

“Of course I’m ok, silly. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Mom? Do you know anything about the Sparrows?” Luther asked.

Grace hesitated for a moment. “Sparrows? Well, we certainly get a lot of those brown little creatures at the birdfeeder every day. They do like to make a mess with the seeds, though.”

Everyone let out a sigh of relief and Grace smoothed her skirt down. “Alright, then. Dinner is in fifteen minutes sharp.”

“This is good, right?” Klaus asked Five, who was still reluctant to declare things safe just yet.

Before he could answer, more familiar footsteps could be heard approaching. This time they were accompanied by the tap of a cane on the floor. The siblings stiffened for a moment before Pogo came into view, looking not so thrilled. He paused in the doorway and took everyone in thoughtfully, his gaze landing on Lila for a moment, but not saying anything. Then he turned to Luther.

“Master Luther,” he started before addressing Diego on the floor, “Master Diego. I am greatly disappointed in your behavior at your father’s funeral today. I expect you two to clean up the courtyard and repair your brother’s statue that you desecrated with your childish antics. And I expect you to do it without further incident. Is that clear?”

The two brothers were instantly cowed by the remarks and they nodded their heads guiltily. “Yes Pogo,” they both said meekly.

“Good,” said the chimp with a tap of his cane for emphasis. “Now, I would love to have a nice dinner with the entire family here before all of you children return to your lives. Can we do that?”

“Yes Pogo,” everyone said with a nod.

“Very good. I shall see you at the dinner table, then.”

As Pogo shuffled away and out of sight, the siblings were left standing and staring at one another in shock.

“I think we did it,” Five finally said.

“If this is the day of Dad’s funeral, that means I haven’t met Leonard yet. I won’t destroy the moon,” Viktor said.

“And I haven’t gone to Vietnam or met Dave,” Klaus said a little sadly.

“Claire!” Allison cried with a smile before rushing off to use the phone in the hallway.

“Patch is still alive.” Diego looked at Lila and grabbed her hand with a squeeze. “I’ll explain some things.”

Luther shrugged, looking around the room. “I guess I’m back from the moon for good.”

Everyone’s eyes fell on Five and he suddenly felt very exposed. They all had lives to return to and resume like normal. All of them except for him.

“What are you going to do, Five?” Klaus asked.

He shook his head. “I’m…I’m not sure.” Then he cleared his throat and grabbed the hanging bag with his clean suit from off the floor. “Shower and change for one. And I advise you all to do the same. You smell like shit.” Then he was gone in a blink without another word.

******************************************************

Back in his old room in the attic, Five sat on the edge of his bed. The extra-long shower he had taken had felt good, but he was still anxious. He had fixed it, he thought. So far nothing had appeared out of the ordinary from when they had left a couple of weeks ago. But that didn’t mean something horrible wasn’t lurking around the corner, ready to pull the rug out from under them. There was something else gnawing at him, though. And that was the fact that even if things were completely back to normal, what did that mean for him?

Five ran a hand down his face and glanced around his room. Everything was how he remembered it. This time there was no manic math on the walls and Dolores wasn’t there with him. His first thought was that he should go out and find her, just like he did before. But so much had happened to him since then, and something just felt wrong. He had let her go once before. He needed to do it again.

When his eyes landed on his desk, he noticed something that had not been there before; a bottle of what looked like whiskey. Getting up to get a closer look, Five saw that it was the exact same whiskey that he had polished off in his other self’s basement a couple of days ago. Next to the bottle, written on a piece of paper that had been lying on the desk, was a note in his handwriting.

“Everything restored. Life is good.”

Five picked up the note and then looked at the bottle. With a slow smile creeping over his face, he shook his head. “Asshole had to show me up again.”

*********************************************************

As Five stood in front of his wardrobe mirror, fixing the knot on his tie and straightening his suit jacket, there was a knock on the door.

“Five, dear…dinner is ready. Are you coming down?”

“Yeah, be right there, Mom,” he called, catching himself off guard by the automatic response to something that hadn’t been said in decades.

He paused, his hands still at his tie, as he heard Grace’s heels click back down the stairs. He stared into the same thirteen year-old eyes that he had looked into in that very mirror so long ago. He always was the last one of the kids to arrive at the table; always blinking in at the last second right before Reginald would come striding in. Five always had more important things to be doing other than joining his family for meals and being forced to listen to whatever bullshit their father was “instilling” in them that day. He had physics to study, and books to read. He needed to sneak out of the fire escape just to get out of the house and breathe for once. He needed to work on his spatial jumps. Anything but spend time with his family.

With a hard swallow and one more adjustment of his tie, he grabbed the whiskey bottle off the desk and took a swallow. He had already helped himself to about a quarter of the bottle so far, and he expected to have it finished off before the night was over. But right now, he was still relatively sober, and he set the bottle back down before blinking away to join his siblings at the table.

Dinner was loud and lively as everyone talked over one another excitedly, passing dishes and laughing. Pogo sat in their father’s seat and looked on with an amused smile, just happy to have his children all back in the same house again. Lila sat in Ben’s old seat, which she had initially felt very awkward about, but everyone assured her it was ok. She was family now and Ben wouldn’t have minded. Grace moved in and out of the room, bringing in more platters of food and refilling glasses, all with the same beautiful smile plastered on her face. She patted Diego on the shoulder on her way past and he smiled up at her with a mouthful of food.

As everyone chattered away about how they were going to restart their lives in a more positive way now that they were offered a second chance, Five sat in silence and ate his food slowly. The longer he listened to his siblings’ plans, the better he felt inside. He had done it. He had finally accomplished what he’d sworn to himself to do 45 years ago. His family was safe and the world was in one piece. Even his other self in a completely separate timeline was presumably happy and with his family. Five smiled as he looked out over the table.

“What about you, Fivey?” Klaus asked, pointing a fork at his smaller brother. “You going to go back to school or something?”

Five frowned. “Why would I do that?”

Allison leaned forward to talk to him. “Well, you’re welcome to come stay with me and Claire in L.A. I have plenty of room.”

Five shook his head. “No…thank you…I…I’m not sure what I’m going to do just yet.”

“Well,” Luther started, looking a little nervous. “We were talking earlier…all of us…about maybe, you know, helping you out a little.”

“Yeah,” Viktor added. “We want to make sure you’re ok. You’ve been through a lot and you haven’t really been dealing with it that great.”

Five’s initial reaction was to snap back and tell them he didn’t need any of their pity or their help; that he was doing just fine. But, of course, that wasn’t true and he just didn’t have the energy to fight with them anymore.

“I appreciate your concern,” Five said. “But you can’t help me.”

Lila groaned. “Oh, come on, you little shit. Don’t be such a martyr.”

“Thank you, Lila, and also, fuck you,” Five stated plainly before turning back to the rest of his siblings. “I’m not trying to be a martyr. I can admit I’m not doing great. But you can’t help me. None of you can.

“Master Five, you are more than welcome to stay here as long as you like. The Academy will always be your home,” Pogo interjected.

Five nodded. “Thank you, Pogo. But I can’t stay here, either.”

Diego spoke up. “But where are you going to live or work? You’re a kid. Or, you know, you look like one anyway.”

“And the drinking…” Luther added.

Five held up a hand. “I know, I know. I admit, it doesn’t bode well for me. And I promise to get a handle on the drinking. But for right now, I need to figure some things out on my own.”

There was silence around the table and then Five laughed. No one had ever heard Five laugh without it being followed by a snarky remark that was usually aimed at one of them. They exchanged nervous glances.

“Really, guys, I’m going to be ok,” Five insisted. “At least, I’m going to try and be ok.”

“We just want you to be happy, Five,” Viktor told him.

“I know,” Five said with a sad smile. “I’m not sure happiness is in the cards for me, Viktor, but thank you for saying that.”

************************

As the sunlight filtered through the grimy window of his bedroom and spread across his face, Five stirred. After drinking down the rest of the whiskey the night before, accompanied by Jack’s cookies, Five had tried to come up with as many solutions to his problem as possible. He was smart, he could figure out a way to live independently in this body; he just needed to think.

Stumbling up from the bed where he had passed out on top of the covers in just his suit pants and undershirt, Five made his way over to the desk again. Squinting down at the notebook where he had been listing various ideas, he noticed how his writing had gotten less legible the drunker he got. He also noticed how the ideas became increasingly dumber.

“Join the circus?” he said out loud before flopping down in the chair. “Jesus, I’m an idiot.” With a sigh he looked over the rest of the list. Nothing written there was actually helpful or made much sense. Which was exactly what Five had been afraid of. “Fuck.”

There was only one real answer to all of this, and Five had known it as soon as they had come crashing back into the mansion yesterday. He’d know it longer than that, actually. It had always been in the back of his mind; he just hadn’t wanted to admit it. But there was no getting around it now.

Unless he wanted to live the next five or six years in the custody of one of his siblings, Five was going to have to go back to being the person he hated the most. An assassin for the Commission.

He had thought about staying there at the Academy, maybe for a couple of weeks, almost like a vacation, and to maybe try and dry out a little. But that was just another dumb idea he had. The longer he put it off, the harder it would be. And he was fooling himself if he thought he wouldn’t drink himself half to death if left alone with nothing to do for days at a time.

There was another very real concern, too. And that was that he was fairly sure it was just a matter of time before they started looking for him again. They had returned to the beginning, and a gang of angry Commission agents were probably on their way right now to find him and drag him back or kill him. So, it was best if he just went willingly this time. If he couldn’t spare himself, he could at least spare his family.

Five had decided, though, that if they wanted him back there was going to be some changes. He had no idea what state the Commission was in at the moment. So many timelines had been fucked up in his little journey through space and time that he wasn’t sure if the Handler was dead or alive, or if AJ was still in charge, or someone else. Either way, Five knew he was their greatest asset, and he wasn’t going to come slinking back with his tail between his legs.

He had specific demands and allocations that he was prepared to negotiate for. He was no longer going to be one of their drones that worked for them unquestionably until he was killed in the line of duty. No, he knew his worth. If he was going to walk back into that building again, things were going to be different. Five was a fucking Commission legend, and it was time he was treated like one.

He wanted his own apartment in the real world, not in Commission headquarters, so that he could visit and keep tabs on his siblings. He didn’t want to be tracked wherever he went, so no microchip this time. He wanted to be able to pick the jobs with full power to turn them down for any reason.

He would sign their five-year contract, but if those additions were not added, then there would be no deal.

If they had a problem with that, then, that was going to be their big mistake. Because Five had no problem fighting and outrunning them for the rest of his life; using up their precious resources and all of their best field agents in the process. Bring it on. He had nothing else to do.

After another shower and change back into his Academy uniform because the suit was pretty ripe by now and the clothes Marie had given him made him feel somehow younger, Five stood at the top of the staircase. He could hear his family down there, laughing, talking, and arguing. The sound of clinking silverware and the smell of his mother’s cooking was drifting upwards. He could even make out a soft chuckle from Pogo.

There was that moment of panic again. Five could feel it, reaching up from his guts and wrapping its hand tightly around his heart. He reached up to loosen his tie and tried to take in big breaths of air. He wanted to join them. To walk breezily down the stairs, grab a plate and sit down at the table to join in their conversation. He wanted to chat with Pogo about some of the interesting physics theories he had studied up on during his alone time in the Apocalypse. He longed to sit quietly at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and a newspaper while Grace went about her chores, listening to her hum her happy little tunes.

But he couldn’t. Despite what Pogo had told him, this was not his home anymore. It hadn’t been in many years. Five needed to move on, no matter how hard that was. He wasn’t a stranger to hardship, so for him this was just another kick in the nuts that life was throwing at him. This time, though, he wasn’t going to stay away. He had survived and saved his siblings for a reason, and he wasn’t going to throw all of that away now. So, he would come back from time to time. He would keep in touch and hopefully watch them flourish and have families of their own.

And who knows, maybe Five would luck out. Maybe down the road he could knock off the booze and meet someone special to share his life with. Maybe he could have his own home and family one day. His other self had shown him he was capable of it. Five doubted it, but maybe he could find his own happiness with the right person.

Nothing was impossible.

If anyone is interested in my other works, here is a link to my Masterlist ❤️

@kaybreezy3000 @lunalovesangst

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