#kisame scenario

[historicfailure]

Work Under Water

6. Chapter: Washed onto the Next Best Shore

Kisame finally explains why he continues to flirt - and shows it, too.

~ X ~

Hey there, sorry for the long wait. I had lots of stuff going on in my life, and I don't know, possibly had writer's block without even realizing it. Now though, I feel like I can do something about these left and abandoned stories again. If that "something" is good or not, that's not for me to judge. I hope you guys like this new addition. Thanks for reading and have fun :D

~ X ~

The first date was a resounding success. After swimming with Kisame, the two of you laid on the grass and dried under the sun, and even though you hid away beneath your towel, that talk had felt like Kisame truly tried to get to know you on a deeper level. The conversation with him grew deeper as well, continuing all throughout the afternoon and the better part of dinner. The sun nearly vanished in the darkening sky as Kisame dropped you off at the lake again, where your parked car still waited.

As you opened the door of the truck in the nearly empty parking lot and wanted to climb out, Kisame was faster. One hand landed on your arm, holding you back before you could slip away.

“Have a good night, (Y/N).”

The casual touch made your breath hitch. Fuck. How could something so simple as the touch of a hand on your arm could be this fantastic to you? Was it the fact that only a few people ever did this? Touch you just for the sake of touching you?

Fuck, am I really that touch-starved?

He has me in the palm of his hand, for sure.

Does he know? I hope not. 

A smile formed on your face, easy and light. “I hope you have a good night, too.”

His smile turned up a few notches. “Oh, now it definitely is. And think about a second date with me, alright?”

Without a question in your mind, there would be a second date. God, you needed a second date. Like the damned crave for sweets at 2am hit you with a vengeance, you needed that second date. And a third, a fourth, and so on. After just one date with Kisame, you wanted more. More of his voice, more of his touch, more of him in all varieties. Being so addicted to him in a matter of a few hours should scare you, but on the contrary: you felt like you were floating as you walked over the hard parking lot towards your car, got in and waved one last time before you drove off. 

Kisame waited until you left the lot safely, only then he left as well. Making sure you were on your way home, before he went to his own home. A kind gesture, and one you appreciated greatly. On the few dates that you had, the men tended to try to shoot their shot, and when you made clear that nothing sexual would happen on the first date, their play-pretend interest in you evaporated like morning dew under the hot summer sun. 

Barely at home, you fought with yourself a little bit before texting Kisame. Was it too soon? Too rash? Too much? The questions swirled around in your head, but that couldn’t stop your fingers from typing out a message to him and sending it off. 

>It was a wonderful first date. Thank you so much for this day. :)

The answer came in an instant. Like Kisame had waited for your message with his phone in his hands.

>It was my pleasure. Sooo… About that second date…?

A little smile flashed over your face.

> I would love to. If you’re up for it.

> Now that you agreed, you’re not getting off the hook that easily.

It should feel like a threat. Something dangerous and threatening, something anxiety-inducing. Instead, there was a warm tingle spreading from the pit of your stomach all throughout your body. Still in your clothes and with your skin feeling suspiciously like you had a sunburn, you fell into your bed, all the while pressing your phone to your chest. 

You could try. You would, that much was clear. But you didn’t expect that tingle and the warmth, the little fluttering of your heart when Kisame gave again confirmation that he wanted to see you again. 

For the second date, you picked the location. Even though it was tempting to simply pick the secret spot at the lake once more, you went with a simple picnic in the park, followed by a walk through the greenery. Seeing Kisame with clothes on was still a bit weird, and you somehow expected him to wear a pair of swimming shorts beneath the rough jeans he wore to the date. Together with the marine-blue loose t-shirt, which still managed to cling to his muscles in all the right ways, it made Kisame easily the most attractive man in the park. 

A fact a few people also noticed. And they noticed you beside that attractive man, walking beside him, talking with him, being touched by him. And some obviously asked themselves what you had so Kisame spent his time with you.

He noticed. Of course, he did, you weren’t that secretive about your growing insecurity. 

Suddenly, Kisame stopped in his tracks. You nearly walked past him, but paused and turned ever so slightly to him. “What’s the matter?”

“You’re thinking way too loudly.” His askew cheeky grin made your heart pound harder in your chest. He reached out, and when his big fingers closed around your smaller hand, your heart felt like leaping out of your throat. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“And what?” Despite the anxiety chewing at your insides, you dared to raise your chin in defiance. “What could I possibly think?”

“That you’re somehow not worthy to be here with me. That you’re not good enough. That the others look at you with disdain.” Kisame stepped a little bit closer. Just enough for the tips of his shoes to hit yours. Somehow, the new closeness stole your breath away. “But,” he leaned even closer, so close his mouth was tantalizing you with its look, and you could feel his breath ghost over your face, “but I want this. I want you. Only you. Never forget that.”

It didn’t matter anymore that the two of you were standing right on a neatly cared path leading through a wide park, with lots of people nearby to stare at the very open closeness between the two of you. But with your heart pounding and your blood rushing in your ears, you couldn’t care less. There was only Kisame, his scent, his body. All of him, and you were drowning. 

Will he…?

Oh god, no.

Oh god, yes. Yes, please.

For a few long moments, you wished and prayed that he would lean down further. That  you maybe found some courage and leaned in instead, to do what you wanted to do so desperately that it hurt. To feel his lips against yours, with the knowledge and security that he wanted you, warming you from within. 

But it didn’t happen. Kisame merely winked, like he could read your thoughts down to the comma, before straightening himself out. “I know what you want, little one. But you know what they say.”

“What?” You fell into step beside him, with your hand still held by his, his grip gentle and warm against your skin. 

“Third time, and by that I mean the infamous third date, is the charm.” Your hands, with the fingers tightly yet gently intertwined, swayed between your bodies. Such a nice touch, you forgot about anyone else but him.

It was so terribly easy to believe that it was real. You wanted to believe him, and part of you already did. Still, there was a tiny voice whispering and murmuring in your head. The voice was silent whenever you were with Kisame and talked with him, but it grew louder and louder whenever you were alone. 

Your insecurities were just muted when you were with him, not simply gone. You wished life would be that easy, but it rarely was. That was why you still felt like puking when you pulled up to the lake again, decked out with a two-piece swimsuit, light clothes and some light food, fitting for one of the last days of the summer. The nights got colder, sharp winds blew from time to time, and thankfully, rain started to come down more regularly. The last weeks of the hot drought took a toll on the environment, but in the next few days, the forecast announced rain and thunder.

Maybe, rain would fall even sooner than that. You could feel the humidity on your skin as you slipped out of your car, encompassing you like a coat as you made your way over to the beach. At the top of the hill, which descended into the sandy area, you could overlook the entire beach. Your eyes automatically went to the highest vantage point: the lifeguard seat. And there he was, the man you were casually — or maybe not so casually, as you hoped — seeing. Even over the distance, you could see how the man lounged in his chair, the long legs stretched out and dangling, one arm draped over the armrest, the other loosely holding onto a water bottle. A white tee hung from his shoulders, stuck to his skin in places where the sweat glued it to him. That meant he didn’t have to go into the water at all today, or just very early into his shift. 

You smiled. It also meant Kisame would be antsy to swim a few rounds. By now, you managed to find out one simple truth about the man: he loved to be in the water. A day spent without going for a swim was for him a wasted day. Even worse when it was hot and humid. 

You took a quick peek at your phone. Yeah, Kisame’s shift really was over in a few more minutes. Then, a little idea sparked in your brain. Yes, it was definitely a great idea. Before you knew it, you had opened your messenger app and typed out a quick message. Just a tiny hint of newly discovered cheekiness at play, and your thumb sent out the message before you could think too much about it. 

Of course, Kisame couldn’t really look at his phone. But only a few minutes after your message, the lanky guy with white hair stepped out of the small hut for the lifeguards. Without a hurry, he strolled over to the seat, with his arms crossed behind his head. 

Aah. Shift change. 

A bit late. And not hurrying in the slightest. 

Cheeky little…

Watching from afar was possibly even funnier than being up close. Like this, you could fully take in the scene: Kisame turning his head and spotting the younger lifeguard, who then climbed out of his seat and down from the higher vantage point. There, he waited, and waited, and waited for the younger guy to finally reach the stand, while he crossed his arms over his chest as he saw what you were witnessing. To say that he dressed the younger lifeguard down would be an overstatement. Just a small exchange of words, in which Kisame raised his fingers at the younger man, before walking off with wide strides. His eyes were intently set on his goal: the hut for the lifeguards. Only when he was halfway across the beach, he checked his phone, which he had placed into a small bag, together with his water bottle and sunscreen. All of those items were valuable for his job. 

He stopped in the middle of his tracks. Again, he read over the message, only for his head to snap up and scan his surroundings. 

> you’re looking good up there. Can’t wait to see you in the water, though. ;)

You knew he spotted you when his eyes met yours. Even over the distance, you could feel his look ghost over your body like fingers. From head to toe, he mustered you. A pleasant shudder wandered down your back, goose bumps peppering your arms and legs from the raw intensity of his look. Then, he raised his phone to his mouth, spoke for a moment, only to raise the same hand in a little wave. 

A few moments later, your phone pinged. Without looking, you knew the message was from Kisame. 

Just a short message, merely a few seconds long. You pressed the play button, your heart trembling at the prospect of hearing his voice already, while your eyes followed Kisame’s body, which had continued its way towards the hut.

“I’m looking good up there? Babe, why don’t you tell me stuff like this when I’m with you, huh? Then, I could at least tell you the same.”

A smile flashed over your lips. The way he said it… It sounded like he felt just as impatient as you possibly did. Yeah, you didn’t forget the stuff he said about the “third date”. Back at the park, it had been a promise, and now, it could become reality. 

Something deep down in your stomach curled. Curled and heated up, and the heat spread through all of your limbs. Subconsciously, you gripped your phone tighter. Fuck, you were down bad. Down bad for this man. Really, it was unfair.

Just so me to fall so much for someone.

Even if he’s into me, it’s like comparing an avalanche against some light snow. 

I’m sure I’m way more into him than he’s into me.

Before more doubts could arise, the door of the lifeguard-hut flew open, so hard that when it hit the wood of the wall, the entire building seemed to shake. 

Kisame stepped out, now dressed into a floral Hawaiian shirt, which was still open and fluttered around his naked torso more than it covered him up, and another pair of swimming shorts. 

“Sorry,” he spoke so loudly you could clearly understand him even over the distance, “won’t happen again. Have a nice day!” Before anyone could answer, Kisame threw the door shut again and came towards you in a half-jog, half relaxed walk. 

“Hey there.” His cheeky smile was infectious. Your own smile instantly brightened as he leaned down for a short hug. Just for a second, his arm around your shoulder pressed your body close to his, and the scent of sunscreen, lake water and something deeply musky enveloped you. Before you knew it, you took a deep breath in, and that breath kindled the heat inside of you. 

Yup. You were really down bad for him.

Kisame loosened the hug and stepped a small step back. His eyes flew up and down your figure, something akin to appreciation and possibly even adoration in his eyes. “Finally, I can return the compliment. You’re looking hot as hell today.”

“You’re overreacting.” Despite your insistence, you could feel how your face grew warmer. Such a simple compliment, and you were melting. Damn Kisame and his charm! Only barely, you lowered your eyes, only to flinch the tiniest bit when his fingers gently stopped you from doing so.

“Oh no,” Kisame grinned, “not today. Not when it’s the third date. You might think I have been terrible before, but you have seen nothing, babe.”

Babe. Uuurgh. 

Is it normal to get weak in the knees just because of that?

I never liked that nickname. But… I could get used to it.

And the way Kisame said it… Like he was caressing the syllable with his tongue, tasting every letter with the sensuality of a true, dedicated lover, with attention to detail and all the time on his hands. You really felt a little bit weak in the knees, just enough to excuse leaning into his hand as the one cupping your chin flattened against your face. 

“As much as I would love to stand here and grow roots with you,” his grin revealed more of his unusually sharp teeth, and just for a second, you imagined those teeth lightly digging into the sensitive skin of your shoulder, “I can’t wait to get alone with you. I have so much planned.”

“Planned?” you echoed. Really, it was hard to think at the moment. “What exactly?”

“Not much.” He shrugged. “Just a bit of swimming, relaxing, lying around in the sun, making out… You know, the usual.”

“Wait…” Did you hear that right? But before you could ask about what he said, Kisame’s thumb swiped over your lips, then suddenly fell away. Tingles spread all over your lips, making a whimper rise in your throat. What the hell was going on today with him? 

“I’m afraid I can’t wait. You neither. Let’s go to our spot, alright? Then we can… talk. And do the other things I mentioned.”

Your heart pounded at the speed of lightning as Kisame tugged gently at your hand, then started to walk towards the sandy parking lot. Also, your mind was reeling at the things which just happened. Like he promised, the third date would surely be memorable and a wild ride on top of that.

Heh. Wild ride.

Oh, shut up.

But yes. I hope it will be a wild ride.

Your face grew even warmer as you listened to your own horny thoughts. You definitely enjoyed some written porn occasionally, but your own sexual experiences were kind of limited. So, now, with the prospect of being thrust into that kind of situation, you were overcome with a totally different kind of jitter than before.

The walk back to the car was easily forgotten in your mind. The only part you could concentrate on with crystal-clear clarity was the feeling of your small hand in his, the many calluses, the way his fingers tightened as he led you towards his car, and the way his touch lingered just for a little bit longer before he let go, right when you were about to climb into his truck. 

You were still trying to get your warm face back under control when Kisame slipped into his own seat behind the wheel. But you were unsuccessful, measured at the newly awakened cheeky grin spreading across his face as he glanced at you before starting the engine. 

“Don’t,” you warned him, “just… don’t.”

“I haven’t said anything.”

“You’re thinking way too loudly.”

“Believe me,” Kisame craned his neck to leave his parking spot backwards, with one hand safely secured on your seat, the other at the wheel, “if you could truly read my thoughts, then I would be in hot water.”

“Why?”

“Because from the very first moment,” another glance to you, then Kisame turned his eyes completely towards the road ahead of him, “my thoughts about you were completely indecent.”

That did absolutely nothing to calm the raging flush on your face. Nor did it calm you down, with the quickly growing lust burning through your veins like a forest fire. It made you squirm around, wringing your fingers together even though it was in plain sight for Kisame, and the need and want for something you barely really experienced made you press your thighs together.

A sudden hand captured yours, pressing it to the top of your thigh. The touch made the squirming even worse, but you definitely couldn’t wring your hands anymore, not like this. 

“Nothing to say to that revelation?” he asked. His tone was deep and rich, all smooth honey and rich smoke. “Or are you so blown away by that?”

“I honestly don’t know what to say,” you admitted, “and, to continue being honest, I’m also really, really overthrown by your sudden… advances.”

“Advances?”

“Yes, advances. I…” You swallowed dryly, all the while your thumb twiddled with his index finger. “I never had someone… saying such things to me.”

“It’s about time, then.”

“But why now?” The pad of your thumb circled the rough knuckle of his index finger. You stopped for a moment, thought and sorted your thoughts, before continuing. Slowly, with every word weighing on your tongue like iron. “Why… The first two dates were, like… They felt like you wanted to get to know me. This… now it feels like you only want to get into my pants.”

He shrugged. “Can’t I want both at the same time?”

“Yes, of course. But… it was never like that with me.”

“And that’s,” he slowed down the truck, preparing to turn into the small pocket leading into the forest, “exactly the reason why I’m doing it.”

His answer confused you even more. What was that supposed to mean? Some kind of twisted pleasure in seeing you all flushed and flustered? Was that it? Deep down, though, you knew that wasn’t the solution. No, the real answer to the question felt like the one thing you feared a little bit, because it would be so hard to accept: that he was genuinely interested in you. In your personality and in your body, desired both, even. 

As you struggled your way through the thought process, Kisame parked the truck between the trees. As he fastened the handbrake, he had to pull his hand away, but as soon as the engine was off, his touch was back. Insistent yet gentle, unfolding your fingers and allowing them to curl around his hand again.

Your eyes were glued to that miraculous sight. A big hand wrapped around yours, obviously enjoying the feel of your hand in his. 

“The reason,” he started, and his voice seemed to fill every nook and cranny of the car, “is so simple. Because you hinted at something like this on our last date.”

“I did?”

As far as his seat and the limited space allowed, Kisame scooted around. “Yeah. Really, only hinted at. Took me some time to get it.”

“What a relief.” Even though you weakly chuckled, your insides seemed to freeze. What could he have possibly been thinking? 

“You don’t have a lot of experience with… things like this. Relationships. Romance.” Kisame paused. “Sex. And together with other, very human insecurities, resulted in you being nervous around me.”

“You noticed?”

“Babe,” another shudder wandered down your back, so strong you had to close your eyes, “it was pretty hard not to notice.”

“Right.” You still didn’t look up, just continued to twiddle with his fingers. “And why now this… this charm-offense?” 

“Cool people also call it flirting, you know? And I want to flirt with you because I hope that it will boost your confidence a bit. And make you actually believe that I’m interested in you. Mind, body, the entire package,” he answered. His fingers flexed around yours, only to gently slip away. “But if you don’t want that, just tell me and I will stop. Alright?”

“Alright,” you mumbled. The heat on your face would probably stay there forever. No chance to go back to your original body temperature, not when Kisame was so close and so charming. As you climbed out of the car, while he was busy unloading the back of his trunk, you tried to make sense of the revelation.

Kisame wants to flirt with me.

Because he wants to give me some confidence in myself.

And because he finds me attractive.

You couldn’t believe it fully, not yet. But maybe, just maybe, you believed it a tiny bit more than before. And as you continued to watch him, with his sweaty muscles moving right below the fabric of his tee, something inside your chest grew. The small spark of hesitant craving, kindled by the touches and his comments and his unwavering want for you to believe in him, grew more and more. 

Fuck, you wanted him. Wanted this. And just once, you wanted to… Just once, you wanted to be brave and confident and sexy, all the things you never had been. But somehow, he saw those qualities in you, and when he described you in the brightest colors… you felt instantly ten kilos lighter, with your heart leaping out of your chest and a smile lifting the corners of your mouth.

And you tried. Kisame was still busy unloading the truck, setting down bag after bag onto the ground. So, he didn’t look into your direction when you stepped up behind him, but he definitely noticed your tentative hand reaching out and touching his shoulder.

Just a small touch. Nothing big, merely your fingers gracing over the curve of his shoulder. The first contact initiated by you, because you wanted to. 

The reaction was instant. Kisame stopped all of his movement. A tremble flared through him, but he held impossibly still. A statue, just for you. For you to touch and explore and discover. Again, your hand reached over, followed the sharp curve of his shoulder. Down, to the iron cable of his biceps. The muscle twitched beneath your touch, just a small flare. But you felt it; felt the miniscule motion in the palm of your hand, as well as a wave of heat washing through your veins. 

You continued the careful discovery of Kisame’s arm, while the newly found and small spark of bravery made you open your mouth and form words which forced itself into existence. 

“You make me want to be the person you see in me, Kisame. Really, I want to. But…” You shrugged weakly. “I don’t know how.”

When Kisame moved, your hand fell away. His warmth though didn’t. He turned and stepped closer, so close you were forced to look up into his face as your nose would have otherwise hit his sternum. He looked down on you, and you couldn’t help but squirm beneath his gaze. 

If he touches me right now, I will spontaneously combust.

“I can give you a hint, if you want.” His face was suddenly closer. Startled, you stepped backwards, but there was only the side of the truck. Kisame followed, effectively blocking you in, and leaving you with nothing but weak knees, a quickly beating heart and the nervous jitter of anticipation rummaging through your body. He closed in on you, with his arms extending, caging you in between the truck and his naked chest, only framed by the flaps of his floral Hawaiian shirt.

“Is that enough of a hint?” His eyes fluttered down to your mouth, only to flick back up again. “Or do you need… more proof?”

“Yes.” You almost didn’t recognize your own voice, all breathless and needy. Barely above a whisper, and despite the closeness, you weren’t sure if Kisame heard you. But before you could speak up again, he leaned in, and you knew.

Knew when his lips met yours. Barely contained hunger, mixed with hard-earned experience, still a bit wet and tasting of the lake, but still so uniquely him — the kiss was all Kisame, and you could do nothing but ride it out. And god, you wanted to ride it out. With a low moan vibrating deep in your throat, you opened your mouth. Needing him, all of him. Your arms came up, small hands splayed across strong shoulders, holding on just barely, clawing into the warm skin and tight cords of muscles. A gasp was drowned in his mouth as his tongue met yours, first shy and playful, only to flick across your lips with devilish intent. Just for a moment, he pulled back, and you could feel his lips smiling against your mouth. 

“You’re burning for me, babe. So eager and innocent to feel.” His grin widened just a fraction, before he pressed another quick kiss to your lips, albeit it wasn’t any less hot and made your toes wiggle in your shoes. It left you dizzy, with your head spinning, and your eyes fluttered open just in time to see Kisame’s half-lidded eyes and the quickest flash of sharp teeth. At that, your knees grew weak. Fuck, now you were happy about the truck in your back as it kept you upright and standing in the face with Kisame’s… entire being.

He’s… so fucking hot. I’m melting.

Am I melting? Yeah, to a freaking puddle right at his feet, begging to be stepped on. 

Internet horniness has ruined me in that regard. Because I’m so close to just asking to be stepped on.

Thankfully, you didn’t actually ask that. Just a pitiful little whimper left your mouth as Kisame stepped away, with his eyebrows wiggling like the devil he was.

“And please believe me when I say,” his eyes raked up and down your figure, taking every little detail — the slightly disheveled hair, the reddened lips, the hazy look in your eyes — in, “that I’m burning for you just as much, babe. Maybe even more so.”

Only slowly, the meaning of his words filtered through the fog of deep craving for another kiss. He wanted you. Wanted to kiss you, wanted to touch you. But the insecurity inside you still reared its ugly head, slithering around and whispering about your size, your looks and your taste in clothes. As you picked up your stuff and followed Kisame down the beaten path into the forest, you were still pondering. Pondering and trying to reason with yourself. 

Will I ever feel secure? Secure enough to not doubt this every minute of the day?

Will Kisame continue to be this understanding? Or will I annoy him soon enough with my constant self-doubt?

I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know. 

[hearts0hearts]

𐙚᭄𝐵𝑜𝓎𝒻𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒹!𝐼𝓉𝒶𝒸𝒽𝒾 Headcanons

Summary; itachi never planned to stay, but your quiet kindness and soft domestic life became the one place he could breathe. Hiding from the world in your home, he folds your laundry, brushes your hair, and leaves quiet notes on the counter, he started loving you without even realising it.

A/N ; fem!reader ,, i luv itachi sm,, :< i made an itachi nsfw oneshot if anyone wants to read it here

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ itachi ; was only supposed to hide. one night. a quiet village. your house. but then he saw you, awkward and startled, clutching a kitchen knife with both hands. you had no idea who he was.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ itachi ; was calm when Kisame muttered "we should kill her". itachi didn’t even blink. just turned those sharingan eyes on you and said, "No. It'll be messy." he meant it tactically. but something in him already knew, he couldn’t.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ itachi ; came back weeks later. alone this time. stood outside your door until you opened it. no threats. no words. just him. and you...confused, but somehow... waiting.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ itachi ; didn’t ask to stay. he just… did. and you didn’t ask why. you made him tea. he washed the dishes. you put fresh sheets on the bed. he slept on the floor at first.

Now?

He sleeps with a hand resting over your hip.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; never actually asked you to be his partner. just sort of… 'was'. one night, as he tucked you in, he whispered,

"You're safe with me."

The softness in his voice said everything.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; listens to your stories like they’re ancient scrolls. you ramble about village gossip while hanging herbs in the window, and he nods silently, eyes half lidded, memorising every word like scripture.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; isn’t used to softness. But he accepts it in doses, your fingers brushing his bangs out of his face, the way you hum while cooking.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; looks like sin wrapped in silk, hair loose, sleeves rolled, black eyes half lidded as he reads by candlelight. he’s beautiful in a way that aches. He doesn’t know how to be loved. but he lets you try.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; sometimes disappears for days. You pretend not to worry. He always comes back. Bloody, tired, quiet. But he always comes back.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; when he thinks you’re asleep, he leans close. brushes his lips over your knuckles. whispers soft, broken things you were never meant to hear.

"If I'd met you sooner..."

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; never clarified it. but he started folding your laundry into his drawer. started brewing tea for two without asking.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; knew how to observe. knew how you like your eggs soft, how your plants needed re-potting, how your eyes got heavy before you admitted you were tired. he loved you in quiet rituals, not grand gestures.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; doesn’t do 'dates'. he does late night candlelit dinners on the floor. slow dances in the kitchen while rice steams. listening to you read aloud while his head rests in your lap. your life is the date.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; won’t say 'i love you' often. instead, you get-

"Wear your scarf, it's cold"

"I killed someone who looked at you too long." (he's joking... right? the next day rumors flooded around the village that someone is missing.)

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; writes notes. tiny, paper-thin slips folded and hidden in your coat pockets, under your pillow, tucked in the pages of your favourite book.

"You looked lovely today."

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; won’t say he’s possessive. but no one visits. no one stays too long. your neighbours stop mentioning 'that man in your house.' they’ve learned. he’s polite, but there’s a cold gleam in his eye that promises silence if they try.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; helps in the garden without ever being asked. you’ll glance up and find him pulling weeds, re-tying the tomato plants, sleeves rolled and hair tied back like he belongs there. like he’s always belonged there.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; kisses you like it’s a prayer. slow. soft. focused. the kind of kiss that makes the world go quiet. like he’s saying thank you without words.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; back hugs. all the time. arms snaking around your waist when you’re making tea, or pulling weeds, or just staring out the window. chin on your shoulder. voice low.

"You work too hard"

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; buries his face in your neck when he’s tired. doesn’t say anything. just breathes you in like you’re something holy. lets his fingers slip under your shirt at the bottom, only to rest them there.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; tugs you close when you sit too far. doesn’t say a word. just hooks a finger around your sleeve and gives you that look like, 'why aren’t you here?'

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; loves when you lie on top of him. your cheek on his chest, your hand curled in his shirt. he'll read like that, or braid your hair like that, or just… lie still. with you-

"Only you."

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; starts the day with a kiss to your shoulder. ends it with one to your fingers.

₍ᐢ.⸝⸝. ྀིᐢ₎ boyfriend!itachi ; hugs like it’s the last time every time. slow arms, tight hold, head tilted to your neck like he’s afraid someone’s gonna pull him away. he’s still learning that he gets to keep you.

𖧧 do not steal, luvs. © 2025 hearts0hearts — all words are mine. no copying • no funny business ᭢᱖ likes & reblogs r appreciated <3

[nardo-headcanons]

Yandere Deidara and Kisame HCs? 👀 Maybe also how they react if someone is pestering their darling in front of them?

a/n: this took me a while lol. Here's a little warning in beforehand that these behaviors are pretty toxic IRL and should only be enjoyed in the realm of fiction! TW for toxic/abusive/possessive behavior, mention of murder

Yandere!Deidara Headcanons

I can see Deidara becoming a yandere for his darling out of a sense of entitlement. Being related to the Tsuchikage family has its perks; he was spoiled rotten as a kid.

His darling is his, and his alone, simply because of the fact he can have them. Bonus points if you show interest in his artistic endeavors.

But do not be mistaken. Despite his motivations not being as deep and psychological as others, it doesn't make him less persistent and protective.

He has had access to the earth country's best education and knows about complex physics, chemistry and pyrotechnics. As someone who develops and detonates bombs for a living, he knows how to defuse (hehe) situations like these.

He's pretty chill at first, though if the pestering gets more and more annoying, he will casually evelop the asshole daring to pester you in a kibaku nendo caterpillar and threaten to blow it up if they don't leave you alone.

Yandere!Kisame Headcanons

After being seen (and treated as) a monster by everyone around him, having you treat him with the basic human decency and respect is enough to make him swoon over his darling.

Fiercely protective, he would gut anyone and everyone alive who would even dare to put his beloved darling in danger.

Kisame would never force himself on you and instead treats you with the same affection and love he gets (and hopes to continue getting) from you. Despite his reputation as a brutal fighter, you only get to see his gentleman, polite side.

When he sees his darling getting pestered by some hooligan, he would watch from afar at first, letting you deal with the situation.

Upon the realization that you're in need of assistence, he will swoop right in, gently asking you to turn away and close your eyes so you won't have to witness what he is about to do.

Once you have turned away, he starts outright massacring the aggressor(s) until they are left as a bloody pulp to be fed to his sharks.

[hailuchiha]

Caretaker

DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT

!! MINORS DNI !!

!! 18 + NSFW CONTENT!!

!! ALL characters involved are ADULTS ; NO minor characters!!

Summary: Itachi was supposed to return DAYS ago! It wasn't like him to ever return late from a mission. His sister, whom he left in the care of his partner Kisame, has been a ball of anxiety, getting worse each day. Kisame is also worried now, but when things come to a head, he takes his frustration out in a different way.

prompt filled for this anon ask

size difference; sort of noncon; cnc; sexual frustration; betrayal of trust; frustration; anxiety; found family drama; partially clothed; out in the open; power imbalance; anger issues; belly bulge; choking;

1.7k words

Caretaker

It had been days.

Itachi was supposed to be back days ago.

Kisame, whose care he'd left his precious sister in, almost felt as agitated as the younger Uchiha felt. While he knew how capable Itachi was, he just couldn't account for his partner's absence being this long.

Besides, he was running out of things to say to calm the brat down. At least, he was running out of believable things to say.

Plus, brat was sort of an insult to the gorgeous young woman.

"Kisame," she whined, her doe eyes wide and tearful as she stomped up to him. "Why isn't aniki back yet? You say everyday that he'll be back any day!"

"How the hell am I supposed to know," the swordsman growled, also running thin on patience by now. "Just... go hunt a rabbit or somethin to keep yourself busy. And useful."

The young woman frowned, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder as her hands went to her hips, lower lip wobbling a little despite her frown.

"You're saying I'm not useful?" she said in a dangerous tone.

Kisame wanted to roll his eyes, trying not to stare at her heaving bosom and the pretty flush heating her cheeks.

"Don't start this again, woman!" he responded, though his bark had no bite. "Just don't pester me anymore."

"Huh. Some caretaker you are," she scoffed, even as she started to turn away. "You know, Itachi left me with you so you'd take care of me."

She had been backing off, not really even insulting him. But something about either what she said or the way she'd said it made his pent up emotions flare up.

He threw her over his shoulder, ignoring her indignant squawk as she was carried like that, and left the clearing to head into the cover of the surrounding darkness of the forest.

"Hey," she cried out as he threw her gently onto moss-covered ground.

"You're quite the ungrateful brat, aren't ya," he hissed, climbing on top of her and refusing to let her squirm about or escape him.

Something feral flared inside Kisame, and he gave into it, grinning wildly as he groped her ample breasts, his large hands squishing and squeezing the soft mounds.

She was panting from the exertion as she bucked under him, trying in vain to throw off his balance. Kisame would have been impressed at her valiant efforts if he didn't find her helplessness, her inability to even budge him, hilarious.

"You wanted me to play caretaker, huh?" Kisame huffed, bending down to kiss and lick at neck before biting down harshly. He smirked when she yelped, glaring at him with a mixture of shock and fear.

"You'd better stop!" she said, but her voice was all wobbly and breathless.

"I think not," he said, grinding down on her so she felt his cock rubbing firmly against her belly. "Since you couldn't appreciate all the hard work I did taking care of ya, providing for ya, all this time your brother's been gone, methinks you need to be taught a lesson. As your caretaker, I got the right. 'Sides, I deserve some sort of payment too for dealing with ya."

With that, he didn't wait for the Uchiha woman to respond, and simply tore off her underwear and leggings in a single yank, leaving them tangled at her ankles when they got stuck on her shoes. He pulled up her dress so it was pooled up around her tiny waist, the pale, silky smooth skin of her bare legs exposed for his hungry eyes. His cock twitched in appreciation, a wet spot appearing in his pants where he leaked precum already.

"Fuck," he mumbled, eyeing her pretty little cunt, watching almost mesmerized even as his oversized fingers idly played with her soft lips.

His eyes shot up when she whimpered, trembling, and he smirked when he saw the needy look in her eyes even as she tried to cross her legs to keep some semblance of decency.

Kisame chuckled, flicking her nose before gripping her plush thighs and spreading her legs, not allowing her to hide.

"Now, now, little one," he crooned. "Don't be all shy on me now! You were mouthy enough to pester me the whole two weeks your brother was gone."

"P-Please, Kisame," she still begged, eyes not meeting his even as her warm walls became slick with Kisame's attention, his finger making delicious wet sounds as it moved within her folds.

"Please what?" he asked with a smirk.

"L-Let's not do this... I won't bother you again," she said, not meeting her eyes, her nails digging into his still-clothed thighs.

Kisame barked out a laugh.

"Tell that to your greedy lil cunt," he countered, smacking her pussy and delighting in the strangled sound she made. "You even went through the trouble to shave it. Didja do it for me? Now be a good girl and let daddy have some fun... You've stressed me out enough the past few days," he said, pulling out his cock and smirking as he saw her eyes widen in horror.

Kisame knew he was girthy, that he was bigger than the average man... It came with the territory, what with him being around 7ft tall. He wondered if she was just playing coy, or if the little Uchiha would turn out to be a little cockslut after all.

He continued to pump his fingers in and out of her wet cunt, opening her up and relaxing her while using his other hand to tug at his cock a couple times till it glistened in his copious precum.

As he took out his fingers and replaced them with his thick head, he caught her eyes as she bit her lip, eyes trying to see where he was entering her. It took a few tries, his cock catching on her entrance every time he tried to push in. But finally, it worked. Kisame groaned at the sight of his fat cockhead slipping past her wet folds, stretching her pretty pussy painfully wide, if the grimace on her pretty face was anything to go by.

The young woman's face was flushed from the strain, and he took a moment to marvel at how pretty she looked, before slamming right in, not giving her more time to adjust.

To his delight, she threw her head back, as if in pleasure, her eyes rolled back and mouth dropped open in a soundless gasp as her pussy was stuffed with his oversized cock.

"Fuck," he groaned, wishing he'd undressed her completely when he bit into her shoulder and was met with the dissatisfying material of her dress rather than her delicious skin.

With no more patience, he started rocking into her, barely pulling out before slamming back in, groaning as the soft sound of her muffled gasps echoed around them, his eyes feasting upon the way her full breasts bounced each time he thrust in.

When her shoes became a problem, not allowing him to move as freely as he liked, he yanked them off in frustration before ripping the tangled mess of leggings and underwear off as well and tossing them aside.

Then, he pulled her onto his lap till her cunt was flush against him, his cock driving even deeper into her warm, wet folds.

With her back arched deliciously in this angle, the Uchiha's moans became louder, and she could almost swear the cock ploughing her was going all the way up to her throat. She felt a little dizzy, but she couldn't help but let her legs fall open wider in invitation, her blurry gaze fixed on the large blue form of the man she'd come to see as sort of a big brother over the years. Not anymore, she thought giddily to herself.

Kisame was pleasantly surprised when she giggled, looking completely out of it, and he responded by fucking her harder. He had his answer- she was definitely a cockslut.

"What's so funny, baby," he crooned, bracketing the endearment with sharper thrusts groaning as her nails dug into the exposed skin of his thighs in reflex.

"Jusss thinking about how y're not my brother anymo," she managed, though her speech was slurred and her breath being repeatedly punched out wasn't helping.

Kisame raised a brow, almost breaking into a cackle. This was fucked up.

"You're a dirty lil girl, yanno?" he said instead, sounding far too breathless for his liking.

She just giggled and wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling moans out of them both as the movement sheathed him in her smaller body completely.

As he continued to move into her, she thoughtlessly pulled him into an open-mouthed kiss, moaning as his hips stuttered in response.

The older man swore under his breath and hiked her hips higher, angling himself so he could rub her clit without breaking his momentum.

Her hands flew up to grip his arms, thighs twitching around him where they bracketed him, as high pitched moans fell from her reddened lips. Kisame could get used to the sight.

He chased his building high, keeping up the pace and not letting up as her body jerked and shuddered with pleasure, her cunt gripping his cock impossibly hard and throbbing around him as she came first. Kisame groaned, almost spilling then too, but he managed to wait till he'd fucked her through her orgasm before pulling out one last time and burying ballsdeep again, filling her with his load till her soft tummy bulged prettily.

Her eyes were still glassy, her chest heaving as she came down from the high, and Kisame gave in to the urge to lean down and capture her mouth in a filthy kiss.

"Good kitty," he muttered before pulling out, smirking at the sight of her pussy gaping wide open from taking him, and streaks of their mixed cum started to spill out.

"Let's getchu cleaned up," he said, pulling his gaze away from the delicious sight, only to chuckle when he saw her blissfully passed out.

Oh well. He didn't mind getting her cleaned up and dressed. Being caretaker wasn't so bad after all, the swordsman mused.

A/N: uh. this turned out to be very fun to write. i was planning to introduce itachi too but this got too long. maybe next time lol any typos will be fixed as soon as i find them

[indigosuvi]

Hello! May I request Zetsu, Kakuzo and Kizame with a demon s/o who never let them touch too close to their horns, the reason is that s/o horns are very sensitive and make them start to purr and move their tail around (kinda like a cat) please?

(sorry for any errors, English is not my first language!)

S/O With Horns

age in bio when interacting. minors do not interact.

Word Count: 248 | Read it on AO3 | Tag List

Featuring: Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Kisame

Author's Note: I do hope that this was what you wanted. Also, your English is fine! 🩵

Zetsu completely gets it. He's not a human. He doesn't judge you in any way. White Zetsu is completely innocently curious about you. He asks genuine questions. Black Zetsu, depending on how long you've been together, would be the exact opposite. White would only touch your horns with permission and would talk about how cute your purrs were. Black only touched them when you pissed him off. He's angry; now you are, too.

Kakuzu is completely oblivious to your appearance. You begin to doubt that he actually pays attention to you. It wasn't until one day that you were both headed to bed. He reached over and stroked your horn. An attempt to remove the thing sticking out of your head. You purred and swatted his hand away. He simply smiled, whether to touch you again or talk about the horns on your head. He wasn't quite sure what he wanted to do first.

He's not exactly human-looking. Kisame gets it. There's no judgment from him. He supports you in any way and will fight those who speak badly to you. He's not going to pet your horns without permission. When he hears you making noise, he can't help but smile. Only when you are both at home will he ever touch your horns to hear your purrs. He also has a tendency to growl when you touch certain parts of him (similar to your purrs, and only when you both are alone and in a teasing mood).

© SUVIDRACHE — do not copy, translate, modify, or plagiarize my work. reblogs are appreciated!

Tag List: @eli-chris

[mixelation]

I was rereading a bunch of your reborn au esp team 4's iwa exams and i bring you my thoughts

-I think Mangetsu & Deidara should hook up in the future. idrc about the ship I just think it'd be funny + Kisame going 'well. at least its not Tori.'

-Kurotsuchi: can Tori get 1 kunoichi friend, as a treat? Works bc they're long distance. Imagine her staring some iwa political geezer in the eye & drawing a hiraishin marker... to summon. Tori? Who gets laughed at then subsequently gets Iwa's 2nd Flee on Sight order. Tori's bingo book pic isnt very intimidating but shes in it! She still doesnt get recognized tho :/

mangetsu/deidara is such a big brained take. kisame spends years being like "i should make sure this kid doesn't get in so over his head tori tricks him into melting himself into juice boxes or something" but then he's just like. you know what. he's an adult now and i think the risks here should be obvious. i will not comment

on kurotsuchi:

i did hold myself back from making a joke like "...and kurotsuchi develops the gayest crush" because i think it would be funny to have a running joke like "the kazkage is obsessed with me. the tsuchikage too. also you know how they might make hoozuki mizukage--" and then have 0 people ever believe tori, only for it to pay off at whatever time strikes me as funniest

anyway it would be kind of funny if tori came home and was like I DID IT I HAVE MADE ONE (1) FEMALE FRIEND!!!!!! only to have kurotsuchi immediately issue a flee on sight order yes even WITH her gay crush

tori: why? do you not like me? are we not friends???!!!!

kurotsuchi: well you chose to break into my home at midnight to ask me this so i think my point is pretty self evident

all of those kage are ALSO obsessed with deidara in this scenario..... HMM

[joltai-showa]

Exhausting day, so let's yap about something fun.

I've seen a post floating around that went something like "imagine Naruto releasing now, Akatsuki gang would be called woke" and I wanna take this concept another step further and talk about how generally these S-rank criminals are surprisingly tolerating of each other.

(though side point nothing will ever help these men and Konan beat the fruity friend group allegations, like they are wearing matching coats that are TERRIBLY impractical when you are working as, you know, a fucking ASSASSIN. and the nail polish? can anybody explain how that idea came about? like, I guess it's not surprising that members like Konan and Deidara aka Ms. and Mr. Insane Make Up Game of the Terrorist World would paint their nails, but why is Nagato sitting Pain's bodies down for a manicure? The local 195 cm tall fishman agreeing to a pedicure? Why the fuck is Uchiha "killing readers with boredom that I evoke with my 13 hour long yapping about despair and hopelessness" Obito still doing his pedicure in KAGE SUMMIT ARC? BRO, LET GO OF THEM, YOUR BESTIES AREN'T COMING BACK, YOU SENT THEM ALL TO THEIR DEATHS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, EVERYONE IS 15 SECONDS AWAY FROM MURDERING EACH OTHER, WHY ARE YOU PAINTING THE NAILS ON THE ARM YOU ARE ABOUT TO ATTACH??? omg🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄)

Because I am a lore nerd, I am completely fascinated by the sheer difference between the members. And I speak both of the age and the geographic differences, which, realistically, should create some absolutely wild scenarios between the members.

So let's start by separating the gang by age, because they've actually got three pretty definitive clusters in their group when we look at them from that particular parameter.

Kakuzu is in his own subgroup, being *checks notes* jesus christ 91. Kakuzu is actually older than the village system itself (Kishimoto can't count, so it was either founded 60 or 80 years before the events of Shippuden, and either way Kakuzu spawned in this world on hardcore difficulty way before the clans in Land of Fire decided to stop terrorizing each other and chose to terrorize everyone around them). Mind you, the characters from the major Hidden Villages that were constantly joked about as being these ancient fossils and those who have seen the dawn of fucking civilizations were people like Chiyo (73 years old in Shippuden) and Onoki (79 years old). And. Like. Shinobi generally don't live that long even in the villages where they can live in relative protection and have an opportunity for retirement. Kakuzu's out there collecting his retirement fund from any unlucky motherfucker who gets his face plastered into a Bingo book or something. And he was probably doing that even before becoming a member of Akatsuki. Which. Lmao.

And considering the fact that he was in some sort of fighting age whenever fucking Hashirama was still alive, Akatsuki's old man is likely actually written in the history books that they read in the hidden villages (do kids even learn how to read? I'm pretty sure the villages value kunai throwing more than reading huh). Or at least in the history books of nukenins. Wait, scratch that, he is probably one of the people who is the reason behind a lot of the operating procedures that the villages have whenever you got a deserter or a general terrorist running through you territory. What I'm saying is, the guys from the major villages (meaning Sasori, Deidara, Obito, Kisame and Itachi) have probably known of Kakuzu just off the stories they read in the Academy/heard from older shinobi. I'm not mentioning the guys from minor villages because I am not giving them enough benefit of the doubt to have something like a decent system of education or ninja living past 30😁. I imagine that must be quite the bizarre experience to abandon your village, become a nukenin and meet the OG guy. Like, as OG as they get.

And one last thing I wanted to point out before moving onto the next generation of our fruity terrorist is how weird it must have been for Deidara to meet Kakuzu for the first time? I don't mention the other two from Akatsuki's kids aka Hidan about whom we don't know much about and Itachi who's relationship with old men in his life can be summarized by "they exploit me, I try to get the best things out of this🙂", but Deidara, being Onoki's student, in canon is shown to constantly refer to him as "old man" in various degrees of insultingness (insert a meme about 18 year old Kurotsuchi's broke "maybe you should retire, old man" vs 10 year old Deidara's woke "KILL YOURSELF OLD MAN" *some bridge in Iwa fucking explodes*) and like. He's like 13. And gets to meet Kakuzu. Who is like 85 at the time. Just imagine the experience that Deidara got. He's been hating the old man as long as he remembers, and then gets to meet THAT. Local teenager meets an actual dinosaur moment.

So know we get to the second generational group and it's by far the biggest one in this pretty small organization, and I like to title them "the ones that were born some time around the Second Shinobi World War and got completely fucked over by the Third one😁". This group, obviously, includes Konan and Nagato (both 40 in Shippuden), Sasori (35), Kisame (32) and Obito (yeah yeah I remember that he's been stated to be like 31, but for timeline purposes I prefer to have him at around 30, because otherwise like twenty events get funky). The Second Shinobi World War can only be approximately estimated, but given what little is known of about the characters involved in it, Ame orphans' year of birth is a pretty good estimate of a starting point for shit starting to go down, while Konoha suddenly started having a lot of kids right around the time of Kakashi's generation, meaning that their parents suddenly started having a lot of time to procreate and did not have to run across the border to beat shit out of someone else🤭Either that, or Konoha got the money to pay the shinobi for every kid they manage to pop in the next five years lol.

Anyway, the Third war followed pretty soon (around 18 years after Ame trio's birth, actually), and we certainly know that Obito got pulled into it (because of the, you know, the successful pancake challenge) with Konan and Nagato too, but on Ame's side (the Third War would actually be the best and prime time for the original Akatsuki led by Yahiko to operate, as they would be both old enough to organize something and be strong enough to maneuver between Hanzo and the external enemies aka Konoha, Iwa and Suna). With Sasori it isn't exactly confirmed straight away, but considering that his nickname is "Scorpion of Red SANDS", and when you are a nukenin why would you stay in the desert where there's a lot of sand it's coarse and it gets everywhere in your puppets (c), so most likely Sasori would have gotten this nickname while he was still living in the village, and mind you he was 15 when he left the village with the dead Third Kazekage in tow, all of which would have taken place right around the middle of the Third War, so it isn't much of a stretch to assume that he got a good chunk of murder experience during it.

Kisame is a weird one, because we don't know anything about his life until he's like, adultish? At least that's the vibe I'm getting off his pre-death memories, which are obviously way past the Third Shinobi World War, however, thankfully, Kishimoto can't fucking count, so we have a pretty decent confirmation that this wonderful thing called the Blood Mist would already be in place come Kisame's childhood and youth (regardless of how much Kishimoto repeats the Blood Mist = Fourth Mizukage = the mysterious entity controlling Yagura = the one and only Uchiha Obito. unless, of course, there's a Kamui+ subscription that Obito had when he was younger that allowed him to teleport back in time too, exclusively to be a bigger fucking bitch to everyone). I can't remember the exact calcs, but it's actually thanks to Mei (the Fifth Mizukage) that has a mention that she had to take the wonderful murder exam as a genin, and based off Mei's and Kisame's ages it actually becomes clear that Kisame would have had to graduate from Academy right around the time of Mei's exam or they were literally taking the same exam, something like that. Point being, even if we don't know for sure that Kisame took part in the TSWW, but we do know that he has had to deal with all of that mess related to growing up in Blood Mist���🙂🙂🙂So I guess we can call this generation "were born during the SSWW, most got royally fucked over by TSWW, but some of them also got fucked over by Blood Mist".

So these guys, I would say, can be characterised by them having a certain period of peace and purpose in their lifes that they ultimately lost during the subsequent wars, oftentimes suddenly, leaving them with psychological traumas for the rest of their lives that they WOULD make everyone's problem, so what ends up happening is a generation of deluloids that are running around with their grand plans of fixing the world or finding the ideal form of themselves. Ironically, I would say that Nagato and Konan have the most... er... realistic ideas regarding the whole "fixing" thing that others in their generation seem to have. Yes, the guys who say they are a God and an Angel. Because selective nuclear annihilation is a surprisingly effective way to dissuade most people from starting shit with each other😇🙏

Then we have Obito and Kisame both of whom worked for the whole Eye of the Moon thing... I'm not even gonna go in detail about it, it's just so fucking stupid. You listen to it one time and it really becomes apparent that this shit was concocted by a crazy old man with his ex's face on his tiddy and his dead little brother's eyes in his eye sockets that was living in a dank cave for about 50 years all alone. I mean, Obito got brain damage from going on a field trip to Kannabi bridge, I'm not surprised he though that was a good idea, but Kisame has no excuses, yeah, I know you've lived a horrible life that you took as a norm and suddenly all those deaths that you witnessed and contributed to turned out to be completely meaningless, just like pretty much your entire life, but that's not an excuse to listen to this masked dude's yapping about making a PowerPoint Presentation of his Sharingan on the surface of the fucking moon and go "Woah...😳🤩"

And finally we have Sasori, who's less bothered by doing the whole changing the world thing and moreso got his own idea of what an absolute ideal form is supposed to be, and he is going full murder hobo achieving it in his immediate surrondings. And it all stems from that time when his parents died after meeting Hatake Sakumo. Ah, speaking of that.

So back to the original topic of this post as in Akatsuki members are surprisingly chill with each other, regardless of the circumstances of their previous lives? Well, there's a thing with these guys that Kakuzu wouldn't have - a sort of developed sense of loyalty to the village and animosity or coldness to people from the enemy villages. Again, Kakuzu is older than the village system itself, and he would have left pretty early on (considering the whole fiasco seemed to have stemmed from that attempt on Hashirama's life, and Hashirama couldn't have lived past 20-25 years after Konoha's foundation), so he doesn't care for any of that, a guy with a bouty on his head goes into the retirement fund regardless of what headband he's wearing. But for kids that grew up in this system I think it would be at times pretty jarring to suddenly sit on the work meetings with someone they would have considered their mortal enemy just some years ago.

We don't know much about with whom in particular Sasori and Kisame were fighting while in the villages, but taking a look at the geography... I mean, Suna might have been going at it with both Iwa and Konoha lol? Imagine Pain asking Sasori what does he know of Iwa ninja, Sasori goes on to list all the squads he murder and dismembered back in the good old Third War days and then the boss hits him with "Yeah, yeah, anyway, we are getting you a new partner. It's a child from Iwa. He's now yours. Raise him and don't let him kill himself before he turns 18."

Or just Kisame and Sasori generally dealing with the existence of Konoha lmao? Obito's obviously not piping up about his origins, but I like the idea of Itachi getting interrogated on what he knows about Kakashi in particular (who is the son of the guy who killed Sasori's parents. and granny Chiyo went for his throat on fucking sight. not to mention her mass murdering grandsonny).

"Itachi, do you know this Hatake guy?"

"Er, yes, we served in ANBU together?.."

"Good. Tell me where he lives, at what time does he go to bed, what he eats for breakfast and how is he with his Sharingan."

Or just chatting with Kisame and the topic of Kakashi pops up

"Oh, I would love to fight him one day. Is he really that bloodthirsty and insane as they say?"

"Er, no, what gives?"

"He has been in Kirigakure's Bingo Book for years! Oh, and there was this one time when he massacred an entire squad on his own, ripping guts and all. Come to think of it, that was also about the time when we lost one of our biju. What a weird coincidence, huh."

"Oh yeah, I think I know that one. That was about the time when one of his teammates died too. What a weird coincidence, huh."

(somewhere in the corner Obito is furiously chewing on the wall)

Because Kishimoto is such an incredible writer that gives only his best when it comes to Obito, especially when he needs to write the conflict and relationships for a 30 year old guy and comes up with nothing but shit that concerned him when he was 14😁😁😁😁😁so he's stuck with nothing interesting for his entire Akatsuki life period, but I still think it's pretty funny that of all the people Obito could have gotten partnered with it had to be the only guy from the village that freed him of the burden of having a right side of the body🙏

But I think by far the most interesting ones would be Konan and Nagato as people of Amegakure, a village, as you remember, that kept getting run over by the major powers surronding it, I believe that in Nagato's flashbacks we even get the confirmation of the conflicts that Nagato personally had with Konoha and Iwa ninja (one for his parents' murder and another whenever Yahiko got in trouble as a kid). To them as part of the original militia Akatsuki the shinobi of the major villages (Iwa, Konoha, Suna in particular) are invaders and pretty much just enemies. But then obviously "Madara" pulls up and starts Uchihasplaining them how the world is wrong (duh) and how they must fix it. Obviously, following the change in management of the organization, they had to recruit new members, and while the official materials don't really have anything regarding this process (no, the videogames/light novels/whatever other bullshit produced by people not called Kishimoto Masashi don't count), I believe it's reasonable to assume that Obito, Nagato and Konan would at least sit down and chat about who they are bringing on their world-fixing-terroristic tour. And like. It must have been quite the experience to just sit there with this guy (who's supposedly one of the founders of the entire system they are currently living in) and get a bunch of candidates that they are supposed to invite even if just some time ago they would have been their enemies lol.

(and to be fair out of all the people that they have from the above mentioned villages two of them (Itachi and Deidara) were like 5 and 3 years old at the time Yahiko got killed, not to mention the whole TSWW, so I guess it would have been more weird to watch "Madara" turn their organization into a daycare rather than watch their headbands. but Sasori absolutely could have been to Ame back in his Suna days during the Third War. though again the nickname suggest that he was likely fighting a defensive war)

And, finally, we got what I like to call the kids generation meaning Hidan, Itachi and Deidara, all three of whom were born during the Third Shinobi World War, and, well, let's just that the defining feature of this group is just mental illness. Like, yeah, everyone's not okay in Akatsuki, but these guys? Fucked over since, like, toddlerhood. At least based on what limited information we have on them, with Itachi's extensive biography throught the plot it's obvious, Deidara was taken in at about the same age as Itachi did and was already on his manic pixie boy yapping about art with a "resume" so long that people three times his age would have trouble competing with the bullshit this young teenager already did. Hidan's the only one of three who was taken in as an adult, but... yeah... the whole cult and mass murder thing probably says nothing good about his childhood.

And just imagine being this young nukenin, only starting to become infamous for your crimes, and then you get dragged to join the organization with some of the strongest terrorists in modern shinobi history. I like to imagine there was this tiny sense of giddiness at achieving something like that? Like whenever a kid gets to do adult things, and there these guys are, on the same level as big shots. Well, at least for Deidara and Hidan, Itachi's too depressed and thinking of his foolish little brother. He can at least be happy that he's got the chillest guy as his partner.

(and on the other hand you got the rest of Akatsuki members confused why the fuck did the Leader get two 13 year olds in quick succession. like. yeah they good at mass murder but do we really have to raise them? is having ninja zoomers on the staff that important for the world domination plan?)

[ladykissingfish]

Could you do sum with this random image i found ??

*Deidara, Itachi and Hidan sitting in the kitchen at breakfast*

Deidara: *mumbling as he aggressively shovels cereal into his mouth*

Hidan: Oi, what’s up your ass, blondie? You’ve been talkin’ to yourself for ten minutes now.

Deidara, scowling: It’s that stupid Sasori, hm. He never listens to me about anything! He never lets me take the lead on missions because he’s older and he thinks he knows better about everything!

Hidan: Ugh, I know what you mean. Kakuzu is the same way. The old bastard won’t listen to a word I say, and just calls me a stupid brat all the damn time. Shit, Leader was really setting us up for some bullshit when he gave us young guys the old fogey partners.

Itachi: You both are frustrated with your older partners as well, eh? You should do what I did; make a “vision board” of your enemy and plot their downfall.

Deidara: … “Vision board”?

Itachi: *gets up* Come and see.

*Hidan and Deidara follow Itachi to his room, where they find every surface of his walls covered with different pictures of Kisame*

Deidara: …

Hidan: W-what the fuck is this supposed to do — ?

Itachi: Easy. You stare at the pictures all day long. You visualize scenarios in your mind that could cause them pain or discomfort. *touches one of the pictures and involuntarily sighs* Like kissing them until they run out of breath and are gasping. Or sitting on their lap and bouncing on them until they get really turned on, then getting up and walking out. Really so many possibilities to teach the other person a lesson.

Hidan: …

Deidara: …

Deidara: Itachi. I … I think that you might be in lo—

Itachi, carefully hanging up another Kisame photo (this one shirtless) in the corner: I hate him, Deidara.

[sharkymothfaby]

I know ive already posted this in a comp just babbling about Rinto, but i wanted an alone one cuz i love house-husband kisame?!

So this is basically a silly CanonxOc AU i have called "Married Life"

So in this AU, Rinto and Kisame meet a but earlier in life, during childhood, and with time and even during wars, they managed to form a bond that turned into love, where they got married.

Kisame married into the Kuzunoha clan (in this AU the clan survives) and moved to the Leaf with his new husband, where he becomes a house-husband, while Rinto becomes a teacher to young genin.

This au is very much a silly slice of life au that i love to imagine scenarios about~

[floorbe]

Naruto Masterlist

Asuma Sarutobi

K/nktober Day 23: Quickie with Rantaro Amami and Asuma Sarutobi

Choji Akimichi

K/nktober Day 24: Food play with Teruteru Hanamura and Choji Akimichi 

Genma Shiranui

K/nktober Day 26: C0ckwarming with K1-B0 and Genma Shiranui

Iruka Umino

K/nktober Day 21: Str!ptease with Akane Owari and Iruka Umino

Jiraiya

K/nktober Day 16: Public s/x with Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu and Jiraiya

Kakashi Hatake

K/nktober Day 14: Dry h/mping with Shuichi Saihara and Kakashi Hatake 

K/nktober Day 19: Threes0me with Kaito Momota + Shuichi Saihara and Kakashi Hatake + Obito Uchiha

Kiba Inuzuka

K/nktober: Biting with Kazuichi Souda and Kiba Inuzuka

Maito Gai

Gai trying to win over his crush who already likes him headcanons 

K/nktober Day 13: Thigh riding with Mondo Oowada and  Maito Gai

Maito Gai and Rock Lee cuddling headcanons

Naruto Uzumaki

K/nktober: Rough S/x with Yasuhiro Hagakure and Naruto Uzumaki

Neji Hyuuga

K/nktober Day 25: Facesitting with Peko Pekoyama and Neji Hyuuga

Rock Lee

“Thorns of a Lotus” Rock Lee x Reader 

Rock Lee general boyfriend headcanons 

Rock Lee general n*sw// headcanons 

Mondo, Kiyotaka, and Rock Lee getting their first kiss from reader headcanons

K/nktober Day 17: 0ral with Rock Lee and Leon Kuwata

Rock Lee recieving/sending n/des headcanons

Rock Lee and reader’s first sleepover headcanons and scenario

Maito Gai and Rock Lee cuddling headcanons

Sasuke Uchiha

K/nktober: Lingerie with Nagito Komaeda and Sasuke Uchiha

Shikamaru Nara

K/nktober: Spanking with Tenko Chabashira and Shikamaru Nara

Shino Aburame

K/nktober Day 12: D*ddy kink with Kaito Momota and Shino Aburame

Tenten

K/nktober Day 20: Finger!ng with Ryoma Hoshi and Tenten

Deidara

K/nktober: Dirty Talk with Hajime Hinata and Deidara

Kakuzu

K/nktober Day 30: B0ndage with Korekiyo Shinguji and Kakuzu

Kisame Hoshigaki

K/nktober Day 28: Sadomasochism with Byakuya Togami and Kisame Hoshigaki

Nagato Uzumaki

K/nktober: Breath Play with Maki Harukawa and Nagato Uzumaki

Obito Uchiha

K/nktober Day 19: Threes0me with Kaito Momota + Shuichi Saihara and Kakashi Hatake + Obito Uchiha

Sasori

K/nktober Day 29: Breeding k/nk with Aoi Asahina and Sasori

Gaara

K/nktober Day 15: Body worship with Kaede Akamatsu and Gaara

Orochimaru

K/nktober: Clothed S/x with Byakuya Twogami and Orochimaru

Jugo

K/nktober: Praise with Gundham Tanaka and Jugo

Suigetsu Hozuki

K/nktober: Overstimulation with Kiyotaka Ishimaru and Suigetsu Hozuki

[thottyimagines]

Heyy, i really love ur akatsuki headcanons, like every one of them is so believable lmaoo.

Could u do akatsuki headcanons where their s/o asks them to hold their peepee while they pee? I swear there was one exact ask on tumblr but it cant find it

Thanks and i hope its not a weird question but they r weirdos anyways so

Thank you!

I've gotten a variation of this ask several times which is telling me the people (or just one tenacious anon) really want to know, so...god, here goes nothing:

Pein is...weirdly complicated, given the real body in the basement/paths for his bidding situation, but I'd say the only way he'd allow it is if it's absolutely necessary because his actual bod is too weak to even help himself. I imagine he just diapers the poor thing and gives Konan the honor of cleaning him up, though, so he doesn't really need an s/o to aid in that venture.

Konan, should she have one for her s/o to hold, would be kind of confused by the request, but not put off. I don't think she'd really get it, but sure, knock yourself out, s/o.

Itachi would get flustered and embarrassed, should his s/o ask to do the holding for him. He'd reassure them that he is more than capable of performing his own bathroom duties, from ablutions to urination, and their concern is...well, kind, if unwarranted. He'd probably wonder if his s/o is noticing his deteriorating eyesight and then frets that he can no longer aim, and everyone has felt too awkward to tell him. He starts using the bathroom with his Sharingan always on and the door locked tight so he can make sure he cleans up properly.

Kisame would probably be amused and go for it. He'd somehow find a way to be flirtatious and horny about it, but hey, his s/o was the one to be a freak and ask in the first place so as far as he's concerned it's all fair game.

Hidan would only accept if he could be flirtatious and horny about it. He'd probably just assume his s/o developed a piss kink or something, I'll be real with you.

Kakuzu initially shuts that down with a firm "no." If his s/o is persistent, he'd relent, but he'd be annoyed and brusque about it. If their finger gets caught in the zipper when he's done, well, that'll show them to stop impeding his business.

Deidara gets very embarrassed and flustered, like Itachi, but in a weirdly flattered, excited way. He's young and horny and will gleefully embrace any opportunity to have someone touching his dick, even for something as mundane as him peeing.

Sasori probably didn't give his puppet twink bod any genitalia, as he needs to neither pee nor fuck in this form. He'd be sure to let his s/o know that.

Tobi would get embarrassed and deflect and probably accuse his s/o of being a pervert (fair), but forgive them because they're just too cute. They're still not giving the assist, though. He's self-conscious about how it looks soft.

Zetsu also doesn't seem to have the anatomy required for this scenario, given he's running around in the buff all day long and no one has ever commented about his bits hanging out and about.

[imagineakatsuki]

Akatsuki members with an S/O who's really kind and soft hearted, someone who goes out of their way to keep them safe and maybe even spoils them a bit? Idk I think it could be fun.

Deidara and Nagato: They bask in the attention and happily indulge in being spoiled. They’re fully aware of what their s/o is doing and don’t really care for the potential consequences of getting used to being cared for. They’re both equally needy, but Nagato’s stems from his sad childhood while Deidara just wants his s/o’s regard.

Itachi and Sasori: They don’t know whether to pull away from this kind of pure affection or give in. It’s been so long since they received love like this that it almost hurts to be exposed to it. They’re scared to get close and become attached (Sasori) because they feel like they don’t deserve it (Itachi).

Konan and Hidan: They like the attention, but don’t allow it to get out of hand. While they appreciate the care for their well-being that they would otherwise forget (Hidan) or ignore (Konan), there is such a thing as “too much.” Just like a cat that will bristle when you pet it for too long, they will stop their s/o because they’re still very much independent adults, thank you.

Kisame and Obito: They love being spoiled and their s/o’s kindness reminds them that there is still some good in this world. However, every interaction has this undercurrent of uncertainty and anxiety. They don’t know if they deserve such care from someone so pure and are scared, waiting for the other shoe to drop (whether it’s their s/o pulling away from them or their s/o just simply dying on them, both scenarios prevent them from enjoying the interactions as much as they should be).

Kakuzu: He would not like an s/o like this and is very prickly whenever they spoil him or, god forbid, “mother” him. He’s lived for so long - alone, at that - and he’s been just fine! Breaking his self-sufficient, self-isolating habits and “the only person you can trust is yourself” attitude will take a lot of effort and time. Additionally, these interactions with his s/o remind him a little too much of a previously happy life and now-dead wife that he would rather forget.

Zetsu: They become immediately attached to their s/o and begin to associate them with their actual mother. Depending on how the s/o approaches it, they may or may not be able to sway Zetsu from their goals by taking Kaguya’s place.

Admin S

[nardo-headcanons]

Hey my dear mutual! Another super stupid and weird request coming, so, please, feel totally free to ignore completely if you want, really. So, let's say instead of a criminal organization, the Akatsuki are actually a lab team. Which would be their roles, their work focus or their research topics? How would they behave at work with each other or, I don't know, whatever you can think of. Inspired by your agar plates post, by the way, hahahaha

Hello Sasuke, my dear. Don't call your asks weird, I love how creative they are! If anyone wants to write a fic about this please TAG me!

Big thanks to @the-real-sasuke-uchiha for requesting!

The Akatsuki in a modern research lab AU

Akatsuki Labs, Inc. No one knows what they're actually researching, and how they get their funding, however everyone hires them, they're incredibly popular with institutions and businesses alike...

Deidara is a lab rookie who is still at the beginning of his study. He went to a scientific high school and an absolute ace at chemistry. Besides studying chemistry, his other major is pyrotechnical engineering. He blows shit up on the regular and even adds copper sulphate to fires when he is the one supposed to put them out. He frequently steals minerals from the lab to use them for his pottery projects. And yes, he knows how to make meth.

Hidan is on his way to become a neurologist. He is fascinated by the way the nervous system works (especially while processing pain) and has the ego of a neurosurgeon twice his age. However he is regularly asked for a second opinion because he knows his shit. He's pretty popular with the ladies due to his confidence, however many of them are freaked out when they find out what a huge masochist he is.

I've never seen Itachi as a huge stem guy, but I've actually had a discussion about this with my dear moots @pet-plasma-bubble and @suki91 and came to the conclusion that he's either a plant biologist or studies medicine because he's one of these kids with a chronic and/or underdiagnosed illness going into medicine to make a change. Plant biologist!Itachi regularly talks to his plants when no one is looking and he gives them names as well. He doesn't really care much for the actual lab work and prefers to take care of the plants in the different lab greenhouses. Med student!Itachi is one of these anatomy girlies who draw their stuff in fancy colors and actually enjoy studying human anatomy.

Kakuzu is a senior scientist/professor who initially studied pharmacology/pharmacy to save many lives and prolong the lives of millions, but eventually got disillusioned and sold his soul to the pharma industry. He should technically be retired now, but he joined the Akatsuki labs inc to make some money on the side.

Kisame started out as a marine biologist specializing in shark research, however, seeing these beautiful, innocent creatures get bastardized by Hollywood and pollution made him apply to Akatsuki labs inc to help find solutions to the current crises caused by humanity. During his free time, he volunteers in a dolphin rehabilitation center.

Konan is the cofounder of Akatsuki labs inc, everyone respects her and even looks up to her. Once a brilliant scientist in the field of engineering, she got tired of how male dominated it was and how her male colleagues kept getting the credit for her ideas. She frequently holds lab courses for young girls interested going into the scientific field.

Nagato is the Akatsuki labs founder, and rarely seen in the lab. He has made himself a name in the field of robotics by inventing the Shurado robotics system which helps millions of automated machines run to this day. Rarely seen in the lab, he communicated with his employees via his Pain Alias Email. though to be fair, Konan writes most of these emails for him; she's the only one regularly talking to him face-to-face.

Orochimaru is a geneticist and biochemist, his focus being finding ways to avoid cellular decay, as well as the human genome and anti aging research. His parents are academics as well and he lived up to their expectations to the fullest. He has his own skincare formula which keeps him looking snatched at all times. Given the rumors about several scientific ethical code violations, everyone is kinda scared of him except for his personal lab tech, Kabuto.

Sasori is a renowed mortician who's also very interested in histology. His preparation techniques are unmatched and he even invented new preparation- and histological staining methods, which are called "Red Sand" and "Red Technique", respectively. He often gets into fights with Kakuzu about his microtome collection being unnecessarily expensive.

Tobi is the Akatsuki labs CEO cosplaying as a clueless intern that always steals from the candy bowl in the waiting room. In reality, he has a PHD in physics, his thesis being about rifts in space time and interdimensional interactions, however all of his papers are published under an alias. He has a soft spot for Deidara and refuses to fire him despite the latter's frequent "accidents".

Zetsu is a biological anthropologist fascinated by human evolution and human behavior. Some think even his colleagues are subjects of his studies. Some people say he's two-faced, but he is very chatty and inquisitive most of the time. He volunteered to have Itachi's venus fly traps in his office and can sometimes be seen feeding them dead flies or mosquitoes.

[hailuchiha]

Waitwaitwait I had a THOT (pun intended lmao) What if Big Bad Kisame non cons Itachi's sister? Girl could be like 5'2 or 5'3 getting bodied by his 7 ft frame??? Itachis knowledge or involvement or lack there of is up to you !!

this was such a different prompt, and unexpectedly fun to write! i love writing itachi smut, but having kisame take advantage of his sister was just *chef's kiss* plus, he's so close to itachi and technically everything happened because of itachi... so this time, i went for a kisame scenario lol

i've just posted the prompt fill for this lovely request!

caretaker

[indigosuvi]

Sleeping Headcanons - Part 1

age in bio when interacting. minors do not interact.

Word Count: 176 / Read it on AO3 | Offline Version | Part 2

Featuring: Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Nagato (Pain)

Deidara

Sleeps shirtless. Will either cuddle or have an arm around you.

Hidan

Naked, he loves the feeling of your naked body against his. Will cuddle and be very touchy. Plus, sex is a lot easier without the removal of clothes.

Kakuzu

He sleeps shirtless, cuddling s/o or an arm around you.

Kisame

Sleeps naked, cuddling s/o or s/o on top of him.

Nagato (Pain)

He sleeps shirtless or fully clothed and will cuddle you.

© SUVIDRACHE — do not copy, translate, modify, or plagiarize my work. reblogs are appreciated!

Tag List: @eli-chris / Join My Tag List Here!

[obitobis-simp]

Shizuma is becoming my fav

Yk what that means? Making him SUFFER

I'm thinking abt giving him turst issus and having him be taken from famaly to famaly befor he lands on the streat where he meets ichirōta and they later help buntan kill her mon

And then he meets itachia and kisame via being braught to the past cuz somone(obito and kakashi) are messing with spacetime

Itachi and kisame are loving him and trying to figure out just wtf happened or better said will happen.

Sasuke finds out itachi has a child and "rescuses" shizuma. From "itachis abuse". Like sasuke has a full on meltdowen of fake scenarios of itachi hurting or torturing shizuma somehow

Meanwhile itachi panicing sasuke somehow managed to kidnapp his future child. He now has to rescue shizuma back from sasuke while still playing big evil brother

Shizuma no idea who to belive atp

Kisame? He's freaking out on every lvl possable over thinking making it his fault somehow