#kinda rambling but thought there were some interesting ideas in there worth putting out there just in case

[indigochromatic]

Some Musings on Plurality and Mental Health (had a conversation about this earlier today, but we've also been thinking about it generally for a while, so hey, why not, post time) Something that frequently tends to get lost in the noise of discourse but is, imo, actually pretty relevant to system community spaces of all kinds, is the realization that many (I'd venture to say most) systems of any kind, origin, dx, whatever, often have concurrent struggles with mental health issues of one kind or another. Not every system or every person who experiences multiplicity in a significant way has a Textbook Case dissociative disorder (or even a diagnosable dissociative disorder at all, depending on your framework for thinking about what does and does not fall under the scope of the label). But also, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't dealing with significant mental health challenges: - A lot of systems are queer in one way or another, and many have had to deal with the dangers and insecurity and heartbreak of being queer in our current society. - A lot of systems are autistic/dyslexic/have ADHD/have other kinds of processing differences that have affected many years of their lives, especially if they went through any kind of education system that tried to force their brains into something different, told them they were broken, and facilitated social isolation in one way or another. - A lot of systems, even those without dissociative disorders, have other mental health diagnoses. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders, schizophrenia and related disorders, etc. - A lot of people overall have undergone traumatic experiences in their lives at some point (or multiple points), which we all know have significant aftereffects on mental and emotional health. Also, there's multiple global crises that have been going on for a while, of which the COVID pandemic is just one example, which means a lot of new and exacerbated mental (and physical!) health issues for a lot of people in the last few years. So, what's the relevance of all this?

To us, it's yet another reminder that the idea of an easy division between "disordered system" and "non-disordered system" is frankly illusory. For anyone whose experiences of multiplicity/systemhood/plurality/etc are a significant part of their lives and functioning, that relevance will extend to their struggles with mental health, regardless of whether the mental health issues they're having fall under DID/OSDD or not. Control over switching, new or worsened in-system conflicts, system members being differently impacted by traumatic experiences, degree of dissociative disconnect vs ease of internal communication and memory sharing, system members experiencing and presenting symptoms of mental health issue differently, dysphoria over external-body-vs-internal-self mismatches, increased dissociation overall as a collective coping mechanism.... all of this is stuff that lies at the intersection of any mental health issues and systemhood, potentially, not just "DID/OSDD + its associated classical presentations and etiology". If a parogenic system fell into heavy depression over the quarantine, they might start experiencing more negative dissociative symptoms, and they'd also have to figure out how to navigate the mental health support system (such as it is) while plural. If someone with PTSD from trauma in adulthood decides to look into daemonism for comfort, and finds themselves more and more feeling like a system, they may or may not qualify for DID but they will still be contending with healing-from-trauma-while-a-system. If a system without memory barriers or other apparent issues gets long COVID and has their whole lives upended from new disability, their presentation may start looking more like a dissociative disorder. None of these examples are necessarily exactly the same as having DID or OSDD (...depending on how you define the scope of those diagnostic labels, which is a complicated question all of its own), but they're within a spectrum of related experiences that involve both mental health disorder and plurality in an intertwined way. Which, I guess, is a long way of saying: There is no specific diagnostic category or label that someone has to fit in order to be suffering and need support--and that includes systems as well as singlets.

[wind-up-thancred]

bit of thancred character musing under the cut that im gonna try to approximate from a 6am discord rambling into something i can actually post. both SHB and EW spoilers included

i saw some folks talking on twt about how guilt seems to be a very important factor in his life and i agree. i think a lot of major parts of his character and arcs have been due to guilt over something he did (or didnt even really do, re: the whole goobue rampage situation). it's driven him to work his ass off after louisoix which lead to him getting possessed... but its probably also what motivated him to do better for ryne after being forced to look his fuckups directly in the eye instead of just wallowing about them. but i think, at the same time, he doesnt really seem to, like... actually be proud of himself for a lot of the stuff he's done in order to work off that guilt? the biggest giveaway for that being the line in endwalker on the ragnarok where he talks about his "good deeds" cynically and seems to insist that they were never really that impactful in the first place. that they'll just go to dust when he dies.

in shb, during the ahm areng segment, not only does he talk down on himself in general, but also puts down his attempts to help OG minfilia back in the pre-ARR days... when i'm pretty sure she never even blamed him for the goobue rampage in the first place.

it's all a little bit sad to me, tbh. i've seen some people reason that, because he was only able to escape poverty due to louisoix seeing potential in his thieving skills, he's essentially internalized the idea that he's only really worth keeping around by ANYONE if he's actively being productive, either helping others or trying to fix whatever fuckups he feels he's made. i think that would explain a lot of this

note the "few positive traits" line, which to me comes across as "i was only picked up out of childhood poverty because he thought my skills were useful." though i don't really know how much of that mentality he's managed to work past by post endwalker. he IS able to go off on his own, and mentions that he trusts the scions to keep themselves safe now... but as i ranted about before, the short story points out that he's only really content to rest briefly before he feels obligated again to seek out unrest to try and help, specifically mentioning minfilia again. also, a couple times during the story, notably post ARR after his possession, mid SHB after he's wounded in a fight with sineaters, and post SHB after he passes out due to the weakening soul-body bond, he seems to dislike even having to rest for medical reasons

it's a pretty interesting part of his character to me. idk if the writers specifically had his rigorous upbringing in mind when they wrote these parts of his character, but to me it would make a lot of sense as an explanation for why he's so averse to rest and why he carries so much guilt and why he's so passionate about keeping the folks around him safe. that's kinda been his whole reason for life since he was a kid-- using his skills for the benefit of others. to him, doing anything other than that would be a waste, it seems.

idk. funny guy makes my heart hurt. yes i had all these dialogue screencaps saved and on hand. yes i am a little insane. what of it

[yooniesim]

ok unfortunately for yall the dash made me have a thought so now I gotta ramble lol

but ya know. maybe it's bc I've had so much time away from here and all the bitching (/affectionate) but over the past couple years, I get less angry about this shit and more solution-minded. and I don't mean for the community as a whole (that's impossible lol) but in a sort of... personal circle/responsibility type of way. like what we can do among ourselves without the confrontation aspect bc, just being honest- from my perspective & experience, the anger and the bitching doesn't really accomplish shit. not to say it ain't justified, & it's important to raise awareness for sure, but i swear me & a lot of others that have been talking about this for a long time have just been barking in circles without anything budging one way or another. which leads to burnout/emotional exhaustion not just for the ppl in question but for followers/mutuals/friends. I spent far too long and waaaay too much mental energy thinking that being the loudest and the boldest would get something to change. but the scammers keep scamming and the shit just keeps going. and sure it's fun as hell to shoot the shit and pick and bitch and laugh with your mutuals. baby yall know I love a good simblr circlejerk. but ya know, when you sit down and think about it it's a lil depressing. and the ppl you're talking to/around are already Aware and eventually the anger wears off and they're just tired of hearing about it. you're preaching to the choir and everyone is just pissed and tired with no clear goal to work towards.

Part of that exhaustion is why i made @alwaysfreecc as a positive way to boost always free creators, without focusing on the paywallers. as well as always supporting alternate ways of getting paywalled cc. but I think it takes a lil more than just that. I think, like the post I just reblogged was saying, people need to learn how to make their own content too. I know there's a learning curve, but so many things paywallers make are outright easy to do yourself. Some aren't- there are paywall creators that put great effort into their content and make it worth your money- but a lot of them are. And that isn't to say you should make everything yourself, there's nothing wrong with supporting creators that make content you find interesting or wouldn't want to do yourself, but it can be really rewarding to learn how to make simple edits and recolors on your own. And, image editing and 3d modeling skills can also benefit you elsewhere in life! Whether professionally or when modding other games. Knowing how to make cc in sims helped me figure out how to make certain things for skyrim and fallout, for example. Hell, it's just plain FUN to figure out and do, and I think the community could always use more of that.

Also, sometimes it's freeing to just, stop using certain creators' content. Like, i used to be bitching yet downloading stuff off dhm and shit, out of spite mostly cos half the stuff I didn't even like. But since I cleared out a lot of paywallers' stuff, besides a few I think are worth it/doing things honestly, it just feels better. I don't even think about those mfs anymore until I see something about them on my dash and then I can barely remember who they are lol. You don't realize how much you really don't NEED any of that shit & how you were kinda just downloading it to be downloading it, until you toss it. AND it feels great to have mostly always free creators' content & support them. Liiike i feel proud of ppl i saw get started and are STILL FREE and making awesome stuff, it's exciting! even when I'm not playing the game, I see their posts and be like "dang I need to grab that when I update" or "man they've gotten so much better in so little time" or "wow I never thought of that idea/seen that before". Bc always free peeps get to be so damn creative bc they don't have deadlines or turning off their paying audience to worry about. Like it's so cool and positive and I love that.

idk, just. based on what I've experienced here, i feel like it's kinda time to focus less on what the assholes are doing now (aka the same exact thing they've been doing for years) and more on what to do to make our own personal experiences better. which I know a lot of us are doing! I just wish I personally had done it earlier lol so maybe someone else needs to hear that too. like toss these dummies to the curb and replace them is what I'm sayin. If not in the whole community but just your personal circle. raise awareness as needed sure but don't let em take any more of your energy. cos if you are petty like me (😂) it'll hurt em way more to cast em out than yell at em. all the ppl that have bitched at me yet still have my cc in their folders come to mind lmfao, cos personally that gives me more satisfaction than anything else so I know it's probably the same for the scammers! Like a "you hate me but you can't bear to not use my shit huh 😏" type of deal. Don't give em that sick pleasure! (/projecting) Just focus on you and yours and make some sick ass content for yourself, then share it to me thx 💅

[musingmeaninglessly]

Watching Across the Spiderverse w/ Lo'ak & Neteyam (ft. Spider)

A/N; Since so many of us crossover into both these fandoms, I came up with this fun idea. Also, it was kinda inspired by the cute human drabbles that @littletrippyyhippyy writes! Hope y'all enjoy, I made myself laugh writing this, at least 😂

Warnings; Bit of swearing. Spider loses it. Lo'ak's a dummy. Spoilers for both movies, I guess??? Human reader. Kinda proofread.

Summary; You convince Neteyam and Lo'ak to watch Across the Spiderverse with you. They have some questions...

"OH. MY. GOD."

From your sudden verbal outburst, it's safe for the Sully brothers next to you to assume that you enjoyed the movie.

Across the Spiderverse, to be exact.

"That was incredible!! You guys liked it, right? Of course you did! You loved it! Tell me how much you loved it!!" you ramble, excitedly jumping up from your seat on the couch, turning to face your two Na'vi friends.

It had all been Jake's idea. Ever since you arrived on Pandora five years ago, his sons had become more interested in learning about human culture, from different foods to pop culture. The Sully patriarch had a feeling that their interest had piqued because of you specifically, but that was an avenue to be ventured down another time.

The brothers had happily agreed to watch this movie with you, despite having no idea what a spider is or why it should be attributed to any man. But, they couldn't turn down any time spent with you.

After begging Norm to somehow source the long-awaited sequel to Into the Spiderverse, you had ushered them over to the shack through the comms system. Whether you believed in the deity or not, you thanked God for Norm and his ways. Wi-Fi on Pandora was sketchy at best and just about held up for the odd email. Yet, somehow, Norm had got a hold of the new cinematic release so that you wouldn't have to suffer through streaming it.

And for you, it had been so worth the wait. You had loved every damn second. When Into the Spiderverse came out, you had been preparing to leave Earth. It was crazy to think how much had changed in the five years since you arrived on Pandora, a theme that had been mirrored in the movie.

Whipping your head round from the projector screen, where the movie credits rolled, Neteyam and Lo'ak would've marvelled at the joy lighting up your face if they hadn't been so damn confused. Neteyam looked as though he were about to say something but was continuously rephrasing it in his mind. Whereas Lo'ak just came straight out with it, amber eyes narrowed. "I'm confused..."

"By what?" you scrunch your face up. You had taken time to explain the whole premise of the Marvel universe to the brothers. Apparently they hadn't caught on just yet.

"Everything. Why could that Miles guy walk upside down? Why were there so many man spiders? And when will he kiss the blonde girl??"

"Lo'ak, I explained it all to you! Miles got bit by a radioactive Spider in the first movie, couldn't save his uncle Aaron, and you should know the rest!" you flop in between the brothers in an over-dramatic way, resuming your seat from earlier.

Lo'ak's brows knit together in a childish sort of way, but he smirks teasingly. "I can't ask questions now? Not my fault your dumb human movie makes no sense... OW!"

Neteyam's slap up the side of Lo'ak's head puts him back in his place. You exchange an amused glance with the oldest Sully brother, before giving Lo'ak a nudge in the ribs.

"Shut up, skxawng. Not my fault you didn't pay attention! The movie was amazing, right Neteyam?"

Neteyam looks a little caught off guard as you ask his opinion. In truth, he's a little confused by the story too, but he had paid better attention to your precursory Marvel lesson.

"It was...interesting." he muses thoughtfully, before Lo'ak cuts him off.

"I got another question! Why, Y/N, did you blush whenever that big guy came on the screen?"

His shit-eating smirk would have annoyed you if your thoughts hadn't been redirected to your favourite hunky Spider-Man.

"Oh, Miguel?" you ask before sighing dreamily. The brothers watch you in amusement as you resemble an ice pop melting in the August sun. "He's yummy..."

"Gross! He was a jerk!" Lo'ak exclaims. "He looked like he was about to explode he was so huge! Is this really what you human girls like?"

Grabbing the remote from you, Lo'ak rewinds the movie to a still of Miguel, immediately wishing he hadn't when you squeal in delight. As you do, though, he not-so-subtly flexes his biceps to compare with your animated crush.

"You got a way to go, bro" Neteyam chortles, eyeing his brother's lanky arms in amusement. Lo'ak just rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. That guy was an asshole. Did you see the way he yelled at Miles?" Lo'ak waves his arms around and it's honestly amusing to you how invested he appears to be in the movie.

"Kinda reminded me of you and your Dad..." you tap your chin in thought, grinning at the sputtering sound of laughter that comes from Neteyam beside you. Once again, Lo'ak scowls, but it doesn't stop you adding, "...on a good day..."

Neteyam loses it then and there, his usual coyness replaced with hysterical laughter that forces him to reach for the Co2 ask around his neck. Even Lo'ak cracks a small smile at your quip, and soon you're all laughing together.

That is, until the moment is interrupted by your human brother from another mother.

"Hey guys! I got snacks for the movie, I can't wait to see i-"

Spider's eyes widen with betrayal as they land on the rolling credits on the screen. His jaw drops, as do the snacks that he's holding. You can only bite your lip and stifle a laugh as his focus turns to you, pointing an accusing finger. "YOU."

"Spider, I'm sorry but you took too long!" you leap up, backing away from him. He's taller than you, after all, and evidently pissed. The sight makes Neteyam and Lo'ak snicker a little, although they are a bit worried for you...

"You watched the whole damn thing without me!" Spider is not far away from throwing a hissy fit, and it takes everything in you not to explode with laughter. Hands outstretched, you look as though you're taming a wild mountain banshee. At the moment, Spider certainly resembles one. "YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE SPIDER-MAN, Y/N! WHY DO YOU THINK EVERYONE CALLS ME SPIDER?"

"I thought it was because of your hair, bro..." Lo'ak teases, truly testing your resolve where laughter is concerned.

"BRO-"

"Let's calm down..." Neteyam chuckles, standing up to try and calm Spider down in his big-brotherly way, "We'll watch it again, right Y/N?"

"Of course!" you squeak, growing a little nervous at Spider's impending wrath. So much so that after hiding behind Neteyam, you dart towards the door, giggling as you run away from the taller human boy.

"Y/N! YOU. ARE. DEAD!"

There's a mad chase, but the Sully brothers look at each other in amusement as they hear your high-pitched laughter resounding through the corridor.

"Looks like we're watching the man spiders again, bro..." Lo'ak turns to his brother.

"Yeah, looks that way..." Neteyam grins.

[rambling-abyss]

So Regarding the Heroine in a Villainess Iskeai Story.

*note if a series has an official English title that's what I use for no other reason then it's easier for me to remember

enjoy!

A thought that has come into my head recently. And as the title of this suggests it’s something related to the heroine in a villainess iskeai story. Now bare in mind this isn’t super deep dive into the trope. More like a simple observation I’ve come to make after years of reading a certain niche. And that little corner I figured this out was female lead iskeai and iskeai adjacent stories. Usually the setting of a medieval kind about noble ladies living life in noble society sometimes doing things sometimes nothing at all.

I’ve read many those of stories in both manhwa and manga form over years. Can’t say I am expert on this niche topic. In fact a major backbone of the this niche being Otome games is something I very lacking with experience and information. Cultural osmosis from reading this stuff(as well as some interesting YT channels that cover the subject) do I even have a clue to what that’s all about. But that is unrelated to what I am going to talk about. as that’s for someone a bit more versed into those to deep dive into how they formed the backbone of this little genre.

So what exactly about the Heroine I am going to talk about. To put it bluntly how a story uses them is a big factor in deterring the quality of a Villainess story. If they total ignored or missed used then they is a high change that Villainess story is going to kinda of stinky. While the ones that bother to use them to any degree worth something will not come out as smelly. Wow the a story’s use of idea will determine the quality of it is mind blowing right! In this 15 hour video that just recaps episodes of Save by the Bell scene by scene I’ll blow even more of your brain until it’s just a stock.

Joking aside I am going to attempt to make a point about this. To the best of my rambling abyss ability. I will using the two series that made realize this to help make my point as well as use others that can help with. So the two series are

The 6th Loop: I'm Finally Free of Auto Mode in this Otome Game

And

The One Within the Villainess

Because both are a bit of a mouthful to type and to help with brevity. They will be shorten to 6th Loop and OWV respectively. Now this pair are total opposites of this spectrum. And they both end up hitting home of asking the question of just what is the point of having a Villainess story. A Question that only a writer trying to come up with one would ponder. This question only came to me because I’ve read large swathes of them ranging from the good, the bad, and the just plain mediocre. However with the two example I’ll be using I’ll mostly be focusing on a major linchpin for this kind of story. It which is oh so obviously reference in the title of this

Let’s start off with 6th Loop. The Villainess of this story is a poor girl focused to live though a total complete playthrough of a Otomo game. Five lives of misery only able to be observer watching your body reach it’s inevitable doom. Not a bad way to start off a series. It give the reader a good idea of why the lead know the contents of the game so well as well as give them a solid idea to why the lead wants to not walk down the path of the villainess. So what about the heroine then? A faceless specter of the future that were told is important. But once you’ve past the finish line and look back. She’s nothing more then a minor foot in the set up.

Now with OWV it’s a story that asks the question what exactly happens to the original villainess when a Iskeaier posses they body. Well the end up a observer watching the life the otherwolder is now making of their body do. And while watching his somewhat typical iskeai villainess story about a girl wanting the best outcome for everybody. The villainess gets as charmed as the various male leads the girl is helping. And it gets to a point where out villainess see her poser as a someone very important to her. the endless kindness and sincerity not lost on her. But were dose the Heroine matter in this. Well it’s simple thanks to her shameless selfishness the Villainess is forced to surface and the real story begins. And the craziest part is the heroine never 100% vanishes beyond the set up.

What these two examples make me realize is just how important a The Heroine is to a story about a Villainess. And that a total disregard of them misses the entire point of a story of this kind. Robin Hood can’t be Robin Hood without at someone like Prince John around. This doesn’t mean the Heroine has be the bad guy of the story. Not all the time. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom is a foundational series for this niche. And the heroine is the best friend(and some might even part of the bisexual harem) of the lead. She still a very important character. And a lot of lesser series tent to forgot how important that element is.

6th loop is a one of those lesser series and one that’s been stuck in the back of my head as I pondered about this niche. Not because it’s a uniquely bad one. It’s a painfully mediocre and very unoffensive read. It’s something that you’d have to a back of the dumpster licking freak like me to really remember it. and even then I could forgive for you for forgetting about it or even mistaking for another and much better series by the name alone. But why its sticked was that might be a near perfect example of a generic store brand Iskeai Villain story.

A mostly uneventful story about well-meaning girl trying to stop the bad ends that await her. Maybe even find someone that loves them for who they are along. Maybe make some real friends and overcome whatever personal problems that keep her living her best life. Having all that to the maybe lead up to the happy end she wants. I don’t know it man it kind of just ends with a implied flashes of the future after a bizarre reveal that felt out place for what it going for. really felt like they should have been a bit more after that. But it didn’t get that more. Not a uncommon thing to happen to the shorter of the this niche.

But minor digression aside, 6th loop really falls into a lot of stereotypes and cliches trappings. That a lot of lesser ViS heavily relay on without really adding much else to it. I am not among those unreasonable assholes that think cliches are remnants of Satan’s left nut. As long as I don’t have a truly terrible  time, I can be pretty forgiving. And as proud member of the Bragin Bin Divers Elite. It takes a lot to really offended. Btw Redo of Healer is probably the most famous work in Iskeai that managed to limbo under such a low bar I set.

By now you wondering how OWV counterpoints this? And if that’s the impression I give then I am sorry. Cause really what makes its work is because it’s use of cliches. It’s just that it’s use of it’s twist to the formula that helps it come together. And that twist use an element that is often overlooked in ViSes. It makes full use of it’s idea to help make the base for a compelling story. And hell that idea also leaves room for some interesting implications.

That’s the most frustrating part about 6th Loop it dose have a solid base for itself. A story about the fears of control and assumptions is in there. But the feeling a creeping disinterest in the own story it wants to tell just hurts it. Doesn’t matter nothing was done wrong on a technical level. It’s still a D+, see me after class.

So where dose the heroine really matter in this. Well it’s shorthand way to give you an idea if the author wants to really engage the story they telling or not in this hyper specific niche. Of course it not going to perfect. A writer worth their salt can make you forget about the heroine exists at all in a Villainess’ tales. I am just saying if you going to bother to have one present use it. Cause more times then not it’s only one in a conga line of mistakes made. It’s also the most obvious trope to spot when causally reading something. You’d be amazed how consistent it was that a not-so-great ViS just toss aside the heroine.

However I am really not going to fault creatives behind those duds. Yeah I’ll critic they work until I lose interest in it. But a lot of the stinkers are the results of the great and unstoppable CONENT MACHINE™!!!! A terrible beast made of unforgiving deadlines, sometimes little to no real help from editorial. And because the machine deems more and more a lot of inexperienced talent get a chance on the market as pro because they quickly throw together a comic like these. Can’t give them too much crap for that. Mostly because those ones tend to not last long.

Remember the Iskeai Boom from a sometime ago(maybe) was more then just male power fantasy about get many bitches. Some authors used it as excuse to write the pulp fantasy stories that always wanted to do. and I respect that. However, I’d say that machines have since calmed down a bit in recent. Now that the genre has made itself audience. Hopefully all those dud makers are doing fine these day and have learn the experience and have grown as artist.

Recently I’ve been watching this game reviewer/cook guide guy where every video he said to a nauseating level. Art isn’t content. While I don’t disagree with this remark at any level. Content and Art aren’t totally inseparable, however. Because of how our current society works sometimes art is made for the need of content. And artist the try hards they be sometimes do their best with whatever limitations are strapped on them.

I definitely wouldn’t have notice the trend if it wasn’t for the machine. I do think the trend wouldn’t exist at all if it wasn't for the machine else. Or at the very least amplify it.  I guess this part me bitching about something notice because I’ve read too much of one kind of thing. And the other part is me bitching about the content machine™  again.

But really its me asking writers to not forgot an important elements that make your premise your premise. Writing is hard I know. But you’ll have better idea of what you really want to do if all your pieces are in front of ya

Got Ghosted for Errand Boy Position

Abyss

[wings-of-ink]

it’s like i just drank an entire oceans worth of water, buckle up because i’m about to ramble

chapter 4….hooh boy where do i even begin. i never know how to begin. to summarize, it had me on the edge of my seat. when the horses ran off and oswin curses?? that’s when the thought of “we’re so fucked” finally settled. and after that, it was just one thing after another like a literal landslide (talk about foreshadowing yikes). i seriously thought we were about to have to put down a horse and while i was still in shock, i get hit with “we’re splitting up.” like HELL NO? NO THANK YOU? and to make things better, a landslide. like wow, MC hasn’t been through enough already let’s fuck up their shoulder too. i also really thought we were about to get our arm amputated because of infection, how do you explain that to papa and da when you get home.

duri’s first appearance and introduction? flabbergasted. first it was “WHAT IS THAT 😭😭” to “gee this is one smart wolf” to “what the hell. what the hell??” ALL POSITIVE REACTIONS!! i couldn’t believe it. maybe the onions we found on the side of the road contained some hallucinogens and we were all conveniently imagining the same thing. when oswin said my healer MC was obviously delirious, i was half expecting her to ask him just who was the healer here HAHA!

you deliver once again, lunan. without fail, every time. i appreciate the maps you provide for rest stops everytime they’re always so pleasing to see <3

and how do you feel about these long rambles or bug reports…..i don’t wish to flood your inboxes with my words >_<

Oh honey, don't drink ocean water...lol

I am tickled pink that you were thrilled, my dear. Though it is chapter 4, those scenes were some of the very first I thought of when plotting this story. I have been so excited to write them and I'm glad that seems to have come across in the passages to you. This is really where some of the "oh shit" comes into play for the story. We'll have more hills and valleys as we continue as well (hopefully no more fall out from under us though). And Oswin usually only drops the F-bomb when he's really stressed, lol.

I want to make sure your MCs have lots to tell their fathers about when they get home. I have a feeling they are going to have this moment when MC gets home and be like "we let them out of the house ONE time!" and then you get grounded. I anticipate getting the MC back home for a little break around chapter 6. It's going to be interesting, lol. MC leaves with 1 companion and comes back with more people, injuries, and maybe a little something else...

As long as the journey to the city goes okay, I'm sure MC will be totally safe from additional complications...mmhmm...

LOL you know I didn't think about your onions being the cause of a mass hallucination. Sounds kinda fun really. I am glad you enjoyed Duri's grand entrance. They love that shock and awe, and they don't show those parts of themselves to just anyone either.

And not to worry about filling my inbox. I appreciate every message including the long ones. I enjoy reading your thoughts, opinions, and ideas so much. It brings me great joy to see how enthusiastic you are about the experience. And now that the chapter is cleared, I have more time to dive into here and read and respond!

Thank you so much for sharing with me. ^_^

[cherry-dr0p]

I WISH TO RAMBLE!! IM NOT GONNA INCLUDE IMAGES BECAUSE I DONT WANNA BUT HERE WE GO

HUGE TWF4 SPOILERS

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

Im not gonna lie, the start kinda had me like "This is what I waited ages for?" But then when the animatronic testing came around, thats when my interest truly started to pick up.

First of all, WHY WOULD YOU TGINK THAT FACIAL RECOGNITION FOR ANIMATRONICS IS A GOOD IDEA??? GENUINELY DID NO ONE HAVE THE COMMON SEMSE TO GO "HM, THIS MAY END NOT GOOD". Like I kind of understand the appeal for it because they may want the kids to feel,, more connected to the animatronics?? I dunno. But like?? I can understand for that time period the desire to have the animatronics interact with the audience (Not saying its a good idea but at least I can understand with this one why they may think it is in my head), but cmon..

Then from what I remember, the sprites came. And Good god did they creep me out slightly when I first saw them, especially Edd and Molly. I dunno, there was something extra creepy in my eyes seeing kids' faces messed up like that. Crazy. I also screamed when I finally saw "Bon" because Ive been keeping up with the Twitter TWF community somewhat, which means I already technically knew about "Bon". It was pretty cool to have him finally introduced in the actual story himself. Also Charles and Susan talking about Felix's addiction and if they should tell Rosemary and Jack(?) is crazy.

Aaaahhh but then the scene with Jack came around. Was rooting for him ngl. I honestly thought he died at the well scene but I dont see any correlation to that quite yet,, mayhaps. Felix almost jumping did make me feel a tiny bit bad for him bit like,, still. Fuck you Felix. I still hate him and 100% think hes getting what hes deserving. He feels guilty? Good. He should.

I cant remember if the Susan scene comes after this or not but I erm uh,,, That was VERY well done!! It gave me chills how you could still hear her breathe. Genuinely. The blood as well and Rocket closing their eyes?? Crazy. The jittery animation drove me insane, it was such an amazing detail that made things far more uncomfortable.

I cant remember where abouts the other Felix scene came but,, HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ROCKET. I DUNNO,, DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN TAKE IT WITH YOU?? PUT IT IN YOUR HOME OR RESTAURANT?? WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. I SWEAR, MY GUY HAS NEGATIVE BRAINCELLS... But I also think we all know why he's so attached,, him getting haunted by the kids is wild.

The last scene very much makes me think "Bon" is Jack. I unno, very much could be wrong but just the way he talks and is dressed makes me think he is. The fact that he knows so well of what hes talking about and the voice,, maybe the general face shape too. Me thinks its either Brian(Ive saw that theory floating around) or Jack, but Im more leaning towards Jack. It also freaked me out slightly the way Susan came on all deformed too, that was freaky. The voices of all the characters in this new afterlife were very VERY cool too. And the whole mask being given and "Bon" talking about making her "beautiful" too? That was cool. The scene with Edd and Molly debating whether to save Susan too filled my heart with a weird sort of awe. They have a great relationship as siblings together imo, I do very much love their dynamic.

It'd be cool to see the other two episodes for the finale which I think are coming out very soon!! Which is very exciting!! I 100% reccomend TWF4, it's phenomenal and the wait was 200% worth it in my eyes. You can definitely see the developers heart and soul being put into this project, which is very nice to see. In my eyes, you dont see it often. I dunno if I missed out a scene or two from my rant but overall? I adored watching this (Ive already told some of my friends to watch it >:3).

Rant over anyways, buh bye for now :3

[jasper-tarot-reader]

Heyo! I'm here with the feedback. My brain works in weird ways and I kinda sorta have a practice that I'm still developing (with correspondingly spotty knowledge/ideas/beliefs/etc), so this rambling I'm about to do may get weird or TMI. Sorry in advance.

So my first thought was that there was a lot of fire, which I thought was interesting because I was vacillating between air and fire when sending the ask. Tangentially, but related, I ended up looking at my natal chart for the first time in a while the other day because my friends were talking about it and air and fire are the two most present elements in it (4 each, with water and earth being 1 each). I don't really put much importance on astrology in my daily life/etc, but I think it's a good enough tool as part of a wider knowledge base.

Moving on, I find the first section interesting because yes, I have kind of been in survival mode recently. I do criticize myself for not living up to the goals I set. I'm also trying to train myself out of thinking/ shift my thinking away from "value = productivity" and/or "self-worth = achievement." I have been going to therapy for a couple months (first time I've gone for real (long story) in my life) and that was a topic semi-recently, but after I had that realization, I can see how the belief is baked in to almost everything I do and is really screwing with me in several areas of my life.

Related to survival mode, I think, is the Devil. My first (and thusfar only) tarot deck is Maggie Stiefvater's Raven's Prophecy tarot. The Devil in her deck is depicted as a mask - basically, sort of a 'you are your own worst enemy' kind of thing. The actual mask part of her depiction, as well as how she says (paraphrasing) "the mask can become part of you if you don't check yourself," is what I was thinking of in relation to me masking as an autistic person - especially as someone who only just realized semi-recently that they're autistic.

Reading Kauvara's wiki(?) page was interesting as well. The whole "family business thing" relates to my goals, actually. I recently decided to become a teacher... just like my mother, after saying my whole life that I didn't want to/ wasn't going to - especially if what I saw/heard from her was any indication of what teaching was actually like (and the fact that I despised (and despise still) being seen as a mini-her since she's... not great). My aunt is also a teacher, and my maternal grandmother wanted to be a teacher but was unable to. I was recently thinking, actually, that I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue on with the classes I need for my certification. I only briefly thought about nixing it entirely; mostly, I was just thinking about belaying it until I had more funds built up, since I'm paying for it myself on what's basically contractor work (substitute teaching). Aside from money, I do actually have a lot of resources for this goal specifically (aforementioned mother as well as previous teachers that I'm still in contact with, especially since I quite frequently substitute teach at the school that I went to high school at).

Now, the other goals that I have... I wonder if that's where the "are you too focused on potentially wrong thing" is. I've been really focused on these classes to get my certificate since I saw that as The Way to get to my other goals (get the hell out of this house, chiefly) since it's a job that I'd be most likely to get pretty much anywhere I want (I've had trouble finding a job since high school, to clarify. I'm now post-college). I've only been halfheartedly trying to find a more stable job (substitute teaching is great... but dependent on teachers being out, which is not guaranteed) or some sort of ""side hustle"" or whatever to supplement my fairly decent but not consistent pay. So, basically, I should probably be focused on things that bear more fruit in the short term, instead of pouring everything and then some into something that's going to take at least a year, if not more, to come to fruition.

(Ironically, I made a note to look into SMART goals again because I remembered it was a pretty good way to go about actually reaching goals but not any of the actual specifics. I literally wrote "research SMART goals" on my to do list today, before I saw that you'd done the reading.)

And for the last part... yeah. With my question I kinda figured that it was going to be a "if shit's fucked it's because you're the one who created that possibility" kind of thing. The "new alliances or deals can be formed" thing makes me think of what I was thinking about recently in consolidating/refinancing (whatever the actual correct terminology is) my student loans, specifically the private ones with exorbitant interest rates I had to take out because my mother refused to be a cosigner. I did fuck up the other day with my federal student loans - I reached the end of the deferment/forbearance/whatever it's actually called that I'd applied for when I was unemployed, so I applied for an IDR finally, but vastly overestimated how fast they would process it and had to scramble to pay for this month and in the process earned my mother's ire (asked her for the amount since I'd given her over half of my previous paycheck, which was more than I needed for the payment).

Ah. Writing this I just realized there's technically a connection with Kyne being "the Mother of Men and beasts" to my bullshit. I have frequent trouble with my mother (delightful flavor of emotionally abusive helicopter parent) but I live in her home in what I would definitely call an "alliance," even if she wouldn't. Issues with her are... about 50% of the time caused by me getting annoyed with something she did/said/etc and pissing her off (not intentionally needling her or anything, but, well) leading to said IssuesTM. Additionally, of those former teachers I mentioned, there's one who I would call a mentor (that I haven't really talked to in a while, so that would probably be "old allies can return and assist") and she's pretty much a mother figure to me as well.

I think that's about it? Anything else... idk, maybe some connection between Kyne being a Norse-look-alike goddess when I've been looking into/ learning about Germanic paganism (among other things) re: learning about my ancestors, etc? But I think that's of lesser importance (unless it's something like another flag towards family troubles in relation to my goals).

That's all I can think of. Hopefully it's helpful!

Fascinating, thank you for returning with feedback! I'm sorry you're in this much of a pickle, but I'm glad my reading was able to shine a light on the important bits for you. Most importantly, thank you for volunteering as a test subject for the Three Kings Divination so I could test it! I wish you the best, especially on the financial front. Loans are a bitch and a half, especially when someone refuses to help you with them.

~Jasper

[jkl-fff]

Barbie Movie Ramblings (Part 1)

Watched it yesterday and *loved* it. It was one of the most silly, snappy, stylish, and still smart movies I've seen in a long time, and thus I've got a lot of synapses shooting off. Going to let some of them ricochet around Tumblr instead of just inside my skull. Enjoy! Feel free to add on!

Okay ... Where to even start?

Firstly, Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling both deserve an Oscar for the depth and breadth of their acting range on display in this film, Greta Gerwig for the masterful execution of her directorial vision. And whoever wrote the casting credits deserves death for how unhelpful they are. Practically everyone is either just "Barbie" or "Ken", so how am I supposed to reference them easily here? Gods damn it, at least give them their titles, like "President Barbie" or "Journalist Barbie"!

I'm still giggling at lines like "Oh! The Supreme Court!" for the Miss Universe billboard, or Ken's confession "When I found out patriarchy wasn’t about horses, I lost interest," or Ruth Handler's ghost's self-deprecating boast "I am Mattel. At least, until the IRS got to me." I mean it in the most positive way imaginable when I say this movie was like a cohesive feverdream, like a frenetic session of children playing yet with an internally logical plot.

****

Okay, now for the more intellectual thoughts.

Apparently, a lot of people are arguing about whether or not this is really a good Feminist Movie(TM), whether or not it's a movie for Boys(TM), if it's anti-men, if it's just one big commercial for Mattel products, etc.

For that last one, yeah, of course it's selling Mattel products. But grow up, because it's not *just* a commercial. Much like "The Lego Movie" is selling legos AND ALSO a heartfelt story and a fascinating work of artistic performance in its own right. "Barbie" is a text worthy of analysis beyond "it's one big commercial", and part of how intellectually rich it is comes from the very fact that it engages with its own tangled roots in capitalist consumption.

As for whether or not it's for Boys(TM)--or for anyone at all, for that matter--I admit I've always thought such considerations were kinda stupid. Not everything is meant for everyone, obviously, nor should everything even try to be. But, by that same token, anything can be for anyone. People are not static and thus neither are audiences.

The idea of a Target Audience can be helpful, sometimes, but I think it's both grossly oversimplified and overextended nowadays (because capitalism and marketing). We need to remember, not everyone in a Target Audience will resonate with a given story, not everyone outside a Target Audience won't resonate with a story, and that that can change for individuals depending on ... heck, even what kinda day they're having. I loved this movie, but I probably wouldn't want to watch it on a day when I'm feeling really depressed. Maybe the producers and executives didn't market it with Boys(TM) in mind, but boys absolutely can and should watch "Barbie". It's a fun movie, and they should be allowed to enjoy it, too. And, more importantly, learn from it.

Is it anti-men? Pff! No. And only idiot conservatives would even think that's a worthwhile question worth asking.

As for if it's *really* a *good* Feminist Movie(TM) ... I think anyone asking this particular question is forgetting how complex and nuanced Feminism can be. Indeed, Feminism isn't really a single thing--it's not a unified monolith--but rather a bunch of connected and sometimes conflicting schools of thought, philosophies, political stances, and so on. In general, it really would be more accurate to say Feminisms (plural) than Feminism (singular). Giving a hard no, therefore, I reckon is insisting that it can't be Good Feminism(TM) because it doesn't fit someone's too narrow idea of what Real Feminism(TM) is/should be. Giving a hard yes is probably falling into the same trap.

Put another way, Feminism is a lot like Jewishness. It isn't really about finding The Absolute Answer(TM) to a question, but about the process of thinking and debating by which you come to a possibly impermanent answer.

To give some examples from the movie: Does the Barbie doll actually empower little girls? She shows them they can aspire to be more than just mothers, that they can be anyone and do anything ... But she also reifies this idea that women must look beautiful and be perfectly accessorized while doing it. It's not "yes or no", but "yes and no". Is the narrator's fourth-wall-breaking line "Note to film makers: Margot Robbie is not the right person to cast to make this point." (when Barbie is having a crisis about being inadequate, not being pretty enough or smart enough, etc.) one that undercuts or underlines the movie's emotional climax? It interrupts the flow of the dialogue and suggests that a woman's self-perception is less important than how others perceive her ... But it reminds us that she's not an everywoman, but rather an actress playing a specific doll in a fictional story, and this is a self-aware performance about the need to be self-aware. Not "yes or no" but "yes and no". It ends with Barbie being excited for a gynecology appointment. What the heck? On the one hand, it echoes the reality and physicality she now inhabits. She's real and alive, so she has a body with reproductive organs thus feminine health concerns that are being acknowledged in a way that is open and not shamed. She's no longer plastic and high-heeled and perfect, and thus will have blemishes and cellulite and flat feet, and that's wonderful ... But it also suggests the idea that the realness of womanhood is physical and medical and biological--suggests that it's situated not in her soul but in her body, not in who she is but what she has in her pants. Not "yes or no" but "yes and no".

Ironically, if anything, it might be a good Feminist Movie(TM) specifically because it doesn't try to give us simple, definitive answers about if the Barbie doll and "Barbie" itself are feminist icons. Feminisms are too complex and nuanced to give simple, definitive answers.

I've got one more thought (or string of thoughts) in me about this movie, I reckon. About how it's campy and doing nonstop drag (the Barbies are doing over-the-top femininity, the Ken's over-the-top masculinity, and even the Real World is doing over-the-top reality and grittiness ... except for the Mattel headquarters) and deconstructing itself, and how all that is foundational to its message. But this post has already gone on for too long than I originally anticipated. So I'll give voice to that idea in a bit.

[finnyboywolfhard]

Kiss It, Make It Better

Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader 

summary: Y/N craves smoking with someone new, so who better than Steve Harrington. 

A/N: this is based solely on the ‘it’s only marijuana’ line in season three bc i am in love with stoner!Steve 

warnings: drugs <3, cursing, fluff 

word count: 2.4k 

Y/N and Dustin had the routine since Y/N got her license, that once a month they would have a sibling drive, in which they would drive around with the sole intent of getting caught up with one another. Given all the shit they had been through over the past few years, it naturally became their own special form of therapy. The Events of Starcourt on the Fourth of July and the days prior were once again weighing heavily on the two during their first drive since.

“What was it like being drugged?” Dustin asked, his curiosity weaving its way into his voice.

“Weird. It kinda felt like everything was the best thing ever, but it also came at the worst time. It was also weird that it was with Steve Harrington and Robin.”

“Is it like weed?”

“Is it like what?” Y/N knew the answer, it was no, but she had no idea why her little brother was deciding to ask her that in that exact moment.

“When you guys were drugged, I kept asking Steve if he did drugs, and he said that he only did marijuana. I wanted to know if they were comparable. So, is it like weed?”

“First off Dusty, you don’t ‘do’ marijuana, you smoke it. And secondly, I’m not answering that question, you can save that query for Steve.” Steve. Y/N had a lot of thoughts about him, it was interesting to hear about him from the rumors in high school in comparison to how she saw him act regularly. And ever since she started smoking to calm herself down, she has craved smoking with someone other than Robin, maybe Steve was worth a shot.

“Speaking of Steve, he said he might be over a lot over the next few nights while his parents are away, just so you know.”

“Oh? Is he coming tonight?”

“No, not tonight. He isn’t off work till 9 and mom doesn’t want him coming an hour before my dumbass bedtime— I still don’t get why she just NOW gave me a bedtime while you don’t even have a curfew.” Her brother started rambling, but all she could pay attention to was that he was going to be home alone tonight. Would it be that crazy of her to show up after all the trauma they had been through over the past 3 years?

“It’s because I’m legally an adult, so she’s treating me as such, and you’re just going into high school, she wants you to be safe. But okay, guess we’ll just have to see him soon.” The two drove around for a while longer before returning home. As the hours in between past, Y/N glanced towards her bookshelf, in which held a hidden stash of weed. She could always tell her mom she was just going to Robin’s, she would never try to prevent Y/N from seeing Robin.

She walked toward the bookshelf with soft footing, and with a gentle touch she plucked the hard covered book from the shelf. Inside lay two pre rolled joints she bought from her dealer and some bud Murray had snuck her after Hopper’s memorial. She snapped the book closed and tossed the book gently onto her bed. She put on a zip up hoodie and packed a fake sleepover bag. The books spine crackled gently as the cover was opened just enough for her to grab the pre-rolls out and into her pocket.

With backpack slung over her shoulders and her hands tucked securely in her pockets, Y/N strolled casually into the living room where her mother sat, as the minutes ticked quicker and quicker past 9:30–he was definitely home by now.

“Hey mom! Inhope you don’t mind but I’m gonna head over to Robin’s.”

“Oh! Did she call? I didn’t even hear the phone!”

“Oh no! She didn’t!” Y/N let in a gulp, she didn’t think this through. “She asked me a few days ago to come over tonight if I wanted to, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go until a little bit ago.”

“Ah, sounds like you, Do you wanna call her before you head over?” Claudia stood from her seat and began moving and motioning towards the phone.

“No!’ Y/N shrieked at her mother, who turned confusedly towards her. “Her mom goes to bed early and I told her that if I was gonna come it would be between 9 and 10, she assumes I’m coming, but I do really gotta get going.” Y/N glanced nervously at the clock, it was getting later and later and there comes a time where it’s a little uncomfortable to show up. Claudia glanced to the clock as well.

“Okay Y/N/N, you better get going.”

“Bye mom—“

“—Drive safe, be careful, I love you.”

“I love you too mom.” Y/N said as she practically ran to her car. She turned her car on and began the drive towards his house, not even thinking twice about where she was going until the car came to a park in his driveway.

“Shit!” Y/N yelled at herself. She yelled at herself for being weird and for showing up unannounced. She calmed herself down by saying, “who wouldn’t want someone showing up with free weed? Don’t overthink it.” She pulled in a complete, deep breath and walked hesitantly to the door. Three knocks sounded off the door, her breath fluttering ever so slightly as she let her hand fall to her side. Footsteps could be heard from the opposite side of the door, stepping closer and closer by the second. The doorknob turned and Y/N’s attention snapped up to meet the gaze of the boy at large.

“Hey Y/N, what’re you doing here?” Steve asked delightfully surprised. Her hand reached inside her pocket to pull one of the two joints. She lifted it from her pockets to where he could see it.

“Got a light?” She asked with a smirk.

After finding a lighter, the two made their way to his backyard. They sat parallel to one another in their chaise chairs. Y/N flicked the lighter a few times before sparking up the first joint of the night. She pulled a large huff in and held it as she passed the joint to Steve. He took in a long drag, holding the joint in front of him to inspect it after he hit it. A few seconds after Y/N had released her hit, Steve started coughing a bunch.

“Jesus Y/N, where the hell did you get this?” Steve said through the gasps for air.

“Good shit, huh?” Y/N joked as she inhaled another hit. The two fell into a rhythm of passing it back and forth as conversation allowed itself to flood the air.

“So what made you come here Y/N?” Steve pondered towards the girl.

“Dusty started asking me about when we were drugged, and apparently you told him you smoked weed. And, as much as I love Robin, I need someone new to smoke with, and you’re not AWFUL to hang out with.” Y/N explained, with sarcasm dripping from the last sentence.

“Wow, I feel so touched. Truly, I feel like the luckiest man alive. THE Y/N Henderson chose ME to smoke with. Best day of my life.” Steve rambled on, matching the sarcastic tone Y/N started with. The two laughed for a bit together, before Y/N spoke through the giggles.

“I am sorry for just showing up, I just didn’t know how to ask.”

“What? Am I that scary?”

“You’re THE King Steve, you’re the coolest, hottest guy at Hawkins. I was so intimidated by your male wiles. I am begging at your feet Steve Harrington.” Y/N mocked other girls she had witnessed in Hawkins. “No you’re not scary, I just couldn’t bring myself to say ‘Hey Steve, want to do some drugs with me?’ on our family phone, it didn’t feel right.” Steve let out a chuckle and a ‘fair enough’. It fell silent for a moment as the joint had its final hits taken from it.

“Why haven’t we hung out before? I mean away from all the traumatizing shit.” Steve asked slowly as he let himself sink down into the chair.

“Different friend groups before it all and then after and during it all, I didn’t and don’t want to impede on you and Dustin’s time. Plus neither of us have asked each other anyway.”

“That’s not true, I invited you to the movies that one day you stopped into scoops alone.”

“Yeah after I had already told you I was babysitting that night, you didn’t even ask to reschedule.”

“Yes I absolutely—didn’t. I didn’t.” Steve said, confidence dissipating. Y/N couldn’t help but focus to each small feature of his face one by one. Sure, she had looked at him but she never looked at him. He really was beautiful.

Jokes and stories were told between the two, laughter and exaggerated stories filled the bubble they put themselves in. In those moments, there was no one else in the world but Steve and Y/N.

“And that’s how Mike Wheeler broke his finger in our backyard.” Y/N let out through a fit of giggles. Steve clutched his stomach as he let himself fall back into the chair from the gut busting laughter Y/N had sent him into. As he got more comfortable, he glanced down at his watch. His eyes bulged at the time.

“Holy shit.” He said flustered, eyes never leaving the watch face.

“What? What time is it?”

“It’s almost 2 A.M.”

“Oh damn…” Y/N said, a dangerously fun smile finding its way to her face. Her hand reached towards the second joint in her pocket. “So this would be of no interest to you?” Steve’s squinted eyes opened just a peep. He let out a long whine.

“I think I’m too high to even move…but that looks so good.” Y/N looked between him and the joint. She noticed space for her to sit on the edge of his chair, and placed herself there. She placed the joint between her lips and gave it a light, waiting for the rolling paper burn down to the weed. From between her lips, she pulled the joint between her fingers and held it gently up to his. He took in a pull, never once releasing eye contact. With each consecutive hit, the distance between them drew closer and closer, eventually leaving their faces merely inches apart. Her fingers were so far back on the joint, they grazed his lips as he took in one of the final hits. Her fingers tingled from his touch. She glanced towards his eyes, his meeting hers already. The air around them went still and quiet. Their eyes were locked on each other, contact never wavering as their bodies moved towards one another like a magnet. His eyes stayed put on hers as his voice fell in the air.

“Give me one more.” Her hand lifted lightly and placed itself at his lips once more. The joint glowed a bright red as he inhaled the smoke. Y/N was so enraptured by his beauty, she didn’t notice the joint burning down to a nub. She watched as a cloud of smoke was blown from his lips and into the sky, before the heat had finally reached her touch.

“Son of a bitch!” She exclaimed as she dropped the roach to the ground. She lifted her fingers to her mouth, attempting to ease the burning feeling. The burn wasn’t bad, just a little redness but it didn’t hurt any less.

“Hey, let me see it.” Steve’s tone was much gentler now as he lifted her hand into his own. He raised her gently by her wrist to examine the burnt fingers. He delicately placed the burnt fingers to his lips and gave them a tiny little kiss.

“Kiss it, make it better.” He whispered, just barely audible to her ears. That’s what was so shocking about Steve, his heart was so filled with love and care. He did his best to make everyone feel protected, even if his popular guy persona overshadowed it at times.

“How are you so perfect?” Her voice came out quietly. Slowly, he lifted his head to look at her once more and without much thought, he closed the distance. The kiss was gentle and loving, but clearly stoked by passion. His lips upturned into a smile. She leaned back and traced her fingers across her lips. Just to make sure she didn’t imagine it, she pulled the boy towards her by the collar and planted one more kiss on him—and she noted that he kissed back with the same fervor.

“I have a crush on you Steve Harrington.” She said, hiding her blushing face from the boy. He turned her face towards him as he confessed,

“I’ve had a crush on you for like 3 months.”

“You have?”

“Yeah.” He said, his thumb gently grazing her cheek.

“Why?”

“Dustin talks about you enough, and I—uh I remembered all the times you’ve kicked ass over the past few years and it just kinda…happened. Who wouldn’t want someone as smart, badass, and beautiful as you?” He rambled our haphazardly, a blush forming across his cheeks as well.

“Steve…”

“Oh god, that was embarrassing, am I blushing? I feel like I’m blushing. fuck me.” Steve started rambling.

“Hey! It’s not embarrassing, it’s cute.” Y/N explained, but it didn’t seem to help. An idea flashed in her mind. “Oh no! You are so embarrassing, I am embarrassed. Ew, guess I

I’ll just have to close my eyes! I hope that embarrassing Steve Harrington doesn’t kiss me!” The sarcastic tone from earlier returning once more. A chuckle bubbled past Steve’s lips. He once more laid one on her, this time—a little bit more passionate than the past.

Y/N nuzzled herself into Steve’s side on the small beach chair they were on. The air sat comfortably still in that moment, the two reeling from the overwhelming emotions they had just felt. Quiet giggles pierce the air as Y/N studies her fingers.

“It worked.” She said matter of factly.

“What worked?”

“After you kissed it, I haven’t thought about it since. You made it better.” Y/N spoke melodically. Steve planted a kiss to the top of her head and pulled her closer in to him.

“Kiss it, make it better.” He repeated once more.

[kikyan]

Could I request a Mammon drabble? It can be about anything! Thank you so much!!!!

TURN IT UP! Please this drabble is SHIT but I've been wanting to write smth for obey me again. Thank you anon, YOU ARE AMAZING.

Unfortunate

It never clicked to the demon sin of Greed, why his brothers were so close to a human whom they despised since the beginning. Okay, maybe 'despise' is an exaggerated way to describe it but they weren't particularly interested in them. To Lucifer is was just a human that was invited to the DevilDom because of Lord Diavolo's request, none of the brothers cared or even wanted to get close to the human, at least more than necessary. Yes, Mammon was tasked with the responsibility and tedious chore of taking care of this human, making sure that they weren't preyed on by other demons and swallowed whole. Sure, he hated the idea of getting close to the human, rambling on and on about how grateful they should be that the Great Mammon is even wasting his time taking care of them, but of course, that was just a cover-up of his true feelings.

He enjoyed this human's company a lot more than he let be known, at least with the intent because his brothers saw through his facade. He never understood why or how it happened, to Leviathan they were a normie, to Asmo. . .just another human, Belphagor despised them, Beelzebub wanted to eat them, Satan could care less, and Lucifer was putting up with them for Lord Diavolo's sake. Mammon would never admit it straight up unless he was sure of the reaction that he would get from [Reader] would be perfect, or the one he wanted. He liked them, cared for them, hell, even loved them. [Reader] was always with him, even as he brushed them off many times in the beginning, they were stubborn enough to bounce back into his life. Watching the whole TSL series with them, along with Beel, but it was mostly with [Reader]. His quick get rich schemes that [Reader] would sometimes reject or go along with it, really made him feel loved and cared for. When his brothers would verbally abuse him, [Reader] was quick to cheer him up or tell his brothers off.

Having someone who cared for him and took his side, but also wasn't afraid to put him in his place if he needed, was something new and appreciated. From that day forward, he was glued to them. Always barging in their room to hang out, watch movies, go shopping, or on their "mini dates", as he would call them. It was utter bliss to be with [Reader] and he was so thankful that they were the human who came to the DevilDom instead of someone else.

So it made no sense to him, that he was pushed aside for one of his brothers. He had just come back from [Reader's] room who was currently getting ready to go out. Mammon, like always, asked where they were going back.

"Oh, I'm going with Satan to a bookstore. I think we are also getting a small snack in between? Who knows, but yeah."

" W-what!? Then, I'll come too!"

" Sorry Mammon, but I planned this with Satan for some time. If it was a spur of the moment then yeah, I would take you but I can't. I'm sorry, but I promise to make it up to you when I get back. You want me to bring you something?"

" No. . .thank's but no. I'll be fine, have fun. See you later."

His mood instantly dropped but it wasn't anything new, [Reader] felt bad at the way he sluggishly walked out of their room, but it was already planned. There was nothing [Reader] could do but ask Satan if he could come, but even that was a stretch. They already knew Satan's response and how he would go on about how Mammon isn't interested in books like that. Mammon rested his head on his pillow, clearly upset with the events that transpired in their room. He felt bad for trying to barge into [Reader's] outing, maybe his brothers were right and he was just annoying. God, he hated himself a lot for what he was planning, but he was reassuring himself, '[Reader] would understand, I can just play it off that I decided to go into town as well.'

Mammon sighed, this wasn't meant to be. He was currently walking around the bookstore stalking [Reader] and Satan.

“ What do you think about this one, [Reader]. I heard some great reviews but I’m not sure. It’s a 50/50 with them. Either it’s amazing or it’s horrible.”

“ Well, how much does it interest you? If you really want to read it we can buy it but if not let’s pick a different one.”

“ Well. . . how about we pick another one. Don’t want to chance it...is there any book you want?”

“ Hmm, well there was this one…”

“ Oh, that one? I’ve been interested in that one for quite some time but never had the chance to get it so I forgot all about it…”

“Mm, so we’ll take this one then.”

“ Alright, let’s bring it to the front.”

With that, Mammon moved away and was able to avoid being spotted. He hid as he spotted [Reader] and Satan leave the bookstore. He saw them laughing and pointing to a small cafe. There they sat and talked some more, it was nothing serious just about books and reading. Mammon sighed in relief until...he heard his name.

“ [Reader], I don’t know how you put up with Mammon. Isn’t he always in your room?”

“Well yes, but I mean it’s not that hard. . .”

“He doesn’t give you any privacy whatsoever, always barging and thinks he owns you. I honestly don’t know how you put up with him. If it were me, I’d kick him out. He’s always dragging you into schemes, makes you clean up after him, and defends him against Lucifer. He always causes issues…”

“Hmm, I never thought about it like that.”

Mammon felt his heart shatter, his favorite person hated him. He honestly hated what Satan said but he also knew that it wasn’t that far off. It’s true that he spent countless time in [Reader’s] room. Sometimes sleeping in and hiding away in there. After class, he’d go bother [Reader] or even offer to do homework together. Has he always been a bother to [Reader]? Were they just too nice to tell him to bug off? Mammon got up from the table and proceed to walk away, sadness clouding him and some tears threatening to spill.

“ I guess it can be a little too much and sometimes I do mind it, but he doesn’t do it with bad intentions. He truly cares for us, just has horrible execution. His get-rich schemes, well it kinda comes with the sin of greed so we can’t really blame him. I think, having someone to depend on is nice. He’s so used to getting beat on that having someone to comfort him is a miracle. Think about it like us Satan. Aside from me, has there been another person whom you could talk to about books? What about Leviathan and wanting to talk to someone else who isn’t online or 2D? Having me around has changed all of you, yes it can be a bit too much but it’s worth it by seeing your smiles. If it ever gets too much I’d probably tell you guys, but until then I don’t really mind.”

“ [Reader]. . .you really are kind.”

A smile clouded Satan’s lips as he sighed and let out a chuckle. This would have been a much cuter moment had it not been for Mammon already leaving and thinking that [Reader] was bored of him. What a shame, the sin of greed was just so unfortunate.

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[namtanlovesfilm]

youtube anon here!! omg thank you!! sorry im so late with this i was busy bc deepavali + wanted to make sure id thought of everything to ask ahsjdjdkf and ofc if you decide not to reply to this i understand as well, so really no pressure at all, okay? 😊 what software do you use to edit your videos? what made you decide to start making videos? do your videos get taken down bc of copyright? how do you deal if/when that happens? what are some of your favourite kinds of videos to make, and why? how long do you usually spend on a video (idea conception, filming, editing etc)? and since i know you from this blog, even before you started making videos: do you have any advice about putting out content in fandom? bc you make gifs + write + make videos and like. idk im just wondering if you ever feel shy about posting? (not that you should bc for real everything you put out is great- including all the off pictures you keep posting… thank you for that btw i dont have social media so thats the only way i get to see his beautiful face) i guess it sounds stupid but IM really really shy and the thought of putting anything out there for anyone at all to see makes me want to hide forever sdjfhskjg but like. i kinda want to make video edits too. mostly for myself as like a visual journal thing? like its a personal project. but i thought okay since im putting in so much effort why not share it with other people too? and id love if people discovered new music + shows bc of me yknow? but yeah anyway like. how do you deal with it if you ever feel that way? thats all i can think of for now, wow this got LONG. i hope its not too much rip. and again thank you for letting me ask you these questions ❤️

hi, OOF you really had QUESTIONS lmaooooo

I use the free software shortcut to edit my videos. I hate it & it's very slow which makes my already least favorite part of the video making, editing, even worse (:

I decided to start making videos bc 1) I saw a gap in the youtube market where people who talked about bl either did reactions or short analyses without showing their faces. 2) there were many topics that were easier to tackle in a longer video than a blog post. 3) if I were to be able to make a living off of youtube (which will not happen but wish I had known that then lol) it would solve most of my problems & allow me to combine pretty much all of my interests at once.

my videos ABSOLUTELY get taken down bc of copyright, if you look through my community page I've talked about that many times.

when that happens, I always appeal but most of the time it doesn't work, which means I spent 30+ hours MINIMUM on something that will never see the light of day (: it's in big part why I'm switching to thailand focused content instead of thai series content tbh, it was very heavy on my mental health for a hobby that takes so many hours out of me every week. not worth it.

my favorite kinds of videos to film are definitely my ranking ones or reaction ones bc they demand very little preparation & scripting and are just about me rambling for 2 hours, but my ranking ones take FOREVER to edit so on that part any non scripted video is the worst haha

the time spent on a video really depends, but usually the writing of a video takes me between 3 to 6 hours, the filming takes me 2 hours & the editing takes me a good 20 hours (funny bc I hate editing so much lmaooooo.) but some videos have only taken me 10 hours (short reactions), while others have taken me well above 50 (longer commentary ones.)

about putting out content in fandom, you're right in saying that I've basically done every kind of content LMAO. honestly the faceless one like giffing, writing fics, making fanvids, etc. is easy? like it needs to come from a drive of wanting to do it but bc your personal image isn't really attached to it, I feel like the trial & error is easier? if you wanna stop tomorrow no one will really care? but when I started making videos that demand significantly more time & that have my face clearly attached to it, that's when the doubts started creeping in. I never feel shy bc I just haven't been shy in a while, but I do feel ashamed to talk to irl people about my videos bc they aren't successful & I've invested over 2 years of my life in them so it's just kinda pathetic LMAO. but about you being shy, you can focus on the fact that it's the internet? like if you really don't want anyone to know it's your fanvids, create a new username & post them under it, bc then literally NO ONE will know it's you. to be honest it's taken me years but I've gotten rid of the notion of "cringe" and "embarrassment" out of my vocabulary. just do what makes you happy bc people will hate on you no matter what. I just know I personally want to live my life authentically & not filter it just so MAYBE I'm not as hated. so yeah, I hope you DO get to create the fanvids you want & good luck with that! thanks for the support as well, it means a lot <3

xxx

[ectonurites]

can anybody please explain the appeal of tim drake because ive been into the batfamily for a while now and tbh im really confused on why people like his character so much compared to the other robins. like they all have their own thing going on and he just... doesnt?

Have you read his Robin solo? Because if not and you want to try to like him but just don’t understand why people do, that’s what I’d recommend. That and like, Young Justice 1998. 

Because Tim definitely... does have his own thing going on. Maybe not in the same way as the others, but like, there’s a reason he has a 183 issue long solo comic that ran for like 16 years: he was fun to read about!

But I will give some more specific thoughts on the subject as a Tim Drake Appreciator™ (this got long im sorry)

The appeal of Tim (especially early on Tim) is kinda the fact that he’s this more normal kid. For a while that is his ‘thing’. He was basically designed to be a self-insert (he definitely became more than that along the way, but from the start he was meant to be relatable) in a different way than how Dick and Jason had been before him. 

Like the role of Robin from the start was this way to create a character young readers could identify with more, could see themselves in more. And Dick and Jason did that, but they still had this element to their lives and stories that was more... unattainable for the average reader. Dick was a circus prodigy, Jason was either also a circus prodigy if we remember pre-crisis or if we go with his post-crisis story he’s this street-wise orphaned kid who had a really tough life but still went on to be a hero anyways. Obviously those lives are relatable for some people, but those’re definitely not as broadly recognized as common upbringings especially not by DC trying to market to the ‘average’ kid/young teen.

But the creation of Tim changed the game a bit. Dick and Jason were these aspirations a kid could look to like ‘wow I want to be cool like that!’ but Tim was a Robin designed for kids to look at and go ‘wow, his problems and civilian life are just like mine AND he’s a hero, I want to be cool like that!’, ya know? Tim was... just a clever kid with an average life who managed to connect some dots and had enough drive to want to fix things he saw were a problem, he didn’t have the same kind of heightened drama backstory the others did. The Robins that came after Tim definitely didn’t have this idea of relatability in mind the same way either. Unfortunately Steph’s time as Robin was much more of a marketing ploy than an actual like... decision to make her Robin, so it’s hard to really fit her into this conversation. But Damian from the start was first of all initially created not to be Robin but just as the son of Talia and Bruce back in the 80’s, but when he was later reimagined into the character that would become Robin he had the whole ‘raised by and is the heir to the league of assassins and is the son of batman’ thing going on still. He just was not supposed to be relatable that same way, he was a character designed with different things in mind.

I really think it was more just DC’s 90′s era younger-audience comics in general that tried to push that relatability thing (like in YJ how Cissie even after quitting the team stays a major character as a civilian throughout, and the civilian aspect that’s super present in Bart’s 90s solo too, etc), but later in the 2000’s that idea was definitely pushed to the side in favor of... putting in even more dramatic superhero-y stuff.

And the other thing that’s... such a more normal thing but it actually made him unique here, was that Tim’s dad was still alive until like 2004 (so 15 years into Tim being around as a character). This gave Tim a lot more typical ‘family school girlfriends normal life etc’ problems on top of/in contrast with his superhero problems. These just manifested in very different ways than they could with the other Robins because of that unique situation with a living civilian parent who doesn’t know about hero stuff (until he did find out which lead to that whole Unmasked thing, but there was only the brief time around War Games & Identity Crisis where Jack knew Tim was actively Robin and he was... still alive) Tim also had his life at school expanded way more than most other Robins, like, he had such an extended supporting cast of civilian friends which is a really interesting thing to read about (and the fact that he hasn’t had that stuff since the New 52 I think really hurts his character)

And then related to that loss of his dad... Personally another thing about Tim that really interests me is how a lot of things were more... his choice. if that makes sense. A lot of characters in the Batfamily were struck with tragedy/extreme trauma before they became heroes and that’s what spurred them into this life of becoming heroes. Tim’s situation wasn’t like that at all! When he first got involved in everything during Lonely Place of Dying, the only tragedy he’d experienced was watching Dick’s tragedy happen. Which sure yes traumatic obviously, but that’s not the same as how pretty much all the other Bats had gone through these very personal losses or other sorts of very first-hand personal traumas that served as motivators. Tim didn’t start to experience those things until after he got involved in the hero life, and aside from his Mom’s death which was more of just an unrelated incident (that technically happened before he was officially Robin but it was during his time training to become Robin), pretty much all these other tragedies and things... would not have happened or been experienced by him had he not become Robin. 

That’s not me placing blame on him or anything like that, because god no that’s not how that works, but it’s very interesting because from his point of view he definitely feels that guilt because he knows him being Robin played a role in a lot of it (Thinking specifically about in Adventure Comics #3 when Kon even says “I know what guilt does to you” to him like it’s... it’s a thing with him!). His dad was murdered because he was Robin. He only met Steph and started dating her through being Robin, and thus he would not have experienced the loss of his girlfriend dying like that had he not been Robin. Tim met both Conner and Bart through being Robin, and would not have had a personal connection to them when they died otherwise. The whole Bruce’s death thing after Final Crisis, like. I could go on honestly, that was only talking about losses not even his own experiences nearly getting killed, but yeah, all these personal tragedies were experienced by him specifically because he chose to bring himself into this life, which I think in turn plays into how throughout his comics you see him go from having this really optimistic view on things and being really hopeful to seeing him at that low point he reaches by the time of Red Robin. (thinking about that one post that points out how Tim started out in the 90′s as an optimist and Steph a cynic and by the time they were Red Robin and Batgirl in 2009 they had switched outlooks...) 

I also think that him having had such a great team book with the original Young Justice can help contribute to people liking him. His friendships with the rest of the core four and that team in general are really compelling. (and that’s something like again when looking at the other Robins, while Dick had the Titans ofc, Jason never really found footing with a team outside of like one mission with the Titans and then We All Know How Damian’s Teen Titans Stuff Went. Steph also only ever really worked with a team outside the batfam on very brief occasions) and even though I’m not as big of a fan of the 2003 Teen Titans run that came after YJ, people who read Young Justice and also that could follow and be attached to those same characters over a pretty decently long period of time. 

Idk man, I don’t really have an ultimate point here i’m just rambling. I can definitely understand not seeing the appeal to him right away (honestly i’ve been into Batfam since like 2013/2014 and Tim did not become one of my faves until 2020) especially if like... idk when you say ‘into the batfamily’ that can mean a lot of different things. If you’re reading more like the bigger events with the batfam sure Tim can kinda fade into the bg a bit, if you’re more talking about fanon the fanon version of him is prettyyyyy uhhhhh not really the same as how he was in pre New 52 canon, if you’re mainly reading New 52 era Batfam stuff then that Tim I also don’t understand the appeal of bc thats Not My Boy, if you’re interested in a different member primarily and only familiar with Tim when he shows up in things focused on that other character then it’s easy to not really understand the appeal right away bc he’s more there to support that character rather than shine in his own right. 

I think it’s also worth mentioning he’s just not everybody’s cup of tea, and that’s totally fine. Like, these are fictional characters and sometimes you just will vibe with a character and sometimes you won’t! idk if this helped at all or even made sense. but yeah. I just think he’s neat 😌

[tsunonotarou]

Being Childhood Friends to Lovers with...

notes — Bro I fucking THIRST for this man he can rip me open

— Also I think I’m gonna start this series called “Being Childhood Friends to Lovers with...” because childhood friends to lovers shit is my kind of shit

— We’re debuting this series with Leona 🥳

BEING CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO LOVERS WITH...

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

— AS A CHILD

He cherishes you a lot even though he might not show it

You’re the first ever person who acknowledges him, first ever person who approached him first and talked to the second son

He thought you were strange at first, because why would you talk to a mere second born when the first is right here with you? So he distances himself and avoided you at first, thinking you have ulterior motives

You got the signs and didn’t pester him after that—which he is glad for—but he find himself secretly looking at you or purposely look for you in the castle whenever you come visit (let’s say you’re a royalty too and your parents’ are good friends)

It was when he saw you sulking and pouting by yourself, he felt bad and maybe, you just wanted to be friends

The servants always prepared your favorite sweets when you come visit but you didn’t want any after realizing that he’s ignoring you

So he took some, went to look for you and threw them at you

“H-Huh?—“ you got startled and quickly looked up, seeing his neutral expression on and looking down on you

“So, your parents bought you that whatever thing you want, and then what?”

The way he remembers your one-sided conversation with him before honestly made you tear up, you didn’t think he was listening

From then on, you were also excited to visit the king’s castle because you get to see him, and you made sure to bring various of things over for him and you to play

There was one time he accidentally overheard some servants of yours “advising” you to stop hanging around with Leona Kingscholar, saying how he isn’t worth your time and shouldn’t be influenced by him

Though he was sure of your loyalty and friendship with him, he still has his doubts, maybe, you secretly dislike him too

He waited for your response, your silence only made him more anxious as time pass by

“...Hey.” He bit the inside of his cheek, awaiting for your answer

“I’m gonna ask my parents to fire you all.”

His eyes were wide as ever, and so were the servants’

“B-But please, Princess/Prince Y/N-“

“I will not tolerate anyone who badmouths my friend, moreover, who do you guys think you are? Telling me who I should be friends with now?”

As much as Leona tries to stop it, his eyes watered, lips quivering at your words

He never told you how he eavesdropped your conversation with those servants, because eventually it’ll lead to how he reacted, and he’s never going to tell you he almost cried

He taught you how to roar once, got super red when he himself haven’t even mastered it yet

Glares at your form rolling on the floor laughing

— AS TEENAGERS

He is two years older than you, so he got enrolled into Night Raven College first, during the times he was at the dorm you were bored to death

One of the main reasons (probably the only reason) why he’d go back home during breaks is because of you, he could care less about the grand welcome back party—which he was sure the servants were forced to put up—and the fake smiles from relatives, but he had to see you

Is always prepared for the uncalled tackle hug from you but somehow you always manage to knock him off balance, causing the two of you to fall down onto the sandy ground

You rambled and rambled, he listened but solely focused on how your features changed, you definitely grew up, got more attractive, too

Oh fuck

He mentally cursed when he finally realizes how his heart is beating in an unusual pace, feeling his cheeks warm up and how he felt like melting right there and then

Buried his feelings deep down because of his insecurities and acted as normal as he could with you after

You have never seen him panicked so much, got so angry and frustrated before, it happened once, when the topic of arranging a marriage for you and his older brother, Farena, was mentioned

He strongly opposes the idea but reminding him that he is only a second son, hence have no say in this matter was enough to shut him down

You tried to go after Leona who stormed to his room but decided you have more important matters at hand, matters that you need to clarify first

Politely declining the marriage and telling how Farena is a good person, but you have eyes for someone else

Everyone in the room (which consisted of both your parents and Farena) knew who you were talking about, and they were shocked, to say the least

You can clearly see the discomfort in yours and his’ parents faces, but you also can clearly see Farena’s secret wink towards you, telling you he approves

You and Farena never had any romantic feelings for each other anyway, and he was always teasing about you and Leona when you two were little

Knocking on Leona’s room softly then creaking it open, you peek your head inside to see him lying on the bed on his side with his back facing you

“Leona.”

“Leona?”

“Leooona.”

“Leeeeeeonaaaaaa.”

“LEONA WAKE THE FUCK UP.”

“FUCK-“

He winces and jolted up after you slapped his arm

Snaps and growls at you, rubbing the spot where you attacked earlier

He was all grumpy and upset until you tell him you rejected the marriage

Stares at you for a good ten seconds before sighing, slowly resting his forehead on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around you

You two have had naps together, held hands when you were little but have never been this physically close after you two grew up, you two are the best of friends but there are boundaries as friends, so this was new to you, naturally, your cheeks bursted in all shades of red

“I’m glad...” you can hear him mumble, placing a hand on his soft hair and patting it before give it a stroke, calming him down

— AS STUDENTS IN NIGHT RAVEN COLLEGE

You teases him so fucking much about being a dorm leader, like- how??? He’s just so lazy and unmotivated to do anything that you’re impressed

Surprisingly takes very good care of you both as a friend and a senior, it was surprising for the Savanaclaw dorm members to see Leona actually giving fucks about someone, a freshman no less, so they got interested in you very quickly

Which resulted in Leona scaring them away because they’re too close for his liking

He always suggests you to take naps and laze around with him though, so it’s no good since you have to get good grades

You’re the one who’s always dragging him to classes (if you’re lucky to get him to move)

You two never bothered to tell anyone that you’re childhood friends, it didn’t seem to have the need to

So everyone thought you two were dating because of how close you are 💀

Definitely got jealous at how you made new friends

He doesn’t mind if you have new friends, it’s natural, it’s only concerning if you don’t have any

But if you’re spending more time with them than with him? Best know that he’d trap you in his room and never let you go out

This won’t stop until you figure out why he’s like this and promise him he’ll stay as number one in your friendship list

You really shouldn’t be but you’re still laughing at how he’s repeating school years to this day

But you’re also kind of glad that he’s still here with you, it’d be boring if he weren’t

Plus, Leona wouldn’t leave you here alone anyway, there’s too many people he can’t trust and he just generally don’t wanna leave you alone

The confession was surprisingly normal and quick, no stutters or nervous twiddles of fingers from him

He kinda just, got tired of you being so physically close and attached to everyone else that he want to call you his and his only

He’s the type that’d suddenly pin you down on his bed while you’re talking about what you and your other friends did that day

Enjoys the deep blush and lip quiver on you as he finally confesses his feelings for you, leaning down onto your ear and whisper huskily about-

His arms quickly wrapped around his stomach and coughs as your strong kick jerked him back, he ended up kneeling on his bed, hunched over as he groans

He thought he invaded your privacy and made you uncomfortable so he quickly look up to check up on you, afraid of the terrified and disgusted look on your face, but what greeted him was a hot, hot face as you refuse to look him in the eye

He stared, and stared, a small blush slowly coming up to his own cheeks before a pillow was thrown at his face

Seeing you so flustered reminded him of the past few days when he debated with himself whether he should go for it or not, he might seem smug for now, but before this cocky smirk appeared he was a nervous wreck

So the two of you kinda just stayed like that in his room, freezing on your spot with dead silence

“A-At least give me an answer...damn it.” A miracle that he stuttered

He watches as you fiddled with your finger, looking down with mumbles he couldn’t make words out from

“I...I like you too.”

This is so lame, you two are like middle school kids confessing your love for each other and yet, those simple words made his heart flip like crazy

Now that he’s confirmed your answer, prepare for a wild but sweet kiss from him

— AS LOVERS

It was a little bumpy at first, mostly from you though, because you’re just so used to being “just friends” with him that you don’t know how to act as his lover

He didn’t change much, maybe a little bit sweeter and considerate than before but he’s just the old Leona you know, which you’re glad for, you didn’t want him to change

He’s more protective now since you’re finally his, and he made sure to let everyone know that

Doesn’t really have a say on PDA, he’s fine with or without it, but he would definitely shove his tongue into your mouth right on the spot if someone even dare to look at you in the wrong way

Really likes wrapping an arm around your waist and put his whole weight on you because he’s lazy and tired of walking

Will actually fall on you when you’re in the botanical garden so that you couldn’t get up and is forced to take a nap with him

Play with his hair!! He loves it to death, though he might grumble and say he doesn’t, we all know he’s lying

You have to reassure him that he’ll always be your number one, he’s already suffered enough, if you end up leaving him he doesn’t know how to cope with it

Cuddles, cuddles and cuddles 24/7, he will not let you go

He sometimes just stares at you as you talk or do your own thing and think about how lucky he is to have you, it might not seem possible but literal hearts appeared in his eyes

If you ever catch him staring at you and tease him for it he’ll growl and pounce on you, how dare you make fun of your king like that? Prepare for a punishment my friend ;)

[leahseclipse]

Early stages

(Gif by @zhuzhubii​ )

*

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: When Spencer starts dating someone, his work gets in the way, causing more problems than he thought it would.

Category: Fluff/ ~Angst

Warnings: Mentions of case, usual cm stuff, but mostly fluff

Requested by @definitelynotkatesblog​ (ily Katie!!)

A/N: Okay guys be ready, 'cause you're in a full ride for a fluff fic with baby Reid ;) I just fking love writing baby Reid, he's *screams internally* (you got the idea) anyway, enjoy!!!

Word count: 5.1k

After shortly visiting his mother after he wasn't able to visit her for a week because of work, he had made his way back to the office, checking his watch that indicated him that it was 5:44PM as he left the building; the weather was quite comfortable when he had gotten outside.

His phone had run out of battery, resulting in hurrying back to the office in case he had been called for a case, as he was way too embarrassed to ask for someone's phone to call JJ. 

Spencer never was comfortable to talk with people, it had been a bit difficult to feel at ease with his colleagues at first, but eventually he got the hang of it, but in general, when he doesn't know people, it's a different thing. 

The first impression that they usually have when he begins rambling about things that come out of his head is that he's either weird, before he explains the "I can read 20 000 words per minute, I have an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187…" thing. 

They also freeze for a minute, trying to understand what he just said, for the simple reason that when he rambles about binary code for example, not everyone tends to understand the way he explains it when he uses the proper terms. 

As he was in a hurry, he didn't manage to get the time he needed for putting his stuff back in his satchel, so a few of the books he had originally taken from his apartment and the ones his mother had given him to read were in his arms. He just had to hope the books wouldn't end up on the floor because he'd stumble into someone on the way.

And a few seconds later, what he hadn't hoped for unfortunately happened.

He hadn't seen the girl who was running in front of him while he was in his thoughts. She seemed to be in a hurry from the way she was running.

He had managed to save a few books from falling to the ground, only two or three had fallen.

"Oh- I-I'm sorry! Let me help!" She had said, panicking.

"It's okay, don't...worry." He reached out his hands towards the girl's hand that was holding the two books, as he looked at her.

She was beautiful.

The kind of beautiful girl that takes your breath away.

It had taken him a few seconds to come back to reality after he had froze when he had seen her face.

"A-are you okay? I hope you...didn't get hurt."

"Don't worry! Everything's okay! I...uh, gotta go, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, have a great day!" She hurried out before running past him down the street.

He hadn't even gotten the time to ask for her name, she was already gone when he had glanced behind him. 

He had let out a sigh, before walking in the opposite way, in hopes to see her again, even if it wouldn't be soon, or never, if she wasn't from around.

*

For once, the beginning of the day had happened to be quite calm, everyone had managed to get more sleep and head to the office at eight o'clock instead of two in the morning.

Spencer had felt relieved about that, just a few days ago, the usual coffee shop he goes to and that happens to be closer to his apartment had reopened after the works that needed to be done were completed.

He didn't feel like drinking the coffee they had at the office, it wasn't horrible, but not as good at the one he usually drinks from the shop.

Before he had stepped inside, he had called Morgan to ask him and eventually the team if they wanted him to grab coffee.

It wasn't a serious thing that could go to the point of a real fight if he wouldn't ask them, but he'd get "lectured" by Morgan for a few minutes before he'd give up.

It only was a simple joke between the members, but Spencer didn't really go well with the joke stuff. 

After he had scribbled down the orders on a paper before hanging up, he stepped inside the shop, waiting in line behind someone.

"I can't join you guys tonight, sorry. I'm not sure that my boss would let me leave early….maybe on Thursday. Okay, yeah. It's gonna be my turn, I gotta go. Yeah, bye Sarah." 

He didn't mean to pay attention when she was talking on the phone, it happened before he even got the time to not do it, but the voice suddenly felt familiar.

'Where have I heard it?'

He searched for a bit in his mind, as the incident from a week ago popped up.

"Oh- I-I'm sorry! Let me help!"

"Don't worry! Everything's okay! I...uh, gotta go, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, have a great day!"

The girl from the other day.

'Was it really her?'

He had asked himself that, because completely different people can have the same voice, and as for her hair, different people can happen to look the same when you can only see their backs.

Spencer had immediately thought that it must have been fate that allowed him to see her again, but he couldn't rush too fast, he wasn't really sure that it was her.

It wasn't until she had stepped further towards the counter when it happened to be her turn to order; causing Spencer to step out of his bubble and step forward as well.

Deep inside him, he knew that it was her, he was sure, but his lack of social interaction made him create an excuse so that he wouldn't have to talk to her.

He didn't want her to think that he's weird because he'd ask for her name, and possibly her number if the conversation goes well, but he couldn't rush.

He still had to manage to place a word in order to initiate the conversation first.

If only.

When her order was done and handed to her after the payment had been given, she was on her way to the exit, suddenly stopping to take her bag from the side to the front before opening it, probably to look for something.

He didn't exactly know what went on in his mind at that moment; his brain must have sent a signal or something for him to move instead of watching her go.

He still doesn't know how he managed to place a word.

"Um...excuse me? I don't know if you remember me but we kinda...uh, talked, well uh...I, we ran into each other first, but don't worry, it was totally ok, you didn't...do anything bad, I- sorry, I'm rambling."

"No, it's okay! I remember you. I'm glad to know that, I was afraid I did something bad, you reassured me now. Thanks for asking me how I was...I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"It's Spencer R-Reid. I also uh...generally introduce myself by doctor, I'm not actually an MD, but I have three PhDs, but uh...since I'm not actually here for professional terms, I thought that doctor would have been too um...strict..? I…"

'You're rambling again Spencer, she looks even more confused now.' 

"Is Spencer fine then?"

"Y-yeah, it is. What should I...call you?"

"Oh, y/n is just fine." 

"Um...okay. Y/N," He paused, as he desperately tried to convince himself to ask her the question that had been in his mind since he had seen her. 

"I know all of this is sudden, because we barely know each other and I may seem kind of weird because of what I'm asking but, what about we uh...see each other later, hang out, you know?"

"Yeah, why not? I'm free tomorrow, what about 2PM, same place? You'll show me some of your books, I guess. I really liked the blue one you had, I can't remember the name."

"Oh, t-that one?." He said, rapidly taking it from his bag to show it to her as she nodded.

"That one, yeah, it really sounds interesting, will you tell me more about it tomorrow?"

"I will."

"Great! I can't wait, see you tomorrow."

"See you." He said, as he watched her making her way to the exit before disappearing in the corner of the street.

Well, turns out it wasn't as bad as he had imagined it would be in his head. At least that's one thing done. 

He couldn't wait for that day, and the next one to go by so that he could finally talk to her. He wanted to show her the book, answer her questions, give her information, he wanted to hear her voice, see her expressions. It had only taken just a glance to fall in love with her.

She might not feel the same way now, but even seeing her would be enough.

The excitement and waiting had been worth it when he had seen her again. He was already there for an hour, he didn't want to be late and made her wait at all. It never was his type to be late, especially if he's about to spend time with a person he likes.

She was wearing a beige cardigan along with a white top under it, and black jeans, tucked under her black shoes. He had noticed every single detail. 

Someone else would have probably found it weird and compared that behavior to a psychopath's; but he couldn't just give a single glance at her and stop looking, but eventually, he'd had to stop staring if he didn't want to scare her.

When he had begun talking with her, he understood what people meant when they felt like they knew someone for an eternity. 

Spencer had felt at ease when they talked, she'd listen to him, even if he noticed that she had understood half of what he had said, but still tried to somehow figure it out before he had explained, and kinda understood and didn't at the same time.

He had noticed that she'd put her thumb on her lips every time she was thoughtful.

He clearly had the behavior of a psychopath by picking up everything she'd do; but he couldn't help himself but look at her features, her manners, the way her hair bounced back and forth, the way her eyes lightened up when a subject she appreciated came up in the conversation.

In that moment, she was the only thing his mind was focused on. He hadn't even noticed that he had barely drunk the half of his cup that was now cold when he had put his hands on it. 

He was too mesmerized by her to notice it.

Who would have thought that the small genius of the office, the one that not a single member of the team would imagine he'd talk to a girl, would actually talking to one, plus, managed to be the one to initiate the conversation? That clearly seemed impossible until that day.

But even if it seemed unreal, she was here, in front of him. 

It wasn't a dream.

What made him think it was a dream was because y/n was way out of her league, if someone would see them together they'd probably ask themselves how he did to talk with a girl that beautiful, from his point of view.

If she hadn't talked when he had started blanking, none of them would have been able to talk. She seemed more confident, but he still had noticed her hesitance when she started her sentences, or didn't know if she could ask for an easier meaning of his rambling.

Even if the most nervous of the two was probably him, he had told her not to hesitate if she needed to ask a question about whatever he was saying.

The team had often made him know that he often was talking without explaining, which caused him to have to explain everything from the beginning with easier terms, instead of the proper ones that no one could even understand if they didn't actually know the meaning beforehand.

They haven't talked about work at all, they just forgot about it. To Spencer, they were like two teenagers hanging out in a coffee shop after school. 

They had talked about books, their music taste, even if the conversation had mainly been made by her as Spencer was more fond of books than music, so, the conversations about books had been started by him in general.

She knew some books, but she wasn't reading often, and had admitted that she didn't know many authors, which Spencer gladly helped by proposing a hundred of authors.

He had unconsciously ended up overwhelming her a bit after proposing ten authors in a row; she had to gently stop him to ask him to come back to some of the authors he had listed.

But, nonetheless, the free hour and the few minutes had gone smoothly, and way too fast. 

"Shit, it's already 3:20. Um...do you want to stay in touch?"

"You mean that you want my...number?"

"Yeah. Gimme your phone genius." She said, as Spencer had nervously taken in from his pocket to give it to her, as she entered her number, handing it back when she was done. "I've already sent a message so I know who it is. I really liked talking to you, that was nice."

"I-I liked it too. It's not everyday that I get to chat about books with someone else. I don't...really have a lot of people to talk it with."

"Well now you have someone. I would have told you to call me whenever you want, but I doubt my boss would like to see me on a call that's not related to work, so it would be in the evening, in case you want to talk."

"Same here. I'm pretty busy all day, but um...would you uh, like to hang out again sometime? I...it just crossed my mind, and I'd really like to hang out with you again. If you want, of course."

"Don't worry, it's okay. You know that I wouldn't dare to say no, I like to hang out with you too."

"So uh, if we can this week again, what do you say about two or six in the afternoon, tomorrow? I'll let you know if I can."

"You mean...like a date?"

"Yeah, I guess so?"

"Oh, a date it is then. I'll let you know too." She spontaneously answered, as she took her stuff and got up from her seat. "It sucks that we have to go, I wish we could have had more time, but unfortunately, we both work."

"Sucks, yeah. The hour went by fast." 

"It did. Way too fast." She let out a sigh, glancing at the door. "Well uh...see you later, I have to go n-now." She stuttered, as she waved at him before stepping out the shop.

"See you later y/n." 

And that was it, he definitely was head over heels with her. 

*

He suddenly found himself waking up in a start in the middle of a night when his phone began ringing.

It took him a few seconds to realize what was just happening, as he took the phone and answered before missing the call.

"What…? It's 4AM."

"Reid, it's Morgan, and yeah it's 4. We got a case so you gotta come."

"Seriously…? Okay, I'll be there in 15." 

"Got it. Don't be late." Morgan said, hanging up.

What an awesome way to start the day.

Just yesterday, he thought that his day would be calm, just for once. 

Well, he was wrong.

He grunted as he got up from the bed, before turning his lamp on in order to manage to see something instead of trying to find the light switch with the little light that was here.

It never took him a lot of time to get ready in the morning in general, he wasn't the type of person to linger when he'd get ready, he'd just go to the bathroom first to take a quick shower, taking his clothes in with him so he wouldn't have to search for them in his closet, he'll just have to dry up and put them on to save time.

Once he was done with the tasks he had in mind; he quickly checked that he had everything he'd needed, and proceeded to exit his apartment to make his way to work.

On his way, he had received a few messages to which he had answered, but accidentally went on y/n's contact.

'Shit.'

They were supposed to have a date today; and whether the case is nearby or in another state, he won't come back for at least more than a day, and probably won't have much time for the kind of chat they had the other day.

Well, that's another great way to start the day, because now he has to cancel a date he had been waiting for, and doesn't even know when they could set another day, or if it would even be possible at all.

The very least he could do, and the only one, would be to contact her to let her know.

Hopefully they'll be able to reschedule.

*

Turns out another killer decided to make the case longer, so turns out they had to reschedule once again.

He had messaged her earlier in the day before going in the jet, and the case happened to be longer than expected because they'd just discovered that another unsub could be involved. 

And as if it wasn't already bad, he was using the same m.o, but wasn't targeting the same type of victims, it totally was different. If he could say it that way, they just had 'another case'.

The week was going amazingly great, he wasn't even sure if the second rescheduling would even happen, no one could know of a case in advance, the only way for them to know was per a call. 

He would have to give her the same excuse every time.

She had kept sending messages as; 'it's okay.', 'don't worry', 'it's no big deal', but he couldn't figure out whether it truly didn't bother her, or if she pretended like it didn't bother her.

He didn't tell her what exactly his job was, so it really pained him to have to give the same excuse. She would probably start to wonder if he's not lying at some point later.

 Spencer really didn't want her to think he was making up excuses because he wants to avoid y/n, it's the opposite; he'd like to see her so bad, if he could just go and take the first plane to Quantico, he'd do it.

God, he hated that. It truly wasn't something he liked to do, especially to her in this situation. She really was nice, caring, attentive, an awesome person; he didn't like to put her in that situation at all.

He would have liked to have a second choice, but he didn't have any. He could only send her a message to let her know. He couldn't see her, but he couldn't bear imagining how disappointed she must have been.

His thoughts about what she must have been thinking were probably exaggerated after he thought of it. He could be worrying for nothing, and she could just be okay with it, as she told in her messages. He really hoped she didn't think he was avoiding her.

Let's hope they'll be able to reschedule.

*

"Again? God, is it ever gonna stop? I'm tired of it." Spencer slighted, he had to reschedule...again. 

"Trust me kid, everyone is. It's been a hell of a week we just had." Morgan answered Spencer, as he leaned back in his seat. "What got you so frustrated? You're not like that usually."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on kid, I can see that you have something on your mind. I would say that it was your mom, but even when you don't see her for a week, a call is enough for you to be calm. So...it is a girl?"

"What? No, it's not! I'm j-just frustrated, that's all! There's uh, nothing else."

"Then if there's 'nothing', why are you getting so nervous suddenly? You can tell me if you have a girl, we're like brothers Spencer."

"You know that you can really get annoying sometimes?"

"No. Probably because I'm not. Who do you think I am? I'm Derek Morgan, a funny and charming man." 

"Funny and charming, yeah. Clearly, the lack of sleep is seriously affecting your brain."

"I can assure you it isn't. Let me remind you that this whole conversation started because you didn't want to admit you had a girl."

"I don't have a girl, we just talk, we're not together."

"So you admit that you…sort of have one?"

"Fine, I kinda have one. But nothing serious is going on."

"I wouldn't have imagined that you'd manage to get a girl to talk to you one day."

"Why? Does everyone think I can't have a girlfriend here?"

"Mostly." Emily interrupted. "You can barely talk to girls in general. Well, it depends."

"What depends?"

"Lila Archer." Morgan answered.

"If you're talking about the kiss, she's the one who started!"

"And you kept going." Emily said.

"Okay- Where is the conversation going guys? I don't see any correspondence between the subject we were talking about and Lila." 

"If you say so, pretty boy."

"There's no 'if you say so.'. You're really annoying Derek. I'm gonna see if they need help in the other room. Bye." Spencer got up from his seat, waving at the two agents, before walking away.

*

Rescheduling.

Again.

He was sure that she was about to lose her patience at this point. 

And considering the amount of paperwork that would be waiting for him after the closure of the case, he began asking himself if they'd ever had a single minute one day.

He got out of the building, deciding to call her this time.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hi y/n, it's Spencer."

"Oh, do we have to reschedule again?"

"Yeah. Again."

"Spencer, is something wrong? It's been three times already."

"I know. It's just that….there's something I haven't told you." 

"And...what is it?"

"I...wasn't going to tell you at first, but...I work for the FBI."

"That's why? You could have told me, I wouldn't have been mad; but, if you didn't want us to see each other again, you could have let me know at least."

"Wait, no- I do want us to see each other again! I was just...really busy at the office, and I...didn't know how to tell you...that I work for the FBI. I didn't want to avoid you, not at all."

"It really is okay. I'm glad that you told me now. Thanks."

"I didn't want to lie to you anymore. I was already sad whenever I had to send you a message."

"I was a bit sad too, I really want to see you. Well, now that I know the reason why, call me again when you want to reschedule, it can be a real meeting, or just a call."

"I'm really gonna do my best, I swear y/n. I'll let you know as soon as possible." 

"I'll wait for your call then."

"Okay, uh...have a great day."

"You too." She said, as Spencer hung up, visibly looking irritated because of the situation.

*

The week had been surprisingly calm. 

Surprisingly, because by now, JJ would have come by to announce a new case, but she didn't. When everyone had seen her, she was walking calmly, not in a rush.

This was weird.

The past few days, when he'd finally think he could call y/n, JJ would burst in the office. But this time, she didn't. 

Today could really be a calm one. It could be. 

If he happened to have luck today, he could finally hang out with y/n. No more rescheduling. 

As everyone was either busy with paperwork, daydreaming, or doing something else, the office wasn't as noisy at it usually was. Only the sound of the doors, phones ringing and a few calm voices would eventually be heard by everyone.

The team's tasks had suddenly been interrupted by the voice of Rossi who stepped in the bureau.

"Guys, I was wondering, since we apparently don't have anything to do, what about a dinner party tonight, my place? Just thought about it." He asked, as a few sentences of agreement were soon heard. "And Reid, you're coming this time, don't you dare decline."

"I uh…plan to see someone. So, I don't really know."

"Then bring them to the party. I'm sure we'll like whoever you'll bring. It's all solved." Rossi clapped his hands together, turning to the other side when Emily had brought his attention.

'I guess it's happening then.'

He quietly got out of the bureau, walking in the direction of an empty conference room, closing the door behind him, before taking his phone from his pocket to dial a number he knew so well that he could type it with his eyes closed.

"Oh, hi Spencer, what's going on?"

"Are you free tonight? At um...8PM?"

"Yeah, I actually am. You know that I never have anything to do. Where do you want to go?"

"Actually, it's a surprise. I'll come to pick you up, uh…would it be too intrusive to ask for your adress?"

"No, not at all. This is wow...exciting. We'll finally get to see each other."

"Yeah, I know. It's been a while since we were supposed to see each other, but I swear, it's for real this time, I won't call you to cancel, only to let you know I'm coming."

"Well, don't forget to call then. I tend to overstress, so if I don't get a call, or even a text, I might explode."

"I'll call, don't worry. And, don't forget to send your address. I don't want to ask the tech analyst to spy on you."

"Alright, alright, I'll send it after the call, I promise. I have to go now, sorry. I'll see you at 8."

"I'll see you at 8. Bye." 

Holy. 

Spencer thought he might explode. His whole thoughts were full of excitement, he finally was about to see her after a week or rescheduling bullshit because of the work. 

All he had to hope for now was for the evening to go well; she didn’t knew any of the members, they didn’t know her as well, plus, Spencer didn’t really know if Morgan had let everyone know that he had met a girl, let’s hope not.

*

As he was about to go, he had took his phone out of his pocket to see the address, before noticing that she had forgotten to send him the address, nonetheless, he had to shortly call her so that y/n could indicate it to him.

He had drove to her place in just a few minutes, and couldn’t believe that she happened to live in a street he’d walk by often.

What a small world.

It almost was like they were meant to meet each other at some point; and fate reunited them. 

He knew that he had said it at least a billion times since he had first seen her, but she really was pretty. She had a black dress on, which was under a thin jacket of the same color, along with white heels, that weren’t too high.

Spencer had even wondered if she hadn’t put heels so that she could be a bit taller, and somehow manage to reach his height. He didn’t want to mention it to make her uncomfortable in case it happened to be what she wanted to do, but if it was that, he really found it cute, and quite funny.

The car ride had happened to be more entertaining that he thought it would be, the conversation simply started with a single talk about books, and a few minutes later, it was about plants. He really like to be capable to talk with someone that was at ease to talk about anything that’d cross his mind.

She didn’t seem to be uncomfortable, so that reassured him a lot, he stressed a lot about it.

God, he couldn’t believe that he actually was talking with her. He had already mentionned it when he had to reschedule again, but she was way too beautiful for him. She’d be able to freeze his mind with a single glance.

She truly was amazing.

“Spencer? Is everything okay? I think we just arrived, you stopped the car”

“What? Oh, I-I’m sorry, I got distracted. And y-yeah we just arrived.”

“That place is...huge.”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I thought that too the first time. You’ll quickly adjust to it, Rossi is really nice, you’ll feel at ease in no time. Come on, we should get going.” Spencer said, as they both opened the door that was on their respective side, before walking in the alley towards the door.

They soon were welcomed by a blonde girl after Spencer had rang the doorbell. She seemed a bit shocked of what was in front of her eyes.

“Oh my god, did you bring your girlfriend Spencer? I wasn’t aware of that.”

“Uh I...we are uh, just dating, for now, it’s uh-”

“We’re not together yet, we just talked, it’s our first date tonight.” Y/N had interrupted Spencer, as she could clearly see that he was struggling with forming a sentence.

“Oh, wow, it’s great! I’m happy to know that. I’m Penelope, by the way. You can call me Penny if you want. Come inside guys, I’ll introduce her to the rest of the team.” Penelope said, looking at Y/N, as she closed the door once they were in.

“There you are pretty boy! I see you brought the mystery girl with you. I’m Derek.”

“I’m y/n. It’s nice to meet everyone, I heard a lot about the team when I talked with Spencer.”

“I hope he didn’t tell bad things about us, we’re nothing but nice.”

“No, don’t worry, he didn’t.” She said, as she glanced behind his shoulder at the people walking towards them.

“We have a new face here apparently.” The brunette said.

“Yeah, I’m the new specimen. It’s nice to meet you, I’m y/n.”

“Nice to meet you too; I’m Emily, this is JJ, and the two guys over there are Rossi and Hotch.” Emily said, as she motioned the concerned people to y/n. 

“Everyone really seems nice.”

“Don’t worry, everyone is.” Spencer interrupted. “What do you say we uh...go over there so you can talk to others...?”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” She smiled,as she walked to the direction of the living room where the two men stood.

The evening had gone even more better than he thought it would. They all had been amazingly welcoming with her, and as he had noticed, they all had felt like they had known each other for more than just a few hours.

Spencer couldn’t truly wait to spend more time with her.