#kinda crack¿

[gatitties]

Clumsy

─ Crusaders stands x reader

─ Summary: You're the dumbest person Jotaro knows, even without a stand, they all seem to adore and protect you

─ Warnings: none

─ Being friends with Jotaro is already an achievement, although it was not on your part or his, both mothers were neighbors and close friends, so from there a rare friendship was born.

─ You are like the sun and the moon, there is no need to clarify who is who, even though sometimes you are not so bright, Jotaro is definitely not a sun.

─ In any case, you are much more expressive than your friend, and, definitely much more stupid, clumsy, distracted, careless, curious, optimistic... it's not like it's very difficult anyway.

─ Jotaro once said “The only difference between a rock and you, is that the rock can't trip over itself.” “And you have the same expressiveness as a rock and nobody says anything to you.” From time to time you have witty phrases, just from time to time.

─ He really can't understand how you were so dumb and at the same time attentive from one moment to the next, how you go from having the mentality of a fried fly to an average human from one moment to the next.

─ He also doesn't understand how you are so clumsy sometimes and the amount of luck that protects you from having broken any bones so far.

─ He doesn't even bother to catch you when he sees you trip on something because you mysteriously stood up again, not because of you of course, there is always something that prevents you from falling.

─ Then there was the whole "evil spirit" thing that turned out to be his power manifesting in the form of a stand.

─ You were there when the fight with Kakyoin happened but you came out unharmed, although the boy who was being controlled threatened you too, saying that you were a great evil for a certain DIO, which you doubted.

─ Joseph thought that this guess was because you also had a powerful stand, perhaps so powerful that it would be an impediment for DIO, however, you couldn't see anything when Avdol showed his Magician's Red, nor any of the others.

─ Then they assumed that it was some kind of mistake, or they had confused you with someone else, until when you were gathered in the Kujo dwelling, you stood up almost spilling a steaming cup of tea on yourself.

─ Almost, because the four stands rushed to catch the hot drink and hold you in place so you wouldn't trip, you didn't even notice what happened because you were more attentive in greeting your mother, who arrived to see how her sick friend and neighbor was doing.

─ So, in simple words, you were like a magnet attracting stands, and somehow they would protect you, there were no clear explanations for this event yet.

─ You thought the boys had drank another kind of tea when they explained everything to you, but it doesn't matter, the only thing that stayed in your simple brain was a trip to Egypt and saving Jotaro's mother, so you ventured with them.

─ Jotaro assured that even if you encountered danger on your own, you would scare it away as always with your luck.

─ Polnareff joins in later and is surprised when Silver Chariot stops a large rock from falling on you when he didn't even order it or see in time to react, everyone brings him up to date later on you and the strange attachment their stands have towards you.

─ Just imagine the five of them seeing an enemy, lined up, looking at each other seriously while you're on the sidelines, watching everyone fight by punching the air and shouting weird things, you don't understand anything so you keep drinking your milkshake, pushing up your sunglasses while you keep taking photos of tourist spots.

─ Please you have the boys covered in blood from the fight and all you can do is pat them on the head and say “good job with… whatever you guys were doing.”

─ They think the enemies will try to attack you but their stands don’t hurt you either, they start to understand why you’re a threat to DIO, his stand surely refuses to attack you anyway.

─ What the hell are you? The holy divinity of stands?

─ Anyway, you feel a little bad man, all those stands do all their efforts so that your clumsiness or others don’t hurt you and you can’t even see them.

─ You wanted to compensate them or see them somehow, which ended in your five friends covered in flour because you thought that would work to see the figure of their stands, which didn’t happen.

─ So you started talking to the air, looking near the boys hoping that the point you were looking at was where they were.

─ Sometimes they aren't even out but you keep talking to the air, they appreciate it though.

─ Star Platinum usually grabs your arm when you trip over your own feet, Hermit Purple holds objects you accidentally drop, Heriophant Green will deflect sharp or dangerous objects that gravitate towards you, Silver Chariot will smash them with his sword and Magician's Red will be like a bodyguard, watching out for anything that could be harmful.

─ You start to differentiate them by touch, so you can thank them properly now and they are a little excited about it.

─ It's a bit whimsical really, but the stands themselves hope you'll get your own so you can see them.

[guiiay]

the spear of longinus

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[artsymeeshee]

I just realized Stan has a crack in his glasses in your newest Instinct page

Now he and Ford match <3

[rueclfer]

AAAH since you like writing shitfaced MHA SMAUs could you please write them drunk and rambling how you should have given your first kiss to them, not to some other guy (or maybe someone we know), pre-relationship? THANK YOU POOKIE, and could you please include Kiri, Katsu and Denki?

hi bookie biscuit, you rlly do know how to cater to my interests HEHE ily thank u for knowing me so well!!!

it should've been me // smau

eijiro kirishima, katsuki bakugou, denki kaminari

[starry-songs-canvas]

Batman is the Ghost-King?!??

Probably been done before, but here’s a prompt I thought up today.

—————————————

The Justice League was too late to stop the ritual summoning a powerful entity called the Ghost-King. Legend has him a tyrant, a being who destroyed and enslaved all he could reach.

The ground glowed a dangerous bright green light, blinding the Justice league.

Squaring up to fight this fabled foe, the Justice league open their eyes to-

Thats Batman.

What-

Why is Batman in the circle?

He’s definitely not the Ghost-king.

…right?

—Meanwhile

Danny is so happy that the ghosts decided to only attack during non-school hours. He hasn’t done this well in school, since, well, ever! Heck if he knows why the ghosts changed up the schedule, maybe it was his super persuasive skills?

Shut up Sam, he can be very persuasive.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Tl:dr

Danny is, in fact, the ghost king, but 1. He doesn’t know that, 2. He’s too young in any age to be king, so 3. His biological father has been designated regent until then.

Batman now has to figure out why in the world he’s now being summoned as ghost-king, so he can get some actual work done without being summoned every 5 minutes across the world (and by his kids).

[spitblaze]

>staff implements a non-optional algorithmic dash

>people find out very quickly the the algorithm isnt very good

>immediately people start gaming the system to make every post the 'rat rat rat' post

>website becomes functionally unusable

>staff takes down algorithmic dash and says it will return

>it never comes back

[l3viat8an]

*points at ur pussy* are u gonna finish that? *tummy growls really loud*

[lesbiamano]

FINEEE i'll draw your stupid greek mythology people

[theotherbuckley]

incorrect tweets pt 43/?

[hoernypie]

Most of the high school was you experimenting with (for some reason) mostly girls, so when after one hang-out both of you ended up in a bedroom. "Wait, are you sure you want to do that?" he asked stopping you from unzipping his pants as you impatiently tried to get to his cock as quickly as possible. "What do you mean?", you ask confused looking up to see his face while his hands slightly squeeze you before he takes them away, quietly saying "Nothing."

You knew that both of you were drunk but still, that was a weird reaction, tho you simply brushed it away focusing on his pretty dick that shined from all his precum that made your mouth drool. As your lips wrapped against his tip that you kept teasing with your tongue your hand started moving up and down on his shaft before your head joined it with the perfect rhythm. "You're way too good at this... Are you sure you are lesbian?" he pants out before you pull back, your laughter feeling the room. "Excuse me?", you asked amused as your hand still moved on his hardness. "Well, all high school I've seen you hang out only with girls so I thought..." and he doesn't get a chance to finish his (brilliant drunk) thought before cumming all over your boobs, before falling down on the bed and breathing heavily, hiding his face behind hands, realizing that he always had a chance. "If I knew, I'd fuck you sooner."

[bacchuschucklefuck]

she turns, makes direct eye contact with you, smiles,

[onejellyfishplease]

Lets just say that i had a vision...

Behold! The teenage mutant ninja tur-taurs.

Turtle-Centuars!!

I was laughing the entire time i was drawing these guys.

And here's them all together! And a bonus April <3

[deancasforcutie]

give Dean a minute he just needed to hear some good people's love and support to absorb the enormity

[boowritess]

bonus part 2

simon can't cook-

okay no he CAN. okay? but it's very much- chop up whatever the fuck is in the fridge throw it in a pot, add as much meat he can find. then he's sorted. creating some sort of stew. but if not that. he thrives off 2 minute noodles.

listen, he's a working man. he can't be fucked thinking about what to make.

and if he needs to eat while not deployed and wants something, he'll get takeaways so he doesn't have to think about it.

and if ya'll are together - whatever you make... motherfucker eats that shit up like he's in a 5-star fucking reasturant.

you made scrambled eggs with bacon??? he's astounded. absolutely in love. has never been more satisfied in his life.

but oh lord. when he retires..

retired!simon fucking riley finds his fucking calling in cooking.

you no longer have to worry about cooking. nah-uh. not with this man who has all the time in the world to hone in on this new culinary world.

idk i just think it's so cute to think about simon going from beans on toast for breakfast to fluffy buttermilk pancakes or french toast with bacon a berry compote.

then for dinner; it's suddenly a whole line of sushi with all your favourites, dumplings to follow and a beef udon recipe dish. or maybe it's a simple roast - however, a perfectly seasoned meat has been sitting for a while in the oven for so long that when you cut into it, it's juicy and tender. and simon fucking beams at the faces you make.

dessert is a whole other game that simon fucking mastered. seriously. because he's placing down a skillet brownie, topped with ice cream and cream. And when you put a spoon into it, it fucking drips with chocolate ya'll.

just rahhhh retired!simon that turns into chef!simon. who just spoils you day and night with food. who gains the ability to make whatever dish you want, whenever you want. 3am and you want a grilled cheese? he can whip it up in seconds and it'll taste like the most gourmet grilled cheese you have EVER had.

btw, i'm torn between making him a gordon ramsay in the kitchen or him being the complete opposite and being so sweet and patient with you when you want to help him.

WAIT- speaks like gordon ramsay but treats you softly. like, you're not cutting with the knife correctly you fucking donkey. but instead of taking it off you, he presses up behind you, gently cups your hands with his and shows you how to do it safely. and he's speaking so sweetly and softly. a stark contrast to when he called you a fucking donkey - but hey you'll get your bite back. ;)

a/n: i can't fucking breathe this was so funny to write. i'm sorry idk why he called u a donkey. i'm fucking hungry if it wasn't obvious with this post.

[breegadey]

Dungeon Meshi - Party Leaders