onejellyfishplease

[onejellyfishplease]

This whole thing about scanning your face to prove tour age is making me remember, in 2018 while out in paris we got our wallet stolen during a particularly busy night at a lesbian bar. It was very late and with no money to buy metro tickets we were effectively stranded, but some people helped us and we ended up staying the night at a really sweet older man's place. His face was deeply scarred and he was missing an eye. We chatted on our way and he told me about his life, probably to help calm me down. He explained he had been stuck in a house fire 20 years ago and had had multiple rounds of facial reconstruction and a skin graft, but there's only so much surgery can do so he just learned to live with it. I remember he said he liked the queer bars because they're the only place people don't really stare at him.

At some point I took out my phone, and at the time I was using face unlock. This prompted him to tell me all the ways this technology doesn't work on him. How his phone selfie camera doesn't focus right because it's not a detecting a face. How he had to update his ID the old fashioned way, because the website kept rejecting his photos. And how it was becoming more and more common, and how it was making his life way harder.

This was 7 years ago, and now whenever I see this sort of technology I think of how that guy can't use it. And how house fires are pretty common, and how anything from being born this way to a skin condition to heavy tattooing can probably cause the same issue. Can these people get age verified ? Will they just lose access to all social media, which are increasingly necessary in society, if this becomes the norm ? These are people who are already driven out of public spaces due to how they look, and they're getting pushed out online too all in the interest of companies wanting more money.

[onejellyfishplease]

met a really racist person who was like all non-real british people should be deported and i said what makes someone real and he was like if both their families have been here since the 1700s and i said you know what. i can get behind deporting the king. and he didnt like that response.

[onejellyfishplease]

''Everyone at school is afraid of my girlfriend'' - Short Comic

[onejellyfishplease]

FINALLY got around to dumping Spotify after their CEO continued to prove he's a fresh turd. (As if being a billionaire, not paying musicians, shoving AI garbage at us, and having an atrocious carbon footprint wasn't bad enough, he's now the chair of a AI-based weapons manufacturing company.)

I used TuneMyMusic ($24 annual fee you can cancel immediately, effectively paying only once) to transfer almost every single song from our Spotify account to Tidal. Tidal already has much better sound quality and they pay their artists much better. It migrated over 99% of our music, too, so there wasn't a huge loss.

[onejellyfishplease]

“The prince just fell in love with Cinderella because of her looks!”

Wrong. Okay, picture this–

So there’s the prince, okay? He’s like, smack dab in the center of the ballroom, and he is like, horrifically aware that this whole ball thing is a result of his dad falling into a panic about the royal lineage or whatever and he’s stuck listening to highborn girl after highborn girl, all lined up, introducing themselves like, “Oh yeah my family’s been a longtime supporter of the crown, and I think you’re cute, *cough* I’ve been told I have child-bearing hips *cough* Who said that? Anyway–” and Princey boy is just smiling through it, he has been the center of attention for entirely too long, he misses his emotional support horse, and is just internally like “Someone please kill me now.” And then… he sees her–This isn’t a love at first sight thing, this is a ‘what the hell is going on over there’ thing, because this girl has not gotten into the Debutante line for a solid 45 minutes. 

She’s just at the hors d’oeuvres table going HAM on the prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and like, she’s polite about it, she’s happy to move aside for other people grabbing punch and canapes (and she’s really so sweet with the wait staff, it’s kind of cute because they’re like… definitely not used to being acknowledged) but it’s like, “Damn girl, did you not eat today?” and then the prince is kind of stuck with the uncomfortable thought of ‘how many girls starved themselves to fit into a corset for this.’ And then the Prince realizes he’s missed the past 4 Debutante introductions because he’s watching Mystery girl hork down crab rangoons. So he’s like, “Excuse me” and manages to break free from the never-ending parade of girls who will hop on his dick for status.

 And as he’s approaching Mystery Girl, it’s kind of hitting him that something’s not quite natural about her. Not fake, but not quite real. But at the same time this whole evening’s been just a whole circus of people acting fake as hell, so like, someone seeming a little off doesn’t seem bad, necessarily. And he sidles up to her like, “Hi,” and she’s like, “Oh–hey, have you tried the tapenade?” and she points to one of the plates, and at this point, he could hit her with the “You don’t know who I am, do you?” deal or the “Very funny, I see your play” deal, but at this point it occurs to him that, no, he hasn’t had anything to eat throughout this whole damn ball, partially because of being stuck in the debutante parade, partially because of nerves, and there’s something so disarming about the question that he grabs a crostini and she still seems so food-focused that it doesn’t seem possible that this is a play. So they both grab little plates and ditch the party.

She pretty much clears her plate in under two minutes and then has half of his plate, he’s cool with it, mostly he’s just absolutely fascinated listening to her.

See here’s the thing about Cinderella:

1. She doesn’t know he’s the prince. Like yeah, he’s been at the center of the room, but she’s kind of spent half the party eagerly looking around everywhere she’s allowed to go (”Have you seen rose garden? Have you seen the solarium??” further confirmation that she doesn’t know who she’s talking to) and the other half stuffing her face with food. 

2. She assumes she’s never going to see anyone here tonight again, and no one recognizes her, so she has no filter.

So she’s just talking about whatever with this guy. He seems cool. She talks about her friends, who are rats. She makes little outfits for them. Sometimes they bring her little gifts. She is already the coolest person the prince has ever met because of this. She pretty much offhandedly talks about whatever is fucked up about the kingdom that would take his advisors two hours of hemming and hawing and watering down to address. She just says it like it’s nothing, just funky little things she’s observed, and again, she’s not aware that he’s the prince, but it’s still pretty damn bold to bring up at a literal royal ball.

She… seems to have the majority of graces that lots of girls from Respectable Families™ have, but there’s something strange about it, something simultaneously broken and hardened, like the way you can see where ice has thawed and re-frozen. Also the way she talks about her family, and the way she avoids talking about her family– is raising several red flags, not in the “Oh this is another person trying to take advantage of me” sense, but in the “Oh fuck, something’s gone really wrong and you need help” sense and also lowkey a ‘damn is she even getting fed?’ sense. But he can’t say, ‘Hey, that’s not fucking normal for people to say that to you or treat you that way. We need to get you out of there,’ without sounding crazy himself, so for now, he’s just going to chill, make sure she’s comfortable, and keep enjoying the evening. She’s somehow befriended like 4 of the waitstaff so they’re willing to cover for them while they disappear for a little bit, and they get plenty of time to talk, but eventually it hits her that she hasn’t danced yet and she’s like “Come on! I bet we can make the prince jealous!” and he just bursts out laughing at that like “hell yeah, let’s make the prince jealous. He’s a real asshole.” Like clearly she’s having a good time, so who is he to make it weird? So they head back to the ballroom and they dance. And our girl, Mystery Girl, Cinderella, while they’re dancing, becomes acutely aware that everyone is staring. That doesn’t seem quite right. Like, yeah she’s hot, she knows she’s hot, but at least a good third of the party should still be focused on the prince, right? Where is that guy, anyway?

Oh.

Oh wait.

Oh shit.

And Princey Boy actually picks up on her realization and they whisper argue for like 3 minutes. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Now I feel like a goddamn idiot!” “I dunno it was nice being treated like a normal person” “Well me treating you like a normal person makes me a goddamn felon or something did you consider that?!” “Hey–Hey–it’s cool–you’re cool–I think you’re amazing, and if anyone says shit about you, I can shut it down.” “Well I don’t like that! That’s fucked up!” “I agree. It is fucked up, but I believe in you, and I think you should have a chance, and I’m here to back you up. I know power is fucked up right now. I know. But are you cool with working with me to change that?” And our girl Cindy pauses on that for a couple seconds, because.. she’s just spent hours with this guy and like.. she knows he’s a good guy, she knows he means well, so she’s like, “I don’t know how long I can actually work with you.” and the prince is like “Look, I know your home situation is complicated right now, but I really think we can–”

And then the bell starts ringing.

It’s midnight.

And then she takes off in a panic, and our prince just met the coolest person ever, and like, he’s pretty sure whatever situation they’re headed back to is fucked up, and all he’s got going to find her is a shoe. A shoe. 

[onejellyfishplease]

did this for my brother and he got fuckin ETERNATUS

WHAT THE FUCK -apparently its the most powerful pokemon????

(I got Servine btw lol)

spin this list of all of the pokemon. you are now that pokemon.

[onejellyfishplease]

being so staunchly anti generative ai while everyone around you is "i used chatgpt" and "i asked grok" and google search is useless and every company is implementing ai and every single celeb is taking ai money and partnering with ai is like... it's so jarring. why can't you see the harm like i can? why are you so lazy? why are we making society this stupid? can we please stop? it's killing people does that not matter to you?

[onejellyfishplease]

lil chibi turtles <3

[onejellyfishplease]

My BaByyyy 🥺🤲💜✨✨✨✨

[onejellyfishplease]

What if one of the animorphs turned out to be allergic to their battle morph?

Oh no. Considering Jake, Tobias, Rachel, and Marco all get their battle morphs in the first book, that is not ideal. Cassie gets hers in #3, and Ax rarely morphs to "level up" except occasionally to hork-bajir, so we can count him as getting one in #13.

Jake: Would, like Rachel, probably try and tough it out without telling anyone. Would assume that he's just still getting a handle on this whole morphing thing and that that's why he keeps uncontrollably turning into a dog and a lizard and whatnot. Would eventually barf a tiger, which would of course end badly. By "badly," I mean that Homer would be eaten by a tiger, and then Michelle would be forced to shoot said tiger before it could eat anyone else, and everyone would be sad. The only upshot would be if the tiger also killed Tom before it could be stopped, thereby solving a lot of problems the Animorphs wouldn't even know they had.

Marco: Would tell all his friends immediately, not that they know anyone at that point in the series who could help. He would not only hole up at Tobias's house and refuse to leave (Tobias hates this, of course, but there are controllers in Jake's house and Rachel refused to let Marco stay), but he would complain loudly for 24 hours a day and 7 days a week until he finally barfed out the gorilla. A gorilla loose in a house is less of a concern than a tiger, so I imagine the boys just chasing it outside and into the woods. For years after, there are hundreds of Bigfoot sightings in southern California forests.

Tobias: Would be so freaking sad to lose that hawk morph. Tobias's "I'm fine, this is fine, everything is fine," would be a completely different flavor from Jake's — Tobias doesn't care if everyone knows he's sick, but would want to avoid deterring the others from morphing. Turning into a cat and a hawk uncontrollably isn't ideal, but Tobias is also a lot less supervised than Jake, so it wouldn't necessarily be catastrophic. Anyway, Tobias would make a whole broody ceremony out of releasing the hawk once he'd barfed it up, and within 10 minutes would be off to Cassie's barn to go get a different raptor morph.

Rachel: Like we see in canon, probably the least equipped to handle an allergy. Lots of collapsed floors when she turns into an elephant, lots of losing control of a morph she didn't mean to make. Also, Rachel being Rachel would mean that she'd make a lot of demands that the others solve the thing. Without Ax, this would mostly be Jake reading the NatGeo Kids and Zoobooks entries on elephants, Marco hysterically suggesting they just go ask Visser Three if he's ever had this problem, Cassie having the only helpful suggestion (meditation and deep breathing), and Tobias staring up at the stars wondering if the andalites have fated them and that's why they're this way. Anyway, the elephant would probably also warrant a call to Michelle once Rachel barfed it out, but would be even more confusing than the tiger because no one can explain its origins.

Cassie: Probably the best equipped to handle an allergy of anyone on the team (no matter what AniTV seems to think). She's highly self-aware and mindful of her surroundings, so she'd probably be the fastest to figure out the "emotion = uncontrolled morphing" link on her own, and the most skilled at remaining calm in spite of it all. She'd probably spend a week or two not going on missions, doing a lot of deep breathing and soothing rides with her horse and other relaxing activities, and then would also simply be able to chase the resulting wolf into the woods behind her house. Since Southern California woods had wolves re-introduced (#3), it'd probably be fine on its own.

Ax: Would be so embarrassed by the problem. He is an andalite, he is an aristh, he is supposed to be the expert on this team, he is better than this, he is... turning into a shark right now. Dammit. Would stiffly insist that this is nothing to worry about, and he has a handle on the problem which will surely resolve itself momentarily. Would greatly appreciate Tobias sticking around to comfort him while he's benched from missions, and would appreciate even more that Tobias never tells anyone just how often Ax ends up turning into a human or a snake or a seagull by accident. The extra hork-bajir is a whole other source of identity horror that I barely want to touch, but Toby's group would probably end up adopting the clone and just trying not to think about where it came from.

[onejellyfishplease]

hell is full. heaven is full. god created a new holding space for souls called hurgle and the only thibg to do here is this infinitely expading jigsaw puzzle of a finely detailed pigeon. we are just slowwwwwly creating little tufts of feathers for eternity . yesterday , greg found a corner piece

[onejellyfishplease]

i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it

[onejellyfishplease]

<Previous - Next> (it is done when it's done, but that is not now)

Well well well, look who remembered they can use the rectangle tool for textboxes >:) Phew this page (or well pages technically) took forever. 1 because das a lotta drawing. In previous parts I tried to re-use backgrounds and poses with a few minor edits, but I couldn't do that for the Leo and Mikey being a menace part (also its just longer than the previous 2 parts you know, more comic more drawing). And 2 I went on vacation halfway through drawing these and just didn't work on them for a week lol. But honestly, this part was so fun to draw. The outdoor shot of the IKEA was really fun for some reason. And of course the chaos inside, documenting Donnie Suffering™ brings me joy :D

[onejellyfishplease]

Full demon rumi ;3

[onejellyfishplease]

well thats one way to get there

watch me he/him too close to the sun

[onejellyfishplease]

watch me he/him too close to the sun

[onejellyfishplease]

I HATE LEGS

WHY ARE THEY SHAPED THE WAY THAT THEY ARE