#kind of personal so might delete later. but also i kind of went off with it so we ball

[dropespeon]

thinking about it a lot of the reason why sifloop appeals to me so much has a lot to do my own relationship with myself & my sexuality

i'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum & very averse on both ends. i have never and probably will never be interested in a romantic relationship or anything of the sort. but the concept of being desired, of being someone who a person i care about could love in this "special" way is deeply appealing. but the reality of someone loving me in a way i can't return is. so uncomfortable. the thought of being seen in that way makes me feel sick. there's this other person who could have thoughts about me i could never know or understand, and that's terrifying. it's supposed to be something more, but i don't know how i could possibly love a person in a way that is more than this.

and then sifloop presents this idea of someone who understands you more than anyone. someone who you will always know exactly what you want; someone with whom you don't have to wonder about what *they* want. you can be desired & loved, but there's no caveat to it. there's no twist that insists, "it's different, it's more." and it's someone who has all of the things you see as undesirable in yourself, but you can't help but love those parts of them. it's a person who can always hold you accountable--who can see the person you've hidden from everyone else, the person you believe could never be loved if they were known--and love you in spite of it all.

it's a person who could never be real. it's a person who only exists in cautionary tales of wishes and clones. but you have always loved that story. you only wish it were yours.

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[ourvanishingghosts]

HELLO!!

I hope everythings well right now! Take your time on this request no pressure no pressure! ✨

May i request raihan. piers and leon seperate (leon is optional if it crosses the rules!) following reader (who's account is kind of private) on tiktok or whatever social media and they're met with like pretty pictures or videos of them?

Yeah. Sure. Everything is going good now. I kind of been busy with my 6 hour classes. I also want to thank my friend for making the edit for the Piers section. The edit is linked in that section and it is on YouTube. I didn’t do Leon because I feel like he wouldn’t use social media that much.

Pretty Pictures

Raihan

Raihan was scrolling through his Instagram when he found a picture of a masked Pokémon gym leader

So, he got curious and went to the page that was tagged and only saw pictures of the gym leader wearing their mask

Then he saw that they had their private Instagram link in their Linktree

He requested to follow the account and went back to scrolling through Instagram while he waited

He checked his notifications the next day and saw that the account had followed him and accepted his follow request

As soon as he was ready, he checked out the profile

When he saw your face he was blushing immediately

He thought you were the most beautiful person he’s ever seen

While he was looking through the pictures he accidentally liked an older photo of you and he panicked and unliked it because he didn’t want to come off as a weirdo

That’s when he received a DM from you joking about how what happened

He felt embarrassed until you told him that you were flattered and thought it was a little funny how quick it happened

He confessed that he was just scrolling through your page and thought that you were beautiful and accidentally hit like on that older photo

You sent 🤣 and said that you had done the same thing on one of his older posts because you thought he was stunning

After a while of DMing back and forth you two exchanged phone numbers promising not to leak them and to delete the messages after adding the phone number to your contacts list just in case either of your accounts got hacked

After about a month of texting you two finally meet up since you flew to Galar for a Gym Leader conference that was happening

You were wearing your mask throughout the conference except for when you were hanging out with the other Gym Leaders from your area and Raihan

Raihan promised that he would never post any pictures of you without your mask on

It was at that moment that a beautiful friendship was born

Piers

Piers was scrolling through TikTok, but he was on the app back when it was called Musical.ly

He was going through the the hashtag called PiersEdit and saw an edit that you had made

The edit was to the song The Feels by TWICE

After watching it he click on your profile picture and started watching your videos

The newest ones were edits of the Galar Gym Leaders

Once he finished watching those he sees a video with your face in it and watches it

It a video of you sewing a plush of his Obstagoon and the caption said “If I ever get to meet Piers I might give him this if he wants it.”

He knows you probably got notifications of him liking your video and he commented “I am more than willing to have that adorable plush from such a beautiful person.”

Then the likes exploded and some people were questioning if if you and Piers were in a secret relationship

He just continues to watch your TikToks and sees you’ve made the other Galar Gym Leaders Pokemon and all the videos included your beautiful face

A month later he was meeting fans after one of his concerts and he spots a familiar plush

He walks up to you and taps you on your shoulder “Hey beautiful.”

You turn around and quickly give him the plush and ran off

He hopes to see you again since you put your phone number on the tag

[arceus-insanity]

This is a long rant so you can totally delete if you’re not interested, though I don’t know who else to talk to about this so I hope you don’t mind me getting something off my chest: I feel really bad for todoroki.

He tried the hardest to save his villain (making a plan to stop Dabi by creating a new move, continually tried to get Endeavor to cooperate with him to meet Dabi, letting Dabi take his anger out at him, and racing meet him not once but twice, saving him from killing himself even when he was the most suicidal out of the villain trio), hell, he was the most empathetic to his villain without ever needing to see the child self because he thought they would have been the same if Todoroki didn’t get the support from his friends. Too bad Touya was so hell bent on his suicide mission with Endeavor that Todoroki couldn’t get through him the first time.

Which leads to the ending of Touya dying in a machine and the brothers still having glass stuck between them. Endeavor may have took over the ending, but Todoroki was the only one who connected to Touya by asking him about his favorite food instead of talking over him. Even then, Endeavor gets to seem cool with “I’ll handle the consequences” and Natsuo complimenting him despite him running away until he couldn’t and almost did a murder-suicide with Touya. Hell, Endeavor literally never faced any consequences in the end as the next time we see him with his psuedo-family (on another note, it feels like salt in the wound Hawks got to live out his happy family dreams while Also not getting any consequences for killing Twice as a hero). Rei sticks by him for some goddamn reason and the last thing Fuyumi talks about is losing her job because of Endeavor’s actions. Before then, the only consequences Endeavor faced was for him failing as a hero and civilians getting mad at that. Everytime someone brings up the abuse, it always brushing it aside besides Iida/Kirishima commenting on it. Sero’s “no one needs that tragic crap” doesn’t really help either since it was more about his own motivations than helping Todoroki dialogue wise. We don’t even get to see All Might’s reaction who was told in the beginning Todoroki was only born to defeat him (Endeavor actually used pronouns calling Todoroki an object in the original Japanese in this convo). We don’t get to see anyone who knows Eri (outside of Midoriya) give the same sympathy to Todoroki because now they know he went through a similar experience a decade of his life (but even then Midoriya praises Endeavor once when fighting Dabi so :/).

Barely anyone in the family comforted him on screen and it truly feels like his family fell apart despite doing his best learning about them in under a year. Todoroki doesn’t get to have that bowl of udon OR soba with Touya now.

The narrative kinda also barred him from the origin trio thing in the end, and he didn’t even get to talk to/cry about Touya to Uraraka and Midoriya (even though I personally feel like both their stories kind of fell apart because of that talk) (also he has the most complicated/interesting relationship with both All Might and his villain/brother but whateve). Todoroki is still haunted by Endeavor’s name a decade later (even if it’s a smaller shadow) and EVEN THEN Endeavor is still looked at as one of the greatest heroes. Endeavor almost killed Touya and the family for not acting sooner and he gets labeled as great. Endeavor gets to have replacement children while everyone else don’t get the justice they deserved.

He doesn’t even get his rising title in the anime!! They took it away from him!! The anime wants you to think all of the Todoroki family saved Touya, but Todoroki did 90% of the work!!

This might seem odd change in topic, but Tenko/Shigaraki has a lot of parallels to Todoroki, and I guess their abusive guardians taking over their plots and leaving behind tragedy can be added to that list.

I’m so mad Endeavor got to live… Though it seems like anyone didn’t get any justice about their abusers besides Eri.

I’m not the biggest Shoto fan, but I’ll do my best to focus on him for this

You know, I’d say there are three levels to why I hate Endeavor so much.

He is a shit guy. He’s an abuser, who’s entire reason is oh he didn’t get first place in a popularity contest, and couldn’t be bothered to try and be decent to the public.

The narrative refuses to acknowledge it. His actions once All Might is forced to retire are all massively downplayed mixed with excuses, and he gets an undeserved angst fest every time he faces even the possibility of consequences.

Every other character and the plot has to be sacrificed to prop him up.

And even after Endeavor’s ‘redemption’ and cryfest at the hospital, the whole fucking family puts Shoto at the center of everything. As if that hasn’t been one of the main reasons everyone in the family (except Endeavor who gets nothing but benefits from this) is struggling. If either Endeavor was dead, or Shoto was allowed to hate Endeavor, things wouldn't have turned out so badly.

I saw a fic a while ago and the premise was that the rest of the Todoroki family was with Touya and Shoto was left all alone. And even just reading the fic’s description I’m thinking what are they talking about they weren’t there for Touya, they were there for Endeavor!

Shoto is the only one who talks to Dabi, everyone else is at mass talking at him, in both the battle and epilogue. The battle the rest of the family is just victim-blaming/ scapegoating Dabi blindly, not questioning anything. Natsuo, Fuyumi and Rei don’t say a single word to Dabi after, no they’re talking to Endeavor, they only get a few minutes to see Dabi, possibly forever considering the prison system, and they spend it on the Manbaby. Shoto only manages to ask one question at the end, while they're being forced out, which Dabi demonstrates that he aware and was willing to talk to the best of his abilities, the family just couldn’t be bothered.

I’m disgusted by 1A, UA, the other pros, etc, ’s response(s) to the reveal, no one ever asks if Shoto is okay, or his feelings are. They all just assume, and earlier in the series we see Midori-enabler-ya tell him that he’s forgiving Endeavor, and that shows he’s moving on. Forgiveness isn’t needed to move on, and I believe can very much get in the way of it. And that’s the closest we get to anyone actually caring about Shoto’s or any of the other victims feelings that weren’t the villains.

I wish I could say I was surprised by Rei (or Fuyumi) but I’m not. Rei basically tells Natsuo and Fuyumi they have to forgive him because he sent her a flower. Besides the disturbing parallels from "Harlequinade" Batman: The Animated Series except this one sees it as a good thing. This moment and the continuing progression/ reveal of her character, never made me think highly of her. She reads as someone who is massively codependent and an enabler, regardless of the reason for that, that is the result

Natsuo I was disappointed by, he was the only one who didn’t see the bare minimum of effort from Endeavor as reason to forgive/ forget everything he’s done. Yet in the final showdown he directly blames Dabi for being difficult.

And about Eri, I firmly believe that she was only helped at all because Overhaul was a villain outside of abusing/torturing her. If he was an ‘innocent’ civilian, hero, or part of the commission, they would have given(read forced) her back without hesitation or a second thought, they basically did that anyway when she was first introduced. Here’s a link on what I mean https://www.tumblr.com/thr0wnawayy/764328039502987264/whats-your-opinion-about-eri-i-mean-shes-cute?source=share And a whole lot of @thr0wnawayy ‘s first reblog could be taken and applied to Shoto

[sophistired18]

Timeskip Kryk part 2! (Sorta?)

Here's some kryk hc's/random scenarios i have if they didn't make a move in highschool and remained pining idiots :)

One thing for sure, I think they would both know that there was something there, but ofc they never talked about it. Especially bc Yaku was going to Russia. Since they didn't do anything about their feelings earlier they both tried sweeping it under the rug and act like it never happened. And ofc that pining never really goes away, but the distance sorta helps. (Not really they miss each other so much)

Kuroo is going in as an intern for the Japan Volleyball Association and sends a photo of him in his new suit and asking if he looks okay for his first day. Yaku leaves it on seen. Kuroo dies inside bc does he actually look that bad?? It makes him panic alittle, although in the end he does very well on his first day, but he's still butt hurt by Yaku's lack of response. Only until the day after does Yaku respond "You look good" and "Sorry. I was busy". This makes Kuroo get mad but also ashamed at how happy it made him feel for Yaku complimenting him.

On the otherhand, Yaku cannot stop freaking out at how fucking good Kuroo looked in that suit. After a good 10 minutes of just gawking at a poorly taken selfie of his "I'm getting over him" crush, Yaku decides his heart cannot handle this today so he makes the hard choice of ghosting Kuroo so that he doesn't accidentally blurt how hot he thinks Kuroo looks. He feels bad but it was a necessary sacrifice to save himself from falling for him all over again. Although it's too late for that bc that image was ingrained into his mind all day.

Kuroo tries not to, but he stalks Yaku's insta page for "Volleyball Research purposes". Kai tries to remind him "You know that's your friend right? You can literally just ask him how he's doing instead of stalking his story to see if he's eaten dinner yet".

Kai, Kuroo, and Yaku are facetiming and Yaku mentions that his hair is getting long. Kuroo asks if he's gonna get a haircut, but deep down he's crying bc yaku looks so cute with his shaggy bangs, please don't chop them. A week later, Yaku posts on his story his new undercut and re-styled bangs that are swept back in the same way that Kuroo is swept off his feet the moment he sees them. Kuroo realizes it might be too late to get over his best friend bc how is he supposed to when this best friend looks THAT GOOD. He screenshots the photo and has failed many times to delete it.

Kuroo sends treats and trinkets from Japan to Yaku on his birthday, which makes Yaku super happy but also super homesick. And it also makes him feel a bit bad bc he only facetimed for Kuroo's birthday. He tells Kuroo he'll send a gift for the next birthday and Kuroo says he doesn't have to, but he does anyways. So now for every birthday for the past 8 years, they've been doing gift exhanges from Japan and Russia. Yaku likes to send treats he enjoys or thinks Kuroo would like, or he'll send something he hasn't tried yet so that they can both try it and review it together over facetime.

One weekend for a business trip, Kuroo meets a very pretty lady who matches what his type in women was when he was younger. She was interested in him and he thought why not, I'm a grown man I can go on dates. The entire time he was expecting it to go wrong or for her to disagree with him, yet none of that happened. The date actually went smooth, she even shared some interests with him. He was sure that she was exactly the kind of person that he would've wanted as a partner a few years ago. But after he walked her to the train station and wished her a safe trip, he immediately called Yaku on impulse. He told him how he went on a date, which Yaku responded asking how it went. Kuroo tells him it went absolutely smooth and that she seems to really likes him. And when Yaku asks "Do you like her?" Kuroo hesitates, "I think I do?". But he wasn't sure how to answer when Yaku says, "Then why do you sound so upset?". After a while in silence, Kuroo just sighs, "I guess we just got along too well. The entire night I suppose I was searching for something else. Something more." They end the call soon afterwards, in attempt to try not to let the implications of those words sink in.

Yaku flies down to Tokyo to visit family for a few days. Kuroo tries not to freak out. He hasn't seen Yaku in 3 years but it feels like its been a decade. He knew about Yaku's departure 3 weeks in advance, so he planned accordingly to find time to hang out with him, but nothing could've prepared him for all of a sudden 4 big meetings back to back all during the week Yaku would be staying, with one of the meetings, if his presentation went well, potentially granting him a promotion. Even then, he seriously considers calling in sick. Yaku tells him over the phone that he's an absolute idiot and he should not risk a promotion for this. He ends up not being able to see Yaku at all, bummed that he didn't even have the time to take Yaku to the airport. Although based on the photo taken from a lunch that Yaku and Kai had bc they were actually able to meet up, Kuroo thinks that maybe it's a blessing in disguise that he didn't see Yaku in person. Bc now he's certain that he would've folded right then. Bc if Yaku looked that good with udon broth all over his lips in a photo, then Kuroo might just die if he sees Yaku in front of him.

Yaku is at a bar celebrating with some of his teammates when Kuroo calls Yaku to wish him a merry Christmas. Yaku steps out the bar and they talk about nostalgic memories, which gets Yaku teary eyed and he's glad they're not facetiming rn bc one, Kuroo can't see how much of a sap he is rn, and two, if he sees Kuroo's face he might actually bawl. When Kuroo wishes him goodnight, Yaku enters the bar with his heart too full that it might just explode. He tries to stay cheery and hang with his teammates, but at some point he had a bit too much to drink, and he just begins crying. His teammates are shocked and keep asking him what's wrong, but then Yaku sobs, they don't know what to do because he's only speaking in Japanese. The day afterwards, Yaku wakes up with a horrible hangover with no recollection of his sob session at the bar. It's only until years later that its brought up again. It was when Kuroo visits Russia for the first time, Yaku introduces him to some of his teammates, with one of them giving Kuroo a confused look that Kuroo quotes as "a life threatening mafia glare" and "He looks like he wants to skin me". It's only until a few days later when Kuroo has returned to Japan and they are all having lunch where the teammate begins laughing and says Kuroo's name as if he had a revelation. This makes Yaku absolutely confused so he asks whats so funny. His teammate pulls out his phone and presses play on a recorded video and laughs "We never understood what you were saying, but I remember I kept hearing you cry 'Kuroo'. It's only now that I realized what 'Kuroo' meant." Yaku is mortified at the video of him sobbing, and his teammates begin poking at him to translate for them but Yaku only blushes so hard at his own cries in the video. He hopes that Kuroo will never see this video, otherwise it'd be the equivalent of Yaku professing his undying love and how much he is NOT over his highschool crush. Luckily, his teammates can't understand a word he is saying and unfortunately, he can't reach the phone from their hand in the air when he tries to delete the video due to their almost 2 ft height difference.

[xhanelia]

Okay so this was the ask but when i deleted the post, it got deleted too. I tried to write the post again as much as i remember. All of my luck aside, i have my first official anon now i am so happy!! Thank you for the request, green anon! Hope you like it 💚

How would Sova react to a mute reader

I think he would ask Sage or Brim about what kind of a person you are before trying to talk to you, but lets just think that you were introduced in the middle of a mission. (absolutely not to make the fic longer and maybe interesting)

In the missions, Brim always wants an "understood" after his commands on the field. To confirim that his voice went to the person and make sure they did not get hurt. When Brim gave you information about the building and told you what you should do, you did not reply. Sova got scared that the new agent might have got caught or hurt but seeing the steril face of Brim, like this is what was supposed to be, he got a bit confused and went to his part of the mission. Trying not to think about it.

Later on, when you return with the information you have on your hands (witch is nothing but a little flash drive) he sighed in relief that you didnt got hurt. With the smile on your face, covered mostly by the mask you wore, you handled the flash drive to Chyper. He thanked you in his own language to show intimacy to the new agent. Well, to you.

Also Cypher was never leaving your side after your first mission. Being a new agent means that he will follow you everywhere like a tail stuck to your back. (This is cannon btw.)

He glared you two a bit. One side hoping you wouldnt turn out to be his friend or such, the other wants to get to know you. Either way, it was the first time the moral of HQ, Sova, didnt talked to the new agent by his choice. He was intimidated by your similarities with Chyper.

At this point, Sage needed to ask Sova if he was okay. She understood that he did not liked secretive persons but you were far off from Chyper. She convinced him to at least say hello to you while passing by. But he would still avoid any conversations with you.

You nod everytime he greeted you. Sage told you that Sova (a tall blonde man that has a prostetic eye, she said. Pretty much noticable.) would cheer you up if you feel down or lonely. But it was like the other way around. At least near you. When you look at him with other agents, he was like how Sage described him but when he notices you, his smile drops down a bit.

At some point, you decided to ask him about why he was like this to you. Gathering your courage, getting yourself a pen and a little notebook, you began to search for him.

He was in the tech room. Making adjusments to his bow and arrows. He looked up to you from where he was sitting. You waved to him as a hello, he nodded to you back. Thinking maybe you dont want to talk to him at all.

You got out your pen and notebook, wrote something to it and slowly pushed it to him. He looked at the notebook and to you, then again to the notebook. Reading what was written on it.

"I am so sorry if i did something wrong to you."

He stood still after reading the paper for a good 10 seconds then looked up to you. Such simple words but it hit Sova so hard. Now getting that you cannot talk, it feels like the guilt was building up in his chest.

"You were mute?" It sound like he was scared to even ask this question. You slowly nod with a broke smile. It was visible in your eyes.

He stood up. "No... i am sorry. I should have tried to get to know you at first but i was stuck to the thought of you did not wanted to talk to me. I... shouldnt have judged you beforehand."

Even though he kept the Chyper intimacy you have to himself, you understood his reasons and wrote again to the paper.

"Its okay. I hope we can be friends!"

He smiled at the paper. "Ofcourse." He said with relief. After everything, he is still blaming himself about his prejudices about you, but seeing you getting happy with his words is enough to convince him that it does not matter anymore.

He tries to learn sign language. Its like a form of a apologize to you. Afterall, you cannot talk to him through paper forever, can you? He will make up to you. He promises himself.

[the-barricade]

magazine matchups

vil x reader

you and vil were supposed to just be colleagues, but as your work kept pushing you closer and closer together, you couldn’t help but fall for one another.

a/n: this is another repost of a previously deleted fic I posted. also can’t believe i ever deleted this, this is like the funniest thing I’ve ever written (imho)

—————————————

His absence was something you barely noticed, just as his presence. You weren’t oblivious to it, however. It started out as a coincidence, the two of you ended up modelling for a few projects together, which had the internet going wild. Soon enough, it turned into free advertising, and your managers were intentionally pulling the strings so that you’d be working together. If anything, the nonsensical rumours that came out of it were kind of annoying - other than that, you had no strong opinion about working with him, or his personality.

He wasn’t exactly a constant in your life either, that’s why you almost didn’t notice his unannounced break from the public eye. You remembered him after seeing a now slightly old article about the SDC, ah that’s right, he’d taken a break from almost all of his work to focus on the competition, which had ended a couple of months ago. Despite this, you can’t recall him coming back to the limelight since.

Might as well check his magicam page, you thought. He still posted there, would it be weird to follow him out of nowhere? Eh, who cares- you did it anyways, and then went to bed.

As always, it felt like the sun rose far too early to wake you from your slumber. Your alarm hasn’t gone off yet, or you hoped it hadn’t at least. You checked the time, and you were fine, you didn’t oversleep.

In the meantime you should probably check the texts you got from Neige, your certified best friend who doesn’t usually text you at six in the morning.

“Hey, Y/N! You’re trending on magicam, so is you and Vil’s ship-name, did you know?”

Um, what? That was… strange? Honestly, you really wanted to see what was going on, but you’d be late for school if you let social media get a grip on you right now.

Break time. It felt pretty exciting to hear the bell ring this time around, since you’d been itching to find out what had you on the trending page, it’s not like you did anything either spectacular or offensive recently.

Damn, Neige really wasn’t lying, then again, you couldn’t recall any time he ever has. Your expression died down comically quick, as you kept scrolling through the tagged posts. Your fans were literally insane sometimes, to the point were maybe following someone new on your public account was a bit of a mistake. Basically all of your conjoined fandom was trying to theorise over Vil being added to the list of people you follow, which was otherwise only Neige and your manager. Really, it was a slight disappointment, but it was also kind of funny, at least the internet didn’t decide it was time for a dose of unjust cancel culture just yet.

A few days later, after school had let up, you went to hang out with Neige in town. It was a tradition between you two, a way to keep in contact despite your busy schedules. The two of you often cycled round different attractions or areas in the city, sometimes just opting to walk around and talk. This time, you were headed to the local museum. It was interesting to read about all the history loaded behind what seemed like a simple piece of pottery, or learn about how certain things were used to supplement both the lack of technology and magic of the older world.

It was mostly things you’d seen here before though, but you’d never paid much mind to the modern art section, you realised after thinking about it. “Hey Neige, should we go look over there? Who knows, they might have your portrait framed or something.”

Your joke was received with a light laugh and, “Sure, let’s go take a look!”

This section of the museum felt a lot smaller, but there were even less people willing to marvel at the paintings that adorned the walls. Coincidentally, the one other person that was there happened to be someone both you and Neige recognised. You wondered if he visited the place a lot, people don’t tend to look so blank whilst visiting a museum by themselves.

Neige turned to you, excited to ask if it’d to be alright to approach him. That’s right, you’d somewhat forgotten that those two knew each-other. “Yeah sure, I don’t mind.” As soon as the sound of his name filled the room, his head turned, and his expression looked mildly annoyed. Did he look like that before? God, you’d have to hope the two of you weren’t upsetting him. Your friend however, didn’t appear to notice anything out of the ordinary as he continued to make small talk.

Gradually, said small talk came to close, and Neige had invited him to spend more time with the two of you, though Vil politely declined. He was rather curt, but he didn’t seem like a bad person, if anything your opinion hadn’t changed since you first worked with him.

Before waving goodbye, you rushed to scribble your phone number down on a crumpled piece of paper to give to him. Momentarily, you pondered wether that was a good decision to make, as he almost stayed silent, but soon put on a smile and thanked you. It was an awkward first meet.

Vil turned away after the two of you had left, it was due time to head back to his dorm, despite his visit to the museum serving a different purpose than intended. For Vil, he had hoped to come about some inspiration in preparation for returning to his work but meeting Neige was a frustration in its own right, considering how a large part of his break was dedicated to self improvement after realising his envy was severely holding him back.

Regardless of his efforts, it was disappointing to see Neige thrive under the same conditions as him and yet thwart all the hardships that Vil faced. Whilst his perfection was his pride it robbed him of approachability.

You however, offered him your number despite how out-of-reach he often is to people through your slight uncomfortableness. He thought it was folly of you, but it was a rare boldness that wasn’t unbeffiting of you - having only experienced similar things from Rook, who sometimes took it to an extreme.

Maybe it came from you also being in the industry, but he found himself thinking fondly of it. When Vil arrived at pomefiore once again, he decided to follow you back on magicam, not unaware of you doing so a few days back, although he made no effort to add your contact to his phone. You were still asleep by morning, enjoying the extra time the weekend was granting you. When you did wake up, you checked your phone, a part of your usual morning routine. ‘Oh, he doesn’t hate me’ was what came to mind after seeing that Vil had followed you back.

Not having any plans today you thought to message him on the app, curious as to wether he’d reply. “Hey, how are you doing? Hope we didn’t bother you yesterday.”

After sending that short message you looked through your feed for a bit. Reasonably soon you got an awfully formal response back. Apparently he didn’t mind your presence the other day, which was nice to know. Now however, you were in a position of not knowing wether or not to continue the conversation or what to say. Reaching out to someone over something so minuscule without making an attempt at getting closer with them proved kind of useless, so the two of you briefly discussed your musings about school and work before cutting the conversation.

That was the last time either of you had talked to one another until the two of you inevitably crossed paths again, outside of the internet. This time, the two of you met at a more understandable place, a model’s holy grail, the skincare section.

Another thing to note was that this time, he was not unaccompanied, unlike you. His purple-haired friend was actually who drew your attention away from the ingredient list on the bottle you were looking at. Being a bit louder than intended, he was complaining about this excursion being a waste of time and effort. When you did turn around, you saw Vil glaring daggers into the poor boys soul. Maybe they weren’t friends as you’d initially thought?

Ignoring it would’ve been your best bet but as you heard Vil sigh and mutter something along the lines of ‘I thought we were past this’ you realised he was dragging himself and his possible-friend in your direction. The two of them started looking at the labels of product after product, after Vil had scanned the shelf for a short while. Vil looked quite nonchalant while doing so, but his friend seemed awfully confused when absentmindedly staring at the product. Considering you knew one of them, you thought it might be good to offer up some advice, and recommend a couple brands.

Vil was actually quite thankful for your help, due to him only using products that he’s created himself, he was only aware of what was currently popular rather than beneficial. And this wouldn’t have been the best way to teach Epel how to pick out certain products without any good examples. He thanked you, and invited you to hang out over coffee some time as a thank you.

It was perhaps a little overboard, but neither of you really minded, considering how it was starting to seem that you could become decent friends. And that was how you ended up here, finally settled in to a popular cafe, that at first proved to be a bit of a poor choice, specifically due to its popularity.

When the two of you met up, the people already around the place started to form a crowd around you. It was reasonable, after all people don’t see celebrities everyday, and whilst you were used to it, it could prove to be rather bothersome. Of course, both of you handled the situation well, but there was something so enchanting about how graceful he was with each and every person who approached him, and how he was able to express his appreciation all the while making sure his air of perfectionism never slipped.

When you eventually got a moment of quiet together, you made sure to learn a lot about each other. He wouldn’t say it out-right, but you could surmise that the purple-haired boy from before and a huntsman named Rook were his set of friends. It sounded like an interesting group, but cute nonetheless. You also figured out that a lot of his personal life revolves around his work, or maybe it would be better to say that they happened to coincide.Despite that, he still seemed less daunting now that you’d got to know him a little.

Naturally, you two hung out a lot more after that, and it was fun as you got more comfortable. You even got to do things like convincing him to pose for you to draw him because, “come one, it’ll be extra practice!” He didn’t look amused at all, but he still let you.

Sketching Vil was enjoyable, but he wouldn’t let you notice how he got increasingly anxious as time passed. Vil normally had no reason to feel anxious around anyone, he usually felt confident in himself, but the issue was that his confidence was surprisingly conditional.

It was strange though, the only person to ever make him feel insecure before was Neige, yet you didn’t make him feel threatened. He could only come to one conclusion as to why he was becoming increasingly sensitive to your opinion on him, and being as self aware as he is, the answer didn’t come as a shock to him. But acknowledging that he was in love was a scary revelation to make.

As you finished up your drawings and showed them to him whilst raving about how pretty he was, he calmed down. His appearance was the main factor in his confidence, and reminding himself that he would always have power in that regard soothed his anxiousness, but what really relieved him this time around was the fact that you weren’t judging him.

The next time you were on-set participating in a photo-shoot together, you’d known beforehand. You were both affiliated with the same company, and had managed to put two and two together when discussing your work schedule.

Things felt a lot more light-hearted than all of the other times you’d worked together. Seeing him there as you’d entered the room put a smile on your face.

As you’d taken your last shot together, and everything was getting cleared up, you went to take your arm of Vil’s shoulder, but as you were doing so, he grabbed your hand. You could feel him tense up, and the walls started to feel slightly closer than before. “What’s wrong?” You couldn’t help but be worried. You saw him take a second to compose himself, before he leaned closer to you and whispered a short confession in your ear, “I’ve happened to find myself loving you… Would you be mine?”

That was… unexpected.

But when you said yes, Vil found himself experiencing a joy he hadn’t felt in a long time, and enveloped you in a gentle, heartfelt hug. The two of you stayed there for quite some time, ignoring everyone else around you because they didn’t matter.

[final-girl96]

My Boyfriend's Back Chapter Thirty-Two

A/N: After having a long conversation with my best friend and her helping pull me out of my anxiety induced overthinking spiral to hell, I have decided to keep the chapter I wrote. I added something stuff, and maybe it so you should know who is talking.

For those confused. Someone on wattpad said they couldn't understand who was and wasn't talking, and it sent me into a spiral yesterday. That is why I deleted it.

But just know that my mental state is still fragile at the moment, so if someone tells me they still don't understand, I will probably do something stupid, like delete the whole story. Anyway, here ya go.

YN

"You good?" Derek nodded and caught the pants that were thrown at him. "Thanks," He said and slipped the pants on. Sidney just looked at him confused and hurt. I knew exactly what was going on. Derek was one of the ghostfaces, but there was no way he killed anyone. The guy might be going to school to be a doctor but he definitely couldn't kill someone. He's too much of a pussy for that.

I started chuckling but not because it was funny. Because it made total fucking sense in a way that didn't make sense. "What's so funny?" Derek asked. "It's always the fucking boyfriend! Makes total sense, but also fucking doesn't because Derek is a fucking pussy!" I looked at Sid and threw my hands up. "He knew who you were the whole fucking time! He knew exactly what you went through, Sid!"

I turned back to the right and pointed my finger at the other person, Derek's partner. The person that had me and Sid in complete shock. "You…you I kind of understand. But not fully. So tell me, why? What's your motive?" I asked. I got a smile and a little laugh from them. One of those laughs that happen when you think back on a really good memory.

"I met Stu a year ago. He walked into the store I was working in and I recognized him right away. Of course his hair was black when I met him and not blond like it is now. I didn't tell him I knew who he was right away. Instead I offered him a place to stay and got to know him." I couldn't help but picture Stu with black hair. I shook my head and continued to listen to them drone on about meeting him.

"Then a week later I ended up confessing I knew who he was. He wasn't too happy about that at first but I was able to calm him down and reassure him I wasn't going to say anything. I found it so fascinating how his mind worked. He told me everything that happened and how he and Billy planned it and how he got away. In that span of time I found myself falling for him."

A part of me didn't want to believe that Stu had something to do with this, but my rational side knew he did. I knew from the very beginning that he had something to do with all this shit. But on the other hand I was also trying to not let my jealousy show. I was trying to make it seem like I didn't give a fuck.

"Well, you know how he is. Ridiculously handsome, caring, a complete goofball. I mean the liver alone joke! How could you not laugh at that?! It was fucking hilarious! He's so charming. I can see why you feel for him."

I rolled my eyes and looked over at Sidney who was giving me a confused look. I could feel the guilt start to bubble up inside of me. I've been messing around with him behind everyone's backs. I keep telling myself I don't want him. I don't want anything to do with him. My brain is the rational one. It's my heart that's stupid. I looked away from Sidney and looked back at the bitch standing in front of me.

"You know, I've been trying and trying and trying…" She took a step every time she said "trying" and was now only a foot from me. She looked me in the eye, anger clear as day behind them. "To get him to see me, but all he sees is you! I've done everything to try and get him to look at me the way he does you. But no…he's obsessed with you!" I wiped off the spit that landed on my cheek.

"I even tried getting rid of that geek of yours! After hearing him talk about Stu the way he did. I couldn't control myself. It was perfect though, don't you think? But of course, YOU had to get in the way. God, I thought he would have been happy but he was so pissed off because you got hurt. He was pissed when you got stabbed too. It's always about you. I've even gotten down on my knees for him."

My hands balled up into fists and I could feel the anger clawing to get out. My jaw tensed and I did everything to keep myself from pouncing on her and ripping her throat out. I could feel Sidney's eyes boring into the side of my head. I spared a quick glance at her and I knew she saw straight through me. I put up this front that I feel nothing for Stu, but she knows. She knows that I'm still in love with him.

I looked back at the bitch that kept running her mouth. She had let out a chuckle. Ine that said she was proud of herself for getting to me. "Oh…does that piss you off? Thinking about me on my knees in front of him with his c…"

she didn't even get to finish her sentence because I jumped at her. Of course, I didn't get my hands around her neck like I wanted because Derek stopped me with a knife to my throat. "Don't even try it," he told me. I looked up at him and then to the knife in his hand.

"Someone's touchy. Did I hit a nerve?" My gaze flicked back to the bitch in front of me. Before I could say anything though Sidney spoke up. "That's why you were always asking about Stu. That's why you wanted to know what he was really like before him and Billy did what they did. What are you getting at here, Hallie? You're doing this because you're jealous of my sister?" She asked, Hallie.

She then directed her attention to Derek, "I don't understand…why? Why are you doing this?" She asked. She had pain in her eyes, begging for him to tell her this was some cruel joke. He gave her an answer just not the one she wanted to hear.

"I did know who you were when we met at that party last year to welcome the freshman. I've actually been obsessed with you since I saw you on the news after what happened. I met Hallie when she came on a tour her senior year of high school. I was a freshman here. We started talking about you two and it eventually got to where she told me she knew Stu and could guarantee that I would be able to meet you because she knew that you two were going to come here," he told her.

"He wanted you and I wanted to get rid of yn," Hallie said. Our attention then turned back to her as she continued. "Make Stu see that I'm better than she is. Oh, and of course there is someone else helping us, but he seems to have pissed off somewhere." She threw her hands in the air.

Taking a deep breath she continued, "Anyway, I told Stu I would help him scare you enough that you'd run into his arms every time he showed up. That we could make the sequel he and Billy wanted. Our other partner had other ideas though and messed the plan up but I guess it all worked out. I promised Stu you wouldn't die but…after yesterday night…knowing that you slept with Stu and he was with you the whole night!"

My eyes casted over to Sidney and she gave me a confused look and I just shook my head. It was stupid to lie when she knew the truth. I've been scared that someone would either find out or that if I decided to tell someone they wouldn't believe me.

I looked away from Sidney and back at Hallie with a blank look. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I haven't seen Stu Macher since he and Billy tried killing us. So if you do have contact with him…then he's just trying to make you do his dirty work. He feels nothing for you and never will. You're just a little puppet."

She screamed, running at me and tackled me to the ground, hands around my neck, and yelling how she was going to kill me. I heard Sidney gasp and say my name. She tried to move forward but Derek wrapped his arms around her from behind and held the knife to her just like Billy had. "Sorry, but I can't let you do that, babe."

[hadesforpreswrites]

i believe in nothing but the beating of our hearts | knj

a/n: this is a rewrite of my first story i've ever posted to tumblr. i wasn't completely happy with the original upon a reread (yeah, sometimes i reread my own works). i have deleted the original at this point. also, do you like the image? i was inspired by @remedyx to make my own in canva. (you should totally check out her works!) pairing: kim namjoon x afab character genre: 18+ (minors DNI); friends/roommates-to-lovers; mutual pining warnings: slight angst; cursing; miscommunication? (really it's a lack of communication if we're honest); smut; oral (f. receiving); protected penetrative sex; praise; mutual pining word count: 3458 summary: namjoon and his roommate finally figure things out. (featuring jungkook and jin; mention of sope)

she was his best friend. she probably wasn’t what most people would deem his type. she didn’t know how he truly felt. he had kept it a secret, from her, since the day they met that fateful day at freshman orientation for college.

at first, he was simply impressed by the fact that she was about a year younger than him and yet here she was in the same class. then as the days went on and they worked together in the group - better than the others - the two of them seemed to mesh, despite having just met. 

when he learned her major he decided they were kindred spirits - him in art history, her in literature. neither of them were entirely sure of what they wanted to do with their lives.

currently, the two of them were in their third year. after surviving, barely, their first year in the on-campus dorms, they decided to get an off-campus apartment together. namjoon couldn’t decide if this choice was a blessing or a curse. on the one hand, he now lived with his best friend. on the other hand, he lived with the person he was pretty sure he was in love with.

because he was wrapped up in his own thoughts, he missed the subtle glances she would throw his way when he was deep in thought. or that she couldn’t think straight when they sat too close. 

to anyone else, these two were hopeless. many times the friends they made throughout their university career tried to point out the tension between them, to absolutely no avail.

namjoon coped with this situation by burying himself into hookups, effectively earning himself the title of a fuckboy. he didn’t really mind this reputation because he was sure his friends knew him well enough to know how he really was. he also spent a lot of his time complaining to his other friends about his self-imposed predicament.

she, on the other hand, threw herself into her studies. and the occasional complaint session with one of her closest confidants, jungkook. he was the only person who knew how deeply jealous she felt every time namjoon brought someone else into their shared home. sometimes she would even ask yoongi if she could crash on his and hoseok’s couch when someone else was with namjoon. they were in grad school and were often up late at night working on projects. namjoon held some sort of jealousy toward the older man when she would come in the next morning, not putting together why she left in the first place and not truly believing him when he said nothing was going on between them. 

she had been kind of ignoring namjoon for the past week because she had fallen asleep in his arms on their couch and when she had woken up he was escorting someone to his room. yoongi was not at all prepared for the tears that were streaming down her face when he opened his door that night. normally, she was just slightly annoyed. that night was different so instead of working on their projects, yoongi and hoseok invited the younger friends to their apartment for games and pizza. yeah, they knew they might hear about it later, if not from namjoon himself then from seokjin, their phd student friend, but they didn’t know what else to do at the time.

tonight, jungkook had come over in an attempt to get help with his paper for his comp class. he was trying to convince her to actually just write his paper, her rolling her eyes explaining that she basically found and highlighted all his sources and just get over it for like a second. he had managed to get about half of it written in the time they spent holed up in her room but not without complaint and maybe a couple of tears that were meant to manipulate her but didn’t work.

“i think you’ve earned yourself dinner, kook,” she said after she read through what he had written.

“yes!” he breathed as he flung himself back on her bed. 

she laughed at the dramatics, pulled him up, and dragged him to the kitchen. if she was going to cook, he was going to keep her company. he sat on a barstool, looking into the kitchen as she  moved around gathering ingredients. he widened his eyes at how many things she was grabbing for ramen.

“you know, he’s not even here. you don’t have to feed him,” he grumbled.

she shot him a pointed look and continued prepping. after a few moments of silence, the front door opened, revealing namjoon and seokjin. she shot another look at jungkook who groaned quietly. 

“honey, we’re home!” seokjin’s voice rang through the apartment. 

“kitchen!” she yelled back.

seokjin immediately began helping her cook while namjoon sat next to jungkook at the bar and watched. she and seokjin had often cooked together so it was fun to watch them move fluidly around each other. namjoon and jungkook were chatting about their respective class assignments as namjoon’s eyes didn’t leave her figure.

“ready!” seokjin said, setting the table with the last bowl, pot of ramen in the middle. 

throughout dinner, seokjin complained about namjoon forcing him to go to an art museum because everyone else was busy. namjoon countered that he actually did enjoy himself. jungkook complained that he had to write his own paper which caused the rest of them to groan because the younger man was always trying to get someone to work on his papers for him.

after eating, jungkook excused himself to pack up his things in her room because he was close to missing curfew for his dorm building. seokjin offered him a ride, which he graciously accepted. after they left, she started putting dinner away.

namjoon sat at the table for a moment longer. he was trying to figure out what he had done for her to avoid him for a whole week. tonight she talked to him, but only because there were others around. he’d been thinking about this for the week and was coming up with nothing so he decided it was time to confront her.

he pushed himself up from the table and moved to the kitchen where she was washing dishes. he leaned on the wall and watched her, eyes piercing through her. 

“yes?” she asked, feeling his gaze but refusing to meet it. she was drying her hands when he came up behind her and pinned her between himself and the counter. she turned around and had to focus on her breathing before she said, “joon?”

“you’re driving me insane,” he said through his teeth.

she cocked her head, confusion showing on her features. “i don’t-”

“yes. yes, you do know. you’ve been avoiding me for days and i don’t understand why,” his voice wavered, causing her to almost break. 

she sighed, eyes dropping from his face to his chest. how could she explain that it was a mixture of embarrassment and jealousy? “i just… you…” she huffed, frustrated. “you left. or lied. and i’m not sure which is worse.”

okay, he was really confused now. “i’ve never lied to you?”

“you don’t even remember?” she laughed at herself. “why am i even upset then? i’m sorry, joon, it’s nothing,” she gently pushed on him so she could escape his prison and fucking breathe again. she started walking toward her room while his brain was malfunctioning. 

“no,” he said, loudly shaking his head. “no,” he started walking her way. “you don’t get to ignore me for a week and then say it’s nothing. if i did something to upset you that much, i deserve to know so i can try to fix it.” they were standing in the hallway between their two bedrooms. 

she slid down her closed door and sat on the floor in defeat. still confused, he joined her. her knees were pulled up to her chest, he sat cross legged. 

“that day i came home after a really bad day, you were on the couch, reading. and you looked up when i sat my bag down and opened your arms and i just curled up with you.”

he suddenly remembered everything. she had looked on the verge of tears. she laid her head on his chest, body between his legs. when she had fallen asleep, he somehow maneuvered his way out from under her and invited someone over because he couldn’t control his body.

“i asked if you had anything going on that day and you said no,” she continued. “but when i woke up you were walking someone back to your room.”

he didn’t lie about not having anything going on that day but he couldn’t tell her that he invited someone over because he had gotten hard when she was laying on him, how she couldn’t tell was beyond him.

“and then you went to yoongi and hoseok’s and had a party,” he deadpanned.

“that was not my idea,” she said, slowly. “i went there so i didn’t have to hear your escapades and they decided it was game night.”

suddenly, most everything made sense. why she went there when he had someone over. it wasn’t because she had a thing with either of them, it was because of him. 

“you could’ve asked me to not bring anyone back here,” he said, quietly. 

“joon, it’s your apartment too. but that’s not the point. point is i was upset because you-oh, god this is so stupid. nevermind,” she was picking at the carpet.

“you were upset because i brought someone over when i said i didn’t have anything going on? and you were having a bad day and i kind of just did something stupid?”

“i guess,” she mumbled. 

“why were you avoiding me?”

“because i was embarrassed because it was dumb. i knew it was dumb when i showed up at yoongi’s crying about it,” she rambled, eyes going wide at the confession. “pretend you didn’t hear that.”

“afraid i can’t do that, babe. i’m very clearly missing something here and i’d really like if you could fill me in,” he said softly, ducking his head to try to meet her eyes.

“joon, i can’t,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “it will change everything.”

“no it won’t.”

“you can’t promise that.”

“yes, i can.”

she huffed in annoyance. “it was just like the straw that broke the camel’s back, that night. i can’t keep watching you with the people you bring here. i can’t keep pretending it doesn’t bother me. it bothers me so much. it’s not even about you bringing them here it’s about them existing in your life in general,” when she finally took a breath she looked up at him and he was smiling.

“you’re jealous.”

“you’re annoying.”

“you’re so jealous,” he said again, getting on his knees and shifting closer to her. he put his hands on her knees and pushed so her legs straightened between his. 

“you’re annoying,” she repeated, less convincing than the first time as her breath caught in her throat. 

“maybe. but i’m also happy so nothing you say can hurt me,” he angled her head to look at him.

“you’re happy that i’m jealous?”

“so happy. more happy that you admitted it,” he said against her lips. 

he closed his eyes and pushed his lips to hers, finally kissing her. she let out a breath before she kissed him back. her arms wound around his neck as he pulled away and placed his forehead on hers. 

he chuckled to himself, “all this time i thought you had something going with yoongi or even jungkook.”

“why on earth would you think that?” her eyes shooting open in question.

“because apparently i’m an idiot,” he answered.

“you are,” she confirmed, causing him to laugh.

he pulled away and stood up, offering his hand to her. she slid her hand in his larger one and he hoisted her up. he led her into her room, sat on her bed, and pulled her onto his lap. 

“what do we do now?” she asked, suddenly nervous. “i’m not willing to just forget that you kissed me in the hallway.”

“i’m not willing to let you forget either,” he kissed her shoulder softly. 

“and i don’t want to be just another notch on your belt,” she said quietly. 

“you won’t be. i only slept with them because i thought i couldn’t have you,” his explanation not sounding good to even him.

“that’s so dumb, joon.”

“yeah. well. you’re not the first to point that out,” he sighed. “that’s kind of all seokjin could talk about today.”

she laughed.

“those other people don’t matter to me the way you do,” his hand draped over her legs, gripping her thigh lightly. 

“show me,” she said quietly, looking at his hand on her. 

he moved his hand up to her cheek and pressed a kiss to her lips again. she sighed when he deepened the kiss by parting her lips with his. she maneuvered herself to straddle him, her core pressing onto his jean-covered hardness. 

he let himself fall back onto her mattress. his hands found themselves on the back of her thighs, holding her as he flipped them over before they caged her head. when she pulled back for air, he moved his lips to her neck. one hand moved itself to the hem of her shirt and up to caress the soft skin of her stomach. her own hands were pulling at his t-shirt. he sat up and pulled it off, throwing it somewhere behind him. he pulled her up to take her shirt and bra off, throwing them in the same direction. he kissed down her sternum and toward the waistband of her sleep shorts. he looked up at her through his eyelashes, lips hovering over her skin. she nodded, almost bashfully. he lifted himself so that he could slide her shorts and underwear down her legs.

he lifted one of her legs and placed it on his shoulder. he placed a kisses on her inner thigh before licking a stripe up her heat. she let a shuddering breath leave her lips as he continued tasting her. her hand found purchase in his hair as he pushed a finger into her. “joon,” she breathed out when he sucked on her clit and inserted a second finger.

he was spurred on by the sounds she was making as he continued his work. he felt her pulse around his fingers and her legs start to close against his head. he used his free hand to keep her thighs apart until she came. he lapped up her release as she came down from the high he put her in.

“god,” he breathed out as he pulled away. “you taste better than i imagined.”

she blushed, causing him to chuckle as he brought his face up to hers. he rubbed his thumb across the pink that decorated her cheeks before placing a sweet kiss to her lips. she, feeling brazen, deepened the kiss, tasting herself on his tongue. she ran her hands down his chest, stopping at his waistband.

he was almost painfully hard after eating her out that he was standing and shucking off his jeans and underwear in a quick movement. he paused before climbing back on the bed, “hang on,” he held a finger up before scurrying out of the room to his own.

he was back before she could formulate another thought. she shot him a questioning look causing him to hold up the foil packet in his hand. “i know you’re on birth control but…” he trailed off.

“can’t be too safe,” she giggled.

“nope. we can have babies later,” he said joining her on the bed again. she mentally put a pin in that comment for later.

he hissed at the sensitivity of himself as he rolled the condom over his length. he looked at her again in question. when she nodded, he lined himself up to her entrance and slowly pushed into her. he fought to keep his eyes open and on her face to make sure she is still comfortable. once he was fully sheathed, he leaned down and swallowed her in a deep kiss. she wrapped her legs around his waist. he pulled back a bit and rolled his hips into her, burying himself in her again. 

“you feel so good,” he breathed in her ear. “and you’re taking me so well. just like i knew you could.”

she moaned his name and it quickly became his new favorite sound. 

he continued his thrusting and praise until he felt her squeezing around him, causing him to groan. 

“joon, i’m so close,” she whined, feeling the coil in her stomach tighten.

he reached a hand between their bodies and began rubbing her clit with his finger to help stimulate her to finish. her breathing became even more heavy and little whines escaped as she reached the peak. he followed shortly after, whispering her praises in her ear.

he collapsed on her and moaned as she ran her fingers through his hair in a comforting motion. they laid there for a few minutes, him still inside her, letting their breathing calm. he placed light kisses to her chest before pulling out, causing both of them to wince at the feeling.

she searched the ground for her underwear, suddenly feeling awkward about walking around without clothes. he watched her and chuckled. “you know there’s no one else here, right?”

she blushed as she found them and pulled them over her legs. “listen, it makes me feel more comfortable to have clothes on in the common areas of our home.”

“maybe we should try to change that,” he handed her his shirt. 

“maybe we should,” she said as she left for the bathroom.

he shook his head and disposed of the filled condom in the trashcan next to her desk. he too pulled on his underwear and laid back in her bed. he was so thankful he finally confronted her about ignoring him and so elated that it led to this.

when she returned she practically jumped onto the bed next to him. “i don’t think i did it right,” he said slyly.

“what on earth are you talking about?”

“you’re walking way too easily,” he answered, causing her to laugh loudly.

“i should text jin,” he said after a moment.

“do not announce to the world that we just had sex, you are not akon.”

“wow, what a throwback reference,” he joked. “i won’t, by the way, but i should tell him that i finally did something.”

“yeah, same. but to jungkook and yoongi.” she thought for a moment. “i still can’t believe you were jealous of either of them. jungkook is literally like my child and yoongi so obviously has a thing for hobi.”

namjoon’s eyes widened. “obviously?! what are you talking about?”

“you truly are the most oblivious man in the world,” she laughed.

“apparently,” he said looking at her as she fished her phone from her nightstand. 

“i say we just send a pic in the group chat and call it good,” she said.

“come here then,” he pulled her to him, grabbed her phone, and turned it to the camera. he pulled her in for a kiss on the mouth and snapped the picture. then he sent the photo with no context.

“well, that should get the point across,” she laughed, kissing him again.

it took all of maybe a minute before someone replied.

jimin: fucking finally yoongi: did you two just fuck? hobi: for fuck’s sake, yoongi!

“our friends truly have such a wide vocabulary,” she laughed.

“not everyone reads like a book a week you know,” he chastised, knowing full well that he did. their love for reading was one of the reasons he fell in love with her.

she looked at him with a smile. “so…” she trailed off.

“so, i think maybe we should talk,” he said quietly. she nodded. “i don’t want this to be just a one time thing.”

“me either,” she said, reaching for his hand.

“and i don’t want us to see other people,” he gripped her hand. 

“me either,” she reassured him.

“i think we should just make it official then. we don’t have to label it if you don’t want to but we’ll definitely be exclusive.’

“i’m fine with labels if you are. it takes the guesswork out for other people.”

“you just want to call me your boyfriend,” he teased. 

“maybe i want you to call me your girlfriend,” she teased back.

“maybe i want that too,” he kissed her sweetly.

[au-starss]

alright this is going to be a long one so please bear with me. i'm going to explain where i've been, what's going on, and what the future of this blog is :)

i'm starting this post off with an apology. i basically vaguely announced a hiatus a year ago and dropped from the face of tumblr. i never really meant to keep you all in the dark and i'm sorry for that. you guys were some of the best things to happen to me so for me to drop out like that just sucked, so i'm really sorry

my life has been all over the place is the simple way to explain it. it's funny, this blog was created around my freshman/sophomore year and now i'm a high school graduate as of last month. on top of that, the transition from hs to college has been rough. as of rn, i am not in the financial situation to afford college, forcing me to give up going to my dream college and instead go to cc. i don't mind saving the money, but it's still quite heartbreaking. my friends are also leaving at this time and later, one to my dream college, leaving me to wish that was me. it's a tough reality that i'm eventually going to be able to accept. i now also have a job, payments to make for gas and insurance, and summer activities that have slowly piled. i'm very fortunate to be where i am, but this leaves me to lack writing motivation

this is the position i'm in; i want to write, i just don't know what i want to write. lately, i haven't found much media that has sparked as much inspo as say genshin or spiderman or persona. it's frustrating. i have all of these ideas but can't do anything with them. it's burning me out and i'm at a point where i don't know what to do with my ideas anymore. it's heartbreaking to disappoint so many people, but it's the way things are

i don't know what the future of this blog is. truly. i don't want to sit here and promise all of you who followed me before new genshin content, because that's just not plausible. i don't like genshin impact anymore. after the whole issue with the content creation community and the character designs and all of the controversy, i didn't wish to associate with the game. plus, it just wasn't fun or entertaining anymore. it hurts to say that; i owe a lot to the game. but that's the reality. i won't write for genshin anymore. i went in and deleted a good amount of posts, but i didn't delete my works. i had the urge to, but i didn't. i know those fics mean a lot to multiple people for reasons personal to them, and it would be wrong of me to take that away. that's not what my blog is about

i wish to continue writing, that's a given. ultimately, i might turn multi-fandom. i was kind of multi-fandom in the first place, so this won't be new. what fandoms will i engage in? i don't know. but i like to believe that that is ultimately up to me, as this is my blog that i worked hard to build up. i will eventually create a list of fandoms i write for, when the motivation comes. mutuals, if you made it this far i would love to share my ideas with you guys, should you need them. i have a lot, trust me lol. don't be afraid to reach out :)

if you read this far, thank you. it means you care about me and this blog, which warms my heart. i love you all truly. i hope you aren't to disappointed in this update. i hope you can continue to support my endeavour into new medias. and i hope that you all find your own motivation to do what's best for yourself, regardless of what other people think.

thank you and i love you to the end of time.

[saturrnss]

My shifting journey!

Hoping that somebody can find some comfort in this 🙏

Hello everybody, You may know me as versetravel on tiktok or just a random person you’ve never heard of until now as you’re reading this, but I say hi to you nonetheless! I want to re-tell my 3 year shifting journey up to this point (2024) to see if anybody is in the same situation as me. As my procrastination to shift slowly takes over, I hope that since it’s finally spring, writing this can get me off my ass and finally shift to the places I actually want to be.

Just note that I forget a lot of things so if the timeline doesn’t match up than it’s my fault, I’m just retelling it.

I was always the daydreamer type, I once at a chuck e cheese whispered to the person In the chucky costume that I was a secret agent and spy. I was…. Different, but one of the only things I reminisce fondly about my child was my wonder and the way I would create stories to make my life a tiny bit more interesting. So When I found out about shifting in 2020 during quarantine and I was intrigued and kind of mindblown, I could finally live the life, or lives I always dreamed of having.

I actually think I mini shifted to this reality/universe because when I was 3 but on new years eve, there was a news segment about the celebrities who didn’t make it to the new year and one who was featured was robert B. Englund, he died due to lung cancer. They also showed a scene from the first Nightmare on Elm street where Freddy was chasing tina. (Traumatized me)

So I was under the belief that he was dead for years because I literally remembered it. When i watched the kill night for Elm street movies I was confused why he didn’t say rest in peace to Robert like he usually did to horror actors who passed on.

It took me until 2022 TO FIND OUT HE WAS ALIVE AND WELL when I found his twitter account.

(back to the story…)

My first script was for a 10th member of twice dr and I’ll be the first one to admit - It was so outlandish and cringy that I deleted it a year later because of shame. The first time I tried to shift, I used the Raven Method and I chickened out half way through. The thought of leaving my reality and being somewhere without guidance scared me, so I just turned over and went to bed.

For my scripts I used the notes app, I had an unfinished 6th member of itzy dr before I moved onto notion and just forgot all about it. I kind of miss the simplicity of my scripts back then, and that I had so much faith in them. (my first marvel script was also NOT it bro lmfaoo)

Now with the whole 2020 shiftok thing, I was all that invested in shifting as a whole and I was still living my life as normal so I was fortunately spared from all the misinformation, though I still remember some tiktoks from that era.

2020 was also the start of my depression and mental issues so I kinda just forgot about shifting and moved on with my life (NEVER became an anti-shifter btw).

2021 was the worst year of my life mental wise, I was miserable every single day and I had an overwhelming urge to kill myself but i was to scared to tell anybody in my real life because they might tell my parents, but it was also the year I was “Re-introduced” to Reality Shifting. It was more appealing than ever at that point so I Decided to make my own tik tok account solely dedicated to shifting.

When I got my first 100 followers and counting due to tiktok I posted using a manifesting sound hoping my followers would shift. I was so shocked because I never got this amount of followers ever. I had this new will to live and motivation to shift. When I attempted to shift to my decades dr It was the closest I had ever gotten to getting to my dr by that point. It felt like I was floating and separating from my body, when it was over I was so happy that I was getting somewhere.

The next handful of attempts were flops but I didn’t let that get me down, I was riding that high from my earlier almost-shift for as long as I could. I almost made the attempt to try suicide but I chickened out (A pattern I know)

But then, something happened again that made me so happy.

I was just getting into Hinduism. One night I decided to pray to Lord Shiva and I felt- different afterwards. It wasn’t a negative or positive feeling, I just felt more calm than usual, and a bit dizzy. So I just decided to hop on my phone for a little and then go to sleep after.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Everything looked normal so I decided to check my phone for the time, when I did It was like someone Injected Adrenaline into my body. It was the middle of the night but the year was the same year as My model dr- 1967.

I was shaking that point, I tried to check if my fingers went through my palms but they didn’t- Everything felt so real. I looked around even though I could barely see anything, and tried to snap my fingers 3 times (safe action) but I was too panicked. I opened my phone and I didn’t have a password on it like I did my cr. I had no wifi but it was open to tiktok and It was paused on a video of Nayeon doing the dance for her solo (on the official twice account I think?)

I put my phone down and freaked out some more, just as I was going to accept this universe as my new forever home, I returned back to my cr. I was breathing really heavily and checked my phone again but It was the normal time.

It took a while but I went back to sleep and still to this day whenever I wake up I check the date.

I find myself downplaying that shift. Maybe because it’s not my dr/ I freaked out but at least I actually got symptoms from the subliminals I used.

2022-2023 is when I really slowed down and got stunted. The shifting attempts were all flops and I was angry. Why did everybody else’s attempts work but mine didn’t? Did I do something wrong? Was I not meant to shift? Weeks between my shifting attempts became months- every time I was attempting Fear took over me that I would get stuck there.

All I was holding onto was a couple almost successful shifting attempts and mini-shift, that was the only thing keeping me from giving up hope that shifting was ever real in the first place.

There was something in me that would never give it up, I didn’t want to give it up, I wanted to spend my most boring days there, being with people who actually loved me- I couldn’t just give up completely.

2024 was going to be no different until something changed that.

I was on the reality shifting subreddit and someone was offering readings. I was very skeptical at first but they didn’t demand money so I decided to try it. They said some really personal things. It was accurate that I was a bit freaked out, But the reading they gave me made sense to me. So I thanked them and before it was gone, took the opportunity to ask them to find out why I wasn’t shifting.

It took a minute (they were talking to multiple people at the same time) but they responded that I had so much negative energy weighing me down and that I needed to focus on being able to shift.

As of right now I don’t know what to feel, many contradicting feelings go through my mind. I don’t know what the negative energy exactly is for me to eliminate it.

But after everything I still have faith- My friends and loved ones are in all these different realities and I want to see them, hug them. I know after all this time it’ll be worth it.

I just know.

[lookninjas]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

That's a lot of stars.

So I gave it a little bit of thought, and I think what I'm going to do is a breakdown of the edited version of Humdrum and Humble, since it's the most recent fic I've actually completed and posted that wasn't a very short one shot that can be boiled down to "I want to see everyone be nice to Rose Walker" or its natural converse "I want to see Roderick Burgess get kicked repeatedly in the dick." And as much as I'd like to get into something more recent, all I have that's recent is a couple of WIPs and any scenes I detail from those will almost certainly wind up missing from the deleted fic just because that's how it goes.

Also, I've already done a commentary on the original (mostly) unedited version of it, so it kind of feels nicely bookendish.

So let's dive in.

It starts in a theater lobby, while he’s paying for paper bags of rice and newspaper, playing cards and toast. He is out of his depth and trying to pretend he isn’t, in his old boots and a black button-down shirt, surrounded by sequins and pancake makeup and garishly bright wigs and fishnet stockings -- literally, everyone here seems to be in fishnets except for him and Poe. Even the silver-haired gentleman taking tickets has fishnet gloves on, and Ben feels like such a hick. And not, of course, that he feels like he belongs most places. That’s something that’s followed him his whole life. But this moment in particular, in this theater lobby, might be the worst so far. It certainly feels like it.

The first draft of this story was written during Rocky Horror season, specifically the week between our movie theater performance and our casino performance. At that point in the year, I'm understandably fucking breathing Rocky Horror. So that's a large part of where this scene comes from. I'd also referenced Toby playing Columbia once already, in Dead Souls, and sometimes when I was driving to or from work I'd mentally turn the idea of him and Poe interacting as part of a shadowcast around in my head for a few miles at a time. Rocky is kind of a liminal space where anything goes, and also the kind of place where Ben is going to feel decidedly off-kilter at first, even if he gets more comfortable as he goes along. So it just felt like a good place to start. Ben knew he was going to have a weird night. It just got weirder than he thought. But he also has Poe with him to guide him, and Poe has had experience in both these worlds -- Rocky Horror, and then also Torchwood, through that friendship with Toby that I dreamed up in my car driving through the middle of nowhere.

Sidenote: It's such a weird thing to try to write these situations where the main character has no idea what's going on, because you want to put some exposition in, but that's not how people have conversations. This scene was the worst for that, because of how minimal Ben's involvement is. As he gets more enmeshed in the plot, people take time to explain things to him. Right now, he just knows something weird went down at a synagogue once, and also sometimes people buy drugs from people with blowfish heads. But he's midwestern, you know, so he's just running with it. As you do.

And then some smaller notes: There's a bit about Aly getting hurt when he touches the person who took the drugs, which is notable because the skin on his left side is synthetic -- thicker and less sensitive than his real skin. It's also why his hand is cool in the second scene, at Pride. Poe saying "Stay safe out there," is a callback to Dead Souls, although I don't think the final draft used that saying as much as earlier versions did. Lastly, while I didn't edit much on this scene, I did add Jonah to it -- the silver-haired ticket taker in the fishnet gloves. Hilariously, Ben doesn't remember him being there, even though he'll later recognize the kid who took the drugs. Chalk it up to the kid being as conspicuous as possible, while Jonah's trying to blend in.

SECOND SCENE:

It’s Motor City Pride, which means it’s hot and it’s sticky and he’s got a ton of shit on his plate.

Fun fact: I have no idea what that conversation between Ben and Lando is supposed to be about, apart from people are trying to get Ben to do something and he really doesn't have time but is too polite to say no.

So this one is interesting, because it's our proper introduction to Jonah. In the last scene, we had Torchwood jumping in to a dangerous situation. This scene, we have Jonah in that position. His little conversation with Lando is one of my favorites, because it reveals so much about the two of them in a few lines:

Lando has worked with Torchwood enough that Jonah recognizes him on sight as someone who'd have their contact numbers.

Jonah knows Torchwood, but either doesn't have those numbers or is unwilling to call them.

Lando has encountered enough Time Agents to clock Jonah on sight.

The "Not Captain Jonah Hawthorne?" "Just Jonah" is our first clue that Jonah is trying to move on from his past.

And, of course, there's that echoing moment where Jonah puts his hand on Ben's shoulder, then Lando puts his hand on Ben's shoulder, and then Aly puts his hand on Ben's shoulder. Same basic playbook. Ben is more involved in this particular scene than he was the last, but he's still a civilian being treated as a civilian. He's helping with one person. They're handling the whole situation.

At the same time, his decision to help that one person winds up being crucial to how the story ends, which is the fun thing about it.

THIRD SCENE:

“-- scale of it,” Kai is saying, when Ben comes out of it. It’s dark, and there’s something cool and damp on his forehead. He feels okay with his eyes closed. He’s not sure how he’s going to feel when he finally makes his mind up to open them.

Ben, you're eavesdropping. Admit that you're eavesdropping.

Jonah mentions that John Hart had been in town -- this is a Torchwood Four story that I've toyed with for ages and never actually written out. Although one of my WIPs gets into it a little more. Whether John is cleaned up in canon is I think still fairly ambiguous, although I haven't really gotten much into the Big Finish audios. I do feel like Jonah, having known him from his worst days, would have his doubts. And Kai isn't that much more certain.

This also gets a little into what Jonah did with the Time Agency, at least for the latter part of his career -- he was the one to go after the rogue Time Agents when they went too rogue. Which is why, if a Time Agent were to be involved in this, things might get too personal too quickly.

One note: Poe's last full appearance in the fic here, and he has one of my favorite lines of the whole thing, even though it's sort of an odd choice -- “Toby always tells me it’s a very human response. I don’t even think he realizes how many times he’s told me that.” There's something unsettling to me about how the Torchwood Amnesia effect even affects Torchwood.

FOURTH SCENE:

Less than a month later, he finds himself sprinting down a crowded sidewalk, chasing a man who appears to have a bright red fish’s head where his human face should be.

This is the scene that made me want to write the fic -- Ben chasing an alien through the streets of Detroit. I just loved the image. I still love the image. No Torchwood, no Time Agent, just Ben being an incredibly brave moron.

I mean, he never does anything half-assed, so.

And judging by the blowfish's response, he's not even the first Detroit resident to pull something like this.

One of my favorite conversations in the whole fic is this one. I think it's easy to forget, reading through some of the other stories in the Children's Work universe, that Ben is tremendously unafraid of physical harm. He's been very traumatized, and he's very wary of certain emotional situations due to that trauma, but physically he'll absolutely throw himself into dangerous shit and not care at all. He's very secure here, even when he's alone and cornered and has a gun pointed at him. It doesn't bother him at all. He gets annoyed. He even challenges the blowfish at the end. “Just what kind of business is your boss involved in, exactly?”

And then Torchwood shows up to take over, and for the first time we get to see them dangerous, which is fun. I like how Kai basically unintentionally sums up the purpose of her Torchwood -- not arming against the future, or finding the Doctor, or weapons for the empire, but -- "You don’t kill kids in my town."

This is another part where the exposition gets interesting. First, we get the blowfish babbling about how Universe went down and there's no Torchwood in London anymore and there's a bitch in Wales (Hi Gwen!) Then Kai goes technobabble about vortex energy, and finally Toby steps in to explain things in English. Ben even gets a chance to ask some questions and receives a few answers, although they're brief and they lead to even more questions that he doesn't want answered.

And Mr. Universe/Ben Eugenides makes his return. I've kind of given up on doing a Torchwood Four story with this team that doesn't reference him -- I suppose as long as Aly's part of the team, that does go with the territory. Also, somewhere in writing this (and then continuing to work with the Jonah character), the idea of the death of Mr. Universe causing this hole in the extraterrestrial artifact black market became kind of an appealing hook for stories. If he was purchasing and selling (and releasing into the streets of Detroit) a lot of very dangerous alien artifacts, that creates a power vacuum that enterprising criminals would want to get into, as well as those who would be lured to the city by the promise of finding all of Mr. Universe's artifacts that Torchwood couldn't get to first.

Also, unstated in the story -- I have no doubt at all that Poe took Ben to Mr. Universe's shop at least once when they were kids, for incense or oils or tarot cards or something of that nature.

There's a brief nod to the fact that, since Dead Souls takes place in 2010, and Ben doesn't move to Detroit until 2016, Torchwood Four has outlived their standard expectancy by a little bit. (For the record, I imagine this story taking place around 2018.) But they're my characters, I love them, and they're not dying. Also, Aly doesn't count because he was born around 1916, but also went missing for about seventy years, and most likely spent that time in some kind of stasis. So he's not that much older than everyone else. He's pretty sure.

FIFTH SCENE

This time, there’s no room for forgetting.

Another good characterization moment for Ben right off the bat in this one: He keeps moving, and if the fear moves with him -- well. He’s used to that, isn’t he? Like an old familiar friend. I think part of what was interesting to me about this was this kind of moment for Ben, where he's in a very frightening situation and just kind of handles it. He keeps going, keeps living. Pays very close attention to what's around him and is aware of the ways in which he's in danger and is aware of the people trying to protect him and then also kind of... lets it go. And when the crisis can, he does what he can to call attention to the danger and then just walks right into it, knowing.

And trash-talks the woman who's threatening to kill him because he figures he's already pissed her off enough, so whatever.

Not like Jonah's better, calling his nemesis a cliche in the middle of their fight.

I had originally wanted Ben to take a more physically active role in the fight, but it didn't work out that way, and that's probably for the best. This is really more about the mental resilience of him and that particular fight -- having him throw punches would be a cop-out. He stays ready to get involved if he needs to, all the way up to holding a loaded gun at the ready in case he needs to shoot someone, but he's waiting until the need arises and trusting Jonah otherwise. There's even the very deliberate call-out to the fact that he could just eject the magazine, empty the last round out of the chamber, and throw the gun away, but he doesn't. He's fearless, but he's not dumb, and he'll do what he has to to save someone else.

That it doesn't come out that way is largely because of what he did to help the kid with the tie-dye in the second scene. He's not a good person -- he tazes Jonah for literally no reason -- but he bonded with Ben just enough in that hour at Pride that he changes the whole course of the story for it. It'd be sweet, if it weren't a fucked-up murder suicide pact in the end.

It's very interesting how much the kid does want to die. He takes the Sontaran Sunlight, he tazes Jonah, he claims to have set up a real bomb this time even though, at the end, it's another glitter bomb. He pretends he's disabled the panic buttons and then Torchwood shows up. He playacts the part of a villain, or attempts to, but in the end he makes a better victim.

And even with patchy exposition, Ben has still picked up enough info about Vortex Manipulators to realize that the Vortex Manipulator is the trigger to the bomb and that both the boy and the Time Agent have the ability to set it off. He might be an idiot when it comes to self-preservation, but he's sharp as a tack otherwise.

SIXTH SCENE

The butterfly bandages aren’t enough to patch Jonah’s face together where it’s split apart over his left eyebrow, and the glue is running low.

Ben finally in his element here. No chasing anything, no guns, no fighting. Just patching someone together so he can feed them.

This is the scene where I have to confront the O.C. in the room. What is the point of Jonah in specific? What is his arc, where is he going, and what does that say about Ben and his story? The entire time, Ben has been dipping his toe back into familiar uncomfortable waters. There is a crisis. The whole city, maybe even the whole world, could be in danger. Everything is lining up to make it look like it's his responsibility to stop the catastrophe. But in the end, it isn't a gunshot that makes the difference. It's the decision to sit with one person who really needed him, to take that time and take that care, that fixes things. That's where Jonah wants to be. He has been in the background of the story the entire time, wrestling with his decision to leave the Time Agency and just tidy up his corner of the universe for the time he has left. He just doesn't fully know how.

And Ben realizes that, and very directly offers to help him figure it out.

So we start with Ben fully out of his depth at Rocky Horror, and now he's back where he belongs at his own restaurant, doing what only he can with the experience that only he has. And it's that fearless side but also the compassionate side that has brought him where he is. And now Jonah's the one out of his depth and Ben will help him figure things out. Which is why it ends specifically with:

And it isn’t where the story ends, of course. But it isn’t a terrible place to start.

Which is also largely why I've been picking at various stories involving Jonah since then, because now I want to know how this works for him, because for all the similarities between himself and Ben, we're still talking about a sixty year-old Time Agent leaving the game as opposed to a teenager stealing a five year-old and moving to rural Northern Michigan, so there's going to be some changes.

One day. One day I'll finish a new fic.

I feel like I had more to say about some things; it's always different when you're thinking about it in the car than it is when you're actually sitting down to type shit out. But it's still fun to do this. I hadn't realized how tidy that arc was until just now, so that's fun. Sometimes I'm a better writer than I realize while I'm writing. I think that's true of most of us.

[shir0ch4ns-art]

TW// MISCARRIAGE

I know that this isn't what I usually post or even have on this blog but like I feel like I'm gonna scream or break down if I just don't put this down on some form of like "physical" words.

This got really long and does kinda goes through the emotions felt so I suggest not clicking the read more if you're not in a good space to read this

As the trigger warning suggests, I just had a miscarriage. The same fucking day I did a pregnancy test. It was simultaneously the best and worst day of my life. I had started off kinda scared and nervous but it also just confirmed my suspicions for the past few weeks since I missed my period. I then just felt so happy, like I was on cloud 9 the whole morning. I went to work I called my mom I was on the phone until I had to officially open the store (I was on opening shift so I'm there half an hour early to prepare) I was just so happy. Then I noticed some spotting and then some more spotting and finally I caught the tiniest bit of red and I fucking left. I told my lead what was happening, and they were just shoving me out the door. I left work 2 hours early and then spent literally the whole day at the Urgent Care just to get a fucking "we don't know". I was a bit mad then but I have since realized that I had detected my pregnancy super early and most people don't even realize they're pregnant until way later on, I'm just super observant of my monthly because it's a bit irregular. And with that it would be extremely hard to tell what was happening. They put me on bed rest for 2 days and to go back the second day. I was bleeding so much between then that I just knew I had miscarried but I was deluding myself into thinking that I was wrong that maybe it was something else, something that can be fixed or maybe I was freaking out over nothing. Only to go in and do some blood work that I got the result back from before the UC doctor did and just...blue screened. I knew, I waited in that waiting room with my husband and mom for the confirmation but I knew. And just like that it was gone.

I'm devastated and angry because logically I know there's no reason, logically I know this just happens sometimes, logically I know it was nothing I did or didn't do...but emotionally I wanna know why, why did this happen, how did this happen so quickly, seriously what the fuck happened. I'm mad because I didn't even get a chance to see what kind of person it would have been, I didn't get a chance to see this potential person grow up, I didn't even get a chance to at least hold them. And I'm just gonna mention it right now that I am vehemently pro-choice and I don't want my use of referring to what wasn't even an embryo at the stage I lost my pregnancy as a potential person to be used for pro-life rhetoric. I don't make this threat casually or at all but I will fucking block and flag you if you do. I'm referring to it as a potential person because I actually wanted this pregnancy not because it was even a life at the point of miscarriage, if I hadn't done a pregnancy test I would have thought it was just a really late really bad period. But I did, and I knew, and that's what's making it so hard to fully come to terms with. It wasn't entirely planned but it was wanted and that hurts.

I'm doing better now, I have a really good support web of friends and family that have helped me through these past few days. My husband being the most supportive one and being my rock throughout this. I'm not even sure why I'm making this post but if anyone else in my position sees this and find some kind of comfort that they're not alone in this and that yes their feelings of despair and anger are valid and that just having someone else experience the same makes them feel less alone then I'll leave this up. I might delete this later or I might forget but if it helps then I'll purposely leave it up.

I nicknamed it capsicum since it made me crave spicy foods like no tomorrow.

[dteamain]

Do you need to rant and get something off of your chest? Even if you delete it later, it might help with whatever you’re feeling/going through. Know I’m keeping you in my thoughts and sending some virtual love💖💖💖

aww ty 💗

rant below

idk just having an off day but it's mostly my fault

like i haven't worn my glasses for six months so i have an insane migraine which i guess could have been avoided idk but i'm just a little annoyed bc the person who i was complaining to had one response everytime: it's your fault

'i have a headache' wear your glasses, it's your fault

' had a busy day' schedule better it's your fault

'all our friends are arguing' it's your fault

like just one time i would like to hear 'oh wow that sucks' or like some kind of sympathy

and everyone's mad at me for going on a spontaneous snowboard trip last weekend i just can't win all my friends are pissed because i moved out of the city and i haven't seen them in a while and everytime i'm in the city for a couple hours and they find out they start making me feel guilty about it despite the fact that my mom has been sick and most times i drive into the city i'm doing non stop errands and spending hours in the hospital helping my mom and they just don't understand the toll it has taken on me. just two weekends ago i had a bunch of plans set up for my birthday on the weekend that i had to completely cancel i was sick and then literally on the friday i drove into the city right after work brought my dog to my parents went straight to the hospital stayed with my mom until 9 drove home feed all the dogs woke up at 5 am to drive my grandma to a 7 am appointment across the city picked up groceries for my dad (some stuff for my mom at the hospital) picked my grandma back up and brought her to visit my mom dropped my grandma back home and picked up lunch for my mom went back to the hospital to give her lunch help her shower and take a walk for physio stay until my dad got off work around 5 went home to let the dogs out while my dad was at the hospital (he literally works all day then goes straight to the hospital so the dogs need out) feed the dogs meal prep so my dad has stuff to bring my mom everyday at the hospital and by that time it was around 9 then i drove home and got home at 11 pm. and was so sick the next day and all my friends fucking complained that i didn't do anything with them as if i wasn't also upset that i didn't get to celebrate my own fucking birthday bc my mom is ill and my family is busy and i'm sick. then the one fucking weekend i don't have to worry about my mom and i have an amazing fucking time it's ruined bc nobody can be happy for me. they are all mad that i picked a certain friend to hang out with and not them and now they want me to go into the city this weekend but it's maybe the first fucking weekend in two or three months that i don't HAVE to drive into the city so i said i didn't want to and of course they are pissed but like fucking drive to me or something idk. anyway that text i posted he literally says 'we'll see you this weekend' as if i didn't just say i didn't want to come. i want to kill someone. also i just know i'm getting my period so maybe that's why i am moody idk

thanks for the rant though i needed that

[fxllen-rxse]

//The frustration is so real.... Here comes a work vent... If it's not you're thing, just ignore. I'll delete later, but I'm desperately needing to get this off my chest.

I've never been so utterly frustrated with work.

We have a young clerk that we hired back a little over a year ago. She's 21 now, has a one year old and is dealing with the kid's father, who is younger and cheated on her. So he's not really in the picture, so to speak. She lives with her mom right now.

She worked here when she was in school, but when c/vid hit, the owner "furloughed" her and someone else. Both ended up quitting. She was hired back when we had someone else quit last year since she was already somewhat trained.

Was fine at first, but her attitude towards others, we have learned, isn't the best. We've had mentions that she has been rude and at least 1 customer literally said that she has the personality of a tree. She has also been "written up" once or twice before.

She is currently less than part time so she can keep her state health insurance.

I've given her the benefit of the doubt, of course. Maybe it's just being blown out of proportion, but as time went on, she's become more and more flaky and undependable. Almost every pay period since she's been back she has missed a day a two. Either due to her kid or herself constantly being sick, which I get. It happens, but it's become such a regular thing anymore. Sometimes she'll also say she has some kind of emergency and is very vague about details and when or if she will be at work, which gives us little time to get coverage for her, if any. One time she was supposed to cover for someone on Saturday, but the day of, she was suddenly sick. This has happened on more than one occasion.

When she does mark herself off, she tends to either forget to tell anyone or just assumes it's fine. For example, a couple days prior, she half heartedly mentions that she won't be in on a Monday because it's her son's first birthday and it's special. Mondays are normally busy and she didn't even mark it down.

On top of this, she is supposed to take 30 minute lunch breaks. She marks herself down for such, but spends an additional 20 or so in the restroom afterwards. It might as well be an hour, but it's clearly not marked that way. Let alone the fact that she just randomly disappears in the middle of stuff for the same amount of time without saying anything multiple times per day.

So recently, several of us has voiced our frustrations with her. My husband, who is mostly in charge of the scheduling, talked with the owner, who already isn't fond of her because she has a nose ring, among other things. Supposedly he just wanted to fire her, but they're going with another approach. Getting fazed out, in a way. She will get her hours cut starting next week when school is out and two of our other employees can actually show up and work.

My husband informed her of this last Wednesday, after she somehow suddenly became sick and wanted to leave at 3. Afterwards, she left upset, and later texts him asking if she were to "accept" these new hours, which would be 3-6 m-f (because she doesn't want to work Saturdays, which is just 9-1), if she could get a raise...

When I was told about this, I couldn't wrap my head around it.... So she wanted more money for less work?!! And the fact that she assumed it was a choice?? I'm just.... I don't....

I have worked here for more than ten years and I don't think I've ever dealt with this amount of stress with another clerk. I am also a clerk. I am full time and, anymore, I feel like I'm babysitter when she's here just to make sure she isn't rude with people.

Maybe this is selfish of me. I'm older than she is, obviously. I have no kids and don't plan on having any, but as someone who doesn't and has had to work since I was 18, lost 2 parents at 20, and moved out shortly after to get away from my abusive step mother, I've been fortunate enough to work my way up to this point where my husband and I are stable with money and stuff and still have some luxuries sometimes. It wasn’t easy by any means.

And to some extent, I have some of my mom's leftover life insurance money to thank for a few things, but aside from that, neither of us were never just handed anything. We both have had to work our asses for this.

I will admit, her situation sucks all around. We have at least one tech who is against the idea of cutting her hours. He told my husband that it's "evil" and she's just a kid.

Maybe I am selfish. I have no kids and I don't know what it's like, but it's increasingly difficult for me to feel sorry for someone who's work ethic is almost nonexistent and just thinks she can get away with being paid more for doing as little as possible. Let alone made some poor life choices. I hate that I have think of it this way and I feel terrible, but I'm just frustrated to no end anymore.

[crossoverfamily]

I love that I thought I had something I didn't feel like I can make into writing, and wanting to use that as an example to explain I might write a post about semi-written ficlets, I ended up able to write out te specific thing I thought would remain note-like rather than actual writing.

In my head, the idea was "Ireth is a magical genius" and when he accidentally nerd out in front of other magic users of Thedas, but I thought about how it might slow me down or block me to try and actively write the actual conversation or what happens, so I thought I might just write exactly what I just did, or vague notes before writing the reaction.

But when I went to write the "vague notes", I realized it worked, it was just less detailed than what I might have tried to go for usually. Something like "Ireth doesn't realize what he's doing, and nerds out in front of X. It is only when he catches the look on X's face that he trails off".

With that said, I might still make it clear sometimes a ficlet will have note-like parts rather than written parts, or less details, if only to make sure I personally recall I don't have to make it complex to have fun!

Also: my inner muses reminded me they want to have fun too, so I will also have tag(s) for stuff that will be kind of fourth wall breaking and/or "non-canon" or crack. Like my muses reacting to a gifset or a video, to a ficlet, to an ask reply, etc. Or when I don't want to figure out context and without context, it feels more like the muses of the blog in general, rather than specific versions for a ficlet.

(The fun part is: it might actually be canon of a kind, because I have a vague idea of the muses souls existing beyond individual verses, who can see/know everything of each version of their soul but these "oversouls" kind of only exist beyond individual verses, so their only possible writing is about what's happening to each version of themselves, and I could expand to "glimpse" other stuff, or if let's say they're reacting to a gif of anothr character, pretend a version of themselves is actively seeing whatever that gif depicts).

(In short: the muses who do "kinda fourth wall things" and possibly even ask replies, can be the "oversouls". Which mean they would both be canon, and kinda fourth wall breaking, and now my brain going "what if there's a reason everything else is on the blog, maybe they're collecting memories or each oversoul dreams of moments in their various versions life, meanwhile when awake, they interact together and can receive questions from those who accidentally see what they, and RP verses are also part of the oversoul").

This would all be a fun way to have everything on the blog be "canon", like the blog itself represents the "place" the oversouls "lives in", every posts being either about the oversouls themselves, or versions of themselves.

For a while I knew I was being inspired to do similar to what I'm doing for my original fictional story, but now it really starts to sound similar. Like not really oversoul and many versions of a soul, but the place beyond universes thing and the viewing of stuff that has happened or is happening and the idea of collecting something and including the audience into the context in some way, this is all inspired by what I plan to do for my original fiction.

So yeah, here's more details on what I will do on this blog, I'll work on my futures pages and stuff offline, once I've prepared everything, I'll revamp the blog (delete all posts so I can redo them later in the proper style, make pages) and probably have a welcome/intro first post(s)!

Wish me luck~!