#kind of freaked partner out

[jedi-bird]

Went to a used bookstore (Book Off, my beloved) and bought a bunch of star wars books. Are You Scared Darth Vader has been on my list for a few years, so finding it here made me happy. And I'm never one to pass up art books. Also bought a bunch of dollar DK and Scholastic star wars kids books. And since it was near a Joann's and I had a really good coupon we made a stop there as well. Partner got some art supplies and I bought some yarn. I think I want to make a Tatooine inspired something; probably a sweater or a cardigan, even though I've yet to start my rainbow one.

[accioepiphany]

UMMMM

[littlecutiexox]

.

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Devastating news: my brother is a normal person. It doesn't run in the family, I'm just a weird freak for no reason

[oflgtfol]

i think the whole discourse around whether or not cishet aro men are queer stems specifically from the idea of allo aros being hypersexual - and so the idea of an allo aro, specifically a straight aro man, draws to mind the idea of like, fuckboys, or sexist men who only view women as sex objects, etc. And that is likely why the idea of cishet aro men leaves such a bad taste in apparently so many peoples mouths

now, i���ve spoken before about how attraction =/= libido. i’ve mostly spoken about this in the context of being ace, where asexuals can still have a libido despite not experiencing sexual attraction. the confusion and conflation between attraction and behavior has been a huge source of frustration for me with regards to the popular idea of asexuality and how it has confused me on my path to figuring out my own sexual identity over the years

BUT. the idea holds true not only for aces who have high libidos - but also for allosexuals who have low libidos. the idea that to be allo aro is to immediately be some hypersexual fuckboy is just, so warped? just because you experience sexual attraction but not romantic attraction does not mean you immediately become some sexist pig who always needs your dick wet. like idk it’s just beyond fucking frustrating to see the way that people sexualize alloaros when they’re just - they’re just people. you would not assume what another person’s sex life or libido is if they were otherwise alloromantic allosexual, because your orientation describes the way you experience attraction, not your behavior and sex life, nor your libido. in the same way, being alloaro has literally nothing to do with what your actual libido is. so why are allo aros the exception? to try to divide the community and exclude them based on your assumption of their sex lives is just so fucked

[doctorweebmd]

so there's this post floating around about like, feeling like an outsider even in a group of outsiders and i almost reblogged it being like

'aha i do that'

except. like. i know exactly why that happens, and its 100% my fault

i just have trouble maintaining relationships because i'm a poor communicator. that's been the case since high school. i dont really initiate conversations or remember to text or call people. its not from a place of indifference or anything like that - i'm sincerely an 'out of sight out of mind' kind of person.

i can not talk to and not see someone for months or years but my feelings for them don't change. it doesn't bother me if people dont check in on me or don't hang out with me or don't text me. i still like them. unfortunately that is not how 99% of the population communicates. people (rightfully) assume that when someone doesn't initiate conversation or hang-outs or doesn't check in on you, that they don't care about you. for me, thats not the case at all. like if i like you and consider you my friend, you are ALWAYS my friend. i would do anything for you and would be more than happy to talk/see each other/support you/etc. its just the day-to-day communication that i really struggle with. but thats how most relationships form - regular, consistent communication.

i've gone through periods of extreme guilt for this where i sincerely try, and make new friends, and re-connect with texting and phone calls and hanging out more often but inevitably something happens, i get busy or i forget and suddenly all this time passes and people think i dont care anymore. unfortunately that's not the case whatsoever - time is kind of abstract to me and i dont understand that while my feelings don't change, others feel more distant or abandoned.

and i've really hurt people in my life like that. friends that i've known for many years from high school/college are a LITTLE more forgiving because they know i'm just 'like that' but still. it does hurt people. like i haven't spoken to my dad in probably at least a year - not because i dont love him, but because of that same reason. he doesn't reach out and i forget and it just steamrolls because he gets hurt, doesn't reach out because he thinks i'm intentionally 'ignoring' him, and i continue to forget, and its just this viscous cycle. i haven't talked to my grandparents in months. my mom knows better and texts me every week or so, but it still hurts her that she has to reach out so regularly. she also plays these games where she sees how 'long' it takes for me to remember to reach out. a lot of people in my life have done that. its like i'm being tested on something without ever being told its a standard test, ya know? i'm always destined to fail it because i dont know how long is too long. at which point will the time and distance be unacceptable? i still dont know the answer.

and i think it makes me come off as a really heartless and callous person. its made me kind of keep people at arms-length because i know i'm not capable of being a part of most people's lives. i have perfectly normal and pleasant relationships with my coworkers and all that, but i'm generally not close with them. and i can see the confusion, because we hang out and i'm pretty normal or whatever and we have fun and then they don't hear from me for months and they're like 'uhhhh.... okay? so i guess you don't like me?'

i do. i just have different relationship maintenance standards than others i guess. so i just overall avoid being around others just because i know i'll disappoint them. it is what it is but it really is sad, in a way.

[angel---eater]

i dont feel prepared for tomorrow at all and im actually rlly scared of talking to anyone except for my specific guys and two out of four of our friends and its nights like these that im reminded with the full force of a grown elephant thrown at my cranium just how autistic i am and how that means, for me, that im really really seriously disabled.

[lususnatura]

🎤 🎤 🎤

a song that i associate with my muse meme!

AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3

hozier - who we are.

icehouse - crazy.

depeche mode - personal jesus.

[sweetzzzone]

.

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[prompt-of-the-day]

Dialogue: #039

"Are you ready?"

"Not yet, I'm looking for my shoes."

"I told you to have your whole outfit ready yesterday, if you take too long we are going to get stuck in traffic."

"Sooooooorry. I was sleepy and really thought I knew where they were."

"If we arrive late it will be totally your fault and I demand compensation."

"Alright, one month of ice cream it is."

[mxwhore]

its so so so hard for me

[justanotherdumbteenboy]

My hero academia spoilers chapter 403

HAHSGAIABAGHAGAUA HE IS ALIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEE THE WORLD IS A GOOD PLACE AND ALL IS GOOOD IN THE WORLD.

HE IS ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE.

My life has absolutely SUCKED this past few weeks but this just made my YEAR.

[pettydisco]

Happy birthday omg !!!! Sorry about that shitty thing that happened but congratulations on slaying another rotation around the sun ☀️ 🎉 🎂 !!!!!!!!

Aaaahhh thank you my kind friend!! I shall slay for another rotation ✨💅

[1ight]

even tho i know its silly, it FEELS like there is nobody i can even TALK to without invoking some kind of judgement , however private, whatever our relationship. once again i miss my therapist lol… she would give me solid life advice

god it feels so fuxking deeply scathingly embarrassign to be me these last 6 months, despite rationally kmowing better… idk tho everything just keeps getting harder to combat or recovery-mindset myself out of, & meanwhile, the hole that is sucking my life towards hell just keeps revealing itself to be deeper & deeper