#they kept asking me questions which made me spiral more because answering and making decisions is hard during those moments

[jedi-bird]

Went to a used bookstore (Book Off, my beloved) and bought a bunch of star wars books. Are You Scared Darth Vader has been on my list for a few years, so finding it here made me happy. And I'm never one to pass up art books. Also bought a bunch of dollar DK and Scholastic star wars kids books. And since it was near a Joann's and I had a really good coupon we made a stop there as well. Partner got some art supplies and I bought some yarn. I think I want to make a Tatooine inspired something; probably a sweater or a cardigan, even though I've yet to start my rainbow one.

[lily-janus]

What Once Was

Summary: Janus bumped into Virgil as he goes down a self-depricating spiral... which stirs up old feelings

Pairing: platonic Anxciet

Warnings: swearing, self-deprication

Word count: 1,052

My fic for day 6 Kiss & Make Up of @tss-anxceit-week

----------------------------

All Janus wanted to do was grab his wine from where he was hiding it from Remus, and watch some drama content where people hilariously overreact over everything and forget about everyday life.

But… of course that didn't end up to be what happened.

When he hid his wine in the light sides' kitchen, he thought himself pretty clever since Remus rarely ever comes near here. Something about their 'lameness' rubbing off on him.

And, when he does his pranks he usually prefers to use their rooms.

Now, however, he regretted every moment of that decision. Because, obviously someone had to pop up in the common room right next to the kitchen right when he was about to leave.

He was about to try to sneak away before whoever it was could notice him when-

"...Fucking stupid…"

That voice… that shaky voice…

Despite his better judgment, Janus risked a glance towards the common room to confirm his suspicion.

And, sure enough, he saw none other than the anxious side, pacing all over the area, probably trying to release some of that pant up anxious energy.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid…" he kept saying over and over again. "What the fuck was I thinking?"

Janus knew he should just disappear and forget what he saw, Virgil made his feelings towards him more than clear… not that Janus can blame him…

But… for some reason… he couldn't find it in him… Dammit he still cares about the traitor… despite everything.

"What are you doing here?"

The hate dripping from Virgil's words should be familiar to him by now, but they always feel like a punch to his gut, no matter how used to it he was getting.

Janus opened his mouth to answer when…

"Know what? I don't care, just get out, you shouldn't even be here. I can't… I can't deal with you right now."

And there it was again, that shake in his voice. He knew Virgil well enough to know that something was wrong.

He finally looked up to find Virgil frowning at him, "you're weirdly quiet…" he pointed out.

Sometimes… Janus forgets that Virgil knows him well enough too… or tries to forget anyway.

"What happened?" Janus finally managed to ask, raising a curious eyebrow at him.

Virgil huffed, "right, like you care… Why are you still here?"

Janus managed a smirk, "why do you think?"

But Virgil didn't rise to the bait, he just let out a long, tired sigh. "I don't have time for your stupid games…"

Janus shrugged, "not a game, you still didn't answer my question."

"That's because it's none of your business." Virgil shot back.

"I'm not leaving until you answer." Janus put his wine on the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Virgil expectantly.

"I can just go to my room." Virgil pointed out.

"Then why are you still here?" Janus used Virgil's earlier question.

"Because you're obviously up to something, so I'm not letting you out of my sight until you leave." He shot back with a glare.

Janus tutted, "you always were a terrible liar, honestly, Virgil." He rolled his eyes, "who do you think you're fooling? Certainly not me."

Virgil turned back to his anxious pacing, "I really can't deal with you right now…"

"Why?" Janus tried again, "is something… Wrong?" He paused for a bit before finishing to put emphasis on the last word. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Of course not." Virgil snapped, turning back to glare at Janus.

"Right… of course, nothing's ever wrong in Rainbows and Sunshine land." Janus rolled his eyes again.

"No…" Virgil agreed despite the obvious sarcasm, "the problem's always me…" he added quietly.

Ah, now they're getting somewhere.

"What do you mean?" Janus asked carefully and Virgil flushed when he realized he said it out loud.

"Nothing, forget it." He said quickly, too quickly.

It was Janus' turn to sigh, if he wanted Virgil to open up… he's gonna have to do the same.

"Fine, I'll admit it…" Janus took off his gloves, shivering from how exposed he felt without them, "I'm worried about you." He admitted when his hands were bare.

Virgil paused to stare at him for what felt like hours, before turning away. “Wow… just… wow..”

Janus frowned, putting back his gloves, “I’m telling the tru-”

“Are you?” Virgil cut him off sharply, “are you seriously telling me that after everything…” he flailed his arms, “you’re worried about me?”

“Yes.” Janus said simply, “don’t you feel the same about me?”

Virgil snorted, “of course not!”

Janus examined his hands, “still a terrible liar…”

Virgil returned to his pacing, “whatever, it’s still none of your business and our days of having heart-to-hearts are over, so piss off before I make you.”

Janus rolled his eyes, “woo I’m so scared… if you want me to leave just answer my question.” He repeated.

Virgil threw his arms in frustration, “same thing that always happens, okay?! I messed up and made everything worse. There, happy? Now scram.” There were tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

Janus didn’t say anything, but he didn’t leave either. He just watched as Virgil sat on the armrest of the couch, curling into a ball by hugging his knees to his chest and burying his head between them.

It’s not often that Janus doesn’t have anything to say, but in this moment, Janus could only stare.

Then, he was standing behind Virgil, not knowing when he even started moving towards him.

But, he hugged him from behind and whispered softly, “from my experience… you only make things better…” before finally disappearing.

And you can be sure he was not crying when he appeared back in his room, not even noticing he left his wine behind… it was just… dust in his eyes, he didn’t clean his room in ages.

Our days of having heart-to-hearts are over…

Janus looked over his yellow couch, remembering all those times where he and Virgil would just… talk, about anything that came to mind… talks that lasted for hours without either of them noticing.

But Virgil was right, those days are long gone, and Janus has no one to blame but himself.

Though maybe, one day… They could make up. Because Janus wasn’t lying… Virgil made everything better, for him at least.

[starryhyuck]

pretty girl. (m)

pairing: alpha!jaemin x reader

words: 4.3k+

summary: you hate that jaemin follows you around every full moon. you’re determined to know the reason why, but you end up getting more than you asked for.

genre: fluff, smut

warnings: large amounts of cum, manhandling, breeding, knotting, overstimulation, fingering, hair pulling, rough sex, oral sex

“It’s dangerous for you to be out here.”

You blink twice at Jaemin, who is hovering protectively over your form. As your best friend, Jaemin’s always been cautious of you because of his alpha instincts. This oddly includes finding him in your apartment on random days, cooking you dinner because you ‘can’t make it yourself,’ walking you around campus and glaring at anyone who glances your way, and finally, following you to places he should never be at anyways. Tonight falls under the last category, where you were itching to have a nice time with some of your group partners in your Economics class. You all collectively agreed that grabbing drinks at the nearby bar on campus was a good idea. Everything was going perfectly until Jaemin came storming into the bar, almost pushing one of your friends from his spot next to you.

You awkwardly clear your throat, laughing breathily as you stand, trying to move Jaemin away from the table. You can feel the heavy stares of your classmates on your back, and you try your best to ignore it. Once you’re out of earshot, you mumble lowly to him.

“Uh, Jaem, why are you here?”

He frowns at you. The expression on his face is clearly one of disappointment. “It’s a full moon. You shouldn’t be out here, especially if there are other alphas lurking around.”

You tend to frequently forget that Jaemin gets extremely clingy when the full moon rises, and he often perceives most of the population as a threat to your life. In fact, you’re both very good friends with Jeno, another fellow alpha on campus. Jeno’s shown time after time that he has absolutely no interest in you, but when the full moon appears, Jaemin’s convinced that Jeno wants to kidnap you and keep you locked in his dorm forever.

You sigh. “Jaemin, I’m fine. I’m just hanging out with my friends. There are no alphas around, I promise.”

His frown grows deeper. “I passed two of them on the way here. They could have easily hurt you.”

“How about you have a drink with us?” You offer, knowing his worries aren’t subsiding anytime soon. “You can relax and make sure I’m safe.”

The tension in his shoulders loosen at your suggestion, and he hesitantly agrees. You order a beer for him and he reluctantly follows you back to the table. Your friends are eyeing him warily.

“Everyone, this is Jaemin,” you introduce awkwardly. “Is it okay if he joins us?”

Jeongyeon is the first to speak, despite everyone’s reluctance. “Sure, the more the merrier!”

You toss her a grateful smile and Jaemin slides in next to you, unaware of the looks he’s receiving. Luckily, Seulgi launches into a discussion about her day before anyone else can comment. It isn’t long before Chanwoo leans over to whisper in your ear, causing Jaemin to stiffen beside you.

“Is your friend okay? He looks like he hates all of us.”

You brush off Chanwoo’s question. “He’s fine, just tense. Rough time in the semester, you know?”

Chanwoo nods but doesn’t seem convinced by your answer. No one else approaches you about Jaemin for the rest of the time, and the boy next to you chooses to remain silent. You bid goodbye to the group at the end of the night with Jaemin giving subtle nods to each of them. He still hovers protectively over you on the walk back to the campus dorms.

“You really didn’t have to come out tonight,” you mumble to your best friend as he walks alongside you. “I was fine on my own.”

“You’re not fine on nights like these,” he responds, and you can hear the frustration in his tone. “You don’t know what’s out there.”

You huff and stop in your tracks, turning around to face him. You cross your arms over your chest.

“No one is going to hurt me! No one has ever tried to hurt me on a full moon, it’s just your imagination! It’s annoying how much you follow me around, Jaemin, seriously.”

He’s visibly hurt by your outburst and you instantly feel regret. You can almost feel him shutting you away, and it pulls at your chest. He motions to your dorm, which is only a few feet away from where you’re standing.

“Good night. I hope you sleep well.”

“Jaemin-“

You watch as your best friend scurries down the sidewalk, not sparing a single glance back at you.

—

You startle Jeno the next day, pounding on his door and ignoring the glares you’re receiving in his hallway. The boy sleepily opens the door up for you, hair sticking out in multiple directions. He mumbles something under his breath and you ignore him, pushing through and entering his room.

“Well, come on in,” he hisses sarcastically.

You have no time to humor him. “Are alphas usually super clingy and annoying?”

He pauses at the question, closing the door slowly. You raise an eyebrow at his hesitation.

“Um, is this about Jaemin?”

“Maybe,” you drawl, watching Jeno carefully. He definitely knows something he’s not telling you about. “And what if it was?”

“Then I would say you need to talk to Jaemin.”

You roll your eyes. “Jeno!”

“What?” He retorts, avoiding your eyes as much as possible. “It’s not my place to say.”

“I don’t care if it’s your place or not,” you say, frustrated by your lack of alpha knowledge. You’ve tried to learn more since Jaemin presented himself, but it was difficult since many alpha secrets were kept between alphas only. “I need to know what’s going on with him. He’s been following me around every full moon like he’s expecting me to get mugged or something!”

Jeno exhales loudly. “He hasn’t talked to you? About anything?”

You huff. “Jeno, if I needed answers, I wouldn’t be standing here with you.”

The more you talk, the more Jeno grows uncomfortable. It almost seems like it pains him to say anything about Jaemin without him present, and it’s getting on your nerves. Jaemin usually never keeps secrets from you and it must be pretty big if Jeno is barely holding himself together.

Jeno finally speaks after you watch him run circles in his head. “What do you know about mates? Alpha mates?”

You frown, tilting your head to the side. “Mates? I didn’t even know alphas had mates.”

“They’re chosen specifically by an alpha. Someone the alpha has a connection to, someone they would like to spend the rest of their life with.”

He’s still not making any sense to you. Does Jaemin have a mate? Is it someone you know?

Jeno can see the gears spinning and he scoffs. He whispers something under his breath that you can’t hear.

“You need to talk to Jaemin about this. I really can’t say any more.”

You spare Jeno the interrogation and leave his room, thoughts swirling in your head. He’s given you everything and nothing at once, and you don’t even know if Jaemin will offer anything better. You trek over to his dorm anyways, on a mission.

His eyes soften when he sees you behind the door. It tugs at your heartstrings and he motions for you to come inside. The awkward tension drowns the room and you sway on your feet.

“I’m sorry,” he says first. “I know I made you uncomfortable by being with your friends last night, and I should’ve stayed away. I just get very worried around the full moon because-“

“What are alpha mates?”

Jaemin chokes, not expecting your question. You watch as he gathers himself again, and this time, he can’t bear to look at you.

“Where did you hear that from?”

“Jeno.”

Jaemin curses lowly. You frown, your gaze never faltering. You can practically see him trying to come up with some type of excuse.

“Jaemin, I want the truth.”

He sighs. “Can you sit down? Please?”

You reluctantly follow his request, taking a seat on his bed. He paces around the room, looking more nervous than you’ve ever seen him before. You begin to grow antsy while watching him.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine.”

His head snaps up to look at you, heart breaking at the dejected look on your face. He shakes his head and takes a seat next to you.

“I do, I want to tell you everything. I just want you to have a choice first,” he states, staring at you as if you hold all the answers.

You frown and shake your head. “What choice? You’re not making any sense.”

“I, uh, I unknowingly bonded myself to you. You became my mate, and I realized it too late. We spent too much time together and I should have taken a step back before it got too serious. I was just- I’m never in the correct headspace when I’m around you, and it causes me to impulsively make decisions. I can’t break the bond unless I wish to die a slow death, but if you want me to, I can try.”

You’re spiraling. Your brain is short circuiting, and you’re unsure of what to say in response. Your best friend has just confessed that he bonded himself to you for life, which probably runs deeper than marriage. If you reject him, he’ll die a painful death.

Wonderful.

Jaemin starts freaking out, standing back up and resuming his pacing. “Fuck, I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have left weeks ago, I shouldn’t even be bothering you with this. Listen, we can forget this ever happened. I’ll just- I’ll figure something out. Surely, I can break the bond-“

“Jaemin,” you say timidly. He stops in his tracks at the sound of your voice. “I think I’m okay with being your mate. I mean, I’d rather have it be you than anyone else. Not like you’re my second choice or anything! I just-“

He kneels down, his hands resting on the expanse of your thighs, causing you to jolt at the contact. His hands feel oddly warm, and it’s sending a plethora of dirty thoughts to your head.

“I don’t want you to do this because you feel bad,” he speaks softly. “If you don’t want this, we don’t have to do it. It’s my fault, and I’ll pay the price.”

You protest. “No, I’m doing this because I want to-“

“It’s a big decision-“

“I know that, and I-“

“I hardly think you’ve thought through this carefully-“

“Don’t tell me what I haven’t done-“

“I’ll just move away. It’ll be easier for the both of us that way.”

“Jaemin,” you hiss, placing your hands on his shoulders to stop him. “Can you quit being so difficult? I’m telling you I want to be with you and your rejection is making me feel upset.”

His expression falls. “I didn’t mean to make you upset. I don’t want to cage you in, that’s all.”

“You aren’t caging me in,” you promise him. “Can you tell me what being a mate entails?”

He flushes deep red, and you grow anxious once again. He removes his hands from your thighs and you silently wish he kept them there. He stands again, avoiding your questioning gaze.

“Um, well, technically- I mean, it’s just-“

“Jaemin,” you say sternly. “Stop dancing around the subject.”

He clears his throat. “Technically, we’re not fully mated yet. In order to complete the bonding process, we need to- um, well, we need to-“

“Jaemin!”

“We need to fuck!”

That definitely floors you. You blink at him, not believing what he said. You haven’t slept with anyone in months. You’re not going to lie — you’ve thought about Jaemin in that way a handful of times, mostly when it’s late at night and you’re left with an imaginative mind. You didn’t realize it could ever become a reality.

He starts rambling again. “Of course, I don’t want to make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I can’t imagine me putting my dick anywhere near you is appealing at the moment, so we can probably just forget it and-“

You say his name again to bring him out of his thoughts. “Can we try?”

He sputters, more than the last time. “W-What?”

“I mean, it can’t hurt, right? I trust you.”

“U-Uh, um, uh, I-“ He short circuits in front of you, struggling to find coherent words.

You don’t give him time to second guess again, immediately falling to your knees and reaching for the band of his sweatpants.

“Woah, woah, wait, let me just-“

Your mouth waters when you pull his cock out from his briefs, the tip already red and leaking. You don’t know if it’s because he’s an alpha, but his cock is absurdly large and thick. You can barely wrap your hand around the base and the thought of taking him into your mouth is daunting, but you would regret it if you didn’t try. You take an experimental lick, watching the way Jaemin struggles above you.

“Slow down, we don’t have to do this now-“

You ignore him again, enveloping the tip in your mouth as he releases a long groan. Your eyes flutter shut, pushing him deeper and deeper into your throat. You run your tongue along the base of his cock, licking and swallowing him. He’s barely holding on to the last string of his control, and you can tell by the way his hands are clenched at his sides.

You decide to push him further, casually deepthroating him and locking your gaze with his. The sound of you choking on him snaps him awake, and it isn’t long before he’s gripping your hair and throwing you on his bed. You squeal at the force of his movements. He pushes you on your stomach, fingers gripping the flesh of your ass.

He hisses in your ear. “You’re going to be a good girl for your alpha, aren’t you?”

“I’ll be good, alpha,” you keen. “I’m good for you.”

“Yeah?” He grunts, watching as you arch your back. “You’ve been waiting a long time for me, haven’t you?”

“So long,” you practically sob. “Just want my alpha to make me feel good.”

You hear the rip of your skirt and he tears the fabric of your top, tossing both items across the room. He’s feral at this point and you have no intention of stopping him. It feels electrifying to have him this close to you, touching you in all the places you never thought before.

Even though he’s your best friend, it feels as if he’s been doing this with you for years. He doesn’t feel like a stranger as he grabs your waist, finger running up and down your clothed slit.

“Aw, pretty girl, look at how wet you are for me,” he muses, pulling your underwear down to fully see you. “So beautiful. Is this all for me?”

“Yes,” you whimper. “All for you, just for you.”

You see stars when he sinks his finger into you, moaning at his touch. You hear him murmur behind you.

“So so perfect, so pretty and wet. You’re so good for your alpha.”

You flourish under Jaemin’s praises, his eyes observing as you submit further to him. You wish you read more on the subject of alphas and their mates. The way Jaemin’s touching you is sending your mind into overdrive, and you’re not even sure what to do when you hear the slick of your cunt as he slides another finger into you. He’s cooing at you, chanting how you’re such a ‘good girl’ for him.

You shut your eyes as he builds a steady pace with his fingers, brushing against your sweet spot. You moan loudly, not registering the volume of your voice. He doesn’t seem to mind you being loud either.

“Such pretty noises,” he hums, digging his other hand into your side and picking up the pace inside of you. You cry and squirm away from him, but he holds you in place. “I imagined for so long what you would sound like. Full moons were the worst. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else being able to see you like this, touch you like this. You drove me insane.”

“J-Jaemin,” you whimper, getting closer and closer to snapping.

He hums again in response. “Almost there, sweet girl? You’re so pliant for me, so easy to fuck. But it’s all for me and only me, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, yes, only for you, alpha,” you whisper, fingers gripping the sheets as you near the edge.

“Pretty little pussy you have, I can’t wait to knot you. You’re going to take my knot so well, aren’t you? I chose you to take it, and to stuff your cunt full of my cum. I wonder how I could fit my cock into you, you seem too small to take it, pretty girl.”

“I-I can t-take it,” you struggle to get the words out, your brain turning a bit fuzzy. Once he brushes your sweet spot again, your body explodes and you sob loudly at the intensity of your orgasm. Jaemin praises you throughout it, eyes locked on your cunt gushing into his palm.

“So pretty, such a pretty girl. You came so much for me.”

As you float down from your high, you can hear the sound of Jaemin greedily licking his fingers. You nearly scream when you feel his tongue prod at your pussy.

“No, n-no, Jaem, please-“ you begin to beg, squeamish from the overstimulation, but it’s useless. He loves the taste of your cunt already, digging in like it’s his last meal.

Your body begins to ache and you slowly sink down on the bed, tired of arching your back. Jaemin doesn’t seem to mind, following you down as he slurps up your cunt. You’re mumbling incoherent noises as he sucks on your folds, and you can feel his smile when he plays with your clit.

“Alpha,” you whisper breathlessly. “Alpha, I can’t.”

He clicks his tongue. “I know you can. I chose you because you can. Take what I give you, pretty girl. I know you can be good for me.”

You lay there, boneless, as he dips his tongue into your entrance. You barely scream when your second orgasm rolls over you, the sound catching in your throat. He licks up the evidence and you try to wave your hand back to stop him. He gets the message, pulling back and wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

“You taste so sweet, pretty girl. I’ve never tasted a cunt that good before. All for me, right?”

“Yes,” you answer. “All for you, alpha.”

You hear him shifting behind you, and you see him toss his clothes over his shoulder. He picks you up and adjusts you until you’re seated on his lap, hovering just above his cock. He takes note of your sleepy gaze and smiles, kissing down your neck.

“Tired, sweet girl? Don’t want to take my cock anymore?”

You blearily blink. “No, no, I want to take your cock, alpha. Please give it to me.”

He chuckles at your compliance, eyes zeroing in on your glistening pussy. “You’ve been so good for me. Want your reward now?”

“Yes, yes, alpha.”

He suddenly turns serious, brushing your hair away and cupping your cheeks.

“This means forever. I want you to understand that.”

It’s a little frightening — the thought of being bound to someone forever. However, you’re willing to do anything for Jaemin, and you know he loves you. You’re blissfully happy at the thought of forever.

You nod, smiling. “Want to be with you, Jaem.”

He grins and presses a kiss to your lips. “Good girl.”

Your smile quickly turns into a gasp as he pushes you down on his cock. You scramble in his hold, fingers digging into his shoulders.

He shushes you softly. “It’s okay, pretty girl. I got you, trust me.”

Head thrown back and lips parted, you feel utterly fucked as Jaemin impales you. You weren’t even aware your cunt could stretch this far for him, taking him in. The stretch doesn’t hurt like you think it will, it feels surprisingly satisfying. You feel whole like this, finally connecting him to you.

Once he bottoms out, he gives you time to adjust. You don’t even realize you’re crying until he wipes stray tears from your cheek.

“You’re doing so well for me, sweet girl. Took my cock so well. I know you’ll take my knot like a champ too.”

You feel drunk on him despite the fact that his cock could split you in half. You take a few more seconds to yourself before you nod, giving him the okay to move.

He starts out gently, even though you can see him clenching his teeth trying to control himself. You decide to push him.

You lean in and whisper in his ear. “Fuck me good, alpha. Show me I’m yours, and yours only.”

He throws you back down onto the bed, growling at your submission. You cry when he drills into you, showing no mercy any longer. His cock is tearing you apart and you welcome it with open arms. His fingers dig roughly into your scalp, his other hand groping your breast.

“You like it when your alpha fucks you like this? You like it when I have control of you?” He practically growls at you, hips snapping into your thighs roughly. Your mouth hangs open, and if you were lucid, you would be embarrassed by the drool pooling at the side of your lips. He continues muttering obscenities at you, fueled by the feeling of your warm pussy wrapped around his cock. “Gonna fuck you until you can’t think of anyone else. Every time you touch yourself, you’re going to think about me. Only me. I’m going to make sure everyone knows you’re mine, make sure you’re pretty and pregnant for me.”

His fingers move from your breast into your mouth, and you subconsciously suck on the digits.

He snickers. “Look at you. Such a pretty fuck toy for me, taking my cock so well. You were made to be fucked, sweet girl. Made to take my cock and my cock only.”

You’re definitely out of coherent thoughts at this point. Jaemin flips you again, arching your back and you whimper at the ache. He drives into you harder and faster from behind, his balls slapping against your cunt in the most unholy way.

“Alpha, alpha, alpha,” you groan. “My alpha. So good, my alpha, so good. So big.”

“Need you to cum, sweet girl. Want to feel it. Give it to me, pretty girl.”

“Alpha, alpha,” you whimper, the coil in your stomach building and building. You soar when it snaps, and you swear you see white clouding your vision. You cry and cry, tears freely falling down your face as you clench around Jaemin.

You think you pass out for a few seconds. When you regain your strength, he’s flipped you on your side, gripping your ankle as he throws your foot over his shoulder. You let him do whatever he wants at this point, enjoying the way he presses against your clit every time he pushes in.

You can only hear parts of what he’s saying, a ringing sound still echoing in your ears.

“So good- such a pretty cunt- want to fuck you forever- going to show you off- beautiful- fucking pretty pussy- such a good girl for me.”

“J-Jaem,” you say, but you know he can’t hear you anymore. You think you have another orgasm, but the pleasure is mixing together too fast. You blackout again, waking up moments later to find Jaemin still fucking you senseless.

You’re on your back again with Jaemin hovering over you, pressing kisses down your neck. He’s muttering praises still, hands digging into your sides.

“Want to feel you forever. So good for me, pretty girl. You ready to take my knot?”

You lazily comb your fingers through his hair, feeling exhausted. “Please, alpha, give it to me.”

“Yeah?” He groans, pressing harder into you. “Want me?”

“I want you, I want you,” you echo, the familiar sensation pulsing through your veins.

He’s drilling faster now, pumping furiously into you as he chases his high. You think you’re screaming, but you can’t be entirely sure. You feel bad for whoever lives on Jaemin’s floor.

When he cums, you swear he’s been holding it in for years. His cum splashes against your walls as he empties himself inside of you. You squeeze around him again, finishing another orgasm.

It’s a few minutes later when you think it’s finally over. You start to relax, but the feeling is short lived. You sob when the base of Jaemin’s cock begins to swell, growing bigger and bigger.

“N-No, no, no, no-“

He shushes you. “It’s okay, pretty girl. You take my knot so well, I have so much cum for you.”

You swear you’ve lost your mind when Jaemin does, in fact, give you even more of his cum. It starts to leak out of your cunt because of the sheer amount, and he urges you through it with soft kisses. When he’s finally done, you feel like you’ve been fucked into the next century.

The only thing you can manage to say is, “You can’t fuck me again for three months, at least.”

He laughs at you and you try to throw him a serious look. He kisses your cheek.

“Oh, silly girl. What did I tell you before? I chose you because you’re made for me. You honestly don’t think I’m going to stop fucking you now, do you?”

Your eyes widen at his confession, and you shriek when he thrusts into you, his cock still hard.

“Such a pretty girl.”

[yandere-sins]

i just binged-read all of your BNHA works and omg... 🥲 you don’t understand the rollercoaster of emotions i just went through! can i please request a story of Kirishima noticing that Bakugou has a crush on his darling. then when Kirishima confronts Bakugou about it, things get heated/physical? keep up the good work, i love your writings! 🥰💗

Thank you so much for reading through them, I am so glad you enjoyed them! :D And thanks for requesting ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««     

“I don’t fucking know either!”

Loud. Terribly loud were the two voices shouting at each other in your room, the little bit of safe haven you owned, entirely disrupted by the two men arguing. It was only made worse by the fact that they were arguing about you rather than anything else, their attention involuntarily always coming back to you after every sentence.

You had long ducked away, slipped into the area between the wall and your bed, the only place you had claimed as yours ever since you were forced to live here. It was barely spacious enough for you to breathe in, but it was too small to force you out of as well, which you always appreciated. On most days, Kirishima would treat you kindly and with a strange understanding despite the situation and relationship you two had.

But just as quickly did his mood change, his tendencies to demand more than you were willing to give being a constant point of stress between you two. Hiding yourself back here was the closest to some privacy you had, and now than ever, you just wanted to disappear from this pitiful existence. You didn’t even want to hear about what they were talking, let alone witness how the conversation would go.

“Fuck,” Bakugou groaned loudly, rubbing his hands over his face. “Of all the people...”

“Yes. Of all the people, it just had to be my partner you fell in love with,” Kirishima hissed back, equally angered. You couldn’t even pinpoint for how long the two had been discussing this topic, but it left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, as it seemed. Sighing quietly as to not draw more attention to you, you buried your head in your knees.

For the longest time, you had believed those two were good people. Sure, Bakugou was a hot-headed bastard sometimes, but together with Kirishima, who shone with his kindness, you three always had a lot of fun. When Kiri confessed to you, you had been so happy! What you thought was love probably was more like a deep friendship, but you didn’t say ‘no’ and went out with him.

But then the craziness started. It was subtle at first, and you confided in Bakugou, who told you, you were just imagining things. No one seemed to notice how Kirishima started to polarize your time constantly, how, when he wanted cuddles, he simply pulled you into an embrace even if you didn’t want to. How every problem was solved with ‘Just don’t go there anymore, you can stay here! I’ll take care of everything!’

You very quickly found out you had been wrong both with him being a good person and you being in love with him. But then, of all people, he still allowed Bakugou to come over! Where he kept you locked in his apartment all day while he played hero outside, he still allowed your friend to visit whenever. Seeing that Bakugou was not going to help you, no matter how much you pleaded with him to save you, broke your heart. It completely shattered you.

Honestly, you wanted to believe that you three had been friends once, but whatever happened to make the two into what they were now, it scared you. It frightened you so much that you barely slept at night, rarely managed to eat more than two spoons of your food, and rendered you unable to focus on anything if not ensuring you were safe when things got too much to bear. And now, your body shaking more than ever, you had to witness how even Bakugou seemed to have changed sides, and that scared you even more.

You thought he was just loyal to his friend by refusing to help you, but by god, he was the same as that maniac Kirishima.

“Look, I didn’t choose that either! But you knew I liked them way before you confessed!”

At that, Kirishima only clicked his tongue, unable to say anything in return to counter this claim. So it was right, Bakugou had liked you all along. All these things about Kirishima’s and your love life must have been so painful for him to listen to in this case. However, right then, as you overheard their conversation unwillingly, you didn’t feel bad for him even a second.

“I wish it was anyone else, but it’s them!”

“Well, are you sure?” Kirishima grumbled, and you kind of understood Bakugou’s frustration as his friend didn’t seem to want to hear the truth. “Yes, I am damn sure!”

“If that’s the case...” Kirishima sighed before you heard steps drawing closer. “[Name]? Can you come out? You know it’s rude not to show your cute face to our guest.”

Even if he spoke his words in a sugary voice, nothing about Kirishima could calm you. Slowly looking up at him again, you saw him reach his hand out to you, knowing fully well that he couldn’t get you out of that gap even if he probably wanted. The mood in the room was tense and full of heated tempers. Their back and forth had only made everything more awkward and uncomfortable as it already was for you.

Inwardly, you wanted nothing more than to stay in your hideout, hoping it would all quickly pass, but crossing Bakugou’s gaze briefly, you saw his brows only furrow more, and you wagered if taking Kirishima’s offer was better as long as he still asked nicely before either of them would lose their patience with you, too.

Slipping out of the space without taking his help, it wasn’t long before Kirishima picked you up anyway. The man had as much understanding about boundaries as you had about what even was wrong with him. He sat you down in his lap on the couch, waving Bakugou over, who reluctantly took a seat on the furthest armrest from you.

“Tell him, [Name]. You love me, right? You want to be with me, right?”

Opening your mouth, you wanted to protest, but Bakugou stole the words from you before you could talk.

“Bullshit! They’ve always been complaining because you suck at being a boyfriend! They could do so much better and be with me, right [Name]? Tell that idiot!”

You felt like a dog, with both owners screaming at their furbaby to chose them and go to the one it likes more.

Their back-and-forth continued, Kirishima swearing his love to you up and down while Bakugou praised his abilities to be better in... every way. Kirishima liked to remind you how much ‘fun’ you two had together and how much he did and would do for you in the future. Bakugou liked to argue with his friend, using insults and belittling comments about his plans. Neither made a very good impression, and their voices rose to a volume again, making you wish you had earplugs to drown out at least a little bit of their shouting.

Instead, you lifted your hands to your ears, cupping them as to drown out the sounds, hoping it was over soon. Why couldn’t they both leave you alone? Why did you have to end up in this situation, not once, but twice? Why did the two best friends you had turned out to be this crazy? Crazy about you?

There still were so many questions to be answered, and you curled into yourself as you spiraled down into overthinking everything that happened. From regrets you had, to disbelieve you still harbored, to the despair you felt as you couldn’t pinpoint when this nightmare would end.

You were so inside your own head, you didn’t notice how their voices slowly calmed down, their hearts breaking as they saw you so overwhelmed by the situation. Kirishima and Bakugou exchanged a few glances, and even in Bakugou’s serious and furious expression, there were hints of worries to find that only his friends could discern.

“How about you move in with us... and maybe they can make a decision then. Not that I’d just give them to you, but I can’t watch them being sad about us fighting. You always meant a lot to us.”

Huffing, Bakugou turned his head away, hiding the flustered red spreading on his cheeks. “I won’t share with you, you Dumbass! They’re mine. They love me much more than you freak!”

“Doubt it,” Kirishima chuckled as he brought his hand to your head, brushing over it comfortingly. He had never been afraid to say his opinion openly, a trait you had always found remarkable and remarkable stupid at the same time. “Whatever,” Bakugou grunted, standing up before storming out of the door without another word of goodbye, Kirishima sighing before he pulled you close.

“I hope this makes you happy,” he mumbled, not even knowing you weren’t listening anymore. “I’d do anything if it makes you happy.”

By the evening, a new roommate was sharing the apartment with you and Kirishima. They didn’t talk, neither at dinner nor before or after that. You didn’t mind the silence, but you did mind having to hold one hand of each as they decided to watch a movie, ever so often squeezing to gain your attention and giving you grins when you looked at them. As if that equaled making a decision which you liked better, just because they had a few seconds of your attention.

But even worse were the changes. The first thing Bakugou did was move the bed. Your hideout was no longer as he decided you didn’t need it. And where you had struggled to keep Kiri from you, you now were too scared to shove away Bakugou. Perhaps, you really had it nice with Kirishima. You pondered about it all night as you were squeezed between them, their arguing going deep into the early hours before they fell asleep, snoring away into your ears.

Would it have been easier if you had just chosen one of them?

Or would it be fatal to ever choose between them?

[lupically]

#64B784 | XIAO.

genre | fluff

word count | 1437

warning | none

the karma that xiao was bound to was what he considered as his duty.

the senselessness and pain left from the god he used to fight for, alongside his once companions who have all either fallen into the depths of a spiraling madness or their final demise, one which he has been bound to for years and years, was part of his responsibility as an adeptus.

for someone as miserable as him, to exist is to suffer.

it was exactly that—that dutiful and lonely side of him—that made him deem all sympathy and sorrow an unnecessary part of life, especially when they were directed toward him.

but, no matter how many times he told you that, you never seemed to listen to him.

"i'm fine," xiao huffed out lowly when you sat him down on a chair.

"no, you are not fine!" you hissed through semi-gritted teeth as you rushed about and searched the inn's kitchen for bandages.

he watched as you fumbled around the room, looking for aids to tend to his battle wounds, which you saw have a mixture of black– and teal-colored aura wafting off of his battered skin. you were agitated in, as well as with, the process; xiao could all see, hear, and feel it. from the way the cabinets flew open in a frenzy, to the curses that adorned your once innocent tongue.

the demon mask still covered his face, but if you knew him well enough, which you did, you would know the expression he has on underneath—furrowed brows, pursed lips, sharp eyes, yet somehow expressionless still. he understood not one bit of your response to seeing him, not the shown panic nor the hidden tears.

to him, he needed neither and he deserved neither.

"[name], there is no reason for you to fret," xiao said calmly. "getting hurt is part of the job. there is no use for you to keep worrying about me like this."

"stop talking, xiao, i need to concentrate." you promptly ignored your friend as you grabbed a chair, pulled it before him, and sat down.

you took his hand in yours before placing it on your lap. concentrated on unrolling the bandages and wrapping them around xiao's forearm, which did not stop the demonic energy from spreading into the air, you tried not to let both the sorrow and the anger get to you; sorrow because he has to continuously get hurt like this, anger because he refuses to let you take care of him.

"you are fussing over nothing," xiao continued despite what you said.

you wanted to scoff, but you had anticipated his stubbornness (usually mistaken in the form of being straightforward) to argue back whenever you talked of showing him mortal kindness.

it would be strange of you to assume you could get the yaksha to shut up as you will him to. but, to be frank, and unbeknownst to you, if anybody could get xiao to stop talking those upsetting nonsense for once, there would only be you.

"this is hardly nothing, you are very hurt," you said.

"pain and suffering is–"

"–part of the duty of being a yaksha," you finished off for him just as you stick the bandage together. you did not let go of his hand when you finished, only you held it in your hands loosely and looked up at his demon mask. "i know that."

he did not move. he only looked at you behind the green mask. "then you know that as a yaksha, i need no sympathy or tears."

"i know that as well," you said. "but i'm sorry because i don't agree."

he heaved a soft sigh. "why must you make things difficult for me."

"what is difficult?" you asked then, slightly tightening your grip on his hand as you glanced down at your lap. you furrowed your brows; your hands were almost the same size, with his being only a tad bit bigger. "what about accepting kindness is so difficult for you?"

you never talked about it before. the fact that xiao seemed to have the eternal perception that he deserves nothing good because he constitutes the bane of all evil, to which you heavily disagreed with evidence that he was one of the people who kept liyue safe all these years despite not being fond of the place itself, as well as anybody living in it.

(well—exaggeration. he is fond of you, but he has yet to let you know that.)

it was a decision you regretted to not talk about his little to no self-worth with him earlier because if you could let him understand how he deserves so much more, you would have wanted to do that as early as possible. but you let it dragged on each time as you worried about the scars and blood scattered across his body.

"xiao, do you know what mortals do the best?"

that certainly took him by surprise. hundreds and hundreds of years on this earth and he could not tell you a single thing. was it the growth of civilization, or the booming marketplace, or the amazing architectures, or perhaps even the literary and artistic excellence? he did not know anybody enough to understand and find the question to your answer.

"we love, xiao," you said. "mortals love. that is the single thing we do best. everything else is just what comes with it."

it was only through love. everything was made out of love.

people grow to find a love of their own and create their own family; money goes round and round so sons and daughters can get a new toy and friends can eat street food together; houses are built to keep families warm and safe, houses are built to become filling homes of one or more persons; poetry and art have the image of a young lady and the nostalgia of a passed pet woven seamlessly in paintbrushes and ink.

everything humans do is out of love—for money, for power, for safety, for happiness, for others.

"it is the best thing we do," you whispered, "so forgive me if i have to worry about you from time to time. loving you is what i do best, xiao."

you were looking into his eyes now—well, the eyes of his demon mask, which, thank the archon that he still had it on. he needed it to hide the part of himself that was human, the part of him that was vulnerable, the part of him that was waiting for himself to fall into reckless abandonment and began to fall in love with you so fiercely that the demon aura spiraling off his skin would turn into the shade of red blush.

the unwavering sincerity, as well as gentle affection hidden beneath your eyes, the affection he never thought anyone would have for him—oh, how alarming they were for xiao to look into.

they made it so easy to believe that there was more than just a fraction of him that was capable of being human, that it wasn't just his body and his face that was mortal.

they made it so easy for him to feel treasured, and for him to love others, to love you.

"[name]..."

somehow he thought he ought to take his mask off. he thought he ought to reciprocate the way you were pouring your soul out for him. he reached his free hand up and carefully removed the demon mask off his face, showing you his softened eyes.

his heart beat inside his body; this is him revealing himself to you, the part of him that is human.

"you have my thanks," he whispered as he closed his eyes, his head tipping as if to bow. “for everything.” 

(everything, but mostly for making him fall in love.)

you sucked in a shivered breath, surprised but glad that he was taking a step to accept your care. you leaned forward to him, bumping your forehead against his with a precious grin that showered down his entire world.

xiao opened his eyes to look closely at you, and he let himself breathe out a small smile as he lovingly (the fact lost on both him and you) examined your features.

the chain of karmic debt... how laughable. compared to the grip you have on his heart, which he doubted he would be struggling out of anytime sooner, compared to the blooming affection he holds for you—what is the archon, to the love of his life? what is god, to you?

nothing.

[cozycottagetarot]

Pick A Pile: Your Next 6 Months

July - December 2021

Disclaimer: All readings and tarot/blog games are for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I asks that you trust yourself above all else. Finally please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.

Reading Specific Disclaimer: Keep in mind this is just for fun and ultimately your actions and things you can’t control are the factors that will truly determine how the next 6 months pan out for you.

PILE 1

Theme // The Lovers Rx — Hello Pile 1! The theme for your next 6 months are all about finding your passion and building a relationship with yourself. Are you going through a rough patch right now Pile 1? Because I’m seeing you getting out of it or having a major shift by the end of the year.

July // Knight of Cups — With the knight of cups, I see you need to get your mood and mindset in check during the month of July. The energy you are in right now could be sooo much better my love. I feel like you’re holding back, there’s this brooding energy I’m picking up on. Focus on expressing yourself in some format (creatively, journaling, when talking to others) because if you do so I see you can allow yourself to begin this journey of transformation.

August // Seven of Pentacles — I’m picking up this energy you may potentially have of “when will things start to get better?” The answer— when you start putting in the work. That’s what August is about. Take some time during this month to really check your strategy at whatever it is you’re brooding about and come up with a game plan.

September // Ten of Swords Rx — So far if you’ve taken the tarot’s advice, then in September you’ll find yourself finding your momentum and strength again as the Ten of Swords Rx can signal getting off of rock bottom in a sense.

October // Ace of Pentacles — To me aces represent new beginnings. During the month of October something you’ve been manifesting (remember August?) is going to start coming thru. I’m also picking up on your financial situation improving or new financial opportunity coming through.

November // Ace of Swords — Your are going to be able to think and see things much clearer during November Pile 1. I don’t see a major ‘aha’ moment, but I do sense a subtle "oh my gosh look how well I’ve been doing" type of energy. 6 may also be a number of importance for you here too.

December // Death — Finally we’ve made it to December and I feel so much good vibes. The previous months may have been… challenging and have pushed you to grow, but when I look at the cards I see something beautiful, and I see progression. You started out, Pile 1, with the knight of cups riding forward with his/their white horse, cup in hand (an intention of sorts) and end with Death on their white horse but now a skeleton holding a flag of what we’ll call victory. I know, it sounds morbid, but the point I’m trying to make is that Death represents transitions and endings, and that is what December had in stored for you.

Oracle Card — Chant//Invoke

Yogi Tea Messages — “In every moment of life, you should be what you ought to be.” | “If we are happy, everybody looks up and shares our happiness.”

PILE 2

Theme // The Fool — Pile 2, I’m not sure the cards wanted you to know what’s in store for you over the course of the next three months. Therefore your reading is kind of short so if you have specific questions just send it in an asks. The general energy is very guarded. The fool here represents, beginnings and potential.

July // Ace of Cups — Ace of Cups is mainly about love and peace. I felt inclined to draw another card and out popped the Ten of Swords. Maybe you’ve had a not-so great experience happen recently, and July is about healing from it and trying to find a place of love and peace within yourself.

August // The Hermit — On this idea or energy, I see The Hermit as hinting that during the month of August you may find yourself doing a lot of self reflection Pile 2. I wanted to know what you were potentially doing self reflection on and out came the Six of Wands which, summarised, is about success and recognition. Self reflection on your progress maybe?

September // Death Rx — During the month of September beware of being resistant. Alternately, things maybe moving slowly and in wanting things to move faster, you maybe creating resistance to your blessings coming thru. Ultimately going with the flow.

October // Eight of Wands — I moved the eight of wands and under it was The Star which I hadn’t realised and was pleasantly surprised. With these two cards, I’m hearing if you heed death’s advice of being aware of your resistance to whatever is going on, you’ll see a sudden improvement in your situation. In October things are picking up and the things you’ve been wishing for will come to you.

November // The Chariot — One of the first things to come to me with this card was ‘faith, trust and pixie dust’. I have no idea why but maybe you do Pile 2. I see you having lots of motivation with The Chariot, finding balance, and success with a problem or situation you maybe having.

December // Four of pentacles Stability will be yours by the end of the year pile 2. However there’s an energy I’m not feeling. I pulled a card to clarify and got the Knight of Swords. Things are coming through for you in December but there is also a message to be aware that the chariot energy you’re carrying from November to December doesn’t morph into an energy stemming from greed and superiority.

Oracle Cards  — Mystery//Dream & Align//Ignite

Yogi Tea Messages — “Think seriously and think honestly.” | “We are born wise, we are born complete.”

PILE 3

Theme // 10 of Swords — Have no fear pile 3,   I’m reading this card as the next 6 months marking completion to a rough  phase in your life.

July // 6 of Wands — Success and   victory you’ve been growing and working on yourself or a creative endeavor. During July you may find yourself acknowledging your progress,  or other’s may comment on how well you’re doing.

August // 8 of Swords Rx — If you have been feeling powerless or trapped Pile 3, that is going to change. You may be opening your eyes to a situation or a truth maybe revealed.

September // King of Swords — I’m seeing you stepping up and being in-charge... being more levelheaded. With the butterflied on the throne, I’m thinking maybe you were more erratic in thought or and emotion? Or maybe during September butterflied will be of importance. Honesty and good communication is also key.

October // 6 of Cups — During October you maybe taking a trip down memory lane, or indulging in old/childhood enjoyments. Someone from your past may also be showing back up in your life.

November // 10 of Pentacles — I see you coming into abundance. It could be material abundance but it doesn’t have to be. There’s also a message of keep doing what you’re doing.

December // 9 of Cups — To end the year off you maybe feeling more content and satisfied with the things you’ve been doing. Keep up the mindset you’ve seemingly come into and enjoy the good things life has to offer.

Oracle Card —  Love//Empathy

Yogi Tea Messages — “People who love are giving.” | “Let your energy be used to build not destroy.”

PILE 4

Theme // 6 of Swords Rx — Pile 4, my chaotic little bunch. With the 6 of Swords reversed I feel you maybe regressing if you’re not careful.

July // 5 of Wands Rx — Here this card represents the end of conflict and moving on. I don’t know if it’s working out for you... I feel like you might just be like ‘screw it’ and move on. Throughout the reading I kept feeling like it was related to familial disagreements so for some of you that could be it.

August // The Fool —  The fool is about fresh starts, potential and being carefree. While I do see that, in this reading the dog by the fool’s foot jumps out at me as a warning of sorts. While new beginnings may be in the works, be careful of making rash decisions and not thinking things through.

September // Justice — I see things as balanced for you during September Pile 4, maintain that energy of balance going forward.

October // Queen of Wands — For me this is one of my favourite cards because I see it as being in your ideal energy, being your own muse. It’s time to come into that healthy, attractive, confident, creative energy.

November // Queen of Cups Rx — Why would you be wallowing Pile 4? You were doing so well and now the cards show me you finding yourself in an upset and moody energy. This is where familial disagreements really came to me since depending where you live the holiday season really kicks off in November and potentially so does family tension. Regardless of what it is, during November you may need to show yourself some extra love and prioritize self care.

December // 5 of Swords — You’re fiery Pile 4, and I don’t see you as they type to take crap from anyone. You know your situation best and the people around you best so there are two main messages with this card. The first message being one of ‘the world doesn’t revolve around you’. While you need to put yourself first, you also need to understand your actions and decisions affects those around you. Alternately — you need to claim control your rights, your power... whatever you want to see it as. If someone is taking advantage of you, you need to break free and be able to choose yourself.

Oracle Card —  Spiral//Cycle

Yogi Tea Messages — “Life is a flow of love; your participation is requested.” | “An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities.”

[coldtomyflash]

I'm sorry to bother you, but I had to ask once I found out about the earlier soulmate idea for These Violent Delights! (Your soulmate system is maybe the best I've ever read, if not at least in my top two)

With the way you ended up writing TVD (incredible btw), how would your decisions effect/change the idea of a soulmate spin to the story? (I hope I worded my question properly!)

From what I read, what you had planned wound up a good bit different. So I was just wondering if you thought that would inspire changes to the thoughts you had about the soulmate tie in?

Much curious!

Hope you're doing well in all the madness of the world <3

What a lovely question :) Oddly enough I was actually thinking about this just the other day for some reason so the answer I have for you is top of mind and a bit long ^^;

The full history of These Violent Delights is that I wondered what it might be like to turn one of my fics into an original story and then things spiralled. I was specifically making notes on what AATJS might look like as an original, and my instinct was basically that to "file off the serial numbers" of fanfic for that piece, I'd keep the soulmates element but ditch the superpowers.

Actually to go back further, an even earlier idea i'd had with VP -- who wrote the amazing Zombie au -- was a co-written collaboration that would have both superpowers and soulmates in an original story, but it became unwieldy with all those separate worldbuilding elements into it.

as she moved on to other things and i stuck around longer in coldflash and dipped my toe into other original ideas, i ended up mentally splitting that concept in two:

a no-powers yes-soulmate story which later became These Violent Delights, and

a yes-powers no-soulmate story which has since turned into my original novel i'm working on at a snail's pace called Rest for the Wicked (also the chapters of that i posted are out of date since i've revised and changed them since then whoops).

Anyway, for the original concept of These Violent Delights...

In the first mental draft of that no-powers soulmate story, I kept most people's roles/relationships to each other similar (barry being a CSI, joe being a cop, iris being barry's pseudo-adoptive sister, len being a criminal, etc), took out superpowers, and made Grodd (from his role in AATJS) into a serial killer, and Eiling/the military into the FBI being called in on this local serial killer case.

Then someone dropped into my inbox to ask about a no powers / pre-lightning AU, and it basically gave me a chance to flesh that out.

And then someone asked about what it would be like with no soulmates and I thought that was fascinating! Because soulmates is convenient and a narrative shortcut, and how unhinged would it make that opening scene if there was no soulmate bond and yet these two people still responded to one another the same way??

i love unhinged dynamics more than i was willing to admit at the time, and it was a perfect excuse to write that dynamic in a way that was a bit more fun for me, i've i'm being honest. because without that easy narrative push from the bond, how do i play their attraction? can i effectively sell that they are drawn to each other enough to make all these terrible decisions, with no obligation or bond keeping them connected and bound to this?

(And my tags on the third ask about this seem to imply I was writing a len/savitar AU at the time and rolled my ideas for that into this fic, and I don't even remember that lmao. i think it had savitar stripped of the speedforce and working at a bar?)

But to your question of how the original "yes soulmates" version went?

Basically playing out like a no-powers AATJS. Barry the unsuspecting CSI stumbles on to the big bad criminal Leonard Snart and they bond and Barry fucking bolts and he's fast and Len can't catch up after killing his hired hands to protect Barry and Barry's identity.

(also sidebar but although that didn't happen in the final version of These Violent Delights, there is a scene later in Rest for the Wicked where the villain shoots two people for the hero once there's this identity reveal thing, so i guess i'm wedded to that mental image and the ensuing shock and horror on behalf of the hero? RftW is all about unhinged people doing unhinged things in sexy horrifyingly violent ways and dealing with the consequences of what that looks like)

anyway, in this original soulmates version of TVD, Len then tracks Barry down and confronts him and we get another sort of 'swoon' scene where their bond and attraction draws barry to len and is super physically charged. and the story progresses in ways where their bond forces them together in ways that Barry isn't comfortable with because he's pretty sure this guy is a serial killer. meaning he's also busy hating himself for the fact that his soulmate is a serial killer, and as things unfold, especially with their age difference, barry becomes genuinely concerned that his soulmate might have been the one to kill his mother. #yikes

at the same time, despite his misgivings, he's trying to protect len from the FBI that have been called into town and those FBI agents are creating issues for barry at work and he's not a genius actor, they can sort of figure out something is up. i wasn't sure how i'd fold other things in, but without metahumans and superpowers, i wanted the soulmates thing to be more central and wanting the experimentation with their bonds to be more central, more foreshadowed and plot-driving. i was thinking the FBI (at least Eiling) would need to be corrupt and maybe know something, and for the serial killer (Grodd) to be a victim in some manner, and although i hadn't fleshed it out to this level, i think to make it good Eobard or Hunter would fit well here like he did in TVD as someone working alongside the FBI who is super sus because he's actually the one who's fucked up experiments they're covering.

tbh it would fit a bit better if i was doing a sort of CIA parallel with MK Ultra and their experimentation because the CIA are really the ones who have done a lot of that specific type fucked up shit in real life (not that the FBI is innocent!) and are more rife for conspiracy narratives. so thinking it through, maybe i'd have the Eobard/Hunter character as a CIA agent masquerading as an FBI agent (eiling would know this, it would be above board from the government standpoint but covert and 'need to know' because the CIA like to operate under the radar).

and he's there to clean up a former mess they made related to some unethical government experiments with soulmates, and he killed Barry's mother to clean up as well once shit went off the rails however many years ago, because she was either a research on these experiments (remember barry's parents were not soulmates, and the only people to work on this project would probably have been UnMarked), or else she wasn't a researcher but found out and Knew Too Much. and that's why they pinned it on barry's dad and locked him up before he could investigate and figure out who killed his wife and why (because he's also a medical doctor and would have been tangentially aware of his wife's research!).

you can also see the TVD / AATJS parallel come out a bit here with mercury labs and the role that Dr Tina McGee played in AATJS which ultimately was only brought in for one scene at the end (even though in my original notes, barry handing star labs to tina and mercury labs was intended from the start, the story just got too long and convoluted for me to build that into a more cohesive subplot).

in this converged version, Nora would have worked with Eobard(?) and Tina at mercury labs and that would be a bit more central to barry's experience as well. so you can sort of see how that translated into the final TVD version by way of the soil chemical analysis and the forensic evidence and ultimately interviewing Tina and finding out Hunter isn't who he says he is.

anyway i did not have all that figured out at the time but now i'm thinking that's how it would all have needed to together and makes the most sense. and i guess that all would put henry in some very real danger once Eobard/Hunter realizes just how much barry has been scratching at this secret, which fits with the stalking and cameras in TVD, and the developing obsession with barry (nora's son and all that creepiness still in effect from TVD).

and i guess i'd try to find some way in this version for len to help save henry or keep him safe in prison without barry having to ask him, and for barry to discover this and for this to be what wins him over ultimately into trusting len in a full sort of way, and len being this wild card that Eobard/Hunter cannot and does not anticipate as part of how and why barry is able to uncover so much more of the truth of what's going on, and helps connect him to Grodd who is maybe not like, super innocent, but has also been framed for shit he did not do and isn't the cunning cruel serial killer he has been purported to be.

so that's... idk if that's what my answer would be if you'd asked this question 3 years ago tbh, but it's a bit of history and a bit of perspective on the soulmates angle, and how little it would change the story ultimately, and how much closer to AATJS the original concept was.

Random Aside

as a random note, you can also see a bit of my writing process leaking through here. because i've spent literally the majority of my life thinking about writing and story structure, even from the time i was a young kid, i don't necessarily feel the need to think about every detail in advance, but i have sort of these ideas that form a skeleton of a story and a tone of a narrative and then i'm able to plug details in as i go, or translate the story whole-hog to a new setting and tone and change up the details but keep the structural elements the same. it gives me a lot of space to 'play' and to 'discover' the story as it unfolds, but the unconscious back of my mind has already crunched the numbers on a lot of details i haven't bothered (haven't needed to) think about in so conscious of terms, until asked to spell them out or put them on the page.

that trips me up too though, because if i have story beats largely figured out before i write it but then i consciously want to change it, it sometimes stalls me out. because my brain has figured out all these elements already and says "no, that's how we're writing it" and that part of my brain wins every time. the unconscious brain has 500,000x the computing power of the conscious mind, so when it makes a decision, it's hard to contradict it consciously without good reasoning it can then go and crunch new numbers on. in fact our conscious 'choices' are really the result of our unconscious minds having already made a choice, and then barely-perceptible moments later, our conscious minds become aware of that choice and provide us the sense that we are making this choice consciously and deliberately, when it actuality that sense is just our brain translating the decision for us and making us feel in control of our conscious actions.

anyway this is why Mighty Fine Predicament stalled out. i know the full story, or at least the story beats that made me start wanting to tell the narrative in the first place, but it's mostly all deeply problematic elements and especially some bad/terrible tropes stacked into a trenchcoat disguised as semi-excusable plot. and at the time i just wasn't sure if i wanted to post and deal with all that, but i thought if i started writing and posted chapter 1, i could nudge myself over to a tidier version of it as i went. but i couldn't get chapter 2 down because my brain said "no, you write it this way or you don't write it" and so i never wrote it.

[sgtbradfords]

I have a Chenford prompt for you.

Lucy gets up the nerve to ask Tim to be her partner. Tim refuses but doesn't give a real reason. Ultimately he has to confess his feelings because he knows he hurt her.

I do apologize for such the long wait, but I hope this does your prompt justice! Enjoy! :)

Lucy Chen needed to find a new partner. Nolan had finally graduated from being a boot to a P2, leaving probation and Sergeant Grey had made the decision to partner John with Jackson in hopes of making the transition smoother. He had also appointed Lucy to work as a one man show. She knew the opportunity to work solo for any officer was always there and would always be there, but she also had her reasons for wanting to have someone sitting in the passenger seat two feet away from her.

Her week of riding solo was exciting but also nerve-wracking, the doubts that maybe she wasn’t ready for this lingered in the back of her mind every morning, as she moved to sit behind the wheel of the shop. The shifts went by smoothly, but she found being by herself to be desolate, having no one to talk to or no one getting upset when she messed with the knobs of the air conditioning.

Soon, the number of shifts and off days had accumulated into over a month and to put it simply, she was miserable being by herself, which she brought up the following week when she met Jackson and Nolan for lunch.

“Why don’t you ask Bradford? He doesn’t have a boot right now.”

Lucy hesitated before speaking, playing with the fork in her hand as she pushed a piece of lettuce around the bowl. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“You wouldn’t know unless you ask.” John pointed out as he observed his friend that sat across from him.

“It’s just…” she paused. “I don’t want to work alone. After everything that happened with Caleb and Rosalind and then going undercover a few months back. I really don’t want to work alone.”

Jackson and Nolan shared a look before Jackson took the opportunity to speak. “Lucy, why didn’t you say anything? When we get back, I’ll go talk to Grey and-“

“No! This is something that I need to do.”

Jackson changed the topic, showing his friends the picture Angela sent him earlier that morning of the baby smiling in their sleep as their lunch break ended, the officers returning to their respective shops. All too soon the numbers of the clock on the dash rolled to six o’clock, Lucy parking the shop back in between the white lines in the garage, removing her things before she returned her war bag and long gun. She made her way to the locker room, changing back into her civilian clothing, securing her off-duty weapon into the holster attached to the side of her jeans before grabbing her bag and heading out.

“Hey.” She heard someone greet as she walked across the parking garage, the person joining her by her side putting a smile on her face.

“Hey. I heard you had a fun day.”

The person grumbled, “Never thought I would be running out of a house full of bats before ten.”

“I just hate that I wasn’t there to witness Tim Bradford running away. I bet that had you regretting not taking that Sergeant position.” She teased as they approached her car, Lucy shaking her head at the sight of his truck next to hers.

“You’ll never get your hands on the vest footage Lucy.” He glared before his face softened. “I’ll never regret turning that position down. I kept my word, didn’t I?”

“That you did.” She smiled, readjusting the bag on her shoulder as she stopped at the rear of her car. “I’m actually glad that I caught you, I have a question I need to ask.”

Tim turned, leaning his back against the panel of his truck as he waited.

“I was wondering if we could possibly partner up. With Grey partnering Jackson and Nolan, I discovered that I don’t like working by myself, and I know that probably makes me look weak but I feel like-“

He stared her down as she rambled, her words threatening the sides of his mouth to turn upward as he fought back a smile.

“That doesn’t make you weak Lucy.”

“Maybe not to you but to someone else…” She sighed, turning her head to look away.

“Screw what other people think, they don’t know what we’ve-“ He stopped, shaking his head as he unconsciously took a step forward. “Their opinions shouldn’t matter.”

“But they do.” She told him honestly. “So, think you can handle working with me again?”

Tim took a moment to look her in the eyes before looking away, Lucy watching as something flickered behind his eyes before it disappeared.

“I can’t.”

Lucy took a step forward, her brow furrowed as she gently let go of the bag on her shoulder, the bag hitting the concrete. “Why not?”

“I can’t Lucy.” He said to her sternly.

“You’re not my TO Tim, you can cut the attitude.” She challenged before pushing the question once again. “Why not?”

He took a step forward, his arms crossing over his chest as his demeanor changed. “I may no longer be your training officer, Officer Chen but I am still your superior.” He told her, his tone laced with warning with every word he spoke.

“Respectfully sir, I deserve an answer.”

“One that I don’t have to give you.”

Lucy’s eyes searched his before she took a few steps back, turning around as she crouched down to pick her bag up off the ground. “You know I-“ She started as she turned back around to face him, adjusting the weight of the bag on her shoulder before thinking better of it. “Have a great evening, Officer Bradford.”

Tim watched as she got into her car, slamming the car door shut as she turned over the engine. Lucy sat behind the wheel, taking a deep breath before shifting the car into reverse and then into drive, leaving the parking garage. She couldn’t believe him, she thought to herself as she pulled off the highway and into a parking lot, steering her car towards the drive-thru of a sandwich joint. She ordered, messaging Jackson about the failure that was her evening as she waited for her food.

Twenty minutes later, her emotions had calmed down as she stepped onto the elevator of her apartment building. He was being unreasonable, she had decided as she chased the straw of the drink in her right hand, taking a sip as the bag of food on her right wrist swung freely. The thumb of her left hand scrolling through the social media feed on the phone as the elevator jolted to a stop on her floor. The heavy metal doors opened, allowing her passage as she stepped off the car, pocketing her phone as she pulled the keyring from around her left index finger.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” She cursed in disbelief as she rounded the corner. “Talk about someone second guessing themselves.”

Tim looked up from where he stood beside her front door with his arms crossed, listening to her mumble, as the sound of heeled boots he knew could only belong to one person walked across the hardwood flooring of the narrow hallway.

“Unless you’re here to give me a damn good reason Bradford, I suggest you leave.” She told him as she stood a distance away from him, sliding her key into the deadbolt.

“I’m sorry Lucy.”

Lucy snorted, rolling her eyes as she removed the key, inserting it into the lock on the handle, turning the key left as the knob turned, opening the door. “If it makes you feel any better, your apology is somewhat accepted. But that still doesn’t give me a reason as to why, you are refusing to work with me.” She told him as she stepped through the threshold, placing her bags onto the kitchen island, pulling out the cardboard container that held her sandwich, the soft click of the door quietly shutting behind her telling her that her company had followed.

Tim walked further into the apartment, only stopping once he was across from her, the quartz countertop keeping the two separated. His mouth opened and closed as the words that were on the tip of his tongue failed to convey.

Lucy proceeded to ignore him as she moved around the kitchen, grabbing a plate out of the cabinet as she placed her sandwich and fries onto the dish, grabbing the handful of condiment packets out of the takeout bag. She grabbed the plate of food, walking past Tim and towards the couch.

“I love you.”

Lucy froze mid-step at the whispered confession, her heart accelerating as she waited with bated breath for him to continue.

“I have fallen in love with you Lucy Chen and I- I can’t be your partner, not in that sense.” He told her, glancing at her over his shoulder as he spoke, their backs still to each other as he turned around. “Out of everything that I have been through, this, loving you, scares the shit out of me.”

“You’re just saying that.” She whispered with glossy eyes, as she placed the plate in her hand down onto the coffee table, refusing to turn her body around.

Tim took a step forward, his hand reaching out to gently grasp the crease of her elbow. “I’m not. I look at you, and you’re home.”

Lucy hesitantly turned, his hand falling away as her gaze found his.

“I’m not just saying it, I mean it Luce. I love you.” He told her, enunciating those three words as he took a small step forward, lowering his forehead to rest against hers. “You have annoyed me more than I ever thought was possible, but I love you and I want to spend every irritating minute with you.”

Lucy could feel his uttered confession against her lips as her nose brushed against his, her hand pressing against his chest as she moved to stand on the tips of her toes. Her lips feathered against his, their breaths mixing as she took the final step. His lips were soft against hers, a hand tentatively wrapping an arm around the small of her back as Lucy’s hand crept away from his chest and towards the back of his neck, fingers carding through the short strands of dirty blonde hair as she attempted to pull him further into her.

The touches from fingertips were gentle and light as they tested the bounds of this new development, mouths opening under the tongue of the other as the soft kiss soon turned fervent and quickly spiraled out of control.

Lucy moaned into his mouth as the hand around her waist began to drift lower, her fingers curling into the stands of hair at the nape of his neck, her lungs protesting for air as he abandoned her kiss swollen lips.

“Is that a good enough reason?” He exhaled as he looked at the woman standing in his arms, a trance-like look on her face as she pulled back ever so slightly, to catch her breath.

“What?” she asked, shaking her head.

Tim smirked. “You asked for a damn good reason for me being here.”

“You know, I don’t know… Maybe we should discuss this some more.” She smiled as she used the hand on the back of his neck to pull him back towards her.

“That,” He whispered against her lips. “Sound like a good idea.”

[xenteaart]

You’re a Cat, Hargreeves

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Request 1: Hello, so Five has been through a LOT in just two weeks, so can I request something where the reader and him have a bit of intimacy but are not together yet. Then something happens that is just the last drop to him and he shows up to the reader with red and glossy eyes and collapses in her arms? She just holds him (because boy, he needs it) and after a while he manages to talk about things letting his feelings for her slip in the process. Then she can just calm him down and make him feel loved.

Request 2: Could I request a fanfic where Five has a terrible day at the Commission or in the Apocalypse and at bedtime the Reader comforts him, and he suddenly becomes the little spoon for the first time? Idk I think it would be cute to see him shy and secretly liking

!!! Note: Since these two requests have a common theme of Five being stressed as fuck and having a breakdown I’ve decided to combine them. Personally I imagine this scenario in my Commission AU, HOWEVER, I intentionally didn’t make it very specific in terms of the circumstances so you can headcanon whatever u like <3 also sorry its not the exact scenario from your requests but i hope you don’t mind me taking some creative liberty.

also both Five and Reader are in their 20s here coz otherwise i’m very uncomfortable

massive thanks to @wonders-of-the-multiverse​ for helping me out with wording the physicality of certain things <33333

GIF: @maxiemayfield​

You’ve seen Five in many different states.

You’ve seen him anxious and spiraling, you’ve seen him furious and borderline insane; depressed and distant, lost and confused. At this point, you genuinely thought you’d seen it all but, apparently, you were wrong.

“I am just so tired.” Five whispered almost inaudibly with a sigh so desperate that it made your stomach turn.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you asked, your voice small as you weren’t quite sure how to act yet.

He glanced at you, and you couldn’t help but notice his eyes glistening with salty wetness that was about to spill out and smear his frustration all over his cheeks.

You always loved Five’s eyes - his huge, almost puppy dog eyes that made you absolutely lose yourself in their depth. Whenever you looked into them, you saw wisdom, maturity, exhaustion and patience, dedication and passion, all at the same time. There was a whole other universe behind his blue orbs, and you admired it endlessly. Looking into his eyes right now, however, was nowhere near as exciting and pleasant. Instead, it felt like some strange and violent ache was gripping you at the very heart and squeezing it without mercy, and you winced at the sensation as worry and concern were uncontrollably blossoming inside your ribcage.

Five didn’t grant you with an answer, too busy trying to hold back his tears and clenching his teeth proudly as if there was any point at all.

You got up on your feet and approached Five slowly, careful not to freak him out as you were giving him the time to get used to your presence in his personal space. Normally, he wouldn’t mind yet you couldn’t tell if the same rules applied to scenarios like the one taking place.

“I’m here, yeah? It’s okay, you’re okay,” you kept repeating like a mantra as you pulled Five into your embrace.

He buried his face in the crook of your neck and you instantly felt your skin getting damp. In just a few seconds Five’s entire body relaxed into yours and he wrapped his arms around you tightly, finally letting go and allowing himself to have a proper cry. He hadn’t had one in years, and, by all means, he was entitled to this breakdown.

Most of the time, Five was the one protecting you - looking out for you and leading the both of you out of dangerous and potentially lethal situations. Not that it was a completely one-sided dynamic but it was true that you tended to rely on him quite a lot in times of crisis. Five was good in crisis, exceptional actually. He made decisions quickly and didn’t hesitate to do absolutely anything it took to achieve his goals, which, unfortunately, meant that he was often forced to make choices where humanity and ethics were no longer a top priority.

Despite all that, Five always seemed in control, and even when he wasn’t, you knew he’d get it back eventually. You had placed your trust in him at all times, and only now were you starting to realize that it must have felt like a huge weight of responsibility on his shoulders. Granted, he was objectively smarter and more capable due to his superpowers but he was still human.

Hearing Five’s hopeless and feverish sobbing was unnerving, and you could only imagine what was going on in his cluttered and clearly overloaded mind as he was bawling his eyes out with such raw and genuine fury. From the lack of a better idea you simply waited for Five to cry himself out, patiently holding him in your arms and whispering words of reassurance into the air, not so much out of hope he’d hear them and listen but more as a means of letting him feel you were still there.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Five finally uttered but his words rather quickly got drowned in his weeping. You still got the message, though.

“You deserve to rest, Five,” you replied, feeling your legs start to shake from the weight of Five’s entire body leaning on your form. As much as you wanted to stay like this for as long as he needed, you couldn’t exactly go against your evident physical disadvantage. Five was a heavy gentleman, after all.

“Hey, let’s move to the bed, yeah?” it was more of a statement than a question, so you stepped towards the bed suggestively, expecting him to follow you. To your relief, he didn’t resist and followed your lead right away, seemingly too exhausted to even think, let alone disobey.

Five’s body was limp from the absence of energy, all of which had presumably gone into crying, and he could barely manage to walk on his own, so you grabbed at his shoulders to steady him.

It felt like his physical self was now merely a vehicle with no pilot to steer it, and his mind was long lost someplace else.

As you sat Five down, you caressed his cheek with your thumb, wiping away the trails of his tears whilst also trying to gently break him out of the prison of his troubled and restless brain. To your disappointment, it failed to spark any sort of response.

Right in this moment, he looked almost defenseless. Sure, he wasn’t an incapable baby all of a sudden but he was relying on you, reversing your roles and putting all of his worries and pain on your shoulders, basically asking you to carry them for him because he simply couldn’t anymore.

“Fives. Fives? Look at me, please?” you called, trying to shift his attention to something on the outside because you knew it was the looking inside that pushed him to crumble.

“Focus on my voice, alright?” you tried to keep your tone as steady and stern as you possibly could because right now you were his only bridge back to reality.

You pressed your palms against Five’s shoulders and slowly climbed onto his lap, resting your weight atop of him completely and hoping the pressure of it would manage to snap him out of his almost delirious daze.

As your hand reached for Five’s, you placed it on your chest right where your heart was beating and said:

“Can you feel it? It means I’m alive, Fives. I’m a human and a consciousness just like you. And I'm never leaving your side, no matter the circumstances. You’re never going to be alone, I promise you.”

You took Five by his chin with your other hand and softly guided his gaze upwards to meet your own, noticing his red glossy eyes finally regaining some clarity. The very peak of Five’s episode had already passed, and, as he was coming down from it, he encircled your waist with his arm and let his head sink to your shoulder with his eyes closed shut.

Still sitting straddled across his lap, you brushed your fingers through his soft silky hair and began to massage his scalp in a calming manner, trying to release some of the tension and lull him further into peacefulness. As your fingers moved a little lower, you knew you’d hit the sweet spot because Five literally purred into your skin as soon as he felt your nails gently scratch at the nape of his neck.

“How many times did I say you’re a cat, Hargreeves,” you rolled your eyes at his reaction and couldn’t resist a wide smile as you buried your nose in his hair. Five hummed quietly, and it was the only response you were going to get from him, which, to be fair, was already a big improvement so you couldn't really complain.

“How about we get you into some comfier clothes, wash your face and then you can tell me all about what’s been on your mind, hm?” you proposed confidently, still holding Five close and practically enveloping him in your warmth.

Your every movement was saturated with such understanding and care that not for a split second did Five feel like his vulnerability was making him weak or unworthy. It was quite the opposite, and with each passing moment he was beginning to feel like you were only making him stronger.

He nodded at your suggestion approvingly but didn’t move an inch, and you took it as a hint that he needed a few more minutes of sitting in silence; the bridge of his nose pressed to your collarbone as he was still finding his way back into the present.

You didn’t mind at all.

[elephart-hi]

The Mortal Maiden: Witch!Jude

Chapter 2: A Secret Sealed with a Kiss

set during The Cruel Prince.

(another sneek peek at my wip for this fic)

summary: Oh, he was making a show of himself for her she realized noting the way the light caught on the definition of his stomach. He wanted her to look at him. His lidded eyes seemed to say ‘aren’t I lovely’ and damn it if he wasn’t.

Rating: Mature but not explicitly till later chapters!

AN: I contemplated having this chapter be Cardan reading harry potter and Jude just spoiling the whole series and telling him everyone who dies just to spite him.... sighhhhh i had to make the hard decision and actually write the plot

also no beta for this chapter tee hee

Ao3 Chapter 1 you are at chapter 2 chapter 3

Cardan blinked at the vision before him. Once, twice. Then glanced at the goblet in his hand with a perplexed look on his face. He wasn't sure if he had accidentally poured himself the bottle he had mixed with his hallucinogenic powders. There was no way Jude Duerte would be standing in his room mid-day. She would be asleep in her chambers at the general’s stronghold.

He looked back at the vision in front of him and rubbed his eyes. Then he heard a scoff and saw her sneer at him with fathomless hate burning in her amber eyes. Now that seemed very real. He glanced at her hands and saw that the ring finger of her left hand was missing a digit. He started.

“You’re being rude.”

Cardan wiped his head in the direction of the door as he heard Darnal, the knocker laugh at her from the other side. Her nose crinkled and her brows pinched at the sound. She was cute when she was angry. And she was also definitely in his bedroom. Cardan tried to not let his mind wander to the many inappropriate fantasies he has had of this very scene but he was on his fourth bottle of wine and he was having a hard time reeling it in. He looked her up and down slowly, hoping it would make her mad enough to distract her while he grabbed his damned tail. He needed to get it under control before it made a fool of him.

“Aren’t you going to say something”

“I supposed I should, shouldn’t I?” he didn’t know what to say. He had no idea what she was doing here. He felt a smirk tug at his lips as his nerves continued to spiral out of control. His hand reached behind his back and grappled for his tail “Why are you in my room?”

“Why does your door know my name?” she gritted back, her lips curled into a snarl. She was clearly very annoyed, for what reason Cardan didn’t know. She was the one in his room after all… in the middle of the day no less. Shouldn’t he be the annoyed one? There she was barging in on him when he could have been sleeping for all she knew.

“Care for a glass of wine Jude?” he asked ignoring her question. He stood from his bed and poured more into his goblet; his tail secured within his pants. He had a feeling that he didn’t want to be sober for this conversation, although he had already become a distant stranger to sobriety since classes let out hours before, “You seem wound up, perhaps a drink will help you pull the stick out of your ass. Or, if this isn’t a friendly visit, I could call the guards for you. Though I’m afraid you will find them far less hospitable.”

He has a glass filled for her by the time he finishes talking. She looks more pissed than before, her amber eyes seemed to crackle like embers. She doesn't move to grab the glass from him so he tries a different approach.

“You’re the one who came to my room, Jude, claiming you didn’t want to interrupt me and that you could come back another time. Well let me assure you, you haven’t interrupted anything important, the book will still be there tomorrow to intrigue me, but you are only here right this moment. And I wouldn't want to inconvenience you with having to sneak back in again. So… what can I do for you?”

They seem to be having a staring contest because Jude’s gaze continues to bore into his own. She grinds her teeth refusing to reply, neither one of them willing to break first. She was impossibly cute with her face scrunched up in anger like that. His arm begins to tire from holding a glass out to her for so long. He heaves a sigh and starts lowering his arm when she speaks at last.

“Tell me why your door knows my name. That’s what I’ve come calling about.”

Cardan sighed heavily, his head falling back, annoyance prickling but altogether muddled by the wine. Muddled along with every other emotion he liked to drown in the drink. He takes another long swig from his own goblet, which escalates to him guzzling it down to the dregs. He sighs when he finishes and sets the empty cup on his tray of food. Then he finally goes to address her once more, the alcohol giving him the patience he needs,

“Oh my nightmare nemesis,” his words slurred a bit. He swayed briefly, then collected himself before continuing. “For you to have heard my door use your name, you would’ve had to already be at Hollow Hall, since he is bound to this manor. Yes? So tell me again, without any lies from your mortal tongue, what you brought you to my residence--”

He is interrupted by the ruckus made by the guards outside.

“Any sign of the thief?”

“No! She couldn’t have gotten far!”

Cardan snapped his gaze back to Jude, her face suspiciously neutral. Cardan called out to his door, tilting his head in its direction but keeping his eyes locked on her.

“Darnallll,” the knocker appeared on his door, silently waiting for a command, “find out what the appearance of the thief was from the guards, will you.”

“No need sire, I can tell you right away. The thief was a fairy of short stature, with horns, and yellow eyes. The woman had hair, not unlike your guest here, and was wearing a gown of the same color,” the knocker’s eyes glanced toward Jude, who kept her face decidedly cool. Cardan knows Jude is crafty, she may not be a fairy but she matched the description minus the horns, eyes, and ears. There was a possibility.

Jude pushed her hair behind her ears showing off the round curve of them while opening her eyes comically wide.

“All clear here, though I do envy their horns. It seems like I’m not the only one who snuck into the Manor today,” she nodded towards the door, “some guard he is.”

Darnal laughed at that, mischief glinting on his brass features, and said, “I found her lurking in a stairwell listening against the door trying to see if there was anyone on the other side. She said she was looking for trouble---”

“You asked if I was looking for trouble,” Jude interrupted, her brows pinched together, “I decided to amuse you, Darnallll, so said I was. I wanted to see where it would lead me.”

She had drawled the door’s name out and turned up her chin. That pride of her unwavering. She turned back to Cardan to finish telling him how it happened, “So he led me to your room telling me I could find trouble here… So there, now you know how I met your door and why I’m in your room.”

She came over to him and at last, grabbed the wine from his hand and raised it to him, “To trouble and friendly, although unexpected, visits,” she finished her small toast and took a deep drink.

“But it doesn't explain why you were already in the manor nor how you already knew that this was Cardan’s chamber,” the doorknocker added.

“I seem to recall you saying this would be the fun, kind of trouble, I would hardly call an interrogation fun,” Jude bit back at the door.

“And yet when you announced yourself you immediately began interrogating my prince.”

Cardan watched the two bicker as he poured himself yet another glass. He brought his free hand up and rubbed his temple feeling a headache coming on.

“Enough!” the glamour rippled in waves from his throat, amplified by the amount of fairy wine in his system. It hadn’t taken long for him to discover that fairy wine (and fruit) amplified the strength of his glamour, not with the copious amounts that he consumed each day.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Jude and the door stopped bickering at the sound of his glamour. His voice was low and rumbly, it radiated with power. Jude’s heart was racing in her chest. She knew she was doomed. She didn’t see any way to get out of this. Her knees felt weak. Cardan was going to turn her in. Then, he and Balekin would have a field day torturing her together as they tried to carve secrets from her flesh that they would never get. They would keep on carving her up, waiting for her to cave but the geas would render her unable to, even when the pain would make her desperate. Jude drank deeply from the wine he gave her, finishing the glass. If she was to be tortured then she would at least have the wine to dull the pain. She hummed as she felt her head start to swim and laughed to herself; at least she would appear to be able to withstand torture. Oh, trouble indeed.

She held her glass out to him for more wine. His eyebrow quirked at her but he complied instructing her to say when. She had him fill it to the brim.

“Well Jude, how did you know that these were my chambers?” Cardan asked her as she took another drink, his own words still slurring.

Jude laughed the wine making her lightheaded. She turned to look at the annoying door that doomed her and answered truthfully.

“Alice in Wonderland,” she said with her most annoying smile. If she was going to die anyway she might as well piss Cardan off one last time. Her last joy before she went to join her parents.

“I borrowed it from you, hope you don’t mind. It was one of the books my mother read to my sisters and me before we were whisked away to a wonderland of our own. However, Elfhame brings more terror than wonder truthfully,” the alcohol gave her loose lips but her head was light and she didn’t care. Perhaps this is why Cardan drank so much, she did feel quite relaxed. She spared him a glance and laughed.

Cardan had the most peculiar look on his face his mouth hung open and he had one finger poised in the air as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say. Jude decided she wouldn't give him a chance to.

“Darnal, you quite remind me of the talking door from the book. Although I find you more infuriating, perhaps it’s because you are trying to get me killed. I would like it if you were to stop that, I would very much hate to die.”

The door laughed at her words then spoke to Cardan, “looks like the wine did pull the stick out of her ass after all.”

“Oh hush you, don’t make me come over there,” to that the door magicked its face to another door in Cardan’s chambers and waggled his eyes at her as if to say come get me. Jude laughed again, it was such a nice thing to do. She turned to Cardan who still looked bewildered.

“Are you alright you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are ghosts even real?” she rambled to him, a smile on her face. She would enjoy confusing him before he killed her. Her head was spinning from the wine, she took another sip as she waited for his response.

“I was wondering where that went,” his words came out quiet.

Jude scrunched her brows wondering what he meant and then realized he was talking about the book.

“Oh yes! Oak rather likes it,” she takes another sip, “So now you know why I knew it was your room... now you must tell me why your door knows my name. Also, there was a piece of paper with my name scribbled on it over and over again stuffed in the book. I don’t like you much either but my word! I’ve never furiously written out your name till I ripped the paper. That’s a bit much don’t ya think,” she hiccuped out the last word as Cardan’s face turned pink with rage.

“I think you’ve found more than enough trouble tonight, mortal, perhaps you shoul--”

Darnel starts laughing up a storm interrupting Cardan. Cardan turns and grabs the bottle of wine, drinking from the spout.

“Oh I don’t think she found nearly enough trouble,” Darnel said as Cardan guzzled the contents down, “Lady Jude, my prince sighs out your name day after day and scribbles it on parchment in an attempt to rid you of his mind--” Cardan spits the drink out choking on it, the wine ruining his shirt even more.

“Why you!” Cardan snarls out, anger showing on his face; Darnel pays him no mind and plows on.

“It’s why I referred to you as his maiden as well!” the door is laughing as he talks, “I wonder if he fanci----”

“I command you to leave at once!” Cardan’s glamour radiates the room. Immediately Darnel the door knocker vanishes from the room leaving them in silence. All Jude can do is stare as she watches his chest heave up and down.

Then she starts to laugh. Really truly laugh. A bellyaching, body-shaking laugh. She can't help herself. The idea is absolutely ridiculous and the wine makes it that much more fun. Jude bends over holding her stomach as she lets loose a snort. A SNORT! She forgot she even did that when she laughed hard. She hasn’t laughed like this since she was in the mortal world. It was when her dad had snorted up cheese at a Mexican restaurant; a comedian told a particularly funny joke. It had all been so funny that Jude laughed herself silly, till her abs were sore---

The memory sobered her up quickly as her laughs turned to little sobs and then… nothing. Armor locking around her heart once more. She coldly patted away the tears on her face and looked to Cardan who seem miserable and mildly concerned. He was leaning against his bed shifting on his feet, looking anywhere in the room but her. Perhaps his face went pink from embarrassment earlier rather than anger. Perhaps he does fancy her after all. A scheme took form in Jude’s mind.

“I suppose it makes sense… You had your goons strip me to my underwear and ask me who I wanted to kiss the most. Then you ordered me to tell you how much I admired you while I kissed your feet,” Jude referenced the incident with the fairy fruit. His head snapped to her at once.

“I did not tell Valerian to drug you, nor did I tell Niccassia to strip you! They did that of their own volition,” he urged her, eyes flashing with anger at her accusation.

“But you did ask me to kiss your feet and tell you how much I admired you.”

He averted his eyes again, ears drooping and cheeks flushed as he refused to meet her gaze. At least he had the decency to look ashamed.

“I have a deal for you Cardan,” he looked up at her, “I’ll give you a kiss if you promise to never tell anyone that you saw me tonight.”

“Only if you swear to tell no one of the note with your name on it or of anything you heard or saw in this room,” his response had a bite to it, he was angry. Jude supposed it was easier to be angry than embarrassed.

“Then we can both swear to secrecy instead. Forego the kiss altogether,” Jude countered, she put a bite into her own words. She saw something flash across his face that was gone an instant later. Disappointment?

“Aww unless you still want a kiss poor princeling,” she mocked him, the fading alcohol making her bold. He deserved it. ‘Boys are mean to girls they like’ was a stupid saying from the mortal world, if he liked her he should have been kind to her. She would mock him for this until they struck their bargain of secrecy. She would hold this over him. She would shame him for it.

“I didn’t say anything Jude, you’re the one who sounds like you want a kiss now, offering me not once but twice,” his infuriating smirk returned to his lips. She couldn’t stand him.

“Don’t be ridiculous! You are the one who fancies me, Cardan,” she seethed.

“Did you ever consider that I want to revenge Locke?” Cardan sneered, “the door was the one who implied I fancied you. I said no such thing.”

That did make more sense to Jude. Locke had stolen Cardan’s lover and now he wants to do the same to Locke.

“Then what good would swearing to secrecy do. He will never know that you revenged him.”

“I will. I would know of the revenge and you would know of it, and that’s fine by me. He isn’t worth the effort of rubbing it in his face. He can go about thinking he has bested me. I will know that he hasn’t and that he is the one who looks a fool.”

Cardan moved from his spot as he spoke and pulled his wine ruined sleep shirt from his body. He moved to a basin in the corner of the room and dipped a rag into the water, wiping the wine that still stuck to his body. His scars were in clear view of her from where she stood. She couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her lips.

“Once we strike our bargain it won’t matter that you’ve seen them,” he said in reference to his scars, “don’t bother asking.”

Jude didn’t know what to say, the memories of her last mission haunting her. She wondered what he would do if he knew she already knows how he got them. She went to sip her wine but her glass was already empty. She moved to the bed and placed her glass on his tray. When she turned around, she found Cardan an arm’s length away from her, using a new cloth to pat dry his chest. He didn’t look at her as he sat on the bed. He wasn't muscular persay, fairies don’t put on muscles the way mortals do. Even Madoc looked small next to a mortal bodybuilder. Cardan was skinny like all fairies were, but he had muscle Jude thought, eyeing the v-shape that trailed beneath his pants.

“You’re staring.”

Jude felt her face warm and she took a few steps back from the bed, putting space between them. She leered at him.

“Balekin makes me run drills with his guard since I’m so pitiful with a sword. Says I need to at least stay in shape. I hated it at first but then I started gaining even more attention from lovers, so I tolerate it now,” there was a grin pulling at his lips. Oh, he thought she was admiring him, that wouldn’t do.

“I was actually thinking of how you would look like a twig next to a mortal man, even I have more muscle than you do,” Jude said with a smirk.

His face fell into a scowl and she huffed a laugh at it. He probably hated that she just implied a mortal could be more attractive than him. Sure a mortal could be more muscular easily, but Cardan truly was handsome beyond reason, he made her head spin when she looked at him. Maybe it was the wine--- ughh she wished she could say it was the wine.

“Why would I want help you revenge Locke?” she said returning them to their previous conversation. Cardan huffs a laugh at her. His grin lighting up his beautiful face. How he was so perfect she didn’t know. He stretched his arms above his head, Jude tried not to notice the lean muscles there either, and then he leaned his back flat on the bed, his knees bent, feet still on the floor.

“Because he still lies with Niccasia, and he is to be wed to yet another lover. Locke is stringing you along Jude. So why not revenge him? Kiss the person you hate more than any other over him. Do it just because he is so foul and because he will never know that you did it to spite him. Just like you would have never known about either of his lovers till he broke your heart.”

His words stung. Jude didn’t love Locke but it still hurt. He was to be married. And he was still with Niccasia. She felt anger bubble up within her. Easier to feel anger than it was to feel hurt. Jude stood and she walked toward Cardan until she stood between his legs. He leaned up partway on the bed, resting on his forearms. Oh, he was making a show of himself for her she realized noting the way the light caught on the definition of his stomach. He wanted her to look at him. His lidded eyes seemed to say ‘aren’t I lovely’ and damn it if he wasn’t.

“Cardan,” she starts, his midnight eyes gleamed in the fairy light, “I swear to tell no one of your note with my name on it nor of anything I heard or saw in this room tonight if you swear to tell no one you saw or spoke to me,” her voice an arctic whisper as she held her hand out to him. He leaned forward to grasp her hand in his larger one.

“I swear it, Jude,” she could smell the magic as surged bounding him to his vow. She had magic to ensure he was faithful to his promise, but he had to trust her on good faith alone. Her head was spinning but she knew it wasn't because of the wine; it was from what she was about to do. Jude took a deep breath before the magic took its final hold and spoke.

“Then seal it with a kiss”

Next Chapter

[jjmaybnks]

fake dating; jj maybank

requested; Can you do a jj x reader where they hate each but end up fake dating and falling for each other

@obsessedweirdo  i hope you enjoy this!! i’m not quite sure if this was what you wanted but i hope it is okay

word count; 2k

you hated the midsummer parties, year after year your mum wanted you to find the perfect kook date, you hated that she did that, they were all boring and cared about materialistic things that had no interest to you. 

“(y/n) you need a date for the midsummers, how about that topper? he’s a lovely young man, he helped me with my golf the other day” your mom asked you not looking up from the newspaper she was reading whilst sipping on her coffee. 

you rolled your eyes. out of all the boys in the OBX she could have suggested, she said topper. you could see how it’d go already, you’d arrive, he’d be complaining about the fact that sarah left him for john b and you’d be downing your sorrows in the free champagne they were handing out. yeah, that was not going to happen.

“i am not going with topper mom and besides i already have a date, i’ve been seeing him for a few weeks” you lied so she didn’t try and set you up with any more boys from figure eight, she already didn’t approve of your friends so she just had to interfere with your love life. great. now you had to find a date for this stupid event. 

----

“john b are you home?” you screamed walking into the chateau. you could hear the shower running so you had just assumed it was him taking a shower. you settled on the couch and pulled your phone out playing some random game you downloaded. the water suddenly stopped causing you to look up and see jj walk out with just a towel around his waist. you had to admit, jj was extremely good looking, the way his messy hair rested on his head and fell in front of his sparkling blue eyes and his smile, god, he had the most beautiful smile. okay, so maybe you had a small crush on jj but you both hated each other so it’d never happen. 

coughing lightly to get his attention you adverted your gaze so you weren’t caught checking him out. “where is john b?” you asked whilst continuing to look around the rooms of the chateau whilst he stared at you with an emotionless look. 

“well if it isn’t the kook princess herself, what can i do for you?” jj replied with a snap, ignoring your question and not hiding his displeasure of you being here or the roll of his eyes. 

“i’m looking for john b, have you seen him?” you asked, a small sigh escaping your lips, you didn’t have the energy to argue with jj, not today, it was way too hot in the outer banks and the walk to john b’s from yours didn’t do you any favours. 

“nah he’s probably macking off with sarah somewhere. why? got a thing for john b?” jj smirked, his laugh bouncing off the walls in the chateau. his laugh seemed to fade as he looked at your unamused face and held his hands up in surrender as he waited for your answer. 

his towel still rested upon his waist, briefly showing his v-line, his wet hair letting droplets of water fall onto his body, cascading down his abs until it reached his towel. you tried your hardest not to stare at him but it was hard when he looked like an absolute god and you wanted to jump his bones. maybe your small crush was a big crush.

“earth to (y/n), what do you want john b for?’ jj asked quizzically, his confusion written all over his face, you didn’t blame him though it wasn’t often that you came rushing to the chateau in search of john b.

“i just wanted to know if he’d be my fake date to the midsummers, my mum is forcing me to take a date this year and she wanted me to go with topper and i hate topper and i told her i was going with someone already which is a total lie and i need a date and yeah” you rambled out breathlessly, somewhat nervous of jj’s reaction and as much as you hated to admit it, you wished it was jj that you were asking to the midsummers.

“i hate to break it to you princess, john b isn’t going to be your ‘fake date’ he’s going with sarah” jj chucked as you let out a groan. just your luck, you were happy for him though, after everything that had happened with his dad, he needed some sort of normality in his life and well, sarah, she’d be good for him.

“i’ll just ask pope, it’s not a big deal” you let out, picking yourself off of the couch and walking towards the door, adjusting your bag as you moved through the chateau. the sun beamed through the windows causing a gold shimmer to rest upon your face as you turned around and gave a small wave to jj but before you could leave he stopped you.

“ah i’m afraid he’s going to be working there so he can’t help you out” jj smirked at your misfortune, you had no idea who was left to ask unless you asked jj, it was a wild shot in the dark if he’d accompany you but it was worth trying.

“jj be my fake date, it’s only one night and then we can go back to arguing every day i just need to get my mom off of my back” you practically begged, it wasn’t often you begged, especially not for jj but you needed him right now. the look on his face surprised you, his smirk seemed to turn into a wide grin and his eyes seemed to twinkle at the thought of you both attending the midsummers together and thought made yourself smile and bask in the thought of you and jj together. you quickly shook that thought out of your mind and looked at him with pleading eyes and he knew you were desperate.

“fine (y/n) but don’t get too attached” jj whined but deep inside he was happy, he was ecstatic to spend the time with you. he liked you, a lot. did he show it the best way possible? no. he pretended to hate you just as much as you pretended to hate him but somehow the feelings went oblivious to everyone.

“i owe you one, thank you jj” you replied sincerely, you didn’t expect him to say yes if anything you expected him to laugh in your face and tell you to jog on. smiling softly at him you left the chateau, walking down the beat-up drive with the sun beaming on your exposed shoulders and you walked back to figure eight.

---

your midnight blue dress fit you perfectly, the scooped neckline seemed to enhance your cleavage and hugged your curves flawlessly, your black lace-up espadrille platform sandals added an inch or two to your height. your (y/h/c)  hair was loose and wavy down your back and you kept your make-up to a minimum, beige eyeshadow and a nude lip gloss. you looked like a goddess. you felt good, it wasn’t often you dressed up, keeping your outfits casual when you were with the pogues or working at the wreck. 

you took a deep breath and stepped out of your room, jj was waiting downstairs for you, you could hear him on the phone to john b whilst he was waiting for sarah to finish getting ready. you had to admit, you were nervous. would jj like your dress? would he think your make-up was bad? the thoughts were rushing through your head like a tidal wave causing an array of different emotions to run through your body. you didn’t hear jj tread up the stairs in search for you and once he found you, his jaw dropped. for the first time in a long time, jj was speechless, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you, you were absolutely gorgeous. 

the butterflies in your stomach never faded as his crystal blue eyes never left your (y/e/c) eyes. the blush that stained your cheeks seemed to deepen at his lingering gaze whilst you tried to regain your composure. “we should go we don’t want to be late” you managed to cough out, taking in his appearance, his blonde hair was brushed back and slightly gelled into place, his bruises on his face was fading slowly, the only remains of them was the light green marks that stained his face. his black tux looked good on him, it contrasted against his tan skin making him almost glow. you couldn’t take your eyes off of him, you were in deep and you were sure there was no way out. 

grabbing his hand, you ignored the sparks that ignited at the skin on skin contact and nervously walked down the spiral staircase of your house with jj following you behind. the sun started setting causing a golden glow to cast over the both of you. jj thought you looked angelic, you were his angel even if you didn’t know it.

---

the stares you and jj received as you both walked through the bar were enough to tell you that you made the right decision in attending with jj, you were fed up of the disapproving glares the kooks chucked at you for your friends, all because they were pogues. you didn’t care who your friends were, you knew they were lifelong and would be by your side no matter what and well jj, you had no idea what it was. 

the soft music that was playing made you want to gag, this was not a party you were happy to attend, you needed the classic pogue party, the unlimited supply of weed and alcohol, the tourists you could mack off on, that was a party. not this, this was full of people who cared more about their social status and having the newest range of designer. these were not your people.

out of the corner of your eye, you could see topper staring at you intensely ignoring whatever rafe was blabbering on about to him. you pulled jj closer to you, to make it look believable that you were together. god, how you wished you were. taking two flutes of champagne from the servers, you handed jj one and quickly downed it whilst he joined you. pulling jj with you, you went to the middle of the dance floor and took his hands in yours, slowly dancing with him whilst you ignored the endless chatter from the kooks beside you.

“i’ve not told you how beautiful you look tonight, (y/n) you look absolutely stunning” jj whispered in your ear whilst he twirled you around. you didn’t expect his confession and hid the blush that permanently marked your cheeks in his shoulder whilst you swayed to the music. the flutters in your stomach never ceased as you listened to the slow beat of his heart, you knew jj had a way with words, that and his good looks it was had all the tourists swooning over him. 

“you don't look too bad yourself john” you smiled at him, you knew he hated it when anyone used his real name but he couldn’t bring himself to hate it anymore with you, he knew he had fallen hard for you. you didn't know how it happened or who leaned in first, you just knew your lips were on his and they moulded together perfectly.

“well I didn't expect to see this” kie grinned proudly. you pulled away and noticed all of your friends had witnessed your make-out session with jj. they all smiled widely whilst you hid your head in jj’s chest once again hiding the blush that was etched onto your face.

it was good, life was good and you couldn't be any happier to know that jj reciprocated the feelings that you had for him. for once in your life, you liked the midsummer parties, all thanks to one jj maybank.  

tags; @aberette13​ @pancahke​ @boobear729​ @sexualparkour​ @afterglowsb-tch13​ @ilover5r9​ @obxwriterfan​ @dolanfivsosxox​ @maybankiara​ @drizzlethatfalls​ @hmspoguee​ @verdeevidenziatore  @chalametnpeaches​ @dallasandjjmaybanksbitch @lovelymaybankk​ @procasination-nations  @spilledtee​

[demonicheadcanons]

Can you please do a headcanon for Satan, Mammon& Lucifer for when their s/o gets drunk & starts crying &gets emotional(i usually don't show my true feelings & I only do so when I'm drunk I get emotional af I feel like I'm worthless & a burden to my mom as she gave up her entire life in raising me & well highschool & my best friend depression)it got dark real quick lol sorry about that)so I was wondering how the brothers would react it's fine if you don't want to do it thank you 😊have a nice day

AN: Feel better soon Nonny! You’re a whole person on your own and the people who are supporting you have made the decision to do so, rather than giving in to guilt, it might help to focus on being grateful for the choices they’ve made for you - you’re absolutely worth it :O Be safe, and I hope you find a safer coping mechanism!!

TW: Mentions of alcohol / unhealthy relationships with drinking, etc.

Reactions to an Emotional Drunk MC

Scenario: Satan, Mammon, Lucifer, and the MC are all in the human realm and are relaxing in a bar with some drinks.

Lucifer

- Lucifer is the one who shuts it down.

- He was feeling quite settled, and so had decided not to be so on top of everyone. It was up to you, Mammon, and Satan to make good decisions and take care of yourselves. He’d still be there, and he was still watching, but he also wanted to relax a little before he had to return back to the Devildom and start catching up on the work he’d missed out on.

- He was keeping an eye on you, in particular - you seemed to be uncomfortable but he wasn’t putting the pieces together properly until you’d downed yet another glass of something or other, some human liquor he couldn’t make out by colour alone, and then plopped down in the seat beside him.

- You seemed alright for a few moments, maybe a bit out of it, and his gaze flickered across the room again away from you until he heard a sniffle. He looks at you again, suddenly on edge. His hand is on your chin in seconds, tilting your head up towards him so that he could see your face better. Tears openly flow down your cheeks, and his heart skips a beat.

- He starts asking questions immediately, not letting go of your chin unless you grab his wrist or try to brush his hand away. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He bristles out of no where, leaning in closer. “Did someone do something?”

- You rub at your eyes and just start gushing, and he’s at a loss for words as he listens to everything. You see his eyebrows furrow any time you say something negative about yourself, Lucifer’s shoulders still up and with him still leaning his entire body towards you, fully focused. He processes everything and, before you can continue putting yourself down, he gives you a sharp glare.

- It’s not that he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t see the point in this - he’d listen to you talk, listen to you get out everything you needed to, but this seemed counter-intuitive if you were going to spend the entire time putting yourself down. He sighs and pulls off his cloak, settling it around your shoulders before sitting slightly closer, looking out over the room as he talks.

- His words aren’t reassuring as such, full of concern masked in self-confidence. He tells you that you surely couldn’t be so bad; you were doing well amongst all the demons, you were resisting fairly well, within days you had half his brothers in your hands and under your control which meant you were either very smart, or stupidly caring. You’d made strides no one else could have. He levels you with a stare again. “I have no reason to lie,” he informs you, “and no reason to inform you of your own worth if I felt you didn’t have any.” The smallest smile forms on his face as he tells you, “You’ve proved yourself useful for me and Lord Diavolo, at least.”

- He watches you curl up in his coat and take in everything he’s said, and his chest hurts for a split second - humans really were so small and fragile. And yet you’d held strong until now, and even this wasn’t enough of a weakness to diminish your worth. He sighs again, excuses himself to fetch you both a glass of water - he’d let you cry it out, now, but you needed to be hydrated for that at least.

- When you’re sober and back home, he regularly checks up on you. He subtly asks about your mood and how you feel you’re doing, compliments you randomly, and if you’re drinking, he’s by your side so that you at the very least have someone to correct you if you start spiraling.

[Others under the read more]

Mammon

- Mammon is the one who gives emotional comfort.

- He was having fun, the human alcohol relaxing him just enough that he could exist with ease whilst still functioning. At the same time, he was keeping a close eye on you, and would regularly circle back to see where you were - you wouldn’t be alone for even a second unless you forcibly asked him to leave you be, with Mammon ensuring that at least one of the brothers was with you at all times.

- Satan had wandered off somewhere after someone bumped into him and made him spill his drink, and Mammon sees you standing alone staring into your glass. He heads over in your direction, cursing under his breath as he watches people walk past and look you over. His anger fades when he gets to you and puts a hand on your shoulder and you look up at him with tears in your eyes.

- You barely have time to react to his presence before he’s pulling you across the room to find somewhere quiet, and then he holds you by your shoulders, watching you carefully as he asks what’s wrong, what happened, did someone make you uncomfortable? He waits patiently for an answer, although you can see him getting more and more concerned and frustrated as he tries to figure out what the hell he’s supposed to do if you don’t tell him anything.

- You start talking, venting about this and that and he wraps you up in his arms. You pause for a second before he tells you to let it all out, say whatever you need to. He’s here. He listens, tearing up at times as well and trying to subtly wipe it away. Had you been hurting like this all this time, or was this entirely because of the alcohol, or a mix of the two?

- His grip on you is tight up until your sobs turn to sniffles, and then he pulls back and asks if there’s anything you need right now - if you want to, he’ll go get Lucifer and Satan and you can all go home? He has this one thing he’s been wanting to watch but he doesn’t want to be alone for it, you two could totally have a movie night and get popcorn and such and just relax, if that would help?

- When you’re done, he wipes your face with his sleeve and tells you that you should come to him in future, any time you need to. He’s your first demon, after all - you should feel the need to come to him anyway, without being asked. Despite his fake-confident attitude, he reinforces what he’s said by checking up on you when you’re back in the Devildom, and oftentimes if he knows you’re going to be alone he’ll invite you out to whatever he’s doing so you don’t have too much time to think. It helps him cope, and he hopes it’ll help you too.

Satan

- Satan is the one who listens, who debates.

- He’d known it was coming beforehand. There were signs, little anxieties that you just couldn’t hide forever, especially not from him. He keeps an eye on you the entire time the two of you are in the human realm, curious as to how you’ll react to being ‘home’ and if it’ll make you want to leave them so you can stay here. He’d been nervous somewhere deep down, too, and it kept him observing you even when he was supposed to be relaxing.

- The second you start to get emotional, he’s by your side, inviting you to come over and sit with him. He levels anyone near you with a glare, and the two of you end up in a relatively peaceful and quiet area because everyone else can sense the aura he’s giving off to keep them all away.

- His questions are sharp but not hurtful, and he chips away at whatever resistance you still have that keeps you bottling everything up until you finally break and spill out what you’re thinking about, tears pouring out alongside your harsh words. It takes him by surprise, but he shifts until he’s facing you and watches you closely as you speak.

- Satan tries not to interrupt, but every now and then he can’t help himself. “Why do you think that?” “Is there a reason for this?” etc. He doesn’t exactly parrot back what you’re saying, but you can tell he’s listening intently because he uses everything you’ve told him in his responses. His questions turn more into “but don’t you think...” and “I don’t quite see it that way myself.” It’s a debate, but a lighthearted one, and he’s being careful as he speaks.

- He’s clever. He knows what points to chip away at, to pick on so that you open up and tell him more about your concerns. Part of it is a morbid curiosity - he likes to observe people, to know what makes them tick, and now he has easy access to some of that with you. Mostly, though, he’s concerned. He’d grown to care about you and now that you were unloading all your anxieties he realises he clearly hadn’t been watching close enough, if you’d been feeling like this the entire time. Sometimes, when he’s upset, he wonders what it would be like to just tell someone every little thing, and by pressing on and on he knows he’ll be able to help you let it out.

- Once you’ve let everything out and you stop crying, he stops asking questions, stops prodding away at your thoughts. You’d been able to let out everything you needed to, been able to break whilst having support there, even if he hadn’t directly said anything to make you feel better. He was careful enough that what he said at least wouldn’t make you feel worse, and now it was all out there for him to think over in future and for the two of you to work on.

- That’s what he does. Satan takes everything you’ve told him and, when you’re back in the Devildom, he works to build up your confidence and to make you happier. The second you think you’re not all that useful, he’s rambling about how, remember that one time, where you did this and that? And how you act a certain way at times, and how your eyes light up when you help others, and so on? He can give exact examples to refute every point you’ve made, he’s been watching closely and memorising them all. You might not feel better right away, but he plans to work away at it slowly so that the negativity doesn’t have any ground left to stand on by the time he’s done.

AN: I hope this is okay!! Be safe, all of you <3

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 24

Note: I will be critical of Jiang Cheng in these posts. If you can’t handle that, please feel free to scroll on.

From the last episode, we know that Jiang Cheng is struggling with out to respond here. But as I'm watching this, it looks like Jiang Cheng is a little annoyed or frustrated here because now it feels like it wasn't his own decision. He didn't want to have to make this decision, because of political reasons and obviously he cares about his sister. She still carries a torch for Jin Zixuan, but agreeing to the marriage makes it look like the Jiang Clan is looking to profit even further from the war. Declining could mean possible damage to the relationship with the Jin Clan. And then Wei Wuxian steps in and gives him a third option: leave it up to Yanli. I think Jiang Cheng feels uncomfortable even answering this question, but part of his discomfort seems to be in response to Wei Wuxian overstepping here, like Jin Zixun points out.

Yeah, even here, Jiang Cheng says that others shouldn't meddle in this decision that Yanli needs to make. He casts a glance over at Wei Wuxian as he says this, suggesting either that he's agreeing with him or a subtle motion that Wei Wuxian is also meddling where he shouldn't. I feel like it's a bit of both. It really was not Wei Wuxian's place to step in and talk over Jiang Cheng. He is treating Jiang Cheng as if nothing has changed, but he's the clan leader now, not the clan leader's son. I mean, I don't give a shit about that, but I can see why someone who cares A LOT about propriety and tradition, like Jiang Cheng, would.

Half of his thoughts are that he dodged a bullet and the other are unexpected disappointment. For one, I think Jiang Yanli really didn't want to give that answer. Not that she doesn't love her home and want to see it restored, but I think she really wanted to marry Jin Zixuan. No matter what Wei Wuxian and her brother said about him, she still persevered in loving that man--regardless of what Jin Zixuan himself said, she still loved him. At the same time, her duty does still lie in rebuilding Lotus Pier for future generations. Jin Zixuan here is always a bit puzzling. I'm not really sure when he starts to fall for her. It could be that after the soup incident, he really starts to think about her. Maybe he lies in bed and she pops into his mind. Maybe he finds that he can't stop thinking about her. I think he's just as shocked as she is when his father brings up the marriage again. He's young too, maybe he also feels a little unready for it. I think, ultimately, they both want to decide on their terms, and not someone else's.

I think it's important that Jiang Cheng is the one to knock down the Wen insignia. As I was watching this scene unfold, where the Yunmeng trio returns to Lotus Pier, I thought it was odd that they have a Wei Wuxian flashback as he's looking around. To me, that kind of loses the focus of the scene. It really should be Jiang Cheng's memories that we should get a glimpse into--he's the one who is so focused on Lotus Pier and his family in this adaptation. It's really his main drive (other than his bitter spite, of course). Of course Wei Wuxian is angry about what happened, but in my opinion, it seems a bit much. After all, the one who was so angry and then despondent was Jiang Cheng, not Wei Wuxian. When Jiang Cheng's core was taken, it was Wei Wuxian who simply wanted to make him better--it was not about revenge anymore. Actually, concerning Wei Wuxian, I don't think it ever was about revenge. I think there was anger and confusion and sadness, but in his heart, I don't think it was really about revenge. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, well, his story does very much revolve around revenge. He carries this anger and bitterness over what happened to him and his family for years and years--probably his entire life, to a certain extent. He's one who holds onto grudges and doesn't let go easily.

Ah, this part. I have to admit, I'm not certain about the things I'm going to say here, but this is my feeling about this scene. I think Lan Qiren is concerned about Lan Wangji. I think he's worried he'll be influenced by Wei Wuxian. I think he's worried Lan Wangji will stray from the straight path. So his solution is to assign Lan Wangji to repairing the books that may have been damaged, forcing him to look at the disciplines again and again. But of course we know that Lan Wangji is not about to stray from any path--he is trying his hardest to help Wei Wuxian. And if I'm not mistaken, Lan Xichen is about to go to Yunmeng around here (I could be wrong--I don't remember all the details), and Lan Qiren doesn't want Lan Wangji to go with for obvious reasons. I think maybe Lan Wangji is torn here. He wants to do the right thing--he wants to help Wei Wuxian, he wants to please his uncle, he wants to honor the memory of his parents, he wants to be a good disciple of the Lan Clan. I think, most importantly, he doesn't want to lose himself and his own sense of morality, nor does he want to lose Wei Wuxian. His uncle obviously believes the two things are mutually exclusive, but I believe Lan Wangji thinks otherwise. I really like this scene because a lot remains unspoken and there is so much tension there. I like that Lan Wangji requests to go into the library two times, and refuses to answer his uncle's question. It shows a lot of growth that he can stand up to his uncle like that--and if you pay attention, that growth is progressive. The Lan Wangji from the Lan lectures would never think to ask for such a thing when he knows he hasn't done the necessary tasks to be granted access.

Gosh, this episode actually has a lot of good scenes that I kind of just forgot about! In my fic writer's head, I like to think Lan Xichen is here in part to kind of size up Wei Wuxian in his current state. I love that they're drinking together and that Lan Xichen kind of levels with Wei Wuxian here, they both share a chuckle at Lan Wangji's expense too. Also, my wangxian brain loves that Wei Wuxian, while he's basically shirking all his Lotus Pier duties, wants to go see Lan Wangji and gloat while he's copying out the disciplines! Wei Wuxian definitely has his priorities haha.

Of course, Lan Xichen is also there on serious business. Even he tries to get Wei Wuxian to come to Gusu so that they can help him. Wei Wuxian sees this as meddling too, but the brothers really have the best intentions. I don't think it's about power or control for either one of them, but instead a sincere desire to help him and save him from his own ruin. The Lans seem to be the least politically inclined out of all the clans, but I feel like Wei Wuxian doesn't really get that. His own clan doesn't meddle at all, which they should. Jiang Cheng doesn't seem to be concerned at all about what Wei Wuxian is doing to himself--he's just glad he's got someone powerful underneath him. Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen both are concerned about Wei Wuxian, the man. Regardless of his power, they just want him to be safe.

So, as Lan Xichen "expresses his thoughts", Wei Wuxian starts drinking more and more cups of alcohol--I'm surprised there's anything left. He's clearly agitated by what Xichen is saying, but it seems to be when Xichen calls him self-centered that he basically can't take it anymore: the idea that he's only thinking about himself despite his actions causing harm to others, including Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, but also Lan Wangji, who is tirelessly trying to help him. He tells Xichen that he trusts them, but he doesn't want to pick up the sword again--he prefers the demonic cultivation is how Xichen must understand that, since he has no idea about Wei Wuxian's Golden Core. But it's interesting that Wei Wuxian will admit that to Lan Xichen but not to Lan Wangji. He intends to let Lan Wangji press on tirelessly, searching for a way to help him, learning new music to aid and heal him. To be honest, that is extremely selfish of him. Why can't he be honest with Lan Wangji? But I think that he can't be honest because he doesn't want to hurt him, and he only tells Lan Xichen because he's upset and just wants to drop the whole subject. The only way I can think to describe Wei Wuxian over the next few episodes is depressed. He drinks too much, he has nothing to occupy himself, he pushes people away; he is on this downward spiral that no one can pull him back from, not even the people who love him most. And I don't think it's lost on him that Lan Wangji is being deliberately kept from seeing him--he even likens what's happening to imprisonment. All around, this is a sad time for these characters with few bright spots, honestly.

Before I forget, I actually really love here that Xichen makes a point of saying that he's doing this for his brother more than anything. It's very sweet and it's very important for Wei Wuxian to know. It's not meddling to them. That's not at all how they see it, even though that's how it appears to him. They are trying to help him, and in particular, Lan Wangji is trying to help him. He's in fact made it his mission in life--casting aside anything else, to the point that his uncle has essentially had to lock him up to stop him.

I think, overall, Jiang Cheng is just really disappointed in Wei Wuxian. I think he thought he was getting something better when Wei Wuxian came back, all powerful, playing his flute, killing Wens left and right, taking revenge for the Jiang Clan leaders. And instead, he sees a lazy, drunk. Wei Wuxian seems pathetic and useless, nothing like his former self, except for his cocky attitude, which Jiang Cheng never liked anyway. He nitpicks about the sword, but never tries to get Wei Wuxian to change. He nags him, expecting that will be enough. He wants someone subservient who will look good and do all the right things, and also make him look good. So, when Wei Wuxian is none of those things, that would be very disappointing. He wanted a parallel of what his father and Wei Wuxian's father was--that's not what he got. Guess what? They aren't the same people. You know that, I know that--it's really only Jiang Cheng that struggles with that concept. He takes that promise Wei Wuxian made about them being the Twin Prides, grips it in his clenched fist, and never lets go. But people sometimes make promises they can't keep. What parent hasn't promised to keep their children safe only to find out that they can't control everything that happens to them? When Wei Wuxian said that, I think he did want that--at that time. But a lot of things changed after that--they all changed, and I don't think Wei Wuxian wants that anymore.

I feel quite bad for Jiang Yanli, you know. I think so much of her actions are driven by her desire to keep their family together in spite of what's happened. If her parents were alive, I have no doubt that she would have jumped at the chance to marry Jin Zixuan, and I think the only reason she didn't is because she feels an obligation to keep the peace in the family. She worries that Lotus Pier will fall apart, she worries Jiang Cheng can't handle it alone, she worries every time that he and Wei Wuxian argue. And Wei Wuxian barely lets her finish a sentence here. He again makes promises that he knows she wants to hear--promises that they'll be together forever. But even she knows that that's a promise that is meant to be broken. She wants to get married--in all likelihood, she will get married--and leave. She also sees how restless Wei Wuxian is. He may be lying to himself, but she can see right through him. I think this is a woman who knows that things are about to change again and she's trying to prepare herself for that.

When I first watched this scene, I immediately thought Wei Wuxian was talking about Jiang Yanli being in love with Jin Zixuan. It seemed the obvious catalyst, since she was engaged, then they broke it off, then it came up again in Qishan. But the second time I saw it (and watching it again now), I can see that he's talking about two different things: her love for Jin Zixuan as well as whatever is going on between him and Lan Wangji, because I don't think he rightly understands himself. He's just met up with Lan Xichen by chance, who has told him that he's going to end up hurting the people who care about him (oh and also Lan Wangji cares about him so much that he literally has done nothing but study music to help him). And then he likens what Lan Wangji is doing to imprisonment. And now he's comparing love to haltering one's own neck. Whether CQL is explicit or not about the romance, the dialogue doesn't lie. He's questioning why Lan Wangji would love him here. He's questioning why anyone would love anyone, when it means being chained to one person for the rest of your life, being at their whims, being hurt by them, sometimes hurting them yourself--he doesn't understand why anyone would want that. Why is that attractive? Isn't it better to just be alone?

Most frustrating thing is she doesn't even answer him.

I can't deny this scene is cute and puts a smile on my face. I actually really identify with Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian here, because they just don't deal with their issues. When my sister and I were growing up, we'd fight from time to time, but then after a few hours or maybe a day, we'd just be over it. We didn't apologize--we didn't feel like we needed to. It wasn't until I watched this sort of thing between my best friend and her siblings that I understood how kind of unhealthy that is. It's good to apologize. It's good to work your issues out. Pretending things didn't happen can just lead to a bad relationship. Now, I don't even remember what my sister and I would fight about, but mostly silly things. What Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are going through is a lot different. Them ignoring their problems is harmful to their relationship. So, while it's nice to see them joking and smiling, I can't help but think about what they are ignoring.

Parallel time! Jiang Cheng says Wei Wuxian needs to be more respectful and mostly just stay clear of Jin Zixuan while they are in Lanling. Then he goes on to say that Jin Guangyao won't ever be anything more than a myrmidon to the Jin Clan. Obviously Wei Wuxian is not related to the Jiangs by blood--does that mean he also is far below Jiang Cheng and Yanli? Wei Wuxian get annoyed, and rightly so, at how dismissive Jiang Cheng is of Jin Guangyao, especially considering that Jin Guangyao did so much more for the cause during the Sunshot Campaign. The implication is that Jin Zixuan did very little, and we know his father did just about nothing.

Lan "I can do bad all by myself" Wangji

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | Or just check out the #CQL Rewatch hashtag

[ultimatetornshipper]

Daminette December Day 7

@daminette-december2019-2020

((Note: If you’re a confused little muffin who saw our ship in the top 100 list and you want to know what in the ever loving fuck we are, feel free to dm me or mention me in a post or even to send an ask. do be warned tho that if u send me hate i will block and report u (and not just to tumblr, to everyone I know who is part of this fandom). our little sub fandom is not a toxic space and no one is allowed to make it one or there will be a fucking war))

And we’re back to our anxiety induced in denial Damian. I love this kid. Tho I do wanna make him slightly more… how do I say this… like cold? I dunno maybe I can bring that in with other people and his interactions. I just wanna write him with his proper grammar and what not and like lbh this boi is already a simp for Mari. But I don’t wanna let things happen too quickly, y’know?

Anyway, maybe I should make the theme of this chapter the fact that he has absolutely no chill. Lmao, I think that’s hilarious ngl. Also I’m just gonna pretend certain things existed back then for the sake of my sanity I can’t keep coming up with words that make sense for explaining what a thing is without saying the actual word because it didn’t exist yet. The hologram in that one chapter was hard enough bruh

Ok here we go, thanks for reading! I hope u enjoy it

Princes and Pedestals

Chapter 7 – Chill

Previous

Next

Damian rolled the ring between his fingers as the morning light filtered through his windows. She’d put the choice in his hands, it was a kind thing to do, smart too. It made sense, if this role was as important as she made it sound it needed someone who could commit to it.

The miraculous was the kind of black that seemed to stretch on forever. It had a bright green paw print on it. He hadn’t put it on yet but from what he could gather it’s kwami would appear as soon as he put it on.

He'd be one of the leaders of an entire Order. He had no idea how big it was. His mother had raised him to lead but that was an entirely different organization. How would Marinette react to that? Could he handle the responsibility?

These thoughts had been plaguing him from the moment he picked up the ring.

But that wasn’t what got to him the most. She was just so… good. She had even agreed to move her entire court to Gotham for his sake. To uproot her entire life and move everyone involved just so that he could stay with his family.

There had to be a catch.

There always is.

He sighed, overthinking everything wasn’t going to help him make this decision.

There was only one thing he could do.

He put on the ring and a bright light caught him off guard. A small floating cat like being appeared in front of him.

“Kid?” he kept his eyes closed as though he didn’t want to see who was in front of him, his voice breaking slightly.

Slowly, the kwami – Plagg if he remembered correctly - opened his eyes. Damian stared at him as disappointment flitted across the creature’s face.

He lifted his brow and asked, “Hope to see someone else, Plagg?”

He chuckled slightly, sadness lacing the sound, “My previous holder, thought maybe I'd get the chance to say goodbye this time,”

Damian frowned, “What do you mean?”

Plagg frowned, “You don’t know about my previous holder? Who gave you my miraculous?”

“Marinette did,” he said, simply, “She actually just gave me the chance to consider the offer of the position, I have the rest of the day to get to know you and make my decision,”

Plagg seemed to consider what he said, he then sat down on the bed in front of Damian. He explained the basics of the miraculous to him, the phrases he needed to use as well as what those phrases would do. The things he’d need as well as what behaviors he might pick up.

“Purring?” Damian said in a disbelieving voice, “You’re telling me I might start purring in my civilian form?”

Plagg cackled, “Yeah, don’t worry it’s not that bad,”

“Tt, what exactly is the purpose of it? In fact what exactly is my purpose? It seems like she has the leadership thing under control,”

Plagg seemed to sober up at the question, he flew up right in front of Damian’s face and looked him in the eyes, “Her job is to lead and look after her court,” his look sharpened and he narrowed his eyes, “Your job is to look after her, your job is to protect her, your job is to see her. Your purpose is to make hers as easy as possible. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll have other official responsibilities and you will rule alongside her, but your real job? Your purpose? You have to help her remember that she’s only human and that that’s okay,”

Damian stared at Plagg, the kwami stared back. It couldn’t be that simple, could it? There had to be something. Some kind of catch.

Before he could grill the kwami, Dick burst into his room.

Damian could see his brother’s clear panic and immediately stood. Dick’s eyes found his, “She’s gone,”

Damian felt himself spiral, memories flew through his mind. All the times he or any of his siblings had been taken. Cass didn’t speak for a month after the last incident. Jason’s “secret" panic attacks had increased tremendously. Tim stayed up for nights on end, only sleeping when he passed out. Damian sparred for hours and hours, hating the feeling of being useless. 

His father and Dick weren’t in Gotham at the time and Selina was helping Harley with one of her ‘projects’.

When they got Steph back after a week, she was so shook up that she kept waking up screaming from nightmares for months.

They all blamed themselves.

“Her kwami showed us a letter she left but someone could’ve faked it to buy time, they’re searching the village,” Jason said, coming into his room, holding a piece of parchment.

Damian barely registered the way Plagg seemed to study his reactions. They needed to find her, it was already afternoon, who knows how far gone she could be?

They spent hours scouring the castle. Before he knew it the moon was rising and they were all gathered in the living room, going over possibilities.

“I’m going to go get Alfred and Bruce, this has been going on long enough, it’s time to call in back up. It’s already passed nightfall and she’s not back yet,” Dick walked out of the room, barely two seconds passed before he shouted something to them, “Guys I found her!”

They were out quicker than a lightning bolt. He ignored his siblings as they all flocked around her. He took her in.

She was wearing a cloak, which Jason quickly took and gave to a passing maid. She wore one of her black dresses. Her hair was in a braid.

But the cloak was dirty, the dress had tears and the braid was messy.

But it was her eyes that got him. The blue irises looked like someone had taken every drop of sadness in the world and left it in them. They were red rimmed and puffy and there were black bags under them.

She’d been crying and she hadn’t slept. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out.

Somewhere along the line, they moved back into the living room. Cass was sitting next to Marinette on the couch and the others were arguing.

Damian couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was here. She was safe. She wasn’t taken.

Cass tapped his arm, he turned to look at her and she started signing. (a/n ok yeah I know that sign language might not have existed but do I really care?)

Get her out of here, she’s tired, Cass signed.

Damian nodded and after asking her permission and scolding his siblings, he escorted her to her room.

Plagg whispered something to her that he couldn’t hear. 

Then she apologized for scaring him and he explained his thought process. She explained that he would’ve been able to know via their miraculous whether she was in trouble or not. He made a mental note to ask Plagg more about that.

When they got to her room he opened her door. She was about to go in but he grabbed her hand, stopping her. She looked at him expectantly. He searched her gaze, he had so much he wanted to ask her, why she’d been crying was at the top of that list.

But she looked so tired, and Damian just couldn’t get himself to form the words. Instead he bid her goodnight and went back to the living room where his siblings were waiting.

All eyes turned to him when he entered. He didn’t know what to say. Instead of thinking his words through he blurted out the first thing he thought.

“She didn’t flinch when our eyes met,” he said. They all stared at him for a few seconds. Usually they would’ve laughed at his bluntness, Damian is certain, but there was something about the haunted look on her face that sapped all humor out of the situation.

Jason was crouched in front of the fire. Stephanie sat on one of the chairs while Dick leaned against its armrest. Damian was next to Cassandra on the couch and the five of them sat in silence.

Millions of questions danced through the air, the answers all just out of reach.

Little did they know that they weren’t the only ones with questions.

Outside, three pairs of eyes were watching the oblivious siblings closely.

Damian felt a chill go down his spine and turned towards the window. He walked over and stared out into the forest, he didn’t see anyone but the uneasy feeling wouldn’t leave him.

He closed the curtains.

The smallest of the three chuckled slightly, “She got herself a paranoid one, huh?”

“We need to head back,” the only guy out of the three said to the others.

They nodded and followed him deeper into the forest.

Taglist:

@animegirlweeb @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @forgottenfriends @wolf-for-life @heyitsbugette @f-rget-lt @fusser90

[avengerscompound]

Until the End of the World - 6

Until the End of the World: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  1658

Rating:  E

Warnings: pregnancy

Synopsis: Four years after Steve and Bucky got to the bottom of the HYDRA conspiracy that had led to you and your son being hunted for the first three years of his life, you, Bucky, and Steve have carved out a nice life together.  Things are calm and you feel like a family unit.  When Geo starts calling Bucky and Steve ‘dad’, a decision is made to try and add to your family.

Things aren’t as calm as they seem.  When your pregnancy hits the papers, HYDRA rears its head once again, and Steve and Bucky need to track you down to protect the family they had created.

Chapter 6

Things were a little bit of a whirlwind after you got that positive pregnancy test back.  You suddenly realized how much needed to be done before the baby arrived, and panicked because all of a sudden you felt the need to do them all at once.  There were renovations to the apartment to get underway.  You needed to finish your master’s thesis.  You had baby things to buy - furniture, clothes, diapers.  That had sent you on a spiral where you got hung up on how you’d done this the first time on the run.  Living out of your car with an infant who didn’t even have his own bed.

Those days were over and now you had people.  Steve and Bucky noticed the panic spiral you went into, and sat you down and helped you through it.  Plans were laid out to move the four of you into a spare apartment within a few weeks so construction could get started.  They mapped out a timetable to make sure you had plenty of time to work uninterrupted on your thesis. They assured you that before the baby was born they would buy everything needed and that Pepper might even throw you a baby shower given you’d been so involved in throwing hers. They had reassured you about the life you had given Geo, telling you that you’d done more than most to keep him safe and he was growing up to be a kind and decent person.  That everything you couldn’t give him then, he had now, and more and that this new baby would be safe and loved just like Geo was, which was the most important part.

Which just left the doctor’s appointments.  You started by going down to the Stark Tower medical bay to get a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, have a check-up, and work out when your due date should be.  They then gave you a referral to an ObGyn and booked you in to have an ultrasound at the eight-week mark.

Even though five weeks was only three week's wait from the appointment, it felt like forever.  You wanted to share the news with Geo and they wanted to tell their friends.  So when you changed into the hospital gown and got into the ultrasound chair, you were buzzing with excitement, but you had the feeling that as excited and nervous as you were, Steve and Bucky were doubly so.

While your boyfriends were fantastic fathers to Geo, they had never done this bit.  They didn’t have the experience of fear and excitement as you waited for the shape of the baby to show up on the screen - part of you expecting the worst but mostly just excited to see how much they had grown.  They hadn’t done birthing classes or felt the kicks of their child as it grew.  None of that was important to being a parent, it was just new for them.

Bucky moved quickly to your side and held your hand and Steve shifted in close beside him.  An ultrasound tech who worked on staff stepped into the room.  “Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes,” she said, respectfully.

“Miss Brown,” Steve said, with a nod.

“Can we maybe, not do the Captain America thing in here?” You asked.

The technician giggled and nodded.  “I’ll try.  Not sure I can do it.”

Steve chuckled and a soft blush crept into his cheeks.  “Of course, sweetheart,” he said, running his hand through the back of his hair.

“So are we all ready to see this baby?”  Brown asked.

“We definitely are,” you answered.

She adjusted the chair so you were raised higher and lying back more.  You spread your legs as she prepared the probe.  “Alright, try to relax.  There will be a pinch,” she said.

She pushed the probe inside you.  You squeezed Bucky’s hand as you winced at the pinch.  Internal ultrasounds weren’t painful exactly, but they were pretty far from comfortable. Not to mention having a stranger poke around in your nether regions was not what you’d call a fun day out.

Steve and Bucky kept their eyes locked onto the screen, while you were slightly more interested in their reaction.  Your gaze flicked from the screen to their faces and back trying to gauge how they were feeling.

You saw the little bean shape that was the embryo growing inside you before Steve or Bucky picked up on what it was.  The flutter of its heart was so clear to you and a smile spread across your face.  It was just a vague blob but it was the start of a new path of your life, one you could see as being settled and happy and full of love.

There was part of you that worried that it wouldn’t come to pass.  After all, the last time you were in this situation you were with someone you loved just as much as you loved Steve and Bucky thinking this was going to be part of the happily ever after you had already started.  Instead, you’d ended up a widow on the run with an infant.

You hoped this was different.  Steve and Bucky had taken you off the radar and disbanded the group that had been hunting you.  You lived in a secure private military installation.  Geo went to school at a very secure private school.  There was no reason for you not to be safe now.

“Do you see this little shape here?”  The tech said, pointing out the embryo on the screen.  “Looks a little like a kidney bean?”

“Is that it?”  Steve asked.

“That’s your baby alright,” the tech confirmed.

A smile slowly spread over Bucky’s face.  It was pure and genuine and full of love and hope.  He beamed up at the screen as the tech pointed out different things. The heartbeat, the head, and the arm and leg buds.  He couldn’t take his eyes off it.

Steve looked more nervous than Bucky.  His eyes were flicking all over the screen and watching the notes the tech typed up as she did her measurements.  “It’s alright, right?  Everything is fine?”

“Looks good so far, Captain Rogers,” Brown said.  “I’ll forward this to the doctors here and your ObGynthough.  They can go through it with you.”

He relaxed and the smile on his face got bigger.  He turned to you and Bucky, leaning in a little. “That’s our baby,” he whispered. 

“Can you believe it?”  Bucky asked.  “I can’t believe it.”

“Believe it, Buck,” Steve said.  “It’s happening.”

Bucky grinned and pecked Steve’s lips and then turned to you and kissed your temple.

The tech removed the probe and hit a button on the machine that started printing out some of the pictures.  “We’re all done here.  Like I said, the results will be forwarded to the doctors,” she said as she cleaned off the probe and lowered the chair back down.  “You can go get dressed if you like.”

“You wiped yourself off and got up, heading into the cubical to change.  You could hear them talking as you redressed, though you couldn’t hear what they were saying.  When you came back out, Bucky and Steve were looking over the little print out of the ultrasound and they both looked up at you expectantly.  “You ready?”

“Yep,” you said.  “Good to go.”

The three of you headed out to the elevator, and both men wrapped an arm around you as you rode it back up to the apartment.  “Can we tell Geo now?”  Bucky asked.

You considered the question for a moment.  It was still early and things still could go wrong, but your experience had been that that was true no matter what.  You had the little printout of the embryo.   Now was as good a time as any to let Geo know he was going to be a big brother.

You nodded as the elevator stopped and the three of you got out.  “Yeah.  We should do it.  Let’s get him from school and take him to get ice cream and we’ll tell him that he’s going to be a big brother.”

“That sounds perfect, sweetheart,” Steve said.  “What about the others?”

You giggled and headed into the apartment.  “So excited to tell everyone.”

“This is big for us,” Steve explained.  “We didn’t think we’d ever get a family and kids.  Especially not with each other.  Especially not with each other and someone else.  We want to share it with the rest of the people we care about.  There’s not always a lot of happiness to go around.”

“You haven’t told anyone at all yet?  Not even, this is a secret you can’t tell anyone?”  You asked.

“I swear, I haven’t,” Steve said, shaking his head.

“Not even Sam?”  You asked.

“No, not even Sam,” Steve agreed.

“Bucky?”  You asked.

He held up his hands.  “Who would I even tell?”

“Okay,” you said with a nod.  “We can hold a dinner party, invite all your friends, and Geo can tell them.”

Steve smiled and pulled you into his arms.  Bucky wrapped himself around you from behind and nuzzled into your neck.  “That sounds completely perfect,” Steve said.

// NEXT

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 8: Heartbreak and Lattes

From the Beginning,  Previous Chapter

AO3 Link

Only announcement for this week: I've started a new job, and my schedule is such that a weekly update is unlikely without the quality being verrrry questionable. Therefore, I've decided to move off a set schedule, but I PROMISE I will update at least twice a month. Thank you for your patience and understanding; I know a set schedule is preferable but I wanna make sure this doesn't go to shit. Also... apparently this isn’t showing up in the tags I use, which sucks - so reblogs help a lot if you’re able. I love you guys <3

Summary: You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter Summary:  In which decisions are made and overturned and many cups of coffee are drunk.

Words: 2666

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You were sulking.

Not enough to affect your work - you’d have to go through something much worse than heartbreak before you risked your internship. But your home life was beginning to resemble a timelapse straight out of an overdramatic teen movie wherein the protagonist’s crush asks someone else to prom. Your apartment was a pile of half-done laundry, takeout containers, and case files; your evenings filled with sad Spotify playlists and too much red wine. 

And work? Not much better. Seeing him stride into the office every morning, filled with power and purpose and completely oblivious to the fact that he had shoved your heart into a metaphorical blender with a simple response to a seemingly innocuous question was really starting to wear you down. You had been so sure, that was the thing - so convinced by the team’s reaction to your story that it had all meant something. And maybe it had. But he had looked you in the face and told you it didn’t, so that was the answer that mattered.

So maybe sulking was the wrong word. ‘Spiraling’ was more accurate. A controlled spiral, mitigated only by the fact that 1. you had appearances and responsibilities to maintain and 2. Aaron Hotchner wasn’t actually the reason you showed up to work every morning, despite what it had seemed lately.

And it had seemed like that. You remembered getting the phone call that you had been accepted for an interview for the BAU internship, and the phone call that you made it to the final round, and finally the phone call that you had gotten the position - each more exciting than the last. You remembered meeting him, shaking his hand, completely oblivious to how much he was about to fuck up your life. Even when you first started to feel something for him, you convinced yourself it was nothing - a harmless crush wrought from your veneration and respect for one of the best in the field. Someone you admired. Someone you wanted to be one day. But then he’d made the unfortunate move of revealing bits and pieces of himself to you, exposing tiny slivers of humanity and emotion you were convinced didn’t exist, until you realized he was a person, an incredible one, and it wasn’t just admiration you felt anymore. It took all of a few months and a handful of genuine conversations until you were this far gone, and after he made it clear that your pining was one-sided, you knew you had to stop your fall there. 

So you tried.

You kept your conversations strictly professional. Avoided driving with him or sitting next to him on flights whenever possible. Disallowed yourself lingering glances. But it was still too goddamn much. He was still too goddamn much.

The next case pushed you over the edge. It was bad (not just normal bad, BAU bad), and it was no one’s fault, not really. You got called in late, the evidence was shoddy at best, and when all was said and done, you caught the unsub, but only after he’d killed 4 women. The last one died moments before you arrived and apprehended the killer, and despite the delay of those few minutes being, again, no one’s fault, the team was at each other’s throats the whole trip home. 

You were slouched in the corner of the plane trying to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Morgan and Reid were sniping viciously about something completely unrelated to the case, because despite everything they’d just endured, they would never outright blame each other for what went wrong. Hotch, deciding he’d heard enough, raised his head slightly and said quietly,

“They’re not always going to end the way we want. We did all we could.”

And you were just done. You couldn’t stand to be around this pillar of strength and compassion and resolve. You needed to hate him for rejecting you, and you couldn’t. So you marched over to his seat, and, steeling yourself, you said what you’d been wanting to say since he broke your heart:

“I need a day off.”

It had sounded more dramatic in your head.

“A day off?”

You nodded. Hotch gathered himself, seeming to realize that such a request wasn’t unheard of (though perhaps in his department it essentially was) and nodded. 

“This case was difficult. I wish I could say exceptionally so. Get me your paperwork by tonight and take tomorrow off.”

You went back to your seat, relief overshadowed by disgust that it wasn’t, in fact, the 4 deaths you’d just been privy to that had broken you - it was the crush on your boss. You’d handled this case like a champ, in fact, because you were so absorbed in self-pity that you couldn’t feel anything else.

You needed to fucking recalibrate.

***

You were determined to make the next 24 hours the most self-indulgent, healing 24 hours you’d ever experienced. Quiet breakfast at a cafe? Planned. Self-improvement books? Downloaded. Vibrator? Fully charged. 

No man was going to keep you from focusing on the internship you’d been gunning for for years. No man was worth that. You were going to cry, you were going to journal, you were going to masturbate, and you were going to get him out of your head.

You were going to march into the quaint little coffeeshop two blocks away that you’d Googled last night, you were going to order the cinnamon spice latte that an indie food blog had called “the epitome of fall,” and you were going to go for a nice, early morning walk.

Except you weren’t. 

Because the next morning, when you turned to leave after grabbing your drink from the barista, you saw Hotch sitting at the table by the window. And Hotch saw you. And you weren’t equipped to handle this situation, because you were only 4 pages into your self-help book so far and honestly, the smile that lit up his face when you made eye contact would’ve broken you even if you’d read all the ‘how to move on’ manuals the literary world had ever produced.

So you obeyed his beckoning hand and sat down. 

“Thought you’d be up to something much more exciting on your one day off.”

You smiled wryly. “This is exciting. I haven’t had coffee that wasn’t made out of an ancient breakroom pot or a hotel carafe in months.”

Hotch chuckled. “I’m afraid you’ve made a mistake by coming here. Breakroom coffee is going to be impossible to tolerate now.”

“That good, huh?”

“Better. Try it.”

His eyes on you, you took a sip of your latte, and swallowed the most delicious concoction you’ve ever tasted in your life.

“Holy shit.”

“Indeed,” Hotch confirmed, ignoring your vulgarity. “I’ve been coming here before work for years.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I impose on your hangout,” you laughed. “I haven’t tried many coffee shops around here, but I imagine this is hard to beat.”

“Not at all. But just know - this is my table.”

You grinned. “Understood.”

You still went on that walk. Still read that book. Still spent the day trying to think about anything else but the softness of that moment - you and Hotch sipping lattes, bathed in the light of the early morning sun.

But on Thursday, the next day, bright and early, you found yourself at that coffee shop again. This time, you took a seat at the table adjacent to his. He looked up and smiled.

“Glad you heeded my advice.”

You smiled back and gestured to the heaping pile of files in front of him. “Not like there’d be much room for me anyways.”

You finished your coffees in relative silence and left at the same time for the office.

Friday, you learned Hotch’s coffee order: flat white with an extra shot of espresso. 

Saturday, you happened to arrive before he did, so you ordered his drink and set it on his table. Ten minutes passed and you thought he wasn’t going to show up, but he soon bustled in looking frantic. You waved him over, and he smiled when he saw the coffee waiting for him.

“Sorry, got stuck on a phone call,” he apologized. Like you were expecting him. Like this was something you guys did now.

You supposed it was.

Sunday, you got called for a case before you even made it to the coffee shop. You sat down in the conference room at 6 am, groggy as all hell. Hotch entered after you and handed you a mug, saying nothing before moving to address the team.

There was a small sticky note attached to the mug that read, “It’s no cinnamon spice latte, but it’s caffeine just the same.”

You fought to keep a grin from splitting your face, and ignored the team’s knowing smirks.

The case was in a small town in Colorado. The motel the team was staying in was less than ideal because of the location - bare bones, broken heaters, probably had the same bedsheets since its opening over 50 years ago. There was a small coffee pot in your room, and after you arrived Sunday evening, you walked down the street to the small convenience store and bought a bag of ground coffee.

When you handed him the cup Monday morning, he looked at it like it was salvation itself. Which, judging by the dark circles under his eyes, it may well have been.

“Long night?” you asked, loading into the back of the SUV. 

“Always,” he responded from the front seat. He took a sip of the coffee. “I don’t mean to offend, but this is terrible.”

You gasped in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know that is genuine Folgers pre-ground gas station coffee.”

“It tastes like it was made in a toilet,” he grumbled. He took another sip and smirked at you in the rearview mirror.

You’d long stopped trying to get over him.

 After the case in Colorado, the team was given a merciful break from the rapid-fire calls they’d been caught up in the last few months. 

You and Hotch continued your pre-work ritual, showing up to the coffee shop earlier and earlier each day. For you, it was a conscious attempt to spend more time with him. He didn’t acknowledge the extra 20 minutes that had worked its way into the morning routine, but you could only hope his intentions were the same.

One particularly chilly fall day, you burst in the door 10 minutes later than your unofficial meeting time. Hotch shot you a patented raised eyebrow as you unwrapped your scarf and took your seat. 

“Overslept?”

“No,” you retorted, “I was trying to make breakfast and my stove stopped working. Again. Maintenance can’t come fix it for two days.”

“Did you eat?” he asked.

“No, I was just gonna grab a muffin or something here.”

He nodded and went back to his laptop.

The next day, you sat down to a metal thermos on your table.

“What’s this?” you asked him.

“Oatmeal,” he responded without looking up. “You said your stove was broken.”

You opened the thermos to a puff of brown sugar-scented steam and the feeling that your heart was going to burst out of your chest.

“Thank you,” you whispered, afraid your voice would crack if you spoke any louder.

He looked over at you with an expression softer than you’d ever seen him wear. “You’re welcome.”

 A week later, you’d miraculously worked your way through the backed-up deluge of paperwork from the last few cases, and after clicking through the morning’s emails, you slammed your laptop shut.

“We should go for a walk,” you said to Hotch, who somehow still had a stack of files in front of him that was threatening to surpass the table’s weight capacity. 

“A walk?” Hotch asked, looking at the aforementioned files as if he were afraid they’d hear him considering the idea of a break.

“Yeah,” you responded. “Come on. It’s so pretty outside, and it’s gonna be too cold soon. Besides, we’re more caught up with work than we have been in months.”

“Speak for yourself,” he quipped, but he packed his briefcase just the same.

It really was beautiful outside. As soon as you stepped out the door, a gust of wind sent red and orange leaves skittering across the sidewalk at your feet. You wrapped your scarf tighter around your neck and motioned to the park across the street.

“Want to walk through the park?”

Hotch shrugged, a noncommittal ‘yes’, and followed you.

The park was sprawling, packed with massive trees in the midst of displaying their autumnal colors. Despite the early hour, there were joggers and dog-walkers populating the dirt path that meandered through. You strolled side by side, making idle chat about the weather and the holidays coming up, until you came to a bench set beside a pond in a small grove. Hotch took a seat and you followed his lead.

Reclining your head against the back of the bench, you exhaled. “This is the closest I’ve come to being out in nature in forever. I need to do this more often.”

Hotch murmured his agreement. “I’d apologize for the lack of free time, but I’m afraid it only gets worse.”

“When you officially join the team, you mean?”

“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Assuming that’s something you’re interested in.”

“Of  course I am,” you said, “but I didn’t think it was really up to me.”

“It’s not - I give the final recommendation.”

“Better start buying you more coffees then,” you teased, looking over at him.

“Unfortunately, as Unit Chief, I have a responsibility not to accept bribery.” He smiled back.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. You studied his face - the stern curve of his brow, the carved structure of his jaw, the stress lines set in from decades of sleepless nights and unspeakable losses. Despite the increasing time you’d been spending in close proximity, you were mesmerized, as always, by the stormy intensity of his eyes meeting yours. You were close enough to smell his cologne, and you were reminded of the night in his apartment when he told you about his family. If you thought you’d fallen for him then, it was nothing compared to how you felt now, after starting each morning sitting beside him in the quiet peace of that downtown coffee shop.

“We should get going,” he murmured, not checking his watch, not shifting his gaze from yours. You nodded, not fully comprehending his words, feeling dazed at his nearness.

It was impossible to tell who made the first, imperceptible shift. All you knew is you scarcely had time to think before his hand was on your jaw, cradling the back of your head, bringing you to him. His mouth met yours and you closed your eyes instinctively, melting into his warm body beside you, fisting the front of his jacket in your hands.

You couldn’t remember ever having been kissed so decisively before. His fingers gripped into the base of your skull, his forehead nearly pressed against yours, and despite the chastity of your closed mouths, you whimpered into his. He stiffened at the sound and pulled back, still holding you, inches away.

You saw the shift in his eyes before he moved. It was as if he consciously closed some gate, walling himself off. His pupils, blown, started to retract to their normal size, frown returned, hand drew back. You watched, heart still racing, unable to speak as he turned to grab the briefcase sitting at his feet. Only then did he look back at you.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and if his low voice was meant to betray any hint of emotion, you didn’t hear it. 

He stood, walked around the back of the bench towards the path, and paused.

“I’ll see you at the office.”

You were too shell-shocked to reply.