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Origin Theory
Asking someone's origin feels like asking someone what's their assigned gender at birth. That's like, undermining who they are as a person, correct gender and all. Maybe there's value in knowing where one came from, but that's pretty personal.
At the least, the alterhuman community at large don't really hound on people for their origin from what I'd seen. It's a lot of people offering up their origin story. Is this a need to be validated due to all the past discourse surrounding spiritual vs psychological origin?
On the same vein, voluntariness. It's another form of origin theory that gets a little, I'm not sure redundant is the right word, but it takes away a lot of personal agency when dealing with something that's your own, one's identity.
With how vastly diverse and just generally limitlessness of alterhuman identities, having something so finite and restrained is so strange. Maybe for presentation towards the newcomer and orthohuman outside the community it's important to keep things simple--box labeled and everything organized like a file cabinet. But within the community? Conversation flows easier, as I observed, when people put not as much stock with the origin theory. Although it is still fun to talk about, speculating one's own "how I came about", it really shouldn't be the "oh no, I'm psychological/spiritual" then proceeds to panic. I donno, I fortunately haven't seen this. Though, I can't remember how it was when I first found the community roughly 5 or 6 years ago, I vaguely recall the emphasis on spirituality with implicitness of how much more important it is than psychological. I guess there is still that lingering around. Although I'd heard how in some circle, it's the reverse. This whole thing is just so dumb and really not cool. I don't have the right word here, but please hear my frustration.
A lot of things with alterhumanity by itself is fascinating. I like hearing about people contemplating whether they are spiritual, psychological, I love hearing the one alien that has a philosophical relationship with their alterhumanity, I know of a couple dragons who start their draconity as artistic expression of the self. These are really cool! And knowing for some the cause of their alterhumanity is from their neurodivergence made me think about myself. Knowing about people that have other lives, whether it's living in parallel with other universes, inside time loops, or having a identity because they will become that one day? That's all really neat.
We don't need to proof who we are within the community. Isn't that one of the point of having a community? We shouldn't need to validate ourselves to the folks who are suppose to be just like us, or at least understand what we are going through in some way.
I mentioned just now how some have identity that they become due to artistic expression, there is a implictness of the voluntariness in there. They are still who they are in the end. (do the end justified the mean? That's when on making decision to do something. not dealing with identity stuff) Personal journey such as alterhuman self discovery are, the whole thing would matter differently to people, some would care for the path they'd took, some only look at where they are, some care for every single moment, some just goes with the flow, and it is all perfectly okay! Because we are all unique individual experiencing our own thing.
I mean, if we are talking about explicitly intensionally created bond towards something, aka linking, that's something explicitly voluntary. Yet quoiluntary exists as a term for people's use, and there is a need for it! There's this focus on a linktype as something you can drop, but there's the concept Anteatype--a identify-as (kin/theriotype) that has been dropped, which makes the whole "something that can be pick up voluntarily and then drop as easily" as the definition people point to kind of null. It's the one post Poppy on tumblr had said
'Paratype' only tells you about the origin of the connection/identity, not its substance.
To me, “otherlinking” only tells me that it was from without, external, applied with a will, to actively create or strengthen a connection, preexisting or not. And then later on if someone feel the need to shift their terminology to better fit their experience, it's a option. Though it can be scary, the community is there to support.
I know at one point I myself also put emphasis on how much my origin is. I mean I did mention me finding that my hearttype is far more spiritual inclined than my kintype. I ascribe to the metaphoric in origin for my kintype these days though. It's not important a conversation, though I do like to ruminate on it myself for my own curiosity.
Course I wish we can completely move away from the need to define these boxes, but I suppose we can treat them like alterhuman identity training wheel. You can use them when you first found the whole concept, it might help to keep things simple and more concrete. Later on, when you are ready to fly, you can gently let them go, or pin them up on your pin board hoard, say "okay, I'd done that, now let's see what else there are". Be a little explorer, except the vast beyond is the little universe within your very self.
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FIC! REC! FRIDAY!
hey folks you already know the name of this game: its friday and i recommend some fanfictions to you that ive read this week or some other week and you go show their authors some love!
1. i love you in the morning when the blood runs to your cheeks by lelex (15k, general audiences, klance)
FARMERS MARKET AU. keith runs a small knife sharpeners business and is roped into running a market stall by shiro, who already works there. lance works at his mother’s bakery, which also has a stall.
ive read this one like three times because its so damn cute and i love how they wrote keith. if this author has a tumblr please send them my way 😁
2. if i say jump, you just say “how high?” (i think you might love me to death) by negativefouriq/autisticlancemcclain (9k, teen&up, klance)
canonverse fic where somehow somewhere keith has it in his head him and lance are lovers. lance cannot find it in himself to say otherwise. this one shoots me in the foot everytime i read it because keith is SO attentive and knows lance down to the letter. get me a man like that.
3. never judge a book by nostalgicish (3k, teen&up, klance)
modern au where lance and hunk are library assistants at their local college. they like to kin assign people books and genres to pass the time, but when a strange, gruff looking dude walks in to pick up pride and prejudice…shit happens.
GUYS this one is so cute i beta-read it and stal is a very good friend of mine So. everyone should partake in classical romance reader keith.
4. speak for the stars by speaks (ao3 account required! 49k, teen&up, klance)
canonverse fix-it with black paladin lance! guys this is one of my absolute favorites. this is the klance bible to me. this is how voltron ended, this is canon, and no one can tell me otherwise. make an ao3 account if you dont have one and read it.
5. would you like fries with that? by deerstalkerdeathfrisbee
modern au where keith is a minimum wage employee at a burger king and lance comes in recreationally to cry and get french fries.
this one is SO cute and so silly. i too would break down in a burger king drive through if the worker asked for my order.
happy friday, yall, enjoy your reading material and tell your author friends you love them xoxo soulreapin
#vld#voltron#keith kogane#vld keith#keith voltron#fic rec#fic rec friday#voltron fic rec#lance mcclain#klance#vld lance
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Hi!! Could you talk a little about what following Tolkien elven religion is like for you? (Only if you want, of course.)
I'm a very newly awakened elf and I've just started reading the silmarillion. I haven't even gotten that far yet, but already it's the most connected I've felt to any religious system/religious lore before. I'm considering practicing Elvish religion, but idk. I feel a little strange saying I want to practice a religion from a work of fiction, y'know? (Please don't take this as me saying your beliefs are strange— I think they're incredibly cool. This is very much just a me thing.)
Anyway, I guess my question is something along the lines of How did you realize this was the religion for you/What do you believe wrt Tolkiens work being or not being fiction?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and doubly so if you choose to answer! Have a nice timezone :))
Alatulya, welcome kin! this one is a little long so there is a break. i also accidentally hit publish early, so we will see how editing it works lol.
table of contents: 1. my personal history and variety of practitioners 2. dealing with fictional mythology + my fave paper on this 3. specifics of tolk elven religion
Eldarin religion has been my primary religion (buddhism and my eclectic animistic witchcraft also there and co piloting) for seven years. I have been working with other eldar on our own group experience of this religion for two or a bit more years. I have taken a bit of priestly service role of collecting and organizing materials and keeping track of the calendar, which we call Loa and which assigns different holidays and themes in order throughout the year. i suspect this role is agreeable and natural for me as minya, but that anyone could do it. the degree of demand differs depending on the person, and i would say that much of my time is set to thinking of or practicing our religion. others have less involvement, and some of us feel our cosmology and philosophy is more cultural than religious the way humans might think being a member of a religious group should be. as for my own journey of getting here, i have been otherkin for most of my life and many years of that was 'generally a nature spirit type thing.' which became 'an elf but i am not sure what kind.' which then became 'oh god… am i one of those hoity toity tolkien elves?' bc there is a cultural expectation among elfkin that tolk elves are more dour and care what color clothes you wear or something… turns out that is not true! or, at least, i have not met these grim arbiters of what is becoming of the firstborn! reading the silm and other texts in the legendarium to fill in what i had absorbed from the hobbit and lotr (books and movies) was the lightbulb in the dim cellar. i use a mixed spiritual and psychological theory of origin and function for my several theriotypes and elven kintype, and this experience filled in some gaps i had just been sitting with. i personally feel that i am living one continuous eldarin life--awoken at cuivienen among the minyar, lived and died, spent my time in mandos, and was reembodied here. my sense of memory is dim, and i generally assume that is just a sign that memory is not necessarily important for this part of my life the way it was in arda. it is a great honor to live this life and to find other eldar and folks of all kindreds to share my love of life with. it was natural to transition from my magic and religious work with nature spirits to a cosmology centered on the legendarium-some of the spirits i still work and live with admit they are maiar, others are not maiar and are of the many kinds of spirit and sprite that entered into ea after its foundation to explore. our working relationships and the techniques i use for magic have stayed much the same. so how i do it is just one example in a variety.
2. i will answer first on dealing with the fictional aspect and wrestling with the nature of constructed or pop culture or modern mythology spirituality-the individual beliefs differ there, too!
for my part, i do not think the legendarium is a factual history of this actual world we currently live in. i do think jrrt was channeling something, and may or may not have been kin himself of arda reembodied here.
i think ea, like most faerie realms, is both here and not here and you have to open yourself up and step into it. once most people have experienced the enchantment of an otherworld, they are never fully able to drop the sense of it. i do feel that the legendarium makes a suitable mythopoetic 'history' for powers and themes that apply to both this world and ea and where they overlap, and that the legendarium becomes more historically factual the closer you move into ea and the further you go from current earth.
there is a lovely paper that i surely have annoyed everyone with titled the tolkien spiritual milieu by Markus Altena Davidsen of the university of leiden that really gets into the anatomy of constructed religion and what is present in certain medias that lends itself to that anatomy, which he calls 'religious affordances' in the text. it details a number of groups of many varied beliefs in the tolkien spiritual sphere, some active and some long gone, and i feel that it is a great way to expand one's vocabulary and mental concept of constructed religion and the wide variety that is possible in such constructions. the pdf is available from the university website here
if you check out mr davidsen's other published papers on that website, there are several others also relevant to fiction sourced mythology and spirituality including some by other authors.
3. that being said, there are religious affordances for the eldar in the texts, but not necessarily enough for a fully fleshed out practice as is prepared and given to new members of various world religions. it will take a bit of crafting, but we elves do love to craft! most of us blend legendarium cosmology and philosophy with practices or philosophies we are previously familiar with, like neopaganism or judaism or etc etc.
we have developed some structure in the forms of: a multiply layered observational calendar for the six seasons, eight holidays, twelve months, and seven days of the week; the fourteen valar and several named maiar associated with certain valar; the panentheistic experience of the creator Eru; and the use of witchcraft, meditation, devotional or worship activity, enchantments, glamor, and arts like music poetry painting crochet etc.
most of us practice our own personal flavor by ourselves, and group rituals or ensorcelments are rare at the moment. we are all exploring, and i would be thrilled to hear about your own explorations and what calls to you!
sooo… basically i have a worship and work relationship with our gods and supportive spirits, and give observation on the schedule of the loa. i have daily practices, like offering of beverage an thanks or an oil anointment of my body, and then weekly practices like an eruhini veneration and well wishes for the dead. and monthly practices on the full and dark moon, which is focused on the vala of that month, where i usually do spellwork for the constellation. there are holidays at the start of each season and at the solstices, where i will sometimes do magic for the group but is usually about the personal journey. the one time another elf was physically with me i did do some small rituals including that elda. my herbalism work is inherently religious to me and i also count both learning and practicing herbalism as a devotional activity, same with going on walks or drumming.
i invite you very earnestly to reach out any time and through any means you are comfortable with, and i wish you a very blessed full moon of winds. hantanyel ar namarie!
#elvenkind#elvenkin#elfkin#tolkien spirituality#ardan paganism#my mothers name is death#witchcraft#elfgang#elven spirituality#tie eldalieva#letinwesselma
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Wandersong (Wandersong)
In a game all about music, this is a song about defying fate. This is bringing the voices of the world together, regardless of how different they are. This is a last gasp of a dying world, showing that it still has more to give. (It's also a huge spoiler, so uh... play Wandersong, folks! You won't regret it!)"
Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)
And I swear! I will die trying!/I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress; I promise I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible, I swear!/I'm so fucking sorry! I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all, But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all!
Less rare than scarce, less diamond then rough/Unlikely to be more than just the coal you failed to crush
I'm catatonic in your arms, crying, "How did I cause so much harm?"/I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor/Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
The vertex of my redemption arc/I’m searching on that virgin heart
"The raw emotion! And I strongly relate to desperately wanting to improve for someone you love. I belt out this song when I feel really hopeless"
"my one OC. also me. also it's just a really good song. one of will's best imo. screaminbg"
"Literally hits almost all of my self-esteem issues. Feeling like people only care about you for your body? Check. Not understanding why anyone would want you? Check. Thinking that all you do is hurt people? Check. I don't cry very often but this song DEFINITELY made me teary"
"one of those if u aren’t paying attention to the lyrics ur like this is nice but once u hear them its an OW holy OW and guilt and I’m sorry feelings"
"Just. Loving someone but not feeling like you’re good enough and trying to improve."
"Not only does this song have lyrics that are deeply relatable to me, but this song also feels very deeply personal to the artist and I feel that anyone who listens to it for the first time has that same feeling of getting punched in the gut. Just the lyrics and the melody and Will Wood’s incredible vocals make this song an absolute masterpiece and I cry every time I hear it."
"One reason I'm attached to this song is because my friend sent it to me and said "I'm kin assigning you this song" and ruined my life (/j) It messed me up because I've always had a hard time in my life figuring myself out and dealing with my emotions, and for what feels like the first time, this song has been able to near perfectly describe how I feel about myself and my impact on other people, and it always just meant so much to me that my friend who sent it to me knows me better than I know myself and shared the song with me and I love them dearly."
Against the Kitchen Floor submitted by @pixopolis + others
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Jon is said to be called black heart bastard in books. Besides him Rhaegar, Jaime, Bronn and Brown Ben Plumm are mention to have black hearts. Melisandre told Davos that Others also have black heart. Do you think it's implying about treachery and duplicity in these characters?
Oh, let's do it the old-fashioned way and just check out Every Single Mention! :)
One thing that stands out is that the black heart is usually assigned in an accusatory manner by a different character, so the connotation to treachery or cruelty is definitely an in-universe trope, while at the same time creating some fun parallels between those so described.
Black hearts a-plenty. Lots of quotes.
"Rhaegar … Rhaegar won, damn him. I killed him, Ned, I drove the spike right through that black armor into his black heart, and he died at my feet. They made up songs about it. Yet somehow he still won. (AGOT, Eddard X)
-> Dead, yet triumphant. An armored heart.
So many dead, so very many. Their corpses hung limply, their faces slack or stiff or swollen with gas, unrecognizable, hardly human. The garments the sisters took from them were decorated with black hearts, grey lions, dead flowers, and pale ghostly stags. (ACOK, Tyrion XV)
-> A sigil worn by the dead.
Styr scowled. "His heart may still be black."
"Then cut it out." (ASOS, Jon II)
-> A mark of treachery. In need of killing.
"So tell me, Ser Davos Seaworth, and tell me truly—does your heart burn with the shining light of R'hllor? Or is it black and cold and full of worms?" [...] It is well you did not lie to me. I would have known. The Other's servants oft hide black hearts in gaudy light, so R'hllor gives his priests the power to see through falsehoods." She stepped lightly away from the cell. "Why did you mean to kill me?" (ASOS, Davos III)
-> Treacherous, in opposition to fire, with ill intent.
"Why? Is it your fault that Bronn's an insolent black-hearted rogue? He's always been an insolent black-hearted rogue. That's what I liked about him." (ASOS, Tyrion IX)
-> A mark of disloyalty.
Ser Brynden laughed again. "Much as I would welcome the chance to take that golden sword away from you and cut out your black heart, your promises are worthless. I would gain nothing from your death but the pleasure of killing you, and I will not risk my own life for that . . . as small a risk as that may be." (AFFC, Jaime VI)
-> A mark of treachery. In need of killing.
Jon felt as stiff as a man of sixty years. Dark dreams, he thought, and guilt. His thoughts kept returning to Arya. There is no way I can help her. I put all kin aside when I said my words. If one of my men told me his sister was in peril, I would tell him that was no concern of his. Once a man had said the words his blood was black. Black as a bastard's heart. (ADWD, Jon VI)
-> A mark of treachery (against his family) caused by torn loyalty (between the Watch and the Starks).
"Ser Grandfather knows how to count. The Second Sons have gone over to the Yunkai'i." Daario turned his head and spat. "That's for Brown Ben Plumm. When next I see his ugly face I will open him from throat to groin and rip out his black heart." (ADWD, Daenerys VI)
-> A mark of treachery. In need of killing.
A horn of mead was never far from his hand, so the spittle he sprayed when making threats was sweet with honey. He called Jon Snow a craven, a liar, and a turncloak, cursed him for a black-hearted buggering kneeler, a robber, and a carrion crow, accused him of wanting to fuck the free folk up the arse. Twice he flung his drinking horn at Jon's head, though only after he had emptied it. (ADWD, Jon XI)
-> Variety! An unrelenting negotiator with high demands who cannot be moved. Treacherous only in the expectations of generosity placed on him, not in true falseness.
Ghost came racing from the gate. Tormund's horse shied so hard that the wildling almost lost his saddle. "Naught to be feared?" Jon said. "Ghost, stay."
"You are a black-hearted bastard, Lord Crow." Tormund Horn-Blower lifted his own warhorn to his lips. The sound of it echoed off the ice like rolling thunder, and the first of the free folk began to stream toward the gate. (ADWD, Jon XII)
-> Same as above: Unrelenting, intimidating, stern.
Bonus Black-heartedness:
The Hoares
The west coast of the North has also oft been beset by reavers, and several of the Hungry Wolf's wars were forced upon him when longships out of Great Wyk, Old Wyk, Pyke, and Orkmont descended upon his western coasts beneath the banners of Harrag Hoare, King of the Iron Islands. For a time the Stony Shore did fealty to Harrag and his ironmen, swathes of the wolfswood were nothing but ashes, and Bear Island was a base for reaving, ruled by Harrag's black-hearted son, Ravos the Raper. (The World of Ice and Fire - The North: The Kings of Winter)
Archmaester Hake tells us that the kings of House Hoare were, "black of hair, black of eye, and black of heart." Their foes claimed their blood was black as well, darkened by the "Andal taint," for many of the early Hoare kings took maidens of that ilk to wife. True ironborn had salt water in their veins, the priests of the Drowned God proclaimed; the black-blooded Hoares were false kings, ungodly usurpers who must be cast down. (The World of Ice and Fire - The Iron Islands: The Black Blood)
-> A mark of cruelty as well as treachery and illegitimacy. In need of killing. (Historically opposed to the dragons.)
The Heart of Old Volantis
Who built it? When? Why? Most maesters accept the common wisdom that declares it to be of Valyrian construction, for its massive walls and labyrinthine interiors are all of solid rock, with no hint of joins or mortar, no chisel marks of any kind, a type of construction that is seen elsewhere, most notably in the dragonroads of the Freehold of Valyria, and the Black Walls that protect the heart of Old Volantis. (The World of Ice and Fire - The Reach: Oldtown)
They must have a library in Old Volantis, surely. I may find a better copy there, if I can find a way inside the Black Walls to the city's heart. (ADWD, Tyrion IV)
One looked toward the Long Bridge and the black-walled heart of Old Volantis across the river. (ADWD, Tyrion VII)
-> A black heart may simply be armored in black, protecting what is within.
So a black heart does, indeed, indicate treachery and duplicity, mortal animosity, often in opposition to a fire-related enemy. It can also indicate illegitimacy, and it carries a strong connotation with death, though in the case of Ben Plumm it is survival he champions. It may indicate a "wall" or "armor" around the true intentions of the heart, similarly to a metaphorical Wall of Ice.
Honorable mention: Dark Heart
One spoke with the timbre of a child. The floating heart pulsed from dimness to darkness. [...] Perched above her, the dragon spread his wings and tore at the terrible dark heart, ripping the rotten flesh to ribbons, and when his head snapped forward, fire flew from his open jaws, bright and hot. (ACOK, Daenerys IV)
-> In opposition to Daenerys and her dragons.
The dwarf woman studied her with dim red eyes. "I see you," she whispered. "I see you, wolf child. Blood child. I thought it was the lord who smelled of death . . ." She began to sob, her little body shaking. "You are cruel to come to my hill, cruel. I gorged on grief at Summerhall, I need none of yours. Begone from here, dark heart. Begone!" (ASOS, Arya VIII)
-> A child. A wolf child. A dark heart.
Or, interestingly distinct: Heart of Darkness
At her command, one produced an iron key. The door opened, hinges shrieking. Daenerys Targaryen stepped into the hot heart of darkness and stopped at the lip of a deep pit. Forty feet below, her dragons raised their heads. Four eyes burned through the shadows—two of molten gold and two of bronze. (ADWD, Daenerys II)
-> Where dragons dwell.
Most sinister of all the sorcerers of Asshai are the shadowbinders, whose lacquered masks hide their faces from the eyes of gods and men. They alone dare to go upriver past the walls of Asshai, into the heart of darkness. On its way from the Mountains of the Morn to the sea, the Ash runs howling through a narrow cleft in the mountains, between towering cliffs so steep and close that the river is perpetually in shadow, save for a few moments at midday when the sun is at its zenith. In the caves that pockmark the cliffs, demons and dragons and worse make their lairs. The farther from the city one goes, the more hideous and twisted these creatures become...until at last one stands before the doors of the Stygai, the corpse city at the Shadow's heart, where even the shadowbinders fear to tread. Or so the stories say. (The World of Ice and Fire - The Bones and Beyond: Asshai-by-the-Shadow)
-> A place of demons, dragons "and worse". A place of corpses. Marked by the run of a river named Ash, a city named Stygai. Truly stygian.
Far be in from me to cast aspersions (Lies, I love casting those.) but given that Jon is associated with the term most frequently, I'd suspect he will end up playing a role in opposition to a fire-related enemy, who will want him dead, guarding his heart's true intentions behind a black armor and plotting with ill intent. Perhaps accused of trying to be a usurper, perhaps accused of demanding too much, perhaps trying to reconcile a taint in his blood with his loyalty to the Starks.
#rouka queue#long post#quote compilation#black heart#jon snow#parallels#anti daenerys targaryen#not really but you know
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this is far overdue, so heres an introduction post
• you can call me queenie, im keeping my real name anonymous • muslim (feel free to ask any questions, idm, theres no stupid questions only misinformation) • minor • my birthday is march 20th, astrology is full of shit because i am the epitome of a gemini but apparently im a pisces ??? no • she/her • poc • intp (i know way too much about mbti and not enough about other forms of typology, like socionics, enneagram, etc) • self-diagnosed autistic • my special interests include writing (either original work or fanfics) and psychology • hobbies include hyperfixating, reading, writing, listening to music, and ranting to my friends about books ive recently read
on this blog pretty much all i do is talk about my fandoms, which may include:
• riordanverse • shadowhunters • the folk of the air • the ascendance series • heartstopper • anne with an e
(its mostly the first two tho)
and then the slew of anime i watch, which ill link here
my asks are also open in case youd like to request headcanons or fanfics, but obviously i cant do it if i dont know the fandom, so please if its anything anime/manga related, i cant guarantee that ill know it, so try to include the name in the ask
i also have a side blog @queenie-says-free-palestine. dont think i need to clarify what the posts are abt
uquiz masterlist (uquizzes i made):
• assigning you an ascendance series kin • choose something about me and ill decide if i like you or not • i assign you a percy jackson kin except the questions are stupid
more to come
kinlist here
my tags:
#queenie doesnt shut up #eka asks
dni if you are:
• zionist • ableist • sexist (that counts as misogyny OR supporting #killallmen) • racist • religiophobic (including antisemitism) • xenophobic • proshipper • sexualise minors (real OR fictional. idc if you age them up)
masterlist of my writing
i do have an ao3 account, which i will link here, but i only have like two works up on there as of april 2023
i also have a wattpad account, but its just the same fics as my ao3 account
also please follow the writing blog i made with my friendsss
tagging people who deserve some love:
irl: @itadori-yujiii - sister who is always on the receiving end of my rants @tinadablackthorn - other sister, sometimes forget she exists tbh @greenmanwiththesauce - asshole friend who exists solely to make me question my existence @velversess - my parabatai ily @1tomie1 - one of my irl friends who is literally me but not really @maybecordelia - cousin but also best friend also my fangirl buddy 🫶🫶 @ada-apolog1st - frenemy 😘😘
online (all of which are very cool people w amazing taste) @aliciasfantasyxox - online-friend-in-law we have not conversed but hello @moondust-on-the-hijabi - one of the first friends i made on here :D lovely lady lin rules over EVERYTHINGGG @that-multi-fandom-hijabi - ARAB MUSLIM AROACES UNITE !!!! @nerdy-girl3791 - showed up one day n i love seeing you around yes hello @sleepy-vix - someone who likes heartstopper, bsd, sk8, thats hot people shit right there @loife1m - LOLLIPOP :DD my love you are a breath of heaven walking upon this beautiful earth STAY STRONG BABES @someonewhogotanaccount - rambling twinsies whos basically a confused n optimistic me @heartstars - MY LITTLE SISTER I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH @reyna-obsessed - my darling mini come lets be gremlins together @hijabi-desi-bookworm - STOP CALLING ME [redacted nickname] OR I SWEAR TO GOD ILL SMITE YOU (jk ily esme<33)
yea thats pretty much it, may update later idk
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Thank you @sallysavestheday for the tag, and to @polutrope for the initiative! I am having such a great time reading other people’s posts.
I’m keeping this list to Silmarillion fanfiction, otherwise it would be a wild mismatch of fandoms.
Most kudos: The Fire of Life, my Tolkien Secret Santa gift to @arofili, about Fingon and Maedhros during the Long Peace, enjoying a long, mostly peaceful time in bed. It’s the first explicit fic I ever posted, and it’s opened the doors for lots of other projects.
Most bookmarks: Also The Fire of Life, and Shadow-folk after that. It's about hope, and witnessing, and what kind of meaningful memory can exist for the many people who do not deserve either to hope or be witnessed. My favorite fic on this list rn.
Most comments: Project Requirements. Míriel, and her weaving of tapestries. The challenge was to produce a short piece in an unusual format, and it lead me to thinking of lists, descriptive limits, material culture, and quite indulgent bits of worldbuilding regarding Vairë’s textiles. It’s the kind of concise writing style I struggle with the most, and talking with people on the comments brought out some interesting new goals to work on towards.
Most hits: The Fire of Life, and then Towards the next field. I’m pretty chuffed about that! Towards the next field is the most coherent take I’ve managed so far of Maglor in Valinor, and while I have too many interpretations to have an easy time pinning it down in words, I quite quite liked how this one turned out. Written during Maedhros & Maglor Week, and in hindsight I’d have changed some things, but sometimes a big, hurried midnight writing fest is what is needed to make the words come out.
Most words: If All Kings Be As Kin. This one was my Hurt/Comfort Bingo Exchange assignment for @thalion71, and it grew longer than expected. Gil-Galad and Fingon after rebirth, navigating currents both political and personal among the community of Tol Eressea. Once more a shout-out to @melestasflight for the betaing!
Least words is a toss up between two drabbles, Nourishment (Maglor in exile, hungry for many things) and Where the Nightingales Nest (Daeron in exile, passing down wisdom and musical techniques).
Low-pressure tagging @thelordofgifs, @meadowlarkx, @welcomingdisaster, @melestasflight, @arofil, @thalion71!
#This wasn’t on purpose#but now I’m kind of tempted to write a drabble where maglor and daeron do meet each other#it'snot that exile is a competition it's just that daeron is clearing by a gigantic margin#my fics
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have this blog a bit more set up now, so. promo post time!
call me Mar or Florian! i'm an adult who uses he/him pronouns. i'm brand new to the self ship community, and am looking for folks to follow!
here is my wip rentry. my main ship is with Aster, an angel from my kin memories.
i love asks and messages! i can be ur floriography mutual (i can and will assign ur ships flowers based on symbolism)
#self ship#self ship promo#self ship community#fictional other#lets see if this shows up in the tag this time ajklfsd
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Wolf 359 Kin Server? In 2023? More likely than you think.
Yo! This is a remake of Ye Olde Wolf 359 kin server (aka Goddard Futuristics Die Challenge)! The old server was created back in 2019 and went pretty dormant. I'm looking to revive it! You must be 18+ to join this server, as the owner is in their late 20s. Systems are welcome!
We have a nice chill community of people just vibing and hating Goddard Futuristics. You won't have access to the rest of the server until you make an intro.
Some cool features:
Self assignable roles
Bots: pancake, pluralkit, sheep, starboard
Responsive and idiotic mod (that's me)
✔️ PLEASE at least identify as fictionkin in some capacity if you join this server. We might let you in even if you do not kin from Wolf 359, but we are not accepting non-kin folks here. You will be kicked, no exceptions. Sorry lads! ✔️
Hope to see you there!
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The beginning of the end of my involvement with Christianity was over a boy. I could see he was being spirit-bothered, and considering the church I was in at the time, I assumed that if I could see it, then so could the others. He was the nephew of one of the church-goers who was sensitive to such things.
Not my family, not my problem. I had other concerns to deal with. Like visions and visitations.
The kid was rowdy as unsupervised boys can be. Nothing out of the ordinary. But some folks began to notice that when the boy was near me, he calmed down some. And that if I asked him to do something, he would do it without much fuss but would quickly talk shit to anyone other than his family. He took to sitting next to me in potlucks and gatherings. He said I was soft to be around.
That he liked the quiet I kept with me.
(How the entire fuck he felt a quiet space around me at the time is something I will never understand.)
Back then, I didn't understand why that was happening. But it was a thing. At my workplace, which often had very rowdy and boisterous people coming through, I was known as someone "calm" to be around. Don't want to be up to some shit? Go sit in Keri's area. Okay.
His aunt didn't like that.
She didn't like that he would mind me but not her. She didn't like that he would sit quietly in the room with me. She didn't like that he was happy when I came over to visit her for drumming practice.
She really didn't like when I asked about the "shadow" hanging on his back. Oh no, she didn't like that one fucking bit.
She had all that under control, you see. And this was a family problem, nothing to do with me, you see. And I was a terrible influence on the child, causing him to disrespect her, you see. And she called me by a name I never heard and was furious that I had no idea to what she was referring to.
"I'll show you what you are!" And she drew a thing and said a thing and my scalp itched under the skin and I felt something rise from inside and...
a kid was crying
screaming
he's so afraid
somebody help this kid because I
can't
...
My face was bleeding. I had fainted and hit something on the way down. I half lean up on one elbow trying to make sense of where I am.
I look over and she's shaking him by the shoulder and he's screaming in fear and he looks at me and sees my eyes are open and shouts that I'm awake.
She looks back at me and...
(At the time, I said to myself that I would never forget the snarl on her face.)
(I forgot.)
(I remember.)
she drags him out of the room telling him that grown-up things have to happen and if he doesn't want to be eaten by the shadow-people he needs to stay locked in his room.
(I didn't understand what I was seeing then.)
(Remembering this and understanding now... such rage.)
I tried to speak but my tongue was too thick in my mouth. She came back with alcohol wipes and bandages. She was sweet and kind and sorrowful that I reacted so badly and maybe she misjudged my intent and maybe I really didn't know what I was and maybe
maybe
she could teach me.
Something was wrong, but I didn't know how to determine what was right to confront it.
Patched up, I left. The pain throbbing in my skull was enough drum work for the day.
I avoided her and her kin for two weeks. Kinda hard considering we were both heavily involved in the almost daily activities of the communal church, but I knew how to dodge bullies almost by instinct.
If only I knew how to turn instinct off.
One of the elders approached me and asked if it was true that I wanted her to take me as an apprentice for a certain path. The path that she accused me of being an initiate in. The path that I had been taught was just witchcraft under a polite veneer. Of course, not.
He raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
A few weeks free of incidence later, it's another church potluck Saturday. I'm sitting off to myself trying to catch up on church assigned reading because not only have the visions and visitations not eased, but they're being verified and confirmed by other seers in the church body. Things are done differently here in Protestant-Land and they wanted to make sure my latin-american upbringing did not pollute my pure gifts with that Catholic-demonic nonsense.
(Never mind that if I was brought up as such, I likely wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, but...)
The boy suddenly dashes to me out of nowhere and sits on the bench next to me! Look! He has a book to read, too! Is it okay if he sits next to me and we can read silently, together? He promises that he'll be quiet but he might need to ask my help for really hard words.
He doesn't wait for a response. He just gets comfortable with a polite space between us and starts reading. Cool. This is now the reading bench.
And we're reading our books separately together.
I watch him relax.
He's chill, so I'm more chill. I relax.
I've read the book in my hands three times already. I can give a talk about the main themes. They want me to memorize it, because they know I can. They want me to fill my head with the truth of the matter because there is something about me that I need to reject and I haven't yet because I don't know what it is or how to recognize it.
At the time, I thought I had fallen asleep sitting up. But knowing what I know now and looking back, I know exactly what happened and why I was not consciously aware of what I was doing.
I looked over and saw the shadow-thing on the boy's back. It was scratching at his eyes, interfering with his ability to see. it was the same shadow-thing that I saw on him in his aunt's apartment that day. That I had seen on him in previous social outings.
I was furious to see it.
So I snatched it.
Because instinct says to keep children safe at any cost because an adult can recover from what a child can't.
With a motion not unlike stretching, I reached out with hand and mind until I could feel it, and with no warming or preamble, I seized and ripped it right off out him.
With that same motion, I brought my hands to my mouth,
and ate it.
To those who could not see, I had a big stretch immediately followed by a deep yawn that I barely managed to stifle.
Both of our books dropped to the floor. He just felt a spider crawl up his back. I just woke up from a sudden nap. We looked at each other and then at everyone else who was staring at us from the sound and commotion. He turned around to ask me if there was a spider on me. I was still reeling from the spirit-sight I had just been through and was struggling to keep my composure. I ran my hand over his back.
"Nope. No spider here. Or anything else but your shirt."
Why did I say that? Did I see? Did I just?
Everyone was chuckling at us as he picked up both books and handed mine back to me. Everyone, except his aunt.
She came through the crowd furious and destructive.
"I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO HIM! YOU DEMONIAC!"
She snatched him from his seat and jerked him behind me.
Everyone began asking what did she see because they weren't blessed with the level of sight that she was. She pointed a finger at me, called me again by that name I did not know, and declared that I was trying to poison her nephew's soul to turn him against her and away from the one true faith.
Her nephew was screaming that she was hurting him and that I had done nothing and all he wanted to do was read his book.
I got up from the bench calmly while she continued to hurl insults and accusations at me. I had enough presence of mind not to say anything about the shadow-thing I had seen or what I had done to it. Instead, I just said that if my presence was that disruptive to the peace, I would be on my way.
Then I left.
Well, that was my intent, anyway.
Because of where I had parked, I knew a shortcut through the building that would get me to my car faster. It meant going through some rooms that were away from the main lobby, but I would be responsible and close the doors behind me as I went. I was paying close attention to the route I was taking because it was mostly in the dark. I would have to cross all the way across the conference room to turn on the overhead lights and I would still have to do the same to turn them off before exiting the room, so just better to walk in the near dark.
After all, I knew where all the furniture was and knew how to avoid stubbing my toe, considering I was one of the ones that moved the furniture there in the first place.
What I didn't know, because I was trying to flee a very socially awkward situation, was that I was being followed by some of the church elders and important persons.
Who saw me navigate several near pitch-black areas as if it was brightest of days.
As if a spirit was guiding me through.
Halfway through the last room, I heard my name called behind me. It was the voice of someone I looked up to in the church. I stopped and turned around. They asked me to come back because I needed to help with something important before I left.
"I don't know if I should. I can hear [Aunt] still screaming about me, and my presence here has been a problem from the start, and maybe I should just go for the day. We can talk later about if I should stay gone."
"That's the Devil talking, Keri. You should stay. [Aunt] has her own problems that she's letting interfere, but you should not let them rule over you."
He had turned on the lights in the room. My eyes hurt from the sudden shift and I winced slightly. He came softly to meet me in the middle of the room as I looked around trying to adjust to the change in light.
Oh. I know this room.
This Prayer Room.
This room that is isolated from most other rooms and also happens to be soundproof. I know this, because here is where we have drumming practice in mid-week sessions.
My stomach turned. My instinct said to get out by any means necessary, even if it meant never coming back, especially if it meant never coming back.
He lays a hand on my shoulder and I feel rooted to the spot. "Stay. Keri. You [have a burden] and it needs to be purged. I can't in good faith allow you to leave with what came off the boy and into you. Others saw what happened. You're so close to breaking through, and [Aunt] allowed you to be dragged back down."
On the one hand, I wanted to be the good obedient girl that I've been told to be my entire life. On the other hand, my instinct wanted nothing to do with being 'good' and everything to do with being 'gone'. I tried to pull myself away but he only tightened his grip and pulled me closer.
He said a thing and called a thing and something in my stomach lurched sideways as I double over trying not to vomit from the intense wrongness that shoved instinct out of the way.
I don't remember him catching me as I pass out.
I do remember waking up sometime later in that same room. But the chairs and pews have been rearranged and I was in the middle of the room.
I remember what happened next.
But that will not be written.
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Me and the host had a wonderful new term to present to the otherkin lads out there!
So you know kinassign? Well I'm proposing a new term that's very similar to that so that kff might not use "kinassign" as it better has the base of "kin" which suggests that it's a kintype with the assign part meaning that they're basically that kintype.
This mostly has been used for the fictionkin folk and I wanted the term to be a slightly "revamped" version of the term.
Oh so the term, if I've not mentioned is "Perassign" which "personality" is the base, meaning that they vibe with/have the personality of whoever they might be assigned. (I don't know if there's a actual word for the word perassign out there that has a meaning already but I was wanting to propose it.)
👉👈
Perassign can be used for people to help others to recommend and "assign" someone a character or other kintype from their personality/general vibe/whatever other lil quirks they might have.
It's basically the replacement for kinassign but kinassign can also be used in a sense of finding! Such as first person, a example "I was at first perassigned with this character from a friend of mine, after some discovery, I've found out I was them! It was kinassigned!"
Also kinfirm can also be another swap with kinassign I feel too, if used in the sense of recommendation and acknowledgement. Kinfirm is basically confirm but kintype aligned.
Idk, tell me what y'all think about the term recommendation? How would you use it? Would it be a better term to use?
I don't fully understand kinassign myself since I've not really seen it being used and the people around me that used it was probably a bad example as they've shown it more on the kff side...
#otherkin#kff#kintype#kinterms#otherkin things#term coining#recommended term#monsterkin#fictionkin#therian#theriotype#divinekin#archdemonkin#demonkin#alterhuman#identities#identity#self identity#kin stuff#kin care#kin self care#kin gear#kin for fun#idk tags
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You're like a clone of Roxy Lalonde, but specifically a clone of Roxy Lalonde that had Karkat and Dave as their parents. Like, they obviously picked up a lot of mannerisms from their folks but are slightly more chill.
htis is the second time someone's kin assigned me davekat lovechild. is it the the general over the top shenanigans interspersed wiht wildly specific curses adn supernatural meta posts??? probably. i havent even met roxy lalonde yet
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Howdy! I hope it’s ok to ask, but could you tell me a bit about what “link” means? /gen q
Hello! It's no worries, I'd love to answer your question, thusly I will :] Do note that I will be mostly talking about my own personal experience with Linking. Everyone's definitions and experiences will vary, so don't be afraid to ask around!
Now then: I've seen the term "Link" have quite a few definitions. When I was introduced to it, I saw it referred to as: "A character you identify with for coping/fun purposes"
Which for some folks, comes off as KFF (Kin For Fun), although it's more complex than that- at least for me.
In my personal experience, I would define "Link" as: "A character you identify with for generally any reason; A character you consider to be yourself, in some manner"
In my personal experience, I tend to fall in and out of Link stages. Many days, I am just my normal self: Cody.
However, on other days, I feel my sense of self shift. While I am still me- I have not blacked out, nor do I feel revolted by the idea of my Cody-self- I don't feel like Cody. I find myself wanting to talk through a character. Usually, as I talk on Discord a lot, I make myself a Tupperbox Bot. I find an image that fits how I feel. I assign it the name I feel, and the pronouns I feel. Here are some of my bots as examples!
(The "[Link {☕}]" on my bots is for moderation purposes in servers, nothing more :]) (Quick image ID just in case, I'm bad at these but I hope I did it right) [ID: Seven Discord screenshots, all featuring messages made using Tupperbox bots. Each bot has the word "Link" and a coffee cup emoji in brackets at the end of their name, denoting that they're bots intended for Link-Shifts. Each bot represents six characters- all Homestuck characters, one character being doubled-up - and each has their own name and pronouns.. The first bot reads "Dualscar / Delfin (Avoid, Namself, Sea-Related). The second bot reads "Jake English!! (Any, Get Funky!). The third bot reads "The Orphaner Dualscar (He/Fin)". The fourth bot reads "Mituna", however his name is spelt using a typing quirk- making the "i" in his name be a "1" instead, doubling up the 1-I, and the "a" at the end being replaced with a "4". In plaintext, his pronouns read "(Any but she/her tbh)". The fifth bot reads "Rufioh Nitram!!", however the "i"s are replaced with "1"s. His pronouns read "(HE/RUF)". The sixth bot reads "CALIBORN", with fancy symbols around the name, his pronouns reading "(ANY/ALL)". The seventh bot reads "twinArgmageddons"- a mispelling of "twinArmageddons"- with his pronouns reading "[HE/IT, ANY]". Each bot has their own message, some with typing quirks and others without. End ID.] As is visible in my screenshots, sometimes I take up typing quirks- as they feel like the proper way for me to talk. Sometimes, I don't. My links can happen for multiple reasons. Sometimes I link due to stress. Sometimes I link because I'm jealous. Other times, my brain simply decides that it's time to link. Also as is visible in my screenshots, I tend to link male/masc characters- it's something due to me not wanting to be viewed in a feminine way online :]
Linking could be mistaken for roleplay, however it's more than that! You feel connected with the character- like you are them in some manner (at least in my experience). Unlike Kinning (at least from my understanding of Kinning), you don't feel completely like the character- you don't feel like a reincarnated version of them, or like the entirety of you is them. You still feel somewhat like yourself during a Link-Shift. Your concept of self just changes, in some manner (Again, at least in MY experience).
I guess as a TL;DR, a good explanation of "linking" is: "Feeling an identity-related connection to a character for reasons that vary from linker to linker."
Hope this helped!! :]
#Ahoy Matey!: answering my inbox#i like talking about my own experiences so im happy to oblige :]#linking#links#also if anyone who is actually good at image IDs wants to improve mine feel free to! /gen
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My therapist gave me an assignment. And I haven't done it yet. So here I am, doing it.
I see myself as an exuberant creature of the shadows, the surf, the underbrush, accomplishing miniscule tasks in the universe. A bat flying through the night, a spider crafting a web. A krill cleaning a whale's mouth. A cicada using all of its energy to molt, sing, mate, and die. A beetle toddling along.
I've attempted some projects, with minor public exposure. And scrapped those attempts. And felt awful for a long time afterward.
Maybe I make things hard. I absolutely take things hard. One of my favorite T-shirts has "HARD FEELINGS" emblazoned across the front (Kin Ship Goods, check'em out!) It's difficult to recover from failure, especially when few, if any, people are aware of it. That makes it even more personal, somehow.
But I've also had successes. Selling my cards in art auctions to benefit the Audubon Society of the Potomac Valley. Volunteering at the book fair at my husband's middle school every year. Helping a friend set up the flower show at the fair one year. Co-teaching a STEAM class in collaging with my mother-in-law (which wasn't a disaster, even though it showed me how much I dislike teaching). Choosing a paint color trio for the hallway walls in my home. Making ornaments that I called "totems" from random scraps for family members and everyone I worked with. Growing lavender. Making grapevine wreaths. Helping people through the difficult process of applying for benefits at my job. Holding my husband when he's having a hard time. Helping my co-worker write emails.
I'm not someone who demands leadership. But I am a capable leader.
I have defined myself by the things I am not: ambitious, driven, charismatic, sophisticated, popular, powerful. Filling folks with awe.
Maybe I need to retune my perspective. The idea that what I am can be good and beautiful is not a concept I've had a lot of experience with, as a result of religious indoctrination that took place from birth to...age 25.
Whatever, therapist. Maybe this was a good assignment.
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It feels so good to be caught up on Ride Or Die again. Anything you'd like to share about the past few chapters? Hints at the epilogue? Volume 2? 👀 Anything about anything, really.
Ohh thank you!! I hope you're enjoying our finale! You're my first feedback for Chapter 36 and I have been DYING to know what folks would think about that development for (no exaggeration) months!
This has been in the works for a long time now. Though it wasn't my original ending, I can definitively say it hasn't changed much in conception since around Chapter 20ish. That gave me lots of time to begin sowing the seeds of what would happen here.
I'll save anything specific under the cut, but as for your little tease: I am excited to share I am knee deep in Chapter 37 already. My goal for Volume 1 as a whole (and what little is left of it) was to address the short-term problems that were brought up throughout. The bigger-scope problems need more time and space to address, and that's the sort of arc I have planned for Volume 2.
The Epilogue is titled "Solstice". And my current working title for Volume 2 is "Fly or Fall". So... you have that to chew on.
Now, on to my analysis! Spoilers below:
At last, I get to lay my cards out on the table. As you know by now, I looooove seeding little details throughout the work, and I hate leaving anything inconsequential lying about. Down to Nagee's piercing white eyes. We knew he was trouble when he walked in, didn't we?
We've had so much conflict about Theo and Drago both being unwilling to give up their children. Kite clan was so desperate for more men, but Theo was more desperate for a relationship with his son. We got to see that play out to its most extreme end, where Drago was forced to choose being a good Maseerdei over being a good father, and it cost him in a completely unimaginable way.
On the other hand, we have Theo, who tends to choose his family over his duties as a Maseerdei. Obviously in most cases, protecting his immediate family and protecting his kin are one and the same, and he excels. That's why he's the Lord of the Plains.
But there are warning signs. In Talia's chapter, he tells her that if Tangere hadn't agreed to let them marry, he would have run away from his duties for her. Once his son starts to exhibit frightening power, he continues to put off doing anything about it, even if he almost has a stampede run through camp, until the moment Tsino hurts himself. Only then does he make the choice to be a good Maseerdei, and it nearly costs him his son, permanently. After that, I think it's clear what side he's going to choose.
If we look at that chapter with Talia more closely, she was the one who wanted to take the Empire on more directly, while Theo wanted to plan from the shadows. After she's gone, he starts taking direct action. There's still a part of him that feels responsibility for his clan, but any concern for his family will quickly override that. See this part:
He acknowledges that it's a fault of his, and wants his son to do better. But himself? Ohh he will make the selfish choice every time. Which is interesting, to me. Because Tsino is turning to the light now right? But his motivations for changing and protecting this place are also inherently selfish, it's about the people there who love him and have forced him to care about what happens. Before he knew this was personal to him, this was just another assignment, rebels to target and Jedi to hunt. If his father had rejected him, would he still be interested in staying? My guess? No.
Marshall is my Beta reader and knew about the ending of Chapter 36 quite some time ago, but kept forgetting that Theo would be exiled along with the other two. And I just kind of had to say, Drago has been telling you since the very beginning. Theo would NOT give up his son. For anyone. And he followed through.
I think the other overarching theme we've seen played out beautifully in these last couple of chapters is Dralla and Tsino's struggles to find their place, with each other, within the Force, with the Plainsmen as a whole, within their families.
Tsino has been progressively moving closer towards the Plainsmen lifestyle. In our earlier chapters, he was completely Imperial. Then he started to confide in Dralla alone, starting to train her and build her confidence in him while she and Theo both gave him affections he was missing out on and a connection to his home. Which, might be a nice story, if he hadn't been slowly breaking her as he went about it.
He was piling burdens and secrets on her. Actually passively threating her at times. Just as he started to glimpse the light once more, she was becoming increasingly radicalized into darkness, dwelling on negative emotions at the same time he was teaching her to wield her powers in the Force. I'm sure it was intoxicating for him, being connected with someone in the Light side once more, feeling it's warmth and that sort of spiritual unity. I do believe he grew to care about her, especially after she repeatedly accepted him even in his faults.
But spirits. He is not a good teacher. Of course not. He was a Temple Guard, he wasn't exactly given a Padawan. He was the Grand Inquisitor. It was his job to hunt Jedi and turn them to the Dark side. He can tell that she's being tempted, and he's definitely alarmed by it by the events of Pyrefalcon (which is only like, 24 hours before they get married. And then like, 36 hours from their trial. So all of this has been in a really tight time period).
That said, the best he offers then is a little pep talk before "reminding" her what she cares about by not so subtly suggesting it's him. He isn't fully in the clear yet either. I think this conversation is very illuminating.
We revisit some of these themes with Drago in Chapter 35, and her father does a MUCH better job of imparting her values back on her, but by then, it's too late. At the end of that chapter, we have our little reveal.
"My Seersda, what happened to your eye?"
What do we know about Dralla's eyes?
That she lost her right one in an Amani raid when she was 12. Her cybernetic replacement allows her to see at night, but at the cost of low-color vision. That Drago took revenge on the Amani that put a poison dart in her eye by putting an arrow through their's. That her cybernetic eye looks Pau'an in appearance because it came from a doctor in Pau City.
So something changed about ONE of her eyes, after spending weeks dwelling in her negative emotions, and finally realizing that she necessarily must lose one of the things she cares about most deeply in the galaxy. Her family, or Tsino (which, again. Is so fucked. She has only known him for like 3 weeks. But no one said this was rational).
When she meets eyes with Tsino once again, it's very telling.
Her entire line of thinking in Chapter 36 is shifted. Instead of insisting on the power of the spirits and the positions of the Sinseerdei as "divine", she calls them fraudulent. She is dwelling on her and Tsino's powers in the Force, wielding them with this air of superiority. Something in her noticeably snapped, and as a consequence, even with her heightened senses, she can't reach out to him anymore.
It was nearly effortless before. Now it isn't possible. In the past, when he's asked her to reach out, he always insists she connect with him. I believe it's the Light side of the Force that makes those connections between individuals possible, and now that she's lost in darkness, she cannot sense it anymore.
And for him- remember what he told her about not letting her fall? I believe he sees this as a deeply personal failure. Not that there's anything he can do about it right there. He's trying to walk away from who he was, prove that he isn't an Inquisitor anymore, and here he is- dragging people he cares about down to the Dark side anyways.
Now we certainly have some conflicts to address in Fly or Fall, don't we? As Theo says, it's really time to get to business with these Imperial problems we've been putting off to work on establishing our relationships. Especially with what Tsino implies is happening with the Kyber clan. At least with the Versddai, Dralla did manage to more than double the size of her clan, and certainly that will help them in their fight for survival.
Their losses may be great, but the path to redemption is not easy. I think so far I've managed to tie up every short-term loose end but one. It has been so central to this work. Dralla may have forgotten, but I sure haven't.
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You can distance yourself from “weird” pussy loving lesbians all you want, but at the end of the day you’re only pushing your kin under the bus, and one day the homophobes are going to turn on you too. It’s not enough to be “one of the good non-genital fetishising gays”. If you’re homosexual they hate you too. You can dislike the icky genital fetishising lesbians, but they’re still lesbians and they’ll have your back even if you won’t have theirs. Solidarity.
I….. girl what
I’m. Okay. Let’s break this one down
1) I’m literally a lesbian. Homophobes have already “turned against me.” They’ve never been turned towards me.
2) It is a radical, usually upsetting to cishet people thing to do to be attracted to women regardless of genitals. It reinforces the fact that trans women, regardless of medical transition status, are women. Homophobes and transphobes will invalidate my sexuality all day every day because I think trans women are hot. (Believe it or not, the same thing happens to cishet men who find trans women attractive, because they’re often accused of being gay or having a fetish. This far too often leads to transphobic violence.) So no, it’s not “good enough,” because it’s actually worse than insisting trans people aren’t their gender based on genitals. It goes against the status quo, which queerphobes are determined to enforce.
(2.5: it’s okay to have genital preferences, really. You just have to communicate that to them. “Hey, I really like you and I think you’re cool, but I wanted to let you know that if this goes in that direction, I absolutely see you as a woman, but I’m really only interested in women who have a vagina. Is that going to be okay?” Worst case scenario they’ll probably say “oh, no, sorry!” and idk, maybe you’ve made a new friend.)
3) You and your fellow terfs absolutely do not have my back, and to suggest so is honestly comical. Until you accept that trans women are women, you do not have my back. Until you believe nonbinary people, which I am, are valid, you do not have my back. Until you respect everyone’s pronouns and stop making comments about how ridiculous they are, you do not have my back. Until you stop licking the boots of the cishet patriarchy by insisting gender and sex are binary and permanently whatever you were assigned at birth, you do not have my back. Do you know how many terfs have misgendered me and called me confused? Do you know how many have harassed me and people I love? Did they have my back, as you suggest?
4) You misunderstand what I want for the world. I want every person, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation, to be able to express themselves safely and free of harassment, be able to hold hands in the street without wondering if they’ll face violence, for all lesbians to feel welcome in the community regardless of agab, for all gay men to feel welcome in the community regardless of agab. I want standards for what is and isn’t masculine or feminine or beautiful or attractive or desirable to not be based on racist standards that ostracize and further oppress POC. And I want that for everyone, regardless of where they started. I’m not pushing anyone under the bus by wanting that.
Calling out transphobia also isn’t pushing anyone under the bus. You act as though it is, but really it’s just someone on the sidewalk telling you a bus is coming. You have an opportunity to get the fuck out of the way. The folks on the sidewalk might not embrace you with open arms at first, but they’ll still be glad you’re safe. But if you tell them to fuck off and stare it down, it’s your own fault when you get hit.
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