#ketchup medicine

[useless-facts]

USELESS FACTS #2

Ketchup was once medicine. In the 1830s, tomato ketchup was sold as a medicine to treat ailments like diarrhea, indigestion, and jaundice. 

—— SOURCE: inshorts.com

[metaphorical-goblin]

my American friends please check your industrial 200 count size bottles of ibuprofen lol… I just found out that my mom and I have been using one that expired in 2021

[jormation]

In the 1830s, tomato ketchup used to be sold as a medicine, claiming to cure ailments like diarrhoea, indigestion, and jaundice. Dr. John Cook Bennett who claimed this later sold the recipe in form of 'tomato pills'.  

[57hz]

The medicinal properties of ketchup water.

[mckesson]

Source

[knowwiz]

Do u believe that Tomato Ketchup was sold initially as medicine?

Though surprising, it is True. In 1830s, tomato ketchup was sold as medicine to cure ailments like diarrhea, indigestion, and jaundice.

The idea was initially proposed by Dr. John Cook Bennett, in 1834, who decided to sell the recipe in the form of ‘tomato pills'.

Copycats flooded the market with their own pills, leading to a war of tomato pills. But in truth, most just sold as laxatives. This led to fall of tomato ketchup empire in 1850.

It was in 1876, Henry Heinz, created and sold today's version of ketchup.

read more on: https://www.cookist.com/did-you-know-that-tomato-ketchup-was-once-used-as-medicine/ https://www.cookist.com/

[nickypooh]

Can you watch my boyfriend for me?

Summary : you do the tiktok trend of leaving your phone to “watch” your boyfriend.

🎀★🎀★🎀★🎀★🎀

Chris and I were at dinner together and I had the idea of doing the tiktok trend where you set your phone up and leave to do something and they “watch” him, kinda like a babysitter in a way. I set my phone up on my glass of water and faced it towards Chris, starting the video and getting up. 

“Hey guys can you watch him while I go get the check please?” I say, getting up and walking away.

Chris looks from the phone to you walking away confused until he eventually understands that you aren’t coming back too soon. He looks at the phone while eating his chips and salsa. “Y’all want a chip?” He asks, holding a chip towards the phone. Chris being Chris had many random fun facts stored in his mind, and he was great at talking so he started listing off his facts.

“Umm did you guys know that ants don’t have lungs? Oh and baby elephants can’t control their trunk for a while after they’re born? Crazy right?”

He looked to see if you were coming back yet but you weren’t anywhere in sight yet so he kept talking to the phone. 

“Hmm what else do I know… Oh did you know that hummingbirds tongues are so long that they wrap around their head to protect themselves while they’re hammering? Ummm… a shrimp's heart is in its head. Ketchup used to be sold as medicine, so Matt would’ve been fucked. 

Oh, oh, the first person to be pulled over for speeding was going eight miles per hour.

Anddd did you know that wallabies can be pregnant for up to like two years, depending on when they wanna have the baby. “

When he finished listing his fun facts he could see you coming back so he sat there like nothing had happened, like he was just sitting there in silence with his chips. 

“Thanks for watching him guys” You smile at the phone as you stand next to Chris and grad your phone turning the video off. “Did you have fun?” You ask Chris.

“Yeah my chips were good.” He smiles as you both get your things and go out to your car to leave.

The caption of the video was “None of these even surprised me anymore, I’ve heard them so many times it’s crazy.”

🎀★🎀★🎀★🎀★🎀

🏷: @matty-bear

My requests are open right now, or if you just wanna talk to me feel free to anon/ask me anything. And if you want to be added to the taglist let me know! :)

[lucysarah-c]

"Those are my fries, and those are yours,"

"Come on! Does it really make a difference if I take just one?" You retorted.

"Settled accounts keep old friends," he mumbled, mouth half full of food.

You giggled as he took off the top bun from his burger, piled on a bunch of fries, and took a huge bite. The scene was downright chaotic, and you burst out laughing. Levi, who normally cared about appearances, was wolfing down the McDonald's meal with an intensity that didn’t quite match the polished image he’d shown earlier, even though that suit probably cost a fortune.

Ketchup stuck to the corner of his mouth as he raised an eyebrow, silently questioning what was so funny. Once he'd swallowed, he muttered, "Eat before the fries get cold. They taste horrible like that."

You couldn't help but reflect on how the night had gone. The House of CB dress you'd bought and saved for a special occasion, the hair you had done at the salon, the makeup you practiced to mimic the subtle but lovely glam of the latest Bridgerton season—none of that had been planned for you to end up in your boyfriend's car, surrounded by a ridiculous amount of fast food from a drive-thru at 11 p.m.

The empty parking lot outside, with snow accumulating, could have been eerie if you weren’t sitting next to Levi. Fries slathered in extra cheddar sauce were scattered everywhere, and Levi shoveled them into his mouth without a care. No lights, no music, but it didn't matter—you felt safe with him, though neither of you was keen on tempting fate by keeping the car lights on in the middle of nowhere.

Taking a bite of your own burger, you chuckled again. "I don't think I've ever seen you this hungry."

Levi paused mid-chew to take a swig of his Coke. "Tch, those posh assholes. They dragged me around for hours—hours! Examples of this, representation of that, and handshakes with whoever. From 3 p.m.! They didn’t even let me grab a sandwich at the reception. Finally, they serve dinner at 10—TEN!" he grumbled, the delay clearly having been the final straw. "And what did they serve? One shrimp, a tiny cube of cheese, and some grass they picked from outside and called a gourmet dinner."

"Rich people don’t eat much; that’s why," you teased. "It’s fancy to have tiny portions on huge plates."

"That’s because they’re all on Ozempic, buying up medicine that people actually need. Fuck them," he muttered.

On any other occasion, Levi would’ve cursed you for eating in his car, but tonight he made an exception. "How are my ice creams?"

Levi glanced outside where the ice creams were stored in the cold air to keep from melting. Processing your words, he turned back to you. "My ice creams? You mean ours."

"Oh, Levi, aren’t you going to gift me one? What kind of gentleman are you?" you teased.

"Right now, I’d bite your arm off if it weren’t for the fact that McDonald’s is still open," he replied with a smirk.

You laughed again. It had been the government holiday party, and you’d been so excited to attend, ready to rub elbows with high society. One of the older women had even told you, "You should've asked for a brand to sponsor your dress, coming as Levi’s plus-one!" Erwin had insisted that Levi attend as a representative of the Ackerman family, much to your boyfriend's dismay. Uri had agreed, probably because any option was better than Kenny for a formal event.

"Erwin will kill you when he finds out," you said, remembering how Levi had messaged you to sneak out. You’d never imagined he’d drag you through a bathroom window, across the estate grounds, and into his car for a McDonald’s run. "What about Uri? I ran into him during dinner. He was so nice!"

Levi hummed in approval, acknowledging that the old man had always been a saint in his eyes. The only one capable of dealing with Kenny for so many years.

Suddenly, Levi's phone lit up, its ringtone breaking the quiet. "Fuck!" you panicked.

"Don’t answer. If we do, they’ll know I’m reachable," Levi said, ignoring the calls.

Message after message flooded his phone—texts from Uri, Traute, and Erwin: Where are you? Levi, answer the phone ASAP. Come back here this instant.

The calls came in one after another.

"They won’t stop," you muttered. "Maybe we should just tell them—"

"No. They’d send the national guard to drag me back to that snob-filled hell," Levi spat. Despite not picking up, both of you whispered as if the unanswered calls could somehow hear.

At some point, the whole situation became hilarious. You found yourself resting your head on his shoulder, chuckling as the phone buzzed incessantly. Levi kept refusing to answer, and in the midst of it all, you shared sloppy kisses in the darkened car.

"I’ve got an idea…" you said, a mischievous glint in your eye. Levi looked at you, confused, the noise from the phone distracting from the moment you were building.

Casually, you swiped up on the screen and answered. "Levi? Where are—"

With a fake gasp and an exaggerated tone, you moaned, "Ah, Lev—Yes!"

Levi had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing as he realized what you were doing. "Play along," you whispered. And before you knew it, he began thumping the side door, mimicking the sound of… well, thrusts.

"Harder!" you managed between giggles before the call abruptly ended, leaving both of you in hysterics.

"Well, they’re definitely not calling anymore," Levi shook his head, still grinning, knowing full well this prank wouldn’t go unpunished.

"You can always say we were busy working on the Ackerman heir they keep asking for," you teased.

Levi grimaced, entertained by the thought. "I mean…" His hand slid up your thigh, the mood shifting as his touch grew more insistent. "We could actually be doing that."

Your hips began to move slightly over his lap. A quick glance at the clock—the only light inside the car—showed 12:05 a.m. Finally past midnight. "Whatever the birthday boy wants," you purred.

—

"He picked up? What did he say, sir?" Traute asked irritably in the event staff area, where they were waiting to bring out the enormous, decorated cake for the final part of the evening.

Uri chuckled, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "I think he’s already celebrating. Let’s just carry on."

(No idea what this is, the idea just pop up in my mind)

Link to my masterlist and my other works if you feel like checking them out. Tags!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @aomi04 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @starrylevi @rithty @mariaace @ackrmntea @emilyyyy-08 @levisfavoriteteashop @katestrophes @katharinasdiaryy @ackermanswifee @levistealeaf @an-ever-angry-bi @youre-ackermine @searriously @blackdxggr @storiesofsung @abiatackerman @braunsbabe @moonchild-12345 @galactict3a @lemonsupernova @hyuckwon-my-husbands @heyitsd1yaa @sydneyyuu @love-for-faeries-go-burrrr @mandaax @sugacor3 @r0ckst4rjk @vegetasgirl2799 @catiwinky @pinksaiyans @sparklykeylime Wanna join my tag list? Here!

[yanderederee]

Windbreaker Official Q&A !

Part1 › Part2 › Part3

(answer releases are slow, so I’ll post an update probably within a month or so?) -> Q&A hosted here

1. What would you spend 500 yen on?

Sakura: “I’d buy Saboten’s Curry Bread.”

Nirei: “I’d like to buy more notebooks!”

Sugishita: “Dunno.”

Kotoha: “A cup of delicious coffee.”

Suo: “I would donate it of course.”

Hiragi: “I just ran out of stomach medicine.”

2. If you were to travel in Japan, where would you like to go?

Sakura: “Well… a place worth taking a walk.”

Nirei: “We should all go to Okinawa, it looks like fun.”

Sugishita: “Dunno.”

Kotoha: “I want to see the snowy scenery of nature in Hokkaido.”

Suo: “I’d like to go to a tea plantation in Shizuoka and pick tea.”

Hiragi: “I want to try snowboarding, so probably a ski resort.”

3. What is your favorite seasoning?

Sakura: “Ketchup. Omurice with ketchup is the best.”

Nirei: “I like to eat rice cakes with sugary soy sauce!”

Sugishita: “Dunno.”

Kotoha: “Japanese-style soup stock. With that, I can make anything delicious.”

Suo: “I’d say soy sauce. It's sweet, isn't it?”

Hiragi: “It's delicious if you put miso on nigiri rice and bake it.”

4.) What do you think about before going to sleep?

Sakura: “Fighting.”

Nirei: “I think about everyone I was with that day.”

Sugishita: “Dunno.”

Kotoha: “Pothos's sales status.”

Suo: “The dragon sealed in the left eye is about to rampage, so I guess that's it, haha.”

Hiragi: “If I can’t sleep, I try not to think about it.”

5. What would you eat for your last meal?

Sakura: “What… Why is it the last one? I’ve never thought about it.”

Nirei: “High-class meat. I want to eat til I’m full!”

Sugishita: “Dunno.”

Kotoha: “I dont care what I eat, I just want to eat it with everyone at the facility and the teachers.”

Suo: “Hmm, I don’t need to eat anything.”

Hiragi: “If it’s my last meal, then that must mean I’m in a bad situation, right? That means my stomach hurts, and I wonder if I can eat it. If I can eat it, I might say Katsudon.”

6.) What happened recently that made you happy?

Sakura: “At the butcher's... I got a bonus when I bought croquettes…”

Nirei: “I was able to have small talk with Mr. Umemiya.”

Sugishita: “Dunno.”

Kotoha: “Customers really liked the new menu.”

Suo: * “I had two tea pillars stand recently.”

Hiragi: “I got a ticket for my favorite band.” (LETS GO TOGETHER PLEASE!!!)

* When pouring freshly brewed loose-leaf tea, you can sometimes expect to find a tea stem/pillar in your tea. It’s considered good luck if one of those pillars stand vertically.

7.) What would you do if a stranger of the opposite sex asked for your contact information?

Sakura: “What?! What are you going to do when you have it!?”

Nirei: “A-are you sure it’s mine you want!? Not Sakura, or Suo’s?!”

Sugishita: “eh… uh…. um…”

Kotoha: “Sorry~ I have a boyfriend.”

Suo: “I don’t have a phone, sorry.”

Hiragi: “O..Oh… is my number okay?” (YES PLEASE)

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

invisible string

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.1k

Warnings: fluff

Request by anon: this is about to be super self indulgent but could you by any chance do a spencer reid x barista!reader maybe he keeps going back to the same cafe or something and memorizes like little facts about coffee or something lol i love your writing so much!!

Summary: Spencer keeps going back to the same coffee shop not because of the coffee but because of a certain someone that never fails to make him smile.

Square Filled: invisible string by taylor swift for @spencerreidbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

“I need a double shot espresso and a strawberry refresher,” you call to your coworkers. You’re working the register when a tall man walks up to the counter. Man, he is super cute. “Hi, what can I get for you?”

“I don’t come here often but I hear you don’t take large cups? What are they called?”

“Venti?”

“Yeah, that,” he chuckles. “What do you recommend?”

“I personally love anything caramel. It gives me enough sugar to counteract the bitterness of the coffee.”

“I’ll do that, then.”

Man, he is clueless but he’s so cute. You’re not sure if this is a bit or if this is who he actually is but you like it.

“What kind of coffee do you want?”

“Hazelnut Americano with caramel drizzle.”

“You got it. Anything else?”

“No.”

“Name?”

“Spencer Reid.”

He pays for his coffee and you start making his order since there is no one else in line. You write his name on the cup and walk to the pickup section and call his name. The way he bounces over to the counter is kind of cute.

“Have a nice day, Spencer,” you grin and hand it to him.

“Thank you. You, too!”

The next day when Spencer comes in, he is more confident. He’s still nervous since he finds you attractive but he’s not going to let that stop him.

“Hey, I remember you. You ordered the hazelnut Americano yesterday,” you smile and greet him. You yawn and cover your mouth. “Sorry. It doesn’t matter how much coffee I drink, I am still tired.”

“Did you know that coffee was discovered by an Ethiopian goat herder?”

“I did not but it makes sense. He needed all that energy to round up all the goats. What’s your name again?”

“Spencer.”

“Yes, that was it. Sorry, I have a terrible memory.”

“I have an eidetic one.”

“What is that?”

“An eidetic memory is the ability to recall an image from memory with high precision—at least for a brief period—after seeing it only once and without using a mnemonic device. I have an IQ of 187 and can read twenty-thousand words a minute.”

“So, you’re really smart?”

“Yes,” he chuckles.

“Okay, come back tomorrow and I’ll have a fact for you.”

“Deal.”

There is a line forming behind him so Spencer quickly orders and leaves just as fast as he came. You have to wait an entire day to see him again and this time, you have a fact lined up for him.

“Hi, Spencer,” you smile. “I think I got a good fact for you today.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Did you know that ketchup was once sold as a medicine?”

“In the 1830s, it was believed that the condiment could cure almost anything, including indigestion, diarrhea, and even jaundice,” he nods.

“Alright, smarty-pants, I’ll have to try harder tomorrow.”

“I have one for you about coffee. Did you know that bees love the taste of coffee?”

“Is that why they always fly near me when I’m having my morning coffee in my sunroom?”

“It might be.”

Another line is forming so you grab his coffee order and move on with your life. The only thing you’re looking forward to now is Spencer when he comes in. He shows up the next morning at the same time he’s been showing up, and you find yourself smiling because of him.

“Spencer! The usual?”

“Actually, get me your favorite drink.”

“Are you sure? You’re not allergic to anything?”

“Nope.”

“Coming right up.” You ring him up and accept his cash. “I have another fact, and I think it’s a good one. Did you know the Vikings discovered America and not Christopher Columbus?”

“Yes, approximately five hundred years before Christopher Columbus, the Scandinavian explorer Thorvald, brother of Leif Erikson and son of Erik the Red, died in battle in modern-day Newfoundland.”

“Okay, you’re good.”

Spencer blushes at your small compliment. “My head is filled with facts that I can’t seem to forget like coffee beans are actually the seeds from the coffee plant’s berry-like fruits. The coffee plant is a shrub that grows in tropical climates in parts of Africa, Asia, South America and North America. It produces an edible berry-like fruit known as a coffee cherry, which typically contains two coffee beans. These beans are then processed and roasted to create the coffee we know and love.”

“I did not know that.” You really like talking to him but every time he comes in, there is a line forming behind him. You have to move on so you put in his order. You turn to your coworker who barely begins to make his order. “Can you take this? I want to make his cup.”

“Sure, smitten kitten,” she grins.

You grab the empty cup and make your favorite drink for Spencer. When you’re done, you write your number on the side of it in hopes he will use it.

“Spencer?” He walks up to the counter and you smile. “Here you go.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here.”

Spencer doesn’t notice your number until he gets to his car. He smiles which makes you smile because that is a good sign that he likes what you did. The next day, he comes in with someone. He hasn’t used your number yet but maybe he’s nervous. The man with the dark skin encourages Spencer to make a move on you, and he pushes him toward you.

“Hi, Spencer,” you smile.

“Hi. This is my friend and coworker, Derek Morgan.”

“Hi, Derek.” You turn to Spencer. “I got one for you. I really think I’ll get you this time. Did you know that in Ancient Egypt, the New Year celebration was called Wepet Renpet?”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Wait, really?” you gasp.

“Are you serious?” Derek asks Spencer at the same time as you.

“I’m sorry, yeah, I did.” You tip your head back and laugh. “While we celebrate New Year’s Day on January 1, the Ancient Egyptian tradition was different every year. Meaning ‘the opener of the year’, Wepet Renpet was a way to mark the annual flooding of the Nile River, which usually happened sometime in July. The Egyptians tracked Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, to time their festivities.”

“You know, one day, I’m gonna get you. I’m gonna know something you don’t.”

“I’ve been barking up that tree for years now,” Derek chuckles. You and Spencer look at him and he nods in understanding. “I’ll go wait over there.”

“What can I get you two?”

“Caramel Macchiato and a Hazelnut Americano.”

“Is that all?”

Spencer looks at Derek who nods in encouragement.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” he stutters.

He blushes as he talks which is super cute.

“I’d love to.”

“Great. I still have your number. I was nervous about using it but I will now.”

“Don’t wait too long,” you grin.

There is something pulling you and Spencer together, something of an invisible string.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[jarvewrites]

Rock Lee headcannons please! ❤️

🏵️

rock lee headcanons!

hey 🏵️ anon! thanks for your request. i decided to make general headcanons for lee, since there weren't much details in the ask, please make sure to include them next time! thanks for your support 🌷

— as we all know rock lee is hard - working fella, who wakes up early in the morning to train. i actually see him as a heavy sleeper, i just imagine might guy trying to wake him up for his youthful training and lee is just laying there, snoring

— there is this technique that some modern sportsmen use : cold water immersion. it's when you put yourself into cold water for a few minutes and it helps to reduce the degree of exercise - induced muscle damage. either might guy or rock lee have read that somewhere on the newspapers and decided to try it out and make themselves stronger.

— lee definitely tried to persuade ten ten and neji to do it together with him as part of youthful training, but none of them agreed

— other than training, lee is a caring person and i can see him taking care of plants! he unexpectedly started doing this after noticing a droopy flower while he was taking a break from training. i like to imagine him carefully taking the flower without damaging it and making sure to take the soil as well and then growing it in his own house

— this slowly grew into a hobby, so now lee has plenty of plants back home!

— he would grow some flowers specifically for his s/o and gift them to them, he's a romantic soul, love him

— he loves cooking, but the results aren't that great. the food is either overbaked, or he left out an important ingredient or another accident happened leading to dishes breaking. neji and tenten definitely try to help him with this problem

— he would specifically wake up earlier than usual to surprise his s/o with breakfast in bed and he wrote out "good morning :)" with ketchup. romantic soul pt. 2

— he rarely gets sick and usually treats himself with herbal tea and other traditional types of medicine. also gets advice from sakura whenever he feels back pain due to his intense training

and that's the end of rock lee headcanons! thanks for reading this far, if you liked it, make sure to like and reblog the post. thank you for your support!

[sucroseswife]

Seriously, don’t break the law

Wriothesley x gn! Reader [part 1]

Wriothesley with a reader who keeps breaking the law on accident, continuously getting multiple small sentences. Despite being a relatively good citizen, your run ins with Furina’s more obscure laws repeatedly lands you in the Fortress.

It started off small. Wriothesley didn’t pay much attention to your first arrival, as he receives many criminals every day. You were in for the small offense of naming your dog “furina”, thinking it would be cute.

He got a good laugh out of reading your trial record though. You had no attorney and no defense other than demanding why such a stupid rule was even in place (“it’s not even offensive!” You had cried to the court to no avail)

Poor Neuvillette said nothing, sentencing you to 2 nights at the fortress of meropide with a sigh

(He had found you later, offering a small apology and suggesting you read up on Fontaine’s… stranger laws to avoid such accidents again.)

During your two night stay, you only met the duke once—

You peaked your head into the infirmary, subtly trying to check if this was the right room. The cut on your hand throbbed with pain but you ignored it the best you could. Those machines were more dangerous than you thought. Inside were two figures, one significantly shorter than the other.

…was that a kid? You honestly couldn’t tell, but she looked no older than 11. Perhaps she was the child of that much taller figure who was- quite good looking, actually-

“Gonna stand there all day?” The good looking man asked, raising an eyebrow. Fuck.

“Sorry!” You said, rushing in. “Are you, uh… the nurse?”

Before he could respond, your attention was drawn to the smaller figure who swiftly took your hand, an expression of concern on her face.

“I am the head nurse, Sigewine. Please have a seat and I’ll start treatment right away!”

You couldn’t help but swoon over how cute the little melusine was, her professionalism contrasting her appearance. As she ran away to fetch some gauze, your eyes trailed back to mr. Tall Hot Man. He was observing you silently. When you met his gaze, he smiled in a wolfish manner.

“You’re y/n, I take it?”

You nodded. “And you are…?”

“Wrioth-” “He’s the Duke of the fortress of meropide, Wriothesley!” Sigewine butted in, beginning to clean your wounds. You paled. Had you really been thinking about your warden like a piece of meat? …maybe you were a criminal after all.

Wriothesley looked mildly annoyed at being outed as the Duke, but quickly let it go. His smile returned.

“I’ve read your file… seems you’re only with us for another day. We don’t usually see such short sentences around here.”

“Oh, yes… well I hardly committed a crime at all!” you said, anger and indignation returning to you once more.

“Hm…” he said, pretending to consider. “breaking the law is breaking the law, I’m afraid.” Wriothesley took great satisfaction n the way you spluttered, rushing to defend yourself.

“No really, what kind of laws are these?! Even the Iudex couldn’t explain— and the legal codex he gave me… ‘ketchup shall only be used as a condiment and not consumed by itself’? Are you serious?”

Wriothesley wanted to laugh at the image of the overworked Chief Justice having to enforce Furina’s questionable laws, but held back. Sigewine had finished her work, patting your hand gently.

“Y/n, please use this medicine to clean your wound twice a day. And don’t forget to change your bandages.”

You nodded. “Thank you, miss Sigewine. Am I all set then?”

She nodded happily. “Yep! Stay safe please!”

You smiled at Wriothesley, slightly sheepish after your outburst. “Sorry, please don’t extend my sentence for yelling.”

He didn’t look like he was going to extend anything, though. His expression was one of amusement and something else you couldn’t quite place. Before you could leave, he gently took your injured hand in his, inspecting the cleaned and covered wound. He made a small noise of disapproval before speaking.

“If you ever end up back here— which I hope will not happen… there’s no need for you to work at the production zone. Just find me and I’ll figure something out.”

You blushed slightly before nodding. “Alright”

Was that normal? Didn’t all prisoners have to work?

Well, it didn’t matter. Not like you were planning to get arrested again. You said your goodbyes to the very beautiful and generous duke before leaving the infirmary.

Sigewine immediately knew something was up. The girl is an expert in reading human emotions

From the moment you had stepped in, your eyes were practically glued to Wriothesley, and his glued to you

Not to mention how the duke’s demeanor had softened considerably as he continued talking to you… and his suggestion at the end?! She had never seen him offer anything like that before.

Yes, there was no doubt in Sigewine’s mind that his grace was more into you than he was letting on

It’s such a shame you would be released the next day, never to come back to the fortress again!

…or so she thought

Unfortunately for you, your bad luck with Fontaine’s law had only just begun.

Notes: I want him sooo bad omg. Ignore the fact that neuv would probably never sentence someone to meropide for a crime this small it’s for the plot ok

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Dogs

Hildur Knutsdottir: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the night guest Knutsdottir: its about a woman who gets a full night's sleep so you would think she would be well rested (she's not) Knutsdottir: it's almost like something is possessing her while she sleeps (something is)

Knutsdottir: this possession Knutsdottir: you might think it's the yule lads (it's not the yule lads) Knutsdottir: or maybe grylla (its not grylla) Knutsdottir: perhaps its the hidden people (its not the hidden people)

Knutsdottir: now this woman also has a dead sister Knutsdottir: so you would think maybe the ghost of her dead sister is possessing her King: Poe: Lovecraft: Koontz: Barker: King: um King: was there supposed to be a parenthetical there Knutsdottir: not saying

Knutsdottir: now of course when this woman has weird sleep problems, you would of course take advantage of our socialized medical system to see a doctor (she does this) Knutsdottir: but even socialized medicine is not free from the scourge of sexism (there's a lot of it) Angela Carter: yes yes this scans

Knutsdottir: anyway that's the Icelandic socialized medicine system for you Dan Simmons: why do you have to bring politics into this? Simmons: i just want a nice apolitical scary story Knutsdottir: ok i'll fast forward to the cat murders Lovecraft: WHAT

Knutsdottir: yeah someone's been killing cats (it's her) which you wouldn't expect (she loves cats) Lovecraft: i can't listen to this! Lovecraft: i can tolerate rac- Barker: we know howard you say that everytime Lovecraft: it's my catch phrase! Barker: no it's not!

Knutsdottir: every night she walks across the city (to the harbor) Knutsdottir: now you think she might be visiting Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur (but she's not) Cynthia Pelayo: aw that hot dog ain't no good! King: what? hot dog? Knutsdottir: you're entitled to your opinion (it's actually the best in the city)

Pelayo: what dya even put on a hot dog over there? King: why are we talking about hot dogs? Knutsdottir: með öllu Pelayo: pfft! með öllu indeed! Pelayo: ya don't even know what you're getting!

Pelayo: i tell you, you want a hot dog, you get it CHICAGO STYLE Pelayo: mustard, chopped onion, pickle spears, sport peppers Pelayo: YEAH! CHICAGO STRONG, BABY!!! Pelayo: GO BEARS OR MAYBE WHITE SOX!!!

Knutsdottir: no no see a hot dog should have remolaði sauce (and apple ketchup) Pelayo: wtf! the only sauce that goes on a dog is mustard Knutsdottir: WHAT?! like the infidel bill Clinton?! (he ordered with only mustard during his 2004 visit) Knutsdottir: NEVER!!! Knutsdottir: it's með öllu!!! always með öllu!!!

Lovecraft: now i prefer my sausages providence style Barker: no you don't Barker: that's not even a thing Lovecraft: no it is! its when you put a Vienna sausage on a slice of white bread Barker: howard, we all know you don't eat ethnic food

Pelayo: who's ready for mouth watering hot dogs?? Lovecraft: ah sausages! Pelayo: Hebrew national hot dogs! Lovecraft: Lovecraft: [sweats]

[morehousebites]

Quotes as House MD

Random shit my friends have said as House MD

for contex, I'm in training to get my Medical Assistant certification and most of my friends are also in/going into the medical field

House:

My mysteries are falling out

Can't a mortal want for death?

That's assault. Don't make me elevate it to battery

No no, don't be embarrassed, you all did bad

I'm going to Hell AND I have to pay with quarters? This is the worst day ever!

It's only like the fourth gayest sport. Behind football, chess, and competitive pole dancing

Either kill yourself or get over it

Don't touch these without gloves, they will irritate your tits

Well y'know, some people come out of the closet, [Chase] goes into the closet

I only let my [fellows] teethe on them occasionally. They're mostly slobber-free

Am I not writing right now? With my words? Like a poet?

You're a sick degenerate fuck! I like you

OSHA is for pussies

I can hurt you and then it will have to be my fault

I'm American I'm entitled to piss where I want

Happy erection day. Your penis hard?

I LOVE bullying children

Sorry ladies, this cock is all mine

It's not abuse if they're living. That's why you kill them first

Chase:

Being lesbian is masochist (referring to Thirteen)

As the youth are fond of saying these days: dope, sick nasty.

I'm a cunt not a whore

He's fat, he needs a vasectomy

She's 14, her uterus is gonna wither up

My dad has a PhD in Jesus

I don't even have a thought process

Ow, don't hit me, you're ugly

The part I'm confused on.... Is all of it?

Victim blaming, it's the right thing to do

Ketchup is such a good moisturizer

Aw man that sucked ass, I guess I'll just die hairy

No sin here, move along

Cameron:

I'm not a lesbian, stay away from me

Numbers, organs, same thing. What am I, a doctor? A medical student?

Not gonna lie I kinda like heroin

Them's the house rules, and I'm the coolest bitch

Wow she's pretty! Oh she's dying

Do you not want to smoke weed on the bus to the hospital?

Not even in a sexual way just vulvas are dope

Shawty is a state of mind

Honey no one wants your organs

Alright I'm gonna go finish my work and disappoint [House]

They can't know I'm a freak YET

Supportive parents? In this economy?

I can't cry cause the makeup's too slay

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine was a man

Gravity is a bitch sometimes

Pleasure myself, weep, and repeat

If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me that, I could actually afford therapy

This is pirated, by the way

I've got my own knives: they're called fingers and I swear to god if he talks to me again they are going in his eyes

Foreman:

I'm no one's babygirl, I'm someone's baby MAN

I can ethically own him in the free market space of debate

You think you have rights here? This is [the hospital]

You're taking a speed bump at 5 miles an hour, I'm gonna actually enjoy my life

There is no opinions on the gays

You spilled spaghetti on the church?! (directed at Chase)

That's not a hehe moment

Do any of you... Hear in the ears?

Infidelity ain't lookin so good right now

I'd be full of shit if I told you I knew the answer all the time

I sympathize with you but you're making funny noises

THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED THE WHOLE TIME AND I SLITHERED THROUGH THE WINDOW?!

Don't antagonize drunk old men who hate you

[mncxbe]

How do u think the bsd guys would help out if they had a daughter who started her first period?

Omg this is so sweet I cannot. I assumed that the daughter didn't know much about periods so I hope it's ok. The characters were also randomly chosen so if y'all want me to add anyone else lmk. Enjoy♡♡

First period◇

𝒗𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒔𝒅 𝒙 𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈���𝒕𝒆𝒓!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: good vibes/ silly/ fatherhood

°☆○

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

let's start off with our favourite glazed donut

this man knows about periods and what to do when his daughter gets one

if his partner isn't at home, he definitely calms her down and teaches her how to use a pad

Dazai is a goofy dad, so he surely makes little comments and affectionately calls his daughter "little ketchup packet", but if she has cramps he will be serious about it

brings her painkillers and something warm to put on the tummy and then tucks her in

9.5/10 overall experience

𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒚𝒂

oh he knows what to do

still gets quite anxious when his daughter announces that she got her period

if she's really scared or stressed he tries to comfort her but ends up getting frustrated

Mr. fancy hat will teach his daughter how to use a tampon but he's not 100% sure he's doing the right thing

the two of them sit on the bathroom floor while Chuya's trying to read the prescription for painkillers (the text is too small and he gets angry cuz he cannot read properly sjsksksk)

surely opens a bottle of wine after the whole deal is done

8.6/10 experience

𝑨𝒕𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊

he panics a whole lot, more than his daughter even

immediately calls his partner and googles advice on how to deal with a first period

after two mental breakdowns he's ready to help: brings her sweets, buys her pads and they watch yt videos on how to properly use them

he's really gentle and does his best to reassure her and make her feel comfortable

8/10 experience

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

let's be honest he knows about periods, after all he has a sister

but he has no idea how to take care of someone who just got their period

he just simply stands there with a blank expression on his face, lowkey trying to suppress his anxiety before calling his partner or sister to ask for advice

he does offer to make her tea and watch a movie with her

uses Rashomon to get the things she needs from different rooms so she doesn't have to move too much

overall a 7.8/10 cuz he doesn't really know how to comfort her

𝑶𝒅𝒂

he's so chill about it

having brought up a number of kids already, he knows how to deal with his daughter's first period

teaches her all she needs to know + extra self care tips

Oda would make her stay in bed all day if the cramps are painful; brew her tea and bring sweets

offers to read or tell her stories to distract her from the pain

10/10 experience

𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂

this man loves his schedules; anything that's out of the ordinary makes him spiral

that's why when his daughter called him at work, saying that she just got her first period and doesn't know what to do, he kinda panics for a second

nonetheless he quickly makes his way home and does his best to comfort her

after that, he explains the whole situation and shows her how to put on a pad, what medicine to take and teaches her tips on how to deal with cramps

9/10 experience cuz he gets too anxious

𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓

just like Akutagawa, he doesn't really know how to deal with periods

he probably gives his daughter a nasty look at first like why does she expect him to help?

but still he explains the whole biology of it and reassures her that it's a normal phenomenon

makes her tea and, if she has cramps, attempts to take her mind off of the sharp pain, but ends up mentioning blood rituals that Russians used to practice💀

7.6/10 experience (bonus points if he asks his partner for advice)

𝑻𝒆𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒖

he is utterly dumbfounded

asks his wife for advice; goes to buy her pads if there aren't any at home

he's lowkey proud that his daughter is growing up so fast

if she mentions cramps he surely prepares her a strange concoction that he swears will help ease the pain (it doesn't)

8.6/10 experience; he's really sweet and caring

𝑭𝒖𝒌𝒖𝒛𝒂𝒘𝒂

he reacts so well

buys her those silly books about puberty, y'all know what I'm talking about

I'm pretty sure that Fukuzawa would own cat if he were to settle down, so he gently places it on his daughter's abdomen if she has cramps

"Oh, I heard that the frequency of a cat's purr has healing properties. I thought that maybe it could help you."

really gentle and caring; brews her tea or coffee, whatever she needs

also cancels his plans for the day and stays at home in order to make sure she's alright

10/10 experience

[spee-eeeeee]

“Welcome our house! My misty”

Tomas (a little bit like Yandere)x female reader

I wrote this in Japanese and then translated it into English with Google Translate, so I've edited it but apologize if there are any mistakes! I hope you like this,,,

Warning: kidnapping

An unfamiliar ceiling spreads out before your eyes. Where on earth are you? Yesterday, you were sure you had been sleeping in your room like usual. But when you woke up, you found yourself self lying on a bed with clean white sheets. A blanket had even been carefully placed over you. You looked around, and saw a teddy bear on the edge of the bed, two small tables and chairs nearby, and no windows in the room. And a wooden door.

　Stay calm, don't panic. There's nothing good to come from being in a hurry. Everything will be okay,,,,First, you took a deep breath to calm your palpitations. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. You felt a little better. Luckily, your hands and feet weren't chained or tied with rope. You got off the bed and touched the doorknob, but of course it wasn't unlocked. There wasn't much furniture in the room, so there was nowhere to look for anything, and you couldn't find any clues to escape from this room. There was nothing you could do, so you reluctantly sat on the bed and sighed.

　Suddenly, you heard the sound of the door in front of you unlocking. You could only stare at the door as it creaked in surprise. Then, a man stepped in.

"Good morning, sweetheart ,,,,you're awake! How are you feeling?"

The man asked you as if you were lover, as if you'd known each other for a long time. Even though it was your first meeting.

"Who are you? Did you kidnap me here?"

You couldn't help but ask. You never know what someone might do if you provoke them. The man was visibly muscular, and if he hit you even once, you’re sure you would lose consciousness easily. Perhaps seeing your confused and impatient expression, the man began to introduce himself.

"I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Tomas. Sorry for being rough with you. But I don't mean to hurt you."

　Even if you make a big fuss and try to escape, you won't be able to win against this man. You have no choice but to obey him obediently.

"Are you hungry? I made breakfast for you! I'll bring it to you so wait a moment."

　He said, and left the room. Of course, the door was locked again.

A few minutes later, you heard the sound of the door being unlocked again, and Tomas came into the room with a smile on his face, carrying a tray. He put it on the table, sat down in the chair opposite, and looked at me. He said with a slightly shy smile.

"I hope it's good."

On the tray were an egg omelet with ketchup, a colorful vegetable salad, steaming hot soup, and water. If this wasn't the place where the kidnapper...you mean, Tomas, had brought you, what an exciting breakfast it would have been. No one would want to eat something made by a kidnapper. It wouldn't be surprising if there was something foreign in it. Suspicious medicine... But you thought it would be bad if you didn't eat here and upset Tomas, so you reluctantly moved to the seat opposite.

　you prepared myself, and took the omelette. The fluffy egg spread in my mouth. It wasn't bad at all, in fact the opposite. The soup had a mild taste. The salad dressing seemed homemade, but it was very well made. You didn't want to admit it, but you had to admit that it was delicious. When you finished eating your breakfast, Tomas said happily.

"I'm glad you like my cooking. From today you'll be living here! And as your lover, I'll do anything to make you comfortable my misty,,,"

Living is the wrong word to locking you in. And he just called you his "lover." You couldn't keep up.

"Well, I'm going to go and clean up this."

While you were thinking about what he was going to do, he gently pulled me to him and kissed your forehead. You were frozen in shock, but he picked up the tray and left the room. You didn't have time to feel disgusted. All you could do was stand there.

Part2↓