#keeping the brain sharp!
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Long sprink or circular sprink?
They both taste like sulfur infused plastic with a hint of smoke from the rendering.
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@sirus-zzz it is! (kinda!)
with the power of a four year degree in computer graphics blender, you can also make your projects take 500 times longer than if you just learned to draw!
#i use 3d in most of my work. polygon make brain go brr#its makes for great references and also there's enough programming in there to keep my brain sharp#maybe i should explain how this works? tutorial????
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I watched Lena Dunham's Sharp Stick (2022) with a babe last month. Which I absolutely loved!!!
It's never explicitly acknowledged, but the main character is clearly supposed to be (despite the producers claiming otherwise) in some way neurodivergent. Or something. She's meek and impossibly sexually naive (to the point where me and the girl I watched it with had initially assumed the character was intended to be a child). Apparently they had approached an autism sexuality advocate to work as a consultant for the film before backpeddling.
Trans girls tend to be autistic.
The main character also had a hysterectomy (as did Lena Dunham).
Trans girls tend to be infertile.
She's shown taking estrogen.
Trans girls tend to take estrogen.
She becomes obsessed with porn and begins having one night stands with random men from the internet in hopes of finding validation by proving her sexual desirability.
Trans girls tend to do that shit.
It ends with her realizing and leaning into her impregnation fetish (while getting fucked by the one black guy she knows who had just brought over some 40s and called them homies and also while her black step sister's hands unexpectedly drift in from off screen to hold her because even when she managed to push it off to the last second Lena Dunham is incapable of being chill and normal about race).
Trans girls can't go ten seconds without making the same joke about how if you don't think you can get a trans girl pregnant then you just aren't trying hard enough (and the frequent fetishization of black men in trans and especially neighboring sissy communities can't really be denied).
Also the bartender is played by Tommy Dorfman (a trans woman) with it being her first time playing a character with a girl name.
But I'm not trying to suggest it's intentionally a movie about the tgirl excperience. That would be silly. Really the takeaway should be that (no matter how varied women's lives may be) we (trans women and cis women etc) can still always find common ground and shared excperiences. We're all in this together.
But anyways I was looking at Lena Dunham's Instagram yesterday (I've been off and on again rewatching Girls, so she's stayed on my mind).
One post features the music video she directed starring famed trans girl Hari Nef.
Another post shows that she recently read trans boy Elliot Paige's memoir Paige Boy.
Another post shows a conversation she had with Jon Bernthal (on his podcast) where she explains the word cis to him and talks about having also explained it to her husband (this is the only clip from her appearance on the podcast that she chose to post).
BTW did you know that she was an executive producer for the 2021 show Genera+ion (which I recall featuring a trans boy actor playing a cis boy character who gets a girl pregnant).
Fascinating!
Meanwhile. Ten years earlier. In 2013 (a year into my transition and a year before Time declared that we've reached the trans tipping point) an episode of Girls features a doorman telling one of the titular Girls that "a tranny walked in last time and he was just walking around the floors, but it was nothing." (lmao)
UPDATE: s05e02 features a "did you just assume my pronouns" bit. (in a way that felt reactionary and gross because the theyfab saying it was an absurd hipster barista that the audience isn't intended to sympathize with)
UPDATE UPDATE: s06e02 features the leader of a group for women entrepreneurs saying "For those of you asking on our Facebook if the group is open to trans women: The answer is: We don't know. Okay?" (which I thought was fun)
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: s06e03 (the literal next episode) "I even went to a couple of hookers and one of them had a dick."
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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you gonna cry about it :(
#second ever original art post#sound off#5 years on this wretched site. i broke my lurker streak for this#mfw im a fruity ass mouse and the sad cowboy movie hits a little too close to home#(i have not watched brokeback mountain)#but my mom and a good friend of mine did. so until i do#thats close enough for comic work#anyway thank you mouse enjoyers for keeping my spirits up post reboot cancellation#i will miss it always <3#alright tag time#pinky and the brain#animaniacs reboot#brinky#animaniacs 2020#pinky and the brain reboot#do i tag this as brokeback mountain?#or will they be scared by my insane rats#also tumblr image crunchiness die one thousand painful deaths#pro tip for anyone trying to edit a post and reupload higher quality images.#dont name both the crunchy and sharp files the same first word.#for whatever reason#tumblr shits its pants if you do#the file name for both of them started with 'mice'#and the sharp one only went through when i renamed it#love this website but it sucks bad#ok essay clear. (fart sfx)#FUCK i forgot my own tag#my art
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shockwave holding bee's spark as it flickers and fades slowly
(cw added for the tags)
#IM GOING FUCKING FERAL AGAIN I NEED HIM TO TEAR AWAY THAT PUNY SPARK OUT OF THE SPARK CHAMBER AND WATCH AS IT FADES#cables sticking out to the still beating spark#theres broken wiring and torn protoform and all he can do is twitch as sharp claws holding him gently#shockwave has never been this gentle as he offlines someone. and bee has never been held so lovingly after so much violence#shockwave's spark beats faster as he stares at the spark. devouring it (not literally) he stares as if hisife depends on it watching#with attention every flicker of the incoming death of the bot he holds#i cant decide if he would keep the spark as a personal trophy of finally getting rid of the plaguing his thoughts. or he would crush t#*crush it#THEY MAKE ME SICKK and they won't leave my brain#cw: robogore#sort of#at least in the tags#shockbee#i was trying to sleep and they came back to haunt me. literally cant do shit without thinking about these two what the fuck
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legos are a crazy expensive hobby. unfortunately! they did get me 😔
#i need the sanderson sisters house so bad#i don’t like sudoku i hate crosswords i don’t do puzzles#this is how i’m keeping my middle aged brain sharp lol
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considering the state of US education in recent years, and the fact that a considerable amount of this site's userbase is like 20 or younger fresh oit of the system, it's completely understandable that almost everyone on here is a fucking moron who has developed no critical thinking skills whatsoever & probably doesn't even know how to use context clues. bomb the country NOW what are they doing to our youth
#i do think if you're like 18 or younger (with very few exceptions) and you're on here engaging with discourse posts or theory or some shit#you should shut off the phone or tablet or computer and go to your local library once per week and ask the librarian what they recommend#and you read and you read and you read#and you don't stop reading#and you actively keep a little reading journal where you outline what you understood from the text chapter-by-chapter#we used to do that every single day when i was in school from kindergarten until 9th grade#we got little manila journal books and we could decorate them with stickers and we had book cubbies we brought with us to each grade#and we got new books every week and read one chapter per day and wrote in our journal what we understood from that chapter#i literally still do this as a fully grown woman because it keeps your brain sharp and trains your comprehension skills#and critical thinking as well#>
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“what happened to him?” “he read a book so bad he returned it to the library a third of the way through, but now his brain won’t stop chewing on the potential it had 😔”
#f**rth w*ng isn’t even a case of “this would be so good if it was good”#but it is unfortunately a case of “this would be such epic catnip for me if it was good”#i fear i may have to check it out again and hate-binge it to get it out of my system#ugghhhhhh i’m not even gonna enjoy a single minute of it#but i need to convince my brain there’s nothing there! it was never going to get good! trust me dude it wasn’t!#negativity#i just want to pick it up from the start of the bonding scene and rewrite it completely#without the fuckin. deus ex machina all-powerful mythic rare ancient dragon#and without any intervention from xaden#and just focus on violet and the feathertail#i read the wiki and that kiddo has TIME MAGIC?#yeah fuck off you do not need anyone else’s help#with TIME MAGIC and a bonded human who has even an ounce of competence and brainpower#you do NOT need a fuckin legendary dragon’s help#that could’ve been SO COOL C’MON#you’re really gonna build the whole core of your story around how Violet is not strong but has a sharp mind#and then get her out of her tight spot by introducing a BIG STRONG DRAGON#instead of letting her work with the tiny smart-but-not-strong dragon????? come the fUCK on#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it could’ve been so cool#ughhhhhhhhhh and then the first flight was the most fuckin lackluster bit of storytelling i’ve ever read#like yeah cool okay i love how she’s having to work with Tairn to keep her seat. that part was fun#but then the fucking handwave of “wow it’s amazing being on a dragon’s back”#you could never be toothless and hiccup#god#anyway#had to get my rant out#it pisses me off when dragon stories are bad XD
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kinda success???? idk tbh the hardest part about drawing furries is figuring out how to cram in the other fucking eye
#i never ever ever have issues with The Other Eye btw. even when i was newer at art i wouldn't usually struggle w/it that much#its Only when drawing mfs with snouts that it becomes a PROBLEM#anyway im sorry for slimming down her face so much 😔 it was the best way i could get what i was going for sadly#i'll make up for it with the rest of her body trust i will not make her skinny!!!!!!!! i just wanted her face to be rlly sharp wahhh#i'm going for a more cold aloof kinda thing with her. not fully uncaring but not particularly warm either#i'm trying to really hone in on the fact that in ut she was the brains of the royal family when she was still queen#and she's a lot colder/more stern than asgore in terms of how she runs things or how she treats ppl in the ruins especially#so in sf i think she'd have more contempt for monsters than anything. the royal guard rlly only exists to dismantle rebel groups n all that#i'm still working out the human soul stuff with her but she's def keeping everybody underground as a punishment i think#she wants ppl to prove that they /deserve/ to see the surface in my attempt at reversing ut toriel's fight dynamic lol#i apologize ahead of time if i severely fuck up her whole character i am trying my best unfortunately i only hyperfixated the skeletons#and it does not help that out of all the main characters i am compelled by toriel um. the least#but i will put my biases aside. because character building and worldbuilding by extension are fun 😌#ok being out of school for this long has Ruined Me it is bedtime now good night
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Yes, you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone sometimes. It’s not that deep, it’s doesn’t mean she isn’t married. ////// surrounded by succchhhhh a loving husband and still unhappy??????? Oops!!!! And it wasn't sometimes, she talked about an year????? A whole year with her then bf????? They were in atlanta or MA or LA in 2023 together????😉🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
See this is why reading comprehension is so important kids stay in school for as long as you can because some of you even in your big age still can’t read properly and it’s a huge epidemic with schooling. These poor kids you know they grow up to be illiterate adults because they just don’t have anyone in their life to take the time and teach them to read. She never said it was the whole year she said last year, which could’ve been any month or any block of months in that year, nothing was said about it. And yes, someone can be loving and attentive and if you’re in depression or you’re just generally sad for whatever reason that you are, it doesn’t matter how many people are with you you can feel alone or even lonely. it doesn’t matter how many people love you. You can still feel alone or lonely. This is where the empathy kicks in and none of you have a single ounce of it in your shitty little bodies. The way that you all take a sentence and misconstrue it and turn it into something completely different. So again remember school is very very important. Always keep up on the reading because the older we get the less comprehension works out as we can see here and then you’re gonna end up like this poor dip shit so remember keep reading! Keep that brain sharp! 
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ah and now I'm having a mental breakdown over losing a tack. ain't that just the way
#im tired of my shitty motor skills + adhd i cant get anything fucking done and i keep losing things!!!!#i cant find the tack which means not only is there a sharp object somewhere on my floor#but also I can't hang up the map of nj that has been sitting on my bureau since moving into this room#BECAUSE i cant find where i put the rest of my tacks#i hate it here (my body) and also i hate it here (my brain)#like I'll literally be fine i just have to process this#and maybe when my roommate gets home I'll ask if he has any tacks#gods i was making so much progress too
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not to sound like a quitter, but.
#wat do u do wen ur in iceland with two of ur best friends#but u cant fucking sleep#and u dont have any of ur creature comforts and by gods are u a creature of comfort#and u have no money#and youve put very little effort towards this trip and even less money lmao#like wow i have ppl who will just. buy me plane tickets and tour tickets and food#which is lovely but ultimately soul crushing#bc im going to spend the next four years repaying that#bc i cant get it the fuck together with my spending habits#like ffs im almost 30 and i keep spending my money like a 10yo who found $5 in the street#and cash doesnt feel like a real option in iceland#and unfortunately i also screwed myself by not getting my new credit card#there is. a lot of negativity in my brain rn.#yeah its bc im tired as shit but with the insomnia#like i would pretend to sleep bc i know its better than doom scrolling but fuck#my brain refuses to be distracted from the self loathing rn#2hrs of lying there and i was like okay ill read fic for a bit so i stop. Thinking.#but then i close my eyes and my brain just fucking flushes itself again#anyway. screaming. hollering. homesick.#i only have unhealthy coping mechanisms at this point and unfortunately my fave one is illegal here sooooo.......#might try buying a pack of smokes tmrw lmao#provided i dont find anything sharp first heyyo
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as it turns out taking a whole bunch of pills u are not supposed 2 sometimes does actually have an effect
#i was out COLD n i finally woke up and it took me like 5 tries just to sit up i kept falling down#my throat feels like itforgot it had a use#brain nonexistent#and oh mygod....... my like. abdomen#hurts so bad#moving hurts#i keep getting sharp pains in my chest when i do#at least it got me outta there o(-< (my head last night)#except i still want 2 cry
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i tend to forget it but that dnd stats quiz reminded me I'm quite charismatic. this is why god gave me severe social anxiety he knew if i was able to tap into my full power i would've become unstoppable
#int/wis is whatever. i knew that already. i got lots of knowledge and i solve puzzles constantly to keep my brain sharp#charisma is interesting tho! bc i don't get to use it much. at least outside of tumblr lol#but given my past and how i used to be before i got worse. yeah ig it checks out!#maybe one day if i get better I'll be able to use it hehe like if i get to be on a stage again hm...#ig this is what I'm working towards rn. (actually eying a local theater group for that purpose. but also. eh)
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i just think there’s no point if he’s not a little scary is all. he just needs to be kind of freaky.
#like he’s just not hot enough if he’s not kind of scary and intense#his eyes need to be Too Red and his nails need to be Too Long and his teeth need to be Too Sharp#the true appeal of vampirism to me is that element of a predator lying in wait#and the ability to Seem inviting while actually being frightening and deadly#like vtm vampires are truly the ideal#they don’t look human unless they’re Trying (think using blush of life) but when you get too close#the image falls apart. there’s a part of your brain that KNOWS they are a predator and is afraid#i just think it’s so much more fun for someone romancing astarion to see him not as like Normal With Fangs#but as a monster and a threat and a predator and to continue anyway. is all#the joy of it rly is in a mortal recognizing that their life is in danger and choosing not to care#i want him to be a half-dead creature that sets off every alarm bell in your head but you keep coming back anyway#even if his 10 cha ass is fumbling at every turn. lmao#as a side note this IS why i keep writing him and xarrai in their weird predator show downs LOL#i’m obsessed with hunters being hunted. and love to torture him by knocking him down a peg or three LOL#漫言
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