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[shehungthemoon]

Unsure how to put this succinctly but. It gives me this perverse glee that people are made uncomfortable by sebaciel. This fictional universe hurts them soooooooo bad and they willingly put themselves there. It's like watching clowns. Small, baby clowns that have no awareness of the world around them and are actually part of a Puritan cult. They're so entertaining.

[boldlyvoid]

Sweet Nothing

Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Summary: Penelope made a friend on the internet over covid who just so happens to live in the same town Dr. Reid just got a new job... and playing Cupid is her favourite thing in the world

Warnings: strangers to lovers, meet cute, 40-year-old virgin Spencer, Virgin reader (late 20's/early 30's), picnics, food mention, lots of Taylor Swift references, first times, Spencer is on anti-depressants, oral sex fem receiving, multiple positions, multiple orgasms, sweet sex, lots of communication

Word Count: 12.6

Making friends on the internet was never easy… it always came with its own set of unique difficulties. People lie, anyone could be secretly crazy and when actions don’t really have consequences on the web, they can get crazier. 

That being said, Y/N has recently made a wonderful friend in a woman named Penelope. 

Penelope’s Tumblr page was pretty normal, very pink and vibrant and happy, but normal nonetheless. She’s in her early 40s, an internet veteran, an ex-employee at the FBI and known for creating a brand new, very safe, social media platform for young people. She was very easy to trust, very forward and easy to open up to as well, which made the two of them bond instantly. 

And despite the age difference and the long distance, Y/N would consider Penelope to be her best friend. 

She knew everything about her from her favourite colour to her hope and dreams and favourite singer… and also the fact she was a virgin well into her adult life and dying to get out there. They’ve spent most of their friendship discussing their equally awful dating lives, would-be lovers and almost hookups. Both women have tried time and time again to find love, however, nothing ever seemed to work out… until the day Penelope got an idea. 

“I have a friend…” Penelope leads, something sinister in her eyes. “And he’s single and pretty cute, too…” 

“Do you have a crush?” Y/N lights up thinking this is a happy moment for Penelope. “Oh my god, Penny tell me all about him!!”

“Well, no, actually… I want to set you up with him,” she explains further, in a much softer tone. “He’s so soft and sweet and a few years younger than me… and still a virgin.” 

Her eyes grow impossibly wide and her jaw drops momentarily, “you’re kidding?”

“Nope.” 

“Wow,” she takes a moment to soak it all in. She sits back in her chair and lets her shoulders drop as she thinks about it. And for once, Penelope is quiet too. “How much older than me is he?” 

“He’s 41… which I know it’s a lot older than you but he’s what you’re looking for and you’d be so perfect for him. He’s so wonderful and he’s waited for so long to find someone who wouldn’t judge him and I know you’d love everything about him if I told you everything but I want you to meet him and find out for yourself… sorry, that was a lot.” 

“No, no, that’s okay,” she actually loved when Penelope went on little rants like that. “I just don’t really have the funds to fly to Virginia right now—

“That’s another reason why he’s perfect for you, he’s moving to Reno next week!!!” Penelope can’t help but shake her hands with excitement while her voice raises at least a pitch if not 3. 

“Is this the same friend who’s already from Nevada?” Her eyes light right up like a cat staring at a laser… she’s seen photos on Penelope’s personal Facebook, everything from selfies in new glasses to the parties with friends  and throwbacks from working at the FBI… “doctor what’s-his-name?” 

“Spencer, yeah oh my god? I can’t believe you remember him?” Penelope asks and she just shrugs, “See, this is why you’re perfect for Spencer, he talks a lot like I do, only about much smarter things but you’d be able to keep up.” 

“I’d love that, actually,” she swoons, feeling slightly embarrassed about how the possibility of having a boyfriend makes her so giddy. “I’d love to listen to someone talk about what they love and just sit there and look at them…” 

“Perfect, I tell you! Perfect!!” Penelope exaggerates, “he’s moving in a few days but all his things are already there. The department paid for his relocation and everything, I’m so surprised he actually decided to go this time, he’s been thinking about it forever.” 

“Ask him if he wants some help unpacking when he does get here and I’d love to give him a hand,” she agrees fully, taking a leap of faith and seeing where this could go without the fear of the unknown weighing her down. 

—

She shows up at Spencer's apartment 2 days after he arrives in Reno, a bottle of Welcome to the Neighbourhood sparkling cider and an assortment of muffins in her arms, thinking it would be quick and easy for him to take the muffins to work over the next few days, unlike a flower arrangement he didn’t need taking up space in his downsized apartment. 

She takes a deep breath before she knocks, her knuckles are barely off the door when he opens it. She barely has a moment to prepare before she’s smacked with the realization that this man is very handsome and incredibly smart… and so, so intimidating. 

“Hi,” he smiles at her. “Is that— you didn’t need to bring anything?” 

She looks down at the basket she’s holding and then back up to see those beautiful brown eyes, “I know… sorry, um, Hi, welcome to the neighbourhood,” she hands him the basket with the best smile she can muster, slightly embarrassed to be so flustered by the mere sight of him. 

“Thank you, come in,” he steps out of the doorway so she could walk in, he steps away from the door completely and sets the basket on a moving box. “Sorry, it’s a mess, the movers just put the boxes wherever they wanted, so I’ve been reorganizing where they were supposed to go,” Spencer explains, gesturing to the room around them. 

“It’s okay, that’s why I’m here,” she’s cheery as she shuts the door and starts to take her coat off. “Can I just leave this over here?” 

“Yeah, actually—“ he reaches for the closet door, “I found the box with hangers first so you could hang your coat when you got here.” 

“She said you were a genius,” Y/N teases, holding her coat up so he could slip the hanger inside and hang it on the bar. She sets her purse down inside the closet too, just for safekeeping. 

“I hope she hasn’t talked me up too much,” he’s honest with his fears. “I’m afraid I’m actually quite average, maybe tilted towards the strange side…” 

She gives him another smile, but ultimately shakes her head, “Don’t worry, she didn’t tell me anything really personal. I only really know about you from stories she’s told me about her old job, but nothing in detail… I was just starting to get to know her when you were hospitalized before the pandemic and she was by your side a bunch so she wasn’t online and I was actually worried something happened to her 'cause she’s never that quiet.” 

“Oh, yeah, that was awful,” he agrees, pressing his lips together awkwardly while he thinks about it. But then he takes a deep breath and his shoulders drop. “So I was thinking we could start in the kitchen? I’ve found most of the boxes.” 

“Yeah, lead the way,” she says, following him through the front room to the living room that was connected to the kitchen by means of an archway. “Oh wow,” she muses aloud, “this is going to be nice to decorate…” 

“You think?” He looks a mix of worried and confused, “I have no idea what to do with the place.” 

“I’m sure once we start taking out all your things we’ll figure something out,” she knows she can make a room out of anything, it's how she decorates her classroom each September. Just with sheer will and pure hope.

“I had to downsize a lot to come here, I donated most of my books so I wouldn’t cost the department a fortune moving them out, but I still have a lot,” he shares, both proud and a little embarrassed that 50% of his boxes are for books. “I don’t have many personal things or decorations… I honestly wasn’t in my last place enough to make it feel homey.” 

“You’ll be here often, though, right?” She asks, selfishly, she can already see them becoming somewhat good friends and she wants to be able to see him regularly. 

He nods, “Yeah, I’m going to be working with the sex crimes unit, 9 to 5 every day unless there’s a big case,” he explains. “Like human trafficking or a pedophile ring or something, but I doubt I’ll see an overwhelming number of those right now, it’ll be nice to downsize to just a city instead of dealing with the entirety of The United States.”

“I have 4 different groups of teenagers that I teach, which is like 120 kids alone, I can’t imagine being principal and having a thousand kids to watch out for,” she can relate it back. “I’m sure this will be less stressful for you… still awful sometimes but—

“But I’m good with stress,” he assures her. “Especially this kind of stress. You know, when I first started at the BAU I had a co worker who transferred over from sex crimes in New York, she actually had a great time cause she got to kick some creeps ass every now and then.” 

“Oh that’s cool, I guess,” she tries not to be jealous, knowing he’s probably had lots of meaningful relationships with women throughout his life, but that’s not going to stop him from getting to know her. 

She grabs a box that says mugs and lifts it to the edge of the counter island instead of dwelling on these bubbling feelings for who is essentially, a stranger. “Which cupboard did you want the mugs to go in?” 

“Uh,” he gets nervous then. “I have about 3 boxes of mugs… so wherever they fit?” 

“Sounds good,” she can’t help but smile, it was cute. “Do you like to collect them or something?” 

“Kinda,” he reaches into his pocket and takes out an exacto-knife, handing it to her so she can open the cardboard box. She pushes the knife out of its plastic sheath and starts to cut along the tape seam. 

The first mug she pulls out is a pink octopus, “oh, this is so cute?” 

“That’s Mildred,” he can’t help but smile, “I got that from Penelope on her last day at work.” 

“Oh,” she holds it to her chest in a sweet hug. “I can’t wait for her to come and visit, I just know she gives amazing hugs.” 

“Actually, she hugged me before I left and said that I was supposed to pass it along to you at some point…” he looks at her softly, slightly terrified. “Which is strange 'cause she knows I don’t like touching and we’ve never met before but for some reason, she knew I’d still want to hug you upon meeting you…” 

She can’t help but laugh, placing the mug down on the counter, “is that an invitation?” 

He nods, opening his arms and allowing her to step into his space. She wraps her arms around his middle and holds him close, feeling his large hands on her shoulder and upper back, his thumb lightly caressing the fabric of her shirt. 

She stays there in the hug for a moment and then pulls back, “I’ll be sure to tell her that you passed that along.” 

“Good,” he’s smiling like an idiot, bright red and flustered, falling head over heels for her already. 

At least, the little voice in her head thinks so. Making her smile back at him with the same giddy hopefulness that she’s longed for most of her life. 

—

He feels like the most awkward person in the whole fucking world. Hiding away in the living room to unbox something alone and give himself a moment of anxiety without having to play it cool in front of her any longer. 

She’s pretty, she’s nice, she smells like honey and happiness and new beginnings… Penelope raved about her for days when she heard he was moving to Reno and now he can see why. 

Y/N is amazing… it’s almost too good to be true.

She’s in his kitchen humming while she unpacks box after box of his dishes, moving around his new space like she was always meant to be here too. Like she’s a ghost or an extra piece of the pre-furnished listing. Like it was hers first. 

He can’t quite place what song it is that she’s humming, but it’s nice. He wanders over to the archway and leans against it, watching her in admiration as she slides some more mugs to the back of a shelf. He knows he wants to ask her out for real. Not just as friends, not just for help or convenience but because his aura is drawn to hers and the colour they could make together has never been made before. 

When she turns around to grab another mug she’s startled by his presence in the doorway, “gosh,” she gasps and places her hand on her chest to get over the initial shock. “What the heck, Spencer?” 

“Sorry, it’s just…” he licks his lips and thinks it over before saying it, “It’s so nice to have you here… it feels right.” 

“Oh,” she softens, he can see a weight lift off her shoulders and her eyes glimmer under the lights. “Thank you, thats the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me?” 

“Would you want to go on a real date, tomorrow?” He can’t help but ask. “I know Penelope was hoping for us to date and I hate that she’s always right but, I would really like to go on a date with you.” 

“Yeah, absolutely,” she makes her way around the counter and over to be closer to him. “I’d love that, what do you want to do?” 

“Um,” he really didn’t think that far ahead… “can I surprise you?” 

“Sure,” she gives him the sweetest, most hopeful smile that makes his heart swell. 

“Is there anything you don’t like? Or are allergic to? Anything I should avoid?” He can’t help but ask. The last thing he wants is to surprise her with something that makes her distance herself from him. It’s happened too many times before. 

She shakes her head, “not that I can think of?” 

“Okay,” he smiles at her, stepping into her space more. “I found my Alexa that Penelope got me years ago, did you want me to put on that song you were humming?” 

She looks like a dear in the headlights, she clearly forgot he could hear her when she was humming. “Oh, um… no? I don't think you’d like the song.” 

“It sounded nice when you were humming?” 

“It’s embarrassing…” 

“What is it?” 

She sighs and gives in, “Taylor Swift has this song that I listen to when I dream about the life I want and it’s been stuck in my head all day cause I’m in your kitchen… and the lyric is outside they’re pushing and shoving but you’re in the kitchen humming, all that you ever wanted from me was Sweet Nothing…” 

“That’s not embarrassing,” his heart swells. “Penelope is a matchmaker, has she ever told you about all the couples she created at the FBI? She’s responsible for 5 marriages and by proxy about 10 babies.” 

“Wow,” Y/N’s a bit taken aback by that. “So you’re saying she’s like Cupid?” 

He nods, “Or she’s able to see fate's design a lot better than us.” 

“One hug? That’s all it took?” She teases him. 

“A few mugs?” He teases right back. 

“Hey, you can tell a lot about a person by what they hoard,” she bites back, trying not to smile too hard. 

He just shakes his head and backs up, headed back to the living room with her in tow. “Hey Alexa, what’s the Taylor Swift song that says you’re in the kitchen humming.” 

“That would be Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift on Midnights By Taylor Swift, released October—“ the British man's voice comes booming from the small speaker only to be cut off.

“Hey Alexa play Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift,” he orders with a smirk plastered to his face. 

“Okay, here’s Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift on Amazon Music.” 

Within the first few notes, he knows this is going to be their song. He extends his hand to her, silently asking her to dance even though he doesn’t really know how… and by design or some exquisite happenstance, she takes it. 

With one hand in hers, his other hand lands on her hip while her extra hand is placed ever so gently on his shoulder. Chest to chest, eye to eye, they smile and sway along to the flow of the tune. Her hand squeezes around his own slightly tighter, the tune matches exactly how she was humming in his own kitchen and then he hears the lyric she mentioned. 

They said the end is coming,

Everyone's up to something,

I find myself running home to your sweet nothings.

Outside, they're push and shoving,

You're in the kitchen humming,

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing.

He spins her around making her laugh as she crashes back into his chest and holds him tighter. She wraps her arm around his middle and rests her chin on his shoulder. The music is loud, but his thoughts are louder. He wants everything this song mentions but with her. Only her. And it’s been only an hour and a bit that he’s known her. He doesn’t even really know her but he craves to. 

“Do you write poems?” He asks after the song mentions them. 

She shakes her head, “no, but I know you read a lot of them… do you write them too?” 

He nods, “Sometimes… maybe I’ll make you one.” 

“I’ll probably cry,” she admits. 

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors

And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other

And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"

To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

She is soft-hearted. She’s sweet and kind and wonderful, too. She tilts her head to the side to rest against his own. Now cheek to cheek, he lets out a deep breath he didn’t even know he was holding. She hums along to the song, just soft enough for him to hear, not quite on key, but it’s endearing. 

They’re quiet for the rest of the song and keep swaying, knowing it’s going to end soon and they’re going to have to pull away. They don’t want to… luckily the song is on a loop. It starts right back up and so they don’t pull away. 

—

His place is still a mess when he gets ready to leave the next morning. After their dance, she knew she wouldn’t be able to focus on unpacking and he knew he’d be too tempted to hold her all night long… so she went home. He helped her into her coat, he hugged her goodbye and she left, taking a piece of his heart with her. 

He’s not as used to Reno as he was with DC, but one look at the map and he was able to find the grocery store quite easily. He walks there because he opted not to bring his shitty car with him. He sold it with the promise of looking for a new one here in Nevada, but it was actually a lot nicer to walk in a sunny place like this. And on days when it’s not as nice, taxis exist for a reason. He really didn’t need a car, anymore. 

He didn’t realize how much he missed Nevada until now. 

He spent a lot of last night thinking about what he wanted to do for their date and came up with the splendid idea of a picnic. The first thing he did was call Penelope, it wasn’t too late for her back in DC, so he didn’t feel too bad, but he had to ask her some questions. He wanted everything to be perfect. She talked his ear off and then gave him an extensive list of the things she knows Y/N likes from past conversations, it turns out they’ve spent a bit of time talking about snack foods and it was finally coming in handy. 

He comes back to his newly unpacked kitchen with bags of groceries, he prepares sandwiches on croissants and cuts up cheese and puts them on toothpicks with fancy slivers of meat… and he bought some new Tupperware so the meats and cheese can be in one and the fruit he bought can be in another. He bought her favourite drinks and some cute disposable cups to put them in because he didn’t have anything other than coffee mugs, which he was sure she wouldn’t mind, but he did. 

He wanted this to be perfect for her. 

All while he was packing their picnic basket, he listened to Taylor’s music, thanks to Penelope he had a playlist of her favourites to get himself caught up on them and ended up liking most of them himself. Especially one called Maroon. The lyrics are so powerfully written and wondrously sung, it’s as if a heart-stopping novel was put to music and all told within 3 minutes and 38 seconds. Taylor Swift is a genius, that much her lover got right in sweet nothing. What a mind, indeed. 

Just a little past her apartment, there is a little park with a lovely field of flowers beside it. It’s a perfect spot for a picnic, so once he’s finished packing their picnic, he sets off on a walk to her apartment, thinking a walk to the park together would only add to the ambiance of the day. 

He makes it to her place a little before 11, like he told her he would, and spends a few seconds in the hallway to catch his breath and fix his hair before he knocks. And when he does knock, it’s 3 times and he hits the wood pretty hard with his knuckles. Inside, it’s pretty quiet and then he hears her call out, “Just a sec!!”

He waits patiently for a minute or two and then she wipes the door open while putting in an earring, “Sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

She’s breathtaking. She’s all dolled up and it’s all for him. He can’t believe it. 

“That’s okay,” he manages to breathe out, leaving his mouth hung open as he stares. 

She just smirks and reaches out for him, touching his chin and redirecting his jaw closed. “You don’t want to catch flies…” 

He blushes, uncontrollably, and bows his head, bashful as ever. “Sorry, you just look beautiful… I’m not used to someone getting all dolled up for me.” 

She lets out a huff of breath through her nose, settling all her nerves, her shoulders drop and she stares at him like he’s the only man in the whole world. “You’re so sweet, I almost can’t believe you’re real.” 

“That feeling is mutual,” he assures her. 

She finally looks down at his hands to see him holding a picnic basket. “Oh my god, are we going to have a picnic?” She lights right up. 

He nods, “is that okay?” 

“Okay? It’s perfect, Spencer!” She’s so excited and it’s real. She’s not playing it up or anything. She’s genuinely over the moon. “Let me just put on my shoes and grab my purse, you can wait in here.” 

“Okay,” he steps inside and closes the door behind himself as she runs off into he bedroom.  

It’s a small apartment. Her bedroom and bathroom are separate rooms, but the kitchen, living room and the washer and dryer are all exposed. She has it set up really nicely, it’s warm and inviting and happy and he could see himself making a home on her couch in the upcoming weeks of getting to know her. He couldn’t wait to learn about her favourite shows and movies and books. He wanted to hear all about her family and friends and co-workers, even her favourite students and the ones who irked her. He wanted to hear about it all. He wants to know her favourite colour and how she likes her pizza and her pasta and what her favourite baked good is. There’s an endless amount of personal things that he can learn, and he wants to know it all. He wants to love it all, too. 

When she returns, she has her shoes on, her purse over her shoulder and a blanket draped over her forearm. “I don’t want to sit on the grass, and I didn’t think you fit a blanket in there…” 

“Oh, shoot,” he looks down at the basket and realizes that was the one thing he forgot. “Yeah, we’re going to need that.” 

“Thought so,” she smirks. She walks back over to the door and grabs her keys, “anything else you need?” 

“Just you,” he replies without thinking it over. 

“Stop being so sweet,” she nudges him, staring up at him like he hung the stars, himself. 

“Or else?” He teases. It’s remarkable how easy it is with her. It just flows out of him like the script was already written between them. 

She steps even closer into his space, “you get a kiss for every compliment,” she says, standing on her tip-toes, she presses her lips to his cheek for 1, 2, 3 seconds of pure bliss. 

She drops back down to her normal height, a smirk plastered to her face, proud of the lipstick stain that’s almost as red as his blushing cheek. She reaches up to wipe it off but he pulls back, “don’t…” he’s adamant. “I want everyone to know you’re mine if you’re going out looking this beautiful beside me.” 

“Okay then.” 

—

Like a real man, Spencer insists on standing closer to the road as they walk along the sidewalk. A few moments into their walk, he transitions the basket to his right side so that his hand that’s closest to her is free and she notices it right away. She has draped the blanket over her left arm, leaving her right hand free… all but begging him to take it. But he’s shy and quiet and he doesn’t know how to just do it. 

So she does. 

She takes his hand in hers and interlocks their fingers, smiling up at him as they keep going forward, “have you ever been to this park?” 

He shakes his head, “No… is it nice? The reviews online said it’s clean and there isn’t a lot of illegal activity there.” 

She can’t help but laugh, “Yeah, it’s a nice park. Sometimes I hit up the bookstore down here and then I go read in the park. It’s nice in the summer when I have a week off between my regular job at the school and my summer job.” 

“Summer job?” 

She nods, “Mhm, you know, 'cause I only work at the high school when school is in session and I don’t make enough to take two whole months off so each summer I take a new job. Like last summer I worked at a daycare but the summer before that I was at a ladies' clothing store a few streets over.” 

“What are you going to do this summer?” He asks, intrigued. 

“I’m not sure yet… I’m still friends with some of the girls at the daycare so I might go back, but honestly, I’m also thinking of putting in my application for summer school and I might tutor some of the kids that need help graduating,” she explains. “Cause I know how hard it is to try your best and still just not get it. They shouldn’t be punished for having a hard time.” 

“You sound like a wonderful teacher, I’m sure they’d really like to have you in the summer, too,” Spencer compliments. “I was always closest to the kids that didn’t do very well in school. It’s not that I pitted them or felt like I could improve them, I just liked who they were as people, more.”

“They’re lovely kids, they just get pushed to the side because they either learn differently or they can’t do the work at home for whatever reason. And they shouldn’t be punished for that, it’s not their fault that most kids nowadays have to work to help their families or become a second parent to help their younger siblings. They barely have the time to take care of themselves let alone do 5 hours of homework a night,” she rants, “I genuinely hate how the school system is currently.” 

“My nephew is in high school currently and he isn’t having the best time,” Spencer shares. “He calls me for help on his math homework sometimes and it always floors me that even if he got to the right answer, if he didn’t follow the exact formula that the teacher uses then he gets a 0. There are many different ways to solve an equation, and as long as he shows his work it should count.” 

“Exactly!” She raises her voice a little and startles a lady passing them. “It’s frustrating to watch them struggle with shit they’ll never use again unless they’re going into a math-dominated field. It’s not fair.” 

“More kids need a teacher like you,” Spencer says, giving her hand a little squeeze. 

“Why, thank you,” she gleams. “If we weren’t in the middle of the walkway I’d kiss you again…”

“The books store is just up here, you can kiss me in the aisles… if you really want to?” he kids, but not really. She can tell he wants another kiss from her. 

So she drags him into the bookstore, they tell the worker that they’re just looking and perusing the store, calling out the titles they know and rating the backs of the ones that seem interesting until they’re in the back aisle. She turns to him with a smirk, “Are you gonna make me stand on my tip-toes every time, bean sprout?” 

He smirks and places the picnic basket down on the floor so his hands are free, “I could just kiss you, instead, you know?” 

“You wouldn’t be so bold?” She tempts, secretly hoping he will. 

He tentatively reaches out, placing his beautifully soft hand on her cheek and caressing her skin with his thumb before he starts to lean in. She closes her eyes in anticipation, just mere seconds before their lips touch and like the big bang, universes were created in the pitch-black darkness behind her eyelids. Colours she’s never seen before, feelings she’s only read on pages that surround them, and a warmth in her chest that seems so foreign… yet so right. 

He goes to pull away and she leans back in, dropping the blanket in the process to kiss him again and again until his tongue slips past her lips and it's more than just a kiss. It’s the start of something beautiful. Something more than Penelope ever thought possible when her two friends ended up in the same town at the same time. 

They’re brought out of the moment by the sound of a woman clearing her throat, “You actually have to buy something you can’t just make out back here.” 

“Sorry, sorry.”

“I’m so sorry!”

The two of them rush out with equally guilty mugs. She grabs the first book she see’s, “We’ll take this.” 

“I’ll meet you at the register,” the keeper replies rather snidely and over it as she walks away. 

Looking down at the book, it’s a poetry book by an author she’s never heard of before. “You know this one?” 

Spencer shakes his head, “surprisingly, no.” 

She picks up the blanket again, he grabs the basket and the two of them slowly make their way towards the cash. “Sorry, again,” Y/N says, pressing her lips together awkwardly. “I don’t know where that came from, we really just wanted a book for our picnic.” 

“I’ve been in love before, I get it,” she waves it off with a growing smile. “This is a good choice… it’s only 6 dollars as well.”

“I’ve got it,” Spencer steps forward, taking his wallet out of his pocket and handing the woman two 5 dollar bills. “Do you take tips or donations?”

“Always, it keeps the lights on,” she’s happy to take the extra money, exchanging one of the 5’s for 4 1’s and placing them in a jar behind the desk. “Thank you, I hope to see you back here sometime.” 

“Definitely, I’d love to have a real look next time,” Spencer teases as Y/N takes the book. He places his hand on her back, “thank you.” 

“Have a good rest of your day,” she adds for good measure, following Spencer towards the door. 

“You too! And enjoy your picnic!” The lady calls back just before they leave. 

“God,” Y/N scolds herself, “I can’t believe that happened.” 

“Spencer just laughs, “It’s not that embarrassing… believe me, I’ve walked in on much worse.” 

“I can imagine, I mean, Penelope told me about some of your cases,” she says with the roll of her eyes. “I really don’t know how you did it for so long.” 

“Honestly, me either,” he agrees with her there. “How much do you know about me? Because she never told me much about you and I’m worried we’re not on even playing grounds…” 

“Oh, not much!” She tries to sound as believable as possible. “She basically told me you’re a genius, she loves you like a little brother and some little anecdotes like you were shot in the knee once and were on crutches for months and you wear a lot of purple which I’ve also seen in the Facebook photos she has of you… but nothing super personal.”

“Okay, that’s good then… cause she’s seen me at my worst,” Spencer admits as they make their way toward the park entrance

“She was basically big brother to you guys,” Y/N teases. 

Spencer manages to laugh, “Yeah, she was.”

The gates to the park are open, there are children running about cheering with one another while their parents sit on the benches and talk, barely watching on. They pass everyone and head right back to the grassy area behind the playground, past the soccer fields and take cover under a baby Willow tree that still has lots of growing left to do, however, she’s still big enough to cast a good amount of shade on them. 

She lays out the blanket perfectly and takes a seat while Spencer gets down on his knees, placing the picnic basket in front of himself. All while they’re still talking about Penelope. He takes out two plastic champagne flutes and hands them to her first, then he sets out the bubbly drink he got, followed by 4 Tupperware containers. “Speaking of which, I called her last night and she told me about your favourite snacks…” 

“No way?” She can’t believe it. 

He simply nods, a smirk growing, “It would seem you two love food.” 

“Well, it’s always late when we call so she’s seen a lot of my nightly snacks,” She admits. “Is that? No way…” She takes one of the containers and opens it up to find little croissant sandwiches. “You want me to fall in love with you? Don’t you?” 

He’s startled to hear it and she can’t believe she said it. It was forward and real and incredibly honest. But Spencer nods. Of course, he nods. “Yeah, I do.” 

She looks at him like that 'I do' was the big one. The most important one. And to her, it’s almost more important. “Really?” 

“I’ve spent most of my life completely alone, I’m tired… and I’m not settling, not at all, no,” he stutters out and worries he’s offended her. “I just mean, I like you, you’re wonderful already and everything I look for in a person and if you loved me I’d be the luckiest man in the world.” 

“Wow,” she can’t believe it. 

“Sorry—

“No, no,” she reaches out, dropping the container so she could touch his knee instead, “don’t, I’m just shocked, really…” 

“Really?” 

She nods, “Yeah, not many people have just openly told me that they like me let alone want me to love them?” 

“Me either,” Spencer admits. He’s ready to lay his whole heart bare to her. “I really want someone to love me and if that someone was you then I could die happy.” 

“Not on my watch,” she manages to smile. “My love means taking care of you. My love includes worrying and obsessing and making you entirely mine… it’s driven people away before we could even start anything real, I don’t want that to happen here.” 

“It won’t,” Spencer is quick to reply. “It can’t drive me away, it’s exactly what I want… and I want to love you just the same.” 

“You won’t have to try hard,” she teases, smiling up at him. “Come on, get comfortable, grab a sandwich and talk to me. Tell me about yourself and watch it happen.” 

“Okay,” he follows her instructions. 

He gets comfortable on the blanket, taking off his shoes so he can sit crisscross applesauce and he pours them each a glass of sparkling cider. “I’m sober,” he shares first. “I had some drug problems in my 20’s and I find if I avoid all substances, except coffee, then I won’t slip.” 

“Wise man,” she compliments. “I don’t drink either, mostly cause drinking alone is sad and I don’t like how it makes me feel.”

“And I picked this pinky one cause of the line in Paris…” Spencer admits which makes her peak right up. “You know, fake wine makes believe it’s champagne…” 

“Oh my god, you listened to Midnights?” 

He nods, “I went back to listen to Sweet Nothing and thought why not?” 

She can’t help but shake her head and smile, “That’s so cute, you have no idea how cool this is for me. No one I know really likes her, everyone acts too cool for Taylor Swift and then you come in and listen to her on your own accord? That’s— that’s everything to me, Spencer.” 

“I think she’s amazing, well, so far, at least,” he admits. “I’ve only listened to the one album but it was a great album, I particularly enjoyed Maroon.”

“Her track 2’s are always my favourite,” Y/N raves. “She saves track 5 for her personal favourites or songs that mean the most to her, like on Red there’s this one called All Too Well and it’s originally 5 minutes but on the new recording of Red it’s 10 minutes and it’s so good. It’s insanely beautiful.” 

“I can’t wait to listen to it,” he can’t help but smile. “I love listening to you talk about her, you glow.” 

“Here,” she pulls out her phone and headphones from her purse and plugs them in. “We can listen to it now if you want?” 

“Okay,” he agrees, taking an earbud and placing it in his ear while she moves closer to share the other. 

And for 10 minutes they sit there in silence, she eats her sandwich and he listens to the words with the most admiration. The hurt is palpable, the passion is gut-wrenching… he loves it and she can tell from the look on his face. He’s so focused and enthralled. She feels a warmth in her chest that she hasn’t felt before, something in this moment is what makes her really love him. She isn’t just infatuated, he isn’t just cute and nice… he’s special. 

“That was amazing—

“I never want to feel like that,” she whispers, staring at him intently. “don’t break my heart, please.” 

“I don’t plan to?” 

She lets out a deep breath she didn’t mean to hold, “I’ve never dated anyone before because I can’t go through the heartache. She made it seem so fucking awful I never want to feel it.” 

“It’s awful,” he admits, all the hurt he’s experienced comes forth, pooling behind his eyes as tears form. “I was in love only once. She died before I could tell her.”

“Oh, Spencer, I’m so sorry,” she can’t believe it. “When?” 

“In 2013.” 

“Have you been single for 10 years?” 

He nods, “Basically. I tried to date before the pandemic but she wasn’t really my type, it was more convenient so it didn’t last.” 

“Oh.”

“This isn’t like that,” he assures. “You’re kind and beautiful and you have a normal job and you make people's lives better… you’ve made Penelope’s life better. You are sunshine—

“Do not call yourself midnight rain I will laugh,” she cuts him off, biting back a smirk.” 

“I wasn’t,” he laughs too, “but it works here, too.” 

“I’m not always sunny,” she adds, making sure he knows that. 

“That’s okay,” he’s fine with it, really. “Even on gloomy days, the sun is just behind the clouds.” 

She can’t believe he just said that. It’s so beautiful and kind and about her? It makes her just stare at him, mouth opening to say something but nothing comes out. She doesn’t know what to say. “Oh, man… I’m going to fall in love with you so quickly.” 

“Me too,” Spencer smiles, reaching out to hold her hand. He grips it tight and doesn’t break eye contact with her, “and I’m excited about it.” 

—

He only lives around the corner from her which means they see each other every day for the next week. They wake up at the same time, they get coffee before work, she drops him off at the police station and then she heads to the high school. After school, she goes and picks up something for dinner and he Ubers right to her apartment to eat. They talk well into the night, they listen to music, they watch documentaries and movies and they cuddle… she knows almost everything about him and he knows almost everything about her. He’s going to meet her family in the summer, hopefully, and she’s going to meet Diana in a few weeks. 

Being together is the most fun she’s ever had in her entire life. 

And while they’re not going on dates to get to know each other, they are dating and Penelope is happy about it for the most part. She’s just upset she lost her nightly chats with Y/N on Zoom. They barely even text now. 

When Penny finally does get Y/N on the phone, however, it’s on a night that Spencer has an intense case in Reno. The BAU are back in town… 3 women have died this week, all online sex workers, they never walked the streets and yet that’s where they’ve ended up. It’s heartbreaking. 

“I called him today during his break and he just sounded so defeated, it breaks my heart,” Y/N says with her hand over her chest and pleading eyes, “it’s too bad you’re not working with them again.” 

“Their new tech guy is good,” Penelope assures her, “and he’s got JJ and Luke with him so he’s fine… he’s more than fine, he’s Spencer.” 

She rolls her eyes playfully, “he is fine…” 

“You guys really like each other?” Penelope digs, she wasn’t going to pry and press too many questions but she can’t help herself. 

Y/N nods, “Yeah… I think I love him.” 

“Really?” Penelope lights right up, “Oh my god?” 

“I know! It’s been so nice, we were going to go on another date tonight but, you know, duty calls…” 

“How many have you had so far?” 

“Uh,” Y/N doesn’t really know. “Well, we unpacked boxes last Saturday and then on Sunday we went to the park and I’ve seen him every day this week…”

“I know,” Penelope pretends to be mad about it but she can’t stay fake mad for long. She loves them both too much. “I’ve missed you.” 

“I miss you too, I just like cuddles with my boyfriend more…” 

“Boyfriend?” 

She nods, “Yeah, I think that’s what we are, I mean, we’ve already talked about what we want and he said he wants to fall in love with me so I think that makes us boyfriend and girlfriend?” 

“Spencer said that? Shy, nervous, Spencer Reid?” Penelope can’t believe it. 

She can’t help but laugh, “Yeah, I guess that’s him… I don’t know, he’s a lot less shy with me.” 

“Have you—

“No, no, not yet,” she waves her hands in front of the screen and looks panicked. “No. We haven’t even talked about it yet.” 

“No?” 

She shakes her head, “No… I mean, I want to and we’ve had some nice make-out sessions but we haven’t done anything more than kiss.”

“Wow,” Penelope is genuinely shocked. “I thought you would’ve jumped him by now.” 

“Hey,” she says with a cheeky smile. “I have self-control… so does he, I guess cause he hasn’t even tried to cop a feel or anything, he’s super reserved.” 

“Well yeah he’s spent 40 years being a virgin,” Penelope says without any malice, she’s just stating a fact. “He’s used to things not going there. I think you have to make the move.” 

“I was thinking that too,” she doesn’t sound excited about it. “I’m just really scared even though I know I shouldn’t be when it’s Spencer. He’s going to be very sweet and he’s already told me he thinks I’m beautiful and I feel it around him… it’s just so nerve-wracking.” 

“I was still a teenager when I had sex the first time and it was so scary, I wish I waited,” she really emphasizes Wish. “I wish I was mature and chose someone good and deserving and I wish he cared about me. But you have all those things right now, it’ll be worth it now.” 

“I know,” she tries her hardest to believe her. “I know it’ll be okay… it’s just the anticipation feels more like anxiety.”

“Which is totally normal, but it’ll go away when it happens, believe me.” 

“I do.” 

—

Spencer's cause goes on another 4 days. She brings him coffee and donuts after work, she meets his friends and ex-collogues and she understands now why he had to get out of it all. Emily is just a few years older than him and fully grey, JJ sneaks out to make phone calls to her family who she doesn’t see as often as she wants and Luke is still single no matter how hard he tries. The job takes things from them. 

She gives him a hug before she leaves each time, never a kiss, that would embarrass him in front of his new co-workers and his old ones would never let him live it down. So he gets just a hug. It’s long, they linger and then she goes home. 

It’s weird being home without him now that he’s been there often. She misses him dearly, every day. All through the weekend, he works. And then the case ends on a Tuesday at 3 in the morning and stays up just for her. He buys them coffee, he walks to her place and he knocks on her door right at 6:30, 15 minutes after he knows her alarm has gone off. 

She opens the door dazed and confused. “What are you doing here?” 

“I missed my best friend.” 

“Get in here,” she tugs him inside and makes him put the coffees down so she could have a proper welcome. 

She cups his face in her hands and kisses him with so much force and passion, it startles him. But he kisses her back. He wraps her up in a big hug, bringing her in closer, he deepens the kiss with the swipe of his tongue and she pushes him back against her door. It’s as fiery as the first time, it’s better than the kiss in the bookstore, there’s so much more feeling in it now. 

His hand roams up the flat of her back, over her shoulders and rests on the nape of her neck. His thumb caresses the skin under her ear, causing her to moan into the kiss and pull away, embarrassed. Her eyes go wide and she stutters on her way to find an excuse but Spencer just smiles, still caressing her, he brings his other hand up to cup her cheek, “It’s okay… you’re so cute.” 

Her cheeks heat up and she feels bashful as all hell. “Shut up,” is all she can manage to say. “I’m still half asleep, I mean, you should be lucky I already brushed my teeth before you surprised me.” 

“Mm,” Spencer hums, running his tongue over his teeth, “that’s why you’re so minty.” 

She just pulls away and reaches for her coffee, “And now I can’t drink this until the minty-ness goes away, so thank you.” 

“Should I go awa—

“No,” she rushes out. “No, you can stay. I can drive you home on my way to work.” 

“Okay,” he can’t help but giggle a bit as he makes his way closer to her, reaching out for her waist. “You like me…” 

“Shush!” She swats him away, “I have to get ready, don’t tempt me.” 

“Just one more kiss? Come on, isn’t it the deal that I compliment you and you kiss me?” He begs. “You’re so beautiful and smart and lovely—

She steps closer to him and presses her lips right to his only to pull back just as fast. He cups her face in his hands and stops her from moving away too fast and peppers kisses to her lips. “Spence— Spencer!” She giggles while trying to pull away, “Seriously, I have to go to work!!” 

“Fine,” Spencer sighs as he lets her go, only to pull her back in for one last kiss. “Okay, now you can go.” 

She just laughs as she pulls away and heads back to her room, “Come on, you can sit in my room while I get ready.” 

“Really?” He follows even though he doesn’t believe her. 

“Why not?” She doesn’t see why it’s a big deal, “I’m just doing my makeup and then I have to pick an outfit and I’ll change in the bathroom?” 

“Okay, yeah, sorry I just thought you meant you’d change in front of me and I didn’t think we were there yet?” 

“Oh, no,” she agrees. Taking a seat at her little makeup desk, she turns to him. “When do you think we should be ready for something like that?” 

“When do you want to?” He questions her right back. 

She shrugs, “I don’t know… this Saturday is 2 weeks of us being together so, I mean, most couples start moving further around then?” 

“We’re not most couples,” he reminds her. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well,” Spencer hesitates, he looks a little nervous but he sits on the end of her bed anyway. “I’ve never had sex before… I’ve wanted to, I’ve tried.” 

“I’ve never even tried,” she’s incredibly honest. “Making out is as far as I’ve gone with anyone.” 

“Really?” He almost can’t believe it. “Why?” 

She shrugs, “I’m over-emotional and incredibly soft. I can’t do one-night stands and I’ve never trusted anyone enough to experiment before.” 

“Oh,” Spencer softens, “you feel safe with me?” 

She nods, “Extremely.” 

He gets up and wraps his arms around her, resting his cheek against the top of her head. She snuggles into him and holds onto one of his forearms, they both sigh. Completely content with one another. 

—

They agreed to try and go further on Friday night. They both have weekends off, so they could spend the whole weekend together if they wanted to. 

And when Friday comes, she isn’t nervous. It’s just a Friday. 

She placed an order for Chinese food when she got home from work and texted Spencer right after so he could get it on his way over. It was closer to his place and convenient this way and he just liked to get it for them. And while he’s on his way, she takes the time to bring out some comfy blankets to put on the couch for their cuddles later and she lights some candles and turns on her fairy lights. Her whole living room is set in a soft, romantic mood with the hopes that they could do more than just cuddle tonight… 

Spencer knocks 3 times to let her know it’s him and then he walks in, “Hey, so they ran out of spring rolls but they gave us egg rolls instead, is that cool?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine,” she doesn’t care, rushing over to the door she takes the bags from him and puts them on the table by the door instead.

He slips out of his shoes and puts them beside hers, then he takes his bag off and places it beside his shoes, next he takes off his coat and hangs it up. He even locks her front door for her, these are all things he’s used to doing after 2 weeks of visiting. She clears her throat when he takes too long to turn back to her, “excuse me, I’m waiting,” she teases. 

“Sorry,” he steps closer to her and places his hand on her cheek as he leans in for his welcome home kiss. It’s a new tradition that she loves so much and clearly he does too as she can feel him smile through the kiss. He kisses her once, twice and a 3rd time just because he can, “there, happy?” 

She shakes her head and cups both his cheeks, pulling him in for a longer, more passionate kiss. His hands go to her waist, holding her closer to his body, he wraps her up in a hug as well. She pulls back with an audible “mwah,” and a smile on her own face. “Now I’m happy.” 

“You’re so cute,” he compliments. “I missed you so much today.” 

“I missed you, handsome,” she compliments right back. “Um, I missed you so much I was wondering if maybe you’d want to stay over tonight?” 

“Oh?” He’s only slightly surprised, “yeah, I’d like that… I just need to check my bag, hold on.” 

“Okay?” She’s a little confused about why he has to, but she doesn’t ask any questions. She just watches him open up his satchel and search the pockets. 

“Oh, good,” he says with relief in his voice as he pulls out a bottle of pills and his toothbrush. “I haven’t told you yet, but I’m on antidepressants… I take them every night before bed.” 

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of,” she says without a second thought. “Do they help?” 

He nods, putting them back in his bag until later, “Yeah, I like them.” 

“Good, now, come on,” she grabs the bag of food and makes her way over to the kitchen so she can start dishing everything out. “Did you check that they had everything?” 

“You bet, after they forgot the red sauce last time I’m never not checking the bag again,” he says as he follows her. 

They spend a few minutes in the kitchen as they fill their plates with a variety of food. Spencer opts for a fork while she uses the chopsticks provided in the bag and then they move back to the living room. They put their plates on the coffee table and sit down criss-cross apple sauce together on the floor in front of the couch. The remote is on Spencer's side of the table, and the TV is on and ready for them to pick a show, but instead, Spencer asks how her day went. 

“Oh, it was okay with my juniors we worked on SAT prep and then with my 3 freshman classes we worked on their independent study unit and I’m now considered the cool teacher cause I let them listen to their music while they read,” she shares with a smile. “And then for my spare I filled in for Miss Tyndall, the arts teacher, so we watched a David Bowie doc while they all worked on different projects.” 

“Sounds like a fun day,” Spencer loves to listen to her talk about it all. “You’d be my favourite teacher too.” 

“I know,” she can’t help but smile. “How was your day?” 

He shrugs, taking a forkful of fried rice, he covers his mouth with his hand while he talks, “It was okay, no one died so that’s a bonus.” 

For the rest of their meal, they share little stories, about their day and things they heard on the news or on TikTok, funny anecdotes and memories from their separate pasts. It’s nice. She could listen to him all day and he felt the same. When their plates are empty, they both lean back against the couch and Spencer turns to stare at her with so much love in his eyes. 

“I’m really enjoying my nights with you,” he shares, and in the silence, she feels it. But he says it anyway, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” she says and a feeling of relief flows out of her in the form of a sigh. Her shoulders drop, and she looks over at him with a sweet smile, silent as they take in the moment. “I love you so much.” 

He places his hand on top of hers, both of them are in too much of a food coma to move closer or kiss or anything. They just hold hands and stare at each other. 

“I get it now,” she whispers. “I understand what she’s been singing about all these years… this feeling right here. It’s worth the heartbreak, I think.” 

“I can’t tell the future, but I know I never want to leave you,” Spencer replies, voice equally as soft. “I want everything with you.” 

Her heart starts to beat out of her chest but she knows she has to ask it. “Would you be my first?” 

“Only if you’d be mine?” 

She nods, tears bubbling behind her eyes, and she squeezes his hand. “I’d love nothing more… but I’m in a food coma right now.” 

Spencer breaks out in a burst of historical laughter first, causing her to laugh just as hard and lean into his shoulder. 

“Well, then it’s a good thing we have all weekend,” Spencer finally says, he wraps his arm around her and holds her close. 

“Even if we don’t do it tonight, do you want to sleep in my bed with me?” 

He nods against her, “Yeah… I’ve been thinking about that a lot actually. It’s really hard to leave here in the middle of the night knowing you’re sleeping alone in there when we were just cuddling right here,” he motions to the couch. “I want to wake up with you next to me every morning.” 

The warmth that fills her stomach is a mixture of extreme happiness but also anxiety… it’s almost too good to be true. She pulls away and looks up at him with fearful eyes, “is it normal to fall in love this fast?” The words just tumble out of her. 

Spencer shrugs, “I mean… I’ve always heard the saying ‘when you know, you know’ and I’ve read a lot about love at first sight and the way we pick our mates based on familiar facial structures that make us feel safe… and I’ve been in love before and I never met her—

“But I understand why you loved her, she was the only person in your life other than your mother to truly take care of you and listen…” Y/N cuts him off, remembering the night he told her all about Maeve. 

“Yeah, and from the first day I met you, you’ve done the same,” Spencer reminds her. “You brought me muffins so that I’d have something to eat before work and you wanted to help me unpack and every day since you have cared for me more than anyone I know. Onto of that you’re beautiful and easy to talk to and you’re not only wonderful to me, but to everyone, you know. It wasn’t hard for me to love you, I’m just surprised you love me.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, for starters I’m a 42-year-old man who’s spent the last 20 years of my life hunting serial killers and I had a drug problem and I’ve killed people and I was in prison… you know everything and you still love me?” Spencer really can’t believe it. 

“Mhm, I love you because despite all that shit that’s happened to you, you still have a sweet smile and a big heart and the best mind I know,” Y/N confirms everything he needed to know. “I love you because you’re you. There’s no other reason.”

He cups her cheek and looks at her with the softest expression known to man, “I’m going to love you forever.” 

“Show me?” she whispers, pleading with her eyes to know just how much he loves her. 

“Do we just leave our plates here?” He teases, going to stand up. 

“I guess we can put them away,” she agrees, she moves to her knees and gathers up her own plate while Spencer does the same with his. 

They meet again in the kitchen, placing both plates in her dishwasher, she turns to the leftovers and starts to pack them away while Spencer moves back over to his bag. He grabs his phone and something else while she’s not looking and he opens up Spotify. He doesn’t have many songs saved to his account, just some classical music and the most important song… Sweet Nothing. 

She turns to him within milliseconds, “Spence?” 

He places his phone on the counter and hands her a little rock, one he picked up on his walk over to see her before work last week. He never had the time to give it to her between all their kissing and her getting ready for work. “Here… it’s only May but I can get you another rock in July.” 

She doesn’t want to speak or she’ll cry, but she manages to say: “okay,”  as she takes it from him and steps into his space to dance again. In her kitchen this time… 

She rests her head on his shoulder, his arms around her waist, they sway to the sound of the music and hold each other close. And then he kisses her shoulder and the side of her neck up to her ear. He cups her face in his hand and stares into her eyes, “bedroom?” 

“Bedroom,” she agrees, taking his hand in hers, she leads him back into her room and turns on just the one table lamp she has beside her bed, “should we light candles and stuff?” 

“Do you want to?” 

She shrugs, “I don’t know, isn’t that what people do when they have special sex?” 

“Special sex?” 

“You know, first times, birthday sex, anniversary sex… emotional sex,” she redefines what she meant and surprisingly she isn’t embarrassed. 

“Candles would be nice, then,” Spencer agrees with a smile. “Do you have condoms? Are you on the pill?” 

She smirks, “I bought some condoms on Tuesday after work.” 

He watches her open her bedside table and take out the box of condoms and a lighter, she hands him the condoms, “Here.” 

“Thanks,” he reads them over, latex-free, real feel, they’d work perfectly. 

While he’s reading over the box, she lights a few candles in her room and he takes a seat on the side of her bed, watching her. When she returns to him, she stands between his legs and rests her hands on his shoulders. “You’re sure?” 

“Absolutely,” Spencer smiles up at her and reaches out to hold her hips. He plays with the hem of her shirt, “how do you want to do this?” 

“Can we strip down to our underwear and get into bed and kiss for a bit and see where it goes?” 

“Of course, yeah, that sounds good,” Spencer agrees, he pushes up her shirt and she lifts her arms to help. Spencer has to stand up to pull it all the way off and then he looks down at her in her bra. “wow…” 

“Thanks,” she smirks, shaking her head as she reaches for his shirt to undo the buttons, “they’re just boobs…” 

“Just boobs,” he repeats with a small chuckle. “I’ll have you know everything about you is spectacular.” And with a rush of confidence, he cups both breasts with his hands, he runs his thumbs over where her nipples are hidden under the fabric and she has to bite her lip so she doesn’t moan. 

“Do you like that?” 

She nods and pushes his shirt off his shoulders until it's discarded on the floor. “Yeah. I don’t think you’ve ever noticed but… your hands… I watch them when you talk and when you’re tracing a page as you read really fast and you use two fingers instead of one and I’ve wanted you to touch me from the moment I saw you.”

“Mmm,” he turns her around and motions for her to get on the bed and she moves quickly, she’s resting her head on the pillows when he’s suddenly hovering over her. 

He runs his pointer finger from her chin, down her neck and between the crease of her breasts before cupping them both again and places kisses on her exposed chest. She arches into the contact and his hands follow both her arms until his fingers are interlocked with hers. Holding them over her head as he kisses her neck and shoulder. 

“So beautiful,” he whispers, “how’d I get so lucky?” 

“We have a great mutual friend, remember?” She teases,

He groans “Don’t mention her when I’m about to go down on you…” he says as he nibbles at her skin and it makes her moan, grinding her hips up against him, she wants him so bad but she still has her pants on. He sits on his knees between her spread legs and undoes the button as she lifts her hips, helping him glide them down her legs and off. He tosses them to the floor and goes right back in, gripping her by the hips he leans down and kisses her stomach… something she never thought any man would do. 

He wants her just as bad as she wants him and it’s prevalent in the way his eyes are blown out as he looks up at her, pleading with his eyes, all he says is “Can I?” And she nods. He pulls her underwear down and tosses them off only to lift one and kiss from her ankle and all the way up to her knee and then he dips in closer, smothering her inner thigh with kisses and nips and then he sucks a deep purple mark into her skin, lapping over it with his tongue before blowing on it softly. 

“Holy fuck,” she moans as he gets closer to her pussy and all she wants is his hands on her. 

Almost like he reads her mind, he moves to the other leg and hurries along until he’s kissing right along where her underwear used to meet her thigh. Then, he spreads her pussy and licks a broad stripe along her cunt. He presses a kiss to her clit next as she bucks her hips into the sensation, “Oh my god, Spence?” 

“Shh,” he whispers, looking up at her from between her legs like a man starved. “Just enjoy it, I’ve always wanted to do this.”

She’s so turned on from the teasing alone, and then he adds a finger, he gently circles it around her hole before inserting it slowly, seeing how much give she has before he takes it all. The feeling of his tongue on her is unlike anything she’s ever felt before, he’s soft yet rough and sweet yet disgusting with the noises he’s making. She can’t help reaching out and gripping his hair as her hips lift from the bed again. With only one free hand, he pushes her back down against the bed and she whines. When he adds a second finger, the stretch isn’t too much to handle, he’s so much better with his hands than she figured he’d be as he finger fucks her. His tongue on her clit and freehand trails from her hip up to grip her tit as he grinds against the mattress, he’s so into it she’s worried he might not get to really fuck her. 

“Spencer,” she pants, “holy fuck Spence, please, oh my god,” she can barely make it through the sentence when his fingers curl and her legs tremble.

“Cum for me,” he growls against her and her body listens as she jolts forward and she feels the rush flow through her bloodstream. 

“Oh!” she cups her breast and arches her back, oblivious to how he watches her while still lapping at her clit. 

When it gets to be too much for her, she grips his hair tighter and pulls him off, “fuck me, now… please?”

“Is it an order or a suggestion,” he teases as he kisses back up her body with his glistening and wet lips, “well?”

“Please?” She looks at him with the sweetest, most fucked out expression. “That was amazing, baby.” 

“Fuck,” he groans and drags himself off the bed so he can push his pants and boxers off in one fell swoop. Now, only in his mismatched socks, he doesn’t really have the time to take them off as he reaches for the abandoned box of condoms at the foot of her bed. 

She watches contently as he hastily rips it open and rolls it on before he gets back on the bed. He gets right back to where he was, between her legs, he places his hands on her knees and soothes them down her inner thighs, “you sure?”

She nods, “I’m ready.”

“Okay,” he says with a deep breath, readying himself in the meantime, he grips himself at the base and pushes the head into her, inch by inch, he watches as her mouth opens in a silent gasp. 

“My god…” he coos, “it’s like you were fuckin made for me.” 

She’s speechless, reading out for more of him, she’s desperate for his touch. Her hands land on his hips, his skin is so soft and warm and then they’re flush together. He bottoms out and stills, he drops down so that they’re chest to chest and she cups his face instead, “Hi…” 

“Hi,” he manages to laugh, holding himself up with one arm, his other hand pushes her hair back off her forehead and stays there. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” she says as she pulls him in for a kiss, tasting herself on his tongue, he collapses onto her and wraps his arm around her, angling her hips up as he starts to thrust. 

The kiss gets hungrier, and they moan into each other as he picks up the pace, really fucking her just like she asked him to. She has no idea where this side of him came from but she can’t explain how much she likes it, the hand that was once in her hair is now pushed into the pillow, bracing himself as he hovers and fucks her deeply.

She absentmindedly runs her hand along his forearm and takes his hands in hers, interlocking their fingers before he holds it over her head again and fucks into her with vigour. Her legs wrap around him, every trust grinds his pubic bone against her clit and she’s still so sensitive, she’s so incredibly close that all she can do is sloppily kiss him and moan into his mouth.

His hips snap faster and faster as he fucks her and she can’t hold back anymore when she tosses her head back and sucks him in more. “Oh my god,” and “Holy fuck,” is all she can say, making him smirk. 

He’s trying his hardest to keep his composure, breathing quickly, it’s the best workout he’s ever had trying to keep the pace and please her right. “I might,” he says between pants, “I might last a while… cause my meds—

“I don’t care,” she uses her free hand to cup his cheek again, “I want to stay here forever, holy shit.” 

“Yeah?” 

She tosses her head back again, “Oh my god, yeah!” 

He just laughs and it’s the sexiest thing she’s ever heard. She’s right there at the edge when he retrieves his hand from behind her back and rubs his thumb over her clit, “you can cum, if you want.” 

“No, no, it’s fine,” she says, running her hand down his chest and looking between them to see what he’s doing, “I want to finish with you.” 

His grip on the hand she’s holding gets tighter, he’s sweaty and losing stamina and nowhere close to being done. “Do you want to switch positions?” She asks, “It’s okay?” 

“Can we?” He slows to a stop, “you’re okay with that?” 

“Spence, I love you,” she reminds him, “It’s fine, it’s better than fine, actually… I’ve heard all my friends talk about dudes who last 5 seconds, this is more than I ever expected.” 

“I’m just anxious, you can see why I take them,” he gets all blushy and bashful as he lets go of her hand, pulls out and sits back up on his knees. 

She sits up too, taking her bra off in the process. She tosses it to the floor and his jaw drops when he sees her naked chest, “fuck..” He mumbles under his breath. 

“Here, you sit up against the headboard,” she suggests, moving out of the way so he can take her place. 

Once he’s settled she straddles his hips and takes his cock in her hand, angling it toward her entering as she sits upon it. Once he’s fully inside she drapes her arms around his shoulders and smiles at him, “We can do it this way… now you’ve got a face full of tits.” 

His hands soothe down her bare back down to her hips, he licks his lips as he looks at them and helps her glide her body against his. “My god,” he all but moans, watching her boobs jiggle as she starts to really ride him. 

“You’re so deep,” she moans, tossing her head back again to free up her neck, he pulls her in and kisses her from her shoulder up to her ear, lighting sucking at her earlobe, he brings his hand up to cup her cheek and ends up gripping her hair at the nape of her neck and pulling her to the side so he can messily smother her in kisses. “No marks, I have teenagers to teach, ‘member? They’re fucking ruthless.” 

“Mhm,” he mumbles, too into it to really care, his other hand reaches down to thumb at her clit, he’s getting close and she wants to finish with him. 

He finally does cup her face with the hand that was just in her hair, he caresses her cheek with his thumb, pulling her back in for a kiss that’s all tongue. She moans into his mouth, running her hands down his chest, she uses his as leverage to keep pushing back before grinding down on him, he’s right against her g-spot and so fucking deep she can feel him everywhere, “Spence,” she whines, pulling back from the kiss, “are you close?” 

“Uh-huh,” he pulls her back in, kissing her deeper, he wraps both his arms around her back and lifts her up, laying her back against the bed and slams his hips into hers over and over. 

Her back arches again and she opens her mouth in a silent moan, it’s so good she can barely breathe. She reaches out for him, gripping his biceps, he attacks her neck again, covering her in sloppy kisses and hot breath. His pelvic bone grinds against her clit, again and again, bringing her right to the edge again until she finally peaks, moaning, she arches her back as her orgasm rushes through her but he doesn’t stop. He fucks her through it, chasing his own high. 

“Fuck, I love you, I love you so much,” he mumbles, through his last few thrusts, and then he stills with a groan, filling the condom, he drops down against her. 

they’re a ball of limbs, holding each other so close she doesn’t know where she ends and he begins. He buries his face in her neck, still kissing her, she holds him tighter, “I love you so much, too, Spencer.” 

taglist:

@reidsbookclub @samuel-de-champagne-problems @superskittles @thedancingcostumeyoungadult @midnightreids @ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129

[thesleepyskipper]

2024 Year in Review: Writing Round-Up

I was shocked to see that I wrote TEN fics this year, all for RWRB. And that the first one was in April! It was definitely a busy year.

❤️🤍💙.

too sweet (Rated M | 2,237 words)

A little co-worker enemies-to-lovers. Based on the Hozier song of course!

❤️🤍💙.

2. good neighbours (Rated M | 10,283 words)

My fic for @aroyallybigbangrwrb which is a neighbours AU meet-cute situation where Alex really likes to fix stuff for Henry, who really likes to break stuff for Alex to fix. I'm normally a one-shot kinda gal, but writing a chaptered longer fic was a fun challenge!

❤️🤍💙.

3. stop pretending (Rated T | 3,159 words)

My fic for @thebrownstone Summer Switcheroo exchange. Childhood friends-to-lovers based on a little video I saw on twitter with a meddling sister and of course I added in some more meddling friends just for fun (because Nora and Pez need to get in there too!)

❤️🤍💙.

4. yours, forever (Rated T | 2.019 words)

Suuuuper fluffy proposal and wedding fic! The wedding bit is somewhat based on my own true story.

❤️🤍💙.

5. the cadence of your heart (Rated E | 5,585 words)

Oh boy. It took me about 4 or so months of working on this and building up the courage to post my first true E-rated fic in this fandom. This is basically shower sex PWP but also ended up with A LOT of feelings.

❤️🤍💙.

6. lost and found (love) (Rated T | 2.304 words)

A little meet-cute where Alex has lost his dog and Henry runs the local lost dog Facebook group. Part epistolary with FB messages throughout! Written for the red umbrella flufftober collection.

❤️🤍💙.

7. London? (Rated T | 1,432 words)

Somehow my second flufftober piece also ended up revolving around dogs, but this time an established relationship piece with some fun miscommunication about forever (but in a good way). Written for the red umbrella flufftober collection.

❤️🤍💙.

8. takes one to know one (Rated M | 3,608 words)

I had tons of fun writing this particular one about rival professors (with a little twist 🤫) for @anywhere-with-you-event.

❤️🤍💙.

9. According to Plan? (Rated T | 3,822 words)

A few people had asked for a proposal sequel to London? and it seemed to fit well with my first prompt for the frosted pages & snowbound stories collection which was Frozen Lake. My first 5+1 ever! Five times Henry almost caught on that Alex was going to propose and one time Henry had no idea.

❤️🤍💙.

10. keep him warm (Rated M | 4,339 words)

I had some fun with combining a bunch of tropes in this one - a bookstore AU with lots of pining, a power outage, being snowed in and THERE WAS ONLY ONE COUCH!! My second fic for frosted pages & snowbound stories collection.

❤️🤍💙.

It has truly been a wonderful year full of writing (and reading) and I am so appreciative to the tumblr community for all the kind comments, tags and reblogs throughout the year. The WIP games were so much fun and I really looked forward to WW and SSS each week!

Thank you to the lovely friends who tagged me in their Writing Round-Ups @kiwiana-writes, @cha-melodius, @firenati0n, @run-for-chamo-miles, @porcelainmortal

and @iboatedhere, @tinyarmedtrex, @0npurpose - look at all that we have accomplished!!! I've just loved reading all your works this year.

I'll try not to make a gigantic list (like I normally do LOL), but if anyone else would like to share, I'd absolutely love to see! So open tag for sure!

Tagging more lovely friends who have been active and tagged me in tag games or WW and SSS lately! @miss-minnelli, @onthewaytosomewhere, @sophie1973, @firstprincehornyramblings, @stellarmeadow

@littlemisskittentoes, @miharaikko, @getmehighonmagic, @orchidscript, @caterpills

@zwiazdziarka, @judasofsuburbia, @strwbrryagcd, @kj-bee, @whimsymanaged

@14carrotghoul, @myheartalivewrites, @tailsbeth-writes, @suseagull5914, @clockwrkpendrxgon

❤️🤍💙HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS! Here's to a successful 2025 with all sorts of wonderful new WIPs to work on! ❤️🤍💙

[ban-styles]

💙 GRIZLOCK / FRYNOK 💛

(art by bestosunglass on tumblr+tiktok!!)

HI!!!

so, one of my fav oc x canon ships is with my oc grizznok & frylock!! im so absolutely obsessed w them ahaha lol so I’d like the time to write a short (?) ship analysis! bcus I would like to display their dynamic and a little bit of their backstory.. how they met etc and how they get along :3

LETS BEGIN RAAHHHHH

so!

grizznok heard about frylock through the grapevine from some of his other plutonian friends/acquaintances, as they have a knack for coming down to earth quite often and annoying the aqua teen hunger force lol - and by word, grizznok heard about how frylock was quite an intelligent scientist!

now, grizznok isn’t stupid - he’s quite smart himself (he just has a very silly and joyous personality) as he has his own ship and develops his own plutonian technology which helps him communicate with the different races throughout the galaxy, the only issue is that he wasn’t sure how to acquire a human form. this was something he was searching for a very long time as he wanted to investigate and document the human race without being drawn much attention to himself. hearing that this scientist - who was named frylock - had a lot of experience and was supposedly ‘one of the smartest beings on earth’, grizznok decides to pay him a visit!

landing outside the house of the hunger force (and destroying poor carl’s car in the process, you can’t have an episode where his car is in tact lol) in his spaceship, the group are immediately interested. frylock floats outside and instantly starts to question him. grizznok leaves the ship and introduces himself to frylock, telling him how he wants him to help produce the technology for a human form. frylock is instantly fed up because he knows exactly where grizznok received this misinformation and he isn’t happy about it, but frylock knows that the plutonian isn’t going to leave unless his request is fulfilled. since frylock is so busy, he tells him that his “assistants” will be able to help him out. frylock then turns to explain to shake and meatwad that they should just take grizznok out his sight and maybe take him to the mall for a “makeover” and claim that they’ve given him a human disguise.

obviously, the two are happy to oblige: 1. meatwad is able to get a new friend and have a fun adventure 2. shake is able to lie and transform grizznok into a punk-metal rockstar of sorts, just as he should be in his image. shake and meatwad take grizznok to the mall as shake goes on his whole tangent about how his buddy frylock trusts him with all this human disguise technology because shake is actually the smarter one out of the three. this ‘technology’, however, is a couple hundred piercings, spiked cuffs and black eye makeup. shake explains that grizznok himself isn’t going to be able to see the disguise - but other people will be able to see him as a normal human.

ecstatic, grizznok insists that the two take him back to their home so he can thank frylock for using this very special technology on him, and reassuring him that he will be careful and not hurt this human body.

on the side, frylock has been working on another particle accelerator machine and has also been having to listen to carl all day as he’s lecturing frylock to ‘pay and fix his car’ once more.

the group return home, and grizznok isn’t late to going up to frylock and absolutely showering him in compliments as he’s frantically shaking one of his fries. a little overwhelmed, frylock eventually thanks him sheepishly. grizznok has now gained an admiration for frylock. grizznok returns to his ship and leaves.

shake is holding back his laughter and meatwad is just happy to have gained a new friend. frylock gets mad at shake for gaslighting grizznok into believing he truly has a human form, but calmed down when he’s eventually reassured by shake that they haven’t destroyed any property and that grizznok won’t be in their hair anymore.

‘and how does their relationship develop?’

great question!

upon receiving one of frylock’s ‘pieces of technology’, grizznok is determined to come back down to earth and display his plutonian technology to frylock as any old scientist would wanna hear about space gadgets, right?

so, grizznok (being as annoying as usual), returns to his car-destroying breaking-and-entering antics.. but is is really breaking and entering if they just leave the doors open?- is grizznok’s exact mindset.

frylock, by surprise, is quite intrigued by these gadgets - it’s safe to say this isn’t grizznok’s last trip to their home. it eventually gets to the point where frylock insists that he comes down more often to show him more of this technology, or that he can show grizznok some things he’s working on/has invented. it’s becoming increasingly obvious that frylock is starting to enjoy grizznok’s company and that he’s spending a lot more time with him.

frylock has even offered to grizznok that he’s free to stay the night wherever, but has to sleep on the cushioned chair in front of the TV.. shake isn’t happy with this as he has to sleep in meatwad’s closet when grizznok decides to stay over.

time passes, a lot more interests are shared and a lot more ‘dates’ are went on and frylock decides to ask grizznok to be his boyfriend. grizznok obviously says yes!

‘headcanons?!’

ofc!?! why wouldn’t I stick them here!?

- ever since frylock has recognised his feelings, a lot of his research has actually gone into figuring out how to create a machine that can shapeshift species - so that he can give grizznok what he really wants.. a human form.

- despite the calendar barrier, frylock and grizznok have tried their hardest to celebrate each other’s birthdays.

- frylock has very easily picked up on grizznok’s personality traits, hobbies, habits, and so much more - most of which grizznok hasn’t even recognised in himself.

- with this, frylock has noticed that grizznok is quite the hypersomniac. he isn’t sure if this is a sign of grizznok overworking himself, or if this just comes with his species, but nonetheless he allows grizznok to sleep whenever he does doze off and occasionally carries him to his (frylock’s) bed or back to his sleeping quarters on his ship.

- grizznok occasionally cooks plutonian meals for frylock, even considering the fact that he’s awful at cooking..

- when grizznok got into playing the guitar, frylock taught him how to set up the amps/speakers.

- frylock is grizznok’s no. 1 supporter when it comes to his music! he’s also helped him produce it!

- grizznok likes to brag about frylock to all his space friends, giving a good word about frylock’s invention and to his reputation overall.

- grizznok gets into the things frylock likes in secret so he has an understanding on what he’s talking about, because he knows it makes him happy.

this is all I have so far - it I’d love to hear some headcanons you guys have for them!!!

they’re my favs hehe…

[aeternus-art]

Some Random Tips and Ponderings With a Seasoned Shifter

with additional commentary on states of being

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Hello! I’m a shifter and manifestor, and I wanted to compile some tips that I’ve been echoing in the comments here and there, as well as some recent solidifications in my understanding.

I’m not new to tumblr, or the shifting reddit ((you can find mine here) I answer commented questions on there in-depth, its worth checking out pinky swear), but I am new to Shiftblr. I’ve heard that the community here is lovely, so I thought I’d give it a shot.

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My attempts to put my experiences into words over the years comprise predominantly of Law of Assumption and some other aspects of spiritual practices. While this is the best way for me, it may not be the best way for you and that’s totally fine! As always, take what you like and leave the rest. I’ll be happy to explain or expand on concepts in the comments. :)

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆

｡𖦹°⭒. ˚ ｡. ˚ ☁︎

ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪𓍊𓋼𓆏𓋼𓍊 𓈒 ⋆

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1.There is no separation between you and your dr self, in the same sense that all matter is made up of energy and energy is everywhere touching everything.

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2. If you like imagining physical things and don’t have any ideas for a scene to familiarize yourself with your dr body, you could pick a song (that could have emotional significance to your dr self)and an instrument, and then imagine how that instrument feels under your fingers, the clothes on your body, where are you sitting, what does the temperature feel like, how does the song make your dr self feel and why, etc etc.

2a. By doing an activity in your imaginings, you don’t have to have sole hyper focus on just being in your body, it’s a little more chill. I have adhd, so i find the more stimulus, the better sometimes.

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3. If you struggle with imagining physical things, you could make a personal dr self playlist. I’m talkin manually pick out all the songs and build a playlist yourself. Music is energy and waves, and it can be an immensely helpful tool in allowing yourself to occupy your dr self

3a. I bring this up because later on I talk about afternoon/mid-morning imaginings. I find that by repeating dr self events while having an attatched playlist to the state, it becomes much easier to enter a kind of flow state where everything comes more naturally as opposed to manually thinking thoughts.

This goes off of the ladder experiment from neville goddard. something glossed over with goddard is that feeling is not emotion. Feeling is sensation. a more general, expansive version of a feeling is a state. A state, i.e. state of being, is a state that you can occupy as you are, at your source, pure conscious. Think kind of like the different eras of your current life and the “vibe”.

Once you figure out how to occupy this state (through any method/means that work for you) until it feels normal, you’re basically in your dr.

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4. “You’re already your dr self. You’re already in your dr.” -Okay so yes, but let’s talk about it because I see this tripping some people up.

Shifting is occupying one state that comes with one reality, and then adjusting your perspective and imaginings to your dr self’s state, with the intention that your drs physical 3d reality will express itself. In order to do this, you occupy your dr self’s state, and it can be very difficult if you are currently occupying a state to the point where it feels like an extremely heavy coat.

4a. I once talked about this back when I posted on here. You are not your physical body. As Marina said, “I am not my body, not my mind or my brain Not my thoughts or feelings, I am not my DNA I am the observer, I’m a witness of life I live in the space between the stars and the sky” You are not your emotions. This is why you can shift while feeling a whole slew of emotions. You are energy, ever flowing, and forever connected to everything else in the conceivable multi-universe. Your emotions come from your physical 3d body which is just another reflection, ever-changeable

A single tiny star can cause ripples across our entire universe. This isn’t just a spiritual concept. I just like to think that spirituality/the exploration of the multiverse is ahead of its science. Magic is just science that hasn���t caught up yet, imo.

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*5. Remember when doing your attempt- you’re shifting to be the person, not the place. Occupy the state of your dr self, and then experience your dr (in imagination/4d) through the lense of your dr self. That is what shifting is. You’re shifting the state you occupy (in your 4d/imagination), and the outer world shifts alongside you

If you struggle to get into a flow state (thoughts and feelings and imaginings coming naturally) with your state of being, it can sometimes be like an old truck that won’t start unless you manually give it a push. ponder on the life of your dr self and take into account the lenses you are looking through. How have their life experiences changed their view, perspectives, beliefs, etc. you can ask yourself questions and then answer them interview style. It may take a couple of times before you are familiar with yourself to just have the thoughts come naturally.

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6. If you feel like you are chasing after your dr self/dr, like karate kid learning how to catch the chicken, it may be of use to take a couple minutes to reorient yourself. Take some deep breaths. you’re okay. You’re gonna be just fine. It’s chill, and if it’s not chill, you’ve gotten through all your toughest battles up unto this point.

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7. Meditation/mindfulness/learning to be here now/grounding is worth investing in. It will do you good in any lifetime. You don’t have to sit still to do it. You don’t have to clear your mind. The mind being clear is an effect of the practice, not something to try and actively go.

7a. If I could summarize how to practice being present in an extremely short way, it would be that the past has spent its time with you already and the future will soon- let yourself just exist in the here and now. Start with feeling your fingertips and work your way up, and try to really feel the surface you’re on,

7b. If you like doing this, you can do this with your cr self and once you’re relaxed, do it in your imagination as your dr self. Look the scene until you’ve felt your dr in your imagination to the best of your ability go with the flow. Don’t like something you started with? Okay, change it. This process doesn’t need to be super uber serious. let yourself lighten the load. Let it go.

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8. An analogy for letting go because I see this tripping some people up too: If I want to pick up a ball, but I am currently holding another, I must first let go of the ball I am holding. If you (your consciousness) wants to hold a different state of being (and thus a different reality), it becomes infinitely easier for some people to have a bridge in between this reality and the next. You can make bridges with lots of things, such as the void state, mind awake body asleep, lucid dreams, etc.

When talking “letting go” “ I think it’s important to note that all you have to do is turn your attention away from the state of being you don’t want to be and become indifferent to it. You don’t have to fight it or react, just simply choose a response that comes from a place of knowing that you’re good, and everything’s chill.

You can also think of it like your mental state being a boat on a body of water and you’re only job is to relax and occupy your chosen state. When you occupy this state, you give the motor power to take you to the right shore. The boat already has its course set out, all you have to do is keep powering the motor.

"The time it takes for your desire to manifest is directly proportional to the naturalness of your desire.” - Neville Goddard. How do you make it natural? You repeat and continue to occupy the state with a brazen impudence.

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9. I personally use midday meditations/naps to imagine being in my dr, and then I’ll shift at night. I find it’s easier to be in creation mode during the day when I have energy to spare and then shift at night, when all I have to do is vibe as my dr self.

sometimes my afternoon imaginings turn into shifts- which can actually be a little frustrating when i have a new dr or one that i want to make changes to.

If I can’t sit down in the afternoon/mid-morning to do my ~imaginings~, I’ll just do it with my eyes open- sometimes it’s even easier depending on if I’m doing/what type of activity is being done. I like to try to occupy the state throughout the day- I use bathroom breaks because they’re already alloyed into the day.

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10. I am an utter sucker for pinterest (if you hate ads, tap on the three dots, tap hide, and then this doesnt pertain to me. do this to like 20ish and then the ads should stop for a week or two.

I think that pinterest boards allow you to really capture something reflective of the state of being of your dr self. I like to look through my board and listen to music during my afternoon “creation sessions” before a shift, and then once again before the shift itself.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

11. Detaching is just letting go in a different font, but with a little extra step. Detaching for me is detaching from the outcome- I use this in manifestation as well. Remember that your reality comes from you, it doesn’t happen to you.

By occupying the state of your dr self, your 3d reality will shift on. it’s. own. in direct reflection of you. detaching is just understanding this and not panicking when it seems like it’s not working.

When you are occupying the state of your dr self, you don’t need to worry about getting to your dr. In the same breath, if nothing has seemed like it’s worked up unto this point- try assessing from a different angle. Okay so maybe you HAVE tried literally everything and have for years. Alright. LOA would say something about your state is preventing you. Only you can go inside and figure it out. Acceptance of circumstances is the first step to change. You can’t change something you won’t look at.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

For me, my inability to succeed was due in-part to holding onto my dr like a lifeline, rather than just a place I visit. I was unable to occupy my dr self state, because in this reality I was forcing and pushing the process. I didn’t understand that when you want to change the reflection, you must first change yourself

I’ve found that multiple times throughout this journey, I come to the same answers, but I had to shift my perspective first to see, understand, and experience why it was the right one.

I know i’ve successfully shifted my perspective when the way i naturally approach and view things has changed.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

edit: one last little thing. a weird metaphor/analogy for my shifting process. I have a bowl that I fill with little pebbles I find (4d dr imaginings of feelings, thoughts, memories, pieces of the state). once this bowl is full to my liking, I can transform the bowl into a bag and carry it around with me (occupying the state) wherever I go, I no longer have to manually hold it. now, my only job is to just keep walking the path with my backpack (my state) until I reach my destination

edit2: a side note but i feel when applying and practicing these things, a might consistency with the practice is a good perspective. you're not forcing, and there's no rush, so you need only lightly hold your dr self

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Alrighty! That’s all for now!! As i said above, let me know if you have questions, and happy shifting!!

[princessbrunette]

im not a big john b girlie but you write him so well! your most recent one w toxicex!reader n all was so well written!

you seriously nail dialogue so well, they feel so human and their dialogue conveys such nuance and glimpses into their personality and motivations. i'm genuinely such an impressed by writing and incredible skill, you have such a seamless way with words, painting a really charged, and clear image of these characters and scenarios.

p.s some questions if youre willing to answer !

what got you into writing fan fiction?

do you write your own original stories, or are you more happy and comfortable exploring these fictional worlds as is?

would you say writing is an outlet for you, from life, or drama, or work?

when it comes to dialogue, what do you think is more important - what is said or what isn't and

do you have any particular literary inspirations for dialogue (i.e a film with good dialogue like 'before sunrise' or a novel like 'normal people' or something) or are you more thinking of just real, conversations or straight from shows (like outerbanks, and etc) and watching how they talk rather than trying to emulate any other style?

sorry if this sounds like an interview or if this is a bit much or overwhelming. i've been reading your stuff for like a good year now, and i'm just curious!

adore your work, hope all is well sending hugs n love :)) x

this is literally so sweet <3 made me so happy tysm!! of course i’ll answer ur questions ♡

what got you into writing fan fiction?

well tbh i’ve been writing ‘fanfiction’ since before i knew what it was. i’ve mentioned a few times on this blog but i had this little notebook (that i still have!) where i’d write loads of self insert stories when i was roughly 9-10 years old. i would insert myself into my favourite disney shows with the characters i had a crush on etc. it was my favourite thing to do, id bring my notebook with my everywhere and it could keep me entertained for hours! that’s probably where i got my start.

do you write your own original stories, or are you more happy and comfortable exploring these fictional worlds as is?

on tumblr particularly i’m more comfortable adapting universes that already exist because i enjoy the community i can / have built off relating characterisations with other people on the internet. i can have some sort of semblance of whether or not im doing an okay job based on the feedback. however, i grew up writing for a stage / screen too, which i’ve recently gotten back into and i do deeply enjoy creating a universe from scratch.

would you say writing is an outlet for you? from life, drama or work?

not particularly! moments in my real life have absolutely inspired by writing but i’m not sure i use it as an escape. as someone with autism, routine is really important to me. i write as part of my routine mostly every single day whether i post something or not — and if i don’t write i actually feel pretty thrown off. i also write in other forms, for example i love journalling. i think if anything were to be an outlet it would be that.

when it comes to dialogue, what do you think is more important? what is said or what isn’t?

that’s a really interesting question and honestly i’m not sure! i think it varies from fic to fic. i do think what isn’t said can be very powerful, however i believe in order to grasp what is being conveyed without words the reader would really need to understand the character — and to my understanding not every reader does. not only do i know that based off requests i receive occasionally trying to force characters into boxes i personally think they do not belong — but not everyone is here to understand, period. some readers are casual readers, just here to thirst because they saw a couple of edits they liked (which is great, no problem with that!) in which case i like to make my writing accessible to everyone and i try to make their intention as verbatim as possible.

do you have any particular literary inspirations for dialogue (i.e a film with good dialogue like 'before sunrise' or a novel like 'normal people' or something) or are you more thinking of just real, conversations or straight from shows (like outerbanks, and etc) and watching how they talk rather than trying to emulate any other style?

not any that i can remember! i focus more on trying to make my characters seem like they stepped directly off the show even if it’s based in an au. i want readers to be able to hear the intonation in their voice, understand why they’d stutter when they did, see their facial expression as they say it in their head the same way they would if they were watching outerbanks. however, when i read over my drabbles — i often reimagine them as if they were adapted to a film instead. i would give anything to watch all of my drabbles on a private screen, each of them produced in a sofia coppola style of cinema. that would be really fun and girly and aesthetically pleasing i think.

i hope that answered your questions adequately !! 🩷

[skylandersamalgamation]

Skylanders Headcanon Lore Dump

A couple of days ago, I was asked to infodump by @felinefiestas about their favorite characters. And since it's all about my AU's version of them, I figured, I really need to use my Tumblr more than once a year, so here we go. Have them all.

NOTE: I wrote them all in a somewhat humorous nature. Should still be readable though.

Spyro

Real name: Spyro Agnew Drake.

Best friend of Gill Grunt and Trigger Happy. Keeps Trigger Happy sane…kind of. Keeps Gill Grunt from not getting too distracted with everything. Banned Trigger Happy from singing Britney Spears out loud and for very good reason.

Knows everybody's real name and will use it if he needs to. Usually serious but also affectionate.

Is the de-facto leader for all of the 3rd Age Skylanders from the Cores to the Giants to the Swappers, Trap Masters, SuperChargers and Senseis. Also leader of the elites. If the Skylanders were a school, he'd be the student who acts as the principal. And is the principal of the Academy.

Responsibility weighs but thanks to therapy, he's doing better.

Bouncer

Sports star and loveable jock to the max. Cares for his friends and is always inviting them out to play Roboto-Ball (nonexplosive). Even built a court for the Academy Cadets to play, and one for the Giants to play in as well.

Likes to be active and doesn't enjoy spinning his wheel. That being said, he's always down to hang out with others for a quiet activity like reading.

Best friend to everyone and anyone who is under 21. The man is the sports star who works with disadvantaged youth. He is always hanging out on his offtime to watch over and coach kids' sports teams. Dude cares for community.

Loves the limelight but not for his own glory. Loves it for the joy it gives others. He cares a lot more of what his fans think than himself. Sometimes a little too much.

Extremely smart when it comes to health of robots and other species as of recent. Especially Swarm as he was basically doctor for the teenage bee (Hot Head was dad). Tries to encourage healthy living and healthy lifestyles. Definitely spent his 3 years away writing books and giving talks.

The nicest of the Giants in line with Crusher. Ninjini's best friend and gossip pal.

Hoot Loop

Real name: Howard Harry Hootini

Photo fiend. Snaps selfies and shots whenever, wherever, however. Especially for pranks. Usually yells "say feathers" before using his ring to snap a photo or 60.

Smallest of the team. 4ft tall. 19 years when he joined the SWAP Force; 2nd youngest. So naturally, he is team baby, much to his own displeasure. He insists he isn't cute. His fluffing of his owl feathers and soft hooting says otherwise.

Can turn his head 360° (real owls are 270°). Does so constantly to spy on people. Teleports away when caught. Usually gets caught. And then punted into things like small storms, grass, his own bedroom...his friends...

Biggest prankster on the team with the other youngsters (Freeze Blade, Boom Jet & Fire Kraken). Knows how to do a whole lot of joke stuff. Do not challenge him for he will out-prank you.

Completely colorblind, but has the best night vision of the team. Normally nocturnal but he's been screwing up his sleep schedule for years so at this point he doesn't even care. He absolutely sleeps during the day.

Laughs at Free Ranger's seasonal molt. Looks just as rundown and ugly during his own.

Ships DoomRanger incessantly. Declared himself ringbearer and also threatened to fight anyone who tried to take that position from him. Still keeps true to that.

Short Cut

Real name: Edward Tower (named for Edward Scissorhands and Clock Tower).

Absolute perfectionist to the max with his work. Has an aneurysm around everyone else's work. Very precise, very specific.

Need an outfit? Give him 3 months notice, your season, likes, dislikes, color palette you like and than the color palette of your own body. He'll have something made just in time and it'll be perfect for you. And if it isn't, he's jumping off the island.

Give him as much notice as you can or else he will turn those scissors onto you. Only exception is if you give him notice the minute you find out yourself.

Will take whatever kind of accessories from his friends. Frequently gives Free Ranger and Stormblade protein shakes and then harvests specific feathers from them for clothes. They don't mind 'cause he also pays them really well for it.

Very hyper, very aware and very active. He doesn't burn out easily and if he does, it's the apocalypse and you should be very afraid.

Knows everything and anything about fashion, color, fabric and clothing. He could be universe-famous but he's cool with how he is.

Created the fashion courses at the Academy solely to teach others his craft because of his passion for it. Regularly hosts a seasonal fashion own of his students' creations. Proud teacher.

Smallest member of the team. About 3ft tall. Might change but he won't ever go above 4ft.

Very good at his Trap Team job. Very professional.

Biggest artist and frequently drags Fiesta and Splat because artsy trio friends.

Stormblade

Real name: Layla Storm

Gigantic tomboy but has no shame in her girliness. Listens to Taylor Swift obsessively and sings it obsessively. Don't mess with her Taylor Swift. She'll slice ya.

Also sings all sorts of peppy pop songs. Vocaloid and all that good stuff.

Dances as exercise and is really good at it. Definitely could beat you at Dance Dance Revolution.

Spitfire is like her 4th brother and she's totally down for it. He sings with her, they repair vehicles together, it's all good.

Optimism and action incarnate. Does get along with Nightfall nowadays thanks to therapy and also some bonding stuff. Tries to include Nightfall in everything she does because friendliness. Gets turned down a lot.

Very nice but also fiery and really doesn't take being scorned well. If Spitfire doesn't burn ya first, she will.

Always happy. If sad Stormblade, everything is wrong and must be fixed.

Her bedroom is soundproofed specifically so she can sing Taylor Swift at the top of her lungs with Spitfire and no one can complain ever again.

Eats bugs all the time. Can also eat like crazy. Burns tons of energy. Constantly. She'll inhale steaks and sheep and a whole lot of other food for those sweet sweet calories.

Bones are hollow but you'd be amazed at the punishment she can take. That being said, she overestimates how strong her bird bones are.

Has 3 beds at different elevations and with different styles depending on the mood she's in. The sadder she is, the closer to the ground.

Flare Wolf

Youngest of the Senseis with Aurora (discounting Boom Bloom who only recently cracked double digits). Best scout and knows a whole lot about survival and wilderness stuff. He's a very knowledgeable kid, but he's definitely got his wires fried, or the entire mainframe.

Hangs out with Fire Kraken. Worships the guy practically. Loves his fireworks and his bazookas. Also worships Zook.

Terrible at stealth. Too excitable, too fiery, too bazooka-loving. On the bright side, he a smol boi. 4ft tall as well.

Has baby face. Gets carded all the time. Has definitely tried to use it to his advantage. If he doesn't speak, it works a lot better.

Unsusal for a fire elemental, he can swim, and swim very well. He has a patch for that.

Has a patch for dang near everything he can think of. At some point after leaving the scouts and growing up, he made up new ones for fun. Makes patches for his students as well and uses them as learning milestones. His whole class know how to sew as a second skill.

Has so many strange hobbies that he's one of the guys you go to for off-the-book help. Makes sense because he's a total nut in personality. Definitely cooked himself.

He's been doing science with fire ever since he was young. Very good. Makes his own fireworks. Very much a science nerd of the "great scott, we're about to see some serious [CLUCK]". Definitely blew up a few labs. Also worships Pop Fizz as Ancient of the Lab Replacing. Because he always has a new one hidden somewhere. Has blown up at least 30. Pop Fizz is proud.

[paintedgrilledcheese]

Cheese's 100 follower special part 3!!!

Q&A (where I answer your questions :D)

Q: What inspired you to join the bsd rp community?

A: Well, it's actually a funny story. I originally came her on Tumblr to look at Ivan Goncharov fan art, and I stumbled across an Ivan rp blog. I wanted to mess around and interact with them, though at the time, I was shy. I was being silly on my main before finding the Fukuzawa rp blog and wanted to interact as well. So I created Levi one day, and it went from there. I was having fun just messing around as silly anime OCs.

Q: What inspired you to make Nimone?

A: So when I created Levi and gave him his backstory, it involved this big 9 year war somewhat outside of Japan. I didn't want to use a real content or place, so I made one up!

Q: Who's your favorite oc that you have and why?

A: This one is a tough one since I keep changing who's my favorite. But I have a top three. On top is probably Felix III. He's such a try hard and silly. I love playing as him, and he's one of my favorites to draw. Not to mention all the running jokes I got for him as well such as the Raiden Shogun reference or kicking him down the stairs.

My second favorite is probably Cooper. Everyone about his characters developing is just so satisfactory to me and he's just a sweet little guy :3. Who also has a gun.

My third would be Fiona Delgado, because I like playing as an angry Hispanic accountant who will throw laptops at people or turn into a big dragon because she can.

Q: So you have a favorite ship for you OCs?

A: Oh this one is hard (probably because I'm a hopeless romantic). I really like the cute fluffy ones like Levi x Sayaka (not my oc) and Black X Arthur (not my oc) but then there are the funny ones like Felix III x X (my oc but got another mod playing as him). Though my favorite ship is probably Fiona Delgado x Ace. These two argue like a bitter married couple and it's hilarious. It's my brain rot and I love them.

Q: Milk chocolate or Dark chocolate?

A: DARK CHOCOLATE ALL THE WAY!

Q: What inspired you to make xy and all of your members in it?

A: Honestly, the creation of XY was all for Cooper's backstory. At first, it was just an unnamed criminal organization that I was going to solo as for rps, but someone offered to play as one of the characters, and I was excited. They named it (fun fact, it was actually called XV, but due to miss reading, we called it XY) and I decided that hey maybe this Mafia needs some members other than "unnamed henchmen" so I created a few members and I never thought it would actually get this far which is cool. Its entire creation was almost all unplanned.

Q: What is your process for coming up with OCs?

A: Well, it depends on the circumstance, but most of the time, I always start with the design. I'm more artistic visually, so when I make a design that I'm happy with then I build off of what I want for the character. After the design, I normally give them either their name and personality, and their ability last. Basically, adding anything that would make the character interesting or fit them.

[ulircursed]

TOA Aniversary Munday

From Neffi!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: eri

Pronouns: she/her

Birthday (no year): 9/30

Where are you from? What is your time zone? Taiwan! GMT+8, currently 12 hours ahead of TOAST. Good news: the apocalypse hasn't hit the future yet!

How long is your roleplay experience? Probably around 10+ years at this point, unless running around as Pokemon on the playground counts, in which case more like 20 years ahaha

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? I'm reasonably certain Fire Emblem was my first foray into tumblr RP, and Emmeryn was my first muse! There was a little indie community that I joined back then, though I haven't kept in contact with them

How were you introduced to TOA? I don't really remember, but all I know is that I lurked around the masterlist around the time of L&K but didn't pluck up the courage to join until nearly a year later when I saw there was a Reyson (shoutout to birdie!)

Do you have any pets? Nope! Moved around too much as a kid and current living situation doesn't support having one. Closest I got was sharing an apartment with my roommate's floofy cat for two years in college; his name's Chester and he was super adorable. I'd like to have a dog someday though!

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) WINTERRRR I am a human furnace and summer is suffering. Every spring I start counting down the days to the next winter ahaha

What is your IRL occupation? I work at the counseling department in a junior college!

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? Learning languages, singing, obscure fun facts and watching Youtube video essays

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? Used to be a big Pokemon person but I stopped playing the mainline games by Gen VII (not for lack of interest! RL circumstances changed around that time and I just never got back into the habit of buying those games); nowadays I play a few mobile games daily but that's about it

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: Water; too many, but if I had to name just one I will probably say Rufflet

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! The first fun fact is that the moment I get asked questions like this I immediately go Brain Empty and this is why I rarely fill out toa monthly feedback forms dakfjslfj uhhhh my favorite color is blue! I joined an archery club in grad school (two years ago) to understand what shooting a bow feels like. I love swimming but haven't been to a pool for maybe like 9 years now. I really like going to zoos.

How did you get into Fire Emblem? My older brother introduced my younger brother and me to Japanese FE4 when we were kids, when we knew absolutely no Japanese and just messed around the first map and never beat it. I properly started playing when I was in high school, with FE7 being the first game I beat! I normally count my official FE gaming journey as starting with 7 in high school :'D

What Fire Emblem games have you played? All the mainline ones except 1-3 and Echoes (I'm...... working on it)

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: FE7; FE3H

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! You can't do this to me man. UHHH ok Lucius is my very most favorite FE character. Andrei needs to be here. I lump the Heron sibs as one unit for questions like this. Tibarn. Sylvain. There are probably a dozen more but

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! HONESTLY Andrei thanks to the Oosawa manga. His arc changed my brain chemistry permanently

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 I don't think I've really crushed on fictional characters before ahaha

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: Chrom I think; uhhhh Lon'qu or Cherche?? - Fates: Silas I think???; I'm currently partway through a Birthright playthrough and I seem geared to S support with Jakob so him - Three Houses: Dimitri; started my first and only Myleth run a few months back and I'll probably go with Miss Thea :flushed: - Engage: None; man I don't know

Favorite Fire Emblem class? Bishop

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? I think I could be a War Cleric wielding a giant hammer. If you don't go to bed on time I will forcibly join your army and make you

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? Blue Lions I guess!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? Axe boon, Reason bane, Riding budding talent

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? Brodia

How do you pronounce TOA? TOE-uh

Current TOA muses: Just me and my bow man for the moment

Past TOA muses? Leanne, Lucius, Altena, Nino

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? Leanne was my first! Honestly she always lives in a cozy little corner of my head, so she can be back at any moment if RL permits

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? Nice Girls (gender neutral) who have no quarrel with 99% of the world. As you may be able to see, Andrei does not fit this mold.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? Flirts. They're so much fun to read but I don't think I could flirt my way out of a paper bag irl so I would never know what to write

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? I honestly love fluffy cozy fun friendshippy situations!!! Again, Andrei is not conducive to this. I mean I do also like painful scenes but--

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? that Yngvi AU where Brigid never disappeared because things will still go to shit but the circumstances would be so different. Honestly Brigid doesn't even need to explicitly be there for this to work so if any Gen I Jugdrals ever want to do this then I grip you

Favorite TOA-related memories? So many, but the West Faerghus Croc lives rent free in my brain forever.

Present or past tense? I started off with past tense, but now default to present. When the stars align and I notice my partner using past tense, sometimes I will also switch, but not always.

Normal size text, small text, no preference? Small text, though I am happy to switch for my partner's preference if needed!

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 Waves goodbye to my faceless Glenn delusions honestly thank u new anniversary ruling for saving me from those eternal brainworms

[batofburnside]

"Tell Me" Part 2

Gekko x (Fem!)Reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi everyone! This is the second part of my first Gekko fanfic and my first fanfic posted on tumblr. I am very exciting that I have received good feedback so far, and I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story! I'm nervous and excited to post part 2 and 3! But I hope you enjoy:) Part 3 is up as well! Like last part, I used google translate for most of the Spanish that wasn’t just a few words so I apologize if anything gets lost in translation, I am not fluent. Words: 6.2K

TW: Character Death, Guns, angst, (kinda?) manipulation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been about 3 weeks now since Mateo joined the Valorant Protocol. Before his arrival he had chosen his Codename. He wished he could have brainstormed it with you. You’re so creative and he knew that you would have helped him choose something perfect. After a lot of discarded ideas, he had landed on the Codename “Gekko” which he thought fit him pretty well, although it took him a second to get used to it. So far, he had been getting along with all of the other agents on the Protocol. He had become particularly close with Tala and Jamie, otherwise known as Neon, Reyna’s other protege, and Phoenix, due to them being the closest in age to him. Other than Reyna, Sage, and Brimstone they were the only ones who knew his real name, after he was quick to trust them. Some days after training he’d find time to commune with them in the shared kitchen. Bantering and talking about their home life.

His little crew definitely helped break the ice, Neon and another agent named Jett wasted no time in trying to recruit Wingman into helping them with their pranks against other fellow agents, mostly Yoru and occasionally Omen. On Mateo’s third day he managed to catch Wingman with a small butterfly knife comb in his hand, which belonged to the dimension walker. Obviously this did not make a great impression with the black and blue haired agent. On the other hand, Neon and Jett thought that added to the prank making it better. Though Mateo wasn’t sure if it was worth the risk being on Yoru’s list this early.

So far Mateo had kept his word to you, he worked insanely hard to make it to his scheduled video calls with you, and he had succeeded at almost everyone, only missing 2 or 3 by 15 minutes at most. It didn’t matter how stressed he was from all the information he was trying to learn about Omega Earth, or how tired he was from training, every time he saw your face on the other end of the screen he forgot about everything else in the world. Of course, your video calls didn’t compare to being there physically with you. He wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in your arms, your warmth against his. His crew had been getting more and more difficult to round up before the phone and video calls with you since the little creatures shared Mateo’s longing to be by your side. He felt bad hiding them from you and vice versa, because if he was feeling this way, he didn’t want to imagine how worse it was for Wingman, Dizzy, Mosh, and Thrash since they were forced to stay a secret and hidden from you.

Mateo always answered your calls with something exciting to talk about, whether he tried this new cafe near him, or some gossip about his new friends. You were able to swallow some of your jealousy, since you love to see him so excited and happy about the new things he was experiencing. So far you know he had met two friends, Tala and Jamie. He had sent you one or two selfies with them and you wanted to find something off about them, but you couldn’t from just a picture. They looked like nice, fun, and normal people, and you hoped to meet them too one day. 

Your school had also started its semester and Mateo always asked how things were going with your classes. You were usually a straight A student, but the first week you found yourself drifting and getting distracted without Mateo there to ground you. It wasn’t something you couldn’t come back from, but it definitely wasn’t like you to forget various assignments. Although it wouldn’t be the same as it was before, Mateo suggested that you guys could have over the phone study sessions, and you were grateful for that. The only thing that was still bothering you is that every time you asked him when he would be coming home to visit, he would change the subject, hesitate, or say he was too overloaded with school. You tried to not be mad about his answers or overthink that he just didn't want to see you. But, you couldn’t grasp why he couldn’t just pick a weekend to come back to you. In your mind it was almost as if the school was holding him hostage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of 5 emerged from the training facility into the lobby. Raze wiped her brow while slinging a vandal over her shoulder, “Man KJ, you must be buffing these bots in between each session! I swear their reaction time is getting faster.” She said. KillJoy chuckled, putting her unused grenades into her locker, “I know! I’m so proud of them.” She said with glee, seeing how her AI has been adapting to learning, hopefully helping the agents continue to get the best training without it getting too repetitive. Raze chuckled while shaking her head. She thought it was cute how her partner was able to geek out about her creation nearly killing them all.

Mateo entered the lobby, giving a tiny fist bump to Wingman before digging into his pocket to retrieve some treats for his tiny critters after their hard work during training. 

“Hey new kid!” Jett said, walking up to Mateo to get his attention, “Qué pasa, Jett?” He replied, handing a small piece of radivore food to Wingman before looking up to the white haired woman. 

“You did great out there!” She exclaimed, giving him a firm pat on the back, nearly causing him to stumble out of surprise. “Oh! Gracias!” He responded, “but I gotta hand most of the credit to Wingman and Dizzy here, they’re the real MVPs of those rounds in there” he smiled. “Well, them and you definitely had us on the winning side in there. It’s good to have you on the team.” Jett looked over to Harbor who had just made his way out of the training arena, “Yo Harbor, you should be proud of your protege.” Jett said, watching as Mateo lifted Wingman up and placed him on his shoulder.

“Jett is correct, Harbor, Gekko” Sage added on as she made her appearance known after watching the team from the viewing area. “Gekko has indeed made a first impression, in no small part to your work with him. Great work, both of you and all of you.” Sage said, commending the training session with Raze, Kill Joy, Gekko, Harbor, and Jett. “You are dismissed or you may stay and watch the next sessions from the viewing area.” She continued.

Harbor thanked Sage for the praise before turning to Mateo who was packing up his locker to be dismissed, “Gekko, I’d like you to stay and watch the next few training sessions. I’ll stay with you and we can discuss certain strategies while watching.” He said.

Mateo had a sense of urgency flash in his eyes.  “Coach, I’m sorry but I really can’t stay” he said. Harbor crossed his arms, “what, do you have something else planned?” He asked. Mateo took a breath, before looking down at the ground, “Sí”, He said. 

“Well, you’ll just have to miss it.”

“Por favor Coach! I really can’t miss this. I made a promise.” Mateo said, slight desperation in his voice. An accompanying gargle emerged from Wingman as he also tried to communicate the urgency in Mateo’s request.

“Gekko, you need to get all the training you can, I know you’re young but we’re running out of time before your first mission, and you need to be fully prepared. I don’t know what can be more important than that.” Harbor responded, with a raise of an eyebrow. The mentor wasn’t mad, instead he was worried about the different responsibilities on the young man’s mind. Being distracted out on the field could mean life or death, and he wasn’t sure if Gekko had grasped that yet. He needed to make sure Gekko was here 100%.

“He wants to call his girlfriend” a voice said from behind.

Gekko and Harbor glanced behind them to find Yoru leaning on a wall near the entrance to the training lobby, using his comb, previously stolen by Wingman, to brush back his hair .

“I agree with Harbor, Gekko. As well as you did today, it couldn’t hurt to watch another team in action.” Sage added in.

Defeated, Mateo nodded. “Yes, Sage. Yes, Coach.” He would have to make up to you for missing your call. He had hoped the training sessions would be over before you went to bed. But, for now he had to think of an excuse.

Harbor and Sage left to the viewing area while the previous team continued putting their gear away as the second training team began to make their way in and get set up. Mateo shut his locker and grabbed his sash, beginning to walk away before Yoru spoke up. 

“I give it another week, maybe a month max.” He said, twirling his knife.

Mateo paused and raised an eyebrow, “Give what a week?”

“Before your girlfriend breaks up with you” he shrugged. 

“What are you talking about?” Mateo responded, a bit of a tension on his words. “If this is about your comb I already told you I-”

“It’s not about the comb.” Yoru said, his eyes fixated on the butterfly knife as it spun around his fingers. “A relationship won’t last here. At least not with an outside, and a non radiant at that. I’ve seen it before, it never works.”

Rolling his eyes, Mateo began to turn away “yeah whatever, thanks for the input, but you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Wingman started to growl slightly, and Mateo reached his hand up to calm the yellow radivore.

“Leave him alone, Yoru! I think it’s cute.” Jett said, walking up to the two and giving Yoru a quick smack to the shoulder. 

Yoru brushed off his shoulder where Jett hit him as If he was brushing away dirt, “I’m simply just letting him know so that he can prepare.” The man said before heading towards his locker to get his gear.

Mateo began to leave again and Jett caught up to him, “Hey! We haven’t really gotten to know each other yet, just your little buddies.” Jett said, reaching up and giving Wingman a little scratch that he nuzzled into.  “How about I watch the next sessions with you and Harbor?” She asked.

He shrugged, “Sure. I guess”. He was distracted by Yoru’s words. The past few weeks everything with him had been lies on his end and it was starting to eat at him. Reyna had been on recon for a week so he had no one to talk to about how he was feeling. Of course, Reyna never agreed that he should lie to you. She knew it wasn’t fair, and he knew it too. But, the only other option was to end the relationship and that was just something that he couldn’t even imagine and he wanted to try everything he could to avoid that outcome. So, even if she was here, he most likely wouldn't get the advice he was looking for. Mateo just couldn’t get over the fact that he was hurting you, when he was supposed to be protecting you and it was weighing on his shoulders like a ton of concrete.

“Don’t let him get to you.” Jett’s words snapped Mateo out of his thoughts.

“I’m not.. I’m just- It’s hard and- I just- I don’t know.” Mateo stumbled over his words, sighing as the two entered the viewing area. “I’ll be fine” 

Jett nodded, not wanting to pry too much into the new recruits personal problems. “Well, if you want to talk about it. There are a lot of people here who will listen.” She said.

Mateo smiled slightly, “Gracias, Jett. I’ll make note of that.”

The two entered the viewing area, Jett whispered to Mateo. Not wanting to interrupt Sage and Harbor who were currently discussing the strategy of the next team which consisted of Phoenix, Yoru, Cypher, Skye, and Omen. “Want to make this interesting?” She asked. 

He raised an eyebrow, “Interesante? How so?” He replied curiously. 

“I bet you that Cypher gets knocked first and that Phoenix makes a fool of himself.” Jett smirked.

“You’re on.” Mateo replied, extending his hand for a binding handshake.

The two younger agents watched the training session as Harbor narrated to Mateo, mostly focusing on how Skye was  utilizing her abilities as her and Mateo played the same role. He watched how the red headed Australian gained intel using her hawks to blind similar to Dizzy, and her tiger to scout for enemies and stun like Wingman..

After 10 minutes into the session, Mateo felt his phone start to buzz in his pocket, Wingman jumped down off Mateo’s shoulder and pulled the device out of Mateo’s pocket. His heart sank seeing your contact name and photo illuminating the screen. He sighed, staring at the call that was idling on his phone.

“Is that your girlfriend?” Jett whispered, as she looked over.

“Sí” Mateo responded, grabbing his phone from Wingman and putting it back in his pocket.

“She’s very pretty.” 

“extremadamente” he smiled.

A few minutes later his phone buzzed again, and he repeated his motion of checking his phone to see your name and contact photo there once again. He frowned, it wasn’t like him to miss a call.

“Gekko, are you paying attention?” Harbor asked.

“What? Oh- Si Coach!” He said, glancing up and then down at his phone one last time.

“Oh there it is! Gekko look! You’ll miss it.” Jett said, excitement in her voice.

Mateo turned his phone off before looking up again, just in time to see Phoenix flash both Yoru and Cypher on accident while trying to enter onto the makeshift site for a retake. The dimension walker quickly teleported back to safety, groaning in frustration, leaving Phoenix and Cyper on the site. Omen quickly tried to place a smoke down, but Cypher was tagged 3 times by the robots guns, indicating that he was out for this round.

“Yes!!” Jett exclaimed. “Well done Phoenix, just how I figured it would play out!”

Sage and Harbor looked towards the girl, disappointment showing on Sage’s face. 

“What I mean is… that was a bad move by Phoenix.” 

Mateo rolled his eyes, chuckling as Jett tried to cover for herself.

Before Sage was able to reprimand Jett for praising her teammate’s failures for her own gain, Brimstone entered the viewing area, requesting an urgent audience with Sage in his office. Jett and Mateo shared a quick glance as Sage nodded, standing up before following Brimstone out, leaving the 3 agents to continue watching the training sessions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laying on your stomach in bed, you squint your eyes at your phone. It was nearly an hour after he said he would call and your third attempt to reach Mateo didn’t go through at all. You weren’t stupid. Your first and second call went through perfectly fine, so you knew he turned his phone off. Grumbling, you toss the device to the other side of your bed, and rested your head on your arms. ‘Maybe his class ran late.’ You thought to yourself. You had been doing a lot recently to give Mateo the benefit of the doubt. With him being in a new place, you were very patient with him adjusting to a new schedule. But you would be lying if you said you weren’t a bit frustrated with him missing your calls here and there. Maybe it was a bit selfish of you? He was living his own life. But, you knew this was just your way of trying to deal with the hurt of him not being here.

After spending some time clearing your head, you grabbed your phone and got up, making your way into the kitchen of your house to fix up a snack. Opening the fridge you stared at the contents for a few seconds before giving up and moving on to the pantry only to be met by a similar disappointment. “Dad! We don’t have anything to eat!!” You called out, waiting for a few seconds before a voice answered you yelling from upstairs, “What!? Yes we do! Make a sandwich or something, I’ll go shopping tomorrow.” You groaned, grabbing some bread from the pantry and various ingredients. 

Your dad hurried into the kitchen, quickly grabbing a banana and pouring some coffee into a cup. “I’m running late, but remember I’m switching to the night shifts this week, your sister is out with some friends so you’ll be here at the house by yourself for a bit.” He said as he gathered his work supplies.

“I’m not a kid anymore dad. I’m 22, I think I can handle it.” You smirked.

Your dad chuckled, “well, since you’re not a kid. Maybe you can go to the store this week instead.”

You rolled your eyes while smiling. “Fineee” you dragged out your voice faking exhaustion. “I guess I can do that.”

You dad gave you a comforting squeeze on your shoulder as he began to leave the kitchen, “I appreciate you taking the time out of your ever-so-busy day to do that for me” He grinned. He headed towards the front door of your house. “Love you, text me if you need anything.” He called out behind him, leaving you alone in the now quiet house. 

You finished constructing your sandwich and started to put everything away as well as wash your utensils before you sat down to eat. You looked up at the window above your sink, while you rinsed off a butter knife the darkness of the night causing your reflection to stare back at you. You froze when you thought you saw a figure dart past your kitchen entryway. Taking a deep breath you stared at the reflection, waiting to see if something else appeared. 

When nothing else showed in the reflection, you set your dishes down quietly in the sink while trying to take calm and deep breaths. Turning around you slowly grabbed a kitchen knife out of the block sitting on the counter. Taking gentle steps you made your way down the hall towards your and your sisters bedrooms where you thought you saw the figure go, the knife clenched tightly in your grasp near your side. You passed your sister's room first, her door was wide open and you quickly turned on the lights. Your knuckles turning white as your grip tightens. Scanning the room, and looking under the bed, you didn't find anything. The room was empty, with only posters on the wall of your sisters favorite bands staring back at you.

Making your way to your room you took a deep breath before placing your hand on the door handle. Quickly, you swung open the door, stepping into your room and looking for any intruders. Seeing no one in your room you relaxed slightly, making your way over to your shared bathroom, you ripped the shower curtain open, revealing nothing more than the sparkling clean bathtub.

You placed the knife down, leaning on the counter of the bathroom as you stared into the mirror. “I’m losing my damn mind.” You said out loud, running your fingers through your hair. Your brain was playing tricks on you, that was the only reasonable explanation. Unless there was someone who could disappear into the shadows, there’s nowhere that anyone could have gone to hide if you truly saw someone. Still, the hair on the back of your neck was standing as you felt like you were being watched. 

Your phone started ringing in your pocket, causing you to jump slightly. You pulled it out to see Mateo’s contact name and photo, bringing your anxiety down slightly. You answered the call and was met with his glimmering hazel eyes and bright smile, “Mi amor!! I’m lo siento mucho that I couldn’t take your calls and I missed our scheduled time. I had to stay late after class and my professor wanted to talk to me. I’m lo siento mucho. I will make it up to you I swear. Cruza mi corazón. We can-“

“It’s okay Mateo, I love you and I’m glad to see you” you said, cutting off his rambling. Your heart had finally slowed back to normal and your breaths had become less raggedy. 

“(Y/n), are you alright?” Mateo asked, sensing that something was off.

You laughed, heading towards the kitchen to put your sandwich away as your appetite for the night had disappeared when your adrenaline rose. “Si, Teo. I’m just home alone and my eyes are playing tricks on me. I thought I saw something, but there’s nothing here”

Mateo raised an eyebrow, “well if you need anything. Call me, I can send someone to check up on you.” He said, a bit of worry in his words since he wasn’t there to protect you.

“I’m fine, Teo. I promise, but I’ll tell you right away if I hear or see anything unusual.” You said. “Gracias for worrying about me”

“Siempre. Always.” Mateo responded. “You’re one of the most important people in my life. Your safety will always be important to me, mi amor. Even if it's nothing, I still don’t want you to be scared. I would be on my way to you right now if I could”

You smiled, he always knew the right words to say. “Thank you, Mateo. And me to you, mi amor. But, I’m fine now”  You said, as talking to him had seemed to calm your nerves.

You carried your phone back into your room and sat down at your desk. You propped Mateo up so that you could see him while you began to work on your homework, while Mateo talked about his day. As you opened up your laptop and began to navigate through your apps, your computer seemed to freeze up, a red screen flashing every few seconds with words appearing and disappearing too fast for you to read them. The screen flashed once more before everything returned to normal. “That’s strange…” you mumbled, wiggling your cursor.

“What’s strange?” Mateo asked.

You shook your head, “sorry I was talking to myself. My computer was freezing. But… it seems to be working fine now?” 

“That is Strange.” Mateo responded. “But as long as it’s working, that’s good then? Right?”

You nodded, making sure everything opened properly, “yeah. Everything’s working. My essay is still here so nothing crashed.”

“Glad your work is still there.” Mateo smiled. His smile faltered when he looked over towards his window. “Hey, mi amor. I have to go.” He said.

You frowned, “so soon? Why? It’s only been a few minutes.”

He sighed, he didn’t want to leave. He was already concerned with what you had mentioned about possibly seeing something in the house. But, a message had popped up on his window ‘All agents to the strategy room immediately.’ “I know. Trust me I don’t want to go. But I have too, I’m needed.” He said.

“But why? Who needs you?” You protested. You wanted to talk to him for a bit longer, even if just for a few minutes.

“The people in my dorm... It’s a community meeting and I need to be there.”

“Bullshit, Mateo. Mierda! Why would you have a community meeting this late? It’s almost 10 pm. And I need you here…”

He looked down at the screen trying to think of what to say, “i know (y/n). I’ll be-”

You cut him off, “I've been really patient Mateo Armendáriz De la Fuente but, something about you school isn’t adding up, and it’s not fair. I think you’re lying to me and I hate thinking that way. Just tell me what’s going on! Please!”

Mateo’s eyes widened in hurt after hearing the harshness of you calling him his first name. He sighed, trying to find a way to explain himself “(y/n), por favor. I promise you, everything is true. I know it’s weird and I’m trying to adjust to it too. Te amo, but I have to go. If its not too late, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He said, as he hung up.

You set your phone on your desk and pulled your knees up to your chest. Tears were welling up in your eyes as you tried to hold them in. You regretted what you said, you should have just let him go, but now the call you were looking forward to all day ended in a small fight. You had rarely fought with Mateo, and each one had been about something stupid, but this didn’t feel like the others. You hated this feeling. “Screw this damn school” you whispered, hugging your knees even tighter to your chest, you let the tears fall. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mateo sat on the edge his bed, trying to catch his breath before he left his room. So far all of these meetings and alerts have had terrible timing. He wiped his eyes with his arm. He couldn’t cry, not right now. Not before heading to this meeting where everyone would see the new recruit with bloodshot eyes. Leaning his elbows against his knees he rested his head in his hands. Seeing how much you were hurting struck Mateo in the heart like a knife. And worse, he doubled down on his lies. 

Sensing his distress, Wingman appeared from his resting spot in the shash, walking up to Mateo and snuggling against his arm. He wiped his eye once more before patting Wingman on the head, “thanks buddy. I just hope that this all works out in the end. I’m worried that Yoru is right. But I don’t know how to fix this without putting anyone in danger” he said.

Before Wingman could answer, a few loud knocks rang out on Mateo’s door. “Gekko!! What are you doing!? We’re waiting for you, get your ass out here, dude.” Neons voice rang out. Mateo stood up, grabbing his sash and placing Wingman on his shoulder. He opened the door to greet Neon, “I was on my way.” He responded.

Neon smirked looking at Gekko’s expression, “whatever, lover boy. They said this was important. And everyone’s waiting for you, even Reyna is back.” She said, turning on her heel has to lead Mateo to the strategy room. 

Mateo blinked in surprise, as Neon began to walk away. Reyna was called back from recon for a meeting? Not knowing what to expect he jogged slightly to catch up to the blue haired girl, “Yo Neon! Wait up!”

Neon and Mateo entered the strategy room together, closing the door behind them. Brimstone and Sage were standing at the front of the room, before a holographic wall with many screens. Everyone else was seated throughout the room. Mateo noticed two empty chairs next to Reyna and made his way over to her with Neon. He looked around and noticed the only person missing was Chamber, who he had only met briefly as the French gunman seems to have the most leeway in being able to leave frequently.

“Good. Everyone’s here.” Brimstone said. “Let’s begin.”

“First off we want to prepare everyone. Sometime ago Omega Earth has recruited a new agent who’s abilities we are not aware of.” Sage said. Shock rang out through various members in the crowd, and a quiet murmuring began. Even though Mateo was new, he was aware that a new agent so soon after his recruitment was very out of the ordinary.

“A new agent?” Harbor responded, “how can this be? We just recruited Gekko less than a month ago.”

“Discrepancies between our worlds seem to be increasing the more that Omega interferes.” Brimstone responded. “This just happens to be one of them.” 

“The information we retrieved has no date on it as well.” Sage added, “We have no idea when this agent was recruited. We only know it was in the last few months.”

Brimstone nodded, “That is correct. On future missions, we need to keep our guard up more than ever with the possibility of facing this new agent head on.”

“Do we have no intel on this new agent or the abilities they could possess?” Viper added.

Sage shook her head, “we do not. Cypher was able to retrieve one file from the Omega database, but it has further encryptions than previous files we have managed to retrieve in the past. Until Cypher is able to unencrypt the file, we know nothing other than that their placeholder name is Lux.”

The murmuring continued as everyone theorized what the new agent was capable of and when we would see their counterpart on our team.

Brimstone coughed to get everyone’s attention, “moving on to the next order of business…” he said, flipping through some files. “During the same data retrieval, we discovered intel that Omega is planning a raid on Thimphu, Bhutan; Codename: Haven. The team for defending against this raid will be Reyna, Jett, kill Joy, Omen, and Gekko.”

Mateo perked up at his name. This would be his first mission, the moments he had been training for had been leading up to this. “Alright! first mission!” Neon whispered, nudging Mateo with her elbow.

“Harbor will prepare you on the makeup and general knowledge of the area beforehand. The raid was scheduled for a week from now, but we will be on the lookout for more information. Use this time to prepare. With that you are dismissed” Brimstone finished, closing his file.

Everyone started to stand up and Mateo turned to Reyna wanting to catch up and possibly get her advice on the problem he was currently facing., “mi Reyna-“ he started, but was interrupted by Sage “Reyna, can Brimstone and I speak with you to discuss recent findings?” She asked.

Reyna looked at Mateo, “my apologies, Cariño. We will speak soon.” She said with a smile, excusing herself as she walked up to Sage and Brimstone who were looking at a holographic map on the table before them.

“Come on, let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving” Neon said to Mateo in a voice that seemed like she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Mateo nodded, following the blue haired girl to the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How many have you recorded?” Reyna asked Brimstone and Sage as she looked at the map after they were the last three alone in the strategy room..

“Just two.” Sage responded, “one was a few weeks before Gekko was recruited. And the other was just today. But both alerts of Omega agent teleportation have pinged right outside Los Angeles city limits.” 

“I see. Do you think they are looking for him? Or do they know he is with us now?” Reyna asked.

“Unknown on if it's about Gekko of the general area. But if they have plans for Los Angeles, we need to find out as soon as possible. Between now and the Haven mission, you are in charge of organizing a small recon force to see if you can find anything.” Brimstone responded. 

Reyna nodded, taking her orders.

“Also, Reyna, Do not tell Gekko. I do not think it would be in his best interest to be a part of this recon.” Sage added, “with this being so close to his home, we do not want to add on to any stress he might be facing as he adjusts to his life here and prepares for the mission at hand”

“I agree, Sage. That is for the best. One less thing to draw his mind back home.” Reyna said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all happened so fast. 

Mateo was left to hold C on Haven with Reyna and KillJoy on A, Omen holding Garage, and Jett on top of Boxes on B. He remembered being nervous on and before the helicopter ride to Bhutan. Harbor had given him a pep talk before they packed up to leave, but it only helped him calm his nerves slightly. Jett had given him some words of encouragement too, telling him how she felt like she almost screwed up her entire first mission. He knew she was trying to help but it only made him feel worse. 

“There’s 3 pushing A site. Hold your positions until told otherwise.” Reyna spoke over the earpieces.

Mateo stood backside, aiming a vandal down C long as he took partial cover behind boxes, Wingman and Dizzy at his ready.

“Omega Skye is downed!” Killjoy reported, gunshots heard in the distance signified that the fight was not over.

Jett came in over the coms, “I saw Omega Phoenix peak mid window, and I heard footsteps in mid!” 

“Gekko, Omen, rotate to B with Jett” Reyna instructed.

“I’m on my way” Mateo spoke into his earpiece, gathering up Wingman and Dizzy as he made his way towards the site, while Omen made his way through garage doors to mid, smoking mid window.

“My turret’s down and I’m hit!” Killjoy grunted through her mic.

“KillJoy stay in cover.” Reyna demanded, a few gunshots could be heard over the coms, “Omega Sova is buried. Seems like I’m the hunter now” She sneered. With Sova now down this left one alive on A, Phoenix near Mid, and another unknown agent last heard near mid.

As the Omega Phoenix made it to site he sent out his flash, successfully blinding Mateo and Jett. Mateo ducked behind boxes for cover, and Jett jumped down, avoiding the gunshots. Omen was able to sneak up behind the Omega Phoenix and fire two shots at him, sending the counterpart to spin around and return fire. Omen grunted as he was grazed, before teleporting to a new line of sight. While Phoenix was still turned this allowed both Mateo and Jett to peak mid, Jett taking the final shot at Phoenix, sending him to the ground. 

“Fireboy is down.” Jett said while staring at the body. Mateo had to look away. He knew it wasn’t ‘their Jamie’, and that they always came back, but he just couldn’t stop imagining the Jamie he knew lying there motionless on the grass.

Omen spoke up “That leaves 2 more, if they brought 5.”

“The noise at A has stopped, I believe it was a Harbor.” Reyna replied

“Nothing Mid” Jett said as she peaked through the area coming back to B.

Mateo held his position at B, looking towards the C connector. Just as he heard a Vandal click accompanied by a voice he knew all too well, “los siento, mi cariño”. Omega Reyna peaked from behind gong, where she must have snuck to when they were focused on Phoenix. Mateo turned around to aim but in one swift click from Reyna’s gun, the world began to move in slow motion. He heard Jett scream out for him, but he could have sworn she sounded like you. Within a blink of an eye his world was engulfed in darkness.

Through the darkness he heard crying, muffled crying in the distance. It was yours. The darkness began to lighten ever so suddenly, like a slow sunrise. He began walking towards the noise, the crying getting louder, and clearer the closer he got. He began to run, trees were materializing before him, grass was beginning to appear under his feet. The fog was clearing up, he ran faster. He finally made it to a clearing and he found you, but instead of being relieved he was met by sudden fear. You stood, back turned to him in a black dress. Falling to your knees you cried into your hands. Mateo called out to you, but you didn’t answer. He walked towards you and placed a hand on your shoulder, only to see it go right through. His heart started racing and his head felt heavy when he saw the writing of the tombstone you were kneeling in front of, “Mateo Armendáriz De la Fuente, beloved son” his heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest, though he reached up and couldn’t feel a heartbeat.

“Why did you lie to me, you made me believe you were safe. Why didn’t you trust me, why did you hide this from me?!” You yelled at the tombstone. Mateo took a few steps back, grabbing onto his head. Wingman, dizzy, and thrash were nowhere to be found, and he couldn’t sense them. This couldn’t be happening.

You stood up and turned to face Mateo, looking right at him, “why did you put me through all this pain, Mateo?”

Mateo shot up in his bed with a yell, cold sweat running down his forehead. He reached his hand up to his chest and felt his heart beating extremely fast, but at least he could feel it. He jumped as something touched him in the dark only to be relieved after sensing it was Wingman. “I’m alright, I’m alright” he breathed. He checked the clock on his phone. It was 4:30 AM, Tuesday. “Okay. It’s only Tuesday… the mission doesn’t even happen until tomorrow” he said to Wingman, still catching his breath. “It was just a Dream…a pesadilla”

Turning on his light, he scanned his room, making sure it truly had been a dream and nothing was out of place. He looked at Wingman, who was now accompanied by Dizzy and Thrash as they had also sensed his distress.

“I have to tell her. I have to tell her everything”, he said.

[followerofmercy]

Fanfic 20 questions! I was gonna say 'fuck it I love talking about myself even if nobody tagged me' and then realized @hua-fei-hua already did like. Two weeks ago. Whoops aldsjf I don't check my mentions. ANYWAY THANKS HOMIE

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

Currently 119. Should be 120 in a week or two

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

361,556 published. We can add another 60k that is written but unpublished for Monoceros Novae, 9k miscellaneous Hearthling notes, 24k unpublished honkai notes and another 50k in my general notes document.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively rn, only Genshin and Honkai. I'll write for other stuff when I feel like it.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Missing Person - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 1500 kudos (this is why small fandoms are the best alsdfj)

I Need to Leave Him Before He Leaves Me - Genshin, Alhaitham/Kaveh - 987 kudos (helped a lot of people think about their autism with this one lmao)

Homeward Bound - Hollow Knight, genfic, little ghost and Quirrel - 757 kudos (Idk why this one blew up. Wasn't that great but I appreciate the attention. Probably people sorting by kudos)

How 4.1 Should've Gone - Genshin, Aether/Lyney kicking Wriothesley's ass - 656 kudos (First and only time rewriting canon. Surprised at how well received it was)

Abusing the World Tree - Genshin, Lumine/Scaramouche - 643 kudos (Yk I used to really hate this fic and I still do, but not as much as I used to. I still think the entire premise is Horror instead of cute, but I think I did good with the prompt. )

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I literally only write fanfic in order to connect with people alsdfj why the fuck wouldn't I take an opportunity to yap. I judge my success as a writer by how I make my readers feel/helping them realize something about themselves/etc and the communication is really fulfilling

I mean sometimes I don't reply if it's literally just like, a heart emoji, which I still appreciate but I don't have a lot to go off of there

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably the one where Steven Universe walks off a cliff on accident while he's sad and can't control his fall speed anymore and dies. I was much younger when I wrote it asldfkj.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That I'm proud of? No clue. Probably another Steven Universe one where Steven and Connie went to prom.

I will say that A Bard Walks in and Hugs the Bartender is my favorite 'happy' ending fic because of a comment I got on it. It's a story about forgetting details about deceased loved ones and the guilt that comes with that and then comfort that that's a natural part of the process, and someone let me know that they felt so seen. They said the forgetting is a part of grieving that doesn't get addressed enough and it was so nice to see it in writing and I'm like. Pack it up boys we've officially won writing! My writing has fundamentally changed a real life person. I have achieved what I consider success.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Very rarely and usually unintentionally. Had a dude call Arlecchino a 'psychotic bitch' in a comment where they were genuinely trying to praise my writing, but on a fic intended to show her doing her best and I'm like. I don't really have the energy to debate why that was rude and I'm blocking you. Bro if you see this tumblr post and you didn't intend to, like, shit on the entire premise and everything I love about that character, hmu in DMs and we can talk asldfkj. Otherwise please find other authors to read

Otherwise I think I'm secure enough in my interests and unabashedly unashamed of anything Problematique I write that bullies decide to choose better targets?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes and I've given up writing normal sex. I'm not good at it. I have a weird kind of medical kink where I think the word penis is sexier than cock and, yk, most people would disagree. I'm both better at writing gore and horror that achieves the same kind of intimacy with a slight sexual bend, and I get more fulfillment out of it. Anatomy of a Blade remains one of my proudest works.

Also I prefer writing it as a character study. I love finding jackoff material but I can't write it for shit. Pour one out for the authors doing what I can't asldkjf

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

Nah. The setting is usually so important to my interpretation of a character that I just Can't put them somewhere else. Same with AUs. I'd rather write an original story at that point. I will fantasize about it occasionally tho.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yesn't? I've had a few lines ripped, especially for rarepairs, but I had such an unfortunate thing happen recently asdlkjf. This new author so excitedly asked me if they could use one of my fics for inspiration and I'm like "omg of course!!! I'm so flattered!" because I was! and then when they finished writing it and told me about it I was so excited to read it!!!

and then I did

I'm sitting here like "...Who's gonna tell them that this is actually plagiarism without embarrassing them and completely crushing their motivation to write ever again" asldfkjasdf;l

like OBVIOUSLY they were not trying to steal, because why the fuck would they announce it to me. But also I don't want them to be served a cease and desist later down the line so we had to have a little talk and it's all good now. I'm really excited to see what they write next!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Supposedly! I've had several people ask me if they could and then just. Never followed up aldk;fskj. It's a shame because I'm absolutely fascinated by linguistics and would love to pick their brains about what translation choices they made and why.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sorta? Ray did one chapter as an epilogue to one of mine, and I think I've worked with Sen a few times on shorter pieces. Otherwise I'm a bit of a selfish writer and a control freak adsljf

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Constantly changing. I'm currently on a Bootheng and Zhongxiao kick, tho once I watch more of Madoka Magica I'm probably gonna lose my mind over Homura/Madoka. Also Adora/Catra as I watch more Shera.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Literally too many to list. See question 1 and the 50k words worth of notes

I have so many ideas that I really need to pick and choose what I work on because there literally just isn't enough time in the world - unless I start doing cocaine or something, but even then I think I'd still have the same problem. Join my discord server if you're an adult and wanna hear me whine about it asdlfkj

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fitting body language and other scene description with dialogue. I don't see images in my head and I think in motion a lot, so I think I do a really good job of keeping a scene rolling while people are talking without having to bring everything to a screeching halt to describe, idk, the color of the carpet on the stairs.

Also emotional damage

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probably longer works? I lose drive to work on anything over 6k words pretty easily and I also struggle with pacing. I'm insisting on finishing Monoceros Novae so it can be my first novel because everyone's first novel sucks ass. I'm getting it out of the way so my original works will hopefully go better asldkfj

Oh. Also what people look like. Fuck you you get a pronoun and maybe a hair color. If Martha Wells can do it with Murderbot, so can I lmao.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Just for the love of God don't put it in italics unless you're making a point that the person using the other language doesn't use it naturally. I'd like to highlight the poem Kupu Rere Ke by Alice Te Punga Somerville for my feelings on it alsdkjf.

Also gonna copy stardustdiving's answer and say that it's great for multilingual characters and places it makes sense, but I personally think it's a little annoying when it's just a shippy pet name to be cute without, like, some kind of basis for it. Notably Childe calling Zhongli Xiansheng. It's fine if he would say that BUT HE WOULDN'T. He'd call him Mr., Sir or Motherfucker Ratbastard Whyaren'tyoudeadyet

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! Surprised at how well a lot of the fics have held up over the years.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Changes a lot as I develop as a writer. I'm really proud of Frustrations of the Hunt and this is the vibe I want my original writing to have.

I'm also really proud of my one and only FMAB fic about Alphonse getting pants. It's more serious than it sounds.

I actually have a collection of my works that I'm really proud of too!

Let's tag @resplendent-chungus. Do it bitch /affectionate

[nothing-but-paisley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers! ✨

tagged by @monstersinthecosmos and @hekateinhell thank you! 🖤

1. How many works do you have on A03? 28, all public

2. What’s your total A03 word count? 70,744

3. What fandoms do you write for? Vampire Chronicles & AMC IWTV. I also write Hannibal fic and dabble in Star Trek (need to get into some ds9 fic one of these days.) I also have a twitter account (@murdertherapy) where I give advice as Hannibal Lecter, but I've back burnered it for the time being due to The Horrors. Might make a tumblr for it one day.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Touching and Touched, Only a Name, That Essence Rare, Amnesiac, By Any Other Name

5. Do you respond to comments? Absolutely, they make me so happy! But I get a little self-conscious about how to respond to them since I don't know how to take compliments, so I'm always just like, thanks 🙂

But I really do cherish all of them 😭

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Gotta be Gethsemane, the fic where I did what Anne maybe ultimately wished she did and killed Daniel. This is one of my favorite pieces I've written in fandom or otherwise and it really helped me process some things.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'm sure it's my spirk fic Touching and Touched, they are so fuckin sappy I love them.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've been pretty lucky in that I've never gotten a mean comment on ao3 or any shade about any of my fics (that I've seen lol).

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Listen, I think that horniness is the engine of all drama. All fiction is inherently erotic. What is a Greek tragedy but a super drawn out communal orgasm?

But yes, I write smut almost exclusively lol. People are (usually) at their most vulnerable and raw during sex, and this is an incredibly powerful way to explore character dynamics as well as their inner lives, traumas, and hidden drives. I'm especially drawn to BDSM/kink in general.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Yes! I just wrote a VC/X-Files crossover called Amanuensis in which Mulder and Scully investigate the Night Island that was tons of fun, but it's not something I make a habit of for whatever reason.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but it's something I would definitely be open to!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Devil's Minion, Hannigram, Garashir, Spirk, Mulder/Scully. They all make me insane in unique ways! I'm also partial to Armand/Marius/Daniel--any Armand ship really! Super normal about him :)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I WANT to finish my Knight of Swords series one day, but I'll try keep plugging away at it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, 100%. I want everything to be a screenplay lmao. I have written multiple fics that are just text conversations, transcripts, etc.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I can be impatient when it comes to writing descriptions/actions, so a lot of that stuff is as bare bones as possible. I would like to become better at creating a sense of depth and scale and grandeur rather than just sketching things out (and writing longer fics instead of just oneshots all the time).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Neutral, I think it can work when used sparingly (but then I've dropped a few caro mios in my time).

19. First fandom you wrote for? Doctor Who in the ancient pre-ao3 times.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Apart from Gethsemane, I was really happy with how By Any Other Name turned out (the fic where Armand roleplays that Daniel is Marius without his knowledge). Basically anything that's a combination of heavy angst and smut with an optional lil sliver of comfort--that's the good stuff.

tagging: @fofoqueirah and @butchybats and @desertfangs (feel free to ignore if you've done this already lol)

[yoshitsuno]

Hello,

I don't have any drawings to present at the moment, but I needed to clear out what had been in my heart for several weeks. So this won't necessarily be a very happy post, but I needed to talk about it. I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me, but I do want to be honest with my community.

First of all, I'm really sorry I disappeared from tumblr or even Tiktok. It has to be said that I've been extremely busy with a ton of commissions. I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel because I haven't stopped drawing every day since February. And I've just worn myself out. Especially mentally.

This year hasn't been one of the best for me, between the theft of my savings at the beginning of the year, my job and the dramas that just keep on coming… I've had a huge impact and I've ended up creating a shell for myself. I'm also deeply saddened to see friendships that I thought were strong disappearing… I also have the feeling that a lot of people seem to be turning their backs on me without me knowing why…. and making promises that in the end aren't even kept…

Seeing all these things, I can't stop thinking about them. I'm getting even more exhausted, to the point where I'm moving away to protect myself, because I'm so full of negative things in my head. Many times I cry because the pressure is so great. I'm a very sensitive person and it hurts me to see how certain things disappear for no reason, without me knowing what I've done wrong or not. It's frustrating and trying to reach out to these people has become complicated for me. And I end up questioning everything I've done, everything I've shared with certain people…

I sometimes feel that I'm too much, that at the end of the day I don't bring much to the table as a person and that it's probably normal for people to neglect me. And my confidence has finally diminished over time. But I still trust a very limited number of people who are always honest with me, especially at the moment when I've come to understand that I've been the victim of certain lies or low blows. Both on the networks and at work.

So that's my mood at the moment: I'm drawing, working on my commissions and feeling a bit empty inside. And these two weeks off have made me realise that I need to think about myself, to think about my friends who are there with me every day, fighting to make me smile, laugh…

I hope it will get better with time, at least I hope so. I'd like to thank you for reading this, and I think it's also done me a bit of good to share a little of myself with you.

Have a wonderful day :') <3

[junkissed]

onlyhuis 1k milestone celebration!

hi friends! i recently hit a milestone on my blog, so to celebrate reaching 1k followers i'm holding a little event!

i know i am not very fast at posting my writing and i still have many asks sitting in my inbox, but i still want to do something special as a thank-you to my followers. so: i will temporarily be opening my requests for shorter kinds of writing like mtls and reactions! as much as i would love to write longer things for you all, i don't want to overwhelm myself so i'm trying to keep this more low key :)

i will be accepting asks from today, friday, june 30th, 2023 until monday, july 10th, 2023! asks sent after this date may be ignored or deleted for not following my rules. see more details below!

how to participate:

1. read my guidelines here to see what i am comfy with writing 2. include this emoji in your ask, to show that it's for the celebration: 🐈 (asks with this emoji will be given priority over my normal asks!) 3. send your idea! things you can request: • member + kink // member + scenario • ot13 most to least (example here) • member/ot13 reaction to _____ • you can also ask any questions about me or my writing, like for sneak peeks of projects i'm working on! 4. be kind in your request! don't just tell me, "write about this now". i am much more inclined to respond to asks that say please and thank you <3

other notes:

1. i have the right to decline any ask whether it breaks my guidelines or not 2. keep in mind i have a busy life outside of tumblr but i will try my best to answer as many asks as i can! it may take some time so please be patient :) 3. you can request sfw or nsfw, but if your ask is sfw it may be posted on my other blog @junkissed instead (which is also very close to 1k, so follow there for more of my writing!) 4. like i said, i don't want to overwhelm myself with writing so be aware my answers will be short. but if you'd like me to elaborate on something please feel free send another ask for more! 5. if you have any questions or you're unsure how this all works, don't be shy! send me an ask and i'd be happy to clarify for you!

some links you might need:

my guidelines • my masterlist • join my taglist • my kofi

thank you to my followers and everyone who has enjoyed reading my work! i'm so happy to be a part of such a wonderful community and interact with so many lovely people every day, it truly is the highlight of my day seeing so much love on my blog. it's been less than a year since i started even thinking about posting my writing, and i'm so grateful to every person that has encouraged me to keep writing and doing what i love!

love, june <3

[aihoshiino]

okay so no idea how i should refer to myself as so: hi!! im the person who had way too much fun writing ai/nino toxic yuri on ao3! i was gonna just lurk (me, tumblr account with privated likes, reblogs and follows) BUT how could i with the promise of people being normal about fictional unhealthy gay women. idk if this is the optimal way to communicate i use tumblr with the sole purpose of following 4 people and digging up ai content

i am honestly so flattered (but also kinda upset at the lack of content on them aside from my own 1k word long oneshot please keep recommending if you find more stuff on them) that you enjoyed and recommended my fics considering i just straight up had no clue where i was going: okay so top priority i want them to kiss —> but also with how things are nino would probably lash out (read: bite) —> ai would be hesitant but also is so desperate that she’d still accept it happily —> this will fuel ninos idea of ai being the perfect, invincible idol —> and then i ran and tried not to trip with the rest

your translations of the side stories and blog was probably what helped me get in to oshi no ko again because even though i am still not over ai being dead i can now listen to someone talk about how great and tragic and sad and miserable she was along with all the other characters so thank you again!

also that ask for ai/nino toxic yuri visions was me lol, thanks for talking about my fic despite how short it was <3, i might de-anon myself at some point but rn im too shy for that

woof, this got a bit long. anyways love wins fr, if there was ever a day where i participate in an onk shipping war it’ll be on the side of them

LMFAO OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY TO HAVE JUMPSCARED YOU WITH YOUR OWN FIC 😭 WHAT A THING TO SEE ON YOUR OWN DASH....

that said it does make me so happy every time I hear people saying my relentless oshi no posting stands out to them to the degree that it does lol. I guess I'm in a similar place as you where, as happy as I am for it, it does make me a little sad that it feels like there's such little fan interest in lengthy meta and discussion on Ai herself outside of some really banal, surface level stuff. To a degree, I get that with other characters having so much more time on the page and having ongoing arcs to speculate about, but Ai is sooooooooo fascinating to me and it really drives me insane how often I see people make zero effort to engage with her arc beyond her utilitarian function in the story. It also really bums me out how often I see her get reduced to just a stepping stone in the arcs of other characters — even though the manga is literally shaking you right now and begging you to understand and empathize with her more than ever, I straight up see people cheering and crowing about Ruby 'surpassing' her or 'becoming the true Ai' as if this is a good thing and they are not completely fucking missing the point lmao.

ANYWAY!!!! That's enough grumping because the actual point of this response was to say: the Ai posting will continue until I am physically forced to stop!!!! I have so many thoughts about my wife constantly and if I do not share them I will explode!!!

(ps anon pspspspsp if you are ever feeling brave enough to unanon pls feel free to just send me your discord or your socmeds off tumblr if that is less intimidating for u.... honestly that goes for all my oshi no moots in general Please Talk With Me In DMs About My Wife)

[hyunsvngs]

But aside from the pain I'm in, I wanted to say how much I liked your words on sex! For me, I am both a very open and yet also a very private person but I think the way you, and us here in this little community talk about sex should be how it is all the time.

Similarly to how @/charmercharm3r has Y/n from "Make Love; Not Porn" talk so casually about sex, like it's not a taboo or something to be ashamed of is something I love about being in Tumblr. So many of you have made the smut community such a comfortable and enjoyable place and i love how freely and naturally people can open up here without being judged

I'm very comfortable talking about these things and I'm so grateful to have a place like this I can talk so freely about sex and so much other things without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Cause I'm not, we're not. So thanks to you and everyone else here that I've come to love sm here for literally just being who you are and allowing others, including myself, to be who we are as well❤️❤️

this is such a well written ask sorry if that's weird to say. and i sooo love that series i'm ngl like i think talking about sex should be a comfortable and normal thing?? everyone has it yk? WHO CARES!! it is 2023.

and thanks to u as well for sending this lovely ask it is ever so sweet. i try to make my blog a comfortable place to come to so to hear it's working really makes me so happy <3