#just woke up and this is the first thing I did to write out this dream because I literally dreamt kandrew akdndksndkdkd
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kasel-the-mightless · 1 day ago
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[OCEAN DEITY AU: First meeting]
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Same scene, but without ✨romantic lighting✨
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Since in my AU Odysseus and Penelope are gods who briefly took on the form of mortals, it makes sense that all this "I came to Helen but— PENELOPE" is a farce. But how did they actually meet then? Well—
I like to think that Odysseus accidentally got caught in Penelope's net, and while she was pulling him out, he fell hopelessly in love with her. Because instead of making eyes at the attractive and young god of the sea, she teased him endlessly and caught him in verbal traps
Then there was EVEN MORE exposition which i too lazy to write, Odysseus asked Penelope to marry him, but she told him she would accept his proposal if he solved her challenge. What is the challenge?
Since I'm very bad at coming up with these things, please forgive me, but I'm going to take a page from an old folk tale and slightly change it
The words of her test of Odysseus sounds like this: "My challenge is as follows: Visit my house tomorrow in the morning. But not on horse, not on foot, not dressed, not undressed, without a gift, but with a gift."
Penelope's house was high in the cliffs, and when she went out to meet Odysseus in the morning, she saw him, tightly wrapped in a fishing net, in his halfhuman form, riding towards her on a mountain goat. He smiled smugly
"Where's the gift?" Penelope asked, barely holding back her laughter
"Here," said Odysseus, and showed her a sparrow clutched in his palms, "A gift"
But as soon as he opened his hand, the sparrow fluttered in his hand and flew away
"And there is no gift," Penelope laughed
And so, in fact, they got married
P.s — Today I woke up late, I was freezing, and I wanted to cry from no reason. So, i just— listened to "We'll Be Fine" on repeat and drew my favorite married couple??? Yeah, sounds right
When I've done everything I planned, I'll make some sketches for this AU where I explain the feud between Odysseus and Poseidon. If you guys only knew what kind of circus it is between them....
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mj-iza-writer · 2 days ago
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Could you please write some absolute fluff between wumpee and caretaker?
I just want to see them happy!
Caretaker looked up from their computer.
Whumpee stood in front of them with a sad look on their face.
"I thought you were going to take a nap", Caretaker questioned.
"I tried, but it's no use. I'm so tired, but I can't get comfortable enough", Whumpee sighed sadly.
"Do you want me to help. I'm pretty good at getting you to fall asleep", Caretaker smiled, "I consider it a specialty now."
"If you think you can. I would really appreciate it", Whumpee rubbed their eyes, "I just want to sleep."
"Alright", Caretaker closed their computer and rubbed their hands together, "let's get started."
"First things first... make sure Whumpee is in comfy clothing. In which you are", Caretaker stood, "I'll be right back. You can get situated on the couch."
Whumpee nodded.
Caretaker came back with a blanket and Whumpee's teddy bear.
"Next step", Caretaker handed the bear to Whumpee and covered them with the blanket, "get you under a cozy blanket. This one has a little weight in it. This will help sooth your restless body."
Whumpee rested their head on a pillow once Caretaker had them all tucked in.
"Alright", Caretaker knelt down and played with Whumpee's hair.
Whumpee grinned after a few minutes, "that's not fair. How did you do that?", they yawned.
"I'm just skilled", Caretaker chuckled, "I also know you are good as gone once I get you tucked into a blanket."
"I was under a blanket in my room for sixty minutes tossing and turning. I think you put a spell on me or something", Whumpee complained as their eyes grew heavier and heavier.
"Well, I guess we can call it Caretaker magic", Caretaker whispered.
"Hmm", Whumpee's eyes fluttered shut.
Caretaker continued to massage through Whumpee's hair.
"Thankyou.... Caretaker", Whumpee mumbled when their eyes opened again.
"You're welcome", Caretaker fixed the blanket a little. Their eyes sparkled as Whumpee's breathing started to grow heavy.
"Works every time", Caretaker laughed quietly as they got up.
Whumpee let out a long deep sigh.
Caretaker opened their computer and sat on the couch again. They needed to try to get some more work done before Whumpee woke up.
Caretaker's head fell a few times while they worked.
"I guess the Caretaker magic worked a little too well", they sighed as they closed their computer.
Caretaker got up and grabbed a blanket.
"I guess this afternoon activity is nap time", Caretaker covered themself up and pulled out the stool of their chair as quietly as possible.
Whumpee squinted, their eyes opened when they heard something loud.
They looked around until they noticed Caretaker on the other side of the couch.
Whumpee smiled, then rested their head on the pillow again. They fell back asleep after a few minutes of listening to Caretaker snore.
Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.
@the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath
@porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst
@generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened
@freefallingup13 @notpeppermint
@cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet
@painfulplots @whumpbump
@everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee
@expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson
@legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace
@whumpanthems @lavndvrr
@ivymyers @starfields08000
@a-living-canvas @lumpofsand
@watermeezer @indigoviolet311
@whumpy-mountains @risk606
@electrons2006 @paperprinxe
@whumprince @kaz-of-crows
@mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94
@sausages-things @castiels-favorite-hunter
@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud
@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald
@jasperthecapser @does-directions
@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter
@blackbirdsinatrenchcoat @mylifeisonthebookshelf
@thenormalestever @whatwhump
@galatic-worm @starmoon-constellation
@bacillusinfection @whumpsandbumps
@tobiasbones @octopus-reactivated
@string-of-broken-hearts @weirdthingweee
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kithtaehyung · 2 days ago
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— ryen’s tumblr wrapped 2024 
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i didn’t even know these were a thing but i did notice that tumblr wasn’t doing those wrapped posts, so thank you to @yoonia and @jjungkookislife for tagging me so i could join! fashionably late but i’m slidin’ through the door :D 
before we get to the stats, i just wanted to give a huge thank you to everyone that’s been here with me in 2024. many things happened, both on and off this blog, so to know who’s a real one and either stuck with me or trusted me makes me happy and at peace. there’s a lot i haven’t said, but just know that i love you all and am grateful for the kindness and support. all the messages, reblogs, comments, tags, etc. kept my spirit alive, and i hope anything i’ve shared has given you some modicum of love, hope, home. let’s get to it!
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— kithtaehyung 2024 wrapped 
total posts — art posts: 55 | gfx posts: 13 | fic posts: 8 total word counts — posted: 69,200 | written: 100,000+ total asks — answered: 1,442 | inbox: also a number😅 milestones — 3 years with 3tan | 2_,___ followers | crossing 7,000 3tan asks (ho ly shit lma oo ?? ?)
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FIRST FIC OF 2024: broken, pt. 2 (3tan) (myg) ; 240209 ; 1,728 notes  
the current, most recent part of the main 3tan storyline. this one broke me, put me back together, then broke me again. the mental strain of writing both broken pt. 1 and broken pt. 2 was one of the main reasons why i had to take this long of a break. but we’ll be back to the main storyline in 2025! 
series notes: idr but it's a number!!!!
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MOST POPULAR FIC OF 2024: minted: part one (myg) ; 240805 | 2,835 notes
was absolutely nervous to post this one because it’s incredibly different from the rest of “the ryenverse” as y’all call it, but the reception? holy crap! y’all are amazing and have been incredibly kind and supportive. i’m so glad we can all scream about gangster mint-haired yoongi together now.
series notes: 5,163 total | part two: 1,321 | part three: 1,007
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LAST FIC OF 2024: holiday (3tan) (myg) ; 241227 ; 536 notes 
the yearning for these two was hurting us so badly that i spewed out a whole 8.1k in a week lmfao. hope it was able to lift some end of year/holiday spirits. 
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2024 IN SONGS: HUH?! - agust d ft. j-hope | HISS - megan thee stallion | LOST! - rm | heart on the window - jin ft. wendy | NISSAN ALTIMA - doechii | overnight - connor price ft. tommy royale | tv off - kendrick lamar | sticky - tyler, the creator ft. glorilla, sexyy redd, lil wayne | too much - kid laroi, jung kook, central cee | woke up - xg
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2024 IN FIC RECS: (it's a goal to read more in 2025 omg.. these are all the ones from friends i'll plug for now, and all the fics sent to the artist drop channel in our server!) éffleurer (ksj) - @sugaurora not yet (myg) & substance (knj) - @newmittens obsidian (myg) - @sailoryooons cyberslut (myg) - @kimnjss party on you (jhs) - @here2bbtstrash in motion (jjk) - @yoonia lover to lean on (pjm) - @sketchguk no strings (pjm) & the holi-date (kth) - @kpopfanfictrash moonlit throne (myg) - @hobidreams miracle of the season (jjk) - @cybrsan midnight (jjk) - @leahsfavefics crystallized (ksj, myg) - @floralseokjin server artist drops: friendcation (myg) - @kingofbodyrolls i will come to you (ksj) - @/kingofbodyrolls whalien52 (pjm) - @/kingofbodyrolls end of the world (myg) - @/kingofbodyrolls i'm not sure?! (pjm, kth, jjk) - @melancholy-of-nadia infatuation (myg) - @/melancholy-of-nadia love you lately (myg, knj, pjm) - @/melancholy-of-nadia too high (myg, jhs) - @ysljoon whirlwind (myg) - @/ysljoon midnight snacks (kth) - @xiumya the moon goddess's chosen (myg) - @army93bangya gods of the dark (myg) - @/sailoryooons need you to be sure (kth) - @yoongimain route 613 (knj, myg, vmin) - @daegudrama elemental (jjk) - @/kpopfanfictrash txt - a night out at the club - @jettithink risky business (jhs) - @jaysdimples what the moon saw (myg) - @violetsiren90
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2025 PROJECTS: 
ot7 releases: release at least one fic or drabble for every member!
open source fic rec form: a form for both writers and readers to submit their fics or recs so we can all have a centralized list. 
3tan physical copies: get these babies out in the world! i know y’all have been wanting them so i’ll try.
3tan finale: finish out the main 3tan storyline. this is gonna destroy me in every way possible, but i think i can do it. we’ll make it through. 
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what a damn year! dunno how we managed to do all of this in 2024 but i'm grateful y'all are still here or ventured through the blog at some point. thank you all again!
this was so late so I’m assuming i’m the last to do it, but if you see this and wanna consider yourself tagged then be my guest!
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harunade · 3 days ago
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moots . zhang hao
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pairing: camboy!zhang hao x camgirl!reader
synopsys: the drought in your wallet made you start being a camgirl. not only did you never expect it do go so well, you never expected a camboy to donate a large sum of money to you and ask you to collab.
wc: ~1.2k
warnings: mdni!! no smut, fingering, not that much written smut lmao.. simp zhanghao lowkey
a/n: slightly modified version of my anon’s ask!! This is very different frim my usual type of writing so i hope you will love it :’)) if this gets love i might post a part2 :)) stay tuned!!
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Nobody particularly knew about your side hustle of being a camgirl, but you didn’t have the heart to tell anyone either. It had started off with you needing some extra cash, and your friend sarcastically suggesting it.
“Your body is tea, Y/n. If i were you i would definitely post that ass online and get my money up” it was supposed to have come as only a joke from Heejin, the friend that has been with you through your ups and downs, but you actually started considering it.
You could vividly remember opening the erotic site and signing up. “that should be good” you murmured as you created your account. lovelyyn it read.
For the next few days, you started at your blank account with 0 followers. Creating it was supposed to be the hard part, right? Well, no, you actually had to post on it as well. Nobody was going to donate to a ghost.
With hair rolls in your hair, you got ready to post your first picture on said account. Your makeup was flawless, and it accentuated your features. The red lipstick that sat boldly on your plump lips matched perfectly the lingerie set that you planned on wearing.
The flash snapped in your mirror, capturing a picture of you. A very teasing one, at that. You were in a sitting position, your thighs exposed and red lace barely covering the rest of your body. Your face wasn’t that visible, but that was okay. You didn’t want anyone to know it was you, yet.
Uploaded!
The next morning you naturally woke up before your 8 am alarm. Although you had classes to attend soon, there was something else on your mind that kept you from sleeping any longer.
Hurriedly opening your laptop, you opened the site and checked your stats.
10 followers 12 likes and 3 comments
“That’s not too bad for my first day” you thought to yourself. Deciding to read the comments, all of the complimented you and suggested that you would go live
Unbeknownst to you, going live was definitely better than posting pictures. That way, people can comment in real time, you can talk to them and they can donate! That was certainly next on your to do list.
It felt as if the planets had aligned for this very moment, because you had a very rough day at uni. Everything that could have gone wrong did in fact go wrong. That meant that your car ran out of gas in the middle of the road, you were late to the first class which just happened to be the most important one, and you forgot to pack a lunch, so you starved all day. But you decided to make the most out of this unfortunate series of events. Yes, you were stressed, but that stress had to be relieved somehow, right?
“Going live in 30 minutes!!! Join & see me play with myself xxx “ you wrote and posted on your account.
You had 30 minutes to get ready. You could already see notifications popping on your phone and laptop, so you took it as a good sign.
“Would it be weird if i wore the same thing twice?” you wondered as you slipped in your red lingerie once again. Even your make up was similar to the one from the previous day, but nobody would notice it anyway.
“hii guys” you shily waved at the camera. While people were still joining the livestream, you checked yourself in the camera. The slightly lower resolution your laptop made you stick out even more, because of the contrast of colours and what else.
Shortly after, you got to work. Your camera was adjusted slightly, so it could fit your whole figure that laid in your undone bed. As soon as you shoved two of your fingers in your pussy, the donations started coming in. The rage varied. Someone would done $1, someone else $5 and someone even gave you $20. This sure wasn’t hard!
Things were going smoothly until you glanced at the chat. So far, messages were calling you beautiful or suggested that you changed the angle. Now, they were full of something else
@/ilovemarklee: omg hes here!!!
@/orbittillidie: i cant believe it TT
@/randomuserjwnsn: HES ASKING TO COLLAB???
You were a little confused to say the least. Who was asking to what? You stopped your actions mid way, and although the sense of loss was present, your curiosity took over. “What are you guys even talking about?” you chucked as you scrolled up and read comments you had missed. Then you saw it.
@/sheloveshao: wanna collab, pretty? ;)
You were intrigued by this person’s appearance. You weren’t that familiar with this website yet. Sure, you browsed once or twice (or thrice..) before, but never really memorised anyone’s username. You only had one guy that you like and that was about it.
After the live ended, you checked the balance. You were pretty confident, donations kept coming in, so you must have made at least $100. Even if it was a little less, that would be okay. You only needed $50 to assure gas for the next 2 weeks. “$324” ????? You couldn’t believe your eyes. When did it even get to that point? You had to see it for yourself.
Donation list:
@/ilovehaechan sent $10
@/loonaforever sent $1
@/sheloveshao sent $200
“What?? This is insane” who was this guy? and how could he afford to send you so much money?
After scrolling in his account, your mouth was left hanging open. He had a community of 100 thousand followers… and he was fine as hell. Not only was he very beautiful and fit, he was very familiar to you. Oh. He was the guy you liked. And he sent you basically this month’s rent? What was going on..?
After pondering for a bit, you decided to message him. The worse he could say is no, right?
@/lovelyyn: hi there :) saw you commenting on my livestream earlier && your donation. thank you so so much!!
@/sheloveshao: don’t mention it dear. are you new here? don’t think i’ve seen you before
@/lovelyyn: yeah actually!! this was my first livestream:’) started yesterday
@/sheloveshao: i see~~ maybe we can collab one day ;)
@/lovelyyn: well.. i definitely wouldn’t oppose! keep in touch?
@/sheloveshao: you know it
After the conversation ended, your cheeks were burning with heat. This guy had a way of talking that shot right through you. You were sure you would spend the next hours binge watching his account. Said and done, you weren’t surprise to see he was like a Greek god, and possibly one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen.
This arose a question in you. Will you actually collab with him? What would that even mean?
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iamzer0 · 19 hours ago
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May u do yandere thanos with pregnant reader (same story like 333 and 222 but thanos didn’t know she was pregnant. And reader broke up with him on text because he was so possesive and she moved blocked him on all socials and yeah then in the game they meet again)
Hii ofc!(you know what’s crazy this is like one of my first times writing romantic Yandere i hope I don’t let you down)
Yᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ Tʜᴀɴᴏs ᴡɪᴛʜ Pʀᴇɢɴᴀɴᴛ Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
A/n: I really hope u like this one!
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Now to provide some background on how you ended up stuck with the worst ex boyfriend you’ve ever had.
You and Thanos were a thing, and honestly the reason he was the worst ex ever was simply because of his possessive behavior.
Any time you went out together he kept you firmly planted by his side.
He wouldn’t let you even breathe the same air as another guy.
Anytime you were on your phone for longer than 20 mins he would snatch it saying “what guy are you texting?”.
He was very insecure and always thought that if he gave you the chance to leave you would immediately get with someone else behind his back.
He was always on something, when he was on ‘stuff’ he would be very bipolar.
Yelling at you then hugging you from behind saying he loved you and asking for a kiss.
It was just toxic so when you found you were pregnant, you knew that your baby couldn’t grow up in such an environment.
You ran away from him, with the little money you had.
You see Thanos convinced you to put all your money into MG coin and long story short you lost everything.
You were on your own, sleeping in your car, begging for food.
Then one of your friends snitched to him about your pregnancy.
He used several fake numbers just to try and contact you, he tried every tactic in the book just to hunt you down.
It was hell.
So when you were given the opportunity to enter this game thing for money you jumped at the chance to give you and your baby a new life.
You woke up in a hard bed in new clothes it was a bit unsettling but in the end would be worth it… you hoped..
Thats when you spotted the one person you vowed to never ever see again.
Thanos.
Your heart was in your stomach, to say you were terrified was an understatement.
You were frozen, unable to move.
Then he spotted you.
He ran over to you pushing people out of the way.
He grabbed your hands, inspecting your face. He then hugged you practically jumping in you.
He had a legit death grip.
You snapped back into reality realizing the gravity of this situation.
“L-let me go… you’re hurting me!” You screamed as a last ditch effort to force him off of you.
He let you go ignoring the puzzled looks from others.
He put his hands on your belly, speed asking you various questions.
Such as “why did you leave?, why didn’t you answer my calls?, where have you been?, how’s 𝗼𝘂𝗿 baby?,” and the list goes on.
You immediately regretted even entering the games.
During red light green light he made you stand right next to him.
When the first person died, he popped a pill and started trying to drag you across the field with him. Laughing at the ones who died.
It was insanity.
You started full of sobbing as you reached the finish line.
Being back with Thanos was more terrible than before, to say he freaked you out was an understatement.
After the first game he was surprisingly very kind to you.
He hugged you close rubbing your belly while muttering an half hearted apology.
You knew that this was another mood swing, a side effect of the drugs.
Now that Thanos was unfortunately back by your side you had to readjust to his controlling ways.
He would obviously try and make you pick O saying that the more money the better.
He would ramble on about y’all’s lives together when y’all were out of the games.
Despite him almost always being in some drug induced haze he was very aggressive to others when they tried to help you.
He would goes as far as to threaten the guys that got to close to you.
For example in the game mingle he had been holding your hand tightly so you would be by him the entire game.
But as the robotic voice called out “3” someone literally snatched you from him.
After that round he started trying to fight the poor fool that took you from him for less than 5 mins.
He was always holding on to you tightly, scared that if he even blinked you would be gone in an instant.
A/n: I hope u all liked this one sorry I haven’t been active for a little bit I promise to try and upload daily. Love you all so so much bye bye╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
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lonely-ey3s · 1 day ago
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With All My Love (joel miller x f!reader, no outbreak) Chpt 4
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Chapter 4: Casualties
Word count : 14.1k
Chapter Summary: You and Joel have your first Skype call together and continue to do so in the following weeks. You both get closer and fall deeper for each other, hinting towards a definite future together. A few weeks later after an incident that happened between you and Terrence's replacement, you open up to Joel about your past abuse and you two become closer by how he talks you through it but also by acts he demonstrates to show you what you mean to him. In the following weeks, just when you think things have calmed down, you and Maria are told you are going on a special assignment to rescue a higher-ranking officer, going to a location you aren’t sure if you will make it out - as you’ll be heading into no man's land. 
Chapter warnings: fluff, flirting, mutual pining, language, mentions of combat and war, blood, violence, hand-to-hand combat, mentions of guns and a knife, hate speech (not by either of our babies), anxiety, panic attacks, use of Y/N, mentions of abuse, descriptions of injuries, angst. 
A/N: oh my, this one is a big one but it was necessary for chapters to come! i hope you enjoy it as much as i loved writing it! please like, comment, and repost if you want to see more! thank you for all the support you've given me with the first 3 chapters, i've loved to see and hear everyone's thoughts and love! i love these two and am so happy their story is coming together - ugh love it! xx
Dividers by: @saradika-graphics
Main Masterlist
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As soon as Joel hit ‘Accept’ you came onto the screen, earbuds in your ears, smiling brightly. You had an oversized shirt on and your hair down, flowing to one side. “Hey there handsome!” you said smiling and talking in a soft voice, like you might have been trying to stay quiet. 
“Wow…” he said out loud without realizing. 
You softly giggled and blushed, “Joel, can you hear me?” you asked as his response was a little unexpected but had butterflies erupting throughout your stomach. 
“Y-Yeah, I can hear you darlin’...” he smiled and chuckled, shyly dragging his fingers through his hair. 
“Darlin’...? I’ve been wondering what that southern drawl sounds like, and I must say, I will most definitely never tire of it.” you smiled brightly.  
He smiled brightly, “I’m sorry if I woke you up, I uh… I did the math and thought you wouldn’t maybe see my message for a few more hours.”
You shook your head and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “You’re sweet, you didn’t wake me. I woke up cuz it’s so damn hot here, couldn’t sleep.” looked up hearing someone stir in the room then looked back down at the screen, “Sorry, I’m tryna keep quiet, everyone else is asleep but I wanted to see you as soon as I could after finally seeing you were able to message!” you bit your bottom lip, “Sorry it took so long, it’s been a busy few weeks here.” you looked at him, he was in awe and captivated by how beautiful you looked.  
“So you’ve said darlin’. I’m just glad to know you’re alright.” he licked his lip and smiled softly, “You had me worried for a while, can’t have that pendant of yours failin’ me…”
You blushed “No we can’t have that, can we?” 
Joel smiled and shook his head, the silence and tension between the two of you palpable. 
You cleared your throat softly, blushing, “Did you and Sarah have a good 4th of July weekend?” 
He nodded, “Yeah, we did. She had a soccer tournament on Friday out of town so we took a little getaway with my brother, Tommy, he has a boat, and so we spent all of yesterday on Canyon Lake just outside of Austin… we took lots of pictures for you.” he winked. 
You would never get tired of hearing his voice. You nodded along as he talked, “That sounds like a lot of fun. Did you guys get to barbeque on the lake or eat any good food?”
“Yeah, we did some burgers and hotdogs on a portable grill we had, wasn’t so bad.” He smiled, “What about you? Didn’t you guys have somethin’ like Spam and potatoes or somethin’ like that?” he hadn’t realized he may have let part of Tommy and Maria’s conversation slip, he was just so focused on you, his brain shut off somewhat. 
You chuckled and tilted your head confused, “Yeah… we did… how did you know that? You spyin’ on me somehow Joel Miller?”  
Joel’s face fell a little, realizing he slipped, “I uh…” 
You looked at him and chuckled, “You ok handsome? Cat got your tongue?” 
He took a deep breath, he wasn’t going to start this off with dishonesty, so he anxiously scratched his scruff and then looked down a his lap, “Uh… so funny story…” he lightly let out a chuckle nervously. 
You had learned with your ex and parents to pay attention to body language and tone, so you sat up a bit straighter, anxious, a weight instantly dropping in your stomach, ‘Shit, he just got nervous’ you thought. “Joel, what’s going on?” you said softly. 
He noticed your immediate reaction, looked back up at you, and then softly smiled, “Oh no, sweetheart, nothin’ is wrong…” he bit his lip and thought of how to say what he was about to say, “You umm… you have a nickname for Maria’s pen pal…” he paused, “Reginald right?” 
You nodded slowly and then started to put the dots together, Maria had already suggested that they were related, you just didn’t think it could happen. Then you realized how the hell he knew that name then you turned bright red, “You… oh my god.” you laughed and covered your face with your hands, embarrassed. “Oh my god, you saw me make a fool of myself on Maria’s Skype call yesterday!” 
Joel laughed and bit his lip at your reaction, finding your embarrassment and shyness so fucking cute. “I um, I didn’t see you, but I was in the room when Tommy Skyped her, I heard your sweet voice though, it drove me mad to not be able to see you and say hello…” 
You peeked through your hands, blushing madly, “Oh god, I’m so embarrassed… you weren’t supposed to see that side of me already!” 
He let out a deep gut laugh, leaning his head back against the headboard, and you started to giggle back, covering your mouth, trying not to wake the others. 
“Stop laughing, I’m serious! You’re only supposed to see the lady-like side of me before you see the goof that Z and Maria have brought out in me..” you smiled at him slowing down your giggling, tucking your hair again behind your ear. 
He slowed down his laugh and smiled softly at you, eyes bright and cheeks red, thinking, thanking the universe for hearing your laugh so much tonight, “Nah, I like the goof in you, it made me smile like a fuckin’ idiot hearing you. Tommy gave me so much shit after…” he admitted. 
You smiled brightly knowing you had that effect on him, “Like an idiot huh? I’ll have to keep that up, I wanna see that type of smile on your handsome face.” you threw at him, he instantly blushed then jumped slightly when he heard Sarah knock on his door. 
“Dad? Are you good? I see we have a casualty of pasta on the floor downstairs…” she said through the door. 
You listened closely, smiling hearing Sarah’s voice, and chuckling at her joke. 
“Yeah, I’m good baby girl! I’m just on a Skype call with Y/N, umm, I left my wallet on the counter, could you order some takeout? Your choice!” he smiled down at you, watching you listen. 
Sarah smiled brightly hearing that he was talking to you. “Yeah of course Dad! Tell Y/N hi for me and thank her for my bracelet! And I will bring in your food when it gets here!” 
Joel looked down at you, “You hear all that?” he asked.
You nodded, “Can she hear me?” 
He shrugged, “Maybe?” he chuckled. 
You grinned and then put a finger up to signal to hold on, you set the laptop down on the floor you had been sitting on and then stood up, Joel seeing you only had that oversized shirt on and some very short shorts on under, his breath hitched and felt himself instantly grow hard. His throat went dry, “H-Hold..” he swallowed, “Sarah hold on a sec…!” he shouted at Sarah through the door, voice cracking a little.
She peeked her head in and giggled hearing the voice crack, “Yeah Dad?” he pulled a pillow quickly over his lap, and held up a finger like you, “Wait one sec.” 
He saw you pick up the laptop and then quietly tried to walk through the dark room, only to stub your toe on something, “Ow, fuckin’ shitballs.” you winced, hopping on one foot. 
Sarah snorted holding in a laugh at your remark. Joel looked down at you and chuckled at your phrase as well, “You ok darlin’?” 
You nodded and whispered, “Yeah, yeah just stubbed my toe. Sorry for cussing Sarah…”
You walked out of the room and quietly shut the door and looked around, one soldier saw you a few feet away and wolf whistled your way, “Damn Y/N, didn’t know you had that fat of an ass! Come over and sit on my lap mama!” 
Joel visibility got jealous, jaw clenched and zeroing in on the piece of shit talking to you that way. 
“Martinez, the only woman that would ever touch you without a ten-foot pole is your mama. Shut the fuck up and keep your eyes off my ass.” you shot back without missing a beat, walking away from him, finding somewhere to sit that was a bit more quiet.  
Joel smirked, and whispered under his breath, “That’s my girl..” 
You smiled and blushed to hear him say that, looking down at him. You looked around and then sat down against an abandoned house, and then let out a sigh, “Sorry, that took longer than a minute, is Sarah still able to hear me?” 
“I can hear you!” Sarah shouted from the doorway. 
“Oh! Lovely! Hi Sarah! I’ve heard such good things about you. I’m glad you like your bracelets, I’ll be sending something else for you and your dad in my next parcel.” you smiled at Joel and winked. 
He smiled brightly and then looked at Sarah then at you, “Do you guys wanna say hello? You don’t have to shout at each other...” he chuckled. 
You smiled and tucked your hair behind your ears, “I’d love to but only if Sarah is comfortab-” Before you could finish your sentence Sarah had jumped on the bed by Joel, hugging his arm and leaning into the screen. “Hey there!” she smiled, “Oh my gosh, your hair is so pretty down! Is that your natural color?”
You nodded and smiled, “Thank you! Yes, it is! I love your curls- I’m envious of them! I’ve always wanted curly hair!” you giggled. 
Sarah giggled, “They are a lot to manage but I do love ‘em!” she smiled and looked at Joel who was soaking in the moment, he was practically glowing. 
“I heard you had a soccer tournament this weekend, how did it go? What position do you play?” you asked. 
“We placed second and I scored two goals, one of them won the game for us! Dad took pictures…” she looked back at Joel, “Can you send them to her?” 
Joel nodded and then looked at you, “Yeah I’ll message them to you later.” he smiled. 
Sarah smiled and looked back at you, “I play a center forward, do you play soccer?” she asked. 
“I played a little as a kid with like my schoolmates but never competitively like you. However, I did just learn some tricks that some of the kids here taught me, I’ll have to show you someday and you can show me what you can do!” you said softly smiling and messing with the hem of your shirt. 
“I’d like that. Do you know when your tour is over?” she asked abruptly. 
Joel didn’t even think to ask that question. He perked up and looked at you. 
“I’ve been told that if things keep going the way they do, I’ll be home in the spring. If they get better, I could be home either right before or after the holidays but it’s been crazy here, so I’m keeping my expectations low, you know?” you said looking at the hem of your shirt, the thought of you not being home til spring made you anxious. 
Joel could tell your mood shifted, “Well Sarah and I will hope for sooner, home for the holidays, yeah?” 
You looked up and softly nodded and smiled, agreeing. 
“I have one last question and then I’ll go order take out…” Sarah said curiously. 
“Alright kiddo, shoot.” you looked her way. 
“Why Reginald?” she tilted her head. 
You let out a laugh, “Oh jeez..” you began to chuckle, “Ok, so when Maria and I sent our letters at first to your dad and your uncle, we knew nothing about them. I teased her because she sprayed hers with her perfume. I said she had no idea who or where her letter was going, it could be an old guy in a nursing home and said his name is probably Reginald or something… as that was before I knew her pal’s name, but the joke stuck and it continues to push her buttons.” you chuckled.
Joel chuckled at your sense of humor and Sarah did as well, “I like that, it’s like you're calling him an old man… I’m going to call him that now too, especially when he’s being annoying… which is all the time.” she emphasized. 
You giggled and nodded, “You can tell him that Maria’s lovely, awesome, never annoying at all roommate said you could use it if he gets mad, he can take it up with me.” you winked. 
Sarah nodded and smiled, “Will do, thanks for the ammo!” she giggled and then slid off the bed, “I’m going to go order food, I’m starving! It was nice meeting you, have a good rest of your night- well day for you!” she said smiling brightly at the camera before running out of the room shutting the door behind her. 
You chuckled at Joel “She’s a fun kid. I can see a lot of you in her…” you smiled at him. 
He smiled warmly, “Thanks darlin’, that means a lot.” 
You sat in silence together for a moment before you spoke up “Sorry to have crashed your dinner plans, did I hear there was a pasta casualty?” 
Joel chuckled lightly and looked down shyly, “I may have heard your message notification ding, and may have dropped everything I had in my hands to run over to my laptop, then after seeing your message, may have ran upstairs to call you, abandoning the mess…” 
“Oh I see… so there are only allegations against you, no concrete evidence tying you to the scene of the crime, innocent until proven guilty, am I right?” you teased. 
He looked up at you and chuckled, “Exactly.” 
You smiled warmly and sighed contently. 
“In my defense, and all honesty, I will drop whatever I’m doing to give you my time and attention… you know for the record.” he winked, smiling brightly.
You blushed and looked down shyly, smiling from ear to ear, “Now here I go smiling a fuckin’ idiot.” 
He chuckled and then bit his bottom lip, “Look at me when you’re doin’ that darlin’, I wanna see that beautiful smile.” 
You blushed harder and looked at him, laughing at how silly you must’ve looked, “God, you can’t keep sayin’ things like that, Joel Miller!” 
He loved the way you said his name, but even more, he loved your laugh. He would forever have it programmed into his brain, on repeat, along with the image of your smile tattooed right beside it. 
He bit his lip, loving seeing you like this. He thought he was out of practice with his flirting but clearly, he had quite the effect on you. “You keep smilin’ and laughin’ like that, and we are gonna have a different problem with what you're doin’ to my heart darlin’...” 
“I could say the same about you cowboy…” you said as you came down from your laugh. 
Before Joel could say anything back he heard someone call your name in the background, you looked up, looking around, and he heard them say ‘We have 3 wounded coming in and could use the extra hands if you’re awake, can you help?’ 
“Uh, hold on one sec Benson!” You looked back down at Joel, clearly torn on what to do. 
“Go, it’s ok sweetheart, they need your help. How about we do this weekly, yeah? Keep the letters coming as usual, and just do this in addition at least once a week… more if we are feelin’ freaky” he chuckled and winked. 
You nodded and softly smiled, “Yes, let's do that. I’ll message you later, ok?” 
He nodded, “Go save some lives! I’ll talk to you soon.” 
You smiled and blushed, “I’ll talk to you soon.” you stood up and ended the call. 
Joel sat in his bed, beaming, feeling happier than he’d ever felt before. 
He heard a ding and looked at his laptop: 
‘I know it's been less than a minute but I miss you and your voice already, wanna Skype again later? ❣️🥺’
He chuckled and typed back:
‘I was just thinkin’ of messaging you the same thing, beautiful 😘 Just message me when you’re free and I’ll call you! ❤️’
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Reader’s POV
2 weeks later 
You and Joel had Skype called a few times in the last couple of weeks, more than the once-a-week foundation you laid out. 
You could tell that not only yourself, but he was addicted to hearing from each other. It was the highlight of your day when it happened and made your whole chaotic world slow down. 
Z and Maria met him on the last call two days ago when they crashed your call, just like you did to Maria. You couldn’t help but laugh at the karma. 
Maria and Tommy Skyped more often than you and Joel, they even started to flirt themselves as you heard eavesdropping on her last call. You and Z would giggle at her attempt to flirt outside of the window while listening together. 
You sent your disposable camera back to Joel a week ago along with another letter and parcel. This one included little candies that Z had shown you that you decided you had to share with Joel and Sarah. 
Z and you were glued at the hip, now that he was back to pretty much his full health, he helped in the clinic when you’d work if he wasn’t off playing with other boys in the village. He would help gather supplies and translate if needed between you and injured or sick village folk. 
He taught you how to say things so that when he wasn’t around you knew what to say or ask. He was patient and admired how you wanted to learn the language instead of being ignorant like most other soldiers. 
Since Terrance had been discharged to go home, Reggie got a new partner, right after you guys got back, his name was Braedon. However, something about him just didn’t feel right to any of you. He only cared about himself and Reggie even felt something off about him, he just couldn’t place it other than he was self-centered and only worried about climbing the ranks, not about saving the lives needing it or making personal sacrifices. You couldn’t stand him as he always had something smart to say or just wasn’t useful, someone always having to babysit him.
July 20th, 2014
13:09
You were cleaning out a wound in the medical tent, a small group had just rolled in from a camp 2 miles north that was overrun. Maria and Reggie were on the other side dealing with their problems while Braedon stood there, not jumping in to help with the obvious load. 
You were tired, hungry, and frustrated, and you didn’t have time to babysit. 
“Hey Braedon, there’s a head lac in bay 2, can you take care of that?” you yelled at him over the screams of pain from your patient and the normal hustle and bustle of the med tent. 
He looked at you and rolled his eyes, annoyed, “Yep.” then said something under his breath as he walked over to bay 2 and began working. 
Z was standing next to you and saw the reaction as well, he looked up at you, “What’s his problem?” 
You narrowed your eyes at him, glaring, you scoffed, “I don’t know Z… but it’s about to be an earful from me…” you clenched your jaw, temper starting to boil.
You addressed the wound you were cleaning. You began packing it, starting a line of fluids, and making sure the patient was comfortable, when you looked at Z, “Start to gather gauze and a pair of gloves for the guy over in bay 9, and then wait for me there.” Z nodded and then left to do what you said. 
Your blood was now boiling, fists balled. You were done with his selfishness and shitty attitude. He tended to hit the right buttons and now that you think about it, he reminded you of your ex. The difference between the two was you didn’t take that bullshit anymore and were a United States Army medic, which had given you a newfound confidence, and a ‘fuck around and find out’ attitude. 
You walked up and stood across from him as he was working on a patient that seemed to now be unconscious, “Alright, I’m just gon’ cut the bullshit and say what I want to say to you because I am for one sick of the bullshit fake ‘team effort’ you seem to put on only when commanding officers are around for you to brown nose.” You clenched your jaw and narrowed your gaze, “I’m not here to fuckin’ babysit you, neither is Reggie and neither is Maria. The four of us, we are a team - hell you and Reggie are partners, start acting like it.’ You raised your voice slightly, frustrated by his lack of urgency with Tier 1 trauma patients like this one below you, “Next- if you see someone fuckin’ bleedin’, you need to put the two goddamn brain cells you seem to possess, together, and jump in - do your fucking job.” You make eye contact with him, eyes dangerous and threatening, fists balled so tight you are putting nail marks into your palms, “Lastly, the next time you roll your eyes at me, say some backhanded comment, or cop an attitude in the slightest, I’ll knock your head so hard, it’ll fuckin’ spin.” you said lowly, giving him a fake two-second smile after. “Glad we can now be on the same page…” you bit out and then you turned around to walk away towards the bay you told Z to go to, shaking your hands out at your side, letting that energy go. 
Just as you were walking around the outside of the tent, several feet away from Z, you felt a tug at your left shoulder before you were spun around and a fist met the left side of your jaw, disorienting you for a moment, knocking you to the ground, and then immediately being kicked in the ribs a few times. “I’ll talk to you however I fucking want, you fucking bitch!” then a glob of spit landed on your cheek. “You and that dirty fuckin’ terrorist kid can fuck off!” he said referring to Z. 
You’ve never seen red and felt so much rage before. Your heart began to pound in your chest so loud you heard it in your ears, and heat rose from your back to your head. 
You grabbed a fist full of dirt from the ground and threw it up into his eyes, then grabbed his foot and knocked him to the ground, straddling his waist. You landed a blow to his nose, then another, harder, hearing it crack. You grabbed him by the jaw to center his face with one hand and then punched him again in the cheek, blood now running from his nose and mouth. 
Z screamed your name, telling you to stop. 
You didn’t hear anything, adrenaline muting out your surroundings, only focusing on him. 
Braedon flipped you off of him and tried to straddle you, to pin you down, but you did a maneuver to get out from under him and instead on top of him, putting him in a chokehold, then flipping around to one side and slamming yourself on the ground on your back, holding him against you, wrapping your legs around his knees, locking your ankles to immobilize him. He began elbowing your ribs over and over to get away, scratching at your arms, but you just tightened your grip, numb to the pain with the adrenaline coursing through your body. He started gasping for air, and you felt his body go slowly limp, so you let him go, he rolled to the side and choked for air. 
You stood up and felt blood coming from your lips and nose. You touched your lip and saw blood, “Made me bleed… big mistake.” you said to yourself, eyes focused on him like he was prey. 
He was on all fours, coughing, trying to catch his breath, Z ran to get Maria or Reggie after seeing the look you had in your eye. 
Your chest was heaving, breathe heavy, but slow and controlled. Rolled your shoulders back, and stepped forward, kicking his tailbone, knocking him flat on the ground, he whined, “Please, I’m sorry…” 
Your gaze was cold and numb, not caring about anything he was saying. 
“Get up.” you said plainly, unemotionally. He didn’t move. “Get the fuck up!” you raged. 
He rose slowly and backed up raising his hands in defeat. “Please Y/N.. I said I was sorry…” he pleaded. 
You walked him up against a wall that was behind him, crowding his space, grabbing the collar of his shirt, “Sorry would have cut it if you just went after me, but you went after Z… no apology will take that back, you revolting piece of shit.” you punched him in the jaw as he did to you which made him lean to the left to fall to the ground but then you grabbed him by his shoulders and kneed him in the groin. 
You stepped back as he toppled over and fell to the ground, holding his groin and crying in pain, you repositioned and kicked him twice in the torso, cursing him under your breath, you stepped back, he was coughing up blood and gasping for air. You took another step towards him, fist still balled and bloody at your sides, calculating to kick him again in the stomach or face, you didn’t know which, you would just swing. 
That’s when you felt Maria. She pulled you back, arms wrapping around your midsection and trapping your arms, picking you up to move you back, “Stop… you need to stop!” you fought against her, not grasping it was her. Rage still taking hold of your senses, “Let me go! Let me fucking go!” Maria looked at Reggie, holding you still, who then went and checked on Braedon. 
Z stepped in front of you to block your vision of Braedon which made you snap out of it. 
Your vision cleared and you were aware of what you had just done. Your breathing was ragged and uneven, then the pain hit you like a train, “Ah fuck..” you felt your ribs on fire with each breath.
“Ok… there we go… there you are.” she let you go and came in front of you, touching your cheek and shoulder, “Fuck…” she grimaced at your face. “What the hell happened?” she looked over you, assessing you. She knew this wasn’t your fault, something was said or done to provoke this level of violence from you. 
You fell to your knees and gripped your rib cage with one hand and your head with the other, in too much pain to understand what she had just asked before you heard Z speak.
“He hit her first.” Z said softly, “I saw it. Then called her a bitch and spit on her… and then called me a…” he stopped and looked down sadly. 
Maria looked back at him, “Z, what did he call you?” 
You looked at Z who was saddened and most likely ashamed by the slur, “He called him a dirty fuckin’ terrorist, Maria.” you looked past Z, Braedon still on the ground, bloodied and in pain. You clenched your jaw angrily, and took a deep breath, “You don’t say shit like that without consequences.” you looked back up at her, anger in your eyes.
Maria looked back at Braedon and Reggie, “Reggie, get him bay 6 and then get Sarge… a report needs to be filed against him for assault and hate speech.” Reggie didn’t care to question, he also knew you weren’t capable of this level of violence either without being provoked and you all knew there was something off with this guy. 
He nodded and had another nearby soldier help him load Braedon onto a transfer cot and then took him to bay 6. 
You shook your head to refocus yourself and stood to your feet, starting to walk away, to bay 9, wiping the blood from your nose and lip on the bottom of your shirt. 
“Uh, where do you think you’re going?” Maria asked, shocked to see what you were doing. 
“I’m fine Maria. We’ve got work to do.” you stopped walking and looked back at Z, “Come on Z, I need your help.” then began walking again, slowly, obvious to everyone you were in pain.
Z looked at Maria, unsure what to do. 
Maria sighed at your stubbornness. “Keep an eye on her, we only have a few hours left on shift then I’ll make her get checked out.” 
He nodded and ran to catch up with you. You hugged him to your side protectively when he caught up and kissed the top of his head, “No one gets to call you those names, not ever Z.”
He nodded and hugged your side gently back, “Yes, khahar…”
You finished your shift and then snuck away to your bunkhouse as you saw Maria still knee-deep in a patient and Z left about an hour ago to play soccer with some of his friends after you put on a brave face to convince him you were fine. You closed the door with a chair up against it and started to take off your shirt, wincing in pain. You took it off and looked at yourself in the mirror, accessing the damage. 
Your ribs were lightly bruised which would be the start of an ugly sight. You had scratch marks up and down your forearms from when you had him in a chokehold. You took a deep breath through your nose and then looked at your face, your nose had dried blood coming from it, but no signs of it being broken that you could see. Your lip was swollen and broken slightly, but not the worst it’s been. 
You tilted your head back and forth to stretch your neck as there was a pain in it from the punch, most likely whiplash. 
You saw the picture you had of Sarah and Joel taped to your mirror and sighed sadly, “Crap, he’s going to lose his shit.” you pinched the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes, a raging headache starting. 
You heard the door handle twist and then try to open, “God damn it. Y/N, let me in!” Maria sighed, shouting through the door. 
You came to the door and moved the chair, twisting the handle to open the door, “I’m not going to the med tent, I already did an assessment. In conclusion, I got fucked up. Bruised ribs and whiplash but that’s it.” you said as if that was going to stop her from dragging you to the clinic herself. 
“Nice try, you need to get checked out. Sarge’s orders. He needs it for the report, he also needs your statement.” She argued. 
“But I-” you looked at her to protest. 
“No, now. I came to get you. Go.” she said, not budging. 
You sighed and grabbed your shirt, swinging it over your shoulder, walking out of the bunkhouse towards the med tent in your sports bra, subconsciously proud of your battle wounds, wearing them like a badge of honor. 
Maria logged onto her computer quickly and sent a message to Tommy: 
‘I need you to get a message to Joel as I know it’s their day they Skype. There was an incident today involving Y/N and that other medic that we all knew was a snake. She’s fine, she just has orders to get checked out by the medics and give her statement to our sergeant. I’m not sure if she’ll feel up to Skyping but I just know you told me about Joel's anxiety. I just don’t want him to worry if he calls and she doesn’t answer. Thank you, talk soon. xx’ 
She then ran to catch up with you. 
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Joel’s POV
He woke up that sweet Sunday morning at 6 am, excited to hear from you today at around 8 am, which was your normal scheduled time if Sundays went easy for you.  
It had only been two days since you two last spoke but for him, it felt like an eternity, he loved the normal scheduled Sunday Skype sessions, but the ones where you or he would randomly say, ‘I miss you, do you have time to talk?’ made him begin to fall in love with you more and more, and the comfort you brought to him, he had no words for it. Even from thousands of miles away, you became an integral part of his life, of his being. 
He saw that you messaged him earlier in the day for you before you started your shift: 
‘I can’t wait for tonight cowboy! Hope you are sleeping well! 😘’
He smiled and typed back: 
‘I’ll see you soon sweetheart. I miss you. ❤️’
A few moments later as he was walking down the stairs he got a text message from Tommy: 
‘Hey, you up?’ 
He texted back almost immediately: 
‘Yeah, just about to cook some breakfast before I Skype with Y/N…’ 
Within seconds he had an incoming call from his brother, he answered, “Hey what’s up?” he smiled softly, walking the rest of the way down the stairs. 
“Mornin’... hey uh.. I just got a message from Maria about Y/N...” Tommy said sadly and softly, trying not to set off alarm bells for Joel.
Joel felt his heart drop into his stomach, “What? What do you mean? W-what’s wrong?” 
Tommy sighed softly, “Maria said not to panic or worry, she’s fine, she just wanted me to pass along a message to you. I’m going to text you a screenshot of her message, ok?” 
Joel put Tommy on speaker and opened up his messages from Tommy, “Yeah, send it.” he said, feeling sick to his stomach. 
Tommy sent it, “She sent this about 3 hours ago. I’m not sure what’s going on. Maria said she’d keep me updated, I just messaged her asking for an update but she’s still offline.” 
Joel read through the message, twice. “Fuck, what’s that weasel's name, Braedon?” he could feel his anger bubble up, the want to protect you but not being able to from this distance was something he was constantly battling internally. 
“Yeah, that’s him.” Tommy sucked in some air and sighed, “Maria has said there was something off about him for a couple of weeks now. He must’ve shown his true colors.” 
Joel huffed, frustrated, “Yeah, just did it on my girl… god if I was there I’d-” 
Tommy let out a chuckle, “I know, you and me both brother.” 
Joel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Thanks for the update, just let me know if Maria messages back and I’ll let you know if I hear from Y/N…” 
“Sounds good, will do. Talk to you later.” Tommy said softly before ending the call. 
Joel sighed and shook his head but then decided he wasn’t going to let his consume him, if Maria said you were ok, you were ok.
He started to make breakfast for himself as Sarah had spent the night at a friend's. 
About an hour later he heard from Tommy via text: 
‘Hey, Maria just messaged me, she said she has 2 broken ribs and a bunch of bruised ones, a fractured nose, a small split on her lip, and a small concussion. They gave her a sedative and she’s sleeping for the rest of the night.’ 
Within ten seconds he got another text from Tommy: 
‘HOWEVER…’
Then another paragraph came through: 
‘She said you should see the other guy. I guess Y/N beat the shit out of him. He has 3 broken ribs, several bruised ones, a broken nose, a broken cheekbone, missing 2 teeth, a concussion, a bruised trachea, and get this… a testicular tear. 🤣 Maria said she hit him so hard in the balls that he has a severe bruise and it has torn the protective tissue. He needs surgery for it, LOL. Atta girl 🎉’ 
Joel chuckled which turned into a guttural laugh the more he read the injuries you inflicted on this piece of shit. 
‘Shit. Remind me to never piss her off… haha. Did Maria say when she might be awake? I’d like to check on her.’ 
‘She said she’d be out the rest of the night for them, I’d say send her a message later tonight, maybe she’ll be awake tomorrow morning for them…’
Joel nodded and sent a thumbs-up emoji back to Tommy before thinking of what to do to fill the rest of his day, then he got an idea. 
He grabbed his truck keys and headed to the store. 
He got back home a few hours later and started putting everything together. He had grabbed a big box, a sympathy card, a nice fluffy blanket, some of your favorite snacks you had mentioned to him, some icy hot cream, some fuzzy socks with whales on them, some face masks he found on sale, and a candle that he thought smelled like him. 
He wrote in the sympathy card:
‘Rest in Peace: Braedon’s ball sack. Cause of death: his own damn fault and my girl standing on business.
I’m sorry to hear you got hurt darlin’. I’m sending this while you’re sleeping off being sedated. Hopefully, you’re feeling much better by the time you get this, but I just wanted to send some stuff that I’d get you if you were actually, well here. 
Sarah says you can never go wrong with a nice fluffy blanket. I also got you some of your favorite snacks that I know you’ve been missing since being there. I thought some icy hot would be something ya’ll don’t have on hand and thought it might bring you some relief. Fuzzy socks, with whales, obviously. I thought since Sarah likes these face masks, you might enjoy them too… you can do them with Maria, I sent a few. Finally, a candle. Now something that brings me comfort when I am hurt or sick is cuddling someone that brings me comfort and just inhaling in their shampoo or perfume, their scent. I thought maybe since I can’t be there, this might be a good placeholder. It’s the closest I could tell that smelled like me. Sarah said a mix of eucalyptus and spearmint, so this was the closest to that. :) 
Get well soon. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself, just know in the future, I’ll be the one breaking bones for you. I’ll protect you so you don’t ever have to go through this again. I promise. 
With all my love, 
Joel’
He didn’t hesitate or think twice about the last part, he meant it with every part of him. He knew neither of you was ready to say the big three words, but this was close enough to express it. 
He packed everything in nicely and tightly and then wrote your address and left with it to go to the post office to drop it off. 
By the time he got home from the post office, it was 5 pm and the Cowboys game was on. Ironically playing the Broncos. 
He kept checking his phone and laptop for any update or message from you or Tommy, but nothing had come in. 
It was 9 pm when he started to head upstairs to bed. He started to brush his teeth and wash his face when he heard the beautiful sound of a ‘ding’ from his laptop. He dried off his face quickly and got into bed, sitting against the headboard, eagerly opening up his laptop to see a message from you:
‘Hey cowboy, you still up? ❤️’ 
He immediately hit the call button, desperate to see you. 
Within a couple of seconds, a dark screen came on, and your camera turned off. “Hey handsome.” he couldn’t see if but you were smiling softly. 
“Hey sweetheart… I uh… I can’t see you… can you turn your camera on for me?” he said softly. 
You swallowed, and took a breath, “Joel… it’s bad… I…” 
“I don’t care, I need to see you, please let me see your beautiful face darlin’...” his brown eyes pleading with you, he looked so damn cute when he looked at you like that. 
“I… it’s going to be hard to see me, the lights are all off due to my concussion.” you tried to make excuses, you knew it would be hard and upsetting for him to see you like this. 
“Baby I don’t care if I can only see that bright smile of yours, I just… I need to know you’re ok. Please?” he smiled softly, trying to plead his case. 
You gently chuckled but then winced at the pain caused by that in your ribs, “Ah.. fuck… right, can’t laugh.” you let out a breath.
You turned on the camera, you had an Army hoodie on, hood over your head, Joel could see your face fully due to the brightness of your screen being illuminated against your skin. 
His eyes turned sad and he winced, “Oh god… sweetheart. I… what happened?” he reached out and touched the screen like he was trying to touch you, “Tell me what happened baby…”
You rolled your shoulders back and tried to stretch your back, sore. You sighed gently then softly smiled at how he was being, gentle and loving. “Long or short story handsome?” 
“Tell me everything baby, I have nothing but time for you…” he softly smiled back. 
You told him everything, at least the details you could remember, some of it was fuzzy, but how it started, you would never forget. You explained how he most likely will be dishonorably discharged if you file charges against him for aggravated assault and hate speech. Sarge wanted you to think about it and let him know later today. 
“You are filing charges against him, right? I mean he… he put hands on you, fuckin’ spit on your face.” he started to get upset as he realized the utter disrespect he gave you by spitting on you, that alone didn’t sit well with Joel. 
You nodded, “Yeah, of course I am. I don’t much care about me getting a few bumps and bruises, I’m more upset about what he said about Z. That’s what filled me with rage, not by being knocked on my ass, it was that fucking…” you visually were getting more upset, anger festering up. 
“Hey hey, it's ok baby, take a breath…” he said softly. 
You sighed and gripped the bridge of your nose, “I just… I’ve never felt so angry, you know? I… I don’t remember doing half the things I was told I did. I almost killed him at one point they said, one slight movement and boom, broken neck.” you closed your eyes, softly chuckled and then immediately winced again. “I mean, I’ve been beat up before, I know how to take a hit, I know how to take one and stay down, hell that’s why I joined. Came into boot camp with bruised ribs, I’m sure I had a concussion too from the jackass, but that’s not what fueled me.” you shook your head and clenched your jaw. “Sayin’ something that vile, about Z? A kid? That doesn’t just slide off so easily…”
There was a pause, some silence followed by Joel softly speaking up.
“Darlin’, what do you mean you were beat up before you joined?” Joel asked, sadly looking at you. 
You hadn’t shared that part of your past with him yet, you never found the right time, it just seemed too heavy to bring up. 
You looked at him and sighed before instinctually looking down, embarrassed and for some reason nervous, “I umm..” you swallowed the lump in your throat, tears starting to surface, “His name is Charlie. I, unfortunately, was trapped with him for quite some time. He was my ex, that turned into… well a monster.” you bit the inner part of your cheek, “There’d be days he’d lock me in a room or I’d be so beaten I wouldn’t be able to move. He uh.. he was very emotionally, and mentally abusive but mostly physically abusive.” you looked at him, tears streaming down your face, and took a breath, fiddling with the string of the hoodie, you hadn’t thought of him since meeting Joel, you found such solace and security being in his life. He never made you feel unsafe or undesirable. “The night that I left for good…” your bottom lip quivered. 
“Baby, it’s ok, you don’t need t-” Joel softly began. 
“No, I do. You deserve to know Joel.” you cut him off and then bit your lip gently, “The night I left, he beat me within an inch of my life. I was coughin’ up blood, barely passed my physical.” you scoffed. “I honestly only made it out alive because he stopped beating me to get the damn takeout he ordered.” you swallowed hard, tears streaming down, you wiped them gently. “When he passed out, I took my shoes, keys, and wallet, and never looked back. I don’t even have a phone when I get back… hell I don’t even have a home to go back to.” You hysterically let out a sad chuckle, then instantly reached down and held your rib cage and groaned, “I just drove and drove and when I saw the recruiting office, I parked my car there, signed on the dotted line, and took the bus to Fort Jackson.” you let out a heavy sigh, “I joined so he wouldn’t find me. I… I filed charges against him numerous times but his buddies worked at the sheriff’s office and nothing ever seemed to stick. I knew I needed to disappear. Plus, I thought that I would have some job experience for when I would get out in the real world if I joined.” you shrugged. “I’m sorry I never told you, it just seemed too heavy to bring up randomly and I guess I was just avoiding letting you know that dark part of my past.”
Joel just sat and listened, supportively nodding and taking in everything you shared with him. 
“Baby, have nothing to be sorry for.” he began, “No one will ever hurt you like that, ever again, do you understand me?” he softly said when you finished speaking, and you nodded. 
“I will never lay hand on you, and if I ever do, you better leave me after you did what you did to that fool, Braedon. What was it? Testicular contusion with a scrotal tear?” he questioned. 
You chuckled and nodded through tears, wincing again. “Stop makin’ me laugh, it hurts!” you teased.. 
Joel chuckled and apologized and then smiled lovingly at you, “I promise, this will be the last time, at least until you’re here with me, that a man will ever lay hands on you, yeah?” 
You smiled lovingly back and nodded, that three-word phrase edging itself on your tongue for the first time. Neither of you had made anything official but it felt like it was an unsaid thing, you know? You both adored each other and from a distance took care of each other. You had both just seamlessly fit together, into each other's routines, expectations and so much more. He felt like your best friend and you were sure he felt the same about you. You had never felt this way about someone before, it scared you but it also felt so freeing. He made you feel like yourself again, she had been lost for so long since Charlie, but Joel brought her out. 
He looked at you like there was something worth looking at. 
He blushed softly, “You make me really happy, you know that?” 
You shrugged and looked away shyly, “Never coulda’ guessed…” you teased and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “You make me really happy too, cowboy.”
He bit his lip trying to contain his smile, “I like when you call me cowboy too, it uh..” he cleared his throat, looking down shyly, “It’s somethin’ only you have called me. It uh… makes me feel all types of ways darlin’.” he peeked up at you with those big brown eyes, you felt your cheeks heat up and a heat start to form between your legs. 
You shyly looked down, “I can relate to that same feeling when you look at me with those big brown eyes of yours...”
He chuckled softly and licked his lips, “I’ll be sure to remember that for future reference.” he started to smirk. 
You blushed and smiled widely but then winced, “Ah, damn it, can’t smile and laugh, this sucks.” 
He looked at the time, “Do you have to work today?” 
You shook your head, “They are tryna tell me to take the day off but we are short-handed already with Braedon now being in critical care adding to the load we have to deal with. I think I’m fine, I’d take it easy.” 
Joel raised an eyebrow, “You? Take it easy? Darlin’ takin’ it easy is somethin’ I’ve never seen you do since you’ve been there.” he chuckled, “Take a day, rest. I’m sure if the world turns upside down they’ll come to get you but you don’t need to work, you need to get better.” he softly said, “Please, at least take today off, for me?” he used those big brown eyes. 
You shook your head and softly chuckled again, “You are awful cowboy…” you winced. “Usin’ those brown eyes to your advantage, again. But I’m sure you also just saw the time and know if I don’t work, you’ll get more time with me…” you looked at him with your arms folded, raising your eyebrow, which he found adorable. 
“You are not 100% wrong sweetheart, but no, I’d let you rest, get some more sleep…” he grinned, “And just call you again later.” he winked. 
You bit your lip and shook your head, looking down, “You’re lucky I like you so much cowboy.” you looked back up at him, “Alright, deal. I’ll rest up and then call you back again when you get up to talk shortly before you have to go to work.” 
“You seem to forget darlin’, I own the company, I can be as late as I want to if it means I’m talkin’ to you.” he smiled. 
You raised your eyebrow and smirked, “Mmm I seem to remember you have a consultation and monthly meeting tomorrow with your crew, all before 9 am. You should you can just… roll in late to those, handsome?” 
“For you, absolutely…” he said with zero hesitation or doubt in his voice. 
You shook your head smiling like an idiot, not caring that it hurt, and teasingly rolled your eyes, “Get to sleep handsome, you’ve got a big day tomorrow. Call me after your meetings, and I’ll get some more rest. Sound like a plan?” 
He nodded and sighed dramatically, “Fine, deal. I’ll talk to you then.” 
“Good. Sweet dreams cowboy.” you softly said. 
“I will sweetheart, as you’re always in ‘em” he winked.
You bit your lip shyly, “And you in mine. G’night”
“Goodnight sweetheart.” 
You hadn’t slept so well in a long time, and just like you said, you were with him in your dreams, wishing it would soon come true. 
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2 weeks later 
You did as you promised and took the rest of that day off, in fact, Joel convinced you to take another day as your pain management was still balancing out. He would check in on you via video chat or messages. He continued to prove he was your rock. He wasn’t going anywhere and even from a distance he provided you with a level of comfort, security, and love that you had never felt. 
When you got his care package a few days ago, you have never felt so happy in your life. This man went out and not only gathered things but things with a purpose and reason behind them. He remembered the candy and chips you missed. You had only mentioned them in passing, but he remembered. The candle sent you over the edge emotionally. You laid in your bed that afternoon, tears streaming down your face, eyes closed, holding the candle by your face, wishing, dreaming it was him next to you. You prayed the smell would last until you were back home and could travel to see him. You said you wouldn’t light it for that specific purpose, to make it last. 
You hung the card next to his picture on your mirror and looked at the last part constantly, ‘with all my love’... your heart was so full and you knew as soon as you could get home, you wanted nothing more than to be with him. You loved him too, and couldn’t wait to tell him when you were able to say it against his lips or in his arms. 
Your injuries slowly but surely healed. You still had issues with your ribs, but you would for a while, but your face and nose healed up nicely. 
You pressed charges against Braedon, and after he was medically released he was sent back home. Maria said that she had heard he was trying to press charges against you when you went and discussed it with your commanding officer, they agreed with you, you were acting out of self-defense, and just because he couldn’t defend himself, didn’t mean your actions were like his, assault. However, your commanding officer and you did have a laugh and he told you if there was ever a next time, maybe pull back before you hit them in the balls so hard you lessen their chance to have kids. You said you’d try. 
Joel had sent you pictures of the rocking chair he was working on, Sarah even took some of him sanding some wood down and you couldn’t wait to thank her personally for them as it was Joel in his element. Not only that but you couldn’t help but note that he had his biceps flexed, his shirt tightly fitted, he was somewhat sweaty, and wore the most irresistible jeans that hugged him perfectly. You may have kept that one under your pillow and used it late at night when you couldn’t sleep and needed to relieve some tension. 
You went back to work full time and continued writing letters to Joel, sending photos you and Maria took. The last few were a little shorter than normal as you two had already spoken to him 3 times this week for at least 2 hours each time, there wasn’t much to write about, but you still wanted to keep up the routine you had, as you loved it was something just between you two. 
He mentioned in his last letter that when you got home he would take some work off to spend time with you and wanted to know what you wanted to do in that time, he had a few ideas he said but also wanted to do things you wanted to do as well. You wrote back a few days ago that you wanted him to take you dancing as in one of the last calls you had, he was cooking dinner and had music on in the background and started dancing to make you laugh, he also told you that he and Tommy knew how to line dance and won an award when they were younger, so dancing was a must. You told him you also wanted to host a barbeque with him for Sarah, Tommy, and Maria, and maybe some neighbors too, you wanted to try his baby back ribs he kept going on about and you mentioned you made a really good mac and cheese, the two could be good together. You also asked what his ideas were, wanting to know a sneak peek.
August 4, 2014
14:43 
You were taking inventory of supplies when your commanding officer came over, you stood to attention and saluted him. 
“At ease soldier.” he said sternly. 
You stood and put your hands behind your back, still standing respectfully, “Sir?” 
“Pack your things, you and your partner are going to aid Delta 42.” 
Delta 42. Instantly your stomach sank. 
You all had heard of the destruction and loss of lives that happened there. You all called it ‘no man's land’ - no one made it out. 
“Sir, may I ask how long this assignment is? To prepare?” you could feel your anxiety rising. 
“3 days. You have 3 days to find a superior officer that has sent a distress signal and transport him back here before we pull you out with or without him and god willing with both of you still alive…” he said so unemotionally, so matter of factly, he knew he was sending you and Maria to your possible death. 
“Sir, do we have coordinates?” you said, starting to disassociate. 
“Everything will be given to you en route. You have 15 minutes…” he nodded and then turned to leave. 
You felt your heart race start to race and your breathing became quick and panicked. 
‘Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth’ your mind annoyingly reminded you. You did so a few times and focused on calming your heart rate down. 
“Ok… 15 minutes.” you put your clipboard down and ran out of the supply closet towards your bunkhouse. You changed quickly into your gear and then packed what you needed into your bag. You grabbed the photo you have on your mirror of Joel and Sarah and put it into your vest pocket that laid over your heart. Maria came running in shortly after, doing the same thing. Both of you frantically getting your bearings, panicking internally.
You looked at the time, 8 minutes. 
Joel and Z. You needed to alert both of them to the situation. 
Joel first. You did the math quickly in your head, it was close to 1 am where he was, so you tried calling him, no answer. 
“Fuck. Please answer…” you said to the screen. 
You tried calling again, no answer, status: offline. 
You looked at Maria, she was trying the same thing with Tommy, “You getting him either?” 
She shook her head and sighed. 
You slammed your hands against the desk, frustrated, feeling so much pressure, “Fuck! 15 minutes isn’t enough!” 
You looked at the time, 5 minutes. 
You frantically typed:
‘Joel, I was just notified that Maria and I are being sent on an immediate field assignment. Please answer… I need to talk to you.’  
You waited for 30 seconds, watching the clock climb closer to the time you needed to leave. 
‘Joel, baby, please answer me.’ 
You tried calling again, no answer. 
You sighed heavily and tears began to fall against your cheeks. You had so much to say to him in case you didn’t make it back. You needed to hear his voice one more time. 
You took a breath and looked over at Maria, she had no luck either. 
You swallowed and debated telling him how severe this was, you didn’t want him to stress for the next few days, but you wanted to say things that would only be said in the event of something serious happening. 
You were having an internal battle with yourself that you couldn’t afford to have with the little time you possessed. 
Fuck it. 
‘I will be back in 3 days. 3 days. I’ll come back to you, I promise. And if by some cruelty I break that promise, just know, you have never left my mind since we met and you won’t until my last breath. You are my waking thought, my sweet dream, and everything in between.’
‘You will always be the one I long for, the love I would cross the universe to find.’ 
You sobbed, genuinely not knowing if you would now get the chance to say those three words to him, the words he deserves to know you felt for him. 
‘I love you cowboy, and I’ll do everything I can to get back to you to tell you that in person.’ 
You looked at the clock, 3 minutes, you cursed as you shut your laptop “I need to find Z.” you said to yourself and Maria before grabbing your bag and rifle and running out of the bunkhouse. Maria running after you shortly after. 
You had no idea where to find him, you hadn’t seen him all day. 
“Z?” you frantically looked in the med tent for him, but he wasn’t there. 
“Z!” you shouted, Maria as well. 
Reggie looked at you both, confused and now concerned seeing how frantic you both were, “What’s going on?” 
You looked at Reggie, and you had tears welling up, “We are going to no man’s land. Where’s Z?” 
Reggie’s face dropped, “I uh, I don’t know, he usually is by the field if he’s not here…” You instantly bolted that way, you had less than two minutes before you needed to be on that aircraft. 
“Z! Azzami!!” you practically screamed, trying to spot him as you ran. 
Maria shouted at you “Y/N, we gotta go! We can’t wait any longer… Reggie will tell him!” 
You stopped and looked back at her “I- we… what if we don’t make it back?” you sobbed. 
“He knows. He already knows we love him.” Maria said, tears streaming down her face as well. 
You dropped to your knees, feeling defeated by the situation, so you yelled out loud in frustration, hurting your lungs and ribs. This isn’t supposed to happen. 
Maria felt the same way and came up to you and touched your shoulder, “We need to go. We are going to be late.” 
You looked at her and took a deep breath then wiped your eyes and shoved everything down and stood back up. “We’re making it back, together, yeah?” 
Maria put her forehead against yours and nodded, “Yeah, you and me. We got this.” 
You nodded, “Ok, let’s go.” then you both took off running towards the aircraft waiting to take the both of you to the next three days of absolute hell. 
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Joel’s POV
Joel woke up to getting texts and calls from Tommy, at 5 am. He had at least another hour to sleep but when he turned over and looked at his phone he saw he had 4 missed calls and 9 messages from Tommy. 
His heart dropped, his breathing hitched and he immediately thought about you. 
He scrambled out of his bed, knocking things off his nightstand, and ran downstairs to his office, opening up to laptop. 
He saw 8 notifications on his Skype. 
“Fuck.” he opened up yours and his chat log and started reading. 
Tears started to gather in his eyes, his heart pounding as he read, panicking by how you were talking. Where were you going? What danger are you getting thrown into? Thousands of thoughts swarmed his mind and then they all stopped when he read,
‘I love you cowboy, and I’ll do everything I can to get back to you to tell you that in person.’
He couldn’t help but smile for a moment, holding onto that feeling, that you love him, but he was brought right back to reality and fell to his knees and softly sobbed.
This can’t be happening. I can’t lose her. I love her and never got the chance to say it back. He thought to himself. He didn’t know what to do, he felt so helpless, everything was out of his control. 
His phone buzzed again against his desk, a call from Tommy. 
He grabbed it and leaned up against the wall behind his desk, the room dark, the house silent, Sarah still peacefully asleep. 
He sighed and leaned his head against the wall behind him, “Hey…” 
Tommy seemed just as distraught to Joel’s surprise. He knew Tommy and Maria liked each other as you told him in confidence but he didn’t know it was like this. 
“What did Y/N say? Maria said they were going on a field assignment, some idiot general sent a distress signal and they are sending them in to get him, she said it would be a few days… Joel she was sayin’ things...” his voice cracked. 
“I know.” Joel sniffled. “Y/N said similar things…” he chuckled sadly. “Things you only say if you think you’re about to die.” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Tommy please tell me what the hell is going on, what did they get thrown into, what are their odds?” he said softly.
Tommy sighed, sniffing as well, “Depending on the area, they could be going into an active combat zone, or they could just be going on a wild goose chase, with the possibility of being an open target. I don’t know man, I just know for them to send only two medics means they want less attention drawn which to me means they could be going into active combat for which they’ll most likely be going in with a combat specialist to assist.” 
Joel sighed, “Ok, so if they do go with someone trained in combat that’s better than nothing, right?” 
Tommy bit his inner cheek, “I guess, I just… why them?” 
“They are some of the best in their area and Reggie right now is partnerless. Y/N said he isn’t supposed to get someone ‘til next week, they can’t send him solo.”
Joel was right, they won’t send Reggie alone and they weren’t going to separate you and Maria. However whether you liked it or not, you two had the lowest mortality rate in the region and worked well as a team. It was a no-brainer to send you on this assignment. 
“Will you keep me posted if you hear anything sooner and I’ll do the same?” Tommy asked. 
“Of course. I’ll uh.. See you in a few hours at the office, yeah?” Joel scratched his head, he was now up for the day, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep with this news. And he didn’t sleep very well for the next 3 days. 
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Reader’s POV
As soon as you and Maria got into the aircraft and buckled in, it took off. 
Maria and you looked down at the open door, watching you fly away from what you knew as safety. 
You turned your head and noticed another soldier across from you, looking stoic, and composed.  
The pilot came on the intercom, “We are headed to Delta 42, this is an active combat zone. Everything will be there, tanks, snipers, missile strikes, you are going to no man’s land!” 
You took deep breaths, trying to stay calm, get into the zone, and focus. 
“Private Coleman is Special Forces, para-rescue. He’s going to be your protection and guide. Your jobs are to not only get out with Captain Williams but get all 3 of you as well out alive.” 
Coleman nodded at you both and gripped his rifle closer to himself, “Good to meet ya’ll. Let’s make it back home, yeah?” 
You and Maria both nodded, cracking a smile, “I like your attitude.” you said over the comms. “We are on a first-name basis, I’m Y/N and this is my partner, Maria.” you tapped Maria with your elbow, and she nodded. 
“I’m Jack.” he looked out the window. “We are going to touch down, we are all 3 going to get out and run to the southwest wall, from there we will gather our bearings and make a plan. We have at least a 5-mile radius to cover before we get to Captain’s coordinates.” he looked back at you two, “Any questions?” 
“Yeah, how are you not shitting yourself right now?” Maria asked, internally freaking out. 
Jack laughed, “I’ve been in and out of here 4 times ladies, I’ve already done that the first two times…” 
A brief wave of relief washed over you. He’s been here 4 times. Someone that knows the area and threats, we’re gonna be ok, you told yourself over and over internally. 
The pilot came on comms, “Alright, we are ascending, get ready!” 
You all three unbuckled and grabbed your things, strapping your backpack on and putting your rifle over you, pulling out your necklace charm from under all your gear, putting it to your lips, and kissing it. 
You grabbed a bar above your head to hold on and watched as the aircraft descended slowly towards the ground. 
You took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 
“I have heat signatures coming from your east, take cover as soon as your feet hit the ground!” the pilot said through the comms system before shouting “Now! Go! Go!” 
You all three jumped out, the aircraft about 3 feet from the ground. 
As soon as your feet hit, the aircraft took a sharp turn and started firing rounds to your east. You all three ran immediately to find cover. 
You felt a bullet fly past your left arm. You fell to the ground to take cover then rolled onto your back and sat your head up to look through your scope, saw the target, and pulled the trigger, landing a blow the their shoulder. 
You stood back up and ran towards Maria and Jack to catch up. 
You all made it to the southwest wall. Explosions and gunfire happening all around you. 
Jack shouted, “Ok, the sooner we get this sack of shit, the sooner we can get out of here! We are to move up south to these coordinates, that’s where his distress signal was sent from.” he showed his GPS. 
“What happens if we get there and he’s dead?” you asked. 
“Still need to get him home! We call for an airborne rescue and take the body…” he shouted back. 
You nodded and ducked as something hit the wall above you knocking debris onto you. 
“Alright, let’s get to work!” he smiled and started walking towards the destination. 
For the past two days, you’ve been shot at, missiles and grenades exploding around you. You don’t know if your hearing will ever be the same. You helped those that were wounded around you and then would instruct them if they could make it out the southeast wall and travel north there was a safe haven camp 2 miles that way. Anyone however who was not an Allied force and injured was immediately killed by Jack. He had no empathy for the enemy, and after what you had seen, neither did you. 
You were less than a mile from the Captain’s coordinates when you heard someone from behind you, as you turned to see, you were cut in the arm by a knife, “Fuck!” you saw a man with a hand knife make another swing at you, you stepped back and shot his knee cap to disarm him, he fell to the ground and then before you could do anything else Jack shot him in the chest.  
You stood there in shock for a second, breathing sharp and fast. 
That could have ended so much differently, I could have died. You thought. You gripped your rifle, trying to ground yourself, but then quickly turned to the side and vomited. 
“You good?” Maria asked, touching your shoulder. 
You nodded and wiped your mouth with your hand, “Yeah, just nerves and starving… not a good mix.”
Jack looked at you both then you, “You’re bleeding…” 
You looked at your arm, “Shit.” 
Maria looked at you and pulled out her kit, “I got it. You’ll need to clean it when we get home but here…” She sprayed some bacterial spray and then wrapped it with some gauze and tape. “That’ll hold.” she softly smiled at you and you smiled at her, “Thanks partner.” she nodded. 
“We have until the morning to get to the coordinates. Let’s take a 2-hour break, get something in our systems, rest up, and then push through the night, yeah?” 
You nodded and so did Maria. 
You all found a small abandoned house and took turns taking 30-minute naps, grabbed something to eat from your packs, and got something to drink. 
You took off your helmet, put it in your lap, and leaned your head against the wall behind you. Almost there, just a little bit longer. 
You pulled out the picture of Joel and Sarah and smiled softly. The house you were in shook as a nearby explosion happened, you ducked your head down and instinctually grabbed your necklace.
Once the shaking stopped you looked back at the picture and gently brushed your finger against it, thinking of what life will be like with them once you’re out of here. Holding onto that, keeping that in the back of your head for the next 24 hours. 
Jack stood up and pulled a map out of his pack, “Ok, we are right here.” he pointed to an area on the map, “Williams is here.” he pointed to another location a little further south. You and Maria looked at the map. 
“What if we went down this road? It's covered by overhead coverings… looks like it may have been a marketplace before…” you pointed to a road to the east of your location which would lead directly to the coordinates, “It would give us cover to move faster and avoid getting hit potentially from above?” 
Jack looked at your suggestion, “Maria, any suggestions?” he looked her way. 
She shook her head, “If she suggests we go that way, I trust her suggestion.”  
Jack looked at you, and took a breath, thinking, “My only concern is if it was a marketplace and has that overhead coverage, it might be a camp base for the enemy.” 
You thought for a second, “What if we threw a smoke bomb in? If anyone would be in there, it would create movement, and if it’s invaded, we just walk away and go just up here?” pointing to the main road. “Main road will take longer but it’ll be plan B. The hope would be this road works…” 
Jack nodded, “That’ll work. How many smoke bombs do we have?” 
“We each have two, that’s 6 total. We have maybe a thousand yards to location… if we throw one every 150 yards we can scope out targets and create a cover for us.” Maria said. 
Jack looked at you and Maria, “That’ll work.” he nodded, “Ok, pack up, we can use the lack of light tonight for further coverage.” 
You both nodded and gathered your things. You put your helmet back on and put the photo back in your vest pocket after kissing it gently. 
Jack looked at you then Maria, “If anything happens to me, you need to grab my radio, and once you get to Willams, carry him to a rooftop nearby and turn to channel 5. Call for Alpha 402, tell them where you are, and they will send a rescue aircraft within minutes.” 
You both nodded. 
He nodded back and then you all started heading to the road you hoped to take. Praying this would be a simple task now that you’ve made it this far, hoping this would be over soon. 
You made it down the road with 4 smoke bombs and no movement, you had around 200 yards to go. You kept telling yourself that was easy, that’s 2 football fields. 
Jack threw the 5th smoke bomb and waited, scoping out and watching the terrain in front of you. No movement, no sound, it was quiet. 
Too quiet. 
“We need to run…” Jack said all of a sudden. 
“What?” Maria said, not grasping what he said. 
“There’s no sound, no birds, nothing, something is going to happen. We need to run,” he said quietly. 
All of sudden you heard sirens, sirens signaling only one thing. 
“Fuck. Run!” Jack said running, you grabbed Maria’s hand and pulled her with you. 
You ran for your life. The sirens got louder the more you ran. 
Jack yelled “Over here!” he cut to the left and like a miracle you saw someone peeking out for the rubble, it was the Captain. 
You and Maria immediately ran over to him and knelt, you quickly checked his pulse, it was weak but there. 
You looked and saw he had an abdominal injury as well as a broken leg.
“Maria, splint the leg fast, I’ll pack the abdominal wound.” you looked up around you for the tallest building. 
“Jack, call for air support immediately after we finish addressing these injuries to that building…” you nodded towards a tall building. 
He nodded and kept a lookout, “We need to get him moved, hurry!” 
You packed the wound as best you could and gave him a shot of morphine quickly. Maria splinted the leg and also sprayed it with that same antibacterial spray. 
“Ok done.” you said, looking at Maria. 
“Me too, done.” she said. 
Jack pulled out his radio and called for air support, expressing that you were in the middle of a possible missile drop and that air support was needed immediately. 
You stood up and grabbed Williams, picking him up like you did with Terrance. “Let's go, we have stairs to fucking climb, and I wanna get the fuck home…” you said straining starting to walk towards the building. As you entered the building you heard gunshots from behind you, you turned to find Maria on the ground, bleeding. 
“Maria!” you shouted.
Jack shot back towards where the shots were coming from and then took cover in the building you were in, “Let’s go! She’s gone.” 
You shook your head, you could tell she was still alive, “No, she needs help! Jack, she needs help!” 
“Listen I’m not here to get her to safety, I’m here to get him. We need to move.” he pushed you towards the stairs. 
You looked at him in disbelief, anger brewing, “Then you get him out. I’m not leaving without her.” you set the Captain down, grabbed the radio he had on his belt, and started walking back out.  
“You’ll never make it! Don’t be stupid!” Jack shouted as he lifted the Captain over his shoulder. 
“She’s my sister, I’m not leaving her…” you said as you ran back out to her. 
Maria was 20 feet from the building. A few shots went past you, you shot back a few times and then threw the last one of your smoke bombs to create some cover. 
You got to her and dragged her to some cover nearby. She was shot in the shoulder and stomach. 
“You need to go, leave me.” she said, breath ragged and uneven. 
“Maria shut up. I’m not leaving you.” you said, putting pressure on her stomach. 
You looked up at the sky and didn’t see a plane coming in yet, you had time. 
You hurried and gave her a shot of morphine and then packed her abdomen, “I’m going to carry you. We’re going to make it. I need you to take my pistol and shoot anyone you see behind us until we get into that building, got it?”
Maria shook her head, tears streaming, “Y/N, please, you need to leave me, I’m dead weight.” 
“Maria, I made a promise to your parents I would take care of you, and you and I made a deal on that fucking plane we were both making it back, now shut up and say you’ll cover my back!” you shouted at her, focusing on packing her wound. 
She looked at you, tears streaming, she was scared. 
“I’m not leaving without you.” you looked at her, and shook your head, “You would do the same for me.” 
She nodded, and chuckled, “You’re so annoyingly stubborn.” 
You chuckled and smiled at her, “Yes I am, which is why we will make it out of here.” 
You finished packing her wound and then zipped her vest back up to cover it, keeping it in place, “Ok, ready?” 
She nodded and you handed her your pistol. You then grabbed a grenade you had and threw it to make some cover. You grabbed Maria’s arm swung her around your shoulders and started running to the building. 
She fired a couple of shots and from what you could tell hit something or someone. 
You got inside and looked up, you had at least 12 flights to climb, “You owe me.” you said with a chuckle before you started climbing the stairs, adrenaline driving you. More than halfway up you heard the sound of a plane nearby. 
“Fuck we gotta move. Hold onto me!” you shouted. 
She wrapped around you as best she could and gripped your vest. 
Your legs were burning, your heart pounding so hard you felt like it was going to burst, but you knew you needed to keep pushing. 
You made it to the top floor and Jack was loading the Captain in.
“Wait!” you called slamming the door open. 
Jack looked back and saw you, yelled at the pilot to hold on, and leaned out of the cockpit to help you load Maria in. 
You stepped and grabbed the handle to load yourself in when you felt something hit the side of your leg, you looked down and saw blood, “Fuck.” you looked behind you and before you could react or shoot, Jack fired a round, “Get in!” you pulled yourself in and sat on the floor. 
“Ok, Robbie let’s get the fuck out of here!” Jack shouted and you felt the plane pull up and turn towards safety. 
You immediately assessed your leg, starting to spray bacterial spray and then wrapping it with gauze and a wrap, hard-wired when seeing blood to address it. 
You looked over at Maria after and she was already looking at you. You started laughing, “We did it.” 
You chuckled which turned into a laugh, “Fuck, yeah we did!” 
Jack joined in, and you looked over at him, sarcastically saying “Fuck you, saying I wouldn’t make it.” 
He chuckled, “Shouldn’t have underestimated your stubbornness…” 
Maria laughed louder, “No, no you shouldn’t have!” 
You all three were in a fit of giggles when the pilot came through the intercom, “We need to divert to Delta 27, Delta 30 is under attack.” you all stopped laughing and you looked at Maria. 
Z and Reggie. 
You pulled yourself up and limped towards the cock pit, “What do you mean under attack?” 
“I just got a message that the enemy opened fire on it, with several casualties, it’s not safe to land.” 
Your heart immediately dropped, “But… I got people there… we have family, please, just… just drop me down, you don’t have to land, I can do a drop-off. Take them to 27… Please.” 
Jack came up behind you, “Drop us down, they’ll need reinforcements.” 
The pilot looked at you both and nodded, “Fine but just so you know you’re going back into an active combat area.” He started to turn the craft back towards your camp. 
“No disrespect sir but we were just in no man’s land, this will be nothing...” you said looking at Jack, he nodded, agreeing. 
You went back and knelt by Maria, taking her hand, “I need you to get in contact with Tommy and Joel. I need you to tell Joel I will be ok and I will call him as soon as I can but I needed to get Z and Reggie. Tell him…” you paused, thinking of what to tell him, “Tell him I meant my last message with everything in me and I’ll keep my promise, it’s just taking me longer, but I’ll make it back.” 
She nodded and looked at you, “Promise me you’ll call me when you’re somewhere safe.” 
You nodded and gripped her hand. “I promise. You get some help and stay alive until I get to you, deal?” she nodded and chuckled. 
You stood and looked at Jack, “We are looking for a kid named Z and the medic here, his name is Reggie. We get them to safety first then we reinforce.” 
He nodded, “Got it.” 
You let out a shaky breath and looked down at the camp, explosions and smoke everywhere. 
“This as close as I can get!” the pilot said. He hovered over a building, you let out the rope ladder and slid down, Jack following behind you. 
“Alright, follow me, I think I know where to find Z.” you said as you headed down the stairs.
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Taglist: @vod80 , @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls
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25 notes · View notes
dear-aubade · 3 hours ago
Note
first of all I love your writing style 💔
second: can you make a drabble where Joel comforts reader during her cold or any kind of sickness, maybe even usual stomachache aand then they have soft cute gentle xex, and he whispers praises to her, soothing all of her aches, lyyy
- 🐿️
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Awwe thank you for the kind words anon, I’m glad you like my work! Here you go!
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader
Summary: You try to hide your sickness from Joel because you don’t want to stress him out. It doesn’t work.
Notes: Sick fic, praise kink, soft!dom!joel, sub!reader, sick!reader, reader is in her head a lot, unprotected p in v, reader is very much Joel’s baby, READER IS NOT PREGNANT SHE’S JUST NAUSEOUS
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It was normal for you to be reserved. A little quieter than most, a little more soft. Joel knew you better than anybody, and he could tell when you’d slipped into your daydreams, just needing a few moments to drift off within your own head.
But this…this was different.
The day had started off as usual. You and Joel woke up together tangled in blankets, his strong arms holding you close. But the moment you blinked your bleary eyes awake you gave him a swift kiss and mumbled, “M’gonna go shower” before leaving him alone in bed.
Things only got stranger from there. That afternoon Joel was scheduled to leave for a short patrol with Tommy—lately there had been more Clicker sightings, so he and his brother had increased the amount of rotations needed per day. Joel didn’t want to leave you alone when he suspected something was wrong, but it was necessary for him to go if they wanted to keep Jackson a safe haven.
Normally when he was about to leave you’d get all teary-eyed and try to get as many kisses from him as you could before he took off. This time, however, you gave him a short smile and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
That sent Joel’s suspicion through the roof. He had studied your face, searching for any indication there might be something off. Your eyes were a little droopy, but he also knew that the night before you’d been up late with him reading to you…
“Is everything okay, baby?” he had asked softly.
Something flickered in your eyes and a little v appeared between your brow as it creased in confusion. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know, I’m just a little worried about you.”
At that, you gave him an innocent smile. “I’m just tired, Joel. I’m okay.” You stood on your tiptoes to press your lips to his in a soft peck. “I’ll be here when you get back.”
Against his better judgement, he’d left. But that didn’t stop him from worrying about you all throughout patrol.
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You felt absolutely awful.
In the morning you’d woken with quite possibly the worst stomach ache you’d ever experienced. You thought a shower might make you feel better, that your body was just disagreeing with something you’d eaten the day before.
It got worse. It seemed that anything you did made the nausea flare up. All you wanted to do was be Joel’s princess for the day, to whine until he took you in his arms and hushed your cries with sweet words and sweeter kisses.
But he had patrol that day, and you didn’t want him to worry. You weren’t supposed to make him worry, you were supposed to be his good girl. You didn’t want him distracted—you knew he’d been stressed about the increased Clicker sightings and you didn’t want to add more to the burden he was already carrying.
And so you stayed silent about it. You smiled at him and sent him on his way, and finally, finally when you were alone, you snuggled up back in bed.
You were freezing. Even with the thick blankets piled on top of you, you still were shivering, and your stomach ache stayed constant. Even your mind began to fuzz to the point where you didn’t know how long it had been since Joel left. You stopped caring about the need to pretend everything was fine—you just wanted him.
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You weren’t in the living room when Joel got back. Normally you’d be there waiting since it was the closest comfy place to the door, so the moment you heard the door open you could run and embrace him in a flurry of kisses.
But you weren’t there.
“Baby?” he called out, shutting the door behind him.
No response.
He frowned and took his shoes off, then shed his thick snow jacket and gloves. Beneath he was just wearing dark-washed jeans and his signature flannel.
In your room, all Joel saw was a lump beneath the thick gray comforter. “Darlin’?” Joel crossed the room and knelt beside the bed. Were you asleep? Did—
“Joel?” Your voice was strained, small. You rolled over and Joel’s stomach sank. Your eyes were hazy, your cheeks slightly flushed. Had you been crying?
“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “What’s wrong?”
He cupped your cheek and your bottom lip quivered for a moment before you burst into tears.
“Oh, baby.” He promptly stood and got into bed with you, pulling you into his arms. You were so much smaller than him, so easy to pick up and hold against him. “I gotcha. Shh,” he soothed.
You cried quietly into his chest as you clung to him while he smoothed back your hair and pressed gentle kisses to your head. His words were soft murmurs.
“It’s okay darlin’, I’m here now. S’alright….deep breaths sweetheart, can you do that for me? Can you—oh, good girl. That’s it, just keep taking deep breaths for me…”
Eventually your sobs quieted, though a tear still fell down your cheek every now and then. After a few more minutes of holding you, Joel spoke again.
“What’s wrong, honey?” he prompted. “Can you tell me what happened?”
You sniffled. “Just….” Your brow creased. “Jus’ don’t feel good.”
Joel hummed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Didn’t want you to worry.” Your bottom lip trembled. “I didn’t want—“
“Hey, don’t start again,” he cooed softly, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “You don’t ever have to think that ever again, you hear? I like worrying about you. You’re my baby, ‘s my job to take care of you.”
He saw your reaction to that—lips parting, brows relaxing, eyes going a little doe like.
“You like hearin’ me say that?” he murmured, thumb gently caressing your cheekbone, catching another stray tear. “Like that I take care of you?”
You nodded, eyes big and wide.
Joel kissed your forehead. “You need me to distract you a little bit baby? Make all the bad feelings go away for awhile?”
“Mhmm.” Your little voice was breathless.
Joel chuckled. “Alright honey. You just keep laying there n’ lookin’ pretty—don’t gotta do any of the work.”
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Your head had been fuzzy before because of the sickness, but it was nothing compared to now. When Joel talked to you like this, held you like this…it made everything around him grow foggy.
He slid his hand beneath the waistband of your sweatpants and his index finger started to tease your bud over your panties. You squirmed.
“Wigglin’ already baby? I haven’t even done anything yet.” You could hear the smile in Joel’s voice.
His fingers slid past your underwear to dip into your wetness. You whined and tucked your face into the crook of his neck, embarrassed at how slippery you were already.
Joel chuckled and held you tighter. “It’s okay, sweet girl. Nothing wrong with bein’ ready.”
You whimpered as his fingers circled the outside of your entrance. You shook your head at his teasing. “Want your cock,” you whined so sweetly in his ear. “I can take it, promise….just want you to make it all better.”
“Awe baby,” Joel crooned, pressing another kiss to your hair. “Okay. Just give me a sec…”
He shifted to pull down his pants and boxers and toss them to the side. He was already hard against your hip. Laying side-by-side, your chest to his, Joel slid his length past your folds.
Oh….you could have sworn you forgot about your aches and pains right in that moment. He made you feel so full. He was so big, so thick and warm….you could feel him all the way up in your tummy.
Joel let out a sigh that bordered on a groan. “You’re so perfect, sweetheart. So good…”
He started to rock his hips gently and you whimpered, burying your face into his chest.
He chuckled. “So shy, baby. That’s okay, you just sit there…don’t gotta worry about a single thing.”
One of your legs hooked over his hip as his pace sped up and you clung to him the whole way through. You felt so…so…oh, you feel him dragging along your walls so nicely. You were absolute putty in his arms—Joel always made you feel that way, always gave you such big feelings it made you feel too small to hold them all.
“So good, baby,” he cooed. “Such a good girl, taking me so well…just lay there and let me fill you up—oh, you’re so tight around me princess…”
You could feel it then, that big feeling. The one that made you whimper and whine, trying to hide your face more than it already was. “Joel…”
“It’s okay, just let it happen.” His pelvis was rubbing against your bundle of nerves oh so nicely it made you dizzy. “Let me feel you finish on my cock, darlin’, you’re so good for me, so good…”
Every coo and murmur only brought you higher. You let out another high-pitched whine as the feeling started to become too much, too tight too hot too everything, oh you were right there, you…
You cried out as you reached your peak and then fell over the edge. Joel held you the whole way through as you clenched around him and he spilled inside of you, murmuring praises the whole time.
“Good girl, good girl….my pretty baby, you’re doing so well, taking my cock in that pretty pussy of yours….that’s it sweetheart…”
He rocked his hips gently to help bring you down from your high, slowly decreasing his pace until he came to an eventual stop.
He held you in his arms, your body against his. You hummed contentedly and nuzzled at his neck.
Joel smiled. “Feel better, sweet girl?”
“Mmm.”
Joel chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He kissed your forehead. “Why don’t we get in the bath for a bit to clean up, and then I’ll make you some soup? Nothing that will be too harsh on your stomach.”
You blinked drowsily and nodded. “Mhmm. I’d like that.”
Yes, you’d like that very much indeed.
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lillaydee · 15 hours ago
Text
Matchmade Part 2
Millionaire! Joel Miller / Reader
Having experienced traumatic, life altering events, a freshly divorced Joel worked to repay his debt to the person he owed his life to.
WARNINGS:
Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Character Death, Fluff, Angst, Eventual Smut.
SERIES MASTER LIST
Part 1
---
***So many possibly inaccurate medical jargons and conditions ahead. I don't know why i keep writing about medical conditions - I am nowhere near the Doctor spectrum occupation-wise. Just a shit ton of Grey's Anatomy and House. So, sorry about that.***
What? No, that’s impossible. She was there. She must be hiding. He had only known her for a day, but she seemed like the type. He had to make sure she was safe.
Joel’s thoughts were suddenly lost. He had lost consciousness, his energy completely depleted, he had lost too much blood. Tommy radioed the main boat, and they called for help. His heart had stopped by the time they got to the main boat, and he had to be shocked several times to get it going again. Soon after, he was flown into the nearest hospital, Tommy going with him, praying to God his brother would make it.
He was severely injured. Aside from the many, many, many lacerations and sunburn that he had, he was also severely concussed, his stomach wound had festered, nearing sepsis, he had a fever, his lungs were partly filled with seawater and debris, his main organs affected by it all, not to mention, a few bruised and cracked ribs, and hairline fractures on his arm and leg bones. The doctors were shocked when Tommy told them he was mobile when first spotted, one wouldn’t be able to tell from the extent of his injuries.  
When he finally woke up from his surgery, his first question was about Sarah. She’s at home, with Tess, Tommy told him. She was far too young to see him like that. He asked what happened. They received a distress call from the boat, fire in the engine room. It blew up. So far, he was the only one found. How long had it been? Five days, Tommy said. Joel only remembered being on the island for a night. He must have been unconscious for three days before he woke up.
The doctor said he was extremely lucky. If the boat hadn’t spotted him when it did, he would be dead that very night from the bleeding. He was lucky he was unconscious; the wood plugged his wound from bleeding too much until he pulled it out. The water and food he consumed definitely helped, too. He would’ve just slipped in his sleep from dehydration of he hadn’t had a drink.
Joel asked about Allison. Allie. The doctor looked a little apprehensive before answering – he was concussed, it was mostly delirium. He was seeing things. The rescue team went and scoured that island. No one was there.
Joel couldn’t understand. She was there. He wouldn’t have been alive and rescued if not for her. She woke him up when it rained, made him drink and clean his wound, made him plant the makeshift flag, made him go get the crackers, which he wouldn’t have found on his own, weak as he was. She woke him up when the boat was sighted. She made him draw their attention.
He would be long dead if not for her.
But as they had told him, there was no one else there. Maybe he did imagine her. maybe his mind was trying to save him?
Tommy stayed with him at the hospital, not wanting to leave his brother for a second. Maria and Tess came to visit when his parents got back to look after Sarah. Joel hadn’t wanted to speak to her on FaceTime, his face was almost unrecognizable. There were cuts and bruises all over, his skin was peeling, he didn’t want to scare her.
Tess and Maria told him that Tommy left as soon as the distress call was made, and didn’t come back until he was found, refusing to believe he was dead. Liz came to the office, demanding to see his will, and for Joel to be declared dead. She made a scene when she found out that Joel had instructed that all his money and other possessions to be given to Sarah, with Tommy as the executor until she turned 21. Joel was only going to give her the house in the event of his death. She was also still the sole beneficiary of his considerable life insurance. It’s not a wonder she was antsy for him to kick the bucket.
He was suddenly exhausted again, his head hurt from all the information that was given to him. His body was hurting from his injuries. After dinner, a nurse came in and gave him some painkillers, and before long, he was asleep again.
---
“Joel! Joel! Wake up! You have to wake up! You need to get help!”
He opened his eyes slightly; Tommy was sound asleep in the chair right next to his bed.
“Joel! Look alive, old man! She’s doing something!”
He glanced to his left, a nurse was standing next to his IV, checking something. He didn’t move, unsure if he was awake or dreaming.
“Joel! Wake your brother up! Do something!”
Who was speaking? The voice sounded familiar.
The nurse glanced at him and Tommy. He closed his eyes, not wanting to make a scene if nothing was going on. He couldn’t see her face from the angle. From her clothing, she was a nurse. Maybe she was just there to administer some medications. She took something from her pocket, and produced a syringe, still in its package. Joel placed his fingers around the call button, ready to press it if necessary, careful not to move, his eyes only slightly open to watch her. She removed the syringe from the package and pulled the plunger all the way back.  She placed a needle on it and inserted it into the IV line and began to quickly push.
Joel pushed the button as many times as he could, while shouting as loudly as he could for Tommy, who jumped upright and yelled for help, despite his grogginess. Something about his brother’s voice set off an alarm in his head. The nurse, unable to complete her task, tried to run, but Tommy managed to grab her, screaming for help.
The alarms were going off. Joel had gone into cardiac arrest.
“SOMEBODY HELP!!!”
---
Joel opened his eyes, feeling as if his chest had collapsed. Tommy was sitting at his bedside, his hands rested on the bed, his chin on them, his eyes red from sleep deprivation, exhaustion and possibly emotion.
“What happened?”
Tommy heaved a sigh of relief, calling for the doctor instead of answering him.
The doctor came rushing in and gave him a quick check-up. Once satisfied, the doctor left, instructing Joel to rest as much as he could. Joel’s eyes followed the doctor out, realizing that there were police officers outside his room.
Tommy took a cup and filled it with water, and asked Joel to drink.
“Tommy, what happened?”
He looked at Joel hesitantly.
“Liz tried to kill you. She injected air into your IV line. You had a heart attack. You flatlined. It took them forever to get you back.”
Tommy began to cry.
“The only reason you didn’t die was because she didn’t manage to finish the job. You woke me up before she could. If she did… Joel, if you… I can’t…”
He sobbed. His face buried on Joel’s side, his hand clutching at his brother’s arm. 
Joel rubbed his little brother’s head, telling him he was alright. It took a while for Tommy to calm down. By then, Tess had come in, trying hard to get Tommy to go home and rest. He hadn’t left Joel’s side at all. She was starting to worry for him. He refused. Terrified to even sleep, now that Liz had done what she had done. Maria came in a while later, bringing Tommy some clothes to change into, and food for the three of them. She told him not to worry. Liz wasn’t coming back anytime soon. She was charged with attempted murder. Caught red handed. Tommy looked relieved. He was terrified she was going to get off scott free.
“Hey, Joel? How did you know she was here? How did you know to ask for help? You were on painkillers,” Tommy wondered.
Joel tried to get up. They helped him adjust the bed, so he was more comfortable.
“Someone woke me up. Screamed at me asking me to get up. Wake you up.”
“Who? There was no one in the room.”
“I know. I didn’t see her either.”
“Who are you talking about?”
“That girl I told you about. Allie.”
The room got really quiet.
“But Joel…”
“Look, I know what you said. But I didn’t imagine her. She helped me on that island. If it weren’t for her, I would be dead. Maybe she’s in my head, but she was real to me. And it was her last night. I didn’t see her, but it was her. She was screaming at me to wake up, just like she did when it rained on the island, she told me to drink. Clean my wound. She told me there was some food washed up. I couldn’t move. She forced me to. She told me to make the flags. She woke me up when she saw your boat. If she didn’t, I wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have seen me. It was all her. I swear, I’m not crazy. Maybe I imagined her, but it was all her. Allison. Allie. With an A, but she wishes it was spelled with an E instead. Because her teacher kept calling her first in class.”
He laid his head back down, exhausted from trying to explain this. He knew what concussions could do, and he was concussed. Maybe she was in his head. But that didn’t make her unreal. She was there, and she saved his life. Twice.
Tess let out a deep breath.
“Well, if that’s the case, then thank you Allie.”
“Thank you Allie,” Maria said, raising her soda.
“Thank you Allie,” Tommy said, “here’s to you, Allie,” raising his soda before drinking the whole thing in one go, earning himself a brain freeze.
Tommy decided to stay with Joel, promising that he would rest. Joel requested a cot for him, the man looked as if he was about to fall over. The police officers had left, Liz being in custody, sure that he was not in anymore danger. They did move him to the room right in front of the nurse’s station though, at Tommy’s insistence, just for his peace of mind.
As much as Joel rolled his eyes at his brother’s overprotectiveness, Joel was secretly glad. He was having trouble sleeping that night, despite his exhaustion. Since he had arrived at the hospital, his sleep had been aided by medication. Now, he was terrified of falling asleep, worried that Liz was coming back, or that he would wake up on the island again, that all this had been a dream. He watched something on TV while Tommy slept, his eyes closing every now and again, only to be jolted awake again, too nervous to properly sleep.
But eventually, sleep took him.
---
When he woke, someone was sitting cross-legged at the end of his bed. He glanced at the clock, three am.
“Allie.”
“Hey old man. Glad to see you made it.”
“Where did you come from?”
“What are you reading from a script? Have some originality, old man. Is that all you could ever think to ask me?”
“Quit calling me old man.”
“You are old, old man.”
“I’m in my 30s, thank you.”
“Ooh… that’s not old at all…” she said, waving her hands around.
“How did you get off the island?”
“You know, you are far too interested in how I got here and there.”
“Okay, what are you doing here?”
“Visiting you.”
“It’s three am.”
“So? Maybe I’m not just visiting you.”
“Who else would you be visiting?”
“A friend, she’s on the 4th floor.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
She shrugged, averting his eyes.
Tommy stirred. Joel turned to look at him.
When he turned back, Allie was gone.
When Joel woke up the next day, he was sure he’d dreamt it all.
Really, if he really thought about it.
First of all, she disappeared when he looked away, in a split second. He didn’t feel her move or hear her run off. He might have been severely injured, and according to her, old, but to his knowledge, he could still feel his legs, and his hearing was intact, for now.
Second of all, she was what, maybe thirteen? Fourteen? It was three in the morning. Who in their right mind let their teen daughter visit someone at the hospital at three in the morning?
And finally, when he asked the nurses about it, they informed him the main door to the ward was locked at eleven at night. Someone had to buzz her in, and no one came in at that time.
Yeah, he must have been dreaming.
---
Joel had been healthy all his life. He was a strong man, made stronger by his size, his occupation, and his youth. Big, strong, imposing, deep sea fisherman. But right now, he was quite the opposite. He couldn’t talk for long without going out of breath. He couldn’t walk properly without help. He needed help showering. He needed help getting dressed.
It's so easy to give up when you went to bed a strong, horse of a man, and woke up as he did. He honestly had no idea how he had managed to walk at all on the island. His legs were severely chafed, cut, bruised, the soles of his feet practically robbed off the skin. All the bandages, the casts, the sutures were only making things worse. He had lost so much weight in the five days he was lost at sea; you would think he was a different man altogether.
He missed Sarah so badly he felt as if he was losing his mind. He talked to her on the phone, but he still didn’t look his best, and the last thing he wanted was for his little girl to think he was weak and couldn’t protect her anymore. So he waited. but it was killing him.
That first week he spent at the hospital was not necessarily bad, save for the attempted murder scenario, but other than that, he was sleeping most of the time. Whenever he was awake, Tommy was there, so that helped with the boredom. But once the doctors declared him stable, he persuaded Tommy to go home. The man had a life, a wife, a job to take care of. He couldn’t bogart him like that. But the very first day he was gone, Joel felt it. He was never an idle man, and laying on a hospital bed alone, not having company, hardly able to move, was annoying, to say the least.
He started taking short walks as soon as he could manage standing without getting dizzy. He had to use a walker, but he was walking. Just around his room at first, and then to the nurse station, before eventually making his way around the ward.
He was still not sleeping through the night. He kept waking up every couple of hours but managed to sleep longer and longer each day. He was sure he saw Allie sitting in one of the chairs one night, but when he turned the lights on she was gone. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Why did he keep seeing her? She was always in the same clothing. That should’ve been a clue that she wasn’t real, but he had a hard time accepting it.
After two weeks, he was improving, by a lot. He no longer needed the walker but could only manage walks around the ward. Tommy helped him walk beyond the ward, following him with a wheelchair just in case. He went outside for the first time after three weeks, breathing in fresh air, having been too cooped up these last twenty days. His parents brought Sarah to visit him that day. He held her tight for so long she started squealing, missing the weight of her little body in his arms, the smell of her hair. I missed you BabyGirl, you got so big. His head magically cleared up after that, finding himself able to sleep longer – he had seen his BabyGirl, he felt more like himself.
The next day, he was taken for a final scan. He fell asleep during the scan, waking up as they were wheeling him back to his room. In his groggy state of mind, he saw Allie get into the elevator. He tried to call her, but the doors closed.
As soon as Tommy and Maria got there that evening, he asked them to accompany him to the fourth floor. This whole ‘Allie is not real’ thing was really bothering him. This girl saved his life – twice. He needed to know.
They accompanied him to the fourth floor – the pediatric unit. He didn’t know what he was looking for exactly, she said she was visiting a friend. He scanned the faces of the children in the ward, their parents/guardians in the open floor ward, looking for anything that could help him find her.
He found nothing.
Until the sound of a door closing caught his attention – a corridor with private rooms laid before him. He walked in and began reading the names on the door – most were open, their occupants resting, or talking to their guardians. Right at the end of the corridor, was an open door, sounds of machines beeping inside. He glanced at the name on the door – Williams, A.
The three of them peeked inside. Joel’s insides turned cold.
There, lying unconscious on the bed, covered in tubes and wires, was Allie.
“Tommy, this is her. This is Allie.”
The three of them stared at her unconscious body, her eyes taped shut, a breathing tube down her throat.
“What happened to her?”
“I don’t know. I swear I saw her walking around this morning.”
“Excuse me, can I help you?”
Joel turned around, and saw you standing by the open door, a cup of coffee in your hands.
---
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m here to visit Allie.”
“You know my sister?”
“Yeah, she, well, she saved my life.”
Joel told you everything. The island, the ward, everything.
You listened and asked him when this happened. Three weeks ago, he told you.
You stared at him and pressed the call button.
“You need to leave.”
“Wait, why?”
A nurse came in.
“Can you please escort these people out?”
“Look, I’m sorry, I just wanted to thank her, I mean no harm,” Joel was pleading with you, as the nurse began to escort him out.
“My sister couldn’t have helped you. She’s been in a coma for four months.”
---
Part 3
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thisisyesterdaystudy · 3 days ago
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Monday 7th (first day back at it)
actually had the most productive day of my life possibly - i'm sure it will all fall apart tmrw i'm staying up way to late for my 5/6 hours sleep or whatever it was
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Things I did
woke up in the AM (pretty good for me)
got ahead in biology, i got both today and tomorrow's topics done so i have more time to revise now which is good
got my sociology work done - that was the least exciting bit of my day, sort of did bare minimum
art history: studying jmw turner rn who i am not a bit fan of and in fact so much the contrary that i've been putting it off for 6 weeks but i put on a random classical music studying playlist and somehow that solved all my problems, i studied art hist the most today and i had a great time, it wasn't really the most efficient use of my time cos i was focusing all on turner biography type stuff when really the thing i should be focusing on is his paintings but i'm just glad to be motivated again
tour of the cell: this was good as extra consolidation for bio, didn't take me long which was good, i'd like to finish it this week but idk if that's possible
byzantine icons: had a very short section today but loved it looking forward to the rest - its very tenuous including this in my art history study time because its not really related to what i'm studying ever i'm just interested but idm
swedish: still enjoying learning swedish a lot - i think i just love being a beginner and i love starting things off, its probably the lack of pressure, like when i've been doing something for a long time there's so much attached to it emotionally - anyway, learned en tårta (a cake), got freaked out by en and ett nouns its cool
went climbing
wrote my daily essay on turner today no surprises there
did some knitting and some sketchbooking, the only things i have left to do today are read and plan tmrw which hopefully i'll do before i'll fall asleep but you'll never know
i wish i had a format for these things
Study Time
biology - 1h50m (inc. 30m extra course)
sociology - 50m
art hist - 4h (inc. 10m extra course + 2h essay research + writing)
swedish - 2h (haven't decided yet whether to include this in study time any input welcome idk what counts to me)
total compulsory - 6h
total extra - 2h40m
total - 8h40m
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crazy-fangirl2524 · 1 month ago
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I had a dream where Neil needs to talk to Betsy so they lowkey got closer to the point Neil might goes to Betsy sometimes for issues right and have semi regular sessions and in one of them they are talking about Andrew and Kevin and because Neil overheard a conversation between Kevin and Betsy and then says something to Betsy like
“That’s where Kevin is wrong, he doesn’t notice the way Andrew looked at him. I know im attractive and that’s why Andrew started noticing me but before me there’s Kevin but Kevin doesn’t notice.”
“Then why you?” Betsy asks Neil.
“It doesn’t have to be me, I’m not special. It could’ve been anyone.”
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sysig · 27 days ago
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Coding woes (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Ukadevlog#Bug testing sure is something lol#These are both problems I've figured out now luckily! And I did them on my own! :D Extra pleased with myself :3#My slightly cocky attitude of ''Well that was frustrating - luckily I'll never run into another problem again'' amuses me lol#'Cause in the moment everything's flying! The code comes together lovely and it's all great! And then I come up to the next thing#Something I haven't done before - something that there's no Direct how-to of how to do a thing#Like setting player-and-character pronouns! I didn't know how to do that! But I figured it out!! :0 What a rush haha#It really did take me an evening of knocking my head against the wall in attempts - I waaaayyy overcomplicated it to start haha#I was like - trying to set up a system that would call on specific pronoun sets individually based on player input#Ridiculous - so much easier to just slap some values into an envelope and have those tied to a specific shell lol#But that took all night! I got sleepy while working on it and even my drowsy brain was like Wait...what am I supposed to check against? Haha#Such a weird experience subconsciously as well :0 'Cause I had normal dreams that night#Maybe some slight code-adjacent dreams of A Screen With Text On It but that could be anything :P#Most of it was just normal dream melodrama - but in the few times I woke up to readjust or roll over or pull my blanket#It was juuuuust enough for my ''conscious'' brain to kick in and think about what to compare against - what structure would work#And so by the time I woke up proper I had to frantically write down a bunch of code in a spare word document so I wouldn't go stir crazy lol#Breakfast must wait! Dailies must wait! I Have to write this down!!#And when I implemented it - it worked exactly as I hoped it would and is much much Muuuuuch simpler to call upon haha#Wow! That was a weird fluke that definitely won't happen again! Haha#I don't actually believe that I just have no way of guessing which aspect will trip me up - This Should Be Easy! And then it isn't lol#Definitely didn't predict the second - Especially because other than a small roadbump of not knowing how to Shell-Switch (ty again Cherry ♥)#Everything up to then was going well and everything after that was going fine! Until The One Thing happened pffbtl#I wanted to assign a value to check if a specific piece of code was being called upon - basically a fork between two outcomes#That went fine! The value Was changing! But only the first fork was being called???#No lol I just didn't put the second = ugh pft - and what's more frustrating is that I'd been using == up to that point!! I'd been warned!!!!#I - for some reason - was convinced that using && would make the value check Only need to check If x = 1... That's not how it works......#It's an If statement! If x = 1 then why do I have to check IF x == 1! Just check!!! Hwagh rules and whatnot lol#Like I said it's all fixed now but sheesh! What a silly mistake! I knew better!! And now I double know better haha
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 years ago
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ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.
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haruka is watching all of this unfold.
[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]
ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.
(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)
first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.
[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]
kiwami stuff
so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:
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that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.
shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:
date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:
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kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:
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date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:
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then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:
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which makes an impression on kiryu:
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date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:
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after the dust has cleared,
kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:
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so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?
kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.
and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.
okay. now we get to kiwami 2.
if you forgot, the context is basically:
everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on
there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it
ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so
sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch
ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad
kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer
here's the scene itself:
sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)
date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:
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before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:
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we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:
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and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:
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then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.
so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?
the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:
it's about choices.
the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.
now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.
this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.
(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)
characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.
so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.
they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.
i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?
put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.
here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.
once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.
it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.
it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.
characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.
i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.
i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway
and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).
instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.
note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.
kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.
and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.
so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.
and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.
tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)
there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.
#got so into this post that i used tumblr on my laptop for the first time to surpass mobile's image limit#i also added transcriptions in the alt text (which i should do more often)#actually thinking about it in the movie kiryu teaches haruka that lesson about stumbling on.. and she's the one to ask to follow him... hm.#just interesting given that the movie came out before 2. i don't think it makes much of a difference to the post it's just neat to me#one of my favorite parts of writing this was skimming through a bunch of yk1/yk2 cutscenes and noticing how often kiryu pats haruka's head#it happens a lot more than i remembered and it's very sweet to me. get bonked little one <3#another good thing was realizing you can edit tags when you're not on mobile.... fucking life changing. i have lost hours to mobile tag#editing and i'm not even kidding about that#speaking of editing this one took like 6 hours.. my brother used “yakuza autism” (verb) for me earlier and it's so true. source: this post#i did have a short break to get food bc i hadn't eaten all day but that's mostly because i woke up at 3pm. anyway#also if you like kiwami 2's ending you're not even remotely alone. i looked at the comment sections of the scene comps and ppl love it#and more power to you!! i like it when people enjoy things. and tbh i DO have feelings that i'm supposed to about that ending#i just also have feelings you're not supposed to. like. anger. i guess.#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#skrunk meta#aww yeah it's a new tag babeyy#yakuza kiwami 2#kiwami 2#yakuza#like a dragon#yk2#kiryu kazuma#sawamura haruka#sayama kaoru#maybe my thoughts'll change after replaying the games...? it's been like a year and a half since i beat yk2 so i am a bit fuzzy on it#yakuza kiwami spoilers#yakuza kiwami 2 spoilers
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end-orfino · 2 years ago
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And you may ask yourself, "why do I even fucking bother"
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year ago
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it started as a simple song-inspired fic, how did it end up like this
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crownbeed · 20 days ago
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sometimes ya just gotta go "i sound like im the messiah of a doomsday cult"/"i'm starting to sound like I wear tin foil hats"
they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"
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orcelito · 3 months ago
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I spent 3.5 hours laying in bed and Not Sleeping simply because it was not foretold. Still tried my best tho, and it was still rest even if it wasn't as good as actual sleep.
I'm up now to focus good and hard on my essay exam for the next...hmmm. well I have 12 pages to write. 3 pages per 4 sections. I did start on one section tho. And these have the benefit of being less heavy of topics as the ones in the first exam. Aka the "explain the differences between sex, gender, and sexuality in depth" and the "talk about how religion has impacted gender presentations" and the "discuss the impact of gender on psychology" etc etc. First one was unexpectedly tricky bc of how Hard it is to describe smth that feels like common knowledge. Like how do you describe the male sex without getting weirdly detailed on it Or just saying "male sex organs" or whatever??? Idk I made do. Religion was the chunkiest one and the hardest to do, by virtue of how much damn research I had to do. The psychology one was the one I rushed lol but the saving grace for it was that it just said "discuss" instead of like. Explain In Depth (like it did for the first two.) Which. The 2nd one was actually pretty easy, aka it was about explaining each term under the LGBTQIA+ acronym. I wrote that one the fastest (for obvious reasons lol) but it was still tedious to write it all out. Still not as hard as the religion question tho.
THIS EXAM....!!! The first question is asking about how sexual language has evolved over time. The second is about gender's effect on nonverbal communication. The third is about gender in TV and film. And the fourth is about sexism in the music industry.
So, certainly topics there are a lot to say about, but also not getting quite so deep in the historical or scientific sides of things. Mostly about modern sociology, I guess 🤔. And they all basically have the "discuss" prompt, so I just need to say some shit that's on-topic and answers the central question and I'll be golden!!!
So I'm Hoping it won't take me too too long. Best case scenario, I finish by... 4 am...? With the last one, it took me maybe 2 hours ish per prompt, except for the last one which I finished in a bit over an hour. Give or take a little. So if I stay on task and focus hard, maybe I can finish it in like 4 or 5 hours. Maybe 6. I'm hoping for not 8 lol. For it is 11:30 pm right now, and I will need to be up by 9 am. I'd like to get at least some sleep tonight!!!! So I will do my best.
#speculation nation#this is my own damn fault for procrastinating. again.#every time i try to not procrastinate and set up plans to not procrastinate. i dont follow them.#and then i have to deal with the consequences. over and over again.#sigh. im making it work. but it really is so unfortunate with big assignments like these.#i took my adderall tho and an ibuprofen and im just gonna keep chuggin water. yes#keep those brain muscles moving. keep on writing. etc etc. i can do this !!!!#i knew id have reduced sleep tonight tho which is why i was trying so hard to nap#bc i didnt get as much sleep last night as i tried to (bc i woke up at like 3:30 am and just couldnt get back to sleep)#so i was too tired today. and it was just Not Happening. two hours for two paragraphs is Pathetic...#so. decided to rest first. and i think im at least in better shape than earlier.#if nothing else i'll be comfier lol. i'll make it work.#but yeah i was hoping to sleep during my nap but it did not happen. possibly Because of how important it was to sleep.#too much pressure. so i psyched myself out of it or something. idk.#my legs were also aching tho. a weird contradictory thing where im so tired and achy that i Cant sleep. it sucks 😔#insomnia's a bitch sometimes i swear. and it always knows Exactly when is the worst time to hit...#anyways im gonna try my best 🫡🫡 if nothing else at least i know ive perservered through worst lol#at least i am not accidentally spending the night in a campus library working to finish a project on the last night before it was due!!!#or pulling an all nighter working on a final presentation the night before it was due... twice... 2 different classes...#doubtlessly many more examples but i dont care to try to remember them rn lol. i will do my best now 🫡
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