#just thinking about triggers
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What if Ford couldn't be hugged after he was chained up by Bill? What if Mabel or Dipper grabbed him by the wrist, trying to catch his attention, and he froze, seized with emotion bubbling up in his throat, what if he couldn't breath? What if he couldn't wear turtlenecks anymore?
Do you think sometimes he slipped his shirt off because he couldn't stand to feel something so close to his neck?
What if he avoided sleeping because he didn't like what was in his dreams?
Idk. I think about that old man an unhealthy amount.
#tw ptsd#ford pines#ptsd#stanford pines#grunkle ford#rambles#just thinking about triggers#might be projecting#definitely projecting
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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Reminiscing about Little Witch Academia.
#personal#delete later#maybe i'll talk about it tomorrow but it's a really cool anime and i'm forever shocked that it was made by trigger#a full cast of teenage girls and absolutely zero fanservice or sexualizing! what a concept!#also i was looking at designs for the bg student characters because they designed a whole student body to fill the school and gave them#names and nationalities and personalities and. there's a middle eastern student who wears a hijab/niqab! how cool is that!!#i don't think i've ever seen rep like that in a mainstream anime and speaks to how they genuinely gave a shit about diversity#you read about all these bg character's details and realize how much they cared about this anime's world#there are these twin from india who are both very protective of their smaller roommate and will get into fights about taking care of her#none of them have lines in the anime#there is a fat side character who is sweet and unapologetically just likes to eat and everyone is friends with her#there is a canonically butch character and an entire episode about her crossdressing as a man
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This might seem like an "old man yells at cloud" situation, but it's just wild growing up and being told how dangerous distracted driving is - how, at highway speeds, you can traverse the length of a football field (100 yards, 91 meters) in a matter of seconds - how one split second sending a text while driving could result in a potential fatal crash, and then getting on the road as a driver and being surrounded by billboards. Their entire purpose is to catch one's attention, so they're lining major roads, which tend to be highways. How is it that you're told how important it is to never be distracted while driving, but still being advertised to?
At best, this type of advertising is an eyesore to pedestrians and motorists and a general waste of electricity to light it, and at worst, it is an active danger considering they are there to advertise and therefore, must catch people's attention.
I'm not even against advertising in theory, but this particular mode bothers me so much and I hate how pervasive it is - especially in large cities or highways.
#politics#i don't know much about são paulo banning marketing billboards but on paper i want that here in the USA#as a motorist it at best just makes me more anxious driving in those larger cities because i want to FOCUS ON THE ROAD#and passing 5000 billboards per mile isn't helping actually!#i've gotten good at filtering that out of my FOV but it's still fucking exhausting lol#i especially hate those modern electric billboards. despise them actually#i am aware that advertising is a critical aspect to business management in some cases...#...but it shouldn't risk the safety of the populous for you to advertise to them and i see things like billboards as risking safety...#...i feel similarly about online advertising in that so much of it risks internet user's safety...#...such as flashing ads online which risk triggering epileptic seizures in light/photo-sensitive folks#distracted driving (texting): NO >:( || distracted driving (being advertised to): YAYYYY :D#i've been driving on my own for a few years now and i've been thinking about this for ENTIRELY too long
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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i'm sorry but hotd positing that all women are innately cautious and peaceful and compassionate while men are rash warmongers is not a feminist win! i could see the value in everyone being hesitant to go to war at the onset of the story because it intensifies the tragedy of this house tearing itself apart, but at this stage, rhaenyra has as much reason for bloodlust (if not more) as the men on the show. it's pretty heavily implied that the shock of her usurpation killed her daughter, aemond killed lucerys, and one of aegon's kingsguard snuck into her quarters with the intent to assassinate her. most importantly, she has felt entitled to the throne since she was named heir as a child. she should be incensed! rhaenyra's inaction in the season 1 finale due to a sudden aversion to violence was already stretching believability -- this is the same woman who expressed nothing beyond mild shock at vaemond's beheading, who plotted with daemon to have an innocent man killed to facilitate laenor's escape while declaring that the realm should fear her. to have rhaenyra insist on peace at this point in the story, when war is already well underway, is incredibly irrational.
this problem is not limited to rhaenyra. alicent ordered larys to kill mysaria's network of spies and any suspected traitors in the red keep, presumably without any due process, and neither of these decisions was depicted with the gravity they deserved for a character who was once horrified by any bloodshed. meanwhile, aegon had a few extra ratcatchers executed, and not only was the direction sufficiently ominous, but we also got a lengthy monologue from otto about how it would spell his doom. it is probably pointless to bring up rhaenys because she is written less like a believable human being and more like a mouthpiece for the writers to assert whatever political opinion they believe is correct in a given episode -- but she did very much kill dozens if not hundreds of smallfolk last season. she did do that and very clearly did not care. why is she an advocate against war? for both alicent and rhaenys, there is a strange dissonance where their actions are at odds with their attitudes about opposing large-scale war for the good of the realm. i'm not saying this dissonance cannot exist, but it should at least be acknowledged.
helaena raising concerns about the losses suffered by the smallfolk might have worked in isolation, but for it to accompany everything above is exhausting. can none of these women be allowed to feel for themselves?
#alicent isn't so much a problem in THIS ep btw... i'm just so annoyed by the fact that they brushed over her having larys kill ppl#i encourage her to commit atrocities but i would like it to be known that she committed them#in 1.09 she ordered larys so casually that i thought s2 was going to have a bit about how larys had gotten trigger-happy w arson again#because alicent had only wanted him to take out mysaria lmao. but i guess not???? we don't even see her conflicted about it?#baela and rhaena are finally getting to speak so maybe one of them (prob balea) will fix this. a girl can dream#rhaenyra targaryen#alicent hightower#rhaenys targaryen#helaena targaryen#house of the dragon#hotd spoilers#just finished the ep... i always watch a bit later when it drops on 🏴☠️#i did promise myself to hold off on any complaints until the full season dropped but i think this is egregious regardless of what happens
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silence
also this is from Wolfwood's POV (in case it isn't clear) i have 0 normal thoughts (every song ever is VW)
#i got possessed for 4 days straight and have been making comics every goddamn day#some i like too much to post just yet#but this one was a pain in the ass so (as per usual) must get posted#after it's on tumblr dot com i feel free#so you know how wolfwood points his gun at vash out of fear multiple times#i thought i'd draw a little something about it but much much worse#i dont think ww would ever shoot but it would probably haunt him in his dreams#thinking about how it would feel like to pull the trigger#distantly wondering if vash would /let/ him shoot. if he wanted wolfwood to finally kill him#also#trans wolfwood agenda#but i just casually throw it in the mixture before cooking up some fucked up shit about vw#also i fucking loveeeee the band 'i like trains'#so many lyrics to work on.....#ive sketched a millionsummers comic on i like trains' lyrics too#anyway#thats about it#trigun#trigun fanart#cw blood#tw blood#cw guns#vash the stampede#vashwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#trimax#trigun maximum#vashwood fanart#my art
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"What are you?" "Oh, I'm you, sweetie. You just... give it a little time."
#fallout#cooper howard#the ghoul#lucy maclean#walton goggins#ella purnell#fallout tv#fallout prime#fallouttvgifs#focusing on the progression of their moments#how she looks at him with loathing more and more... and he looks upon her with such conviction and resolution that she will become him#that she too will be broken and consumed by the wasteland#but then she does THAT... she gives him that kindness... she gives him THAT look#and from henceforth his trajectory has been... not changed maybe... but marked upon#and he goes on his memory bender with his movie#his old persona#and then later takes her finger and makes it a part of him... now his finger every time he pulls the trigger#and then later offering her to come on a journey of truth (which he definitely did not have to do for the record)#(but just like with dogmeat... he did)#the more i think about what they've done with these characters and this series the more im in disbelief#they WENT there#as a fallout fan i cannot even begin to describe how amazing that is#but as someone who just enjoys storytelling and themes and characters in general... just... WOW#ghoulcy
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hello llama
i have been thinking and headcanoning about vampire bad sanses lately, so i was curious if you have any thoughts about or interest in vampires of the nightmare and crew variety? (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)
"do i have interest in vampires", he asks
ok, i will share my extensive vampire brainrot. but in return..... you have to write that vampire fic.... oooOOooO look into my eyes you know you want to write it ooOoOooo 😵💫😵💫😵💫
I very much like the idea of Nightmare's castle being Castlevania-style. Lots of spooky architecture, lots of ancient magical passages that haven't been seen in centuries.
Horror can be summed up in one word. Bloodlust. There's a constant hunger inside him he can't ever seem to fill, driving him almost to the point of madness. He is more beast than man. When he smells or tastes blood, he loses control of himself, becoming little more than a starving wild animal - his capability for slaughter is limited only by his appetite. So unless Nightmare requires it, he generally abstains from blood. He doesn't like losing himself so entirely.
Something about you makes him forget his hunger. Is it your voice? Your scent? He has no idea, but oh, it feels good to feel whole. When you're around it's as if he'll never be hungry again... he follows you like a dog, grinning intensely every time you look at him. This is one hound that can't be shaken.
Despite his 'condition', he finds a lot of solace in cooking. Nothing will give him the same drug-like rush as blood but human food is nonetheless warm and filling and distracts him momentarily from the emptiness. He enjoys the process of making it, too, doing something with his hands. Let him cook for you, please? Watching you eat brings him vicarious joy.
Dust's backstory is one of legend. Something resembling a story can be spun from the loose whispers. A vampire invaded his peaceful isolated village hundreds of years ago, intending to turn the helpless populace into enslaved vampires. Dust, the first to be bitten, turned and slaughtered them all himself - and despite being a vampire for barely a week, the equivalent of a stumbling newborn, he killed the centuries-old invading vampire in single combat.
No one's quite sure why he's joined Nightmare. Perhaps Nightmare was keen to take this uniquely violent creature under his wing, and Dust just didn't really care where the wind took him. Or perhaps he has some other motive, hidden beneath that silent face. Who knows.
... Dust might be quiet, but it's obvious he's fixated on you. Which is a big deal. This is a creature who hasn't mustered a second thought for anything but blood for decades; but somehow, you've excited him. He's very clearly interested in you, silently watching your every move, listening intently to every word you say. Too bad he's not much for conversation.
Killer's backstory, on the other hand, is shrouded entirely in mystery. No one knows where he came from, who he is, or what he's done. He simply appeared one day - right within the coveted inner circle of Nightmare himself. He's the Night King's most trusted weapon, and the closest thing he has to a friend.
Killer seems very clear about what he wants. He thinks you're adorable, and he says you'd make such a pretty vampire. He talks (at length) about how much he wants to bite you, and how if it were up to him you'd already be one of them. A lot of his flirting involves calling you things like sweet treat and honeyblood. However... despite all the taunting, all the talk of seeing you as food, Killer is the one in the castle who treats you with the most respect. The others seem to see you as an object, a cute toy, something to squish and own. Killer talks to you like you're a real person. You can't help but like him for it.
Nightmare's inferiority complex has driven him to declare himself the king of the vampires. No one contests - Nightmare is royalty by blood, and vampires place a lot of emphasis on blood. But even if he wasn't, Nightmare frequently murders those who won't bend the knee. Plenty of powerful vampires have fallen embarrassingly fast at his hand.
... Nightmare's goal is to make you agree to be his spouse. A pretty little human partner would be excellent for his image. It would not only demonstrate his incredible self control as such an ancient vampire (not to mention his control over his warriors), but it would also show that his power is so great he doesn't need to strike a political marriage with another powerful vampire. It might also convince some of the pesky rebellious human groups to settle down.
His pride means that he won't force you. Not yet, at least. He likes to think he can seduce you. He's a royal vampire, after all, and you're just a simple human - isn't it only a matter of time?
... But it seems like, as time goes on... he's the one falling.
#llamagines#whatever you do don't think about you accidentally cutting your finger and triggering horror's bloodlust#don't think about the other vampires rushing in and trying to restrain him in a panic. but even the three of them can't hold him back#don't picture him pinning you with his jaws wide open...#then don't imagine him freezing. tears beginning to fall out of his sockets as he draws you into his arms#dont think about him pressing his teeth against your throat but not biting#almost as if he wants to feel your pulse so he knows youre alive and he hasnt hurt you without realising#don't think about how he seems just as confused and scared as you are#ok thank you for not thinking abt that#bad sanses#vampire bad sanses
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Thinking about how little bodily autonomy Daan possessed his whole life
#fear and hunger#fear and hunger termina#faht#daan von dutch#implied sa#implied csa#tw sa#hopefuly these tags are sufficient! please tell me if there's another trigger warning tag I should use for stuff like this#I just can't stop thinking about the implications. this guy has my brain in a death grip
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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the thing that makes my entire body itch about that darcy confession scene parallel is that that's the fucking MIDPOINT of darcy's and elizabeth's story. you've baked the pancake halfway and you've tossed it in the air and you're holding your breath --- and now you've got to catch it and BAKE THE OTHER SIDE!!! you can't just roll the credits and leave me hanging like that!!! what if there's never a third season??? the pancake is ON THE GROUND NEIL!!!
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens spoilers#this triggers one of two things in me#a) the whole story is off-kilter it just feels WRONG to me#b) annoyance at sequel/franchise culture as a whole which has tought studios to prefer a cliff to an ending#did i like it? YES!!! the acting was phenomenal & the emotional beats were all there#did i think it was GOOD? i don't *know*#you gotta let me see the other side of that fucking pancake!!!#it feels like someone left the fridge open ya feel???#(i've got an essay cooking about why ofmd didn't make me feel like that but that needs a little more simmering)
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the morning (afternoon?) after this messy stunt. Floyd got off too easy in my opinion, but it's hard for Les to stay mad at him when he makes those sad pouting faces... 🤦
If you think Floyd's being really dumb at the start of this comic before getting a reality check, you have to take into account that he's madly lovesick and was feeling very smug atm; he's also a 15yo pop troll who thinks making out with someone means they're together now; and he assumed Les's sour mood was entirely the result of a nasty hangover...
P.S. They forgot about Hed lol (I almost forgot about him too, drew him just before posting lmao)
#trolls#dreamworks trolls#trolls floyd#trolls oc#les#hed#ex bandmates#my art#pop trolls curse in their kid friendly lingo but rock trolls curse normal-style#it's just facts#i don't think les is being honest about how much what floyd pulled really upset him#he is a victim of much abuse growing up and some shit fucks him up more than the regular person#but he also knows floyd had no malicious intent and is just a kid#so he rather bottles it up to not upset both of them even more#amazing coping and communication skills this one 🤙#he is trying his best tho#i can't tell if you guys can tell but he's basking in the sun in that one panel#trolls comic#this was a really fun way to explore les's character and their dynamic#also les and hed's dynamic#trigger warnings:#tw alcohol#tw smoking#les gives life advice then offers cigarettes uwu#also you know this dude's hair smells horrible if he stores cigarettes and koosh in there ksjfbsdkc
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ok crawling out of my cave rq bc this is driving me crazy (mouthwashing spoilers since this game is kinda new at the time of posting) i see you guys supporting and loving anya as you should but we all have to consider something. especially the people who don’t like anya because “how can u be a nurse and be afraid of blood 🙄” hey do you remember she’s pregnant. do you know that adds to the the mass of her nausea. do you know within this game she is 2+ months pregnant. do you know what that does to someone psychologically. not only that, but she is in a literal nightmare scenario. i feel like not enough people are talking about what that can do to anya’s psychology and how she deals with certain things
#like sorry but ive seen people be like wow shes so dramatic SHE IS A PREGNANT WOMAN.#PEOPLE HAVING NORMAL PREGNANCIES EVEN HAVE YK BRAIN STUFF HAPPENING BC EVERYTHING BUT#LOOK AT WHERE SHE IS#YOU HAVE TO THINK. ABOUT HER ENTIRE SITUATION. BEFORE YOU SIT DOWN AND SAY SHE’S JUST A SIDE CHARACTER#SHE IS THE STORY AS EVERYONE ELSE IS#especially bc we play thru eyes that don’t want to see her#i don’t want to add any like. triggering stuff#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#kay thats it#mouthwashing 2024
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I got a haircut today and I’m so giddy about it,,,, it is so difficult to explain to my mom why I feel so giddy about the undercut sideburns I got
#like they’re barely noticeable anyways because the hair on top covers most of it but like#they’re just gender to me. do you get it#like there’s something distinctly feminine to me about the longer sideburns he always leaves to ‘frame my face’#extra points for the lady at the hair place who was like ‘oh I didn’t realize girls could get their hair cut like that’#it’s a really small Chinese hair studio that every Chinese person in the area goes to so I’ve been going to this guy since I was a child#but like my Chinese is never good enough to explain what exactly I want lmao#and the nice uncle who does my hair is always really excited to do what he’s imagining and go like ‘there doesn’t that look beautiful’#and I never have the confidence to ask for the sideburns to be a bit shorter…..#fr tho I hate anxiety like why does getting my hair cut trigger my fight or flight response#my heart should not be pounding in the waiting area thinking about showing my hair cutter a picture.
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thinking about orvs metatextual engagement with its genre and specifically how that interacts with its women again. kim dokja is a self insert for the reader - what he thinks is largely meant to represent what we think, especially in the beginning before sing shong really fleshes out his character. kim dokja sees the world through tropes, directly acknowledging the genre around him and the cliches we expect e.g. the overpowered mc, the scheming villain, the beautiful heroine.
but a major part of his arc is deconstructing this reductionist view of the world in a way that parallels the author's deconstruction of the genre, and that plays really well with the way orv writes women. yoo sangah is perhaps the best exanple - shes introduced as the heroine, a one-dimensional pretty girl who in any other novel would become kim dokja's love interest. but the authors allow her to be her own character, directly challenging the stereotype of the heroine and calling attention to the genre's typical lack of depth for such a character. i think this undercurrent plays in the background often but really comes to the forefront when yoo sangah reminds kim dokja of her putting pepper in their bosses' coffee, a memory kim dokja had supressed because it didn't fit with the pretty girl persona he made for her.
i interpret that moment as yoo sangah pushing her way out of the mold of heroine often found in these stories, demanding a depth be added to her character, asking kim dokja - and thus the reader - to see her in her entirety, to see the heroine archetype for what she could be. orv is at all times in conversation with its genre, and its simultaneous writing of female characters with agency and depth and acknowledgement of the tropes these women are expected to fulfill is undeniably a part of that. and its a part i enjoy. most of the time.
#ok trigger warning for discussion of sa in the tags#ive been thinking about this in context with my discomfort with sa in orv specifically#i think its sort of related to this i think sa happens in orv not because sing shong is at all interested#in exploring that topic or discussing its place in this genre#i think its one of those things that 'happens because it happens' if that makes sense#and like i dont blame sing shong for not wanting to explore that topic#but i think it does stand out to me#especially in contrast with orvs usual depth and it's willingness to engage with heavier topics#like its implied that if kim dokja wouldn't have saved her han sooyoung would have been sexually assaulted possibly to DEATH!!!#and its so brushed over she never expresses any real feelings about it#honestly im just rambling in here but like. yeah.#thats why we have tags babyyyytt#anyway. coughs.#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint
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