#just succeed please

[taylorswiftpropaganda]

There are people on the Taylor Swift blogging platform criticising Taylor Swift for being global pop star Taylor Swift and not becoming just some guy’s girlfriend. Y’all for real?

[ravenpureforever]

On one hand, Young Justice is kind of neglected by the actual superheroes that should be looking out for them in a lot of crucial ways and very much failed by the adults around them

But on the other hand Red Tornado straight up hosts a parent-teacher conference where their respective legal guardians all show up, barring Batman who’s in traffic so Nightwing fills in instead because Robin’s dad does not know he’s a vigilante which is objectively hilarious

[emo-batboy]

Battinson and the JL ft. His Eventual Identity Reveal

(If you’re just here for the cutesy bits, skip to Attempt #2. Otherwise, STRAP IN CUZ IT’S A LOT)

Bruce Wayne of Matt Reeves’ The Batman is not the founder type.

He wouldn’t voluntarily join a book club, much less join a league of super powered vigilantes whom he does not know personally.

So in this universe, you probably wouldn’t call him one of the three Founding members.

But he’s still integral to the formation of the Justice League

It starts out with a friendly visit :)

Bruce is patrolling on a random night in Gotham when he notices a weird thing in the sky. It’s floating just far enough behind him that a less vigilant person wouldn’t have noticed, but Bruce is always watching his own back, and he takes it as a threat.

He strays from his usual path and then heads to a warehouse roof before turning to face the threat.

It’s Superman. All smiley and dressed in primary colors. The strongest, most powerful being on Earth just floating over like he wasn’t stalking Batman a second ago. Bruce does not like that.

“What do you want with Gotham?” He asks. “I don’t,” Superman says. “I wanted to talk to The Batman.” So this is some kind of fight? An intervention? A warning? Then Superman frowns. “You…are The Batman, right?”

Bruce only nods as he considers his options, but he can’t really do that when Superman has super speed, super sight, super strength, super breath, super lots-of-things-that-Batman-probably-doesn’t-know-of.

Then Superman surprises him by landing on the roof and giving him this pitch about a superhero group.

Superman and a few other vigilantes have been bouncing around the idea of teaming up together so they can help one another protect their cities. And The Batman was a “perfect candidate.”

“I’m not joining your club.” “It’s not a club. It’s a league.” “What’s your mission statement, then?” “A what?” Bruce fights the urge to roll his eyes. He still doesn’t trust this guy. “Take your league idea back to the drawing board then we can talk.” He does not intend on talking.

But two months later, Superman is back. This time, he brings another super powered vigilante named Wonder Woman.

She smiles, politely approaches him, and says “Superman tells me you want to learn more about our league.” That is not what he said, but he doesn’t bite.

Bruce can’t decide which they remind him of more: college recruiters or cult leaders. But because Wonder Woman genuinely seems to care about seeing this project through, and the roster she has of current like-minded vigilantes is impressive, he lets her talk.

And to give her credit, she definitely thought out the logistics more. It almost makes up for the time they’re wasting.

Okay, fine. They’re still way behind on concept, and it’s pitiful. He actually feels bad.

They obviously care! They just have no idea how to run a business like he does. Is it a bit cynical to think of this league of Justice as a business? Yes, but that’s the only way he can even conceive this happening and working.

Bruce asks about their organization’s leadership structure, and that’s when Wonder Woman falters a bit. “We want to work with each other, not for.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks about their scope of work. “We want to help as many people as we can, but that can be ironed out later.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks “Who’s funding this?” She answers, “We have a few members willing to pitch in, but the majority will have to come from generous citizens.” And that’s when he just stops asking questions. Because what?

If he could cry the grease paint off, he would.

They can’t just think every super-powered vigilante is going to sing Kumbaya and braid each other’s hair. There needs to be checks and balances within the organization to avoid tyranny and corruption. They need a reliable source of donations (that doesn’t immediately out Bruce.) They need a proper chain of command. They need to map out their area of responsibility. They need to design a VERY strict vetting process. It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard work!

So he says he’ll think about it again and complains to Alfred about the weird super stalkers.

But for SOME reason, Alfred doesn’t see the problem

Alfred encourages him to join so he can “make some friends.” But how can he trust these people if they can’t even make a half-decent pitch? It’s like a bad episode of Shark Tank.

And “make friends?” They’re all masked

But after a week of gentle nudging (read: very firm lectures), Bruce agrees. ONLY to keep tabs on the rest of the vigilante world and possible threats to Gotham

(And without his help, they’ll probably butt-dial Lex Luthor the nuclear codes or something)

And he is damn well going to figure out who these people really are before he helps them make a Super Organization.

Alfred figures out about half of their secret identities purely as a brain exercise while Bruce is out fighting crime and collecting head injuries like Pokémon cards. They figure out the rest together.

They also develop contingency plans for every single member. Just in case.

And after months of Batman being visited by random vigilantes, whom he has several choice words for about personal space—“This is my city. Go away.”—he accepts. On several conditions.

Not all of them are appreciated.

Attempt #1: “Making Friends”

After several scheduling conflicts, a lot of prep work, and a really good hype session in front of the mirror, Bruce heads on over to the first official meeting.

Batman arrives with a long list of things they need to do before going public. The first thing on the list?

Write A Mission Statement

What the fuck are they actually trying to do? Bruce thinks this is a great starting point.

And you’d think (you’d think) this Justice League thing would be easier to tolerate than the drawn-out exec meetings he has to sit through with boring, old businessmen who keep delaying things so they can hash out every little detail.

To Bruce’s absolute horror, he BECOMES the boring businessman who’s delaying things so they can hash out every little detail. He misses the boring, old businessmen. At least they knew what they were doing.

Every turn, he is argued with.

“Why do we need a mission statement?” “‘Power Structure’ feels authoritarian. Can’t we just share leadership duties?” “Do we really need this much paperwork?”

Bruce has the audacity to say, “We need to develop some sort of protocol that helps us analyze any possible threat.” But no. “Why can’t I just jump in? I have eyes.” “Jumping in without studying an opponent’s behavior could cause more harm than good,” he insists. “So what? I’m going to watch an alien monster go on a rampage through my city instead of fighting it?” “Yes. You don’t know what it’s capable of.”

Bruce already regrets joining.

All he hears is the others gossiping. “Is this guy really telling us how to be heroes?” “He’s got a major stick up his ass.” “I knew we shouldn’t have let him join.” And if that doesn’t dissuade him, he doesn’t know what will.

“How was the first meeting?” Alfred asks. Bruce scowls. “I’m not making friends.”

Nonetheless, Bruce sticks it out for weeks until they have some semblance of an organization. And, to his shock and amazement, it…kind of works.

The Justice League makes its debut, and Wayne Enterprises generously donates some money “out of spite” after Lex Luthor publicly denounces the league. (Honestly, Bruce would too if he hadn’t personally duct-taped it together himself.)

But the league starts small, just like he told them, they respond to natural disasters and public safety threats first (as per the outreach initiative) and focus on protecting communities in need (as per the mission statement.)

Yes, they still think Batman has a stick up his ass because he’s a stickler for writing incident reports, but no one else reads them so he has the right to be pissed.

He’s almost kind of sort of content with how it’s going. Even his reputation as a vigilante is improving.

That’s when another glaring difference between him and the other members appears.

Despite looking the same age as the rest of the team, Bruce is actually much younger?? Even excluding the aliens, gods, etc.

Most of his teammates are in their late 30’s, early 40’s. Meanwhile, Bruce is at the ripe age of 29 and a half.

He is the youngest by ten years.

Everyone kind of just assumes he’s the same age, though, so they make references to 80’s kids stuff that he only vaguely understands through Alfred and his business partners. He just sits there in silence like a child who snuck over to the adult table and is waiting to get caught.

So on top of the rift he (accidentally) created when they started the organization, it’s even harder to connect through similar interests. Other than punching people together.

And Bruce Wayne has a bad case of imposter syndrome when it comes to their superpowers.

He’s always in the corner brooding, and everyone’s like ummm antisocial much?

But 50% of the time, it’s because he’s thinking “I’ll never amount to the incredible heroic feats everyone else has accomplished. How can I possibly make a difference to the world if I’m already struggling to save Gotham?” Like a little emo freak 🖤

(Meanwhile, you couldn’t pay those mf’s to step foot in Gotham. This Bat guy’s crazy and he’s human apparently?! No way. Nuh uh.)

The OTHER 50% of his “brooding” is Bruce standing to the side with a mixture of concern and judgment because his teammates’ competency in certain areas is…alarmingly low sometimes.

One week, he finds himself thinking, “How do these grown-ass adults not know their way around a digital map? They’re 40, not geriatric.”

Then like a week later, it’s “These fucking war fossils don’t even know Morse code. I gotta do everything around here.”

One of the final straws is when he says, “Did they just break another fucking Keurig? Who does that, Alfred? It’s the fifth one.”

Suffice it to say, he’s not very personable. But is it his fault? Well yeah, a little bit. Like……..65% his fault.

(The remaining 35% is their moaning and groaning whenever Batman calls a meeting.)

Bruce’s irritation is totally justified.

God, he just wants to go home.

Why is he doing this again?

Attempt #2: Actually Making Friends

The first JL member to break through his cold, black exterior is Wonder Woman. She needs help with search and rescue after a sinkhole opens up near an elementary school, but no one’s available until Batman responds to her call.

He’s on the scene in less than an hour and makes quick work in securing the area. Thankfully, she catches him once it’s over. (He always runs off without saying goodbye.)

“Thanks for helping. Everyone else was just so busy. I’m glad you could fly over.” Batman mumbles something that she can’t quite hear. “What was that?” she asks. “I was busy too,” he repeats. She gives him a weird look, and he freezes up for a second as he realizes that probably wasn’t appropriate to say. “I mean…this was more important. There were kids in danger so it didn’t…matter if I was busy.”

Wonder Woman considers how awkward The Batman looks for a moment then smiles. So he really is human. “Well, thank you. The help was very much appreciated.”

Since then, several small acts of kindness and solidarity earn Batman some respect from the rest of the team.

One day, Flash complains about how boring their meetings are so Batman brings a massive bin of fidget toys. After placing them in front of the Flash, he mumbles, “These are for ADHD. They’re useful.” Flash almost cries with relief. He is very touched.

Another day, Green Arrow is severely injured in battle. Without a word, Batman leaves the fight, takes him to a safe location, stops the bleeding, and does it all while repeatedly making sure he’s awake and asking permission to remove certain pieces of clothing.

In another fight, Plastic Man’s mask is thrown off, and Batman sees his face. In a second, Batman tosses a smoke bomb, picks up the mask, and hands it back before anyone else can look. It costs them time and the element of surprise, and Plastic Man knows it, but Batman did it anyway.

A JL member’s stomach grumbles during one too many meetings. Suddenly, their little break room becomes a fully stocked kitchen with shelf-stable meal items and all the basic necessities. There’s a nut-free section, a gluten-free section, everything. The only reason they know it’s him is because anyone else would have admitted to it.

(He renovated the whole fucking thing. In one night. By himself.)

And they all see how gentle he is with children. Countless times, The Batman is spotted prioritizing young civilians at any given moment.

He has lollipops in his belt. And Bluey bandaids too.

It’s the little things that make them feel closer to him :)

And okay maybe his goddamn Mission Statement lecture wasn’t so bad

So they stop moaning and groaning

Okay, now it’s bonding time WOOHOO!!

Attempt #3: Kinda? Friends??

One day, Superman says he isn’t too fond of billionaires (because of Lex, obviously) and goes on a rant about capitalism. Bruce doesn’t dare contribute because 1) he’s the richest man in the world and 2) every other billionaire he’s met is insufferable.

(Including Oliver Queen who Bruce refuses to look at while Green Arrow “defends his city’s billionaire.”)

(And while we’re on the topic of Green Arrow, Bruce cannot forget the disappointing almost-fling two summers ago. He still holds a grudge.)

Green Arrow: “You’re all fashion nightmares. Who wears a cape in the 21st century?” Batman: “At least my facial hair isn’t longer than my dick.” GA: “What was that, Batman?” B: “What?”

Also Bruce is very attracted to Superman.

(He likes older men.)

(Yes, I am referring to Henry Cavill’s Superman.)

(Sue me.)

(But don’t get your hopes up. He does literally nothing about it.)

(Coward.)

One of the JL members complains about how sore they are after a few missions so Bruce cashes in his Monthly Attempt to Socialize and says, “Try yoga. It helps me.” “…Batman, you do yoga?” “Yes. My son got me into it….It’s good for you.” “You have a son?!” He is never socializing again.

They also learn that Batman has the smallest frame on the team. (Like yeah, he’s tall, but he’s also lanky, and everyone else is either an alien or a human dorito.)

One night, they need to sneak through the vents of some building so Bruce offers to do it. Someone says, “It’s a tight squeeze. Are you sure you can fit?” Then he just takes his cape and pauldrons and shoulder pads off and is suddenly like a foot skinnier

“Wait…is this why you’re so good at hiding in the shadows?” Bruce just glares at the Flash for a second before climbing into the vents.

(The answer is yes.)

A betting pool is started over whether or not Batman is part Bat.

In fact, several betting pools begin because no one knows anything about the guy??

Aquaman and Plastic Man go to great lengths to figure out what his hair color is.

They lose their shit once Bruce tells them he’s vegetarian.

Green Lantern: “Every time he opens his mouth, we learn something new. Next, he’s going to tell me he speaks Swahili!” Batman: “I do.” GL: “Oh, come on!”

Superman: “We need someone on the inside for this international operation to work, but that’ll take at least three months undercover.” Batman: “Don’t worry. I have connections.” S: “…In Shanghai?” B: “Yes.”

The Flash adds SHANGHAI?? to his conspiracy board

Bruce needs to stop trying to socialize. It’s better for everyone’s cardiovascular health.

A year or two in, they’re all introduced to Captain Marvel. Bruce is the first and only person to learn his true identity (kid Billy Batson) because Bruce is the only one with a kid. That way, he understands the weird Gen-Alpha humor and references.

Millennia-old deities don’t use the term Flop Era.

And, of course, they play FMK at some point.

(I mean, come on. There are like TWO mature adults on this team, but Martian Manhunter doesn’t know what’s going on until it’s too late, and Wonder Woman is busy at her day job.)

During that particular round, the celebrities are Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor, and Kylie Jenner. Bruce does, in fact, want to kill himself, but he chooses Fuck instead because of this exact conversation:

Green Lantern: Come on, Bats. It’s just a game! Choose already. Batman: No. I’m against killing. GL: Oh, go fuck yourself. This situation is completely hypothetical, and you know it. B: Fine! Fuck Bruce, Marry Kylie, Kill Lex. GL: See? That wasn’t so hard :) Bruce:

He tried

Attempt #4: Ah shit, FRIEND?

The identity reveal comes about three years after he joins. He’s 32, has three kids, he’s been on hundreds of missions with them, the team’s over twice its original size, and there are domestic terrorists overtaking Manhattan.

Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and The Batman try to extract as many civilians as possible, but now they’re being hunted. After hiding in a warehouse and considering their options, MM finally suggests that they pose as civilians, which immediately creates uproar.

Bruce, however, realizes this is the only way out.

But it’s not dramatic or badass like that one JL episode. No, instead, he thinks about it, swallows the regret, and just—

Takes off his cowl.

And the whole room falls dead fucking quiet.

Then, “Oh fuck.”

(That was Green Lantern.)

Bruce just shrugs and mumbles, “Martian is right. It’s the only way.” And really fucking hopes the grease paint hides his red face because he is not having a good time right now.

He would rather die, actually, but they need to get somewhere safe and Fast.

The others look him up and down then nod slowly. “Uh yeah.” “Okay, sure.” “This is fine.” “We’ll do that.”

The others begin slowly taking off their suits and changing into something more casual. Bruce takes his off, revealing the skin-tight compression suit underneath, and stuffs his armor in the roll-up duffel bag that’s kept in his belt.

He changes into his drifter outfit, wipes his face clean, and suddenly, The Batman’s just a normal guy. (A very pretty normal guy, mind you. His teammates have eyes.)

“We can head to my place,” Bruce says. “It’s closer, and I know the train system pretty well.” And yes, he’s pretty soft-spoken outside of the suit, but now it feels even more obvious.

Meanwhile, the others are like—

Oh. My. God.

Oh my god, he’s fucking shy. Batman is acting shy in front of us. Dear fucking god. Batman is Bruce Wayne. And Bruce is shy so Batman is fucking shy?? Bruce is pretty too. Holy fuck. He is very pretty.

And he’s so young?? Oh my god, he’s a BABY wtf?! He’s like four inches shorter. Four inches tall! They’re all towering over him without his massive boots and armor, and he just hunches over with the big duffel bag like he wants to sink into the floor, and he’s so small.

Wonder Woman wants to put him in her pocket.

Sue her.

They end up taking the train back. Bruce has on the mask and cap that hides his face (poor Superman, he really likes his jawline) and they all follow Bruce as he gets off and on several trains at seemingly random stops. THEN when they’re finally in Gotham, they head into an abandoned-looking subway station that leads them into a…cave?? WTF

And in the middle of the cave is an elderly man with a cane and a three-piece suit just lounging on a recliner. (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK—)

He looks up from his crossword puzzle and says, “Ah! You’ve finally made friends, I see?” Bruce rolls his eyes. “This is not a sleepover,” he gripes. “Shame. I was about to grab your footie pajamas for you.”

The man smiles at them. “A pleasure to meet Master Wayne’s work friends in person. Would you like some coffee? Tea? If you’re like him, this is going to be a long night.”

No one dares to question why this man recognizes them in their civvies

They also can’t tell if the footie pajamas line was a joke or not. After tonight, nothing is off the table.

(This is a minefield of information. Barry is having flashbacks to his conspiracy board. No one is going to fucking believe him.)

They all settle into one corner of the cave. Bruce leaves to change and comes back looking like this:

(Goddamnit, Clark is having a meltdown. His hair looks so good wet.)

At one point while they’re plotting, Wonder Woman glances over his shoulder to see Bruce checking some sort of security camera. A boy, maybe nine or ten, is sleeping in bed. “Is that your son?” Bruce clearly doesn’t want to answer, but Alfred gives him a look, and Bruce sighs. “One of them. Yes.”

Later, they have to analyze some explosive samples in the cave, and Barry, forensic scientist extraordinaire, has some choice words about the non-sterile environment.

Barry: This doesn’t look safe. Bruce: My lab is perfectly clean and functional. *bat screeches* Don’t worry about that.

For the rest of the night, they use the evidence they have to track down the organization while the rest of the JL suits up and saves NYC.

After a few hours, they’re safe to return to NYC for damage control. But Alfred refuses to let Bruce go with them. “Your sons are worried. Drive them to school, then you’re coming home and sleeping.”

Bruce clearly wants to argue, but the mention of his kids stops him. He sighs and turns to the others who are already changed. “Let me know if you need anything. I can be there in ten minutes.”

They all nod, knowing full well they will not be doing that. The guy clearly needs rest.

(Also, he is a single father of three and still goes out every night to punch robbers and crime bosses? Is he doing okay?)

Then they head back to NYC with so many questions.

But a lot of it makes sense too, actually. Maybe they just weren’t thinking about the man behind the mask enough to see it.

They learned a lot about their friend that night.

And they have a lot of bets to cash in.

FIN

Okay :D that was a lot! If you enjoyed it, please let me know. This has been simmering in the back of my head for months <3 Have a great day and drink some water :)

Hey bestie @bruciemilf

[dukeofthomas]

I find the fact that the confrontation at the end of UTRH is often summarized as Jason asking Bruce to kill the Joker for him fascinating.

Because that's not what happened.

Jason holds a gun up to Joker's head, gives Bruce another, and tells him that if Bruce doesn't do something (shoot Jason), he will kill Joker.

Jason doesn't give the gun to Bruce so that he would shoot Joker. He isn't expecting Bruce to pull the trigger on the clown. He's asking Bruce to do nothing. To be inactive. Because that will still be a choice, and despite having done nothing, everybody clearly agrees that Bruce would still, at least in part, be responsible for Joker's death.

...And to me, this moment is a kind of- microcosm, of the rest of Jason's point. Because after being captured and carted off to Arkham, the villain will escape again, and will kill more people. The only way to truly prevent that from happening would be to kill them; Bruce refuses to do so, and I respect his right to choose such a thing for himself, but it is still a choice, and if we agree that Bruce's inaction during the confrontation would leave him at least partly responsible for the Joker's death, then we must also agree that his inaction in permanently preventing the Rogues from killing more people means he is also, partly, responsible for all of those deaths.

[braceletofteeth]

#an attempt was made

[takaraphoenix]

Opening a PWP doc up like there's a skittish animal hiding under it that may run away if I scare it, while softly whispering to myself "Okay, Phoe, you can totally do this, just smut. Filthy, dirty smut. No world building, just sex. Let them fuck, you can totally do this, girl", like I'm the skittish animal that may run away if startled...

[knowlesian]

not to project like a motherfucker on natalie berzatto but ohhhh boy the impact of a narrative that says “hey, is your desire to make sure everybody around you is okay also about you? and could that perhaps be partially a maladaptive trauma response you should look into and maybe mitigate? because if it’s a genuine question that’s fine, but if the only answer you will respond well to hearing is yes that’s a You Issue Too, Babe”

[mrmeepsmadmind]

they are ignoring my big beautiful pathetic himbo wife and his cute little platypus tail that he has for some tank part reason im too dumb to understand why

[deus-ex-mona]

i sincerely hope that hw stick to what they have planned for the nghy story despite the reception to kimikawaii. please don’t ruin a perfectly good story just because some people can’t let go of the last 35 seconds of an mv from 2016

[dufferpuffer]

Albus CoS: Hm... I don't have many DADA teacher options this year... I can't ask the Ministry to supply someone, they suck - and I can't ask the Governors to pick someone, they're headed by Malfoy...

Well, I suppose could spin Gilderoy into a good learning experience for Harry: After his burst of fame last year I worry he might grow a big head, like I did after my first year. I can't teach him that lesson... it must be scared out of him early so it doesn't fester.

Gilderoy makes Severus look exceptionally good, which is necessary. It will teach Harry which adults he can trust, since he struggled with that so much last year... I wish he would trust me but I can't force that. I must give him space and try to foster it slowly. Besides, it's for the best if I don't start to care for the boy on a personal level. That has never ended well.

I'll keep my distance, but make sure to tell him he can share anything with me, that he is a good boy I support - and that help will always come to him if he asks for it. To talk to the teachers he trusts. To know that he is supported even if I am not here. That should do. He wishes to be a little independent... but last time I let that independence truly flourish in a boy it went quite badly. This time I will put more pressure upon relying on others.

-- He comes back to the school to find out Harry didn't seek any adult help - planned to get Minerva's help but TURNED TO GILDEROY INSTEAD, Went off on his own to face certain death WITH GILDEROY AS A PRISONER All because he had a feeling 'he was the only one who could' Then, right after this traumatic experience, still covered in blood and slime - he wants to go and do something cheeky to Lucius Malfoy - a man that outranks Albus in most ways -- Albus outwardly: "Well I'm glad it all went well in the end. Now don't take too long and forget about the feast, alright?"

Albus inwardly: Holy shit this kid is so fucking cool. How does he do it? How does he defy every expectation I have? How does he do the opposite of what I think is best and thoroughly prove me wrong? FUCK he's cool. He's like me :^) But BETTER than me. WOW. He doesn't even have that big a head about it. Astounding.

...He really needs a role model who can show him love, he isn't learning this 'please for gods sake trust adults sometimes' lesson - I gotta take the risk and go find Remus for next year...

[aru-loves-krishnaxarjuna]

...not my mother saying that I deserve all the backstabbing and backbitching my 'friends' are giving me and the abuse I am experiecing...threatening to smash my head with the small boulder in my backyard...she regrets giving birth to me... :)

Yeah...

She doesn't know I almost succeeded in killing myself in school yesterday and the day before yesterday...

[wonder-worker]

A.J Pollard’s biography on Edward IV was so cringe lol (generic; minor but frustrating inaccuracies; intensely judgmental at times and oddly dismissive at others while never considering the broader context; entirely diminished and trivialized Elizabeth Woodville as both queen and wife of his main subject in the name of "defending" her; created a false dichotomy between Edward and Henry VII’s styles of ruling and lauded the latter at the former’s expense even though Henry literally followed Edward’s example for the very things Pollard was criticizing Edward for; had a downright nonsensical and thoroughly misleading conclusion about Edward’s legacy & Richard’s usurpation that was based entirely on hindsight, Pollard's own assumptions, and the complete downplaying Richard’s agency and actions to emphasize what Pollard wrongly and misleadingly claimed were Edward's so-called 'failings', etc, etc)

I wanted to buy his book on Henry V but after reading this shitshow and the synopsis of that book, im guessing it's going to be 10x worse, so...no thanks

[supercantaloupe]

so maestro told me tonight at the end of rehearsal that he "got an email about me", turns out it was the org that's interviewing me next week for their summer job reaching out to him as a reference. and then when that was figured out maestro proceeded to spend the next, like, twenty minutes standing there writing out a recommendation for me on his phone at 10 pm while i'm Sitting Right There, just trying to get the assignment notes to send to the orchestra,

[s-aint-elmo]

on your post about how destiny actually works in ever after i wanted to share some of my thoughts!!!

firstly, (ive had this one in my mind since i watched the show as a kid) they introduce the characters as "abc, daughter/son of xyz" and their stories are continued through the generations, so, for some, wouldn't their forever after partner's parent, be their parent too??? like okay there's apple white, daughter of snow white and daring charming, son of king charming LIKE HOW DOES THAT WORK???? when snow white was fulfilling her destiny wasn't it king charming that woke her up???? like how does that work

also, it's only daring and apple who are (at first) set for each other, everyone knows daring will wake apple from her sleep but the rest of the princesses don't have their princes what about briar? ashlynn?

then, it seems only the first born has to follow in their parents' fairytale footsteps like in the case of holly and poppy so what do the younger siblings do? what's their destiny like dexter charming, he had a page in the book of legends but had no story to go with it

this is a lot but im really awestruck with how destiny is such a fickle thing, apparently your destiny can be taken away from you just by signing in the book of legends, it's not even confirmed i suppose, it can change like how daring ended up with rosabella and not apple, etc etc

destiny in ever after high has so much untapped potential i love rotating it in my mind so thank you so much for this ask!

first off, eah has confirmed that there are four unrelated charming clans from which fairytales draw their sundry heroes so it's logical to assume that all current kings charming serving as their famous fairytale wives' arm candy come from different clans as the princes charming slated for their daughters' destinies. briar's prince i always assumed to be unknown due to the fact that she won't meet him in another hundred years. apple's prince being determined from the beginning i've always chalked up to the snow white tale being so important that grimm, snow and co. all felt the need to lock the details down as early as possible. pair the most eligible princess in the land with the most eligible prince in the land and chain their destinies together before fate gets other ideas and all that.

also YES, the birth order aspect of fairytale inheritance itches at my brain soooo hard. does the destiny go only down the line of the eldest? if the protagonists of the tale are siblings, are the next protagonists their respective firstborns and thus cousins? or does the destiny lineage go to whoever in the birth order has the most important role? can you be chosen randomly for a tale that wasn't in your family? and it's made even more confusing bc eah canon says "both! all! yes!" the rapunzel destiny falls to the eldest twin. the current hansel and gretel destiny falls to cousins. the dancing princess destiny goes all the way down the line of the youngest daughter. the charmings are all expected to fill in as either heroes or damsels for whatever tale needs them. it's WILD.

my personal interpretation is that just to cover all the bases, grimm keeps the school open to all descendants of the major players until they know for certain who destiny has the most affinity with. case in point: justine dancer only being confirmed as the twelfth princess when she started sleepdancing in the webisodes despite all eleven of her older sisters having been chosen beforehand. it makes one wonder if there's a method to knowing which sister needs to have the full dozen (the eldest? the youngest?) or if ALL the madames try to get all the way to twelve Just In Case. could you imagine the family gatherings? hell.

(i love thinking of the dancing princess eldritch nightmare family orchard. one of my eah ocs is the seventh daughter of the seventh dancing princess who's only here bc it would have looked unsporting if nobody from their branch came, despite all signs pointing to justine, and she didn't really have alternative plans. she's just chilling. at least until miss mabinogion crashes into her life and she finds herself playing co-conspirator to a certain flower-faced adulteress's Operation Goodbye Earl.)

i think bc of the sleepdancing there's a lot of flexibility in the line-up of the twelve princesses, so they can be siblings down the line of whoever married the soldier, or they can be firstborn cousins, or they can be first daughter of the first daughter, second daughter of the second, etc. etc. no matter how hard grimm et al. try to hammer down destiny, every retelling still finds a way to veer off the rails. so every contradictory version of every fairytale you've ever heard? probably happened at one point. it was never gonna be science.

another thing i'm really interested in are destinies where the protagonist has to become their child's villain. you ever think about how the juniper tree cycle would necessitate the butchered child eaten by their father to become the parent that eats their child? eah never went that hard but i can. i will. (miss juniper tree rounds out my eah oc roster and she is appropriately furious about it.) cyclical destinies where happy endings don't mean jack are sooo good.

also yes!! that whole thing where destiny doesn't even play by the rules of the people who try to corral it (darling is apple's prince, daring is the beast, raven is one of the seven dwarves, etc. etc.) even when the Book is in play is just !!!!!!! really makes it feel like destiny is a much larger and more powerful force than anybody can really reckon with.

[because-its-eurovision]

Tbh I believe it was a political thing

Like, placement of countries. Because like Ireland is an island the furthest away from everywhere else. The closest is the UK and ...uh... history. We don't like them.

It is not a political thing. The entry wasn't good enough.

The song was weak, their vocalist was uncharismatic, looked like he'd rather be anywhere else than on stage, wasn't the greatest singer and his outfit was unflattering. The staging was very cliché and dated and the performance as a whole looked like something from mid-2000's Esc.

Portugal also has only one neighbour, and they won with a record amount of points, Iceland is also a far away island with almost 1000 km away from mainland, and they've made it to final three times in a row now with two top-10 placements. Australia was second in 2016 and they are also an island, 14 000 km away. It's about the song, not geography.

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

@one-joe-spoopy you asked a few days ago about Miasma in my monster hunter au. It has taken me two days, but I've reached a point where I'm content enough to share my thoughts finally (and @esquemeencanta I haven't forgotten you Jove <3)

This is the tale behind Juno losing his original eye to Miasma. Sometime after this encounter he gets a new enchanted magical eye from Ramses O'Flaherty, finds out he's a changeling actually named Jack Takano, and after that shit storm, Juno gouges the magical eye out himself (almost dies trying). The continuation picking up with Hunter Steel and Hunter Glass is in the back of my mind. I've been fried trying to think of how Juno fights a monster he knows next to nothing about, and how he's supposed to do it alone (because ya know- he's stubborn like that)

! Obligatory guts, gore, blood, and violence and angst warning !

Juno works for the Hyperion Monster Hunter Association. He's brought Rita along with him and together they've been doing pretty well. Falco reached out a handful of times but after enough missed calls caught on that Juno wasn't going to come back to HCPD. By then, Juno had made a name for himself as a hunter in Hyperion. He was seeked out for personal jobs often enough that he didn't need to rely on the job postings from the HMHA. Sometimes though he still takes a posting.

There had been a few postings for a series of disruptions in the valleys down south of Hyperion City for a few months. Other Hunters had taken up the jobs and died trying to hunt down whatever monster was out there. Reports from the Cerberus Province were coming in:

Puddles of black gunk have been forming overnight. Anything that steps in it immediately sinks to the bottom. It is unclear if there even is a bottom to these pools.

Vehicles are being broken into and stripped for parts.

Earthquakes are being recorded, rumbling every few hours like clock work. This area is not known for experiencing earthquakes.

Other monsters have been found dead, disembowled and drained of their blood.

Juno takes the latest job request and gets Rita to look over some survey maps taken of the area. She finds that where the monster carcasses are turning up, there was a puddle of gunk there previously. She says she may be able to find out more if Juno can collect a sample. He obliges and returns to her a day later with a small jar full of gunk. His hands smell like burnt tar.

Rita runs a few tests on the jar of gunk and she finds that it has a mostly liquid state, but when disturbed it solidifies. A non-newtonian liquid. Like water mixed with cornstarch. It oozes slowly but seizes up when jostled. Rita makes a comment that she can't stand the smell, "it must taste pretty bad too. Don't know why any monsters would be getting so close to it." Juno unscrews the jar and sticks his finger in it. Rita watches horrified from her computer at their office as Juno proceeds to sniff the gunk (bad idea), and lick it (super disgusting idea).

Juno finds that even though the gunk smells bad, it tastes... okay. Little bit of a burnt wood taste to it, but nothing awful. It's almost sweet. Kind of savory. He goes around asking other hunters at the HMHA to try it and many refuse. The ones that do all come to the same conclusion as him: a little burnt, kind of sweet and savory.

One Hunter boldly takes the jar from Juno and spills it out over a table. Nothing happens at first as it slowly spreads out, but soon enough it's like the gunk has a mind of its own. It begins to almost crawl. It "oozes" across the table. Juno slams the jar back over it, the other hunter tries to frantically scoop it back into one mass. They eventually get it in a cup and back into the glass jar. Rita is not impressed when she hears about their sheer stupidity.

Juno brings the jar home and shows it to Ben. This whole time Ben has been hearing about the ooze from Juno and listening to his calls with Rita, but hasn't actually seen it. He looks at it in the jar and takes a good whiff ("Juno what the hell... you licked this? Gross... will I lick it? Yeah sure- when I'm dead! Put that lid back on or so help me.") Ben asks Juno what happens when it's introduced to heat. He says he isn't sure but according to Rita,

"In theory, it should just solidify. Non-Newtonian fluids cannot withstand extreme heat. The liquidity part evaporates. Just leaving the solid-ity part."

"I'm impressed. You listened to her."

Juno frowns. "I always listen to Rita."

"That's not what I meant. I meant: you listened to her, and you even sound like her now."

"... haha, very funny Benten... do you want to help me find out what happens when you introduce this stuff to fire or not though?"

Ben and Juno are both extremely smart in their own ways. They are also both extremely dumb in the same way. Ben lights the stove, Juno holds the jar with a pair of tongs, and they watch with bated breath as the gunk tries to hop out of the jar as it gets hotter. Eventually it stops moving altogether. And sure enough, when Juno removes it from the stove and lets it cool, it's solid.

Ben asks Juno what he's going to do and Juno simply says he's going on a Hunt.

"You can't be serious? Juno- this is dangerous. You're going to literally be playing with fire."

"I can handle it."

"Juno- I'm serious. Take this seriously."

"I am."

"Then you'll listen to me when I say, it'll make me feel a whole lot better if you take someone with you."

"You know that's not how this works Benten-"

"A Kanagawa hunter would be more than willing to work with you. Hell- what's her name Big Eyes would probably kill to work with you again."

"BENZAITEN! Enough! This is my job alright? I don't tell you how your recitals should be going or what stretches you need to be doing! You don't get to boss me around about how my Hunts go. End of discussion."

"Juno-"

"No. We're done. I'm going to bed, and tomorrow, I'm going on my hunt."

Juno goes to bed without saying goodnight. He wakes up and leaves for the office without eating or saying good morning. Ben calls but he doesn't answer. He calls Rita and Rita relays the message "just tell him I'll be waiting at home and- good luck."

Juno takes with him his pistol, shotgun, a flask of vodka, canisters of gasoline, a box of matches (Ben's brand), and an empty glass milk jar. He drives out to the valleys between HC and the CP to the largest black pool and starts pouring gasoline into and around it. He brought five of them with him. Rita said that his plan was dangerous. ("maybe we can get a hold of Ms. Cassandra and find out if-" "I'm not bringing Cass into this. This is my hunt. I'm doing it my way.") She made him agree that if she didnt hear back from Juno in an hour, she would call Juno, and if he failed to pick up she'd ask for assistance ("I ain't takin no as an answer Mista Steel." "You and Benzaiten worry too much." "Sorry Boss, but you're important to us.")

Juno stands back as he strikes a match and tosses it into the gas. He watches the pool erupt in flame. The ground trembles underneath him. Juno falls backwards. Something rises out of the pool... a monster.

Covered in black gunk, reeking of burnt tar, a monster on fire towers over him. She hisses and squeals. She would be beautiful if half her face wasn't torn off and the other half on fire. Black tentacles rise with her. She has a maw full of razor sharp teeth that go around and around in rings. In that moment, Juno knew he was fucked and would likely die. But if theres one thing being a Steel had prepared him for, its to not go down without a fight.

Juno brings around his shotgun and fires. He lands two bullets that lodge themselves in the monster. She hisses and growls, lunging at him. Her hands are sharp talons. They dig into his shoulders and drag him through the ground. Forgotten is the flask and jar. She rises again towering over him. He takes aim and fires another shot that embeds itself in her shoulder. She howls, a tentacle comes slicing through the air. He rolls out of the way in time and continues rolling as more trail after him.

He remembers the flask when it falls out of his coat. He takes hold of it and unscrews the cap, gulping a mouthful and holding it in his cheeks. With shaking hands he reaches for another match and lights it. He turns and spits the vodka into the flame, lighting a trail of flames that follows a tentacle of black tar. It spreads and the monster catches fire, screeching, leaving Juno time to unholster his pistol. He takes aim and fires off a few more rounds at her, slowly limping his way back where he dropped his shotgun and the milk jar. Finally, one of his bullets lands at her core. The monsters screeching turns to silent wailing.

Her size has shrunk as most of her body has caught fire, the rest is riddled with silver bullets. She clutches two appendages over her chest where the last bullet struck. Frantically trying to dig it out. She slowly tries to slip away as Juno grabs his jar and makes the dumbest decision he could've ever done: he runs towards her. He holsters his pistol, unscrews the jar and keeps the lid in one hand. The monster musters what remaining strength she has as both of the appendages over her chest shoot out. Two things happen at once:

One. Everything comes down to a singular point of pain. Juno feels it as his eye gets scooped out and he just about blacks out.

Two. He successfully scoops the monsters core inside the jar. The lid comes down on it, and monster screams as she shrinks to fit inside her small prison.

Juno has just enough strength left in him to screw the lid on. He blacks out shortly after.

(Ben calls Juno and then calls Rita when he can't reach him. He insist she call him right then and there because "something is wrong. I know it. Rita- listen to me. Call it' call it twin intuition, alright." Intrigued by this Rita calls Juno and when he doesn't answer her she calls in Cassandra.

Cass says she isn't in the mood to save Steel’s sorry ass. Ben takes Rita's comms from her to speak to Cass directly, "You owe me Kanagawa. I'm calling in your favor to me. And if you don't uphold our deal Cassandra, I will make your family's life hell." Rita has always liked Benten. That day she understood what Juno means by "Ben strikes the fear of Benzaiten into you".

Cass rides out to the valleys on her motorbike and finds a giant gaping hole in the ground. Beside it- Juno Steel. Cass turns him over carefully removing the milk jar. She sees his fucked up face and hauls him inside his truck. She tosses his shotgun in the backseat and straps the jar in next to her as she floors it back to Hyperion City. When Ben meets her at the hospital she apologizes and says she still owes Ben his favor, she shouldn't have brushed Rita off so quickly. All Ben does is tell her to leave. Rita promises to give her a call when Juno comes around.)

Juno wakes up in the hospital. He panics unable to see out of one eye. He tries to sit up and falls back groaning and grunting in pain. Something shifts next to him and he turns his head. It's Benzaiten. Bathed in golden light.

"Do you remember what Ma used to say, whenever she found us fighting? Fighting over the Andromeda costumes and Turbo toys?"

"Benten-" Juno wheezes and coughs. Ben turns and fills a glass with water. He carefully hands it over to Juno without a word.

"Ma used to say that we shouldn't fight. She didn't want us to fight because when it came down to it, there was only us in the world. She said- if we wanted to get flattened, we go and lie down in the road, but we aren't supposed to do that to each other." Ben smiles. At least Juno thinks he sees him smile. The sun glares behind him creating the perfect halo. An angel. Juno's angel.

"Ma said that when she was gone, we would have to rely on each other, and that meant we couldn't fight. We need someone else so that when we're not tough enough, they can be." He takes a shaking breath. Juno sips his water and parts his lips. Ben shakes his head and holds a hand up. "Save it, I'm not done.

"Ma said a lot of things before she died. She wanted nothing but the best for us Juno. She wanted us to look out for each other, wanted us to fight the big mean world together, and she wanted us to live. I know you never believed her. I know you don't believe her now- but she was ours. She was- Ma. And you're my brother. Ma is gone. Annie is gone. Oldtown is dying. Sasha left. Mick can hardly take care of himself. And you're all I have left Juno... I need you Juno. I need you to be alive for me because I can't be tough enough for this world. I want you alive... why can't you want that for yourself."

Benzaiten stands from the chair he's in and walks around Junos hospital bed. In proper light Juno can see the bags under his eyes and the tears streaking down his cheeks. He takes the glass from Juno's shaking hands and sets it aside. He pulls Juno against him and half folds his body over, half shields his twin.

The same mouth. Same hands. Juno broke his nose when they were still kids. Ben broke his ankle a year ago. Their noses are different. The way they walk has changed. But the one thing that no one could take away was their matching gaze. Their matching eyes.

(Ben leaves the hospital to visit Rita. She welcomed him inside her home without a second thought. She opens a window and sits down at her breakfast table while Ben takes a cigarette from his pocket and lights it. He takes a long draw and holds the smoke in his lungs for a long moment. He exhales slowly. His tears have long since dried. He thought he cried himself out at Ma's funeral. He was wrong.)

Juno goes back out to the site in the valleys a few weeks later with Cass. She took the jar and kept it to herself. When she saw Juno in the hospital she asked about it. He just said to turn it over to Rita and she'd take care of it from there (to this day Rita still has it in her personal office at home. The monster watches her work. She finds it easier to work when she has something to explain her thought process to and the monster is frequently subjected to that. When she's not home Rita keeps it locked up inside a safe next to emergency bac up shrimp crunchies.)

Cass and Juno explore the gaping hole together. (Cass pulled her weight as a Kanagawa and had the site quarantined off from other hunters and the public). They find a whole underground network of chambers and lab equipment. Journals and notes. Juno flips through a few pages and together this is what they piece together:

Doctor Miasma was a human doctor. She learned about fae medicine and was desperate to get her hands on it by any means possible. In order to get any though she needed to cross over. So. She did. She forcibly opened her own portals and exchanged parts of herself, constantly replacing whatever she lost. Her arms, her legs, half her face. Eventually she gave up the last thing she had to offer: her humanity.

Miasma awoke a monster in the fae wilds. She used intimidation to force them to open a portal for her to cross back home. She created her underground lab and stocked it with soup. She ran experiments on herself. With practice she honed her hunting skills and had her first taste of fae blood.

Shortly thereafter Miasma lost more than her body and humanity. She lost her memories. She lost her name. She forgot her title, forgot her research, and simply became a monster that consumed.

Some part of her must have remembered something though. She broke cars and stole parts from them trying to build a machine to harness magic and open portals. Even after giving up everything, Miasma was still trying to get back to the fae realm

Cass finds the rotting corpses of dead monsters. Their blood not yet drained.

Juno's seen enough and with Cass' help climbs out of the hole.

"Cass- you write the report."

"Huh? Why? This was your Hunt. I don't need the credit or the money."

"And I don't want the attention it's going to bring. Write it. If you have questions call Rita."

(Cass swears this will be the last nice thing she does for Juno. She writes the report and hands it over to the HMHA. The senior hunters of the association are confused why she's handing in the paperwork. She shrugs and tells them "Steel doesn't want to handle the guts." The Kanagawas come in and clean everything out. Cecil does a live stream special walking through "the lab of a monster". Juno reads the newspaper in the kitchen while Ben makes them breakfast. Life carries on.)