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stitchthesewords · 2 years ago

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I see your tags about the rendubs divorce arc + Ren running off with Bdubs' ex + Bdubs declaring himself king because he can do it better, and I hear you loud and clear

But I am now here with a counter offer, aka you got my thoughts spinning and this relates to a fic I started but never finished because writing angst makes me too sad. (this ask that ended up way longer than I thought it would oops)

What if renthubs polycule (or some flavor of poly hermits i'm not picky) where the three need some time to mentally recover and process the whole king arc. Ren goes to Doc, Etho goes to his single player world and Bdubs goes to Empires.

Doc ends up helping Ren get through his anxieties and fears after being king, including his dynamic with all the people in the rebellion and the feeling that his friends and partners would hate him for everything, which is of course not actually true. And I think that Ren is the type of guy to process things relatively quick and be able to bounce back. So once he is more stable, he follows everyone to empires.

Bdubs runs away through the rift and declares himself a god on Empires, which shows you about how well he is (not) coping with everything. To me, he is the type to loudly declare that he's over it, but he ends up festering the emotions, particularly when no one else is really talking about the king anymore. He's fine, why wouldn't he be fine, he's a god. (side eyeing joel here as well after dl)

Then Etho. Hmm. I think he isn't as bothered by it by the other two but I'm not 100% sold on that either. There has to be a certain melancholy to knowing your partners aren't in the best headspace and not really being able to do much about it. And the guilt about fighting against them and having to be part of the group to kill them. The third life memories would have to be coming in at full force. It may be lower stakes on hermitcraft but I don't think that matters when the memories are that emotionally charged.

I think that in the chaos of the empires collab and then the start of a new year with new projects and tcg and everything, the three don't really get a chance to sit down and talk. Bdubs is hiding away in the monolith drafting up visions of another grand castle base. Etho and Ren see each other more often with tcg matches and, through a number of casual interactions surrounded by other hermits, decide that maybe it would be time to talk. And there wouldn't be a better excuse to talk than a big project.

So the boat race idea is born. Etho and Ren go out to the ice spikes and scope it out. They end up around a fire made of some spare wood and end up talking well into the night. It starts out with plans and slowly ends in a heart to heart, where they finally express their struggles with everything and their commitment to each other going forward. They fall asleep cuddled together in a sleeping bag under the stars.

And bdubs is still festering. He doesn't stop long enough to realize. His days are filled with planning and designing and gathering materials. He works himself to exhaustion so he is too tired to think about who and what he is missing. He's fine. He builds a throne room.

Em you have no idea how insane this ask made me I am. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

GOD! GOD! You are soooooooo right about how they would each react and recover/not recover tbh. And its like - Ren isn't 100% but he's like. He's getting there and being up and moving around will help him out - and Bdubs just. HHHHH Bdubs throwing himself into his work to hide from his woes while putting on the 'I'm FINE! ACTUALLY!!!" im ill. And Etho just having. No clue really god bless him he's looking between the two of them and trying to figure out what the best way to approach everything is.

GOD and then the way you thought about rentho bonding and finally talking bc of the TCG and then going out to build the boat race while bdubs unknowingly is festering back home im hhhhhhh. I am normal about this i am so normal. [They should. play clocks against each other in the tcg where they bond. For no reason. ]

Imagine coming back from having a boat race and doing fun stuff out in the ice to find bdubs having completely thrown himself into an insane task without break and its like. you've gotta figure out how to approach it he cant just fester but he's closed off and hiding behind work to not have to address his feelings. I am normal I am feeling soooooooooooooooooooo normal.

#Asks #em-mermaid #mutuals #renthubs #hermitshipping

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midnight-in-town · 3 years ago

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Don't care what the comics say, I still believe Zuko and May were together till the end. Bite me, but most the comics just not very good and just very lacking, and their break-up was just badly written.

Hey! Hmm, I thought it was kinda fandom acknowledgement that the comics are more ideas post ATLA than actual canon content? So personally, I always considered that Izumi's mother was definitely Mai (similar side eye game and chin)?

I mean, I do take the comics for granted when it comes to how every country necessarily would struggle with the notion of peace after the war ended, but I think short comics are not the right media to expand on such ideas. For example, Ursa's predicament: I get what they were trying to do but, because 3 albums of about 50 pages aren't enough to tackle the idea, that led to some serious shortcuts, namely about Azula's character development and most of the fandom wasn't fond of that i n d e e d.

Both Zuko and Azula suffered immensely because of Ozai, but when Zuko was banished, at least Iroh went with him and attempted to help him cope. Meanwhile Azula was left alone with Ozai and...

...she definitely deserved better than the whole "oh she's insane" approach (poor kid, this breaks my heart every time).

About Mai and Zuko more specifically, I absolutely adore their dynamic but honestly I can understand them breaking up and coming back together again several times.

I mean, Zuko just became Firelord of a nation that is guilty of being at war with the rest of the world for the last century, so obviously he's going to have his hands full with rebellions, possible civil war, as well as self-confidence issues. He and Mai breaking up because he seeks advice from his father who was the previous ruler and hides it from her makes as much sense as Mai's father fomenting a coup, since he used to be an important political figure under Ozai's reign.

Again, the comics bring up good ideas for geopolitics post war, I just disagree with the character developments they tried to address, because they're not being handled properly when the show put character developments at the heart of the main themes.

Anyway, my personal headcanon is that Mai and Zuko remained probably separated for some years: Zuko leading his country as best as he can into the new era of peace, while Mai helps him along with the Kyoshi Warriors on some specific cases. Then at some point, Zuko's advisors bring up the idea of a wedding (for many reasons) and want him to marry a faithful and important general's daughter....... and that's when he starts questioning again his feelings for Mai and their past relationship (which would obviously create a lot of drama since Mai's father tried to upstage Zuko twice).

Also, in my opinion, Zuko would have to be the one going after Mai. I know he has a lot on his plate with running the country, but Mai isn't interested in politics and she got her heart broken too many times to be the first one to take that step. In fact, every time Mai gets involved it's because people she loves are involved, so I believe Zuko would have to prove to her that he also knows how to make her a priority when it's needed. As a result, I'd say her political role as Firelady would grow on her overtime, but initially she would accept the position that comes with marrying Zuko for his sake, not for what it represents as power or for the country.

But all of this won't happen until Azula is back safe and sound within her own family, with her mother taking care of her after all the years of emotional (and who knows, maybe physical) abuse by her father. Azula's got good instincts though. She'd have made a bad Firelord because she only knows to make people obey with fear and she grew immensely paranoid after Ty Lee and Mai turned their back on her, but I think helping Zuko rule would make great use of her abounding abilities.

My take on it! :D Have a nice day Anon!

Hello! I believe this is in relation to this post by @ilya-boltagon?

Hmm, well, I think that if Iroh knew Ursa was Roku’s granddaughter then it’s safe to imagine that both Ozai and Azulon would have known as well. You make a good point Anon, but I honestly wouldn’t know because I have had the greatest trouble understanding Azulon’s character, which is why I loved that post that I recently reblogged.

As the son of Sozin and the father of both Iroh and Ozai who are polar opposites by the end of ATLA (because even if Ozai had lost Zuko, we all know he wouldn’t have developed a pacifist mentality like Iroh did after Lu Ten’s death), did he despise the Avatar figure? Probably. At the same time, the Royal Family let Roku’s family live after his death and then Azulon married one of his son to Roku’s granddaughter so, assuming he knew about Ursa’s lineage, it could have been a choice made equally for safety and honorable reasons.

Another possibility though is that only Iroh knew about Ursa’s lineage (as a member of the White Lotus), which would explain why Zuko learns about that fact when almost an adult and why Ozai never mentions it as an excuse to either shit on Zuko or to show pride in Azula.

I guess we will never know. Still I agree with @ilya-boltagon that it makes no sense for Azulon to kill one of his younger grandchildren randomly, just to teach Ozai a lesson. However Ozai would probably hate the idea of Iroh “stealing” his son more than the idea to end him by his own hand.

Have a nice day Anon!!

#avatar #mai #zuko #azula #iroh #ozai #azulon #ursa #roku #sozin #avatar meta #anon #answers #my analysis

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i-love-hobbies · 3 years ago

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Eda's reckless behaviour and overall mental health

Summary

Eda is a genius, but is very emotional when making decisions (not anger, but fear, stress ect.)

Her reckless behaviour and apple blood problem in my opinion are her ways of running from reality.

In season 1 she made a bit of progress on this issue. Then the finale happened. Then she made again progress and s2ep7 did a complete reset. And she is making progress now again.

Eda's intelligence

She's been a criminal for thirty years. She has been in the shady business for an extremely long time. Yes magic definitely helps but you also have to find a way to be on top of the game, so you can survive.

Remember Tibbles' shrinking potion. She can't really use a lot of magic if she is shrinked or poisoned and dead, can she? Not to talk about her enemies which you'd think would attack her now that she is magicless.

They haven't on screen, yet. The only ones that tried are Adegast and Tibbles and they both died without her using any magic (or close to nothing).

Now we know that she doesn't make plans a lot on screen. In s2ep3 especially she just let's Luz make the plan but that's because she is her mentor.

In s2ep6 Luz used sleeping needles which is wild magic so no, it's not knowledge coming from Hexside. Also the pickpocketing Luz mentioned.

Teachers don't do the tests instead of students.

She teaches her everything that isn't glyphs. I wouldn't be surprised if she has told stories to Luz about her best "outsmarting everyone in the room" moments.

Now we have seen some of her problem solving on screen. One of which was in ep.18 fight only using her channelled magic trough the staff (im not taking credit for noticing this, have no idea who did though) and used the bridge.

Also if she can telepathically talk to her staff. Owlbert saving Luz was probably her idea.

She had her impact on Raine's rebellion as well, without having magic or turning into a harpy.

"You are not our mom!"

"Wow, we actually helped people this time!"

"Bye, mommy Eda!"

In the back of her head she knows exactly what to do, everytime something happens.

Eda's mental health

Eda's curse and the nightmares it causes. The father incident. The fact that she probably thought Lilith was scared of her.

Lilith's hidden guilt and her taking her father's eye out don't mix well together. I wouldn't be surprised if they barely spoke even if they lived in a house together.

Her losing Raine.

Her faith in the emporer being broken.

She has seen a lot of death, that does impact people.

Season 1

At the beginning of the series she was making a lot of bad choices which don't aline with her experience.

The series starts with her getting caught by Warden Wrath. Instead of just sneaking, they were just walking comfortably in the corridors.

They are kids, one from another dimension, but her... She doesn't know better? And for a paper crown that she can replace by stealing from someone else.

Next episode we are introduced to her morning drink later on confirmed to be for adults only. And that drink didn't get a mention for the rest of the season. In that episode she is also not the most clear-headed. She didn't try to sneak, she didn't use potions. Didn't try to plan.

A list about her being impatient can go on and on.

So when does she think. When she realises it's dangerous (aka when it's right in her face). Literally in the first episode the moment she started doing stuff is when she got caught and spat on the warden's face.

In episode 2 she didn't do that because she didn't know if Luz was alive and had a hard time bottling her feelings. Like if Luz proved to him to be hard to keep tight up he could have killed her, the girl that came back for her and her son yesterday. And she proved to Eda that she is a little dangerous the previous episode with her fireworks.

Eda was rational again, after she was with both King and Luz.

As the series went on though she started to calm down a bit.

Firstly, the fact that she was so focused on fixing her card problem, after Tibbles scammed her, that she trew them away in another dimension.

I was wondering how she overcame it so quickly.

It also shows her knowledge of how to handle this type of problems which brings up a question. How did she learn it?

Secondly let's compare the first half of the season to the second.

1. Everything I already pointed out and was hiding the curse. The stuff that happened in ep.5. Her refusal to be parental in ep.7. Body swapped.

2. She gets scammed again (this time though, how do you expect that someone was digging their own grave). Didn't use a sleeping spell on the slitherbeast immediately instead was just standing there. Got caught by the fun police. Worsened King's stage fright.

In ep.15 because of her ignorance Luz and Amity almost die. Except that is not the full story. She had at this point a lot of faith in Luz and this was her friend's mind.

For Amity it's not that she hated her. Amity actually saved her in ep.12. It's because she wasn't that important for her to realise. "Omg Willow is at the very least extremely mad at her."

It's again a refusal to think, but for a stranger and not really on purpose. It was just a habit of hers.

Episode 18 and 19

At the beginning of the episode. Eda hid the curse, again.

When she learned that Lilith had kidnapped Luz. She didn't try to make a plan. She just revealed herself in all her glory while her magic was disappearing.

Shot the staff in a wall while she was having no idea, what that was supposed to accomplish.

Luz showed up and she finally started thinking.

Afterwards Lilith said we all know what and for the first time Eda's anger was the leader of her choices and Luz almost fell on to the spikes.

So then, for the very least a night, she was stuck in her mind with something, that was chasing her. She woke up to Emporer Baby the B*tch, who was telling her, he was about to go after Luz.

And no she didn't believe in Lilith, but was so overwhelmed. It was insane. So she begged. After some more running, she woke up to Luz in the Comformatoriam.

Next, she was about to get petrified and for awhile this was the calmest things have been since she got caught. Then Lilith shows up (ah yes she existed).

King jumped "She was trying to help!". Wait King was there.

Petrification beam go.

PURE PAIN!

Then she got the idea for all of them to fly away. Lilith shared the curse making the confusion even bigger. Then her magic is gone (that was a thing). She learned that the portal is destroyed. Now she was living with Lilith and might have starved to death with everyone else in the house.

After all of this she not only tried but HAD TO pretend that she was mentally stable, so they could survive this mess.

Season 2A

In episode 1 she told Luz not to go after big bounties and then tried to steal from a coven's ship.

At this point her emotions are the only thing that made decisions while they were also getting hidden. Don't get me wrong she did help and should, especially Luz but it's ALL feelings. She didn't think about consequences, which sometimes are good.

She didn't attack Lilith cause it's just not the time, she's scared from her own anger. Plus she can't really stand being with the roller coaster of emotions, that came with being in one room with her.

This didn't mean she didn't work with her and hadn't listened to the backstory, though.

The episode ends with her and everyone else not being close to dieing. Finally!

So now what? She tried to think about Lilith? Yeah, she probably preferred not to.

Then her glyph almost kills King, but Lilith showed up and helped. This is probably a familiarity she missed. So again she decided not to process it, but it definitely sticks.

She also didn't notice Luz being hurt.

Next episode, we saw Eda taking a shower which means she has healthy coping mechanisms, at least one, self-care and is not yet a workaholic.

Luz's apple blood joke is concerning.

After the events of episode 3. Luz probably told her that Lilith stayed with her and King, instead of just leaving them, get killed by Jean-Luc.

Then Eda still isn't certain where she stands about everything and Lilith just left, with her final act being, giving King mental issues.

Throughout this whole thing her mom was there with her cures/annual accidental attempt to kill her favourite daughter.

In this episode, Eda fell for apple blood signs. Rationality is out of the window.

In ep.6 she decided to help, with students getting palisman. Again not thinking about all the trauma, but finally doing something against her first instinct.

In ep.7 she heard King's "Le-" and refused to fully process, where the heck is he gonna go.

She also punched someone, cause this is gonna work?

Now she has reconnected with Raine having no idea should she even think of a romantic relationship again? And decided to be useful at least for something since she "can't raise kids".

She was helping and being very good at it, but it came from fear of loneliness.

Then she heard that Belos has a plan and just is overwhelmed. What if the kids get hurt, is she powerless?

Oh, look! Raine might be dead!

Next episode she overworked herself.

In between ep.8 and 9 she was trying to scare the beast into transforming. (She is losing her sanity. Literally the previous episode told her not to do that.)

In episode 9 again it's all emotional. She wants to feel better and be stronger, so she told King to blast her (almost blasting Amity), hit fool's blood even though Amity said the lake is further ahead.

Luckily she showed progress too.

She ate voles, which was against how she was feeling.

In ep.10 she was scared of letting Luz in the portal. I'm not saying she wouldn't have before, but I don't think it was easy.

Right now, after s2ep10, I think she isn't the most mentally stable. But she is definitely working on it.

#toh #the owl house #eda clawthorne #toh eda #eda the owl lady #edalyn clawthorne #the owl lady #toh lilith

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woodface · 3 years ago

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Right of Proxy (Alder edition)

I’ve been a bit sloppy getting my thoughts out lately as my brain has slowly been getting eaten D&D but I would be amiss to not do it now after the glimpses they’ve given us.

- Petra: I mean, they have been setting us up since the previous season that Petra was going to succeed and take over from Alder. I was secretly hoping she would fail and I think she’s going to get tested and I guess we’ll find out how well she will cope.

- Tally: I am so torn. I am proud of Tally for continuing to the moral compass of all of them. Her standing up to Alder has been amazing and she’s been growing so much, but man, do I wish they had done this all a different way.

- I feel like the show failed to develop Alder’s involvement with Batan and the start of the Spree. Don’t get me wrong, Alder needed to step down and if you’re puppeting the president then this is what she deserves. Covering up her actions in Liberia is also suss, but that conflict remains barely touched upon. Why did Alder respond so drastically? Why did Batan act like a woman scorned after it? I feel like they just didn’t go deep enough into this story and that there is still a conflict here that hasn’t been uncovered. The narrative puts the focus on this one act and says that the Spree were created because Batan was betrayed and had her work used to kill other witches.

Batan then proceeded and killed so many other witches. Claiming that all civilian deaths matched the witches death count is just... no, you added to that death count. Then killed your own followers to get that revenge and tortured them for your personal vendetta. We know this, we know Batan went insane, but there is a focus here that Alder hid everything because her actions created the Spree and just... No. She did not. Nicte did. Nicte went insane. Alder has done enough bad things on her own and putting the existence of the Spree on her with this one action just feels odd. Especially given that Alder was always known as the cause of the Spree since she was the one who started the conscription.

- We got to see Alder be truly vulnerable now. Everything is falling into pieces and while I am certain she stared her own death in the eyes several times by now, she is suddenly faced with a very different sort of end of her life: dying of old age. We’ve already seen that the loss of one biddy cripples her. Roughly counted, there’s 50 years of age carried by each biddy so depending on whether one dying would spread the age around between them or put it all back towards Alder, there isn’t much loss she can take before she dies as well. Her mortality has just become very real and I don’t think Alder wants to die sitting in a home somewhere.

Now, even with the program being ended, I imagine that Alder might be able to still find witches willing to carry her age. She is a legend and a sign of hope. She has led them for so long and she defeated the Camarilla once. I don’t think everyone is going to instantly rally around Bellweather so if Alder wanted to, she could probably build up a new following. I doubt she will however.

Alder has built up an army, she has built up a safe place for all witches and I have a hard time imaging her undermining that now. Even if she is not the one leading it. Definitely not after the display at the hangar. The moment with Quartermaine was so so important. She has seen Anacostia doubting her and it has made her doubt herself and just that touch was enough for her to finally stop.

I do think we now have an Alder on our hands who is ready to die and who is ready to go out with a bang. I worry that in the next episode she will be sacrificing herself for everyone else and regaining some of the respect she lost. I hope I am wrong. I would love to see her grow further, to rediscover her humanity and the freedom that comes with it to join the fight and still kick ass, and maybe redeem herself (and not just with Tally). The show would be a lot less interesting without her, and I want to see Petra be in over her head and go to Alder for advice.

- Which brings me to my favourite part and that is the glimpse into Alder’s past. The Mycelium knows the essence of who Alder is more so perhaps than Alder now remembers it herself. It must have been the first time Alder came to realise that even despite the sacrifices they were making to serve the country, it wouldn’t be enough to stop people from fearing and hating them. And she built Fort Salem on top of that memory. She was filled with such grief that she sang the Mycelium into being and created something where the essence of witches could reside in and carry out her dream of vengeance while also making a home for witches.

She lived every day on top of the memories of her greatest loss and she used it to carry her on, to protect all the witches that came after. Petra saying to Alder that she lost her humanity is just... so far off the mark. Alder’s humanity solidified itself into a creature that now has taken up a bond with Raelle in order to stop everyone from ever having to carry her grief again.

Alder’s words to Petra about the things she has seen, the grief she had suffered, they were perhaps fueled by arrogance, but they were also warning because Alder made herself who she was to push through all that loss.

Which brings me back to Liberia and how that moment just doesn’t ring true. Is it perhaps an example that Alder has lived too long and too far? That she became too jaded to still feel the loss of a witch? I think if she was, she never could have been moved by Tally’s rebellion or be stopped by a hand on her shoulder. I think that she lost her way, but it’s still there and it’s bubbling to the surface. It’s certainly strong enough to have the Mycelium still speak as if it knows her and it knows her grief, and it wants to act and accomplish exactly what Alder wants to do as well.

Funny that it is Raelle who has now seen deeper into Alder than Tally ever did.

ETA: if you haven’t seen this already, this interview and insight into how Lyne Renée played Alder is just amazing: https://twitter.com/Motherland/status/1427828749848891393?s=20

#sarah alder #general sarah alder #motherland fort salem #spoilers #metabending #i hope this is coherent

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acesydneysage · 3 years ago

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Gathering my sydrian prompts in one post

Some of these were originally directed at people who asked for prompts, and others were AU ideas, so they go from extremely vague to way too detailed. I'm copying them all here for my own convenience, but if anybody is interested, please go ahead and use them, and let me know you did.

Any character's reaction to finding out about sydrian that we haven't seen. Specifically Abe, specially if they're present being adorable. Sydney sassing Abe is a bonus. I really wish we'd gotten more reactions.

Just Sydney and Adrian going around solving supernatural mysteries and being a cute couple

Bring Hopper back, somehow

Sydrian being good parents! I made one post in my sydrian tag about them adopting a bunch of kids and one about Adrian dressing Declan up as mini Adrian for events.

I know it's January August, but Halloween is a sydrian thing, so have them dress up as Gomez and Morticia (I also have a post about that lol). Maybe next Halloween they can be Westley and Buttercup

Adrian's pov on romantic scenes from the first books. The Golden Lily has so much angst potential, with how he's realizing he's falling for someone who was taught to believe he's evil, and The Indigo Spell has some amazing scenes.

People finding out about Sydney's magic. I think the existence of witches would probably be a bigger deal when Moroi found out about it.

Sydney's mom and Carly finding her, and discovering that she's married and everything else

Vow renewal ceremony with all the friends who couldn't be at the wedding. Maybe Declan carrying Hopper on a red pillow as he carries the rings.

Alt ending where they go to whatever escape plan of theirs is your favorite

Alt ending where they lead a rebellion against the alchemists, effect large scale change with the witches and ex-alchemists' help and liberate more reeducation centers

AU where Adrian is an architect who wants to do insane, impossible things and Sydney is an engineer who tries to make him be reasonable, or tries to make it work

Similarly, writer/editor AU

Childhood friends AU. I think his family could have an estate close to Sydney's house and they see each other every summer. They never mention their ties to the supernatural, and as Sydney gets older she's in denial about the fact that her friend is obviously a Moroi, and therefore she should stop being his friend. That interrogation scene in Last Sacrifice is the first time Adrian saw her in a few years, and that's how he finds out she's an Alchemist, and by them he knows about Alchemists' beliefs.

Childhood rivals AU

All human AU where he helps her dismantle the cult her dad leads

Trying to explain to her human friends from Palm Springs that she didn't marry her brother

Paint fights. I like them.

Neil comes back, and they get scared that he wants Declan back

Dealing with Sydney's PTSD and Adrian's mental health, preferably ending in hopeful note, with healthy coping mechanisms and communication

AU where Sydney is a mechanic working for her mom and Adrian finds excuses to come over, and let's her drive the Ivashkinator.

Regency fake marriage AU where they elope so Sydney won't have to marry a creep Jared tried to set her up with, and then they mutually pine

Art thieves au, either Sydney is the investigator, or they're a team, or one evolving into the other

AU where Sydney is living with her recently widowed sister Carly, after her husband Keith died suddenly, and she just happens to be an expert on poisons. The life expectancy of abusive husbands drops sharply. Adrian starts to figure it out, but he's moved tohelp her get away instead of turning her in.

That last one could be paired with a pen-pals AU, where they become close friends and develop feelings through letters but don't really know each others' identity. I think it could start with Sydney requesting a book she needs, and Adrian sends it to her with a quippy note, and in her thank you letter she can't stop herself from making a thinly veiled sarcastic reply. They keep up the back and forth because they find each other funny. I can maybe insert bi!Adrian into the narrative by not having him know she's a woman, and just trying to very subtly suss out if his pen pal might be into men. If they end up in the same city (like if you pair it with the one above) being convinced that she's a male researcher could justify why he doesn't figure out that she's his pen pal when it starts getting obvious.

Silver Shadows Fake marriage AU where Lissa is right and the wedding in Silver Shadows was just to protect her. I think I might have a longer post on that already. Sydney was sent to re-education for something else, and Adrian breaks her out. They love each other but aren't couple, and he doesn't wnt her to be with him out of gratitude, while she feels bad about how she rejected him,or for the things she said in re-education. When they leave court to find Jill they keep finding excuses for why they have to keep up the fake marriage.

Old Hollywood fake marriage AU where Adrian's reputation is in danger (maybe because he's bi and his break up with his last boyfrind got some attention, causing speculation), so the studio has him marry Sydney for good publicity. Maybe late 1940's, early 50's? I initially thought Sydney could be screenwriter struggling to get proper credit for her work as woman, but actually, it would be just like Sydney to start taking on a lot of jobs and managing everything, becoming a de facto producer who had to learn everything on the job and gets no credit.

Youtuber AU where Adrian watches Sydney's art history video to pass a test, and he keeps watching her talk about any nerd topic because he likes her, and her excitement about knowledge is cute. She watches Adrian and Rowena's art channel, and loves seeing him paint and how passionate he is about it. I just really like how they make heart eyes at each other whenever one of them is passionate about something in the books. Cassie can have a cooking channel, and teach Adrian how to cook for their first date.

#Rapha's Bloodlines Tag #sydrian #sydney sage #adrian ivashkov #bloodlines #bloodlines series #vampire academy #va

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fandomoverdrive · 4 years ago

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Okay I just need to go on a rant about Whirl because I love him he might just be the most tragic character in the entirety of MTMTE and considering the candidates that’s a pretty hard position to cinch. Some of this is gonna have mentions re: self harm, suicidal tendencies/ideation, overall bad coping mechanisms etc so if that’s not your cuppa please scroll on.

This gets long so here’s the obligatory read more.

Let’s write “tragic” in flickering neon letters with the fact that Whirl’s first appearance in MTMTE, dropping the titular “how to say goodbye and mean it,” is a personal soliloquy delivered as he’s in the midst of constructing his own funeral pyre. Whirl is lost, directionless, trapped and unwilling to be such in a postwar environment. But how did we get here?

Whirl is without a doubt a driven character. In the prewar functionist society, he had no qualms switching careers, risks be damned. Whether he’s always had a knack for disobeying authority or was simply driven by passion or both isn’t elaborated on, but he’s got a hell of a hardheaded streak that’s impossible to ignore. When destroying his business wasn’t enough to deter him from further rebellion, the Senate was happy to turn him into an empuratee and destroy not only the opportunity but the capability of continuing to rebel by pursuing his passion. This is what I’d personally consider the big ‘whump’ moment, less so the use and abuse as a pawn that followed but the point of trauma at which we begin to see Whirl’s psyche begin to twist.

From this point forward we see Whirl in and out of prison, let loose when he can be useful to someone else’s ploy and otherwise incarcerated for a buffet of offenses. No longer able to be constructive and having little if any control of his life, Whirl becomes aggressively destructive. In response to having everything he aspired toward ripped away from him, permanently, he builds a mental defense of bitterness and anger and paves over his black hole of self worth with a veneer of outright assholery. It’s here that he bares his metaphorical fangs and pushes - with gusto - anyone who might even suggest they’re trying to appeal to reason or get close to him as an individual.

It’s hard to imagine, given even subtly different circumstances, that Whirl would not side with the decepticons for the war. While he’s single-handedly responsible for radicalizing Megatron towards violence, the ‘con intent at the start of revolution - that movement in society should be possible and a caste system based on alt mode is unethical - aligns quite nicely with what he’d already aspired to do with his life. His conscription to the side of the autobots is just another instance in which his autonomy is cast aside.

Whirl is a tool. Whirl had a passion for watchmaking, but now he can’t, so his new passion is violence. Whirl is a gun and someone else has always told him where to point and all he’s ever been given for his cooperation is the blame of pulling the trigger. Whirl is an asshole, Whirl is unpredictable, Whirl isn’t a mech anybody would ever think twice about saving - the answer would always be no. Whirl wants to die. Whirl only wants to die on his own terms and he’ll be damned if he’s going to keel over under the orders of someone he doesn’t respect, for a cause he doesn’t believe in.

A few years of this sort of treatment would be enough to drive anyone insane, let alone the millennia of warfare he suffered through. Worse yet is the one time he found a group, a team that was known for the unorthodox and taking on the big messy challenges, the Wreckers kicked him out. Whirl was too much for the mechs that were too much and there’s no way in hell that doesn’t still sting.

That’s how we get here:

Whirl defends himself through isolation from others. He can’t be hurt by others if he never lets them close enough to be hurt by. In a hypersocial society, he has no close long-term friends, he is one of the few with no roommate aboard the Lost Light. He made himself as unpalatable as possible. He’s crass, he’s volatile, he makes it clear with every word and action that Whirl is first, you don’t mean anything, I’d leave you for dead in an instant..... But that’s not true, is it?

Whirl is shown being completely, dramatically, self-destructively caring throughout the series. Between risking his life for the scraplet colony disguised as a protoform, participating in an untested spark jumpstart to save a life, coming up with a plan to rejuvenate Tailgate’s spark, and performing a spark transplant surgery on Megatron - without whom the world would never have been even a fraction as cruel to Whirl as it had been - Whirl is far from the most selfish character in the series. It’s in his nature, however, to deny such, to the point where he more than likely believes his own narrative that he’s irredeemable, self-absorbed, invincible, degenerate, and neither capable nor deserving of close interpersonal relationships.

It’s also how we get here:

Whirl is one of the characters that we more frequently see in a state of disrepair. He fights passionately and recklessly, with no regard whatsoever to whether or not he makes it out of a scrum with all his limbs intact. Injuries like these, and those that he experiences elsewhere in the series, would put other mechs out of commission through pain alone, but as long as Whirl is conscious he doesn’t stop until the fight is over.

As depressing as it is to think that Whirl is simply at this point accustomed to extraordinary pain, it’s even moreso to think about the more likely concept that he wants to be hurt. Whirl doesn’t have control of a lot that happens to him, but do you know what he does have control of? Who he chooses to shit-talk. More often than not we see Whirl being blatantly disrespectful of his superiors, and some of the more dangerous mechs aboard the LL. While obviously his intent when insulting Ultra Magnus isn’t to start a fight, harping on Drift (and subsequently getting cold clocked) or Cyclonus is a little more self-destructive in nature.

While Whirl has been in therapy, we see during the encounter with Fort Max that he’d shared very little of what he actually considered traumatic with Rung. With no material to work with, Rung wouldn’t have been able to give Whirl instructions or advice as far as a healthy coping mechanism, and so I’m firmly of the belief that Whirl goes out of his way to get himself hurt as a way to have a vague sense of control.

On his actions and guilt:

Whirl is immensely guilty. When he’s overcharged, he admits that everything feels like his fault - and unfortunately a lot is. Whirl believes he’s the bad guy, and he’s willing to take the fall for actions that others might find immoral. There’s a lot Whirl has done that he’ll likely never forgive himself for, even if he garnered the ability to start forgiving himself for the small things, but the character he’s created for himself has been part of him for so long that it’s near impossible to tell where to draw the line between caricature and his genuine self.

At this point in time, Whirl is not capable of improving himself without external assistance.

He has accepted (however wrongfully) that he is not cared about, trusted, wanted, or respected.

His assumptions become self-fulfilling prophecy as he - consciously or not - works to perpetuate his image. Whirl is a dick, he’s unfazed by anything anyone says about him, if someone is insulting him they’re probably right, why bother arguing unless it’s with the intent to get in a fight? He doesn’t pay attention to others, he doesn’t pay attention to himself, nothing that anybody could say could possibly make a difference.

Right? Right?

Wrong. Part of what makes Whirl so heart-wrenchingly tragic is that it is so incredibly clear that nobody has ever told him he mattered. Rodimus throws out what could be interpreted as a snide remark, “even the crazy bastard makes a difference,” and that aside sticks with him. Millions of years of warfare, of being a tool to use, an expendable soldier, a rabid dog to throw at their enemies, and not once did someone turn around and say he was anything good. He’s been thanked for saving lives, for contributions, for individual acts, but his reaction to Rodimus really cements in my mind that nobody has ever said that he, that Whirl, was important.

Whirl is a broken character. He’s subsumed by his own self-hatred that he perpetuates and justifies with a mask of cruel indifference and aggressively abrasive snark. He’s alone, by what he thinks is his own choice but is really a horribly misguided attempt to keep himself safe. He’s got no potential for growth unless someone wants to force their way through his defenses in order to help him find the line between who he is and who he pretends to be in order to keep from being hurt. Whirl is terrified of abandonment, and guarantees that nobody will ever be able to leave him by never letting them come close to begin with. He’s not a good person, he’s violent and callous and has little regard for the consequences of his actions, but he is that way because of the life he was forced to lead. He falls into consistent patterns because he craves control, even if those patterns are self destructive. It’s proof of the little growth he was allowed during the course of MTMTE/LL that after their quest was over, he didn’t attempt suicide again but instead got into the revolving door of incarceration for petty offenses.

All in all, Whirl is one of the saddest characters in any media I’ve consumed and please someone get this despicable bastard helicopter a new therapist and a stiff drink

#maccadam #whirl #mtmte whirl #character analysis #transformers

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milf-lover42 · 4 years ago

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Bellatrix and Azula are the same character, change my mind

As most people can tell, Bellatrix Lestrange is my all time favorite character. I might get new favorites every time I watch a new show, and they all share a general similarity (let’s face it… I have a type, and if you’re reading this here on tumblr dot com… you do too, don’t lie). However, no character has ever come close to beating Bellatrix for top spot. And then I watched A:TLA for the first time a few weeks ago. I didn’t watch it as a kid, I was just young enough (2003 babeyy) that I wasn’t watching tv when it was on. Azula is obviously my favorite from this show, and is also the only character to ever come close to Bellatrix’ spot in my heart. But thinking about this and all the headcanons that people have made for the Black family dynamic… it seems like a pretty straightforward connection. Azula is essentially just a young Bellatrix.

Almost all of these Black family headcanons have been taken from fanfictions I have read over the years, and so the credit goes to their respective authors. Many overlap so I cannot pinpoint each author to each one, and it has been a while since reading some of them. Most notable of these would be Glass Silence by Zarrene Moss. There are many more fantastic stories I have drawn from but I couldn’t remember every fanfiction I’ve read to pick out each detail. For all the Azula stuff, I am drawing from Hello Future Me’s video on Youtube “The Psychology of Azula | Avatar: The Last Airbender”. If you want to spend an hour watching that I highly recommend it. Basically none of this is mine, I’m just using the headcanons and research of others to tie Bellatrix to Azula.

Let’s start with their family dynamics. Bellatrix is the oldest of the Black sisters, and has no brother. Although not stated in canon, (because apparently she’s too minor a character to deserve a backstory) it is presumed that all the duties of a male heir fell to her in a way. Marry young and marry a rich pureblood, carry on the family name and power, and secure a high social standing. Pureblood society is extremely archaic, if the treatment of muggle-borns is anything to go by, so we can safely assume that they are a very patriarchal society. Cygnus and Druella Black almost certainly wanted a son to carry on their name, especially given Walburga and Orion had both Sirius and Regulus. We can also assume that they weren’t exactly the kindest parents. At best, Druella was a silent wife subjected to abuse from her husband and ultimately was unable to keep her children safe; at worst she actively joined Cygnus in abusing their children. Each of the sisters have a unique way of dealing with this.

Andromeda handled it by running away, completely rebelling. She fell in love with Ted Tonks, a muggle-born. I doubt this in itself was an act of rebellion, I think she simply realized how stupid blood supremacy was after speaking to him. Once she fell in love it’s clear she wanted to break away from her family so that she could marry him. Clearly her parents knew, and it’s likely she told them herself. Given Ted was a muggleborn I can’t imagine her parents reacting with a simple, “No he is beneath you, we forbid it.” They probably acted harshly in an attempt to make it stick in her head that the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black would not associate with m*dbloods. Either she ran away or was kicked out, but either way she stayed with Ted and didn’t listen to her parents.

Narcissa shut off and blocked all her emotions. Obviously as an adult she actively practices the same beliefs her parents did, but as a teenager I don’t see this as being who she was. As an adult she is very cold and unemotional. The only person she truly cares about is her son, Draco. She cares about Bella still, she just doesn’t show it because she wasn’t allowed to as a child. As for her feelings toward Lucius... it is unclear. Depending on where you stand, she either could have been forced into a marriage with him, or they were in love as teenagers and got lucky enough that their parents arranged for them to marry each other. My personal opinion is they were forced. I think Lucius was supposed to be married to Andy but when she ran away, the Blacks had to hold up their end of the deal with the Malfoy’s and so Narcissa was married off to him. She embodies the whole “Ice Queen” personality. In order to cope with the trauma and her unwanted marriage, she just blocked all emotion to keep herself sane, only showing it for Draco.

And then we come to Bellatrix. Bellatrix, who had too many expectations to live up to, so many roles to fill, and no positive reinforcement from parents who just abused her if she messed up. She felt everything. She was the oldest and cared greatly for her younger sisters, and probably did her best to take any of the abuse that was going to be given to Narcissa or Andromeda. She used herself as their shield because they were the most important thing to her. Even after joining Voldemort and going insane she makes it very clear how she feels about Narcissa. Bellatrix would follow Voldemort's orders to the ends of the Earth, but the second she is asked to trust Snape, she says that Voldemort has made an error in judgement. Cissa wants to go to him and ask him to keep Draco safe, but Bellatrix advises against this. Only when her sister is in potential danger does Bellatrix doubt her master. Even at the height of her insanity her sister is the most important thing to her. We can assume as a child she felt the same for Andy. In fact in my opinion she never really stopped caring about her until Azkaban, I think she pretended to hate her when she came out about Ted Tonks, but only did so so that Andy would run away and live her life with the man she loved. She was safer away from their parents anyway. It didn’t matter if Bellatrix thought negatively about muggle-borns; she just wanted her sister to be safe. After going insane however, she truly seems to hate Ted for being a muggle-born, and she kills their half-blood daughter Nymphadora.

In order to cope with the trauma of her childhood Bellatrix used all of those emotions as fuel for her magic. She is an incredibly powerful witch and is massively intelligent (although why she didn’t just use Legilimens on the Golden Trio will baffle me forever… it would have been so simple…). However because of this coping mechanism, she is driven insane. It’s not instant, in fact it probably took years (probably that stint in Azkaban, lads) for the insanity to fully develop and take hold. All of that exposure to Dementors would have forced her to relive the trauma of her childhood over and over, while taking away the happy memories of her sisters.

Bellatrix was given a support system to break away from her family. Now it’s not a good or healthy one, but it is one nonetheless. After being treated so poorly by her parents, and forced into a marriage with Rodolphus, she needed freedom. When Tom Riddle comes along and praises her skill and offers her a spot as his best lieutenant? Of course she’s going to take that. Finally some recognition, and a good amount of safety. Not to mention missions and tasks given to her and others to her husband that mean she doesn’t have to be around him. Bellatrix was mistreated by her father and mother, but probably always wanted her father’s recognition. Her mother probably preferred Narcissa because she could be groomed into the perfect pureblood wife. Bellatrix latched onto Voldemort to gain recognition, praise, and power. But I can imagine as a teenager, having a complete breakdown at least once, especially after being told she’d be married off to Rodolphus. Demolishing her room with magic, windows breaking, personal items being thrown either by hand or by magic, and screaming and crying at the end. Very similar to Azula’s breakdown in her final scene.

Now we come to Princess Azula. She has an older brother, Zuko, but is always given the limelight. She receives a ceremonial headpiece that she is always seen wearing, but Zuko does not. He might be the boy, but he isn’t expected to take the crown. Azula is even named after her grandfather Azulon, who was Firelord. She was always expected to be the next Firelord over Zuko. Her future was never her own. She is a firebending prodigy, always showing off her skills, whereas Zuko falls behind. She is favored by her father Ozai for sure, but she is never truly praised. She is simply a means to an end to him. She was always expected to be the best. Although it isn’t shown in the TV series, in the A:TLA comics Ursa and Ozia’s relationship is depicted as abusive. He cuts her off from her family saying that he is all she will need.

There are theories as to whether or not Azula has a Machievellian personality type, or ASPD or NPD that could have been a root cause of her diminishing sanity, and after looking into those they seem very plausible. She lacks empathy, she emotionally manipulates everyone, and she has a messed up sense of right and wrong. Altruism just doesn’t make sense to her, and emotions are not genuine, simply stories made to get your way. Ursa rewards empathy, love and trust, which is why she clearly favors Zuko. But Ozai rewards power, cunning, and loyalty. They are complete opposites so it is not possible to please both of them. If she has any of these mental disorders it would be impossible to please her mother, so she focused on making her father proud. But Ozai never really shows any level of praise towards her, so she constantly tries to better herself. If she isn’t perfect, she’s failed.

At the end of A:TLA, Ozai forces her to stay behind in the Fire Nation. He says it’s because they need a Firelord because he will be leaving. Azula is disappointed to not partake in the final battle, but it’s what her father wants, so she obeys. However, he only leaves her so that he can become the supreme leader of everyone, or “Phoenix King”. Azula doesn’t really get a promotion, just a fancy name. In the finale, she is shown as her mental state quickly deteriorates. Her perfect image is gone, her hair is not up, her makeup undone, and she is paranoid that everyone is out to get her. This is the beginning of her breakdown. When she is unable to put her hair up by herself, she cuts her bangs. Her hair is all of a sudden asymmetrical, which is unheard of. She then starts to hallucinate. By the time she fights Zuko and Katara she is extremely unstable, and the fact that she can actually still bend is incredible, because it requires control of your emotions. She instead manages to use her emotions to fuel her bending. At the end when she is defeated, she finally breaks. Her bending is out of control, and she is left screaming and crying.

Azula never had anyone take her under their wing and give her the recognition she craved. Zuko had Iroh. Bellatrix had Voldemort. If Azula had been introduced to someone like Voldemort she would have gone down the same path as Bellatrix. Likewise, if Bellatrix hadn’t been introduced to Voldemort she would have ended up broken just like Azula. Their stories aren’t identical obviously, but there are some strong parallels that place them together, so I can see them as the same person with different outcomes to their story.

Does this stupidly long character analysis have any significant purpose? Nah, not at all. But like… I’m clearly right so… yeah.

#bellatrix black #bellatrix lestrange #azula #princess azula #azula deserved better #A:TLA #A:TLA azula #bellatrix black lestrange #druella black #cygnus black #narcissa malfoy #andromeda tonks #guys im not crazy i swear #i just feel passionately about these characters #bellamione

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bazpitchs-violin · 4 years ago

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aaaaaanother fic thing i’m writing because that’s my ✨coping mechanism✨ but make it reddie angst this time!!

word count: 1223

this is probably going to be terrible but oh well

onwards!!

~richie~

I'd gone through the day feeling numb, which wasn't unusual, hell, it made me funnier. I cracked jokes all day, plastering on a fake smile that no one could see through.

Some of them would have made Eddie cringe, which made me cringe.

I hated that I couldn't stop thinking about him.

But he was there all day, his fingerprints on everything I did.

I could feel the weight of it all crash into me as I unlocked the door to our-

to my apartment.

It was half empty now. Anything that was Eddie's was gone. Almost as if it had never been there to begin with. Except I knew it had been. I knew we were missing a banner on the wall, and a poster from the first concert we went to together, but he bought because I was young and broke and wasted all my money on records. I knew that if I went into the bedroom, his things would be missing from the closet and the drawers and that the map we had with travel pins in it would be ripped down.

The air was cold. Of course, it was. It was quiet too. I laughed sadly to myself, he took the dog. Of course, he did. It was always more his dog than mine, even if we called it ours.

I set my bag down at the door and walked in, just as numbly. There was a piece of paper on the counter, with Eddie's wedding band resting on top of it.

I turned the ring over in my hand, tears welling in my eyes.

We'd always bickered, always gotten compared to an old married couple.

Bickering wasn't fighting. There was something insanely and starkly different about it.

He could scold me for not sleeping, and running recklessly into whatever Bill was doing, and not cleaning my cuts and scrapes, not taking allergy medicine, not taking my shoes off before coming in, but that was not the same as what had happened.

I wouldn't call it slow, but I wouldn't call it fast. He pulled away from me, more and more. He stopped looking at me, he was quieter. He didn't care if I took the allergy medicine or not anymore. He stopped scoffing at my bad jokes, only told in an effort to get him to look at me, to scold me for being crass.

And with that, we stopped. But we ran on empty for a while, which was when the fighting started.

The fighting didn't happen with light scolding or caring threats, it was loaded with biting remarks that stung because they were said with truth and meaning, loaded with things we could never take back.

We had fight after fight after fight, ignoring them all in the morning.

I wanted my Eds back, I tried to be serious for once, tried to fix it, but there wasn't anything left to fix, and pressing on a shell only turned it to dust.

I read over his note. It was deeply impersonal. I think that hurt more than the notion behind the note. Even after all of this, I could say he was someone to me. The note read like we were strangers, like he was writing me a note to tell me he accidentally scratched my car backing out of his parking spot, like we never shared nights and dreams and beds and clothes. Like we'd never lived at the same time.

I wasn't anything to him anymore, and that destroyed me. On the outside, I was still crass jokes and bad language that Eddie would hate, bad posture and ghost-written jokes, but on the inside, I didn't have the energy for any of it. I didn't have the energy to pretend I was okay, but I had to, I had to.

I walked into the bedroom, and as I suspected, the map had been taken down, all the pins piled neatly into a mason jar on the dresser. The wall was empty without it, and if I closed my eyes, I could almost see it there, different coloured tacks on different places, the colour system Eddie had made up written off to the side, residing among the scale and legend.

I paced around the room, trying to breathe in any last bit of him that was here, his ring still in my hand. Mine still weighed on my finger, I couldn't bring myself to take it off. I kept turning his ring over in my hand, trying to regain my balance, trying to shut him out as he had me.

It had been easy for him. Or it looked easy. Maybe it was easier. Maybe it was that way because he didn't care as much, because he didn't want it as badly, because I was never to him what he was to me, because he settled.

The thought rang loudly through my head, he settled, he settled, he settled. He didn't want me, I was just there. And then it didn't matter if I was there or not, he was tired, he was done, he was over it. I hated the thought, I hated how true it felt. Like I wasn't just throwing hurt accusations at him, but like I was coming to terms with something I should have realised ages ago.

I told him so much, but a part of me has to wonder if he ever knew how much he really meant to me. He meant the world to me, and I would have moved mountains and blown up stars to put it in his palms if he asked me to. I put everything I had into him, but it wasn't enough. Of course it wasn't. I don't know how I expected it to be. It was everything I had and it still wasn't enough.

I wanted to be enough for him. I wanted to be able to spend my life, eternity, with Eddie by my side. And I had that possibility, the possibility that the thing I'd spent years convincing myself was unattainable and wrong could happen. It was right there, like that one Greek myth Eddie had mentioned once, with the guy who had the fruit hanging just out of his reach, cursed to be eternally hungry. Whatever his name was.

It was tantalisingly close, the possibility that we could have made it.

I paced and I paced, my footsteps muffled by the carpet, all my thoughts screaming in my head, me without energy to silence them.

Then it hit me, I hadn't taken my shoes off.

Eddie was always on my ass to take them off before coming in. It had been years, but I hadn't done it today. I just walked all over what used to be our house in my dirty-ass shoes.

Eddie would have hated it.

It struck me as my last rebellion to him, hurt manifesting in a subconscious of spite.

I wasn't proud of it, I'd much rather take my shoes off and hug my husband while he finishes a work call than be able to walk into my room with my converse on, but it was a sign that he was losing a little bit of his mark on my life.

And maybe that was okay.

I can keep my shoes on.

#it chapter two #it chapter 2 #it chapter one #it chapter ii #reddie #it 2017 #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #angst #fanfic #writing is really not the most ideal form of coping #oh well #aha pain #the losers club

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bow-woahh · 5 years ago

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She-Ra Fics Masterlist

(It’s 100% Catradora but hey)

Started: 12/10/19 Last updated: 28/10/20

Multi-chapters:

Catradora —

What drove her insane... (Canon Divergent)(Completed) (4/4)(13k+)(Ao3 only)

There were a lot of things Adora would do that would get to Catra. A lot of things that would make Catra melt inside or combust. Or both. Things that would make her feel this intense feeling in her stomach, these flips, these... butterflies, is what she thought of them as.

Similarly, Adora didn't think she had many weaknesses, but most things Catra would do drove her up the wall. In a good way. In the best way. In a way that made her heart feel like it was about to hop out of her ribcage, that made her feel she was about to faint, from an unfamiliar, yet familiar, dazed dizziness.

Both of them drove each other insane.

Heal me after hurting (Modern AU)(Completed) (3/3)(29k+)(Ao3 only)

A million feelings she’s been fighting off for months threaten to overwhelm her: feelings of deep and utter care; of complete adoration; feelings of hot and harsh hatred; of absolute disdain; and abandonment, definitely abandonment; to confusion, anxiety, all bubbling as she tries to calm herself down; eyes closed, chanting the mantra:

you are in control, you are stronger now. ___

Catra gets sick and someone unexpected turns up to help.

bloom (just for you) (High School AU)(Ongoing) (8/?)(68k+)(Ao3 only)

She was probably about to tell her to fuck off, though maybe—hopefully—she'd say it nicely. Catra closed her eyes and hoped when she opened them that this whole situation was just a figment of her imagination. Instead, she saw a one word reply. One single word.

bet.

Adora Grayskull is the popular jock, the golden girl, the one that everyone loves. Catra D’riluth is the opposite. Yet despite this, they form an unlikely bond.

One shots:

Catradora —

What (Who) drives her to this? (Canon Divergent)(2k+)(Ao3 only)

Both Catra and Adora are tired. Both Catra and Adora reach a breaking point. Both Catra and Adora need to stop thinking. And when they do what will it drive them to do?

Catra’s Last Day (Canon Divergent)(2k+)(Ao3 only)

Catra has been anticipating this for months now, and now it's finally come - her last day at the Horde.

As the Sun Sets (Canon Compliant - Post S1)(1k+)(Ao3 only)

Watching the sunset was one way to end your day back at the Horde...

damn you, unrequited love (High school AU)(7k+)(Ao3 only)

Unrequited love sucks. That's what both Adora and Catra think.

Don’t sneak into the kitchen (Unless your girlfriend tells you to) (Canon Divergent)(2k+)(Ao3 only)

Catra has a bad habit of getting into mischief and Adora has a bad habit of agreeing to get into mischief with her.

They sneak into a kitchen and make a mess.

As the Petal Falls (Beauty and the Beast AU)(1.5k+)(Ao3 only)

Shadow Weaver comes to kill the beast and take back Adora, who to her knowledge is a hostage there, when she has actually chosen to stay there - with Catra.

If I was perfect (Modern Family AU)(2.5k+)(Ao3 only)

Call it a coincidence, but just as Adora said the word “baby” (for the second time actually), Catra had choked on her own saliva.

How had children not crossed her mind before?

Two Sides Of The Same Coin (Gang AU)(1k+)(Ao3 only)

"Come on, Catra! You know better than to trust the horde!"

"And you know better than to trust the Rebellion!"

"The Horde is manipulating you!"

"At least they don't hide it and do it behind your back!"

OR AU where the Rebellion is manipulating Adora and she doesn't realise (but Catra does)

I could get used to the sound of her voice (Royalty AU)(3.5k+)(Ao3 only)

Princess Adora was lucky enough for her parents not to marry her to a man. But, Princess Adora didn’t feel lucky in the slightest when she learned her wife to be was a right pain in the backside – or so she thought.

Who knew that all it would take for Princess Adora to fall was her voice?

Fiction will make you think (what if it was real?) (YouTuber AU)(8k+)(Ao3 only)

All of a sudden, a new thought hits her like a train. Why does it matter so much? Image? Catra doesn’t exactly have a good one anyway, and if anything, it would be worse for Adora. But she is already in most of her videos, so clearly Adora doesn’t care either. So what would actually change?

Wait, Catra’s train of thought stops. Why am I thinking about dating Adora anyway?

A YouTuber AU

Perspective (Prison AU)(25.5k+)(Ao3 only)

"Like you caved in Adora, you took the dive, and was it worth it?"

Adora looked at Catra, biting the inside of her cheek.

"I guess not."

Although, Adora couldn't deny that she felt almost lucky to have met someone like Catra, even if it was in here.

Twelve months. Adora had earned herself twelve months in Prison — it was virtually hell on earth. Or it least it should have been, if not for a certain someone.

Sink my teeth to save you (Vampire AU)(1.5k+) — Ao3 link —

“How did...what are you?”

The stranger stroked her chin, pondering something, then said, “Well, I’m the tall dark stranger your parents warned you about," flashing her abnormally sharp fang like teeth, almost in a grin, though it felt more like she was just showing off.

I'll be your crutch to cope (College/Modern AU)(1.5k+) —Ao3 link —

A late night (or early morning) text from Catra’s roommate leads to more than she bargains for.

Do you know any spells to get rid of this thing? (Modern with Magic AU)(2.5k+)—Ao3 link—

“You know, like, spells and stuff, right?” Adora asks, hold a little looser on her wrist.

“Uh...yeah?” Catra replies, baffled.

Catra’s a mage in training and Adora comes to her with a ridiculous request.

Christmas wouldn't be so bad (with you) (Modern Christmas AU)(1.9k+)—Ao3 link—

Catra wants to reject her responsibilities and problems for one night. Though, she can't avoid the one right in front of her for much longer.

As our differences divide us (Canon Divergent )(3.2k+)—Ao3 link—

Adora believes in the Horde. Catra doesn’t.

An AU where Adora (with the sword) stays with the Horde and Catra leaves for the Rebellion.

Lost my heart (now you've taken it back) (Valentine's AU)(1k+)—Ao3 link—

Catra decides to make her first Valentine's with Adora a memorable experience.

Demons hiding underneath (Modern Gang AU)(3.3k+)—Ao3 link —

She kept plummeting deeper and deeper into the once beautiful blue abyss. And the further down she got, the more Adora realised it was closer to darkness than blue. It seemed she would continue falling, falling into the darkness until—

“Adora?”

—

They may be running away, escaping from their problems, but that doesn’t mean Adora can avoid her own too.

Distressing (over you) (Modern Superhero AU)(3.1k+)(Ao3 only)

Wearing her signature smug smirk, she stood, hands on her hips with a knowing look. Despite how many times she'd seen her in the familiar getup before, it somehow always managed to get her stomach lurching: those thigh highs which somehow weren't impractical; the crimson red suit which clung to her body in all the right places (arguably there were no wrong ones); the black sleeves which came up to cover her hands; and the red mask with pointed ears obscuring her face. However, the blue-gold glow of her eyes was still inexplicably Catra. It still captured her essence. At least to Adora.

things you said with clenched fists (Modern AU)(1.5k+)—Ao3 link—

Alone, at loss for words, but still – I've won and I've lost but I've fell and I've fucked it up

An argument which stems from lies, deception and the past.

things you said when you were drunk (Modern AU)(1.6k+)(Ao3 only)

As Catra took her hand, with her mismatched eyes gleaming, and flashing her pearly white teeth in a grin, the smells, the noises of all the people around them dissolved into nothing more than white noise.

The aftershock (of your touch) (Modern Soulmates AU)(28k+)(Ao3 only)

“When one finds their soulmate, they don’t immediately know that is the case. Some believe it is a way for the universe, for the great First Ones to test our ability to listen to its calling, to let us steer the wheel to our own fates. Others believe it is an act of cruelty—to try our patience, to punish us for being unable to love without any inhibitions. No matter what one believes, it doesn’t rid us of the fact that finding one's other half does not allow for instant gratification.”

—

Catra, jaded by her past, moves to Bright Moon to start a new life, and finds herself growing increasingly closer to her neighbour, Adora. Initially, she's apprehensive, but no matter what she does, something draws her to the girl, and a revelation causes it to make a lot of sense—and none at all.

all the time in the world (Post-Canon)(1k+)—Ao3 link—

In space, it feels like they have all the time in the world. All the time to relearn the new parts of each other, all the time to indulge the old parts of each other, all the time to simply just be.

You have their attention (and I want yours) (Modern AU - Actors)(1.9k+)—Ao3 link—

It’s all made worse when Catra does look in her direction, searching for none other than Adora’s eyes. She sees her sitting there, seething, and all she does is raise an eyebrow, then after a moment, grin. She can tell. And that only makes Adora more agitated as Catra turns back to the crowd and that girl is practically hanging off her arm. Now, Adora really is contemplating going up there, kissing the smirk of Catra’s face where everyone can see.

a regular customer of mine (Modern AU - Bakery)(3.9k)(Ao3 only)

Catra works at a bakery and Adora comes by every day trying to build up the courage to ask her out (unbeknownst to her).

Headcanons + Shorter Works:

Catradora —

Fate Only Plays a Part (Canon divergent)(Ao3 only)

Adora finds a wounded and almost lifeless Catra in the woods and decides to bring her back to the castle.

I want to be with you when I grow up (Canon Divergent)(Ao3 only)

They are supposed to be fighting- they should be killing each other.

But they never can. And they never will.

Bad Dreams (Canon Divergent)

She tastes like coffee (Modern AU)

I like me better when I'm with you (Modern AU)

Adora's birthday (Canon Divergent)

The Start of Something Wonderful (Canon Divergent)

Catradora Summer AU (Modern AU)(Snippet)

things you said when we forgave each other (Post-Canon)(Written before S5)

Reunion (S5 speculation)

#catradora #spop #spop fics #catradora fics #micahs writing #micahs fics #masterlist #spop masterlist #shera #she ra masterlist #about time i made one #so your welcome

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modernwizard · 5 years ago

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Reasons I love Dhawan Master #47: He’s neurodeviant!

In no particular order, here is an illustrated list of reasons I love Sacha Dhawan’s Master, most of which boil down to the way that Sacha Dhawan so expertly embodies the Master to such a degree that we can look into this character’s mind as we never have before.

Find my full series under the HELP I WUVS HIM tag or at the why I love Dhawan Master tag.

Read more about my version of Dhawan Master/Thirteen [plus fam] in The Happy Famverse, a series of comic shorts about the domestic lives of [extended] Team TARDIS.

#47: He’s neurodeviant! Yes, I am using that particular word, rather than “neurodiverse” or “neurodivergent” or “neuroatypical,” for a reason. “Deviant” has long been a code word for “anything the people in charge don’t approve of,” including one’s intelligence, one’s social interactions, one’s sexuality, one’s abilities, etc., etc., etc. As an extension, it’s also associated with iconoclastic rebellion and often stubborn adherence to something contrary to the mainstream. I think that the Master [generally speaking, but especially this one] would glorify their renegade spirit and other condemned traits by turning the term “deviant” into one of pride. So that’s why he’s neurodeviant.

In this case, “neurodeviant” means “possessing and using a neurotype, brain style, thought pattern, and/or means of self-expression that’s rather uncommon.” I’m sure it’s pretty obvious to a lot of readers already that he is neurodeviant [just as it was pretty obvious to a certain number of you that he finds choking a turn-on], but I don’t care. I start from the basics and prove those so that I can work my way into more complex arguments.

Evidence for the Master’s neurodeviance is all over the place. Here are several key examples, though this is not a comprehensive list.

He has a conversational consciousness. See #34 [his reaction to Thirteen’s TARDIS] and #11 [his mind at work].

He acts everything out. See #46 for an in-depth example.

He has a variety of behaviors particularly associated with neurodeviant self-expression, stimming, coping, etc., including, but not limited to the following: nonstandard eye contact [see #42], saying “Ooooh” [see #38], baring his teeth [see #33], repeating things [see #31 and #28], headbanging when frustrated [see #27], rocking when excited [see #14], brainfingers [see #12], dancing/clapping when excited [see #3], and his vibrating when angry [see #2].

I want to know why the Master is neurodeviant. Why did Sacha Dhawan and the showrunners decide to make this version of the character so obviously neurodeviant?

I have two possible answers, one from the showrunners’ perspective, one from the actor’s. From the showrunners’ perspective, the Master has always been mad, insane, nuts, crazy, mentally ill, whatever. The character’s mental traits have also been inextricably linked with their cruel, immoral actions, suggesting that the Master is a nasty sadistic person because of their mental traits. In the showrunners’ minds, crazy = evil. Furthermore, neurodeviance, according to them, isn’t so far from insanity. Neurodeviance = crazy = evil. In this interpretation, the showrunners may be using the Master’s neurodeviance as a [crappy, horrible, wrong, ableist, bigoted] attempt at explaining his mean-spirited, coercive, sadistic actions.

From Sacha Dhawan’s perspective, things might look a bit different. He writes openly on Instagram about having Crohn’s disease and chronic anxiety. He doesn’t discuss Crohn’s a lot, but he does mention that its symptoms can be disruptive. He goes into a little more detail about chronic, debilitating anxiety, how it distorts his thoughts, and why it’s important to bring this subject out in the open so that people don’t feel so ashamed about it. In other words, he’s intimately familiar with health limitations/chronic pain/physical disability, as well as mental pain and suffering/mental illness/unfun ways in which your brain messes with your head. It’s possible that he plays the Master as neurodeviant because he has some familiarity with uncommon physical and mental conditions and wants to draw on those to represent the Master realistically and sympathetically, at least as far as neurodeviance is concerned.

I see both possible answers at work when the Master’s on the screen. Sometimes he’s just an insane megalomanaical dipshit with dreams of creating a new race. Sometimes that perspective even affects the actors. In an interview with Sy Fy Fangirls, Sacha Dhawan talks about surprising Jodie Whittaker and gang with the revelation on the plane that O is the Master. He says, “That was the first time Jodie and the cast and crew had actually seen me as the Master and how I was going to do it and they were like, ‘Wow, okay. This guy's crazy.’“ Hey, it’s the nuts = evil = nuts equation in practice!

At the same time, I also see the more empathetic perspective. Indeed, in the same interview, Sacha Dhawan described the character as “stooped [I think this is supposed to be “steeped”] in history and emotion, which is what I wanted to bring to the surface. By doing that, I think the audience, as much as they hate him, will also sympathize with him and feel for him.” [Sidenote: Obviously he was unfamiliar at this point with just how much certain people love the character and will side with any version for various reasons.] And I see that emphasis on history and emotion, as opposed to batshit evil, in Sacha Dhawan’s performance. I see that in the way that he performs the character’s neurodeviance consistently, meticulously, realistically, and, as far as I can tell, respectfully. Rather than a source of comedy or an explanation for the Master’s cruelty, Sacha Dhawan tends to portray the Master’s neurodeviance as a neutral aspect of the character. That is so fuckin’ rare these days that I have to write rapturous essays when it happens.

@natalunasans @spoonietimelordy @queen-of-meows @sclfmastery

#sacha dhawan #dhawan master #why I love Dhawan Master #HELP I WUVS HIM #neurodeviant #neurodeviance #neurodeviant master #neurodivergent master #autistic master #crazy and evil??#evil because crazy??#how to play a neurodeviant character #Step 1 -- Find a really cool adjective like neurodeviant.

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serpcntine · 5 years ago

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hey !! my name is eliza and i never learned how to do a good intro but i’m gonna do my best ! my pronouns are she/her and i’m in the cst timezone, i’m a lil rusty when it comes to tumblr rp but i’m very excited to get back into the swing of things !! i am a full-time college student but summer starts in less than a month ( and i’m at home all day rn anyway lol ). ok with all my rambling done here’s serafina, feel free to hmu for plots and stuff ! thanks babes <3

&&. is that ( perrie edwards )?? no, it’s just ( serafina czartoryska ). she is a ( princess ) of ( poland ). she is ( twenty-four ) years old and her birthday is the ( 15th ) of ( august ) which makes her a ( leo ). she is ( spirited & intelligent ) and ( spontaneous & carefree. ) but, unfortunately, also ( self-obsessed & irresponsible ). those traits just make her a ( slytherin ) and in scientific terms an ( esfp ). she is ( bisexual ) and the plaza’s ( party girl ). her theme song is ( chandelier ) by ( sia ). her interests include ( designer fashion & classic literature ). she is ( agnostic ) and is ( apolitical ). her quirk is ( twirling her hair ) and favourite quote is ( let other pens dwell on guilt and misery ) by ( jane austen ) because ( she loves letting other people focus on the world’s problems while she parties on; she just wants to have a good time and let other people deal with the responsibilities ). last but not least she ( does not ) believe in true love.

at a glance:

serafina is the wild child, the party girl, the reveler

being the third of four kids, she never really had to worry about actually being monarch someday

which means she got all the perks of being royalty without having to really do any of the work ( granted her parents still had high expectations of her, but she got away with a lot as long as she kept up with school work and such )

she got into partying pretty young ( age 17 / 18 ) and kind of built her whole identity around it

she tends to use it a defense / coping mechanism; if she drowns problems out with money and alcohol, they'll go away eventually

loves attention and will do anything to get it

the poster child for “no bad press”

mildly addicted to shopping, frequently spends way more money than she should

she’ll spend money on quite literally anything, but she gravitates the most toward clothes ( a girl needs to fill her walk-in closet somehow ) and cars

she’s a spoiled brat and she is at least somewhat aware of that fact, but if you try to point it out to her she gets defensive as hell

criticism? serafina doesn’t know her

the only people that can say anything to sera and not get their heads bitten off are her siblings ( and even then she may or may not listen to them )

but all the partying / rebellion doesn’t mean serafina is dumb; quite the opposite, actually

she had a world-class education so of course she’s book smart

she genuinely loves reading classic literature and learning new languages

her favorite author is jane austen

she unironically relates to emma and doesn’t realize that the reader is supposed to dislike her

arranged to marry despina glücksburg; it’s her family’s attempt at forcing her to settle down a little bit and take something seriously ( or at least making her look better to the public )

she is not pleased about this arrangement

connections:

i’m down to plot based on chemistry or coming up with past connections, whatever makes you most comfy is fine with me, but here are some ideas to get the ball rolling !!

friends — two or three people that serafina truly loves / respects / trusts. i feel like this is a pretty small group of people since (1) serafina is hard to deal with and can be, frankly, kind of irritating, and (2) she tends to keep people at arm’s length and doesn’t trust super easily. i’d love either people who contrast her and try to mellow her out a little bit, or on the other hand people who encourage her insanity and go out partying with her

frenemies — this is definitely a larger group of people that she frequently goes clubbing / shopping / etc. with but that she doesn’t truly like / trust. they hang out together but talk behind each other’s backs, yk ??

exes — serafina has had more than her fair share of relationships, summer flings, one night stands, etc. so honestly this is super broad and we can go a lot of ways with it. maybe they were in love and drifted apart, or they slept together once and now it’s awkward, or they had an explosive argument and now they can’t stand each other. maybe they’re still good friends. i’m down for pretty much anything here !

literally anything else, these are just a few ideas that i had off the top of my head

#the formatting on this is kinda uglie bc tumblr hates me #but here's my daughter #hshqintro

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Bea & Ro

Bea: What time were you planning to go to mass on your birthday? Ro: [a time that is ridiculously early af] Ro: You're going to be there to present me with my rosary right? Bea: I thought it was just before the party, when is that starting? Ro: Traditionally, yes, but I don't want to hurry through it as if it's not important Ro: [a time for when the party is starting] Bea: Right Bea: it's just that it was going to be a struggle to get back for the party as is Bea: That's essentially adding an extra day to my stay Ro: but you're the closest thing to a godparent I have, spiritually Ro: I don't know who else could do it Bea: and I know that you really want to do this Bea: I'm just not sure if I can make this happen, the schedule doesn't have much wriggle room Ro: okay, I suppose you can lead the last doll ceremony at the party instead Ro: I was intending to have Ali give it to me, since she made the outfits and everything but I'm sure she'll understand Bea: I don't mind if Ali does it Bea: it isn't as if this is actually traditional to us Ro: I'm trying to create my own traditions, it means something to me in that sense Bea: I'll try to make the party Bea: Yes, I know Bea: but I can't have my life revolve around it for a full calendar week Ro: I can't help when in the calendar my birthday falls in relation to your university terms Bea: Of course not but this is a lot, Ro Ro: No, it isn't Ro: it's a party that you'll try to attend Bea: I don't know of any other party you have to attend church to go to Bea: unless it's a wedding Ro: I haven't thrown any other parties prior to this Bea: You know what I mean Bea: this doesn't need to be such an event, does it Ro: It's my birthday, it's allowed to be whatever I want it to be Bea: Right Bea: well I don't know if I can come, alright Ro: well, if you want me to tell you that's fine, I won't, because it isn't Bea: What do you want me to do? Bea: The workload is insane Ro: if you are unable to cope with it approximately a month after Christmas break, what would you like me to say or do? Ro: *before Bea: Don't talk like you have any idea about the workload, firstly, that's what you can do Bea: You haven't even done your leavers yet Ro: You only just got back, that's common knowledge Ro: being snowed under is a poor excuse Bea: They set the assignments at the start of term Bea: even if I have all term to do it, would you suggest I leave it to the last minute? Ro: I would suggest you learn more effective time management some time before you graduate Ro: since you asked Bea: Please Bea: You're in a strop but don't be a brat about it Ro: you're well aware of when I was born, it's nobody's fault but your own if you can't handle your own schedule to coincide with long established party plans Bea: I'm aware it's in the middle of term, Ro Bea: and I go to school in another country and am living on student loans Bea: I'm not flying back for every little thing Ro: it's one of the shortest possible plane rides and you're more than happy to take advantage of that when it suits you Ro: or Fraze Bea: That's my business Bea: and I don't come back as much as you're trying to put on Ro: and I don't ask you to come back ever, or for anything Bea: It's clear you're only concerned about yourself Ro: for one day a year, why is that so uncalled for? Bea: Because, all this is just ridiculous Bea: you aren't Latina Ro: look for the ridiculous in anything and you will find it Ro: or if you prefer, all great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning Bea: You do it with Ali, as per Bea: you don't need me for any of this Ro: that's just as well since you can't be relied upon to take part in any of this Bea: If it was important, I'd be there Ro: it is important to me Bea: I can't say you've inspired me to make any greater attempts than I already have Ro: of course not, your mind was already made up when this conversation began Ro: however inspiring I am or am not is irrelevant because of your unwillingness to prioritise me regardless Bea: You seem pretty convinced of a few things yourself Bea: It isn't exactly the easiest time for me, regardless of my time management Ro: it's my 15th birthday that approaches, not my 5th, I'm utterly convinced that waiting at the window for you is an empty pursuit Bea: You're being dramatic Bea: and if you'd like to compare 5th birthdays with me, feel free Ro: and yet I'm the one who's supposedly being dramatic Ro: one great sacrifice and you're content to never consider making another in my honour, however big or small Ro: okay then Bea: I didn't sacrifice anything for you Bea: They died, there's no good behind us Bea: I got help, we got out of there, end of Ro: maybe that's the end of the story as far as you're concerned Ro: it's the beginning of mine Bea: We aren't even talking about that Bea: yet another topic you know nothing about and I'm not willing to endure lectures on Ro: they died on the same day, it's impossible to talk about one without the other Ro: if I were being dramatic, that would be cause enough Bea: What does it matter? Bea: Can you remember it? No Ro: that in itself matters, having nothing to remember them by except you and your memories which you're as unwilling to share with me as you are to make any time to celebrate with me now Bea: I was 4, I don't have any memories either Bea: That's how it is, there is nothing to celebrate there Ro: Fine Ro: I'll leave you to your assignments then Bea: I will send your present Ro: Thank you Bea: Right Bea: if anyone asks, tell them what you like Ro: it's unlikely anyone will given how selfish I'm apparently being and how air tight your reasons for not showing up supposedly are Ro: besides, I have enough to do without indulging in any games of chinese whispers as to your whereabouts Bea: Then you best get on with it Ro: I have my own schedule under control Bea: I've not got the time to have this petty back and forth with you and if you're as busy as you say, that shouldn't be a problem Ro: finally, something you're right about Ro: it isn't a problem Ro: continuing this conversation with you is a waste of my energy Bea: Off you go then Ro: See you at Christmas, assuming you decide that's worth returning for Bea: Either way, you won't be waiting at the window Ro: precisely Ro: and you'll have my present sent if you don't appear yourself, little else mattering at times like these anyway Bea: You aren't upset I'm not coming, you're only upset your plans are compromised Bea: because if you remotely gave a shit about me being there, you would've approached this whole conversation differently Ro: experience has taught me what you value and what you don't Ro: I'm not about to make any kind of impassioned plea in order to be a hastily added footnote Ro: particularly if it follows that I'm to be blamed for your ensuing university hardships should you dare to attend Bea: You know me so well Bea: wait, no, we both agree that is laughable Bea: so spare telling me what I will or won't do or say, my sides are splitting as is Ro: perhaps I will when you respond in kind and stop telling me how I feel or why Bea: Experience isn't something you are solely blessed/cursed with Bea: I can only react to what I'm presented with Ro: you don't want to come, of course you're reacting in line with that, that's what I'm being presented with Bea: Of course I don't, but it's about obligation regardless Ro: you've long been free from any and all obligation towards me Bea: Don't be delusional Ro: you should make time for church if you're going to make yourself such a martyr to my existence Bea: Guess what, we're not Catholic either Ro: There is no we, my faith is my own Bea: Nah Ro: you don't speak for me on any subject, especially my personal beliefs Bea: It's bullshit, Ro Bea: no one chooses to be a Catholic Ro: I have Bea: Yeah, well you would love to be special Ro: I'm so unsurprised that you manage to find enough time to be confrontational Bea: If I were to actually call you out on all your bullshit, we'd be here 'til your 18th Ro: feel free to write the most urgent of your grievances in the card you'll send Bea: You don't deserve a gift that good Ro: that much we can agree on Ro: I don't deserve any of this from you Bea: For god's sake Ro: Stay there, as we said, nobody but me thinks it's unfair that you aren't coming Bea: I'm sure they do Ro: Well, I have not and will not ever care what your boyfriend thinks Bea: As I understand, it's mutual Bea: and he's more than just my boyfriend to you Ro: no, he isn't Bea: How do you think you get to pick and choose? Bea: you can't claim Ali and ignore everyone else, they exist too, like it or not Ro: In much the same way you and he both did, I would imagine Ro: if I were to claim him as my brother, being your boyfriend would be abhorrent and it's obvious what you would both rather by now Bea: Your choice to not integrate and be part of this family has nothing to do with me Ro: Likewise Bea: Fuck you Bea: you had every chance, this is the only one you've ever known Ro: by your own admission you had all the same chances, no sacrifices made for me and no memories of the former Ro: you chose him and he chose you, you're the one being delusional if you think there was room for me and him to still play happy families afterwards Bea: Now you want to believe me, convenient isn't it Ro: and you want to have your cake and eat it, it's an appropriately timed idea, at least Bea: This isn't about me, it's about you being ungrateful Ro: No, it's about you attempting to tell me how to behave as if you reside in an ivory tower instead of a glass house Bea: You're having your teenage rebellion phase, fine Ro: again no, I'd be more than willing to listen to you had you actually said anything worth listening to Bea: Sure Ro: Undeniably so Bea: No, bullshit, again, Ro Bea: you don't listen to anything anyone has to say because you think you're right about everything despite the obvious Ro: you can't garner a receptive audience because you're just talking and talking without pausing for breath or to listen yourself Bea: This might be a big conversation for you, but that's only because you never talk to anyone but yourself either Bea: I'm actually busy, with things far more important than your tantrum Ro: Go and devote yourself fully to those things then, I already told you to do so Bea: You think you tell me what to do? Bea: No Bea: I'm not so single-minded Ro: If I had any desire to waste my breath I'd do so during a piano lesson with one of my more challenging students, when I'm paid to Bea: Yes, that about sums you up Ro: thus allowing you to draw a line under me Ro: and all of this Bea: No Bea: that's your move Bea: if you're going to be as callous as to want it, at least have the follow-through Bea: I'm not making this one easy for you, lest I be accused of martyrdom again Ro: I wouldn't dream of trying to compete with you in the stakes of who is the most callous Bea: I miss a birthday, how much have you skipped out on, Ro? Bea: When are you ever fucking here? Ro: such a convenient scapegoat for you when you no longer wish to be held to your own account Bea: If you want to be a ghost, you don't get to defend yourself Bea: dead people don't get to prove or deny any claims made about them Ro: the dead are far superior conversationalists than you, in my experience Bea: Your imagination, it'd have to be Ro: boundless though it is, no Bea: You don't know any dead people, and that's the truth of it Ro: I've met lots of them Bea: No, you haven't Bea: and how many people turn up to your party is going to reflect that Ro: yes I have, and how many people turn up to my party reflects how many people I chose to invite Ro: for all the things you deign to lecture me on, having a select social circle is perhaps one of the most hypocritical Bea: If there was any element of choice, it'd be you and Ali Bea: it's obligation and the guestlist of your not family reflects that both ways Ro: this repetition is neither effective nor amusing Bea: It's the sad fucking truth and someone needs to smash it through your thick skull Ro: a chore you'll never be too busy for when you take such delight in it Bea: I hate talking to you Bea: do you seriously not understand how much you make my skin crawl Ro: and yet here you still are Ro: how ghoulish Bea: because I am your sister Bea: your actual sister, and it isn't optional Ro: hardly, we both opt out regularly as previously highlighted Bea: No, I don't Ro: you currently are Ro: and you have on many other occasions Bea: Not being able to stomach a whole performance from you trying to be someone else is not opting out Bea: I wouldn't still be here if that were an option Ro: you'd have to know who I was in order to have the slightest indication of whether or not I was attempting to be someone different Bea: I know who you are Bea: but don't insult me by pretending you have the slightest inclination Ro: you insult me with such a barefaced lie Ro: you don't know me at all Bea: You wish Ro: I'm not in the habit of wasting wishes Bea: How's that working out for you? Ro: Perfectly Bea: Then that's really sad Ro: You're a very convincing adult Bea: That's allegedly what you're preparing yourself for Ro: sober disenchanted maturity, so Wuthering Heights asserts among many other turns of phrase Ro: you're more suited to it Bea: You know, drunken, enchanting or youthfulness aren't words anyone would apply to you Bea: so I'd be more careful with what I asserted if I were you, you aren't likely to be thrilled with what you get back Ro: I am content without the constant appraisal of others right now, perhaps when I find my own way to university we can swap places though Ro: if nothing else, it'll grant you a rest Bea: Of course you are Bea: you haven't spent this entire conversation doing just that Bea: at least package your delusions as somewhat believable to anyone else or you just look wholly derranged Ro: this entire conversation is centred around the disruption of my plans and thus my self discipline is the only thing seeking to be placated as you yourself commented Bea: You've sought out every opportunity to assert your appraisals of me, unprompted and unforgiving Bea: I wasn't going to come out of genuine lack of ability, but the poison of spite and bitterness was barely held back between your pursed lips, no need to push hard for all that to spill forth Ro: however you decide to excuse your absence makes no difference to me Bea: It makes no difference because nothing does with you Bea: you'd rather I wasn't there because at least then you have something to lament over Ro: I'd rather you weren't because you've made no secret of the fact you don't want to be, as always Bea: because it's fantasy, none of it is real Bea: what is the point of us going through the motions of pretending to have this life-affirming bonding experience when it'll be nothing close Bea: how easily I could be swapped out for any other bit player confirms that, it isn't true, and this all means fuck all to you Ro: you could be so easily swapped out because necessity has dictated it on more prior occasions than either of us have the time or inclination to call to mind Ro: you kept yourself at a distance long before you left for Cambridge, lecturing me about my lack of integration or whatever you called it doesn't change that Bea: Because it was not me you needed to intergrate with, is the point Ro: romantically aligning yourself with Fraze and babysitting Rocky on occasion doesn't mean you can point out my perceived failings as if you're an expert, moreso Bea: This constant comparison is pointless and not what I'm talking about Bea: you were meant to be a part of this family Bea: YOU, not me Ro: and I am Ro: if only because they're obligated to care for and about me as you're so quick to point out at every single opportunity Bea: if you think that's the only reason, legitimately, for them, then you're proving my point about how out of touch you are Ro: you're the one who keeps propping up this conversation with that as the reasoning Ro: whether or not it has ever crossed my mind hasn't been brought up for discussion Bea: No, it's you failing to do your part, that obligation is a two-way street Bea: you're the one giving it negative connotations Ro: being in someone's debt rarely has positive ones Bea: That's what family is Ro: and contrary to what you believe, I fulfil my responsibilities to this one Bea: If you say so Ro: I do Bea: Then that's all that matters Ro: I'm well aware of what does and doesn't matter Bea: Okay Bea: not me you need to convince Ro: I'm also well aware of where to place my conviction so that it isn't misplaced Bea: Seems like it Ro: Goodbye Bea

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orangeccreamsicles · 5 years ago

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😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

Sick. Dead dove, do not eat. [[READ]]

Nothing drives me up the wall more than I do. I make myself fucking sick, all the time. Be it how I choose to react to things, shit I decide to say or do, what I think, It's all insanely fucked up and I've just got to sit around and play the audience on it because even though I'm self aware to see that I'm being a prick, I can't do shit to stop it. Like, fuck, someone said something totally harmless to me the other day, and I completely froze up about it. Shut down, got the shakes, it was fucking idiotic, and I knew it was, and yet. And yet! It's been long enough, I've got my coping strategies and shit, so ehy aren't I over it yet? I've got hella PTSD, we been know that, so why the shit can't I recognize that the sound of silverware clacking together isn't Bro upstairs fighting with Dave? Why can't I settle down in the middle of the night after hearing the slightest of sounds? I'm waiting for him to pounce, I know, I'm tensed up for it, but /why/? The fuck is wrong with me. You're allowed to express yourself, Dirk, you're not a wall. That shadow you saw in the corner of you eye? It was a treebranch blowing in the wind. There's nothing there, can you please calm the fuck down and move on with your life because we've got shit to do.

I'm just kind of lonely, that's been making me a bit depressed I guess? I know I've got Cass, and Roxy, And Rose, and Dave, and like. Crosey. Or anyone else I might talk to on a semi regular basis? But it ain't enough. Plus I'm a piece of shit so it's kind of depressing to deal with that on a daily basis. Can't imagine what the people around me are thinking, yikes.

And I've always got something on my mind to do with Mom, or Bro, or even David lately. Bro's dead, allegedly, so what do I have left to do or be mad about? We're safe and whatnot, and yet I can't keep him off my fucking mind. He's taking up real estate without paying any fucking rent, the dickhead. Mom really isn't as bad, I know, but it still pisses me off how she tries to hold that over my sisters. She doesn't beat her kids, you know, so she must be miles ahead and they must be over the moon for her A+ parenting. Except that I've seen her less than ten times in the entire time we've been over here, and I've been /looking/. Who knows how often she bothers to show her face for the girls. It was Roxy's birthday yesterday, and you know what she did? Had a a dress three times too small delivered, and then didn't bother to show up. What a fucking bitch. I know they both feel guilty complaining about her, but Dave and I have been free of our problem for. What, two, three years now? They've still got to fucking deal with this negligence, and the emotional manipulation, and parading them both around for business parties.

Then there's David. I don't have a problem with him, of course, it's more just. He was this sick leader of the rebellion and shit, so he's all I've got in terms of what that all means, you know? Mom was involved too, and Bro, but I don't want anything to do with their sides of the story. We were fed that shit from the start like we were stsrving and they were actually good caretakers trying to revive us, but they never cared about that. Only cared about making themselves look and feel good about the whole thing. Anyway. From what the tapes show, and the news reports, and anything else I could find on the guy, he sliced through imperial soldiers on the daily like it was nothing, you know? Fighting through hailing lazer fire and raising Bro while he was at it, the dude was fucking hardcore and was in danger constantly. It got him killed, eventually, though not before he could put an end to it and drive her imperial bitchiness off our planet. Thinking about what he had to do and applying it to certain rebelious young adults I know and what they've got planned is. Scary. It's scary. All I know is the straight up war he had to go through, and the hardcore trainin Bro had Dave and I go through for however many years, and it just makes me /worry/ about what you know who is planning.

#Ask #long post /#abuse /#Venting on main.#Let's hope that read more works on mobile.#If not? Get fucked I guess.#Ask to tag.

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