#just my current thoughts and situation

[sameboot]

Simon petrikov coping FAIL compilation

[silent-browser]

Got a positive response to a job application today!! 🥳🥳

It's an video interview but that's alright!

The site won't let me submit any actual video of me answering questions... 😧😧😧

That's alright. Maybe I can message the company about my issue?

They responded almost immediately! 😀

Their suggestions don't help me. 😮‍💨

Oh well maybe I can figure it out on my own.😮‍💨

I can't. I'm freaking out. I'm crying.

This feels like my only chance to get a job. Even though, logically I know it isn't.

I hope they can just call me and do the interview over the phone...

[emberglowfox]

closing time

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

I'm a bit obsessed with Adaar, Cadash, and Lavellan, paired with Blackwall. As Adaar, you're this huge, buff mercenary that towers over even a big burly man like Blackwall. With horns. A lot of people call you and people like you an "ox(wo)man", view you with suspicion, or even fear. As Cadash, you come from the rough life of crime, and due to being a surfacer, you're less than nobody in your homeland. Hardly glamorous. As Lavellan, you're an elf, a second class citizen in the eyes of plenty humans to begin with, and you come from a migratory tribe. Hardly pampered. They're all tough cookies, and their cultures and personal lives are to various degrees very different from even the lowest of human nobles. No princesses here. And then Blackwall comes and keeps calling them, "My lady," and says that knightly stuff like, "You have the whole world at your feet, including me". And he acts the part, too. Of course, each Inquisitor is different, and their reactions depend on everybody's headcanon, but I can't help but imagine my Adaar, especially at the beginning, quietly losing. her. shit. while trying to play it cool.

[gaywarcriminals]

Absolutely agree on the Shen Jiu abortion post with the one caveat that he may consider keeping it to get YQY to pay child support but even then it's unlikely

Yeah I agree-- the main reasons I can see SJ keeping a baby are to tie YQY to him or to otherwise use the child as a pawn. SJ would definitely rather force YQY into a “loveless” marriage than let anyone else have him, so baby trapping isn't that unreasonable a leap.

I find these scenarios really interesting because of the very specific way this would fuck up qijiu’s child lol.

[a-whiff-of-a-dream]

alright this has been sitting in my mind ever since i first heard it a few days ago, but what Emmrich says about his fear of death in his first scene? It hit differently. Im gonna elaborate underneath the cut.

(also this might be too much personal info for some, but anyways)

'Thats when I discovered I possess a great terror of dying' is putting something I have felt for close to 3 years now so... precisely into words.

I have spend so much trying to find words for this feeling, for this fear, and have not yet managed to communicate it with anyone really so far, because the words have just... not been there.

'It goes beyond dread. It cant be reasoned with or soothed over. It comes without warning, in the dead of night, in sunlit streets. A raw, strangling fear, struck somewhere deep past the heart.'

It hides behind every corner of your life. You can go on with your day like any other person, you can be alone at home or out with friends, seeing the world, and suddenly youre hit with this 'someday it wont matter anymore and you wont feel this feeling and never smell the air again' and you cant outrun it.

Its something you cant change, something maybe not even worth mentioning because there is no way out anyways, so why bother and try to find a reason within it, when there is non to begin with?

'Oddly, I discovered I wasnt alone. I debated this fear with friends, I argued with teachers... Yet... It lingered.'

Others might feel the same, and yes its comforting to a degree, but still it wont make it go away. It wont make it better or unbearable somehow. Because its unreasonable. You know it is. Thats why Ive burried it so deep within me and try not to spiral into despair when these thoughts occure.

I am not really sure where I am heading with this but I guess I needed to get these thoughts out into the world somehow. Because hearing this, having it put into words so nicely? It helped. It made me shiver and it has lingered in my head for a while now, but it also gave me words for something I have not yet come around wording myself.

[dorkicon]

venting onthe robot blog yet again. tw death in the tags

[helpmyinterestsareverywhere]

Whenever I pick up a Lloyd LEGO set and see a blue figure included I like to try and ignore it and play a game of "is it gonna be Jay or Nya?" and not find out until I get to build it

(It's a win-win situation everytime - i love them both <3)

[chewyhanniebug]

life is a constant struggle of not knowing if i want to be, fuck or destroy junhan for survival. distressing

[ilkkawhat]

so anyway this dream about ilkka, sharing to hopefully give someone a chuckle, first just some random appearances on shows but at one point he was the doctor on doctor who (which, i had a similar dream with george funnily enough) except he wasn't...him. he was peter capaldi. it was like. revealed that he and peter capaldi were the same person.

[zenyteehee]

Doing emergency medicine when I did it, freshly sober as I was, was probably the worst thing I could’ve done. I got all of my missing dopamine that I used to get with weed from the heavy adrenaline rush of the ER, and now that I’m not working there, the missing dopamine feels even worse

[kit-screams-into-the-future]

looking at the dialogue i wrote up for the next comic strip and the sheer amount of sketches (sketches. not even the lineart itself) to go along with it........ at this point i may just have to start writing fanfiction. it would be a lot less tedious methinks

[goddevouringserpent]

OC tag game

yoinking an open tag from @arendaes to talk about my Rogue Trader MC Crescentia, the Machiavellian nightmare woman that has been haunting my every thought

I don't have any art of her yet and I can't seem to get her right with any picrews so. no image for now. maybe I'll edit this and add the drawing I'm working on when I finish it

GENERAL

Name: Crescentia von Valancius Massimo af Scarus; previous surname lost to time and indifference

Alias: Rogue Trader, Emperor’s Chosen, Bearer of the Sacred Warrant of Trade, Shadowless Sun, Giver of Life, Scourge of Heretics, Cleanser of Janus, and so on and so forth ad nauseam

Gender: cis woman…? she’s never given her gender much thought. (a modern AU might see her playing around with that some more, but as things stand in canon, she’s kind of the equivalent of that “im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idrc about that rn” tweet. except, like. “im probably genderfucky but i am fucking under attack at all times forever so idrc about that rn” I guess.)

Age: 34

Spoken Language: Low Gothic, smatterings of other languages such as High Gothic and apparently Wulfen? she’s got a talent for pulling random knowledges & bits of trivia out of her sleeve, so.

Sexual Orientation: biromantic + demi-bisexual

Occupation: Sanctioned Psyker (might have become an Astropath if things had gone over differently—her telepathy is scary strong), Officer, Grand Strategist, Rogue Trader

FAVOURITE…

Colour: tie between royal purple and cobalt blue

Entertainment: books—so much so that I’d say Crescentia joins the “book club” Cassia and Heinrix have got going on—especially if they’re non-fiction. live music performances, after becoming Rogue Trader. also, and although I’m not sure if this counts as entertainment, per se: attending religious services, even if she has a complicated relationship with the Emperor and her own faith (or… complicated from the outside looking in, anyway, she doesn’t really notice the nuances of it).  

Pastime: regicide… as in the chess-like board game, not as in killing kings LOL. collecting anything she deems interesting or valuable, bonus points if it’s artwork or jewelry. looooooong baths.

Food: any fruit; pastries of all kinds—both sweet and salty—as long as they’re light

Drink: dammassine (“an alcoholic beverage, that has a sweet herbal taste with a hint of almond”, quoth Warhammer Lexicanum because I don’t know enough about this setting to be able to answer this question with anything other than “amasec” LOL)

HAVE THEY…

Passed University: if going through psyker training at the Scholastica Psykana counts, yes; otherwise, no

Had Sex: yes

Had Sex in Public: no

Got Tattoos: I keep going back and forth on this, but for now, no

Got Piercings: no. she wears an ear cuff with a golden chain sometimes, but it’s one of those cuffs that latches on to the ear, not an earring.

Got Scarred: VERY MUCH SO, both due to backstory events (Shadow of Torment babyyy) & during the game proper. a couple of those she’s covered up with augmetics, but others have just remained as-is, albeit concealed underneath layers and layers of clothing so they’re not visible at first glance.

Had a Broken Heart: not sure, but probably not. she’s hard to get to emotionally.

ARE THEY…

A Cuddler: nope, quite the opposite in fact. she’s pretty touch-averse. there are only a handful of people in the whole galaxy she’d feel comfortable touching in a casual, affectionate manner, such as cuddling—Kibellah (her lover) & Jae (her bestie), plus a special case with Cassia and Abelard where Crescentia would be okay with, say, a casual friendly hug, but she’s not sure whether they would be okay with it. and she’s not about to ask either way, considering she doesn’t really crave touch all that badly anyway.

Scared Easily: not at all

Jealous Easily: oh ABSOLUTELY, she is very very possessive of what she considers “hers” and that possessiveness often manifests as becoming sick with jealousy at the drop of a hat. she hates the idea of whatever Belongs To Her—things, people, power, titles, planets, you name it—being taken from their rightful place (read: from her) and gets NASTY when she feels threatened in that respect

Trustworthy: to a degree…? she’ll keep her word as long as it doesn’t harm her to do so and as long as there isn’t a greater benefit to be found in not keeping her word, so. not really trustworthy. but also you can make yourself valuable enough to her that she’ll become trustworthy because it’s in her best interest to do so…?

FAMILY…

Sibling(s): who knows? who cares? unimportant, surely. (one brother who went on to become a Commissar.)

Parents: father a voidborn, mother a minor noble from an Imperial world who was cast out by her family. they were actually pretty good parents, even if Crescentia’s mother still kept a bit of that noble attitude about her and is part of the reason why Crescentia grew up feeling entitled to a greater lot in life, something more glorious and luxurious than the mediocrity she’d been apportioned. when her psyker powers manifested, they turned her in without complaint, but that was out of, like… self-preservation? and a very deep-set belief that they had to follow orders Or Else. neither of them exteriorised it, but losing their daughter like that gutted them to the point where it almost destroyed their relationship & both of them as people. doesn’t mean Crescentia saw that from their perspective or ever forgave them for it, mind you. she has never EVER come to terms with that bitterness that’s got a chokehold on her. she just adjusted her personality & her expectations accordingly and became much, much more cold and calculating than she already was.

so. you know. the love was there. it didn’t change anything. it might’ve made matters worse. but it was there.

Children: No… mos

Pets: none. she might want one, but she is not very good at taking care of. Anything.

---

as is always the case with my OC ramblings, if you read all of that you can summon me for difficult battles .

also open tagging anyone who'd like to give this a go, & please feel free to mention me in the post because I always love to read everyone's OC thoughts :3

[kaeyapilled]

i dont think kaveh and alhaitham were romantically involved back in the akademiya. and in fact i believe that the repressed pining particularly from kaveh's part made their friendship breakup worse

[mossyinkynebulous]

I'm drawing it later, but:

Tim and Jay doing the rubber room w/ rats made me crazy thing while Brian is just sitting there.

Jay says out of nowhere, I want to kiss you on the mouth to Tim and then immediately went back to the chant.

Brian laughing at the outburst, the only one addressing the detour.

Alex walks in for a moment realizes what's happening and just turns around and leaves.

[lyxchen]

Ocd fucking sucks so much, imagine having to decide wether you're gonna think of some stupid reason to call somebody you're randomly getting worried about just to check on them or if you're just gonna sit in your anxiety and tell yourself that everything is fine and it's just the ocd