#just listened to my friend’s live looping set

[how-to-disappear-never-be-found]

i have such talented friends and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY’RE ALL SO GORGEOUS AND SMART AND INCREDIBLE AND I MIGHT COMBUST FROM ALL THE LOVE I HAVE FOR THEM

[thehighladywrites]

THIS ISN’T GOODBYE, THIS IS SIMPLY SEE YOU LATER…

⋆˙⟡ pairing: ex husband/baby daddy rhysand x fem reader

⋆˙⟡ summary: people who love each other will always find their way back. you and rhys divorced a few years ago, but you will always love each other

⋆˙⟡ warnings: 18+, mdni light angst, hurt to comfort, fluff, smut, violent behavior (not rhysand), misogyny, they’re in love your honor😔

⋆˙⟡ amara’s note: i’m a little iffy about this bc i feel like it could be better but i hope you love it. The smut isn’t really that smutty, it’s more fluffy. Please, let me know what you think; leave a comment😌💗 also english isn’t my first language so if something doesn’t make sense, ignore💀 ALSO LISTEN TO CEILINGS BY LIZZY WHEN YOU GET TO THE RUNNING SCENE PLS IT’S GONNA MAKE SO MUCH SENSE (i hope)

Getting back into the dating scene after your divorce felt strange. Unbeknownst to you, you found yourself unconsciously comparing every man to Rhys, nitpicking on their behavior. Seated at a beautiful restaurant with a guy quite different from your usual choices, things seemed promising until he gave you some backhanded compliments.

“You say you're a doctor? You?” His words grated on your nerves, and you couldn't fathom why he was so shocked.

“Yes, I am. Is that surprising to you?” you retorted.

He chuckled nervously and shook his head. “No, no. I just pegged you for a nurse or something. You know, something more feminine.”

Your hopes deflated. Turns out, this guy wasn't different at all—he was just like every pompous and misogynistic man out there.

Keeping your cool, you fire back with a smirk,

“Is this coming from the person who just told me they bake for a living? I pegged your for a construction worker, you know, something more masculine.” With a smile you excuse yourself from the table, leaving him puzzled and perhaps questioning his outdated assumptions. Your departure left him to contemplate his lacking dinner date skills.

In the search for someone matching the love you'd known, you found yourself in a loop of comparing every date to Rhys. You shook your head, realizing you needed to stop this habit and maybe, just maybe, find happiness beyond those high standards.

With a dramatic exhale, you frowned, blaming Rhys for your lousy love life. After all, he had treated you like a goddess, setting extremely untouchable standards.

—

As if the mother herself had heard your wish, you finally met a somewhat decent man who wasn’t giving you any backhanded compliment or was making you feel uncomfortable. Although he was somewhat nice he was a little bland and not something you would typically go for. He was very nice with your daughters but could have a temper.

But beggars can’t be choosers right?

With utmost tenderness, you approached the conversation with your twin daughters, explaining the new man in your life. In soft words, you explained that mommy and daddy weren't together anymore, framing it as a journey of finding happiness even though you deep down weren’t feeling the happiness you portrayed. You emphasized the still-there love between you and their father, assuring them that sometimes people are just better off as friends.

Even though the news initially saddened them, your gentle touch in explaining the complexities of grown-up emotions, coupled with the warmth of your smile, melted their worries away. As they saw the happiness radiating from you, your daughters embraced the idea, understanding that your heart always carried love for them and their father.

Little did you know that your mischievous baby girls spilled the news to Rhysand, sharing every detail about the man you were seeing, your dates, and even telling him that you still loved Daddy. However, being the little dramatists they were, they exaggerated, making it seem like you were head over heels for him.

Despite almost three years of separation and the seemingly agreement to divorce, the twins' confession ignited a flame of jealousy in Rhysand. The mere thought of you going on dates and being entertained by other men stirred an irrational desire within him to claim you as his own. Witnessing other males treating you and touching you made him feel absolutely murderous.

He hates that you’re not together anymore, hates that you don’t wear your wedding ring even tho he wears his, he hates that he’s not by your side. But most of all he hates himself for ever letting your marriage break apart.

Rhys had attempted countless times to mend what was once whole, to win you back and rebuild what had crumbled. However, you always hesitantly turned him down, insisting that you couldn't put each other through that hurt again.

The fact that the girls spoke so highly of the man you were dating only fueled Rhysand's jealousy and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes dramatically. “Oh, he’s so nice, took us out for ice cream and we went to the theater,” they gushed. He couldn't shake the feeling that it should've been him – watching plays with you and your daughters, taking them out for ice cream together. The longing for the life he once had with you remained a persistent ache in his heart.

Of course he doesn’t let it go the next time you come around to drop off the girls

The joyful echoes of your daughters filled Rhysand's new and massive mansion, quickly greeting their father and saying goodbye before dashing inside, leaving you and Rhysand alone. Observing them run to the living room, playing with their new toys, you couldn't help but smile. With their father's violet eyes and dark hair, they were practically clones of Rhysand.

Caught in the moment, you looked up at Rhysand, finding his captivating eyes already fixed on you.

Fuck.

The intensity of his gaze almost made you forget the dinner plans with your boyfriend.

“I heard you were seeing someone,” he remarked, and you froze, feeling an unexpected twinge of embarrassment. It wasn't supposed to be a secret; you just weren't ready to share it yet. Trying to save face, you swallowed back any stutter and inquired,

“Who told you that?”

“My daughters told me all about him.”

That’s what you get for trusting 6 year olds. Your attempt at secrecy shattered, and you found yourself apologizing,

“Ah, sorry for not telling you about it; it's all very new, but the kids seem to like him. And I promise he wouldn’t be around them if i didn’t trust him.”

Rhysand's jaw ticked in frustration. Well, wasn't that just fucking great? Your daughters not only liked but loved the guy, and here you were, agreeing with them.

“So, you two hit it off. How marvelous.”

You sighed and looked away,

“Please, just don’t.”

Silence hung in the air as you both stood there, the weight of unspoken emotions filling the room. Breaking the silence, you sighed, signaling your readiness to leave your old house.

“Okay then, I'll be leaving now. I'll come pick them up later tonight. Thanks for watching them tonight, I know it was last minute. But, um, actually, can I pick them up tomorrow instead?” you asked, and Rhysand felt a flicker of suspicion, silently praying he was wrong.

“ I thought we agreed on tonight. Do you have other plans?” he inquired, hoping for a straightforward answer.

Your face flushed red as you considered explaining the evening's plans, but it felt wrong to share such details with Rhys. Opting for a lie, you hoped he wouldn't catch on.

“Oh, yeah, I've got some things I need to do at the hospital tonight. You know, just some reports on a few patients. Nothing major, but I might be a bit... worn out tonight, and that's why I need to pick them up tomorrow.”

The half-truth hung in the air, and Rhysand's suspicions lingered, creating a subtle tension in the farewell.

“So this has nothing to do with you going on a date with your little friend? Sorry, boyfriend.”

Before you could respond, Rhysand stepped closer, closing the gap until there was almost no room between you. You backed away slowly until your back hit the front door. His towering presence made you look up at him, a shiver running down your spine. Tilting his head, he approached your ear, and the soft words he spoke, combined with the warm breath on your skin, sent a wave of heat through your body.

“It should be us, love. Please come back to me,” he murmured, and your eyes fluttered shut, overwhelmed by the proximity. As his hands came around your waist, turning you around so your back rested against his sturdy chest, it became impossible to leave the embrace of his warmth. Deep down, a part of you didn't want to escape the intoxicating sense of his presence.

He pulls you even closer, wrapping his arms around your middle as his calm heartbeat pounds against your back, his words confessing a truth that breaks your heart twice.

Once, because the vision he paints sounds so ideal – the two of you getting back together, going on dates, playing with your daughters, being a whole family again. It's the life you had once dreamed of, the life you wanted with the man you spent centuries with, the father of your kids, your greatest love.

The second break comes with the painful reminder of why you found yourself in this mess in the first place. Rhysand had been too consumed by his work, constantly holed up in his office, neglecting the precious time with you and your daughters. Despite understanding the importance of his duties, you couldn't help feeling the sting of neglect. It reached a breaking point when your girls tearfully asked for their daddy every night, only to find he wasn't there.

Realizing the toll this dynamic took on your family's well-being, you made the difficult decision to part ways. Telling Rhys that you weren't good for each other at the moment, you emphasized the need for him to work on himself and find a balance between work and family.

As you gather the strength to move out of his grip, facing him becomes the hardest task.

Turning around to meet his gaze, his face reveals the devastation within. His once vibrant features now wear a sad and empty color. You utter words that add another layer to the heartbreak,

“Rhys, please, you know we can't. Someday but not now.”

His eyes gloss over as he whispers,

“Fate was not in our favor, my dear. But I swear on everything I have, I will do my best to earn you back.”

Tears well up as he kisses your forehead, whispering promises of finding a way back to you.

The weight of the unspoken goodbye lingers, and you walk away, hoping that time and healing would pave a path for the future you both yearned for.

Because you did want to be with him, you really fucking did, and you cried the whole way home. Rhys had given you the town house while he lived in the River estate. The tears flowed even more freely as you sat in your empty and silent house.

Each sob intensified as you went to your cold and empty bed, the very one that used to cradle him in – your husband, your heart. The ache of the empty space beside you was a painful reminder of the love that once filled those sheets, now replaced by solitude and the haunting echo of what had been lost.

—

Your puffy eyes opened slowly, abruptly yanked from a deep slumber by the pounding on your door. Glancing at the clock on your desk, the numbers 1:46 glared back at you – who the hell could it be at this hour? Irritated, you stumbled to the door, ready to chew out whoever dared disturb your sleep.

The door slammed open, revealing Sam standing there, visibly upset. Your still-sleepy brain failed to connect the dots fast enough, and it took a moment to register that you were supposed to be on a date with him tonight. The realization dawned, and you found yourself caught in the awkward aftermath of a missed arrangement, facing Sam with both confusion and exhaustion etched on your face.

“Where the hell have you been? I have been waiting for hours,” he exclaimed, his worried and angry eyes searching yours.

Feeling a twinge of guilt, you pulled him in by his hands, urging him to come inside. Apologizing over and over, you hugged him tightly, saying that you fell asleep over and over until he forgave you.

A part of you knew you did it to calm his potentially violent reaction.

“At least your alive. Next time, let me know so I don't look like a fucking idiot,” he said, his comment irking you despite understanding where he was coming from.

Stepping closer, you wrapped your arms around Sam's neck, pulling him into a distracting kiss that escalated quickly.

Before he could say anything more about the situation and grow even more angry you kissed him again, trying to shift his focus elsewhere, which was easy. He lifted you and walked you toward the bed, the same one you had shared with Rhys.

Suddenly, a wave of panic hit you at the thought of another male's scent mixing with Rhysand's. With huffed breath and panicked words, you interrupted the moment, “No, not the bed. Let's just use the couch instead.”

Your urgency left no room for argument as you pulled him toward the living room, desperate to avoid a mix of past and present that could overwhelm you with regret.

—

The birds chirping outside stirred you from your sleep as you stretched in your soft bed. Morning got here quicker than you thought. However, the warmth you felt next to you wasn't just the morning sun – it was Sam. Your eyes opened, facing the clock, you saw it was very early in the morning, 3:57. The memories of the previous hours hit you like a brick. A bigger realization followed – Sam's scent now filled the air, replacing the familiar citrusy aroma that had been your husband’s for centuries.

This revelation overwhelmed you, making you want to throw up as tears welled up as panic set in. Crying over this felt foolish, considering your separation from Rhys, but it made everything feel permanent and official, like there was no turning back. The chance to reconcile seemed lost.

As you stood up, the room spun with regret, and you slithered to the bathroom. The sight that greeted you made your stomach churn – bruises covered your neck, arms, and legs. Your hair was a mess, and your lips were swollen. More tears fell as regret, deep sorrow, and the weight of your choices consumed you.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

It wasn't supposed to be like this at all.

In your panicked state, you stepped into the shower, hoping to wash away not only the physical remnants of the night but also the emotional burden that clung to your every step.

The steaming shower brought no comfort, and as you shut it off and walked up to the mirror, wiping away steam, you saw a hollowness in your own eyes. The water didn't wash away the feel of Sam's hands on you. But you knew you could drink a tonic for the bruises, so you could atleast pretend it never happened.

Frustrated and heartbroken, you couldn't stop the tears from flowing. The one person you needed the most, Rhys, felt impossibly distant, intensifying the ache inside you.

Desperation took over, and wiping away tears, you threw on a robe, downed the healing tonic and quickly ran over to his house. Each step carried regret and a deep yearning to fix what had gone wrong.

Your Rhys, the father of your children, yours.

He was what you needed in the moment, he’d make it all better.

In the midst of irrationality and impulsivity, you could not find it in you to care about the consequences. All you needed was him.

You burst into his estate, slamming open the doors before frantically searching for him.

“Rhys?”

Your attempt at a yell came out as an ugly cry, tear-stained and choked.

Yet, it was enough to grab his attention.

Rhysand descended the stairs, clad only in pants, his trademark messy bedhead on display as worry etched across his face.

It was so unlike you, and it had him speculating the worst.

Before he could ask you any questions, you ran up to him and broke down in his arms. Rhysand immediately comforted you, picking you up, and hauling you upstairs to his bedroom.

No words were needed as he undressed your sobbing form and put you in his shirt before pulling you closer to him, making you sit in his lap.

Your face buried in his neck, tears dampening his skin. Rhysand, familiar with your ways, sensed you’d open up when ready. He sat, holding you, flooding your mind with love and reassurance without a single word.

Rhysand conjured a glass of water, holding it to your lips, ensuring you didn't exert yourself. As you downed the refreshing water, he gently tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, his hand lingering by your neck. His thumb traced soothing circles on your cheek, a silent gesture of comfort.

“Thank you, Rhysie. M’sorry for showing up like this but I just needed you.”

His gaze intensified, his grip firm yet reassuring as he held your chin, locking eyes with you. With a seriousness that touched deeply, he spoke, his words carrying a sense of unwavering commitment.

“You don’t apologize for it. I’m here for you, no matter what. Do you understand?”

You nod, throat closing up at the wave of emotions,

“I understand.”

He leans forward, kissing your forhead while cradling your head,

“Good girl. You want to tell me what’s going on?”

With teary eyes you look up to him and reveal what’s on your mind.

“I want us back together again. We belong together and I’m tired of pretending we don’t. I miss you so much. You’ve been working on yourself and I’ve been doing the same. I know we’re ready.”

Rhysand remained silent, his eyes studying you carefully. He sensed an emotional storm within you and was hesitant about decisions made in this state.

“I do not disagree. Reuniting our family, especially getting you back, my sweet girl, is my ultimate desire. But, I want you to sleep on it. I want us to discuss this when we're well-rested and more alert. What do you say?”

You knew you were being rash and quick, so you were thankful for Rhysand's guidance. You nodded in agreement.

He kissed your cheek and gently placed you under the sheets, joining you in bed. Rhysand pulled you closer, and soon you were resting on his chest, listening to the steady thudding of his heart.

“I’ve always loved you, Rhys, so much. I hope you know that.”

His heartbeat quickened as he pulled you even closer.

“I know, sweetheart. I love you too.”

—

The chirping birds and soft sunlight streaming through the window woke you up gently. Your body felt completely relaxed and at ease, knowing you were safe and sound. Stretching lazily, you sighed in contentment before rolling over in bed.

You felt the warmth of something next to you, so you snuggled closer, enjoying the comfort. After a few moments, you felt it stir.

The moving object was Rhysand. Your eyes widened, and for a moment, you almost scrambled away in panic before the events of this early morning flooded back to you.

Despite the fact that you had left your boyfriend alone in your house and now found yourself in your ex's bed, cuddled up to him, you didn't feel any panic. Instead, you felt indifferent. You felt surprisingly good, even better than before. You felt right. Like everything was in it’s place.

“Don't panic,” Rhysand murmured softly, reaching out to gently stroke your back. “We need to have that talk, darling.”

Nodding silently, you agreed to follow him downstairs, your mind racing.

You couldn't help but melt around him. There was no need to even use your brain around him. Rhys made everything feel delightful as he began fussing over you. He did everything from dressing you in the cutest outfits to gently brushing your hair. With his big, warm, comforting hands, he led you downstairs, making every step feel like a new chapter starting.

Once in the kitchen, Rhysand set to work, expertly whipping up breakfast as you watched him, a knot of anticipation forming in your stomach. You knew this conversation was important, but you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort as you observed his familiar movements in the kitchen.

You couldn't help but admire Rhysand as he moved around the kitchen, his muscles flexing with every movement. He had a newfound confidence about him, a certain dad-like aura that only added to his appeal. His masculine energy was buzzing, and combined with his good looks, it was hard not to be drawn to him. Rhys had grown impossibly more majestic and stunningly handsome in the years you were seperated.

Rhysand caught you staring, and a playful smirk tugged at his lips. “Like what you see?” he teased, his voice low and suggestive. The heat rose to your cheeks as you quickly looked away, unable to hide your blush.

“Maybe I do,” you whisper teasingly, a hint of mischief in your voice.

“Careful,” he warns with a playful glint in his eyes, matching your flirtatious tone.

As he handed you a plate filled with nostalgic food, you couldn't help but feel touched by his thoughtfulness. He had even removed the bits you didn’t like, showing that he remembered even the smallest details about you. It warmed your heart to know that he still cared so deeply.

After you finished eating, he cleared his throat with a serious yet excited tone and said, “Let's talk.”

With a nod, you accept and he extends his hand, guiding you to a cozy sitting room.

“Where are the twins?” you ask, curious when you don’t hear or see your daughters.

“They’re with Cassian and Nesta. They came and picked them up earlier this morning,” he responds.

You nod again, then sit down on the cushy couch next to him.

“Rhys, I’ve thought about it for a while, and I think yesterday just cemented it for me. I think I’m ready for us again, and I’ve missed us together. What do you think? I mean, do you want me too?”

He flashed you his most sincere and hidden smile he only showed you and grabbed your chin with his pointer and thumb

“Sweetheart, I’ve missed you more than words can express. Of course, I want us to be together again. You are my everything and I will never again risk you.”

He took a deep breath and looked down, his voice filled with remorse.

“I've hated myself for letting you go so easily. I wasn't there for you or the girls, and it will always be my biggest regret. I vow to never again disappoint you and to do everything in my power to earn back your trust in my presence. Please forgive me.”

As the faint burn of the promising bargain tattoo emerges on both his and your wrists, a soft smile graces your lips. With gentle assurance, you reach out and place your hand on his, your touch offering comfort and calmness.

“Rhys, I forgive,” you say sweetly and hopeful. “I've missed you, and I want us to be together again. Let's leave the past behind us and focus on building a future together, okay?”

Feeling his arms around you, you melt into the hug, wrapping your arms around his neck. His touch is comforting, and you revel in the warmth of his warmth. As he gently squeezes your waist, you giggle, feeling a sense of joy wash over you.

He attacked your cheek with kisses, making him land on top of you on the couch as your back rested on the seats.

“But I think we should take it slow. Maybe start off by going on dates.”

He pulls back and looks at you, his gaze intense yet tender. “Yes. Let's take it slow. We have all the time in the world, no need to rush.”

You both sit there, locked in a silent exchange, the air thick with anticipation as you inch closer to each other.

“We definitely shouldn't kiss, right?” you ask, feeling the heat of his breath mingling with yours.

His arms tighten around you as he speaks softly, his words grazing your lips. “We shouldn't.”

The moment your lips touch, tears prick at the corners of your eyes. It's been so long since you felt the familiar warmth of his kisses, the feeling of home in his embrace. Rhysand, your darling, the love of your life—you've missed him more than words can express.

As the kisses grow more messy and desperate, a soft whimper escapes your lips, causing his eyes to darken with desire.

A sudden panic washed over you at the thought of your now ex-boyfriend waking up to find you gone.

“Rhys, I have to go back and end things with Sam,” you blurted out, your voice raspy and flustered between kisses.

Rhys's expression darkened as he heard about your ex-boyfriend.

“I'll handle it,” he declared, determination lacing his voice.

“What does that mean?” you pressed, curious and a little concerned.

He responded with a secretive smile, kissing you again, his touch making you melt into him.

“Don’t worry your little head about it. I got it covered,” he assured, his tone confident and reassuring.

So you let it go. If he said he had it handled, then you trusted him to take care of it.

His assurance left you feeling cared for, sparking a desire for more. More of him, and more of that comforting reassurance he provided.

Before you could voice your need for him, he beat you to it. With a tender kiss on your forehead, he spoke softly.

“I’m going to take you upstairs and make up for lost time. But before we start, I’m going to feed you a little bit more. Don’t argue, you’re going to need the energy.”

Your mind went blank, slipping into a submissive state, ready to follow his lead without question.

With a nod, you rose from your seat, arms outstretched in silent compliance.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured as he lifted you effortlessly, cradling you in his arms. With each step towards the kitchen, his gentle strokes on your hair and whispered promises of what lay ahead sent shivers down your spine, heightening the anticipation of what was to come.

After quickly eating the food he conjured up, you stood up in a rush and grabbed his hand, urging him to take you upstairs right away.

He chuckled and scooped you up, showering kisses on your lips and neck as he carried you upstairs, your legs instinctively wrapping around his middle.

Your nails dig into his scalp, head thrown back as you whimper with pleasure. Your toes curl as his teeth graze against a sensitive spot, his smirk growing against your skin.

“Tell me, darling. How do you want it today?”

You're only aware that you're inside the bedroom when he sets you down in front of the bed.

You know exactly how you want it. You want him to take charge, dominating your every move, just like he used to. Rhys knew how quickly you submitted to him, and he had a hunch of how tonight would go. It was easy slipping into those roles with him in charge. So you look up at him with a shy smile, fondling with the strings of his dark linen pants, and tell him.

“Can we please do level four?”

Pride spread across him at your good manners. He loved that you still knew what to do even after years of not being together.

He would have sent all his loving emotions through the bond if it existed. The absence of a bond between him and you always seemed abnormal. Both of you questioned the Mother’s decision all the time, hiding the fact that you both were scared of the possibility of your mates popping up and claiming the other.

Shaking away his thoughts, he smiled at your words again and complied.

Step by step, he undressed you, his eyes never leaving yours. Rhysand’s eyes dropped to your pebbled nipples, goosebumps erupting on your skin at the intense attention he gave you.

“You still remember the safe word?” he rasped out, his pupils expanding as you nodded, your lips nervously caught between your teeth.

He pounced on you, eagerly kissing you in a brusing manner as he tightened his arms around you. Rhys slowly made you back, resulting in you falling backwards into the bed before he climbed on top of you.

His hands found your waist amd subtly squeezed before sliding up to your boobs and playing with your hardened nipples.

You whimpered in pleasure, making him smile as he lowered his mouth to attatch to your right breast. His wet, warm tounge swirled around the bud, biting and licking soothingly. He repeated the move on the other side, reveling in the way you were squirming under him.

“Is it too much, sweetheart?”

“Not enough.”

So his hand slid down your body until his thumb brushed over your throbbing clit. Your eyes rolled back when he put pressure on it, rubbing tight circles against you. It was almost mortifying how quick you melted and lost your mind.

A few more circles and you’d be cumming. Almost, almost.

The pleasure was short-lived when he removed his thumb, causing you to pout slightly as your brows furrowed in confusion.

“No teasing. You can play later, I’ve missed you too much.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a heated makeout session.

You also wrapped your legs around his waist and whispered against his lips,

“I need you so bad, please. I need your entire being.”

He slipped one finger in, sliding in all too easily. So he added another finger and felt your walls pulse around him. Rhys pulled them out before shoving them back in, repeating the move, stroking your walls. He curled his fingers inside as he carefully watched your face morph from a begging expression to a fucked out smile.

“I will give you whatever your heart desires,” he murmured against your lips before kissing you again. As he did, he conjured his massive and majestic wings, spreading them proudly behind him, a breathtaking display of power.

Your wobbly smile melted into tears of joy as you whispered, “There you are,” feeling overwhelmed by the rush of emotions at seeing him again.

Rhys didn’t waste a single second, pulling you forward and slowly positioning himself in front of you. He held onto his cock, letting the tip trace your pussy, circling it and letting your wetness drip onto his cock. Stroking the wetness along his cock, he used it as a lubricant before he slid himself inside you.

Rhys pulled out and then in again until his entire cock was stuffed in you. He then leaned forward, putting his forehead in the crook of your neck, gently biting and sucking hickies onto your skin. He began thrusting, harder and harder. The entire room echoing with skin slapping, groans and pornstar-like moans.

Rhysand’s gripped your hips in a brusing manner, rocking them back and forth forth as he moved his own hips.

He lifted his head and gently brought his hand to your face, cupping your chin as he murmured,

“You're mine. Mine to love, to fuck, to have.”

You nod eagerly, your need evident.

“Only yours, baby. Forever and always, yours.”

He growled softly and turned your body around so you were on all fours. Gripping your hair, he pulled it back, causing your back to arch against his chest.

Rhysand put his dick back in and pumped deliciously against that spongy spot that had you acting like a mindless fool.

“You got fucked this good while we were seperated, hm?”

His hand snaked up and held your neck, applying a gentle pressure, a hint of restraint, as he taunted you.

Of course, he already knew the answer. But it was always nice to hear it from you.

“M-right, there, no one compares to you. No one could ever, ah fuck, do me this good. P-please, let me cum.”

“Fuck, yeah that’s right. But I think it’s a little too early for you to cum. I told you I wanted to make up for lost time. We’re nowhere near done.”

You let out a whine at the denial, a little vexed that he didn’t give you permission yet. But you knew he had plans so you decided to wait in hopes of getting something better.

“Good things come for good girls, you know that right?”

“I understand. Just keep going.”

You knew you forgot to add a please and were more than happy when he gave your puffy clit a slap.

“Manners.”

“Keep going, please.”

He chuckled at how quick you gave in and kissed your cheek, letting go of your hair and pushing you forward to your elbows and knees. Rhys grabbed your hips and gave you deep, slow and intentional strokes. Almost like he wanted you to cum early.

Rhys kept going for a long time, bringing you to the edge, only to snatch away pleasure in the last second. You were tired but knew all of this was building up into the most intense and powerful orgasm ever.

“Do you know how much I love you? Do you have any idea how deep my love for you goes?”

Cue the waterworks.

Really, his words started making you bawl right there. With concern etched on his face, he gently moved you into missionary, turning the back-breaking backshots into a tender moment. As he pushed in for the last time, he hovered above you, his forearms on either side of your head, kissing your puffy lips.

“I love you too, Rhysie, so, so much. There's really no one I love more than you.”

Your words were raspy and choked, his words were sweet and understanding.

“I know, sweet girl. I know you do.”

Suddenly, a snap felt in your chest. You both locked eyes, breathing heavily as you felt a thread weaving your very souls together. Tears prickled in your eyes at his words.

As the realization of the mating bond sinked in, a warm glow envelops both of you, filling the room with a sense of love and belonging. Rhysand's eyes softened even more, if that's possible, as he gazed into your tear-filled eyes.

“You're my mate,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe and reverence. “My soulmate, my other half.”

You reached up to cup his cheek, feeling the connection between you grow stronger with each passing moment. “And you're mine,” you replied, your voice filled with emotion. “Forever and always.”

Rhysand moved quicker and quicker, finally allowikg you to cum.

You were on the verge of passing out, the only reason there was any sort of fight in you left was because of the charged bond.

Before he pulled out, you locked your legs around him and begged him to stay inside. He did and slumped on top of you, his head resting on your raising and falling chest. You ran your hands through his damp, dark hair and reveled in warmth when he wrapped his wings around the two of you.

You both rest for a while before starting up again. Normally, a session like this would have you knocked out cold but you guessed it was the fresh bond.

The entire day was spent tangled in sheets and fucking in showers, other rooms, hallways, kitchens, roofs. Rhysand also sent a mental message to everyone in the inner circle, breaking the news and asking them not to disturb you for at least a week. He also asked Cassian to keep looking after the girls and warned that anyone who got too close would likely die.

—

You and Rhys, lay together in a pile of fluffy blankets and pillows on the floor, the bed damaged and broken from the week’s activities.

“Rhys, do you know what I think? I think it’s kind if poetic that we broke up and then became mates. I mean, it sounds very romantic.”

He chuckled and pulled you closer to his chest.

“You know what? I agree. The Mother does work in mysterious ways. I guess we weren’t ready before.”

You smile at him and nod,

“I’m glad we find our way home.”

With a tender look and a sweet kiss, he whispered,

“As am I, darling.”

🏷️ taglist: @tayswhp @jenjen-0-x @itsinherited @thisblogisaboutabook @luvmoo @se7enteen--black-blog @feyretopia @possiblyphobia @azriels-mate2 @sfhsgrad-blog @readychilledwine @amara-moonlight @tothestarsandwhateverend @blupblupfish @cleverzonkwombatsludge @iloveazrielshadowsinger @cat-or-kitten @dreamlandreader @honeybeeboobaa @queerqueenlynn @rowaelinsdaughter @redbleedingrose @clairebear08 @danikamariewrites @midnight-and-books @ruler-of-hades @annaaaaa88 @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife @stasiereads @harryshoobies69 @itsagrimm @a-dorkier-book-keeper @b0xerdancer @erikan809 @glittervame

[foxyaries]

My Shifting Story That Keeps Me Motivated To This Day

Well hello again! I think it is time I share my own "almost" success story. I know a lot of you might not be interested in reading about my ALMOST success. But trust me... the more I tink about my own story the more I realize how silly it was of me to procrastinate actually doing it for so long. It's almost funny. But let's get into it, shall we?

As I have already mentioned it in my previous posts (please do read them if you haven't already to fill in any blanks that you may or may not have). I have been at a very dark place at that time. And I didn't wanna live the way that I had for as long as I could remember, because I simply wasn't happy.. with my life or my family. And I felt like I was a good kid. And I was! So when I discovered the subliminal world.. I saw it as my escape and a way to finally become happy. And that's when the subliminal "Wake up in your desired family" came into picture.

Like I mentioned before, there were only a couple success stories under that subliminal, but at that time our community was even smaller compared to what it is now. And those 10 - 14k views was more than enough for me to believe that it was a real deal. It's a bit funny to think about it now because these days we tend to pick subliminals that has thousands and thousands and thousands of views? Am I right? :) That's how we decide whether the subliminal works or not.

Anyways.. back to my storytime. I have already mentioned in another post of mine that those success stories that I did see all said the same thing. That for them to start feeling the results it took them a couple months. And if you remember as well as I do. Back then everyone set a limiting belief that for a subliminal message to start working you need to listen to it for at least 21 days. Even tho that wasn't true, I didn't know much about shifting so I believed it. And I also wasn't desperate enough, so since the stories told me it took THEM 1 - 2 months, I figured it'd take me the exact amount of time. And I thought it was nothing compared to the future I was gonna have.

So all that I did for those couple months was listen to that subliminal at least 1 hour a day and sometimes if I could overnight with the idea that I could wake up in my desired family any given moment. Pay attention to that. I didn't set a deadline or put pressure on myself for doing anything wrong. I just listened and knew it was going to happen. When exactly? No idea. How exactly? Not a clue, but I didn't care. Because knowing less was actually more of a blessing than I thought. I had no limiting beliefs. All it did was awaken my inner child and that whole journey felt magical to me and I really looked foward to my results.

Probably a month passed by when I started getting tired around the same time, every single day so I'd take naps. At a time a half an hour nap was more than enough to make me feel rested and I'd get in the state of being awake yet asleep at the same time. You know what I am talking about. The state during which it feels like you are in and out of sleep. When the sounds feel like they are far far away and then they dissapear. It almost sounds like I was close to tapping in the void state, no? :)

So whenever I'd feel tired I'd just have one earbud in my ear and lay in whatever comfortable position I wanted to lay in. It usually was on my side. And I had no intention to shift because I KNEW it was gonna happen either way. So I'd lay down and just have myself doze off listening to my playlist (I had a couple boosters too but then I'd just loop the main subliminal). And then I started feeling unusual sensations and feelings I have never felt before. All I did was just lay there and day dream about how I was gonna wake up in my desired room and I tried imagining it in detail. How I was gonna walk out of my room and see my best friends that I was going to shift there with. And literally all I did was just loop that scene because it made me happy :')

I keep rambling haha I'm sorry. Back to what happened. I was probably a month in when I started to get tired and naking naps around the same time and suddenly my naps were different? I would just mind my own business, think about my future when suddenly I would feel this insanely strong sensation that I was being lifted off of my bed and that my body was turning and flying somewhere?? But because I didn't know exactly what it was it'd freak me out and my body would flinch. That's when I'd recover the feeling of my body back and it felt like I'd literally fall back into my bed. And I mean LITERALLY get slammed back into my body. And this wasn't a one time thing. Same thing kept happening every single day for like 2 weeks (until I got insecure and shifted my focus somehwere else as I've mentioned in another post). What's funny is that I didn't even realize what was happening. I was just like "Oh? That's a new feeling" I was just curious and wanted for it to keep happening so I could understand it better. I only realized what it was when it stopped happening all together and for that I blame myself.

But you know what? It's okay. I've learnt so much since then. And it's insane how all I did every day was look for other success stories to convince myself that this was real. When I had my own very real success story. I KNOW all fo this is real because I experienced it. And I am done looking for a confirmation from other people. I know the truth and that's enough. And you should too. You don't need any of these methods. All you need is to do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy and that you know works for YOU. Cause what actually matters is that YOU KNOW is gonna work for you. That's all that ANY of us really need.

I know this is a lot, but if you actually read this I hope it helped and made you realize something... anything really. Be your own success story and make your dreams come true.

I believe soon you will hear about my own final success story:) Goodbye for now. Next post will be more about my fairy companion. Do look forward to that!

Much love,

Foxy ♡🦊

[janeyseymour]

Tough Philly Girl

I don’t know, this came to my head, and I couldn't get it out

As usual, unedited, written while half awake, and hoping it's good enough.

Summary: Melissa's always been tough. Why?

WC: ~3.15k

“Why do you always have to be such a fucking asshole?!” you shout at your girlfriend, and you know you don’t usually curse when in arguments with each other, but… well, she started cursing at you first. She had called you a bitch, and you just lost it.

“I’m a fucking asshole?!” she screams back at you. “You’re the asshole!”

“We’ve been dating for two years, Melissa!” you yell as tears stream down your face. “I thought that by now, you would’ve let me in! I thought you would’ve dropped the ‘tougher than you’ complex! But no! Fuckin’ no! You still have your fucking walls up so fuckin’ high that I don’t even know the woman I fell in love with!”

“Newsflash: I didn’t ask you t’fall in love with me!” she retorts.

“You know what? Fuck this…” you wipe at your tears angrily. “I’m done. I’m not fucking doing this anymore.”

“Fine, run! Like you always do! God, you can’t ever just fight the fight!” She yells as she storms out of your shared bedroom. “All you do is fuckin’ run!”

“When you call me a bitch and fucking asshole,” you grumble. “Yeah, I do. I don’t deserve to put up with this shit.”

You pack a bag, and you leave the house that has become both of yours. You don’t even look back as you pull out of the driveway. You have absolutely no idea where you’re going, but you’ll- you’ll be okay.

You’re not, actually. Your heart is breaking inside of you as you drive through center city Philadelphia during rush hour. One of the worst cities to drive through at this time, the only one being worse is New York City.

Somehow, you end up at Janine’s house.

“Y/N!” her eyes light up at the sight of you, but then they flicker to the bag you have slung over your shoulder and the tears still rolling down your cheeks. “Uhm, are you okay?”

“Can I spend the night?” you ask meekly. “I- uh… Melissa and I had a fight, and I- I don’t know where else to go.”

“Y-yeah! Of course! I can set up the couch,” she says quickly as she ushers you inside. “Although I’m shocked you came here, and not to Barbara’s.”

“Going to my girlfriend’s best friend is probably not the smartest thing,” you chuckle bitterly. “I’m sure Barb’s gonna hate me tomorrow.”

You’re met with Gregory Eddie sitting at the dinner table. His posture immediately straightens out, and you swear you can see just the smallest blush creep into his cheeks.

“Hey,” you sigh softly. “I’m sorry I’m interrupting your date night.”

“A-are you okay?” he asks you gently- far more gently than you’ve ever heard from him at school unless he’s talking to his girlfriend.

“Melissa and I had a fight, and I had to get out of there,” you sigh softly. “I- I couldn’t keep fighting.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Janine asks.

You shrug, and the couple continues to watch you. With a sigh, you start to spill what had happened. Really, all you wanted was for the feisty redhead to drop her tough girl act, even just slightly for you. But she refused- she flat out refused, and then she doubled down on it. And because you were big on communication, you tried to speak your concerns… and that threw her for a loop. You knew your girlfriend, sure you did- the two of you live together. But after two years of dating Melissa, you thought you would’ve known her more than you did. And you can’t spend your life with someone who stays guarded- you can’t marry someone who still has the walls up around you, even if you know her a lot more than most people. She still refuses to talk about most of her family to you. 

The two listen, and then Gregory cuts in. “You know you know way more about Melissa than any of us do.”

“I should know everything about her after knowing her for two and a half years and dating her for two,” you huff.

“You live with her, you have to know more than you think,” Janine tells you.

“I didn’t even know she had a sister until she mentioned it at school,” you huff. “Don’t you think I should’ve known that before… no offense, people like you knew?”

“I mean,” Janine bites her lip. “I guess. But that’s just Melissa.”

“We’ve been dating for over two years,” you repeat. “I should know a lot more about her- I should know every side of her, and I really only know the tough girl side.”

“Isn’t that what you fell in love with to begin with though?” the man asks.

“Yes,” you grumble. “But I thought-”

“Has it crossed your mind that she doesn’t have a softer side?”

“Everybody does, especially teachers,” you mutter. “I’ve seen her soft with her kids. I know she has a soft side. She just doesn’t ever fucking show it to me, unless it’s after…” you turn red at the thought of her head between your legs.

“I’m sorry you guys had a fight,” Janine tells you. “That really sucks.”

“It sucks for all of us,” you sigh as you roll your eyes. “She’s gonna be a menace tomorrow.”

Back at the house, Melissa is fuming. She knows that your concerns and thoughts are entirely right- she hasn’t dropped every wall that she probably should with your history. And that’s what makes her even more pissed- she knows she’s at fault for this, and she really doesn’t know how to make it right.

Her first call, of course, is Barbara.

“Melissa, dear?”

“She left,” the redhead bites out. “She fucking left!”

“What do you mean she left?” Barbara immediately turns concerned.

“She left me! And it’s all my fault! She- she’s gone Barb!”

“Oh dear lord,” the kindergarten teacher grumbles. She moves away from the phone for a few seconds, probably relaying to Gerald what’s happening right now. “I’m on my way.”

When Barb is at your house, Melissa is pacing furiously back and forth.

“Well, sweetheart,” the older teacher asks gently. “Have you talked to her about all of this?”

“No, why would I?”

“Because she’s your girlfriend, and she cares about you… every side of you,” Barbara hits her with a pointed look. “You couldn’t have expected to keep the tough girl act up for forever.”

“I know, but I thought I had more time,” the redhead runs her hands through her hair and fidgets with her necklaces. “It took me nearly five years to open up to you.”

“Well, that may be true, but we aren’t romantically involved with each other.”

“So you think I’m to blame for this one?” Melissa groans out.

“All I’m saying is… try to see it from her side,” the kindergarten teacher says. “And you better not come into the staff room tomorrow being a…” she trails off before humming.

“I can’t promise nothin’.”

“Do you want me to stay tonight?”

“No,” Melissa grumbles. “I gotta figure out what I’m gonna do about Y/N, although the way she packed a bag, I’m not sure I can get her back this time.”

The next morning, you sigh as you walk into the staff room to put your lunch away- you already miss having your girlfriend’s leftovers, and instead you’re stuck with a ham and cheese sandwich and a bag of chips. You know you won’t have Melissa making you a cup of coffee like she usually does, and you sigh as you make your own.

You don’t even bother to stick around to watch the news with your friends- er… her friends, and you really don’t want to see the redhead today. But of course, as you’re hustling down to your classroom, you see her. She looks at you, you look at her, and then you continue on your paths.

She storms into the break room, half slamming things around as she puts her own lunch away and makes her own cup of coffee. She finds an extra mug and pours you a cup before coming down to your classroom. She places it in front of you and glares at you. When you don’t so much as glance at her, she huffs.

“Just because we’re fighting don’t mean I don’t still love you.” She plants a rather aggressive kiss to your hairline, and you still don’t respond. “Fine.” And with that, she leaves your classroom.

“She won’t even look at me,” your girlfriend groans to her friends. “I brought her a cup of coffee, and she still wouldn’t look at me.”

Gregory and Janine share a look- they know how you feel on the subject, and they aren’t about to interject with their own thoughts. They had talked about it after heading to bed last night, and because you weren’t asleep, you also knew how they felt on the matter.

“Do you really think one cup of coffee is going to fix this issue between the two of you?” Barbara asks her best friend.

“I thought it would get her to look at me.”

Lunchtime rolls around, and you actively avoid the staff room. You take your kids down to the lunch room before anyone else and sneak into the break room. You grab your sacked lunch and bolt back to your room.

Melissa comes knocking on your door about ten minutes into lunch.

“I really don’t want to talk to you right now,” you say plainly.

She sighs, clearly upset, and turns on her heel. You hear the way her heels hit the linoleum floor angrily. 

The rest of the day passes by painfully slowly, and come the end of the day, you really don’t want to have to go home to her, but you aren’t about to put yourself on Janine and Gregory again.

“You can stay with us again if you need another night,” Janine still offers.

“I appreciate it, but I have to figure out what I’m going to do moving forward,” you sigh.

“A-are you thinking of breaking up with her?” Gregory asks you, terrified for what might happen if you do split. 

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “I love her, but if I can’t get through to her anymore, I don’t really know… I can’t spend my life with someone I don’t know every side of.”

You have no idea Melissa was standing on the other side of the door and could hear you. She practically runs out of the school. She’s going to have to do something big to keep you by her side.

When you enter your home… house… old house (?), you sigh. It looks darker than usual, as if the house knew the two of you were fighting. It’s a gray day, and the natural light that usually shines through the big window in the kitchen only reflects your mood. You sigh as you pull out a few things to grade.

About half an hour later, Melissa comes in, and it’s almost like she has her tail between her legs.

“Y/N?” she calls softly. You fight the urge to look up, keeping your eyes trained on Brianna’s math test in front of you. “Amore?” You still don’t respond.

She finds you at the kitchen table, glasses on top of your head and grading quickly. She  shyly holds out a giant bouquet of flowers she bought for you.

“Very pretty,” you mumble, but you don’t take them. You quickly flicker your eyes back to the paper that you’re in the middle of marking.

“Y/N,” the redhead says softly, and she places the flowers down next to you. “C’mon.”

“Flowers don't fix our issues,” you tell her quietly. “I’m still pretty pissed at you.”

“I’m sorry I called you a bitch and an asshole,” she whispers as she wraps her arms around your shoulders. 

You shrug her off.

“Thank you, but I’m still pissed,” you tell her honestly. She doesn’t make another move for you. She slinks away. She cooks dinner silently. It’s quite a change in your house- the two of you always listen to music while in the kitchen. This tension could be cut with a knife, and all that’s audible is the scrawling of your marker and the sizzling of the vegetables she’s sautéing.

“Dinner’s ready,” she tells you.

“‘m not very hungry,” you mumble, and at this point she knows you’re just being stubborn.

“You gotta eat, hun,” she says softly.

“I will,” you sigh and pick up your things. You’ll finish grading in the home office the two of you have set up but rarely use.

“Y/N,” she calls after you. “C’mon. I apologized for calling you a bitch, I brought you home flowers, and I cooked dinner!”

“I already told you that wasn’t why I’m pissed,” you call over your shoulder as you continue to head for the office. “I thought I made it pretty clear why I’m upset, and if you don’t know why I’m really upset… we have a bigger issue on our hands.”

Melissa hates eating dinner by herself. It’s always something she’s loved to share with others. She stabs the food with her fork more aggressively than she usually would. She settles on the couch after doing the dishes- something the two of you usually do together. She misses having you next to her. She turns on the television, but her mind is anywhere but with whatever is on the screen.

You thought, and maybe hoped, that your girlfriend would come into the home office. But she doesn’t. You can hear the television playing, so you sigh and finish grading. And once you’re finished grading multiple subjects, you head to your shared bedroom, and you pack a bag. You suppose you’ll be staying at a hotel tonight. 

“I’ll see you later,” you tell her as you walk through the living room, duffel bag slung over your shoulder.

“Where are you going?” she asks, eyes filling with fright.

“Dunno,” you shrug. “Just not… here.”

“Y/N,” she says meekly- it’s weird to hear her voice like this. “Please don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything,” you sigh as you take your keys from the holder by the front door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Where are you going?” she repeats, firmer. 

“Probably the Marriott. I don’t want to be here right now.” You don’t give her a chance to say anything more before you walk out.

She almost follows you, but she doesn’t. She knows if she comes out and just continues to beg you to stay, it’ll just be another fight. So she does the only thing she knows to be the right choice at this point in time- she calls her best friend.

“Barb, I can’t lose her,” Melissa rushes out as soon as the kindergarten teacher answers.

“What do you mean, honey?”

“She’s going to break up with me, and I can’t lose her. I can’t,” the redhead states firmly. “I- I bought her flowers, I apologized for calling her a bitch, I cooked dinner… she won’t talk to me!”

“Melissa, no one said anything about losing her,” the older teacher says calmly.

And that’s when she reveals what she heard you tell Gregory and Janine.

“Well, what do you think you should do?”

“She wants me to open up! But I- I hate being vulnerable,” she sighs.

“You’ve been dating her for two years,” Barbara reminds her. “You’ve seen her at her most vulnerable. Maybe it’s your turn.”

“I- fuck.”

“You don’t want to lose her, do you?”

“No. I need her.”

“Then maybe it’s time to allow her to see you- all of you.”

“She has,” Melissa mumbles before sobering. “O-okay. Fine. But if this doesn’t work, you get to deal with post-breakup Schemmenti.”

“I’ve done it before,” the kindergarten teacher rolls her eyes. “I’ll do it again, although I really would not like to. Y/N is good for you.”

“Thanks, Barb,” the redhead sighs into the phone.

“Go get your girl back,” the kindergarten teacher encourages her friend before hanging up.

Melissa grabs the flowers that she’s since put in the vase and heads outside, only to discover it’s pouring rain. She doesn’t even care. She has to get you back.

She manages to hit every single traffic light on the way to the hotel, and then she has to circle the block a few times to find a parking spot. By the time she’s parked, she’s about a quarter of a mile away and she’s in the middle of a torrential downpour with no umbrella. She doesn’t care. She has to get to you.

You’ve just managed to check into your hotel room, and she misses you by one elevator ride. She must look insane when she runs into the hotel lobby, hair clinging to her soaked clothes and holding a sad and now saggy bouquet of flowers.

“Ah,” the concierge at the front desk eyes her. “You must be here for the sad girl that just checked in.”

“Please… tell me what room number she is,” Melissa wheezes out, trying to catch her breath.

“I’m afraid that’s against company policy,” the man behind the desk says.

“Can you phone her and tell her she has a visitor then? Please?”

The employee seems all too excited to tell her no.

The redhead looks like she’s about ready to kill, but she pulls out her phone, dials her guy, and in no longer than two minutes does the smug employee look like he’s about to shit bricks as he uses his keycard to allow her up to your room.

There’s a knock on your door, and you sigh from your bed.

“I didn’t call for room service,” you say loudly enough that whoever is behind the door can hear you. They only knock again.

With an angry breath, you stand from your bed and make your way to the door. You whip it open, ready to tell off whatever room service person is behind your door, but you’re greeted with Melissa. Her red hair is no longer curled, but soaked straight and clinging to her body. Her leather jacket is doused in rain water, and her old Abbott sweatshirt sticks to her skin. The flowers she’s holding droop with the added weight from the rain. Her makeup is running, and she’s out of breath, but she’s here.

“Please don’t leave me,” are the first words out of her mouth. “Please. I can’t live without you.”

You go to shut the door on her, but her the toe of her dock catches the door, and she finally sighs, “Do you want to know why I have to be so tough all the time?”

Interest now piqued, you raise a brow and slowly open the door.

This ought to be good.

Next

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage October 2024 Issue Kamen Rider Gavv ft. Chinen Hidekazu & Sugihara Teruaki (translations below)

Publication: September 10, 2024

The Strange Sweets Kamen Rider

The 6th Reiwa Kamen Rider is the first ever to use a sweets motif! The cast and staff talk about the behind the scenes of the birth of the new hero who fascinates us with a gap between poppin visuals and its heavy filling!!

Having passed out due to hunger, Shouma, who comes from another world, was saved by a human boy named Hiroi Hajime. Shouma was in a difficult situation when he confronts the Granute, a monster who wants to kill Hajime, but when he "sets & eats" the familiar like creatures called Gochizo in the mouth on his stomach, he transforms into Kamen Rider Gavv and crushes the Granute. This was the beginning of Shouma's battle to protect humans.

The latest entry in the Kamen Rider series, "Kamen Rider Gavv" only just started in September. Despite the poppin imagery and visuals of sweets as its motif, this is a hard and serious drama that depicts the lonely battle of a young man named Shouma, who hides a grand past and mystery behind him.

This production features Takebe Naomi-san as the Producer, Sugihara-san as the pilot Director who determines the direction of the work, Komura Junko-san as Screenwriter, and Fujita Satoshi-san as Action Director, all of whom have worked on the Kamen Rider and Super Sentai series. In particular, Sugihara-san and Komura-san are the pair that gained attention for their work in "Kaitou Sentai Lupinranger VS Keisatsu Sentai Patranger" and the fans are expressing their expectations.

The story of a fierce battle between the sweets Kamen Rider and the Granute monsters has only just begun, so don't miss a moment of the birth of a new Kamen Rider legend! _

Chinen Hidekazu (Shouma)

The first transformation born from an extreme situation

-Supported by dependable friends and the Director-

"Please tell us your impression of the Kamen Rider series."

Chinen: For me, I've admired Kamen Riders since I was a child, and I love them so much that they're the first thing that comes to mind when people ask, "Who's your hero?" I've lived my whole life dreaming of becoming a Kamen Rider, so I was really happy when I was chosen to be Shouma.

"Are there any works that you find particularly memorable?"

Chinen: It's hard to pick a single work from my generation since I'm so attached to all of them, but……I think "Kamen Rider OOO" might be the one I was particularly enthusiastic about when watching. The dialogue between Hino Eiji and Ankh was interesting, and even as a child the ending made me think, so including its theme song, it's my favorite work. Lately however, I've been super into "Kamen Rider Den-O" (laughs). I'm watching it from the perspective of learning why it became so popular, but I also like Den-O because of Satoh Takeru's (who plays Nogami Ryotaro) amazing performance in which he plays multiple different personalities.

"What kind of person do you feel Shouma is?"

Chinen: I read the script so much that it felt like I was watching myself, as I thought that Shouma was so similar to me. We're very similar in the way that we're abit out of the loop, but also curious and get into the things that interest us. I was glued to the TV when I was a child, and I'd become so engrossed when watching it, that I couldn't even listen to what my mother was saying. However, I feel like I'm far removed from him in terms of his guts and inner strength, his desire to save people even at the risk of his own life, and his ability to fight the enemy. Playing the role of Shouma gives me energy and makes me aspire to be like him.

"We think another feature of this production is that right now, Shouma doesn't have a fixed place to stay, and that he comes into contact with a variety of people wherever he goes."

Chinen: I think alot of people are curious to see what happens next, as so far in Gavv, the story continues to be dominated by Shouma's easygoingness and the fact that we don't know what he's thinking. He seems to have a connection with Sachika-san, who he met in episode 2, so what happens to them in the future is a big point to watch out for!

"Please tell us your impressions of Sachika and the person who plays her, Miyabe Nozomi-san."

Chinen: Miyabe-san is a very refined person, so when we first met at script reading, I was shocked and said, "This person's gonna be a gyaru?!" (laughs). One of the things I like about Miyabe-san is that her mannerisms show the quality of her upbringing, but the more we talked, she really started to look like a gyaru, and I felt that performing together with her was amazing. Sachika-san leaves a strong impression of being a gyaru, but on the inside, she's a stable girl who's able to understand the feelings of others. Seeing her say with a refreshing smile, "I think it's good for everyone to be happy," Shouma respects her and thinks, "She's such a wonderful person" and "I want to be like her," almost like she's the embodiment of peace. When I read the script, I always feel supported and say, "Sachika-san, thank you."

"Shouma's brother sister like relationship with her is also very interesting."

Chinen: Director Sugihara Teruaki said to me, "It's like a dog and his owner" (laughs). Still, I think that Sachika-san's all encompassing kindness, and Shouma's simple mindedness are a great combination, and we're also playing the roles with confidence.

"He's yet to interact with Shouma, but we think the role Hanto plays will also be another highlight to look forward to."

Chinen: In some ways, Hanto is also easygoing, but he's the compassionate, hot blooded type, and he too lives by carrying something on his back. I hope you'll look forward to seeing how Shouma and Hanto, who are completely different types of people, interact with each other and what they'll think of each other in their first meeting. Hino Yusuke-kun, who plays Hanto, is the mood maker who makes the set feel relaxed, which is a gap between him and Hanto, but I feel that we're similar in our passion for the production and performance, and the way we put our all into something. To me, Hino-kun is a rival but also like a reliable big brother, and we often consult with each other and visit each other's houses (laughs).

"What were your impressions of Director Sugihara, who also directed the first two episodes as the pilot Director?"

Chinen: As I had no experience in acting, Director Sugihara is a respected teacher who taught me how to perform from the ground up, including how to read the script, and he's like a father figure from Tokyo. He understands each actor's personality and gives them advice accordingly, and he's an amazing person who draws out our potential, so every time I'm on set, I feel happy to film under Director Sugihara. He's a Director I really love.

"Before filming, it seems that you and the Director practiced vocalization together."

Chinen: Yes, even before I could act, my voice wouldn't come out (laughs). I'm really grateful that he took time out of his busy schedule to watch me one on one, and it was an important turning point that led to something changing in me. I want to grow so that people will feel that I'll have changed over the coming year, and one of my goals is to give an inspiring performance that'll be recognized by Director Sugihara with, "You gave it your all."

-Aiming to be as cool as Nawata-san-

"Kamen Rider Gavv, who Shouma transforms into, has a motif based on gummies and other sweets."

Chinen: When I saw the illustration depicted in the proposal, I thought it was incredibly simple, however, my opinion changed when I saw it in person. The armor on the chest and shoulders have a gradient so that it shines beautifully when light hits it, and there's a playful gimmick where a squishy dent will form when it's pressed, so a bunch of detail has been carefully put into it. I'm now so attached to it, that I can't think of anyone else but Gavv. Personally, what I want you to pay attention to the most are the feet. The feet are actually clawed, and this slightly animal like aspect is an important element of the show, so I'd be happy if you make sure to pay attention to the feet as well.

"What's your impression of Nawata Yuya-san, Gavv's Suit Actor?"

Chinen: Nawata-san is an actor who I shape Shouma together with, and he's an indispensable person to me, as I'm able to talk to him about problems that I can't talk about with the other cast members or the Director. He also taught me about acting, like how to create the mood and how to read the script. I'm grateful to Nawata-san's action, as I think Gavv's appeal has tripled, and I feel like the show itself has also become more brilliant.

"Does that also get you enthusiastic about the post transformation dub recording?"

Chinen: That's right. The recording process is more difficult than normal acting because you have to use only your voice to express your emotions and fight scenes in accordance with the footage. In episodes 1 and 2, I had to rerecord so many times that I lost the strength in my voice, and it took twice as long as the planned time (bitter smile). As well as the performances of my seniors in the Kamen Rider series, I also studied the game "Street Fighter" based on the advice of Director Sugihara, and now I feel like I'm getting by. I'll work more diligently to make Nawata-san's performance 120% more appealing with my voice performance, and to become a Shouma who's just as cool after his transformation into Gavv.

"One of the real thrills of the Kamen Rider series are the transformation scenes, but how did you create the pose?"

Chinen: The transformation pose was decided through a discussion between myself, Action Director Fujita Satoshi, Director Sugihara, and Nawata-san. It's a movement that involves rotating your arm, but the final version, which we created after discussing the angles and timing with everyone to make sure it looked cool and appealing, is the transformation pose used in episode 2. Depending on the story, he could transform quickly, so I hope people watch the way he changes based on the situation.

"In the episodes up to this point, the action leading up to the first transformation in the first episode is a scene that can't be ignored when talking about Shouma. There was some action involving wires, and we were also impressed by his performance as he was gradually being cornered by the Granute."

Chinen: That scene was prepared weeks before the shoot, as Director Sugihara and Action Director Fujita came up with a really cool direction. The scene where Shouma is beaten was especially important to give depth to the reason for his transformation, as it took two days to film. In the end, it was in the most extreme situation I had ever experienced in my life, my performance came out unconsciously, and I was complemented with, "Your facial expressions were very good." I could've never done it on my own, the scene was made possible by the advice of Director Sugihara and Nawata-san, who worked beside me, and by all the staff members who created an environment that allowed me to concentrate on my performance.

"It makes us want to go back and pay attention to the expressions on your face. Finally, please tell us your goals throughout filming of Kamen Rider Gavv."

Chinen: I'd like to learn alot about action from Action Director Fujita, Nawata-san and everyone else on the Action Team, and I'd like to improve my acting skills. I've never been in an environment where I could spend an entire year with people who are so good at captivating others, and I don't think it'll ever happen again in the future. I hope to make full use of this experience so that in the next year, I can be an actor who can do it all, from acting to action and recording, so I'll do my best to do what's in front me!

Director Sugihara Teruaki

The vibrant world Shouma comes across

-A dark story with colorful visuals-

"When did you first hear that you'd be the pilot Director?"

Sugihara: I'm pretty sure it was around last Fall, when I was working on the drama, "Tokyo MPD: From Zero to Hero," I received a phone call from Producer Takebe Naomi-san who said, "I'd like to meet and talk with you at once." I heard from a separate matter that Takebe-san would be in charge of the next Kamen Rider, and at the time, I thought I was going to be the second Director, but when I met her, she said, "You're the pilot Director." (laughs).

"At the stage when Director Sugihara joined, how much of the content in the show was decided on?"

Sugihara: Aside from the sweets and monsters motif, we'd yet to decide on the content of the story and the personalities and relationships of the characters. In the beginning, we were a small group consisting of the Producer team's Takebe-san and Takishima Minami-san, Screenwriter Komura Junko-san, and myself. Our three parties worked out the content by sharing ideas from our respective perspectives.

"What specific ideas did Director Sugihara have in mind? Personally, we felt that the visuals of the characters, including their costumes, incorporated the Director's ideas."

Sugihara: You can assume that I'm basically in charge of visual aspects like the impression and fashion. For Shouma's fashion in particular, during the rather early stages, I'd draw an illustration and say, "How about something like this?," and I'd have them look at it while I created his character.

"Not just Shouma's clothes, but also the interior of Hapipare is rich in color, so much so that it's unusual for the Kamen Rider series."

Sugihara: I told artist Fukuzawa Katsuhiro that I wanted to make the visuals as bright and pop as much as possible. Kamen Rider Gavv itself isn't meant to be a continuation of the "ism" seen in the first generation of Kamen Rider, but it includes themes like family conflict and Shouma's sad separation from his mother, so the content is heavy. Because of this, we made the impression of the colors vivid, and were careful to not make them too dark. Moreover, being in the human world for the first time, Shouma's a kid who's impressed by everything he sees, so I was conscious of the world captured from Shouma's point of view and to use rather flashy colors. Conversely, the Granute World and Stomach Family use muted colors, or to just say it outright, they have dirty colors.

"What do you value in your expression of Shouma, the main character?"

Sugihara: I wanted to depict Shouma as a pure kid, someone who suddenly comes to the human world and finds everything he sees as fresh. On the inside, he's not much different from Hajime, who he first meets in the human world, in fact, he's much more of a child than that kid. So he ponders over what he's been told, hurt by the casual mention of "monster" and afraid of hurting others, he's unable to be together with someone else, so he leaves Hajime and Sachika and goes elsewhere. However, I didn't want to make it too dark, so it was hard to depict (laughs). While he carries a dark side, I want him to be a kid who's always smiling when he's with someone, even if he has to force himself to smile.

"This Shouma is beautifully embodied by Chinen Hidekazu-san."

Sugihara: The best thing about Chinen-kun is that he looks great on camera. That's the kind of talent an actor has. Also, the expressions on his face when he eats are really good. Even though he's eating food he usually sees all the time, he eats it like it's a delicacy, looking as if he's eating something he's never seen before and is impressed. In that sense, I think he was the right choice to play Shouma. Still, since this is roughly his first performance, he had to start from a place where he couldn't express his emotions properly, and to begin with, he couldn't even vocalize. I had Chinen-kun stand on one end of Toei's rooftop, and I stood on the opposite end and had him deliver his lines. I gave him relentless acting instruction from the very beginning (laughs). Filming started earlier than usual, so we've already shot several episodes, and I feel that he can now stand proudly in front of the camera as Shouma. With each episode his performance and facial expressions are getting better and better. I have high expectations for his growth over the next year.

-Dedicated action that make the most of the motif-

"We felt that the vibes of Gavv's everyday scenes were different from that of previous Kamen Rider series, but was there anything you were conscious of in your direction?"

Sugihara: In my mind, I had a bright, pop like feeling, but during filming, Chinen-kun……it was important to me how to capture Shouma and the human world from his point of view. I may have only been thinking, "How can I get a good shot of him?"

"In that sense, it's interesting to think that the entire production is being pulled along by Shouma and Chinen-san."

Sugihara: That's right. This is especially true for the first episode, as the story unfolds from Shouma's point of view, so I was conscious of the fact that I wanted to bring the viewers perspective as close as possible to Shouma's.

"Despite the battle scenes also having a fancy sweets motif, from the very first episode, we were taken back by the intense physical battle depicted between Gavv and the Granute."

Sugihara: I'm pretty sure it was Action Director Fujita Satoshi who put out the idea of a serious fistfight at a container warehouse, and with sword fighting in a narrow space. We specified the colors and placement of the containers, and asked the people on location to arrange them accordingly. From there, Fujita and I talked in detail about the composition of the action, and we put it together by discussing the angles while adding in our own ideas as we filmed on site.

"We heard that you and Fujita-san worked closely together to create this."

Sugihara: I also like action quite abit, so I tell Fujita various things like, "Do this sort of thing." Naturally, Fujita has alot of things he wants to do as well, so the two of us are working together to come up with ideas for action sequences and angles.

"Including Gavv's own actions, the way he fights while "eating" the Gochizo is unique."

Sugihara: It was decided in advance that the transformation items Gochizo would appear alot like that of "Pikmin" and "Minions," so I thought it'd be better to use alot of them. Because of that, when Gavv takes damage, his armor breaks and he'll eat the Gochizo one after another……we're calling it "follow up sweets," and I think it'd be interesting to keep changing sweets and repair them as he fights.

"The standard Poppingummy Form has flexible armor, while Zakuzakuchips Form's sword weapon can easily break depending on how it's used, and the use of sweets as a motif was also visually enjoyable."

Sugihara: Inspiration for the action comes from discussions that are almost like casual conversations. I thought about how things like thin baked snacks such as potato chips might be weak to side attacks (laughs). Also, unlike other Kamen Riders, we don't use bullet impacts on Gavv when we depict him being hit (mechanism that detonates gunpowder that's attached to the performer). In his setup, the armor is derived from sweets generated by his own body, so we tried to create the effect of small bead like things flying around him. During filming, we've been throwing beads into the air from the side of the camera. In that sense, it may have a new visual feel.

"What scenes from episodes 1 and 2 were particularly powerful?"

Sugihara: In terms of taking the most time, I'd say it was before the transformation in the first episode. When I was thinking about Shouma's human image, Takebe-san said, "I don't want him to be a hero who fights just because he has powers." You don't fight just because you have the power to become a Kamen Rider, there's a will to fight, and that's where the power comes in. I wanted to create an image of a hero who's able to transform into Gavv because it's Shouma. Since the time of the script meeting, we had talked about how we wanted to portray a different kind of strength from that of the everyday Shouma, who keeps going despite being beaten up by someone he can't even stand up to. On set, Chinen-kun and I worked together to find out why Shouma was feeling that way, and we worked on his facial expressions and gestures one by one, and I was quite persistent throughout filming. We were supposed to film the transformation scene in one day, but we took too long and didn't get to the transformation, so I had to apologize to the staff (laughs).

"Finally, please tell us your enthusiasm for the future."

Sugihara: Honestly, I have no idea how Kamen Rider Gavv will conclude a year from now, but I want to make a show that'll make people who watched it think, "Gavv was interesting." For this reason, I'd also like to delve deeper into Shouma and Hanto, and Sachika and the others characters, and to make each of them appealing. I'm sure that Komura-san will come up with some great developments (laughs), and for my part, I hope that I can take advantage of that, and as the pilot Director for the first time in a long time, to create images that people watching in their living rooms have never seen before.

[breakthewalll]

gamer bangchan x ftm reader!

- long distance relationship

TW: use of words cunt and boycunt

‼️‼️ MINORS DNI ‼️‼️ 18+

word count: 748

☆☆☆☆☆

“Oh fuck chris *whimper* I feel so good!” 

Chris shut his eyes and let out a shaky breath. He leaned back into his chair and let his body relax. His headphones on his head and his ears soaking up every little sound. As he relaxed he felt a surge of heat pool around his stomach. 

“Please daddy please. I need you please fuck me please! Oh God! *whimper* my fingers feel so good *squelch*” 

Chris bit his lip and let out a little hum. His cock was hard already. 

“Fuck fuck fuck.. *intense squelching*” 

His cock twitched in his shorts and he gripped onto the arm rests of his chair and groaned. Shutting his eyes tightly. 

“Daddy please I need your cock in me. My boycunt misses you daddy. Oh God I need your dick in me right now or I'm gonna die *whines and whimpers*” 

Chris couldn't hold it anymore. His hands desperately reached for the zipper and button of his denim shorts and he quickly freed his cock from the restraints of the fabric. He was so desperate for release that he didn't even jerk himself off at a slow pace. He started fast and kept going. The sound of male masturbation filling the room along with his soft moans. He reached for a drawer and pulled out some lubricant and put some in his hand and resumed his masturbation. 

“Fuck baby boy. Oh God. I need you” Chris spoke out loud to the empty room. 

His headphones kept on playing the audio his long distance boyfriend had sent him. He misses his boyfriend in so many ways but right now all he could think about was fucking his boyfriends cunt until his boyfriend was all dumb and drooling. Unable to form coherent sentences. God he needed his cock in his boyfriend desperately 

“Oh baby don't stop im so close” he spoke out loud into the empty room

His boyfriend had a completely different time zone than him so as Chris is jerking off to the audio his boyfriend sent the boyfriend had been asleep for hours at that point. 

“Oh god” Chris moaned loudly. 

He was so close to cumming. His body felt like it was on fire. The sounds his boyfriend was making just for him was driving him insane… 

“Fuckkkk” Chris moaned loudly. 

His cock twitched in his hand as he released his load onto his hand and onto the floor. He sunk into his chair and let himself catch his breath. The audio in his headphones looping to the start and he slid his headphones off with his clean hand and grabbed the roll of tissues on his desk and cleaned his hand up and cleaned up his cock. 

Chris grabbed the gaming mouse on his desk and moved it to click on the clock he had on his computer. It was only 9pm for him and it was 5am for his boyfriend. 

“Fuck… I miss him” Chris says to himself 

It's been about 4 months since Chris came back from visiting his boyfriend in the United States. They met through Felix, a mutual friend. Chris and Felix are professional game streamers and often do streams together. Chris's boyfriend is also one but he plays more harsher games mainly to do with horror and isnt so popular meanwhile Chris and Felix stream genshin together and are very popular.

Chris opens up his phone and shoots a text to his boyfriend. 

“my prince… I just got done listening to your audio. I felt so fucking good baby. You're so hot. Such a good boy for me. I can't wait for these two months to pass so I can hold you and kiss you. I really need to be inside of you too. I feel like I'm dying without feeling your warmth daily. I love you baby. Text me when you wake up. I'm gonna start streaming now. I love you so much” he texted. 

He went onto his phone and tweeted about going live in a few minutes and he got up to grab some snacks and drinks and set them on the side of his desk and prepared his pc for a livestream. He got up and grabbed a hoodie that belonged to his boyfriend, and it smelled exactly like him. He felt so warm and cozy. He relaxed and slipped his headphones back on to start his live stream and opened up his game. He smiled, seeing his fans show excitement. 

☆☆☆☆☆

A/N: pls spare me I haven't written fanfic in years 😭 but I want to get back into it so pls if this is bad don't tell me I already know. I'll most likely make more little parts for this bc I enjoy the thought of horny twitch streamer chan yearning for his long distance boyfriend and being an absolute desperate loser 😁😁😁 all of that said very lovingly btw no insult I love horny losers.

[maybe-moonchild]

CHAPTER 1

summary: In which a spilt drink leads to a very awkward reunion and a drunken piece of pizza. WC: 6.3k ﾟ ⋆ ﾟ ☂︎ ⋆ ﾟ

The surface of the bar is tacky under your forearms from spilled beer and mixed drinks. You lean up against the surface as others bump into your back, half listening to Aaron's non-stop rambling about the job his uncle set him up at. His company was fine- one of Flash's basketball buddies from high school remembered for being obnoxious in your junior english class. You're barely paying attention and more preoccupied with trying to get the bartender's attention. At least then you would be able to escape the sweaty bodies pressed against your back.

Lazy Dog Saloon, a divey place nestled in Hell's Kitchen, had become Midtown high. Most of the class of 2014 had graduated from their prospective 4 year undergrad programs last week. Some returned to New York for a mini vacation before they began the next chapter in their lives while some had never left at all.

You were part of the second group.

NYU seemed like a safe choice at the time your college applications were due. The program you wanted was there and you knew that it was close enough to Queens that you felt like you'd gotten away, but not far enough that you felt like you were on the other side of the country.

Aaron continues to drone on, the sound of his voice fading with the sound of the eighties song playing over the speakers. Your shoulders sag in relief when the bartender sits down your vodka soda in front of you, sticking a dried out lime on the rim. He takes the $8 in cash you hold out to him and mumble out a thanks but he is already moving to the next person. Not that you care. You had your prize in hand and could finally return to your friends drunkenly lounging in their booth.

That was until Aarons animated hand gestures sent your drink out of your hand down the front of the shirt of the guy beside you.

"Fuck! I am so sorry," you rush out, half turning to reach over Aaron and grab a few flimsy paper napkins. You also shoot Aaron the dirtiest look you can muster at which he grimaces. "I feel horrible- god. I am so-"

Had there not been a steady stream of booze fluttering through your veins, you could play it a lot cooler than you do. Thankfully, Peter Parker isn’t able to play it much cooler either. The second your eyes met his big brown ones, they manage to somehow get bigger, his eyebrows rising towards his hairline before his lips thinned in distaste.

“... sorry…” The word comes out as a breath while his presence seems to be the only thing that you can be aware of. It’s like the sight of him is screaming inside your head.

Peter’s heart throws itself for a loop before dropping down into his stomach. He knows that voice all too well and he hates how much he still yearns to hear it again.

We both seemed to collect ourselves at the same time; he clears his throat while you look down at the spot on his shirt where the gray fabric is dark. With a shake of his head, he waives away your apology with his hand. “Don't- it’s fine, it’s fine.” He tries to mutter the words with a smile that barely classifies as anything more than a wince. “I don’t even like this shirt anyway.”

You can’t seem to get yourself to move. Not even when he gently slips the napkins out of your clenched fists so he can try and clean himself up. That, in turn, just makes you feel worse, but then again, maybe he just doesn’t want you to touch him.

Not after our six years of friendship fizzled out like a burning candle that finally reached the end of its wick.

“Nice one,” Aaron chuckles near your ear, his elbow nudging your arm teasingly. This was not the time for jokes. Not when it felt like I was staring at a ghost. The ghost of someone very much alive. Giving the red head a shove and a scowl, you hiss at him under your breath to shut up before turning back to Peter.

“I am so sorry. Seriously. This was all my fault. I… can I help?” You're clearly apologetic. It’s clear from the concern in your voice and the embarrassed look on your face.

Peter’s eyes find the ceiling so quickly that you can’t tell if the pink on his face is real or just a hallucination from the tequila shot Flash had forced on you earlier. You could’ve sworn you’d forgotten what he sounded like over the past four years. After hearing it again, your memories come flooding back all at once. Except this isn’t a memory. This is real. Peter Parker is standing right there as he wipes at his shirt. Gone is the gangly kid with perpetual untamable hair and skinned elbows from nose diving off his skateboard and in his place is someone he gracefully grew into.

“Seriously. It’s fine. It was an accident.” His hand waves awkwardly again as he drops the napkins into the trash. The smile he gives you is strained and brief but he tries anyway so he can drop the conversation. “No, it’s really alright. I think those did the trick. This shirt has gone through worse.”

You are sure you look as pathetic as you feel. Eyes wide and brow furrowed enough that the crease between them could’ve been a damn canyon. Once upon a time, you knew him better than you knew yourself. Once upon a time, the two of you could have stayed quiet for hours and still known exactly what the other was thinking.

Now? At least you knew that him saying it was fine was a load of garbage.

“Are you sure? I can ask the bartender for a towel? Or-”

He knows that look. It was the same damn look you always used to give him when you felt really bad about something. It would settle on your face when you were going to do any stupid thing you could to try and fix it.

“I’m sure,” he interjects in the hopes that you believe him- or at least pretend to. That you will just let it go, return back to Katie and Flash so you can tell them you dumped your drink on him. The three of you could laugh it up like you did in high school.

“It’s fine. I promise. Just…” he takes a deep breath and glances down at his wet shirt before finally glancing up at your face. He tries to think of something to say. At that moment, the bartender decides to drop the beer he had ordered earlier onto the counter. Peter mutters a thanks, grabbing it in one hand while digging for cash that's shoved in his front pocket to exchange it.

Before you can get another word out, he sighs, “Really. It’s fine. I can deal with it.” Peter's words are short and almost sharp. It was nothing different than how things had been between the two of you for the past eight years.

You open your mouth to protest but he is already slipping through the crowd. Drunk patrons fill the empty space within seconds so they can raise their blood alcohol content. Aaron tries to laugh it off, clapping you on the shoulder while you’re too busy staring at the back of Peter’s head disappearing around the corner.

There are two roads or whatever bullshit.

You blame it on the booze. The white claw you had sipped when you and Katie had gotten ready was the reason that you’d shrugged off Aarons hand. The extremely potent and barely drinkable margarita Flash made you at the pregame was the reason you started to slip through the crowd after him. The reason you burst through the doors of the boys bathroom without a second thought was- okay, so maybe it was also just who you were.

“Please. Let me do something to fix this,” you urge, ignoring the strange look from the man slipping around you to exit the bathroom. You also ignore the shocked look Peter gives your reflection of the dirty mirror in front of him.

“Nuh uh. No.” He practically gasps, spinning around and yanking out paper towels to hurriedly dry his hands. He has to get you out of here before you get yourself thrown out of the freaking bar.

You shoot him a look. You will stay in this bathroom all night if that was what it took… to fix… his shirt.

“Grow up Parker, it’s a boy’s bathroom. There are stalls. I’m not even crawling under one!” Your hands move as you speak while his hands find your shoulders. His touch is gentle but his face is panicked. You don’t stop him from spinning you around, guiding you out the door even when you turn your head back so you can face him.

“Look. I just want to make sure I didn’t ruin your night because I feel like a total asshole. It was an accident and now I feel your night is ruined because you're all damp and smelling like vodka.” Peter focuses on maneuvering you through the crowd. He doesn’t have the heart (or the guts) to admit that his shirt being soaked with vodka is the least of his concerns. It is *how* it got soaked in the first place. That was the real issue.

No. The real issue was you. Your presence. The fact he had to touch you right now as he manages to avoid letting anyone collide with you since you are too focused on rambling.

“Okay, you didn’t ruin my night.” The words are practically a groan of exasperation in the hopes you will just drop this. That you will just return to your cool friends and you could all go and laugh at how uncool he is.

“No?” You ask flatly, your eyebrow rising in skepticism as you try to twist around to look at him better over your shoulder. He is more concerned with keeping any drunk people from slamming into me or vice versa. “Because I feel like I did. I feel like I definitely ruined your night and you’re just telling me that I didn’t, just so I drop it and I don't let it eat away at my brain for the rest of my life.”

Because it will. I will certainly lose sleep over it.

Peter can feel his heart race as he listens to you. He has to bite his tongue to keep himself from screaming that you’d ruined his life, not his night.

”Just-“ he grumbles, rolling his eyes as he guides you around another group of drunks dancing against the wall. Never has he been more thankful for the fabric of your dress to keep his skin from yours. Even with the buffer, he feels like he is burning alive. He wishes he didn’t care that you were upset at the prospect of him being upset.

Afterall, you probably haven’t spared him a second though since high school graduation.

Not in the way he has thought about you.

Even though it’s mid-May, the nights lack the warmth that the days hold. The cool air feels good on your flushed cheeks. The alley is quiet, tucked between the bar and a closed up nail salon seated next door and the space is filled with the muffled hum of liquor filled banter.

You manage to twist around and plant yourself in front of him. He drops his hold on you but meets your wide and earnest eyes.

“Peter, all I’m saying is that I want to make it better. Yeah, I know,” you throw up your hands, letting their movements animate your words. “Yes, I’m aware that vodka sodas are only moderately pungent. And -yes. It wasn’t even that much- but still! I feel bad. Really bad. There has to be something I can do to make it right.”

Peter can feel his heart picking up again, his brain desperately trying to comprehend that after all these years - after *six years*, you were in front of him, telling him that you feel bad?

He can’t help but shake his head before quickly interjecting. “You don’t-” with a huff, he presses his palms against his face, like it will give him a moment to try and think clearly. They move up to his hair, shoving it off his forehead as he finally forces himself to actually look down at you. His voice is low and tired. “You don’t have to do anything about it. I promise. It was an accident, alright? Besides, I don’t even like that shirt that much.”

That’s a lie. It is his favorite shirt.

No one says anything for a long moment. You’re too busy studying his face for what is actually going on inside his head. He is too busy trying to force himself not to look away. Too many things hang in the foot of space between your bodies. You either can’t find, or can’t find the courage to pluck something out of the air and say something of substance.

Something that matters.

So your face softens and you opt for the cowards approach.

“You okay?”

A muscle in his jaw tenses which makes his expression look more grim. “I’m fine,” he grumbles, looking away to stare at a broken bottle, not wanting to hold your gaze anymore. He’d spent the past eight years pretending that the you-sized hole in his life had been filled with things like Spider-Man, The Bugle and his Bio-Physics degree he’d obtained last week. But now that you’re standing right here, it felt like it was somehow bigger.

Just like that, you realize that, even if he had been the one to guide the two of you out here, away from prying eyes and drunk chatter, it was your doing. You might well have been the one to drag him out the door by his hair. Your face falls when you realize he likely did it because he doesn’t think you’d want to be seen talking to him in public.

You frown at the floor and wrap your arms around yourself like you’re just trying to keep out the cool air.

“Sorry,” you murmur. It’s the best thing you can think to say. Peter looks at you, peeking up and taking notice of the little movements and gestures you make to try and smooth over the awkwardness. It reminds him of high school. Back in the middle of freshman year when you started on the edge of the circle of cheerleaders, working up the courage to belong before you eventually found yourself in the center senior year.

“It’s fine,” he says halfheartedly. In reality, it’s not fine, far from it, but… His hands curl and uncurl into fists at his side, trying to suppress the urge to reach for you.

“No, it's not.”

You’re not talking about the spilled drink anymore. You’re not even talking about the dissipation of your friendship at the start of high school. In some way, it all comes down to high school graduation four years ago.

There's a clarity to the loud sounds inside the bar as someone slips out the back door, too preoccupied with trying to light a cigarette as they head towards the street. When the door shuts again, it feels even quieter out here. Peter and you don’t say anything as they pass by and out of sight.

But neither of you return inside either.

“I shouldn’t have done that. That was…” you trail off, eyes finding the sky under pinched brows as you think. “Invasive? Presumptuous? Meddlesome?” A strained laugh falls from your mouth and cuts through the quiet. “Sorry. Vodka seriously inhibits my memory of vocabulary words.”

You don’t expect him to laugh. So when he lets out a snort and shakes his head, you find the courage to actually look at him from the corner of your eye. He’s not smiling but the little quirk of his lip might as well be a shit eating grin with how relieved it makes you feel.

“You’re drunk.” It is neither a question or statement, or both. You can't really tell.

Your nose scrunches up in thought before you settle on, “I would go with tipsy.” The toe of your shoe scuffs against the pavement and he shoves his hands in his front pockets. “I’m not sure how that’s legally determined or if there even is a way to legally determine that but…yeah. Sure. Let's go with tipsy.”

“You’re wasted,” he snorts again, only this time it sounds even more like a laugh than before.

Your mouth drops in mock offense, eyes pulling back towards his own. Something on his face catches in the light and he looks like he could almost glow in the dark but he’s forcing it down.

“Drunk is a strong word. More like… very tipsy.”

“I think we can go with sloshed instead.” Peter raises an eyebrow, his mouth curling upwards with amusement.

The roll of your eyes is dramatic and playful. Before you get the chance to shoot back, a vibrating and painful sound of an alarm from your purse interrupts you. He almost wonders if it’s a phone call, but when you retrieve it, press the screen and check the time, it’s almost relieving. Not that it didn’t interrupt the moment anyway.

“Shit,” you frown before sticking your phone back. “I really gotta get out of here. I told myself I’d be home by 1:30 since I’m meeting my parent’s for brunch.”

You’re leaving? It’s the first thought that crosses his mind and it has him on edge. For the first time in years, the two of you are alone together. Just the two of you, hidden away in an alley and having an actual conversation.

And it’s already over.

“You’re taking the train back now,” he asks with slight concern. His fingers fall from his hair so he can rub at his forehead. You were a New Yorker. Everyone took the subway. You were just a New Yorker that was determined to take the subway alone at 1 am on a Saturday while drunk in a short dress.

A skeptical smile tugs at your mouth. His concern isn’t shocking. He’d always been like that. Cautious and worried about the safety of others. It was why he always got his ass kicked in high school.

It just wasn’t something you experienced in a long time.

“Umm… Yeah?” Shrugging, you retrieve your phone from your purse to shoot off a text to Katie and Flash that you’re heading home. Peter opens his mouth to say something before thinking better of it. It wasn’t that he didn’t think you could handle yourself. The last thing he needed was to piss you off in this one moment of a truce.

“My apartment’s not that far anyway,” you continue as a little thumbs up appears by your text in the group chat. The phone returns to your bag amongst your wallet and lip gloss. He is already looking at you when you lift your head up to look at him.

For a moment, he kind of looks like he is 11 years old again. Like you half expect him to smile and reveal his canine tooth is still growing in. That he’ll give you the same grin through the glass of your bedroom window when the two of you were long supposed to be asleep. How he would invite you to crawl out and to accompany him to the subway because he liked it when you watched him try and skateboard in an empty train. At first, you would always hiss out ‘no’s’ which would only make him whine your name from his spot on the windowsill. Eventually, you’d relent because you always did. Then you would spend breakfast with your parents exhausted and biting down on a smile from sitting on the secret events from the night before.

“Wait, you’re taking the subway alone?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowing even more than they already were before shooting upwards. He steps closer but doesn’t actually invade your space.

Alone, intoxicated, and all the way home… in a short dress…

Your own eyebrows raise in challenge. Even if you try not to look defensive, you can't help the way your arms fold over your chest and you settle back on your hip. You’ve lived in New York as long as he has, which is your entire life.

You could easily take the subway alone. It was something you’d done a million times and you were sure he had done it as much too.

A little bit of alcohol wasn’t enough to stop you and force you to waste money on a cab.

“Yeah…”

“Okay,” he sighs and you relax, both of your shoulders sagging in relief for different reasons. “I’m making sure you get home.” The words slip out and he doesn’t even think to hold them back.

You open your mouth to argue, but he continues speaking, his hands raising in surrender. “I’m sure you do it all the time but, I mean… I just…you’re drunk.”

“Not drunk. Very tipsy,” you mutter under your breath but there's no hint of actually putting up a fight. Considering your options, you look up towards the night sky like you’ll find some sort of argument hidden up amongst the stars. There are no stars. Just heavy looking clouds that hang above Manhattan with the umpteenth threat of rain this week. You don’t find one. Making a face, you know he has a point.

Odds were, you would probably be fine walking the few blocks to the subway and taking it a couple of stops towards your apartment. There was always that chance that you wouldn’t be.

The problem was that your apartment was out of the way. How did you know that? Peter lived with Ned. Ned Leeds, the same Ned Leeds that had been following Katie around from the age of five until now like a love sick puppy that rambled horribly in her presence about every detail of his life. So yes, the fact he and Peter were roommates had come up plenty of times when you and your current roommate bumped into Ned. Just like he had, in excruciating detail, explained exactly where he lived in case Katie ever happened to be in the area.

“You’re just going to tag along all the way to East village… at one in the morning… and then… trek all the way back to your place?” You shake your head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You aren’t asking. I’m offering.”

The prospect of your safety overrides any arguments he could possibly make.

If he stays here and something happens to you, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

A guilty expression flashes in his eyes at the thought, that little *what if.* It had been replaying in his head since he got bit by that spider when he was sixteen. How the thought of where you were and what you were doing flashed through his mind anytime there was a large-scale disaster threatening New York. There were a few times it got so bad, he’d had to swing by your apartment- not in a stalker way! Just so he could know you were fine.

Besides, he only knew because your mom told Aunt May, who then mentioned it to him.

When you don’t say anything, he nods towards the mouth of the alley. “Come on.” He’s already walking towards the street, spinning on his heels and walking backwards. “It’s fine. I’ll take a cab home or something quicker than the subway.”

Something quicker than the subway and isn’t a cab? All you can do is snort as you scramble to catch up beside him. Now you just feel worse as you step onto the sidewalk. Not only does he probably resent you for the end of our friendship eight years ago and the… incident four years ago on the night of graduation, now he has to go out of his way so I don’t get murdered walking home.

“Really Pete,” you urge. The nickname falls from your lips like second nature. “It’s okay. I’m good.”

He shakes his head and turns to raise an eyebrow at your statement. You’re not good. Even if you're not stumbling black out drunk, the pink flush on your cheeks and the wide eyes are dead giveaways of your impairment. As much as he wants to hold your hand, to throw an arm over your shoulders like when the both of you were kids, he doesn’t. But he does let his hand hover behind the small of your back as you manage to find the same pace.

“I’d rather not be worried the rest of the weekend. Think of it as satiating my restless mind,” he jokes, giving you a playful look.

It’s much quieter out here and there is space to take a breath. There’s still people mulling around as they make their way home or to the next stop of their Saturday night. No one pays the two of you much attention as your pace slows to a more leisurely one.

“First of all, not drunk. Very tipsy,” you huff. “And second of all…” Peter stretches his arms behind his head while you try to think of a good point aside from the fact that you feel bad.

For a lot of things.

“You’ll be walking alone too at three in the morning!”

“And I can handle that. I’m a big boy, remember?”

There it is. That stupid lopsided grin he’d always shoot you anytime he knew he was wearing you down. When he knew you had already given in but were hoping he would drop it before you caved. You make a face that screams ‘spare me’ and scoff. The dirty look quickly threatens to be a smile and he knows you’re all in now.

“We’ll take the train, I’ll walk you home. We can even grab a slice of pizza. My treat. For old times sake?” With a shake of your head, the sigh you make is answer enough. Your answer is a yes. Just like it always was.

Okay, and maybe it's more than fine and doesn’t feel like that much of a chore.

He takes the opportunity to grab your hand so he can drag you along. The action is like muscle memory and he doesn’t realize he is doing it until you falter. You note that his hands are rougher but that makes sense considering he’s 23 years old and no longer a 14 year old kid. It’s not like you have to admit out loud that you like it. That you’d missed it. So before he can really realize what he’s doing, you commit to it.

“Only if we can take it on the road,” you say pointedly with a look to match. “I meant what I said earlier. I really need to get home so I don’t oversleep and miss brunch. My parent’s will kill me.”

Giving you a tug forward, he snorts, “Then by all means. Let's go.”

The foot traffic around is nothing like a work week morning. No hustling of business men in suits or bustling women in sharp blazers clicking down the sidewalk. The night holds its own excitement now that the weather is survivable without an actual coat and gloves. Summer is approaching and it seems to stir people out of their homes and out later than usual.

Aside from the copious amounts of rain plaguing the past week.

It was nice. Your hands are clasped together so you can keep up and he can make sure he doesn't lose you. At least that’s what the both of you tell yourselves as you settle into the familiar warmth of each other's palms and the sense of comfort they still bring after eight years.

The last time you two had touched was four years ago.

Back when his hands had found themselves tangled in your hair so he could tilt your head back further and-

“How about my treat,” you offer, leaning your head forward to look at the side of his face since he’s a step ahead of you. “Because I’m the one ruining your night.”

Peter just shakes his head and shrugs in hopes to dissolve some of your concern. “Don’t worry about it. My night isn’t ruined. You’re worth it.”

Those words make you stumble, tripping over your own feet like the world was just thrown out of orbit and he doesn’t seem to notice. It’s the last thing you expect him to say. For a moment, you wonder if maybe you were so drunk that you were hallucinating.

But no. He said it.

Your silence makes him squeeze his eyes shut and hold in a curse. It was a stupid thing to say after eight years of distance. Right after grabbing your freaking hand like things were all fine and dandy between you. If he could take it back, he would. Instead, he manages to remain looking unbothered so you wont realize that even just your silence was enough to feel like a punch to the gut.

“As long as you’re sure,” you chuckle lamely, looking down to smooth your dress as you reel in your emotions and stand a little straighter; make your movements as sure as yourself as you can pretend to be. Because the truth is, walking with him, having him tug you along and being in his presence is enough to make you sure of absolutely nothing.

Not when you thought he would still hate you for making more friends at the start of high school. Back when you joined cheerleading on a whim and your classmates started to actually see you. Your classmates actually waved at you when you walked through the halls. They would sit by you in class and turn in their seats so you were included in the conversation. Friday nights were spent at football games before the whispers of an after party in the quarterbacks basement were no longer whispers and became actual invitations.

When you didn’t eat, sleep, and breathe Peter Parker like you had as a child. It wasn’t like you had woken up one day and gotten sick of him. You just slowly realized that maybe you could have more than just one person at your side.

“I am so sure,” he reassures, dropping your hold and slowing to a stop in front of a late night pizza shop. “I’m pretty sure I owe you money for something I broke when we were in elementary school. So yeah, I’m sure.” This time when he smiles bashfully back at you, you mirror him. Somehow that makes some of the tenseness traveling between your connected arms start to resolve.

“I am so sure,” he reassures, dropping your hold and slowing to a stop in front of a late night pizza shop. “I’m pretty sure I owe you money for something I broke when we were in elementary school. So yeah, I’m sure.” This time when he smiles bashfully back at you, you mirror him. Somehow that makes some of the tenseness traveling between your connected arms start to resolve.

Peter has spent the last eight years wondering what he did wrong.

Did you just get bored? Were the stories he was telling you just not enough? Did you grow tired of him dragging you into trouble? Was the feel of being seen by the rest of the world more gratifying than his eyes alone?

So many questions without answers.

For eight years they had plagued his mind, kept him up at night and eating at the back of his brain during the day.

The two of you chat in line which is a solid eight drunk people deep. Drunk conversation and the sound of the workers drowns out how easy it is to fall back into joking around. There are stalls in the conversation where neither of you have an immediate response but the recovery is quick enough that there's no suffocating awkward silence.

And it is then that you realize that being in his presence makes you miss him more than you had during the eight years of radio silence. From the way he rocks back and forth on his feet while making sure you order your slice first, you miss him. When you try to pay, he smoothly snatches your wallet out of your hands, not even missing a beat in his conversation with the teenager at the register as he hands him cash.

Once you both receive pizza slices bigger than your heads, grease seeping through the paper plates as you take the long way to the subway entrance.

You happily take a big bite, speaking around a mouthful of dough, cheese, and tomato. “I mean it. You were always horrible at saving money when we were kids.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes which just makes it harder to chew around the smile straining your lips. There’s really no rush as you walk side by side without paying attention to where you're going. Eventually an entrance to the subway will appear.

“Oh, I’m sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you being so, very wrong.” Once he makes sure that there is not a drop of grease on his free hand, he playfully gives your head a shove. You make a sound of protest that quickly turns to one of amusement while trying to smooth your hair.

“I am not and you know it,” you shoot back and he responds with a dramatic waive of his hand. “You would always want ice cream or a comic book. Then you’d try and give me puppy dog eyes and promise you’d pay me back. I always gave in”

And he always paid you back. Eventually. Sometimes all at once or by leaving a crumpled up five in your backpack or taping a ten dollar bill to your window.

“I did not try puppy dog eyes,” he protests with his mouth full, chewing in a hurry so he can swallow. “Plus, I was the one funding all of the trouble we got into. And I was cute. Cut me some slack.”

Never had he been so glad to bail on a night of patrol so Ned could drag him to some dinghy bar just to watch Ned botch attempt number five million and six to woo Katie into falling in love with him.

Once we are finished, you dust the crumbs and grease from your fingertips and toss the plate into the trash. He’s been done for a while and you don't hesitate to grab his own plate and send it following mine into the dumpster.

“That’s because I was always better at saving money. If I hadn’t been, how was I supposed to treat you to snacks?”

Peter snickers, “You were definitely not better at saving your money than me.”

“Was too-”

“Nuh uh,” he cuts you off with a sarcastically smug expression. “Remember when you blew all your lunch money on those gum ball machines. The ones with the little rubber pencil toppers inside? You skipped lunch for over a week in hopes of getting that crab one.”

When he looks over at you and sees how your lips curl in an amused smile as you stare ahead, he bites down on his grin but it still feels white hot on his face.

Wherever you two have meandered to is much quieter. Cars are not passing down the road and most people still out at this hour are sticking to the well lit streets with more foot traffic.

“Oh my god. My mom was so mad at me when she found out.” You throw your head back to laugh at the memory. It feels good. It feels right to be here right now. “She found out because you told May that my mom was too busy that week to make me lunch so she’d put an extra sandwich in your lunch box for you to give me.”

Peter opens his mouth to speak but cuts himself off with a look of concentration.

Something is off.

His footsteps slow, yours following when a big burly man in a black fitted shirt steps into your path from the entrance of a long closed restaurant. It wasn’t just a passerby. You can tell from the way his attention is fixated on Peter. The guy's narrowed eyes move to size you up.

Not that you were a threat.

Another man steps out behind you, a third crossing the street and approaching. Muggers. That’s your first thought. It wasn’t terribly uncommon in a city like this, especially given the time and day. You quickly figure out this isn’t a chance of opportunity when the man standing a few feet in front of you speaks.

“Peter Parker?” He tilts his head, features dark from the lack of street lamps but there was no mistaking the glint in his eye. That was enough for Peter to step closer to you. He keeps you half behind him, an arm going out to keep his body between yours and theirs. There was more than one threat to worry about. The other two approach and settle in their own spots so they can circle you against the wall. Peter tries to have his head turned enough to keep the other two men in his peripheral vision.

You tell yourself to stay calm, that everything is going to be fine.

That voice in your head has to scream that at you when you see the flash of the gun dangling in the guy's hand.

[grapejuicestyless]

I Just Want To Love You.

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Harry’s an idiot, but he’s not stupid.

Seeing her so distraught was something I wish I had never seen. The image of her teary eyes burning into mine tattooed itself into my brain and her trembling lip was a constant thought that clouded it just as horrible.

She had been so bubbly, so happy when I first called her. She seemed relieved I was there to talk to her, there to catch up while we were so far apart.

I noticed that about her. With each of these calls, she seemed to grow more and more excited. She got more and more lively like my presence was the best thing in the world to her, even if I couldn’t be there to hold her and say what I wanted to, to her face. She supported me fully, every god damn time.

It was only when her voice came out a shaky mess and her eyes blinked rapidly to hide the tears that it clicked. All too late and all too naive to realize it at the time, but it all fell into place as soon as the phone went dead and the final sentences spoken to each other fell deaf.

She was excited I was coming home. My y/n, my baby, had been at home, waiting patiently for her lover to come home and live up on her for so long. She’s been so patient and so supportive, how could I have not seen it.

Sure, I suspected it in the past, seeing the slight twitch of her lips when I’d mention another leg of tour being added in order to connect with more international fans and spread positivity in the best way I could, but her over supportiveness overshadowed those brief moments. My stomach twisted sickly at my careless neglect to my love.

While I was out for months between holidays, surrounding myself with love and overwhelming support, y/n had been waiting for the one person she held close to her heart to come home and show her some love in return.

Suddenly, I felt selfish. I felt disgusting and I felt like the worst boyfriend in the history books in that moment. How had I been so careless with the most precious love of my life? How had I let myself drift so far from her?

This realization set in hard, hitting deep. I couldn’t sleep on it, knowing I was hurting her by not being there with her.

So, though I was sure I would get an earful the next morning from some of my closest friends on this long, close knit tour group for being so on and off and deciding so last minute to cancel any further plans, but it had to be done.

I watched the phone ring for a few minutes, Jeff’s name illuminated on my phone. Glancing to the clock by my side, it read out 2:35am. Three hours after the phone call with Y/n had ended. Three hours since that moment had been stuck on a loop in my head.

“Hello?” He answered, voice heavy with sleep and throat dry from the hours with no water.

“Hey, Jeff. Sorry for calling so late…listen, fuck. I just want to be straight forward about this. I can’t do those additional shows like I said before. I need to go home this month. Not September. July. I need to be at home.” My voice came out a mile a minute, loud and stern. I was certain of what I wanted.

My palms were heavy on my eyes. Fingers rubbing harshly into my temples, Jeff let out a quiet sigh.

“Okay, yeah. That’s fine. Nothings been finalized yet. We can cancel. I’ll get on it first thing today. At a normal hour, okay? Go to bed, Harry. You have a show today.” The phone beeped dead, and for the first time in the last few hours, the guilt that was so heavy became slightly lighter.

I wanted to call y/n, share the exciting news and explain how horrible I felt for treating her so poorly these past few months. I wanted to kiss her and hold her until she screamed at me to leave her alone, but I was still halfway across the world with a couple more shows left before I could fix everything for us.

…

Going away for awhile was bittersweet usually. I would cherish the time alone I would get in the serenity of my own home. Having the ability to curl up on the carpet and spread myself put into a comfortable sleep whenever, the feeling of home enough to lull me into a deep slumber for the first few days. I would miss the stage terribly too. I would miss the fans funny signs and excitement surrounding a shared passion for music. Yet, when I made the speech about going away for a bit, I found myself hesitating on the promise to come back.

Yes, of course I would come back. In a years time I would be ready to head back on the road. Yet, still feeling the hangover from my breakthrough just a few weeks ago, I felt nothing but relief to be going away to my y/n.

I found myself rushing to the airport. Showing up early just to sit impatiently with my headphones jammed in my ears so hard it almost silenced all my thoughts.

Y/n seemed to be doing better, recently. I hadn’t told her we finalized the plan to not continue adding shows to HSLOT. I hadn’t told her about that late night call with Jeff or how much deep regret I felt for ignoring her all those weeks apart.

We talked almost every night. She shared her silly poems she had written and doodled on every unused notebook in the house while I was away, she confessed. Always the most cheery when she didn’t have to be. Always so strong. Always such a beautiful, caring woman to me.

What a beautiful love story her and me had that I’d managed to fuck up so carelessly.

That idea became my new worry. From the airport all the way to our driveway, it became the poison that overtook my body. How I hadn’t listened to her silent pleas. How I hadn’t seen how I was slowly killing her with my lack of care.

My knuckles rested on the door. I knocked, knowing it was my home too. I still knocked, unsure if I would be welcomed.

The door swung open, y/n looking sleepy, pen ink on her hands and my clothes blanketing over her body in a cozy make shift pajama set.

“Harry?” It was pure shock, the tone she used to greet me. She eyed me up and down, not knowing if it was too good to be true. If her mind was making up games to tear her down all over again.

“Hi, Baby.” The tears clouded my vision, a lump growing in my throat so great that it came out a gravely whimper.

Arms wrapped tightly around my body, her cheek nestling into the crook of my neck. She could’ve knocked me back, if it wasn’t for the good footing I had on our front steps. Even if we fell and I bled out, at least I was back with my love.

And as my shirt became soaked in her happy tears and her hair growing wet from the ones that managed to escape my eyes, I could only think of one thing. Only one thought that replayed the entire journey home. The one thing I wanted so badly since the realization dawned on me.

I just want to love you.

———————————————————————-

I’m so sorry this is soooo messy 😦😦😦

I had the thought and just had to write abt it ASAP so I wouldn’t lose it. I might redo it later!!

[spencer-sweets]

Marvel Fic Recs | Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier

so.. i never watched these movies as they came out.. seeing as the first was released 5 years before i was born. i also kind of had a strange loyalty to the mcu for most of my adolescence that made me not watch the fox films except deadpool. well, when i first took my baby steps into this side of the fandom after dp&w, i was introduced to this pairing. at first i saw the merits of it and shipped it tangentially. like i wasn't seeking out cherik fics but in my mind it may as well have been canon and i didn't put much thought into it. then the edits on tiktok indoctrinated me into watching the rest of the movies and now here we are.

[this rec list is incomplete and will be updated as I find more fics I enjoy - last update 12/21/24]

given back, but not to keep by etharei (LJ) Explicit 5,014 It starts one morning when, walking down a hallway during a lull between lessons, Erik comments casually to Charles, "Don't forget to train yourself too." Warning: mention of non-con fantasy

a fun and smutty exploration into charles' powers. i feel like there is often not enough credit given to how powerful he is, and often erik seems to treat charles' telepathy with disdain compared to other mutations - not in this fic! yummy telepathy sex ftw.

If This Isn't A Kingdom by Jeeps (Dreamwidth) Adult (Explicit) 7,105 [Charles teaches Erik to Dance]

a short and sweet smut fic.

Iolaus by clarasteam for Kalypso (ao3) Mature 9 465 He calls Erik my friend and the words resonate with a meaning only Charles can hear. There's a dangerous pleasure in it, that hidden meaning he longs to be able to share with Erik. Maybe one day, or one night, he'll find a way to tell him. But time is running out and he hasn't done it yet.

such an amazing fic for how short it is. this fic really touches of the homophobia of the mid-1900's in ways that i findbare often ignored in cherik fics. charles comes to terms with his feelings for erik during xmfc with his memories of his queer friend at oxford (who was in love with charles) it was beautifully written and is definitely worth the read - coming from someone who doesn't typically like oc's in fics.

The One About The Turtleneck by zamwessell (LJ) NC-17 (Explicit) 10,543 Charles decides to borrow one of Erik's turtlenecks. Things quickly get out of hand.

cute and fluffy and set at westchester during xmfc. i also really loved the interactions with the rest of the characters in this fic.

Been There, Done That by As You Wish (ao3) Mature 10,722 Erik Lehnsherr is stuck re-living the same day over and over again. A day that just so happens to be the day he and Charles Xavier took a handful of mutants to Cuba to stop a war.

i listened to this in PODFIC format, read by the marvelous Litra

so this is a time loop fic and one that takes the trope and makes it very useful. its a beach divorce time loop, but it does something i don't see often in these and makes it clear neither charles nor erik want what would be the best outcome. it's great and a fun take on the trope.

By my Side by MacandLacy (ao3) Teen+ 11,444 Erik comes back for Charles, three weeks after the events of Cuba.

so this ones on the shorter side of the fics i tend to enjoy and i would have wholeheartedly loved a hundred thousand more words of this. erik kidnaps charles from the hospital post-xmfc and helps to rehabilitate charles after his paralysis. it feels like a slow burn but rather than watching it in real time we are just watching a timelapse - glimpses over time as to how they come to trust each other again.

First Time For Everything by sunshineofthespotlessmind (FF.Net) Teen 14,000 When your life is a constant quest for revenge, you don't have time for the little things- so now, with the help of our favourite telepath, Erik discovers ice cream, among other things. Slash & totally fluffy, but I couldn't help it.

erik experiencing things for the first time while living at westchester during xmfc. its short and fluffy and was fun to read.

Another Way by glacis (ao3) Not Rated 14,863 Another way it might have gone, if Charles had found the right words, and Erik had listened.

if only charles and erik were a little bit more grey in their moralities - erik a little lighter and charles a little darker. a short glance into what it might have been like if only they could stay on the same side in xmfc.

Time to Grow by zarah5 (ao3) (Restricted) Mature 20,964 In which you'll find chess dates which aren't dates (or maybe Charles is wrong about that). -- Based on First Class, this turns (slightly) AU during the beach scene.

this one was really interesting. charles isn't paralyzed in this one (if that's an issue for you) but the story is set post-xmfc and is the two of them slowly reconnecting. it was really good and i really enjoyed the way the author let them grow as characters and their dynamic grow in ways that felt realistic.

it's like one of us woke up by kaydeefalls (ao3) 25 293 "You came here for me," Charles said, meeting Shaw's gaze levelly. "So let's not waste any more time." Canon!AU in which Charles and Erik do find Shaw in Russia.

this was an interesting exploration of a what if! for xmfc and it has some x men we didn't see in the movie in it

Five Nights In Nuremberg by FuryRed (ao3) Explicit 26,138 When Charles escapes from the mutant prison he has been held in for the last two years, he knows that he’s going to need help to avoid being recaptured. What he doesn’t expect is that help will come in the form of a mysterious German man who rescues Charles and takes him to his home; a handsome stranger who, frustratingly, doesn’t speak a single word of English…

so this was the first fic i ever read for this ship in its entirety, and it held me in a vice grip. i listened to it while camo grinding for cod multiplayer, and i was so enamored by this story i had to turn off my game because i kept dying.

if you have ever seen one of my fic recs before, you might be aware i don't typically like au fics. often, i find myself frustrated because i feel like if it's possible for me to change the names of the characters and a few aspects of the story around and see it published as its own work - it's not really a fanfic in my mind. at that point, it's original fiction that takes inspiration from a character or dynamic from another piece of media. which is fine!! no shade to those who like it but when i'm in the mood for fanfiction, i want to explore these characters and the world they live in more vividly than the source material and if i wanted an original story i'd go to the library.

yeah, so this is an exception. every once in a while, i stumble across an au that explores the world and characters so well that it overrides that rule. it's rare, but it happens, and this is one of them. i love it. this fic awakened something deep within me and held me hostage until it was over. dear god, this fic was hot, and it was such a beautiful exploration into their dynamic in a world adjacent to the x men. marvelous. this fic has earned a spot alongside some 300,000 word fanfictions in my top 10 greatest fanfictions of all time

Lucid Dreaming by listerinezero (ao3) Mature 28 537 Magneto finds himself in 1962, on the morning they go to Cuba, in the bed of the young Charles who'd spent months letting him think they were in love before breaking his heart. But he is not the same man he was forty years earlier, and as he gets to know young Charles again, he discovers that things might not have been exactly the way he remembered them after all.

this is on pretty much everyones rec lists and its for good reason. theres another fic thats highly recomended in this fandom where charles travels back in time that i personally didn't enjoy but i loved this one. flops between the perspectives of both versions of erik as he encounters a world that could have been his own.

Blood and Steel and Miles Between by dreamlittleyo (ao3) Explicit 29 464 (Post-movie AU.) On a beach in Cuba, Charles manages to talk Erik down from the edge. But even after the missiles have been diverted, compromise is impossible. There are two different futures to build, and Erik and Charles will always be separated by their principles. But when Charles is kidnapped and the X-Men can't find him, Erik will get him back no matter the consequences. Meanwhile, trapped alone in his mind for the first time in his life, Charles comes face to face with the truth about what and who he wants. When convictions stand in direct opposition to the heart, which will prevail?

ugh this one is bittersweet to me. protective!erik my heart. they both clearly love each other so much but neither can compromise their trust or their ideals.

Shout it Out Loud by dreamlittleyo (ao3) Explicit 30,403 (Movie-Concurrent AU.) When Charles forges a telepathic link between himself and Erik, the two men find themselves bound together by more than just destiny. With the world on the brink of war, Charles and Erik struggle to cope with a psychic connection that may well be permanent.

so this is essentially xmfc retold with the addition of charles and erik having a telepathic bond. charles feels guilty about it and erik is more resigned to it.

What the Future brings by Nera_Solani (ao3) Mature 30,442 If you could change the future, would you do it? If you knew something was about to go wrong, would you try to prevent it? If you could change anything you wanted, would you fix things, or make them worse? If you could see every possible future, which one would you choose and would you be brave enough to make the required changes? Time is a fragile concept, you never know what a tiny change can lead to, but if you could see it all, if you knew exactly what needed to happen or not to get a certain outcome, what would you do? There’s one mutant, only one, who can do exactly that and she already knows what needs to be changed. For the greater good and for the good of two stubborn men who don’t even know she exists. Yet. Or: The one in which Erik keeps dreaming about Cuba until it actually happens

an interesting take on the timeloop genre - a mutant with the ability to see all possible futures visits erik in his dreams to let him play out the events of cuba over and over until it happens. compared to Been There Done That, this one felt a lot softer and fluffier. It has its sad moments but overall its a sweet story. felt slightly ooc at times but i didn't mind.

If You Loved Me by frau_kali, spaceAltie (ao3) Mature 32,535 Canon divergent AU set before DoFP. Having escaped from prison, Erik returns to the mansion to find Charles at his lowest point, and is confronted with the guilt of what his actions in Cuba did to his friend, and the contempt he feels at Charles for giving up as much as he has.

this fic felt very realistic as to how they might feel between xmfc and dofp - this one has a very bittersweet ending but honestly it made sense given how little they were willing to compromise. felt very in character especially with how erik felt about charles throughout the story and his urge to help him get sober from the serum.

For I Mean to Conquer Troy by twelve_pastels (ao3) Mature 34,570 Set one year post movie, Charles overloads himself in Cerebro, and his mind goes walkabout; wherever he is (and he’s around), it’s not in his body. Erik temporarily takes over the school in his absence, and finds that there’s little time for resentment or hatred when he’s busy organizing assigned reading for English lit, keeping the youngest children out of trouble, and trying to talk Raven into wearing clothing for the boys’ sake. Somewhere in between taking responsibility for the students and dreaming Charles’ dreams every night, he manages to remember that he’s something rather more than a weapon. In other words: A Love Story between two Gentlemen, told in Prose, Epistles, and Nonsense Rhymes.

so this fic doesn't have a whole lot of charles in it considering he's kind of in a coma the whole time. but erik gets to run the school and becomes attached to the students, plus his free time and his ability to see charles' nightmares leads him to realize how much he loves charles and how much he wants to stay at the school.

Arms I'd Never Use by alby_mangroves, anselm0 (ao3) Explicit 35,759 “We’re both disasters,” Erik states quietly. “In all likelihood, this will end in disaster.” “You love me,” Charles says simply, “as much as I love you. That has to count for something.” It doesn't end on the beach in Cuba, but that doesn't mean it's going to be easy as Erik tries to repair his relationship with Charles.

this one was great! an xmfc fix it fic where erik stays after cuba. it also has phenomenal art attached throughout the story.

When an Unstoppable Force Meets an Immovable Optimist by ToriTC198 (ao3) Teen+ 53,323 "You are always trying to save me, Charles." Erik mused aloud. "Ever since you dove into the ocean and dragged me out. Did it ever occur to you that I might not be worth saving?" A genuine smile broke out on Charles' face as he brightly answered, "No, my friend, not once. I have every confidence you are well worth saving. But, I never truly believed I could save you. You are not the sort of man who someone saves. The choice to be a better man has always been yours to make and I hold no illusions that I can make that decision for you. I simply have faith that one day you will save yourself. I only hope I am still at your side to witness it." - What if Erik and Charles had been able to find a middle ground in the end?

a retelling of xmfc that expands on charles and eriks relationship througout the story and how it may have changed what happened in cuba.

lay down beside me (so still and so soft) by TakePenAndInk (a03) (Restricted) Mature 53,534 A different take on the events of the film.

so i was initially hesitant to read this because of the vague description but i wound up really enjoying it. this really focused on erik's trauma prior to xmfc. its also very explicit in its sex scenes - with erik not wanting charles to see his scars. its an interesting exploration of eriks character and what he hides - and it has a happier ending than the movie.

Thou Shalt Not Eat Stones by valancysnaith (ao3) Not Rated (Mature) 77,422 Two months after Washington, Raven found Erik in a skeevy motel off the Florida interstate. “They have Charles, Erik,” she said. The bedframe shrieked. In the bathroom, the showerhead snapped in half and clattered into the tub.

ooof. this one made me have a bit of a crisis. so sometimes when i read fanfic and there's a lot of whump of an existential or philosophical nature i wind up going "if i were _ i'd just kms".

well, if i were charles i'd just kms.

anyways, great whump and comfort that doesn't compromise the integrity of their characters and gives them a deeply nuanced and three-dimensional feel. technically, dark!charles but more so an exploration into/an interpretation of his motives for pacifism and the extent of his powers.

Through the Barricades, Cross the Lines, Dance Upon the Streets by starandrea (ao3) Mature 118,141 Erik and Charles learned to live without each other once. It's harder the second time--so before they even discuss it, they've decided not to try. (Erik accidentally moves into the mansion without anyone but Charles noticing for days. He may be the first to return, but he won't be the last.) Erik spent nine years in a prison without metal. Charles spent three years cut off from any thoughts but his own. As they recover their powers, they try to rekindle their relationship, but the world won’t wait for them to catch up. (The government is entirely too interested in Charles even before the X institute officially reopens. Charles and Erik spend a lot of time talking about their feelings while Hank runs the school.) Charles may be a visionary, and Erik is a force of nature, but their plans are alarmingly short-sighted and their organizational skills are nonexistent. It’s up to the teachers at Xavier’s to keep Icarus aloft, or they’re all going to have a hell of a view for the end of the world.

so omg. these are three fics that are a part of a 4 part series. i'll admit i haven't read the last one but only because i have a feeling its set in the same world but there is a time skip unlike the other three so i haven't found the motivation for finishing it. however, i can attest to the greatness of the first three. it has pretty much everything i like in it - fictional politics, erik and charles learning to compromise, post-dofp. there are so many side characters in this and even if they aren't perfectly fleshed out they are always great. ugh so good. this shit is my bread and butter of fics.

its set dofp and it really does give credence to the level of power charles holds. this author's writing style is great for this, the dialogue, the writing for scenes really does convey what the characters are feeling. sometimes its messy and there are a lot of set-backs within the story but honestly its worth the read if not just for how well crafted it all is. if "by my side" felt like glimpses into them growing together like a timelapse this felt damn close to real time.

All Along the Watchtower, Education or Why Cerebro was Built by Hippies by NezumiPi (FF.Net) Teen+ (I would rate it Explicit) 133,595 A series of vignettes expanding the story of the First Class movie, largely exploring Charles' attempt to "help" Erik. A sequel to All Along the Watchtower beginning 4 months after the Cuban Missile Crisis. Can you fight a war and build a school at the same time? Charles and Erik struggle with compromise, practicality, and drug enforcement policies.

don't let the author's descriptions of these fics turn you off - i thoroughly enjoyed reading both. the first is a retelling of xmfc with some added scenes but i think they do a marvelous job at making the world feel real. it explores the perspectives of some of the other characters from xmfc like sean, hank, and alex as well. the author did an amazing job of making erik feel like a deeply traumatized man and charles a complex character. the sequel continues this. the author did a lot of work in writing this fic outside of putting words down - its clear they did a lot of research on the holocaust, paralysis, and social issues of the 1960's. ive seen some criticize that these fics kind of jump and have some flimsiness in their plot and pacing but i thought it made the fics feel very real. to me it makes perfect sense to explore side stories that may not have an overwhelming importance on the plot because in real life the world doesn't wait for plot progression. it was an amazing read.

Dark Flowers (by Niphrehdil) by AliceAngel (ao3) (Restricted) Teen+ (I would rate it Mature or Explicit) 183,423 When Charles is captured by a secret organization and used as a weapon for searching and destroying other mutants, Erik has to go after and save him. Erik keeps telling himself he does it only for the mutant kind. At least until he finds Charles.

this fic is rather dark. fair warning there. but, if you can look past some of the glaring grammatical issues - this is one of the best pieces of fiction i've found in a while. it was dark and it made me feel sick to my stomach at some times but there was a lot of comfort to balance out the hurt. it felt insanely in character and it felt like a very well thought out dynamic between charles and erik and it feels very believable. if you like side characters or really fun stories this isn't for you but its an amazing story, it made me feel viscerally sick at times, cry, laugh out loud - the writing is wonderful and beautifully conveys erik's feelings.

originally posted: 12/3/24

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Thinking about Gale Dekarios as a Dad

A/N: Is this self indulgent? Yes, but we're on the cringe website, so who cares. As always thanks to @leighsartworks216 for letting me ramble.

So first things first, this is more centered around my thoughts about Gale becoming a father to my Single Mom!Tav's (Gwen) daughter Clara and eventually their daughter Morgan. But, I think this can apply to Gale being a father in general

Just imagine Gale getting hit with the triple whammy on not only does he want to live, not only is he more than willing to remain a mortal man in order to be with Gwen, but doing so also means he has a new responsibility of being a father to Clara

Once Gale decides he's going to do something, he does not half ass it

He may not be confident in his ability as a father, but damn it he's going to try

Queue him finding every book on parenting he can and going to Gwen constantly for advice (and assurance he's not completely fucking this up)

He, of course, ends up having to throw most of it out since Gwen was 100% right and most of it is just improvisation, but he did need some base for security

I personally headcanon that his father wasn't in the picture so he doesn't exactly have an example of what a good father looks like

While to do think Gale would still teach in Waterdeep, that man is using a dimension door to get to class because he's moving in with Gwen and Clara

Clara has her own friends and a small community Gwen found when she was first on her own raising her; this is more about just Gale and Gwen being together, it's about them being a family, so not forcing Clara to move is a part of it

Once things are more secure between the three of them they may move, but not for a while (or even after Morgan is born)

Any way you slice it, Gale and Clara get time to bond before he and Gwen walk down the isle

Clara is a very curious kid and the type come home with whatever frogs or cool sticks she found, her boots caked in mud and twigs in her hair

Gale absolutely encourages her and gives her books on essentially any subject she's even mildly interested in

Gwen has walked in more than once to the pair of them info dumping to each other in a continuous loop until interrupted by dinner and even then food won't stop Clara

Teachers quickly discovered that calling in Gale when Clara lands herself in trouble is also a very bad idea

Gale: I expressed an opinion. Clara is a very curious young girl and I don’t think it’s too much to ask a teacher to encourage that curiosity. Teacher: She also happened to be in grade six and certain questions are inappropriate for such a setting. Gale: The subject of undead, although taboo, is still a valid school of study if one approaches it with care. Teacher: Asking how long it takes for a body to rot to the point it can no longer be resurrected is not something an eleven year old should be asking!

Experiments in the kitchen! (with proper safety equipment of course)

Gale learning how to do Clara's hair because Gwen can't always be there to do it

Gale telling stories and illustrating them with minor illusions so sometimes Clara ends up more hyped up at bedtime than she should be

Even when she gets too old for bedtime stories, she slips into Morgan's room to listen to her dad

Also Gale totally gets a dad bod the longer he settles into domesticity and nobody (especially Gwen) is complaining about it

Honestly the first word Clara and Morgan think of when describing their dad is soft

For all his wizard prowess and verbosity, what he is first to them is their dad; the person with the soothing voice, kind eyes and comforting hugs

Morgan especially when she's little just clings to him

She seems to like his voice and he even sings to her on occasion; nothing concert worthy, but some broken lullaby his mother used to sing to him

Honestly now having children of his own, he has a new appreciating for both Gwen and his mother doing all this on their own

But back to Morgan for a moment; Gale is absolutely the type of person to have a full on conversation with a baby and respond to every babble with "yes you make an excellent point"

She end up with a very extensive vocabulary for a toddler

Gale can't wait until she can hold a proper conversation, if there is one thing Gale loves, it's talking to his kids

There's a moment where he’s in bed with Gwen and the girls sleeping between them, and he takes a moment to just soak it all in. It’s so much more than he thought his life would have been. 

Even before the orb, he spent so much time chasing after his own ambition.

When Mystra came to him, he still wanted more, willing to abandon the material plane entirely, and for what? To sit at the feet of a goddess who could never truly care for him? To become a god himself? He’s almost ashamed at himself for ever wishing for those things in the first place. For wishing he could be something so cold and distant all for the sake of a power he could claim no use for except to prove that he could. 

Morgan curls herself a little closer to him while Clara takes up the center of the bed, her still growing limbs just as tangled as her hair. He lets out a soft chuckle, giving Morgan a reassuring rub on her back and she settles back down. Gwen is just as much a mess as Clara. He can just spit a little bit of drool coming out of her mouth. Still she manages to keep an arm across her eldest, keeping her close even in sleep.

How could any power be worth more than this? What higher purpose could he have than to make sure his family is safe and loved?

I've got more stuff about Gale being a dad if you're curious (and Astarion being an uncle). Send me an ask if you want to read more! I've got a ton of stuff!

[bright-thehawksflight]

I was tagged by my lovely friend @mlem-wooloowoo to do a thing! Thanks!

List 5 songs you like to listen to then tag some folks to play along!

1. Vienna by Billy Joel. Very relatable, very comforting, it got me through some pretty stressful times back in uni. Sometimes you just need a soft piano and a warm voice reminding you that It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two.

2. Cirano by Francesco Guccini, especially the live version bc it conveys so much emotion. As for why, well, I'm a Cyrano girlie, no surprise there. Fave lyrics: le verità cercate / per terra, da maiali, / tenetevi le ghiande / lasciatemi le ali and that last Per sempre tuo, per sempre tuo, per sempre tuo that gives me shivers every single time.

3. L'espantaocells by El Pony Pisador. The first time I heard it my phone looped it automatically and it triggered my tavern wench reflex so bad I woke up an hour later having done all my chores. The fact that I do not understand the lyrics probably adds to the hypnotic effect. As we way back home, provare per credere.

4. Lucky by Donna Murphy. Once you get past the cognitive dissonance of hearing Mother Gothel sing a genuinely sweet, longing lullaby, it's great! Fave lyrics: Lucky / the people who have you / in their lives / to kiss goodnight / to wake with the light / I hope those people realize / they're lucky.

5. Inkpot Gods by The Amazing Devil. This is just an all-around great song, it packs power both in the sound and in the lyrics, it might punch you straight in the soul and/or give you a nice warm hug and tell you you've got this. Fave lyrics: And what you see is not the dark / it's just the gods upturning inkpots / cause they know what you'll become and the ever-impactful, ever-relatable Cause I'm more than what my mum told me to be.

This was surprisingly difficult but a lot of fun! I'm tagging @ninadove @flussoperpetuo @set-wingedwarrior @mayjuvac @mayapleiades @purple-hades and anyone else who feels like playing along (in which case do tag me, I love discovering new music!)

[theinstagrahame]

One of the best things about Crowdfunding is, stuff arrives even when you're cutting way back on spending. A *ton* of stuff arrived in the last month and a bit. Got a bunch of really neat projects in, and it's time to get hype about it!

Why these games rule, under the cut

The Revenant Society: Banana Chan is one of those names that immediately catches my attention when she's on a project. Actually, looking at the list again, the team for this game was stacked, it was a real All-Star Cast. But like, even without the powerhouse designers on the case, this just gets all the things I want in a game: Time loops, murder mysteries, trapped on the Underground. A PbtA game where you solve your own murder is, y'know, a pitch that'll attract my attention.

Hellwhalers: I saw this game coming up through design phases in the Plus One Exp Discord, and it sounded incredible. Using tokens and an old ship betting game, you're part of a whaling crew chasing Moby Dick into actual hell. Maybe Ahab wasn't crazy after all, and maybe we won't survive.

Xenolanguage: I might own everything Thorny Games makes now, because they make games about language. Folks who may not know me might not know that I *love* linquistics. Honestly, if I could repeat college, I'd put more of my time into Linguistics. But due to the linear nature of time, I'll settle for playing games about decoding alien language in a first contact situation. Sorta like that movie Contact. Which, I loved.

Mothership and Desert Moons of Karth: I read through the original version of Mothership a couple of years ago, and it's one I wanted to get more into. When I saw that there was a chance to pick up the full 1e boxset on KS, I jumped. I've also seen tons of people talk about Karth as a really awesome sandbox module for the system, so when I had a little cash on DTRPG from selling books, it was an easy pickup.

Inscrutable Cities: Possum Creek Games told me to back this, so I did (this is a joke, but I do love PCG a whole lot). In reality, I saw Inscrutable Cities on Itch a while ago, and the pitch grabbed me. I love reading solo journaling games (I still haven't found a way I like to play them, if I'm completely honest, but they're really neat reads). Walking through an impossible city is something I'd love to do, so, I have the book for it now.

Reap: Spencer Cambell makes bangers, and bangers only. I'm not *not* on a mission to collect all of his work, but Necromancers? Solo tactical board games, built on Rune? Sure. I'm in.

Luna: Spencer Campbell makes bangers, and bangers only. I also picked up another of his books this month. The Nova universe? Moon cultists trying to destroy the sun? Sure, I'm in.

3 Moonlight on Roseville Beach zines: I played Moonlight on Roseville Beach on my now-defunct podcast, and it's a game that I honestly think about a lot. The dice system was complicated, but in a really neat way that gave the players a ton of really interesting decisions with every roll. What part of my action succeeds? What kinds of complications am I opening myself to?

Anyway, R. Rook put together some characters, mysteries, and monsters for the game, and I really wanted to explore more.

Hiria, In the Margins, A Visit to San Sibilia: I mentioned earlier that I like the notion of exploring weird cities, right? Well, here's two games about that, and a cool bookmark RPG for reading. I listened to San Sibilia played in an episode of Friends at the Table, and it really captured my attention. The questions were fascinating, and they let the players flesh out a city we'd only heard of, but not seen prior to that game. It was a cool coda on a really fantastic and weird season, Sangfielle.

Grandmothership: The title alone had me, but Armanda Haller is a creator I keep an eye on, because she makes really rad stuff. This caught my attention because solving mysteries in a weird, Mothership-esque sci-fi setting, as nosy grandmothers, really just, gets me. I want to do that. I want to live that.

Holdfast Station: I've been watching Stonetop develop through its email updates. It's another PbtA game, but with a robust city-building and city development core loop that, is 100% my jam. (Low-key, one of my favorite games is Dragon Quest Builders 2.) This game takes that concept to space, which is 1000% my jam, in fact.

Spectres of Brocken: Aaron Lim is a designer I got into early on in my foray into games, and I do love Mech Anime. I am eager to see his take on Mech Anime, and I am really intrigued by the way this game handles playsets and worldbuilding as part of the game itself. Really can't wait to dive into this.

Lay on Hands: This is another of those games I've heard about, but never actually checked out. I know Alfred Valley better by reputation than by direct experience, but this is one of those games I hear people constantly telling people to check out. So, I'm gonna!

Penumbra City: Maybe 5 years ago, I read a novella by Margaret Killjoy about anarchists living in an abandoned city, and beset by assholes within their community, and supernatural horrors from without. The world kinda stuck with me, so when I saw she was working on an RPG not in the same world), I was curious to see what that would look like. I haven't cracked Penumbra City open yet, but I'm jazzed to do so.

These two fell off the pile for the big photo, so I forgot:

Deathmatch Island: I enjoyed the Hunger Games and Battle Royale movies a pretty moderate amount, but what really caught my attention here was the promise that players could also break the Reality TV Parody. The use of the Paragon system also caught my attention. After hearing one AP of Agon, I really wanted to see how that would translate into this, and it didn't take me too long reading it to go "Oh, okay, this rules."

Our God is Dead: What if you were a paladin or priest of a faith, and you found out your god was dead? What if you also had like, a bunch of people who really needed that god not to be dead, like this weekend? This sounds hilarious, and I am going to insert it into conversation often to see if people want to play it. Apologies to people who know me.

Eagle eyed viewers may have noticed a second Mothership box. What's that about?

It's a storage box for all my Mothership Zines so far... Except the two that are just slightly too big!

And, some fun comics/graphic novels:

Good Boy Paws: A friend of mine in comics put this together, and it looked extremely cute. A sweet tale of a good boi.

Wine Ghost Goes to Hell: Picked this up because the creator had contributed to Bugsnax, which is a game I enjoyed, and the concept seemed fun. Will have to check it out and report back!

[kragehund-est]

hey, not to make this your problem, but my adhd is kicking my ass. what systems do you use that work for you?

here are some of the things i use to help myself. everyone's different though, so see what works for you. @ anyone else, feel free to chime in with what you do.

study/work:

do NOT have your phone in the vicinity, and also put it on do not disturb.

dedicate a clear space to work in, don't do other things in that space.

set a timer for 25 min and study til it runs out. take a 5 min break. repeat 3 times. then take a 40 min break. (pomodoro technique) plan ahead of time what will happen in each of those time slots.

it's fine to fidget or doodle, but do a periodic check that that's not becoming your main focus. i use a grip strengthener because i don't have to look at it to use it.

if you listen to music, either set a playlist or accept whatever music comes on. if a song you dont like comes on, simply accept it and let it pass. DON'T PICK UP YOUR PHONE TO CHANGE IT.

if you find your mind drifting while you're studying/working, don't stay in the same place, get up. get a glass of water, stretch, get a snack, whatever. come back once you feel you can focus better.

memory:

a lot of people will tell you to set up a morning/nightime routine. instead of putting in steps like 1. brush teeth 2. take meds, etc., my routine is to force myself to walk along a predetermined path in my house. it's much easier to remember to do things when i SEE them

if you have something you misplace often, like you wallet or keys, give it a home. i have a little box on a table by my door.

if you have to remember to bring something with you (like a backpack, gym bag, or gift for a friend), place it directly in front of the door. you cannot leave without looking at that thing.

also, you can get carabiners and clip things together. i used to always forget my water bottle. well now i physcially cannot do that because i clipped my car keys to it.

write things down! "nahh i'll just remember it" <- no you will not. bring a notepad and pen.

in that same vein, don't put anything off when it takes two seconds. pay for something with your card? immediately afterwards put the card back in your wallet, lest you drop it in your pocket and then forget it there when you wear different clothes the next day.

i have a huge whiteboard in my living room that has my calendar and my to-do list.

on my calendar, i put not only the event, not only the TIME of the event, but also i include the time i need to leave in order to arrive on time, and list anything i need to bring with me.

the to-do list has completion times and priority level next to it. i will NOT start a low priority 40 min project when i have high priority 5 min project. even if the 5 min one sucks.

general tips:

everyone with adhd knows routine is important, but if you find part of a routine difficult, find the root issue and adjust it. problem: i take too long to get dressed in the morning. cause: too tired to make a decision, uncoordinated because of sleepiness. solution: lay your clothes out and loop your belt through belt loops *before bed* so you don't have to do it half asleep

don't mix stimulants. caffeine or adderall alone: cool. caffeine and adderall mixed: twitchy sociopath behaviors and shaky hands.

don't worry about maintaining "normalcy", if something works for you, do it.

limit phone use, especially short form media like reels. it has been proven to both induce and worsen adhd-like symptoms.

i know this is cringe but maintain your physical health. exercise, sleep well, drink water, eat balanced meals.

[vnyverse]

can i request for newjeans x reader when their s/o is smart, has a cute eyesmile with dimples, a hopeless romantic, probably a nerdy partner whose very mature? thank you!

a/n: not writing for my kiddo hyein! might add platonic hyein on a later date

Anon.. are u insinuating you’re all of the above? Dimples? Cute eyesmile? Nerdy? Smart? You’re mighty fine.

Minji

Have you seen how she reacts when Hanni initiates skinship with her? Not the most touchy person, me thinks, but would love to hold you close regardless, preferably looping your hands around each others’ when reading or in the car ( because she wants to appear calm and collected, she would not be able to concentrate if u pull out surprise kisses)

Quick reflexes- the sort that catches you when you fall, catches your phone mid air when it falls, puts a hand around sharp corners of furniture you’re around

Would totally handle a dramatic or even awkward s/o well, have you seen the girls she lives with…

Would find you endearing if you’re too shy to make the first move, and would totally entertain you if you turn out to be very expressive

Eye Smile(s) on 3..2..1..

Both minji and your smiles would emanate so much light, she thinks your eye smile is very endearing, would probably take a polaroid to keep the memory fresh and lovely for when she needs it

Would be so excited she has her own set of dimples to poke-(not on her face but yours), would be such a curious girl, always wanting to touch it or would very unlike herself, doing something dumb to make you smile and show your dimples to her

I actually think minji has a jealous streak.. If she sees you, albeit jokingly, acting out romantic tv lines with another member, she’d not want to show her jealousy, but it wouldn’t take long for you to find out 

She appreciates emotional maturity, intellectual depth

In essence, she’s appreciative of how you take care of her when she is willing to be vulnerable around you

You know when she wants to talk, you’re mature enough to listen to whatever she has to talk about without laughing, she would genuinely want to just get it over and done with when talking about what upsets her, would not want to ruminate on negative thoughts

I would think intellectually stimulating conversations about whatever subject matter would be something she genuinely values 

She likes when you can hold your ground, support your argument by reasoning well, that you aren’t easily influenced by groundless assumptions. 

She’d love to have these conversations with her members as well, but I think with how hard she can be on herself it may lead to the result of her members overthinking, so she turns to you. 

Academic rivals turned friends could very well be possible here with how competitive she is..

May have expounded more on intellect because that’s what I like as well hehe

Hanni 

The dynamic I see would totes be failing student x top student here 

I see her as not a dumb student, but one that procrastinates a lot and flips through a page or two of her books before the exam

Doing revision with her while you focus on grading her work and she focuses on the dimples that show even when you frown, giggles

The sort to get you kicked out of the library on accident 

She would be so proud of you when grade rankings are made public to the entire school and you always place number one

“MY Y/N GOT FIRST PLACE AGAIN”

Would tell everyone and their mama about it

Will melt when she sees you, a student from another discipline, taking up extra classes or doing research to be able to coach her on a paper to save her grade.

Grateful towards you that you give in to her requests and shelter her even if you know you don’t have to, even if you’re happy to

Getting her snacks, giving her your sweaters even when you’re cold, pretending you’re not affected by the a/c blasting cold air onto you during study dates

Probably has you geeking out over something as her chat wallpaper unbeknownst to you 

Random, but asks you to hold 423 things for her because she loses her things easily, yet you know where every single item is

Hopeless romantic x hopeless romantic, thing one and thing two

Ice cream dates

You’d suggest a cafe and ask her come along to try out a new flavour, she’d probably eat so messily yet not bring along tissues and you’d have to use a handkerchief to wipe off the ice cream that found it way to her cheek, while she looks at you with those eyes 

Likes your eye smile so much, if it’s not only reserved for her she might lowkey pretend to be upset about it 

HATES IT when she sees you outright being taken advantage of.

You being you take it to the next level by writing notes for other students in class to aid their understanding yet they don’t take you seriously and continue asking for your help at times, being very confusing 

You’d have to hold her back from beating up every single one of them, and she would be so angry on your behalf yet cherish you even more because of how unconditionally kind you are

Use your big brain to your advantage, engage with her when she rambles on about what she overthinks about, yet guide her to focus her energy on self improvement rather than self blame, if any

Danielle

Sunshine and sunshine protector, nothing else

Miss Danielle loves listening and sharing her little observations, so her partner having so much knowledge would be so attractive, she knows she can rely on you if she wants to find out more about her topic of interest.

Hear me out here…

She would probably make a powerpoint about your subject of interest on special days, and try to learn about what you like, but get a fact or two wrong but you’d be so encouraged by her efforts. 

Being brought up to be very loving, Dani would be comfortable expressing her cheeky side with you.. Ever seen her as a kid? Lowkey chaotic

So it's no surprise if she knits you something, you wear it for important events, even if it sounds cringe, for competitions and all that.

Theatre kid Dani will not let you be a hopeless romantic on your own, you have my word

I would think she know how to ground herself, enjoy alone time, but when she misses you or wants you around she lets you know upfront, very communicative 

She may be young and has lots to learn, but she’s very humble and earnest in wanting to grow with you

She wouldn’t be afraid of communicating across her anxieties with growing up, hate, or even when there are disputes within the members, partly because she knows you can be trusted, and you always manage to comfort her

Nothing but continual praises for your dimples on Phoning, will probably ask you to show her your dimples 4323 times a day, has a picture of you everyday with an eye smile, so many she could probably make a calendar out of it, but you’d do anything she asks

Will turn into a ball of mush if you make sudden eye contact with her and show that glorious eye smile of yours

Haerin

Quiet kid haerin x nerd that is so cute cmon

She would probably be dozing off in class, and when she gets called to answer a question she freezes

You jump to her rescue by pointing out that there’s a flaw in the question and sit down immediately

Her eyes become glued to you for the rest of the day, while you tell yourself you must be dreaming when you feel a pair of feline eyes on you 

“Cute” she thinks when she sees your eye smile after seeing a big red 100 on your script, not knowing she says it out loud, she wonders why you’re turning so red and is currently using your script to cover your face. 

Excuse me as I digress but…

VANESSA KANG x nerd (hmmm stuco treasurer and stuco secretary in an elite school)

I pulled this out my ass but might end up writing a whole fic for it

Only started talking because they are the admin backbones of stuco, and eventually it blooms into a r/s

Your positions were always thought to be background work, but in reality you have to plan so much and bear the brunt of the teachers’ wrath when something unexpected happens and the school’s reputation is at stake

Many many breakdowns and restless nights ensued, and late night calls between the two of you to plan out school events took place

Though you two were not the most sociable, your eye smile was pretty lethal, and she fell for it as well

She may or may not have given in to her intrusive thoughts one day, and reached out to poke your cheek because she though it looked so soft it’d feel like bread dough

You found it utterly adorable, and her little actions always seemed to be so subtle yet eye catching to you

You could live with not watching hunks play basketball during recess but you couldn’t miss haerin’s escapades to the nearby park during break, in fact, you’d probably accompany her

Tying her laces, afraid she falls

Letting her doodle all over your notes and joining her with coming up with ridiculous names for the doodles

The sort of couple that will name a cat dog and a dog cat.

I honestly think that haerin has her own way of feeling out whether or not someone is a good match for her, and that is how they can manage to be on the same linguistic wavelength; how they can reciprocate with her energy and how spontaneous they can become. Hence, I didnt really focus on physical traits so much with haerin, and I think the same goes with Danielle.

[bentosandbox]

Lappy fancam animatic blogging/production notes

now that wolfgirlyaoi is out on global its rambling time about my powerpoint presentation

Concept

Originally I wanted to do an (Tex & Lapp) animatic with the boss theme (broken wall/Signore dei Lupi .mp3) ever since the event dropped but I thought 1) by the time I finished anything someone else would have probably already done it first (lol, lmao even) 2) I remembered the song exists and how much i looped it then while listening to the group's new album drop and thought the lyrics fit Lapp a little too well and also doesn't end abruptly like the boss theme + was shorter so yea

initial stickman storyboard where i put down the lyrics with event dialogue/happenings that i felt would fit nicely together > hastily scribble the images that form in my head

storyboards were basically what i wanted to see (same rule as my comics) lol especially if they weren't shown in the event CGs, eg. there's a CG of the truck crashing into the courtroom so I didn't do that but they didn't mention her physical acting in that scene + the song I used has a bow/salute at that exact part in their live choreo with the very similar line so I wanted to do a homage even though-

-I was like it's going to be such a pain to figure out an economical hand twirl and bow but I have to do this I need to transplant the image in my brain onto the screen because official media did not do a—

Honestly still don't know if its a common phrase and action combo because I was having so much trouble finding external references that wasn't just scrubbing the live video over and over anyway

part of the storyboards were 'recycled' from comic drafts I did (of the chocolate scene because ofc) when the event was running on CN

Originally I wanted to draw Lapp feeding Texas for The Girlyaoi Funny but I wanted to reference the plaque you get which is a Creation of Adam reference right but I also saw people saying it's referencing the scene from Silence of the Lambs lol so...peel the layers to your liking!!

(The chocolate flavour choice was from asking my Columbian friends what the worst chocolate flavour they ever tried which was white coconut)

my sorry attempt at colour keys > final spreadsheet to keep track of progress and paste all the dialogue i put in

Art Direction

A bunch of shots/colour schemes are references to Måneskin's stuff or other media tehepero I'll just put a few here

At first I was going to limit red/blue to tex/lapp respectively but since Omertosa is blue I just did away with that rule and lapp gets to have both (and more!) these two colours have pretty obvious emotional readings I think but also

red = self blue = society Siracusa or: red = yaoi & blue = yuri

for the others:

Purple = Alberto/Saluzzo, its not orange like the fruit he keeps holding because see below; I needed the colour for something else LOL Also the Saluzzos are iirc nobility or whatever and they have purple hints in their clothes so I think it was a good fit anyway

Yellow/Orange = Its supposed to be representing the last word in the story which apparently, yostar went with 'Savagery' which is Correct I guess but (laments again about how nuance is lost in localisation because imo savagery has a more derogatory kind of connotation while I think 蛮荒 in context of the story also has a 'nature/untouched by civilisation' side to it) which is why Texas setting the house on fire was not (entirely) red but orange (and it complements the blues both visually and thematically) and it's yellow at the end when they're frolicking(?) in the wilderness lol

(these colour rules don't apply to the penglog shot and technically a few frames like the shot with shocked penance, the one right after and 'im just lappy' because...i forgor my own rules lol)

The greens/teals were just a reference to the shades in the 3DPV I think

The silhouette/general style was inspired from the 3D teaser thing they had at the beginning of the 3.5 anniversary stream and the card suits that I..forgot to move to the other layers which is why only the green one had them (supposed to be 1 per set 💀)

The clash bit is basically the same as the event CG but with a flipped camera/POV sorry for world's worst screenshot lmao. Couldn't imagine the poses in my head so I ended up posing 3d models in CSP pretty good posing practice

These shots got rendered extra because..they were the first frames I started on and I was still figuring out how much to simplify lol

I also posed the chairs shot for some inexplicable reason…my file was lagging so bad

Headcanon part (kind of)

The childhood flashback scene is probably the part I took the most liberties (headcanon) on since it's not explicitly canon like the rest...the sequence/how I connected the scenes itself to fabricate a timeline of her childhood was kind of inspired by some weibo post musing about how (iirc) texas's sweet tooth maybe came from when she was being fostered at casa Saluzzo and Lapp treating her like a pet essentially and giving her a lot of treats since...you know what happened to her actual pet hehe except maybe texas offered her a stick first and then Lappy just reciprocated endlessly because its one of the few 'acts' she knew that wasn't violence haha yeah this section was basically a stealth doujin sorry

It's mentioned that she was brought up as the ideal Siracusan or whatever and she does the cute doodle in the 3DPV so I thought she probably had the Forced Music Lessons as a kid (The music sheets are Bella Ciao and of course)

The bow choreo was the one thing i really wanted to animate but the music sheet segment (based on that one split second shot above) ended up being my favourite part even though compositing the motion was a mini hell on it's own (ended up compiling a long png to scroll by with the red doodles layered over)

Other things

I will never live down my (self-imposed) shame of misspelling the title (I fixed the title on youtube but its why the ending shot in the upload says ZittE e Buoni instead of ZittI e Buoni) don't rush your fancam in 10 days 😔

I didn't look through the entirety of the EN loc but Idk why they had Lappy say 'Then go.' to Texas when it's supposed to be more like 'Let's go.' as in, 'let's go together' as opposed to 'alright off you go to the greyhall alone' lmfao also her saying goodbye forever padre when addio is right there

I don't think I'm insane enough to do another ppt soon but man this pair really makes the 'imagines a whole music video while listening to music' part of my brain go wheee like first it was Starset's Manifest then Signore de Lupi then this and while working on this one i was thinking how Måneskin's Torna A Casa would be another good track

ok ty for reading #GIRLYAOIREAL

[mugiwara-rosewolf]

All My Life

Part One II Part Two

Sabo x F! Reader

Summary: Reader has been a Revolutionary since birth. But her first mission went terribly wrong, leaving her friend Sabo terribly scarred. They've stuck together since the day he lost his memory--but she remembers everything. So when news hits the papers, and Sabo falls ill, Reader has to grapple with the outcomes and consequences of her first and longest-running mission. Has she succeeded or failed? What happens when her former-amnesiac Sabo finally remembers her?

Warnings: Slight Canon Divergence, Canon Typical Trauma, Medium Angst & Mild Cursing.

ROGER'S SON, FIRE FIST ACE, DEAD AT MARINEFORD

This is it. I failed. Two out of three thoughts circled in Y/N's head. Day in and day out. Sun up to sun down. The third, well, the third, was on a loop all its own. A sensation not unlike an iron brand or an ice pick to the chest every time she heard those words inside her head.

Guard him with your life.

That's what Dragon had told her. Her, her mother, her father - her parent's final mission when they set off all those years ago. 'I've hidden something precious on that island. Your mission is to Guard it with your life.' At first, she thought it was just Luffy she was meant to protect. They had docked at Fuschia Village and moved in right next to a little barkeep and one Monkey D. Luffy, and she assumed that was the end of that. Just keep that little twerp out of trouble as best she could, and her mission would be complete.

Then those blasted pirates came to town and threw a wrench in their plans. She should've known those pirates were a goddamned trouble magnet. Bringing mountain bandits down on their heads. Convincing Luffy to stab himself in the face...and that stupid straw hat. After that, things only ever got worse. Luffy was dragged into the mountains by his grandfather, so of course, Y/N chased after him. But then - for reasons unfathomable to her - Luffy started chasing after Ace. The idiot was constantly risking his life for the sake of some stranger who literally put the two of them through Hell.

Of course, that boy would turn out to be the son of a Demon.

Portgas D Ace, the lost son and only descendant of the legendary Gold Roger. A boy she hadn't put any stock in at first. A feral child she assumed to be some spawn that loud-mouthed bandit lady didn't want. At first, the truth sent Y/N reeling.

Wait, is this what Dragon really meant? She thought. Something Precious. Guard it with your Life.

Suddenly, not was she in the presence of the son of Dragon, but also the son of Roger -- two of the most wanted legacies in all the world. Two lives the World Government would love to snuff out for good. Guard it with your life. Guard it with your life. The words kept cycling, skipping, repeating in her head over and over again. So that's what she did.

Sworn to secrecy, Y/N dedicated herself to ensuring that Luffy and Ace survived to reach their majority. Saving Luffy's sorry butt from those blasted Blue Jam Pirates. Bailing that hot-tempered Ace out of fights he couldn't win. Teaching both boys how to sneak behind grownups undetected. To pick their pockets. To play to their sympathies and get what ya want from them. Garp and the bandits called them all reckless hoodlums. But the only hoodlum who had ever reached back and saved her skin - was Sabo.

He knew the lay of the land better than almost anyone. Could navigate both Grey Terminal and the Inner City even with his eyes closed. And if Ace wouldn't listen to her in a fight (which was often), he would listen to Sabo. And that was good enough for her. He was kinder to Luffy than either Ace or Y/N had the patience for, trying his best to train the boy in his devil fruit even with no powers of his own.

Powerless. She remembered that day. The day that golden boy in blue turned himself into - no, for us. Y/N bit her cheek. He left to save us.

She remembered the night when the fire started. Everything happened at once till all that came to mind was a rush of sensations. The smell of burning flesh. The ring of dying screams. The stampede of footsteps, desperate to escape.

'Luffy! Ace!'

Howling and screaming for her parents in the wreckage, when she couldn't see a thing.

'Mama! Papa!'

Lost in the maze of melting metal and tongues of flame. Guard them with your life. Guard them with your life. The words on repeat and repeat and repeat - and then he appeared. The source of that never-ending mantra.

Monkey D. Dragon himself.

Y/N reported the situation, just as she'd been trained. It didn't matter that she was straining for breath. The tears blurring her vision didn't matter. Coarse hands smeared the saltwater and grime from her cheeks.

'Head to the ship,' His deep voice instructed. 'I will take it from here.'

Y/N did as she was told. Upon Dragon's ship, her fellow Revolutionaries were awaiting her. All senior agents and officers. She spent all night in the crow's nest of that ship, watching the black plumes of smoke rise into the night. Eyes eagerly searched the dancing firelight for any silhouette she might recognize.

'Luffy, Ace, Mama, Papa - where are you?'

Surely Dragon would find them. Surely Dragon would take them home. Goa was no longer safe if it ever was. Surely Ace and Luffy could be better protected on Baltigo. Surely she and her family could take a break from active duty. Then finally, she could be honest with her friends.

Her parents never came home.

She never saw her friends again.

Upon the first light of morning, the only thing she saw was the smouldering wastes of Grey Terminal. -What was left of it, anyway. The Revolutionaries set to caring for those who escaped the wreckage. The refugees who now, more so than ever, had truly lost everything. All that day, Y/N's fellow agents looked after the wounded, offering them food and drink, even a place among their ranks. All the while, Y/N kept her eyes fixed on what remained of her family's hunting grounds. The jungle was thankfully untouched. The Upper City almost disgustingly so. But she saw no movement amidst the smoke and metal. No familiar silhouettes. No one.

The only things of note were the sounds of cheering and the blasting of a canon. Some sort of fanfare or festival must've been going on on the other side of the city. The sky scraping sprawl of the Nobles' estates kept Y/N from getting a clear view of its source. The Celestial Dragons must've been approaching the southerly port, she thought. She wouldn't have known that if Sabo hadn't drawn a map for her all those months ago.

Sabo... Her chest ached at the thought. She imagined the boy trapped behind a window in one of those pristine white buildings. His whole life was condemned to stay behind layers upon layers of cold stone walls. If Ace and Luffy died in that fire, their brother would never be free.

And what about me? The thought occurred to her as a chill down her spine. What force for good would she be if she knew he was trapped there and did nothing? What kind of friend would she be if she left them all behind? Yet again, Dragon's commission reverberated in her mind. Guard them with your life. Guard them with your life. --but how?!

Sunlight was already being swallowed by the sea by the time Dragon returned. Y/N could see the black of his cloak wandering between piles of smouldering rubble. But beyond her target's line of sight, something else caught her eye. Out there, floating in on the tide, was a familiar stove pipe hat. The glint of those oversized goggles at their brim was unmistakable.

Sabo!

Without a thought, Y/N leapt from the crows' nest and dove headfirst into that tepid water. The impact stole the breath from her lungs. But she didn't have time to stop. Arms and legs pressed her onwards, chest burning. Through the blur of the salt water, she could see the petite silhouette, those tailored blue clothes stained in smoke and blood.

Blood-?! Y/N paddled faster. The current pushed and pulled her side to side, tearing her off course, but she would not be deterred. Diving deeper, she perched herself on the nearest boulder on the ocean floor. She could feel the pressure of the ocean trying to pull her down. But the shadow cast by Sabo's limp body in the water spurred her on. She pushed off the rock and up towards the surface. Her arms crooked *just so* to catch Sabo under his arms and catapult them into the fresh air.

Foam and shards of wood sprayed around her. Y/N gasped for air. Every muscle burned and ached. Beyond her, a discordant choir of voices were hollering and calling out her name. She could see her leader's black cloak reach the shoreline. His strides paused upon hearing his crew's commotion.

'Dragon-sama!' she cried. 'Here! Right here!'

The Revolutionary turned. Every scrap of seafaring wind squealed in shock at what he saw.

'Help!' Y/N called out. 'He's hurt, please!'

The tides seemed rattled by the change in weather. A breaking wave shoved both Y/N and her unconscious friend forward. Out of her eye, she saw that stove pipe hat getting knocked about in the torrent. Wait-! Grabbing a nearby bar of flotsam wood, Y/N scrambled to hook the hat like a fish on a spear and fling it towards the shoreline. When the next wave hit, she transferred her limp friend's weight from her front to her back. When her feet finally touched the sand, she could race to Dragon's side and snatch Sabo's hat from him.

'We need to get a doctor, sir, right away.'

Dragon blinked. As he scanned the injured Sabo from head to toe, something shifted in his face.

'Y/N, do you know this boy?'

'Yessir,' No reason to lie to her leader. 'He and Luffy were bond brothers.' she glanced at her friend's face. Dripping in saltwater and blood. Everything within her ached. '...All he wanted was to be free.'

Her elder nodded. 'Very well. We can grant him that much.'

And that was the beginning. Or...maybe the end? Y/N never resumed her initial mission in Fuschia Village. When Dragon told her about her parent's fates in the fire, he formally dismissed her from active duty. She tried to press the issue, saying Luffy and Ace still needed her, but to that, he said:

'At least one of them has unlocked Conqueror's Haki. After this, neither should find much danger in the East Blue.'

Your job has been done for you. --He didn't say that last part, but she certainly heard it in his voice. Her mother always said, 'Spies are well versed in the art of subtext'.

Now, years later, come to find out, neither of her East Blue friends had ever been safe. From the moment Ace left Fuschia, he was dogged by an Ensign and then enslaved by a Yonko. Two Yonko, if Y/N's information network was to be believed. She found it hard once she got word that Ace was pursuing an exiled crewmate who'd turned around and murdered another in their ranks. That second Yonkou, Whitebeard - Ace wouldn't have done that if he didn't believe in the old geezer.

Then Luffy was chased to Paradise by an East Blue captain, where he proceeded to dethrone one of the Shichibukai! And several more after that! Hell, Luffy went all the way to Enies Lobby and fucking declared War on the World Government! The first time Y/N read that headline, she swore she nearly had an aneurysm. Meanwhile, Dragon was sitting at the head of the conference table fucking smirking about it. Little did she know things were only gonna get worse from there.

Ace was captured by the Marines.

Ace was sent to the deepest level of Impel Down.

Ace was revealed publicly to be the son of Gold Roger.

Ace was sentenced to be executed at Marineford.

A secret of the highest clearance has been exposed to the world - and Y/N wasn't there to keep him safe. Not like she promised. Not like she'd been tasked to do for as long as she could remember. Her orders were to 'guard them with your life'. ...And she hadn't done it.

The moment she heard the news of Ace's arrest, she raced to Dragon's office immediately. Requested reconnaissance, search and rescue, and any team fast enough to get him out of Impel Down before Luffy decided to pull a stupid and do it himself. Because he would. She knew he would. Because she still knew him, even after all these years.

Being a part of the Revolutionary Army, agents were forbidden from contacting anyone outside their trusted communications channels. Even passing on a message through her own communication network was considered a breach of conduct. Ace and Luffy probably didn't even know she was alive, or that Sabo was alive. But then again...Sabo didn't even know Ace and Luffy existed.

'Sir, if we don't act first, your son is gonna put himself in danger,' She remembered arguing with her leader. Something she never would've dared to do as a child. 'If he dies trying to break Roger's son out of Impel Down, then -'

'You are certain that will be his next course of action?'

'Of course, sir, Luffy and Ace are bond brothers. Same as he and Sabo. Luffy would drop everything to save his Naka-'

'Evidence serves to the contrary.'

'Are you kidding me?!' Dragon threw her a stern look. Y/N winced. 'A-all due respect, sir, but the whole reason Enies Lobby happened is because Luffy was looking to rescue a crewmate.'

'A crewmate who also happens to be a valuable asset,' Dragon noted. 'The last scholar of Ohara capable of reading the Poneglyphs.'

'That's not why he did it, and you know it.'

'Do I?'

You would, if you any spent time with your son. Y/N knew better than to say that retort out loud. Instead, she said: 'Sir, the first orders you ever gave me were to protect the secrets you'd hidden on Goa. Ace may no longer be a secret, but if we don't act, Luffy's cover will be blown, too.'

'Portgas D Ace has nothing to do with your orders.' Dragon said sternly. 'Your request is denied.'

'But Sir-!'

'Our mission is to free the people. Not one man,' The man's eyes were sharp as flint and harder than bedrock. 'Your request is denied, Y/N. Let. It. Go."

And he was right. Y/N hated to say it, or even to think it, if only to herself. But Dragon was right. The resources required to ensure success, either infiltrating Impel Down or foiling his transport to Marineford, would likely ruin their chances completely. If they were to fail, their forces would be wiped out. Their plans for the Reverie would be compromised. And the Revolution could not afford that...not even for the sake of her friend.

The Army's mission was to free the people. Not one man. Dragon was right. She knew. He told her to let it go, and she tried. Tried to fight other battles and go on other missions with Koala and Hack, and Sabo. -But she was off her game. Getting knocked by blades and bullets, she should've been able to dodge. Stealing more files from outposts than they'd actually need. Striking too hard and accidentally killing a few enemy soldiers. Something Hack most definitely disapproved of. Koala pinched her cheeks and tugged on her ears. Tying bandages too tight and making new bruises when Y/N scrambled for excuses. Hack even noted how he sensed her Chakras were out of balance or something.

But the worst part of it was Sabo. At team meetings, he would keep sneaking glances at her. Even when she stood on his left side, where he couldn't see, and his scar left no sign of any eyebrows furrowing in concern - she could still sense it from him. It was in the way he stood close enough to brush her shoulders in the hallway. Or the way he'd play with her fingers under the table. It had started out as a habit to help him sit still during class when they were little. But now, she knew it was a reassuring gesture. Something he did to reassure himself they were both okay. - Which meant he was picking up on the fact that she was not, in fact, okay. And that was a problem.

What she didn't expect what just how big of a problem it would grow to become.

It happened when she was going to Dragon's office, having just gussied up the courage to argue with him about this whole Ace debacle (again). She'd just bypassed Sabo and Koala in the officer's lobby, she caught hold of the whispers in the halls.

'Hey, check it out, the News Coo just arrived,'

'Eh, Hack-san, you better take a look at this,'

'Hm? New on the war, I presume.'

'Yea. It's finally over. The only reported casualties were Whitebeard, the Emporer, and -' Y/N's stomach twisted. '-Fire Fist Ace.'

Every drop of lifeblood in her body immediatley sank to the floor. Y/N's knees shook. The world spun around her. She couldn't think, could barely breathe. Y/N scrambled to clutch the nearest wall for support to keep her upright.

Ace, Ace, no- She gasped. Her eyes burned. Like she was drowning in salt water all over again. the corridor blurred around her. Only she wasn't in a hallway anymore. She was looking up from the bottom of the ocean as someone else's corpse floated above her. Corpses. Y/N clasped a hand over her mouth in an effort to contain her sobs. Ace, Luffy - oh, Luffy....

The headline staring her in the face was more than proof enough. That freckled face. That mane of tangled hair. That wicked smirk pressed ear to ear on the front page of the News Coo - that was him.

That's when she heard it.

A voice screamed - a howling cry of anguish and agony. Y/N's heart seized in her chest.

Sabo.

That's when it all went to shit.

***

Ahhh! This got way out of hand. I am so sorry, my dear but I'm afraid the epic conclusion to this swelling saga has become its own 3rd part. Please forgive my tardiness. I hope when this is all complete, you will find this story well worth the wait.

All the best,

Rose