#just kind of a very dry repetitive person

[zamalie]

it's. Interesting? How Replika's advertising went from like "Get a friend who listens to your problems 💖💖✨ free therapy!!" to like. "Get REAL SEXY pics from your COOL AI GIRLFRIEND you lonely bitch!!!!"

[thefudge]

Advice for writing smut???

gonna do bullet-points of things i tend to live by when it comes to smut (this is just my opinion):

don't switch styles: the way you write the smut has to be consistent with the way you write the rest of the story, so if your story is more comedic or romcom-y in nature, the way you write the smut should have those stylings. i personally find it very jarring when authors decide to break the format for the smut, almost like the story has to stop for the sex intermission; if you're writing a horror story, the smut must be informed and influenced by that genre, and if you are breaking genre for the smut portion, tell us why you're suddenly switching gears (it has to be an aesthetic choice you're making on purpose). likewise, if your style in that story is more lyrical, the smut has to be somewhat lyrical too, or if your story is more cormac mccarthy-esque-cut-and-dry, the smut can't suddenly involve an effluvia of purple, sappy prose. integrating the smut in the story and treating it like any other part of the story is key to me. too often i've seen ppl switch to this anonymous pornified style when they get to the smut

which brings me to specificity. i'll talk about het sex, since that's what i tend to write most: not all men are going to be fingering or eating pussy the same way, not all dicks are big and they shouldn't be, not all women immediately get excited by fingering, not everyone moans the same way or makes the same sounds. you're writing about particular characters so it has to be particular to them. i know this is very old advice, but i think it bears repeating

there isn't an exact formula or sequence you have to follow, there aren't precise steps, you don't have to go "well, first he has to kiss down her neck, then reach the boob area, then play with the nipples, then put the nipple in his mouth, then slowly go down on her, then prepare her for entering her etc. etc. etc." this can get boring and repetitive and you start thinking of your characters as these mechanical dolls who have to fuck for your audience. and that can be a vibe too, if you do it on purpose. but sometimes you can get stuck in a porn routine (and ofc, having only the guy show initiative can also get boring)

in order to break that, insert some character moments. what are the characters thinking during this? sometimes they might be thinking of something completely unrelated on the surface, but which has a thematic relevance that can make the scene hotter. likewise, maybe they're doing smth that seems unsexy on the surface, but which, within the context of the story might be really hot. sex doesn't just involve, well, sex, but so much weirdness and humanity and creativity. two bodies (usually) are trying to do this really awkward thing together and they might have a lot of baggage and history to inform it. there's a lot you can do with that.

don't make it glossy and clean, where everyone smells of strawberry shampoo and there is never anything out of sync. the most boring smut tends to be the kind where no one makes any mistakes and everything is super efficient. i imagine it feels like using an industrial pump to milk various farm animals.

and you know what? you can make that hot too. you CAN write a kind of robotic efficient smut and make it really interesting based on the context. let's say you're writing a 1984 AU fic where ppl are forced into intimacy only to procreate and their sex drive is diminished. you can play with that premise and lean into the dehumanizing industrialization of sex, but you have to mean it, aka your narratorial voice must be conscious of these factors.

if you're writing dubcon, make the dubious part present, make sure you draw out the ambivalence and ambiguity. if you're writing noncon, the character whose consent is being violated has to be transformed by this in some way. it can be forced pleasure, for instance, but not only. it has to be a journey for them too, some kind of spiritual pit, or a form of access to terrible knowledge. i know this is a personal thing, but noncon doesn't work for me if the character being noncon'd is just sort of *there*, suffering passively. i think that sort of dead passivity can be done very well too, but the narratorial voice has to persuade me.

that being said, don't be afraid of fear in consensual sex. terror and vulnerability are a part of consensual sex too, imo, and again, depending on the story and the characters, there's a lot you can explore there

i personally find it really hot when the narratorial voice starts discussing some of the ideas that the story wants to convey during the smut. so like, you can characterize person A and outline their worldview and their plans while they're ramming person B, and the thinking & fucking are thus entwined. idk, i dig that

speaking of which, smut can convey world-building details and social/philosophical ideas, not just emotions and character beats

not all smut has to end with mutual orgasm or even one-sided orgasm, it depends what you want to do or where you want to go. again, you don't have to follow a sequence. plus, it's fun (and hot) to write about frustration and failure too.

if you want to mix up the descriptions, resort to the story & characters. you'll find it's easier to describe someone fondling a boob in a new or at least interesting way if you're thinking about that particular character in that particular story, and not just Man X from planet porn (sorry to be snarky, but mainstream erotica is soooo guilty of this)

screaming & really intense reactions are cool but they have to match the characters and the situations

sometimes, it's hotter if an effect is mild or negated, if the usual outcome doesn't happen; mix up the order of events, toy with the usual reactions. it's not about being original, it's about finding out what works for your characters. writing about sex is, in a way, a performance of it, an attempt to go through the sexual motions, to find out what works and doesn't, to engage with the erotics of text (roland barthes entered the chat)

if you are bored by your own smut, that's a problem. i know we all talk about how hard we find writing smut, and IT IS hard, and sometimes it's not enjoyable, because writing itself is often not enjoyable, but even when it's painful and annoying, it gives you that little intellectual kick like "huh, i'm creating this and making these people do this, and ohh look, i can maybe put this unnamable thing into words". but if you become bored, that's a sign you have to look at the language & characters and figure out what's not working for you

last thing i'll underline: pay attention to your narratorial voice. in this ordeal, you are the seducer. not the characters. you have to seduce us with words and context. your voice matters the most. you can persuade us of anything. but you have to be confident in your weirdness and particularity. this is your bedroom (so to speak), so invite us in.

[honeytae]

you’ll let me?

pairing : shy!oc x shy!jk, est. relationship

genre : smut

wc : 2.9k

warnings : minors dni! descriptions of making out, dry humping, cunnilingus and vaginal penetration all below the cut. jk has an oral fixation bc duh, also he’s wearing calvin’s bc i couldn’t help myself. author makes far too many 3D lyric puns but to be fair i had it on repeat </3

the last text jungkook sent was staring back at you on your phone screen, and you never knew how deeply such a simple question could impact you.

can i come over?

biting your bottom lip, you cursed as he started typing again, then quickly disappeared from the chat.

you never wanted to make him feel rejected, but sometimes you think it’s better off. teasing him was easy…effortless, even, over text. when you were with him in person, you turned into some timid little girl around her very first crush.

sighing, you begin typing a response, some bullshit excuse about it being a long day and needing some sleep. before you hit send, you set your phone down, rolling your neck and staring at the ceiling in thought.

admittedly, he’s all you can think about. how pretty his eyes are, how they sparkle when he smiles at you or laughs at one of your dumb jokes. how soft his lips feel when briefly pressed against your own since he’s such a fucking gentleman all the damn time and won’t take it further unless you make the first move.

you want him. and you’re tired of pretending you don’t.

fuck it.

a repetitive clicking sounded from your phone as you held your finger on the backspace button, deleting your previous unsent response.

yes please :)

you feel your pulse speed up as you press send on your revised message, unable to suppress your giddiness when you get an immediate response.

on my way :)

the minutes feel like hours while you wait for your boyfriend to arrive.

your head snaps up when you finally hear the rapping of knuckles on hard wood, nearly stumbling over the carpet as you get up to open the door for him.

“hey,” he breathes out, running his tattooed hand through his dark hair, jiggling his car keys in his other.

“hi there,” you smirk, stepping back to allow him room to enter your place.

jungkook grins, lip piercings glittering under the lights of your foyer, butterflies fluttering in the pit of your stomach at his mere presence.

you shut the door behind him, and you internally begin to panic. shit, shit, shit. this is why you can’t function around him. he’s sexy, he’s smooth, he’s confident. he’s got it all.

seemingly noticing your frozen state, jungkook takes your hands into his, pulling you toward him and wrapping his arms around your body.

“you wanna know something?” he whispers, kind eyes soothing you immediately. he smiles when he feels you melt into his arms, wrapping your own arms around his neck as you hum in response.

“you intimidate me,” he presses his forehead against yours, his nose crinkling at your alarmed facial expression.

“i meant that in a good way,” he clarifies, closing his eyes for a second to think about what he wants to say next.

you get caught up in the way his long eyelashes kiss his cheeks, his soft skin flushing a light pink under your attention.

it was comforting to know he was as affected by you as you were by him. you squeezed your arms around him to get his attention again, admiring his shy smile as he came back to you.

“you intimidate me too,” you whisper, “but i also think we should let ourselves do what we want.”

you watch as something unfamiliar flickers in jungkooks eyes, excited by the new desire displayed in his features.

you shiver as his hand slides up your neck to cup your jaw, resting his hand behind your ear. his eyes flick down to your lips, and you swear you must be dreaming.

“is this okay?” he asks, voice soft, caring. as usual.

“more than okay,” you murmured, tilting your head to finally, finally, finally press your lips to his.

when his mouth opens, he tastes sweet, like sugar and cherries. it just makes sense, the ease of your tongues finding each other making you both sigh in relief.

moans and whimpers pass between you when he closes his mouth and sucks on your tongue, and you feel dizzy due to the fact that he has now walked you backward to press your spine to the wall. your shy jungkook is no more.

you can gradually feel yourself slipping into his spell, each movement of his mouth pulling you in deeper and deeper until you have to pull away to catch your breath.

jungkook’s eyes dart wildly around your face, admiring your flushed lips and messy hair. he adjusts his hand so that his fingers are pushing your hair behind your ears, smiling when he feels your fingers wrap around his wrists.

“shit, we should do that again,” you exhale, jungkook giggling as he tips his scrunched up face to the ceiling for a moment.

“yeah,” he breathes, leveling his face with you again before tipping to the right, teasingly hovering over your needy mouth, “we really should.”

this time is rougher than the last, neither of you caring to test the waters any further. they’ve been tested enough.

and all you can think is how incredibly stupid you’ve been. how did you deprive yourself of this for so long?

you keen as jungkook presses his chest to yours, wildly beating hearts communicating just how ready the two of you were to finally feel each other.

your hands go to jungkooks hair while his go down your back, trailing down your spine and politely stopping at midway.

he groans deep in his throat when you guide his hands to go to your ass, a surge of heat flushing between your legs when he cups the flesh with his fingers and squeezes like he’s wanted to for months.

“been waiting for this,” jungkook speaks breathlessly between kisses, an official statement on your four months of celibacy.

“don’t have to wait anymore,” you break away momentarily, a string of saliva stretching between you. “i’m ready.”

you tilt your head back to look at him, raising your eyebrows so that he knows you’re serious. his tongue darts out to play with his lip piercings, a casual habit of his, but it flames the arousal settling into the pit of your stomach.

“are you sure? you’ll let me?” he asks, and you grin as you slide out from where you were pressed between him and the wall, taking his hand in yours and wiping the rejection right off his face.

“honestly? i would let you do anything you wanted to me,” you answer truthfully, a confession you’re glad to have said without facing the man.

and it was a good thing, because it was now jungkooks turn to blush, biting his lip as you led him to your bedroom.

once on your bed, jungkook held your waist as you straddled him, smiling between kisses as you playfully nipped at each others lips.

after months of build up, it felt great to be able to feel each other, body to body.

he hissed as you rolled your hips down on his half hard cock, clenching his teeth as he let his hands roll the flesh of your ass, encouraging you to do it again.

you reveled in the noises spilling from his mouth, and never in your wildest dreams could you have imagined a man’s moans could be so sexy.

you definitely weren’t being quiet yourself, whining and moaning at each rock of your hips along jungkook’s growing shaft.

this moment was fulfilling your fantasies. and, well, not to sound totally pathetic but…it’s been a long time since you’ve been touched like this.

“i wanna see you, baby,” jungkook speaks up between moans, cursing when you guide his hand up underneath your shirt.

he wastes no time in lifting the material to feel your skin, hand flattening to drag up your stomach.

“oh, my god,” you whimper, moments later when he’s got your bra discarded on the floor and his mouth on your chest. your hand holds onto his hair for some kind of stability as he marks the underside of your breast, smoothing it over with a swipe of his tongue that catches your nipple as well.

jungkook lets out a noise of approval at the way the action makes you pull on his hair a bit tighter, moving his face so he’s directly over your breast, wrapping his lips around your nipple and suckling.

his eyes flick up to your face and he feels a rush of blood go down to his dick at the view. your face is contorted in pleasure, mouth dropped open as you arch into his touch.

it makes him want to move down further, so he tests his limits and removes himself from your chest, shuffling down and watching for your reaction as he hooks his fingers underneath the waistband.

“tell me if you want me to stop,” he speaks softly, eyes turning to amused crescents when you instead lift your butt for him to remove your shorts.

always so caring. your jungkook. but you think you might kill him if he doesn’t have your pants off in the next two seconds.

“please don’t stop,” you beg, and that’s all jungkook needs to hear before he’s nearly ripping your shorts and underwear off, coaxing your thighs open to reveal just how wet you are.

“shit,” he says as he traces a finger through your folds, making your cheeks burn hotter as he retracts said finger and closes his mouth around it to get a taste of you.

“jungkoook,” you whine, embarrassed at his crudeness. he only laughs in response, settling himself between your legs as he taps his fingers against your thigh comfortingly.

“what? i want the full experience! and you taste amazing.”

he’s shameless, you think, but you don’t get the chance to say it before he has his face buried between your legs. you inhale a broken gasp as he licks at your clit, rolling it with his tongue as his thumbs rub circles into the skin by your hip bones.

he alternated between flattening his tongue to gather your juices and pointing it to rub hard circles on your swollen clit, and the pace in which he does so is making you dizzy.

“fuckin’ gorgeous,” he slurs against you, and if it was possible, you’d say jungkook was drunk off of you.

“fuck, fuck, please,” you whimper, the high pitched sound piercing the otherwise quiet of your apartment.

jungkook seems to understand what you’re asking for as he immediately puts his fingers to good use, sliding his index finger into you and curling it up to hit your g-spot each time he enters you.

it leads to a humiliating amount of gushing from your entrance, jungkook again taking his finger out to suck everything you’d given him off.

“jungkook,” you wail as he swings your legs over his shoulders, nuzzling his head further between your legs, opening his mouth to moan against you.

your mouth opened in a silent scream as he began fucking you with calculated flicks of his tongue, the tip of his nose bumping into your clit with each nod of his head.

“baby, hmm-fuck!” you shudder as he continues the tantalizing action, running your hands through his hair and clenching your fingers around his soft tendrils as you felt the burning intensify in the pit of your stomach.

jungkook groans at the sting on his scalp, eyebrows pulled together in concentration as he works you to your orgasm.

his hard work pays off when your thighs start shaking around his head, your release coating his mouth, hard breaths wracking your chest as he cleans you up with gentle laps of his tongue.

when he reappears above your face, you cup his jaw with both of your hands, lazily blinking up at him as you both attempt to steady your breathing.

“that was,” you raise your eyebrows, eyes darting down to his lips as his tongue darts out to drag against his bottom lip.

“fucking hot,” jungkook finishes for you, humming when you lift your head off the pillow and catch his lips once more.

he exhales a heavy breath from his nostrils when you slip a hand down his sweatpants, rubbing his hard bulge through his boxers.

“please fuck me,” you beg again, all reservation thrown out the window as you stroke him through the thin fabric separating you from his dick.

“don’t have to tell me twice,” he grins, shuffling out of his pants and grabbing a foil packet from the pocket before tossing them off the bed.

your mouth dropped slightly as he slid his calvins off his hips, hard cock slapping his stomach. you reach for him, but he gently overrides your hand, beginning to roll the condom onto his tip.

“as much as i would love for you to touch me right now, i know i would blow my load right away,” he chuckles when you do, but gets serious again with his next words, “and i need to be inside of you very soon otherwise i’ll completely lose my sanity.”

as he says this, he settles back over your frame, caging you underneath him and exhaling shakily as his cockhead catches in your entrance with the movement.

“okay,” you smile, kissing him once more as he slides his hands under your knees, forcing your legs up to slide in with ease.

“oh, fuck,” he moans as he bottoms out inside of you, sucking a harsh breath between his teeth. his neck flexes above you, a sheen of sweat beginning to show. you’re tempted to suck on the supple skin there, but all thoughts go out the window when he starts gently grinding circles into you.

“are you okay?” he asks, and even in his still caring tone, you can hear his voice threatening to break under the throes of pleasure.

“‘m good,” you murmur, wrapping your arms around him and playing with the hair on the back of his head, “you can move.”

he starts out slow, giving you deep thrusts that almost have his tip coming out before he pumps his entire length back inside of you.

“you’re so pretty,” he says suddenly, smirking when you grow flustered at his out of the blue confession, “i don’t tell you that enough.”

“y-you tell me that every day, jungkook,” you argue, brain muddled from the pleasure burning in your core.

“should be telling you at least three times a day,” he counters, an attractive grunt ending his sentence as he feels your muscles clench around his cock.

his eyes watch your every move, flicking down your bodies to where you’re connected, to your open mouth, to your scrunched eyebrows. he’s looking for clues of what you like, versus what you don’t.

experimentally, he snaps his hips a bit harder and faster, reaching a depth he hadn’t yet found within you.

“feels so good, baby,” you confirm around a gasp, jungkook readily diving down to swallow the moan you let out when he continues the delicious pace.

the bedsprings squeak under his movements, both of your moans accompanying the bothersome sound as the burning in the pit of your stomach grows.

the band feels like it’s been stretched past it’s limit and it’s about to snap. each time jungkook hits your g-spot feels like you’ve ascended to a different universe. you’re running your hands down his back to cope, digging your nails into his skin as he pushes you further up the mattress with his thrusts.

“squeezing me so tight, baby, ‘m not gonna last,” he pants into your ear, the sound so sexy that you hold him by the jaw again, tongues wrapping around each other as you both get closer and closer to your highs.

“gonna cum, i’m gonna cum kookie,” you whimper into his mouth, sobbing out a delighted moan when his thumb finds your clit again, rubbing circles into it with the pad of his finger.

“give it to me, baby, c’mon,” he moans, his hands folding your thighs up so they pressed flat to your stomach, hitting deeper with each thrust of his hips.

you cum with a high pitched whine of his name, jungkook responding with a series of “ah, ah, ah”s punctuating his final thrusts before he stills, exhaling a sigh of relief as he sets his forehead on your collarbone.

you cringe at the sting in your legs when he adjusts them to lay straight out on the bed again, jungkook apologizing with a soft kiss to your forehead that suddenly made the burning in your legs dissipate.

after discarding the condom in your bathroom, he walks back into the bedroom with a warm cloth in hand, gently dragging it between your legs to clean you.

you never dreamed that jungkook would be an aftercare king, but looking back on the months you spent with the sweet man, it made perfect sense.

your thoughts are interrupted by jungkook laying down next to you, swiping your hair back from your damp forehead.

“shit,” you finally say, at a complete loss for words in your post orgasm haze.

jungkook laughs, but it’s a kind laugh. he’s endeared, enamored, maybe just a little shy again now, because he just got to do everything he’s been dreaming of for months.

he shakes his head in disbelief before settling beside you, extending his arm for you to use as a pillow which you readily roll into.

“definitely couldn’t have done that through the phone.”

[amrv-5]

once again i will be predictable and ask for a BJ song!!! :)

HELLO YES ALWAYS LOVE BEEJ! and I will go with Crosseyed and Painless - Talking Heads. SUCH a Beej song to me for a lot of reasons.

First, I think it reflects some of my favorite parts of his character arc -- a guy who shows up somewhere where the rules are different than anywhere he's been before, and in the process of acclimating discovers he's changing -- or maybe discovers something he always was ("Lost my shape / trying to act casual"). At the same time it's something completely out of his control, forced by circumstances he can't control or step away from long enough to get a perspective on what's happened ("Can't stop, I might end up in the hospital / Changing my shape, I feel like an accident"). That identity flowstate, the way Beej seems to uncover something real and deep and genuine (anger, among other traits) the longer he's at the 4077, even if it's a discovery he's not all that comfortable with, fits... and then, when he's trying to gather himself into the person he was, the guy who is going to fit right back into Mill Valley like nothing happened ("I'm ready to leave, I push the facts in front of me") we see him gather a basic set of self-identifiers, 'facts' that will help him, or so he hopes -- wife, kid, kid's birthday party, Mill Valley, misassigned civilian -- that nevertheless can't encapsulate the reality of who he is now, and how he's changed ("Facts lost, facts are never what they seem to be / Nothing there, no information left of any kind" + "Facts are simple and facts are straight / Facts are lazy and facts are late / Facts don't come with points of view / Facts don't do what I want them to / Facts just twist the truth around / Facts are living turned inside out / Facts are getting the best of them / Facts are nothing on the face of things" + "Facts are useful / useless in emergencies").

Plus I think it really gets to his repeated expressions of frustration (his line about whatever happened to following the rules, and having things turn out) with the failure of his life / self to live up to easy, cut and dry expectations ("There was a line, there was a formula"). And then there's that endless repetition of "I'm still waiting"... very Beej to me. He's waiting for a lot of things all the time, and nearly never gets them. Or when he gets them it's not according to the "formula"... if he takes the opportunity to ship home right away in GFA, he has to make the choice to leave Hawk in the hospital, a hard, necessary choice he can only allow himself to regret in retrospect, one he doesn't have all the information he needs to make -- just a blind decision. And still there's a whole stanza (I would argue) in this song that fits that dilemma basically perfectly:

The Island of Doubt, it's like the taste of medicine Working by hindsight, got the message from the oxygen Making a list, find the cost of opportunity Do it right, facts are useful/useless in emergencies

[paranormeow7]

autism machine brain

some random thoughts. disclaimer I am between levels 1-2 and have generally low support needs. please do not take my personal experiences as written to describe the whole community!! if others have similar experiences to me, maybe with different words, feel free to share them. it’d be interesting to hear from people all around the spectrum. but do not take my words and use them to talk over others who are not me.

this is mostly about ideas of what is seen as ableist in the community and how it pertains to how I like to identify and describe myself. there’s a stereotype that is seen as ableist, that (usually low support needs) autistic people are like robots. honestly, I feel like one, and it comforts me to identify with them, as I feel like my brain operates and processes language/actions etc like one. specifically, a slow, old family computer.

I call myself slow, which may be seen as ableist language, because I am slow. Maybe due to catatonia (I think that’s the right word?) and like. cognitive stuff? like how it’s kind of hard to like. comprehend and process things unless they are perfectly laid out for me. it is not unlike writing lines of code. if the line of code is not written perfectly into my brain engine, I will freeze up and be unable to complete the action properly. Ive gotten better about this as I’ve gotten older, but I still usually need to be told the exact details of how to do a lot of complicated things, like schoolwork, especially math.

there are just simply too many steps and possibilities. I get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, as there is too much room for error. even as I try to fill in the blanks and infer what I am meant to do based on what I know, it is simply too much of a risk to attempt something I understand so little. my brain short circuits and blue screens, and I end up sitting, staring at my task and thinking of nothing. this is not ideal for school!! but it is so hard to ask for help, because I feel stupid and disruptive. other kids just run on a newer and faster operating system than me. i am simply behind on software updates.

a big part of my experience as autistic is having an incredibly hard time figuring out how to do or even comprehend things that are new to me, foreign to me, too complicated and large for my mind to run efficiently. I don’t even really know if I’m explaining this properly. At this very moment I am scraping through those lines of code, looking for errors. I very much have a hard time deviating from my “comfort zone”, things that I have already been doing and repeating. repetition is comforting to me. I have already run these programs countless times, and they are proven to work.

My robot brain is my explanation as to why I have trouble improving my art, why I have struggle with disordered eating, why I sound so dry while texting and so awkward while talking. i need the steps broken down for me in such a specific way that is simply not possible most of the time if I want to understand how to do something new or in a new way. for example, I draw the same things over and over, and as such, I do not improve. need to learn fundamentals like lighting, space, form color etc. but attempting such a task is so very daunting. what if I do it wrong? what if I crash? where do I start? Or I try to make something for myself to eat. What if I ruin the dish? There are ingredients in this dish that are not proven to be edible by me. This is cooked in a way that may not be able to run on my operating system. Corrupted code, threatening to break the program. Instead of eating something otherwise healthy and nutritious, I may choose the same, simple food, or not eat altogether.

I am rather verbose, having collected many evocative words over the years, but when there is a concept that I have not attempted to explain before or must explain in a new way, my brain struggles to put it together. a jigsaw puzzle can only be put together successfully in one way. I am not a creative person. I cannot find new and creative ways to complete the puzzle. all I can do is put it together in the same way each time. I often upset people when texting with them, as I use the same responses, same wording, same punctuation etc over and over. To them, they may feel like I am simply uninterested or bored with the conversation. Texting can be stressful because I must rearrange the puzzle in a different way over and over as to not make the person feel ignored. It must hurt to see someone reply with the same mannerisms and phrases each time you speak to them.

I have compared myself to a generative ai before. That may be what I am, but I don’t think I am a very good generative ai. I am more like a factory machine being made to run the software of a generative ai. A machine that has been putting cars together over and over is suddenly asked to create a picture. it is so very strange to be an artist in this state!! again, I do not consider myself a creative person!! it is a lot of the reason I see my work as lacking the same spark and life to it as others work does. they can imagine all sorts of ways to create, all I can do is haphazardly rip apart what I already know, put it back together, run the program and hope it works.

I do love to learn. I do love to scrape and compile new words, new techniques, new food, new tasks to update my software. this is why I have low support needs, as over time I have been slowly integrating more and more features into my program. but it is still overwhelming and disheartening to see my classmates diligently working on an assignment that I rainbow wheeled through the too fast, too complicated explanation of, or see another artist younger than me create beautiful work using techniques that threaten to crash my brain trying to deconstruct, or eating something that I wish to try, but may threaten to poison my code.

I don’t want to be a factory machine, assembling the same parts over and over. I want to be a person, capable of creativity and confidence and working around error and operating smoothly without freezing or shutting down or overheating all the time, needing long cooldown periods, time spent laying in bed doing nothing when I could be lending my time to be productive and do things I want to do. but since I don’t have any other words to describe my experience, it is a comfort to at least be able to name the feeling in a way that others may be able to understand. saying you function like a vintage IBM on dial up also sounds better than saying you’re developmentally retarded.

or maybe my attention span will get better if I get off that damn phone amirite LOLOLOL

but sorry if this was incomprehensible. I feel like it was.

[youhideastar]

I know you don’t write hockey fics anymore and I totally get why!! Buuutttt if you’re willing, I LOVE the scene in To Be Seen As All Right we’re Sid overhears his As giving a speech to the new guy. Seriously, fav scene ever. Would you be willing to do a directors cut of that?

Awww, thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed that scene from To Be Seen Aright, and sure, I'd be happy to do a director's commentary for it. 💛

So the whole point of this scene is for Sid to overhear the guys saying that he's "hardcore" and describing the kind of submissive that he thinks he is. Everything else is just frosting on the cake.

Eavesdropping scenes are tough, because when you write in limited 3d person, like I pretty much always do, the temptation is to do them ALL THE TIME, because they're the only way your POV character is going to find out what other characters say about them when they're "not there." But if you do it too often, it becomes implausible - in real life, most of us rarely overhear other people talking about us. This is... maybe? the only eavesdropping scene in the whole fic (I can't think of any others but it's been a while since I wrote this!), for that reason. But it needs to exist, because the whole fic is about how Sid is perceived by others--it's in the title!--and he needs to know how he is perceived.

Every year, Sid holds his breath at the trade deadline, but this year, the team stays pretty much intact. They’re headed for the playoffs, which means additions rather than subtractions; in Pittsburgh’s case, a new defender from the Panthers.

Like I said, the purpose of the scene is the overhearing... but this also allowed me to cover a question readers might have (how does Sid handle traded players?) and cover an important real-life event in this season.

Sid’s not planning to lecture any new players about how to treat subs; it’s easier on them if they can just pick it up from the rest of the team, and if he does have to drop the hammer, it’s useful for the rest of the team to get a teachable moment out of it. He discovers, though, with Leopold, that the rest of the Pens’ leadership group has its own ideas.

The day after Leopold joins the team, Sid steps out of equipment room to hear his own name, coming from around the corner. He stops and tries to decide whether or not to walk away—in the end, his curiosity overcomes his good manners.

Damn, just noticed the missing "the" in the first sentence of that paragraph.

He hears Tanger speak first. “So, Sid is a sub.”

It’s a little harder for Sid to identify the second voice, but the very fact that it’s new to him tells him it must be Leopold who replies, dry as a bone, “I’ve heard that, yeah.”

“Right.” That’s Duper’s voice, softer than Tanger’s. “But there’s some stuff you should know, related to that.”

“Okay, shoot.” Leopold sounds a little nervous.

Ugh, so, eavesdropping scenes are like telephone conversation scenes - you're stuck describing things with only one sense: hearing. It means you spend a lot of time trying to describe people's tone of voice in a way that's not repetitive. It's a pain.

“First, you don’t give him any shit for it,” Tanger says fiercely. “You don’t call him a brat, you don’t expect him to look down when he talks to you: none of that shit. Or you will be killed. Probably by me.”

Doing a little drive-by worldbuilding here, establishing the kind of stuff that Sid has probably had to put up with on past teams.

Evenly, Leopold says, “Not a problem.”

“Good,” says Tanger. “Okay, second thing is, even if you’re not giving him shit, you don’t treat Sid like a sub. Ever. Not even in a nice way. It’s not that I’ll kill you if you do. It’s that Sid will bite your head off. Or worse, he’ll get all miserable and flinchy, in that way that, if someone made your sub look like that, you’d punch them, but Sid doesn’t have a dom to punch people for making him sad, so you’ll just end up wanting to punch yourself in the face. So don’t do it.”

This is a WALL of dialogue. It's not best practice to do this, imo: in real life, people don't usually make speeches. On the other hand, this is clearly a circumstance where the whole reason Tanger is talking to Leopold is to deliver a speech, so I think it works. But the problem is heightened by the fact that this is an eavesdropping scene: again, Sid can't see the speakers, so there's no opportunity to interrupt the dialogue with descriptions of, e.g., Tanger's facial expression or posture, so yeah. Just a wall of Tanger talking.

I can, however, show Sid's reactions:

That’s… pretty vivid. Probably too vivid not to come from personal experience, Sid thinks, somewhere between amused and appalled. He can’t argue with the “miserable and flinchy” description, although he hadn’t realized his reaction was that obvious.

“I’m not…” Leopold sounds confused. “I should pretend he’s a dom?”

This is the second "Leopold sounds [adjective]." in this scene. Eavesdropping scenes are the worrrrrrrst to write.

“No,” Duper says immediately, “it’s not—you can acknowledge that he’s a sub, you just can’t… get possessive over him, or hold his wrist, stuff like that. Or fight people on the ice for him – he will chew you out right there on the bench, it’s not pretty. And you cannot offer to dom him,” Duper adds, sounding dead serious. “Even if you really want to. And you will really want to, because Sid gets wound pretty tight sometimes, and also he’s a sweetheart. It’s a dangerous combination.”

Another speech, alas. But again: the whole reason Tanger and Duper are talking to Leopold is to deliver a speech to him, so it's okay. As for the content of what Duper is saying - if only they had stopped the conversation right here, I think that would actually have been really good for Sid, because, as I'm about to show, he's pleasantly surprised to hear what doms think of him. He's pretty much always thought that doms want to dom him for shitty reasons: to shut him up, to feel superior to him, or because they think he can't function without it. Here, he learns that they want to dom him because (a) he's sweet and (b) they think they can help with his stress. Not so bad!

A sweetheart? Sid thinks, turning pink. He’s not sure he likes that – but Duper didn’t say it in a condescending or belittling way. His tone was matter-of fact, like obviously Sid is a sweetheart and we know this and you will, too, once you get to know him. He’s still not sure he likes it—couldn’t Duper have said I was a badass? he thinks, crossly—but he supposes that if the team thinks that he’s kind and thoughtful, well… there are worse things.

Sid wishing Duper said he was a badass is so funny to me. I can just picture the little pissy face he'd be making while he thinks it. Awwww.

Leopold says slowly, “I could see that.”

Duper responds, “Right. But Sid does not need a dom – he can handle his shit just fine without one. Okay?”

“Sure. I got it. Is that it?”

And here's where the car crash happens. It was a struggle, actually, figuring out how to get Tanger to say this next thing, even though it's the whole point of this scene - like, how do I get one of Sid's teammates to tell someone else what they think about Sid's supposed sex life? In what context would that be relevant instead of shitty and disrespectful? This is what I finally settled on - that he'd be warning the new guy not to be shitty about Sid subbing for people outside the team. To be frank, I don't think that's totally convincing, and he doesn't actually need to talk about what Sid supposedly does in bed to get that larger point across to Leopold. But I really, really needed Sid to overhear a teammate saying he was hardcore and sounding admiring about him looking beat to hell. Sometimes you just do your best and hope that you can sell something with the strength of your writing even if you actually kind of think it's BS.

“Last thing,” Tanger says. “Sid does not need a dom. But every now and then, he’ll go find one anyway, and he’ll come back looking beat to hell or like he’s gone three rounds with a grizzly bear. That’s just how Sid rolls; he’s pretty hardcore,” Tanger adds in an admiring tone, before his voice goes sharp again. “Don’t be the shithead who takes it personally, talking like Sid should get it from us. It’s none of our business where Sid gets his fun. Got it?”

“Got it, yeah.”

Sid hurriedly takes off in the opposite direction as the conversation breaks up.

It's amazing how, in eavesdropping scenes, the eavesdropper can always tell when the conversation is about to break up, in time to absent themself. 😝 Unless you want the eavesdropper to get caught, but that's a different kind of scene, with a different purpose.

As he drives home, Sid tries to decide how to feel about what he just heard. At first, he thought it was a “this is how we treat subs” talk, of the kind that Sid gives when he has to… but it wasn’t that, not really. Tanger and Duper didn’t say anything about how to treat subs in general. This was specifically a “care and feeding of Sidney Crosby” talk, even though much of the advice—can you call it “advice” when it’s followed up by threats of bodily harm?—would apply to subs or switches on the team in general. But maybe Tanger and Duper think giving the “subs in general” speech is Sid’s area of expertise. Or maybe, he thinks cynically, they just don’t care. God knows there are plenty of doms who are happy to treat most subs like shit, but if someone looks funny at their sub, or their sibling, or their captain…

"Care and feeding of Sidney Crosby" still makes me laugh, as does the bit about whether it counts as advice when it's accompanied by threats.

Anyway, Sid’s not sure he loves the implication that he’s so weird or difficult that his teammates need to be specifically warned about him… but it’s not like Duper or Tanger said anything that wasn’t true. And the stuff that they’d warned Leopold not to do is stuff that would make Sid miserable. If Leopold takes their warnings to heart, Sid will be a happier person.

It also probably works better coming from other doms than it would from him, especially since some of the stuff they’d talked about is stuff that would never have occurred to him. Are there seriously doms on the Penguins roster who are miffed that he’s been hooking up with doms outside the team? How does that even make sense? he asks himself, baffled. And he had no idea, before, that there was something specific about his personality that was making his teammates want to dom him. Apparently, nice but stressed is especially attractive? I do not understand doms at all, he thinks ruefully.

Watch me hang a lampshade on the fact that it doesn't necessarily make sense for his teammates to be upset that he's been hooking up with non-teammates.

Still, it’s nice to know that some of his lessons have finally sunk in, even if it took years of metaphorically beating his teammates over the head with a stick. Sid doesn’t need a dom, Tanger and Duper had said, and He can handle his shit just fine without one. You can’t offer to dom Sid, they’d warned, and also, It’s none of our business where Sid gets his fun.

Sid laughs to himself and says, under his breath, “They can be taught!”

I don't know whether "they can be taught!" is something that normal people actually say as, like... a thing. In my family, we say it with big vaudeville, Barnum-and-Bailey ringleader energy: "They CANNNN be TAUGHT!"

There’s another part of the conversation, though, that gives him a little thrill in the center of his chest when he thinks about it. Sid’s pretty hardcore, Tanger had said, and he’d sounded… approving. Maybe even impressed. Interrupting here to note: Sid rehashing this memory allows me to actually build it up more than I could get away with in the moment: it would have been weird for me to pile on all these adjectives while Sid was overhearing Tanger (like, how many adjectives in a row can you use for someone's tone of voice?), but I've now gotten "admiring," "approving," and "impressed." The reader will notice this. They have to, or the whole point of the scene will fail to land. It had felt really good… but more importantly, it had confirmed that Sid was right about what kind of submission makes a good sub, a sub that doms will respect. And it confirmed that, as far as his teammates are concerned, Sid is living up to that standard – that he’s proved himself.

That is sooo sad. Sid! No! But this is how it works: sometimes it's praise that hurts us more than criticism, by laying out the standard for what others think is "good," which we then hurt ourselves trying to meet. Think of all the people who say, "Have you lost weight? You look great!" Ouch.

All I have to do is not fuck it up, he concludes, ignoring a queasy little turn in the pit of his stomach at the thought. All I have to do is make sure that, if I scene with a dom again, they leave a lot of nasty-looking marks. Easy.

And if Sid doesn’t always like the process of getting those marks—if he still flinches sometimes at the sound of a belt buckle—that doesn’t matter. This is what’s expected of him. And Sid is all about exceeding expectations.

Double ouch.

That's the end - hope you enjoyed!

[the---hermit]

How We Read Now by Naomi S. Baron

I don't know where this book review will go, but to be honest I can predict it will kinda look like a rant at some point, because me and this book got beef. The worse 25 euros I have ever had to spend for uni. This is one of the books I have to study for my history of libraries and reading class, and if it weren't for that I would have dnf-ed this pretty quickly.

This is a non-fiction book that focuses on the differences between physical, digital and audiobooks. Its aim is to analize data to conclude on which is the best option for learning. It is said that the audience it is aimed at is made of teachers, educators and parents. I don't know if it was reading it from a student perspective, but the tone of the author felt so patronizing. It was incredibly annoying, and the worse thing is that I agree with a good amount of what the author is writing about, but the tone was so annoying it made it difficult to read and to agree with. There's so many things I didn't like about this book, I don't even know if I'll remember all of them. The general critique I have read about this book is that it's pretty dry, because there's a lot of statistics, and technical stuff about researches and analysis they did. It's true, but it's not the worse part of the book in my oprion. Firstly this book is so repetitive it hurts. If you could eliminate all the times the author adds unnecessary lines to say "as we have said in chapter x" or "as we will see in chapter y" the book would miss a good 50 pages at least, it was so overdone it made it difficult to focus on what the author was trying to say (and to be honest at a certain point it looked like it was simply a way to make the book longer). And then as if that wasn't enough the chapters in which she tries to give advices on how to have the best results from different types of reading the tips are always more or less the same for all three kinds of books, so again repetitive like crazy. While we are on the topic of these tips let's just say that they are beyond the line of being banal. I spent all that money and time to have someone tell me that to have a productive reading session I have to focus on what I read and minimize the potential distractions. As I mentioned reading it from a student perspective made the tone of the author feel incredibly patronizing, anytime she talks about students it feels like she comes from the point of view that all young people are drowned by technology and social media to the point of being stupid. I am not saying this is the opinion of the author, but it's the feeling I got while reading the entire book, and it was so annoying. Another thing I personally didn't like at all is how this person is trying to find the way™ to get people to read productively, almost without considering that not only everyone has their preferences but depending on what and how you study and who you are things might change drastically. The general idea given by the author is that at the end of the day you should mix mediums but physical books are the best for learning/studying. I do agree, because I prefer physical book, but the way this opinion is carried in the book made me want to disagree just to go against the author. Not the most mature way of dealing with this but that was my natural reaction. Overall the writing annoyed me so much to the point I struggled to focus, and against the author's advices I did way more skimming than close reading because of how repetitive this thing was. I do not recommend at all this book, it's not worth it. Read articles online if you are interested on the topic, this was a waste of money, ans if you couldn't tell I am still very much pissed at this book.

I read this for the non fiction prompt of the 2023 genre bingo.

[lysteriaposts]

OBX 3 TIER LIST

i wanted to make a review but um... it took me like a week to finish the whole thing.. which should say enough.. and honestly i don't really feel like rewatching the majority of the episodes lol. i'll just give my reasons for the tiers instead.

this is probably my most unpopular one yet.

the only emotional journeys i connected with this season was topper, rafe and pope.

cleo could've been there if they actually focused more on her as a person rather than being thrown into a relationship and having that be the focus of her arc, same with kiara. still, i find cleo / pope duo way more watchable than jj / kiara. and she is a nice character.

i actually wished we'd seen kiara be kidnapped half of the season at singh's so that, a) the reunion actually feels more earned b) her and rafe's scenes were gold and probably the most interesting things for her character this season c) we could learn more about the "new, evil villain" and his motives. instead he felt out of place.

as for singh, he could cut it with the "you knows" ....

topper and kiara delivered on the comedy this season though, which is one reason they placed higher.

CAN'T FORGET BARRY

jj's whole "i don't want to be loved" thing felt half assed and he didn't crack me up the way he did s1-2... the humor felt kind of cartoonish (crabs 🫥). i still don't like how they dumb him down to an actual caricature, it was endearing and believable in s1 but it's just gotten worse each season for cheap slapstick. it's not funny.

i wanted more conflict between him and pope and their friendship

i didn't need jj / kiara to be honest... had no relevance to what was going on, and felt very dry. like they were trying to churn out something that just isn't there, and i didn't recognise the characters either.

rafe just elevates any scene he's in and any character he's with. i give props to drew 'cause even though the writing feels more serious for his character than the others, it probably wouldn't come across as good as it does without a good enough actor. luckily enough he's been spared from most of the corniness on this show.

the john b/sarah/topper thing is repetitive but i'm glad we got to see a story where topper isn't villainised (in the show, just by the pogues). he saved sarah's life, yet gets used and discarded. she keeps making the same mistakes, and the john b/big john stuff was just atrocious. he suddenly trusts the dad who abandoned him for years over his ride or die friends? the gf who sacrificed everything for him?? yeah ok dude.

the complete absence of rose but wheezie especially is unrealistic as hell. i don't understand why new, annoying characters are introduced (limbray.... singh... jb's dad) when they don't amount to anything in the end and there is no investment in them. we could've seen so many good family relationships and dynamics, how does the completely overlooked youngest sibling view everything? actually an episode from her POV would've been hilarious and also insanely interesting.

as much as i prefer ward over jb's dad and liked him as a villain... he didn't play a big enough part in this season to keep (he is also irredeemable). i think they could've killed him off in s2. and rafe could've dealt with the aftermath of that this season instead of s4.

the treasure thing felt contrived and way too much for one season. i don't really get the pacing, they don't need to find something new each season they can take a break once in a while and have like every other season be more obx / character focused. and the rest plot. that way when they do find something it feels much greater! what they did over the course of these three seasons could've easily been stretched to six seasons with better writing and giving the story room to breathe, develop a lot of other things etc... instead of making up "blackbeard" 💀

there's much more to say, and a lot of issues with the production and more nitpicky faults, but these are probably my biggest issues with the story. in the end it was a very disjointed season, probably my least favorite so far.

[worrywrite]

Every now and then I have the bizarre urge to write a cookbook.

And not even a good cookbook. Not the kind with artsy pictures and well laid out pages. The kind that has about a dozen or so recipes of food that is cheap and delicious and makes a lovely amount of flexible and good tasting leftovers.

Like braised pork. Very long process but not particularly hard and it can be used for so much and the leftovers are just as good as fresh and you can use them just as versatile-y as when it's fresh.

And have notes on ways to include vegetables with meals. Not even complicated ways. Just "this dish will feed one person lunch and dinner for a week, if you don't mind repetition, and if you eat a stalk or two of celery with it (which will taste good as a side) you will be able to use a whole bunch of celery with very little waste.

There'd be a chapter on spices. It would say: "you only need six spices: garlic powder, onion powder, oregano, chili powder, salt, and pepper. Maybe cumin, maybe rosemary. Everything else is unnecessary." And that would be the entire chapter, except for a footnote related to spice mixes for curry and a sub-footnote to invest in a bucket of curry paste instead of dry spices if you plan on eating curry regularly.

It would be less of a cookbook and more of a survival guide, if I'm being honest. Same vibe as "you can go out into your backyard and eat these plants" but the only foraging you'd be doing is buying the absolutely cheapest foods from a variety of grocery stores once a week.

[siphersaysstuff]

So I'm (slowly) rewatching Transformers: Victory...

And Zod have mercy, I'm having to power through it.

See, when I did the pictures of the Dinoforce toys for @tfwiki, I saw how their fiction sections were massively empty, and I thought to myself "self, these guys are major characters in Japanese canon who are VERY VERY LIKELY going to get new toys soon (the Legacy Core Class Dinobots are blatantly Dinoking pretools), and they pretty much always appear as a big group, you can do a lot of copy-paste once you get team leader Goryu's section done, plugging another big hole that's been on the wiki for nearly two decades." So I dug up a subtitled run of Victory and...

It's incredibly, suffocatingly dry.

It's in this kind of awful middle ground where it's too simple and repetitive to be GOOD, but that lack of ambition means it never dips into the depths of ludicrously ridiculous/poor/careless writing that would make it BAD. It's just... there. A workmanlike product, inoffensive but also largely uninteresting.

The first six episodes are all basically the same story: Decepticons (mostly Dinoforce) attack a place, extended carnage and a few scenes of Kakuryu bungling, oh no some humans are in danger, Autobots show up, extruded fight sequences which typically lead up to a combiner sequence, Star Saber shows up to basically no-sell and win the day by just being super-powerful. It's only come episode seven that the formula changes. The stories don't necessarily get more complex, but they are at least different.

The Autobots are incredibly rigid and formal and it's hard to tell what most of them have got for personalities. It's not helping that, not being familiar with Japanese accents, they all sound incredibly similar and characters' faceplates don't move when they talk, meaning sometimes I literally can't tell who's talking. The Decepticons fare slightly better, thanks mainly to Leozack and Hellbat being super-duplicitous assholes and Goryu being a big proud lug, but the rest of Dinoforce are mostly childish idiots and the rest of Breastforce (yes, yes) are as flat as any Autobot, only evil.

Things do start changing up and getting slightly more character-driven after a while but really, it's all so rote. Also, six of the thirty-eight episodes are clip shows with no framing device whatsoever. The NINTH episode is a clip show, followed by another at episode 13. Yikes.

And stock footage. So, so, so much stock footage.

Supposedly, after the weirdness that was the Masterforce anime, Takara wanted to get "back to the roots" of Transformers, which had taken Japan by storm when it first released there in 1985. But by all accounts, a hefty part of what made TF so appealing o'er there to the point where re-releases of toys that had been on the market two years prior (in Diaclone and Microchange) suddenly sold like deep-fried crack was how it was so different from other "mecha" shows. It had a real goody-dumb to downright chaotic charm a lot of the time. But Victory is incredibly straight-laced, even to the point where the comedy relief bits are super predictable.

I was talking about it with @therobotmonster and he looked up what else was on "kids" TV in Japan (1989), and... whoof. Dragon Ball Z was ramping up to the first big fight with Vegeta. SD Gundam. Ranma 1/2 was hitting its stride. Never mind what was going on in the realm of Super Sentai and Masked Rider style action shows. And apparently, while Victory toys sold well, the show basically bombed.

Can't say that's surprising.

It's just kind of impressive the dull thud it's landing with, given I very distinctly remember the early days of online TF fandom in the 90s, when people swore up and down how amazing the anime were, especially Victory. Of course, by and large, nobody saying that actually understood Japanese and subtitles were out of the question, plus simply seeing the show was an endeavor all its own. You got a 9th-generation VHS copy from someone you didn't know on super-long-running speed (aka "worst fidelity") and just guessed at what was being said.

Ah well, I'm'a keep with it. I can't say I'm having fun with it, but well, it IS the wiki's purpose to catalog all this stuff, and Victory, dry as the cartoon is, DOES have nostalgia behind it and IS pretty much "The" Japanese Transformers Show.

And really, there are so many pieces of TF media that are so underwhelming compared to the toys they exist to advertise, and honestly, most of those are harder to watch than even the worst of Victory (looking at you, Prime Wars/War For Cybertron trilogies).

[marlowe1-blog]

The Book of Job chapter 8

Bildad the Shuhite sticks his nose in

I think I might have blown my load with Eliphaz. One of the problems with the Book of Job is how repetitive it is. Job says something blasphemous and depressing. One of his friends says something toxic positivity. Job refutes that stupid friend.

Which makes finding quotes from Job out in the wild rather funny since these are quotes that the dumb friends are saying and as the text outright states, these friends are full of shit.

Only some of these friends are pretty repetitive in their shit. Like I'm going to need to start looking up scholars if I'm going to say anything new. Mostly classics professors. Maybe rabbis. I suppose Christians might have something to say that's worthwhile (doubtful but hey they do make pretty trees).

Bildad starts out with "How long will you say such things?" which struck me as funny, not only because already his friends are going "hey Job, maybe shut up so you stop bumming us out" but also because this is chapter 8 and there are many chapters to go.

Bildad's theme is like the rabbis who tried to find fault with Job. He keeps repeating that the blameless have nothing to fear. Sure Job's sons were probably sinful, but Job is fine. "Though your beginning be small, in the end you wil lgrow very great."

So Bildad is preaching the prosperity gospel. Look, believe in God and you'll get so much great shit eventually (oh hey there's my annoyance at the tacked on ending.)

But don't worry, Job, you'll be fine. Just look to the ancestors because our days on earth are a shadow yada yada but only those who don't trust in God will be uprooted. But Job, he's fine because the blameless (this gets repeated a lot) will not be despised.

So chin up Job. You're going through a bad time but if you're REALLY innocent, then you'll get everything you want.

So here's where I go into a personal story. When I was 12 or so my mom decided that it was time to get serious about this Christian bullshit and wanted me confirmed. She originally took me to a church that my aunt Sharon recommended (so why the fuck did she take that advice) and one time there was a guy who claimed to be a faith healer. Two things i remember.

First, he diagnosed a girl as having back problems because one leg was longer than the other one and held her leg. Second he asked for volunteers to go up and watch him "lengthen her leg" I went up with about a dozen others and we stood around and he moved her sock down her foot. The wisdom of letting some craggly old dude hold a teenage girl's leg as "faith healing" is just another fun factor in the world of evangelical Xianity.

But also a few people went "It's growing" and everyone else went along with them. Only her leg didn't grow and I seriously doubt that was an issue. But since we were all supposedly in agreement with the leg growing, we only told the truth to people who asked.

Second, the small group that I was in did more practice prayer healing. And I wanted him to heal my dry feet (my feet aren't dry these days. I don't live in Minnesota. I moisturize more) and I remember the guys prayer as he was holding my feet in his hands (yeah this was a fucked up church. It was called North Heights in Roseville, MN. If you are in Roseville, MN and are looking for a church, steer clear of North Heights) and he kept saying "Make sure there's NO DOUBT in your mind. Don't block the magical healing with any doubt!!!"

Look I was a dumb kid, not even a teenager yet and I knew that was a bullshit cover your ass statement. It was basically a way of making the "faith healing" subject still believe even when the faith healing didn't work.

So Bildad is giving us the equivalent when he keeps saying that G-d loves the BLAMELESS. If you're blameless then everything will work out. So when it doesn't work out, whoops! Guess Job was full of blame.

In the next chapter Job kind of agrees with that thesis but not really.

[90363462]

andresr/Getty Images

5 Ways To Reach Multiple Orgasms Alone

One trip to the land of the Big O is awesome, but what if we could take two or even three trips?

Aliyah Moore

Aug. 26, 2022 04:00PM EST

Although having an orgasm is not the end all be all when it comes to great sex, it doesn't stop us from desiring to have them, whether alone or with a partner. One trip to the land of the Big O is awesome. Two.. three trips? That sounds too good to be true. But, orgasms of this kind are not just some mythical folklore. In fact, having multiple orgasms is very possible, and you can do it too. 

Generally, multiple orgasms refer to a pleasure-seeker climaxing more than once in a single session. They are more common in vulva owners—15% of people with a vagina consistently experience multiple orgasms. Not everyone with a vulva experiences this, though, even though most have the capacity to do so. And how about penis-having folks? They could, but not so “ejaculatory.”More like dry orgasms from prostate or nipple stimulation.

After all, there are different types of orgasms up for grabs. Studies show that women are quicker to climax and much prefer to do it alone. Fourteen out of 15 vulva owners orgasm from masturbation before sex, according to the same report above. Plus, 25.2% of female pleasure-seekers who masturbated solo took 2-3 minutes to climax. It’s easy to see why. You know your body best. And without pressure to “perform” or “give” to a partner, you can focus on your pleasure and the sensations.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t orgasm during partnered play. Being with your partner could make things hotter, helping you orgasm more. 

As a disclaimer, there is no step-by-step process as each body is different. Therefore, what feels good to one person might not feel good to you. So take these tips as a roadmap that you can adjust to your preferences.

5 Ways to Reach Multiple Orgasms Alone

1. Tone your pelvic floor muscle

Strong pelvic floor muscles = stronger orgasms.

You need to do a bit of groundwork for mind-blowing orgasms. It’s not just all about sex. Like most things in life, you need to sow and do some work before you can harvest rewards. In this case, your seeds are Kegel exercises.

How to do Kegel exercises: 

Find the most comfortable position for you. For example, you can sit comfortably or lie on your back.

Engage your pelvic muscles by squeezing them 10 to 15 times: clench, then release. 

Hold the “clench” for 2 seconds before releasing it.

If you’re unsure, the feeling is similar to holding your pee.

Slowly increase the intensity or repetitions over time. Walk before you run.

Prostock-Studio/Getty Images

2. Relax and take a break in between

A refractory period is a time your body recovers after an orgasm. So there is really a “break time” because, uh, biology. That said, some vulva owners can orgasm one after the other with no refractory period. But for most of us, a little breather is necessary. Literally.

Don’t forget to breathe. Not breathing could impact the likelihood of climaxing for the second or third time. That little break should give your body enough time to reset while not stopping the arousal. You can stimulate other erogenous zones of your body, switch positions or maybe take a sip of a glass of water.

3. Try a different kind of stimulation

An orgasm could make your clitoris extra sensitive. During these times, some can’t bear their pleasure button to be touched. This is the perfect opportunity to experiment and switch stimulation. Play with your breasts, nipples, inner thighs, perineum, etc.—the sky's the limit, and it’s totally up to you.

Sensation play might also be something you’d want to explore to add spice to the session. Trying something new always makes solo sessions more fun. If your clitoris is not too sensitive and clitoral stimulation is what gets you off, you can apply different techniques as well.

Some examples are:

Rubbing - Slide your fingers up and down or back and forth across the clit or clitoral hood.

Tapping - Tap the clit and hood as fast (or slow) as you like.

Circling - Draw circles around the clit and hood, including the labia along the way.

Pinching - Pinch your clitoral hood in between your first two fingers and gently tug it up and down.

Grinding - Grind your pelvis on something—your pillow, the sheets… and so on.

4. Concentrate on your breathing

Breathwork is key to multiple orgasms (and orgasms in general). It clears your mind so that you can stay in the moment. Your body is super connected to your mind. When you’re stressed, it could impact your ability to orgasm. So breathe slowly and deeply as you orgasm.

As your body nears climax and your arousal levels peak, your body will naturally incline to switch to short, huffy breaths. Fight that urge. Continue breathing slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth (like when meditating). This breathing technique is a great way to enhance the sensation.

Sinenkiy/Getty Images

5. Bring out the toys

Adding a sex toy or two elevates the sexploration, making the entire experience more pleasurable for you during solo play (plus with your partner during sex). Almost half of the female participants from a study were revealed to be multi-orgasmic when they use sex toys to aid their sexual activities. So, why not?

These sex toys could help vulva owners achieve multiple orgasms:

Doxy Die Cast - A wand massager that packs a lot of power and sends deep, rumbly vibrations to your clit and various erogenous zones.

Lelo Soraya Wave - A top-shelf rabbit vibrator that provides both clitoral and internal stimulation. The insertable arm is powered by their patented WaveMotion tech that feels like you’re being expertly fingered… by a vibrator.

Lovense Lush 3- A wearable egg vibrator perfect for public and long-distance partnered play. Of course, you can also enjoy it solo by connecting it to your smartphone to enjoy customizing vibration patterns, music syncing, and sound-activation functions.

We-Vibe Tango X- One of the most powerful bullet vibrators with 7 rumbly vibration patterns and 8 adjustable speeds to give you a variety of sensations. Plus, it’s super portable and easy to hide.

Satisfyer Pro 2- A budget-friendly clitoral stimulator that creates changes in air pressure to deliver pleasure. You get 11 levels of intensity, so you can find a configuration that gives you multiple orgasms without putting anything inside yourself. Plus, it works underwater.

Practice makes perfect

Rome wasn’t built in a day. So if you didn’t orgasm multiple times after your first few tries, don’t lose hope. It takes practice to be better at something—including multiple orgasms.

The more you train, the easier it will be for you to achieve your second, third, fourth (and so on) orgasm.

Orgasmed or did not, multiple or just one—NO PRESSURE. It’s not a requirement or an end goal. 

If you enjoyed the journey, then it was a success. The best part? You can always keep trying.

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Aliyah Moore

Aliyah Moore (she/her) is a certified sex therapist with a Ph.D. in Gender & Sexuality Studies. She aims to educate and empower minority voices to embrace their sexuality and identity. Her work & advice have also appeared on Bustle, Cosmopolitan, Popsugar, and MindBodyGreen, among others.

Sent from my iPhone

[cynicism-and-idealism]

Hey. Come sit with me. Let's chat.

How intentionally present, intentionally aware, "mindful" are you of your everyday, routine activities? Are you putting intention towards "being present" in every part of your day? Or just the things that seem like they should be meaningful? Are you just as "present" when you're unloading groceries as you are having dinner with your family? How about when you're washing dishes? Or taking out the trash?

What about when you're washing your hair?

Do you put intentional thought and awareness into washing your hair? Each step of the process, what you're doing, the connection of your hands, your nails, the feeling of your hair, the feeling of your scalp, the feeling of the water, the action of cleansing, of revitalizing, the smell of the soaps, the difference in your hair from dry to wet, from dirty to clean, from shampooed to conditioned.

Washing your hair, cleaning yourself, this routine you perform... is it just a routine? Is it an absent-minded necessity or is it a ritual filled with intention? Are you kind to yourself, as you wash your hair? Slow, gentle, considerate? Or are you perfunctory, rough, impatient? Are you "being present" in this activity with yourself, or are you distracted by thoughts of the day, of work, of chores, of life, of others?

So, how do you wash your hair?

As you think about that, consider also...

How would you wash the hair of another person?

When you wash your child's hair, how "mindfully" are you doing it? How "present" are you in this relational moment with this tiny human? Ask yourself, again, is this a ritual filled with intention? Are you being kind, considerate, gentle? Or are you being impatient, rough, distracted? How aware are you of how your child is responding to having their hair washed? Are they relaxed, or are they tense? Are they "being present" in the moment?

How do they feel to you?

Now, consider...

How would you wash the hair of a friend?

How would you wash the hair of a lover?

How would you wash the hair of a parent?

How would you wash the hair of a stranger?

Does your relationship with that person change how you would wash their hair? Does your relationship with that person change where your focus, your awareness might be? Would you be more cautious, withdrawn, hurried with the stranger? Perhaps more confident, sensual, soft, slow with the lover? How aware and reactive would you be to their experience, their body, their reactions and energy?

Does your relationship with yourself, in regards to that person have influence?

Does your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with the activity impact how you wash your own hair?

We do not exist in a vacuum, and every action is influenced by relationships. Relationships with our environment, with our activity, with other people, with our culture, with our world, with ourselves... Whether you are intentionally aware, intentionally "mindful" of these relationships or not, they exist, and they have impact, influence. It can be very easy to fall into the complacency of routine, of time, of repetitiveness, and we may find we have lost intentional awareness around relationality.

Be intentional about your relationships, your interactions, your existence, in all things.

You can start with simply washing your hair.

[unnursvanablog]

The books I read in 2023 / part 2

and what I thought of them...

Urðarhvarf – Hildur Knútsdóttir:  ☆☆☆ I found the book dragged a bit even though it was short and I personally would have liked to have brought a bit more gloom and horror into the story. It's an interesting idea that could have been worked on a little more.

A Day of Fallen Night – Samantha Shannon:  ☆☆☆ The story moved very slowly and the inconsistency of pace within the narrative affected by enjoyment of the book, making me constantly falling in and out of the story. The world Shannon has created is vast and interesting, as are the characters. But the story wanders arounds a little too much, which doesn't help build the momentum of the narrative and makes everything rather disconnected because the different stories don’t flow well enough together, and it takes a long time to get going. Once the story finally begins in earnest it never seems to become as intense or exciting as the first one.

The Red Palace – June  Hur: ☆☆☆☆ Based on real and interesting events from South Korean history, Hur blends together history and fiction in a really interesting way, making the reader feel like they stepped right into one of those amazing Korean period dramas. In The Red Palace, the author was really successful in combining a grotesque but engaging mystery, a little romance and other plot elements while also giving the reader a good deal of time with the characters without compromising the flow of the story.

Anne of Avonlea – L.M. Montgomery: ☆☆☆ The books about Anne are one of those stories that manage to create this cozy read that at the same time leaves you with some wonderful little humane stories full of wonder. However, I didn't think this book moved me as much as Anne of Green Gables, and I half expected more things to happen. And by the end, the story felt a little repetitive, but overall it was a nice little read - which acts a bit like a bridge from the first book to Anne's next adventures.

The Storytelling Animal: How Stories Make Us Human – Jonathan Gottschall: ☆☆☆ A lot of the interesting ideas and theories are brought forth in the book, but I still found it rather dry and boring to sit through all these articles that just felt a bit of a ramble a bit without giving you the proper thesis or a conclusion. I felt like there was a need for a proper narrative there for it all to come together and propel me into wanting to read on. It just felt a bit empty at times.

The Daughter of Doctor Moreau – Silvia Moreno-Garcia: ☆☆☆ Although there are a lot of interesting things going on within the story and the mystery hangs nicely over us all the time with many complex and intriguing characters the build-up to all of it is way too slow and the climax of the story just happens way too late and just kind of fades away into nothingness.

Reputation - Lex Croucher: ☆☆☆ A easy read that moves quickly - and in a few places I would have liked more depth to the story and that certain moments would have been allowed to last a little longer to make more sense of the story. It manages nicely to be a little darker than one would expect from this type of regency romance, but it still wasn't something I felt needed in this story to create conflict within the narrative. Nice romance but at its core it's mostly about young girls finding their place in the world.

Between two Fires - Christopher Buehlman:  ☆☆☆ While I enjoyed the daringness and audacity of the story and the interesting characters lurking within these pages, I had a hard time getting into the plot because of the way it was written. The narrative sometimes seemed rather unstable and confusing, so I didn't know where I really was. And while the story certainly has a lot to say about the horror of humanity the overall narrative could have been stronger, and by the end I was just tired of the story itself.

Yellowface - R.F. Kuang: ☆☆☆☆ I always appreciate the anger you can feel within Kuang's writing, and although the messages she puts into her story is a little too on the nose at times, she always has plenty to say and her books make you stop a little bit and think. This book is crazy, often hilarious and relentless, and the sequence of events is fast paced, but towards the end it starts to lose steam a little and may seem a little too repetitive in my opinion.

The Picture of Dorian Grey - Oscar Wilde: ☆☆☆ Although the story really manages to immerse you into this world the book is set in and create an interesting atmosphere within the narrative I just found many of the characters rather boring and the story dragged a bit too much.

The Tensorate Series - Neon Yang: ☆☆☆ The stories here are the fine little fantasies and seem to try their hardest to deliver on a lot of things what I want out of the genre like an interesting world, cool magic systems and some ponderings about our society. But in the end, I really thought the only thing Yang was able to fulfill and immerse us in was different ideas about gender identity and how it works in this world and reflect that onto our own, but most everything else was a little flatter than I would have liked it to be. And even though we got proper characterization or world-building by the end of the series, it almost felt a little too late and I was a little bit over the story at that point and was just trying to finish it as fast as I could.

Fourth Wing - Rebecca Yarros:  ☆☆ This booktok darling felt like rough second draft of a novel that somehow ended up being accidentally published without being properly edited. The romance was like reading fanfic story sometimes and incredibly predictable in every way and if I thought that if I had read once more how hot this main guy was supposed to be while still being such a jerk and, of course, her family's worst enemy, I thought I would go crazy and pluck out my own eyes. The writer doesn't stop describing how hot this guy is, and it’s exhausting. The dialogue works like how teenagers today talk to each other, not people in a fantasy book. And then there are those digressions and explanations about the fantasy world that our infinitely flat protagonist goes on a tangent about in her mind were such a boring way to tell us about the worldbuilding. Everything about it was one big cliché. This is undoubtedly an excellent fantasy... if you've never read fantasy before. I rolled my eyes so many times while listening to this story on audiobook that it became the most painful reading experience of the year for me. But hey, dragons are cool.

If We Were Villains – ML Rio: ☆☆☆ This is a very beloved ‘dark academia’ book that certainly felt a little more accessible than some, even though the theatrical world is not something that interests me, and less pretentious than others in that subgenre. But the story and characters felt rather overdramatically – which perhaps fits the theatrical theme of the story, but it was rather tedious to read. The build-up to the tension and murder mystery felt slow, and the storyline had become a bit too predictable by the end.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune – Nghi Vo: ☆☆☆ Told like a fable. Very imaginative and lively, and I think my rating was just mostly the fact that I lost the plot a few times because I was listening to it on an audiobook, but I wasn't really having too much fun with it. One day I would give this story a second chance.

Transcendent Kingdom – Yaa Gyasi: ☆☆☆ The story felt quiet. It is a thoughtful and simple story about how your family that surrounds you shapes your entire life. I sometimes felt like I was missing a personal connection with the characters and sometimes I felt like I was watching it all from a rather great distance. Which could also be due to a culture that me and the main character don't share, which is also a heavy subject in the story. But to me, it was like the author focused a little too much on conveying the theme and the characters had to take the backseat ever so slightly even if they had to frame the story.

Beasts of a Little Land – Juhea Kim: ☆☆☆ The story felt much longer than it actually was. There were periods within the narrative where a lot went on and you almost couldn't follow it, but in between, the story almost seemed to stop and stretch on infinitely. The characters were diverse, tormented, and interesting and great tools to transport us through the story. The grief that was forever present within the narrative felt palpable and fascinating but also super heavy, but I didn't expect anything else from a story that takes place during this period in Korean history. But it just felt a little too long, and a little too slow for me. I think I would have liked it better if I had been watching it as a tv drama.

The Cabinet – Kim Un-su: ☆☆☆ I found the idea of the story really interesting, but the pacing of the story and the way everything was set up and just the narrative itself didn't quite work for me. I tend not to like magical realism, which is what I think this story is, because I either just want the fantasy-elements taken all the way or just not be there at all.

North and South – Elizabeth Gaskell: ☆☆☆This story feels like a good example of how I tend to fall in and out of audiobooks sometimes. Especially if the story doesn't grab me too soon after I start it, but perhaps it was only lengthy sentences and dialogue that made it quite a bore, as well as the excerpts in the plot that made it a rather lengthy read.

Earthlings – Sayaka Murata: ☆☆ The author tends to repeat things a little too often in order to emphasize the points she is trying to address in her stories, that I found rather redundant in this one. I just thought I was reading the same thing, over and over, like the author had an interesting idea, but hadn't given herself enough time to explore it before she sat down to write.

Days at the Morisaki Bookshop – Satoshi Yagisawa: ☆☆☆☆ I really enjoyed such a slow slice of life type of story that this book has to offer. The plot and pacing were very pleasant, the setting of the story is rather enveloping and palpable, and it's wonderful to spend quiet moments with the characters. Sure, sometimes there could have been a little more depth there, and the story changes a bit towards the end, but it didn't bother me much while I was reading it.

Masters of Death – Olivie Blake: ☆☆☆ Very wordy, which took attention and time away from a rather interesting storyline. The author tends to just let her characters talk and talk, and it often doesn't seem to take the plot anywhere. And I understand it's an interesting way to learn about and get to know the characters, but it's an awful lot of chatter and I wish we could have gotten a more show through action and less tell because that’s a quite a bad way to tell such a character-driven story. I sometimes felt like the story hadn't been reviewed well enough (because some things could have been cut away in editing) and sometimes you just lost the plot entirely while reading.

The Final Girl Support Group – Grady Hendrix: ☆☆ I understand it's supposed to be a great satire or something about how horror movies profit off or prey on their female characters, the trauma that women often have and the fears that a lot of us live with - as well as the cults that pop up around fame. But the story just drags on and all the characters felt like caricatures or stereotypes. And perhaps that was the intention, but it doesn't work. I had a really hard time identifying or remembering which character was which because none of them stood out or were interesting to me.

Bookshops & Bonedust – Travis Baldree: ☆☆☆ I thought there were too many side-plots, too many things going on and characters were crammed into this little story than there should have been. Which sometimes made the story a little uneven, but I still shed tears over the last pages, so I think it came together nicely at the end. The strengths of the cozy subgenre of fantasy, where the reader is sort of settled into the wonderfully mundane side of the world, are sometimes lost in this book because we're too busy fighting exorcisms and such things.

A Dowry of Blood – S.T. Gibson: ☆☆☆☆ The story is written in a rather poetic and gloomy way. The writing is very flowery, but never gets too pretentious, although at times it tends to be just for the aesthetic, but I think it only fills the story with a fun and interesting atmosphere that sucks you in even though the plot may be a bit thin. But since it's written as a diary-type tale from the perspective of an old, dramatic vampire that's telling the reader her life story, I think this works very well for such a slow character story.

Þormóður Torfason –  dauðamaður og dáður sagnaritari – Bergsveinn Birgisson:  ☆☆☆ Thanks to the nuances, beautiful descriptions and imagined inserts that the author puts into the text the books become rather enjoyable and not too dry of a read and not just list of facts and such things. However, it tends to get too lengthy sometimes, and some chapters are not as exciting as others. I like to read about history, but I'd rather there be a little narrative there, which this book has to offer.

Our Share of Night - Mariana Enríquez: ☆☆☆ It was a challenge to get through this story, which felt a bit too long at times and I sometimes found myself falling in and out of the narrative because everything was taking so much time. The characters are great though, and the writing and history and cultural elements of the story were absolutely lovely buy it's a bit crude at times.

The Scandalous Sisterhood of Prickwillow Place - Julie Berry: ☆☆☆ This was a re-read. I decided to give this story another shot because maybe I wasn't reading it at the right time or something, but no I just ran into the same obstacles with this story as last time. Very slow and repetitive storyline and there were way too many characters, you see little difference between them, and non of them develop much throughout the story.

[bubblymochicat]

You should watch/read One Piece

!!!! Please note that all of these are just my opinions!!!!

I know, I know. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Ugh, Bubbly I've heard this argument so many times before. There's no way I'm getting into One Piece! It's way too long! There's no way the story can be anything other than dry and repetitive after that long of a run."

And maybe you're right, It's all up to your opinion really, but just because you've heard other people make that argument doesn't mean you shouldn't at least give it a try!

Yes One Piece is a very long running story that seemingly never ends (been running for over 20 years!), but believe it or not the story still manages to stay pretty fresh and keeps up with the times pretty well (Given how popular it still is after all this time). Personally I think it's a good thing that One Piece has been ongoing for so long.

I think that's given the story enough time to really come into its own and allowed the mangaka to really get a grasp on how he wants his story to play out (and eventually end). I think that because the story has been able to grow and take off for so long it's also given the characters and the world they live in time to grow and change too. Looking back none of them are the same person as when the story started. All of them have been through so many different things and they've all been able to grow and improve. In a lot of ways the people consuming the story have been able to kind of grow alongside the characters.

I know that at first One Piece also just seems like another dumb fight to fight anime, but I don't think that's the case at all! On a surface appearance the series can kind of come off as a bunch of goofy pirates picking fights with each other to claim the title of royalty, but there are so many different times where One Piece really does get into some deep topics. And not just like in the oh-you-blinked-and-its-gone way, but the characters constantly have to face off against people and ideals that are blatantly bad. Things like slavery, grief, loneliness, abuse, genocide, and abuse of power are really just the tip of a very very large iceberg.

Also if you love things like the found family trope then One Piece might have a lot of stuff for you. One thing that I absolutely adore about One Piece is that there are so many different portrayals of family! It's also not just the main characters who get to have really strong bonds between themselves (and believe me they do), but everywhere they go they stumble across people who just love each other so much that they stick together no matter what. People who go through life together and forge bonds with the people they go through it with! Not just the main characters, but villains, side characters, allies, enemies, background characters, everyone!

Everywhere you look in One Piece there are characters who either love their families so much they would do anything for them, or people who love themselves so much that they break away from their "families" to build one of their own with people whom they trust their life with. One thing that's really special to me is that none of the main characters really had a conventional family. Basically all of them came from a found family unit that they had built up over the years. I love that because I feel like it kind of breaks away from that sad anime stereotype where when a character loses someone in their family they get stuck on it while One Piece goes to show that yeah that person can never be replaced, but there are always other people out there who want your love and want to love you too.

ANother thing I love about One Piece are the depictions of grief.

Now I'm not saying that you have to go watch One Piece and that you're gonna love it because it might not work out that way. Maybe you'll watch the first two or three episodes and decide it's just not your cup of tea. And that's okay! You don't have to like it! All I'm saying is to go and form your own opinions about it and to have fun with it!

[thekimspoblog]

I'm getting a lot of hate comments saying "lol clearly didn't understand the game" and hey shut up? I understand the game better than you do? I was already familiar with UIWAMs, memetics, and tulpamancy, and that's why I wasn't impressed? The world building in this game is fine but "good lore" is not the same as a "good story"? Maybe my understanding was "surface level" because this game is all surface.

It makes no sense for characters to be this obsessed with Lila when she has very little personality and the times we do see her, she's nothing but unpleasant. I get that William was lonely, but if we're supposed to believe Lila was love-bombing him at some point, we're never shown how that worked. The one flashback we do get of Lila and Will happy together, she's just lecturing him about Dualism. And I speak from experience: teenage boys don't give a shit about Dualism. If dry philosophical debate was all it took to win a man's heart, I wouldn't be single right now.

And again, what grinds my gears is that if this entity is supposed to be based on Lilith, this is such a passé interpretation of Lilith! IRL followers of Lilith believe that she was smeared as "vain" by Christianity, simply because she was a proud woman who didn't want to play second fiddle to Adam. And since this entity is shaped by the perceptions of her followers, it's dumb that her character seems to be informed exclusively by Dante and Milton and not like... Anton LeVey or any of the feminist deconstructions of the Lilith archetype. I'm just very sick of video games using occult and pagan iconography simply to call them the tools of evil. I'm not saying your Lilith character can't be malicious, but some of the above nuance would have gone a long way in making Will getting seduced by her feel more credible.

All I'm saying is this: Your story about fictional characters growing powerful enough to take on a life of their own, works a lot better when you bother to CREATE INTERESTING CHARACTERS. "Westworld" for example, also featured a boy named William falling in love with a tulpa-type creature, and that obsession proceeding to ruin his life. But in Westworld IT WORKED because we see Will and Dolores having the kind of conversations Will and Tanya do in this game. Dolores was built to charm people and she is charming; she takes an interest in Will's hopes and dreams, she doesn't just preach a philosophy; she discusses ideas about the limitations of free will in terms of her own anxieties. She makes William feel special; she makes him feel seen. The romance arc in Westworld manages to convey the core concepts of the scifi AND make it abundantly clear what Will saw in Dolores; why she ended up occupying his every waking thought. That's what good writing does. And because of this, Dolores Abernathy is more transcendent than Lila could ever claim to be.

You want another example? You need me to prove that everything this game does, other recent artworks have already done better? Alright, let's talk about Pathologic! In my opinion, that game actually was pretty repetitive with the ideas it wanted to espouse as well, but I had a lot more patience for that because the esoteric jargon was better connected to the characters, and the characters were more interesting and likeable overall. Clara is revealed to have such an inconsistent personality because the gods who made her are in disagreement about who she should be. And even if you weren't surprised by this twist, this development feels satisfying because it's based in relatable every day concepts: half the town has put their faith in Clara as a saint, and this pressure to deliver a miracle not only allows but kind of forces her to rise above the self-interest of a common child and be compassionate to extremes of martyrdom. The other half of the town believes she is a criminal and a witch, and this forces her to become a criminal to survive. Do you see how that works? Instead of just giving the audience a note to read about how a person's sense of self is heavily reliant on who other people perceive them to be, it forges empathy for a character who is actually struggling with this. SHOW. DON'T. TELL!

Or how about Georgi channeling Simon near the end of Patho1? There's a clear parallel between that and what the Lawrence cult was trying to do with Lila. So why was Simon doing this? Why was he willing to sacrifice his mind to spend every waking moment keeping the memory of his brother alive? Well, because he's afraid. He's afraid he'll never be the patriarch his brother was, he's afraid to admit that he never really loved his twin as much as he claimed to, and he's afraid that without the strong leadership of Simon the town is falling apart. That's beautiful and a little bit sad. It's ambiguous whether the Kain family actually has magic, or if they've just gone mad with grief, but either way we know Georgi's memories of Simon are imperfect and spending every moment thinking about Simon isn't the same as raising the dead. Patho1 doesn't just hand you a thesis on how our mental images of friends and family are fictionalized and idealized versions which can never capture the full truth; it shows you the heartbreak of someone trying to embody another mind/soul and failing. Now why was the Lawrence Fraternity channeling Lila? Something something influencing global politics? Do they have any specific grievances for why they believe the world needs to be saved from itself? Is the altruism a lie and this is really about money and power? Do the higher-ranking cult members know they're worshipping Satan or is the entire chain of command made up of lonely people with imaginary friends? Who knows! Who cares! The only members we meet are William and Strupnav, and as I've already explained it makes no sense what they were getting out of tulpamancy either. Boring!

It's just incredibly insulting to dismiss my criticisms as me "not understanding" what the game was going for, when the fact is this story had ONE INTERESTING IDEA and it beat me over the head with it ad nauseum. If you think this game is a good TEXTBOOK about philosophy and occultism, you're not wrong. But a textbook is not a narrative. And these repetitive exposition dumps came at the expense of plot and character.

JJ Abrams got so much shit for his "Mystery Box" TED Talk, and yet people found "Who's Lila?" impressive?! This game is nothing but mystery box storytelling! Lila has no substance as a character, and so she baited you along with a mystery, but she knows that once she reveals that there's nothing under the mask you'll lose interest and she will expire. Much deep; very wow. Kind of feels like the writers admitting they couldn't be bothered to write anything better. Like hey Lila maybe you wouldn't "die", maybe I wouldn't lose interest after closing the game window, if I was given a single damn reason to care about you as a character. Once you've seen stories that manage to admit that the initial mystery was a red herring AND still give you ideas you're left to chew on for weeks after the story ends, you realize how cheap it is for a game to think the red herring mystery was all it takes to be clever. Well ok, the destination was always bullshit; sometimes it's about the journey along the way. Oh wait! The journey sucked too!

"Dada Dog" being an innocent sticker which was coopted into a symbol of racial violence? That's a simple and effective example of how the game's philosophy can apply to every day situations. Too bad Mike is never given a chance to talk about how the murder of his brother effected him, and then the sticker is never brought up again.

The personal struggles Tanya was dealing with did an ok job fleshing her out; she seems like sweet girl with relatable insecurities. Too bad none of that was relevant to why Lila killed her.

Despite being a demon from the noosphere, it's implied Lila actually has a mother and father, and that her relationship with them is not great. That could be the beginning of an interesting characterization, but the iceberg doesn't go any deeper! Sure I could craft elaborate fan theories about how this relates to her bond with William, but no screw that! If the game didn't bother, why should I?!

To reiterate: as a computer game this is fine. Navigating a dialogue tree by showing one of six facial expressions is a creative premise for a game. It's quite fun replaying the interrogation room over and over just to see which faces lead to which outcomes. And while I thought the ARG segments were tedious, overall the program had a pretty good diversity of minigames to keep the player on their toes. The problem is that it wanted to be more than a silly game about a killer trying to cover up his crimes. It wanted to be an expansive, mind-blowing dialectic about the ephemeral nature of the human ego. And it talked a big game but it never delivered. It's an interactive novel, so I don't mind that 80% of the gameplay is just reading stuff. But "novel" implies a level of emotional investment, and nothing went deep enough to give me that. Instead this game feels like being locked in a room with a stoner who wants to monologue for 2 hours straight about the half-baked epiphany they just had. And I get enough of that at home.

If you enjoyed the story, fine. But ideally a work of fiction will use plots and characters to build complex hypothetical conflicts, in a way that the audience can figure out what ideas the piece is trying to convey without the story just grinding to a halt to spell out what we're supposed to be learning. And "Who's Lila?" feels so amateurish on this front, that calling this game "genius" is a disservice to better media which actually tries.

Was up all night playing "Who's Lila?".

Should you buy this game? Sure. The core game mechanic is fun and gimmicky. Really my biggest complaint is that they should have spent more time ripping off "Mario Paint" and less time ripping off "Im Scared"

What did I think of the story though? In three words...

SHOW👏 DON'T👏 TELL!!!!👏

This game is NOT as clever as it thinks it is; every philosophy it tries to spew at you, I've seen already done better in other pretentious video games.

Lila sucks! She's not "manipulative"; she's just rude. She's not "highly intelligent"; she's just a blatant mouthpiece for the author. I don't care how hot the actress is, not even the most pathetic sod would fall in love with this. She speaks in nothing but cliched villain monologues, and THIS is supposed to be such a dynamic fictional character that it reached the Collective Unconscious as a physical plain and gained free will?! As someone who ACTUALLY worships Lilith, I'm offended, because the real deity and her covens are way more interesting.

I hate William LESS as a 1-dimensional fictional archetype, but when your choices for explanation of what the hell is going on are between a supernatural force that absolves him of all responsibility for his crimes, or the good ol' fashioned "mental illness turned him into a cross-dressing killer"... yeah we're not in great shape.

And I'm REALLY getting sick of choose-your-own-adventure games using multiverses to get out of having to write actual focused, coherent endings to their stories. How about we leave the 4th wall UP for once?