#just hits a lot of people where it hurts
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Memory, cover by Zhou Shen on Super Vocal (2018)
Translation below the cut if you need it, but if you can understand or read Mandarin Chinese I highly highly recommend watching this all the way through.
I didn’t see it coming, so my first time hearing the part starting from 3:59 was an Experience. An experience I would really love to share! So... here is the Chinese version of the last two verses that Zhou Shen adapted himself.
This was supposed to be from Grizabella’s perspective, but I think it is also Shenshen’s and ours as well. Ah, it resonates hard with me anyway.
我像一片落叶飘零 wǒ xiàng yī piàn luò yè piāo líng I, like a fallen leaf adrift on the wind,
只有回不去的曾经 zhǐ yǒu huí bù qù de céng jīng have only a past to which there is no return.
仿佛早晨田间一朵野花 fǎng fú zǎo chén tián jiān yī duǒ yě huā As if it were a wildflower in the fields from the morning,
这记忆也在凋零 zhè jì yì yě zài diāo líng this memory is withering too.
请你 qǐng nǐ Please,
一点点向我靠近 yī diǎn diǎn xiàng wǒ kào jìn little by little, come close to me;
哪怕一步的距离 nǎ pà yī bù de jù lí even the distance of one step,
留我在孤单里 liú wǒ zài gū dān lǐ leaves me in this loneliness.
只要你愿意 zhǐ yào nǐ yuàn yì So long as you are willing,
你也会感到我的真心 nǐ yě huì gǎn dào wǒ de zhēn xīn you can feel my heart too.
看 那晨光 kàn nà chén guāng Look - the light of dawn
已来临 yǐ lái lín has come.
Original English Verses:
Sunlight through the trees in summer Endless masquerading Like a flower, as the dawn is breaking The memory is fading
It's so easy to leave me All alone with my memory Of my days in the sun If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is Look, a new day has begun
#Memory#Zhou Shen#周深#i forget how i tag him lol#the first time i heard it#我像一片落叶飘零#just hit me in the face???? in the heart???? the lungs and everywhere#and it was like instant tears LOL#instant ugly crying even#仿佛早晨田间一朵野花 这记忆也在凋零#took a bit more time to take in cos the first two lines were such a sledgehammer to my feelings#and then 请你 was so so so intense?#and like i think#留我在孤单里#just hits a lot of people where it hurts#look at how many started crying#it's not like the tearing up sort too - their faces are twisting up#which like MOOD#but 看#that comes after feels like a sudden lightening#a relief and release
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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if danielle had survived and was told it was keamy who killed alex, would she have enough self-restraint not to kill him because of his pacemaker-bomb or would she help ben stab the guy
#i am torn between the two#or a secret third option#where she does stab the guy but just enough to hurt him A Lot#without killing him#but also i think if ben did kill him anyway she wouldn't care#like yes she's civil and likes the survivours kinda#some of them at least#but would she really care? i think she would. later#i think at first she wouldn't#blinded by grief#and then it'd hit her and she'd feel guilty because those people had been kind to her#again. some of them. namely sayid#danielle rousseau#alex rousseau#ben linus#martin keamy#lost abc
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Watching Interview With The Vampire Season 2 with my partner
(context for folks who didn't read the books: the characters are significantly more fucked up than in the show, and part of Armand's seduction of Louis and Claudia is presenting them with Armand's personal boy, who sleeps in a little cage in his office, which is one of the primary things I remember about him from the first book)
Episode 2.03
Armand, to Louis: "I have something to show you." Me: "Is it your boy in a cage, Armand?" My partner: "I don't think he has a boy in a cage in this universe." Me: "That's weird!"
Episode 2.04
Armand, explaining his tragic backstory in an art gallery Me: "Yes that's sad but what about your boy in a cage???" My partner: "This Armand doesn't have a boy in a cage!" Me: "And that's weird!! Is he even Armand without a boy in a cage???"
Episode 2.05
Daniel, to Louis: "How long did you two keep me there? I was a glorified house pet for two, three, four, five days? " Me: "Oh my god Daniel is the boy in the cage." My partner: "Finally! He is!" (we have to pause the show because we're too busy cackling at the realization)
#we're enjoying it very much#we've been screaming a lot#which is impressive considering i'm super sick and my throat hurts So Very Much#anyways two episodes to go and then we're caught up#i love this armand so fucking much btw don't get me wrong#it's just weird to be in a slightly better universe#where anne rice isn't hitting me over the head with Terrible Vampire Actions every two seconds#but also i get to look at pretty people???? and it's kind of killing me????#every time armand faces the camera i almost pass out#maybe that's the cold medication though#iwtv#iwtv s2#ask to tag
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Does anybody else, like. When people talk about "Oh those stupid guys who are too pathetic and awful and off-putting to get a girlfriend" and, because you are a queer woman who has had difficulty in trying to date other women, you assume that they are also talking about. You.
#like LOGICALLY. I know the difference between me and Those Guys is that they hate women and don't see them as people and also#refuse to better themselves/refuse to accept rejection. and none of that applies to me.#but just...so many times the punchline seems to be 'haha you're single' and like. y'all so are lots of people! that's not an inherent sign#of Being Irredeemably Pathetic!#I know the point is to hit these people where it hurts and where it hurts is 'lmao women don't want you'#but y'know. women don't want ME either!!! which is understandable I'm very weird but I don't TAKE IT OUT ON OTHER PEOPLE.#I CERTAINLY DON'T GET PUSHY AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY REJECT ME!!!!!! I CERTAINLY DON'T SEE WOMEN AS LESSER!!!!!!!!!!#DON'T GROUP ME WITH THE PEOPLE WHO DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and I mean...I can't control how other people feel about me? if women do not want to date me then that's just a thing I have to be#sad about and move on from I don't think that makes me like. evil?? I don't think that automatically means I'm completely lacking in#common sense or something? idk. my thoughts on this are very disconnected and I am going to go write about my favorite#married fictional war criminals now
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I'm so close to writing about a character being beaten over the head with a rusty shovel and bleeding out dying to prove just how easy angst is to write
#Humour is so much more challenging than angst and I'm not going to take it back#It takes actual skill and effort to make funny jokes and laugh#Actually great s-tier angst makes you feel like you're transcending to a new plane of existence but you can still hurt people pretty easily#I just find the hard-hitting angst sticks a lot harder#Since most of the time it's either relatable or has been built up to exceptionally well#As opposed to most angst oneshots where it's just a quick and somewhat meh dose of pain#Give me suffeing for 20k words minimum or give me death#sp-rambles#Am I arguing over anybody about this?#No of course not I made a strawman to get mad at like usual#Except IG it's also true here#Comedy is seem as a lesser form of writing than tragedy and whatnot#Which it isn't inherently so
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Nimoma has good emotional payoff and animation but nothing else to really write home about TBH
It's very SPOP in that way, where the arcs and scenes are solid when viewed outside of the media in gifset or clip form but don't work as well when actually watching what they're from
For sure! I think that's a problem she-ra and toh both share with Nimona—they struggle with setup but then go ham on the payoff, which leaves everything feeling somewhat unearned.
The end of the movie bugged me in particular—Ballister's 180 with calling Nimona a monster (something he KNOWS pushes her to the brink) after one conversation with his ex-boyfriend was...I think out of place?
Normally if you have a character make a wrong choice like that you, as the audience, would be questioning the whole movie if they had ever REALLY changed. Was Ballister's loyalty truly to Nimona or to the Institute/Goldenloin? But, by that point in the movie they had really sold me on Ballister's complete acceptance of Nimona and disregard of the institute, so....why would he turn on Nimona then? I'm surprised they didn't do this plot the other way, which would instead have only made it seem like Ballister betrayed Nimona, you know? Like they did in Tangled. That way you don't undo Ballister's movie long arc with one scene, but you can still have Nimona go berserk and make her way into the heart of the city.
There were also a couple of other things that felt kinda dropped by the end. Ballister being the first commoner to become a knight? The Queen's important role in this society? This kingdom's prejudice going SO deep that not even a child would give Nimona a chance after saving their life, yet blowing up the wall changed everyone's minds in the end?
There were a lot of good pieces, but they weren't quite put together in the right ways.
#I think a lot of my dislike of the movie might have been just differences in taste#That movie was NOT my sense of humor and I disliked how they handled some things#Like...it kinda bugged me how they went about Ballister's prosthetic limb I won't lie.#I also don't know if Nimona ''not wanting to be a monster'' yet also wanting to cause so much destruction around her worked for me#Or at least not the way it was done#Like. I'm ALL for a character that wants to hurt others because of the way they've been hurt. That's based.#But that's not...really what they did? Or at least I don't think so#Like she's not REALLY a villain but she did sincerely want Ballister to be.#She values life. But she also wants to murder people? She wants violence??? Idk. It was a weird mix#She's SO sad that child was scared of her but earlier she like. Completely fucks up another kid's game. For no reason.#God and Nimona being 1000 years old makes a lot of her actions kinda weird. She feels so 14 to me yet she's immortal afssf#Also just not that big a fan of the trope where it's revealed ''this ancient legend was actually kids the whole time!!!''#but I know that's just my tastes#HOWEVER. I also think it made the movie weaker in certain aspects.#Prejudice is learned. So making it feel SO ingrained into the very beings of this world's people#IDK man did not hit it's mark for me#the queer allegory was legitimately very good though. loved that#asks#shera critical#toh critical#nimona critical#I will say skimming this movie for a second time was way more enjoyable for me#maybe I was just in a bad mood yesterday sfdjklsfdjkl#I think some of my points still stand though
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Sorry-not-sorry I'm back on my normal 'Kevin and Argit were so small' bullshittery.
Because they fucking were. Kevin was twelve when Servantis tossed everybody, and Argit couldn't have been far off. They were middle school aged. 'Puberty would be starting about now if we weren't wandering the Null Void and therefor likely not eating near enough' aged.
A pair of children, with minimal education, no paperwork, no homes, no guardians. Wandering the Null Void and then the Milky Way, on their own. One a prime target for the slave trade, both prime targets for adults looking to take advantage of them (*coughcoughOttocoughcough*). With only as much security as they could provide themselves and each other. Only able to rely on themselves for the basic necessities of life.
And then this show has the audacity to try to tell me that they turned to crime due to poor morality. That they're money focused because they're just naturally greedy. That they don't trust people and look out for themselves because they're bad people that either will always be bad people or will only improve because of the power of Tennysons.
What options were there for them? What jobs are there in the Null Void? What jobs are there in the galaxy that'll hire barely-teens, if even that, with no paperwork or educations, that wouldn't ruin them as badly and pay worse than the crime they already had experience with? Will keep them fed and clothed and sheltered? When one of them already has a criminal record, for violent crimes at that? When there's nobody there to stop even the 'good' adults from taking advantage of them?
The show will sit there and tell you that Kevin's violent crimes were the result of a rough childhood, but he and Argit's non-violent ones? Totally on them, no excuse, wholly a matter of greed and not giving a shit about other people. Fucking bullshit. This is a pair of kids who had to grow up way too fast, up against an existence that saw at least one of them as easy profit, with nothing but themselves and each other, and no opportunities. They're a pair of traumatized kids who grabbed the opportunities available to them with both hands and were molded by the problems they faced.
Of course they're money-focused, unlike the Tennysons they don't and haven't had anybody making sure they had enough to get by. They've had to support themselves and live with the constant worry that something is going to go pear-shaped and they'll have nothing.
They spent years with anybody and everybody being a potential threat (even between the two of them, Argit's noting that Kevin's snapping while he worked for the Rooters was the worst he'd seen 'before or since' makes it quite clear he's seen him on and passed the edge at least as much if not more than we have), of course they're going to be slow to trust, quick to toss people aside, and unwilling to help their enemies without some sort of payout, they've been burned before.
Just- Damnit these two come from some shitty fucking situations, the effects they had on them are obvious if you bother to fucking look, and they both deserved better than the series just going "oh yeah they're assholes what do you expect they're criminals" and moving the fuck on. Like, for fuck's sake at least acknowledge that they're like this because life was a fucking lead pipe to the teeth to them! We know Kevin's situation was shit even before they met, we got to see it, but even if Argit had a perfectly good life beforehand (unlikely) the earliest we see him is being held captive for illegal experimentation purposes by law enforcement! These two have been through shit! At least acknowledge it!
Fuck, they could've replaced Color of Monkey with that, hitting on the differences between how Kevin and Argit adapted to their circumstances, give us upfront the Tennysons being a safety net that let Kevin heal (rather than just 'oh the Tennysons taught him morals because they're the Good People') while Argit's issues and lack of security kept him stagnant. It would go better with what we see of him over the course of OV leading up to the Rooters arc, and what we're shown in the Rooters arc. Give us him still being far from great or on the up-and-up but improving with the stability that comes with his 'hero' status, a repairing relationship with Kevin after that arc, and a flourishing, above-board business. Rather than backpedaling on any good the writers had thrown at him like they'd realized they were coming up against a cliff.
Shit that makes you want to get the writers by the shoulders and shake them mercilessly.
#the fact kevin's willingness to leave his enemies to their fates is treated as a character flaw resulting from his being immoral#rather than a result of the traumatic-ass shit he's been though and these enemies continue to put him through#we *really* needed a scene between him and gwen where it's made clear that just because she and ben choose to forgive people#doesn't mean kevin has to and that his desire not to help people who only want to hurt him is entirely reasonable#argit has gone through so much shit too and it was understandable it didn't get touched on in UAF because it hadn't been established#but OV has no fucking excuse#bastards really went 'argit is a more accepting partner than rook and selflessly saved a lot of people's lives at least once-#-and cares about kevin and went through so much trauma alongside him and is the wielder of the omnitrix in at least one parallel universe'#and then turned around and went 'but also he is actually an even worse person than UAF showed-#-no really we know we just showed him being the type to selflessly save lives-#-but he's totally down with kidnapping and selling small children to be eaten'#these boys deserve better#honest to fuck they had argit selling children as food directly after showing us how he was treated as a thing by adults as a child#when we know kevin was a victim of the same shit and that argit held it against at least servantis#when we could have had an episode where kids are going missing in Undertown and the heroes learn because Argit called them about it#when we could've had something hitting on he and kevin's trauma from the shit they went through alongside argit growth#as he at the very least refuses to let other little kids go through shit like he and kevin did#which would play well with what we see of him in the rooters arc#*and* what we see in The Purge when he's the one who responds to the FK bullshit not by fleeing the planet but by informing Team Tennyson#despite being shown to have the *ability* to flee#we'd even still get to see scary post-rooters 'don't fuck with me' argit it'd be great#missed fucking opportunities all over the damn place doing these boys dirty
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bc yeah. when naruto says "friendship is EVERYTHING" it's not a sparkly protagonist who hasn't seen the world yet. it's a deeply hurt, orphaned, 12 year old kid in an obnoxious orange jumpsuit who doesnt even know how much hes hurting, yelling at you angrily struggling to hold back his tears bc friendship and caring was the only thing that kept him from going into the dark
#and idk i guess it just hits harder#team seven was important to sasuke AND naruto#they both hate admitting it at first#but its just like the one flashback when they were kids where they saw each other made faces but then#separated with soft smiles#they might get angry they might clash but those bonds are what kept them going it fueled them#especially their bond with each other#people talk a lot about how team seven helped sasuke experience somewhat of a normal childhood#but it was the same for naruto#they got angry at each other but they cared they knew they had each others back they were just hurting kids who#found solace in each other and jsut. ugh#man
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i guess i need to have a "god i'm so awful and selfish and wrong and shameful for having attempted suicide" moment at least once a day for the foreseeable future
#hate it honestly#my coworker was telling me about her break up#which is bad like i know that shit hurts really i do#but then i got home and got hit by a wave of fuck. other ppl have normal problems like their love life. work struggles. etc#meanwhile i tried to kill myself (again) and just have to go on as if i didn't almost die?#i offered to listen and help her and i'd do it gladly if she takes up my offer#but it's kinda hysterical that i'm here trying to help other people when i can barely stay alive and feel an unspeakable amount of shame#about it#it's just bizarre. weird. headache inducing#like yeah i'm there listening to people's love problems and idk car issues which yes all difficult stuff but#meanwhile in my head it's like “shit. they don't even know i tried to kill myself to end my fucking life. what would they say if they did”#idk. lots of shame. i keep sayjng it here sorry i just don't know where else to lol will talk abt it in therapy but yknow#just started w this therapist there's only so much you can say in like 50 mins but maybe the 2nd session
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#im probably gonna be spending a lot of my life mourning my sisters and my relationship#we were so close but now we dont really talk outside of gatherings#i dunno#we're both living our own lives and it takes two to be distant#theres a lot of things i hate about her and its probably mostly stuff that hits my own insecurities#i used to come to her with all kinds of things#now its like she doesnt respond to my lil reachings out so like i dunno#we work for the same fucking college for fucks sake#im prolly always gonna resent her for applying and moving here without telling me and just having me hear second hand#like yes im not blameless but also like fuck her#i continue to prove i dont need her but also i miss her#we only hurt each other when we do talk#the fact my old coworker reminded me of her so much was probably part of why i hated her so bad#fuck people who think theyre better than me (read people i think are better than me)#my mom called today and thats whats got me thinking like this#im great#people love me#im loved#honestly my familys where i get all my abandonment issues#im better off without all of them but by god if thats gonna stop me from like feeling the ache of their absence like a phantom limb
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I do think platonic betrayal is a deeply underexplored and fascinating narrative
#echos personal rambles#holiday star is very very good is what this post is about btw#but also just. in media in general there is something SO INTERESTING about friends turning against each other#especially cause in platonic relationships a lot of stuff is just. so much more undefined#like two people can both think of each other as friends but have entirely different#perceptions of their closeness or obligations to each other#in a way where parsing what even counts as a 'betrayal' can be so messy#though. honestly i personally CANNOT consume too many toxic friendship narratives cause they can get triggering for me#sometimes really well written ones exist (which is why holistar is my favorite game ever)#but sometimes they just. hurt.#platonic storylines just hit harder idk!#like i can interact with romance media the same way i do with like... sci-fi.#i dont feel romantic attraction so it is a fun little narrative device for me#whereas platonic storylines actually fully suck me into the story and hurt me#which means that they can be very very good and impactful for me#but also if theyre handled in certain ways they can mess me up a little
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im always between starting a horror project or not bc
#like i got a lot of personal fears that are pretty real and tangible but at the same time I dont want it to be triggering yknow???#i think my favorite horrors stories are those that you can also take the double meaning???#but then I also take a look at what I had of the fc*5 I had for Jason and it is horror#i wanted to hit the vibes from sharp objects which its the horror of how people you love hurt you??? how family hurts????#but also ngl its at times very triggering#uhhhhhh#idk where im going with this tbh#i just want horror#maybe I leave the fc*5 still on drafts bc I do want to write it but it was cathartic in a degree but i also want to be careful of what i put#out there#yknow???
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My father just reminded me that he will be kicking me out at some point beginning of next year… ANYWAYS! If you’ve enjoyed my chaos in any of its forms and would like to help me leave on my own terms consider donating to my ko-fi :)
Anything helps! <3
#donate#ko fi#lgbtq#I’m walking on eggshells all the time around my dad and he’s starting to compare me to my oldest sibling who he sees as a failure#I don’t think my oldest sibling is a failure but he sure dose and knowing that makes the comparison hurt a lot#he’s also commenting on my weight again which sucks#I already have a place lined up and people to live with I just need the money#tbh my moms not gonna be happy with me moving out unless I have like 15k in my bank account but that’s not gonna happen before I get booted#I also gotta fix my car but I already have the parts for that just gotta convince my dad to get off his ass on his days off to help fix it#there’s so much shit I need to do before I move out but time is still moving and I can’t turn it back#I feel like I’ve hit a point where I can’t move forward#aaaaa#tbh these tags have become a bit of a vent#I’m sorry bout that
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The thing . . . about Steve dying in season 5 . . . is that it would be a solid narrative choice . . . but what you have to remember is . . . the Duffers are not very good writers . . .
#there's been a lot of dead steve discourse lately#and him dying would absolutely 100% fuck me up#and i wouldn't put it past them to do it just to hit people where it hurts#but if the goal is like i dunno#narrative symmetry or something#they don't know what that is#i don't know if you can tell but i do actually enjoy this show
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how does one deal with things they would prefer to stay burried and how does one not go for the carotid of a bystander who opened their mouth
#sure having A Day#for context that's my own fault and generalised lack of any kind of motivation for my own being that put me there#and that's not the reason why i want to tear people apart#but those people should look twice at the mirror before throwing stones#bc i can handle and pass over a lot of words#(bc i recognise i'm at fault and i am sorry about that)#but there are some that Will Not Pass coming from someone who drank and had a car accident then drank again 2 weeks later#and i'm sure having some troubles to not hit where it hurts#anyway the generalised lack of any kind of motivation for my own being might hide some deeper issues that i do not want to examine thanks#who knows maybe i'm just being dramatic#i'll get over it anyway did it once did it twice etc etc
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