#just gonna rest it a bit ig
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why does my hand hurt now i didnt even do anything to cause it to cramp like it does before
#miniz rambles#maybe my hand just really hates holding my 3ds (original vers)#or ive been using my phone too much#its like specifically the area where the thumb and index finger join#not sure what its called rn but yeah it cramps up if i use my thumb too much#i think it actually swells up a bit but barely#just gonna rest it a bit ig
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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i should not have scrolled through twt looking at pretty art while drawing bcs now i feel bad abt mine 😭😭😭
#haha ignore this this is just me being a lil sensitive ass thats all#dean rambles#but sometimes i look at ppl's art and go damn...i've been drawing since as soon as i can hold a pen and paper#but why can't i draw like that?#i mean i know the answer#just felt a bit melancholic u know#like no matter what i do im always gonna do an okayish job#whether i put all effort or no effort at all#dean vents#just one of those days ig#im gonna doodle some stuff for the rest of the night#and then i'll try to fix sleep schedule umu
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Karlach and Astarion literally cannot have a happy ending if they... actually do good and stay true to themselves. Wtf.
#im. a bit annoyed#like karlach? probs gonna fight in avernus for the rest of her life JUST to be free#Astarion? he'll live in isolation in the shadows and always in fear because he is ALWAYS afraid#all because karlach wanted to save the fucking world and Astarion thought killing 7000 victims was a bit too much; even for him#like?????????????#cmon shadowheart choosing the truth can literally reunit her family???!!!#wyll can reconcile with his dad and be a duke??? (presumably)#gale i dont even know. ig mystra got infonite weave so unless she literally decides to kill him hes good#and lazeal will carry Orpheus' legacy and revolt against vlaakith like a BALLER#but ASTARION AND KARLACH LITERALLY GAIN NOTHING IN COMPARISON????? THEY ARE BACK TO SUFFERING????#FUCK!!!!!#oh#bg3 spoilers
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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Heyyy just read through CETBWA and loved it all over again! No rush but any word on when there might be a chapter 21? 👀
hey!! thanks, i'm very glad you enjoyed it and continue to enjoy it, that makes me really happy ☺️
chap 21 is happening, just very slowly. i'm trying to focus on getting a fic out for the @/dpxdcbigbang before i get back into cetbwa properly, but i've been dabbling here and there. honestly probably won't happen until september tho lol sorry
#idk we might get it in august#i should have the month of july to work on it and it's already halfway done so maybe#idk we'll see#it might not happen - the big black dog has bit me hard and i have the biggest case of the morbs#i'm only still writing because of the lovely extension for the bang fic otherwise i would be screwed#we'll see we'll see idk#cetbwa#feel so guilty everytime i get an 'update? soon please now?' comment and like.... fuck#i'm so tired haha#it's happening i promise#i just need some time to screw my head on straight and get back in the groove#i have plans for the rest of the fic so it's definitely not abandoned - not many chapters left ahhh!!!!#scary thoughts#that might be another reason why it's taking a bit longer... i want to do the ending justice#but that's at least four or five chapters down the line#there's time... there's time#thank you for the ask and again i'm really glad you're enjoying it still#really did uplift me#thank you#did also cry a bit after getting this but that's just me rn lol#thanks again#i'm gonna try and write ig haha
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eddie bracken as orville wingait in summer stock (1950)
#don't get it wrong abigail whacking orville upside the head is during their comedy backstage 5 sec to Resolution ending rush#literal last minute conclusion crunch in unsurprising formatting lol; i chose a more peaceful gif to end on. note the prior one's [feet Up]#i hope this illustrates There Is Much Material. more clips than this & truly as good or better a role as any others to choose from here#summer stock#conveniently it's apparently wingait in the movie but via that casting news this (2023) role is wingate#tcm fancam life...we've all been there. akd talking abt meet me in st. louis like maybe i should rewatch lol. have to muddle through someho#anyways there's for sure room to like grab a little thread of plot and enhance it in this story. e.g. orville & abigail could talk Thrice#their B-plot / more idiosyncratic romance there is still >>>>>> the main JUDY & GENE one unsurprisingly even w/o a third convo lol#whoops the main guy is an asshole. judy/jane learns she loves show business so just kinda may as well be in love w/the show guy ig#like girl you don't have to be...but ofc already although her & orville's dynamic is pleasant enough she seems somewhat disinterested#while fascinatingly for our purposes though orville is framed a bit like [this NERD] he can't be too dunked on b/c [romantic B-plot]#meanwhile abigail's Undeserving Of Gene/Joe (she is but she's too good for him) qualities being just that she's been too Indulged so like#in her lack of protestant ethic farm work she's so conceited & sensitive that she wants to rest & not be yelled at???#smash cut to for real judy/jane on Opening Night like asking tentatively like oh romantic interest you're Not gonna yell at me..??#but she's been Hard Working so she will tolerate the physical AND emotional demands. but she's also more Talented than abigail#so joe need not be mean to her Anyways like. okay wild maybe we could rework that but congrats abigail for NOT ending up w/him fr#meanwhile orville's arc (joe has none to speak of save realizing he wants to make out w/this other woman now) is as clear as anyone's#extricate himself from otherwise only getting to be an extension of his father who is generally interfering / directing / demeaning him als#another ''well i don't know about that'' element in that when orville Does tell him to cut that out his dad actually just rolls with that#and becomes more amicable lol like well that does work out & it's unsurprisingly like cmon orv you can't LET him treat you like that...#and if you didn't? he'd just be like ''oh haha okay''...like is abigail supposed to be ''right'' abt uhh romance there but yet she's just#too sensitive to handle Tell Don't Ask / No Apologies? maybe; but they both end up getting to Not Stand For It lol. i think that that would#ofc still be fun to develop. whereas w/joe it's like uh maybe make him Not a huge asshole in the end / judy p much in love w/Showbiz....#abigail & orville out here decidedly Not About Nonsense....but still a bit zany ig such that after the [imagine the foley] hit: it's good#like i'm sure it's ''orville's still enough of a NERD to be chill w/that'' & ''abigail's still DIFFICULT enough to put her foot down''#['50 gender politics] we all know that couple whose flaws & idiosyncrasies allow them to Apologize & Ask & use their inside voices#and be all upset if someone's trying to demean them. unlike True Romance of the man who won't bully his wife if she earns it :')#joe could instead uhh be a harried director who's actually Wrong for being a dick to his gf (if we even include that) w/the various sources#of pressure to make a show Work but there's all this req'd spontaneity / flexibility anyways & he learns that even if he's clenching throug#it he can Not take it out on other people / Make it succeed by Making ppl do anything. & also jane reminds him of Passion for this.
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Hello!!! I love the ship of Bendy x Siren <33 I find it cute honestly, I was wondering if I can draw them together?? I want to make more fan arts for you soon cause you are Hella underrated (´ ∀ ` *)
Oh, Sure you can. ^^
....
....
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*realizes what you said*
WAIT WHAT--‽ O.o
#ask answered#im glad i opened tumblr.ive just had one of the most intense moments in my life due to some school prob#but dw its done now... i can rest peacefully... *sigh*#AND YHEA! Y-YA CAN DRAW THEM (////)#I---#siren screams#fishies<3#wait bruh im underrated? HWAT 👁️👄👁️#i didnt know that... welp new info stored in my brain ig¿ XDDDD#stars i thought this is one of my worst days ever. turns out it aint#u just made my day a bit better🥺#ok imma gonna stop rambling in the tags--xD
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finally knocked The Monster Project off my watchlist and that was… disappointing?
#idk I feel like it just could’ve been done better. the whole haunted house-esque thing is fun enough but it has DEF been done better#like if I want that vibe I’ll just watch Hell House#OR UH. the one with the fuckin hole in the ground. that creatures come out of#GOD WHAT WAS THAT MOVIE ACTUALLY#DIGGING UP THE MARROW!!!!#that one rules actually#like idk the whole monster interview found footage film IS genuinely a cool idea but the satanist bit was boring and not set up very well#at all. so it just feels tacked on? bc why wouldn’t you have a satanist cult ig?#and I kept thinking Brian was gonna be a monster. THAT felt like it could’ve gone somewhere#he got out of rehab and its established he’s an addict but nothing else. two of the three monsters directly compare themselves to him.#like idk when you’ve got two of your main baddies going ‘ooo were so similar Brian’ AND he keeps splitting off from the rest of the group#like ‘let ME handle this’ idk maybe just have him be a GOOD monster. have it turn out he was in ‘rehab’ to better control his monster side#and the tattoos of initials on his leg were in memorial of friends he killed AS a monster#also the whole drug addict = same as monster thing is fucking overplayed bullshit#it’s one thing if you handle it well like ginger snaps 2 and you could’ve done sth like that here. multiple angles#the vampire gave in completely to her addiction (blood) vs Brian controlling it and finding a middle ground for himself#I like brian tho. I’m picking him up and plunking him in a better story bc he’s an interesting character he could’ve been really cool#ALSO IT FUCKING SUCKS HIW APPROPRIATIVE IT IS. THATS A WHOLE OTHER FUCKING THING#anyways 3.5/10 better movies have been made I like one character so I’m keeping him
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hey while were here what the fuck is going on in the blind banker like this is not based on anything i recognise
#a#bbcsh#i keep getting distracted just by trring to figure out what the fuck story this is supposed to be#theres bits of sign ig??? and maybe redc??#how they managed to make sign MORE orientalist tho#and this guy whos clearly meant ot b musgrave but were not gonna do anything with the rest of that besides an awkward scene implying it#its a mess
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i miss my house (has been away for 2 days)
#today was pretty fun ngl we drove around went peach picking ate good food and i basically cannot remember the rest bc i’m done#my body automatically switched off after 8pm i have no recollection of the last few hours bruh#i think just staying at home drawing random jjk shit waiting for school to start would’ve been more relaxing than this….but oh well#gonna shower draw for a bit and watch superman till i fall asleep ig#yknow live the high life after living too much of the high life too fast
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okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??
in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!
I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕
(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)
I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.
I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)
I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.
But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???
#theres some actual term ive heard before abt this kind of behavior#but i cant recall it rn and you know what google is like when youre trying to look up symptoms 😭#but yeah its probably smth mentally related which ive just never looked into further#i just am prone to anxiety about literally everything i think :)#sorry for such a long response!!#but its rly nice to know that someone else out there deals with this <3#i think im just my greatest enemy LOL im always just fighting with my brain#some part of my brain just likes playing devils advocate and being contrary to what i want to do ig?#but yeah what you said about the flood of emotions! so true!!#like for some reason ig its just hard to open myself up to such sudden excitement/joy if that makes sense?#tysm for the ask :D it makes me feel a lot better abt that :D#i always fear that i complain too much abt things in my own control#like: 'i want to watch 2009 but i cant' 'but isnt the ability to watch 2009 under your control' 'yeah BUT YOU KNOW'#when i say i want to do something i either do it immediately or its gonna take a bit for me to get to it#but rest assured it will probably happen eventually#i like how i wrote a super long response and still somehow managed to write a paragraph of tags#truly my trademark at this point#catie.asks.#catie.rambling.txt
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its not great but its mine
#i deleted all the 3d fluff stuff bc it looked like shit#gotta learn how to do it#but no furries have made tuts on how to do 3d fluff in blender soooooo#when i try to find tuts i just find how to do real looking fur#while i wanna do both i just want to make a simple thing i can play with#ive gotta redo her feet they look like shit and dont move properly in armature mode#hmm also i think the ears need just a little more refining#also her teef dont move with the rest of the model so ive gotta figure that one out#i was gonna color it but its too late for figuring out how to do that rn#tomorrow she'll be colored and posed and hopefully fluffed#uhhhh ig fluff then color then pose#while ive gotten a bit frustrated a few times and kept redoing parts i really enjoy doing this#it takes a long time(this is over a week in the making) its almost fun#i wanna make more
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BIG RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN
#rat rambles#splat posting#FUCK eberythinh else in that trailer dp NOT care BIG RUN IS ALL THAT MATTERS /j#and I so so sooooo badly hope the song in the big run bit gets in game#and dude dude dude I NEED more omega-3 remixes of existing splat songs now#only they can make me like clickbait 😌😌😌 now do some better songs next#look Im just in a constany state of desperation for more omega-3 music this is everything to me#also BIG RUNNNNN Im SO excited#Ive been getting kinda sick of the 3 current salmon run stages ngl so this is gonna be such a nice breath of fresh air#and I rlyyyyy hope we get a lil more salmonid lore too#the rest of the trailer was cool too ig /j#I actually am rlyyyyy interested in tgese new weapons especially the charger#I probably wont use any of em but still#also god I hope they dont mess up any more splat one stages. pls.#mahi was my bestest friend and now its my worst enemy </3#although to be fair thar one stagd universally revognised as the wirst in 1 was also my best friend but I was like 12 ok
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watching the newest chezzkids analysis vid and im wondering if I might have misinterpreted some stuff,,,
#see the pretty clear implications of physical abuse in between the petals and the thorns and it being shown that#sarah is kind of an asshole boss and possibly breaking labor laws#led me to be a bit more sympathetic to harrison and doubt some of the more aggressive theories about sarahs death#but this person is sorta flipping some of the dialogue i had thought gone different ways#like the stop crying conversation i had sorta read as sarahs dialogue#bc it kinda fits with the rest of her depiction#shes made harrison bleed and belittles him shes an ass to her employees yea id buy that shed speak like that#but this person assumes harrison was saying that#and it kinda makes me think#theres not much directly from sarah#harrison was clearly dumped hard so he might be an unreliable#narrator#the way this youtuber is framing it all is just different from how i saw it at first#also theyre kind of a dick#like. if youre gonna mock the series at every turn why are you covering it#i mean im also rly frustrated with the shitty audio and visual quality and i totally get making fun of the peaking and pixels but theyre#also mocking just. everything?? like laughing at the phone calls and poems and glitches and like. i get it ig but also come on
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they (or i guess me) put the music in the water and called it a day it sounds nice but it’s lying it’s not actually 12/8 it’s just 4/4 but it’s q little dancey tune
#so let me set scene it’s about an hour ago and i’m like huh i should try some independent compositiony stuff that’s be fun#n i did some low dissonance pretty standard stuff then j thought about our wives under the sea and how the book is in sections based on the#depths of the oceans and the zones and i was like sure i could write music about that so that’s what i have started doing but now i am tiref#and a bit confused and i don’t know where to go from here but if i sfop now will i ever do this again? i mean maybe now that i’ve tumblrd it#djdjdsjdhdhdhhdhdhddd i should also go to bed though but like. hhhh i have so much stuff to do and i can be not doing stuff now and it’s#excusable but like at every other point i’m just procrastination i think ok not gonna lie not sure what words i’m saying here#hhhhhh there’s so many songs in my head and i don’t even know what when#no that’s a lie i do but it feels incomprehensible it’s just so much noise so much noise#fuck this is gina be perplexing in the modninv oh well hello sorry can’t br bothered to fix typos#i don’t actually know who i’m directing this at i think moresp myself#need to remember chiquitira for the fuckin. surprise i can’t say what that is here woooooii spooky#ok yeah no fuck i’m gonna. i’m gonna go to bed ig well it’s been fun#hhh goodnight gingham other words other words that feel ingenuins ;that’s not a word) to say in this state#but but still love lots of love abd stars us what i can think of#?? and yeah ok will sleep will sleep that’s mr sleeping right now zzzzzzz#fuck i missed the heart ok ok gingham <3 i will go and rest and then i’ll see this and go waaaaygtyyggg#composition chronicles#silly hours posting#gwaaaaaa
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