#like if I want that vibe I’ll just watch Hell House

[borom1r]

finally knocked The Monster Project off my watchlist and that was… disappointing?

[bearforcecaptions]

The spell worked, sort of, but not how I wanted. I did have the body of my dreams – I was Garrett now, but I didn’t realize the catch was that I wouldn’t be able to control what I’m doing unless I’m totally alone. And Garrett, or, me, I guess – I’m nearly never alone! The frat house pretty much always has someone in it, and I’m super popular, too. I thought being Garrett would be fun and easy, but stuck like this, it’s torture!

I figured out the ritual from this old book I found at that occult shop downtown, thinking it would be a quick way out of my boring life and into something… well, something way more interesting. Garrett had it all, or so I thought. Girls loved him, he was in the best shape, and everyone wanted to be his friend. But nobody told me about this weird restriction, or maybe I just didn’t read that part carefully enough. I guess the idea was I’d “experience” Garrett’s life, but it’s like watching a movie, except I’m the star and I can only move on my own terms when no one else is around.

And god, my roommate, he’s actually so stupid. When I can’t control my actions, we bro out all the time, but he’s so vapid. I guess I’m not much better, but it’s actually infuriating. You’d think we could have a conversation that’s not about girls, parties, sports, or video games. But no, every time he starts talking, it’s like Garrett’s body just falls right into the rhythm of it, responding automatically. I tried fighting it at first, but it’s like this autopilot takes over, and I’m just... stuck.

I’ve been scouring the room whenever I get a chance to control things, like right now, looking for any sign or clue on how to undo this. There has to be something I missed. I rummaged through his messy closet, which is packed with clothes, gym stuff, and random junk, none of it useful. The guy keeps his stuff in total chaos, and I feel weirdly exposed, like I’m actually pawing through my own things.

Shit, no, is that the door jangling? I thought I would have a couple of hours to try and figure out how to fix this. Who the hell knows when I’ll get another chan-

Fuuck, bro. Why’s my roomie home early? Thought he went to his ‘rents for the weekend. I was just about to jerk one out too. Ah well, maybe he’ll be down for some Call of Duty or something. I could use a beer.

“Yo, dude, what’s up? You back already?” I say, grinning like an idiot as I lean against the door frame, flexing a bit without even realizing it. Dude probably thinks I’m just chillin’, but nah, I’m feelin' like a boss.

He laughs, dropping his bag by the door and shrugging. “Yeah, man, got bored at home. Figured I’d head back early. Parents were driving me nuts.”

“Oh, for sure, dude,” I nod, grabbing a can of beer from the mini-fridge by my bed. “Parents, am I right? They just don’t get it, bro.” I crack it open, chugging half of it in one go, feeling the cool rush. Damn, that’s good.

He slaps my shoulder, laughing. “Dude, I swear, it’s like every time I go back, it’s the same speech about responsibility and blah blah blah. Like, whatever, right?”

“Oh, totally, man,” I laugh, shrugging it off. “Why they gotta be like that, y’know? We’re just out here living, they don’t get it.” I toss him a beer, feeling that chill vibe kickin’ in, like nothing in the world matters but just hanging with my bro. This is what it’s all about – no worries, no drama, just cold beers and good times.

“Bro, I’m feelin’ a COD sesh,” I say, grabbing the controller off the couch. “You down?”

He grins. “Hell yeah, let’s wreck some noobs.”

We crash down on the couch, controllers in hand, beers in easy reach, and it’s like all the worries in the world just melt away. I’m trash-talkin’, throwin’ down taunts, and we’re both laughing so hard my sides hurt. I don’t even remember the last time I felt this alive.

“You’re so bad, dude,” I laugh, jabbing him in the ribs as I get another kill. “How are you still this bad?”

“Shut up, bro!” he shoves me back, laughing too, and I’m grinning like an idiot.

Fuck, life is good, I think, as I take a gulp of my beer. I got my bros, I got my beer, and I got my games. What more does a dude need? Life’s good.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Where Will All The Martyrs Go [Chapter 3: The Ones Who Died Without A Name]

Series summary: In the midst of the zombie apocalypse, both you and Aemond (and your respective travel companions) find yourselves headed for the West Coast. It’s the 2024 version of the Oregon Trail, but with less dysentery and more undead antagonists. Watch out for snakes! 😉🐍

Series warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), violence, bodily injury, med school Aemond, character deaths, nature, drinking, smoking, drugs, Adventures With Aegon, pregnancy and childbirth, the U.S. Navy, road trip vibes, Jace is here unfortunately.

Series title is a lyric from: “Letterbomb” by Green Day.

Chapter title is a lyric from: “Holiday” by Green Day.

Word count: 6.1k

💜 All my writing can be found HERE! 💜

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist 🥰

The Tahoe runs out of gas just west of Ashland, Ohio, coasting to a stop along the shoulder of State Route 96, sapphire skies and cotton ball cumulus clouds, emerald fields of Swiss chard and beets slowly being nibbled bare by deer and rabbits, the inheritors of an abandoned earth.

“Well, that’s it,” Baela says, offhand, blasé, as if it’s not a disaster. You’ve sorted this out, it didn’t take long: there are people who aren’t allowed to panic. If they do, it’ll be like a dam crumbling, and the flood will burst through to drown everything, like when Noah’s wrathful God decided it was time for the world to start over. Baela can’t panic. Aemond can’t panic. And maybe you can’t either. Rio gives you a skeptical look—Are we really about to walk to Oregon?—and you slap his thigh encouragingly as you climb over him and out of the Tahoe.

“Everyone gets a gun,” Aemond says as he starts distributing them: Rugers for Rhaena, Baela, and Helaena (although she winces as she obediently takes the revolver, immediately tucking it away into her burlap messenger bag), .22s for Daeron and Aegon, Remington 12 gauges for Jace and Rio, who gives you his M9. You’re better with it anyway. Aemond’s Glock 20 is in a handmade leather holster he took from the cellar of the house back in Distant, Pennsylvania. Luke, still a potential zombie, will not be armed; but Aemond slings the strap of a .22 over his own shoulder for in case Luke recovers.

“Safeties on, right kids?” Rio goes down the line checking everyone’s gun. “Remember what we practiced, use your sights, don’t go pointing the barrel at anyone unless you’re okay with blowing a hole in them. The noise is risky, but getting bit is worse, so use your best judgment.”

“I don’t have any of that,” Aegon says, grinning.

Rio grabs Aegon’s sunburned face roughly and smacks a kiss onto his cheek. “I know, Honey Bun. Don’t you worry. Stick close and I’ll do your thinking for you.”

You spy it up the road a ways on the right, half-obscured by tree limbs: a white and orange sign, a logo shaped like a diamond. “Oh my God. It’s a Stewart’s.”

“A what?” Aemond asks, squinting at the sign. It’s late afternoon, and soon the sun will be sinking into the west like a drowning man through deep water, and like all prey animals you are restless without the promise of shelter.

“A Stewart’s Root Beer. They used to sell hot dogs and barbeque and all these neat soda flavors like key lime and black cherry. We had one where I grew up. That was the fancy place. You knew it was a good day if you ended up at Stewart’s for dinner.”

Aemond considers you, that subtle ceaseless curiosity. “We can stay the night there.”

“I thought we didn’t want to waste any daylight, Aemond,” Jace jabs as he helps Luke—miserable but presently human—out of the Tahoe. “That’s what you said when I wanted to check out that Barnes & Noble, Aemond.”

“What the hell do you need books for?” Aegon says. He’s grabbing clear CD cases out of the center console of the Tahoe. He pounds on the eject button and then punches the CD player when he realizes he won’t be getting that particular disk back. “Oh, you bitch! I had Shakira on there!”

“I would like to preserve my ability to read at higher than a fifth-grade level. I wouldn’t expect you to understand. I was going to work for Sullivan & Cromwell, you know.”

“And now you’re a jobless loser just like me. Isn’t life funny?”

“You can’t be serious,” Baela says to Aegon, his arms full of CD cases. “You’re going to carry all those to California? You don’t even have a way to listen to them.”

“I’m not leaving my mixtapes.” Aegon shoves them into a U.S. Army backpack he found at Fort Indiantown Gap and then hoists it onto his back with a grunt.

Aemond tells Jace: “We only have a few hours until the sun starts going down. We don’t know what’s up ahead. We should take advantage of a safe place to sleep if it’s available. Getting caught out in the open after dark is the worst case scenario.”

“Whatever, Aemond. It’s your call. Everything is your fucking call.” Then Jace plods out into a field of rabbit-ravaged Swiss chard to relieve himself semi-privately, his back to the Tahoe.

“Hey, Chips Ahoy,” Aegon says, taking the folded-up map out of the pocket of his shorts, mint green plaid. “Want to tell me if there are any nuclear power plants near our route so we can steer clear of them and not get irradiated?”

“Uh, well, I don’t exactly have them all memorized…” You examine the map, hoping the black-ink cities will jog your memory, trivia you catalogued years ago, snippets you’ve heard from your fellow seamen. “Perry’s in Cleveland. We won’t be anywhere near that one. Fermi is up by Detroit.” You hesitate as your fingertips skate past Chicago. “Braidwood, LaSalle, and Byron are someplace between Chicago and Peoria, but I’m not sure where. And then there are a few others around the border of Illinois and Iowa. West of that, I don’t know. Rio?”

“Cooper’s in Nebraska, dead east of Lincoln. That’s all I got.”

Aegon is nodding, making notes on his map with a glittery forest green gel pen. “Cool, cool. If I don’t end up eaten or a zombie, I can look forward to being a sterile, glow-in-the-dark mutant.”

Luke frets: “What if we accidentally drink contaminated water or something?”

“Then you die an agonizing death, kiddo,” Rio says. “Your cells dissolve and you turn into human Jello and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.”

Luke swallows noisily. “Awesome.”

“You might just get cancer if the dose is small enough,” you tell him. Luke does not seem pacified. Rhaena gives him a sip of warm Coca-Cola from a plastic bottle from the Wawa.

Jace comes trudging back to the road, zipping up his khaki chino shorts. “Alright, are we ready?”

Helaena is gazing solemnly out over the fields of green leaves, red roots that grow like arteries into the soil. “We should try to find antivenom.”

“Antivenom?” Aemond asks, distracted as he makes sure nothing of importance was left in the Tahoe. The keys are still dangling from the ignition; you won’t need them. There’s no breathing the Tahoe back to life. There’s no returning to Aemond’s house back in Boston. There is only the West, beckoning you to cross rivers and plains and mountains to join her, and to do it as people did two hundred years ago, no cars, no phones, no escape hatches. The only way out is through.

“For the snakes,” Helaena says.

Aemond stares at her. The stitches in his face are dissolving as the flesh weaves back together, jagged maroon scar tissue, beautiful savage ruins, landscapes of improbable survival. “Helaena, antivenom has to be refrigerated. Even if we miraculously found some, it wouldn’t be useable.”

She nods, eyes wide and glazed, still peering into the fields, into the earth.

~~~~~~~~~~

A hand brushing the loose strands of hair out of your face, a whisper through the dissipating indigo of sleep: “Guess what today is.”

You startle awake and yelp as you bolt from your assailant. Aegon is watching you without any shame whatsoever. People are laughing as they gather up supplies so you all can get moving again, brushing teeth, arranging hair, drinking glass bottles of Stewart’s soda found last night in crates in the storeroom, snacking on bags of Utz chips. Sunlight is streaming in through the windows; specks of dust glimmer in the air like comets through the inhospitable void of outer space.

Luke says from where he is sitting on the floor, his arms and legs tethered: “Hopefully the day when somebody’s going to untie me.”

“It’s my birthday!” Aegon announces.

You’re still blinking at him, disoriented. “What…?”

“Aegon, I told you,” Aemond says, sipping a bottle of Stewart’s key lime soda. “It’s not your birthday. It’s not the 23rd.”

“It’s the 20th, right?” Rhaena says.

Rio looks to you, bewildered. “Isn’t it like the 25th?”

“We’re still in June?” Luke says. Now Aemond is hacking through his ropes with a hunting knife from the cellar in Distant, Pennsylvania.

“Your hand is healing up. Your color is good, your temperature is normal. I guess we can officially declare you human for the foreseeable future.”

“I knew it,” Jace says, combative so no one will see the desperate relief underneath.

Aemond examines your hands next, calloused over where the heat of the transmission tower burned the skin. There is no pretext for needing to tend to them any longer, no antiseptic or ointment or gauze. Aemond nods somberly at your palms, as if he isn’t entirely happy to pronounce them cured. His hands linger on yours for slow, unnecessary seconds.

“So what are we going to do special for my birthday?” Aegon presses eagerly.

“We’re going to walk between ten and twenty miles towards California,” Baela says.

“That’s not a birthday activity!”

Daeron groans as he inspects the screws and bolts of his compound bow. “Aegon, it’s not your birthday!”

“Shut up. You can’t even apply to get a credit card.”

“No one can get a credit card now! Currency is worthless!”

Rio offers you a cherries and cream soda. You take it and say: “Aegon, how old are you? On today, your alleged birthday?”

He hesitates. “That’s not the important part.”

Aemond smiles as he tells you, mock-whispering: “He’s thirty.”

“Thirty?!” Rio exclaims. “That’s like, an actual adult age. Marriage and a mortgage, shit like that. What were you doing before everything went insane?”

Aegon gestures vaguely. “I was considering a number of opportunities.”

“He was living on my couch,” Aemond says.

Rio shakes his head, grinning. “No job? No school? No nothing?”

“I wasn’t doing nothing. I played a lot of golf.”

“He was totally doing nothing,” Jace says. “I was in my third year of law school at Harvard, Baela was getting a master’s in Aeronautics and Astronautics at MIT, Rhaena just started an Anthropology PhD, Luke was getting a master’s in Screenwriting at Boston University—he was going to be very sad and very broke, but still, he had a plan—and Aegon was doing…nothing.”

“I’ve never had a real birthday party before,” Aegon tells you; and there is something in his murky blue eyes that is tremendously sad, wounded, childlike. “I might not get another chance.”

“What do you want to do?” Now people are alarmed, skittish glances and mouths open to object. You are encouraging him.

“I don’t know yet,” Aegon says. But he’s glad you bothered to ask. You can see it on his face.

It’s not until several hours later—after noon, the sun high and blazing, everyone’s unpracticed feet aching and blistering in their shoes—that Aegon experiences a revelation like the angel Gabriel appearing to the Virgin Mary or Sir Isaac Newton extrapolating gravity from an apple falling on his head. Aegon’s epiphany appears in the form of a bowling alley in Shenandoah, Ohio called Luxury Lanes. It is remarkably unluxurious, a nondescript black rectangular building with a few doors in the front, one small tinted window on each, and no other openings. To Aegon, it is an oasis in a desert.

“I want to go bowling!”

“Aegon, we’re not going bowling,” Baela says, breathing heavily but trying to hide it, her hands massaging the small of her back. Aemond is watching her worriedly. Baela is the only person not burdened with carrying any supplies beyond her hammer and shiny new Ruger—and she resisted this accommodation at first—but still, she suffers more than anyone.

“Once again, it is my birthday—”

“Aren’t bowling allies soundproofed?” Rio asks Aemond. “You know, so they don’t get noise complaints?”

“Uh, I guess so…?”

“It’s kind of a fortress, isn’t it?” Rio continues. “Not many ways in or out. We wouldn’t be seen or heard. Might be a good place to stop for the night. ”

“Yeah!” Aegon says. “Right, Aemond?”

Aemond looks at you. It takes you a moment to figure out why. “I think the bowling alley is a good idea,” you tell him. “It’ll be safe, assuming we can clear it. And Aegon can have his party.”

Aemond is skeptical. “A party?”

“Survival isn’t just about not dying. It’s also about holding onto the things that make us human.”

“Like bowling!” Rhaena says excitedly. “It’s preserving a tradition! And I used to be so good at bowling. I bowled a 250 game once.”

“I have no idea what that means,” Aegon says, still delighted to have her on his side.

“There’s a sign for a Walmart maybe half a mile up the road,” Daeron points out. “We could search it for supplies and then double back here.”

Aemond polls the audience. Everyone agrees.

Shenandoah is tiny, rural, religious, and out of the way from the major highways. The Walmart doors are chained shut with padlocks, and amazingly no one has taken that as an invitation to drive their car through them or otherwise shatter the glass yet. Rio is honored to be the first. He takes the butt of his Remington shotgun and punches through the glass of the locked doors, kicks away loose shards, whistles and shouts to lure out any zombies. A dozen of them come reeling out of the aisles and towards the doorway. Daeron shoots down most of them with his compound bow. Rio kills two with the butt of his Remington, his new favorite toy. Aegon, the birthday boy, uses his golf club to beat in the skull of a teenager who is still wearing glittery pink nail polish and fake eyelashes. According to her nametag, her friends and family once called her Raelynn.

Inside the Walmart, Jace and Aemond take one side of the store, you and Rio the other, doing a quick sweep to make sure you didn’t miss any undead employees or customers waiting for the chance to sink their teeth into you. And when that’s done, you begin shopping.

The shelves are probably two-thirds empty, but there are still treasures to be found. You push carts through the aisles and fill them with candles, lighters, Chef Boyardee, Doritos, canned soup, fruit snacks, tuna pouches, 5 gum, bottles of Snapple, socks and underwear, hair ties, t-shirts and shorts, Kleenex tissues, pads and tampons, toilet paper. Baela finds some cute maternity dresses. Helaena picks through the pharmacy for useful medications, Aemond shadowing her with a baseball bat in his hands and his Glock at his waist.

“Chips, they got Cheddar Whales!” Rio exclaims, tossing several boxes into your cart.

“I miss grocery stores,” Rhaena says as she climbs the shelves to get the last box of Teddy Grahams.

“I miss going to the mall and getting Auntie Anne’s pretzel nuggets,” Aegon commiserates. Then he stumbles upon the liquor aisle and his eyes light up like high beams. “Aemond!”

Aemond appears—perhaps a bit flustered—and deliberates for a while as he browses the selection, Aegon waiting anxiously, before he decides: “Since it is allegedly your birthday, you can drink tonight. And you can pick one other person to drink with you. But only one.”

“Rio,” Aegon says immediately.

“Come on!” Daeron whines.

Aegon is already putting bottles of Captain Morgan rum into a cart. “Sorry. Illegal. Underage.”

“I’ve helped you butcher countless zombies, but I can’t drink?!”

“Just Say No, as Nancy Reagan would tell an innocent child such as yourself.”

Jace strides over, sly and playful, gnawing on a Twizzler. “Aemond, were you over there rummaging through the medicine aisles again? What do you keep looking for? Condoms?”

There is an awkward silence, an extremely awkward silence. Aemond glares at Jace. Jace’s eyes go wide.

“Oh, I, uh…I was definitely joking. But…congrats on the possible future sex!”

“I already checked,” Luke tells Aemond apologetically. “You know condoms were the first thing to get bought up or looted everywhere.”

“Okay, great,” Aemond says quickly, willing the conversation to be over. There is blood, hot and mortified, flaring in his cheeks. He was thinking of you, he had to be; the only other single woman here is his sister, and obviously that’s not an option.

Jace takes another bite of his Twizzler. “Just pull out, man.”

Baela, incredulous, gestures to her belly. “Because that worked out super well for us.”

“I told you to stop riding me!”

“Yeah, a whole two seconds before you impregnated me with your super-swimmer Michael Phelps sperm.”

“Please don’t make me listen to this,” Luke begs. “I’m starting to wish I really was bitten.”

“Don’t you know all the tricks to not getting someone pregnant, Aemond?” Jace says. “Wasn’t that going to be your specialty? You wanted to be a vagina doctor? So don’t you know all the mysteries of the vagina, Aemond?”

“He was going to be an OB/GYN,” Baela says, unamused.

“Really?” Rio turns to Aemond. “Why would you want to do that?”

“So he gets to look at pussies all day,” Aegon says morosely, as if heartbroken that such a path is inaccessible to him.

“That’s not why,” Aemond insists, mostly to you.

You smile. “I didn’t think so. What’s the actual reason?”

“Interns do rotations in different departments so we can figure out what we enjoy and what we’re best suited for. I knew within two days of my OB/GYN rotation that that’s where I wanted to be. Giving birth is the only life-threatening trauma that is necessary for humanity to continue. I wanted to help people get through it as safely and painlessly as possible.” Then his gaze darts to Baela. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound worse—”

“No, it’s okay, I’m very much aware. It hurts like hell, people die. Believe me, I’d be thinking about that even if you hadn’t said it. I think about it all the time.”

“I have an idea you’re not going to like.”

“What?” Baela says. Aemond nods to the nearest shopping cart. “No way. You’re not going to push me around in one of those.”

“I believe it’s an adequate solution until an alternative appears.”

She sighs. “I’ve lost my body, my career, my society, my parents…must I lose my dignity too?”

Aemond winks. “Only when you’re too tired to walk.”

“Alright, Aemond. I realize you’re under the impression that this is a favor. So thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“Let me give you a favor in return.” Then Baela begins shooing everyone except you and Aemond out of the liquor aisle. “Grab anything else you want, we’re leaving in five minutes! Jace, come look at the baby clothes with me…”

When the two of you are alone, Aemond says: “I really hope that didn’t make you feel too weird. I’m not someone who gets uncomfortable about the…um…the subject matter in general. But I wouldn’t want you to think that I was trying to…I don’t know. Assume anything or pressure you into something that you weren’t already open to. Obviously I like…um…I mean, enthusiastic consent is essential, and I just…I would never try to convince anybody or…you know what, I’m just going to stop talking now. Okay?”

“Aemond, I’m fine. I didn’t think it was weird.”

“It’s a compliment,” he confesses, flushing pink again, touching his chin, perspiration gleaming at his temples.

Now you have to show interest so he knows you’re on the same page. You’ve never had to think this way before, you’ve never liked anyone enough to play the game. “So hypothetically, if someone didn’t want to get pregnant but there were no condoms, pills, etcetera…what are the options?”

He looks at you, pleasantly surprised. “Well, there’s the rhythm method. It’s not perfect, but it’s been around forever and is reasonably reliable if done correctly.”

You are only vaguely familiar. “We didn’t get a lot of sex ed down in Kentucky.”

Aemond chuckles then leans in, a mischievous curl of his lips, a craving in the crystalline river blue of his eye. He grips the shelf above your head, his arm a canopy. His voice is hushed. The front windows of the Walmart face west where the sun is setting; golden light floods in to illuminate the store. “Is your cycle regular?”

“It is, actually.” This should be embarrassing, but it’s not; it’s exhilarating. You’re imagining him seeing you, touching you, unearthing secrets you’ve never been tempted to share with anyone else.

“So if we imagine it like a circle…” He draws one on the back of your hand, invisible, mesmerizing, blue-white lightning crackling up the path of your metacarpals, wrist, ulna and radius, humerus and clavicle, descending ribs like the rungs of a ladder to jolt the sinus rhythm of your heart. “The start of your period would be Day One.”

“Okay,” you say, hypnotized as his fingerprint skates in an arc across the bumps of your knuckles.

“Ovulation doesn’t happen until around Day Fourteen. You might have noticed some increased arousal and…wetness. Clear in color, elastic consistency.”

Your eyes are trapped in his face, smooth skin, jagged scar tissue. You tease him back, stepping closer. You can hear people snickering in the next aisle as they eavesdrop. You don’t care about them, and neither does Aemond anymore. “Now that you mention it…”

“That’s nature trying to trick you into reproducing. Day Fourteen is crunch time. Once ovulation occurs, the egg is only good for up to twenty-four hours. And then the rest of the cycle you’re effectively useless, as far as making miniature humans is concerned.”

“Wait, you’re telling me people can only get pregnant one day a month?” This seems improbable. “How has the species managed to survive this long?”

“It’s a little more complicated than that,” Aemond admits. “Depending on the health of the specimens, sperm can survive up to five days inside a woman’s body. And it’s difficult to tell exactly when ovulation occurs. So, in practice, there’s basically one week a month when you’d want to avoid a man…completing the act, if you will.” He’s still smiling, taunting, famished, imagining the same scenes you are. You know this with a categorical certainty, as if you’re reading his thoughts like stark stripes of distance on a measuring tape. “And that’s also the week when your hormones are demanding you have sex, inspiring you to make all sorts of impulsive yet extremely consequential decisions.”

“Don’t I know it,” Baela laments from the next aisle, and there is a rupture of wild giggles.

“Anyway.” Aemond lifts his finger from the back of your hand and you have to stop yourself from reaching for him as he recedes from you. “There’s a basic overview.”

“It was very educational.” You follow him out of the liquor aisle.

“I’ve used the rhythm method for years,” Rhaena says as everyone makes their way towards the front of the store with their carts. “Clearly that’s just anecdotal, so don’t think I’m officially endorsing it. When I’m in my fertile week we add condoms. Well…we used to. Back when we could get them.”

“Ugh, I hate condoms,” Baela grumbles.

“We can tell,” Aegon says.

“I hate the way they feel, I hate the way they smell…”

“They’ve never bothered me,” Rhaena says. “I don’t notice that much of a difference. And it can be fun to try different kinds.”

“Are you on drugs?” Baela whirls to you. “Seriously, what is wrong with her? I’m right, aren’t I? Condoms are awful.”

Rio gives you a cautious look, uncharacteristically reticent. He’s not going to be the one to reveal it. He doesn’t know if it’s something you’re willing to share. But if anything is going to happen with Aemond—and you want it to, already you know you want him—then it’s something you think you should be honest about. You want him to know about you. You don’t want to have to create some false version of yourself to wear like a pelt, heavy, smothering, something that will inevitably need to be taken off.

“I am regretfully not qualified to say.”

“You’ve never used condoms?” Baela asks, a bit dubious.

“I’ve never done any of it.”

Everyone freezes at the defunct checkout counters and turns to gawk at you. “No sex?” Jace says. “No nothing?”

You shrug, smiling a little self-consciously. “I made out with a guy once.”

“The Marine from Corpus Christi?” Baela asks. They’re obsessed with him, they’re convinced there’s some lore to be excavated, translated, displayed like a relic in a museum. There isn’t. Sometimes people pass in and out of your life as seamlessly as shadows or sunlight, no weight, no indentations, nothing to recall or relay. He existed and then he didn’t. He was an airplane drawing contrails in the sky that faded before the blood red fire of dusk filled the horizon.

“No. Someone from home. Just a guy, not even worth mentioning.”

“Girl, you gotta fix that, soon, pronto, like yesterday.” Jace seems genuinely horrified. “You can’t die a virgin.”

“You really can’t,” Daeron adds, and Aegon pretends to be distraught over the loss of his youngest brother’s virtue.

“That’s what I’m always telling her!” Rio says.

“Not everybody wants to have sex,” Helaena murmurs as she records today’s findings in her spider notebook.

“True,” Jace concedes. “And that is totally legit. Mother Teresa, Queen Elizabeth, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Joan of Arc, Sir Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, the Jonas Brothers for a while, all great people. But Chips is not celibate by choice, correct?”

“Buddha had a wife and son,” Aemond says, preoccupied. He isn’t looking at you now, which is concerning; he’s peering down at where his hands grip his shopping cart, his brow creased with…what is that? Unease, disapproval, concern, thoughtfulness, fear?

“It’s not some big thing,” you backpedal. “I don’t have a hangup about it, I just never met a guy I liked enough, and enlisted men, they’re…well, a lot of them are taken, or cheaters, or idiots. Or all three.”

“Not to worry, Chipper.” Aegon claps a hand on your shoulder; and you aren’t sure if it is his purpose to break the tension, but he seems to have that effect regardless. “If you ever wish to be initiated into the art of lovemaking by a slightly below average and entirely unintimidating penis, I’d be thrilled to assist you. I love condoms. But in their absence, I am the king of pulling out. 100% success rate. Zero bastard children running around to my knowledge.”

“You should give Jace lessons,” Baela says.

And the last thing Aegon takes from the Walmart is a green battery-powered Toshiba CD player so he can blast to his mixtapes.

~~~~~~~~~~

Flickering candles lining the middle lane, drinks and snacks strewn across the tables, Rio’s Moonbeam propped up so it’s aimed at the disco ball still hanging from the ceiling from a time before the dead started devouring the living. Daeron is at the end of the lanes to reset the pins after each player’s turn. Helaena is keeping score in her notebook; Rhaena is currently in the lead by a massive 80 points. Aegon is wasted, dancing on a table and crunching Cool Ranch Doritos beneath his bare feet, his blonde hair flopping. Each time it’s his turn to bowl, Aegon has to roll the ball down the lane with two hands like a child. Rio, several shots deep but unable to feel much shy of half a bottle, is singing along with him to Cruise by Florida Georgia Line, but it’s really more like shouting, each sentence an off-key monstrosity that makes you laugh.

“Baby, you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise!

Down a back road, blowin’ stop signs through the middle, every little farm town with you!

And this brand new Chevy with a lift kit, would look a hell of a lot better with you up in it!

So baby, you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruise!”

You cleared Luxury Lanes easily; the only difficult part was figuring out how to get into the area called the pit where, in normal times, felled pins were mechanically collected and sorted. There were two former employees roaming around back there in their tattered uniforms, snarling and drooling blood. Both were rapidly neutralized.

Someone always has to be by the front doors, watching through the small tinted windows for signs of trouble, whether from zombies or living humans. Aemond is currently on guard, nursing a Snapple. According to the bottle, the flavor is called Takes 2 To Mango. You grab your own Snapple—plain and simple Lemon Tea, no charming gimmicks—and walk over to join him.

“So now I guess it’s my turn to say I hope that conversation didn’t make you feel weird.”

He smiles politely, glancing out the window. “No, I’m completely fine.”

“Good. Because I don’t want you to look at me differently than you would any other girl, like I’m better than them, or worse than them, or like there’s anything wrong with me, because it really isn’t something I consider to be paramount to my identity, and people always seem to get all twisted up about it, but it’s a pretty boring story, I just…”

“You’ve never liked someone enough to take the risk. I get it. I don’t think you’re a freak or anything.”

“Okay. Good.” The next song on Aegon’s mixtape is Shaboozey’s A Bar Song. Jace is dancing with Baela, spinning her around as she giggles. With Rhaena’s coaching, Luke bowls his first strike. You rest your head on the door as you gaze up at Aemond, the phantom of a smile on your lips. “I might like you enough.”

And he says as if it’s the worst thing in the world, a plague, an infection, an apocalypse: “You’d fall in love with me.”

It hurts, of course it does, this flippant rejection. He burns you, he cuts you, he stitches you up with no anesthetic. You try not to show it. “You’re…confident.”

“No, I don’t mean because of anything specific I would do, it’s just…it’s natural to form a certain…attachment. To the first person you’re with. It leaves an impression.” Not an impression like a first judgment, superficial and swift; an impression like an imprint, a hollow, a prehistoric fossil that is preserved through eons. “That was already true before. And everything is more intense now, because life is so…” Aemond takes a while to settle on a word. “Precarious.”

You say like a challenge: “Are you still in love with the first girl you slept with?”

A shadow that ripples through his face, a flinching he tries to hide. You shouldn’t have asked. Still, you feel like you need to know, like you’ll run out of oxygen if you don’t. “I think I’ve gotten enough distance from it to realize that she wasn’t…wasn’t good for me in a lot of ways. It was an unconventional situation. But I still carry all these pieces of her around with me, yes. I don’t think that will ever go away.”

“Aemond,” you say gently. “Who was she?”

He is evasive, smirking. “It’s a cliché.”

“Was she a patient? That’s very Grey’s Anatomy of you.”

“No. She was my professor.”

An older woman, wise and experienced and captivating and sophisticated. He’s cut you again, a blade slicing effortlessly through veins like soft butter. “Oh. From med school?”

“Undergrad.”

“You were really young,” you say, a little startled.

He nods. “I was eighteen when it started. I was this shy, insecure, friendless freshman, she was married with two kids around my age. And it was off and on, but there was never anyone else for me, she took up too much space in my head, in my chest, like I couldn’t breathe unless I knew we were okay.”

“It went on for seven years?”

This seems to stun him, hearing how much of his existence she bottled like a terrarium. “I guess so.”

Is she dead? Missing? Safe somewhere with her husband and kids? “Is she…gone?”

His gaze drops to the floor. “Yeah.”

“Did you see it happen?”

“I was the one who killed her when she turned.”

It’s indescribably horrible; you don’t know what to say. “Aemond, I’m…I’m really sorry…”

He is abruptly nonchalant, the blue of his eye cool and dispassionate. “Look, I’m not prepared for this to be anything more than casual. And I don’t think casual is really in the cards for us. So it’s probably best to leave it alone.”

“Right,” you agree numbly, not meaning it.

“We’re headed different places, I’m going to California, you’re planning to end up in Oregon, it’s just…a bad idea to muddy the waters, I think.”

“Because I haven’t done this before.”

He shrugs ambiguously. “It’s a contributing factor.”

“Well you seemed pretty interested before you found that out, so.”

“I don’t mean to offend you.”

“You aren’t offending me. You’re disappointing me.”

Now Aemond is offended. “By trying to protect us?”

“No, by saying you don’t think I’m a freak when you clearly do, and by having some savior complex, or a whore-Madonna complex, or whatever’s going on in your head, it’s always such a mystery to everyone else.”

He downs the rest of his Snapple and shoves the bottle into the nearest trash can. You hear it thump against the bottom, no garbage bag. “Alright. This was fun.”

“Maybe you’re afraid of making a mistake, just like I always was.”

“Maybe I don’t want to have to teach you how to do everything,” Aemond snaps.

“I taught you how to shoot.”

“The fact that you don’t realize how wildly different those two situations are proves you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, bye. Sorry about your zombie girlfriend.”

Aemond glares at you, shocked, furious. “That was so fucking low.”

It was. You regret it. But you can’t bring yourself to tell him that. You flee to the far end of the bowling alley and sit alone at a table draped in shadows. After a while, Rio notices and ventures over to see what’s wrong, a bottle of Captain Morgan swinging from one hand. He’s tipsy now.

Rio sighs as he takes a seat beside you, reaching over to rub your back. His hands are large and indelicate; what he means to be comforting is more like getting manhandled. Sometimes he leaves bruises, but it’s not his fault. Nature gave Rio the body of a killer. If anyone is going to survive the zombie apocalypse, it’s him. “What’s going on, Chips?”

Your voice breaks as you say it; tears sting in your eyes. “I hate caring about people.”

He bursts out laughing. “Yeah, it’s the worst, isn’t it? But once in a while it works out.”

“Bryan.”

And now he knows you’re serious. You have his full attention, large dark eyes fixed on your face, lines etching into his brow beneath the artificial starlight of the disco ball. “What are you asking me?”

“We can’t leave them and walk to the West Coast ourselves, can we?”

“I mean, technically we could, but it would be really stupid. Everything’s so much easier with ten people. And also I think I’d have to kidnap Aegon and take him with us, I love that little dude. Why? Do you really want to leave them?”

“No.”

“I figured.” He offers you the half-empty bottle of Captain Morgan.

“I’m not drinking that.”

“Come on. It’ll take the edge off.”

You look at him. Rio looks back, smiling now.

“I’ll watch out for you,” he says. “And if you get bit I’ll shoot you dead, no hesitation, swear to God. I remember our promise. I won’t let you die alone.”

“You’re a good guy.”

“I know.” He nudges your arm with the bottle of Captain Morgan. “A few swigs won’t hurt. It’ll help you sleep.”

You take the bottle, twist off the cap, drink down amber-gold poison that burns like gasoline, like fire.

[episodes-ff]

Push

Yes, I got inspired by that damn gym video of that fine ass Aaron😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 CAN YOU REALLY BLAME A MF?!?!??! Y’all enjoy though…

Terry

“Push harder. Harder! Yeaaaa, just like that, baby. More effort like that gets you the results you want. C’mon, Mama, I know you got it in you.” “Terry, stopppp.” Anaya whimpered sinking to the turf as I sighed at her exasperated expression. “Come on, Ny, you had a couple more left.” “No, I need a break.” As if on cue, Maya’s cries could be heard from the baby monitor in the corner. “Great. I’ll go get her.” “Nah, baby, just relax. I got it.” I persisted pecking her sweaty forehead before jogging into the house. Hearing her cries get more and more fussy, I quickly made it to her nursery to come to her rescue. “Heyyyyy hey hey! Who did it, fat?” I cooed walking in to see a couple drops of tears and a permanent frown as she reached up for me. “Come here, fat mama. Daddy’s here, I know. What’s wong, pwetty baby.” I simpered kissing her chubby cheeks as she wiped her tired eyes and messy hair. Inspecting her diaper and making sure she was ok, I fed and rocked her back to sleep before coming back to the gym in our garage. “Is she ok?” “Yea, she just got hungry and wanted to be held a little.” Nodding in understanding, she stared at her flaws in the mirror as I frowned in disapproval.

“Anaya, you only gone make yourself unhappy picking yourself apart like that.” “Terry, I can’t help it ok? I just don’t feel beautiful anymore.” “Hey, quit that shit man.” I spat pulling her into me as she sighed into my chest. “You are the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life, Ny. Quit fucking downing yourself. You know that shit be pissing me off.” I gritted as she stared at me on the brink of tears. I hate postpartum depression, with everything in my fucking soul. Anaya used to be so vibrant and full of life! We actually met in the gym funny enough. Now, she’s a shell of herself. She puts on a brave act but I see right through it.

**SIX YEARS AGO**

Walking into the gym, I smirked dapping up the trainers and workers as I headed into the locker room to drop my bag. Securing my items, I poured my supplements into my bottle and headed back out to the water fountain to fill up. “Ayeee, Terry! Wassup man?” My homie, E, smiled tapping my shoulder. “Nun much, you know I had to come get that workout in.” “I feel you, man, I feel you. Might catch a view or two while you at it.” “Is that so?” I replied taking a glance around at all the beautiful women in the building as I bit my lip. “Hell yea, it’s some bad ones in here today.” “Bet, thank you for looking out.” “Shiiiit, you already know.” He smiled flashing off the numbers he got as I chuckled. “See you around, fool.” “You too, bruh.” He grinned walking out the door.

Shaking up my bottle, I headed over to the machine of choice for my warmup… the treadmill. Sending a few winks and smiles as I made my way, I narrowed in on this fine light skin making her way to the treadmills as well. She got it all, man. Stylish as hell, thick in all the right places, beautiful as a motherfucker. She’s 90’s Nia Long type of fine and my handsome ass had to make a move on that. Coasting over to the treadmills, I picked the machine right beside her and began stretching so she could see all my masculine glory. Finishing the stretch, I cut on my machine and started lightly jogging before matching her pace. Stealing glances at her as she vibed to whatever was playing in her Beats headphones, I turned my machine up a little more in an attempt to show off my skills. After about 20 minutes of silence, she ended her warmup before cutting the machine and heading off to her next set, all without so much as a glance in my direction.

Completing her workout as I watched from an unnoticeable distance, she finished the last of her reps before ridding the sweat from her brows and making sure she had all of her belongings to head out. “Now’s your chance, Tee.” I coached under my breath before traipsing toward her and the exit. “Excuse me, miss?” Looking up in confusion, she motioned for me to hold on before pausing her playlist and removing her buds. “Ummm, yes?” “I know this might seem kinda forward but I was noticing you earlier and I couldn’t let you leave without expressing how beautiful you are. Like you drop dead gorgeous, miss. Mona Lisa is having a hard time competing with you…” I smiled confidently as I stared at her intently biting my lip.

“Was I supposed to swoon or something? Do you say this to every woman you meet?” She remarked shooting me down as my face faltered at the first time rejection. “N-Nahhhh, I was just looking to compliment you.” “You were looking to get some ass.” “Mama, it’s not even like that.” I chuckled nervously as she narrowed her eyes and proceeded to cross her arms. “Oh really? What’s your name?” “Terry, but you can call me Tee.” “Oh really, Tee, is it? How many women could I stop right now that would testify that you’ve hit on them this week, Mr. Tee? Is there a woman in here besides myself that you haven’t talked to?” She questioned reading me like a book. “U-Ummm.” “I figured as much.” “My apologies, Missssss?” “Anaya.” She grumbled as I scrambled to recover from this failed shot. “Let me be more honest…” I said as she motioned for me to proceed. “I noticed you earlier by the machines and I found myself quite attracted to your beauty. Not because I wanna hit or anything like that. I was just hoping I could get your number and get to know you better and vice versa.” I rambled on nervously as she pierced my demeanor. “Much much better.” She smiled lighting my insides as my cheeks flushed with heat. “So, is that a yes?” “No.” She replied flatly before retreating to her car and driving off as I laughed in utter disbelief. Did she really just tell me no?

Anaya

Entering my cozy apartment, I cut on the lights before calling out to my man. “Baeeee! Sebastian, I’m home!” Watching him scurry over to me, I smiled meeting his appreciative kisses at my feet. “Hey, my baby! You missed mama! Good boy! Hi! You so handsome!” I cooed massaging and tickling his luxurious coat. “Let’s go for a walk, baby boy.” I commanded placing his leash on before locking my doors back and letting him out to use the restroom. Finishing his business, I brought him back inside before starting on dinner for the evening.

“Hmmm, what about some steak tonight?” Barking in agreement, I smiled before pulling out all of my necessary items to make pepper steak with plantain, curry sauce, and rice and peas. Looking and realizing I was missing some ingredients for the curry sauce and that I would have to go back out, I groaned before sniffing myself and further frowning at the rancid sweaty smell. “Ok, baby, mama has to run back outside.” I groaned rolling my eyes as I trekked into my bedroom and grabbed my shower essentials. Finishing the quick shower, I dressed in a cute fit before throwing a couple spritz of perfume on and securing my shoes. Snapping a few pictures, I placed my phone in my bag and put some food and water into Bash’s cage before locking him back up and making my way back outside.

Declining on stopping at a regular store, I opted for the Caribbean market for the more traditional and fresher options. Grabbing a cart just in case, I started the journey through the aisles of the store. Realizing I was out of fruit for my smoothies, I perused the mangos and other tropical fruits before picking up some choices. “I should have made a list.” I mumbled to myself as I got preoccupied with the different delicacies in the store. Turning the corner to the spices, I spotted the guy from the gym earlier and cursed silently to myself. Terry or something like that. He looked as breathtaking as he did in the gym, it was his arrogance that made my damn skin crawl and he oozed with it. Ignoring his presence so he wouldn’t notice me, I browsed the dry spices before getting stuck on which level of jerk spice I would prefer to use for the night.

Feeling his electric gaze on me, I continued ignoring him and settled for the mild flavor before placing it into my cart. “Anaya, right?” He asked stopping me in my tracks as I looked up to meet his beautiful smile. “It must be fate, mama.” “You’re stalking me now?” “Hey hey hey, you in my neck of the woods.” “How so?” “C’mon, when have I ever seen you in here?” “I’m in here very frequently, you’re the new face.” I quipped as he smirked. “So jos chuu mi lait skin, mi kyaahn bi Jumiekan?” He asked making me giggle uncontrollably. “Ok, that impersonation was horrible!” “But you see it made you pretty ass smile.” He countered biting his lip as I flushed red. “Don’t flatter yourself, Ter-“ “Terry?! Mi lef yuh alone fi a few minutes an yuh get distracted tryn’ fi chat to gyal?” A beautiful woman fussed as he straightened up and turned around. “Ma, I wasn’t chatting. I was getting ready to head back with the spices.” He sighed apologetically. “Mmmhm, nice to meet you sweetheart. You have eyes for my son? He was a Marine, y’know.” “Maaa.” He complained as I giggled at he and his mother’s banter. Watching him gently walk her away, he mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ as I shook my head.

Finishing up my food, I fed Bash a couple strips of steak before making a glass of wine to go with my food and sitting on the couch to pick a movie. Snuggling up under a blanket, I took a quick selfie before posting it to Snapchat and relaxing. Diving deep into the movie, I felt my phone vibrate before looking down to see it was a Snap notification. Clicking on it, I saw I had a new added friend from a TR_thaGod. Adding the person, a quick message popped up causing me to roll my eyes and smile.

From TR_thaGod: I found you, Mama. I’d say that’s some crazy ass fate or sum, right?

**PRESENT DAY**

Thinking back on how Terry and I’s relationship started to where we are now, I smiled admiring him as he demonstrated the next exercise he wanted me to try. Biting my lip as I smiled at how blessed I was to have someone like him, I walked over as he collected himself with some water. Stopping in front of him, he eyed me warily as I met his stare. “You ok, Mama?” Nodding, I leaned in and hugged his waist close as he chuckled. “I’m not opposed to the loving, but what’s going on?” “I’m just really lucky to have you in my corner, baby.” I simpered nuzzling my face into his chest. “Nahhhh, I’d say I’m the lucky one, Mrs. Richmond. Shit, who knows who you would have ended up with had I not ran into you at the gym.” He cringed jokingly as I giggled at his teases. Hearing baby girl’s cries again, we both went into the nursery before she whined and babbled reaching for Terry. “Nnnnnnn, Dada.” She murmured squeezing her little fists open and closed as we stared in shock. “Did she just?” “Baby, she said Dada!” I squealed in delight as Maya looked at us both crazy still crying to be held. “You said your first words, fat mama? Say it again. Say Dada.” “Da! Dadadada. Da…” She babbled as he cuddled her with joy and teared up. Wiping his silent tears, I kissed her forehead and his as I admired my gorgeous family. I just needed a little push.

Tags (based on reactions, if you’d like to be added or removed let me know): @violetmuses @believeinthefireflies95 @brisunique @kaylaahisthebestest- @madxlov3 @armandosbabymama @casualsludgeshoetoad @mauvecherie-writes @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @theereina @kumkaniudaku @geneziesm @megamindsecretlair @simpledopeme

[iheartsteve0704]

SPOILER FILLED Agatha All Along EP4 thoughts no one asked for:

“I was in the neighborhood” was a very kathryn hahn delivery Aubrey I’m obsessed

JEN AND ALICE BEING GAY

“What a scary bitch” LMAO LILIA I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Everyone looks so good in their costumes!

I interpreted Agatha saying “no” like she can’t do this with Rio right now but also looking back it could be like no, you can’t hurt them (the coven) ???? Maybe????

Patti delivering a performance as ALWAYS

Can’t get over Agatha covering up when Rio came inside the sound booth

RIO FEELING AT AGATHAS PANTS OK GAY (the more I watched this back, the way Kathryn lifts her eyebrow tells me no one told Aubrey to do this. She just did it. And I truly thank her for her service.)

RIO IS SO UNSERIOUS READING A NEWS PAPER WHILE THEY STRESS ABOUT THE TRIAL

I love Alice and teen and their bond

Agatha giving ANOTHER SPEECH oh I don’t like this pattern a brewing

I think the different variations of the witches road song is so fun and if you don’t like it the oh well sucks to suck

THE CURSE IS SCARY AS HELL very much gave me wicked musical vibes with the flying monkeys

When Alice was singing “I’ll see you at the end” I thought that meant she was gonna die and she’d resurrect at the end or something

I love the instant change in tone and visuals when they left the house and brought teen to the forest. It was almost like a shock with the sudden change but was so cool

LFG JEN!!!!!! Come on Jen!!!!

The extra nipples line from Aubrey also feels like improv to me just based on their laughs

“You don’t have to know a person’s name to know who they are” ohh :(!?

THEM LAUGHING TOGETHER ABOUT HER BATTLE SCAR UGH GIVE THESE WOMEN NORMALCY PLEASE

THE LOOK ON RIOS FACE AFTER THE ALMOST KISS IM GONNA-

Idk idc I’m gonna have to support women’s wrongs during this series!!!!!

Lastly just want acknowledge how delicious and wonderful it is that we got Kathryn Hahn as a witch in the MCU! CHEFS KISS TO THE CASTING DEPARTMENT!!! she’s so good, she’s just so good!

[showtoonzfan]

Now I want to talk about Charlie cause good GOD. I never cared much for her in the pilot, I’ll admit that. I always called her boring compared to the other characters because of how developed they were compared to her. However the show takes everything that the pilot build up for her and just made her 10x worse to the point where she’s INSUFFERABLE to watch.

When I got to the very end of the season, I realized that she barley did anything progressive or had an impact on any character, at least what we’ve seen on screen. I understand this was the first season, but what exactly was her arc and what exactly did she do? Nothing. Throughout the season she wasn’t a leader, the most she did was help Sir pen with lessons and have that fight at the heaven trial. In the end they try to act like she overcame some arc about learning to lead and take charge but…she didn’t really. She was helped constantly by people around her, mainly Vaggie/Alastor/Rosie and she never really did anything on her own that was enough to signify her independence as the MAIN character or even the princess of hell. I love how she needed to be TOLD that her girlfriend cared for her…like wow. Vaggie also states that she’s “done so much and touched so many souls”- and all I could think about is how I actually wish we saw that on screen. Husk said she “wants to fix everyone’s problems but her own” and I never got that vibe out of her??? If she was more like Luz from the Owl house where we constantly saw her avoid her own emotions and problems and focus more on helping other people, then it would make sense but guess what, we don’t see any of that because the show is so disinterested in ACTUALLY focusing on Charlie shining at the front and helping people. They scrapped the main premise of her wanting to help sinners and instead used up all the time they had to introduce new characters. It’s all tell and no show as expected.

She’s painted as someone who’s desperate to save her people but when she’s not the focus and actually helping someone, she’s a whiny frustrating crybaby who needs to be coddled or steered in the right direction, and it’s SO hard to watch how her character is treated like a child who can’t do anything. This character has existed for 200+ years canonically but she isn’t written like that. She’s dumb. The fact that she’s such a doormat that she can’t even realize Angel is being abused by Val or even DO ANYTHING about it is fucking baffling, she’s THAT useless. There were so many moments in the show where she could have used her authority or powers to save trouble, but she just doesn’t do it because she’s useless, and I’m tired of people trying to say she’s a pacifist to excuse the shitty writing. She’s also basically Viv’s self insert in a way, an unfunny woman child who’s a hypocrite. Like Charlie is the equivalent of dry white chicken. There’s no seasoning or flavor to her character, she’s SO bland and boring that Lucifer and Alastor end up being more important than her and having more screen time, she’s ATTACHED to them and it really shows, rather than her being at the front. And I know we’re on season 1, but you’d think that Charlie’s childishness would actually be a character flaw and something she needs to overcome and grow up about. But this isn’t really seen as an issue and more of a quirky thing cause Viv thinks being a woman child is funny, the “fuck you you old bitch” scene made me cringe so god damn hard. Everyone has already said it, but Charlie cursing so so forced and unnatural for her character. I don’t like how she’s supposed to be a cinnamon roll but then at the same time swears and acts feral at times. It doesn’t fit.

During the fight scene in the end, she also does absolutely nothing. She made a whole deal about how she wants to defend her people and get back at the angel’s, but aside from throwing Adam and hitting him once, she needed to be protected or saved, Lucifer ended up actually doing the work and it was so hilarious. Speaking of that, Charlie’s daddy issues arc was also rushed, her and Lucifer reuniting and then making up within the same episode was a mistake. Then you realize that her daddy issues was mainly all Charlie had to her in terms of depth and what was explored in the show. I’m so tired of Viv giving her characters daddy issues, it’s getting old lol. But regardless of what Charlie has to her, in general the show just doesn’t focus on her. She’s not the main focal point of the show when she should be. SHE’S the one who wants to redeem sinners, the hotel was her idea. Even tho the pilot was a mess I still felt like she was determined to take the lead due to her beliefs. And yet she still feels like a side/background character who only occasionally gets focus here and there but certainly not compared to the others. The potential is there but due to the favoritism of the writing she’s such an empty and boring character and stayed like that till the very end.

[deadgurlfilmz]

CHAPTER 1- “what. The. F*ck”

Ford pines x platonic!teenage!reader

Summary- Reader and their friends go out to the forest. When reader is looking for a secluded area to pee instead they find a creepy statue. That definitely won’t lead to nothing more… right?

Warnings- teeny bit of swearing, reader is gender neutral, this is probably the only time these friends will be in the story they are only here to add context for the chapter.

it’s been 4 months since stand and Ford returned from their travels on the Stan o’ War and for the most part life has been normal. fords house is still ‘The Mystery Shack’ Stan and Soos co-manage the shack, Ford still continues his studies of Gravity Falls even writing a 4th jornal (it’s more of a personal jornal just for Dipper) and best of all there is no Bill. The pines family is no longer being terrorised by demonic triangle. YAY!

Now for you a 17 year old kid living in Gravity Falls. You are very ordinary you go to high school, have a close group of friends, decent grades and like every other teenager in Gravity falls you want to get the hell out of there. Even with Gravity Falls weirdness for example the gnomes you’ve encountered (that tried to force you to become their wife), and the ghost that haunts you’re old hangout spot (the abandoned 24h convenient store) the weird and supernatural just never really interested you.

Now for the present. It is a Saturday afternoon July 2017 you and your friends (Maren, Rebekah, Owen, and Julia) All decided to go deep Into the forest just for something to do. Owen and Julia were walking ahead of you, Maren, Rebekah, and You were gossiping about some junior his name was something like Gary? Gideon? Definitely on those lines. You spoke about his criminal history what is insane as at the baby age of 11 this boy was in prison. You all continued walking until you shouted to the group.

“Wait guys! I gotta pee” you shout so Owen and Julia would hear aswell.

Rebekah turned to you “babe… where about are you gonna pee? We are miles away from any bathroom.”

You look around and see a patch of land totally hidden with thick trees. “I’ll go over there” you point.

“Cool. We’ll just be here” Owen nods.

You walk over to the “pee spot” you walk into the tall trees and as you do the vibe changes from ‘normal woods’ to ‘suddenly I don’t need to pee anymore’. You feel as if you are being watched. You walk further in trying to shake the feeling. That is until you see a stone statue sticking out from the ground. It’s triangle shaped. On the one hand it’s creepy but on the other how can anything look creepy when it’s wearing a top hat and bow tie? You take a quick picture of it muttering under your breath “ahaha this is cool” and quickly leave (without peeing). You head back to the group not mentioning the statue you saw. A few hours pass and it’s getting dark so all of you head home.

When you 5 make it back to main gravity falls you all go your separate ways saying byes. The walk to your house isn’t long just 5 minutes away from lazy Susan’s diner. You reach you’re home taking out you’re key from you’re pocket and letting yourself in, you heat up left over pasta in the microwave and go to your room. You place the bowl on your dresser when you see a black book sitting on your bed. You know for a fact you didn’t put it there. Curiosity takes over and you pick it up skimming through the pages and taking in it’s horrifying illustrations and stories.

Two things you notice about the book-

1) the book was covered in drawing of the statue you saw in the woods. (Strange)

2) there was one man who repeatedly showed up. You recognise his face from somewhere… you take a moment to think that’s when it hits you the mystery shack! This is the man who owns the mystery shack!! You need to talk to him ask him what the fuck is going on.

You close the book and toss it under your bed not wanting to look at it any longer the only thing you can say is

“What. The. Fuck.”

—————————————————————

Okay!!! Chapter 1 done. Yay!! I know the dates and ages of characters I’ve used may not line up with the actual plot of GF but oh well just try to ignore it lol

[scekrex]

Sinner Adam X Pastry Chef, Seraphim Male Reader.

Ok so Adam after the events of season one becomes a sinner.

But his boyfriend who sneaks out of heaven to find him and he does just that. And thankfully he did find him before he did something stupid.

Like going to the hotel he just attacked for protection from everyone who wants him dead. Who's inhabitants also want him dead.

But Reader knows he can't bring Adam up to heaven cause that goes against the rules. So he does the next best thing!

He opens a bakery in hell! Which doubles as a house. Don't question it, it's heavenly magic bullshit.

So now Him and Adam run a bakery with the help of Lute and a couple of exorcists who drop by from time to time.

Ohhhh I fucking love that, them just owning a little bakery in hell that's heaven themed and gives the vibes and is all beautiful. Also reader throwing away everything just to be with Adam? Me. I'd do that.

I'll meet you in hell

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, mentions & symptoms of depression

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

“We have to send our people down there and look for him,” you explained, hoping the other angels in the court would agree. Panic has flooded your eyes and your body language was a little too over the top because of that. Adam was down there, the projection of hell's current state had shown it, the first man was wandering through hell's streets, he was badly injured and had no shelter.

“No, we won't put our people at risk for a sinner,” Sera spoke highly, her chin tilted upwards so that she had to look down on you. “A sinner?” you asked, horrified by her choice of words - it's not that she wasn't wrong, Adam was walking through hell as a newborn sinner, “He’s still our first man!” But your statement was only met by shaking heads and mumbling that sounded a little too close to disagreement. With pleading eyes you looked up to Sera, Emily by her side. The little seraphim was talking to her sister quietly, so quiet that it was inaudible for you and the other angels in court.

“We have come to the decision,” Sera adjusted her posture as she turned towards you, “We can't risk the well-being of our people and therefore the well-being of heaven for the first man. He is not important enough to take that risk.” The panic that had been filling your eyes was replaced by pain and betrayal. The other seraphims had betrayed you, or at least it felt that way to you. With a lowered head you were about to get up and leave the courtroom, the verdict had been spoken and you had nothing to say that would change their mind. Discussing something like this with them was pointless, you should've known, saved time and went down without their knowledge of your location. You had to go down to hell and protect Adam - it wasn't as if the former angel was not able to stand up for himself - he every much was able to do so, you knew that better than anyone - but he was wounded and had no place to stay at, no one to turn to and the fact that probably every single resident of the pride ring wanted him dead was not helping either.

So you nodded your head towards your brothers and sisters, then turned to Lute - Lute who had been the only one to stay by your side. “We’re done here,” you stated as you watched the lieutenant lower her head as she followed you out of the courtroom. “Sir, excuse my curiosity but I assume you will not stay in your seat and wait, so may I ask what your plan is?” You liked Lute for many reasons, her loyalty for Adam was most definitely one of the highest attributes you admired. “I’ll go down myself and make sure he stays out of trouble as much as possible,” you explained, the lieutenant of your boyfriend remained by your side as you opened a portal to where Adam had last been spotted in hell, she was ready to go down with you. And while you normally wouldn't turn that offer down, this time you had to. Your visit in hell would be permanent - you were not going to leave the brunette to himself. “I’m coming with you, Sir,” the white haired woman said as she walked closer to the portal, yet she stopped when your hand gently came to rest on her shoulder. Your soft eyes met her determined ones and you offered her a warm yet genuine smile, “No Lute. Heaven needs you, I will take care of Adam, you will take care of heaven for me.”

The exorcist did not look very pleased with that decision of yours, still she gave you a nod and took a step back from you and the golden portal, “Very well, Sir.” With a little wave you turned around at her words, now facing the portal that would take you to your boyfriend and just as you were about to step through it, Lute raised her voice again, this time the usually so confident woman’s voice sounded somewhat unsteady, “Y/N?” You turned your head to Lute, then she continued, “Tell Adam I miss him.” And with those words she left. Ah yes, Lute always had trouble showing feelings and admitting them to somebody else than the person they were about surely must have been hard for her.

Hell was different than you had expected it to be, you had never personally been down there, why should you have been after all? Yet a creature as bright spirited as you was easy to spot - mainly due to your appearance. So when you turned around just to be tackled to the ground by a familiar first man, you were quite surprised and in shock at the same time, you had not expected Adam to spot you that quickly and act on it. “I fucking knew you would come to get my holy ass back into heaven,” the brunette mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. You held onto Adam’s body as you got up from the dirty ground - hell had a nasty vibe that you did not like but you’d have to get used to it. This place would now function as your new home due to Adam being not allowed to cross the pearly gates again. “Well, it’s not that easy love, I spoke to Sera-” Adam eagerly interrupted you, “I’m fucking sure she told you to get me in the first place, didn’t she? Yeah, she sure as fuck did.” Though when you shook your head in disagreement the prideful look in his eyes fell and disbelief replaced it. “What? You’re gonna fucking tell me these bitches want me to rot in this fucked up hellhole?” A simple nod was all you were able to give your boyfriend. Yes, that was exactly what Sera and the others had decided was the best solution for not only heaven but also Adam, but how could this be the best decision for Adam when he had been all alone the entire time and would have continued to stay alone if it weren’t for you disobeying the rules? Gently you cupped his face, a thing the first man had grown used to since that was something you did quite often - he still found it a little strange, it felt so intimate and personal while it appeared to be such a casual way of touching your lover. “The court has decided to not let you back in, Adam,” for Adam, this was the first time hearing your voice after his fall, after he had lost his status and home, after he had been convinced he had lost you as well. And despite your words being bad news, he could not help but find comfort in the sound of your voice. “But I won’t let you suffer here all on your own,” Adam’s eyes shimmered with hope and it felt painful to take that little bit of hope from him too, you knew he was hoping you were to smuggle him back into the heavenly realms - but that was a thing not even you as a seraphim could do.

“I’ll stay by your side,” and despite your thoughts that Adam would be highly disappointed, the hope in his eyes remained. You assumed that spending eternity in hell with his boyfriend sounded better to him than spending eternity in hell all on his own. “Well,” the brunette shrugged as he slowly pulled away from your touch, “That works fucking fine by me.” Not that it actually did though, the former angel would have preferred it if you would have taken his ass back to the pearly gates. But if the others were against it, you would make hell his new home instead, simply by spending all of eternity here with him just because you wanted to do so. He knew that if they hadn't done so already, they would properly ban you from the realm you had called home once forever, just like they had banned him. And he respected that - well, at least he thought he did because in his eyes that not only had the cute touch of ‘I throw my perfect life away to be with my loved one’, to Adam that also sounded incredibly stupid. Or at least he tried to tell himself that your decision was stupid - giving up everything to spend eternity with your loved one? Yeah totally not something he would do. Except that for you, he would throw it all away.

-

Getting used to hell’s atmosphere surely was not something that had ever been on your agenda, the air was stinky, the streets were dirty and the only area that felt clean and somewhat fresh was the area around the bakery you had built. The building was huge, shimmered in heaven’s brightest colors and you even managed to let some grass grow around the building that was not only used as a bakery, but it was also the new home of Adam and you. It had been quite some work - not because it was hard to work angelic magic in hell, no that had been the easy part. But due to this building doubling as a house and a bakery, it had taken some planning to not forget something important.

The bakery was not running very well, most sinners were not interested in heavenly food. The creatures down here looked up at heaven like the angels up there looked down at hell, in disgust and despair, not that you blamed them for doing so, they surely had their reasons to think that way. But you had two or three regulars that would stop by every other day and those people surely made your day, especially with one of them being Charlie Morningstar. Adam was not very happy whenever little miss butterflies and rainbows was visiting, but you and her got along quite well and your boyfriend at least tolerated that. And despite the bakery not earning very much money, the both of you had everything you needed, that was the bright side of not having to pay rent, you assumed.

Lute had convinced Sera to do regular check-ups on you, however she had only told the seraphim as an excuse to visit Adam. Don’t get her wrong, she was also glad to be able and pay you a visit, but her and Adam were closer than you and Lute could ever be and her missing her best friend more than his boyfriend was more than normal, not only in her eyes but also in yours. Sometimes she even talked Sera into taking one or two of the exorcists with her, to Sera she would say she takes them with her for defense reasons, in reality they just missed their former leader - and who could blame them? Lute surely did not.

You were standing behind the counter, the first man leaned against your side, wrapped up in your soft wings, his head on your shoulder as he was almost falling asleep. It was still early and Adam was convinced he would never get used to getting up so early in the morning, to him it felt like it was still the middle of the night. The little bell that rang as the door to the bakery opened made him crack one eye open and as he spotted a familiar face, he lifted his head off your shoulder, he remained wrapped in your wing though, not willing to leave the cozy warmth they provided.

“Danger Tits,” Adam beamed at the white haired woman as she entered the bright and heavenly feeling bakery. The vibe of the building you had created was different from the rest of hell, whenever Lute entered the inviting looking building she felt like you had brought a piece of heaven to hell. And while she still disliked Charlie’s idea of rehabilitation, she did like the fact that you made hell a little nicer - at least for Adam’s sake. That way she knew the first man was able to live a somewhat good afterlife, even with his soul stuck in hell.

[trippinsorrows]

can we please get that RoSo cooking short?🥰♥️

authors note: welp. this ended up much longer, as i tried to fill in the gaps. lmao

words: 1.2k // warnings: none

-------

Roman’s life has always consisted of long days, restless nights, and a never ending to-do list. Wash, rinse and repeat sort of vibe. He’s gotten used to it though. Used to this normalcy that’s perhaps objectively unhealthy but just the usual for him.

Outside of a few outliers. Today being one of them. He’s home earlier than typical. Much earlier. So much so that the sun is still out and the stars don’t blanket the night sky just yet.

So much so that walking into the house he finds his newly appointed wife maneuvering around the kitchen, humming to herself, clearly trying to multitask. She looks like she’s rushing, and it’s almost confirmed as such when she glances over at the digital clock on the microwave and bites down on her bottom lip.

Roman briefly considers going upstairs, not even bothering to interrupt her. She’s jumpy and sure to be scared by his presence. But, he also considers the fact that she’s clearly anxious about finishing dinner, most likely because she wants it done by the time he usually arrives home.

Of course, that’s a moot point, as he’s already present.

It’s why he settles on just biting the bullet and making his presence known. He walks toward the kitchen, steps away from the large granite island when she turns around and jumps back, yelping, while dropping the, thankfully, empty pot on the ground.

Roman sighs to himself. This girl is so damn jumpy. 

Solana is immediately apologizing, rushing to pick the pot up, observing the floor to make sure it didn’t scuff. Standing back up, she says it again, “I’m—I’m sorry.”

“Solana, it was an accident.” It feels a bit strange coming out of his mouth, but Roman almost feels a sense of duty to reassure her of no harm, no foul.

His assurance doesn’t wipe that nervous look off her face. “It’s—the food—it’s not ready,” there’s a tremble to her voice, a thick layer of fear accompanying the stumbling continuation. “I’m sorry—I didn’t know you’d be home this—I’ll hurry up.”

“Solana.” He says it again, stretching the vowels. “It’s fine.” Instead of the typical irritation coating his voice, there’s an almost…..gentleness? Mostly because it’s hard for Roman to ignore the fact that this girl is literally trembling before him. The combination of dropping the pot and dinner not being ready clearly causing her great distress. 

Fear, almost.

Fear of his reaction. 

She’s scared.

It’s gotta be why he finds himself asking, “do you need help?”

She looks genuinely surprised by this before shaking her head. “N–no, that’s okay. I—” The pot whistling on the stove calls her attention, forcing her to place the dropped pot back in the sink. Scrambling over to the almost overflowing pot, he waits for her to handle that and turn back to him.

“What do you need me to do?”

Her frown deepens. Confusion painting her pretty face. Even with the scar, she’s easily one of the most beautiful women he’s ever laid eyes on. “Why—why would you help me?” She shakes her head. “I—should do this on my ow—”

“Because you need help.” Plain and simple. There’s nothing more to it. He’s also easily annoyed with all the scurrying around like her head’s been chopped off. It’s annoying for him to watch. Roman rounds the island, noticing how she subtly steps back. He stops, sighing.

Just what the hell did they do to you?

“What do you need?” Again, he’s repeating himself, the irritation rising. Something he tries, for whatever reason, to hide from her. 

She looks around, almost confused, before gesturing to the other counter that has a chopping board and sizable bowl of green produce. “Can—can you help me chop the peppers?”

He follows the direction to where she’s pointing, shrugging, “sure.” Roman moves over to the designated spot, stopping when she calls for him to wait. He watches how she adds seasoning to whatever’s boiling in the pot before moving back by him, obviously trying to keep some distance. 

“Ummm….” She nervously reaches across from him to take the bowl. “You can…..if you could…..”

“Solana.” This girl and all her damn stammering. Jesus. “Just tell me what you need.” It’s truly that simple, or maybe it isn’t, because she’s still looking at him like she’s confused as to why he’s helping her and not yelling at her for dinner still not being ready.

Or worse.

She takes a breath and nods, as if trying to reassure herself. Reaching for one of the items, she pulls it out and starts peeling the charred skin. “I just….need you to peel and remove the stem and seeds from the peppers. I can chop.” She then adds with a shrug, “I can probably do it faster.” 

At the same moment Roman chuckles and smiles, she slaps her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“You’re not wrong. I don’t cook.” At all. Before her, he had meals delivered to him weekly. Sometimes daily. Pre-prepared by a chef that was decent, good even, but nothing compared to the woman next to him. 

“At all?” She asks, Roman starting the task assigned.

“Not my thing.” He hands her the first pepper, briefly amazed by how easily and quickly she dices it up. “Damn.”

She looks down, her hair covering her face, no doubt hiding a small smile he wouldn’t mind seeing. She’s even prettier when she smiles. “I—I cook a lot.”

“Your mom taught you, right?” She nods, the two falling into an easy flow. He peels. She chops. 

“It was our thing….” Roman recognizes the slight shift in her voice. Sadness. He understands more than she could ever know. 

Clearing his throat, he offers her a distraction, asking, “what is this you’re making anyway?”

“Frijoles y Chorizo.”

“What?”

Her lips turn up into a deep smile. Amused. “Frijoles y Chorizo.” She says it slower this time, which he tries to repeat, for some reason still not landing it. Strange for him considering him being a polyglot and typically good with picking up different languages. She giggles. “Close enough.” She clears her throat, asking, “umm—how—how was your day?”

Roman’s taken back by that. He can’t recall the last time he was asked such a thing. Or asked in such a genuine manner. “Busy.”

It’s probably the wrong thing to say because she turns to him, that worried expression returning, “I’m sorry, you’re—”

“Solana, if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have offered.” And that’s the truth. He’s never been one to do anything he didn’t want to do. Including this. She seems slightly relieved, which makes him also feel it, too. “How was your day?” Another thing that rolls out without much thought. 

Solana is also partially taken back, that smile returning. “G–good. I–I got to read to the kids today.” His perplexed expression leads to her following up with clarification. “I–I do a reading club with kids once a week.”

He can see that. Make sense for her. “How long have you done it?”

“Years,” she answers with a soft sigh. Still smiling with a sense of pride. “They’re really great.”

He’s less focused on the task at hand and more at the almost serene look on her face. “You like kids?”

It might be the quickest she’s ever answered one of his questions. “I love kids.” An answer that also makes sense but….something else as well. Something he doesn’t really understand. “Do y—”

She’s cut off by the pot whistling again, effectively ending a conversation he’s not sure he’d want to have right now.

Because he’s certain she wouldn’t have liked his answer. 

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #7

Sherlock, in response to being asked to sneak into Valeria’s house: Okay. Don’t worry, guys. I got your back!

*She steps behind Ghost*

Sherlock: From right here.

———

Laswell: Hey did you call General Shepherd a bitch?

Price: Yeaaahh! He changed the Wi-Fi password!

Laswell: You can’t be-

Nikolai: THAT BITCH CHANGED THE WI-FI PASSWORD!!!!

———

*Something bad and unexpected happens on a mission*

Nikolai: Why didn’t you tell me?!

Sherlock: Well, because I wanted us to fail.

Nikolai: 😑

Sherlock: OBVIOUSLY I DIDN’T KNOW!!!!

———

Graves: Hey, I always get the vibe that you, like, hate me or something.

Ghost: What?! Me, hate you?!

Ghost: …You’re right.

———

Soap: If I punch myself in the face and it hurts, am I strong or weak?

Ghost: Strong.

Gaz: Weak.

Price: A dumbass is what you are.

———

Alejandro: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.

Graves: …

Graves: And?

Alejandro: And you are.

———

Hadir: Sorry I’m late, I was… doing things.

*pounding footsteps can be heard from behind the door*

Alex, bursting through the door: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!

Hadir: Push is such a strong word. I prefer calling it … giving you a little nudge.

Alex: Oh I’ll give you a nudge when I shove mY FOOT UP YOUR ASS!

Price, covering Farah’s ears: Hey! Watch your fucking language in front of the president!

———

Graves: Yo, what’s that song that goes like, “Despacito”?

Alejandro: Despacito?

Graves: Yeah. What’s the name?

Alejandro: DESPACITO

Graves: …Yeah. What’s the name?

Alejandro, pissed: Dios mío, you’re an idiot!

Graves: Thank you! Alexa, play “Dios mío, you’re an idiot!”

Echo Dot Alexa: Ok *starts playing Despacito*

Alejandro: 😦

Graves 😎

———

Ghost: What happens to the car if you press the break and the accelerator at the same time? Does it take a screenshot?

Price:

Soap:

Gaz:

Roach, wanting to be a little shit: Ye-

Sherlock being done with life: No. That’s it, I’m driving.

———

Soap: Go to bed! It’s 3am. If you don’t you’re going to hate yourself in the morning!

Roach: Jokes on you, I’m gonna hate myself in the morning ✨REGARDLESS✨

———

Sherlock: I don’t want to be a person anymore.

Ghost: … What?

Sherlock: I’m tired of it.

Soap: 😥 Maybe we should talk about this-

Sherlock: I just wanna be a dinosaur.

Ghost:

Soap:

Roach: Me too!

———

*Sherlock walks into the rec room and drops her bag on the floor*

Sherlock: tEll mE wHy tHerE arE 7 BiLlioN peOplE On tHiS DAmN PlaNEt ANd NoT 1 pErsOn hAs A CrUsH On mE!? WhAt ThE HelL UNiveRsE?!!

Gaz, whose been pining for her since the day he met her: what about me 🥺

———

Roach, sleep deprived: All I want-

Soap: Oh no

Roach: -is for for someone to walk up to me-

Ghost: What’s going on now?

Roach: -look me in the eyes, put their hands on my face, and very passionately-

Gaz: Kiss you?

Roach: -twist as hard as they can and put me out of my fucking misery!

Price: Roach no

Roach: Roach yes

———

Laswell: John, aren’t you supposed to be on a Zoom call right now?

Price: I got kicked off already.

Laswell: Why! What did you do?!

Price: Well she said, “DoN’t GeT sMaRt WiTh Me!” and I said, “Then what are we paying you for?” and she did not like that!

Laswell: John that’s rude.

Price: …But I’m right on this.

———

Roach: Remember when you guys told me to go to the pharmacy?

Sherlock: *looks at Gaz before looking at Roach* Yess

Roach: Mmm they’re out of my ADHD medication for five days.

Sherlock: Oh my god-

Roach: It’s gonna be a fun week!

Gaz, already leaving the room: I’m going to my mother’s-

Sherlock, pissed that she would have to watch Roach by herself: What happened to “in sickness and in health”, motherfucker!?

———

Sherlock: I’m sorry guys… there’s nothing else we can do. Graves is dying, we’re gonna have to pull the plug.

Gen. Herschel Shepherd: Oh my god… Oh my god…

Soap: Can I do it?

Gen. Herschel Shepherd: What?

Soap: Can I pull the plug?

Gaz: Hey no! I wanna pull the plug!

Ghost: No fuck you! I get to do it!

Soap: This is bullshit! I wanna do it!

Price: NO! I-I’m the oldest, I should be the one to do it!

Ghost: I’ll thumb wrestle you for it.

Price: Fine, let’s go BITCHHH

Price & Ghost, hands together for thumb wrestling: 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war!

Gen. Herschel Shepherd: Are you two serious?!

Price: YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE

Ghost: OH, YOU’RE GOING DOWN

Price: NOOO, NO, NO, NOO

Ghost: OHHHHHHHHHH

*Ghost wins*

Ghost: Yess

Price: NO

Ghost: yEsSSSSS

Price: DAMN IT

Ghost: Alright, where’s that plug?!

Soap: Where’s that plug?

Ghost: Where’s that mother fucking plug?!

Sherlock: Do you have ANY respecT?!

Ghost: No, I have 0 respect!

Soap: We have 0.

Price: We have 0 respect.

Gaz: I have nothing!

Gen. Herschel Shepherd: I can’t even believe this!

Sherlock: Yeah, me too. Alright let’s get this show on the road! I got some leftover lasagna at home, and it’s got my name on it!

———

Ghost: Good morning, everyone. God has let me live another day. And I’m about to make it EVERYONE’S problem.

Soap: Good morning to you too.

Price: 🤦‍♂️ I give up.

———

Alex: What do we do when we’re feeling sad?

Farah: Watch a murder documentary and plan out how to do it without getting caught?

Hadir’s soul in Hell: *scared shitless despite already being dead*

Alex: Jesus fuck, NO!

———

Soap: You guys won’t believe what just happened!

Ghost: What happened?

Soap: Some guy from Shadow Company wouldn’t leave Sherlock alone-

Nikolai, maternal uncle instincts kicking in: Excuse me!

Soap: -but she took care of it!

Price, to Sherlock: How’d you take care of it?

Sherlock: Simple. *clears throat* 🎶Row row row your boat, The fuck away from me, Felony felony just tried to test me, And I’m a cause a scene🎶

Nikolai, laughing: That’s my girl!

[rainbowdaisy13]

TTPD The Anthology Summary Part 1 *IMO*

This is viewed through a queer lens because I believe she is fucking done playing nice so now she’s throwing it in our faces—FUCKING SEE ME

1) Fortnight—

I was supposed to be sent away but they forgot to come and get me/I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic

*MIGHTY GOD we start right out the gate sad as hell—no one noticed her queer flagging both quiet and loud and that pushed her from being a functioning alcoholic to a not functioning one. She then says to the fans who refused to acknowledge her truth “I hope that you’re ok but you’re the reason” FOR ME BEING INSANE

*Mentioning wanting to kill people that’s a first and I love it

*I love you it’s ruining my life OUCH 🤕 yes that sounds like something straight people deal with 😑

2) TTPD-

*I’m sorry I can’t remember what mutual said this, but I love love this as coming from Karlie’s perspective. It absolutely fits. She ground Taylor in a way no one else can

*First mention of suicide—both can’t live without the other

*Were crazy—owning the demons together

*The wedding ring line—GOD

3) MBOBHFT—

*I see this one as Taylor viewing herself as a commodity, also as someone who is broken and needs to be fixed so that she remains lovable. It also gives me Cardigan vibes without the redemption arc

4) Down Bad—

*Love this Alien Abduction theme. Melody is even spacey sounding. The entire song uses alien motifs and I adore it. Fave line “they’ll say I’m nuts if I talk about the existence of you” Brilliant 👽 Also the concept of an Out of this World Love

5) So Long London—

*Cool opening—beautiful when they layer her own voice

How much sad did you think I had in me? 😫

*I see this song as a My Tears Ricochet 2. Taylor giving all her youth to someone for free. You say I abandon the ship but I was going down with it—I truly believe she tried and begged them to let her come out for years and she was always shot down—2 graves 1 gun, more murder imagery

*So Long London, so long Big Machine

6) BDILH—

Absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking song

These people only raise you to cage you 😫

*Sarahs and Hannahs/braided hair/church/Elders making decisions—giving cult/LDS vibes

Stay away from her -Elders are yelling this—to who? Taylor? So Taylor needs to stay away from HER interesting

*Shed rather burn it all down than listen to them complain about her sexuality and how it impacts them

My good name, it’s mine alone to disgrace —absolutely shots fired at Scott Swift

*Soliloquies line is incredible—“I’ll never see” is such a burn 😆

*This isn’t a phase, this is who she is!!

*YOU AINT GOTTA PRAY FOR ME!! GET THEM ALL BITCH—SHOW THEIR ASSES

*This is my choice!!

GET 👏🏼 THEM 👏🏼 ALL

NO YOU CANT COME TO THE WEDDING PERIOD

7) FOTS—

*Pretty Baby, much like Babydoll is reserved for women and gay men and theys and thems. We don’t call straight men this 😒

*Fresh out the slammer—realllly trying to get these idiots to understand that she’s felt jailed /caged/trapped

My friends…Watch me daily disappearing 😫 fuck

Wearing Imaginary rings 😫😫😫 Says hello to paper rings says hello to imaginary lockets

*It’s gonna be alright she did her time!! 🥹

8) FLORIDA!!!—

I adore this song—my second fave on the album and absolute fucking banger. So glad Florence agreed to this they makes an amazing duo vocally—main vibes—Florida is the place Taylor wants to go to fucking escape the mess she lives in day to day. Anything goes, everyone is there hiding from something—the law, family, winter—nothing is too weird or unaccepted—and a certain someone has a house there 😎

My friends all smell like weed or little babies 😆

Florence’s verse is chefs kiss—Earl had to die vibes, watching bodies sink into the swamp, just full on misandry I LOVE IT—is that a bad thing to say in a song?? 😆 GET THEM ALL

Also I bet this song made Swifties uncomfortable 😆

FUCK ME UP FLORIDA 🤘🏼🤘🏿🤘🏾

9) Guilty as sin?

The Gay Longing/Gay Sex Song

*Another* suicide reference—but she’s just joking right swifities?

👀

No no that’s fine she just described an orgasm and if she’s not touching the person, let’s assume the pic below ⬇️ is like HEY THIS IS THE SEX IM SPEAKING ABOUT—it’s very much giving The Man pose for getting dome👀

And then the Jesus reference is just chefs kiss—gay sex is seen as sin and unholy by idiots and she said ok then bitch, what if I tell you the sex is so good we ARE what’s holy??

👀

She literally said messy top lip kiss and got away with it like 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

10) WAOLOM—

I just……this may be my favorite song of hers ever. It’s absolutely incredible in its intensity, rawness, and truth as well as being a banger

Every lyric screams her pain

My bare hands paved their path/you don’t get to tell me about sad/ If you wanted me dead you should’ve just said

I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street —Witch Imagery again!!

WHOSE AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME

👹YOU SHOULD BE 👹

Shots fired again at Scott Swift!! Let’s hear one more joke—they mocked her pain because they truly thought they could convince her she wasn’t gay 🫥

GODDDD 😫

Put narcotics into all of my songs—“a drug or other substance that affects mood or behavior and is consumed for nonmedical purposes, especially one sold illegally—a drug that relieves pain and induces drowsiness, stupor, or insensibility”

SHE SAID I HAVE TO USE MALE PRONOUNS AND FAKE REFERENCES TO MEN IN MY LYRICS SO YOU IDIOTS STAY STUPID AND HAPPY

and that’s why you’re still singing along 😎

Just WOW

Brilliant and Heartbreaking and RAW

🤍🤍🤍 We love you Girl 🤍🤍🤍

[anomaly-hivemind]

Collar ID || collaring w/Yuri Briar x Afab! Reader

Kinktober Masterlist

Word Count: 1609

Tags: dom! reader, POC reader,flogging, latex, cock stepping, groveling, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, degradation, praise kink, squirting

I was sitting in bed, bonnet on snuggly , with a can of fruit in hand. Watching some random comedy horror that I found on netflix. It was only to pass the time while I waited for my boyfriend. It was around the usual time that Yuri would be on his way home if nothing came up. I scroll a bit on my phone when I get a notification from Yuri.

“Gonna be a bit late coming home, I got a bit of paperwork I want to finish. “ The message read and I let out an annoyed sigh. I don’t feel like waiting for him to finish work because I know that just means he's not going to get home until I was long asleep. I smile, as a mischievous idea comes to mind.

I take my oversized top off, my naked breast getting the blunt of the cold air from this bedroom. I lay on my stomach and posed so that my butt was in the view of my camera. I push my tits together and set my timer so I can take a photo. When the picture was taken I sent it to Yuri.

“Can't wait for you my pet, I miss you ;]” I sent the message right after the photo and waited.

Read.

Wow this was my breaking point. He couldn’t even dignify my unadulterated sexyness with a whiny emoji or anything!

I dropped my phone on the bed and went to my closet. I pushed past my regular clothes to where all my lingerie was. Silk was soft, coquette, not the vibe I was looking for. Lace? No, no it still had an air of delicacy.

Here, perfect. Latex. I hadn’t worn this set before. I smirk as I slip into the snug latex body suit. The suit hugged my curves tightly, had a boob window, the back out and the crotch exposed. If anything, it was a shame, I didn’t wear it as often. I sent Yuri another photo this time in my bodysuit.

“I don't appreciate you leaving me to read ):( ” I text him, and again get left on read but faster this time. What the hell is he doing?

A few minutes pass and the house opens and an out of breath boyfriend walks into the house. Yuri walks over to me with a desperate look on his face, his strong grip on my shoulders.

“I’m so sorry baby,” Yuri dropped to his knees and kissed me on my neck.

“I’ll only give you a light punishment since you came home earlier than normal.” I kept a straight face even if his kisses felt good.

“You're still gonna punish me… but I came home early.” yuri whined as he tried to give me the puppy dog eyes. Too bad for him that shit hardly works on me.

“Maybe if you beg for my entire forgiveness I'll let you go.” I smirk, my words were a set up and I'm sure he knows it. But that doesn’t matter, he was going to do what I said anyway.

Yuri dropped to his knees in front of me, he leaned down and placed a kiss on my foot. A smile grows on my face as he does, I stare at his cute butt. He looked out at me and I could see the lust in his eyes. I moved down to sit on our bed, he started to kiss up from the ankle to my upper calf.

“Strip.” I lean over to a drawer beside the and up out a dog collar, my eyes never leaving Yuri. I watch with a smile as he slowly takes off his uniform. I clip the collar around his neck, the cold dog tags make his skin shiver. He was shirtless and was making his way out his pants. He was hunched over in his boxers, his erection twitching and was practically begging for my attention. I pressed my foot against his crotch, giving his cock a light shove. He let out a little whine that made my cunt throb. I tilt his chin up so that he is looking up at me.

“So do you have something to tell me, pet?” I hold his face in place, squishing his cheeks slightly.

“I’m sorry….”

“For?” my toes pinch his balls and he tenses up, the dog tags of his collar jigging as he moves.

“Leaving you on read?” I nod.

“And” I ran my hand through his hair.

“Always co-coming home late.”

“Good boy, What do you think I should do now? Forgive you or pushish you?” my smirk grew a bit as i already knew what my little freak would say.

“My love, please forgive me, I want to taste you” he shuffled a bit closer, pushing my foot harder against his weeping dick. He whimpered from the pressure but I wasn’t going to cave. I could feel his dick growing harder under my foot and pressed my hut down harder.

“You would like that wouldn't you.” I adjusted the strap of my latex bodysuit, loosening the strings so I could move it better as I pleased. I put more pressure on his cloth cock practically stepping on him and he groaned.

“Please, my love…” Yuri moaned breathlessly.

“No. You won’t tempt me, you seducer, and I’m sick that you keep trying to get out of your punishments.

“But-“

“Hush, Pet, now bend over. I’ve had enough of this disrespect.

Yuri gulped hard, “Yes ma’am,”

Yuri walked over to the storage drawers in the closet and pulled out. A leather flog, I rubber by thumb over the braided handle of the flog I make sure to pull him fully out of his boxers.

“Baby, please.” he pouts and holds back a whimper.

“You better keep count or I'm going to start over, nut i guess I slut like you would like that.” I swing the flog over his asscheek.

“One…” Yuri made sure to say through his yelp. We repeat this fourteen other times before I'm somewhat satisfied to stop. Yuri had hot adorable tears threatening to drop down his face, it would almost make me feel bad if I hadn't known how much he enjoyed this.

He had his tell-tell signs; like how his dick was pretty much begging to cum or how he tried to hold back moans and groans with each solid impact I made on his body.

“Okay now if you can make me cum I’ll forgive your little behavior,” I said, placing one hand on my hip and the other soothingly rubbing Yuri‘s ass.

“Yes ma’am,” Yuri said, straightening up.

I laid back on the bed, spreading my legs open to expose my glistening pussy. Yuri inches closer, I could feel his breath on my folds.

“Go ahead, I know a loose man like yourself is dying without your fix,” I said and without hesitation Yuri dived in.

His tongue runs a slow stride to my clit, he was savoring the taste as he let out a pleased murmur. He was slurping up my juices like he didn't drink anything in months. Lapping up my arousal like he was on a mission and knowing my lover boy, he definitely sees this as such. He was a military man after all, working for the police and such.

But none of that was really important right now. I was too busy feeling the great action of Yuri sliding his fingers into my wetness. The way he curled his digits against my walls, made me fall back onto the bed and let out a moan. He alway knew how to get me going, how to push me closer and near to the edge. I could feel him smirk against my cunt and I pulled his hair in a quick yank that made him moan.

Yuri starts to focus more on my clit, making sharp circles on the nub, and long sucks that make my toes curl. His fingers thrusted onto my spot and I let out a short cry, he was going to make me cum any second now.

The feeling was winding up in my core, a coil ready to snap at any moment.

“You’re such a good slut, isn't that right?” I asked, running my fingers through Yuri’s hair. He hummed, against my muff the soft vibrations traveling through the mound of flesh..

As Yuri’s fingers stroked my g-spot and he sucked on my clit, something finally snapped. Warm fluid gushed from my pussy making a mess on Yuri’s face but like a good pet he lapped it up, and licked off what ran down my folds. My hips bucked from the sensitivity of having just cum, into the air and subsequently against Yuri’s face.

“Fuck. That was good.” I said breathlessly, my body sliding down so I was laying down more than sitting up.

“Does that mean all is forgiven… Ma’am” Yuri asked with his pathetic boy slut face.

“Fine, I forgive you now. But if you do that shit again I'll come up with a way harsher punishment. Understand. “ I said sternly even if I was a bit out of breath my point came across the way it was supposed to be and that's all that mattered.

“Yes ma'am.” he nods and licks his lips off my juices.

“Good now, come up here, I want to cuddle.” I pull him into a hug as soon as he gets close enough to fall into my grasp.

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 1

Propaganda why Robin is insufferable:

"Annoying control freak"

"his mere existence is a vile mockery of the real Robin. Why do they always have to ruin everything by reducing the characters by the jokes they can make against them?"

"Not even because it’s a far cry from how Robin is actually characterized in the comics or the OG cartoon, but his exaggerated impulsive and controlling personality is really hard to watch most of the time.

If you do compare it to his original iteration, it’s just insulting, but not even taking that into account, I don’t understand why anyone can stand to watch a show for fun with a main character like that? Lol"

Propaganda why Stuart Little is insufferable:

"Bad vibes"

"Even from his first ever appearance he was insufferable. I remember when I was a child my mum took me to a carboot sale, trinkets, clothes, games, dvds galore. It was a lovely day. On one stall we stopped and decided to take a closer look at their goods.. My mum decided to buy the stuart little box set containing the entire trilogy inside. this would change my life forever. Now, you may thinking ‘what is so bad about Stuart little?’ Well I’m just about to tell you. First of all his appearance. He’s got that little submissive twinky build with a stupid smug little smirk on his stupid little mouse face (ALSO WHY IS HE A MOUSE AND NOT A RAT? RATS ARE SO MUCH BETTER) I can’t even sexualise him or call him a tumblr sexy man bc he’s a minor and an orphan minor at that (embarrassing) which brings me into my next point. The whole adoption scene??? Just screams??? Entitled??? Like imagine you are an orphan and you are super excited to get adopted you put on your best orphan outfit and orphan smile and then the family come in (eccentric but also very nice) and they take a look at you and you smile and think ‘wow this is my moment to be adopted!’. Then they say to the head of the orphanage ‘yeah I’ll take the rat.’ I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT THAT WOULD PISS ME THE HELL OFF AND GIVE ME TRUST ISSUES AND RELATIONSHIP ISSUES AND SELF ESTEEM USSUES AND ISSUES WITH ISSUES. Then this smug little twink rat just walks out with a family??? My mind would say??? This bitch??? Anyways now that that is outta the way can we talk abt the gay little saying the family has. ‘Little high little hey little low’ so so gay like I’ve had lesbian sex and that is probably gayer than that. Infect you know what?? Maybe the littles adopting stuart did the poor orphans a favour. Like it’s kinda like if two sexual deviants dated bc at least it keeps them off the streets. You know what this now a little family hate account. They also have another saying that ‘anyone can find the little house if they are a little from anywhere’ I think they should find a gun and let it go off but ig uts not as cool. I wanna go on for longer bc idk id this is too cringe"

"he got stuck in a washing machine once and also i imagine they would smell pretty badly irl and also im racist towards white mice and also i dont like him. He should have died and drowned in the washing machine."

"stupid fucking rodent he can actually go die i hate his stupid voice i just wanna step on him"

"hate this stupid mouse want to put him in a mouse trap"

[fruitsoxs]

hi socks just wanna let u know i have been thinking about those vashwood as roommates headcanons and i always come back to it cz it’s somehow??? so comforting??? 10/10 chef’s kiss thank u!

it's honestly my comfort au-- so here's a part two ! (here's part one)

Having Vash and Wolfwood as roommates would include(part two);;

warnings;; I included some nsfw headcanons this time. they're at the end and have a warning. This also has a bit of fighting/angst that ends in fluff notes: i have a couple of fics in the work for this au. let me know if there any big moments you would like to see written out into a full fic! (also possibly a knives spin off??)

Their jobs/majors

I kind of feel like Vash is studying in the science department. Specifically something that has to do with plant science? Botany, Environmental science, maybe even biology? I know it’s a little on the nose but I really do think it would work perfectly for him

Maybe he even opens up his own little flower shop in the future??

No matter what he has a lot of labs and he is always tired after them.

He probably has a part-time job as a barista at a little cafe on campus

No thoughts just Vash in a cute little apron

He’s a fan favorite among the college kids. They say he makes the best coffee, and he sometimes gives people little freebies when they look sad

His manager Meryl actively yells at him for it, but she doesn’t actually care that much.

He ALWAYS will give you freebies if you come in to visit him. He gets a free drink as an employee, and he’ll save it for you just in case you come in. Sometimes he’ll even take it to go and drop it off for you

Wolfwood gives huge phycology vibes. Mans had a messed up childhood and wants nothing more than to help other people through that stuff

Either that or he’s an art student. I can see that too

He takes school very seriously, but he is horrible at math. He cannot divide to save his life. He’s had to retake his math class like three times

His job? Well nobody knows and at this point everyone is too scared to ask. (He’s a security guard lol)

Whatever it is, he hates it. He comes home grumpy and needs lots of hugs and kisses.

He’ll be all pouty and pissed off, and then you’ll give him a little kiss on the cheek and a small smile will break out 

Bonus; Knives is on the track to becoming a surgeon. I will die on the hill that he is going into the medical field. (he’d look so good in scrubs) and i know McDonalds knives is kind of funny, but I'm thinking he’s actually and EMT. Imagine getting hurt and having Knives be your first responder (id die on the spot)

First Date

It’s not really a date- well you don’t call it a date. Vash just walks in with a couple of free tickets to a haunted house event thing  and asks if you and Wolfwood want to come

You’re like hell yeah

The drive there is like the calm before the storm. You listen to some music, seated in front with wolfwood driving. He definitely has his hand on your thigh. Vash is super excited about finally doing something that isn’t getting high and playing games

You all thought it was gonna be some dumb little spooky house. They’re never that scary. It’s just fun to see all the decorations and actors

Oh boy were you wrong

It’s so well put together. The actors are really into it, and they have amazing make up. When you’re standing in line, some clown girl walks up to Vash and you watch the regret build up on his face. The guy is already terrified

The first hallway is pitch black, and you have to rely on a feeling your way through it. Vash is mumbling about how much he hates it the entire time

Wolfwood is like “Don’t worry guys I’ll protect you.” And then proceeds to let out the loudest scream when the lights come on and there’s a girl dressed up as a ghost standing there

Soon all three of you are huddled up, holding hands, and shaking

These things should not be that scary!!!

It’s Vash who gets you kicked out

He gets so spooked that he runs into a bunch of boxes and knocks one of the fake walls down. The entire thing has to stop to fix it

You’re all banned

After that you go eat pancakes and complain about how scary it was

When things get tense

Fights can happen sometimes

None of you are perfect, and those boys have gone through some shit

Vash tends to shut himself away from you when he’s upset. He doesn’t come out of his room, and when he does he pretends like he’s fine. 

He doesn’t like burdening other people with his problems.

Eventually it just starts to feel like he doesn’t trust you enough to let you in. SIt gets really bad when he tells you to go away one day, and you watch Wolfwood walk into his room 30 minutes later

It doesn’t really turn into a fight. You just get sad, and even a little insecure. So, you avoid him back. Not because you’re vengeful, just because you feel hurt

A few days of the two of you not talking and Vash is in tears by your door

He begs for forgiveness and explains why he’s like this

You tell him it’s okay, but what he does really hurt you. He promises to work on it, and he does

That night the two of you make up for loss time

Wolfwood and you fight a lot more

Most of the time it’s silly little arguments that you solve pretty fast

Wolfwood is bad at communicating in general. But especially when it comes to his feelings

He has really bad days sometimes, and he can get grumpy really fast these days, and one day you really piss him off

He won’t tell you what you did though, he just gives you the cold shoulder

That pisses you off because you’d so be willing to talk it out and apologize, but he won’t tell you what you did 

So you’re mad now too

Things are tense between you too, and it all comes to an end on movie night when you start arguing about what movie to watch

You want to watch one of your favorite movies from your childhood and he says that it’s a stupid movie

Things get heated fast, while Vash just disappears into the background. He that the two of you need to workout your problems on your own (but he really wants to intervene) 

When the tears start falling, Wolfwood immediately stops

He takes a breath, and the two of you sit down and just talk. 

You talk ALL night about what happened, and what the two of you could have done better. In the end, you fall asleep on his chest while he plays with your hair. 

You have movie night the next night to make up for it, and he puts the movie you wanted to watch in before you can even talk about it ( he ends up loving the movie and after that you two watch it all the time)

Id have to make an entire other thing for when Vash and Wolfwood fight because it’s no fun for anyone

NSFW stuff

After the three of you finally get past the awkward stages and start fucking, you find out these two are…horny

They’ll grab you and go to town any time

They really like to share you, but there’s no jealousy in the relationship so it’s okay for one on one time as well!

Wolfwood will pull you into steamy make out sessions whenever. He’ll do it out of nowhere. I imagine he just really likes you, and can’t get enough

He’s very handsy. He’ll constantly have his hand on your hips, or your thigh, and your waist. He likes touching you

He’s the type to sneak risqué touches in public. He like watching you struggle to not let anyone else know what he’s doing

Quickies everywhere with Wolfwood

Vash is a lot more loving (not that Wolfwood isn’t loving– he probably has cried during sex) 

Vash takes his time though. He wants every moment with you to be special. He likes to do stuff like rubbing your back, and peppering kisses down your shoulders. He’ll run his hand up your shirt, and kiss your neck softly. He builds up to it

He really likes shower/bath sex. It’s intimate and relaxing

He also like when you take control (i know he’s a whimperer)

He is so bad at any type of public sex though. He gets embarrassed way too easily (and i think Wolfwood has fun with that) 

When the three of you do it together it’s fucking electric 

[sevenpoyo]

this got deleted like 5 times this version is nothing like the original and i don’t know how tumblr works

By time you meet denji, he know you you work at the noodle shop or bakery and feed him and pochita. Or maybe he’s seen you with the yakuza guys he owns more money than he’s ever seen to, or maybe some t.v show or porno he watched second hand. Either way he knows you, but when you’re introduce yourself, saying the name that is distantly familiar to him, and looking at him with the most captivating eyes he’s ever seen. When you’re giving him a look so warm and all encompassing that makes him feel full like a hot meal from the old guy who thinks that denji is his grandson.

Your smile spells out warm fresh bread and sweet fruit jam as you ask his name once, twice, three times and the concern that overtakes your features at the fourth time you ask him, makes that full feeling turn into nausea. Like finding a bee hive and gourging himself on too sweet honey. He nearly collapses when your voice actually reaches his ears and he hears you talking to him, the gentle melody of “are you alright? are you feeling well? what the hell!? can you even here me?!?” You step closer looking for any indication of injury besides his despondency, and he’s knocked back into reality.

He has to say something back! You’ll probably get sick of standing here with him if he doesn’t! You’ll leave! every alarm in his brains is screaming it over and over and over! You’ll leave. You’ll leave! You’ll leave! You’ll leave! You’ll leave! You’ll leave. Look at you! Of course you weren’t sticking around!

You’re leaving! He feels that warm kind look leave him and he feels exactly what he is again, he’s a poor starving street rat who’s missed his chance of someone like you looking at him with soft, warm, nice feelings that he’s never felt and will likely never feel again. His one shot at being something to someone. lost. wasted. you’re turning around to leave the skinny mess of a teenage boy in front that couldn’t even respond when you asked him the most simple questions. Using all the strength in his body he sputters, forcing out breath that reeks of hunger into your face and finally coughs up his name.

“i’m uh- my names Denji. i’m fine! i can hear! i’m Denji and- this is pochita!” please look at him again. denji leans closer to see over your shoulder, please look at him. then you dig up a water bottle, and a granola bar and he’s in love. you’re staying, your gonna feed him, and he feels closer to heaven then he’s ever been. Maybe he’s dead, and you’re an angel. Denji didn’t much believe that he deserved to go to heaven- or that pochita would still be with him. but he thought all devils were inhuman looking, and you just looked lovely to him.

“ok then Denji, i’m gonna need your full name. i’m worried that you may be concussed. do you know what year it is? do you feel nauseous?” now he thinks it make sense if you were and angel angel’s use big words.

“huh? what’s concussed mean? and nas- noushis?” his mouth was watering as he fumbled to unwrap the granola bar.

“oh god! denji can you tell me where you live? are you parents home?” shit! he can’t take you back to his shack! you’ll leave for sure if he takes you to that shithole!

“i lost my house keys! that’s why i’m outside! and my head is fine! i’m just really hungry!”

“ok, i’ll just stay to make sure. do you want to go somewhere to eat or something? this place gives me bad vibes.” Wow, this has to be heaven. there’s not other way that this could happen to denji.

“sure! but uh.. i don’t have any money on me. ” he didn’t have any money at all, but why get stuck up on details?

“that’s fine! i’ll pay since we’re friends now, and we could put your little friend in my book bag!” you said referencing pochita. who is now running laps around the two of you,

that makes denji take back what he said earlier. this wasn’t heaven, you were.

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday wonderful fandom :) Ahhh the next in the line of goodies to come. This one doesn’t have a ton for them but doesn’t mean there isn’t absolute gems in it. So it'll be a littler shorter than the last one ha Also Aaron is amazingly hilarious in this episode. I love him to death. Let us get started.

5x09 Take Back

We start off with Tim being Watch Commander while Grey is miserable in NYC ha Things get immediately awkward when Chris arrives. Still clueless as ever asking Tim of all people about Lucy’s taste in houses. I mean if you don’t know her taste at this point should you really be buying a house together? Tim looks intrigued when he says he needs his opinion then it gets so awkward when it's about a house...

Tim is so very uncomfortable when he asks his opinion. Knowing this is going NOWHERE for Chris. I’ll never forget this hilarious post I saw about this scene after it premiered. I couldn't find it this time around. Had the lyrics from anti-hero by Taylor swift. ‘It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem it’s me.’ You ain’t ever getting that house with her because of that man sitting there LOL Idk why that post made me laugh so hard but it did. It stuck with me clearly haha

It’s so very weird Chris comes to Tim for this. It's obvious he knows Tim knows her the best. Crazy to me he's not threatened at all by that fact. Clearly he isn’t if he’s coming to Tim for advice. Blows my mind how blind he is. Lucy comes in asking what they’re talking about? Chris tells her he found THE house. Lucy looking as uncomfortable as ever at this news. Saying he's going to call the realtor and call her later. Lucy's high pitched 'I can't wait...' Couldn't be more awkward if she tried.

He gives her a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Tim giving that good ole fake Sanford smile when he does. Tim's face crack me up. Like he stole your girl and you have no idea you putz heh Also just so on brand for Chris to not see how uncomfortable Lucy was. He’s been blind their entire relationship It’s unreal. You can also see how much Tim hates seeing him kiss her. Even if it’s on the cheek.

It’s almost a grimace really as he watches it. Probably thinking of all the ways he could easily kick his scrawny ass haha That fake smile begging for Chris to leave the room so this awkwardness can pass. How Chris doesn’t pick up on either of these vibes I don't know. But then we call him the clueless clown for a reason don’t we?

Lucy doesn’t look comfortable till Chris leaves the office. Tim asking 'How the breakup is going?' HA Cleary it's going well Timothy...Lucy tells him she’s in the planning stages. Just reviewing the literature. Classic Lucy response. Wanting to plan this out completely before pursuing it. Tim telling her a psychology journal isn’t going to tell her how to break up with Chris. I mean he's not wrong.... It's just a bandaid you have to rip off even if its uncomfortable as hell.

He’s so matter of fact with his wording. Using a sports metaphor to explain how she should do it. Makes me wonder if he's actually done this before? Ha She’s adorable in her reply of saying ‘Playbill?’ She truly has no idea what he’s talking about. It’s too funny. It's comical really Tim giving her advice on how to break up with Chris. So you know he can date her haha

Tim has been very patient in all this but you can see him getting a little antsy about it. It is interesting how full circle this moment is. He set them up in 4x12 and now he’s ready to help break them down in this 5x09. Tim is just so ready for Lucy to do this cause he’s anxiously waiting to be with her. It’s pretty damn cute if you ask me. He’s trying to be patient but also is like can we hurry this along a bit?

Lucy says that’s too cruel she wants to handle it her way. No matter how this goes down Chris is going to be hurt though. It's how breakups go there is alway someone who walks away more upset about it. Her empathy taking the front seat in this decision. Where Tim just wants her to rip the bandaid off. Get this over with ASAP.

This is where we see little bit of Tim’s self doubt kick in. It's written all over his face when he asks her if she's having doubts? Worried she’s delaying this because she is having second thoughts about him. About them. Lucy immediately squashes his anxiety with her reply. Shooting massive heart eyes his way as well. She wants Tim to know she’s all in just like he is. That there is nothing for him to worry about.

I love how sure Lucy looks when she tells him 'No, I'm not'. She is so certain this is what she wants. Needs him to know this as well. Not a doubt in her mind about this whole thing. She just has stuff to work out with this breakup first. The certainty in her eyes is everything. Nothing makes more sense to her in this moment than him.

That confidence of hers is why Tim relaxes the way he does above. His whole body draining of the tension he was carrying. His cute smile saying ‘Good.’ Could this man be more of a soft puppy for her? Look at him. That hope and excitement back in his eyes. Lucy replying in kind with her own 'In love 'gaze. They’re both all in and it makes my heart very happy. Also they’re having a full on flirt session in Grey’s office for everyone to see.

I adore Tim being so open and vulnerable in this scene. Making sure she wasn’t backing out. The same Tim who couldn’t communicate in his other relationships to save his life. But with this he is checking in with her. Letting Lucy know his stress about her not breaking up with Chris yet. Lucy assuages his worries instantly. When it’s the right one the harder stuff seems a little easier. More natural. Lucy sensed that panic and instantly calms him with her words and heart eyes. Gah so good. Look at these idiots in love. I just adore them so very much.

This next scene with Aaron is pure gold. I love him so much he cracks me up. Never expected him to be as funny as he is. He notes how quiet she is being and is asking what's going on? Lucy letting him know she needs to break up with Chris. First off like to say we are all Aaron when he says ‘Finally.’ To her breaking up with Chris. Yesssss and Hallelujah finally breaking up with the clown. Nails it even further when he says Chris was never on her level. I mean yeah he never was. Not ever.

Aaron is speaking for the whole Chenford fandom in this moment LOL Chris had nine lives with her and they've finally run out. Aaron's reaction is the best part of this scene. I love that he knew where Lucy's heart was and it obviously wasn't with Chris. He knows it’s with Tim 100 percent. Like most people in their world do. Tim is her equal in so many ways it’s insane. Chris could never compare as Lucy figured out last ep.

Aaron tells her they can practice her breaking up with him. So it’s much easier when the time comes. It’s not a bad idea tbh. This is where it gets hilarious. Lucy brings up them looking at houses. Aaron kinda judging her for letting get as far as looking at houses. Telling her 'Yikes....' HA Tell us how you really feel my man. Lucy reprimanding him saying that is not helpful....Oh Aaron I love you so very much.

Lucy starts her speech trying to find her footing in what she is trying to say. She looks over at Aaron in the middle of it and see he is crying. lol If you didn't laugh at this scene you're dead inside. It's so damn funny. Lucy asking him WTF he is doing? Aaron telling her he is channeling Chris's pain LMFAO I mean he's not wrong she had to be prepared for an emotional response. It's just the way he went about this that is so hysterical. He is having way too much fun with this.

Telling her they should do angry next. I'm rolling. Lucy is doing some channeling of her own. She is channeling her man in this scene. It’s so funny. So aggravated with his role playing in this. Wondering why she asked for his advice in the first place? hahaha They then get a call about a 'Navi'. Lucy is so confused. Aaron geeks out and says it's from Avatar. Tells Lucy she should ask if it’s full grown. The look she gives she is channeling her husband again so much. ‘Aaron, it’s a fictional character...’ LMAO

I really love this ending scene with them. Aaron wants to do one more practice run with her. Lucy tells him she doesn’t need it. (Oh but you do....) That she’s just going to go with her gut on this one. It sounds like a solid idea in the moment but it's honestly the worst thing to wing it. Especially when it's something this intense.

When something is this emotional the right words tend not to just come to you IMO. They sure don't for me. I love him being brutally honest with her about it LOL Saying it’s a terrible idea. That he likes the sentiment but this isn't going to end well. I mean he’s not wrong as we will see here in a bit. Lucy once again channeling Tim in this moment. Cutting him off from saying anything else and just tells him good night haha

We get to the breakup scene we’ve all been waiting for. Lucy is bumbling and awkward. Not knowing where to start. Chris once again blind as a bat. He has no idea why she’s acting this way. Lucy curses Aaron for being right about this moment. Saying she should practiced more LOL I adore her panicking and defaulting to Tim’s playbook advice haha idk what’s funnier that or her being shocked Chris knows what she means by saying that.

All that prep and thinking this out and she went with her man’s advice on how to end this. This makes me giddy to no end. I bet you it’s cause Tim was on her mind from the minute Chris entered the apartment. My guess is that is part of the reason she fell back on his advice. Literally the most Lucy Chen thing ever to use it then be surprised Chris knew what she meant. I love her sfm haha

Chris stumbles around shocked as hell she’s breaking up with him. He seems so very blindsided by the whole thing. I mean if the man opened his eyes for once he wouldn’t be that shocked…But this Chris we are talking about. Lucy tries to get him to talk to her more. Saying they should sit down and talk this out. Chris just bails not wanting to talk at all. Not wanting to fight for her at all. Just takes off like a child who didn't get what he wanted.

Now I’m ok with this. Obviously we all are. Just goes to show you Tim was willing to fight for her and Chris wasn’t in the end. Lucy said it was over and he just left. I mean he wasn’t wrong there isn’t much to talk about out. She doesn’t love him. But still no fight in him at all after Lucy does this. Just folds like a cheap suit. A clueless clown from beginning to end...

We’ve reached the scene of the ep that made us all swoon and squee. I remember feeling so anxious to get to this scene. I had to re-watch the episode to truly appreciate it all. I was too antsy to get back to them sharing a screen. I was so damn giddy this was the place we were in. They spent the majority of this episode apart. So all I could focus on was her coming back to him in this moment.

I adore Lucy coming back into the station to talk about the breakup right away. Needing to share this news with him as soon as she could. I love that she returned to work just to tell him about this. So anxious to get back to Tim after it was done. Lucy wanted him to know as soon as she could it was over with Chris. Knowing he was just as anxious as she was about the breakup. It's sweet how he tentatively approaches her when she says why she is back.

He wants to be understanding about it. Seeing if she wants to talk about it more. Doesn't just want to jump the gun and bulldoze her feelings about the matter. Lucy isn't there to chat about that though. She wants to cash in on him asking her out. Because she couldn’t wait another second without him asking her out again. They're both so damn nervous and sweet in this scene. Fidgety and excited about the prospect of their future. Lucy messing with her hands the entire time as she explains the breakup. Tim keeping his distance while she explains it.

Gah I love her fidgeting near her ring as she approaches Tim. Anxiously awaiting for him to ask her out again. Lucy’s nervous way of reminding him to ask her again like they decided. How she looks into the bullpen before approaching Tim. Saying ‘So…’ He looks nervously excited by her doing this. Eric the king of expressions strikes again. The way his eyes go to check the bullpen as well before refocusing on her. He isn't sure what she is going to do in this moment.

The entire station can see into this office. He looks so friggin cute in his nervousness. I love that that she makes him nervous like this it's so adorable. Lucy gains her confidence and looks him directly in the eye flirty as can be. Asking him if there's something he wants to ask her? The whole purpose of her returning to work is to secure their date. Telling him about the breakup was the catalyst yes. But truly she was wanting to hear him ask her out again.

Tim see's her confidence and starts shaking off his own nerves. Replying in a sassy manner. Their banter the undercurrent of this moment going forward. Fueling them with the courage to say what they want to. Tim can't help being playful and sassy with her replying ‘I can’t remember.’ Doing that cute smirk of his that I love so very much. Wanting to push her buttons a little because well it's Tim.

Lucy is affectionately violent in her reply haha Look at her she is beaming with adoration. She loves this goober in front of her so very much. ‘Don't make me hurt you.’ Because she would legit hurt him if she had to in this moment haha I saw a funny parallel from this to her ripping that tape off in 4x07. She'll do it Timothy LOL Don't test your girl.

I love how he gets serious after she says this. It's the way he slowly moves towards her. That intent look on his face in the first one. *fans self* gah. Then in the second one the way he melts for her. In a way only Lucy gets to see. Asking with as much giddiness and excitement as I ever seen in this man. "Do you wanna go out on a date? Look at this puppy of a man. He is beyond excited to ask her this question again. Knowing now he will get a yes with no stipulations this time around. There is still a little nervous hesitation in his delivery which is precious.

Lucy is bursting at the seams with absolute giddiness when she replies ‘Yeah. I do.’ So happy he's asked her again. How one looks when the man they love asks them out. There’s so much to love about this scene. He’s asking her out in the Watch Commanders office. I love that sfm. Both ecstatic they’re finally going on a date with nothing holding them back now. They’re at work and have to restrain themselves from being too obvious. Which you know they suck at heh

My god anyone looking in on them in that last gif could see how in love these two are. They're so excited just to be around each other right now. The way they’re just standing there looking into each other’s eyes with the dopiest in love smiles. I cannot. I remember thinking the break was gonna take forever to get through. What a time to be alive watching this the first time I remember. LOL

~~~

Side notes -non Chenford

Is it just me or does John have more chemistry with Genny than he does Bailey? Thought I’ve always had from this ep. Probably just me but I always thought they had solid chemistry.

Greys have a ROUGH SL in NYC.

Celina also has a hard time in the ep. With their suspect dying in custody. She has a tough rookie year.