#just for the tag

[wakkodoodle]

@urbanqhoul please consider your health when doing these things I beg you

Anyway it’s just them

(I’m Ninja Crow)

[thepenultimateword]

Date or Die Part 10

This might be so sappy you could make syrup out of it, but I give you, dear followers, the Date or Die Finale! To think I wrote part 1 as a quick little prompt fill on a whim in April; it’s crazy that its been nearly 10 months since then! Thanks for coming along for the ride!

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine

Supervillain took a long sip from their mug and squinted down their arm at the soft-colored mood board on their phone screen. The tea had gone from lukewarm to cold, allowing a ring of grainy sediment to settle at the bottom; now it swirled up and skimmed bitterly across their tastebuds, causing them to wince and stick out their tongue.

"You waited too long again," Villain said, glancing over the large stack of envelopes piled up on either side of them. How were they so good at noticing every little thing? Even when they weren't looking?

"It's gross when it's hot," Supervillain countered, forcing another sip out of pure defiance. "What do you think of this combination?"

They leaned halfway out of bed and thrust their phone in Villain's direction.

Instead of leaning out and meeting Supervillain halfway, Villain let their pen clatter to the desktop and strode over to the bed, crawling over Supervillain's legs and snuggling into their side. "Alright, let's see it."

Supervillain fought the warmth rising in their cheeks--that had been happening a lot lately--and brought the phone up to their lover's eye level.

"Oh, I like the dusty rose and dusty blue. Oh! And those string lights are beautiful. Do you think we can find some like that to put over the wedding bower? We could mix in real flowers and it would look like it's glowing!"

Supervillain cleared their throat, a well of uncontrollable affection surging up their airway as per usual. "Of course. Maybe we could go out and look at flower arrangements tomorrow?"

Villain nodded, stretching their arms and all ten fingers out in front of them before leaning back against Supervillain's chest. Supervillain had the sudden urge to kiss them. All over. Forever. Sometimes their presence still felt surreal. A dream they might wake up from at any moment.

"See something you like?" Villain said.

Supervillain jolted, averting their eyes to the wall in front of them. "How are invitations going?"

"Pretty good." Villain began playing with a lock of Supervillain's hair that had fallen across their shoulder. "Though I'm still stuck on whether or not to invite Friend."

Supervillain immediately turned their gaze back on their lover.

"My ex-best friend who tried to kill you and now is confined to a high-security prison? That Friend?"

"They invited you to theirs. It's only polite to return the favor. Besides, it's not like they can actually show up."

"No, but it's the principal of it. You try to kill my fiancee, you don't get an invite to the wedding."

"To be fair," Villain said, a sly grin curving their jaw. They twisted the lock of hair tighter around their finger and tugged just hard enough to tip their chin in their direction. "We weren't really dating when they tried to kill me."

Supervillain swallowed hard. "Th-they didn't know that."

This villain was going to be the death of them. Where did they get off flipping their roles around, them the suave charmer and Supervillain the flustered mess?

"And I already liked you by then. I liked you before then. So on all accounts it was...utterly...completely...unacceptable."

Villain was so close, Supervillain could smell the strawberries and cream on their breath from breakfast. It blended with a hint of ginger from their tea. That matching mug set was one of the best purchases Supervillain had ever made. It made Villain's eyes shine, sort of the way they shone now, like a couple stars blinking out of an inky black firmament. Just...beautiful. They were so...so...

"S-stop teasing me!" they cried, shooting upright and out of Villain's grasp. They snatched the ends of their long hair and bundled it up over their burning face.

Villain fell on their back cackling. "But it's so fun! You're like this super scary steel trap all covered in barbs and spikes, it's the best watching you turn into jelly."

"Evil!"

"Villain, darling." Gentle fingers slid over their shoulders as the smaller criminal draped over Supervillain's back and wrapped their arms around their neck. "You didn't know what you were getting back then, did you?"

Supervillains wrapped their hands around Villain's fists. "I did actually. I've always known you were clever, conniving, and mean, but you're also gentle, empathetic, and kind. I love every part of you."

"You're sappy." Villain nuzzled their ear.

Supervillain pecked the corner of their mouth. "You love it."

For a moment there was only warm silence, then Villain tipped halfway over their shoulder to meet their eyes. "So. Friend?"

"I don't know why you're insisting on it, but fine."

"And Friend's Spouse?"

"Really? They might actually come."

"They did testify against Friend in court."

Supervillain sighed heavily. "Fine. Whatever you want, love."

Villain grinned and dropped their weight back against the curve of their spine. "I love you."

"I...love you too."

Supervillain never thought they'd get to say that in their lifetime with such confidence, but they were immensely glad it was true.

***

"This was their idea, wasn't it?"

Friend sat in the far corner of their white, empty cell. A metal twin-sized bed and a plain, three-compartment chest of drawers were the only furnishings in the drab space. A framed picture of their spouse--glass removed of course--was about the only thing bringing any sort of personalness to the place. And now the wedding invitation.

"How'd you know?" Supervillain said, standing a few paces back from the glass, thumb hooked in the corners of their pockets.

Friend looked up, eyes flashing. They wore the face of young, golden-haired ship captain today. The one they'd stabbed in the back at the end of a sea heist six years ago. According to the prison guards, they did that often. Wearing faces that didn't belong to them. The prison's therapist said it was most likely a form of escapism, wanting to be anyone but themself at the moment. "Because they're petty. Like you. Like me."

A beat passed. The beat that carried the unsaid question they both held under their tongues. Did it have to be this way? Was there any universe where this turned out differently? Or were they always destined to crash and burn?

Supervillain shifted their weight to their other foot. "I didn't know jealousy would make you so homicidal."

"Everything makes me homicidal."

Supervillain chuckled humorlessly. "That's true."

The overhead light buzzed mechanically in the silence. The invitation's soft paper rustled as Friend rubbed the corners between their thumbs and forefingers.

"I know you've said you have nothing to say,'" Supervillain probed, "but..."

"It wasn't because I loved you," Friend said. Their voice snapped out cold and harsh like a whip. "I didn't. Not the way I knew you loved me. I'd known for years."

Supervillain's stomach squirmed a little. It probably shouldn't matter now, those feelings were just as nonexistent as Friend's, but they couldn't help but feel somewhat embarrassed that they'd apparently been so obvious.

The corners of the photo softened under Friend's pressure, and they slowly peeled them away, letting them flutter to the ground in little crumples of color. "I thought I wanted you with someone else. I truly did. Until you were."

"I wasn't--"

"I know. But you did fall in love. And suddenly, I knew I couldn't live without your attention. Didn't matter that I didn't want you. Still didn't want you. I just liked being your world. Having you on a string. Watching you dance to my tunes. That's probably sick, isn't it?"

"Well...that's what I always liked about you." Supervillan's eyes followed the next shreds of paper as they fell.

"But not anymore."

"No. Not anymore."

Friend stopped shredding just short of the faces and set the invitation flat on their dresser. Their eyes flicked up to meet Supervillain's through the glass.

"You're softer now."

"I'm not interested in playing with lives anymore, if that's what you mean."

Friend shrugged. "Dunno. Guess there's just an edge to you that's gone now." Their voice went softer. "I was never going to do that for you."

Once, Supervillain wouldn't have needed words to sit in Friend's presence. Their gaze had always been enough. Now they wanted nothing more than to get out and back to Villain's awaiting comfort.

"I should get going. Villain is outside."

They started toward the mouth of the hallway.

"Supervillain."

They stopped, half-turning back toward Friend.

"I hope... I hope the wedding is nice."

Supervillain nodded.

The walk to the exit was considerably lighter than it had been coming in.

***

Villain kicked their heels against the waxed linoleum tile. It had probably been 15 minutes since Supervillain walked back with the guards to deliver the wedding invitation to Friend. It usually took that amount of time alone to be searched, escorted in, searched again, and escorted out. Villain wasn't sure how long Supervillain would spend talking to them, but they guess they probably had at least 5 or 10 minutes longer to wait.

The door to the entrance squealed, and Villain glanced briefly over their shoulder. No sooner had the turned forward they were whirling around again.

"Oh! Hi!"

Friend's Spouse froze mid-step, shoulders hunching like a snarly dog.

"I hoped you might turn up!" Villain continued. "I mean, I knew you came in every Tuesday and Friday, but I wasn't sure if today would be one of those days when you don't come in because sometimes life happens and throws us off schedule. I also didn't know what time you usually visit so--"

"I get it," Friend's Spouse said, holding up one hand to quiet them. They looked around the waiting area a moment before nodding toward the sign-in desk. "Let me guess. Supervillain?"

"They should be done soon."

Friend's Spouse sighed but dropped into the chair next to Villain without too much of a fuss.

Villain fiddled their thumbs. "I never thanked you for what you did. Back at your house or in court. I-"

"I didn't do it for you," Friend's Spouse grumbled.

"I know. But you still did it so...thank you."

Friend's Spouse stared toward the passageway, currently empty except for the two guards at the mouth. "I just needed to stop them before they did something really wrong. And ruined something important to them."

"You're a civilian, right?" Villain said. "You're not..."

"In 'the business'? No. But I'm what you'd call a morally questionable person, so I didn't care what Friend did. Even when it came to death. But their obsession over the two of you...that did need to be stopped. As much for them as for anybody."

For not the first time, the civilian's strength impressed Villain. They didn't know if they would be able to do the same for Supervillain. Hurt them in order to help them. Then again, Villain couldn't really imagine Supervillain doing something so insane. Friend was definitely more volatile, which was saying something when Supervillain had actively held them hostage for over a month.

"Are you guys ok?" Villain said.

"Yes," Friend's Spouse said snappily. "...They're not happy with me, but at least they understand why I did it." They cleared their throat. "How are...you? Still with Supervillain apparently?"

"Yeah, we-- Oh, right!" Villain rummaged through their bag until their fingers glossed over the invitation they'd stowed away in case of this exact meeting. "Here."

Friend's Spouse stared at it for a long time. "You're seriously inviting me?"

"I came to yours."

"I kidnapped you."

"Supervillain kidnapped me; I can let it go the first time, maybe even the second." At the civilian's strange look, they added, "Nothing in villainy is typical."

"I'm pretty sure you're situation is atypical even for other atypicals."

Villain chuckled lightly. Probably true. If someone had told them the night of their almost-execution that the person holding a gun to their head would one day be their fiancee, they would have laughed, rather manically, in their face.

As if on queue, the steady clack of Supervillain's shoes traveled up the hallway, growing louder and louder with each step. Villain burst to their feet before the other villain had even entered view.

“Hey,” Supervillain greeted, passing the double guards and immediately interlocking fingers with Villain. A moment later they noticed their company. “Hey, [Friend’s Spouse]. I think they’re itching to see you.”

Friend’s Spouse forced a smile that looked more like a grimace and rose to their feet.

"Well,” Villain hung to Supervillain’s arm and shot Friend’s Spouse one more what-they-hoped-was-friendly look. “Address is on the invitation if you decide to drop by."

"I'll think about it," Friend's Spouse said, then softer. "Er...thank you."

With that, they made their way to the sign-in desk without a second glance.

***

The wedding had lots of chamomile and no cinnamon. The table of kettles, each set to boil on its own hot plate, filled the room with heady steam, each flavor coming together so the air practically bathed in the sweet, floral aromas.

Supervillain spun Villain under their arm, catching them on their chest before they could fully stumble.

"I thought your last wedding would have put you off from heels," they said, eyes all googly and soft as they tipped their forehead against Villain's.

"Well, you know me. I'm a glutton for punishment." Villain quirked a sly smile and slid their arms up around Supervillain's neck. "But hey, heels saved my life! ...Or was it cinnamon?"

Supervillain swayed them back and forth. "Don't know...but you were adorable."

"You wanted me dead," Villain scoffed. They didn't know when that had become a natural thing to say, but somehow it escaped their lips without eliciting so much as a shiver.

"I could still appreciate your cuteness. Especially when your little nose got all runny and your voice all squeaky and--"

Villain interrupted them with a quick kiss on the mouth.

"I think that's quite enough," they said as they pulled back.

Supervillain stumbled the next dance step, face flushed a bright, pretty pink.

"Aww, your so cuu-"

Supervillain's lips crashed back against their own.

Suddenly Villain couldn't hear the music, or the "ooos" of their guests, all that mattered was the steady pressure of Supervillain's hands on their hips, the soft warmth against their mouth, and the taste of honied chamomile. Their heart pounded so hard they felt dizzy. When Supervillain finally let them breathe again they swayed like a drunk.

Supervillain remained close enough for their breath to tickle their face. "Honey, you may be a villain, but I'm a supervillain. Don't you ever forget that."

Villain's mind had become nothing but blank static, so they nodded dumbly.

Supervillain grinned, something between wicked and smitten. "Want to make a bargain?"

Villain rested their head against Supervillain's pounding heart, letting the beats steady them as they gripped the lapels of their suit coat. “Sounds like our style. Let's hear it."

"Nothing serious, just…that we stay together until we die.”

“I think that was part of our vows,” Villain said with a chuckle. “Til death do us part and all that?”

“It’s different.”

The song came to a close, and Supervillain guided them by the hand back to their table, paying little attention to the of well-wishers that ambushed them along the way. Villain really wasn’t sure how many of the people were really happy for them and how many just wanted on Supervillain’s good side.

“How is it different?” Villain said, breaking them from the uncomfortable scowl before it could fully plaster their face.

“People break those vows all the time. We didn’t break our bargain…”

Villain pushed a lock of hair behind Supervillain’s ear. “And what are the consequences of breaking said bargain?”

“Death.”

Villain’s eyes widened, and Supervillain smirked.

“Not really. …I suppose nothing.”

Villain pondered a moment. “You know, death might not be such a bad idea…” As soon as it left their mouth, they quickly held up both hands. “Not in real life! I meant as pretend! A-and not with threats to each other, but maybe sometimes we could pretend that there’s a bigger threat, and we have to stick together to survive.”

Supervillain nodded slowly. “I like it.” They paused. “We’re weird, aren’t we?”

“Oh, that became clear long ago.”

Supervillain shrugged and picked up their wine glass of deep blackberry tea, lukewarm from neglect by now.

“Married or die?”

Villain grinned, rising their golden glass of chamomile glass in return. They clinked the glasses together as their hands found each other beneath the table.

“Married or die.”

Master Taglist:

@moss-tombstone @crazytwentythrees @just-1-lonely-person @the-vagabond-nun @willow-trees-are-beautiful @cocoasprite @insanedreamer7905 @valiantlytransparentwhispers @whovian378 @watercolorfreckles @thebluepolarbear @yulanlavender @kitsunesakii i @deflated-bouncingball @lem-hhn @office-plant-in-a-trenchcoat @ghostfacepepper @pigeonwhumps @demonictumble @inkbirdie @vuvulia @bouncyartist @lunatic-moss-studio @breilobrealdi @freefallingup13 @i-am-a-story-goblin @ryunniez @rainy-knights-of-villany @distractedlydistracted @saspas-corner @echoednonny @perilous-dreamer @blood-enthusiast @randomfixation @alexkolax @pksnowie @blessupblessup @wolfeyedwitch @thedeepvoidinmyheart @cornflower-cowboy @bestblob @a-chaotic-gremlin @espresso-depresso-system @prompt-fills-and-writing-spills @paleassprince @takingawildbreath @yindo @psychiclibrariesquotestoad @harpycartoons @pickleking8 @urmyhopeeee

[whatever-local-cryptid]

Me, sifting through fanfiction for a small fandom that I didn’t know still had a fandom:

I love that shit.

[randomizt]

first time drawing timekeeper cookie wah

[dingdangit]

is it, like, bad etiquette to do a top-to-bottom edit of an older fic? i’m working on the epilogue of my project from 2021, but as i reread my earlier chapters, i’ve found that my skill level/style have improved in the intervening time. it wouldn’t be anything plot-critical, mostly just cleaning up language i think could be better. but would you hypothetically be bothered, as a reader, to return and find a fic different than the first time you read it?

[robyn-i-guess]

liking someone platonically is so embarrassing like. yeah i admire you. yeah i think about you all the time. yeah i look forward to every time i see you even if it's only for a minute. yeah it's all platonic and yeah i couldn't explain this because it'd sound romantic. fucking hell

[sunriseovergotham]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

[everoutoftouch]

If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.

[word-count-bullet-count]

I've been seeing a lot of knight posts recently. pretty great

[chiimeramanticore]

compilation of this type of post

edit: idk how much this is gonna do but since making this post i got covid and need some help, please consider it

[wakkodoodle]

Mel was finally revealed by @urbanqhoul so I can finally share this guy

He’s such an ass I love him

[so-many-ocs]

[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories

[evidently-endless]

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[stemmmm]

bad youtube clickbait thumbnail that reads "I think I just had a therapy session with a DEMON???"