#just fml i guess
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feeling so stressed about university like i just started considering grad school bc im on course to graduate this spring, but i found out from a classmate that the grad school she applied to ended applications a few days ago and i had no idea grad schools had their applications so early. now im freaking out bc i dont even know what i'd want to study since i only officially switched into my program last year and was just aiming to graduate at first before even learning that concentrations were an option and i really like linguistics but it seems like if you want to pursue ling further you need to get a masters and i don't know what i'm supposed to do now. i wish someone would have told me all this stuff before hand so i could start preparing but now im so lost
#this university is so stupid like i even had to figure out how graduation works on my own by navigating through stupid webpages#my own uni doesnt even have grad school application deadlines posted anywhere lol#and im sure i wont be able to go next year bc i probably missed the deadlines so idk what im even going to do in the meantime#just fml i guess
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Just learned the band MCR is just a shortened form of My Chemical Romance and not its own fucking band. I learned it from a Leon Kennedy edit of an ai voice saying he鈥檚 scared of emos. I鈥檓 considering violence.
#resident evil#leon kennedy#mcr#my chemical romance#why did no one tell me#was I just supposed to fucking guess 馃槶#fml
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the more time i spend working around christians the closer i am to just going Fuck It and reverting back to being religious. im like already one step of the way there vis a vis the jesus freak posting so like. i think this is perhaps Inevitable. very very very funny considering i have spent the last near year on here being like "NOOO IM AGNOSTICCCC IM NOT CHRISTIAN IM JUST WEIRD ABOUT RELIGION NOOOO"
#i dont know how to phrase this .#im not. OPPOSED. to it.#its just Odd bc i grew up raised by a vaguely christian mother and a stark athiest father while also having a stark christian aunt#so when i kind of. renounced christianity I GUESS it wasnt bc i HATED it. it was just bc i was Weird.#and also a schizophrenic with ocd who was having delusions about god watching me for . nearly my entire life up until like 3-4 years ago(?)#fuckin hell dont get me STARTED on the shit the internet put me through#not a fun experience being on the internet hearing horror stories of christians and viewing them as pure evil for several years when i -#- was 1) surrounded by them 2) also christian at the time and 3) gay and disabled#thats not rlly related but it DOES add to why im so.#gestures vaguely.#Like THIS.#anyway.#what was the point i was making here.#OH right. point being ??????????? dont be surprised if im just randomly like ''hey im christian dont be weird about this''#this is what working thru religious trauma does to a bitch. IT MAKES THEM RELIGIOUS FML#holy fuck i do NOT SHUT UP do i. THE RAMBLERRRRR.#anyway. Swagever#speaking.mp4
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The online check-in for my flight isn't working 馃檭
#it keeps telling me 'wrong passport number'#it's... not?!?!?!#and there's no way to call them without incurring charges#so i guess i'll just have to fucking show up at the airport stupid early and hope for the fucking best?!#fml
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my beautiful babies are all together now 馃槶馃槶
#the bone season#scariest experience of my life ngl#i had to order them from german amazon bc apparently all czexh bookstores decided not to carry them????#heartbreaking fr#and the dust jackets are all bent and creased bc there was no padding or anything at all in the gigantic box so they were just knocking#around in there 馃檭馃檭馃檭#but i guess it could've been worse#love my babies sm#*czech fml
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fuck my stupudass baka life bro
#WhY DO I HAVE TO DISSECT COWORKERS' BRAINS TOO WHEN I ALREADY DO ENOUGH DISSECTION ON THE DAILY#LEAVE ME TF ALONE!!!!!!!!!#no dont actually. i need instruction in gross detail DONT JUST GIVE ME A SENTENCE GIVE ME A THESAURUS#surrounded by chemistry lovers as an anatomy king. fml#ANATOMY 馃敍馃敐馃棧鈥硷笍鈥硷笍鈥硷笍#anyways. logically. it makes sense for me to follow manager's word and go to the new nightshift time#....even tho..#like.#it's not fucking there#on the . schedule#and manager isnt even on the schedule for my training at all LMFAO#so it's like. it makes sense. bcs i applied to be in an overtime position. so i SHOULD have night training#instead of what the official schedule has which is like 4 mornings 1 night training#BUT... EMOTIONALLY..#knowing the communication with the manager ive experienced rn... im guessing my coworkers had no fckin clue#of the sudden change either#but i dont have their numbers or know shit abt them#so like. do i wanna be a dick to the manager who emailed me new 'instructions' (a late btw lol). or to the coworkers#LOGICALLY. I GOTTA SIDE WITH THE MANAGER#BUT FUCK#IDK#IM SCARED
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Note to self, procrastinating for 2 weeks and then pulling an all nighter is a really, really bad idea
#oops i guess#really hate this book also#it sucks#its triggering af in so many ways and i just wanna throw it out the window#also To拧 please dont worry about me#why do i procrastinate so much#im procrastinating by making this post#fml lol#anyway#gotta get back to work#if i wanna be done before the sun comes out that is
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the amount of ends to weave in here is fucking lethal
#crochet#crochetblr#this is going to be a fidget infinity cube btw!#i'm glad i'm finally done with all the individual squares because crocheting 48 identical squares does get a bit tedious after a while#but i'm NOT looking forward to weaving in the ends. that's by far my least favourite part of any fibre craft project#and there are 96 of them to weave in here. fml#stitching the cubes together should be fun though! there'll be more ends to weave in after that but i'm trying not to think about that rn#i'm just really happy i discovered that i can still crochet despite my many many chronic illness limitations#i used to be more of a knitter but that's way too exhausting for me now#guess i underestimated the impact of having just one small hook vs two big needles lol#anyway. rainbow colours pretty.
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im never beating the blond liker allegations
#GUESS WHO JUST STARTED PANDORA HEARTS HAHAHAHA FML#FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE#why did i let my friends push me into this#I FUCKING IMPRINTED ON VINCENT JBHERFBJEJBRFJBERFJH#dean rambles#rolls around
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Fuck it, they/them until further notice.
#me#Probably the closest this blog ever gets to faceposting#Also probably the last non-writing content I'll post#But whatever it's been messing with me for months time to fuck around and find out#I don't owe androgyny to anybody I just want to know what I am#But 'guy' barely fits anymore and 'girl' is like trying to put gloves on my feet#So yeah I'm trying NB out. Maybe it fits. Maybe I just continue to feel like a misfit in everything.#Having a minor anxiety attack about this even though there's nobody to see it so I guess at least that's still the same#Now how the fuck do I talk to my partner about it fml
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hii everyone i'm alive ^-^ sorry for being a little quiet i got sick LMAO. on top of endless uni work and horrible stress headaches :(( i was going to try n post something this weekend but was unsurprisingly couch ridden majority of the time anyway so i couldn't write djfklsjfds
#I LOVE and missed u all hehe#i was able to catch up on work despite the headaches soo#got rid of a lil stress off my shoulders ;-;#legit i felt like dying o mfg#im still sick . and i got a psych paper to write lets go 馃様#but i want to write my fics fml#why do i write. questioning my life choices rn. i dont have enough brain capacity#this month sucks tho lmfao#how was it possible for my mental health to spiral from low to high and back to low in just 3 weeks. like damn 馃珷#anyway i was only gone for almost 4 days its not that long but i still felt i went thru tumblr withdrawals bye#guess that does mean i'm rlly confined to this hellsite#rania rambles
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when i was a kid, i said that my dream as an adult was to be able to eat off of zoo pals plates for every meal, for the rest of my life, and i'm still not living up to that.
#404 not found#they're kinda expensive 馃槩#and i don't use paper plates anymore 馃槶#i GUESS i'll just have to MAKE them and try CERAMICS again but i'm soooo shit at it fml#any ceramicists in the la area?#inquiring about commissions 馃槶馃槶馃槶
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Just got a brutal reminder not to get attached to people you aren't dating.... Idk thanks writing inspo???
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i had to wash my work shoes but theyre not drying so im gonna have to take wet shoes to my nine hour shift tomorrow and i still haven't got anything for dads birthday so i gotta go into the big asda after work tomorrow in the rain in my probably still-wet shoes and then i have to cook for myself and sleep early enough for the second and third nine hour shifts after that and it gonna be a fucking pain because the staff this week dont get along and i have two parties i cant go to on the week after and a meal with my fucking mother and im gonna be in so much fucking pain because shark week and arthritis and the weather and im gonna be in such a shit mood constantly and i dont want to fucking deal with anything because everyone comes to me with their own problems anyway regardless of my own shit and i just want the shit i wear to be dry and i don't want to me in so much pain 24/7
#rant over at least for today maybe#i might have more to add#im due for a monthly cry after all#update: my shoes are just as soaked and i forgot my joint supports so fml i guess
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God. I'm at the part in the FML rewrite where The Car Accident happens and I'm doing my fuckin best to incorporate it without it feeling forced but I'm having a hell of a time with it and it's driving me NUTS.
#it feels like it just Happens which like.#i guess makes sense. car accidents do Just Happen i guess but like.#i dunno. I DUNNO#bailey musings#fml rewrite;
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#hhhhhh reread the flashback chapter i wrote w d/dirk and just hooh boy i love it so much ugh#im tempted to post it on its own but i want to save that bomb of a scene for the middle of the larger fic its in#just ughhhhhhh i love everything about how i wrote d#im going nuts bc i have been working on it since like december? ish? but the past couple months have been hell for me personally#fuck like i remember going thru an entire calendar of movie release dates for that historical year and found the perfect spot#to where it accounts for historical events and events in canon and has its own special date and how the release of the movie...#...effects how d managed to make it a success and just#fuck man i researched the hell out of that and only had to put one anachronism to grease a moment in it#like#this fic is so big for me and i am so scared that i wont finish it bc i have so many things planned out for it and so many ...#...annotations i keep adding to modify things i wrote earlier in it (which is why im not publishing any of it yet)#i want to share it w the world so fucking badly but i keep getting amazing ideas to weave in from an earlier point i already wrote#cries lol#ughhh this is why im so tempted to post the flashback as a standalone chapter/separate posting#but#i wrote it to match a scene from both the previous and next chapter so i dont wanna ruin that either#fucking writers block man ahhhh wish my life wasnt shit rn bc i need to finish it#tag edit: i used the wrong spelling of affects earlier lol#but yeah ughhhh so frustrated w life rn i have such bigger problems going on rn but#rereading my fave chapter kinda just made my day at least lmao#personal#vent#kinda i guess#delete later / /#maybe idk lol#ShitPost.exe#like this wip is over 33k words and its probably not even halfway done in terms of event points i want to happen in it lmao fml#all bc i wanted to make one punchline happen which happened a long time ago before i wanted to write all that backstory into the fic
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