#like with the exception of. carrie. most of my friends dont understand whats going on with me

[luffyvace]

Zoro x male reader headcanons

from my list on my profile :)

btw keep in mind there will be no ‘dom’ in this relationship for these headcanons. i have nothing against it as long as it’s still sfw so don’t be afraid to request that :).

zoro wouldn’t stand for a weak s/o

he doesn’t wanna have to worry for you

so if your weak he’ll make you train with him

and if your not ‘great! let’s spar!’

it doesn’t matter if you use swords or a weapons at all

yall gon spar.

y’all prob fight even more than him and sanji at this point

but not actually angry fight—spar fight

he’ll even teach you his no swords style if he has to 😭

also he’s not a huge cuddle bug or anything but he’s always warm

he’ll grunt if you snuggle up to him for warmth but won’t move you or anything

another thing—he always has your back

especially in fights

not really in petty arguments with other people tho

he might join in on it but not on your side

just to tease you

but you know he means no harm

except for with ero cook

then he’ll team up with you

😭

zoros love languages are quality time and acts of service for sure

zoros quality time looks like working out together,

trying to understand whatever hobbies you like

drinking contests

sitting in solidarity silence

and his acts of service is

saving your butt in battle

going shopping together

any little favor you need really

if your carrying something heavy and almost drop it he’s got you

he shows he cares in little ways like that

zoro is the one to tell it like it is in the straw hats

like he did when usopp left

and he won’t be afraid to call you out on your crap if your wrong

hes not trying to alienate your or something

he just wants you to realize what your doing and change to be a better person

youll have to stop him from getting into trouble btw

like the time he almost shanked charlos

and you always makes sure he doesn’t get lost :)

may or may not come of with nick names for you depending on what you look like/do a lot

like with sanji and ero cook

but they’re less insulting

if your a more excitable person he won’t mind same with being a chill person

hes indifferent about a lot of things

hes chill with 90% personalities and 100% of looks

the 10% of personality he doesn’t like is sanji’s

apologies to sanji kinnies :)

you and zoro kinda always end up going wherever the other goes

like y’all are always together but like not on purpose

it’s cute to robin and nami

zoro would open up to you about his past a good amount of months into the relationship

but it won’t be at random

itll probably happen after you open up to him about yours

then he starts thinkin

’should i tell him?’

he decides he’ll take the opportunity when it comes to him

it was a much needed conversation that let him get a lot off his chest

especially about kuina

he never directly told anyone about who she was

he always just says i promised someone

or his childhood friend

but he never went into depth

which is just even more confirmation that he really loves and trusts you

communication with him is actually pretty good

some topics might get skimped though

if he does something you don’t like subconsciously

dont hesitate to come to him about it

it won’t offend him

he’s a tough cookie anyways he’ll be alright

plus he’s all about betterment

so he’s open to criticism as longs as your being genuine and not sarcastic

he’s also most likely to take it if it’s from you

yall trust each other with y’all lives 100% on another note

if you wanna go on dates?

ya mean drinking contests?

nahh jk

but it won’t be anything sappy because he refuses to take any advice from love cook

just chillin somewhere peaceful on an island

hopefully you have navigation skills or at least not his sense of direction so y’all don’t get lost 😭

don’t let him lead btw

he’ll try to and insist he knows where he’s going

no he dont

stop him

you have to be stern or he’s going his way

hes kinda stubborn

you love that part of him too tho

💖

i’m proud with the way these came out!

i hope any guy that reads this enjoys because there is 100% a lack of male content- so here you are! :)

[zalrb]

characters you hate: carrie bradshaw!

funnily enough i was watching a video essay on her and the situation with charlotte when she asks her to borrow 30 thousand or however much it was. the arguments were basically that if charlotte had the means it shouldn’t have been that much of a problem. and i dont entirely disagree with that like charlotte WAS rich but the idea that there’s such a discrepancy in privilege between the two is so off to me. obvs charlotte was supposed to be more waspy and brought up upper middle class but its just so insane to me with how carrie’s lifestyle looks (without factoring in how unrealistic it was too - 40.000 on shoes when you run a sex column?) they act like shes steve or something. what actually bothered me most about that ep was carrie making an equivalent between her financial situation and charlotte still holding on to her engagement ring like a sort of gotcha we’re both not independent ! like in what world is charlotte not being ready to let go of her previous marriage yet when she doesn’t rely on that man for anything the same as carrie needing thousands upon thousands for her apartment that she only needs to buy bc she made wrong relationship choices. this is without saying anything about the broader context of how intertwined this show is with consumerism and late stage capitalism. im sorry i didnt expect this to be so long 😭

LOL. i actually do understand the perspective of offering your friend money because you have it and they're your friend, and i could even understand the perspective that charlotte is supposed to have class privilege that carrie doesn't except how it's framed bothers me because carrie is talking about how she doesn't want to buy her apartment because she's a renter and charlotte says she bought hers and carrie's all you got it in the settlement, you didn't have to BUY it, which is supposed to show that discrepancy and charlotte's discomfort with talking about money, i feel is very old money sensibility as well as her perceived callousness about the situation and the fact that she can volunteer, like she doesn't have to work, she's taken care of. my issue is that carrie wasn't struggling, it wasn't even like aidan left her high and dry, she was simply irresponsible. and i know the point is that these characters are supposed to be messy and flawed so not everything can be wrapped up neatly but carrie's apartment didn't burn down, she wasn't laid off, she wasn't kicked out on the street, she spent a ludicrous amount of money on a lifestyle she couldn't afford and then simply didn't want to move or sell any of her designer clothes so this whole idea of discrepancy and charlotte not really knowing what it's like to have to buy something or struggle doesn't work for me when carrie put herself in this position, and simply didn't want to move, it's not like no matter what she did she was never where she needed to be. like carrie's woes are privileged in and of themselves too.

[mfmango]

fun mango fact I live laugh love ej x liu and I wanna make art of them so fucking bad but I have like. Severe art block and I DONT like it.

they're just so cute and it's like ejekshahsn it's even better if you know about or I've told u my ver of creepypasta chars/my au

I'm gonna infodump while I'm at it

my ver of ej is nigerian/russian (russian from chernobog, his father of sorts, his mother was just a nice Nigerian woman lmao) and he's like. 27, he's also like 7 feet fucking tall lmfao did most of med school and his medical knowledge is like rlly good n shit, he's really caring especially when it comes to liu and he's also really protective. He has locs, dark brown and he puts jewellery in them sometimes

he has dark grey skin and full lips, the top one being a darker grey, (skin color is #45413F, top lip is #302D2C and bottom lip is a combo of top lip and #403230) he's also like extremely muscular. he spends a lot of time working out and he has really good stamina (this is both a win for liu and a loss. iykyk)

He's very warm and he has a deep voice, not like corpse husband deep but like. He sounds like MC Ren (the N.W.A member) but a little deeper

liu is like the complete opposite of Jack in my au. He's skinny as shit and before he met Jack his ribcage was dead ass showing, after he met Jack and started eating a bit more he gained a small amount of weight, but was still kinda underweight, my version of Liu is ftm btw, hasn't physically transitioned apart from hormones

he's also like 5'7

Liu's like. 22, he has a few scars on his face and all over his body, and he has pretty severe eye bags but that doesn't mean he ain't pretty. mf looks like a dream.

he makes money by helping jeff deal and shit

liu (and jeff) is/are polish. Very polish might I add

Jack speaks both Russian and Yoruba (a bit of igbo/ndi igbo, he picked it up from another Nigerian friend in highschool before the chernobog genes kicked in)

so if liu swears at Jack in polish, Jack will respond in Russian and they'll still understand what eachother is saying cause a lot of slavic languages are similar

their height difference goes hard as fuck though LMFAOO

jack is like rlly good at cooking but he prefers liu's cooking, they're both good tho

Jack doesn't let ANYONE touch his locs (jeff tried once when he was high lol bro almost got his hands cut off) except liu, but he's still careful lol

lius kind of blunt and a bit monotone at times, Jack doesn't mind much tho

they're not perfect, they can be a bit toxic at times, jack holds more power in the relationship but it works in their situation

Jack has a tendency to like. hold liu and cuddle him and tell him how he'd do anything to see him smile etc etc

they're killers, they're freaks they're not gonna have a perfectly happy relationship, no relationship is perfect

also they don't live in the slendermansion or whatever lol

Jack used to but he moved in w Liu and lius been living in this like. lowk luxurious cabin in the forest lol

lius a bit scared of heights, Jack still picks him up for the hell of it

liu wears a lot of Jack's clothes for the sake of comfort, jack carries things that belong to liu , like pens or photos of him whenever he's out on a mission (he does assassin stuff), regardless of if he's gone for a short time or a while

jack brings stuff home. it could be books, notebooks/sketchbooks, food, etc.

liu doesn't go out much. he likes staying at home, he can go out in public safely for the most of it, he only ever goes out into towns for groceries or emergencies

jack cannot keep his hands off liu lmao, he has to be holding onto him one way or another

if u managed to read this whole thing just be my mutual already

[rowiewritesstuff]

Hi! Can i ask you for a mâtch-up pls.(*^-^*)

Possibly RID or TFP characters (if dont feel like doing it i understand)

Pronouns:She/her/hers

My name is Petek and im 15 my height is 1.62. İm a brunette with mid long hair, more than three moles in my face and medium brown eyes. My skin is medium so i wear dark colors (i mostly wear black jeans with red or other darke colored hoodies )

İ'm very emotional and happy and also shy person , if theres a fight near me, i cant skip the 4D movie im my school🤣 i love pets so much (escpesialy cockatiels🥹)

Most of the time im a silent person and don't care about anybody if they teas me .i mostly listen to music al the time .i'm very friendly,a little flirty and sometimes serius person .i'm half Bulgarian 🇧🇬 and half Turkish 🇹🇷

Sideswipe Matchup

You moved to Crown city because your parents had work here. You had no trouble making friends despite your shyness. Your best friend was Russel Clay. Every time you’d ask to go to his home and hang out, he would make some excuse. Eventually you got fed up and went to his house, a box of cookies in your hands. 

You immediately froze when you saw a huge red robot creeping around. “What the hell?” You spoke aloud. The robot froze, trying to say he was a mecha with the city for city improvement.

“Yeah bud, I’m not that dumb.” You deadpanned. “Is Russel here?” 

“Uh, yeah.” He didn’t know what to do. “I’m Sideswipe.” 

That was how your friendship began. You were often invited to the scrapyard to hang out with them and you just clicked with Sideswipe. Despite Bumblebee’s protests, he would often take you to fights with Decepticons. 

Sideswipe would always protect you, but he wanted to show off how strong he was. He’d often get carried away showing off and proceed to get pummeled by whatever Decepticon he was battling. .

One day you were taken hostage by Steeljaw- Bumblebee told him to calm down but Sideswipe was already speeding away from the Scrapyard. When he found Steeljaw, he transformed and went to hit him.

“Ah ah…. Careful, I’d hate to squish this little human.” Steeljaw grinned. “Now… I have some terms for her release. I want-” 

Unfortunately for Steeljaw, Sideswipe is all action and no talk when it comes to his best friend. He punched Steeljaw square in his jaw and snatched you away right as the other Autobots arrived on the scene. They went to fight the Decepticons while Sideswipe drove you back to the scrapyard. He had learned a valuable lesson about not putting you in danger. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked you, holding you in his servo and pushing you around with his digit to check for injuries. You began laughing as he tickled you accidentally. 

“S-s-stop! Can’t…breathe!” You laughed. Sideswipe worried he was hurting you until he realized what was really happening. 

“Really? Like when I do…this?” He poked your side with a devious grin. He tickled you for a while until you went limp from laughing. 

After the sweet moment happened, a slight frown appeared on his face. He began to wonder what would have happened if something went wrong and you got hurt. You knew that look and poked his hand.

“Hey, I”m okay. No injuries, except my ears from listening to Steeljaw yap.” You joked. He smiled a bit, but he didn’t cheer up until you pestered him for an hour.

Much to your protests, he never took you to anything that may be dangerous. You were his friend, and he realized you mattered to him more than showing off.

[ashevilleflooding]

Liam's story, Downtown Asheville, NC

"Around the time it was coming, I was expecting just a lot of rain." Many people had this idea of how the storm was going to go; there was little preparation on Federal, State or City levels. Helene seemed to take everyone by surprise.

"The first day was chaotic- most people didnt understand how large of a scope of damage it was, we didn’t know what to expect. There were downed trees, no power downtown. The most important thing was water, second most was food. The water taps were completely off. The community came together more than other government organizations coming in. There were people who would go and bring food and water. People were very resourceful, they would give hamburgers and hotdogs, things like that, to the community for free. A week or two after the hurricane hit, there was a lot of “gift economy ” on the ground. It was great to see the community come together.

It also threw a wrench into how people live.

"I myself dont carry any cash, but when the grid shuts down, there was no way to buy anything. We were trying to eat everything out of the freezer before it went bad. Our power came back in the first few days- we lived closer to downtown, so we were lucky. It was really scary though. At first we thought, it was just the power out for a day, but as we realized the spread of it, it became more terrifying. We had hurricane strength winds in a town that’s 2000 ft above sea level. No one was prepared except for stock buying."

Stock buying: stocking up on goods and supplies while grocery stores are open. It's usually very competitive and can be stressful, if not dangerous.

"The last emergency signals, we got right before power went away. We got flash flooding alerts- but we were on a hill- it didn’t seem like it would be so bad. I kept waking up because the wind was so strong. The last notification I got was that 26 and 40 were closed. One was from a landslide, and the other was flooded. We were up very late and slept in the next morning- by 11:30 next morning, it wasn’t raining anymore and we could see the devastation. The water was easily half a story high and washing away buildings 400 feet away from the river."

"It was scary, and the big saving grace for me was that I had gotten a tank of gas the next day. I had no service, I couldn’t call anyone and say that I was okay. We’d hear that Sams' (grocery store chain) was open or giving out free water, all the gas stations were crazy. Someone got shot over an altercation at the gas stations. There was a lot of price gouging."

"We’ve been transiting to a cashless society, and that was scary seeing the effects. I feel like I need to carry cash on me at all times now. "

"People were very desperate. A lot of people evacuated out of Charlotte. There were supplies coming through 26. When we went back, a month later, there was still no clean water. It was very dystopian. It’s hard to describe. A lot of places had structural damage, some form of damage or inaccessibility to a lot of places. Especially low lying places. People were crashing into each other, these people didn’t know how to navigate the lights going out. Evacuating Asheville and heading another 80 miles out of town, the gas stations were still completely swarmed. The craziest part, I had a friend from St. Augustine who evacuated and ended up right in the path of another Hurricane."

"To come at it from a scientific perspective, the warm temperatures in the gulf of mexico…of course there are going to be more hurricanes. Asheville has been regarded as a climate haven. But this was a big wake-up call. Nowhere is a climate haven. It was the worst flooding event in easily a hundred years. The last flooding event was in 1916. Buncombe county being directly in the path of the hurricane; there were hundreds of missing people. There was a body found by the river next to my school (Warren Wilson). It also disproportionally affected people living in mobile homes by the river. Many people lost everything."

"We were hearing buzz about FEMA and an emergency 750$. But you had to do it in the first few days or your claim would be dismissed." "I don't usually get political or anything, but I have to say that it’s a slap in the face that the government sent billions to bomb and kill people in Gaza in that same week, while we in Asheville were struggling so much. We were struggling with how inefficient the government's response was. The way it was handled was frustrating."

"It’s been hard to transition back to tourism, because many peoples’ jobs, clients, etc were not there anymore. They’re trying to re open Asheville, but it’s not working."

"It hit on a Friday, we evacuated Sunday. Came back three weeks later."

We’re (Liam and his partner, Calla) back in Amherst for the foreseeable future. 

[lifeisamaze]

CGK (2)

Some may asks, why do such a brief moment could leave a giant print in your heart? (Well,nobody asked. Never tell anyone about my problems,except J. Told hani but it is just because i had to go cgk with her 😂. This is the reasons why i need a journal. I need to empty my brain every now and then to keep me sane) OK, back to the question. Simple. It is something you longed for your whole life. And it's happening! This is the reason why i decided to write it in a journal. I'm afraid one day when i wake up, the memories are fading and i thought it was a dream.

Well, now it's the second day in CGK. Starting my day with 'pemandangan indah di pagi hari' went to his house early in the morning so we could go to work together. He.... Welcomed me..... TOPLESS!!! Glad the pants is on. Or i wish it is not? HAHAHAAHA. Ok, serious mode. First things that i noticed: electronic cigar n Ash tray. I thought he quitted? But didnt asked anything tho. Dont ask something people doesnt want to tell you. Next : piles of laundry. Cant help myself not ironing them. Its the least I can do, it might help him for another few days ahead. When i stood in the centre of the room, with this thought in my head, he approached me. I unconsciously hugged him 🫣😶‍🌫️ he told me, my friends are coming down soon. Malunya smpe ke ubun2 wakk 🤣🤣 so embarassing! Ck!

While doing the laundry, apparently he put decolgen n panadol on my backpack. 🥹 si pendiam yg perhatian sekali sih ternyataaaa. He didnt say anything too, just simply put it there. 😭😭 so so sweeetttt. The next sweet thing :koper juga uda masuk mobil ternyata! 🤣 amazing! No talk, action only! 😂😂

next, breakfast. Stopped by Indomaret to get coffee he said. But he sneaked out to ATM. 🤣🤣 caught him in action. What is wrong with going to ATM? 😂😂 my wallet almost empty everyday 🤣🤣 heading to mie bagan yutek. it is the first time i have it and i love it. 😂 my tastebud is more to savory sweet and this one match my preference. Things that i noticed from him while eating : freaking neat 🤭 one of Virgo traits, as bert is also like that. He wiped his table when a single drop of the soup spilled. 🤣 is he nervous or he is actually like that? The way he sit and eat also catch my attention 🫠 when i talk to him while he is eating, he didnt lift up his body or head but only his eyes and eyebrow and his mouth is full of food but stop munching 😂😂 he did that most of the time when we were eating. He eats slow, while me, eating like hungry shark 😂 i always eat quick, no time to lose! 😂

done with the food, he sent me to serpong, park his car anddddddd... He did sth i didnt expect at all. Shocked and blushed of course! 😳😳😳😳 he did it once before, that was quick and very light one. This oneeee., hmmm.. A bit more powerful than before but still short. 😂 understandable, since it is in a broad daylight, public places, needs lot of courage to do so 😂 im so nervous and avoid eye contact with him 😂😂

Skipped to the evening, he came to fetch us after work, send us to have dinner and go play soccer. Highlight : this silly fangirling thing I have, im happy to be able to hold and hug his backpack 😂😂 girl! Come on! 🫨🫨 then another highlight, he gave me an orange. 😂 so random! I kept it and eat it after I reached home.

After dinner, get back to hotel, prepare for ajeb2, me being pickup by his friends, awkward situation actually, but I'm mastering the art of breaking the ice . Talked a lot to them and after we reached there, si anak bauk kencur ini, didnt know that nobody, NOBODY brings backpack to club 🤣 Yok has asked me do i need to leave the backpack in the car. But i insist, I'll carry it. LOL.

Then while waiting for him, I talked a lot, drank a lot, but good things is, yok keeps reminding me to drink water to keep me sober. After a while, finally J came! He sits right next to me, looking at me with this look. Arghh! I meltttt🫠🫠🫠 rasanya pengen kuterkam 😂😂 then of course after dison come, he keep pouring drink for me and asked for toast. The moment i realized i started to drunk is when i stood up next to J and cant control myself for not hugging him and start sniffing his neck 😂 i feel aroused by the music's beat but then i tried to sober up and go back to my seat. Not long after, i asked him to go back to the hotel. He drove so fast. Me, scared to death and sober up instantly 🤣

The rest of the night will be off the record. Too many highlights i wish i could write here. Okay, spilling one of them : 내 인생에서 가장 긴 키스를 했어요. I just cant stop. 😂 everything is so lovey dovey, leaving me sweet memories, perfect image of him and now, he turned out to be like this, hmm.. I just cant relate. Which one is the real J? I have warned him for not being too sweet but he ended up bewitching me. Ck!

Okay. That is day two sums up. Maybe tomorrow for day 3?

[finitevoid]

LOL yes stefans bangs are also unintentional it just grows like that. he has particularly hard to manage hair as a lion branded on a budget. and he wants his hair guy long and loose so

soren is less resentful against micaiah than he is against most people and generally understands. he only gets frustrated when its at the forefront when micaiahs like Oh no what if they find out about my secret :(. Have some tact you war criminal (shes a little out of touch all her friends are beorc,)

side note micaiahs yet another person for stefan to lose his shit at for dating beorc

as for stefans hair soren actually laughs at stefans suffering. at the end of the day stefan makes no effort to hide so whats it matter to soren that his hair grows like that its just another cruel irony for them both to laugh at like the insane people they are. stefan is not beating the beorc passing allegations. he probably goes around finding any excuse to lift his hair

sorens intersex but they cut th- afab. i think itd be funny for soren to deny being almedhas kid off his agab like I am not your lost son i was actually born a fucked up female. and almedhas like Yes i saw you when you were born and your case worker told me about your... situation. he is not on hormone blockers nor t because HOw and also he doesnt want to. he is one of those trans children who started presenting as male at like 6. after a while greil was like Are you sure buddy and soren went Shut the fuck up and greil was like Alright im not going to discuss this ever again and pretend this isnt real. And it was never discussed again in their household. if he respects sorens autonomy more than mists then ... not transphobic?? maybe if mist transitioned. greil kind of just wants to forget this is a thing about soren. in the end hes half housing a branded kid so hes progressive enough for soren

he looks like a girl but his voice is deep so passing wise he could go either way. which is believable enough for him to not be perceived as a queer girl but is instead seen as a very queer fairy boy after he insists hes a guy. people have trouble believing hes a guy until an adult refers to him as one. he is frequently called a faggot and not always for ike lover reasons. his passing is also kind of carried by ike calling him a guy. he is marked as a guy in the school system but not for other legal documentation. his foster parents were you know. his temporary parents and knew everything but once in the group home his case worker carefully introduced him as a guy to staff

I forgot pelleas. i dont feel like getting creative with how almedha couldve mistaken him for her son in the age of documentation and dna testing so hes just an 18 year old orphan trans guy out of hs she projected onto before finding soren (this way she can see him as her little girl). she was very weird with him. they were coworkers at chipotle. almedha fucked off to pittsburgh as soon as she found her little soren though rip pelleas he was kind of into having a mom

THERE IS A REYSON. HES THERE... ITS HIS MODEL

There is no reyson did I post reyson model in reply to one of your asks or something?? Certainly not recently

I’m so glad soren is chill and they are all chill with each other and they laugh about the irony. Soren can’t get mad at her for dating a beorc but stefan is like COME ON. BOTH OF YOU???? and that’s awesome

As far as anyone knows soren is just a guy who kind of looks like a girl and that’s why he gets called slurs see that’s so deep. Also ike says he’s a guy. Jokes on them he’s a guy And he’s gay. Sad

almedha chose pelleas as her surrogate son based entirely upon his hair and eye color looking like ashnard and then when she met Soren was like :0 because he looks like her (except white)

[antiwhores]

Brand New; Bakugouxreader

After chasing you away when it was revealed that you were pregnant, you start a new life. The baby didn’t survive so your life was your own withiut trave of him. A life without Bakugou. Can he do the same as good as you? You’re happy. Is he?

TW: hurt, angst, no comfort for Bakugou, unwanted pregnancy, miscarriage, break ups, fighting (verbal), good ending for reader, not proof read, unprotected sex, hatred.

I was just in that angsty mood yk? Yall btw, i wanna cut my vagina off fr. And i dont want myears anymore. Whats the point of hearing if it only works sometimes?! Ugh.

You resented him. Bakugou was officially dead to you. In fact he had been dead to you for a while. But when he decided to pop up into your life and try to ruin it again. You were pissed.

During your sophmore year of highschool you were dating Bakugou. You two were childhood friends, attached at the hip. But when he decided that fucking with a faulty condom would be a good thing, even when you protested, it all changed.

He got you pregnant. All because he didn’t wanna wait to get his dick wet till he could get a new condom to replace of the one he’d been carrying in his pocket for the whole span of the 3 day camping trip you two took.

Didn’t he understand that this was a huge change for you too? No, he was selfish.

“I don’t have time for a damn child! Im trying to be a hero for gods sake!” “Okay?! You can’t just try to force and abortion on me like that you piece of shit! This was all you! And you think I don’t have shit to do with my life to?!” “Your life isnt as important as mine!”

You packed your shit and left that week. You never looked back. And you regret nothing.

You moved out to the far countryside of Japan. Somewhere hidden in the fog of a deserted, closed off town. You finished your highschool years in that small little village. You got to know everyone in the town. You went to college in another side of the outskirts and graduated with a degree that would keep you happy.

The baby didn’t survive, you didn’t even have time to think about whether or not you wanted to keep it before it died. You remember going to the doctor about a day or two after the incident to check on the parasite in your stomach. It was gone.

You remember laughing biterly, tears whelling up at what the doctor told you. All that bickering and loss just for a false alarm. You were sick.

Now, for the first time in a long time, you were happy. You were 24 with a house and car, a stable job, plenty of non-judging allies, friends and good relationships, financial stability, a nice area of living, and most of all; you were without him.

You swore never to step back into the city again unless absolutely necessary. Not even for family visits. The family that did want to see you came out to you instead of vice versa. You also made sure not to tell any of your old friends where you had gone.

You knew he patrolled the streets. Even if theres a small chance you’d see him again, you wanted to prevent that at all costs.

But apparently no matter how far you ran, the past ran faster.

Everyone in the town knew eachothers stories and you were no exception. The town knew that you had been betrayed by such a famous man. They were kind, they took down any advertisements for the man, they talked shit whenever he came up on tv, etc.

So of course all hell broke loose when he came to your small town to work on a case. They knew they needed to keep you away from him and they knew how.

So, as Bakugou was roaming the streets, spreading his bitter aura like the plague on everything he touched, you hid.

The plan was almost compromised when he met eyes with you breifly. You were in a neighbors house when it happened. Everyone had just been notified that he came through so you weren’t ready.

You dissapeared from the window as quickly as you came. Even though he beckoned himself a fool, a crazy man for even thinking his first love was in this building after all these years still as gorgeous as he remembers; he still found himself walking up to the door and placing a firm knock.

It was not you whom answered his knock but the neighbor. A tiny brown woman with glassy green eyes who looked about 25. A coldness wafted off of her as she questioned his reasoning for knocking. He felt like a borderline schizophrenic. According to himself, he was just so deperate to see her again that when he saw a woman around the same age as you he was stiff and stunned.

He packed his shit and left that week. He looked back. He regreted everything.

[calehenituse-brainrot]

I know you probably have a lot of requests so please ignore this if you don't want to do it! Reminder to stay hydrated, eat, sleep well and take care of yourself.

But in one of your fics you made an allusion to the reader having self harm scars and just alluded to it to the one you posted today.

Soooooooooo ✨ could you write a reaction from Cale to readers self harm scars.

Cuz he apparently 'filed it away' in the fic where paseton appears

lol, couldnt turn away from this ask.

i dont think cale is the type to bring it up the moment he sees them — he's more of a "let's look for the perfect time to talk about it" kind of person. that's just my opinion.

because of that, im making this as transported!reader. hope you don't mind :/ i'll be writing about the conversation after it.

ngl, thinking about this was kind of hard (as in, brainstorming) because i couldn't exactly think of the healthiest way to bring up sh scars since i didn't really have the best experience with people finding out about mine .

i tried my best with this one and hopefully, i did well. extremely self-indulgent.

WARNING : SELF HARM SCARS AND DEPRESSION, PANIC ATTACK. this is very triggering so please proceed with caution. please say something if you think i should add another warning. btw this is LONG because i got carried away, something i do a lot apparently

Cale wasn't an emotionless bastard.

He might be a bit dense to others, but he had always shown that he was someone with a compassionate heart and had plenty of love for his family and friends.

With the bleak years of childhood from his previous world, Cale understands those who suffer the most and wishes for them to never go through what he did when he was a child.

This did not mean that he will help out everyone who suffers. He knows the boundaries of others and tries his best to respect them. After all, being in pain and unable to do anything was something people considered their vulnerable side. Something they wish to hide from the world and others.

You were no exception, no matter which world you came from.

As said before, Cale had always been dense -- no, maybe he just choose to not mind several things in front of him.

The fact that you had always chosen to wear things that modestly cover up most of your skin was not something he pays attention to. He does, however, pay attention to the fact that you always try your best to dress in the most stylish way possible -- be it a coat, a vest, or maybe even some accessories to your hair.

You avoid doing things that get your shirt dirty, but when things come down and you should roll up your sleeves, you never did. Cale always thought that maybe it's because you don't really mind getting messy when working.

Then he saw what seems to be the reason why.

When you had injured yourself back in the villa where they had stayed in the Ubarr territory, Cale had seen them.

At your thighs and coming up your shoulders were multiple pale bumpy lines.

Cale was familiar with self-harm. He had a pretty rough childhood and had perhaps even considered doing so back when he was in the orphanage. But he couldn't.

He couldn't lift the razor to his skin and drag it across because as much as he was used to getting beat up, he did not like pain. He hated it. But he was familiar with it because he had seen his loved ones does it -- be it his little siblings from the orphanages or his friends from school when they have a terrible home and school life.

Life was hectic and he never truly had the chance to sit down with you and talk about whether you were struggling or not -- it wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation, Cale knew that, which is why he's always been keeping out for the perfect time for the both of you to talk.

He also knew he wasn't supposed to point out scars and he shouldn't be asking about things he wasn't even sure people are comfortable talking about. But some of your scars looked less than a month old, which was worrying.

Back when he was Kim Rok Soo, he received a lot of scars by going on hunting and slaying monsters. He remembers the feeling of each wound and how long they would heal. He can differentiate which scar was older and which was new.

He leaned back in his chair and close his eyes, but the memory of those lines across your skin comes into his head again. He felt like his guts were being twisted as he remembers and he frowned, his eyes stayed close as he remembered it all.

"You look like you have a lot in your mind."

Cale opens his eyes, seeing you walk past by with a grin on your face. "I knocked a few times but you didn't respond."

'I must've been too immersed in using Record,' Cale thought.

For the first time, he pays attention to your clothes. You tend to wear trousers and waistcoats whenever you're working, sometimes there are days when you wear simple dresses that was adorned with accessories.

Today, you wear a long-sleeved white button-up with a grey waistcoat. Your trousers were dark and looked clean. You looked modest and fit right into the world's period (x). 'Her arms are covered as usual.'

"Is there something wrong?" Cale asked, wanting to know why you had come into his room.

"Can't I spend my time with you?" You asked with a teasing grin that has Cale raising an eyebrow. "A workaholic like you spending time?"

"Give me a break." You groaned, plopping yourself on the couch across him and stretching your arms above your head, letting out a groan to slip out of your lips when you feel your muscles begin to lessen the tension they had from working all day. "Working feels great."

You tapped your temple as you continue, "It chases away all the other noises in here."

Cale went quiet. He never really considered that for you. Ever since you had come to this world, you had always been eager to help despite never properly having the time to sit down and process everything.

"You shouldn't be running away from your problems," Cale voiced out his thoughts. You raised an eyebrow, amused. "Are you giving me life advice? I'm not an actual 18-year-old, you old man. Did you forget?"

"I'm not that old," Cale said and you laughed. "To me, you are."

"And I'm not running away from anything," you continued, glancing to the side to avoid his gaze. "I'll deal with them one day once I'm capable to do so. For now, instead of overthinking about it, it's better to work and think about other things."

"But don't they come back after hours?"

You and Cale stared at each other as silence fell upon the room. What exactly are you supposed to say to that? Of course, they come back after your work. It's scary to sit and do nothing because the moment you're alone, these thoughts began to emerge and bother you.

They're not necessarily bad things, but they make you think. They make you question things. They make you anxious.

There is anxiety hovering over the thought that you might ruin this world's flow -- ruining the plot or whatnot -- and being the one to carry that burden sets you off the edge. They make you fear that even a small decision that you make could change everything -- that a small flap of the butterfly's wing could make even a tornado happen.

Sometimes they make you question why you're here in this world, sometimes they make you jittery over the thought of whether or not you can return, sometimes you wondered if you want to return.

You didn't have things that makes you want to keep on living, but you had worked hard. You went to school for years, endured horrible things as a child, and even when you were an adult, and even though your days in your previous world were not the happiest -- living in a small apartment and living paycheck to paycheck -- you worked hard to reach that point in life.

You worked hard to live.

Because if Cale's sole reason for living was because he could not die, yours was because you worked hard for it and want to see the fruits of your labor.

More than anything, you wished that the decision you made as a child to endure the pain for the sake of coming out better and victorious could come true. You wished to see it happen but before you could, you were sent here, your body morphing back into the age where you believed you suffered the most.

"Of course, they come back," you told him honestly. "But the night comes and goes and so will those thoughts."

"Do you not mind living in that cycle?" Cale questions. He finds it horrible -- he would rather deal with the problem at hand instead of letting it stay and became a habit.

"It is what I'm used to," you told him with a small nervous smile. Even you do not believe your own words. "I've become strong."

Cale stares at the smile on your face. He usually likes it when he can see you smile because your smile means everything is safe and going as planned, it means you were having fun, but the one on your face right now makes him uncomfortable. It didn't feel genuine and that does not suit you who had always been sincere and so honest.

Cale doesn't like to see this smile on you.

"Strong?" He repeats, voice low. "Have you become strong or have you gone numb?"

Cale stares at your wide eyes, knowing he might have hit a nerve or maybe you just realized it yourself. Either way, you stilled in your seat while Cale waited for you to answer him.

"[Name]." For the first time since you walked into this room, he called for your name.

You looked at him, still having no words to say and Cale concluded that you refused to talk any further about this. But if not now, then when? He couldn't let you go on knowing you were struggling in silence. He refused to let you be like that.

He was a bit anxious. What if he let you be like that and just like how you let those thoughts come and go, he will treat your struggle as something that he thought about in passing yet never addresses them? Even he is not immune to mistakes like that.

"[Name]," he called for you again. "I've seen them."

You stared at him, a bit confused about what he was talking about. Cale stared at your arms, covered with the long sleeves of your shirt, and as usual, you caught up quickly. You've always been observant when it comes to him, one of the reasons why Cale entrusted you with the power to make decisions for him.

You immediately rubbed on your left arm, self-conscious.

"The scars," Cale said. "I saw them back at the Ubarr territory."

"I didn't think you'd brought this up." You sounded frustrated and a bit irked.

"Do you think of me as someone heartless?" He questions and you shake your head, frowning. "No, no, never. I just... thought that maybe you'll be considerate enough to ignore it. Mind your business or something, I don't know. I didn't think you'd brought it up."

"I can't do that," he said, clenching his firsts that were placed on his thighs. "Some of them looked new."

"I was vicious," you told him, shrugging your shoulders with an anxious smile. You were uncomfortable like you wanted to just brush this away as something light and have the conversation ends quickly. You wanted to escape this conversation.

Cale watched your body language, looking at how you were actively avoiding his gaze and rubbing your arms, either as a way to calm yourself or because you were self-conscious.

"[Name]," he spoke again, this time softly. "If you are uncomfortable with this, we can stop. I don't want to push you to speak of things you aren't ready for yet."

You stilled a bit, feeling the bumpy lines of skin underneath your sleeves as you listen to Cale speak. In your previous world, you weren't exactly given the chance to feel comfortable talking about this issue but then again, self-harm had never been a comfortable topic to talk about.

At least for you.

No, you were forced to sit down and talk about it. Your father had told you how he was so disappointed in you for being so weak in faith when he found out. Your mother had told you that you were inconsiderate, that you didn't think of her when you had slashed your skin.

"How do you think I feel knowing you hurt yourself like this?"

She was ashamed of you, ashamed because you were weak and because self-harm is something only mentally ill people do.

"You're not ill," she had said to you. "You're just stressed and you probably do this because you saw it on the internet."

Your classmates who had seen it announces loudly that you had them, some offering advice on how to keep your depression away like "go and hang out, listen to music" which did nothing.

Some obnoxiously joked around when they had seen it, questioning if you were into narcotics and reporting it to the teachers. A friend you thought was close to you had seen the cuts when it was fresh and the first thing they did was slapped it as hard as they could as a way to discipline you, calling you names like "idiot" over and over again, questioning why you did it but covering their ears when you try to explain.

The looks the counseling teacher sent you when they received the report from others. The way they'll tiptoe around you but then talk of the issue so lightly.

You stared at Cale, seeing that he was patiently waiting for you. You want to talk to him. The fact that he was so considerate with you made you want to open your heart to him, but isn't that the bare minimum? Will this be something you will come to regret?

Will this be one of those times where you gave in because they gave you the bare minimum?

"Can I trust you?"

Cale went quiet for a bit, not because he hesitated to answer you, but because he thought that what the two of you had was already something deep. Do you not think of him the same way he thinks of you?

"Of course," he answered you. "I'll earn your trust if you still think less of me."

You let out a sigh and Cale noticed how your breath was slightly shaking. He stood up slowly and instead of looking at his face, you stared at his torso as he moved closer to you.

"Can I sit here?" He gestured to the spot next to you, now able to see that you were shaking. The worst-case scenario was you'll be having a panic attack or something of the like.

"Mhm." You nod your head.

Cale sat down next to you, watching as you rub your face multiple times, running a hand throughout your [h/c] hair. Your hands were shaking and he can see that you were starting to sweat. Your hand went to touch the couch below you, feeling the texture of the couch cover while murmuring something.

"[Name]," he called for you, hand slowly going to your shoulder and gently pulling you so you would face him. His other hand reaches for your hand, gently gripping them as his thumb brushes the back of your hand slowly.

"Breathe," he told you, remembering how he had told you to do the same when he first met you. You weren't shaking as badly as then and Cale was relieved.

"Hey," he murmured and you turn to him, eyes shaking and glossy.

"This is like the first time we met," he pointed out, squeezing your hand. "Do you remember what you said?"

You closed your eyes for a moment, shaking your head to process what Cale said. Your head was slowly getting rowdy and you still try your best to understand what Cale had said. 'When we first met. What I said to him.'

Cale heard you let out a chuckle albeit still sounding shakey. "I-I said you're a cosplayer. A-and uhm--"

"You complimented me for cosplaying Cale accurately," Cale added. "Do you remember that?"

You let out a weak laugh. "Y-yeah, I think I did. I thought my friend made an elaborate prank for me."

"Yeah, you were pretty shaken up after that," Cale hummed. "I had to hold you and calm you down. A bit like this."

You gulped, swallowing the bile that had risen to your throat. You forced yourself to smile a bit, realizing that it may have been stupid of you to ask whether or not you could trust Cale or not. Hasn't he seen you in your weakest moments? He's seen you be so vulnerable so many times and to think you question him whether you cant trust him or not felt wrong.

"It was embarrassing," you told him with a smile. "I was so... panicked."

"It's normal," he told you.

You stared at his reddish-brown eyes for a moment, your brain finally able to work properly after being so overwhelmed. You remember back how he had been so calm after possessing the body of another person in another world and managed to let out a giggle. "Yeah. It's normal."

Cale gave your hand one last squeeze before he lets go of it and your shoulder. He sat facing you, watching as you rub your face again.

"Are you okay with talking about it?" He asked and when you nod, he feels a bit of the tension he had been feeling from earlier leave his body.

"I mean, it's better to talk about this now instead of later," you murmured. "And I'm okay, I guess. You won't say anything funny about it, won't you?"

Cale raised an eyebrow but still shook his head. "I wouldn't."

You began to roll up your sleeves, fingertips still a bit trembling and you work slowly. Cale waited, staring at your face instead of your arms. "You don't have to show them if you're not comfortable."

"You've already seen them when I was only with a bathrobe," you mumbled. "There's no point in hiding them any longer."

"Is that why you always wear long sleeves?" Cale asked, planning on making this whole conversation easy for you the best he could.

"A bit," you answered honestly, smiling. "I don't have any issue with showing them since back in my previous world, you're not supposed to point them out but this world is a bit different so I took precautions."

"I expected you to do the same — to not point it out — because our previous worlds aren't so different," you continued and Cale nodded. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't leave you be after seeing them."

You smiled listening to his response. You should've known that he would initiate this conversation sooner or later when he had seen your scars.

"Are you still hurting yourself?" He asked, no judgment nor disgust laced in his voice. There was no tone that indicates that he was interested to know more like he was asking for some gossip.

Instead, there was a hint of warmth and concern when he spoke. His face was nonchalant when he asked but his reddish-brown eyes seemed so welcoming and warm, a slight frown of concern on his thin eyebrows.

Cale watched as you stared back at him as if you were looking for something in his expression but then you had a soft smile on your face, shaking your head. "No. No, I—I stopped."

"I started cutting when I was seventeen and stopped after I graduated high school," you continued. "It's how I found out this body was eighteen."

Cale remembers how you had immediately figured out that despite being 24 years old, you had claimed that you turned back into your 18-year-old body when you appeared in this world. When he had questioned how can you tell the difference, you only told him to trust your words.

"I see," Cale murmured, his heart relieved but at the same time felt like he was getting it squeezed so tightly he almost had to start breathing manually.

He was relieved that you stopped. The smile on your face when you said you stopped made him feel soft and warm because he was glad you managed to stop hurting yourself, but there was also some sort of disbelief at how unfortunate you had been to struggle for years with self-harm. His throat felt tight and he wanted to say something to you, about how he was sorry, how he wished he could have helped at the time, but they all sounded so superficial because not any words can describe how much sorrow he feels for you.

"Did anyone help you at the time?" Cale asked. He wanted to know whether or not you had been struggling alone - God, he hoped so very much that you had people to support you throughout those years.

"I wasn't very open about it," you told him with a shrug. "It wasn't a very a comfortable topic to talk about and I try not to impose on others."

Cale exhaled. "[Name], seeking help--"

"I know, I know," you cut him off, rubbing your temples. "I know, but it's so hard to let go of that mindset. My mom never liked it when I talk about these types of things and always accuses me of blaming her for everything. Says I could have handled it all myself because it always seems easy."

"Your mother's a bitch, then," Cale immediately replied. "Talk to me if things start bothering you. I want to help you. Or you can talk to someone else if you think I won't understand -- do what makes you feel most comfortable. No one would turn away from you."

"That's what everyone says," you murmured. "They always say they're always gonna be here to help, but no one is there. No one is willing to listen because it's uncomfortable and when they do listen, things they say make me feel so much more horrible - that my struggles aren't as hard as someone else's, that I should forgive my parents, that I have to go out and get some sunlight."

"[Name]," Cale called for you sternly, his hand moving to yours and gripping them. "Listen to me. Those people aren't here anymore and you're surrounded by people who will never downplay your struggles."

You were a stubborn person. No matter what Cale would say, he knows that you'll always reply back to shut down his words and while it was frustrating for Cale, he also understood that you spoke from experience and his chest ached knowing that you never seemed to be able to find a way to seek help, that no matter how desperate you had tried to help yourself, it seemed things never had gone into your favor. They caused you to stay quiet, to suffer in silence, and forced some sick mindset into your head that the only person who will be capable of helping you is yourself.

But how can you aid yourself when you're the one that's hurt? How can you comfort yourself when it is your own intrusive thoughts that haunt your nights? How can you stop the hurt when it is your own intrusive thoughts that push you to keep on hurting yourself?

"[Name]," Cale calls for you again, his voice had turned softer than before. "I need you to know that while I very much respect your wishes to be reserved about this problem, I need you to know that if it's too hard to handle by yourself, I'm here to help you and I'm sure everyone else is willing to help as well if you opened up to them."

"I genuinely want to help you," Cale pressed. "You told me you wanted to help me achieve my slacker life and I don't think I can slack off if I know you're struggling."

Your finger twitched underneath Cale's hand. "Then is this you paying me back for helping you?"

"No," Cale answered you. "No. Never. This is me wanting to help you because you're someone I care about."

"Careful," you murmured, leaning back to the couch. "You might make me fall in love with you."

Cale lets out an exasperated sigh. "[Name], please."

Silence engulfed the room, uncomfortable and unusually loud. The silence was loud with how the two of you can hear each other's breath, the warmth radiating from each other's bodies, the faint sounds of working servants outside of his door, and the sound of the rattling balcony door whenever a wind passes by.

You were staring ahead, eyes burning hot as you began to process what was happening right now.

Someone was actually trying to help you. You believed that Cale was the most genuine person you have ever met and you know that he wouldn't say things only to make you feel better - he'll always help you to be better and be there with you to solve your problems.

When was the last time someone offered you help?

People asked about your self-harm scars, whether or not you're seeking help, what and who caused this habit, to send pictures of your fresh cuts, to run their fingertips across the bumpy lines just to simply feel and know. They have never asked to help you. They asked because they wanted to know more about what could shake you to your core and then leave you be.

You've had a few lovers who'd kissed your scars and told you that you were beautiful, saying that you should just think of them as "battle scars", begging you to no longer cut yourself for them.

But you never once asked whether or not you were beautiful. You were sick -- you didn't need any reassurance about whether or not you were beautiful, you needed help. Battle scars? It isn't someone else who had taken a razor and cut your wrist so many times as you sit on your bathroom floor until you were lightheaded from blood loss. It is your own doing. You survived what you did to yourself and people utter such horrible words when they know of this.

"Why didn't you just finish the job if you wanted to die so much?"

Because death isn't what you wanted. You just needed to feel something and cutting yourself was the only thing you could think of.

"Please, stop doing this. For me."

Then they leave you at your lowest, becoming one of the reasons why another line is on your wrist. They begged for you to make them be the reason why you'll stop - why? Was it to make them feel more special? To prove that you love them enough to stop? 

People are so sickening.

This feeling is so sickening.

"[Name]."

Cale calls for you, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket. Tears are running down your bloodshot eyes, dripping down to your cheeks and chin. He reached for your face, gently wiping away the tears.

With a choked breath, you spoke, "I'm sorry."

Cale shakes his head, slowly turning your head to face him. "No, you don't have to apologize."

You stared at Cale. Those russet eyes show no hint that he was curious, that he was disappointed, that he was uncomfortable with you. Instead, you can only see genuine concern as he dabs away your tears.

"People ask," you began and you watched as Cale's eyes that were focusing on your tears averted to your eyes. "People ask. But just because they want to know."

"You promise you'll always be there for me? You're not asking just because you're curious, right? You actually want to help me out. You promise?" You asked in a brittle voice, hand running up to touch Cale's that was on your cheek as tears run down your cheek even more. You sound so desperate and so weak -  you were talking to him as if you no longer have anyone to rely on and could only follow him based on your blind trust in him. "That you'll help me? You won't judge me if I ever relapse in the future?"

Cale's breath hitched at the thought of you going back to that horrible habit. "I'll make sure you won't ever consider it ever again," Cale said, his voice breathy, letting you grip at the handkerchief before lowering his hand. "Even if you relapsed, I would never judge you. Your struggles don't define you and will never do."

Cale thought that if you ever relapsed, he'll probably curse himself for being so neglectful to your wellbeing. His wish to be a slacker life includes your happiness, too.

"I'm always going to be here to help," he stated to you. "So, please, lean on me."

You wiped away your tears with Cale's white handkerchief before leaning to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Albeit still a bit shocked, Cale lets you rest your full weight on him, your face tucked to his shoulder. He can feel his clothes starting to get wet and your labored breaths. He lifted his hand, rubbing your back gently.

"I'm here, [Name]," he murmured, lips nearly pressed to your shoulder. "I'm always going to be here."

You nod in his embrace, still sniffling. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Cale returned your hug, looking up at the ceiling, wishing that nothing can ever push you to cut yourself again. He reminded himself to always pay attention to your feelings the best he could and help you heal.

"I'm here."

[atlabeth]

everything happens for a reason part one - zuko x fem!reader

I am not your concern 

masterlist | part 2 

summary: as a servant in the fire nation, you’ve learned that life is often unfair. but as you venture through a tumultuous relationship with a certain prince, you come to learn a very tricky lesson: everything happens for a reason.

a/n: im so excited about this guys you dont even know. i have so much planned and i hope you all love it as much as i do - just for reference, in this first chapter y/n is 9 and zuko is 10

wc: 2.3k

warning(s): mentions of a raid, reader and zuko both being little shits lmao

chapter title comes from not your concern by the hush sound! 

Y/N sprawled out on the grass and sighed contentedly as the sun shined down on her and her mother. Today was easier than most as they had been given the day off, an occasion that was rare in the royal palace. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh scent aerating their surroundings. Her senses were blessed with a mix of sea salt and fire lilies, an ever present reminder of the two worlds she walked in.

“Y/N,” her mother chided as she glanced down at her daughter from her sewing. “You shouldn’t lay in the grass like that. You know how hard those stains are to get out; I don’t need even more work on my plate.”

“Yes, mother,” she sighed as she sat up with mock exasperation. “I just feel like I should take advantage of this! We spend all day inside, and now that we’re out here you’re worried about things like stained clothes.” Y/N pushed herself to her feet and spread her arms out as she spun in a small circle. “Life is short, and I already spend all of it sewing and healing. Don’t you think I deserve some grass stains?”

“Did you find your way into the poetry books again?” she joked. “Of course I think you should have fun, but you know how things are here. I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

She continued to twirl, the soft breeze a welcome sensation on her skin. “I know, I know, but you don’t need to worry! I can—”

“Dear, watch where you’re going!”

Her mother’s warning didn’t reach her in time, a fact that became known to Y/N as she collided into the boy in front of her. A small gasp escaped her as recognition filled her now wide eyes.

“Prince Zuko!” she exclaimed, nervous hands finding their positions as she bowed. “Please forgive me for the accident, I didn’t realize you were there.”

Y/N had never spoken to the young prince directly — she mainly shadowed her mother while she did her work around the palace or honed her healing abilities under the watchful eye of Rika, their most skilled healer — but she knew enough to understand that she was to never disrespect the royal family in any way.

“Don’t worry,” he said with a small smile, alleviating the tension that had built up in her shoulders. “I’m sorry too, I wasn’t paying attention either. I actually came here for some help.” As she straightened her back, she noticed the bundle of fabric he was holding. “Are you Kura?”

“Oh, no. That’s my mother.” She pointed behind her where her mother greeted the prince with a respectful nod and smile of her own. “Did you come to get something fixed? She’s the best seamstress in all of the Four Nations.”

“My daughter flatters me,” Kura chucked. “What is it that you require, Prince Zuko?”

“She’s right, actually.” He held up the bundle of cloth which Y/N now recognized as one of the many outfits he owned. She didn’t consider herself a jealous person, but the prince’s extensive wardrobe was an exception to that rule. She had one set uniform for her work supplied by the Fire Nation, and a threadbare set for everything else that her mother had bought for her after saving up what little copper they had to spare. Y/N didn’t mind it too much as she was able to practice her sewing whenever the seams broke, but she was sure that her handiwork made up more of the outfit than the original by now.

“I tore one of the sleeves while I was training with Azula,” Zuko expressed with a frown. “I showed it to my mother, and she said that Kura would be able to fix it. I had to go through every single servant to find you, so I really hope you can. ”

Kura set her current project down and took the cloth from the prince, examining it with the skillful eye of a seamstress before meeting his eyes with another smile. “Of course, dear. I should have it ready for you by tomorrow; my daughter will deliver it to your quarters around midday.”

“Do it well,” he demanded. “I can’t focus on my training if my clothes are falling apart.”

“Hey!” she spoke up, scowling as she crossed her arms. It was like every shred of sense Y/N had disappeared the moment he talked down to her mother. “This is our day off, so you should be thankful that my mother is taking time out of her day to do this for you. Be nicer to her.”

“Y/N!” her mother scolded, her tone frantically apologetic as she turned back to the prince. “Please, forgive my daughter. She speaks her mind far too often, she doesn’t mean any disrespect.”

“No, you’re right.” A thoughtful expression found its way onto the young boy’s features, his eyes trained on her own displeasure. “My father always talks that way to the servants and I guess it came off on me. I’m sorry. It’s not nice.”

“Apology accepted,” Y/N said reluctantly.

“Thank you for your help. I’ll make sure to tell all my friends about your work.” The young prince smiled and walked off, though not without a curious second glance at the girl who righted his wrong.

As soon as the prince was out of range, Kura began to berate her daughter. “Y/N, by now you have to understand that under no circumstances may you ever speak to a member of the royal family like that! Do you know what kind of punishment you could’ve gotten if anyone else was around to hear that?”

She sighed and settled back on the ground, plucking a blade of grass from the ground. “I know, mother, but he needs to learn manners, prince or not!”

“That’s not how it works here. Our job is to serve the royal family without question. Sometimes they say mean things, but we can’t do anything about it. Apologies are not yours to demand or accept.”

“That’s not fair,” she mumbled as she wrapped the strand of grass around her finger. “Back home I could say whatever I wanted.”

“I know, honey, I know. But we’re not at home anymore, so the rules there don’t apply. We have to follow the rules that are put in place here. Can you promise that you’ll do that for me?”

“Yes, mother.” It was a phrase that seemed to always be at the tip of her tongue now that constant apologies were littered throughout her days, usually accompanied by a sigh.

“I miss home,” The murmured sentiment was almost too soft for Kura to hear and her heart sank. Her daughter’s gaze was trained on the ground, idle fingers tapping against her legs, and she put a momentary pause to her sewing with a sigh.

“Dear, don’t you have a healing session today with Rika?”

“You know I don’t,” she grumbled. “It’s my day off, which no one seems to remember.”

“Y/N.” Kura’s voice was more firm and she now understood that it wasn’t so much a suggestion as a demand. “I think you should pay Rika a visit.”

She heaved an exasperated sigh and stood up in a far more exaggerated gesture than necessary. “Alright. I’ll see you later tonight, mother.” And as Y/N began her walk back to the palace, a sour feeling brewed in her chest.

Kura watched on, unable to prevent the fear that permeated her thoughts. They were fortunate that the young prince was generous, but along with his mother they might’ve been the only two who shared those views in the royal family. She hated having to constantly admonish her daughter — the girl was too young to constantly live in fear, especially having already been through so much — but in the Fire Nation they couldn’t afford to do anything less. A spitfire girl like her daughter was constantly treading on thin ice, and it was all she could do to keep her safe.

Kura feared the day when she wasn’t there to protect her.

-

After a short walk that consisted of muttering things to herself and taking her anger out on the pebbles unfortunate enough to be in her path, Y/N found herself back at the palace. She let herself into a side entrance meant only for servants and set on her way to the infirmary when she collided with someone else — an apology was already on the tip of her tongue when she recognized it was Prince Zuko once more. She truly had rotten luck.

Y/N shot quick glances around to ensure that they were alone, then lowered her voice just for extra security. “My mom says I’m not supposed to talk to you like this, but I don’t care. Just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you can just go around bumping into people!” she whispered angrily.

“But— you were the one who bumped into me the first time!”

She could feel her face heat up from embarrassment and she crossed her arms. “Just— whatever! Do you want something or do you just like popping up in places you're not supposed to be?”

“I guess I just wanted to talk to you,” Zuko shrugged. “I’ve never really seen you around before, and you’re interesting.”

Y/N scrutinized him trying to find out if he was tricking her somehow, but after staring at him for a solid ten seconds she finally caved. “Fine,” she said, already beginning to walk. “But you’d better make it fast. I have to get to a healing session.”

He took a few quick steps to catch up to her and frowned. “I’m the prince. Technically I could order you to stop and you would have to listen.”

“Yeah, well when it’s just the two of us, you’re just another boy. I don’t have time to talk to boys for hours.”

His brows creased for a moment as he thought about it, then ultimately shrugged once more. “Okay. You said you were going to a healing session- does that mean you’re a waterbender?”

She nodded, and Zuko waited for her to explain further. He heaved a sigh, realizing that he was going to have to carry this conversation. “Well.. what’s a waterbender doing in the Fire Nation?”

She fixed him with a puzzled look. “I’m a servant. That’s why I’m here.”

“I know that,” he frowned. “But most of the servants here are from the Fire Nation, and there are hardly any around your age. I’m just trying to get to know you better.”

Y/N sighed heavily — she now knew that the child prince of the Fire Nation had zero sense of boundaries, and if she wanted to get him off her back she had to answer to his satisfaction. “My mother is a waterbender from the Northern Tribe. She left home when she was young to travel the world and help who she could with her healing, and eventually she fell in love with an earthbender. That was my father — they ended up marrying and settling down in his village where they had me a few years later. Last month, my village was raided by the Fire Nation, and my mother and I were captured after they discovered we were waterbenders. And now I’m here, being annoyed by a prince.”

Zuko frowned once more — it seemed if he continued hanging out with this girl the expression would be stuck permanently on his face — and he suddenly felt ashamed for pushing. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered. “I had no idea.”

She heaved another sigh and shook her head. “Yeah, well they probably keep a lot of the bad things they do from you. It’s easier to send raids to destroy families when your children don’t know.”

“What happened to your father?” he questioned.

Y/N’s body stiffened, and she had never been more thankful to see the infirmary door. “Save your questions for next time,” she grumbled.

Zuko’s eyes lit up, her earlier stumble going unnoticed, and a small smile found its way across his lips. “There’s gonna be a next time?”

She managed to cover up her own growing smile with an ambivalent shrug. “As long as you don’t bump into me again.” Y/N opened the door and gave him a polite parting nod before disappearing inside.

“Good afternoon, Master Rika,” she said with a small bow. “I know this is unexpected, but my mother insisted that I come here to—”

“Let me guess,” the older woman interrupted with a raised brow. “Kura got tired of you and sent you here to annoy me instead?”

Y/N chuckled and rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she pushed the sleeves of her tunic up to her elbows. “When have I ever annoyed you?”

“That’s a question you don’t want me to answer,” she joked as she rummaged through the closet to get supplies. “Besides, what was that smile for? Meet a boy on your day off? A girl?”

Her eyes widened momentarily and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks intensely. “I don’t ask you about your life while we heal, you shouldn’t ask about mine!”

Zuko, who had been eavesdropping by the door in an extremely un-covert fashion, felt an even bigger smile. The girl was prickly as a cactus, but he found himself strangely drawn to her — not in spite of it, but because of it. He was so used to anyone he talked to outside of his immediate family and friends bending at the knee to fulfill his every will, and it was exhausting at times. But this girl — Y/N, as he had learned — was the complete opposite.

He started to walk away, sure that he was late for some kind of session of his own. Zuko found himself thinking of the glimpse of a smile he got, already finding himself scheming up ways to make it return.

And despite her request, he was almost certain he would try to bump into her again.

[nagoo]

What's his lore?

Tell us!!!!

aaAAAAA alright but theres a large amount of lore that i cant tell you, because I plan to make comic for it in the future! I dont wanna spoil it before it get around to making it! In order to understand how The Snood came to be, one would have to understand how the world of the Snood AU works. It is important to note that in my au Jenova is NOT evil (though technically, she, like all the gods in my au - The Snood included - is not good either) Jenova is the main original goddess in the Snood AU, with the various summons from the games serving as lesser gods (things like Shiva and Ifrit) there is extensive lore about them as well and the purposes they served, but basically, they had always been there - there was a set number of gods, and none had ever been created or killed before. Jenova, was praised as THE goddess in ancient times and all was gucci upon the land, but.. Jenova fell in love with the idea of having a son, after millenia of watching the mortals. Gods back then were much more abstract - not quite understanding how such things work. Jenova's head priestess, one mortal woman named Lucretia who was her closest confidant, friend, and by our standards, lover as well (im setting a precedent - The gods fuck constantly. imagine being a god and not indulging in whatever the fuck you want. The Snood is slutty as hell and theres nothing anyone can do about it. indulgence is THE theme for this AU). As Jenova's head priestess, it was Lucretia's job to do what had never been done, something that had been generally accepted as impossible - she was to help Jenova create an artificial god, who would become the closest thing to a son for Jenova as possible. It was very a very difficult task, and it took a long time to do - Sephiroth was dormant, not yet conscious, being formed within his strange artificial egg (ye olde Science Pod) - he would not have a childhood as we know it - he would be formed into an adult body from the start. however, something went wrong! Plot happened! plot which i am not telling you the details of because its for the future comic! I will say an extremely traumatic event happened - hereby referred to as The Skyfall Event - which wiped out every single god, and most of the mortals from the planet - including Jenova. All except one - the still dormant Snood! however, his survival too, was not unscathed - the price of his survival, was that he had to absorb all the ambient chaotic energy left behind - and all the pain and trauma of all the lives lost in the process. When the Snood eventually emerged, he was lost and confused and alone, on a devastated planet. it took many millennia of trial and error for him to learn what he was, what to do, to figure out how to use his power, and for him to heal the damage that was done, and eventually, for mortal civilizations to return. In the current day, there are a few things the Snood never managed to figure out. He still doesnt know how he came to be, exactly. he doesnt know why he is often overcome with incredible sorrow and panic, and he does not understand why he always carries such an overwhelming sense of loss. So... He seeks comfort in his beloved cultists. (this is a rough summary of his origin story, with a LOT of omitted parts! if there is enough interests, i may start posting my 3am Snood Thoughts™ threads from twitter onto here! Theres a lot to go over aaaaa)

[novamirmirsblog]

FwB minor safe

THIS IS SAFE FOR MINORS. and by minors I mean 15+ cause there's still some kissy kissy and implied sex. AND SWEARING. Seriously tho, no under 15s reading this.

When you had first met Natasha, she hated you. Or at least that’s what it seemed like. She ignored you, refused to train with you, and when she did train with you, you always ended up in the medical bay, and she always, always had something to say when you came back from a mission. You had really hoped to at least had a friendly acquaintance with the other woman on the team. You always had Wanda but she was often pining after a certain red synthezoid. You only realised Natasha wanted to be friends when Clint let it slip that she was like a cat. He was clearly sick and tired of the two of you constantly fighting and wanted it to end. Or perhaps it was Steve who finally wanted it to stop. It didn’t really matter who because now you had a way in.

Your friend’s grandmother used to rescue stray cats and while Natasha certainly wasn’t a cat, you figured the same rules applied. First, you would make extra food when you knew she would be there, telling her there were leftovers if she wanted them but never pressuring her into eating with you. Then, you slowly began just sitting in the same room as her, always a distance away from her so as to not make her uncomfortable. Eventually she began to warm up to you, even going as far as letting you sit on the same sofa as her.

Things all changed one night when Natasha came back from a mission gone wrong. She had been given bad information and the data she was supposed to collect wasn’t there. She was pissed. Steve called you into the lounge and told you to stay out of her way if you valued your life. It made you slightly nervous. The two of you were friends but you weren’t that close. Not close enough to know for sure whether or not she would hurt you. Everyone retreated to their rooms and locked their doors, not wanting to be in the way of an angry Black Widow. Because that’s who was coming back. Black Widow, not Natasha Romanoff.

You couldn’t sleep that night so when you saw a figure enter your room, it scared you shitless. You grabbed the gun from under your pillow and pointed it at the figure.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“That’s kinky babe and maybe we should revisit that idea but right now I want to fuck you senseless.” Natasha - no the Black Widow’s voice spoke out in the dark. It was that kind of muffled sound that you only heard in the depths of the night when no one else was awake.

You lowered your gun but didn’t take the safety off. Just in case.

“There’s no need to be nervous darling. I’ve seen the way you act around me.” Natasha walked towards where you were on the bed, leaning down and lifting you by your chin up to her lips. “Just tell me to stop and I will.”

You moaned as Natasha’s lips connected to your neck, roughly sucking and biting her way to your collarbones. She leaned you back and wrapped a hand around your neck as she looked at you. Even in the darkness, you could see how black her pupils were and feel how heavy her breathing was.

“I need you to understand that this doesn’t change anything. We are still just friends.”

"I understand." You leant up to kiss her but she just laughed as she pushed you down and kissed you harder, leaving you alone once she had finished playing with you.

Nights like that became routine between the two of you. If either of you had a bad mission, or were just feeling lonely, you would end up in your bed. It was never Natasha's bed and most of the time Natasha was in control. Occasionally however, if you had a particularly bad mission or Natasha had seen unspeakable things, she would relinquish control and you would savour every minute of it. Perhaps if the two of you were dating, you would be able to have control more- no you couldn't think like that. It was a dark hole that you couldn't go down.

Somewhere between the rough nights and the friendly movie nights the two of you had, you had fallen for the fiery woman. Natasha made sure that you always remembered that it was just a 'friends with benefits' arrangement by never sleeping in your bed. It was a tricky balance for her though because she would cuddle you all the time during the day. It was almost as if she regretted sleeping with you.

The friendly flirting between the two of you drove the team absolutely crazy. It was like everyone except you two could see how perfect you were for each other. You just fit together. Yet whenever they asked either of you about it, you both denied it vehemently with a sad look in your eyes. The team had had enough. They were done with the two of you fucking, flirting and then crying yourselves to sleep when you both realised you didn't have the relationship you wanted.

It was Wanda's brilliant idea to have a game night. She had watched a sitcom where the characters played truth or dare and confessed their love for each other.

"I'm not so sure that will work witchy." Tony said after Wanda had finished explaining her plan. "Maybe we should play 7 minutes in heaven or spin the bottle."

"Why? How is that better than my plan? All they do is suck each other's faces off. We need them to admit their feelings for each other." Wanda stood up, slightly defensive over her plan.

"I...I think I have a better idea." Steve spoke up and everyone turned to look at him. "How about we kidnap Y/n? Y/n wont believe us if we tell her Natasha loves her and Natasha isn't going to admit it over a game of truth or dare. If we kidnap Y/n and stress Natasha out a little, then she might finally admit she loves Y/n."

The room was silent. "Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you" Clint muttered, causing the rest of the room to break out into a slightly nervous laughter.

"When's Y/n's next mission?"

~~~~~

You were sent out on a routine solo mission. It was something a lower level agent could have easily done but you were happy to get out and away from the compound for a bit. You loved your family but their constant questions about Natasha were getting too much. It was a constant reminder that you guys weren't in a relationship at all. The more you thought about it, the more you tried to convince yourself that a relationship wasn't even what you wanted. You had been on a few dates since your arrangement with Natasha had begun, mostly to throw her off the scent of your growing crush. However, when you returned from your failed date (because they always failed), Natasha was always there to fuck you hard and rough. Sure, she would leave it a few days, distancing herself as much as possible, sometimes completely ignoring you, but she would always come back. The mission was complete and you were making your way back to the Quinjet, too distracted in your thoughts of Natasha to realise someone was creeping up behind you. You were knocked out cold.

When you came to, you were in an abandoned warehouse, tied to a chair. It was all very James Bond like. You tried to look around, but everything seemed blurry.

"I can't believe you hit her so damn hard!" You heard a voice ring out.

"I didn't mean to! Oh my god she's going to kill me." A deeper voice, probably male, spoke.

The voices sounded kind of familiar but you couldn't work out where from.

"Natasha, we found her!" that was the last thing you heard before passing out again.

"I am going to murder whoever did this to you Y/n." Natasha told you as she carried you to medical. She refused to let anyone else touch you and didn't let you out of her sight for one second.

The usually fearless avengers all froze and turned slightly pale. They were 100% going to blame this all on Steve. If anyone had a chance of surviving the Black Widow, it was a super soldier and besides, it was Steve who had knocked you out. Bucky had told him not to use his shield to do it.

You awoke to find yourself in a hospital bed with a very concerned Natasha holding your hand. You gave it a little squeeze and smiled at her.

"Never ever ever do that again. Do you understand me? I thought I lost you..."

"It's okay Tash, I'm fine." In that moment it was so hard to remember that the two of you were just friends, that you would never be anything more than friends.

"Date me."

"What?" You were stunned and not completely sure you hadn't just hallucinated.

"I can't do this friends with benefits thing anymore. I know I was the one who said it was nothing more but I think I'm falling for you Y/n. Do you know why I was so distant with you to begin with?"

"Because you're a cat?"

Natasha smiled, she couldn't even bring herself to laugh she was so nervous. "No Y/n. It was because I really liked you. You walk into the compound all happy and beautiful and I dont know what to do. We would spar and I would get weird tingly feelings wherever you were touching me and it made me confused. I tried so hard to stay away from you but then you started leaving me food, or sitting with me, or trying to make jokes and I just couldn't stay away. When you didn't come back to me on time, I was so scared. I thought you were dead. When we found you..." She ran her hand through her hair, her other hand never letting go of yours. "The relief I felt nearly made me fall to my knees. I understand if this ruins our friendship but I really can't continue on just being your friend. I think... I think I love you." Natasha whispered that last part so quietly you almost missed it.

"I would love nothing more than to date you Natasha. I was so worried that I was reading too much into things and that my feelings were wrong and would ruin everything. It's why I dated other people for a bit."

"Well good. How about we-" Natasha was cut off by an announcement from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

"Considering agent y/l/n is up, Mr Stark request's both your presence in the lounge."

When the two of you made it to the lounge, hand in hand, they all clapped. Natasha scowled and held on tighter to your hand and you just laughed.

"Why did you call us here?" You asked

"Well, the thing is, we don't want to be murdered so we're really hoping you'll stop Natasha from doing anything drastic."

"What did you do." Natasha let out lowly, she knew you shouldn't be up and about, that it was better for you to rest until you were feeling completely better again so she wanted this over as quickly as possible.

"Well...-"

"IT WAS STEVE'S IDEA!" Wanda blurted out. "I just wanted to play truth or dare but nooo. Stars and Stripes over here wanted to make things all dramatic." Wanda waved her hands in the air.

"What was Steve's idea?" You asked, still a little slow on the uptake. Natasha wasn't though. You could feel her becoming tense and you held her hand a little tighter.

"...The kidnaping..." The team hung their heads in shame, trying to simultaneously look at their shoes and keep an eye on Natasha.

The room was completely silent before you burst out laughing. "You're kidding me? You actually kidnaped me just so Natasha would admit her feelings for me? Guys I'm dying." You wheezed as you tried to catch your breath from laughing so hard.

Natasha however, didn't find it nearly as funny.

"Natty, darling, it's fine. They did it because they care." You whispered into her ear, leading her out the room before someone could get easily injured. Getting blood out of carpets was a pain.

"Your days are numbered Super Soldier. I'm coming for you." she said, watching as Steve's face turned completely white before turning and leaving the room with you.

[ethanesimp]

LET ME GO // V. D. A.

Pairing: Servant! Victoria De Angelis x Royal GN! Reader

Summary: You're cornered into making a decision that won't only break your heart but Vic's too.

Request: Maybe something that makes me cry

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death threats and death, arranged marriage, swearing

Word Count: 3.1k

Masterlist // Taglist link in bio

Taglist: @superchrystaldrug @reputationdamiano @ethaneskin @dont-let-me-drown-in-you @bidet-and-legolas​

A/N: I hope this is sad enough nonnie and that you like it :) It's my first time writing for Vic so I hope y'all enjoy reading as much as I did writing it! And yess, we’re still continuing this angst fest :)

Love was a double-edged sword.

That was one of the first things you learned in your life. You’d see people in pain, crying and destroying themselves for it. It took you a long time to understand why one would do so much for a person, what was so special about them to sacrifice so much?

It took Victoria for you to fully understand. She was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful, energetic, and sweetest people you’d ever met. Those gorgeous blue eyes and endearing laugh made you fall head over heels for the girl you often saw around the castle ever since you were little. 

Ever since you shared your first kiss with her at the back of the stables while your friend Thomas looked out for guards, you knew your relationship was going to live on borrowed time but had always refused to dwell on the thought too much.

You were aware the circumstances you lived in were like a ticking time bomb stuck to your back. It was far too obvious and you’d be too naïve to think otherwise considering you were a member of royalty and the kingdom would eventually be your burden to carry. However, what you weren’t aware of was how easily things would fall apart or when, or how quickly. 

You’d already spent three years of pure bliss next to Victoria, sneaking around the castle and stealing moments and memories only the two of you knew about. You couldn’t deny that you’d always longed for more, to be able to show all your love for her in public and ask her to rule the kingdom by your side, but no amount of dreaming or wondering about what if’s would ever make your situation any different.

Six words were all it took for your bubble of denial to finally burst. Those six little words kept on repeating inside your head over and over again as you held Victoria in your arms. Her pretty eyes were looking into yours and a sad smile adorned her face as you brushed her hair back with your fingers. You could see the tears in her eyes and knew she could see yours, but neither of you dared to comment on it yet.

It was a delicate subject and neither of you wanted to talk first in fear of triggering an argument, even if you were both aware it was coming soon and there was no way to stop it. So you just sat there together in complete silence. The only thing that could be heard was the sporadic sounds of the window creaking because of the wind and the soft crack of wood burning on the large fireplace. 

You placed a soft peck on her lips and caressed her cheek delicately with your thumb, also removing the tears from her rosy cheeks. You pressed your forehead against hers and tightly closed your eyes as you smelled the sweet scent of flowers that hung in the air because of the small flowers woven into her light hair. 

Her arms were tightly wrapped around your body as if she was afraid that you’d suddenly vanish in the form of smoke and would slip from her fingers. You held her closer as a form of reassurance and sighed when you felt her once quiet sobs turn so violent they’d shake her whole body. 

“I’m sorry,” You mumbled and rubbed circles on her exposed back. You wanted nothing more than to take away all the pain she felt and let her know things would be alright, but you didn’t want to lie to her either, “I’m so sorry you had to see all that amore.”

She shook her head and buried her face against your chest as she cried harder. Victoria had always been so strong, so unbreakable, yet those six little words had just broken her and her heart into a thousand pieces. 

You’re getting married tomorrow. No questions. 

You’d been set to marry the heir of a nearby kingdom ever since you were a little kid, promised away to the other royal in exchange for resources to save a dying kingdom and they’d told you all about it in front of your friends… and your girlfriend. 

Your father had made you meet them right in front of her. The young royal, ignorant to your situation, had even gone as far as to kiss both your cheeks and quickly peck your lips. You had all been so taken aback by it, but no one commented on it because it would look suspicious. 

Even though all you wanted to do was take Victoria and run as far away as your legs would take you, the conversation you’d had with your father just minutes before the announcement stopped you from even trying. 

He looked exasperated, angry. You’d tried to browse your mind for anything you’d done wrong as of late but couldn’t come up with anything. There was no reason for him to be as mad as he seemed. 

“I seem so stupid to you, don’t I? You ungrateful child,” He’d spoken, tone sharp and voice laced with venom. You had flinched at how harsh his words sounded, still clueless as to what he was talking about, “I could put up with you not giving a shit about the Kingdom that will soon be yours because you’d have to stop that childish behavior of yours. But sneaking around with a maid’s daughter? That’s just ludicrous!”

Your heart fell to your stomach right then and there. He knew.

“I have tried so much, given you every single thing you wanted to hopefully get you to listen, but I’m tired of playing nice. You’re getting married tomorrow. No questions. And don’t you dare try and run away unless you want all her friends and family killed the second you step foot out of this castle.”

 She thankfully hadn’t heard your father’s words and you weren’t planning on telling her a thing. You knew for sure that if she’d heard, you would’ve already lost her. She had always been one to stand up against things that were wrong, and that time wouldn’t have been an exception. Unfortunately, your father was anything but lenient and you had no doubt that if she even thought of raising her voice at him things would end in chaos. 

“This is so unfair,” She murmured against your chest as more sobs escaped her lips. You stroked her head gently and nodded, “I know it is, I know.”

Then, she raised her head and looked at you with excited eyes as she wiped her tears away. She had an idea and you had a feeling you wouldn’t like it, “Let’s run away, Y/N. Right now. I have an aunt who lives far away in a kingdom where they will never find us! And we can be happy.”

Your gaze softened at her words. There was nothing you wanted more than to run away with Victoria, far from your parents and the responsibilities you’d been born into. You would’ve tried it too had your father not threatened to kill her family and friends if you did so. But you weren’t going to say a thing. 

“Victoria… We can’t- I can’t,” Her smile fell the moment she heard your words. She pulled away and left your embrace, making you instantly miss the warmth of her body pressed against yours.

Victoria sat down next to you, her eyes focused on yours as if she were trying to read your mind, “What do you mean you can’t? This hasn’t been the first time we’ve talked about it and you’ve always agreed to do it if we ever needed it, which we do now. What’s changed?” 

You had to look away after hearing just how hurt she sounded. You didn’t want to see her cry again because you knew you’d end up telling her every single thing your father told you. Anything would’ve been better than having to tell her, so you decided to say something that would not only break her heart but yours too, “I just can’t, okay? Vic, we were being childish! I cannot just flee the kingdom and expect no consequences. That was a stupid idea that would never work. I need to serve my duty, not run off with some servant’s daughter and forget all about my responsibilities here!”

She moved even further away from you. Victoria didn’t even try to hide the hurt caused by your words, “Oh, okay. I get it now,” She nodded and laughed bitterly as she turned around and gathered all the clothes that had previously been scattered all over the room, ”All this time I’ve been nothing but a fool...

“You know, when this all started between us, my friends kept telling me you were just using me for your amusement,” Victoria spoke. Her tone almost made you flinch because it just had as much venom laced in it as your father’s had earlier that day, “I never believed it, you know? I thought you loved me! But no, you’re just as hungry for power as all those fucking bastards, and I was nothing more than just your little game.” 

Her words felt like agonizingly painful stabs to the heart. You didn’t give a shit about power, about the kingdom, about anything but her. However, you weren’t selfish enough to be driven by your desire to be with her, a desire that was almost a need at that point. At least not after knowing everything that was on the line. Her family… her friends, friends who had become your own too. 

Oh how much you wanted to cave in. You wanted to reach out to her and wrap your arms around her frame while you told her just how sorry you were, how much you didn’t mean those words. But you stayed quiet instead and listened to her insults, took them in, and tried your hardest not to flinch or shed a tear, as much as it hurt to do so.

You didn’t stop her either when she ran out the door, tired from crying and screaming at you. Instead, you waited until she harshly shut the door behind her to finally cry. You cried and cried for what seemed like an eternity, got up from the bed, and tore the room to pieces out of pure frustration and hatred to both the universe and your parents for doing this to you. 

It felt like everything was moving in slow motion as you smashed the mirror to pieces with your shoe and tore off the blue wallpaper from the walls. Then, with weak knees and a heavy heart, you slid down the wall and sat on the floor.  You pressed your forehead to your knees and placed your hands over your face as you cried some more. 

Eventually, you fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying and heartbreak you were feeling, wanting nothing but for it to stop. Not too far away, Victoria was being held in the arms of her best friend, who held her while she cried and fell apart in his embrace. No one who was with the two knew what to say. Contrary to what Victoria had said in an attempt to hurt you, all her friends believed you were head over heels for her. Everyone knew you’d do every single thing she asked, but they had all been proven wrong. 

─────────༺♡༺─────────

There was an instant the next morning when you woke up, everything still foggy, where you forgot everything that had gone down the day before. You should’ve held onto those seconds tighter, but your brain didn’t let you as it brought back all the memories from the previous night like violent waves breaking into the shore, so painfully you had to hold your head with your hands.

When a servant walked in, he didn’t question the broken glass scattered all over the wooden floor, neither did he comment on the bare walls and the fact that you looked terrible. He didn’t because he was one of Victoria’s closest friends, Damiano. He silently pieced the story together in his mind and felt his heart break for his two dear friends.

He’d once described you two as a melody. A beautiful one that seemed to flow smoothly and left everyone around them speechless because the force in it was something that no one ever expected from such a quiet-sounding and delicate piece. You loved each other with everything you had, kissed each other like that time would be the last, and now, when you needed all that power and force, you weren’t using it. It made him sad and he couldn’t help but compare you two to an instrument that had gotten out of tune during an important solo. 

Minutes before entering the room, he’d been ready to lash out at you for breaking his sister’s heart, but the mere sight of you made him reconsider. Especially when you looked at him with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You looked into his eyes with so much panic and desperation as you spoke up, voice hoarse and barely inaudible, “I’m so sorry.”

He crouched down to your level and didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your body and hold you like he’d held Victoria the night before. Damiano, for the first time in a while, was out of words to say. He wanted to understand what had happened because Victoria had been so distraught the night before that her words had come out in, mostly, incoherent mumbles that not even Thomas or Ethan could catch. 

“What happened Y/N?” He asked in the sweetest, most delicate voice he could muster. It caught him off-guard how you started crying even harder at his question and gripped the collar of his shirt so tightly he was afraid of getting choked by a heartbroken you.

After a few sniffles, you spoke up. Thankfully, your words were much clearer than Victoria’s had been, “I fucked up, Damiano. That’s what happened,” You hiccuped, “I’m nothing but a coward. When my father threatened to kill her family I just stood there looking so fucking stupid. I just nodded along to everything he was saying.”

Damiano’s brown eyes opened wide as he processed your words, “He did what?” You brought a hand to your face and pulled at your hair in frustration at the realization that you had let those words slip. No one was supposed to know, especially not the person who was so close to her that he was basically her brother.

But the secret you’d tried so hard to hide was now out and it felt like a breath of fresh air after being close to suffocating, so you told him everything. All the words spilled out of your mouth and you didn’t even try to stop them. In fact, the exact opposite thing happened and you told him everything with as much detail as possible to the point where a little movie seemed to be playing inside your head.

He didn’t say a word until you finished talking. By that point, you had already calmed down enough to only sniff every once in a while, which was nothing compared to how distraught and shaken up you’d been minutes earlier. That’s when it dawned on him that the only thing you needed was to talk, it also explained why Victoria had been so heartbroken. She didn’t know about it…

It was like you were able to hear his thoughts, because the moment he opened his mouth to speak, you interrupted him, “No. I cannot tell Vic and neither can you. I know you love her just as much as I do and you know how she’d take this… Look, I can live happily if I know she’s out there, safe. How would I ever live with myself if she was gone and it was all my fault?”

His heart broke at your words, but he truly had no clue what he could ever say to make you feel any better, so the only thing he did was hold you closer and let you cry some more.

-

He eventually had to leave before another servant walked in to help you get ready for ‘the big day’. The other servant didn’t question the looks of your room either and stayed quiet as they helped you into the outfit that had been selected for you to wear to the wedding. You almost wanted to chuckle, you had no choice on who’d be there at the altar by your side and it seemed like you had no choice in what you’d be wearing either.

To anyone who’d seen you walk down the halls of the castle would’ve easily mistaken your frown for nothing more than being nervous at the thought of getting married. Hell, Damiano had even told you that a rumor had spread around the castle quickly after everyone found out about you being engaged. 

It was, apparently, no secret to any of the servants that you were seeing someone. Anyone who didn’t know any better had thought it had been the other royal you were set to marry. That you’d spend blissful hours sneaking around the castle, eager to finally unite and live together forever. They weren��t exactly wrong. You did wish for that with everything you had, but not for the person who was already anxiously waiting at the altar for you to walk in.

No. You wanted all that with the blond-haired girl that sat at the very back, with her hair neatly braided back and a few flowers adding a pop of color to her head. You almost wanted to chuckle when you saw she wasn’t wearing a dress. Ever since you were little kids and she’d started working around the castle, she’d begged your father to let her wear a pair of jeans instead of the skirts maids would wear. He hadn’t seen it as a huge deal and ever since he allowed her to do so, you’d never seen her in a skirt, ever, much less a dress. 

As you stood at the altar, you often looked for her in the crowd. Thankfully enough, she’d stayed with her eyes glued to the floor for most of the ceremony and hadn’t caught you staring, not once. Everything that followed seemed to happen so quickly you spaced out over most of it. It hurt, but Damiano’s reassuring smiles and just looking at Victoria gave you enough strength to keep the tears in.

You never thought that’s how your life would go, but you were thankful because at least she’d be safe. She’d have the chance to find someone else and fall in love one day. You only hoped that eventually, when many years had passed, Damiano would tell her all of the truth and maybe, just maybe, she’d find it in herself to forgive you for it all. 

[probably-haven]

Hello!

So I’m the anon who asked for more Archon War Venti headcanons and I just loved it! I really like reading your headcanons cuz some of them are similar to mine but mostly are headcanons that I didn’t think of so it really is nice to read and see your thoughts about Venti!

I feel like as if I’m asking too much but could you keep doing these types of headcanons? Like it doesn’t have to be Archon War headcanons but like some headcanons about Venti’s relationship with the Ragnvindrs and Gunnhildrs. Because the first Gunnhildr was the first one who prayed to Barbatos and the first Ragnvindr was his friend who left but came back and I really wanna hear your thoughts on that!

And I’ve decided to get off anon cuz you just replied to my texts and I wasn’t expecting that so I’ve got a short confidence boost that I am completely taking advantage of! And thanks for the advice! or uhh comment? observation? I’m not entirely sure but thank you for that! I’ve heard that be said to me a few times and I have been trying to be more, uhh, assertive so thanks for that!

rfouierjkhfkecs i actually came across information on Gunnhildr and the "Red-haired warrior" yesterday when i was doing more research into the rebellion against Decarabian and I was like "wow this would be really fucking fun to research and theorize on, but its too specific/niche to include unprompted no matter how much i want to" but bestie you prompted, and im literally so happy right now because I didn't think I'd ever really get the chance to post about them!

also lmao yeah, i tend to try and reply to as much as I can, since it's a good feeling when someone does and all. but yeah, no problem! I’m glad you felt confident enough to reveal XD. 

This may be structured a bit more like analysis/theory/just citing canon things at first before it gets into a more headcanony format.

ehe i have so much free reign on this it's lovely

More Archon War Era Venti: one two three

spoilers for Venti's backstory and Diluc's(kinda, i think, just in case)

first things first, laying down some canon background because before yesterday i hadn't heard of either of them outside of that one cutscene.

the very reason Decarabian had his storm wall up in the first place was because at the time Andrius had declared war on him- and his tower, and the city of Mondstadt by extent, were basically constantly under attack by Andrius's blizzards, which since he was still alive back then, were a lot bigger and covered basically what seems to be the whole of Mondstadt outside the barrier.

This meant that people had two options. Live in the city under Decarabian's oppression, or live outside the barrier, and brave the blizzards of a warring god... which was not a good idea

but the Gunnhildr clan(not yet called that) tried- and they almost died because of it. In the midst of a blizzard, the clan chief's daughter, named Gunnhildr(which the clan would be named after later) sent out a prayer that was heard by a wandering wind spirit. And the faith of that prayer gave the spirit enough power to create a small shelter to protect them.

When her father past, she became the new leader and also a priestess. She would later lead the clan to fight Decarabian alongside four others. And basically the Gunnhildr Clan ended up as like sworn protectors of Mondstadt

-

as for the red-haired warrior, who is basically assumed to be the earliest known ancestor of the Ragnvindir clan(im gonna refer to as Ragnvindir for convenience sake, even though "Ragnvindir" is technically a different character from Vanessa's era)theres not much information on him, but heres what i have from the various wiki's

- he was a wanderer

- one of the first to use the sign of windblume to find other rebels(so he's intelligent)

- actively propped up the nameless bard so he could watch as the tower was destroyed

there's this little tidbit too from the Windblume Ode bow's description that im probably gonna talk about a considerable amount too: "Atop the ruins of the ancient tower, amidst the cheers, songs, and tears of those who had newly won their freedom. A red-haired warrior turned his back on the newborn god, hidden like a single raindrop in a tidal wave of humanity. He was first among those who passed the secret sign of Windblume, the one who wove threads of dawn throughout the long night. His name has since been lost to time, but his deeds are still remembered in song." followed later by "The fate of this clan will likely never change: they shall ever live in the darkness and bring forth the flame of dawn."

-

Now I'm going to start with the Ragnvindir(geez, why's it spelled like that tho)

My idea of his character is basically formed by a mix of Ragnvindir stereotypes and just generally analyzing text.

So what do we know about Ragnvindir's for sure? they are shady motherfuckers- or at least they rarely operate in the spotlight. also damn, these guys are more cursed than anemo vision wielders- like the only one who didn't canonically lose someone close to them was Crepus, but considering that Diluc doesn't exactly have a mom..... he probably did

so what do we know? - he was close with the nameless bard - he was intelligent - he likely operated primarily from the shadows "ever living in the darkness" - he was a wanderer - he abandoned Venti during the celebration - but his deeds were still remembered in song, so Venti and him were likely still close

now the question of the century: how will i choose to interpret "turned his back on the newborn god"? And honestly, I'm- not sure- at first i assumed he abandoned him completely- but Venti did still make sure to carry on his memory- which could just be Venti being Venti, but for the sake of sanity, this is how I'm interpreting it.

A lot of things happened to the Ragnvindir that day. He lost a friend, saw another become a god to replace the one they had conquered, and he saw his goal, his reason for being in Mondstadt, come to fruition. "see the world through my eyes" the bard had said, and the Ragnvindir had been a wanderer even before. Sure, the people had won freedom, and that was to be celebrated, but he's intelligent to recognize that people would likely see him as one of the key figures in leading the rebellion. And for him this was a solemn time, and ending to a chapter, and not being one to operate in the spotlight, the last thing he'd want is to be swept up in festivities and attention at a time like this.

It also likely didn't help that he's probably smart enough to understand the idea of "power corrupts," and seeing the wind sprite just readily accept the mantle of Archon was likely not the most comforting thing to happen in the given situation after all. But Decarabian was gone, and Andrius had ceased his blizzards, so without a word, he slipped into the crowd and left, a wanderer once more.

-

now back to Gunnhildr

she was the first to receive an anemo vision from Barbatos, no I do not take criticism on this "the power bestowed on her by Barbatos" like please, they basically said it.

It also mentions that she crowned Venti with laurels(symbol of vistory) after the battle- the book Biography of Gunnhildr additionally says "the Gunnhildr Clan will continue honoring the legacy of its ancestors and its duty to the Anemo Archon: to protect Mondstadt, the land and all who inhabit it, forever."

I really like this because it conveniently ties into my past headcanon about Venti granting visions to the people of Mondstadt and having them be the ones to erect wind barriers and defend the city in his absence.

So in the Archon War I like to imagine that the Gunnhildr clan had a lot of people who were actually granted visions and were basically in charge of protecting it from those who would attempt to ambush them.

Mondstadt essentially became known for this- the fact that the mortals within it were strong enough to fend off the force of a god without support from their own.

but regardless, Gunnhildr, as she had before, served as a priestess to Barbatos, the closest thing that Mondstadt had to a ruler, and yet she only took charge of prayer and protection.... i hate to just- equate them to their descendants- but to an extent- her role was kind of like a merge between Jean and Barbara- Except with a whole lot less structure.... i really dont want their characters to just be carbon copies of the descendants but- c'mon, the comparison was right there.

anyways besties- back to Venti so i can tie them in

The Archon War was one of the worst times for Venti in his entire life thus far. And the time immediately after Decarbian's fall, while Gunnhildr and the Ragnvindir were still alive, was the key period of time in which things could have gone very differently.

Venti is the god of freedom. That's a reoccurring theme and I think I've made that abundantly clear. But during this time, Venti was anything but free.

I've mentioned before how he would stay far from the city of Mondstadt so the shockwave of his death wouldn't reach him, should he fall.... well- Venti is new to a lot of things- godhood- humanity- war- freedom- and at this point he was trying hard to figure out how to be Mondstadt's god without becoming Decarabian, and while still being able to survive, and make sure they survived, and see the world for his friend, and carry on his friends legacy.

And this is a lot of stuff for what was once a carefree elemental being, and there were certain things that had to be done for this to happen. He couldn't just stay in Mondstadt, or he would grow weak and his people would be vulnerable to attack, but he couldn't abandon it, because despite being able to fend for themselves, there's always hat just in case. He couldn't stay in any one place outside of Mondstadt for very long or he'd be found and killed. He knew in order for Mondstadt to survive he would have to take an active role in the war, strengthen himself so he could defend Mondstadt, and thats exactly what he did.

He started by going after the less powerful gods, ones he had a chance at beating with the power he got from the Gunnhildr clan and the rest of Mond, and by wiping them out, he would grow stronger, so he kept it up- working his way up the metaphorical ladder.

but he couldn't let anyone near him either, because he knew just what would happen if he was attacked then. Were it not for Gunnhildr's prayer, the early years of the Archon War would have been without contest the loneliest time of his life, and there would be nothing he could do about it, bound by survival and his attachment to the legacy of his friend, constantly fearing for his life and going against his very nature as the god of freedom. Frankly thrust into that circumstance that early on, and having to face it alone, it's likely that Venti would have caved under the pressure and dropped his attachment to either his survival, or to his friends legacy... or just something entirely worse(isolation messes with brains) so I'm attributing the fact that he didn't do that to Gunnhildr's companionship, speaking to him and guiding him through it as he had guided her through the blizzard some time ago.

I also like to think that she's responsible for founding at least a number of the different celebrations that still happen in Mondstadt even now.

Ugh supportive warrior priestess- we stan

anyway meanwhile! we got the Ragnvindir

He hears about Venti taking part in the Archon war during his wanderings and returns to Mondstadt to check in, wary of what he might find.

Venti, who hadn't seen him since the rebellion, is elated to say the least and they do a bit of catching up because they need it

and then the conversation turns more serious, and the Ragnvindir brings up a third thing that Venti needs to hold onto- his humanity.

See, in the early years, just desperate to get a foothold on the world, Venti's first number of targets were just indiscriminately going after those he knew to be weaker than him, and the Ragnvindir points this out, saying that while it's not necessarily bad, if he keeps doing it, it won't be long until he causes his and, by extent, Mondstadt's legacy to be tainted by a reputation for slaughter, no better than any of the other bloodthirsty gods that frequented the war's fields. "Think of what the bard would do, we were both close enough to do that much"

And Venti becomes yet more caged, but recognizes that he's right, and this is another turning point, that in the coming years would keep Venti from losing himself.

also- Gunnhildr, Venti having told her about the Ragnvindir's concerns that he now shared, probably organized some kind of event (not unlike the right of part, but also, yes unlike it) that was deliberately intended and designs to serve as an excuse that Venti could chose to take to visit Mondstadt, something she know he desperately wanted to do, but wouldn't allow himself for fear of putting them in danger. But if she made it an official celebration, then it would give Venti the opportunity to visit his people again, under the guise of it being a responsibility, not having to deal with the moral implications of doing so at a time when he was already dealing with enough of those already.

Also on his travels, the Ragnvindir probably started and spread a number of rumors that could end up working in Venti's favor, not that anyone ever knew it was him of course.

basically Gunnhildr protected the people of Mondstadt and did all she could to keep everyone in as high spirits as possible, Venti included.

And as for the Ragnvindir, he took a more realistic approach, traveling and getting venti followers in far places, spreading false information about him, and just overall making sure that Venti didn't do things he'd regret.

And when they died, Venti would carry their legacy with him as well, not losing his humanity to the tide of war as he very nearly had(though he still often came close), and trying to spreading high spirits where ever he could without fail.

[lol-jackles]

Season 3 ask (I'm the anon who thanked you for being a light when I was unwell). Season 3 is my favourite season. Jared padalecki acted so well and outpaced jensen ackles in so many scenes. It stands out because usually I get drawn to following dean in joint scenes, but this was more Jared's season, more than S.5. the season carried the foreboding of deans deal. It may only be referred to occasionally but it permeated it all. I dont understand how they achieved this technique. Can you explain?

Disclaimer: I have not re-watched season 3 in ten years except for a few classic episodes like "Mystery Spot" and "Very Supernatural Christmas", but I think it will actually prove my point in answering your question.  This is what I remember about season 3: Sam's struggles with Dean's deal, Sam looking for ways and options to save Dean, his emotional turmoil and all the in-betweens.  I remember Dean's impending dire fate but I don't remember what Dean was actually doing during that time.  Some readers shared with me that they were surprised that they seem to "forget" Dean when they recall specific storylines, I said that's kind of supposed to happen with the support-protagonist.  Do any of you remember what John Watson did in the classic Sherlock Holmes?  Or what impact Nick Carraway had in The Great Gatsby?  They all kind of disappeared into the protagonist's story.

What sets Han Solo apart from the disappearing-supporting-character is the humorous hypocrisy dialogues.  For example,

Luke Skywalker shoots down a tie fighter:  I did it!  I did it!

Han Solo: Great kid!  Don't get cocky.

Han had already been portrayed as an arrogant, cocky smartass.  We found out only later that he has a heart of gold under his rough exterior.  But the irony of the most cocky of men advising his much younger friend not to "get cocky" was brilliant because he was in denial about his own flaws.  Humorous hypocrisy.

Fans say Dean Winchester gets the funny and best lines and Jensen delivers them brilliantly, but the missing piece in the lines is humorous hypocrisy, which is important because Dean is mostly in denial about his own flaws.  Only when Sam brings it up and Dean responds with, "come on, don't quote me back to me", makes Dean memorable at that moment even if you don't remember which season or which episode that line was spoken.

Let's go back to Nick Carraway, we see Jay Gabtsy through his eyes.  Nick is a flawed human but doesn't recognize it and is dishonest about his own shortcomings, so he becomes an unreliable narrator and readers and audience of the movie easily forgets that Nick is present in every page or scene.  The few times Nick is memorable or visible is his interaction with his love interest, Jordan, and we see his honest emotions and vulnerabilities.   Sounds familiar?  Like Nick, Dean is an unreliable narrator.  Like Nick, Dean becomes memorable in his interaction with his 'love interest', Sam, where we see his honest emotions and vulnerabilities.  So unless Dean is honestly interacting with Sam or unwittingly verbally revealing his hypocrisy, he's in danger of becoming forgotten.  This is partly why the Dean in fanfictions bears little resemblance to the Dean in the show, especially destiel fanfictions because they remove Sam or the Sam/Dean relationship entirely from the stories. 

“the season carried the foreboding of deans deal. It may only be referred to occasionally but it permeated it all.”

Because Sam is absorbed and embodied by the foreboding Dean’s deal while Dean is in denial.  As pointed out earlier, when characters are in denial of their own shortcomings and don’t have humorous hypocrisy lines, they end up kind of disappearing into the background.

At first glance Sam Winchester and Scarlett O'Hara couldn't possibly have anything in common, and they don't except for three distinct traits: they don’t conform, they change with the time, and they're not hypocrites, or at least they are the least hypocrites of all the characters in the book/movie/show.

Scarlett O'Hara is ruthless and very practical in every way (except for Ashley) and she just takes in what is going on around her and does her best to make it work to save herself and her family from starvation.  Scarlett became an outcast of Atlanta society because she refused to be a hypocrite and conform, instead she change with the changing times, as did Rhett Butler, while the rest of the characters, including the noble Melanie Wilkes and even their servants/former slaves, refused to do so and cling to their old pre-civil war past. This is why she is one of the most memorable characters for the past 80 years.

Sam was ruthless in his pursuit to save Dean from his deal and even said he has to become like Dean, he thought he should change, while everybody else just carry on the same as they always have.  Season 3 show the various state of Sam’s psyche that would later remind me season 14 Sam’s shredded psyche while Dean blindly accepted his dire fate without putting up much of a fight.  Sam has consistently been a (mostly) dynamic character, a quality one usually finds in the lead protagonist.

[rexismycopilot]

can we enter the vent corner real quick cause I have no one in real life to talk to abt this & you seem experienced/like you would be nice or have advice. so im in college but I havent even had my first kiss yet, I am not attractive, a guy insinuated to me that I would never get a date, and im terrified of sex cause I think i have vaginismus and im really insecure about my body. at this point I feel like I base all my self worth off this and its so shitty and lonely and i dont know what to do

Oh, Anon!! My heart truly goes out to you.

First of all, whoever that fucker what who insinuated you would never get a date is… probably dealing with his own insecurities because the saying “hurt people hurt people” is true. But that does not at all excuse him from his actions and that was a terrible thing to say. Or he might just be a jerk because some people are like that. What do I know?

And I unfortunately understand what it feels like to hinge your self-worth on something specific like dating or a first kiss. Insecurities are just awful to contend with and I truly truly feel that so hard. I actually deleted my IG account because I was constantly comparing myself to others. And I didn’t even realize I was doing that much comparing until I deleted it. It was eye-opening.

I don’t know that I have any advice necessarily except that I already know that the lies we tell ourselves are just that… lies. Our brains are fickle bastards.

You mentioned that you were in college, does your college have any free therapy opportunities? Therapy really helped me find some peace with who I am. I’m definitely not at all perfect, but I put a tonnnn of work into being the person you see before you lol.

This desire is definitely understandable! If d/s stuff is truly what interests you, there are resources/websites you can go to find like minded people and to learn a little more about yourself. I’ve seen all types of people with all types of bodies! There is no “perfect” body.

I think the last thing I want to say is that whoever you find, they should respect whatever boundaries you have set up about sex. If sex is painful, they should respect that and back off. Even if you’ve already started and you need to stop. You never need a reason to say “no.”

And most importantly, there is soooo much more to intimacy than sex. There are lots of reasons couples wouldn’t be particularly sexually active: medication, stress, schedules, hormones, etc. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t have intimacy in other ways. If you’re concerned about having sex, that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with taking your time.

I know it probably feels like a milestone that you’re “supposed to” achieve by some specific age, but everyone does things differently.

I grew up feeling really lonely and really insecure and in a lot of ways, I still carry that with me. It kind of sounds like you might be similar to me. I hope you find some peace with yourself, Anon. And you deserve someone who respects all of your boundaries and shows you love and affection through many forms of intimacy!

You also deserve friends who build you up.

I don’t really have advice, but I definitely am empathetic to your situation.