#just cuz im moving things around
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spent ALL of this week so hyperfixated on making the outline for part 1 and 2 of t.w.o. i finished both of them just 2day 36 fucking pages in total it was glorious
#i started the outline for part 3 awhile ago but its really bare bones#needta get in there#sorry mutuals that you didnt see me for a week i was SO FOCUSED#I THOUGHT ABT SOLVING STORY ISSUES AND WHAT I WAS GONNA WRITE ABT WHILE I WAS ASLEEP#spacie spoinks#on that creative grind#i think im abt ta sink inta being hyperfixated on drawing so mutuals again you may not see me for another week LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#also let me say the original story of war is separated in2 6 parts#buuuuuut w/the way im writing things it'll probably end up being less#just cuz im moving things around#i want 2 finish plotting the whole story from beginning 2 end b4 i start making comics again#i mean i got parts 1 and 2 done in a week i can probably get the rest done sooner since they're not as chunky as the rest of the parts#parts 1-3 Have A Lot Happening#the 2nd half not so much#two talk
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mira !!! :]
#isat#in stars and time#isat mirabelle#isat spoilers#<- due to act 3 optional content !#the img might be being chewed due to weird canvas size oops ah well#one of these miras is not like the other#one of these miras doesnt belong ASFASFSDAFA#a majority of these are based on things mentioned / that happen in the house cuz i thought itd be fun to draw :D#so like the wilting plant is from gardening room dialogue#the poster with ppl holding hands and sparkly eyes is (i think??) from some SAPSAPSAAP dialogue in one of the first rooms#i tried looking around ISAT to see if it's also in there too but couldnt find it so uh correct me if im wrong if thats NOT an exclusive LOL#side note the 2 in the poster are some old nuz ocs isatified ASDFASFA#funnily enough tho they are from 2 different games if they actually ever met they would hate each others guts i think. hmm...#however both are also the most qualified to help with promotional stuff so theres that ASDFAFA#mira looking at her bonding proposals is sorta on the tin but#the fact that she has like right next to her while she sleeps in her dresser makes me :(#cuz to me it potrays how much theyve been weighing over her cuz of how close shes been keeping them with her vs putting them on a bookshelf#or something idk if that makes sense i dont have proper words atm#but uhhh moving on chalkboard is from one of the optional events#which i think is! important!!! i dont think ive seen many ppl talk about it but!! yeah!#however i too do not have words on it atm but!!! yeah!!!! moving on for now!#the 'mira' that is really just the change god is ofc from the change god event :]#aaand ofc the iconic finish from mira towards the king#and then some misc miras with swords for funsies tbh ASFAFA#but yeah! i like mira a lot actually but as with many things i do not currently have many words to properly articulate *why*#all i know in my heart of hearts is that she is near and dear and special to me personally#one day. one day i will be able to gather my thoughts in a cohesive manner but that day. is not today!#anyway tag talk over :]
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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🌈🍄🍊🌟🍀🦋🍇🪷
#mudposting#junk journal#scrapbooking#rainbow#rainbow art#pride art#wax seal#red#orange#yellow#green#blue#purple#pink#idk man these dont get my typical tags cuz theyre so far out from my usual style#i like em a LOT tho i had fun with these#took me a couple days worth of putsing away#i wanted to do a mini rainbow#also technically the rainbow page is on the back of the pink page but i wanted no blanks in the photos so i moved em around#its weird doing pages like this#cuz i use both sides of the paper#and it makes me unable to use things like splitpins or sewn buttons#unless im real careful and plan ahead#anyways#some of the shiny holo things look weird in the lighting i promise irl they look fantastic#im probably gonna go back to making normal pages again now#ive been so Themed for the past while#made a set of personal pages and will eventually do more but rn i want just whatever vibes in the moment
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Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.
#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same#perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues#and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop#AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!#but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love'#and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this#but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all#and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and#learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense#and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem'#is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from#but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him'#EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!?#AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER#IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!!#so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS#so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it#s such a fuckinf mess!!!!!#i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here?????#i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart#start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks#remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline.#but if i say that i will get assassinated#anyway.#sock count#personal
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-_-
#p#it feels like its such a background thing n im mostly used to it but sometimes it does get to me!!#to say the least im rly not stoked abt going to work tomorrow(still hurting from today)#be hurting when i get there n have to work n walk n be on my feet moving for 8 hrs Again#like its not a Big deal but sometimes it just sucks n i feel that it sucks n its hard#dlt ltr#i sometimes wonder if my brain could be normaler abt Everything if it would make the pain a lot easier too#cuz on days when im hurting less n its just a background annoying thing its like whatever it sucksnbut its fine im used to it#but if the pain is worse i think i feel worse brainwise n probs the other way around#or at least if im fucked emotionally it makes pain harder to deal w n ignore etc#unrelated i think but i feel like a mushy fruit like. a sensitive rotting gross thing#<- new bizarre analogy to describe when im weird n emotional cuz it sounds right n makes sense To Me
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My body hurts so much
#i always do this to myselfff aughaaa#i laze around for months then proceed make myself sore for the next few days#i went batting (and was fucking awesome at it cough cough) then i went on and on and on and on that i cant move#i pulled the same thing last summer too only difference is i can actually get up and still walk#but doing so hurts so much. trying to hold a door#hold a water bottle or pencil or climb a ladder makes me wanna cry from pain#i cant move a limb a couple inches without feeling like i got shot#tried opening milk carton eariler and biting my tongue to not scream loll. aaaah this sucks#im fine i just think this hilarious as fuck and so inconvenient lol#i think my stance was wrong and im an incredible weak person and against a 50-70 mph throwing machine#i was lucky the “super fast” cage was closed cuz I wouldve been all over that and truly fucking up my body#and id do it again :)))) hopefully in the summer when i dont work#flame vents#flame rambles
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My mother was genuinely pissed off tonight about the concept of two guys showing affection towards each other in any capacity and was ranting about it for like 20 minutes. And she still claims she’s not homophobic 😞
#the klock keeps ticking#im genuinely so sorry i feel like i keep bitching about being home but hnnghhhh this woman is so exhausting to be around#like here she was complained saying that boys nowadays are really affectionate towards their male friends#like. hugging them#THATS LITERALLY ALL IT IS THEY HUG THEIR FRIENDS FOR MORE THAN HALF A SECOND#and my mom is like I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS BUT-#like bitch you so fucking clearly do have a problem you specifically brought this up out of the blue and bitched about it#and im like literally what is the problem here its a good thing these kids are being affectionate with their equally affectionate friends#especially since boys ESPECIALLY around here are pumped up on toxic masculinity and dont express love in healthy ways#and she literally I SHIT YOU FUCKING NOT said that shes worried a) about the fact that boys apparently#arent ‘touching’ girls anymore (which she specifically said was cuz of metoo era parenting so shes literally talking about assault)#so yeah i guess shes mad boys arent sexually harassing girls as much???#then b) said that boys as a result are going to and i quote ‘stop touching girls and start only touching each other and living together’#and this is an issue cuz humans will no longer procreate#IM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP SHE SAID LITERALLY ALL OF THIS AND SOMEHOW DOESNT SEE HOW ITS HOMOPHOBIC#i really really am just. exhausted she is too much#i kept desperately trying to move on but she kept TALKING ugh#i hate her#i need comfort and a restraining order
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I'm so ridiculous, the doctor asked for me to squeeze her hands just so she could test my strength and as soon as she leaves to get the heart monitor I wipe my hands on the hospital bedsheets. I hate the feeling of anyone else touching my hands that isn't her.
#personal#txt#i had another anaphylactic shock that was much worse and now i just sit here on the porch and stare at the sky#i dont know what to do ive been trying to move out but i cant imagine what would've happened if i was alone#i feel like im burdening my best friend too he just has to sit there and watch my body jerk around on the way to the hospital#i probably make his anxiety even worse and he cant do anything but just sit there and watch people inject things into me#i cant put that weight on someone#i cant even look at my family group msgs cuz how am i supposed to explain im trying so hard#and if by any chance she wanted to be with me shed think i wouldn't want to deal with her bcuz i already have so much to deal with#but thinking that is ridiculous cuz this stupid world isnt perfect
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new one on my mom + she finally helped me finish my sfsgsw one + started a flower on her
#had to stop on the flower cuz i need to sleep at some point soon i gotta work tomorrow + takin my dog to the vet#she pretty much fucking went blind overnight :( apparently that can happen with dogs and its sorta common in dachshunds so its not the most#concerning thing in the world and she doesnt seem to be uncomfortable or anything its just a big adjustment for all of us :(#she’s fine as long as one of us is there to help guide her around + she was following one of the other dogs earlier today#it’s just really fucking with me cuz like. why does this shit have to happen so close to when im moving#like shes MY dog so its hitting me really really fucking hard i just want her to be ok yknow#anyway i need to make the outline on the flower thicker and obv finish color. might try and lighten up the leaves on it#it pretty much looks the same as mine just w green instead of black leaves#oh also she said she likes the vines enough that once theres more shit in that area she wants me to extend it as like a filler
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Forcing myself to do yoga because I am far too sedentary and my body is rebelling.
Stupid human bodies and their stupid exercise requirements. And eating requirements. And drinking requirements.....sleep is ok tho. Sleep can stay.
I want a refund
#moving enough was so much easier as a kid#i had way more space to move around cuz i was small#i want an exercise ball#my moms used to just be in the living room at all times when i was a kid so i would just roll around on that#and try to balance on it while watching tv#could just roll around on the floor#its 6 am#didnt sleep cuz the back pain was causing me anxiety#i think it had been improving a bit but then i had like 5 days of minimal movement due to the cold#so ive backtracked a bit#my doctor couldnt get me in til april#hopefully by then things will have improved#unfortunately im impatient and also dont like changes in routine
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The jist of my fainting experience in the tags here!! Long as hell
Feel free to tell me more about it
#the first one which was actually 2 was one right after the other#i was in the shower scrubbing my hair and was doing it a bit rough since I had major lice at the time (don't have it anymore thank god!!)#the water definitely was a bit on the to warm a little warmer than what I like#so as I'm doing that I fuckin fainted#hit the side of my neck on the faucet#it was kinda like I was dreaming during the fainting part#i don't remember falling at all and next thing I know im laying down in the shower#my mom asked if I was okay and I said I was then I finished up and stepped out of the shower#then I fuckin fainted again!!! my mom heard me fall again and came back in the bathroom#don't remember falling aljust remember next thing I know I was on the floor#mom called an ambulance and turnes out I scratched my back on a box that was next to the shower tub combo we had#it scarred and idk how the fuck I ended up hitting it since when I woke back up I was next to it not on my side and it wasn't knocked over#then a while after that was the next fainting time!!#so I hadn't eaten that day or drank anything cuz I was scared to go out of my room whenever my then father figure was around#he was a real fucking ass and greedy as shit for my mom's money since he gambled all his away#they fought a fuck ton#now my mom#brother#and i don't live there anymore and don't have any contact with him#yay!!!#anyway so I didn't eat or drink anything that day#so it was dinner time and my mom called me out of my room for dinner and I walked out waited for her to give me my plate#and so I was kinda walking around just moving around#then I started getting dizzy#told mom#then I was sat down at the table#my non bio brothers and bio brother were in there room eating or gaming#then my fingers cramped up MAJORLY#then I fainted then I woke up then I was moved to the couch and crying and I felt like I couldn't open my eyes and my fingers were still#cramped then the ambulance came and i was able to open my eyes on the way to hospital and my fingers weren't cramped anymore!!!
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Crazy to be 20 years old and my mom casually mentioning that she was so glad i decided of my own volition that I didn't want to see my bio father anymore bc she knew that he and his mom were smoking meth when I came to visit but didn't want to tell me unless I brought it up cuz she didn't want me to have a bad impression of them 😭 that woman is a saint if I found out my baby daddy was tweaking in front of my toddler I would've poisoned his supply and sent them both to the graves from "overdose"
#my mom hated her babydaddy so much but she was so worried about me growing up to think that she purposefully turned me against him#i remember her sitting me down like ''i want to move somewhere far away for grad school but that means u might not see ur father as much#anymore. so if you think that would be sad for you we'll stay put''#and i was 6 years old like ''i dont care about him at all''#2 years later i forgot his fucking name and my mom had to remind me XD he was such a non presence in my life#cant tweak around ur daughter if u never spend time with her!!!#even when i was over there my grandma and some of his uncles were the ones who took care of me#and i didnt like any of them they were mean to me they didnt understand me or my personality at all even when i was a baby#and had a baby personality (toddler with what was probably ARFID)#i started denying food based on smell and look before i was even out of the high chair#i spent years and years beating my mom and aunts and maternal grandparents into submission#the dinner table was a warzone and i did not quit the fight until i won. and then i would go to meth daddy's house#and i had to start All Over Again cuz they were never around my moms family. in hindsight im sure thats bc of the tweaking#but yeah me not wanting to eat ''gross'' shit (like bread. not even pizza dough) was the main source of strife between me and every adult#it continued well into my adolescence (altho realizing i was wrong about bread opened me up a lot to trying new things)#but i dont think arfid was recognized as a thing when i was a kid and my family was convinced i was just stubborn and that they could#break me so i was never checked out for any eating disorders
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i genuinely need to stfu abt amethio
#mari shitposts#i dont have any other personality other than talking about how gay i am for amethio#NO CUZ THERES THIS ONE GUY IN MY FRIEND GROUP (hes not even our friend he just follows us around and he makes weird jokes abt us)...#...HE KEEPS CALLING ME ANNOYING AND HE KEEPS SAYING IM SO WEIRD FOR LIKING AMETHIO#WHILE HE'S OUT HERE SEXUALISING OUR EVERY MOVE#I WAS DRINKING WATER THE OTHER DAY AND HE TOLD ME “I BET YOU WISH THAT WAS AMETHIO'S ----”#SIR THATS A MINOR#IM A MINOR TOO#WHY#THE WORST THING IS WE CANT REPORT HIM OR ANYTHING CUZ HE KNOWS TOO MUCH (cuz he keeps listening in to our conversations)#AND HES GONNA GO AROUND SPREADING RUMOURS ABOUT US
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dunmeshi mithruncore (every day I can’t get up to make myself eat at all or get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or actually do more to help myself unless im told to or someone physically Makes me do it or I finally manage to do so for the first time very very late in the day cuz I forced myself to out of fear)
#im in hell#that thing he said about not being able to sleep without magic or meds is so real#my sleep treatments even stopped working gradually#and if I don’t take any at all im laying awake until fuckinf 7 am#it takes me like an hour of holding it in to use the fuckinf bathroom#and the thing that makes me move is being terrified of kidney failure#it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t eaten my first meal of the day. tried ripping into a protein bar I had saved for moments like this but I can’t#make myself take more than 2 bites#the amount of times these past few years I’ve practically passed out from hunger cuz I just. cannot make myself get up to eat or make myself#something. omfgggggggff#I literally am a magic practitioner and have helped myself with spell work many times in the past yet I just can’t. make myself utilize it#more. yet I have all these books and supplies to use. and I’ve studied for hours and hours and know what to do#and it’s crazy cuz when im high off the sleep treatment THEN I actually do things but I don’t wanna use that more cuz im afraid of getting#addicted uhm. yeah idk what to even do anymore#my bf helps tremendously with leading me to do things but I don’t wanna take advantage of him too much and he’s long distance#but jesus fuck im literally on adderall now but its my emotional problems that keep it from working#it’s like wtf happened#I can’t fucking do anything unless someone’s there to guide me through it or keep me engaged as I work or they push me to in some way#and it’s like wow. cuz I want independence more than anything#it’s crazy cuz I related with his old self to the T especially with the desires and competitivity problems and trying to gain things he#doesn’t even actually want just for leverage and a sense of worth and the ‘if im not on the top on everything i dont have actual worth’thing#and other stuff I can’t remember off the top of my head. and I actually had friends and was more talkative#but now it’s like#🪿#yk what I mean#there’s a shitload of other things I relate too hard with but I can’t remember rn or I won’t mention cuz too much to go into#my bf said if he were around irl he’d cook for me and help with stuff when I go thru being like this nonstop which hey nice cuz obv id help#him with anything too#I mean there’s days where im better and can Do Things but it never lasts long and it sucks I can’t ever trust myself having a job or#I had all these things I wanted to do but I just feel nothing toward it and it drives me insane like can this maybe Not happen so often
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its insane how good and bad my luck is head in hands
#mielmbles#just got oil like completely saturated into my paycheck#its all over my desk but ! my laptop was upside down so the oil didn’t get into and of the like mechanical bits#the fact that we just have to keep going whenever something happens just fucks me yk ?#like yeah this happened now i just gotta figure out how to fix it or move on#like i cant even feel anything about its just yeah okay this just might as well happen too#in fucking sane im telling you and the fact that this kinda shit is like an every day thing for me like at least ten times every day#something goes fucked like my door breaks or my clothes rip or my things get horrifically stained#its tiring but again every thing keeps going and like i cant get hung up on little stuff cuz then i wouldn’t have any time in the day for#anything#plus theres all the big stuff too so like eh yk ?#godddd im exhausted. at least its a good lesson ?#cash those checks in sooner or smth or check for holes in sauce bags before carrying them around everywhere#cannot believe i had to spend the whole shift at work just completely covered in t sauce lmao#and like at this point its just funny and tiring like an exhausted chuckle of course this would go wrong yk ?
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