#just by the frustration of waiting ; maybe
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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not sure if youve discussed drummer ava but like i think thats so perfect for her fr. get out all the energy. a reason for those fucking arms. also people who are both drummers and singers are so cool and talented fr i just love that and i think she could and would.
i agree with beatrice doing like polyphia level technical guitar its just so her overachieveing and detail oriented vibe
i am ROARING because Ava on drums would be incredible - exactly for getting all the energy out and there's something therapeutic about drums, both the act of just hitting something but also learning how to control and channel that energy, not to mention being able to listen to the empty space in order to keep time and to trust the rest of the band and have them trust her in turn - it's delicious, that is brilliant omg such a need for this now (i think i read a fic with drummer!Ava but honestly we need more. ohno. what have you done what have you done)
i can also see Beatrice going one of those explainer videos - maybe like those Wired "explain in 5 levels of difficulty" and every single one of the guests just falls in love with Beatrice, especially the 5th level who just completely nerds out along with her lololol
#i can see ava as a kid just infinitely entranced with sound in all its forms#making sounds and beats with anything and everything#busking on the street or in a subway station either by herself or with a band#ohno that's a meet-cute waiting to happen isn't it#beatrice coming back from idk maybe a shitty gig that her parents set up for her -not at all the type of music she actually wants to play#and she's feeling restless and frustrated and she hears this beat that expresses everything she's feeling#and finds ava there just in the zone#maybe she has a kit#maybe she has just idk plastic tubs but whatever it is#she's free#and beatrice envies her#longs for that feeling#and then she notices there's a sign on the floor next to ava that says#got an instrument? play with me!#and/or even got a voice? sing with me!#and beatrice has her guitar and she's like#why not. why the hell not#she still asks of course and ava of course says yes#and bea's tentative at first and ava reassures and coaxes her along#and then soon enough they're off to the races - beatrice's hands are a blur and her heart is on fire because this#*this* is what she loves about music and she hears ava laugh alongside her and she can't help but laugh as well#oh man i miss NY now#avatrice#jt answers
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I kinda hopped into the dc fandom by reading fics (I know I know lmao)
But as I've read more comics and looked into different characterization and analysis I now have a more developed idea as to how I view a lot of the characters and have preferences to how their written. I'm def the type to click out a fic if I find myself thinking 'he would not fucking say that'
Anyway this is just to say it's very funny to me when I go thru some of the fics I bookmarked at the begining of my interest and find myself going Uh Oh! I don't think I can read this anymore!
#dc#dc comics#batverse#batfam#i do feel like i see too much beef and negativity abiut this kinda thing#i prefer to be a#i curate my own internet space#type of guy#but also i get it when your looking for fan content and so much of it is like 😭#an interpretation you hate#anyway this is probs obvious but mostly about the robins#like tim is probs one of my fave robins#but people go too hard on the whump for my personal taste#esp when it feels a bit of a disservice to the other characters#give me nuance i love nuance!#of course- fanfic is free and it is also free to not read it so to be clear o dont actually give a shit what people write#be free#go write that ooc chat fic life is short do whats fun#thinkin these thoughts at a party where i only know my dad and my dads friend LOL#wait i have more thoughts- ALSO#it really is funny to me#to be like. wow. i loved this fic#i thought it was SO GOOD#And to be holding that thought and perspective in my head#while also being like. ooph.#picking apart all the problems i have with it now#and like how. maybe id still like it if i just pretend they're ocs?#i can sometimes do that- but not always because i often go to fic for a specific dynamic#and i get really frustrated when i gotta be like. who the fuck is this guy its not the one with their name in the tags#i can sometimes tho
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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I might go further into detail on this and I haven't really looked much in the tag to see if anyone else has offered this idea, but, like
Here's one of my biggest theories regarding the shenanigans in Welcome Home, summarized in one sentence:
Wally is sick.
#Jean mumbles#Welcome Home#The way he acts in those hidden bug videos.#The way he seems so unresponsive and out of it when people are talking around him.#He doesn't make jokes like he used to it seems. He isn't ACTING like he used to.#The only one we've really seen acknowledge this is Barnaby in that video where Barnaby talks with Home#Frank and Julie just seemed... uncomfortable when Wally appeared during that musical snippet#Also!! That black GUNK that festers inside/under Home?? and how it seems to be the same stuff that attached itself to all those journals?#I think that's what's making Wally act the way he has#Because like. In the hidden audio clips. He seems...so frustrated and confused. But not outright aggressive#But then there's that one audio clip#The ''LET ME IN'' one#But...I don't know if that's Wally Darling being himself#I wonder if that's the illness - the gunk - taking over and using him. as a PUPPET. to spread its sickness further#I don't know#But I do find it an interesting thought#I'll probably slap this all in an actual post someday#Maybe#I can't wait to see what more may come of this down the road
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Happy Pi Day! Or... is it pie day? White day?
Whatever, today is something and I'm celebrating whatever it is with this ship I'm far too obsessed with for how little screentime they have.
#dwight in shining armor#disa#chlodwig#phoebe#....STILL need to figure out a good ship name for them#phoewig? chloebe?#the “oe” in both of those is the long e sound in my head. for clarity#well then just in case I will tag this post with both of those options#phoewig#chloebe#okay maybe that second one could be more of a. chlO-E-be#idk its an incredibly made up ship name why am I stressing over it so much#also if you are reading this far I shall serenade you with some history about this piece#it took me months and several iterations of this piece to finally finish it#which was incredibly frustrating because it felt for a while that everytime I came back my art had leveled up enough that I had to restart#from scratch because the different components simply would not work together#but finally I finished it.#...over a month before posting it BUT DANG IT PI DAY WAS WORTH WAITING FOR#also pretty sure that this is the last thing I completed before my friend forced me to figure out the pressure sensitivity in my tablet#and that changed my art style completely again it feels like but. alas. this is definitely the last of its kind#lou draws#WOWWWWWWW forgetting my own art tag#at least it's impossible to forget about this piece with how much I went through for it
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oh no sorry you had a bad day. hope it gets better soon
have a cookie 🍪
(Thank you! I am doing much better today!
#ooc post#Bean's gonna rant in the tags for a sec please excuse me#a maintenance guy was supposed to come and fix the boiler yesterday but he never showed so I waited around all day and stressed myself out!#it's just extra frustrating bc the boiler's been broken for nearly a year and finally when we get someone to fix it they don't show!!!#not a phone call or anything!!!#so I have no idea when they're coming or even if anyone is coming!!!#and the werewolf ask was just the cherry on top of my annoyance#but I am doing much better I have eaten and drank and etc#and I can finally draw since I couldn't work much yesterday#I drew the Noisey beasts and that was about it#I gotta finish some unrelated things and then update time#but maybe a wittle ooc to warm up hehe
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2023 reads / storygraph
Something More
YA contemporary about a Palestinian-Canadian girl starting high school, navigating new crushes and accepting her recent autism diagnosis
#something more#jackie kalilieh#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is pretty good!#obv it’s not my kind of book but having an autistic MC made it a lot less frustrating than a similar book with an allistic MC would be imo#I thought it was a great representation of a low support needs autistic teen girl#and like. embracing her autism but also it's not the only thing the book is about#Was a bit exhausting the way she keeps going back to this guy even though he’s kinda shitty#though I guess it felt quite transparent that the narrative is partly about recognising unhealthy relationships & what mistakes you should#forgive and what are ongoing patterns. and most of the relationships are like different examples of that#so like that gave me a bit of a step back from all the drama and stuff that would have otherwise annoyed me too much#because it was obvious that that was the point of all that#I think it would have been good to have developed her relationship with her grandmother - 3/4 through something happens#and it has pretty much no emotional punch because I was like wait. she has a grandmother?#Maybe that would have made it too sad when it’s mostly a lighthearted romance but like. you could have made the thing more of just a scare
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we love crying in the orthopedic office 😜 catch me sniffling in the waiting area idgaf
#still no answer for what is going on in my right foot#I am so over this lmao I am beyond frustrated#anyway confirmed post-traumatic arthritis in at least my left ankle. yeehaw#waiting for yet another CT to confirm it in the right#and likely going to get injections next week#who knows maybe the injections will help. I feel like I am just expecting to never feel better at this point lol
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the shizu-chan song
youtube
just discovered the shizu-chan song by none other than johnny yong bosch. help me
id transcribe if i didnt have a final in 10 hours. maybe when i get back
oh nvm someone already wrote them out
this has similar energy as the bro duet song but like. in reverse bgskjdghjkgsd the no homo is for real
plus an animatic version and amv version because holy hell this is old
#i hear there's another shizuo song by johnny yong bosch according to the comments from 2017 but ill have to wait until yt recommends me it#anyway this makes me want to make a bro duet animatic for shizaya#which would be hilarious because. they're not bros#the ship dynamic of 'two guy best friends who maybe kiss sometimes' is very good but very not shizaya#so the spontaneous love confessions just come out of fucking nowhere during one of their fights#it would be really funny. trust#and probably better than the angst and self-denial festival i would make animating the actual shizu-chan song#i can already see the half-smiling-to-himself half-looks-like-he's-about-to-cry pining semi-regretful izaya face at the last shizu-chan#also. izaya guitar player headcanon hello#if someone can make an artist hobbyist izaya au i can make a guitar hobbyist izaya au#tbh izaya's more spontaneous and i feel like he wouldnt like all the hard work and practice time that goes into learning an instrument#like his main hobbies like parkour and switchblade throwing are stuff he gets to put into practice all the time and are more 'useful'#but instrument practice it's just him and his thoughts and callused hands for hours at a time#feel like he'd get frustrated pretty easily in that way#anyway wouldnt it be hot if izaya played the guitar LMFAOO fuck my characterization and let that man play fingerstyle#izaya playing piano is a somewhat popular headcanon anyway#god i have the worst habit of putting the entirety of my post into the tags. must be the incorrect lov joke bits spilling over#shizaya#shizuo heiwajima#izaya orihara#durarara#Youtube
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"embroidery is easy!" i say, stitching a flower and thinking it looks nice and everything is going well.
"think again," says the tangling thread in the back that i completely forgot i should probably pay attention to, thus ruining my work.
#u_u learning experience#i'm just glad i practiced on an old hoodie first instead of what i really wanted to embroider#i think my needles might also be too large for the fabric? but the eyes too small for the embroidery thread#debating not embroidering my apron at all and waiting until i can practice more#i think this could become a very soothing hobby#i like the repetitiveness of it and it isn't as frustrating to me as crochet#(still wanna learn crocheting too though; i'd like to crochet scarves and hats and maybe little stuffed critters for friends)
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tell me about your correct opinions. I love hearing opinions...
Honestly I can't think of any specifics rn hdggjndg I just know I am a Nishikiyama Understander. I think one off the top of my head is that yes, he's clearly more emotional than others, but he is not remarkably so and he is NOT a 'crybaby'. Like every time he's cried on screen it's been for very understandable reasons and in highly emotional situations.
Or the idea that him not reciprocating Reina's feelings is like, an inherent character flaw??
#smol responds#dont get me started on k_zum_ji i will appear to be such a hater and im NOT i SWEAR its just i dont think theyre built for a cutesy domesti#relationship theyre FUCKED okay aaaand im gonna shut up they WILL kill me xgmdkg#also my opinions on the first half of the ship on his own cause like i KNOW he's beloved i KNOW his heart is in the right place but GODDDDD#HE PISSES ME OFFFFF and part of my frustration comes from the fact I recognise myself in him and it hurts man!!! We Cannot Keep Doing This!#Maybe one day I'll collect my Discord ramblings together fsjjf also i realise how full of myself i sound??#in that im not just a Fan but an Understander cause i do feel there's a difference. Its like with my bestie she loves this one character#and other people call themselves the no. 1 fan and i believe em i think she's the true Understander though yknow?#classic 'i love this guy AND i see how he really sucks and i love that' and she says im the same with Nishiki#I see his flaws man and i get em i SEE where he got this from but im bot disliking him as some 'incel niceguy' like its not a common take#but ive seen it a couple times and im like are you stupid??? hes not some wifebeater?? are you daft?? no he shouldnt have slapped her#but if your takeaway from that is 'he hates women' or some shit you might be a fool. Shoutout Atanx for that very correct post a while back#sorry turns out i DO have opinions lmao basically Nishiki Is Mine Yall Cant Have Him zfhzfn#WAIT MY MIREI OPINIONS- [i am dragged away once more]
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.
#things don't really usually get to me like this so idk what is it this time#but all this fucking les-tappen disk horse going around is so tiring#now ppl talking about what kind of characterizations and tropes are okay and accurate and whatnot#and i agree on some points! certain things annoy me too!#but this talk especially coming from ppl who don't write themselves is bothering me a bit#who have never sat at their keyboard at 1am in love with the story they're crafting barely able to wait to post and see ppl's reactions#i'm suddenly full of doubt like what if what i'm writing is horseshit why bother sharing it#and i know my stories will have their readers and i shouldn't have doubts if ppl don't like them they can just click away i've accepted thi#but i really do but i think this sort of talk is not very encouraging to writers in general no matter what tropes they write#just having a moment here i will continue to write and maybe publish something again some day i'm just frustrated rn#biannual bitching session over#i didn't even say half i wanted to say#maybe i will continue bitching later who knows#talking
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i have a question im really embarrassed about and dont know who to ask and so im just gonna sit here and stay confused forever i think ghdhfhhfhf
#just ignore this#i just needed to convey a little frustration fbbdbfh#wait maybe convey isnt the right word#I'll figure it out when i get home probably
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Having this caption in an episode that finally gives us some depth about Millie is so funny
#millie was def my favorite part of the ep for sure#i’ve been waiting for her to be in the spotlight for 2 years LMAO#seeing her shine was so nice#and to see she has some self worth issues and feels like she’s constantly shoved aside is so interesting#and kinda meta bc the show does shove her aside A LOT unless its an action scene#in universe wise tho i can kinda see this being connected to her family#how millie having family rivalries was something viv highlighted as part of millie’s character#and given millie’s frustrations with sallie mae for being able to hide bodies better than her#maybe there was some favoritism growing up and millie was in the middle#its all there#these seem to be connected#i just hope we explore them later on#we shall see#helluva boss#helluva boss spoilers#hb spoilers#helluva boss millie#unhappy campers
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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage
#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it#tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5#i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing#spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time#spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation#got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old#which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid#but that made me feel really shitty#spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus#and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses#which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here#but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl#they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read#i'm so sorry everyone#i'll try to be better#i just had to put this out somewhere#and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it#anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow#i'm sorry guys#i really am😔
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