#just by the frustration of waiting ; maybe
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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okay wait my brain got stuck on qijiu body moddding
shen jiu can and should try to see how much yqy's guilt will let him get away with, starting with a scar that yqy never heals over and gradually going towards piercings, tattoos, a discrete cut of hair, a womb...
#shen jiu riding the high of having complete ownership over yqy's bodying but frustrated by not knowing where the breaking point#because there ISNT one#yqy is guiltily indulging in becoming Exactly What Shen Jiu wants#molded by his hands like clay into something that he could possibly want maybe even love some day#wait is this just masochism the fic oh shit it is#the limit oes not exist#qijiu#svsss#shen jiu#yue qingyuan
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Celebrían was the Lady of Rivendell, the daughter of Galadriel and Celeborn, and the wife of Elrond. She was the mother of Arwen and the twins Elrohir and Elladan.
#celebrian#lotr#the lord of the rings#tolkien#ethereal aesthetic#the absolute chokehold she has on me! like!! rings of power what are you doing! do you not want an epic sweeping war time romance????#my main critic of rings of power is the female characters (or lack thereof)--galadriel speaks to how many women this season??#wait does she speak to a single woman all season?? i don't ......... think she does? maybe that one warrior elf on the road to eregion?#it's like each narrative thread except the harfoots gets one woman (two for numenor)#i mean the dwarves (one woman) the gil-galad elves (one woman) the eregion elves (one woman)#(and the women are slaughtered in horrific ways--look at mirdania and also elrond's mate rian getting shot through with arrows???)#i love rings of power but fuck me these male showrunners are insipid when it comes to writing female characters#(don't even get me started on my girl galadriel losing the nine rings to sau like come off it showrunners!!)#(and the kiss between elrond and galadriel which was degrading for both characters and for my baby celebrian!)#(no issue if you like elrond x galadriel and ship it of course!! i am talking from a showrunners pov imo it was a horrid decision)#i just ... need the showrunners to grow up when it comes to female characters honestly#(and tumblr is a safe place to express these frustrations away from the incel ragebait lorebores who snivel and shriek over women existing)
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are��#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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Coding woes (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Ukadevlog#Bug testing sure is something lol#These are both problems I've figured out now luckily! And I did them on my own! :D Extra pleased with myself :3#My slightly cocky attitude of ''Well that was frustrating - luckily I'll never run into another problem again'' amuses me lol#'Cause in the moment everything's flying! The code comes together lovely and it's all great! And then I come up to the next thing#Something I haven't done before - something that there's no Direct how-to of how to do a thing#Like setting player-and-character pronouns! I didn't know how to do that! But I figured it out!! :0 What a rush haha#It really did take me an evening of knocking my head against the wall in attempts - I waaaayyy overcomplicated it to start haha#I was like - trying to set up a system that would call on specific pronoun sets individually based on player input#Ridiculous - so much easier to just slap some values into an envelope and have those tied to a specific shell lol#But that took all night! I got sleepy while working on it and even my drowsy brain was like Wait...what am I supposed to check against? Haha#Such a weird experience subconsciously as well :0 'Cause I had normal dreams that night#Maybe some slight code-adjacent dreams of A Screen With Text On It but that could be anything :P#Most of it was just normal dream melodrama - but in the few times I woke up to readjust or roll over or pull my blanket#It was juuuuust enough for my ''conscious'' brain to kick in and think about what to compare against - what structure would work#And so by the time I woke up proper I had to frantically write down a bunch of code in a spare word document so I wouldn't go stir crazy lol#Breakfast must wait! Dailies must wait! I Have to write this down!!#And when I implemented it - it worked exactly as I hoped it would and is much much Muuuuuch simpler to call upon haha#Wow! That was a weird fluke that definitely won't happen again! Haha#I don't actually believe that I just have no way of guessing which aspect will trip me up - This Should Be Easy! And then it isn't lol#Definitely didn't predict the second - Especially because other than a small roadbump of not knowing how to Shell-Switch (ty again Cherry ♥)#Everything up to then was going well and everything after that was going fine! Until The One Thing happened pffbtl#I wanted to assign a value to check if a specific piece of code was being called upon - basically a fork between two outcomes#That went fine! The value Was changing! But only the first fork was being called???#No lol I just didn't put the second = ugh pft - and what's more frustrating is that I'd been using == up to that point!! I'd been warned!!!!#I - for some reason - was convinced that using && would make the value check Only need to check If x = 1... That's not how it works......#It's an If statement! If x = 1 then why do I have to check IF x == 1! Just check!!! Hwagh rules and whatnot lol#Like I said it's all fixed now but sheesh! What a silly mistake! I knew better!! And now I double know better haha
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I kinda hopped into the dc fandom by reading fics (I know I know lmao)
But as I've read more comics and looked into different characterization and analysis I now have a more developed idea as to how I view a lot of the characters and have preferences to how their written. I'm def the type to click out a fic if I find myself thinking 'he would not fucking say that'
Anyway this is just to say it's very funny to me when I go thru some of the fics I bookmarked at the begining of my interest and find myself going Uh Oh! I don't think I can read this anymore!
#dc#dc comics#batverse#batfam#i do feel like i see too much beef and negativity abiut this kinda thing#i prefer to be a#i curate my own internet space#type of guy#but also i get it when your looking for fan content and so much of it is like 😭#an interpretation you hate#anyway this is probs obvious but mostly about the robins#like tim is probs one of my fave robins#but people go too hard on the whump for my personal taste#esp when it feels a bit of a disservice to the other characters#give me nuance i love nuance!#of course- fanfic is free and it is also free to not read it so to be clear o dont actually give a shit what people write#be free#go write that ooc chat fic life is short do whats fun#thinkin these thoughts at a party where i only know my dad and my dads friend LOL#wait i have more thoughts- ALSO#it really is funny to me#to be like. wow. i loved this fic#i thought it was SO GOOD#And to be holding that thought and perspective in my head#while also being like. ooph.#picking apart all the problems i have with it now#and like how. maybe id still like it if i just pretend they're ocs?#i can sometimes do that- but not always because i often go to fic for a specific dynamic#and i get really frustrated when i gotta be like. who the fuck is this guy its not the one with their name in the tags#i can sometimes tho
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if it wasn't for all the rude tourists i think i could be happy living here
#its rly pretty#but yea i tried to leave a cafe and got pushed out of the way by like 10 people trying to get in n didnt get a sorry or ty:c#got pushed into a bush bc they couldnt wait 2 seconds#they also dnt seem to understand that u need to move slightly to let people off of busy transport n they cant just force their way through u#i shouldnt b angry ab tourists bc i guess i am one too but tht type can be veryy frustrating#maybe i just dont like rude people n am just generalising idk#anyway im off to see a castle n stuff#and am vry sad about going home#i need another week or 10 in scotland
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The news in the original media: The third season of Good Omens will have just one 90-minute movie episode. The news in the media in my country: the third season of Good Omens has been CANCELED and will now only have a 90-minute special.
#If I had gotten the news from the press in my country I would have had a heart attack#ok maybe they are right#technically it is as if there is no more S3#now it is a movie#or a concluding special#the original press is just trying to soften it#I am happy because we are going to have a conclusion#I am slightly frustrated that we are not going to have a season with several episodes#but I think 90 minutes is better than nothing#it is better than canceling#90 minutes to fix the last 15 minutes of S2 and give a happy ending#it is less screen time than we would like#but it is more than we would have had if they had considered canceling and not doing anything else from GO#I am rooting for them to give us what we need (happy ending and a well-tied conclusion)#since they are not going to give us what we want (a full season)#I think it is understandable who is suffering with this news#as well as those who are accepting it with contentment#every fan has the right to let themselves feel what they are feeling#honestly? I was already expecting something like this#because it didn't make much sense to me how they would remove the screenwriter of the project and still keep the script for it?#I think a part of me already knew that the removal could mean this#now it's time to support the production and actors by sending positive vibes#because I imagine that they are not responsible for this decision#this is a matter for the executive team#and although we are frustrated that we will not have a full season#it was certainly not the ideal solution for the fans and for the production and actors and others involved#but it was the possible solution#I'm still waiting for official notes from Amazon Prime and BBC#good omens#inefabble husbands
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I might go further into detail on this and I haven't really looked much in the tag to see if anyone else has offered this idea, but, like
Here's one of my biggest theories regarding the shenanigans in Welcome Home, summarized in one sentence:
Wally is sick.
#Jean mumbles#Welcome Home#The way he acts in those hidden bug videos.#The way he seems so unresponsive and out of it when people are talking around him.#He doesn't make jokes like he used to it seems. He isn't ACTING like he used to.#The only one we've really seen acknowledge this is Barnaby in that video where Barnaby talks with Home#Frank and Julie just seemed... uncomfortable when Wally appeared during that musical snippet#Also!! That black GUNK that festers inside/under Home?? and how it seems to be the same stuff that attached itself to all those journals?#I think that's what's making Wally act the way he has#Because like. In the hidden audio clips. He seems...so frustrated and confused. But not outright aggressive#But then there's that one audio clip#The ''LET ME IN'' one#But...I don't know if that's Wally Darling being himself#I wonder if that's the illness - the gunk - taking over and using him. as a PUPPET. to spread its sickness further#I don't know#But I do find it an interesting thought#I'll probably slap this all in an actual post someday#Maybe#I can't wait to see what more may come of this down the road
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Happy Pi Day! Or... is it pie day? White day?
Whatever, today is something and I'm celebrating whatever it is with this ship I'm far too obsessed with for how little screentime they have.
#dwight in shining armor#disa#chlodwig#phoebe#....STILL need to figure out a good ship name for them#phoewig? chloebe?#the “oe” in both of those is the long e sound in my head. for clarity#well then just in case I will tag this post with both of those options#phoewig#chloebe#okay maybe that second one could be more of a. chlO-E-be#idk its an incredibly made up ship name why am I stressing over it so much#also if you are reading this far I shall serenade you with some history about this piece#it took me months and several iterations of this piece to finally finish it#which was incredibly frustrating because it felt for a while that everytime I came back my art had leveled up enough that I had to restart#from scratch because the different components simply would not work together#but finally I finished it.#...over a month before posting it BUT DANG IT PI DAY WAS WORTH WAITING FOR#also pretty sure that this is the last thing I completed before my friend forced me to figure out the pressure sensitivity in my tablet#and that changed my art style completely again it feels like but. alas. this is definitely the last of its kind#lou draws#WOWWWWWWW forgetting my own art tag#at least it's impossible to forget about this piece with how much I went through for it
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oh no sorry you had a bad day. hope it gets better soon
have a cookie 🍪
(Thank you! I am doing much better today!
#ooc post#Bean's gonna rant in the tags for a sec please excuse me#a maintenance guy was supposed to come and fix the boiler yesterday but he never showed so I waited around all day and stressed myself out!#it's just extra frustrating bc the boiler's been broken for nearly a year and finally when we get someone to fix it they don't show!!!#not a phone call or anything!!!#so I have no idea when they're coming or even if anyone is coming!!!#and the werewolf ask was just the cherry on top of my annoyance#but I am doing much better I have eaten and drank and etc#and I can finally draw since I couldn't work much yesterday#I drew the Noisey beasts and that was about it#I gotta finish some unrelated things and then update time#but maybe a wittle ooc to warm up hehe
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2023 reads / storygraph
Something More
YA contemporary about a Palestinian-Canadian girl starting high school, navigating new crushes and accepting her recent autism diagnosis
#something more#jackie kalilieh#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#this is pretty good!#obv it’s not my kind of book but having an autistic MC made it a lot less frustrating than a similar book with an allistic MC would be imo#I thought it was a great representation of a low support needs autistic teen girl#and like. embracing her autism but also it's not the only thing the book is about#Was a bit exhausting the way she keeps going back to this guy even though he’s kinda shitty#though I guess it felt quite transparent that the narrative is partly about recognising unhealthy relationships & what mistakes you should#forgive and what are ongoing patterns. and most of the relationships are like different examples of that#so like that gave me a bit of a step back from all the drama and stuff that would have otherwise annoyed me too much#because it was obvious that that was the point of all that#I think it would have been good to have developed her relationship with her grandmother - 3/4 through something happens#and it has pretty much no emotional punch because I was like wait. she has a grandmother?#Maybe that would have made it too sad when it’s mostly a lighthearted romance but like. you could have made the thing more of just a scare
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we love crying in the orthopedic office 😜 catch me sniffling in the waiting area idgaf
#still no answer for what is going on in my right foot#I am so over this lmao I am beyond frustrated#anyway confirmed post-traumatic arthritis in at least my left ankle. yeehaw#waiting for yet another CT to confirm it in the right#and likely going to get injections next week#who knows maybe the injections will help. I feel like I am just expecting to never feel better at this point lol
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the shizu-chan song
youtube
just discovered the shizu-chan song by none other than johnny yong bosch. help me
id transcribe if i didnt have a final in 10 hours. maybe when i get back
oh nvm someone already wrote them out
this has similar energy as the bro duet song but like. in reverse bgskjdghjkgsd the no homo is for real
plus an animatic version and amv version because holy hell this is old
#i hear there's another shizuo song by johnny yong bosch according to the comments from 2017 but ill have to wait until yt recommends me it#anyway this makes me want to make a bro duet animatic for shizaya#which would be hilarious because. they're not bros#the ship dynamic of 'two guy best friends who maybe kiss sometimes' is very good but very not shizaya#so the spontaneous love confessions just come out of fucking nowhere during one of their fights#it would be really funny. trust#and probably better than the angst and self-denial festival i would make animating the actual shizu-chan song#i can already see the half-smiling-to-himself half-looks-like-he's-about-to-cry pining semi-regretful izaya face at the last shizu-chan#also. izaya guitar player headcanon hello#if someone can make an artist hobbyist izaya au i can make a guitar hobbyist izaya au#tbh izaya's more spontaneous and i feel like he wouldnt like all the hard work and practice time that goes into learning an instrument#like his main hobbies like parkour and switchblade throwing are stuff he gets to put into practice all the time and are more 'useful'#but instrument practice it's just him and his thoughts and callused hands for hours at a time#feel like he'd get frustrated pretty easily in that way#anyway wouldnt it be hot if izaya played the guitar LMFAOO fuck my characterization and let that man play fingerstyle#izaya playing piano is a somewhat popular headcanon anyway#god i have the worst habit of putting the entirety of my post into the tags. must be the incorrect lov joke bits spilling over#shizaya#shizuo heiwajima#izaya orihara#durarara#Youtube
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both of the new cookie recipes i tried out to bring for christmas turned out really crunchy whoops
#guess i should have gone with fan favorite red velvet again but i wanted something newwwww#the taste is fine it's just. pretty crisp lmao#my family are all soft cookie people. except for me i actually love crunchy cookies lol#but the riot if i didnt bring ANY cookies this year.....#maybe i should keep these for me and bring my double choco newman-o's instead lol#but i want to keep those for myself too :((((#i got up early to bake this chocolate cookie toooo life is so unfair. why didnt i take them out like a few minutes earlier.#either that i put in too much flour.... but i dont think i did. [deep sigh]#i like baking but just like cooking it is eternally frustrating to me that i can put effort into something and it still turns out bad#i mean theyre NOT bad. they taste just fine. good even. but the texture is uh. not the best#liveblogging life#anyway merry christmas to those that celebrate im off to decide if my reputation with my nephews as a good cookie baker is in danger#reminder to self not to wait to do the new recipes literally the day of. at least make a test batch first you absolute madman
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.
#tag talk#social anxiety is so much worse to deal with when only half of you is anxious because you never know when it'll happen#like. R is not anxious at all. she loves being around people and since we came out she's not scared anymore#but me on the other hand? being around people is a nightmare. agoraphobic for sure.#I wanted to go running again cause we woke up at six again. but the thought of going outside and being perceived? terrifying.#maybe I need to practice getting R to front. we're used to thinking of L as the defensive front but if R's sociability is the best strategy#then she would be the strongest front to present.#the problem is I've tried that and it just results in me feeling even more sullen and anxious because I feel dragged into things then.#because going out on public even with friends still makes me feel anxious and angry and generally annoyed.#ugh I'm so tired of being unpredictably two different people.#if I were just L all the time I could embrace that and find workarounds to these issues. but they hit me so unpredictably#so I don't have the reliability to trust. so my strategy is usually just 'wait until you change into someone without those problems'#because whatever issue I have can usually be fixed by the other half of me.#scared of upsetting people? turn into L. scared of socializing? turn into R. scared of doing tasks? turn into L.#it's also wild because when we're L we shift into a morning person. and R is definitely a night owl#so waking up at five am to go out and read a book on the couch is so great as L but staying up all night reading is R's sweet spot.#idk. I'm so tired of bouncing so much between these two people#and I'm beginning to suspect that we have different food preferences as well. which is.. frustrating#I wish it were as easy as going 'oh duh I'm making this up in my own head' and just stopping#like. yeah it's all in my head unfortunately that's where my sense of identity is too.
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