#chlodwig

[xqueenybee]

Oh this is a perfect excuse.

Dwight hung the little leaves in the doorway between the entry and the kitchen and Chlodwig and Gretta watched, blond heads titled in puzzlement and Dwight chuckled. It wasn't every day they did something that made him remember they were cousins, but their expressions were the sort of near replica that only came from blood relations. They scowled at him.

"Why are you laughing?" Gretta asked.

"Has the plant poisoned you?" Chlodwig said.

Dwight shook his head. "No I'm not poisoned, the mistletoe is fake."

"Then why hang it?"

"It's a Christmas tradition," Dwight replied, a cheery smile lighting up his features.

"That's no Yule tradition I've ever heard of." Gretta glanced at the corner of the living room. "At least we have obtained a strong evergreen," she said. The as of yet unadorned tree taking up several feet of real estate and curling at the top. Dwight wondered how they had gotten it through the door.

"It's a bit modern," Dwight explained, "At least by your standards."

Gretta hummed. "So how does the tradition go?"

Dwight felt his face redden. "Uh well, when two people walk under the mistletoe the tradition is for them to uh kiss."

"A kiss?" Chlodwig said, voice rising in excitement.

"Mmm hmm, usually it's just something on the cheek, but couples sometimes do a chaste kiss."

Gretta stepped forward placing herself in the doorway with Dwight, a cheeky smile on her face. "Like this, Sir Dwight?"

He chucked and leaned down to kiss her lips lightly. "Perfect," he said. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas indeed!" Baldric boomed, entering the front door with his arms full. "I have brought the ale and the orange soda."

Dwight chuckled and walked forward to grab one of the jugs and take it to the kitchen.

✨

Later that evening, the house was full of friends and family as they celebrated the Christmas season. Hexcela lit the tree with witch fire and Baldric led the drunken crowd in a tawdry jingle. Gretta and Dwight sat in the kitchen with Leader Militsa, teaching her how to play Uno. And Chlodwig made many trips to the kitchen with plates of food and mugs of ale.

On one such trip to the kitchen, he smacked into someone walking the other way and looked up to see the sprig of green. Remembering Dwight's earlier comment about the mistletoe, he quickly leaned over and pecked the other person on the cheek. "Merry Christmas!" he said happily before shouldering past and into the kitchen.

Jacopo stared at the drunken prince like he'd grown a second head and touched his cheek. "Crazy piggy prince," he muttered.

I started this wanting to just do Jacopo and Chlodwig but the muses said Dwight and Gretta cuz they always say Dwight and Gretta. So you get not ONE kiss, but TWO.

Merry Christmas!

@whogirl2011 This was such a fun prompt! Thank you so much!

Can we do a thing?: Fanfic Writers, your main character and the love interest are caught under the mistletoe. What happens next? 👀

Tagging @louwhose, @coruscantiprincess, @xqueenybee, @psychicbluebirdmiracle, @precariousrelic

[louwhose]

Happy Pi Day! Or... is it pie day? White day?

Whatever, today is something and I'm celebrating whatever it is with this ship I'm far too obsessed with for how little screentime they have.

[incorrectdisa]

Dwight: Gretta, please keep an eye on Chlodwig today. He's gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched. Gretta: Sure, I'd love to see Chlodwig get punched. Dwight: Try again. Gretta, with a deep sigh: I will stop Chlodwig from getting punched.

[fredpoptheprophet]

Dwight: Chlodwig, what do you have in your hand?

Chlodwig running: A KNIFE!

Dwight: NO!

[dwightinshiningarmorfan]

This clip runs through my head at least once a week. 

[psychicbluebirdmiracle]

Watch "Soldier Poet King by The Oh Hellos [Dwight in Shining Armor]" on YouTube

[dwightinshiningarmorfan]

Chlodwig & Dwight

Followed by a Guy Club back pat

if she’s your girl why am I wearing her favour at the tournament

[disaref]

Pilot

Season 1, Episode 1

Summary: Dwight accidentally awakens an entire medieval kingdom hidden outside his suburban town.

Dwight riding bike past farmer’s market on his way to school

Begins to talk with Jules (Juliet) in hallway

He verifies that a strawberry she offers is organic before taking it

She asks him to take a picture of an endangered bellybutton owl for her newspaper article

He agrees eventually despite being busy with other things, including a bingo night fundraiser

Fast forward through school day

Crosses several items off of to-do list until he arrives at “Owl Pic for Jules”

Rides his bike to Woodside Woods

Sets bike down as he looks for owl to take picture of

As he spots it and is taking a picture, the ground gives way beneath his feet

Screaming as he falls into a dark chamber directly onto Princess Gretta

As he moves to get up, there is a kissing noise as he accidentally kisses her

He coughs from the dust immediately afterwards

Gretta opens her eyes

Dwight screams, rapidly pushes himself away and falls backward, growing increasingly terrified as she rises

Gretta rises to her feet and pulls out her sword, raising it towards him

Gretta: “Mortal enemy, or harmless peasant?”

Dwight is panicking, when Baldric comes in and stops her

Baldric explains that Dwight is Champion of the Champion Spell

Gretta begins to insult him in incredulity that he is her Champion

Dwight asking why this is necessary

Comprehensive list of insults Dwight is called in this episode: little wiggling worm, mucus-y little toad, little rabbit pellet, spineless tadpole, snivelling little weakling, grotesque little pustule

Dwight tries to stop it and smooth it over with diplomacy

Gretta demands a new champion, and the Champion Spell is explained why that is impossible

Contract of the Champion Spell: By waking this Princess with your kiss/ you agree to perform the office and/ function of her Champion until her/ hordes of enemies are defeated.

Dwight doesn’t believe this

He also does not want to have more obligations than he does already

As he is explaining this, he backs away into a troll

Screams

Gretta tackles him and Baldric uses magic to restrain the troll while they escape

[End cap of the intro with the card that shows the title of the show]

Dwight collapses once the are above ground to catch his breath

Introductions are made

Gretta roughly knights him “Sir Dwight”

Well established again that Gretta has enemies everywhere and Dwight is insistent that he did not kiss Gretta because it was an accidentally

Champion spell explained while fleeing through the woods

Dwight riding bike with both of them in tow

Going back to Woodside High

Farmer’s Market

Bill (farmer’s market guy): “The Renaissance Fair is setting up right over there.”

Gretta eating all the plums and Dwight paying for it before pulling her away

Where Gretta was raised: cliffside fortress, desert fortress, swamp fortress, underground fortress, forest fortress

Determine it was over a thousand years since the Champion Spell was cast

Ominously looking at modern things, i.e. motorcycle, skateboarding, etc.

Ominous monstrous hand rising from forest floor

Ominous bushes rustling behind Jules until Baldric, Gretta, and Dwight come outright

Introductions… go poorly

Dwight: “This is my turf, now. What we are going to call Nice… Nice Turf.”

Shakespeare Improv Troupe

Dwight Gives Juliet bellybutton owl picture

Go to Bingo Night Fundraiser

Dwight tells Baldric to stop introducing Gretta everywhere they go

Dwight missing some of his obligations

Baldric and Gretta ransacking the bake sale until Dwight stops themselves

Forces Dwight to check for poison

Dwight: “No. Nobody poisoned the Rice Krispie treats.”

Gretta has been fighting since she was old enough to hold a sword at two

Glee club president comes up to be friendly and Gretta immediately starts choking him not even looking at him

“Harmless peasant” to disengage

Dwight: “Every guy you see is not trying to kill you.” [Lights flicker and doors thrown open as Chlodwig in black suit of armor enters.] “Okay that guy’s trying to kill you.”

Swordfight until Chlodwig gets the upper hand

Dwight interrupts in his own way, by talking

Namecalling again upon discovering that he is Gretta’s Champion (see above for names)

Chlodwig picks Gretta up and carries her off

Everyone thought it was a great performance

Dwight and Baldric pursue on bike as they return to the woods

Dwight: “Well, as far as I’m concerned, I’m a freakin’ hero just for giving your butt a ride, warrior princess girl is not my problem.”

Baldric explains that if Gretta dies her Champion does as well

Gretta hanging over a pit of dragon fire

Chlodwig: “Call me… sugar plum.”

It is obvious he wants to marry her, Gretta clearly isn’t happy about it

He acts out the roles of everyone at a wedding

Dwight and Baldric show up

Chlodwig dislikes being so rejected and threatens to cut her down and leave her to the dragon

Dwight realizes that he needs to deal with this with diplomacy and starts to talk to Chlodwig

Dwight: “I didn’t come here to fight.” Chlodwig: “You came to die, then?”

Dwight is trying to get him up to speed on the world

Chlodwig: “I am on a quest to win the hand of Princess Gretta by fair means or foul.”

Dwight: “She’s just not that into you, man.”

Guy Club

Rules:

Don’t feed girls to dragons.

Instead, write a sad poem, learn a few chords on the guitar, and sing that to other girls

Chlodwig: “I am in your debt, Guy Club brother.”

Dwight gets Dwetta down with swinging a bit

Dwight: “I am the king of Nice Turf.”

Gretta: “You are not the Champion I expected. But… you may be the Champion I need.”

Figure out where they will live now, as Dwight’s neighbors

Planning out fortifications for the house

Gretta tries to start teaching Dwight sword fighting

Dwight: “Your look is awesome. Don’t change a thing.”

“It’s not going to get much worse than that, right? Right?”

Pizza peasant

[best-hohenzollern-ruler]

Bonus Round: Best Chancellor

Otto von Bismarck (1871-1890)

The Iron Chancellor

With a man as talented and powerful as Otto von Bismarck, it is hard to know where to start when outlining his accomplishments. His rule over Prussia and later Germany totaled a combined thirty years, during which he upended the global order and reshaped the map of Europe as we know it today. His title of "The Iron Chancellor" originates from the iron grip he had over both German and international politics, as well as one of his most famous speeches.

Bismarck's greatest accomplishment was no doubt the unification of this great state of Germany, which he accomplished through both shrewd diplomacy and skillful warmaking. His wars against Denmark, Austria, and France propelled Prussia to new heights and allowed for the declaration of the German empire in 1871. As Bismarck had said 9 years prior to that exalted date, "the great questions of the day will not be decided by speeches or majority decisions, but by iron and blood"

Nations that claim power on the world stage by way of military might or economic excellence still kneel before Germany when it comes to care for their citizenry. Under Bismarck, Germany passed groundbreaking laws providing aid for injured or sick workers who could not earn a living for their families. Later, those benefits were expanded to aging or disabled citizens, creating the first social welfare program in Europe. It is my hope that countries with prospering upper classes may take a page from Germany's playbook and allow the government to care for those workers which have ensured its economic success. (Real subtle - T)

Leo von Caprivi (1890-1894)

A moment's pity for the poor man who must stand in the footholds of giants. How can one hope to compare to the eminence of Otto von Bismarck? Caprivi gave his answer by ripping to shreds one of Bismarck's foreign policy achievements, our former Reinsurance Treaty with Russia. This was a treaty that protected Germany from her greatest fear: a two (or three or perhaps even four!) front war, the Gallic rooster to our West and the Russian bear to our east. Why, then, would he not reinsure this treaty? Perhaps Russian reproachment with France was already a foregone conclusion; maybe he placed more value on Austria-Hungary and Italy than Russia; one scholar I've become familiar with has proposed that maybe his brain was "riddled with the worms of idiocy." The histrionics of the critics has never moved me. War will not come between Germany and Russia. A piece of paper changes nothing.

Caprivi realized that Germany would maintain her pre-eminence in Europe through either war or trade. For the first time, we chose industry. Commercial treaties were forged with an assortment of European nations including Austria-Hungary, Italy, Belgium, and Spain. He even ended a trade war with Russia, giving Germans access to cheaper Russian agriculture products. (What? Were the Merkel jokes too easy? -L)

Chlodwig zu Hohenlohe-Schillingsfürst (1894-1900)

Perhaps the greatest thing to say about Hohenlohe is that he was nobody's first pick for the job. Other names had been floated, but those picks proved too controversial. Hohenlohe, albeit aged, was a safe choice and caused the Kaiser no scandal. He served inconspicuously, which is to say without distinction. His cabinet was shuffled and reshuffled without his input and he found the winds of change blowing past him faster than he could react. A chancellor in name only, disempowered to enact any sorts of policies in the vein of predecessor. The most he achieved were reforms to the Prussian Military Law and the Law of Associations. In 1900, Hohenlohe took himself out of his misery and retired. Like his reactions to cooling relations with Russia and Britain, it came too little, too late. He died a year later.

Bernhard von Bülow (1900-1909)

The position of the Chancellor in the early 20th century increasingly seems like an ornate title for the caregiver of the Kaiser. After Wilhelm II inflamed tensions between Germany and France during the Morocco Crisis, it fell upon von Bülow to clean up the debacle. He represented the Kaiser at the Algeciras Conference, a meeting meant to defuse the tensions of the aforementioned crisis. Germany was humiliated, her terms discarded and the alliance between Britian and France was strengthened. When von Bülow defended his work at the conference, he became so overwhelmed that he collapsed.

Much like the first of his office, von Bülow's career came to an end in a conflict with Kaiser Wilhelm II. In a conversation published by the Daily Telegraph, the Kaiser attempted to court the affection of Britain and her king. Perhaps Herr Freud could say something in regards to His Majesty's love for his mother's country. (Note: Please never imply something like this ever again - T). Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. The British public was appalled at the Kaiser's words, which read more as the ramblings of a madman than as the diplomatic forays of an emperor. Perhaps the outcry could have been prevented had von Bülow properly reviewed the text before it was published, however, he did not. The Kaiser viewed this as a betrayal and forced him to resign.

[mansnooziesmoosmutzel]

[louwhose]

Shining Smooch Week | Day Two | Marigold

Color Scheme: Orange

Marigolds represent positive emotions, such as joy and excitement.

For @shiningsmoochweek! Chlodwig and Phoebe because they are cute. And ought to be happy. So I made them both in this.

[incorrectdisa]

Chlodwig: Are you thinking what I am thinking, Sir Dwight? Dwight: I will bet every penny I have that I'm not.

[fredpoptheprophet]

Gretta: "Chlodwig! You're grounded. Get on top of the fridge!"

Chlodwig: *climbing on the fridge* "THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

[dwightinshiningarmorfan]

I have decided, I now ship Chlodwig and Jacopo. They already act like bitter exes so why not lol.

[itachi86]

i've mentioned it before but that bit of viktor wanting to open his own door is so hilarious

[indoraptorgirlwind]

....

I'll just call them Viktor and Ken....