fredpoptheprophet

[fredpoptheprophet]

Dwight: "This is tied for the most terrifying day of my life."

Gretta: "Tied with what?"

Dwight: "Every other freaking day of my life!"

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Dwight in Shining Armor Reverse AU

So I haven't seen anything like this written or drawn by anyone else but I'm sure other people thought of it.

One day, a girl named Gretta is riding her bike to the forest near Woodside. She goes to a clearing where she uses the open space to practice lacrosse and overall just to enjoy the quiet of nature. While practicing, she loses her ball in the woods nearby and she ventures into the woods to get it. After some time, she finally finds her ball but right as she bends down to pick it up, she's suddenly startled by an owl and is sent stumbling back. The ground collapses as she falls into a cave below and lands face first on something solid. She coughs as she wipes the dust off her lips and looks down to see a boy about her age dressed as a prince. His eyes open wide, startling her backwards to try to get away from him. The Prince quickly gets up while scrambling to pull his sword from its sheath. Gretta grabs her lacrosse stick and holds it defensively towards the Prince as he points his shaking sword at her. Panicked, he asks "Mortal enemy or harmless peasant?" in a scared and defensive tone. All Gretta can say is a confused "what?" as a sudden woman's voice shouts "Hold, your highness". Just then, an aged woman dressed as a high priestess appears telling the prince to lower his sword and revealing that the spell worked. Gretta is at a loss for words when the prince asks "Who is this girl, Nana?". The High priestess says "I'm afraid she's the one who has awakened you, Prince Dwight. She is your champion." Dwight pauses for a moment to look at Gretta, then to Nana and then back to Gretta before saying "This dirty brute? This horrid, mannerless wolf pup?". Gretta is visibly offended by his insults. She stands up to say "Whoa. I just fell down a hole by mistake and now I'm getting insulted for it?". Dwight turns to Nana demanding a new champion but Nana cannot change the rules of The Champion Spell since it was sealed with Gretta's kiss. Embarrassed, Gretta says "No. No no, I didn't kiss anyone. I never kissed anyone." with a bright blush on her face. Prince Dwight looks at her and says "I am awake, therefore you kissed me. As per the contract." he points to a carved contract on the wall. Gretta decides to just back away from these crazy people and leave but she backs right into the sneering face of a troll. She immediately bashes the creature with her stick which stuns him enough for Dwight, Nana and Gretta to leave the dark cave towards the town of Woodside.

The story plays out the same as the show but this time, Dwight is the millennium old Prince who is reluctant to use violence and prefers diplomacy over what little fighting skills he has. As a Prince, he understands the value of talking through issues instead of just fighting, but as more time passes with Gretta, he learns that standing up for yourself is not only necessary but rewarding.

His only living relative is his High Priestess grandmother, Nana who uses magic to protect Dwight until Gretta accidentally breaks her staff. Nana relies on her knowledge of the occult to solve problems while also acting as a guiding hand for her beloved grandson.

Gretta is the modern girl who thrives for sports, specifically lacrosse and she prefers simple life to complicated things like school and technology. She's not doing well in her classes but she has plenty of street smarts which is very useful when looking after a pacifist like Dwight. The more time she spends with Dwight, the more she starts to open up to people and even does a little better in her studies.

From a young age, Gretta lost her parents and was put into the foster system which means she has moved around from home to home. She currently lives with her foster dad, Baldrick or "Rick" for short. He's the only guardian that Gretta has formed a bond with. Rick works as a pharmacist in Woodside but also dabbles in street magic as a hobby which has cheered up Gretta more than once.

Rick was even kind enough to take in Gretta's only cousin Chlodwig (Misspelled "Chadwick" on his birth certificate). Chlodwig never goes to school and mostly spends his time wandering wherever he wants. Since he graduated, he's got all the time in the world to talk to girls, see the sights and even pick a few fights with a local restaurant owner.

Nana didn't know what to expect when she and Dwight woke up but she didn't expect to run into her old Coven sister, Hexcela. Last time she saw Hexcela, she was a withered old hag, now she's a gorgeous, black haired woman who has opened up her own cosmetics shop called Lotions and Potions. She's set up right across from Rick's pharmacy which makes their interactions a daily occurrence. Hexcela teases Rick about his fake magic but is secretly amazed that he can do magic tricks without magic which leads to more teasing/flirting.

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Chlodwig: "Hey. Hey Jacopo look at me."

Jacopo: *turns around*

Chlodwig: "..... bitch."

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Dwight: "Gretta, we need to take you to a doctor. A REAL doctor."

Gretta: "Nonsense, Sir Dwight. I feel perfectly well."

Dwight: "Last week you almost fainted from standing up too fast and yesterday you threw up from falling out of bed."

Gretta: "I am very healthy for anyone my age.

Dwight: "You're a thousand years old. Anyone your age is dead. Did you even eat anything today?"

Gretta: "Of course, Chlodwig and I ate an entire birthday cake and I had a pitcher of fruit punch."

Dwight: "Oh my God. Just get up, please? I'm taking you to the clinic."

Gretta: "Very well." *quickly stands up and immediately falls to the ground*

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Gretta: "Chlodwig! You're grounded. Get on top of the fridge!"

Chlodwig: *climbing on the fridge* "THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

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Dwight: Chlodwig, what do you have in your hand?

Chlodwig running: A KNIFE!

Dwight: NO!

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Chlodwig: "Sir Dwight, you must."

Dwight: "No. I can't. I don't want her to be mad."

Chlodwig: "That is of no consequence to me, you lost our wager and you must be a man of your word."

Dwight: *sigh*

Later

Baldric: "Chlodwig, I was just outside and Princess Gretta is in pursuit of Sir Dwight!"

Dwight: *from outside* "Baldric! Don't leave!"

Chlodwig: "Ah yes, Sir Dwight has kept his end of our wager. Let us aid him."

Baldric: "Wager? What was his end of the wager?"

Dwight: *from outside* "She's got a knife!"

Chlodwig: " He had to refer to Gretta as her nickname, Piglet."

Gretta: *from outside* "YOU DO NOT CALL ME BY THAT NAME!"

Dwight: *from outside* "She's got two knives!"

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Dwight be like...

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Drunk Chlodwig at the Swine and Slosh

Chlodwig: "I should be the true ruler! I would be a magnificent and glorious king and no one would doubt me. I would have waterfalls of mead erected all over town. My kingdom would never want for food, for there would be a grand banquet every night where the common peasant and richest lord would be equals. Where all could be given a clear path to a trade followed by nigh immediate employment. But above all, there would be large communal fountains where the most buxom wenches would bathe each other and themselves without shame or .....hunger....." *Collapses to the floor*

Dwight: "Is he okay?"

Equally drunk Jacopo: "I do not know but I will vote for him."

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Gretta: "Sir Dwight?"

Dwight: "Yeah?"

Gretta: "What are we watching?"

Dwight: "Chlodwig challenged Jacopo to a duel to the death. I wouldn't let them kill each other so they appointed me as the ref."

Gretta:"I see. Is there any clear winner so far."

Dwight: " I don't know. They've just been taking turns punching each other for the past hour."

Chlodwig: "NO! YOUR MOTHER! *WACK*

Baldric: " Sir Dwight? Princess?

Gretta: "Yes?"

Baldric: " What are we watching?"

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Keanu Reeves and his son Willem Dafoe

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Gretta about repeating school after the finale

Gretta: I cannot believe I have to suffer through geometry for a second time!

Dwight: What's wrong with Geometry? It's so easy.

Gretta: It's frustrating! "Oh pRoVe ThAt ThIs Is A TrIaNgLe" JUST LOOK AT IT! DON'T ASK ME TO PUT A PEN TO PAPER BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COUNT!

Dwight: YOU CAN SWITCH CLASSES!

Gretta: AHHHH!

Dwight: AHHHH!

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Gretta: "This is Sir Dwight, My Champion."

Thief: ....

Gretta: ....

Thief: "This fuckin twink?"

Dwight: "Oh c'mon, dude."

Thief: "This scrawny ass bitch?

Dwight: "You're already robbing us, man."

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Bandit: "I can kick your boyfriend's ass."

Gretta: "I can kick my own boyfriend's ass."

Dwight: "How about nobody kicks my ass."

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*LOUD CRASHING COMING FROM THE KITCHEN*

Dwight: Hey, Chlodwig.

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Gretta learns a new word

Gretta: *enters her home and sees Dwight sitting on the couch*

Dwight: ....

Gretta: ....

Gretta: ....

Dwight: ....

Gretta: ....... fuck.

Dwight: GRETTA!

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Peter: Why did you give Nikki a knife?

Drax: The child said she felt unsafe.

Peter: Now I feel unsafe!

Drax: Would you like a knife, Peter Quill?