#just a little paranoid is all

[clearwillow]

It takes a special kind of skill to place orders for things right before holidays/events without meaning to.

I'm about to name it "Carra look at a damn calendar oh my god"

[sarioh]

still cannot get over how much of a toxic sweat joel is. like if you watched his pov for mcc you would have no idea that his main schtick is that he's literally a builder on a fantasy roleplay server he is one of the most unnecessarily competitive players ive ever seen. the guy taught himself to speed bridge for tgttos and he occasionally does it on empires just to show off. he posted a clip on twitter of him playing tgttos on mcc island and the only words he says in the whole clip are "fuck off" four times. he camps the subreddit and viciously attacks anyone who places his team lower than top 5. someone so much as looks at him funny on stream in empires and he goes back to his base, grabs a chestplate and 5 golden apples, and hunts them down in complete silence until they're dead. you just know that man spends hours of his free time grinding competitive minecraft and for WHAT. to build a floating island???? to babysit his armor stand son????? NOBODY does it like him

[happyk44]

Zeus: What are you talking about? I'm a very trusting person! I trust all of you.

Zeus: Except Poseidon.

Poseidon: That's fair.

Zeus: And Hestia a little bit.

Hestia: What??

Zeus: You're too nice, it feels fake. Like you're lulling me into a false sense of security so you can steal my organs later.

Hestia: Wha- I don't want your organs!

Zeus: That's exactly what someone who wants to steal my organs while I sleep would say.

Zeus: Hades. You can hide in shadows and you're always talking to people who aren't there.

Hades: Those people are ghosts. Ghosts who have helped us.

Zeus: Right, but how can I be sure that you're not using them to plot against me?

Hades: Why would I plot against you?

Zeus: I don't fucking know! But you could be. And that's the important thing to focus on.

Hades: That's not-

Zeus: And Dem! Look, you seem great. But. You know... there's just something there that worries me.

Demeter: And that is?

Zeus: Don't know! But it's there.

Zeus: So really I trust all of you, but not that much, save for Hera. Except, obviously, when I don't trust her. But it's mostly I do. Usually. Sometimes.

Zeus: Once.

Hera: Are you fucking kidding me?

Zeus: No, I've definitely trusted you one time. Sort of. A little bit. It was very difficult.

Hera: You have a problem and you need help.

Zeus: That's exactly what someone who wants me to fail would say.

[deithe]

hc that all the starklings had a musical education befitting a High Lord's kids (flute, lute, other instruments specific to the north like drums etc), except for jon. everyone assumes 'oh it's a bastard thing-' no. ned once saw jon playing a harp 2 months into his musical education with robb and almost vomited blood. he had every harp in winterfell thrown out alà sleeping beauty.

[pareidolla]

oh, i don't usually upload these cos they're bad on purpose, but i haven't posted in a awhile, so here are the development sketches for para! i'm still scratching my head over him... it doesnt feel quite right yet

+ a little treat for meeeee

[bacchuschucklefuck]

riz gukgak is SO distressing to have as a favourite character I can never funckign rest out here

[dyketubbo]

sunny also makes me insane bc like. little kids pick up on how others act around them so easily. and under all that bravado shes such an insecure kid and they want to come off as confident and only caring about money but they care so so much about having connections and of course they do. bc shes just a kid. she wants to come off as a cool kid who puts money and riches first but ultimately shes a daddys girl who just wants to be cared about

[trappedinafantasy37]

Welp, I just did the embrace Bhaal ending with Daedra and I gotta say, this is objectively the worse ending. And it is very much the ending I never wanted for her. Because this was always going to be the ending for a Durge who embraced Bhaal. And Minthara being killed was always going to be her ending too. What makes all of this worse is that Minthara saw it coming too, she just did not realize it.

When she first tells you about Orin, she criticizes Orin by saying that if she could turn the plot of the Absolute towards slaughter, she would take it. Minthara also criticizes Orin for wanting to be Daddy's Little Girl who would do anything to please Bhaal. She perceives these to be character flaws within Orin. Sadly her analysis is incorrect, because these are innate characteristics of Bhaalspawn in general, including Durge. All Bhaalspawn are born with the same urges: kill other Bhaalspawn, breed more Bhaalspawn, and then kill everything. Of course, a Bhaalspawn can fight these urges. But it is a never ending fight, one we see Durge struggle with throughout the entire story. They only "beat" these urges by having Bhaal's blood removed from them.

But because Minthara sees these as character flaws within Orin, she fails to see them in Durge as well. And when Minthara learns that Durge is a Bhaalspawn, of course she is elated. Durge is the child of a god. A deeply religious Minthara would obviously admire that, almost as far as borderline worshiping Durge (cause old habits die hard). She truly believes that Durge is nothing like Orin and would never be anything like Orin, and she has to believe this to be true because she does not want to be afraid of Durge like she is of Orin.

Despite popular belief, Minthara is indeed capable of love and has a strong desire for it. I have always read Minthara as a person who strongly wants what she feels she cannot have. And in Menzoberranzan, genuine love is frowned upon (or at least making it known). So of course she wants it. And there is no shame in that. It is trust that she struggles with, and she always has good reason to be distrustful. And the moment she became an exile, we see her start to deconstruct her previous ways of life, but with great difficulty as it is hard to let go of the only things you have ever known. She wants to love, she wants to trust, she doesn't want to be afraid, and she doesn't want to kill her lovers.

Thanks to the business with the Absolute, Minthara finds herself in a unique position in which she actually can read someone else's mind. And for the first time in her life, she has guaranteed certainty that the person that she loves won't hurt her, or betray her, or use and abuse her, or kill her. And that was a promise Durge made to her. And so she openly embraced Durge with everything that she has and becomes devoted.

Sadly, devotion is Minthara's fatal flaw. There is nothing wrong with being devoted to someone or some god, of course. But Minthara is too devoted in which her devotion makes her blind, and she has spent so much of her life being devoted to someone other than herself, and she does not know how to live a life without being devoted to someone. She does not realize the crux of her devotion until she is turned into a sacrificial lamb by Orin. It is Minthara who questions the worth of devotion if it only leads to death and she starts to become a little more selective of who she devotes herself to. Cause she was once devoted to Orin and was willing to be devoted to Bhaal if given the chance, and yet she was still put on that altar. But this never happens if Orin never takes her.

Edit: I forgot that Patch 7 added in the second part of Minthara's dialogue about Orin. Meaning Minthara can still come to question the worth of devotion, even without being a kidnap victim to Orin. However, she questions her devotion after Durge has made their choice in regards to Bhaal. Despite her beginning to question devotion, she still remains devoted to Durge as she perceives Durge as her savior, and not being like Lolth or the Absolute or Bhaal.

Her devotion to Lolth, still ended with her being abandoned (or so she feels) and left vulnerable to the Absolute, because her devotion to Lolth did not make her an exception. Her devotion to the Absolute still led to her mind being ripped apart, because her devotion to the Absolute did not make her an exception. Minthara may be of a feline nature, but she does not have nine lives and cannot always get lucky. Every time she has devoted herself to someone, it always led her close to the grave. Her devotion to Durge, encouraging Durge to embrace who they are, will get her rewarded with death. And death was always going to be her reward.

And of course she thinks this could never happen to her. She read Durge's mind and Durge did show her that they would never hurt her. That Durge would never do to her what Lolth or the Absolute did, or even previous lovers did to her. That her devotion would be rewarded with mutual devotion. But this is coming from a Durge who has not embraced Bhaal just yet and does not yet want to become Daddy's Special Baby. And Minthara is not stupid for believing that Durge was sincere. No one wants to believe that the person that they love would ever hurt them. That does not make someone stupid or weak. Minthara could only read Durge's mind, not Durge's future.

When Durge embraces Bhaal, she still believes them to be the same exact person with the same exact desires as when she read their mind. Durge has finally followed her advice and embraced themselves, become exactly what she always saw them to be. Durge is now on the path to ascension, to true godhood. And Minthara's proximity to it all will keep her safe from all threats because she would be that god's consort. She can finally have a life without fear or distrust. She will have a god to worship, someone to love, and a new house in Durge's name. She will have everything she could have ever wanted and all she had to do was be devoted. All she had to do was be herself.

In that moment, her devotion to Durge makes her blind to the reality that Durge has changed and has become the very thing she herself criticized about Orin. She still believes that Durge won't hurt her and that Durge won't use the Absolute as a tool for slaughter. Her devotion makes her blind to the fact that Bhaal is like Lolth and the Absolute and most certainly will use Durge like a puppet. Her devotion makes her blind to the reality that Durge has only become a master of their urges, because they are willfully giving in to them and no longer fighting them. And the urge wants to kill everything, no exceptions. Her devotion makes her blind to the knife that Durge will inevitably turn against her, because her devotion was never going to make her an exception.

[why-the-heck-not]

honestly happily surprised; I ran for 20mins straight ! I think that’s the longest continous stretch I’ve ran as an adult ever !! Like usually my warm up is 10mins straight so that was a double today!

[shortnotsweet]

APPLES IN THE SKY (excerpt from THE THRILLING AND NOT AT ALL REPETITIVE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MAN AND KID DANGER: “A CHRONOLOGY OF ENTIRELY TRUE AND HEROIC EVENTS COINCIDING WITH THE END OF HISTORY”) [1] [2] [3]

[ Henry’s face is unreadable. In the background, desert mountains and vegetation rush past. Smoke rises in the distance, backlighting ambiguous red shapes that could be plant life, flaming crosses, or even ominous figures. The camera cuts to the back of the car with the invalid license plate reading “HERO”, speeding towards a red horizon. Ray twists back in his seat with a smile, reflected in the lens of Henry’s sunglasses. In the review mirror, Henry’s expression is contemplative. The shot pans to a bird’s eye view of the car eating up highway miles. ]

Charli XCX’s “Apple” from BRAT (2024): “I guess the apple could turn yellow or green. I know there's lots of different nuances to you and to me—I wanna grow the apple, keep all the seeds, but I can't help but get so angry you don't listen to me. To the airport—the airport.”

PANEL NOTES:

The smoke is an implication of wildfires in the surrounding area, which Henry and Ray simply drive past because there’s nothing else to do. Maybe those days are behind them. Maybe they’re just not adept in the art of firefighting, and the bigness of a wildfire is too rural or too raw for them to even adress. I think there’s a sort of irony to it, and it’s either heroes ignoring a disaster past their prime or simple not caring; they’re speeding off into an undefined future and therefore no longer grappling with apathy, but sliding into it. Thus, the road is interpreted as a junction between natural conflict running its course and urban obligation.

This was vaguely inspired, albeit not lifted directly, from my millionth or so reread of “Cuticle Tear” by atbash on AO3. Granted, it takes place in a broken-down truck and is not needlessly melodramatic, but AO3 user atbash does more with obligatory dialogue and omitted assumptions than I could do in 20 panels or so.

Specifically, the lyric “‘cause I’ve been looking at you so long now I only see me. I wanna throw the apple into the sky, feels like you never understand me, so I just wanna drive…” struck me as somewhat in line with the feeling—and example—I got from the fic.

Of course, neither yellow or green are used in the actual color palette, but the song carries themes of intertwined identity and generational effects passed down. I think Ray has imparted a lot of the best and worst things about himself to Henry, through the means of their friendship, professional, and mentor relationship. He’s not his dad. It’s worse, almost, that he’s not, because then it would at least be hereditary.

“Apple” is my favorite BRAT (2024) song right now, so of course it’s stuck in my head; I think there’s a flippant, escapist quality to it and can imagine two friends listening to it on the highway, checking out, but also—there’s not quite a realization, more like an unspoken feeling that what you are is a product. And it’s someone else’s fault. And when you look at each other, you’re seeing something else, or maybe you’re trying to. There’s something distantly escapist and obviously upbeat about the song, but there’s a disdain there, too.

It’s hardly visible, but the license plate on the car reads “HERO” singular, which is invalid but implies they have either a fake plate or Swellview is just so strange that their town itself has exceptions as to how they’re issued, again violating the laws and conventional physics of surrounding territory. They’re a weird exception, as always, and they’re getting away with it.

Their identities are so intertwined at this point that theyre conflated, so there’s an obligatory ego flattening going on as well as an erasure of both or one of them—most likely Henry’s—to accommodate. You might call it being a teammate, although how Henry feels about it after all this time is unsure.

Ray did this to him, the good and the bad doesn’t matter; it’s the fact that he did it.

[user1286]

Magni(17) and Modi(14) just bein stupid that’s it.

[potatobugz]

*leans against door seductively* does anyone have any tips on what to do when its hard + uncomfortable to breathe and ur heart is beating faster than normal to the point where its hard to focus on anything else

[negative-speedforce]

Man moral compulsions are a bitch. The unbeatable urge to prove myself as a perfect paragon of normalcy and cleanliness.

I don't really talk about my mental health much, but this is really on my mind now.

I haven't been 'officially' diagnosed with OCD, since my insurance doesn't cover me to see an actual psychologist, but pretty much every mental health professional I've seen has been like, "Yeah, that's OCD." (no, I'm not really a cleanly person at all, that's not all it is)

Those posts that are like "Reblog if you aren't a pedo!" or "I'm blocking everyone who doesn't reblog this because they're saying they don't support trans people" are actually really, really bad. I've been getting better at ignoring stuff like that, but it actually makes me feel physically ill to not be seen as something 'clean', if that makes sense? Like when I scroll past those and tell myself they're just bait, I feel physically nauseous, and my brain is actively telling me that all my followers are gonna block me if I don't reblog that.

Most of my compulsions are based in morality. I'm assuming it has something to do with the fact that I was raised in a cult by an extremely controlling, abusive mother. I have to be perfect, I have to do it right the first time, I can't ever screw up or be problematic or not know or look away or not spread the word or-

I have to give of myself completely, while not sharing too much or else everyone's gonna know what a shitty person I really am, while not being dishonest, because dishonesty is going to catch up with you eventually and everyone's gonna see the real you and leave you and hate you.

It's exhausting.

It's like being trapped in a contant feedback loop. Say, cleaning your room, for instance. You never start, because you know if it's not perfect, someone's going to see how much of a filthy slob you are and not want to be around you anymore, so you let the mess pile up because you're terrified of starting something that you can't make absolutely perfect.

People say that it's just "oh lol I'm sooooooo OCD I love having a clean house!!!". No, this shit is fucking debilitating. watching every move you make, every step you take, just so you know you're doing it right, only to doubt yourself at every moment. Obsessing over tiny details, having full-on panic attacks if you don't get everything right the first time because you're genuinely terrified that the worst will happen if you don't.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that brains are bitches and you never know what people are going through.

[sysig]

Red Tape tied in a bow (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)

Also decided to give a go to the caption thing again since this one’s rather dialogue-heavy!

[Panel 2] Peepers: Uhm...sir? Hater: What. Peepers: Could you- do you have the full paperwork on our health plan?

[Panel 3] Hater: Health plan? Peepers what in grop’s name are you talking about??

[Panel 4] Peepers: It’s really no big thing, I just wanted to see what was (and wasn’t) covered-

[Panel 5] Hater: Commander Peepers. Are you planning to commit insurance fraud on my dime? And you’re asking me how?

[Panel 7] Peepers: P- hahahaha! I would never dream of it, Lord Hater!

[Panel 8] Hater: Then-? Peepers: I just want to see what’s covered, sir. Like I said already...

[Panel 9] Hater: Hrmph. It’s all personally approved by me, so feel free to ask, Commander.

[ruthlesslistener]

I got harassed because of you. Because you declared anyone who doesn't headcanon the Knight as a child to be sus. So thanks. Hate how you seem to be the "headcanon/lore expert" these days, to the point where no on else is allowed to headcanon differently from you. All the hk antis seem to cite you as their "reliable" source always, even outside of tumblr.

i. turned on anon yesterday. What. how did you find me this quickly already.

Anyways, another announcement just to make this potently clear to anyone stupid enough to treat a tired college student with a neurodevelopmental disorder as some sort of pariah of headcanon/lore expertise: i said that headcanoning the knight as an adult was 'sus' in a half-hearted jokey manner right before i went to sleep late at night based on bad porn takes that i came across while scrolling twitter and nothing else. Then when my friends were like 'uh wait no more interpretations exist' i went 'oh shit my bad, i still dont like it bc of personal tastes tho so please dont flood my inbox about it again, but its fine'. I don't even believe in anti rhetoric either, I'm constantly reblogging why they're fucked up and their harassment campaigns are wrong and dangerous, so idfk why they'd consider me as a reliable resource

Also, why the fuck would anyone take me as the lore/headcanon god?? Nothing about what I do is special. I don't even care that much about my own headcanons, almost all of what I find fun about the fandom is comparing and contrasting my headcanons to those of other people's because I love seeing what they get up to. As for canon, literally everything I loredig about is in the game already, I'm just rambling about it through my own perspective as someone who likes to do media analysis. Nothing about what I do is special or should be treated as such, and I always talked about my hcs/interpretations as someone who assumed that people knew they were just that: ramblings and nothing more. I love different hcs, I just sometimes don't click with others because of my own weird squicks and triggers

Also also: I don't post my headcanons outside of tumblr and what I write on my ao3 in my fics, so idk how you want me to somehow control the rabid freaks on other websites. I'm not doing this to be an influencer, gain popularity, or broadcast some superiority complex. In fact, I've actively spent the entire duration I'm in this fandom worrying about bothering people with my hcs/ramblings, but posting them anyways because if I don't talk about it then it makes me want to chew my own leg off. The main reason I've not been talking about it on my tumblr and have only been passively rbing hk stuff recently is specifically because I'm trying to avoid causing that sort of damage again after this whole disaster

[bmpmp3]

character designers when they need to design a mascot for a masculine vocal synthesizer: and i will put a mole. under his LEFT eye