#just a little less than 2 weeks now
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baldurs-gate-official · 1 year ago
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God once my situation is better and I actually get the motivation to write/draw again? I will be unstoppable.
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aeolianblues · 6 months ago
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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beggingwolf · 8 months ago
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tiredly and sadly googling "how to make writing feel good again"
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seventh-district · 10 months ago
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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snapbackslide · 2 months ago
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if anyone got tips pls share with the group 🫶🫶🫶🫶
#i've had enough 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#i'm not getting paid enough to deal w these people's bullshit#just applied to 2 jobs that look solid#& those are the first 2 in WEEKS btw that didn't seem like fucking disasters#1 is mostly for the hybrid opportunity & bc they got ALL the insurances#the other is bc it's downtown montreal (<3) and a cause i'm passionate about - be great to do some MEANINGFUL work#seems like there's a shortage of *decent* job opportunities in my field lately#and idk how i'm getting less callbacks now that i HAVE experience as opposed to when i didn't ???#weird.#anyway.#i'm pissed off this week cause they're crossing my boundaries more and more here & also this garbage weather#FUCKING SNOW#FUCKING HAVING TO SHOVEL AND CLEAN MY CAR BEFORE I CAN DRIVE HOME#FIRST THE CONSTRUCTIONS AND TRAFFIC THEN IT WAS DONE I HAD 3 DAYS OF PEACE AND NOW THIS#LESS AND LESS TIME TO ACTUALLY REST AT HOME BEFORE I GOTTA COME BACK HERE AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN#MAN I REALLY FUCKING HATE IT HERE#so yea anyway 🤠😁#anybody got tips to make quick easy money? pls help. lol#i need to start my freelancing business fr fr i just don't feel like i'm creative enough to come up w something lucrative#like i'm making a little money on the side rn but it's def not enough to be a side hustle#i'm just so sick of having to apply to jobs and do interviews and sell myself and working for nasty ass people#yesterday they invited me again to their dumbass christmas party. brother i am not going to your fuckass 60+ y.o. foreign ppl dinner#there is NO one my age and EVERYONE speaks ur language that i dont understand. i'm not spending a second more than required with y'all#AND LIKE 90% OF THEM ARE MEN LIKE. EW. FUCKING EW. NO#i swear if they pressure me one more time or ask me again why i'm not going i'm gonna snap#you are NOT entitled to ANY information about me or my personal life or my reasons why i don't wanna do certain things#i'm here to GET MY MONEY and GO#i can't wait to quit.#**
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supergraphicultramoderngirl · 3 months ago
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#brain is being weird again. i miss the person i thought you were before i found out how truly truly horrible you are#but that person doesn’t exist! i never met them because they aren’t real!#i just wanna meet my person yk. like yeah i don’t want to be in a relationship bc that sounds exhausting but also#it wouldn’t be exhausting if it was my person. i wanna know someone. i wanna learn how someone works.#i wanna take care of someone and be taken care of without asking.#and like the thing is is i definitely have my people in my friends like i already have them in this way#and i appreciate that so so much which is why i won’t settle for anything less ever again and why i’m no longer actively seeking something#but i really do just miss clicking that well with someone right off the bat. and i know most of it was probably 1) me being lied to and 2)#me trying to make myself palatable for him#but i haven’t felt that truly blatantly appreciated in a long time#i just wish that fate would work a little faster at putting my person into my lap is all#i’m not even gonna say that it doesn’t have to be The Person i’ll end up with and can just be One Of the people along the way#because now that feels like settling and if the universe doesn’t want me to settle then i won’t#and i’m not trying to be impatient because i know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and i can’t force anything#i just want it to happen so badly. i want to have my cute love story. i want to have it last longer than a week. in a good way this time.#and i know i vent a lot about this in my tags but this time feels different#i just want what is supposed to happen to happen. and i want to feel comforted knowing that it will.#i just need a sign that it’s gonna happen someday so i don’t lose my mind waiting for it#that i’m in the right place. and i’m right where i’m supposed to be#idk. i just know i don’t deserve to feel alone anymore. especially when i know i’m not.#this feels like a prayer. maybe it is. whatever.#mari is irrelevant
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culmaer-sideblog · 7 months ago
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please forgive me, but I need to complain and over-share or my brain is going to explode please feel free to ignore
#I'm not doing well.#the last two places I worked (in a tourism-adjacent sector) closed. broadly speaking due to post-lockdown financial issues#for the past year at my current job I've been earning less than half what I used to. this was the only offer I got at the time and#I haven't found anything better since. this is not sustainable I'm barely making it each month...#I live with my parents and cancelled my health insurance I don't know how else to reduce my budget. it's depressing tbh#the solution is obviously to find a better job but that's just not happening and I'm beginning to feel discouraged.#I hate being negative it's a very unattractive character trait but I just feel myself slipping and spiraling#I know I should be taking short courses or volunteering to boost my cv but like when ! and how !#I can't afford to work less but I get home at 20h so even evening courses are tricky. I work every other saturday too so weekends are out#and like I do need to rest at some point you can't be depressed and burnt out that's a terrible combo#was looking at a dtp/typesetting short course and 1) I'll need a new computer that can actually run design programs#and 2) the course itself is like 2 month's salaries which I cannot realistically save right now#and yet I'm still ''over-qualified'' for entry level positions because I went to uni. well maybe that's just a polite excuse#because as interesting as my humanities degrees were they didn't equip me with any practical or marketable skills#besides being good at reading and writing. but AI can do that for free now so that's not helpful#I always thought I was reasonably intelligent but I cannot solve this puzzle. there must be a creative solution that I'm missing#but i feel so stuck and trapped#and at least once a week some poor soul stumbles in to the office practically begging for a job so I feel bad for complaining#a little truly is better than nothing#but thank god we elected more pro-business capitalists into government that really is going to be great for us workers (sarcasm)#also I should acknowledge#I am getting some déjà vu. I feel like I've vented about this topic before#the difference is. back then it was a potential concern. now the concern has materialised into reality and rendered the situation desperate
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forgotten-daydreamer · 8 months ago
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Took twice the max dose of melatonin before the final revision for tomorrow’s exam, I’m shitting my pants and I genuinely don’t know anything as thoroughly as I should but if I sleep less than 4 hrs before it I just know I’m gonna do even worse somehow
#don’t take twice the max dose of anything btw#genuinely don’t do the shit that I do#i only did it bc I know my limits and haven’t had any other substances in over 24 hrs but don’t ever try it#always talk to your gp before taking any meds and supplements at all#anyway psa aside#I want to revise for two hrs so until 1.30am circa but I genuinely hope I pass out sometime in the next hours and a half#godspeed ig#uni#melatonin#I have super high expectations but I genuinely prepared this exam in like 4 days and my brain has been all over the place#haven’t had the chance (economic too so please please consider sparing a couple of bucks for my ko-fi?) to meet my therapist in 2 weeks#been super suicidal super busy dealing with stuff and people and my family and uni and ah oh how I wish I had a brain able to focus#also the ‘visions of horror’ as I call them have lowkey turned into auditory hallucinations that never stop and it’s… tough#genuinely so tired of everything in general#I’d promised to hang with my uni friends after the exam bc I should be done my midday tops but I know im gonna be super sad and underwhelme#so I hope I can be at home by 4 pm tops with one excuse or the other#I love them all so much but I need a break. also bc I got another exam in less than a fucking week and I still haven’t started studying for#it because it’s objectively easier than tomorrow’s and because when was I supposed to study for it#I spent 3 good days working on a paper that isn’t even mine for a subject I don’t even take#a favor for a friend which turned into 3 more friends asking me if I could help them with theirs#and you know me#I never say no. unfortunately. but also I’m super glad they want my help bc they know I can write at least (one good thing)#but. that’s still -3 days available#then. the demons#wasted so many hours just pacing and biting my nails raw and being pathetic#so yeah. in a little under 15 hrs I want to be in bed again. resting until the 19th when the cycle will begin anew#also math ain’t mathing. my exam is in 12 hrs only now 13.
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mishtershpock · 10 months ago
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#okay i’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet. 30 tag maximum you are my nemesis lol#my main issue here is not necessarily that the karaoke and other bach party scenes have likely been cut#it’s more that they’re clearly buddie baiting for engagement#journalists were watching the episode as early as saturday. which means the ep was ready by at least this time last week#so they knew that the scenes had been cut. and they chose to continue including it in promotion and interviews#i KNOW that logically the reason they chose those scenes to cut was because they’re less important. and we’d already seen them#they technically already gave us the clips in the promo videos. right? so bye bye#but that’s bullshit. sorry#they used buddie best friendism content as a way to promote the ep and increase hype#and then they just pull it out from under us the day before it airs#this is a madney episode. madney are getting married. buddie having fun is not the most important thing here. i get it#so why did they not promote something else? you’re telling me there was NOTHING ELSE they could’ve used?#nothing else from the episode that was free of big spoilers? at all???#it’s madney’s episode but they chose to promote one clip of buddie talking to maddie. one of chim crawling. and the bach party stuff#they must know that people would focus on the bach party. buddie is beloved buck and eddie are beloved#what were they expecting??#they used buddie as a pairing as bait. not queer bait and not even ship bait i suppose as there was nothing ‘shippy’ shown#but they baited buddie content. that’s literally what’s happened#i would be more understanding if this wasn’t a regular occurrence. it’s normal sure. shows do this all the time with fan faves#but also it is a false reflection of the episode. even journalists are saying the episode is not what they expected from the promo#it honestly feels like they’ve made fools of us. maybe the episode will air and it’ll be better than expected#but i don’t have much hope not much hope for buddie. not much hope for madney getting what they deserve. ZERO hope for eddie’s 7b storyline#frankly i’m expecting b/t to be the main chat after this ep. which is……. anyway#i’m not really liking s7 so far and i feel gaslit when people say it’s great lol#IN MY OPINION it is choppy and too fast and a little ooc and doesn’t make a lot of sense#they didn’t even green light bi!buck until episode. what. 2/3??#so presumably had to change everything from then on#i know that’s partly down to limited episode numbers but… 3 eps for the cruise (unnecessary) but 1 for madney wedding? ok#sigh. if anyone’s read this far pls don’t come for me ok. these are just my opinions#we’re all entitled to them. i’m sad for madney and i’m sad for buddie best friendism and i’m sad for s7 as a whole right now
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be#like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now#maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy#im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when#im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck#but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak#thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just#wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive#been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work#my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes#and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over#the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and#talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place.#could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it#so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree#inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im#glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of#couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot#unrelated#its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment#and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i#dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it
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01tsubomi · 1 year ago
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hi!! if you dont mind me asking, how did you manage to end up teaching in japan?? ive been researching but info online is so extense and overwhelming and i never have good answers....
hello!! first of all i wanna say i understand the stress - i applied to j/et first and was going to work on backups like int/erac and private hiring if that didn't work out and i'm always thankful that i didn't have to. honestly now that i'm here it feels funny that i stressed out so much during the application process bc i always find myself thinking "damn they'll let anyone in" (often about myself lmao). it can be really odd and unexplainable who j/et does and doesn't take but japan needs a lot of ALTs to keep the system going so if you've got the enthusiasm for it there's definitely a place for you!!
i would definitely recommend trying for j/et and int/erac first before worrying about the other options!! since j/et has the biggest reputation ofc there's the double-edged sword of it feeling the most prestigious and hard to get into but again they do hire a ton of candidates every year, plus it has the highest guaranteed pay and takes care of so much for you pre-departure. idk where you're at in life/when you'd plan on applying but if you wanna start the job as soon as possible, int/erac has pretty much a rolling application and their main recruiting cycle is for spring departures (while j/et won't start recruiting again til october, for departure in summer 2025). int/erac gives you a little less pay and a little less initial help, but it's still very reputable. int/erac ALTs also have a few more freedoms once you're in japan bc i believe int/erac has your school hire you directly intead of employing you to your city's board of education. so for example my BoO doesn't let ALTs commute by car, but int/erac ALTs and private hires don't have that restriction. knock on wood, if neither of those work out, there are lots of sites like gaijinpot posting private hire opportunities. i don't know about the competitiveness of those and they do often require you to sort out visa application or housing on your own, but opportunity is always out there! seriously though i wouldn't worry about that at first. that's the backup plan ace up your sleeve
in terms of what you can do to raise your chances of getting hired, again, i think the enthusiasm is the key!! people say the j/et interview is a glorified vibe check bc they've been known to reject people who sometimes seem overqualified for the position (maybe for good reason - the amount of responsibility you get and teaching you get to do is suuuuper variable and dependent on your school, and probably about ~1/3 of my work days every year i have no classes and little relevant work to do, if any). i don't have a background or certification in teaching but i did a lot of tutoring in college and minored in japanese so i had a lot to say about my passion for language education. i know j/et really loves the angle of "what will you get out of the position, and what will you give back" - i can tell you're excited about the idea of teaching in japan so i'm sure you already have your answers!! if you have hobbies related to japan it's good to explain how being in japan would help you continue them. or you can always research what you could do with your non-japan related hobbies in japan! i love cooking and i started taking classes at a chain studio that does a mix of japanese and worldwide cooking. again i know the hit-or-miss element of it is scary but really they just want friendly open-minded people who can share their culture, have enthusiasm about education and exchange, don't mind the hours/job restrictions, and are down to pack their bags and live in japan. if you have any other questions please ask!! i know this is random but i've helped a couple of friends with their applications so if you do want some extra eyes on a statement of purpose my inbox is always open!! cheering for you!! 🎉🎉
#seriously i got. so so stressed out during the whole application process. and nothing any of my friends could say abt how i#seemed perfectly qualified could help#i really do understand the position you're in#but seriously the job is so much lower stakes than i thought intiially and a lot of the reason i say that is because of how little#responsibility i get#i love my school and my teachers are really receptive to my ideas#but basically once you're here all the meaning's gotta come from you#the dreaded Every Situation Is Different applies ofc#but at my school i don't get directly asked for activities much and get told i don't have to come to class pretty often#so if i'm not taking the initiative and making stuff myself or going to talk to the students myself it can be very easy to just coast#which i think a lot of people do. which i can't blame anyone for because 1) i know people who are physically in the classroom less than#8 hours a week#disregarding if they're given an active role in those lessons or if they're just asked to read vocab#and 2) i also don't use all of my downtime on work-related tasks and i honestly find it hard to imagine how i could#i'm just getting into my thoughts about my job now which is something i could talk about for hours and hours#trust me i do really love being here and i actually like that i have to challenge myself to speak up and carve out my place#i'll cut myself off there because i have too many thoughts#but genuinely good luck!! you can do it!!#asks
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defilerwyrm · 9 months ago
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There’s this guy in town who owns this little house, and a while back he rescued a street dog that was going to get put down. Turned out she was pregnant.
Problem is, he has mental health & drug issues and couldn’t afford to get them all spayed & neutered, so now there are 6 grown bitches with 15 puppies total, and they’ve dug under his fence in multiple places but he can’t afford to fix it so they go roaming all around town. (When I say can’t afford it, I mean his house is currently running on a generator because he can’t afford his electric bill.) He’s also a day laborer so he cannot take multiple full days off work to take them to the vet an hour away. He’s in a really rough spot.
He’s not a bad person. He’s just overwhelmed.
And this little conservative town with 6 churches for 300 people, have they tried to help their neighbor? Have they adopted the puppies he’s been trying to give away? Have they offered resources?
NOPE! All they wanna do is talk shit about him and complain about the dogs but never lift a finger of their own. And they come to his house to yell at him and cuss him out about the dogs, which does not exactly engender in him a cooperative attitude, as you might imagine.
So after a while of this going on, my mom gets fed up with all the NIMBY bullshit and starts talking to the guy, because she’s done animal rescue for 20-odd years and has Connections. He’s resistant at first, but when he realizes she’s not being an asshole to him on account of his addiction or the dogs, he decides to let her help.
She gets to work organizing and networking. Finds a non-profit that will cover vaccinations, spay/neuter, and flea treatments for all the dogs. Talks the next-door neighbor into paying for materials to fix the fence, since this guy can do the work of it himself. Gets him in touch with another non-profit that will adopt out the adult dogs.
Less than 2 weeks after she decided to do something, all puppies have been to the vet, 10 puppies and 4 adult dogs have been adopted out, and the second non-profit is coming by next week to pick up the remaining 7 dogs to ship them out for adoption.
I’ve learned a lot of things from my mom—some good, some bad—but I think the most important positive message she lives as an example of is this: sometimes, when something needs done and no one else is willing, you gotta stand up and say “I’ll do it.”
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seventh-district · 8 months ago
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#vent#cw vent post#cw vent#cw health#cw medical#cw medication#cw death#death mention#after nearly 2 weeks of unexplained pain and Symptoms and working myself up into the worst panic attack of my life#i finally caved and went to urgent care :)#it’s not lost on me that the same thing happened a little over a year ago. not bc of the same symptoms but it’s the same fear of dying#smthn smthn if i had a nickel smthn smthn weird that it happened twice. i rlly hope this doesn’t become a pattern#i can picture it now. every spring i walk in and they’re like ‘ugh it’s the neurotic hypochondriac with 4 anxiety disorders again 🙄#wonder what they think they’re dying of this time!’#sigh. anyways i’m fine. probably.#the consensus was ‘no you’re Probably not gonna have a stroke and die. you’re just Very stressed and in a lot of pain.’#got diagnosed with Stressed Guy Syndrome so now i take ✨painkillers✨ and ✨muscle relaxers✨ 🙃#they wanted me to take a steroid shot too but that felt like overkill. it’s also a big step for me to be willing to take anything at all#not bc i’m scared of getting a shot in the neck i’m just. scared of medication in general. the side effects. the potential for dependency.#it’s only for a week but i’m still uncomfy with it. but it Is nice to be in less pain. tho i have my doubts that it’ll help long term#time will tell. but i still can’t shake the fear of the tiny chance that it Could be more serious. but it’s not big enough for them to test#for it so. just gotta live with the fear. which in turn is making it hard to relax. which is what i’m supposed to be doing. so.#anyways. i Hope the meds work and i don’t end up back there next week spending More money and seeking more treatment#sighhhh i just can’t catch a break these days. it’s Always Something#at least the electricity and internet are back on after the tornado last week. and at least i’m not in much pain for now. silver linings.#sorry to everyone i’ve unintentionally ghosted but it’s been hard to think through the pain and now the meds are making me eepy#hopefully i’ll recover and recharge my social battery sooner than later. bc i do feel v bad abt it#and it’s So nice to sleep without much pain so i’m. taking advantage of that this week. Seven Try To Relax Challenge 2024
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lunar-fey · 2 months ago
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so. the new adhd med now that i am on a normal starting dose and actually feeling it at all. it doesn't quite feel like i have adhd^2 like the other one did. like that one felt not dissimilar to a manic episode. was not great. THIS one though is like........i still feel like i have a lot of thoughts and a lot to say and gotta GO. but i also am finding it easier to stop or start or change directions. basically...........what if i was just a chatter the whole time but my brain was too fucked...............
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daemonbrain · 1 month ago
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Part 2
1.8k, cw: ghosts a pervert, smut, readers husband is piece of work, not proofread.
Simon Riley who first saw you at the butcher's shop on the phone. 
You were a pretty thing. Wearing a pink little yoga set, one arm holding your mat and the other holding your phone to your ear as you wait for the butcher to bring out your cut of meat.
Which was taking a long time
Simon would’ve had it chopped and packed to go by now. Though, he can’t complain with the view he has of your ass- you. The man was touch starved. He hadn’t been back home in a while, back-to-back deployments keeping him occupied. His only company being his calloused and scraped hands roughly jerking himself until he came, bordering on unpleasurable. Not what some could consider enjoyable, but try being in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere for weeks on end and see if you care so much about gentle.
The borderline perverted look you were blissfully unaware of was tracking down your form. He stared at the way the material tightly clung on to every bit of you in a welcoming way, a second skin. The sweat on you from your little session.
Just how flexible does yoga make a bird like you?
It was only when he heard a grating sound come from your phone that he snapped out of his trance. Even with his bad ears from all the bullets whizzing past him, bombs going off within meters of him, and the usual shit show he did for a living he could hear the voice which bled through your phone's speaker.
"Get me a steak this time. Nonna that nasty shit from last time!"
You hurriedly turned your volume down as it blasted in your ear, startled by the voice. Chewing on your lip you pivoted towards the counter to see if your order had been brought out; the motion to no avail as the employee continued chopping away in the back room.
It was only when your other hand came into full view from the motion he noticed the absolute rock on your finger.
"Honey, I thought the salmon was pretty good." That prick clearly firing something back as you winced away from your phone once again. Gritting your teeth as if biting back your arguments, looking around to occupy your time as the man on the phone continues to speak. "I know... I'm sorry. Don't worry, it'll be ready by 7." You placatingly cooed.
"Listen, I have to go. I love y-" You began, but the moment the words tumbled from your lips you pulled the phone fully from your cheek to see a blank screen with the time staring back on you. The asshole hung up!
What a fuckin tosser.
Simon hears the butcher finally call your name with familiarity and with a sigh you step towards the counter. 
He leaned on to the wall further as he had been the entire time. Silent. Unsettling. A stark contrast to your bright appearance in the shop, the larger man brooded in his corner waiting his turn.
“See ya’ next Friday!” You still managed a bright smile at the butcher who handed you your meat.
A mild thing like you really shouldn’t be talked to so thoughtlessly, some guys are fuckwits though. He never liked the type. Why lock a bird down with a ring if you were gonna be mean to her?
“S’cuse me sir, i’m just gonna push past you here” You asked. With widened eyes, Simon gruffly mumbled a “Yeah,” out before creating a stupidly small space.
Maybe he really did want you to push past him. Or just push up on him but oh well.
Sweeping past him, you give him a toothy smile as you had so sweetly done to the butcher, as if you hadn’t got yelled at less than five minutes ago. God you really have no common sense, beaming up at the lurker in the corner at least twice your size. A girl as pretty as you should really stick to herself.
From that interaction on, Simon found himself being guided by the memory of you back to the butcher shop the next Friday.
And the next…
And the next.
Every week progressively standing closer and closer to you as you picked up your usual order. One day you had taken the liberty of starting small talk with him after recognizing his unmistakable stature. After all, there were only so many people you had seen in this shop and none so… large.
You could not deny you found this mystery man disquieting. Always dressed in dark colours, not so much as a word coming from him. Like clockwork you would come in after hot yoga, greet the butcher, he would come in, silence would ensue as you both waited for your meat, and you would leave with a quick smile.
It was rude. He had never even said a simple hello to you! Though, you suppose that it could be due to your own curt exits. The thought of the unkindness you might’ve exhibited subconsciously sent your mind into a spiral, leading to your abrupt introduction.
After all, who were you to judge! Kindness is and should always be the response in your books.
At this kindness, Simon swore he had to take a breath in as you politely outstretched your hand and spoke your name casually. Tilting his head down to your face he raises a brow skeptically, and then firmly shakes your head.
He failed to hide the shudder which wracked his body. The way your hand effortlessly slipped into his. Soft and manicured engulfed in his.
“Simon.”
“Well it’s good to meet you Simon” With the twinkly little smile you would grace him as you hauled it out of the shop. He felt the shiver go down his spine a second time when you spoke his name for the first time.
And then- it happened.
You giggled. A soft thing, no doubt intended to be small. It wasn’t to Simon though. It reverberated throughout the room, rang so prettily in his ears. Fuck. He would remember that sound later on tonight.
“Are you cold? You keep shivering. It’s pretty harsh out there right now.”
“Nah. Not really.” His accent thick as he shrugged.
Letting out a little “mhm” you nod and look back to the counter.
“I was freezing outside! Usually I walk home-” Simon already knew that “-but today I called my husband to come grab me! Way too cold!”
That visibly made him stiffen. Of course. Perfectly normal that guy is coming to get you, he’d be an idiot to leave you walking home alone in the cold.
If you were his girl, Simon wouldn’t have let you out of his sight. Fuck sakes you practically had “come mess with me” written all over you. There were creeps all over the place nowadays, (thought the creep).
He would’ve carried everything for you, scarfed down whatever the hell you had taken the time to prepare him. That husband of yours doesn’t like your salmon? Simon would. Hell if he didn’t, he’d cram it down his throat with gratitude anyways. He doubted anything could be worse than some of the rations he’s eaten on duty. 
That train of thought is pretty redundant when he takes note of how you wouldn’t be able to leave the bed to make anything.
Maybe you’d cram something of his down your throat in gratitude.
Shaking his head subtly, he hears the bells of the store door opening. He watched your face fall as you step away from him and it’s when he sees your husband's look of complete irritation he understands why.
You had grabbed your order swiftly and with a quick wave goodbye you were on your way back to your husband. Simon could only register your husband's whisper-yell as he disapprovingly glared his way. “The fuck are you doin talking to him?”. And with that you were hurriedly ushered out.
You deigned it necessary to continue greeting Simon, have little chats about the weather, any plans he had for the weekend. Tossing in your stupid jokes that he would laugh at. You interpreted it as something closer to a breathy snort-hopefully positive- and it went on as such for weeks
And every time he returned home Friday night, he came home with only one thought after. You.
As he laid in bed the same thought persisted as he slipped his cock out of his boxers, red and weeping for some sort of stimulation. He took to his usual harsh pace. You’d be so much softer.
You’d be so nice to him wouldn’t you? Coo some compliment as he lets you tug at him. Fuck he wouldn’t know what to take first.
Would you give him a blowie or a hand job? 
No. You wouldn’t be on your knees- not yet. If you’d let him have you, you’d be on your back in an instant. He’d rip the stitches of those leggings right down the middle, your panties next.
“Fuuuuuck” he moaned into the quiet of his room. He’d stick it in slow, he’d try. It would be torture not to ram himself right up to the hilt, but he’d do it for such a good girl.
That’s what you were, weren’t you? Always a nice word for someone? What would you say to him when he began to rut into you like a madman. When you would feel the pummeling intrusion, his head knocking into the deepest parts of you.
He’d be able bend you into so many different positions that you’d better hope that yoga has taught you well. Split your legs open to accommodate his imposing body size as he’d take purchase between them. Then you better hope your cunny can accommodate his other size when he spears you open on his cock.
Would you take it smiling? Would your tears roll down your cheeks, the prodding bordering too much? You’d take it either way, he knew you could. He’d rub at your clit with such tenderness he never afforded himself (as gentle as he could anyway). He’d make sure you begged to stay on his cock forever, fuck himself so deep you would be too stupid to pull away unknowing of where he ended and you started. Not that you’d have to care.
He’d flip you on to all fours and rip away your clothes entirely, pounding you from the back and instead of just his own labored breaths, the sound of skin slapping together would ring out.
In silent stoicism, he feels his balls tighten up at the thought of your perfect face stuffed into the pillows screaming your thank you’s. You probably were just as nice with someone stuffing themselves into your pussy.
At both his ruthless ministrations and boundless imagination, his release spurted all over his hand with a breathy sigh. When you were here he’d make sure to slam his hips to yours and keep them flush against you, coat your insides in hot cum better than your limp-dick husband ever could. That man wouldn’t be able to fuck you the way Simon knew he could. You deserve someone who could make you go stupid on his dick, not cry of frustration like you probably did everytime that knob who thinks himself a man rolled over after finishing himself off.
Not that you’ll have to worry about that soon
He wouldn’t be around for much longer anyways.
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adore-gregor · 8 months ago
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my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni
#in school i just did the bare minimum a pass was fine and a 3 great#it's insane to think about it how little i did like for a lot of subjects not at all and if i did i'd study like 2 hrs the day before 😭#and i thought this was studying hard or if i studied 3 hrs at least whaaat#well for some subjects i did a bit more#but like it is no comparrison#at uni i also did study the day before a few times but then i did an 8hr session#(i might just need to do that tmrw but the thing is the exam is one you can't study for so literary idk what i'd study so long for??)#(or how to study... it's translation but how tf do you study translation it's highly subjective and there are no practice exercises)#(i will probably just look at the notes)#but anyway for my last exam i spent 5 hrs in the library a day and i already started 2 weeks before (altough just in smaller bits)#but bumped it up exam week i did like 2-3hrs on average a day#even if i start too late like i did for one of the hardest test of my studies i only studied for 2 days but like all day or 10hrs sth a day#it by far exceeds the 2hrs lmao and even that was very little for this exam many studied 2 weeks but like i got a good grade so it's okay#but my point is now that i get better grades good one's a C is a massive disappointment for me 😅#unless it was a really difficult one then i'd take it but like it upsets me#a teacher once told me when i got a c on an exam quite a few failed that many would be happy to have that grade well true tbh but i can't#and once i almost cried because i got a C because i thought it was an easy course but it was an oral exam and i'm worse in these#(because in written i often remember the answer later in the exam and then go back but in oral i can't do that)#well that was embarrassing😭 i'm trying to never do that again so if i get asked how i feel abt it say it's okay ig#but sometimes even a B is meh 😅 especially if an A was possible and it was an easy course/exam#i want more A's less B's tbh B's also because i really want to go abroad and raise my grade average for that#i want to go from a B average to an A something average to improve my chances#but yeah younger me wouldn't believe this 😂#i really want to study harder to make that step up to more A's than B's like uni does come quite easy to me#and while i study way more compared to others i still get away with less effort and good results but i could have excellent grades#on the one hand it's good that i improved so much on the other those expectations might not be because i'm almost never satisfied anymore 😅#and i know it's kind of really unimportant because there are real problems and also many uni students struggle to pass their classes#it's maybe even a bit disrespectful because they'd be happy to have these grades and i should be more grateful#but i swear i don't look down on anyone with worse grades i know how difficult it can be and also how outside factors play a role#some have it more difficult some have to work a lot next to uni or really suffer from mental illness besides no one's brain is the same
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