#jurgen leitner rant

[pastadrawstma]

This is not funny

Day 20 of posting magpod art daily

[thesunnys1deup]

The Jurgen Leitner rant except it's Kayne from malevolent I love him with a burning hatred.

[cult-of-the-eye]

no because what is this????

[avanillaskyline]

I've been going through tma recently at the request of my girlfriend. She has, on multiple occasions, showed me the Jurgen Leitner rant. I know I'm not very far into it yet (MAG 53), but I'm under the impression he's getting a bad rep.

Like, we're dealing with a setting where people literally get eaten by the sky and evil worms that burrow into people and kill them in minutes. We're dealing with a setting where Fuckhands McMike can banish literally anyone to the Backrooms (and stab Jon??? Because he feels like it?????) and yet we hate Jurgen because he liked literature. ok. I am SURE there's more awful people out there than a silly lil fucked up book collector

Dude just wants a cool library and I support this, even if he's a little messed up. If he got his hands on the Necronomicon I firstly, wouldn't be surprised and secondly, would support him.

But I'm not buying it. Someone in the setting's gotta be worse

Like... Tim? No, Tim's an absolute himbo fuckboy, we can't hate him. Who else? Sasha's been kinda funky and off-putting since Mag 40 but hasn't been evil, Martin's our bestest cinnamon roll boy, and Jon's just a dedicated lil guy who gets beat up because the world hates him for no reason. We just met that new girl, Basira? She's got good vibes and I'd probably kill for Gertrude

Who else is left?? OH, ELIAS. He owns the archives and told off Jon to "not stalk his coworkers" (ok fun police), which is offensive to both me and Jon, so he automatically goes in the "bitch-ass mf" category and I do not like him

Jon's suspicious of him and SO AM I

(I'll reblog this when I get further in with more details, no spoilers please)

[depresso-mart1ni]

Cant wait for the STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING GWENDOLYN BOUCHARD GOD DAMN FOOL BLACKMAILING JOB STEALING NEPOBABY BASTARD copypasta to drop next season

[just-a-multi-fandom-mess]

okay I gotta ask. what is your ‘Leitner is Martin’s Dad’ theory basis

ok wow i wasn't expecting someone to actually ask but okay here goes (this may be a little disjointed but i swear i'm going somewhere lol) in mag35: old passages, leitner is described, and they mention his history and the fact that he's polish (or at least his parents were). this is mentioned again in mag80: the librarian, and both the names jurgen and leitner have some of either polish or german origin. in mag12: first aid, martin is shown to know some polish, and alludes to the fact that he has polish heritage. in mag181: ignorance, mikaele salecea says that martin reminds him very much of a younger leitner, and in mag118: the masquerade, elias mentions that martin is quite similar to his missing father, and that's why his mum hates him so much. in the same episode, it's also mentioned that his dad went missing when he was around eight or nine. given all this, and the fact that in mag56: children of the night, martin reveals that he's only twenty nine, as well as what leitner says in mag80 (that his library was destroyed and he went into hiding about twenty years ago), it's completely plausible that when leitner's library was destroyed, he went into hiding and left his wife and young son (or daughter if you agree with the trans martin headcanon) behind because he thought this world would be too dangerous for them, or because he just didn't really care. there is some evidence to the contrary, such as the fact that jon, martin, and tim all met/saw leitner and did not make any connection, but this can be mostly explained away if you take into account that when jon met him it was in the tunnels and presumably quite dark (also he was uber paranoid and also somehow not very observant at the time), and when tim and martin saw him he had just had been [EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER]ed. anyway, i will stand by this theory especially since leitner is voiced by jonny's dad so it would be funny if he was actually martin's dad. anyway if you notice any mistakes i've made, or further evidence, or something that disproves all of this entirely, feel free to point that out because this is just a theory (a PODCAST THEORY)

[diah-the-demon]

inspired by this post i have put the whole jurgen leitner rant into barbie font

this took me so long cus the website i used had a daily download limit aa sdjlsdkjsdjds

[danamegido]

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JAYCE TALIS GOD DAMN FOOL HEXTECH COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT, WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JAYCE TALLIS

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JAYCE TALIS I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE DO SO MANY FUCKED UP THINGS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jayce talis waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with jayce talis speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive

he better have some fucked upstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of fucked up technology and wanted the irl version ill go ham

[profound-mystery]

Somewhat Shakespearian version of the Leitner rant

I was bored, I was studying Macbeth, have at it.

Jurgen Leitner? 

Knotty pated fool, hellish dog Jurgen Leitner, Damned fool, foul keeper of pages that dost grow grey and dark with collecting dust, the books though slower than he, aged rodent made of fruit unfathered, vassal wretch. Lascivious slave, twas said before: “the harder knife ill used doth lose his edge.” A motley dost thou makest of thyself, driven with humourless pity, foul thief Jurgen Leitner.

Shame not my flame when I do speak of Jurgen Leitner, to him, I have but disdain. What purpose does he serve to eagerly misuse cursed scrolls, would he have but meddled less in affairs which to him ought to be hidden, yet with his newfound vulgar scandal he but sets them free into the world! Is he standing still past his own death-knell? Hath he been unfathered? The man's bastard shame doth vex me, and shame, to which mine eyes have out of their spheres been fitted to which anger defines him to me. Never have I had the misfortune to upon his face set my eyes, and yet not are mine ears with his tongue’s tune delighted.

Were I to ascend past my knell, and see heaven's eyes in mine own with knowledge of his presence bestowed, I would, while God was smiling in my face, defile him at the door for the sole purpose of removing myself when heaven now ranks of worse essays.

Must I be exposed to the passion of his scanted knowledge, I shall have no choice but to spite the memory of him, and start anew, purely to run past when his name is mentioned to me.

I know not why, by him, my hairs doth unfix themselves, and stand ready at the thought. He merely keeps scrolls, I am raged with the trespass of his presence!

His errors, one on another's neck, must be explained, perhaps by the ghost of the past, for if he is without reason for his sins then I shall be enraged.

His errors must be born of pages, driven to blaspheme for if not his work then I.

paypal.com/JurgenLeitnerIbeshrew

Not even the focus is he, merely alluded to scrolls in his keeping and I was driven with madness.

He escapes me now, and if his corpse is not yet buried, I shall pray for his demise.

Crusty batch of nature…

I should merely blow air in his direction, and his frail body would implode at the very strength, and he would disintegrate before me to ashes until nothing beside remains save for a single scroll he kept on his person for dire emergencies, titled simply “Now, thou hast made a mistake” in ancient yiddish.

How now, I barely breathe through my wrath.

I hope on his deathbed I am privy to the time, so I shall be able to set upon my calendar a reminder.

Through every winter, I shall be granted a day to rejoice and contemplate respect for all but the man who kept such cursed scrolls.

[spoonsbutbetter]

does anyone want a latin translation of the Jurgen Leitner rant

[disappointingcabbage]

HAPPY EXTENDED SOUNDS OF BRUTAL PIPE MURDER DAY I SEE THE REMINDER ON MY PHONE AND THE TIME HAS COME TO DO ANYTHING BUT PAY RESPECTS TO THE MAN WHO HAD SO MANY FUCKED UP IF TRUE BOOKS

[trashmammal-7]

I feel like some people might like this patch I have on my pants.

It was a pain to paint.

[ilviscontedimezzato]

What if we were all wrong and Augustus was JURGEN LEITNER? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEIN LEITNER GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JURGEIN LEITNER

[bucket-of-spiders]

The Metatron? Stupid idiot motherfucking The Metratron coffe giving husband stealing rat old bastard shithead idiot “Voice of God” biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town cowboy motherfucking The Metatron. Stop pinning me when I talk about The Metatron I hate him so much why does he give Aziraphale coffee why did he decide to promote him just let him be free. Is he a liar (yes)? Is he a bastard (also yes)? Man has such a visceral effect on me not even in the room barely had ten minutes of screen time and I know he is actually the worst get away from me. If I wanted to get into Heaven and God said The Metatron is waiting inside I would piss on Her feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down. If I have to deal with The Metatron speaking one more word on voice in person on the show not only will I pause the show but I will fast forward through the scene out of spite in order to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive. I know exactly why I hate him so much he manipulated Aziraphale and I am mad because I love Aziraphale. He better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if he’s just some shithead angel who’s power hungry and an asshole I will go ham. Better have some religious trauma cause if he doesn’t I will give it to him. PayPal.com/IFuckingHateTheMetatron. Episode’s not even about him he just kind of shows up out of nowhere at the end and I lose it. Where the fuck is The Metatron if he makes it out alive I will so deeply wish he didn’t. Crusty old man. I’ll punch The Metatron and his sad frail old man twig bones will flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all that’s left of him is one note he left on him at all times that simply reads Now You Fucked Up in Enochian. I am not breathing I am hyperventilating at this point. I hope there’s a date given for when The Metatron will die so I can make it a reminder on my phone. Everyday once a year I will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who manipulated Aziraphale to go back to heaven.

[fiction-podcast-lover]

I put the entire Jürgen Leitner rant on AM from I have no mouth and I must scream

[juliamccartney]

i still can't believe that there is a dracula jurgen leitner rant from jonathan's perspective. and we have an audio recording