#jumped ahead to rewatch this one because I was sad :(

[normcore-tertiary-character]

Eddie giggling on the phone while Buck lifts heavy and orders a basketball to the firehouse.

Bestie you're soooo uninvested in your boy best friend. Only trying to get Tommy's attention here. You know what they say, fastest way to a man's heart is by flexing at his new friend who happens to be the father of your child. I can see how much you only have eyes for Tommy and feel super normal about Eddie.

[lunarleonardo]

hihi!!! :D fanfic author to another fanfic author hehe

i’ve read all of your drv3 fanfics and they are very intriguing, in canon characterizations, plot driven stories that make me very happy to read and look forward for more! (abso love trans shuichi hc too aaa)

i was wondering if you make pre-planned outlines for your fanfics or do you go straight into writing and planning it as you go? i’m struggling in finding a fitting method myself to write my fanfics because i often jump straight into writing, but that got me stumped in my writings at times. asking for advice because i really love your compelling writing style but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to :D!

First of all... Hi! :D Thank you so much!! I do my best <3 💕

Second... Oh boy, I sure do have a process xD (this might be a long post but I like yapping and overexplaining so bear with me qwq)

if you don't want to read it all though, the shorter answer is: Kind of? I don't fully plan it out, but I don't always totally wing it. I take notes and I build off of important scenes, and then I jump in and hope for the best lol

When I first decide I want to write something with intent to post it, I create a document soley for *notes*. Theres a few things I note before and when writing.

1. I replay/rewatch the canon game and take notes on everything I possibly can. For example! I'm replaying DRV3 chapter 5 (cus i, unfortunately, had an idea q_q). I note down what I see as important or what really stands out to me :) Hell, sometimes I'll even "transcript" down canon dialogue! For example, this is what some of my notes look like (ss1 is taken from my drv3 c5 notes, ss2 is taken from my blue eyes notes):

2. Little things matter. When starting my notes, I often write down the date I started and the basic synopsis of what the story will be about. I try to think of a name for the fic later because my #1 weakness is naming things >.> ... But also! Writing down the important details of your story is suuuper helpful, because you don't want to lose track of stuff like that!! It can prevent accidental retconning, unnecessary repetitions, and stuff like that 'cause i ran out of examples... Oh well. Here's a screenshot of the start of my notes for Motive 5 (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

3. Believe it or not... i don't always plan ahead. I write a lot of my fics with one or more certain scenes in mind, and then I blink and there's suddenly a 7k word document in front of me and Oh Fuck I accidentally made a whole fanfic on that one idea. It happens more than you'd think. Using Motive 5 as an example again, there were a few scenes I had in mind when I was first writing! I don't remember what order they came to me in, but a few significant ones I fell asleep to was Shuichi losing his hand, Hajime and Maki facing off, Nagito and Shuichi meeting after the Coffin Puzzle, and the aftermath of Shuichi's "punishment" (PS. did you know he was originally gonna be tortured with sound? then i wanted to hang him from the ceiling periodically, but i gave that up for the "detention" theme.) this one is getting long but when it comes to planning, I always build off of important scenes in my mind. "How can I make this happen?" "What do I do to make this/these character(s) react like this?" or, my favorite... "What can I do to totally fuck up these sad gay losers?"

You mentioned you get stumped writing sometimes, and THAT'S OKAY. i do too. Chapter 8 of Fever Frost was a whole ordeal because I realized "wait. Kokichi would never confess his feelings first in this situation??!!!" While planning ahead may certainly help save you from some of those moments, they won't stop it entirely. It does feel really refreshing when you manage to skirt your way around the issue, so really what can you do ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

So yeah, I do kind of plan ahead. I plan MOST of the plot (I didn't even know I was gonna kill someone in Fever Frost at first >.>) and then as you write, stuff tends to tie together and build from there. In my experience, 70% of writing is just "shit kinda happens" xD

This is just how I do it, and it's okay if it doesn't work for you. I'm just the kind of person that will replay an entire game to write a fanfiction (⁠─⁠.⁠─⁠|⁠|⁠）I hope this could help a little, though! Good luck on your fics! :3💕

[calliethetrekkie]

Star Trek TOS S01E08: Balance of Terror

Original Thoughts

"This one was good. The situation felt tense and the Romulans like a genuine threat. I also like how we Kirk told off Stilles for being discriminatory towards Spock and outright told him that there’s no place for it. James T Kirk, destroyer of bigots! I also like that they gave the Romulans actual purpose, they don’t feel like just some evil alien force messing with the crew or men gone mad like in other episodes. They feel like a legit threat with reasons why, which I guess helped them endure for longer. It was a tense situation for the Enterprise with Kirk visibly growing frustrated, and it was nice to see. The ending was also good, with Hansen choosing death, which again helped give more to the Romulans and kinda made his demise sad. Overall good episode and the title is certainly fitting."

(Original Post, edited somewhat because I babble too much)

Rewatch Thoughts

It's Romulan time, folks! I have been so excited to get to this one again! And the moment is here at last~!

I'm gonna go ahead and say it. Of the seven episodes I've gone through so far, this is by far the best. I liked it on the first viewing as my jumbled babbling shows, but this time? It was even better than I had remembered!

We are in a high stakes game here. We've had several situations before, but not quite like this. The closest I can think of the tension has felt this high is The Corbomite Manuver, but double that and add that the danger is NOT a test this time. This is the Romulans debut and they do NOT disappoint. We see the destruction that they are capable of, having wiped out several Outposts, and we outright get to see one man's dying moments as he warns the Enterprise. It's not the first time we've seen death on the show, but it's the first time we've seen it this brutally.

I love how we get to see the Romulans side as well. We see them acting as we do the Enterprise crew, planning, surveying, trying to figure out how to outplay the other ship. As with our heroes, there's doubt and worry over what to do, and there are different opinions. It's a tense chess match between Kirk and the Romulan Commander... albeit it's also kinda funny since the Commander's actor, Mark Lenard, is FAR better known for playing Ambassador Sarek, Spock's father. Seriously, the face Spock makes when they first get a visual can be interpreted in SOOO many fun ways~! But in all seriousness, it gives some personification to what could have easily been a bland enemy force and kept everything on the Enterprise's POV. But it adds so much more to the enemy and to the Romulans as a whole. The ending where the Commander, before ending his life, gives Kirk his respect? That is excellent.

Speaking of Romulans, we also get a good dose of bigotry this episode. Because they look like Vulcans and are likely an off-shoot, one of the officers Stiles, whose family has a history of war against the Romulans, is distrustful of Spock. He automatically assumes that Spock's a spy, which leads to an excellent moment of Kirk making it crystal clear that he will NOT tolerate prejudice on his Bridge. Kirk fully trusts Spock and the Romulans did nothing to shake that faith. But it really says something about how hatred can linger. Despite the time that has gone by, Stiles still clings onto hatred for a race that no one really knows anything about and jumps to conclusions about Spock due to it despite Spock having done nothing to provoke it. Hell, Spock himself is taken aback and outright agrees with Stiles that they need to attack because of Vulcans bloody, savage history. If the Romulans are anything like his people once were, he knows just how much danger they're in and that they can't afford to be passive.

It takes until Spock saves Stiles life and fires the killing blow from the phasers that Stiles seems to realize he was wrong. Not that Spock is going to say that any bigotry affected him cause... well, Spock. But it still shows who the better man was at the end of the day. Hopefully this isn't going on a tangent, but I think if you want an episode that shows the difference between when someone like McCoy is teasing Spock and when someone's being a bigot, this is a good one. McCoy may question Spock sometimes, and even disagreed with attacking based off what happened in the past, but he never shows the passive aggressiveness like Stiles and at the end of the day trusts Spock fully. Seriously, when he and everyone else glared at Stiles in the briefing room when he tries to again insinuate that Spock may be on the Romulans side? Beautiful. Hopefully, Stiles can now let his bigotry and the past go. It's important to remember the past, but clinging onto hatred brought by a bygone era does nothing.

Then we come to Kirk in this episode. This is him in full-on Captain Mode. No room for errors. No room for doubts. No room for frustrations. He not only has the lives of his crew on the line, but if he makes the wrong choice, he risks provoking an outright war. All episode we see him like this, serious and focused as he tries to contemplate his next move. He has an opponent with just as much intellect and man-power as he does and an opponent that he knows the bare minimum about. It's not like in The Corbomite Manuver where Kirk was at a disadvantage for the majority of it. This time it's more equal footing, but with the enemy's cloaking ability and the space that they're in meaning risking even more, any move can be a costly one.

We only get one scene where Kirk is allowed to let the mask drop for a bit. That's when he has a break in his quarters. I'm not gonna go too hard into it cause I plan on writing a meta about it on my main blog. But it allows us to see, even just for a minute, that Kirk is still a man who has his doubts. He won't allow anyone else to see it aside from McCoy, which again I'm planning a whole thing for that on my main blog. He doesn't even let it slip while Rand is trying to see if he needs anything, only talking once McCoy enters the room. Which McCoy gives him the reassurance that he needs at that moment, and Kirk is on his way, back in Captain Mode and ready to do what he must. Sometimes all we need is just a little bit of assurance to not let our doubts consume us, and clearly McCoy knew how needed that was. It's a small scene, but it's probably my favorite in the whole episode and my McKirk loving heart loves it for reasons, but I'll keep that off of here.

We also see what is a more tragic aspect of Kirk's job. At the start of the episode, Kirk is about to wed two officers, which is probably one of the more pleasant parts of his job. It's of course interrupted by the situation, but it becomes outright tragic at the end. There was one casualty at the end: the groom. What should have been this couple's happiest day is not the bride's most tragic. All that Kirk can do is go to the chapel, where the poor girl is just sitting. There isn't much he can do, after all, what do you say to someone who just lost their lover on their freakin' wedding day? All he can do is let her hug him and say that as much as it doesn't make any sense, there has to be a reason for whatever happened. It doesn't really do much, the girl saying she'll be alright before leaving and that's the end of it. It's just... sad. IDK how else to say it. The Romulans may have lost, but someone still died and someone still lost someone that they loved. Kirk can do nothing about it except continue on and hope that no one else dies the next time, though he knows that's impossible. The whole ending is just sad, what else can be said?

There's a lot I've said, but in short? This episode is excellent. There's tension, drama, and tragedy. The pacing is absolutely excellent as well, and no moment feels wasted. I cannot think of a bad thing to say about it. Again, Sarek's actor being the Romulan Commander may throw you off a bit, but that doesn't affect the quality whatsoever and he does an excellent job. Of the episodes I've gone through thus far, this is absolutely a top-tier episode. I'd already liked it before, but damn it was even better than I had remembered and it was a joy to revisit~!

Original Rating: 4/5

Rewatch Rating: 9/10

[My TOS Reviews]

[TOS S1 Reviews]

[Previous Review] / [Next Review]

[twdmusicboxmystery]

11x23: Family - Analysis, Part 3 + Red Hair

@twdmusicboxmystery:

Hey Gals! Great thoughts! Loved reading them. Like you, @wdway, I totally gasped in shock when Judith got shot. Not only because of the obvious implications, but because it's SO much like Beth. We didn't know how Judith would get hurt, and I really didn't think it would be because she got shot. The parallels are just mind boggling.

And--not to keep getting up on my soapbox about this, but--this is what I mean about whoever posted the spoilers not seeing the episode. I feel like anyone who did, the first things they would want to spoil for ultimate shock value would be Judith getting shot and Lydia being bitten and losing her arm. And instead they went with Daryl fighting a ninja and Pamela shooting Eugene.

Which, we should probably also talk about how Aaron and co got into an RV, and that's where Lydia was bitten and lost her arm. I haven't decided how to interpret that, yet. But an RV was often equated with Dale and his time speech. So, maybe a sign that this is a replay? A storyline from an earlier time? Idk. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Also, also: they'd BETTER not kill Jerry!

I think it was AK in her inside-the-episode portion said they also want fans to compare this to Rick carrying Carl after he was shot in S2. So, the writers are very obviously and vocally comparing this to another father-child situation, and they never remotely did that with Beth. 

I think even the vibe is different. It's injury vs (apparent) death. I mean, Daryl wasn't running with Beth to try to save her. He believed and accepted that she was already gone. There was such a bone-deep sadness and helplessness there. A deep grief to the point of all the actors talking about how, in filming Coda, none of them had to "act" like they were crying. It was all real.

*Digression* Do you remember that story about the director getting after Andy because he kept turning away? They couldn't figure out why he kept leaving his mark. But it was because Rick wasn't supposed to be crying at that point. Andy was bawling his eyes out, so he kept turning away so the camera wouldn't catch it. I always thought that was funny and sweet. *end of digression*

But we don't have any of that here with Judith. Daryl knows she isn't dead. He's trying to save her. There's urgency, rather than grief, and hope rather than helplessness. Anyway.

@wdway:

I can't get over the show of green that so many characters are wearing. Judith's jacket is brown. Brown is a strong color for Rick. The gray shirt. Both Rick and Beth were wearing gray in Coda. Rick's t-shirt and Beth's sweater. From the back it looked like they were one unit with the red machete between them. 

Oh! Could the red fire extinguisher be some type of tie to the red machete? Judith's last layer is the green shirt. What more can I say but green=Greene.

@galadrieljones:

Good observations with all the green, and I also thought about Bloodletting when I saw Daryl carrying Judith. The previous episode, What Lies Ahead also has that interesting scene in the church where they butcher the smart walkers. One of them almost seems to smile. It reminded me so much of Four Walls and a Roof. I started to think that the template for everything leading up to Coda actually began with season 2. 

Also, I went back to rewatch some of the ending sequence in Family, and I don’t think I realized the first time that Judith is shot when she sees Pamela with the gun, pointing it at Maggie. She pushes Maggie out of the way and that’s when she’s shot. Maybe you guys saw that.

So she’s shot trying to save Beth’s sister.

Maggie also delivered Judith. So there are so many complicated familial relationships here.

@wdway:

I want to throw out something that is just a head canon for me about a time jump that's speculated about in e24. At the end of the episode s7e1 The Day Will Come, Rick has his vision of a perfect summer picnic with his family. Even though we never see Rick in his vision. I was just thinking how Judith has done a monologue at the beginning of each episode in part 3 and she has talked about past highlights of characters. I was just thinking maybe in the beginning of e24 it's her day dream of the future. It would be a nice companion to Rick's daydream at the end of an episode and Judith vision at the beginning of the last episode.

We won't know until we do. I just don't know how any kind of time jump at the end would work. There was like a 25-year time jump at the end of the comic book but how would a time just of even a few years work for the TV version and with spinoffs in the future. I can't imagine Daryl and some of these other characters still being around a few years in the future in the timeline before the spinoff. Just speculation.

@galadrieljones:

Hey friends. Just some random notes for you guys tonight. ^_^

I am watching Chupacabra and the doll that Daryl finds, which belonged to Sophia, has red hair and green eyes.

He finds the doll on the river, just before his horse spooks at a snake, and he falls down and is gravely injured. When he is talking to his hallucination of Merle, Merle mentions the Chupacabra, which Daryl claims to have seen earlier in the episode to Jimmy. Merle reminds Daryl that he was tripping on shrooms when it happened, and Daryl gets pissed at this. 

Anyway I know you know all this but I was wondering if perhaps Leah’s appearance in his memory, with red hair, might be based on the doll. In the hallucination, Merle asks what Daryl is out there willing to die for. Daryl says, “A girl.” 

Anyway this isn’t news it’s just reinforcement. Like, I think in Find Me, he’s all mixed up with all these missing girls. It’s why the episode ends on his conversation with Carol about Connie. Except Connie isn’t his fault. That’s “on Carol.” Leah is also “missing.” In his memory she looks like Sophia’s doll, with the red hair and green eyes.

His experiences with Leah are informed by his experiences with Beth, informed by his current experience with Carol, mixed with what he never got to have with Beth, etc. He “finds” Leah, “saves” her. He never got to do that with Sophia or Beth. 

There are snakes in Daryl’s story, beginning with Sophia, then Beth. Leah has lost her son. He was bitten and died while they were escaping a big herd of walkers, just like what happens to Sophia. 

In Always Accountable, there’s the Cherokee Rose, followed by his meeting with Dwight, Sherry, and Tina. Tina dies when they find the little girls she and Sherry used to babysit. They’d been killed in the fire that Dwight started to clear the woods. He and Beth started a fire together, burning down the past. Fire, dead girls. It’s all mixed up for Daryl.

Anyway, just some thoughts I had. Nothing groundbreaking, but just more proof on how thoughtful all this really is.

I actually can’t tell if the doll has green or blue eyes. They look greener in Chupacabra but I’m watching on TV and don’t have a screenshot. Either way, Leah’s eyes are a greenish bluish. So it’s still consistent, I think? Anyway…

@wdway:

I think this is really good. Great connection between the doll and Leah. 

Yesterday I was reading from a TWD site the comments and people were posting the question of what did B17 stand for? No one seemed to know and most didn't even know where it was mentioned in the episode. When I rewatched e23 last night, I had that in the back of my mind to be aware of it and I did find it fairly easily. 

We really haven't gotten into discussing the episode yet and you guys might have caught this the first time around but then again you guys are so much better at picking up on dialogue than I am. I want to show you two shots. I'm thinking this could be the call signal for the CRM.

Pamela communicating with some of her soldiers in the CW.

This is Pamela taking this very different communication device out of her desk drawer. B17 is all we hear before there is a scene change. When I heard 17 my mind automatically went to the missing 17 days. I just find this quite interesting and I don't know if a lot of people will have noticed that she used a different device from what she used during the rest of the episode.

@galadrieljones:

I totally noticed this, and I noticed it was a new radio. I took it as a B reference as well as a hint at the CRM. Remind me, as I can’t check right now—are the guys shooting at TF all dressed like CW soldiers, or are some of them just dressed in black like Lance’s lackeys? It was never explained to us who Stephony and the plumber guy were. They just worked for Lance? Kind of suspicious.

@wdway:

They were all dressed in black like Lance's crew.

@galadrieljones:

Ah, okay. Thank u. That’s what I thought. Are these special agents? Undercover CRM? The fact that so many people didn’t even notice B17 means many also have not noticed that for whatever reason, there is a major contingent of “peacekeepers” at the CW who seem not to be actual CW soldiers. Who are they? I mean I think we kind of know, right…? So I was thinking like, is this how they’re setting up the CRM? If you’re not watching closely, you might just miss it.

@wdway:

When I saw that it was a different device that Pamela was using, I could not help but think it was some connection to the CRM. The part with the B (B17) I did take note of. How can you not when it's been drilled into us the question, are you an A or a B? The police station where Daryl and Rosita was stationed and seems to be the headquarters for Mercer there is a B on the outside of the building. And of course how can we not see a "B" and not connect it to Beth?

@galadrieljones:

Totally. I also took note of that B near the station, which Max walks past. At some point, there is also an M, near Daryl, I THINK. I need to go back and check. They seem to be related to the train station, like train platforms. There was an M sign a long time ago. I think in 9.1? Carol and Daryl drive past it? I can’t remember. Like Route M? I feel we’ve discussed M before. I only mention it because it also appeared with a Route B.

@wdway:

Yes, the route B and the M which we had wondered about we saw when Carol and Henry stop by Daryl's camp on their way to Hilltop. It was at the very end of that episode. I can't remember the name of it off the top of my head right now but it was the first episode after the time jump, after Rick was taken away.

I remember us talking about Grady Memorial the actual building has what looks like an M in its structure.

@galadrieljones:

Right. It has an M, also windows that form a phi.

I remember associating the M with Carol because she is shown looking at the building through the window in Consumed. We also see her run past a utility lid or something on the ground in Atlanta, with an M on it. Three Ms near Carol. I don’t know. Just a lot of Ms lol.

@twdmusicboxmystery:

I think this must have something to do with the 3 Marys. Father Gabriel’s original church had ties to this, and I have done a couple of posts conjecturing about what it means: X, X. 

And we did see a Mary statue in the van near Carol in Consumed. She’s kind of the ultimate mother figure, so these could mean something along the lines of “Mother Mary.” At the very least, it’s religious symbolism. 

[captnjacksparrow]

SNS Dynamics - Sasuke's Perspective

Lengthy post ahead

On completing my rewatch of Naruto part I and part II, many things which never made sense started to make sense. One among them is the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. I used to ask why Naruto is going so far for Sasuke. And why Sasuke is helping out Naruto even though he wants to kill him. And I used to think that Episode 478 was retconned to make the final battle ends in a draw and Sasuke somehow made to reconcile with the titular character. Yet, I instinctively felt, ‘Something is very different about them’. But on careful rewatch, all the clues which consolidate their relationship was there. The way they love each other is totally on a different level and the creator very carefully planned this from the beginning of the Manga.

Though I really don’t like the ending for making every characters into a child rearing machine at an age of 20 to make way for an abomination called ‘Boruto’, I still loved everything till Episode 479.

I wanted to discuss about both Naruto and Sasuke's perspective. But that cannot be accommodated in a single post. So, I decided to start with Sasuke. Since Naruto's side of SNS is very open and vocal, we clearly knew what is going on in his mind. But Sasuke's side is usually very subtle but much more intense than Naruto which makes it worth analyzing.

Before getting to that, for most of the characters in the Naruto universe (I mean 99%), Sasuke is a person who looks cool, aloof, rude, overbearing, blunt, genius and emotionless. And that’s the truth. Except for Itachi and Naruto. So when I say he is rude or arrogant, it is from the people’s POV.  And since I always see myself in Itachi, I see Sasuke as that adorable innocent child who is very honest but forgiving.

I strongly feel that Sasuke has some innocent enchantment towards Naruto ever since he lost his family which later transcended into a bond which cannot be put under Friendship or Bromance. Enchantment, here I meant by, is not in a sexual way but more like the unconscious need to be in the presence of other person. Like walking beside each other eternally. Or even warming up next to a campfire near a chilly beach. You don’t want to fall into the fire but just enjoy the warmth. It maybe totally a platonic love like many claims to be. But his absolute disinterest in any other characters (even just as a friend) and the following traits he shows only to Naruto are clearly not just distinctive of platonic love either. It’s completely beyond platonic.

The following are the traits which Sasuke shows only towards Naruto, could have been avoided or delegated to other characters if the creator really wanted to assert their relationship as just friendship. There are lot of subtexts and emotions which I cannot accept it under the guise of bromance or friendship. It’s just not possible. If someone you like shows all these traits to another person, you should stop thinking about that person and move on.

The traits are :

Preferential Treatment

Attentive

Protective

My body moved on its own

One and Only

Powerful Eyes

Unconscious Closeness

Preferential Treatment

This is the very basic and first thing you show to someone whom you love. Meaning, I will treat this person much different from everyone else. When I was exploring this trait, I couldn’t stop laughing in many places. Because Sasuke is such a trolling machine who mercilessly trolls people who are in his way. He also inspire certain amount of fear which makes him even more unapproachable.

He has this cold bearing where people find it extremely difficult to manage or approach him. It comes off as very rude most of the times. One such example is Sai told Sasuke that he will get along better with him than Naruto. Sasuke put a Genjutsu on him for comparing himself with Naruto. LOL.

What's more funny is most people (Sakura, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sai, Hinata) usually talk to him politely with honorifics like 'Sasuke-kun'. But he didn't give two shits about them and shitted them all mercilessly.

Here is the infamous proposal from Sakura in part 1.

Well she deserved this one to be honest. Throughout the entire conversation Sasuke never saw her face and responded very bluntly even though she was pouring her heart out crying. There was no visible distress or sadness from Sasuke’s side.

Whereas with Naruto, in the final Valley of The End, we saw him turning towards Naruto and answer him properly when Naruto asked the same question of what Sakura asked. There were so many emotions throughout the battle and Sasuke’s pain of leaving Naruto was clearly shown. Which explains the difference of where Sasuke keeps Naruto in his heart.

The following is the one from Chunin Exams prelims where Sakura is begging for him to quit with tears. The response is an usual 'Stay out of my business'.

Me: Sasuke!!!! Even I don't know how to approach you!!!! I understand you don't like to talk unnecessarily so you just shitted on Sai. But Sakura is your teammate, isn't it?

And then there is this little orange blonde who literally trolls Sasuke.

I really thot Sasuke was going to trash Naruto too, like he could have easily said, 'Naruto, you should also stay out of my business'.

But then

These words are something precious for Naruto. He wished for these words to come from Sasuke someday in his lifetime. But not at that time. And he was truly shocked and very excited. Believe me, when watching that scene, it was really great. But while making analysis like this, it’s absolutely hilarious.

This dynamics is similar to

Sakura: *cries unbearably* Sasuke-kun, I am worried about you. Don’t act so strong.

Sasuke: Shut up. Mind your own business.

Naruto: Bastard! She is worried about you.

Sasuke: Alright, I love you. Now shut up.

ROOOFFFFL :-D

I thought all these childhood bickers were over by part 1 and we will never see it in part 2.

Nope. I was wrong. Kakashi and Sakura were the scapegoats here.

Here's another round of applause from Naruto.

And I honestly cannot comprehend what was going on in Sasuke's mind and why he is really rude to Sakura and Kakashi. It seems he was really irritated by their presence or he maybe thinking they were useless or both.

When Naruto asks him something, he responds without any insults. What baffles me most is that during Infinite Tsukuyomi, Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto for his Revolution and awaiting his fated battle. And yet he answers him properly.

Can you see the pattern here?

He shits on people asking some question even with an utmost polite attitude but when Naruto asks the same question he was like "Alright Sweetie, Am gonna answer anything you want and say anything you like".

The following is the beginning of everything where Naruto can't even swear properly but still Sasuke couldn't even bother.

In short, the way he treats Naruto is quite different and hilarious when compared to the others. With his cold bearing, he absolutely has no need to put up with Naruto's outburst but he still accepts without a care every time. RIP to those souls who got the short end of the stick.

He must have an extreme tolerance towards Naruto's tirades to the point where he can never insult him back. And I also believe 100% that, nobody dares to make such frequent insults on Sasuke to his face except Naruto.

I know SK shippers jump in here to say Naruto is not the only one. But still the dynamics between Karin and Sasuke is simply a mirror image of Naruto and Sasuke, probably she reminded him of Naruto and hence made some exceptions for her because Sasuke never gives a damn about any other clan other than his own, but when Kabuto tells him Karin belongs to Uzumaki clan, he was shocked. I am pretty sure the only other Uzumaki member he knew is none other than Naruto.

Now, does this means he is in super love with Naruto? No.

But the way he treats every other characters and how he treats Naruto exclusively speaks volumes and this trope shouldn’t have existed in the first place. The creator should have made Sasuke treat both of his teammates equally which could’ve deflected the shipping angle. 

Attentive

Am not talking about how attentively he analyzes his enemies in the battles. Of course, in that department, Sasuke flies high. This is about how attentive he is to Naruto to the point where he can deduce what Naruto thinks and how Naruto looks without the need to communicate with him.

I know Sasuke suspected Sakura was acting strange before Chunin Exams when she said 'Good Morning' with some hesitation. But the difference here is that Sasuke can identify Naruto without even talking to him.

Funny thing here is that Sasuke was sitting somewhere far behind from Naruto and yet he could pick up Naruto getting freaked out without seeing his face.

Who could forget about the famous ‘Where’s real Naruto?’ episode during Chunin Exams?. It would’ve been fine if this happened once. But the creator went ahead and made this thing happen twice under entirely different situations. And everytime Sasuke can find fake Naruto without fail. This scene conveys Sasuke is very observant towards Naruto’s appearance & fighting skills (the way he evades an attack).

Now, being attentive to someone is not a special thing which attributes to love. But considering Sasuke’s personality who is aloof and focused on his own world, knowing Naruto like the back of his hand  is way too descriptive. Only someone who really understands the other person or constantly paying attention can find out such subtle changes. It doesn’t end here.

This is the battle between Gaara and Naruto. Where Naruto was literally confused about how to save his friends from Gaara who is much more powerful. And yet Sasuke can find Naruto’s mood just by seeing him.

Me: Yes, Sasuke!!! Gaara happened to pass by Naruto and forgot to kill him on a whim!!! So, Naruto is scared to the shit!!

Also Me: You guys always bicker with each other and are not best of friends. Sasuke!!! How could you analyze his mood just by looking at Naruto????

In Shippuden, There’s no inner monologue like the above, but whenever Naruto appears before him (Orochimaru’s hideout, Bridge, War arc), Sasuke gives his undivided attention to him. He even went so far as to advice him to pay attention to the battle. And I was like “Wait!!! you wanted to kill him... why pay attention to him at all? Geez”.

As much as you want to think that Sasuke doesn’t care about anyone, he does care about Naruto to the point where he doesn’t want him to be worried. How thoughtful just for a ‘teammate’.

How did Sasuke knew that Naruto would worry about him?, I wonder.

But all these things started from this

This boy has been noticing Naruto from way back when he was around 7 when he lost his family. Of course he would know every little things about Naruto because for some undefinable reason he couldn’t stop paying his attention to Naruto. A lineup of girls vying for his attention because of his cool appearance, whereas Sasuke simply loved Naruto without any reservations but because of his childish and warm personality which reminded him of his family.

‘I couldn’t stop paying attention to you’  and in some translations the words were ‘I couldn’t take my eyes off you’. Either way, these words are not for someone you see just as a friend let alone a brother.

Protectiveness

I can go on and on about how protective Sasuke is towards Naruto. I can write a separate post about it. This is the most important aspects of this ship which makes it sail higher than any other ships.

Of course, this is the Ninja world where people wants to protect each other and at the same time kill each other too. Sasuke protecting Naruto and Naruto protecting Sasuke is not too special. In fact, one of the weak and pathetic character like Sakura was saved once in every three episodes by Naruto or Kakashi or even by Sasuke sometimes.

And yet here I am mentioning protectiveness as the most important aspect of this ship. So what differentiates?

The way Sasuke protects Naruto is one of the intense thing I’ve ever seen. When I watch this series, I gained this immense ability to put myself in other characters mind just like Naruto. When I put myself in Sasuke’s mind whenever he tried to protect Naruto under different conditions, I simply cannot put their relationship under Friendship.

Here, Naruto is fighting Gaara in part 1 and Naruto was repelled by his own attack from the paper bomb. Sasuke being already battered by his curse mark bruise and he couldn’t move an inch. And yet he is shielding Naruto even though it is completely unnecessary because Naruto bumping into a tree log is completely normal. The creator even went under a lot of pain to draw that panel which took 40% of the page.

Now you may question, many characters even died protecting someone. What’s so special with just shielding?

Like Hinata jumping in for suicide before Pain, Iruka blocking Mizuki’s attack, Tsunade blocking Orochimaru, Neji dying as a ‘Love Cupid’ for hinata and Naruto.... I can cite many things here. What’s common among them all is that they were all perfectly capable of moving around and yet decided to save Naruto.

But that’s not the only point. 

Is there any need for him to save Naruto? No.

Will Naruto die if he didn’t shield him? No.

Then why? He could have spent that energy trying to do something for Sakura rather than do a pointless shielding. 

And then there is Kushina.

Naruto’s mom was already on the verge of dying as she had Kurama extracted from her body and Jinchuriki without a Tailed Beast will die. Because of Uzumaki clan’s strong life force, she could hold off for a bit longer. When kurama attacked Naruto, she shielded him with her body and saved her son from an imminent death.

Even though Sasuke didn’t die shielding him, but there is a semblance.

Both protected Naruto even when their body condition is worse. That is, Protect at all cost attitude.

I intended to put Land of the Waves arc here as it is very similar to what happens with Kushina. But that’s for an upcoming section.

Now, as a Mother her instinct to protect Naruto is very strong.

But who is Naruto for Sasuke? What makes his instinct so strong to protect someone who is not even related by his blood? Until and unless you love that person dearly you won’t do it.

That brings me to the next thing.

Yeah, it kind of looks ‘very friendly’ to give a 3 layered protection to someone who is already powered up like you and most importantly you want to kill him.(Can I say that looks really romantic?). Anyways my point is different.

What really happens here is this

It is a well established fact that Minato, the Yellow Flash is the fastest shinobi in Narutoverse. It wasn’t surpassed yet. He uses the Hiraishin No Jutsu to teleport at the speed of light. It was invented by none other than Tobirama Senju who is the fastest shinobi of his time.

We basically have two fastest shinobi in the battlefield here. And Minato being the fastest among them, definitely don’t want to blow up near his son for whom he died protecting him once. He wanted to teleport somewhere away and before he could do it, Tobirama teleported the bomb back to Obito.

What many fails to notice here is that all these things are happening in mere seconds. But Sasuke realized it real quick as usual and protects Naruto in an instant. How fast his instinct you may ask? Quicker than the two fastest shinobi on the battlefield and one among them is Naruto’s dad.

What I want to say is Sasuke’s protective instinct is quicker than Naruto’s father and similar to Naruto’s mother.

And you know, I questioned myself during the Chunin Exams arc “I think in the Zabuza arc, Naruto conveniently happened to be near Sasuke, So he protected him at the cost of his life. What if Sakura happens to be there? Would he have done the same? Maybe he would’ve died protecting her too.”

But all of my questions were thrown into drain by Sasuke as if he was able to read my mind. The answer is “Hell! I don’t care if she died. That’s her loss. I will not die for her sake.”

This is really confusing, hilarious and romantic at the same time.

Me: Sasuke!!! I understand why you want to save Jugo... Even though you abandoned him in the Land of Iron. LOL. What are you going to do with Naruto anyway when the whole world is blasted off?

He proved this again in the Kaguya’s Lava dimension too. Before you tell me that he saved Naruto because he needs him to seal off Kaguya, the previous scenario nullifies your argument.

And SS wankers shamelessly defending that Sasuke don’t want Sakura to die by Kaguya’s hands, that’s why he left her to die. Geez!!! Who the hell is Sakura to Kaguya anyway? Even if she were to die by Kaguya’s hands, it would almost look like how Obito died. It’s not bad at all. But falling into the lava pit, burning, screaming.... sssshhhh. Wake the f**k up!!!

Now how can you convince me that this is just Friendship? What’s more funny is Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto later at some point. Throughout the War Arc I was always confused as to why Sasuke even care about Naruto at all? He didn’t care about him ever since he left him 3 or 4 years ago and he doesn’t have to. After all everyone have their own paths to walk on.

Even if I put myself in Sasuke’s mind and see Naruto just as a friend whom I want to kill, I wouldn’t go under so much pain to save him. I would feel like it’s better for him to die by something else rather than me. Because I can’t bring myself to kill someone I know well.

These scenes are not just put there by chance.

Such a strong reflex to protect someone is only possible when you consider that person’s life more than yours.

Does any other ship has such things to show? I’ll wait.

Yeah Sasuke protected Sakura from Orochimaru and Gaara. But he also went so far to wait for Karin and awakened a new power to protect her. So does this means he love those girls?? No. He was just showing a team camaraderie. But it’s funny that later, he tried to kill those girls knowing full well they are unprepared to fight him. While with Naruto, it always comes with a warning. Try to understand this difference. Which is exactly why I didn’t put Sasuke saving Naruto during his Chakra training, or falling from the waterfall and many more. Because they are just a team camaraderie.

I don’t even have to compare with other ships, did Sasuke ever protected anyone like this in the whole series?. These are the things which could’ve been avoided or handled in a different way, like there was no need to emphasize on saving Naruto alone while ignoring others.

My body moved on its own

I don’t need to explain this any deeper. There are many people who says Sasuke is incapable of showing his true feelings. He is cold, rude, aloof and stoic so he always hides his feelings for everyone (mostly this line was used by Sakura wankers who wanted to portray that Sasuke always loved Sakura deeply but never shows). But they fail to understand the irony that one of the most beautiful line in this entire series was told by none other than ‘Sasuke Uchiha’, “My body moved on its own”.

Yet I find Sasuke shows his honest and heartful emotions before the people he loves. If he can show that to Itachi and Naruto, why not with Sakura?

I know those wankers try to say Sasuke repressed all his feelings until Chapter 698, so he has some romantic feelings for Sakura too. Bullshit!!!

Even though he repressed those feelings in his mind, his body always betrays him in the end and his feelings pours out from time to time. That is what this section explores about.

Man, this is the most painful GIF I have ever made.

In his battle with Itachi, he was completely consumed by the feeling of revenge and hatred for his brother. But when Itachi approached him in his final moments with an intention (seemingly) to snatch his eyes, he still couldn't push Itachi away though he could have. Sasuke just looked into his eyes and let him do whatever he was about to do.

Why?, Because he loved his brother so much once that he don't know what to do but simply embrace that moment. These are the moments your mind says to close your eyes or even run away (he totally could have) but his body will not allow him to.

This is what I meant by your body betrays yourself. Even in your darkest moments, you cannot fake. You always show your true emotions towards the person you love. The more you suppress, the more it will burst out.

Here Sasuke’s hatred is glaring through his eyes because Sakura is persuading him to not do something he wants to (as always). His only motivation is to kill that man. His resolve is a real deal.

But in a matter of minutes after giving that long hateful speech with some heavy determination, when he saw that hungry blonde boy who was tied up for trying to steal food, Sasuke just acted on his own and served him food even though he was told not to which could jeopardize his career.

This bipolar dance is something to notice throughout the series and is always interesting to explore. When Sakura tries to dissuade Sasuke from something, he always retorts to insults or an angry stare. But when Naruto accidentally stands in Sasuke’s way, he always involuntarily helps him out.

In short, towards Sakura he was like “Even you cannot take that path away from me” but when turning towards Naruto, he was like “Well, I can risk everything for you at the cost of my path”.

This seals the real deal for SNS ship.

At this point, for us viewers, Naruto is just an orphan who has no friends but always carries his life with a positive spirit hoping that someday he will be accepted by everyone.

Unbeknownst the fact that he already has one person who was willing to die for him and putting all his dreams into fire.

Important thing to notice, It’s entirely at Naruto’s fault for them being in this situation. If Naruto had used a bit of brain to attack from outside the mirror, they wouldn’t have been in this situation. But still Sasuke plunged into the trap without any regrets. That’s the beauty of this scene.

What’s more thrilling is that the creator told us Sasuke loved Naruto in the very next chapter itself. 

How?

By making Haku jump before Zabuza knowing full well that he is going to die which is not very different from how Sasuke shielded Naruto.

And not only that, but by making Naruto say “He really loved you”. I got to say the creator may sucks at writing Sakura and Hinata for God only knows for whatever twisted reasons. But when it comes to male characters like Naruto, Sasuke, Itachi, Obito... he was just amazing and on another level.

How?

By indirectly drawing parallels between Sasuke and Haku in a matter of successive chapters.

By dropping indirect hints and crumbs like these to tell us, the audience, the motivations of the characters.

I always had the thought why did he risked his life for a boy who always fights with him? This became more emotional when we get to know the real reason for why Sasuke risked his life much later in chapter 698.

Having faced all the turbulent things in his life, somehow seeing Naruto doing all those childish stuffs made him feel relieved. That warmth was what he needed at that time. He wanted to escape from it but couldn’t. That’s why he embraced his warmth unknowingly in his Team 7 days by constantly reaching out to him starting from asking tips, concerned about having breakfast and training with him to climb the tree.

Sasuke even come to like Naruto more than himself and that’s why he was willing to die for him.

This feeling is definitely not a bromance or friendship. It’s an innocent enchantment you hope to last forever. Which again explains why he tolerated Naruto’s insults and hostility all those times. Because Sasuke knew those childish things were the ones he got attracted to him ever since his childhood. Rather than saying tolerated, I should use the term enjoyed. He really enjoyed those moments being bugged by Naruto for no reason.

Because just like Itachi said to Sasuke once, ‘If you are excellent you become alienated and arrogant even though you were sought after at the beginning’ . But Naruto pestering him means he is very curious about Sasuke which no one else tried. He was adored by those girls for his coolness and revered by those boys for his excellence but nobody really tried to befriend him. But Naruto tried to befriend him through Rivalry. That’s why Sasuke unconsciously started to like him. This also explains why he roasted Sakura for badmouthing him even though Naruto attacked him and tied him up earlier.

If Sasuke can show all these feelings even though he was trying to suppress it towards Naruto and Itachi, Why can’t he show a single normal feeling towards Sakura??? Because there isn’t one. Except for an old Team 7 camaraderie where he saw her as an acquaintance and nothing more.

Many NH shippers claims, but Hinata loved her ‘Naruto-Kun’. She jumped in front of Naruto to save him from Pain, when in reality she just acted selfishly and couldn’t pull out the Chakra rods. Meaning she failed whatever she was about to do.

Another interesting thing to cite for NH shippers, they claim for Naruto, Hinata is the most important person his life. Since when? With that shitty movie called ‘The Last’ with shitty retconned stuff? In all the 699 chapters he always claimed Iruka Sensei and Sasuke were the important people in his life. And you know what? For Hinata to like Naruto, he has to jump in to save her from the bullies. But for Sasuke he just saved Naruto without any validation. He saw Naruto and liked his presence and just did it. 

When you could accept that failed attempt as a love, why not accept Sasuke loves Naruto when in fact he succeeded in saving him and that too unconditionally?

This is one of the tropes which should have been avoided if the creator wanted Sasuke and Naruto to be just friends.

One and Only

This is something very special that is offered to that one person in his life. That is Naruto. Even Itachi knew it. That is the Power to influence Sasuke’s heart. This is the fact even Sasuke himself knew it and that’s why he wanted to kill him.

Now don’t compare this with the manipulation shit which Orochimaru and Obito were doing. It’s not that. Many Sasuke fanatics always blame Naruto that he is also manipulating Sasuke just like everyone. That’s totally wrong.

Manipulation is something you do by talking about some twisted facts and make the other person to do what you want to.

Naruto never did that. Ever. Whenever Naruto and Sasuke meet, they always talk about themselves and how they feel. Not the world, not Team 7 or anything. Which is exactly why Sasuke himself willingly left that space in his heart for Naruto when he left him in the Valley of the End which he badly wanted to destroy. Sasuke, of all people, know Naruto is also very honest.

Sasuke lost all his rationality when he went into darkness by stabbing Karin who was helping him in his battle with Danzo. She even replenished his chakra many times. He not only just stabbed her, after when he found her still alive, he decided to finish her off with his Chidori.

And then the pink haired bitch appears before him and started to concoct lies with malicious intent to kill him. This provoked Sasuke more and more to reach this point.

Believe me, when you are lost in darkness, all you need is a small light which can show you a path. Someone who can extend helping hands to lift you up with honesty.

Sakura, being a crass woman, riled up Sasuke further with full of nonsense.

If you want to picture the darkness,

This is exactly how Sasuke feels. He is in so much pain and don’t know how to face it or deal with it. So he started to destroy everything he sees. For him Karin, Sakura, Kakashi are all just some pebbles in his way and want to trample them as he goes. His entire life has become farce after knowing his beloved brother’s real pain and miseries. Now he has no one left from his family.

Until Naruto appears.

He may not be his family, but he is the only person left for him in this world. Which is established in many Naruto endings and even Sasuke himself accepts this with Sage of Six Paths. 

But my Cherry Blossom queen really loved Sasuke, she only wanted the good of him. My question is ‘Then why the fuck she tried to kill him? She looked at Sasuke and find that he changed. She didn’t even bothered to find out what’s going on from his side.’ Then how is this considered as wanting only good for him? 

Surprisingly Sasuke calmed down a bit, the moment Naruto appears and even started to respond to him which he didn’t before with Kakashi and Sakura. Deep down Sasuke himself knew in his heart that the path he is going through is Self-destructive. Just like Kurama tells Naruto ‘Destroy everything you see’ in the Pain arc when he sprouted upto Eighth Tail, Sasuke’s traumatic mind tells him to ‘Destroy Konoha’.

All he needed was someone to extend an helping hand to tell him what to do without any malice. Naruto did that. Just like what Minato did for Naruto in Pain arc.

After clashing Rasengan with Chidori ,they meet inside the White bubble space and Naruto talks to Sasuke which evoked all his past memories which he never wanted to awaken.

That’s why Sasuke was visibly shaken with Naruto’s words. Because those were the words which mirrors exactly how Sasuke feels too. He was surprised and shocked that Naruto also felt the same way without him ever openly confessing those feelings.

When everyone tried to kill him for his monstrosity, Naruto is the only person standing there seeing him as his friend. Just like how Iruka saw Naruto way back in 1st chapter.

Believe me, even at the depth of darkness, when you see the person you love so much, you will stop and rationalize.

That is exactly why Itachi left Sasuke in Naruto’s hands. He even admitted to Sasuke that his words will not reach him no matter what.

Sasuke may not have abandoned his ambitions at that point. But Naruto gave him a clear path. That is ‘Show all your hatred on me’ and then do whatever you want.

I know SS shippers will claim that back hug from Sakura changed his murderous behaviour during the Chunin Exams. Yes. That’s true. But right after that, when Sasuke was fighting Yoroi in a one-on-one combat, his Cursed Seal flares up again. He retracted that seal out of his sheer will and thought about both Sakura and Naruto who was freaking out without even knowing about the seal. So, it’s not only a Sakura exclusive moment. The creator even went ahead and drawn a panel asking Sakura to not say anything about the Curse Mark to Naruto. Why do that?

As far as I understand, Sasuke saw Naruto and felt the warmth of his family. He singled that out in chapter 698. When Naruto was placed in the same team as him, he started to extend his good side to his other team members as well. But the moment he decided to leave the village, he severed the ties with Sakura (was there ever one apart from considering her as a teammate?) by saying Thank You. Meaning, you helped me many times so thanks for all of that. What’s more pitiful is, he didn’t even look at her face for the entire conversation except for saying ‘You are really annoying’. There is nowhere in the manga where Sasuke singled out Sakura for making him feel anything and did something for her exclusively. It’s all in the context of Team 7.

If Sakura is the most important person in Sasuke’s life, he should have stopped the rampage the moment he saw her but instead he got riled up more and more. Which explains where Sasuke kept her in his heart. Literally nowhere. He threw her into the trash. LOL.

If Hulk can calm down after seeing Betty Ross and you call that love, why not accept Sasuke loves Naruto??

Powerful Eyes

You know, Even in real life, Our eyes always reflects our true feelings, just like how your body betrays your mind , your eyes even betray your body.

Just like how Itachi could never fake his evil brother act in his final moments.

Just like how Sasuke couldn’t turn away from Itachi when he was approaching him to seemingly snatch his eyes.

Uchiha boys being a romantic bunch, always expose their awakening/ reawakening/ evolving their Sharingan in a most distressed situation. Just like Madara and Sasuke exposed their brimming eyes for Hashirama and Naruto. But in this department, Madara is wildly romantic as always. LOL. Despite losing 3 brothers, he awakened his Sharingan only when he was breaking up with his ‘friend’. And Sasuke, he reawakened / evolved Sharingan when trying to save / breaking up with his ‘friend’. Such a Biological defect!!!!

Poor Sakura pathetically fails in this department.

Anyways this part is not about Sharingan anyway. It’s about how such a powerful eyes becomes powerless before those Blue Eyes.

Eye Symbolism is something I really enjoy exploring in this ship.

Like I mentioned earlier, Sasuke has never shown his emotions atleast starting from Part II. He usually never shows any positive emotions like happiness, laughing, pouting, love, excitement (although he has shown all these towards Itachi and Naruto) and is known for negative emotions like anger, annoyance, hatred.

Look at how Sasuke is glaring with hatred for her insensitive words. She deserved this to be honest.

Now, is there any need to show your fury towards Kabuto?

Since the beginning of the Shippuden, some facts have been established strongly:

1. Sasuke has changed by leaps and bounds in terms of his attitude and hatred.

2. Sharingan is pretty dangerous. Many characters including kurama acknowledges it. Sasuke is very adept at using his Sharingan.

Orochimaru maybe right. But he doesn’t know the weakness. LOL

His hatred has reached to a point where he couldn’t think anything rationally and started to kill everyone, just like how Naruto kicked Sakura in his 4 Tailed Kyuubi Mode engulfed with the hatred of Kurama. Meaning, to reach his goal, Sasuke will kill anyone in his path without any hesitation. This shot is the representation of this.

And yet when he saw those particular Blue eyes, he stops his rampage immediately and visibly shocked even.  That’s the look of ‘why is that blue eyes here?’

You have every right to accuse me that I am over exaggerating this scene. I am not. Even I wanted to think that way too that I am deluding myself. The creator has only consolidated my view pretty strongly.

There’s no need to emphasize on eyes at all. The anime team has went under so much pain to animate this scene in a satisfying and compelling way.

What’s more? The creator even went under further extent to draw a whole page in the manga focusing on their eye contact after the Rasengan vs Chidori clash. Meaning, Sasuke has calmed down visibly and became very easy to reason with.

Trust me, even in your darker / vulnerable moments, your eyes will reflect your true feelings to the person you love. You cannot be stubborn. 

Now did it stop here?? Nope, it happened again in the Final Valley of the End battle too.

Sasuke is usually confident of his Sharingan (rightfully so) and likes to flaunt his eyes just like Madara. He was very sure that he was going to win.

While Sasuke had a clear resolve to kill Naruto when he was showing his back, but the moment he comes close with those Blue Eyes, his heart even pounded strongly (in the anime), and lost the resolve completely which made his Sharingan retract itself unconsciously. Meaning, his eyes betrayed him.

It’s funny that not even a minute ago he was very proud of his Visual Prowess as an Uchiha and his victory is inevitable but the moment he saw those Blue eyes, he just lost. You think I am again exaggerating?. Nope!!!

Oh Dear!!! This doesn’t get more romantic than this. An inescapable gaze from those blue eyes he loved all along.

Sasuke!! What happened to your proud Uchiha eyes?. You just stole Chakra from Naruto, isn’t it? Hints like these are really heartwarming, to be honest.

My entire point is, every character from every arc hypes up Sharingan starting from Zabuza, Haku, Rock Lee, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kurama and many more, but why put a weakness for Naruto’s eyes? 

What I really loved exploring is the way Sasuke totally expressed everything through his eyes in Episode 478.

Sasuke shows his vulnerability towards Naruto with just his eyes. These are not something you show to everyone. Even when Itachi departed finally after releasing Edo Tensei, Sasuke looked sad, shocked and pained but didn’t cry. He accepted the reality of it. The last time when we saw him crying, it was after knowing the truth of Itachi, facing towards the beach and was weeping unbearably because there was no one else for him in this world. But this time, he is next to the person whom he feels truly loved and he doesn’t mind showing it with his eyes.

Well, on multiple rewatches, the clues for their love was already dropped in the 1st Valley of the End fight itself. Sasuke already lost his resolve to kill by balling his chidori fist rather than ramming through his chest. So the feelings inside the bubble are their honest emotions like always.

The pain on the verge of their separation inside the white bubble is clearly evident from their eyes even in their monstrous form. Even in the manga it was mentioned that ‘I can’t turn my back  Vs  I am not letting you go’

But what they really wanted to be from their childhood was this.

Look at Sasuke, how entranced he was on looking at that innocent boy. Now put yourself at Sasuke’s mind. Will you ever look at your friend like that??? Now, they are probably just 7 here, am not romanticizing. But Sasuke looks enthralled innocently.

But somehow, their paths separated them for who knows how long. But the pain in both their eyes is unbearable. Even the databook, mentioned that separating from Naruto is like ripping half of his body. Well, this proves it.

Now, if they really wanted to portray this as friendship, they never should have given Eye symbolism at all. They should have gone with ‘I was always jealous of you’ thing, like they portrayed in that filler episode 450.I would’ve gladly accepted it as friendship. Because that’s how friends behave when they are jealous and I wasn’t feeling any romance at all. There’s no need of that lengthy monologue on how he was always looking at Naruto and felt pain.

I am telling you, I won’t be looking at my friend like this. 

Unconscious closeness

Remember, I’ve written in the beginning of the post that Sasuke enjoys the warmth from Naruto. Meaning, he likes that person’s presence unconsciously and want to be near him. Sasuke proved this many times.

This is the most intense and confusing section I have to dissect for this post. But it’s the most entertaining nonetheless, atleast for me.

Starting from the Land of the Waves arc, here Sasuke is speed walking to match up with Naruto.

Initially I thought, he is trying to be competitive. But instead of walking ahead of Naruto to show who is faster, he just walks beside him. I find this really hilarious and adorable. This just shows Sasuke likes Naruto’s presence so much so that he wants to walk beside him.

Now many SS shippers tries to make this scene for themselves, when it is clearly not.

If you notice Sasuke in the Bell Training, he compares his strength difference with Kakashi and determines to get stronger. Same with Might Guy, he compares Might Guy’s speed with his own Sensei. Meaning, he respects people with strength. Naturally, he should’ve asked her and Sakura would have given him tips wholeheartedly. Because she really succeeded in that training.

Why bother to ask a deadlast?

The only reason I could find is that he wants to befriend him in his own stubborn way. But Poor Soul!!! He didn’t get the tips anyway. LOL. But despite getting the short end of the stick, he never hold it against him. Just like he never held anything against Naruto when he tied him up in Episode 3. All he did was just flaunt how he escaped.

Pretty cool for a 12 year old kid. Because If I were Sasuke, I would hold it for sure.

Once again Sasuke proves how he can care Naruto in his own adorable way.

He could’ve said ‘I am going to train too” if he really intended to train. There is no need to say ‘Going for a Walk’ and ask Naruto about breakfast. This explains that Sasuke simply missed the boy’s prolonged absence and reached out to him in his own cute way.

Now all these doesn’t mean he was in love with him. It’s just a childish attraction which makes him act like that involuntarily.

I just added this GIF to compare with the next scene.

Now Shikamaru falling on Naruto in an unconventional way doesn’t look anywhere romantic. Instead it’s the opposite. They are pretty friendly here.

But Sasuke’s approach to Naruto does looks undeniably sensual and I couldn’t deny the sexual tension that brings with it. (Even when I watched it for the first time having no idea of shipping anyone, I lowkey got creeped and thought, ‘Sasuke!! What have you become? ’)

This scene is something even I can’t dissect. Because honestly I don’t know. Sasuke is a person who never appreciates physical touches nor does he initiates either.

I get this crazy femme fatale vibe when seeing Sasuke with his sexy costume landing at a speed of lightning with his hands wrapped around Naruto and taunting near his ear about what was he doing there? The only reason I could think of is that maybe he missed him for 3 years which made him go unconsciously so close near Naruto. It’s also funny that he could’ve shoved his sword into Naruto’s heart before landing and no one could’ve batted an eyelid.

Damn you, Kishimoto!!! Is this scene absolutely necessary??? What are you trying to convey? Why do you give Sasuke, a sexualized aura?? I understand you love this character so much and you want this character to be desirable among women. Yeah, you succeeded by making Karin behave like a woman in heat, the moment they met. But instead of letting her get close to him, you made Sasuke to say ‘You... Don’t get so close’ whereas with Naruto, you made Sasuke to go willingly touch him in a half hugging stance. Geez!!!

Here comes the most interesting part in this section.

It may seem irrelevant at the beginning but trust me, it will make sense later.

Before that, I would like to appreciate the creator and especially the anime team to bring the battle sequence so lively and different in its own way. If you notice the purpose of every battle that happened in Naruto series, each carries it own meaning and deliberately distinguished. How you ask?

The fight between Deidara vs Sasuke.

Logically Deidara should be dead in the Gaara retrieval arc itself. There is no point for him to chase Sasuke who killed Orochimaru to whom Deidara had nothing to do with. It didn’t impact the story in any way. But the purpose of that battle is to show how far Sasuke has grown up in those 3 years. The way he can use his Sharingan to analyze his enemies abilities and weakness so quickly and take multiple steps ahead, the way he can use Genjutsu and other incredible jutsus in his arsenal were a visual treat.

Now, let’s analyze Sasuke’s arsenal of Jutsus. He can do Teleportation Jutsu, a decent Genjutsu, Chidori Senbon (needles), Raikiri (Chidori sword which ranges to 5 metres), Chidori Nagash (Chidori from his whole body), Transformation Jutsu, Substitution Jutsu Shuriken Jutsu with wire works, Kirin, Gokakyu No jutsu, Sword fighting, basic Hand-to-Hand fighting (I’ve never seen him do it ever since the Chunin Exams with Orochimaru), Archery fighting, Susanoo, Amaterasu and all the Rinnegan abilities.

Based on the jutsus he learned so far and how he applies in every battle, it all confirms two things:

Sasuke is a Medium-Long Range Shinobi

Sasuke’s battles are usually based on his Cleverness

Let’s go for Naruto. He can do Teleportation Jutsu, Sexy Jutsu, Harem no jutsu, Rasengan, Rasen Shuriken, Oodama Rasengan, Biju Dama, Tailed Beast Mode, Kage Bunshin No jutsu, Sage mode jutsu, Frog Kumite, Better Hand-to-Hand combat skills (better than Sasuke), Transformation Jutsu, Substitution Jutsu and all his Six path abilities.

Compared to Sasuke, Naruto’s jutsu variety is very less. But for every 4 punches from Sasuke equals 1 powerful punch from Naruto. Analyzing all of them,

Naruto is a Close-Range Shinobi except for his Rasen Shuriken

Naruto’s battles are usually based on his Jutsu Timing and Unpredictability

Now, Let’s rewind back to 3 years and look at the 1st Valley of the End battle. That battle was cleverly choreographed which carried very intense emotional baggage. Things we never knew about those boys until then were openly admitted and acknowledged. That is, for Sasuke, Naruto became his closest friend. For Naruto, he always wanted to be Sasuke’s friend way back when he was 6 or 7. For both, they already have some unexplainable bond by just looking at each other and smiling secretly.

The theme of that battle started as Am going on my own path vs I can’t allow you to tread on that dangerous path and ended up with I want to break our bond vs I don’t want to.

Now, this posture represents, Naruto is the one who pursues Sasuke to stop him from whatever he was about to do. Meaning, Naruto is the one who is constantly reaching out and Sasuke as usual kicks him out violently, that is he is pushing him away. That’s the essence of the whole battle.

Considering all the battles in the Naruto universe, I categorize them as follows:

Best Calculated (and emotional) battle - Itachi vs Sasuke

Best Hand-to-Hand combat - Kakashi vs Obito (what a fight it was!!!)

Best Mega Powered Up battle - Hashirama vs Madara

Best Emotional battle - Naruto vs Sasuke (1st valley of the end)

Best Unpredictable/Entertaining battle - Naruto vs Pain

Despite having all the potential to fulfill the above categories, The Final Valley of the End Battle never bested in any of them.

As analyzed before, the boys have grown up to greater heights. I expected a battle between Cleverness of Sasuke Vs Unpredictability of Naruto

But what I observed was something so intense. That is Unintentional closeness.

This battle symbolizes one thing: I am going to kill you to get lonely vs I won’t let you kill me because you will be alone.

Being a long range fighter, I expected Sasuke to go for this.

If you have to kill someone you love, it is best to keep your distance. Sasuke knows this full well when he battled with Itachi. Except for some Sword fighting, he maintained a certain distance to fight Itachi throughout, until the very end.

But when fighting Naruto, all I got was this.

That’s when I finally understood that this posture means, the fight is very personal. Which means, Sasuke or Naruto won’t be fighting by sitting on top of each other with their enemies or anyone else. That’s just between them alone.  

There was no analysis or cleverness from Sasuke’s side or any Unpredictability from Naruto. It was very bland and Sasuke looked clueless throughout the fight.

It started with some boxing style combat, including stealing hand seals and then some power punches. Very quickly it propels to Susanoo vs Tailed Beast mode. I expected some Hashirama vs Madara level power battle.

But all we saw there was this.

I mean, Come on!!! Man. Even the most Crazy and openly Romantic Uchiha, Madara himself never fought like this in Susanoo with Hashirama (Though Madara must be thinking ‘Damn Hashirama! I should’ve tried this with you’. LOL). Those mega battles carried variety of tactics.

Another thing I noticed was, Sasuke is the one who does lots of talking and constantly pursuing Naruto. Whereas Naruto is uncharacteristically quiet for the most part. 

And finally it leads to this.

Sasuke was unconsciously getting closer and closer to Naruto which is the opposite of what he wants to do. Because of that very closeness, he couldn’t look at his eyes with his Sharingan and eventually got an uppercut. It’s like Sasuke was screaming, ‘Hate me’ and Naruto was like ‘Keep talking’.

Every jutsu he had for attacking from a long-range were forgotten. He didn’t even try to put Naruto under Genjutsu. I mean with his Rinnegan, he was capable of putting all the 9 Tailed Beasts into a powerful Genjutsu. Why didn’t he try that with Naruto? There was no Chidori Stream or Lightning Blade.

I can imagine Naruto doing close range fights with someone or even sitting on top of the enemy. Example, part I, Naruto head bumped Gaara. He was literally fighting with his Shadow Clones against a Monster so he had to get closer. Naruto monstrously punching Deidara not knowing the fact that it was a clay clone.

But Sasuke??? Can you imagine Sasuke sitting on top of the enemy and punching to pulp??? No way. Not a chance.!!!

In one way or other way, Sasuke was always in the close proximity with Naruto throughout the battle and touching each other which is totally uncharacteristic of him when compared to his other battles.

Every battle he ever fought was always at a distance which is the clear representation of his own character. He is calculative, analytical, precise and moves fluidly with a flair like a true Ninja unlike Naruto who is always reckless, noisy, powerful and clumsy. 

Sasuke is someone who never lets his emotions get ahead in the battle, unlike Naruto. This is evident from the War when he was yelling at Naruto to stop worrying about Hokage as they were Edo Tensei who can regenerate. Even when fighting with Itachi, he calculated every move and attacked Itachi without any emotions except at the very end. Sasuke in this final battle forgot who he was and telling us viewers “Am just gonna get closer to Naruto and punch him hard”.

In short, Sasuke completely forgot all his battle tactics he had with Itachi and let his emotions get ahead of his cleverness and got himself closer to Naruto which eventually ended up weakening his resolve to kill him. This is what I meant by Unintentional Closeness.

Anyways, what I understood was, the creator didn’t put all this by without any meaning. It’s all very deliberate and drawn carefully.

Moving onto the final and the most defining moments of SNS.

When I watched this scene for the first time, I can’t comprehend the exact meaning. And I forgot about this later because of my excitement to know what happens next. But what I understood on my rewatch is that, the feelings exchanged here is very pure and innocent but distressing.

Sasuke already lost his resolve to kill by not ramming Naruto with Chidori instead balled up his fist. So he is not contemplating whether or not to kill Naruto.

Sasuke made every effort to leave Naruto and succeeded in it too. But somehow, accidentally, when faced with a person whom he considers so precious in such a close proximity, despite have a stinging pain in his arm, he is feeling the warmth he once felt. He just wants that warmth to prolong for some more time and he can’t able to evade it. So he totally gave in to that desire and feeling it unconsciously. Sasuke always watched Naruto (unbeknownst to him) and felt warmth, relief and weakness. This scene is the symbolic and innocent representation of all those feelings when he saw Naruto and he is exeriencing it for the final time. 

Does this means, does Sasuke wants to kiss him? No.

But every symbolism of that being happening is there. It’s just all open to interpretations. The creator could show us how Sasuke fell on his knees and staring at Naruto intently but never intended to show when he got up and left. I don’t understand this twisted mind of the creator.

Added to that, Sasuke was about to say ‘Naruto, I....’ God only knows what he was about to say. But every possibility of Sasuke confessing and kissing is there.

I know the creator cannot approach this directly considering the situations he worked under. But is there any necessity for such an intense scene? Even the anime creators loved this scene and made their own version of making Naruto’s eyes wide open and even more closer.

I wont be watching my friend or sister like that. 

That explains all the way back to this fated accidental scene.

There is nothing special about this scene. It’s all very clear that the kiss was accidental. It was really funny. But my point is why Sasuke never beat him to pulp or even push Naruto away like he did with Sakura and Karin? Why did he stood up for Naruto before Sakura? Why did he let go off Naruto even though he tied him up? Too many leeway for a single person in a single episode. And the most important part is, Sasuke thought it was intentional and remembers the taste. LOL.

Does this means he enjoyed the kiss? Not at all.

Most probably he was shocked to see Naruto in such a close proximity after seeing him from a distance for all those years. And he enjoys this as just another prank from Naruto in his own innocent way. But he won’t mind getting another one from Naruto either.

So, to conclude

I believe I made this post from an objective standpoint without making crazy theories and I don’t have to..... since canonical resources were plenty. Obviously my own bias will also be there which is unavoidable. But I tried to question the creative choices of why this scene even exist in the first place many times. Because those are the scenes which made the most impact inside me.

My first watch of Naruto gave me the benefit of doubt that ‘Are they in love? Nah... They are friends. Maybe I am just overthinking...  but why does it feel different??’ and that too only after finishing episode 478. After rewatching it again and again, it only consolidated my view.

For Sasuke, his worldly ties are pretty thin and runny. He was always a loner from the beginning even when he had his family. He never bothered to make any friends nor did anyone tried to befriend him. He was pretty close to his family especially Itachi. When he lost everything, somehow he got attracted innocently to Naruto and started to like him. But beyond Naruto he never bothered to add anyone in his heart. He considered Kakashi and Sakura were like his acquaintances who helped him a lot and that’s all.

Then after using Orochimaru, he gathered some high skilled shinobi for killing Itachi. But he made it clear that there don’t need to be any understanding but just co-operation would be enough. But along his way, he just abandoned Jugo, Suigetsu somewhere. He openly said to Karin that she is nothing but a burden to him. When his hatred reached upto a maximum boiling point, he didn’t even hesitate to kill Karin, Kakashi or Sakura. But the moment Naruto appears he calmed down. The proof? He was shocked to see Naruto at first. Then Naruto calls, ‘Sasuke!!!’, to which Sasuke responds with, ‘What?’. Despite becoming a maniac, he could find it in his heart to listen to Naruto.

It took an Edo Tenseified Itachi to bring him some rationality to question his beliefs about destroying Konoha. When Jugo and Suigetsu appear again, he casually asked them, ‘What do you want with me at this point?’, I mean, Come On, Man. LOL.  Even during the war arc, when things were about to blast off he only cared about Jugo (who helped him many times, so understandable) and Naruto (Geez!!! LOL).

Even after their final battle, the anime went so far as to create a scene where they were alone in a bright Konoha. But Sasuke looked very peaceful and listening to Naruto intently. When Naruto freaks out about Infinite Tsukuyomi, he casually laughs off and says ‘you still care about the world’. Meaning, he is happy there spending time alone with the person he loves. Doesn’t give a rat’s ass about missing anyone else. (How romantic!!!). Honestly, Sasuke wouldn’t mind if they were to stay that way forever. He would gladly listen to Naruto all day.  But when Naruto disappears he freaks out and starting to make up his mind about joining his brother.

It’s very clear that the people he adores are Itachi and Naruto. Towards Itachi, it’s super understandable, because he is his own brother. But Naruto??? Why should the creator go so far as to make Sasuke adores Naruto even after breaking up with him?

And why make Sasuke possessive about Naruto’s life? When Obito was about to kill Naruto with that Black Orbs, Sasuke blocked him and said ‘You are not the One to sever the past, I am’. I understand the logic behind Sasuke’s possessiveness on Itachi’s life because he destroyed his family, childhood and even Itachi wants Sasuke to be the one to kill him. But why possessive on Naruto? He is not related to him by blood. Naruto never did anything wrong to Sasuke to warrant any hate either. You will become possessive on something only when you truly hate it or wholeheartedly love it. There is no middle ground. My point is why put Naruto here at all in the first place?? Believe me, If Sasuke never paid attention to Naruto in the War arc, I would be the first person to jump out of this ship. 

Just to give you a basic example, Imagine you are living in a place far away from your family, friends and that loveable person. When Corona hits everywhere and forced Lockdown to travel outside the city, and the situation is getting worse day by day. Whom would you desperately reach out first? You would reach the person whom you are connected well in your family and that loved one. You will prioritize your friends only later. This is the Universal truth. Sasuke was seen showing that same instinct in the War arc towards Naruto whom he was not related by blood. And you all just want me to believe Sasuke sees him as just a friend?? Give me a break!!!

If all those traits I’ve mentioned above have been avoided to a greater extent, I would be happy to believe that they are friends. If not all, at the very least delegate some of the tropes to other people or share some of the tropes with other people along with Naruto. But dumping it all on Naruto alone makes me only curious and incredibly romantic too. 

It’s no wonder, Naruto would go so far as to reach out Sasuke even at the expense of his life.

Oh, Did I forget about the cutest and most exclusive trope to SNS?

U-SU-RA-TON-KA-CHI, the most personal word which carries its own meaning and is only for Naruto. So funny that Sasuke has to spend a certain amount of energy to call Naruto using a 6 syllabic word rather than NA-RU-TO, a 3 syllabic word which is much easier.

Disclaimer: This post constituted everything from from Chapter 1 to 699 or Episode 1 to 135 (part 1) + Episode 1 to 479 (Shippuden) excluding fillers. Though Sasuke shinden novel was made into anime, I don’t want to consider that here. As much as I loved the prologue in that novel, I still don’t want to cite that here, as I consider everything after 699 is $$$$ making bullshit.

FUN FACT:

If you put yourself in any character in the Naruto Universe except for Naruto, and ask them, ‘What do you think about Sasuke?’. You know the answer from Sakura, she will say ‘Sasuke-Kun looks very cool and acts aloof, that’s why I love him’. Kakashi will say ‘My favorite student’. And all the other people will say somewhat similar, ‘He is an excellent Shinobi who belongs to the proud Uchiha clan and Naruto’s rival’

But Naruto will be the only person to say this.

“Lot of fun to be around” ....... LOLLLLL.

Me: No, Naruto!!! Clearly not. No one in your universe can have fun with him except you. Go and Ask Sai, Team Taka or your own Team 7. They adore him for being Cool and Talented. But Fun is not the word that equates with Sasuke unless there is no You, Naruto.

Thanks for reading :-D

[kuroosweakness]

hii, how will atsumu, suna & iwaizumi react when they use their baby voice on their s/o and they didn’t she was filming? just like on tiktok!! ♥️

atsumu, suna, and iwaizumi when they talk in a baby voice without knowing their s/o is filming

a/n: my requests are closed but this is so fun i had to write this :’) 

atsumu: 

- as much as he’ll never admit it, he loves talking in a baby voice around you. he’ll subconsciously do it, especially when he’s tired or pleading something 

- but whenever you bring it up, he’ll be like “no i don’t” all defensively but then go back to his baby voice two minutes later

~~~

atsumu nuzzles his head against your neck and lets out a deep sigh. “long day?” you softly ask as you sweep his hair to side. atsumu nods, his hair tickling your skin. his sad pout almost makes you want to stop recording and just cuddle with him. almost. 

“babe,” he mumbles. “can you make those mug cakes again” 

your eyes widen, this is a lot coming from someone who was dissing you for your mug cakes a few days ago. “yes, but for myself. not for you. you said you didn’t like it last time” 

“pwease?” 

you playfully shove him off as you roll to the very side to the bed. the shoving part took a lot of effort because he’s quite heavy. atsumu looks at you with betrayal written all over his face. he frowns and he opens his arms. “come back.” 

you bat your eyelashes at him in response, not moving at all.  

he sighs and uses the cutest, highest voice he can manage with no shame. no shame. “come back, pretty pwease? my pretty baby~” 

your smile grows when you realize you caught it on camera. “ha, got you~” you laugh as you snatch your phone off the nightstand to stop recording 

“what?” he asks, completely oblivious. got my what?

you turn your phone to show him your new favorite video. atsumu just stares at it and blinks. why were you recording? ... until the video got to the part where he talked in baby voice. atsumu’s face immediately goes red as he snatches your phone from you, hopping off the bed. “i’m deleting this” 

“no you’re not-” you chase after him but he raises his arm up in the air. there’s nothing you can do except helplessly jump to reach it. there goes his smug smile

“atsumu. miya. give. it. back.” 

his smug smile does not waver. “not until i delete it~ the delete button has got to be here somewhere” 

your shoulders droop. he’s got the upper hand now. sighing in defeat, you say,“if you give me my phone back, i’ll go make you a mug cake” 

atsumu thinks about your offer for a second. “but i have to delete it first”

“no-“

“you won’t ….post it, right?”

“do you want me to?” a smile tugs the corners of your mouth

“of course not,” he scoffs. “that’s why i’m deleting it”

 he taps three times on your phone and then hands it back. “here…baby, why are you mad? you were the one recording me without permission, shouldn’t i be the one-“

you shrug it off as you take your phone back from his hand 

what atsumu overlooked was the fact that you can revive deleted pictures/videos from your phone because it’s not permanently deleted :) 

“sooo... can we go back to our cuddling sess before you rudely pushed me off?” he asks, trailing after you 

you ignore him. 

“pretty pwease? ‘tsumu will be ~very~ sad if you-” he cuts himself off and shakes his head. “why am i talking like that again damn it” 

suna: 

- catching suna talking in baby voice is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. the one time you caught him doing so, you hadn’t pressed record yet :’ he knew your antics so he stopped and now the furthest he’ll go is talk softly 

~~~

suna crawls on the bed, hovering above your face with a smirk. “and someone said they’re not tired” 

you flick his forehead and rolls over, facing away from him. somehow, a “nice jog around the park” turned into “running a couple of miles without stopping.” you could’ve just not ran but suna was already disappearing ahead and you didn’t to walk alone. technically, he left you. 

you feel the mattress sink as suna hand presses down on it, hovering closer to you. “don’t be so mad, y/n. it’s good exercise” 

“you said you don’t even like running” you mumble, refusing to make eye contact with him. you reach for your phone and pretends to scroll through social media when you’re actually recording 

“you’re right, i don’t. but i felt like it.” he plops himself into a sitting position and shrugs. “are you mad at me or just annoyed like the way you usually are?” 

“...a little bit mad and little bit annoyed at the same time” you reply 

he slides himself next to you and squishes your cheeks together with his large, cold hands. “there’s no use in being mad at me, so don’t be” his soft, loving voice completely catches you off guard. not exactly a baby voice, but this is the closest thing you’re going to get 

“rin, your voice was really soft just now” you mumble through his hands that still on your face, “you know the phrase butterflies in my stomach? that was what i felt just now” 

he rolls his eyes. “shouldn’t i be giving you butterflies everyday” 

now is your turn to roll your eyes. “i’m gonna rewatch this video the next time you’re being annoying” 

... “video?” he asks with an arched eyebrow 

“yes video. i recorded it” 

suna sends a hard glare down your spine as he moves his hands away. his mind is racing inside, trying to think of all the photos he has of you that can be used for blackmail 

“and what are you planning to do with that video?” he asks. “post it so you can show me off?”

iwaizumi: 

- i want to say he nevers talks in a baby voice but i can somewhat imagine him doing so. i mean, not really...but if i imagine hard enough, then yes 

~~~

“well, aren’t you tired...” he says in soft, trailing voice, the complete opposite of his usual flat tone. you wrap your arms even tighter around his waist, smiling to yourself as you knew where this is going 

iwaizumi lifts your chin up a bit and smiles. “aren’t you a cute little thing~” 

you meet his gaze and nod like yes, as for a fact, i am. he cups half of your face with one hand and rubs the pad of his thumb underneath your eye

 “did chu have a good ittle dinner~” he coos 

you can’t help but smile even bigger. “mhm~ say hi to the camera, iwa” you say as you bring your phone to his face, making sure he sees you recording

iwaizumi’s eyes immediately widens as he clears his throat. “y-y/n...you should’ve told me you were recording from the start” 

you laugh, almost falling off the couch, which makes you laugh even more. “i’ve got you now~” you sing, teasingly pinching his cheeks

he sighs as he rubs his forehead. “just let me talk to you in a baby voice in peace, babe” 

[moonlight-fan2008]

Moonlight rewatch part 4 of 16

Season 1 episode 4 fever

My favorite episode

Mick always watching Beth’s news reports is cute. Also can come off a tab stalker like

Josh and Beth do have a nice relationship they are sweet and love each other

When I first watched this way back when, I thought the actress who played Leni was Jamie Lynn Spears, no idea why. I mean at first glance they do look similar but when you really look at the two they look different

When I see it’s Beth calling I always pick up me: 😫

Mick in the background just looking around doing his own thing while Josh and Beth talk

Beth and Mick breaking the law together and getting in the middle of an investigation

Beth @ Mick “you’re a delicate flower Mick St.John” yes he is, in more ways than one

How old is Jack Tolland? Like Leni is confirmed to be 22 years old and in the pictures Jack looks to be at least in his mid to late 30s, he doesn’t look young to me, definitely not an age close to Leni’s

Beth “we make a pretty good team” Me quietly and still annoyed I’ll never see them work together again “yes you do”

How did Mick beat Leni to the bus stop? I know with busses they have multiple stops and whatnot but she had a few hours ahead of everyone to make it there

Josh “he seems like he can get the jump on just about anyone” and he’s back to being insecure

First episode where pregnancy and parenthood is mentioned in a more positive light, first three episodes talk about children and parenthood but in different aspects episodes 1 & 2 we see Beth is kidnapped so Coraline can get Mick back but it’s framed negatively.

Coraline only wants children to get Mick back and not because she genuinely wanted to have a family. Episode three describes the vampire/sire relationship as like a parent/child relationship and this relationship seen in this episode has soured very quickly and brought about a lot of needless suffering.

I said it in another post of mine that moonlight interestingly brings up family, children and things like that a lot.

Mick’s such a gentle person, like yeah he’s trying to get Leni back to L.A to testify but he’s also trying to look out for her and keep her safe

Leni asking Mick if he had kids and he says no and looks sad like he’s regretting not being able having a normal life. Then Leni telling Mick if she has a boy she’ll name it Mick

Leni and Mick stealing a cop car that was stolen by a hit man and then being forced to walk through the desert was probably not how Mick thought his day was going to go

Mick: I’m probably going to regret this. Me: you will

Beth being so heartbroken about Mick’s death, like I want to hug her and tell her he’s still alive

Leni “who’s Beth, is she your girlfriend?” Mick “no it’s complicated” me: it’s actually not complicated Mick she’s just your friend, you just want her to be your girlfriend

Beth rushing in to save Mick because she cares about him so much

Mick “i guess I am a delicate flower” Beth “I guess you are” 😫 I love these two so much

I love the intimacy of the feeding scene (I’m not sure what else to call it) like there’s nothing sexual about it but the fact that Beth trusts Mick so much. trusts that he won’t hurt her or kill her or try to turn her into a vampire, that she’ll let him drink her blood in such a vulnerable situation. Speaks volumes to how much she trust him despite the fact that they’ve only known each other for a few months and the fact that Mick would rather die than feed off of Beth shows how much he cares about her and values her friendship and that he doesn’t want to ruin it.

Also “not your blood. Not like this” implies that Mick’d thought out drinking Beth’s blood before and would probably like to have drunk her blood in a more ideal situation.

Like I said there’s absolutely nothing sexual about the situation but it is very intimate and sweet all the same

Josh to Beth “hey we make a pretty good team” me whispering “yeah sure but not as good as she and Mick does”

Beth trying to re-connect with Mick and him shutting her out to keep her safe is so frustrating

I give this episode 10 out of 10 wooden stakes. This is one of my favorite episodes, I love everything about it.

[flyersheartbreaker]

Forever By Your Side| Isaac Ratcliffe

a/n: this is my first imagine that I am officially publishing! I am very excited to share all of my writing content and series with you guys :)

Pair: Isaac Ratcliffe x reader

Summary: Watching your boyfriend Isaac get seriously hurt during one of his home games and watching him battle through the toughest injury a hockey player could battle, so he can continue on with dream playing in the NHL

Warnings: Hockey Injuries, Cussing, Cute Fluff

Word Count: 3,321 words

It was just another ordinary Sunday afternoon watching a game live from the PPL center here in Allentown, Pennsylvania or so I thought. The game was going really well with the Phantoms up 3-1 on the Hershey Bears half way through the second period. There was your beloved star-studded boyfriend number 19 carrying the puck up against the boards through the neutral zone when suddenly bam everything went to complete silence, except for that shear sound that you wish you could so badly get out of you head.

I jumped out of my seat and darted up the stairs from the lower-level seats that I was sitting in with some of the other girlfriends. I can hear the god-awful scream ringing in my ears over and over again that was coming down from ice level. The crowd was silent, so quiet that you could probably hear a pin drop and when that happens you know for a fact that it isn’t good. Nothing ever good comes from silence at a time like this and I needed to get down to the locker rooms as quick as possible.

Isaac got hit hard up against the boards and fell awkwardly down to the ground, and his right foot looked like it twisted the wrong way. He's had rough collisions before, but never like this. Isaac is a big dude that you surely didn’t want to ending up colliding with, but this time it looked like Isaac got the wrong end of the play. I never in my life ever heard him yell in absolute pain like the wat he was when the trainers and his teammates were trying to help his 6-foot-6 body off of the ice.

My heart was in my stomach as I was racing down the stairs that would lead me to the home locker rooms. I quickly flashed my team badge to the security guard Frank without saying a word. He must have known it wasn’t good either, as he told me to breathe and be careful myself as I jumped down the last few steps.

If Isaac had a season ending injury, it would kill him. He was just heating up and playing his best hockey yet and working his ass off day in and day out so he could eventually make the Flyers roster within this season or even next season for sure. But if his season is over that means his chances of getting to the NHL level could be too and that would just destroy him completely.

As soon as I rounded the corner to the trainer's office, I saw him being helped on to the examine table. His face was as red as a cherry, and he was in a lot of pain. The trainers quickly started icing the area the best that they could as they slowly untied his skate and too it off of him.

“He is definitely going to need some X-Rays done immediately and possibly an MRI as well depending on what the results of the X-Rays are.” The Phantoms trainer Brian Grogesky said to Neil who was one of the Phantoms physicians.

“Jeff and Robert are on their way down from the press box and getting the emergency X-Ray equipment ready. In the mean time you need to relax the best that you can Isaac.” Neil said to Isaac as Isaac tried his best laying down comfortably on the examine table.

Both Brian and Neil noticed me standing outside of the door of the trainer's room and signaled me to come on in, in hopes that Isaac could ease up and relax a little bit more with me by his side.

“Hello, y/n! Looks like we got a live one here and that big boy landed pretty hard on that ankle of his.” Brian said trying to make light of the situation.

Isaac sat up on his elbow and looked me dead in the eyes. I can see and feel the pan behind them, my heart sank even more for him. I just want him to be okay, I want him to be able to play the rest of this season, he worked way too fucking hard for this to happen to him.

“Hey babes, how is the pain?” I said walking over to Isaac and grabbing his hand while kissing him ever so lightly and carefully.

“It's a bitch babe if I am being honest. I’m trying not to think of the worst, but I can’t help it. This isn’t fair, why me? Why fucking me?” Isaac said in more frustration.

“Isaac, don’t get too far ahead of yourself. We don’t know the actual results just yet. But whatever the outcome is you can come back from it stronger than ever. Hockey injuries is sometimes apart of the game as silly and stupid as it sounds, but you’re a fighter and you got this.” Neil said as he placed another bag of ice on Isaac’s ankle.

“They are right babe, your team trainers, physicians and any other doctors have your best interests. Let’s get you into the X-Ray room and then go from there okay big guy.” I said while planting another kiss onto Isaac’s lips.

Jeff brought in some crutches for Isaac to use, so they can take him down the hall to get the X-Rays taking care of. I am hoping that is all that Isaac is going to need and that whatever it is, it's a quick recovery.

After a few short minutes Isaac was crutching back out of the X-Ray room with a look of disappointment on his face.

“Oh no babe...how bad is it?” I asked him while he collects himself.

“It’s not broken...but they are sending me for an MRI early tomorrow morning to see if that shows up with anything and then go from there.” He said in a low tone.

“Well, that is a plus sign that it isn’t broken. You got to be positive about this honey, you need to be optimistic. You can't be negative. Everything is going to work out for the best. Hopefully it's just a minor sprain and you will be back on the ice in no time.” You told Isaac as you wrapped yourself around his side.

All of Isaac’s staff and trainers helped Isaac out of the arena and to his car and safety got him into the passenger seat while, I got into Isaac’s driver's seat.

“Alright, make sure when you get home you put more ice on that ankle for at least 15-20 mins on and then same time off. Do it throughout the night if you can and also, make sure you are using the crutches as much as possible and for the love of God Isaac do not put any pressure on that ankle until after we get the MRI results and see exactly what is going on. We don’t want to make the injury any worse than what it could already be. Try to get some much-needed rest and we will see you in the morning.” Brian said closing the passenger door.

The ride back to Isaac’s apartment complex was extremely quiet. I didn’t know what to say or what to do, so I just let Isaac sit there and pounder in his thoughts alone without me distracting him. Which probably wasn’t a good idea, because I know my boyfriend, I know for a fact that he is thinking the worst possible scenario that he could think of right now.

I helped Isaac out of the car and into the elevators up to his apartment and got him comfortably settled on the couch with his foot/ankle elevated and two ice packs placed on the injured area.

“Do you want or need anything? You want me to bring out another pair of comfy clothes for you?” You asked Isaac as you placed a pillow behind his head/back and placed a blanket right by him as well.

“No, I’m fine...” He whispered as scrolled on his iPad to rewatch the ending of the game and rewatch highlights and the moment of his injury.

You so badly, wanted to say something along the lines to him like "babe don’t be watching that now, it wasn’t your fault, there was nothing that you could have done to prevented that from happening, so on and on.” But deep down you knew nothing would make him feel better until he knew what the main results were. And as the night went on, you could see the realization hit him that this was going to keep him out for a while. He just looked sad, and drained.

After a couple of hours, another X-Ray, and an MRI later, you and Isaac were sitting there waiting in the trainer's office for the results from both the trainer and team doctors.

Both Brian and Jeff walk in with a folder which I assume held the test results for Isaac’s ankle/foot.

“Well, the good news is the second X-Ray that we took this morning once again showed that there was no brake in both the ankle and the foot.” Brian said.

“And what about the MRI? What did the MRI show?” Isaac asked nervously.

I grabbed Isaac’s hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. I could see the look on both Brian’s, Jeff’s, and even Coach Gordon’s face that this news that they are about to give doesn’t seem to be very promising.

Jeff cleared his throat ever so calmly and spoke. “The MRI came back with a high ankle sprain injury which means we really don’t have a timetable for you to return to at this point of time. This type of injury is extremely difficult to recover from quickly. So, with that being said we need to place you on injury reserve indefinitely until we get more of a clear view on this injury.”

“Out indefinitely...so that could mean that I might be done for the season?” Isaac ever so softly spoke.

“Unfortunately, yes Rat...I am so sorry and with it being late into the season already we don’t want to risk anything further and do anymore damage to the ankle. Brian, Jeff and myself all agreed on shutting you down for the remainder of this year. So, it’s better for you to take this time to heal carefully and properly and then eventually rehab it back to full strength without any other necessary tests or worse case scenario surgeries. Then once you have healed properly, we can train and get you back to 100 percent for next year's rookie and training camp.” Coach Scott Gordon said while looking at both Isaac and myself.

My heart broke ever so much for Isaac, this isn’t fair. I know injuries can be a part of the game sometimes, but why did this have to happen to Isaac and why now?! He has been killing it day in and day out since being drafted in 2017. He deserves his chance at playing at the NHL and now with this setback is he ever going to make it to that level?

The ride to Isaac’s apartment was once again a quiet one and this time I don’t blame him. I mean how is he supposed to react to something like this? What is he supposed to say or do when your head coach, trainer and team doctor shut you completely down for God knows how long.

Isaac settled down on the couch and tossed his crutches to side and unstrapped his high ankle boot so he can comfortably rest his ankle on the pillow in front him.

"Baby, I am so fucking sorry that is happening, it’s not right nor is it fair to you." I said, resting my head on his shoulder while getting cozy next to him.

"What if this is it for me? What if I can't play anymore after this?" He asks, eyes filling with tears.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't say that.  You being negative will only make that happen. You are a fighter Rat...you are one tough, strong as hell hockey player who will power through this. I promise you that." I said grabbing his hand and interlocking our fingers together, while placing a kiss on his hand.

A tear rolls down his cheek ever so slightly. "All I wanted to do was be that excitement that both the Lehigh and Philly fans need. All I wanted ever so badly was to have my chance to make it to the NHL level and it got taken away from me. Why do bad things happen to good people?" Isaac asked broken and frustrated.

Once he started crying, I had lost it. Nothing I could do, or say would take that pain away from him and it just broke my heart. I went into the kitchen and I just cried as grabbed him more ice packs from the freezer. How am I supposed to look at the man that I love, and not have my heart shatter like glass when I look into those eyes that were once so shiny, and bright, but now shows nothing at all?  I have no idea the pain he is going through or the frustrating emotions he is now going through as well and I feel terrible.

I eventually collected myself and walked back out into the living room and ever so easily and softly place the ice packs on the injured area and took my seat back on the couch next to Isaac.

"That's the crappy thing about life.” I breathed as I took a deep breathe myself and continued on. “For some reason, it always attacks the good ones, and praises the hell out of the bad ones." I sob, wiping away not only my own tears but also his tears once again. "We'll get through this. I promise. It'll be hard, and it'll be long, but we're going to pull through this." I tell him as I run my hand through his hair.

He squeezes my other hand tightly. "What if during my time out things don’t get better and I need to get surgery, and it's worse than they thought? That could happen. What if they see that my injury is worse than what they thought and that I am out on the shelf even longer and I completely miss this upcoming season as well? Or worse they tell me that I can't do this anymore?" He asks, gasping for air. "I don't want that to happen and I'm scared to death that it will."

I snuggled beside him even more then I already was, resting my head on his chest, sobbing harder than I was before, because I honestly hate when he thinks that he isn’t good enough or he thinks his career is over because of a minor setback or in this case a possible major setback. "Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay? Just for now, it's a bump in the road. No journey to greatness is a smooth one Isaac. Whatever the hell happens next, we'll face it together as a team, because I am not leaving your side and letting you fight this injury alone. I know that you so badly want to break and that you feel like this the end of the road, but you need to keep pushing and listen to the training staff and follow their instructions."

"I love you so much." He tells me, sniffling. "Thank you for helping me with this, baby, I couldn’t do this without you" Isaac said while planting a soft and slow kiss on my lips

"I'll help you through anything. No matter what." I said while smiling and kissing him softly back.

It was battle to get Isaac’s ankle back to a healthy, normal, and stable ankle for a hockey player at his height and weight but we were able to do it. It was a long road and journey until Isaac was back out on the ice skating again and preparing himself for this upcoming training camp season.

Isaac looked and felt good, until one day right before the Flyers condensed training camp something didn’t seem right with him.

Isaac met up with Flyers trainer Jim McCrossin and after a deep examination we found out that Isaac was suffering from a fractured rib and a collapsed lung. We don’t know how exactly this had happen or when it happened. It could have been from when he fell during his ankle injury or from being hit during Rookie Camp, we don’t have the answers right now. And once again, here I am watching my boyfriend being completely destroyed and devastated all over again.

Isaac became instantly depressed, and much worst this time around because he knew there was no chance of making the Flyers squad this season and who knew when he could lace up for the Phantoms season as well. But thank God for Jim McCrossin who helped Isaac get the right and special care that he needed and got him completely healthy so he could play for the rest of this Phantoms season as well.

Isaac was getting game day dressed for a home game here in Allentown. I sat on the bed and watched/admire him as he fixes his tie in the mirror.

"Try not to worry about tonight so much baby, you are going to absolutely kill it out there like always. Once you get out on that ice, I have no doubt in my mind you will play just like how you used to before all of these setbacks. And just remember that no matter how easy, or how hard tonight’s game is going to be I'll be here for you always. But also, please promise me one thing, that if you don’t feel right to let your staff know immediately because I never want to see you get hurt like this again.” I said walking up behind him and wrapping my arms around his torso.

"I promise babe, I know that I need to take my health more seriously and whatever happens, happens. One day I will make my dream a reality and officially play in the NHL, but for the time being I got to focus on the now and my health." He said as he spun around and kissed me.

Watching Isaac warm up made my heart race and beat fast. But it was all worth seeing him back out there skating with the team and his boys. He looked so good and happy out on the ice and that is all that I could ever ask for.

The journey was extremely hard and long this past summer and fall for both Isaac and I, but in the end it definitely made us a stronger unit in our relationship and it has totally made Isaac a stronger hockey player both physically and mentally.

After the game, I bolted down to the locker room this time excitedly to see my boyfriend, not in a complete shear panic like last time and waited for Isaac to come out after he was done with the media.

The door swung open and I immediately saw Isaac and jumped right into arms like a little high school girl. “Babeee, you were beyond amazing tonight! I am so very proud of you, how are you feeling?” I asked nervously but giddy at the same time.

Isaac picked me up and kissed me ever so passionately before answering any of my questions that I just threw at him. “I felt good and still feel good. It was awesome to be back out on that ice again playing with the boys in front of our home crowd, their excitement and energy helped out a lot. But truthfully, I couldn’t have done any of this without you, y/n. I love you so much and I can’t wait to continue this amazing hockey journey with you right by myside.”

[celiastjms]

Okay, here it goes. Episode Four of Scenes from a Marriage and it’s been less than 24hrs and I have rewatched the episode what, five times? Some scenes I’ve rewatched more than that :’) and I just??? That fucking show, these fucking characters??? Spoilers ahead, behold! — and this is long, I apologize in advance!!!!

One of the two major takeaways from the episode is that they are BOTH so incredibly awful to and for each other, and that they bring out the FUCKING WORST in each other. The sadest part is that they cannot be with but also not without one another even if it means hurting each other. And — and this is absolutely fucking tragic, the other major takeaway is that they STILL haven’t learned to communicate with each other. It’s been ( roughly ) FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!! ( In the first episode Mira is not yet 40, so she’s still 39 and now she is 43 and a half so give or take four years have passed since the first episode ) And yet all they kept constantly doing throught the episode was to ACCUSE the OTHER of not listening and not being able to communicate. Like they BOTH are aware of the issue but neither attempts to work through it??

Wow, just wow.

Those two are just, I don’t even have the words???

Like, where the fuck do I even start???

Mira already dragged her feet about the divorce in Episode Three, she wasn’t willing and ready then and maybe she hadn’t noticed the why yet but she wasn’t ready for a divorce then and she sure as hell isn’t ready now, even if she struggles to admit that out loud once prompted by Jonathan.

Again, Jonathan’s calculating and cold side jumped out. Like the scene, with them on the couch?? With Mira asking if he would be able to marry her again and then getting all quiet after her “ We’re fucked ”, like Jonathan KNEW that she still wanted him, he knew that when he invited her into his arms and she happily curled against him and he knew that when he started touching her. He was the initiator and he went quite aggressive about it ( which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, pretty sure it came as a welcome surprise to Mira though ), he knew she wanted him and he very much wanted her.

Mira asking him to stay after, to not immediately go, showing herself vulnerable and at the same time content in his arms, man that was a glimpse into their sex-life during their marriage ( that gets expanded later on but more on that in a second ). She knew he’d rush to get up, NOT because he regrets what they did but because he feels the need to clean himself — now I don’t know if this is rooted in his religious upbringing and something he simply cannot shake or if it’s something else but either way it must be a fucking awful feeling to have your partner rush to clean himself after you just had sex. No doubt humiliating too in a way, so no wonder she asked him to stay and I wonder how often she had done that before, you know to have that kind of soft intimacy?

Their marriage was broken in so many ways & aspects. I know we only got to see the tip of the iceberg but holy fuck.

Mira telling him she got fired, or, asked to resign and going back to explain that it was bound to happen after she didn’t take the promotion and Jonathan getting defensive IMMEDIATELY, to the point where she HAS TO tell him she isn’t blaming him and that this isn’t what it is about is such a perfect example of them STILL not having learned to communicate with each other. I have no fucking clue how they got through the settlement conversations if all they do is either hear what they want to hear or only hear half of what the other says and then interprete it in a completely different direction because they didn’t listen to the rest. Like, it has been ( give or take ) FOUR FUCKING YEARS and they still haven’t learned to communicate.

No wonder they never fucking sorted through any issue they had prior to Mira cheating on him and leaving him since they just don’t know how to fucking communicate.

Okay back to Mira telling Jonathan she has lost her job. It fucking sucks. I can see where she is coming from, she gave them their all, she put her marriage on the line, the relationship with her daughter and how did they thank her for it? By asking her to resign when she no longer gave them their all but took time to work on her relationships and spend time with her daughter.

It’s a bit of a tragedy, that she wanted it all and for a split second she had it, only for her to lose it all in the end. Losing her job drives the point home that she has officially lost everything. I mean, sure, Mira escaped from her marriage into her career, because in her career she didn’t feel the need to make herself small in an effort not to emasculate anyone, which is how she felt in her relationship with Jonathan and while losing the life she had with Jonathan was bearable, at first at least, she still had her job, she still had the security of that. The knowledge that she was good at what she did and needed there, but now she has lost that too and is watching her life spinning out of control. ( She’ll probs get a nice settlement and will still be well off but still, it stings ) It takes her a little while to admit but she felt like she was being replaced by someone younger, by someone more fun which is why she takes such offense later when Jonathan mentions that they’re older ( we’ll get to that ). 

That no doubt hits hard and Jonathan takes THAT FUCKING MOMENT to tell her, no less than thirty minutes after they had sex, that he no longer feels anything for her? That he no longer cares? ( And later he even expects her to be happy for him? What the fuck man?? ) Like don’t get me wrong I understand where he comes from, because it is no doubt liberating to him to have reached that point — BUT fucking her to try and prove to himself he is okay without her? C’mon that’s a low fucking blow and to rub it in her face when she’s already on the ground isn’t much better.

I mean sure she asked, but what the fuck man?

It’s no fucking wonder that she lashes out. She’s hurt. He hurt her so she tries to hurt him in return. They truly do bring out the worst in each other. Also, I absolutely love that she calls him out, that she asks if he only fucked her to prove to himself he doesn’t love her anymore and the hilarious part is that Jonathan doesn’t even acknowledge it because he knows that she has a point.

She isn’t wrong when she calls him a narcissist and says he doesn’t give a fuck about how, what he says makes her feel. At the same time, I love that Jonathan has reached a point where he can meet Mira as an EQUAL — bc they both are fucking egocentric narcissists but also, because that is what she needs. Someone who is her equal, which I think Poli in many ways is, the fact that they’re fighting and going to couples counseling at least speaks for him being able to call her out on her BS which for the longest time Jonathan wasn’t able to ( but Poli isn’t Jonathan and he isn’t who Mira wants, yes yes we’ll get to that ) which is what I think he aims for when he tells her he has detached himself from her enough to still be able to enjoy her and her company but to no longer be as emotionally dependent as he once was. He just choses the wrong fucking moment??

It’s a given that Mira lashed out and tried to hurt him and she hit a fucking nerve, Jonathan wouldn’t have gone off the way he did, if she didn’t. I mean it fucking stings to be told that she wasn’t sexually fulfilled — as if he wouldn’t know that already since she cheated BUT STILL and that she felt the need to hide a part of herself and instead of acknowledging that and listening to what she says — or to communicate, how he chides her what, five minutes earlier? He goes on and talks right over her, aiming for the same topic but from a completely different angle.

They can’t fucking communicate.

And man, despite everything, Mira STILL can’t bring herself to sign the papers even though he told her pretty much directly that he no longer wants her?? It’s tragic that she realized now, where Jonathan is done, or claims to be at least, that she isn’t.

She NEVER was fully available to Poli, no matter how hard he tried and how much he wanted to have a relationship, a family with her because she was still too hung up on Jonathan, because she couldn’t let him go, because even though she cannot be with him, she cannot be without him. The worst part is that she realized that she rather holds on to Jonathan than to try and build a family with Poli when she went to couples counseling with him. When she did with Poli what Jonathan asked her to do before she grabbed her things and ran.

And all that Jonathan WANTS to hear is that because she got dumped ( and lost her job ) she comes back running to him. Which is not the fucking case, she says that Poli took longer to accept that the relationship was over. If anything, Mira left him and she left him because she rather gives up on a future with Poli than giving on Jonathan. And it’s sad that, she is honest and vulnerable in that moment because she truly opens up and reveals something of herself and all he chooses to hear ( which is understandable considering where they stand BUT STILL ) is that she got dumped and chooses to come running back to him when she has wanted to come back to him this entire time but she’d been too blind to see it or acknowledge it— even though IT WAS OBVIOUS as fuck. I mean she even tells him that she has zero desire for a fresh start, that she wants what she used to have and I don’t think she would want her job back and would want to live in the marriage the way they did before she cheated but she wants back what she and Jonathan once had, because she still loves him and she knows he still loves her.

Jonathan pushing Mira right after they had sex to sign the settlement drives home the point that he is seemingly done. You know, one last fuck, a nice dinner and that’s it. When in truth he pushes her to sign the papers because he tries to convince HIMSELF that it’s for the better. I mean he tells her he is ready to tear the settlement up instead of signing them, but at the same time he knows they need to sign it because at the point they’re at right now, they would no doubt destroy each other would they go back to each other.

What I thought was interesint, was that he signed the papers only after Mira did, which I thought the entire time he had already done and that he was only waiting for her to do the same. Funny, that he pushed her to do something he hadn’t done himself yet, right? Looks like Mira isn’t the only one still hung up on what they once had.

And god, when he tells her he wants another child and that he is thinking about doing it without the attachment of a relationship and Mira asks if he thought that she might want to give him another child?? Like?? Girl why would he? Why would he even consider you? I understand fully why he didn’t but I get too why she asked because SHE IS still very much hung up on Jonathan, she had just made that much clear with telling him she chose him over Poli and the fact that she is ready, in a heartbeat, to give him another child, which is what she had denied Poli just underlines that??

And then she takes offense when he points out that they aren’t young anymore because she takes it as an insult ( considering the day she had I understand that though ) and because the concept of HIM having a child WITHOUT HER whether or not a romantic relationship is involved is one she doesn’t like one fucking bit, which is why she lashes out the way she does.

They bring out the absolute fucking worst in each other and yet they can’t get away from one another. Can’t be without each other.

I’m not saying that they’re prone to violence, but Jonathan had manhandled her before, when he wouldn’t let her pack her own suit case and pushed her away. They truly bring out the worst in each other. Neither Mira’s nor Jonathan’s actions here are excusable. They BOTH are just fucking awful and they reach their breaking point in that moment. And it’s awful and it’s painful, and they still love one another, which is the worst fucking part.

Like when Jonathan leaves, he for a moment looks ready to turn around and go back, to not have things end that way. Even now, even after that, they still cannot let go of each other. They can’t with and they can’t without each other.

Jessica and Oscar delivered again. I have no fucking words. Their skill and talent is unmatched. That last scene broke me and knowing it was them without a stunt coordinator hits even harder because they just fucking went for it?? And delivered this?? My heart is still bleeding.

HONESTLY, there is so much more that I could say but this already got super long hdhfjdkskdhf ( I’m sorry!! ) I’ll probs make another post soon because I got so many thoughts BUT STILL. What the fuck was that episode??? It feels so final?? So, well and truly over that I have absolutely no fucking clue what to expect from the next and actual final episode?? I just know that I need it NOW even though I’m terrified as fuck.

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[rexeipts]

Monday morning rewatch thoughts:

I am in my feels, very angry at this episode.

Annie had little to no story so skipping her this time around.

Ruby & Stan:

- Stanimal trying to get the girls to strike was great, and I want to see him (not Beth) run the strip club so bad. I hope that is the storyline they take us down.

- Ruby and Stan once again are king and queen of communication. These two are such an excellent example of healthy and happy marriage.

- Ruby biting a lime at Stan’s replacement gave me life in the montage

Beth & Dean:

That’s who Beth gets paired with this week. Dean. Not Rio. Because that’s how mad I am at her.

- Dean on the bike ride scene was once again far too long and wasted precious screen time. I forced myself not to fast forward through that scene. And you know what I noticed? Dean literally compares being sexually assaulted in prison to being someone’s wife on a honeymoon and being forced to have a baby put inside you. Because that is how Dean sees his fucking wife and marriage. Literal other convicts sexually assaulting someone in prison is like them thinking you’re their wife on a honey moon. Let that fucking sink in. And no, I don’t think that was intentional characterization by the writers. That is just existing as a metaphor these writers chose to use while trying to continue a Dean redemption arc.

- Dean leaving the hot tub when the other guys were shitting on Beth for being a buzz kill was an attempt at showing “growth”. But it’s not. It’s fucking table stakes. See above mention of non consensual sex being like a wife.

- How Beth does not realize this is another of dean’s idiotic schemes and poor money decisions is beyond me.

- I am relieved only in that Beth looked upset after getting Rio arrested this time. Good. Be upset. You had a choice. I’m so mad at Beth right now. I’m honestly starting to think she deserves Dean.

- Beth, honestly you think Rio would hurt your kids? Then why turn him in? You’re so scared of him then why risk it? Choosing him would have meant protecting your kids if you look at it factually, he threatened your family if you turned him in. Like she’s just dumb at this point? The writers have characterized her as dumb. Did she conveniently forget season 1 when he got out? I mean for real? Do these writers even watch previous seasons?

- Beth being with Dean literally undermines all feminism about the show. I have said that before and will say it again. Dean is a cancer on this show’s fun. Pun intended.

- Beth uses her sweet housewife voice on Nick. Literally everyone but Rio. And she literally flirts with Nick. You’re literally married Beth. Divorce Dean before you flirt with yet another person.

Rio & Nick:

- Baby Rio looked like Rio I thought. Him drawing a boxer was heart breaking. Because he literally wanted that his entire life. The last flashback scene made it seem like he wanted it for money. Nick tells him he doesn’t need boxing because they have a way to get money now, but Rio literally wanted boxing from childhood. And Nick ripped that away from him. Nick gave him no choice. Not because he wanted him to learn a lesson, because he wanted to use him. Rio is Nick’s designated fall guy.

- Rio = good egg, Nick bad, better be fucking FORESHADOWING FOR RIO GETTING SOMETHING NICE FINALLY THIS SEASON. At least the writers told us that pretty openly.

- The champ champ champ now all makes sense

- Who is Rio’s coach and can we please have a cheesy storyline where the coach is the only one to ever be on his side

- What is he having them print for? The girls point it out like why does he need all of that?

- Him telling Beth he does need her? No he doesn’t. That was actually a very sweet line. The way he looked at her, he’s in love with her guys. Like his face said yes I need you because I can’t seem to give you up. He doesn’t need her for money. It’s unfortunate they chose to dirty it up with him threatening her family.

- Rio grows from the ashes. He is the designated fall guy who rises from the ashes to be untouchable. Hence Phoenix I guess. Sure.

- I actually like Nick being in the show. First because I’m mad at Beth. But mostly because he is the only character introducing a new dynamic. He is the only thing that’s not repetitive. The only fresh storyline. And he’s already making her talk about Rio. But also, would it fucking kill either of them to say the man’s damn name? But also I like the actor and think he’s pleasant to look at on screen, sue me.

- Oh look, Nick, another man telling Beth Rio is too dangerous for her when she LITERALLY SHOT HIM. Do you all REALIZE SHE IS NOT A DELICATE FUCKING LAMB.

- I am no longer convinced that Rio had a plan all this time, not after rewatching the car scene. It seems like Rio was ready to kill her, mostly because he doesn’t know another choice, and Nick pointed out the obvious. Unless Rio is playing Nick. But truth be told, Rio threatening her family was ooc. And I’m holding on to the fact that he said family, aka Dean Annie Ruby who he has threatened before, and she took it to mean kids. I’m also holding on to the fact that Rio puts on masks. He puts on cold gang banger mask, he tries to manipulate and find new ways to incentivize beth. If you look at it that way, as him trying to get her to choose him rather than a plot of trying to get her to turn him in, it’s heartbreaking. He is so desperate to get her to pick him he literally pulled out his final option. His only remaining incentive that he hasn’t tried on her. EDIT: UNLESS Rio is playing Nick too. Because now? SS trusts Beth. And Nick trusts Rio. Nick thinks Rio and Beth aren’t on the same side. That Beth turned Rio in and Rio’s murderous over it. And Rio can use Beth to take Nick down without Nick seeing them coming. I hope they’re going for that. Because that would be genius. And would really be Rio 100 steps ahead, and would make the whole episode make sense in terms of his characterization.

- The arrest scene was heart breaking. The complete betrayal in his eyes was so sad. As others have stated, choosing to slam him on a table, while yes it is realistic to how he would likely be treated in the real world, was not necessary. He wasn’t resisting and was literally just standing there. Idk why the writers feel the need to be “realistic” in some moments and not in others. Poor choice. But what I did appreciate was him staring at Beth. Like she was forced to face him this time. With his face shoved against a table while she stands there being cuffed gently. She did that. She didn’t see him arrested on tv. She didn’t run away after shooting him. She had to stand there in his gaze looking at the betrayal on his face. Good. I’m sorry but she deserved it. She needs to face the damn consequences of her actions. Sorry I’m upset with her RN.

- At this point I believe Rio is in love with Beth. And it seems the writers are actually pushing metaphors and moments that make us sympathize with Rio and see Nick as the bad guy. I do think Beth will eventually get there/realize her feelings for Rio later this season but it might be too little too late. Time will tell.

Promo/Thoughts going forward:

- I like Phoebe and don’t mind her being around

- Rio and Beth on a bench again is good news to me. On the same bench.

- Idk if it’s a time jump but Rio comes in with a fresh hair cut, new wardrobe, and a tan looking like he just had a hot girl summer and is feeling great, over his ex, and is ready to fuck shit up.

- I want to see Rio remind Beth that she betrayed him personally. I want her to have to face that. It’s not just she betrayed him professionally. I want to see him reject her, I want to see her flirt or bat her lashes at him and him to be like nope sorry. Just for a minute though like just one episode lol. And only because I think it will make her realize her feelings for him.

- Beth and Rio v Nick please. Just give us something fucking new.

- These writers had an amazing path they could have gone down of the housewife partnering with a gang banger. It would have been fun, plenty of comedic gold available, and plenty of options for conflict between them and with external forces. And instead they chose this. I feel sometimes like this show would have been way better if it wasn’t on NBC. This story, this chemistry, belonged with writers who would realize its potential. That’s what I find disappointing.

[jojoimaginestories]

My Dear (Dio Brando)

My Dear

Paring: Dio Brando (Part 1) x Fem!Reader Words: 6016 Warning: HELLA LONG FIC!!! Dio is nice I guess, He’s super nice to the reader, again, super long (I’m sorry), some language, a little bit yandere (not sure) Requested By: No one Synopsis: Dio has a friend he’s known since his younger days in London and sees her a few years later, romance ensues...

(A/n: I rewatched Part 1 recently and spent a couple days on this, but I just HAD to write it)

**Gif is not mine**

Your eyes bored into the tavern as you entered, wanting to grab a drink and food before returning home for the evening. You saw a blonde boy cleaning food off of his face and grinned.

“Dio,” You waved and approached him.

He looked up to see you and sighed. “(Y/n),” He muttered. “You’re dirty. Did you just come from working?”

You sat next to him. “Well yes! Chimneys don’t clean themselves!” You reached and wiped some mashed potato from his eyebrow. “You look like you got into another scuffle. Did ya win?”

He tilted his head. “You shouldn’t work so hard. You’ll end up handless, I’m sure. You’re clumsy.”

You frowned. “Never mind. Why even bother trying to get a response to my question? You’re going to say yes.”

He sighed again. “(Y/n), you cannot ignore this. I worry for you.”

You smiled. “Well, I just need to help my Papa get rich, and then I don’t have to work anymore.” You held up two fingers as a peace sign. “For now, I’ll clean chimneys.” He grabbed a handkerchief and wiped your cheek. You blinked as you saw black soot on it. You nodded slowly. “Oh! Right. Those nasty Thompsons never clean their chimneys on time.” You waved your hand around with a frown. “They’re bloody bastards that like making my work harder.”

“You need to watch your language, my dear.” He wiped your nose. “Or no man will want you. You’re a foul-mouthed girl.”

You shrugged. “I only need a man to give me what I ask for. When I’m rich Dio, I swear, I’ll buy a mansion and live there for eternity. No one will bother me.” You smirked. “Isn’t that what you also want? You want to be rich so you can stand at the top of the world?” You nodded. “Then you can do it. For me, I actually have to work hard to achieve that. You practically might have a chance after your father croaks.”

“Don’t speak of that bastard in front of me, (Y/n),” He hissed.

You retracted, turning your head to frown. “Apologies, Dio. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“…” He wiped your cheek again. “I’m just waiting for when he does die. You might jinx it.”

“Apologies, again.”

“Stop apologizing.” He tilted your head and made you face him. “You’re not wrong, are you? I didn’t deny your words.”

You slowly nodded. Your cheeks felt a bit warm. “You are correct in that matter, yes.”

He huffed. “Such a weird tone of words you use.” He pulled away. Your eyes darted away. “If I finally get out of here, you better change it by the time I visit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You wave your hand around.

He grabbed the gold coins in the table and got up. “I better go.” He fixed his shirt. He looked at you. He opened one of your hands and placed two gold coins inside. “Get yourself something to eat. You look thin.”

“I’m fine, Dio,” You gave him a smile.

He fought a blush on his cheeks. “Eat.” He walked out, causing you to watch his movements until he left through the doors.

--

8 years later, Dio was finishing up studies at school when he was leaving to return home for the day. Jonathan was waiting for him patiently. Him and Dio were about to exit when they heard loud voices around the corner.

“Give that back,” A feminine voice yelled.

“What’re you gonna do? Cry and beg?” “Look, she’s going to start crying!” “Go ahead and cry, Crybaby!”

They both looked over to see a woman in a (f/c) gown jumping up to reach a book in a much taller gentleman’s hand while his friends laugh behind him. The young woman was growing frustrated.

“Ugh! You lot are just a couple of piss monkeys!”

Dio blinked at the familiar term.

“Couple of piss monkeys they are,” (Y/n) frowned next to him as they walked on the street. “Teasing a lady. She just wants to live her life.”

“You need to watch your foul mouth. No man will marry you if you talk like that,” He muttered to her.

“I don’t need anyone! I just need to support my father!”

He walked over. “Dio,” Jonathan mumbled in confusion.

Dio stood behind the woman with a tired look. “I believe you gentlemen stole this woman’s book,” He asked.

They looked at him in fright. “D-D-D-D-!” “I-It’s…!” “It’s h-him!!” They dropped the book and ran away.

Dio sighed and grabbed the book. “Well, it most certainly is torn and messy. You will need a new one.” He placed the book in the woman’s hands.

She looked at it with a frown. “Thank you,” She mumbled.

“I think you called them ‘Piss monkeys’?”

She looked at him a glare. “Because they are.”

“I don’t think any man would want to marry a woman with a foul mouth.”

She scoffed and turned. She stuck her nose up, closing her eyes. “I can take care of myself! All I need to do is-.”

“Take care of your father and live in a mansion where you can live quietly? With no one bothering you?”

She blinked in confusion. She looked at him. “…” She stared at his features. Her eyes widened at the familiar birthmark on his ear. “Dio?”

He chuckled. “My dear, did you already forget about me?”

Your heart fluttered. You started to tear up. “Dio!” You hugged him, pressing your face into his chest.

“Still overly affectionate, aren’t you (Y/n)?”

You looked at him with a grin. “Still smart, aren’t you Dio?” You fought the heat on your cheeks as you blushed.

He rolled his eyes. “You certainly didn’t improve your grammar like I told you do.”

“I have so.” You pulled back. “I am more refined, indeed.” You pointed a finger up. “It’s only when I am upset that my tongue slips.”

“You’re ever hardly upset, if I recall?”

You nodded. “Yes.” You winked at him. “It seems you remember my little quips, Sir Brando.”

“Dio,” A call was made. You both looked to see Jonathan jogging over. “Are you alright, ma’am?” He looked over at you.

You grinned with a nod. “Yes, I am. Thank you for asking. I was saved, thankfully.”

“Don’t I always save you, my dear,” Dio asked you.

You pouted. “Not always, Dio. I can protect myself.”

“Mere words don’t settle in men. They would’ve pounced you if I hadn’t stepped in.”

You held up a finger. “My running strategy would’ve worked! I’ve practiced it in dresses!”

He shook his head. “You don’t need to get into trouble. Wouldn’t your father be upset?”

You looked at the ground. “…You are right. He would. And he already has a company to manage.”

“Is that how me made his fortune?”

You nodded. “Yes! After you left London, my father started making more money! We like a bit from here, but it is a vast land with a sea side to accompany it. Beautiful indeed.” You gave a sad look as you looked at the torn book in your hands. “It will be hard to explain to him how this book was torn from teasing men wanting to entice a reaction out of me… But that is a price I’m willing to take.” You looked at him. “Thank you again, Dio. I appreciate your help.”

“Is this a friend of yours, Dio,” Jonathan asked Dio.

“This is (Y/n) (L/n). My dear, this is Jonathan Joestar,” Dio hummed towards you.

You bowed your head in greeting. “It is nice to meet you,” You smiled. You looked at Dio. “I do hope to see you again, Dio. Maybe for lunch?”

He nodded his head and bowed. “Of course, Lady (L/n).”

You curtsied. “Thank you, Sir Brando.” You giggled, standing up straight. “I knew you would always grow into a smart individual. You are as cunning as you are charming.”

He stood up straight, fighting a blush on his cheeks. “…(Y/n), I’m curious. You’ve never been one to read, so what were you reading in that book of yours?”

“Oh?” You looked at the torn book again. “Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare. I love reading his plays. A Midsummer Night’s Dream was adorable, and I loved Much Ado About Nothing. I’ve even read his tragedies of Julius Caesar and Macbeth. I personally loved Antony and Cleopatra.”

“I see. Well, you should best get on home. And don’t cause trouble for yourself.”

You waved your hand around. “I will not! I am a good honest woman, Dio. I wish to not make any more disturbances of the day.” You smiled at him. “I’ll see you another time?”

“Of course.”

--

You were sitting in your mansion’s reading room with the fresh play of Hamlet in your hands when a servant approached you quietly.

“Miss (Y/n). There is a visitor. Your father has instructed me to take you downstairs at once.”

You closed Hamlet and stood. “Thank you,” You bowed your head and followed after. You walked downstairs to look at the front entrance and see your father talking to a tall gentleman who you recognized to be Dio. Your heart fluttered. “Father,” You called.

He looked at you. “Ah! My sweet (Y/n),” He smiled.

You walked towards him. “You asked for me?”

“Yes, this young lad would like to take you out,” He motioned towards Dio. “Although he is familiar to me.”

“Father! This is Dio Brando!”

“Dio Brando?” He looked at him. “Goodness, my boy! You’ve grown! Now, I am at ease. Please, keep (Y/n) out of trouble for me, would you?”

“Of course, Mr. (L/n),” Dio nodded. He turned to you. “You mentioned lunch?”

You nodded. “Of course!” A servant handed you a light coat and your purse. “Thank you.”

Dio offered his hand to you as you two left your home. You walked next to him with the bright sun warming onto the both of you.

“Dio, where are you taking me?” You looked up at him with a smile.

“That is a secret my dear,” He hummed. I saw a bench with a basket on it. “I believe it’s called a ‘picnic’.”

“A picnic. You were never one for nature, Dio. I believe you had a clear disliking of it.”

“Yes, but it’s actually nice out here for once. And clearly, we need to catch up.” My eyes lit up as I sat next to him. “So, my dear, how did your father acquire fortune?”

The rest of the day with Dio was more pleasant than other days you’ve had. You laughed, you talked, you gazed towards the fields in front of you, like time forever had stopped while you two sat next to each other. But, before long, you were required to return home. You looked at Dio with a smile as you stood in front of your mansion’s door.

“I had so much fun today, Dio,” You told him.

“Of course, you would. I’m here.”

You gave him a playful nudge. “Don’t get cocky there. It’s good to be modest, you know?”

“Like you?”

“I’d like to think I’m fairly modest, my dear Dio. You should be too.”

He chuckled before he reached behind him and handed something to you. “Open it.”

You blinked in confusion as you tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a brand-new Romeo and Juliet book. Your eyes widened. You looked at him. “Dio…”

“You never were a reader, so I knew it was precious to you. I believe you do not know the ending?”

You shook your head. “I’m almost done with it, though.”

“Good.” He waved a finger around. “I’m a personal fan of Othello, if I do say so myself. So, reading Romeo and Juliet was not that unfamiliar, but it certainly is an interesting read.”

Your eyes lit up as you hugged the book to your chest. “Thank you!”

He smiled softly. “Just read it. You can tell me about it the next time I see you.”

You nodded eagerly. “Of course. Thank you so much.” You smiled, despite the blush you had on. You entered your home and closed the door after bidding Dio a farewell.

Is it me… or is Dio more charming than I remember? You thought quietly. He seems to have grown in his looks. He’s devilishly handsome… You scoffed. As if he would fall for some shroo like me.

You placed a hand on your cheek, holding the book close to your chest. “Certainly, there is something about you, Dio Brando, that is absolutely devilishly charming. Maybe it’s your cunning wits, and possibly your crafty words. Regardless, I, (Y/n) (L/n), am no match for your charms. You surely have bigger plans in life that I am no longer a part of. Maybe I was never a part of it to begin with. That, however, is fine with me.”

--

You were reading quietly on a bench outside since it felt like a nice day. You were growing quite tired from the events that had happened earlier today and the day before with your father, thus you resulted in finding yourself “me” time. You felt a tap on your shoulder. You tilted my head to look and see no one. You frowned.

“Nothing’s here. Maybe a leaf brushed against my shoulder,” You mumbled and returned to your book.

“On the contrary dear,” You heard next to you, causing you to jump and flinch.

You snapped your head to see Dio giving you an amused look. You sighed with relief. “You scared me,” You nudged him.

He chuckled. “Did you forget my voice for a second there?”

“I did, yes.” You closed your book. “I’ve been preoccupied as of late.” You looked forward.

“I can see it on your face. You look fatigued.”

You tiredly nodded. “I had met with a lot of suitors today. My father wants me to get married,” You hummed.

“Well, that certainly won’t do with my plans.”

“Plans?” You gave him a confused look. “You have plans for me?” You gave him an amused look as your heart fluttered. A blush crept onto your cheeks.

“Well yes. Naturally.” He looked forward. “I care about you a great deal, (Y/n). Or have you forgotten that?”

You slowly shook your head. You looked at the sky. “No, but you certainly have different plans set from me. Bigger plans larger than life itself, and I am no piece of it.” You shut your eyes. “That much, I understand. You want to be at the top of the world. And I do not blame you for that. But certainly, you cannot falter your plans just because of one person.” You paused. You sighed. “In fact, you better not falter your plans because of one person. You have your goals, and you better accomplish them.” You opened your eyes.

He didn’t say anything. He stood and looked at you. “I just remembered I had something to do.”

You nodded. Your heart dropped. “Alright. I best be seeing you then.” You stood. “I have more suitors to see, and more than likely all of them to decline.” You clenched your book in your hands. “…I’ll see you Dio.” You walked away from him. You felt tears sting your eyes and sighed. “…Oh, you pathetic soul (Y/n).”

How can you tell Dio you love him when clearly you have just reentered his life? He has more important plans than being with you. You thought harshly.

--

You sipped on your tea while enjoying the soft breeze outside while you sat under an umbrella at a table in the gardens your mansion had out back. You crossed your legs under your chair, staring at the floral book you had in front of you. You heard the crunch of feet hitting the grass approaching you as you looked up.

“My lady, your father requests you. A new suitor and his father have arrived,” A servant bowed to you. “They will be waiting in the den.”

You sighed and set your tea down. “I assume I will have to get this over with,” You murmured, standing up.

“I believe this will be a good one, ma’am.” She looked at you.

You shot her a look. “Doubtful. One was too crude, one was boring, one was too annoying. The list goes on and on. I believe this is number… 15?”

“16 ma’am.”

“Thank you.” You held up your book. “May you please return this to our library?”

“Of course.” She took the book from your hands. “And your tea, ma’am?”

“Yes, this as well. Thank you again,” You nodded.

“Believe me ma’am. The Master said that this will be a good one you will like.”

You shook your head. “And he tends to be wrong sometimes.” You sighed. “But we will see. I am also wrong sometimes as well. Too doubtful in situations.” You waved your hand around. “Ah, I’m rambling. Do not mind me. You are dismissed.”

You walked away and headed inside. You walked towards the den slowly before pausing and shutting your eyes.

It is only a few hours, (Y/n), then you can return to reading. That’s all you have to do. You thought to yourself. You took a deep breath, reopened your eyes, and walked towards the den. You entered quietly.

“I’m here Father,” You hummed.

“Ah! My sweet (Y/n)! Please sit,” Your Father motioned over. “Actually, wait! Close your eyes.”

You paused and did as you were told. You sighed at the childish antic your father put up. “We are in front of guests father. I highly doubt your surprises are appropriate.”

“These guests are familiar with me, I assure you.” That didn’t sound good to you. He grabbed your arm gently and guided you to sit down on one of the couches. You shifted slightly. “What were you doing dear while I have been talking?”

“Reading in the garden, Father. I was reading the book on flowers from the library. It was actually quite magnificent and informational, believe it or not. It was very descriptive, even had examples that I could identify.”

“Good! Good, good. I’m glad you enjoy reading.” He was speaking across from you. “She loves reading the books in the library. She’s a knowledgeable individual.”

“May I open my eyes now Father?”

“Of course, my dear! And do be mindful of our guests. I’m sure they will have questions.” You opened your eyes and blinked at the lighting. You saw a blue haired older gentleman sitting next to your father. “Also, remember to greet yourself my sweet!”

You bowed your head. “Nice to meet you, sir. My name is (Y/n) (L/n).”

The man chuckled. “I’m quite aware. I’ve heard of you often,” He hummed.

You blinked. “You have?”

“Yes. My name is George Joestar. My son talks about you often.”

You turned your head slightly to the individual next to you, shocked to see Dio in your presence. You blinked. “He does, does he?” You narrowed your eyes. “Good things I hope?”

“Why would I say anything bad about you,” Dio asked.

You gave him a look. “Because you like to tease me.”

He chuckled. “You are easy to tease, my dear.”

Why is Dio here? What business does he have with-? Could it be? You thought with shock. “I am not. You catch me off guard.”

“I’m more interested in this book you were reading.”

“Ah, yes! I was interested in the flowers and bushes in our garden, so I grabbed a simple floral book that described flowers and little quips they each had. Interesting really, although I wouldn’t necessarily commit to botany, it is just useful knowledge to know.”

“Of course, I understand.” He chuckled. “It’s hard to believe you would like flowers. I believe you regarded them as, let’s say, frilly?”

You pouted. “Well, they are. I am more interested in cooking and decor than floral arrangements. As you can tell with the rest of our home, I’ve chosen some quite good pieces.”

“That I can see. Your father has… particular tastes.”

“Indeed, he does.” You didn’t notice your father and Mr. Joestar take their exit as you continued talking. “I tried to arrange this room, but he wouldn’t let me. At least he doesn’t pick terrible flowers.”

Dio leaned on his hand as he stared at you. “I’m sure you have a professional’s opinion.”

You scoffed. “Please, I just pay attention to the issues released of home décor. Descriptors and images of the pieces are good for me to identify what is alright and what needs work. There is a style you must go for in a home.” You felt so comfortable. You felt like you could talk for hours.

“I wouldn’t know my dear. I have other studies that I am pursuing.”

You tilted your head. “…I thought you had other plans?”

“You are a part of my plans, my dear.”

You tilted your head. “You now included me in them?”

“You were there to begin with.” You stared in shock. He sat up straight. “Oh, from the moment we met, you were someone I would never get tired of, like the others. You were less of an eyesore. And I will admit it again, I do care a great deal about you.” He tilted his head. “If another man got ahold of you, that would split my focus. It’s better to have you in my sight than out of it.”

“So, you want to watch over me?”

“I believe this is what we call… ‘being protective’?” He leaned towards you. “If another man had his way with you, I might’ve torn him limb from limb.” He was very close.

“That sounds more like jealousy, Dio.”

“I call it being protective.” He tilted your chin up. “As long as I am around, not a finger shall be placed on your head.”

“You are placing a finger on my head right now. On my chin actually.”

He huffed. “No one but me shall be allowed to touch you.”

“Oh? So, you are my suitor?”

He gave me a look. “From the moment I walked in here, I knew you wouldn’t refuse. I’ve caught your glances my dear. I’m not that thoughtless.” Your cheeks felt warm as you froze. “You thought I didn’t notice? Your blushes and gazes, your breaths. I bet your heart flutters too.”

“You are very observant,” You mumbled breathlessly.

“No, I just know you.” He kissed your head gently. “And as long as I know that, my plans will never faulter.” Your heart fluttered. You leaned towards him and rested your head on his chest. “…You are the reason I imagine my perfect life the way I do, you know?”

“I am?” Your voice was quiet, almost unheard, but you were close to Dio for him to tell.

He twirled some of your hair with his finger. “Why yes. Although, your brash tone of voice was one thing to handle, you clearly don’t do anything to outwardly annoy me. In fact, you do everything in your power to make me comfortable. And that is something no one else can give me.” He tucked some hair behind your ear. “That is why no one will marry you. Because I will.”

You smiled. “So, you said those words many times to throw me off guard?”

“Oh yes. You are mine. And no one else’s.”

--

You tilted your head as your father held up two dresses with a grin. You made a face. “For a marketer, you have no fashion sense either,” You hummed.

He pouted. “I just wanted to do something for you! You’re so independent,” He pouted.

You tilted your head. “That’s because I always have been. From an early age to now. I’ve always been an independent child.” You smiled. “I cleaned chimneys. I’m used to doing everything by myself. Cleaning, cooking, eating.” You giggled. “You forgot that, didn’t you?”

He sighed. “I can’t believe you grew up before my very eyes. And now you’re getting married!” He had flowers and sparkles surrounding him as he swayed. “My baby girl is getting married~!!”

You sweat dropped. “F-Father… It shouldn’t be this big of a deal…” You waved your hand. “I think this was to be expected? Since you’ve been signing suitors to me nonstop.”

He tilted his head. “Oh, that? I wanted you to have that idea!” You blinked. “Although, this was very quick. I expected there to be hundreds of suitors! But as soon as you told Dio, he just came and that was that.” He waved a finger around. “I always knew that boy had caught your eye! Something about him told me that.”

You blushed. “Oh Father…” You looked at your hands. “I’m still surprised he even considered me in that way.”

“How so?”

You giggled. “Father, every man you have introduced me to has not known one fact about me that Dio does.” You tilted your head slightly. “We used to be poor. We almost lost our home in London, and I worked on chimneys.” You smiled. “Dio knew that. He knew that fact, and it’s embarrassing to admit to people I know what hard work is, but Dio? No. He doesn’t care.” You looked at him. “He’s looked past that, and I’m sure most men would be stuck at the door if they heard that.”

He smiled. “…That’s love, dearie. That is love.”

--

You blinked in shock as a policeman approached you and explained the events of a few nights before. He held up a burned pocket watch to you, which was very familiar. Tears stung in your eyes while you held the pocket watch to your chest. Your father had burned along with others in the Joestar mansion, and your husband was nowhere to be found. Your brother-in-law survived with a countless number of wounds, and you sent word to him to wish him well.

It was late at night. You now sat in your large mansion alone, staring at the pocket watch that rested on the table while you covered yourself in a blanket your father had picked for you. It was ugly, yes, but he wanted to give you something for your new home. You sniffled, holding tears back whereas you recounted memories of the past. You heard the doors open from the front of the mansion, echoing its sounds through the quiet corridors. Your eyes widen as you grabbed a spear used for the fireplace you sat in front of.

You hesitantly inch into the halls, slowly creeping onto the intruder that would dare break into your house while you grieve. You felt a presence behind you as you snapped around to swing. Your actions were stopped. Your eyes widen even more and you shook violently. You looked up to see flaming orange eyes stare at you.

“My dear, why are you awake at this hour,” A cool voice asked, welcoming and warming to you. You could feel your tears return. The moon light outside revealed Dio while he stood before you. He stared at your crumbled figure as you let the spike go into his hand.

“D-Dio,” You sniffled. “M-My father… My father,” Your voice cracked.

“I heard as I was on my way back. I was delayed, and for that, I’m sorry.” You sobbed into your hands, wiping your tears violently. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“I was sitting in front of the fire. They recovered his pocket watch, and I was…” You wiped your eyes again. “I’m so emotional, I’m-.”

“It’s okay… Why don’t you grab it and head onto bed, my dear? I’ll speak to you tomorrow.” He tucked some of your hair behind your ear.

As you laid in bed, Dio recounted the event that happened a few nights ago when he discarded his humanity.

“You bastard,” Your father hissed next to Mr. Joestar and Jonathan. “You used my daughter, didn’t you?! To make you less suspicious.”

Dio gave him a hard glare. “Don’t bring her into this,” He muttered.

“You’re using her! For what? What are you using my daughter for?! Because we know she means nothing to you-!”

“She means EVERYTHING to me,” Dio snapped. The party froze in shock. “Your daughter is an angel by my eyes. A saint sent from the heavens. She is my guide for my vision, my plans for my future. She has nothing to do with what goes on here. I will protect her until my dying breath, unlike you, old man.” He pointed towards him and narrowed his eyes. “No one will harm a hair on her head. And if they do, they’ll see the might of my hand.”

He tucked some hair behind your ear. Even though your father wouldn’t have believed him, he meant every word. At first, when he met you, he didn’t expect to be attracted to you so quickly. In fact, he expected quite the opposite. Your language was quite vulgar, and your dirtied appearance rather made you repulsive in the eyes of many. You were poor, and that’s what was expected.

But, the more he saw you, he learned you actually were not as brainless as you looked. You were a hard worker, like he was, and you just wanted to live an easy life. Somehow, with that, he expected you to be someone close to him that he could confide in. That soon turned into him wanting you to be his right-hand. But he didn’t expect to grow feelings for you. From then on, he expected you to be his wife. He just had to have the pieces fall in place.

Now here you were. Him, now having discarded his humanity, and you, who he refused to impurify with his meticulous methods. He refused to let this known to you, at least not yet. He may never admit it to you. He can easily lie about his changes, he can lie about his followers, all he didn’t want to do was harm you.

--

You walked towards the hospital and knocked on the door to see Jonathan in his bed, resting nicely. “Jojo, how are you,” You smiled.

His eyes lit up as the blonde woman next to him turned to see you. “(Y/n),” He mumbled.

“I wanted to check on your injuries.” You looked at the woman. “Did you take care of him? I must thank you. I’m (Y/n) Brando, Jonathan’s sister-in-law.”

“(Y/n), are you well? After what’s happened…” Jonathan made a face.

You held up a hand. “I’m… managing. Dio has certainly helped quite a bit.”

His eyes grew dark. “Dio was the reason it happened!”

You blinked in shock. “What do you mean? He told me he was out on business.”

“Dio is evil, (Y/n)! And he won’t stop until he destroys everything he’s ever touched.” He stood and looked at you. “I worry for your safety. He’s a scheming man.”

You frowned and looked at the ground. You tucked some loose hair behind your ear. “I’ve known Dio for a long time, Jojo. I’m certain that if he was scheming, then he would have told me. He’s not evil.” You looked at him. You pursed your lips together before sighing. “I wish you a successful recovery.” You cleared your throat. “I have to go and plan my father’s funeral,” You lied. “Good day” You left without another word as you started thinking to yourself.

Dio… is evil? Why would he be evil? You thought. He certainly can’t be… No… I’ll ask him. I can just ask Dio and he won’t lie to me.

--

You stepped into Dio’s office in your home as he sat comfortably in a chair reading. He tilted his head to stare at you. It was starting to click in your mind that he started working more often in the night than in the day. He said it was because of business, but you were starting to think differently.

“My dear, where have you been? You left quite early this morning,” He hummed.

“I went to see Jonathan,” You quietly murmured and shut the door behind you. His face hardened at the sound of the pesky Joestar’s name. “He… was not happy with you.” He huffed, looking at the book in his hands. “…He said you were evil, that you were scheming. You wouldn’t stop until you destroy everything you touched.” He paused. His eyes snapped up. “But I thought that was a lie…” You looked at him. “And you’ve… changed,” You frowned. “You’ve been more awake in the night, you’ve been doing more things, you’ve talked to a lot of people. Different servants come in and out of here… What’s happening Dio? And you truly planning something evil without telling me?”

He froze. Finally, his plans were being seen in the light, and you were no dumb girl either. Another reason he fell for you was your smarts. You were not stupid and he saw right through that. He swallowed as he stood. “Why of course not! Why, I want to make sure we’re taken care of, YOU are taken care of, while I conduct business. It is quite important to me that you are taken care of.” He stalked over towards you and placed his hands on your shoulders. “You are my wife, and your happiness is mine.”

…He gets very wordy when he lies, You thought. You made a dissatisfied face.

“What’s wrong my dear?” He went to touch your cheek when you grabbed his hand, much to his surprise.

“…Why did you lie?” He blinked. “You get wordy when you lie. Especially just now… Why did you just lie to me?” He swallowed. You let his hand go. You turned around. “I’m leaving then.” You glared. “Don’t follow me.” You went to open the door when he used his hand to stop it from opening. Your eyes widened as you felt hot breath at your neck.

“I would never lie to you my dear,” Dio spoke smoothly, rubbing your shoulder. “You are my most important piece. My Queen. I do everything to insure you are happy. If I have left you unhappy, then you can kill me. Because a world without you is a world I would not want to live in.”

False, he thought. A world without you is a boring world. You light his eyes and ignite a fire. He refuses to part with that fire.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and look at the ground. “I highly disbelieve that. Why would my presence be important to your goals?”

He blinked. He grabbed your chin and tilted your head to face him. His eyes stared into yours. “You are my drive to live. I have said this countless times to many people. You mean everything to me, and I mean everything.”

Your heart melted but your head thought differently. You looked away from him. “Stop lying to me.”

His hands ran down your arms as he pulled you to his chest. “I only lie to those who are worth lying to. Why would it be worthy to lie to the woman I cherish the most?” He kissed your head. “If someone tells you something different, then they can answer to me.” He turned you around and cupped your cheeks. “Never leave my side, (Y/n). You are my vision, my guide. I do not want to lose my guide on this dark path I have taken.” He tilted your head up a bit. “I only want to achieve our dreams. My perfect world for you and I. A perfect world where you can live in peace, and I can rise in my glory.”

You grabbed his hands. “Dio, not like this,” You shook your head. “Why can’t it be different?”

“Because it has to be done.” He kissed you softly. “I’m sorry.”

Tears laced your eyes. “Don’t let anyone take you from me.”

“…You have my word.”

But that word would be shattered as he would burn from Jonathan Joestar’s might, and you would die with a broken heart.

[lovingrosewho]

The Executioner’s Song (rewrite, sort of)

NOW, ONTO THE GOOD STUFF, and that means, the new stuff :-) I’ve been rewatching all Supernatural seasons and just had to write this. Disclaimer: English isn’t my first language, feel free to give any feedback/suggestions! <3 Ily all, thanks for reading <3

ONE SHOT

Pairing: Crowley x Reader, sort of Castiel x Reader but in a friendly way

Rating: T. Angst, fluff

Word count: 3.1k+

Summary: the title pretty much explains it buuut, basically, Reader gets upset about Dean betraying Crowley

Warnings: SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED SEASON 10, signs of depression, dialogues taken from the series at the beginning, a few curse words I guess?

When Dean handles the First Blade over to Castiel instead of Crowley, your eyes open wide in shock.

“You lied to me” Crowley says, you can sense the hurt from the betrayal in his voice.

“It’s not the first time today” Dean makes a pause with the demon’s expectant eyes “Cain’s list? You weren’t on it” Dean says and with this, Crowley vanishes.

You begin to feel dizzy, nauseous even, a void made of uncertainty taunts your heart and your stomach, you try to hide it behind being worried about Dean, which is partly true and you let that show as you hug him, relieved he’s alive, in one piece and, mostly, or so it seems, sane. Castiel looks over at you and you just know, he knows.

 The four of you get to the bunker. Not a word from anyone. At the very arrival, you excuse yourself pretending a headache along the tiredness of the whole trip, so you practically run to your room.

The minute you close the door you dial Crowley’s cellphone, your hands shaking as you do so.

 Straight to voice mail. You dial again.

“Damn it Crowley, pick up the fucking phone” you pray lowly.

 Voice mail again. You’ve got to be kidding. You dial a third time.

“What is it that you want?” he finally answers, voice tone a bit raised, taking into account it’s you and he never raises his voice with you, either way, you can’t but let a breath out of relief at hearing him.

“Can you come over here? Please, I’m in my room” you’re not finished telling him and he hangs up.

“Damn it Crowley!” you exclaim again while you dial his number a fourth time, the second ring hasn’t sound when he appears standing in front of you.

“What?!” he almost screams, locking the door of your room with his demon powers. He’s not afraid about Sam and Dean coming in, all guns waving and pointing at him, no, he fears for you, aware that if the Winchesters hear you, not only will they scold you, but could also stop trusting you, hell, they could even lock you up thinking it was his doing the fact that you were friends with him.

“I didn’t know!” you confess instantly, body trembling and feeling like you’re going to puke any minute. You know how Crowley feels about treason, you know damn well and you just can’t let him think you had anything to do with it. He takes a few steps back and looks at you up and down.

“Why should I believe you, (Y/N)? And how? How am I supposed to believe you? Tell me” he raises his voice once again, he doesn’t like doing that with you but this time he just can’t help himself “If you four had only told me the truth I would have gladly agreed and helped you!”

“I know, I know!” you whimper, knowing that is a big-ass declaration from Crowley, and that he wouldn’t normally admit to it, he’s just doing it because it’s you, and he’s hurt. You try to maintain your posture and not let your voice crack weeping “I swear, I had nothing to do with it, if I had known I’d have tried to convince Dean to tell you the truth! I swear!”

Crowley is about to vanish, tired of listening to you, tired of the lies, of the doubts; first his minions being influenced by Abaddon, then his mother, next the Winchesters and now... he never thought he would doubt of his most beloved hunter. A single tear escapes your eyes and Crowley stops dry from disappearing, the temptation to remove that single tear being more powerful than him, the King of Hell.

You’ve known Crowley since he was a blood junkie, locked up in the Winchester’s dungeon. Your friendship started as a naïve excuse to pass the time, at first with just a couple of hostile phrases a day when you found him, and obviously discovered he was a demon, not just any demon but the King of Hell himself, and soon after it turned into something else. When you broke your arm in a fight and had to spend a couple of months skipping on hunts, the boredom increased your time in the dungeon with Crowley while the boys were gone, and you began to admit you liked the guy, perhaps a little too much. Months kept passing and the habit of sneaking into Crowley’s room while the boys were out, stayed, sometimes you would even take the cuffs and chains off of him and let him walk and stretch inside the devils trap, he would always behave and let you put the chains back on. When he managed to free himself from the brothers, he would visit you in your room when no one else in the bunker could hear you; you would talk about anything, his life, your life, Hell, current or past hunts, funny anecdotes... you were not ready to lose that. Not now, not ever. 

Crowley stares deep into your eyes as he holds your face in both his hands and wipes the tear off your cheek. 

“Look at me... and tell me if I’m lying” you say slowly. He sighs.

“I’m sorry, Pet. I can’t” and with this final sentence, he leaves the room, disappearing and leaving you alone.

You swallow hard, your steps conducting you backwards until you hit the end of the bed and are able to sit. At last, you break down in tears, sobs and whines flooding you from the inside out when you hear a knock at the door. 

“(Y/N)?” it’s Castiel “(Y/N) are you okay?”

You don’t respond, and Cas is forced to unlock the door and come in. He stares in shock at you but immediately locks the door back so Sam and Dean won’t come up asking questions. He sits next to you and doubtfully touches your shoulder for you to look at him, which you don’t do.

“He won’t talk to me ever again Castiel” you say in between sobs.

 “Who won’t?” he asks confused, but having a mild idea of who you might be referring to.

 “Crowley! He thinks I knew about Dean handing over the blade to you and not him...” you keep whimpering “He won’t believe me, whatever we had it’s over”.

 Cas nods understandingly and reaches out to hug you, your face covering his chest with tears.

 “(Y/N) maybe it’s for the best... Crowley is...” he begins but you interrupt him, separating from his grip.

 “No you don’t understand. He’s changed. I know it seems impossible but he has. And he truly believed he could be friends with us, I know it, I know him. Castiel I...” your voice breaks.

“(Y/N)” he intertwines his hand with yours “I know”.

He holds you again, and you cry and cry for hours in that same position with him until you fall asleep. Castiel lifts you up and leaves you laying across your bed, he takes your shoes off and puts a few blankets on top of you.

When he comes down everything is quiet, the Winchesters have surely gone to sleep, or at least get some rest after the day they’ve had.

The following morning you don’t come out of your room, not for breakfast, dinner, research, anything.

“What’s up with (Y/N)?” Deans asks, looking towards your room.

“She...” Castiel tries to explain “Wasn’t feeling very well. I’ll go check on her”.

The brothers look at each other and nod at Castiel’s offer.

“Hey, could you please bring her something to eat?” Sam asks politely.

“Yes. Of course” Cas answers.

When he enters your room, he notices you haven’t changed your clothes, and you’re in the same position he left you last night.

“(Y/N)?” he says, leaving a tray of food on your desk “How are you feeling?”

“Not hungry” you say without facing him, smelling the hot breakfast he just left a couple of feet away from you.

“Well... you need to eat. You’re human” he reminds you.

“So? Not hungry” you repeat. He sits beside you and slightly caresses your hair.

“Okay then, we’ll be downstairs if you need us... or just, you know, pray for me” he tells you before getting up and prepare to leave your room until you jump all of a sudden. 

“Wait! Castiel!” you say, startling him.

“What? Whats is it?”

“Please... don’t tell Dean what this is about... he’ll just... he wouldn’t understand” you beg him. Cas nods his head in agreement. 

“Of course”.

When Cas comes down, both Winchesters are looking at him, raising his hands as asking what is going on.

“It’s... like I said, she’s not feeling very well” he tells them when he’s at the table with both.

“Well what does she have?” Deans asks demandingly.

 “I... she wouldn’t say” Cas lies, which gains him a weird look from Dean.

 “Ok that’s it, I’m going up” declares Dean and Cas gets up sharply.

 “Dean! No! She said she didn’t wanna be bothered” Castiel exclaims worried.

 The weird look on Dean remains until he rolls his eyes, says “fine” and heads for the kitchen instead.

 Sam has stayed silent the whole time until Dean leaves.

 “Cas” Sams calls him in a low voice “Is this about Crowley?”

 Castiel sighs and nods.

 “Guess she’ll just have to pull through with this one” Sam follows Castiel’s sigh.

 You don’t go out of your room for two days in a row, sadness consuming you. The third day you decide you’ve had enough and come downstairs to help the boys with research, no one says a word but Dean.

“Hiya there kiddo, had us worried sick but Cas said you didn’t wanna be bothered, everything okay?” Dean tells you, making you smile softly.

“Yeah, yeah. Just you know, some headaches, it felt like I was hungover the whole day, guess that tension from the last adventure really took a hit on me” you lie marvelously. 

“Yeah. But you’re back, we are back, and that’s what matters” Dean tells you and you smile nodding, containing your tears again, you know you are not fully back.

It’s been a couple of weeks and Crowley won’t answer any of your calls, hence you stop calling him.

You miss him, you miss his voice and spending time with him. The boys notice even if you’re back up enlisting on hunts and helping them, something’s definitely off with you. You don’t eat enough, you practically don’t sleep, you barely smile or laugh anymore, and you seem distracted half of the time. It hurts Castiel more than anyone seeing you like this, so he decides to break his vow and talk to Dean.

“You have to call Crowley” he tells Dean when he and Sam are alone in the bunker whilst you are in your room “You have to tell him it was your idea to give the blade to me, you can even mention Sam but not (Y/N)”.

“And why would I do that?” Dean asks confused and a bit angry.

“Look around you Dean” Sam tells him “Something’s off with (Y/N) since that day, it’s not even 9pm and she’s already locked in her room, she didn’t even eat when we got back”.

Dean looks at both of them and grunts.

“How are you so sure this is about Crowley?”

 “Because she told me” Castiel confesses “Now, call him”.

 Dean looks impassive at Cas and Sam but takes his phone out and dials Crowley’s number.

 First call goes to voice mail.

 “Well that’s it, I’m not calling that dickbag again” he declares and Cas catches his arm, grabbing and stopping him from putting away his cellphone.

 “Try again” Castiel threatens. Dean rolls his eyes but agrees.

 “Squirrel, long time no see” Crowley finally answers “How are you?”

 “Listen you son of a bitch” Dean begins “I don’t know what you did or told (Y/N) but...”

 “Oh I didn’t tell, much less do, anything to her”.

 It hasn’t been easier for Crowley. He’s got the advantage he doesn’t eat nor sleep, but distraction has definitely been present. Every time his mother or his minions call him he’s just thinking of you, about answering your calls, about calling back. He misses you, your voice, your laugh.

“Well she hasn’t been okay and the only thing I know is it has to do with you” Dean tells him “She hasn’t anything to do with the fact that I didn’t handle you the blade, that’s on me, Sam and perhaps Cas, but not her. She knew nothing, you hear me? Nothing. ‘Cause see here’s the thing, we didn’t tell her ‘cause I knew you two got along and if I had told her she would have put up a fight and claim it was unfair. Now she won’t sleep, nor eat enough, she’s distracted on hunts and that almost got her killed a couple of times already, so you either fix it or I’ll come down there looking to kill you Crowley I swear”.

With this last phrase he hangs up and throws his phone away, without expecting Crowley to answer, this is non-negotiable.

The King of Hell’s stomach suddenly fills with hope and excitement, it’s not the fact that Dean called him about what happened, no, it’s just that he did not know you cared that much for him, he’d figured after a while you would stop calling and move on.

You wake up in the middle of the night and... what time is it exactly? Phone says 3am. Great. You sit slowly, yawning, still sleepy, and turn on your bedside lamp.

Suddenly you see Crowley standing in front of you and you almost scream whilst reaching for your gun.

“Crowley! For the love of... what the actual hell are you doing in my room?!” you hiss at him, exasperated, tossing the gun aside.

“Well hello to you too, love” he exclaims sarcastically.

“Answer the question, what are you doing here?” you ask again, tired and afraid this is just some sick joke.

“I was bored. Thought I’d pay you a visit” he says walking, or more like snooping, around your room. 

“And you needed to do that at 3 in the morning? When I’m sleeping? And when you haven’t returned my calls in weeks?” you reclaim but he stays silent, still going through some of the stuff placed at your desk. 

You exhale sharply. 

“Whatever, I need to pee, do not touch anything, you understand me?”

 “Yes, yes. Understood, Pet. I’ll be right here”.

You get up from your bed and walk barefoot towards the restroom. When you’re sit in the toilet, your mind begins wondering what truly brings the King of Hell to your room. Perhaps he’s aware that you miss him. Perhaps he misses you too. Or maybe it’s a dream. Maybe he is telling the truth and was just bored of all the meetings.

 You get back to your room to find Crowley laying across your bed.

 “Everything alright, Pet? Was beginning to wonder what took you so long” he tells you. Deep, dark stare into your eyes.

 “Yeah” you say, approaching the edge of the bed, staring back at him “I do everything slower at this time. Now, scoot over”.

 He slides a few inches to the side of the bed, letting you lay down next to him. You turn a few degrees facing him, while Crowley keeps looking at the ceiling, but paying attention to every and each one of your moves, that is until you place your arm across his chest and your hand begins mindlessly caressing the thin fabric from his suite shirt, while you breathe in his scent, the sulphur, the ash, the expensive scotch and fresh cologne.

“(Y/N)?” he begins carefully, voice low “What are you doing?“

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Yes, beg your pardon, why are you doing it?” Crowley asks but cautiously places an arm around you and starts stroking your hair.

“I... I’ve missed you” you confess as you bury your face in his shoulder “Does... does this bother you?”

Your question puts a soft smile in his mouth while he turns to look at your half-hidden face. 

“Not in the slightest, kitten” his declaration is greeted with a relieved and dreamy sigh from you “I’ve missed you too, you know?”

 “You have?” you ask incredulously “I thought you didn’t care...”

 “Of course I care. But here I thought you were the one who didn’t care...” that’s when your engines start rotating and it hits you.

 “Did you speak to Castiel?” you interrogate him, fully facing him now.

 “Castiel? No. I spoke to Dean though” he says guessing what happened. Knowing you, you wouldn’t have let Dean figure out what you were so upset about, Cas must’ve told him “He wanted some intel on someone, don’t know, don’t care, and it slipped the fact that you weren’t feeling so well”.

“What else did he say?” you ask him, going back to your task of running your fingers across his chest. In this moment, you couldn’t care less how he found out, he’s here, with you.

He inhales deeply.

“That you had nothing to do with the idea of lying to me...” he feels your body tense underneath him “Which, by the way, I figured a couple of hours after our little discussion”.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” anger beginning to creep on you, body still stiff.

“Because I thought you didn’t care that much” he admits “I thought it was for the best. To be honest, I was unsure about what to even tell you after the tantrum I threw that day”.

He places a hand under your chin for you to look him in the eyes.

 “I am sorry, (Y/N)” the King of Hell apologizes and you relax, hugging him a bit tighter.

 “I love you” he’s taken aback by your declaration but after a few seconds he smiles gently.

 “I love you too, Pet” with this sentence he brings your chin up and lowers his lips sweetly onto yours. He tastes like honey, citrus and scotch, and all you ever thought he’d taste like.

 The kiss is so tender and so slow that you’re able to wander your hand towards his hair and then his cheek. 

When the two of you break the kiss, you spend an exaggerated amount of time looking at each other, assimilating the reciprocated love. After a while you start talking about everything and nothing, just like old times, cuddling until you fall asleep, and Crowley, the King of Hell, has the honor to be the one to hold you in his arms.

MASTERLIST

[nzvalley]

Rewatching some Star Trek: Enterprise

It’s been a long time since I have done one of these posts. What I kind of expected to happen did happen: once I hit season 3 and saw the network meddling, Trip/T’Pol, and the radical shift in tone of the series, it was hard to keep going. But I’m hoping to power through this season, and get to the much improved fourth season.

Just to remind anyone who is here for the first time. I’m doing a rewatch/analysis around the Archer/T’Pol friendship/partnership/relationship, based on my favorite episodes. I will be focusing on them, because that’s the aspect of the show in which I’m more interested.

Catch up on my previous rewatch posts here!

There will also be spoilers, not just for this episode but for the whole show.

Twilight (3x08)

Even though this is easily the shippiest episode for Archer/T’Pol, this isn’t one I automatically turn on when I’m doing a rewatch.

In part, it’s just too sad to rewatch frequently. Partly because it gets total forgotten with no impact on canon. It’s also just an annoying reminder of when the show and these characters were in a much better place.

However, it’s a really great episode overall and for Archer/T’Pol. It reminds the audience of how devoted T’Pol is to Archer specifically, calling back to T’Pol’s speech to Archer before following him into the Expanse. It feels out of place to the rest of the season, like it could have been written before the network mandates.

Just next episode (“Similitude”) we get a T/T’P plot that is equally a standout episode, but which is fully in everybody’s memories and has lasting impacts on the season. This contrast illustrates the suddenly differing priorities of this season.

Up until now, it’s worth reminding, the backbone of the show was how the relationship between Archer and T’Pol (and Shran!) shaped the formation of the Federation. But even in the worst of times, there seems to be a contingent in the writers room who still felt as strongly about Archer/T’Pol as they did in the first two seasons.

The start hooks you in immediately, with Archer’s confusion mirroring our own. Archer stumbles (shirtless!) into Captain T’Pol’s bridge. Seeing T’Pol commanding in her own right is so cool.

After the frantic and engaging teaser, we get a massive time jump. A gray-haired Archer wakes and makes his way through a home he doesn’t remember. He finds a devoted… caretaker… whose effort he can’t fully appreciate yet.

The altered dynamic immediately apparent between Archer and T’Pol, and the obvious changes in her look and demeanor, set the tone for the rest of the episode. Jolene Blalock is amazing as usual. She can play any version of T’Pol. There are great performances throughout, especially by Jolene and Scott.

Pretty much everything in this episode, barring the initial crisis itself and T’Pol’s accident, aren’t canon. As far as I can tell, not even the main two remember the alternate timeline, except maybe on an unconscious level. It’s one of those stories that gets completely stricken from the record, which is why it’s hard to fully appreciate.

Archer saving T’Pol at his own expense reminds the audience of how much he cares. Although it gets erased T’Pol repays that sacrifice in turn, devoting her life to his care.

Phlox’s dedication to finding a cure for Archer, and his overall concern, is another aspect of this episode that’s awesome. For me, the trio of Arhcer/T’Pol/Phlox was always the most interesting.

This episode shows one nearly concrete future where the Xindi win, showing how fragile the mission remains. The slow reveal of how complete the Xindi victory was, and the fragility of their settlement, is nice. This storyline was ahead of its time. Just a few years later BSG told a similar story, though much better and in a much-expanded manner.

Jolene does a good job, but has to explain so much story in so little time. This story seems like it should have been given more time to breathe, like it should’ve played out over 3 or 4 episodes. At least one more!’

T’Pol and Soval always have great scenes.

T’Pol: I won’t leave them. Soval: Them? Or Him?

T’Pol reiterates her choice of Archer and the humans over her own species, much as she did when initially choosing to join the mission to the Expanse.

T’Pol reveals she knows Archer’s deepest secrets now, even the proposal that was rejected because Margaret Mullen didn’t want to become a Starfleet widow. Has T’Pol made herself into a kind of Starfleet widow?

“Our relationship has… evolved over the years.”

Future Phlox is looking sharp. T’Pol’s hope about the treatment shines through.

Captain Tucker! Malcolm’s goatee!

Given the seeming romantic bias of the writer, it’s not all that surprising Trip/T’Pol sours pretty quickly in this timeline. Not only did T’pol and Trip’s dalliance fall apart, but they have seemingly stayed apart for years. T’Pol and her concern continues to follow Archer.

I may have missed similar instances before, but T’Pol’s casual, intimate, comforting touch in private is so cute. And a great visual indicator of how much T’Pol has grown. Archer seems on the verge of broaching the topic of the intimacy when he starts, “If this works…”

T’Pol once again turns down a chance to leave Archer’s side, even after he has seemingly healed.

Phlox: I understand I may have a passenger on my voyage home T’Pol: I’m remaining at the settlement for the time being. He may need my help during his recovery. Phlox: Have you told the Captain how you feel about him? It’s obvious you’ve become quite attached.

The blitz of exposition from Phlox and T’Pol to Trip about changing the past… there’s just so much going on in this episode. This story needed at least one more episode… Or maybe this could have been the plot to an Enterprise movie. Which still could work, given that the narrative necessitates the actors be older for most of it.

General Shran!

The bridge is gone. There are so many intense and devastating moments here… and then it all gets totally erased! Ugh.

Archer remains self-sacrificing to the end, deciding to just blow himself up if that’ll destroy the parasites. Ultimately saving the timeline through the same impulse that set it astray in the first place. He tries to get Phlox and T’Pol to save themselves, but they remain as steadfastly loyal as they have ever been. I love these three so much!

All three die carrying through the mission to the end. Phlox, then T’Pol, then Archer. Archer and T’Pol fall together and are laying together when this timeline comes to and end. The closest the ship ever came to being canon… and poof it’s gone.

There’s a tag at the end that’s real, with T’Pol admonishing Archer that he should have left her in the hallway accident that initially debilitated him. This calls back to her similar claim after her experiences on the Selaya. Archer, who has been isolating himself and becoming more ruthless, reverts back to his old self when it comes to T’Pol.

T’Pol: You could have been seriously injured. I told you to leave me behind. Archer: Fortunately, I don’t take orders from you. T’Pol: I believe you wanted to see this? Archer: Rosemary’s Baby? T’Pol: You were obviously looking forward to it. And since you’re not going to be able to attend tonight… Archer: Thanks.

T’Pol is always there for her Captain, whatever the situation! But the second half of the scene kind of ruins the sentiment. For as good as the rest of the episode is, this end scene is muddled in terms of what tone the writer was going for. I don’t think the actors quite got it either. It seems like Archer repays T’Pol’s kindness by being a brat. And when he drops a ‘nurse’ line… do they remember on some level? Or was that just for the audience? Either way, it’s a weirdly comedic end to a heart-wrenching and emotional episode.

[confusedbutstillgay]

Oh Don’t Mind Me, Rambling About a Side Character

Backstory, this is about a character from a really funny K-drama that doesn’t have a huge community but I’ve seen people post about it Tumblr. Anyways little things I noticed about Hoon-seok while watching a second time and I will def add to this later on when I rewatch again :>

(Slight trauma trigger warning up ahead)

Let’s just jump into this. 

1. So apparently Hoon-suk (Cheol-bum’s bodyguard) has the title “Director.” He’s called this to his face by Jang-ryang and even Dong-ja. Could be a fluke in the Korean to English captions, but... yeah. I guess I’m gonna have to explain a little bit of stuff here.

Since the only other characters with the last name “Kim” besides Hoon-suk are Hae-il, the female nun, and Kim Gun-Yong (who I don’t believe had the title of Director, I’ve been trying to dig around but it isn’t working :/), Hoon-suk is the only person who has the chance to be known as “Director.” Besides, Dong-ja wouldn’t address them as such. Now in Korean culture calling someone by their first name is actually only reserved for people who are good friends and such, and it’s almost disrespectful if you call someone you don’t really know by their first name. So you call them Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. [enter last name]. But if they happen to have a title to their name, yeah, you also call them by that, since it would be a little awkward if you didn’t (much like American culture). 

2. On occasion, Cheol-bum will call Hoon-seok “Hoon-seok-ah.” Why is this important? Adding “-ah” to someone’s name is a sign of endearment, it shows your bond. It’s usually, from what I know, used by lovers but can also be used by friends. This is odd to me because it would signify that either:

a. They’re secretly dating (yes this is a ship, yes I kinda ship it, yes there’s stuff on Ao3 about it, and no I have not contributed to the ship yet).

b. They’re good friends. Could completely and entirely be true since we know nothing about Hoon-suk’s past and very, very little about Cheol-bum’s. 

or c. Cheol-bum just throws out random endearments to Hoon-suk, maybe as a way to show he doesn’t really care about their relationship in particular, maybe he just does it without knowing. I dunno.

3. I’m gonna talk about a little scene. Boy, oh boy, do I have some FEELS about this scene. 

Okay, so first we have this pic. 

Hoon-seok seems mildly surprised; Cheol-bum rarely pauses to talk to him, which we see throughout the majority of the series. If he does it’s to bark a quick command or to unleash his anger. Then Cheol-bum asks him if he’s tired of the life he lives. Hoon-seok’s answer? “I’m just trying to take care of you.”

Okay, so you’re trying to take care of him. I believe this is what lead many people to think that Hoon-seok was Cheol-bum’s bodyguard; I’m not confident what he is myself, but I like that headcanon. Then Cheol-bum, at its core, asks Hoon-seok if he would be willing to die for him. 

There’s no hesitation on his man’s face. He looks almost proud, even, as he says (again, at its core, the actual script was quite a bit different): “Of course.”

Okay, look. These two are either childhood friends or lovers and you cannot convince me fucking otherwise. Hoon-seok is either obsessed/in love with Cheol-bum or he’s just really, really, REALLY good friends with him. 

LOOK AT HIS LITTLE SMILE HERE. Not only is it fucking adorable, it’s filled with absolute pride. And it’s the only time we see him smile (besides his absolutely hilarious oxygen-drained smile in the vault) in the entire series.

I don’t believe this is a coincidence. This is Cheol-bum pushing Hoon-seok’s feelings aside and twisting his words into something he never meant. Hoon-seok made himself vulnerable and he got nothing in return for it. In my mind I think he just wants praise, since it’s obvious Cheol-bum never gives him any. 

He wants to be told that he did something good for once, he wants to be commended and appreciated. But nothing. 

Now look at him. We see that he’s crushed, we see everything I just talked about in these two little frames. But of the most heartbreaking things about this is he’s not even surprised. Just... sad. 

So that would insinuate that this has happened before. Or maybe it’s just something that happened in his childhood. Anyways

4. Oh, god, another scene I have quite a few feels about.

(If you’re wondering’s happening in both of these scenes, a gun got fired. This is from before they got sent into the vault.) 

Now, you may be thinking, “Well maybe it’s just his normal reaction to those things!” Okay, I get your point. But lemme give you this.

Exact same thing happened; a bullet was fired. In chronological order this happened before that last gif, which I’ll talk about a little later.

Look at his reaction. He completely and entirely flinches away, one could even say his arm is trying to protect his body. Usually when a gun is fired people jump, look scared, maybe a bit shaken, but are otherwise okay. 

This, on the other hand, is just... not that. A few things this could be, and I’ll let you chose which one.

1. Maybe he just doesn’t like loud noises. That’s understandable, I semi-relate, but I can’t imagine someone taking on the life of a criminal without being able to handle loud noises. 

2. Maybe trauma of some sort. Again, you pick and choose; childhood trauma (maybe his parents were abusive and very loud, so he’s sensitive to loud noises), first-hand experience (he himself or someone he cared about got shot once. The latter seems a bit more likely in my opinion), idk.

(Actually talking about the second type a little more maybe someone he cared about got shot while he doing this, because once you get in you don’t get out and he wouldn’t be able to back out of this if he decided to leave). 

3. Maybe he’s just... really scared of guns. Again, this goes with #1, can’t imagine someone deciding to take on this life while being afraid of guns.

Look. I love this man, okay? I want his character, his backstory, everything to be elaborated on more in season 2, or at least some day, along with Jang-ryang (another character we really don’t know that much about). So anyways if you read through all of this thanks for being here, hope you enjoyed and I may come back with a few more things to add <3

Edit:

Photo credit goes here

This is a small note. But it shows the difference between Hoon-seok and Cheol-bum rather well. Cheol-bum would make a more demanding statement, such as: "Leave now while I'm showing mercy."

However, Hoon-seok's statement is less challenging and more "Look just leave and everything'll be fine" type of statement.

This isn't a really huge thing, but I wanted to add it :)

[spottedenchants]

Let You In by Marc Straight for Caleb

okay this one's fun because i have it with my essek songs so! caleb reading it is 👀

going under the cut since the whole thing's the story xD

Let's just take this slow Let’s just think this through How can you trust someone when they can't trust you? I learned that lesson and I learnt it well So sorry if I don't fall under your spell

First verse feels pre-Mighty Nein, pre-Nott, where Caleb's calculating his escape, and then after when he's on the run. He knows better than to hand out trust now.

Want to be with me, want to hold my hand But I’ve been through things that you'll never understand Truth be told, I don't know myself I'm not some book you can read straight off the shelf

This bit really feels like the bridge between meeting Nott and meeting the rest of the Nein. Neither Nott nor Caleb really know what the other's got going on, but that's okay- they're finding themselves again together and that's how they meet the rest.

I smile outside, but I'm cold within Hide my sadness beneath a cheshire cat grin You think I'm brave, but I'm far from fine I'd lay out the whole story but I haven’t got the time

Caleb telling Nott and Beau the (abridged) story of how he murdered his mother and father perhaps? I don't think he was smiling much for that though...

’Cause I can't let you in

He wants in that library but that doesn't mean he has to say everything that happened, not that he particularly wanted to as far as I remember?

I can’t let you in my mind I'm too afraid of what you'll find And I can't let you in my head To see the things I’ve left unsaid

i really need to go back and rewatch to get my timeline in order but Caleb was real cagey with the Nein about his backstory up until traversing through the worm tunnels wasn't it? Like they weren't going to shun him at that point but also like- oof.

Once I let you in there is no getting out; once I let you in there is no getting, getting out, out

Hmmm thinking about 'once you're a member of the Mighty Nein (read: someone he cares about) you're in'

I've lost my mind, I've cried everyday Does it make you a bad person if you need to run away? I fell apart, pulled myself back up With a little bit of help and a whole lot of luck

He's doing better! He's got people who will back him up, people he cares for and wants to keep safe

I'm not quite fixed, though I have thick skin There are still some things that find their way in I build strong walls to hide behind But they can't hide the fact that the world isn't kind

Essek ship reveal 👀

I have reached out, and I've been shut down Wanted holes to open up, swallow me into the ground I thought they were different, though they were unique Turns out I was interchangeable with girls who look like me

Out of order, but this reminds me of the Scourger in the cell.

But I am not a maiden you need to come save Not a problem to be fixed, not your accolade

The Nein (line 1) vs. Ikithon (line 2), maybe? Though they weren't really intent on 'saving' Caleb per se, I am reminded of the 'don't you want revenge' conversation in the Aeor arc

I just need time, I just need space Has no one ever told you that life isn't a race? 'Cause I can't let you in

"Time. Time. Not weeks, not years. It takes time."

And I can't let you in my dreams You might just spoil them with your schemes

Suspicious of Essek both pre-reveal and pre-episode 124 perhaps?

No, I can't let you in my head To see the dreams that are now dead

Jumping straight ahead to T-Dock destruction, and then my headcanon that Caleb isn't ready to even begin seriously considering romantic entanglements until after he's given his parents his letters specifically