#i promised i would never replay the fifth chapter

[lunarleonardo]

hihi!!! :D fanfic author to another fanfic author hehe

i’ve read all of your drv3 fanfics and they are very intriguing, in canon characterizations, plot driven stories that make me very happy to read and look forward for more! (abso love trans shuichi hc too aaa)

i was wondering if you make pre-planned outlines for your fanfics or do you go straight into writing and planning it as you go? i’m struggling in finding a fitting method myself to write my fanfics because i often jump straight into writing, but that got me stumped in my writings at times. asking for advice because i really love your compelling writing style but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to :D!

First of all... Hi! :D Thank you so much!! I do my best <3 💕

Second... Oh boy, I sure do have a process xD (this might be a long post but I like yapping and overexplaining so bear with me qwq)

if you don't want to read it all though, the shorter answer is: Kind of? I don't fully plan it out, but I don't always totally wing it. I take notes and I build off of important scenes, and then I jump in and hope for the best lol

When I first decide I want to write something with intent to post it, I create a document soley for *notes*. Theres a few things I note before and when writing.

1. I replay/rewatch the canon game and take notes on everything I possibly can. For example! I'm replaying DRV3 chapter 5 (cus i, unfortunately, had an idea q_q). I note down what I see as important or what really stands out to me :) Hell, sometimes I'll even "transcript" down canon dialogue! For example, this is what some of my notes look like (ss1 is taken from my drv3 c5 notes, ss2 is taken from my blue eyes notes):

2. Little things matter. When starting my notes, I often write down the date I started and the basic synopsis of what the story will be about. I try to think of a name for the fic later because my #1 weakness is naming things >.> ... But also! Writing down the important details of your story is suuuper helpful, because you don't want to lose track of stuff like that!! It can prevent accidental retconning, unnecessary repetitions, and stuff like that 'cause i ran out of examples... Oh well. Here's a screenshot of the start of my notes for Motive 5 (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

3. Believe it or not... i don't always plan ahead. I write a lot of my fics with one or more certain scenes in mind, and then I blink and there's suddenly a 7k word document in front of me and Oh Fuck I accidentally made a whole fanfic on that one idea. It happens more than you'd think. Using Motive 5 as an example again, there were a few scenes I had in mind when I was first writing! I don't remember what order they came to me in, but a few significant ones I fell asleep to was Shuichi losing his hand, Hajime and Maki facing off, Nagito and Shuichi meeting after the Coffin Puzzle, and the aftermath of Shuichi's "punishment" (PS. did you know he was originally gonna be tortured with sound? then i wanted to hang him from the ceiling periodically, but i gave that up for the "detention" theme.) this one is getting long but when it comes to planning, I always build off of important scenes in my mind. "How can I make this happen?" "What do I do to make this/these character(s) react like this?" or, my favorite... "What can I do to totally fuck up these sad gay losers?"

You mentioned you get stumped writing sometimes, and THAT'S OKAY. i do too. Chapter 8 of Fever Frost was a whole ordeal because I realized "wait. Kokichi would never confess his feelings first in this situation??!!!" While planning ahead may certainly help save you from some of those moments, they won't stop it entirely. It does feel really refreshing when you manage to skirt your way around the issue, so really what can you do ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

So yeah, I do kind of plan ahead. I plan MOST of the plot (I didn't even know I was gonna kill someone in Fever Frost at first >.>) and then as you write, stuff tends to tie together and build from there. In my experience, 70% of writing is just "shit kinda happens" xD

This is just how I do it, and it's okay if it doesn't work for you. I'm just the kind of person that will replay an entire game to write a fanfiction (⁠─⁠.⁠─⁠|⁠|⁠）I hope this could help a little, though! Good luck on your fics! :3💕

[lyallblacklupin]

Don’t miss the Yule Ball.

Remus sorts out his feelings about Sirius. 

Tags: Post-Incident with Severus Snape, Angst with Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Trust Issues.

Chapter 4

If someone had been there to witness what happened to Remus after Sirius had left the dorm, they would have had given him the longest hug to repress his teeming guilt that had gushed out of him so hard that he had collapsed on the floor, rocking back and forth for tears to come out, but they never came. He never wanted things to be turned this way between him and Sirius, which were completely unexpected. Sure, he did fantasize of being asked out by Sirius, but not in his right mind he had ever had any hopes for it to happen. He really underestimated Sirius. He was strongly reminded that the void in his chest was Sirius’ absence in his life which was expanding day by day, ripping his heart in the midst. He wanted Sirius. So much. He felt selfish—in fact he was selfish, and right now it didn’t seem like much of a sin.

He was again at the Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall, sipping coffee heedlessly, mind floating elsewhere in the crack of dawn. There were no classes today due to the Yule Ball in the evening. He had nothing to distract himself with. Surprisingly, he was greeted by a very unusual couple that he had to blink his eyes a little too much to believe he was seeing right.

“Oh, stop blinking! I know it’s hard to believe.” Lily Evans grumbled, with a slight amusement in her voice.

“Oh Evans, it’s not hard for me to believe. I am very much alive right now!” Yes, that was none other than James Potter, grinning his usual stupid, stupid smirk.

“For your information, we are not dating, Potter. We are just friends who happened to be going on a very casual event of our school.” Lily imitated a very elegant voice, smiling successfully that James couldn’t stop looking at her—or couldn’t stop swooning at her.

“Sure.” He shrugged, the smile not leaving his face for a second. They both slipped into their seats beside Remus, but they didn’t sit together. James and Lily were sitting on Remus’ sides. When the silence had prolonged for more than it was necessary, he found both of them staring at him.

“What?” He was utter confused.

“You think we are unable to see that long face of yours?” Lily commented, arching her brows like Mcgonacall. He shook his head slightly. He knew that he was not going to get away from this, “Tell us what happened?”

Remus was unable to gather words. He felt like he had no ounce of energy left in his body.

“I don’t know what to tell…” He trailed off.

“Okay, how about you tell us what are you feeling?” She put her hand on his.

“I don’t know that either.”

“Okay, okay…Umm. How about we ask you questions and you try to answer them?” Remus was not thrilled with her idea, so he stayed silent which she took it as his approval, “Did you have a fight with Sirius?”

“Not exactly a fight…” Remus was replaying the memory in his head for the infinith time, “Merlin, I wish it had been a fight.”

“Was it about…what he did with Snap—“ Lily was cut off by the shake of his head.

“No, it was not about that!” He said irritatingly, “We are way past that, okay?” He wasn’t asking but he was making it clear.

“Are you?” James interjected.

“Look, I have forgiven him long time ago. It’s just getting difficult to be, you know…normal?”

“Okay, let’s talk straight here, mate,” James put his arm around Remus—which was a typical ‘James Potter move’ when he was trying to convince someone, “You guys were dating before…all of that,” He did a vague hand gesture, “And right now, you guys are just these uncomfortable exes who are missing each other so much but have a tendency to ignore that.”

“Of course, I miss Sirius. He was my only best friend, James.” James gasped dramatically, making a show of how mocked he felt by his comment. Remus rolled his eyes at him.

“Yes, but James is trying to say that you guys miss being each other’s boyfriends.” Lily said those words with such gentleness that Remus felt heat creeping up on his neck. He was suddenly reminiscing the best memories of his life when he was dating Sirius.

“You are an ignorant, self-centered and a mean boyfriend, do you know that?” Remus replied blankly, his temper had reached the level of exhaustion because Sirius was right that Remus was never going to win any arguments with him. So he flopped on his bed but Sirius crawled from his behind to take him in his arms.

“But you love me.” He whispered, planting tiny kisses on Remus’ ear and jaw. Remus had turned into a mush, because it felt so good. He decided that he wasn’t unhappy on his position in their relationship. His mind made a mental note to himself that he’d rather let Sirius win all the arguments if it meant that he was never going to leave Remus.

“I do, I do love you.” He whispered back.

“Moony?”

“Remus?”

Remus jerked out of his ruminating to see James and Lily gawking at him.

“Sorry, just zoned out of the conversation.” He cleared his throat and Lily offered him her coffee.

“You’re a mess, Rem. You need to sort this out with yourself.” She was right, Remus knew, but he also wanted someone to tell him what to do.

“What do I do?”

“Go to the dance with him!” James piped up, and Remus flinched, “What?”

“Urgh. That was how it all started…”And then he told them what happened when Sirius asked him to be his date, how it turned out, and how infuriatingly he didn’t know what to do.

“You have a date!?” Lily scowled at him. Not only James was looking disappointed by the news, but Remus also felt sick of himself.

“I am the worst person in the world. I messed up. I messed everything! I knew that this was not what I wanted! I never wanted to date anyone. And yes, I admit, I haven’t moved on. Not even a little bit. I still think about him, and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that he had always been the one to calm me down whenever I’m angry or sad but then Snape happened, and I made a promise with myself that I will never let Sirius come near me. But I was this overconfident shit that I thought I will be able to handle all it. And then I wasn’t…and I can’t…”

His chest was thundering as the sobs began to cloud his throat, waiting for Remus to let go of himself. He didn’t want anyone to touch him otherwise, he’d never stop crying now that his heart was opening and becoming vulnerable.

“Moony…” James’ gentle voice was enough to bring his emotion at the brink of his eyes. He didn’t just underestimate Sirius, but also himself. That was very unlike Remus. He hated being the center of attention, he hated breaking down in public, and he hated people’s soft words—let alone the physical gestures.

“Don’t.” It was all he could manage to say when Lily had touched his arm. He was on his feet as he fled the hall, in desperate need to reach the lavatory.

So it was about what happened with Snape, came a voice in his head when he was inside the vacant bathroom. There was still mistrust, swimming with his judgments. His mind was telling him that he shouldn’t commit the same mistake of getting into relationship with Sirius but his heart was not helping at all. It was so in love. He was trying breathe properly.

Let love be your guide, his heart said.

And then get lost? His mind retorted.

Yes! Remus wanted to slap himself.

He had been pushing feelings all of his life. He had been very difficult with Sirius for straight two days when Sirius had confessed that he was in love with him. The most remarkable thing was that Sirius understood his struggle with feelings and emotions. He had the art to scoop them out of Remus’ system. Moony, this is the only way to calm yourself, he had said to him. And now, as Lily had said, he was a mess. Without him. Without Sirius.

After few hours—what felt like minutes—he washed his miserable face and walked to the courtyard. He didn’t want to go the Gryffindor Tower to face anyone. He was a wreck. He didn’t want to face Sirius either, so he just sat by the outdated fountain where the tree was protecting him from the sun. He decided that he was not going to the Ball. He just wanted to rehearse his future act of turning down Catherina Johnson gently. He relaxed himself there. It had been fifteen minutes, and he had been thinking of his DADA essay for Patronus charms, which was a win-win for him as a distraction.

However, it wasn’t long when he took out his wand and tried to cast a patronus.

“Expecto Patronum.” He whispered, thinking about the time when his friends had first time accompanied him to the moon as Animagus. A silver wisp glowed on the tip of his wand but then died out after a second, which made him eventually want to think about the moments that had made him genuinely happy. He thought about the time when Sirius had told him he was a good kisser, when he had told him that they should start dating, and a lot more but they were not strong enough to cast full patronus, just a silver light flickering. He was confused. He focused and focused, becoming impatient. He was also worrying if Sirius was not associated with his happiest memory then maybe Remus had been in an oblivion—or say, stupid in love. He knew that love was the most powerful element to do wonders, even in the wizarding world. But What if it was never love? What if it was just infatuation? Then why was his heart hammering so violently in his chest? But then he was suddenly reminded of a very bad day in his fifth year when he was walking by the dungeon where the sixth-years were taking their Potions class, and Slughorn had called him to volunteer.

“Mr Lupin here is a fifth year, and he has advanced enough to brew Veritaserum which is supposed to be taught in his next year. Uh—Mr Lupin please, come forth and—Mr Lupin?”

Remus was extremely annoyed by a certain scent saturating the room. He was sniffing, and whipping his head to follow it. He had completely forgotten that he was volunteering with Professor Slughorn because he is so concentrated on the scent which is filling his nostrils, making him quite dizzy.

“What is this smell, Professor?” He asked, still looking here and there. He knew that some of his senior students were making fun of him as the room was filled with faint sounds of sniggers and snorts.

“Mr Lupin, you are in a Potion classroom, there are numerous of potions sitting out…” Remus ignored his rambling because the scent is getting stronger. He couldn’t put a finger on it because it was reminding him of many things. Musk, which was making him lightheaded. Cigarettes. Damp hair after hot shower. The feeling of leather on skin, and also the forbidden forest. The scent had a strange sense of familiarization. It was vague but he was drawn to it. It was like he was sitting in the heart of someone—someone he knew, because he could feel their heart beat in his ears.

Remus’ whole day was a disaster because he couldn’t brew the Veritaserum properly, Slughorn had sent him back to his dorm, he was tackled by Peeves on his way, and he was also annoyed by some portraits which had made fun of his scars. After his prefect rounds, he entered the common room with a foul mood, and spotted Sirius Black sitting alone on the couch. He looked at his pocket watch and found that it was past midnight. Sirius stood up and held out his arms, smiling at him. Remus threw his satchel and books away, and fell into Sirius’ arms. He was embraced so tightly and warmly.

They both stayed quiet, and Remus nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck. That was when his eyes snapped both because he caught a whiff of the same scent that had been annoying him in the Potions.

“That scent.” Remus murmured, pulling away from Sirius.

“What scent?” Sirius asked, perplexed.

“Oh! Not you, now! I have had enough of it! This scent is driving me mad, Sirius!”

“Hey, hey, calm down, Moony, why are you crying?”

“What?”

“You are crying.”

“Oh.”

“Come here.”

He was embraced again, and then it hit him. That scent was Sirius. It was not coming from somewhere, it was just Sirius’ scent. Very natural, and very Sirius. The potion he had smelled in the dungeon was Amortentia. Sirius had always been the one to give Remus the physical interaction he shared with no one in his group. Due to his claustrophobia, he had always found hugging very uncomfortable, but not with Sirius, never with Sirius.

“I’m claustrophobic.”

“I know.” Sirius tightened his hold on Remus, pulling him impossibly closer, and he was not choking for breath. That made him cry, more and more. He was not embarrassed for the streaming tears, so he let them fall because it was just Sirius. His home.

“Expecto Patronum.”

A full grown silver dog shot out of his wand, running in circles around Remus enthusiastically. And suddenly, Remus realized why such an odd memory was his happiest and the most powerful one because it was the day when he was brought in front of the raw truth that he was in love with Sirius Black.

It was afternoon, and everyone was gathering for lunch a little earlier because the Great Hall was going to be sealed for the decorations of the Yule Ball until the evening. Remus looked around him, everyone was beaming and laughing with the exhilaration for tonight. He needed to find Sirius. He wanted to talk to him. He wanted to see him, at least. He walking quickly through the crowd, looking for him.

“Hey Remus!” He turned to find Catherina staring at him. Remus groaned internally.

“Hi, Catherina.” He tried to smile.

“Oh, call me Cathy. My friends calls me Cathy.” They fell into brief silence but she break it—to Remus’ horror, “So what’s the color of your robes tonight?” He frowned at her, “Oh, it’s okay if you don’t to tell but please don’t wear anything mustard. I have an extreme aversion to—“

“Catherina, I can’t go with you tonight.” He tried to ignore the hammering of his heart.

“What?” She looked distraught.

“I’m sorry—“

“Is this because of Black?”

“What does Sirius has to do with any of this?”

“Oh you bet your arse, it is! You guys think you are so subtle.” Remus is frozen in his place, “Who do you think you are? You thought I was just a bloody nobody to whom you’ll say yes without having to mean it—“

“Catherine, it’s not like that! I’m not feeling well, I can’t go—“

“Oh, save it, Lupin! You first agreed to be my date and broke Black’s heart, and now you’re going to his date by breaking mine?” She looked hurt, very hurt and Remus wanted to just die because her words were too true to be painful, “Can’t you see what you are doing?”

“I am so sorry, Cathy. Please. And I’m not going with anyone!” But she was shaking his head, “You have to believe me. And you are right, I did break your heart and you have no idea how pathetic I feel! I am a terrible person. I don’t deserve to be your date.”

“You are not,” She spoke after a brief silence, “You are not a terrible person. You are just stupid.”

“Same thing.”

“Look, you didn’t break my heart. You hurt my feelings, and I didn’t expect that from you. But you know what, people surprise you.” There is a very awkward silence between them and Remus couldn’t stop himself from apologizing. She gave him a long strange look, and then walked away.

Remus didn’t stand for any longer, he began walking. The thoughts, the guilt, the pain, the unjust things, the stupid acts, unfathomable love, all of that was dawning upon him at every step he was taking. His pace was becoming frantic as he reached closer to the Gryffindor Tower.

He entered the common room, his heart was racing abnormally. He paid no heed to the fourth-years standing in their robes and gowns. He ascended the staircase to his dormitory. For a second, he thought he was the same fifth-year student fleeing the Potions class because a certain scent had screwed up his day. He barged into the dorm just like he had on that day in the common room.

And once again, he found none other than Sirius Black, sitting alone in the room.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 5 is coming soon!

[footballxwrites]

Let you down

Has to get sadder before it can get happier I’m afraid x

Pt 1 / Pt 2

The rest of the drive was silent, just him and the road as the memory of what had happened moments ago replayed through his busy mind nonstop. The last few words you said to him, warning him, piled up the guilt he felt. Why’d he leave, why’d his selfish self walk out, away from your relationship was all his thoughts processed, wondering how the hell he had the nerve. The repeat of every single moment of the last five years sent him into a daze, the knife in his heart wedging in deeper the more he pictured your perfect grin and the faint sound of your contagious laugh.

A small, sad smile played at his lips the more he remembered the memories, the last five years being the best time of his life... and it was all because of you, how he got so lucky to love and treasure you every day was the gift that kept on giving...and he threw that all away.

He pulled into the drive of the house as a fresh wave of sadness crossed through him, debating whether to actually gain the balls and go and knock knowing he would most likely be greeted with either a very much deserved train of insults or a slap to the face, but either way he wasn’t ready to face the music.

A light appeared to be seeming through the blinds of the sitting room as he peered inside before giving the door a light knock with a tense fist, his heart racing as he heard the gentle footsteps of someone on the other side growing closer.

“Hi” a soft, sorrowful mutter came from his mouth the minute he met your gaze, tears stains faint on your cheeks as you went to slam the door straight in his face, barely able to look him in the eyes after the pain he caused you. “Please-“ he stammered, putting foot in the way to gain your undeserving attention, “just leave me alone Ben” you sobbed, feeling your eyes water up yet again for the fifth time this night, “just five minutes” he desperately pleaded.

His eyes lit up with hope when you let out a reluctant sigh and eased the door back, “wait there” you quickly spoke before jogging upstairs as he eagerly nodded, you reappearing within a matter of minutes, kitted out in a black, fluffy hooded coat with the simple accessories of a bobble hat and gloves and of course paired with your simple white airforces, earning a long hard stare from Ben as you stepped foot out the house and walked to the bottom of the drive.

“Are you just gonna stand there or what?” you shrugged, nodding for him to follow you to which he picked up the pace, joining you as you began off down the road, “where are we going?” he cluelessly asked as you turned into the area of Stoke Park. “Ben it’s nearly 2 in the morning, everyone in that house is asleep and if we’re about to argue, I’m not about to wake up my friends who have been so kind to let me stay alright” you replied, strolling through the peaceful night fields, gazing up towards the clear silent sky where the stars could be seen a mile away glimmering.

“I don’t want to fight” he spoke, shivering at the slight chill of the spring breeze, “never said you did, I don’t want to either...but what I do want is an honest conversation with you, sort this mess out...that’s if we can” you spat, trailing off, stopping in your track as you took a seat on a bench infront of you, overlooking the view of the still lake.

“...Why’d you do it? How did you look me directly in the eye and walk out on our relationship?” you laughed, shaking your head while just about managing to hold back the tears from flowing out, it being your turn to make him feel like shit, make him feel like the bad one here, the guilty party, not you. “I..don’t know, i just-“ he stuttered, holding his tongue from what the truth of what he wanted to say, “cut the shit Ben and the ‘I don’t know’ act alright because by god you’re not fooling anyone. Five years down the drain eh” you sighed, at this point not feeling anything other than your heart slowly breaking the more you thought about everything.

“At the time I just wanted more freedom, to be able to go out with the lads and for it not to be a problem or have to run it by you...but now I know it’s selfish and you weren’t on at me because you didn’t like it or you were jealous, you did it because you cared, about me, about us” he said, drooping his head to the ground to avoid your eye contact as your expression softened in the slightest.

“Freedom? Was I really that bad to be with” you mumbled as he, in simple terms, just basically said you were a clingy girlfriend who never let him do what he wanted, “no no that’s not what I meant- it was all the stress of work, the qualifiers and it was too much to deal with so when the season ended I just wanted to go out drinking and partying and waking up not having a clue what happened the night before then repeat it all again. That is the most selfish fucking thing I could’ve done and I fucking hate myself for it...I can’t apologise enough Y/N” he blurted out in a rush, cupping your hands in his as a tear slipped from your eye, almost feeling sorry for the lad.

“We all get stressed Ben, don’t I know it, have you seen the pile of papers I have to do by Monday..but that doesn’t mean I take it out on you, leave the house for hours on end without a single text on my whereabouts then come stumbling into bed drunk as ever stinking of pure vodka.” you stated as he hand gently stroked your cheek, wiping at the fallen tear, “I don’t really know what you want me to say...do you love me, still?”

“Never fucking stopped, I love you more than life itself” he eagerly spoke with a sympathetic grin, his eyes welling up with yours, “don’t love anything more than life” you giggled back.

“Where do we go from here...do you trust me with one last chance?” he unconvincingly asked with a gulp, his body tense as ever as you took his hands from your face and cupped them in yours, “honestly Ben...I have no idea” 👀

Pt 4

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Ahhh ok I’m madly in love with this chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please let me know what you think of the story so far...don’t worry I promised a happy ending didn’t I ❤️

@penguintransporter @donkeykai @footballdaydream @alexajanecollins @champagne-coys

[anemonenemerosa]

The Spare - Chapter 7

Hello again,

here we go with the next chapter.

The fic is still inspired by the lovely @lumosinlove

TW for mentioned homophobia, past (and present?) abuse, mental health issues.

Chapter 7

Regulus quietly eased himself down on his bed, not making a noise, struggling to grasp what he just overheard. And it was a lot. His brother was, erm... dating the person he called after dinner. The voice on the phone was somewhat unintelligible but clearly male... named Remus. Sirius is dating a man. He was gay... playing in the NHL. Holy shit.'

After a moment of comprehension, Regulus pushed the newly found insights in his brothers’ sex-life aside. There was so much more. Sirius did not just go and found himself a new family six years ago. He felt as abandoned by his family as Regulus felt by Sirius. He feared their parents. Was the brave attitude Sirius would show Regulus just to keep him calm and happy, to protect his little brother? The beatings didn't end when Sirius was fifteen, as Regulus was always made to believe and he was going through therapy because of the psychological damage it caused. All the time Sirius told him he did not understand, Regulus drove him further away but his brother was right all along. Regulus did not understand, and he could kick himself for not getting this earlier.

But Sirius left Regulus there instead of explaining to him what he did not understand.

“I wouldn’t trade places with him though. I wouldn’t give up the Lions for anything.” His brother had said. Regulus wouldn't want to trade places with himself either.

This made clear that Sirius had no idea how Regulus' life went and how leaving him alone did not ease the pressure off of him. On the contrary. Do other families actually talk about such things? Probably, but we did not talk and now the damage is done.

Then, another aspect of the conversation demanded attention. Sirius had found someone. A team, some kind of family he actually wanted to spend time with and not just showed up out of sense of duty. And this Remus, who seemed to deeply care about him. Him, not his career, not his status. That man might even love him.

Regulus felt his eyes burn. He hadn't cried in years but the bare idea that relationships existed where people cared for each other like that, without expectations, showing support and giving comfort, left him longing. He remembered the feeling of being cared for by Sirius when he was young and realised that he was secretly craving it. Envy mingled with the burning the remorse of all he ever did to his brother while tears ran down his face.

                                   ............................................

The next day went by in a blur. Regulus was confused and hurting. His carefully maintained walls broke down yesterday and he was struggling to get them up again. He still couldn't look into his brothers’ eyes, he was off kilter and felt too exposed. But he knew he needed to get a grip, needed to talk to his brother before he left the next morning.

Regulus wandered around again at night but not in the house. He couldn’t walk past Sirius room again before he was ready. Instead, he put his running shoes on, climbed out of his window and started off along his favourite path. He'd run it so often, it didn't even make a difference that is was dark. He put Sirius' sexuality on the back burner, deciding that it was more important to get a concept of how he felt about his brother after all the input from last night. Letting the call replay in his head, Regulus tried to make a note of the feelings that surged through him. It hurt horribly but he pushed through and began to classify his emotions halfway through his second laps.

He felt sorry for his brother. Sirius was abused, felt just as abandoned as Regulus, stood under enormous pressure from the media already and oh, he was a closeted gay NHL-Captain dating his teams' -almost professional NHL-player- PT. The name Remus stroked something in Regulus' memory and he had looked him up earlier that day. Somewhat typically Sirius: Never one to do things by halves. But back to the feelings-endeavour.

There was shame, quite a lot. Regulus was being big-headed, naive and too eager to please his parents, the Snakes, too eager to escape Sirius' success pressing down on him until he couldn't breathe. He had let himself get blinded.

Despite the re-evaluation of their last years, Regulus still felt abandoned by his big brother and unbearably hurt. Although he began to fathom why Sirius put so much distance between himself and the family, he promised Regulus to always be his brother, to be there for him. And then, he wasn't. This wasn't all Sirius' fault of course, there were so many layers to their relationship that his head spun and he didn't even know everything that happened to his brother.

Regulus took a short break from running and feelings before he began his fifth laps, wishing he had thought of water.

Envy was the next feeling on the list. It was a not a knew occurrence but while it usually focused on his brother’s career, he now envied Sirius for something completely different. For having friends as close as a family, a team that supported him and seemed to genuinely like him as a person. Jealousy threw itself into the mix with a pang. All these people were in company of the Sirius' happy and caring side. The side that once was reserved for Regulus only. But maybe, it was possible to deeply care for several people. That Sirius finding real friends didn't mean he had nothing left for his baby brother. But Regulus drove him away and lost his claim. As quick as the jealousy came, it was overshadowed by longing for true affection and loss of how close he once was to his brother.

Remus. The name sprang up in Regulus' mind. Sirius hadn't just found a home, he found love. Something, Regulus grew more and more aware that he himself was undeserving of such strong affection. Any affection honestly. After all he had done, no one could possibly like him. The realisation just increased the longing and gave it a painful twinge.

 As if it wasn’t bad enough already.

Regulus gave up running after the fifth laps and settled on lying on a park bench in the middle of nowhere instead, like a proper creep.

Maybe I could do with a bit of therapy too, at the very least to sort through this mess, he thought dryly.

Then, there was the sexuality part. His brother was gay. This thought should have evoked repulsion in him but it didn’t. He briefly considered the common slurs and dirty jokes in the locker-room and on ice. Regulus was not sure how much of it was supposed to be harmless chirping but without doubt, it would become ammunition of certain players, if they knew it was actually true. And his parents made decidedly no effort to sugar-coat their opinions.

                                 ......................................................

"Sports is stooping lower and lower these days!" Regulus remembered his father’s agitation during the Olympic winter-games in Sochi.

Tim Stevenson, a Vancouver City Councillor, urged the International Olympics Committee to add "sexual orientation" to the Olympic Charter. The politician was openly-gay and married to Gary Paterson, the equally openly-gay moderator of the United Church of Canada.

"They shouldn't have allowed that in the first place" Orion hissed while succumbing into a rare fit of rage.

Regulus, of course, couldn’t remember the marriage in 2004 but his parents would never fail to show their distaste and indignation.

                                   .................................................

Regulus had always believed blindly what his parents told him, once out of naivety, later out of self-preservation. A mode of action he began to question deeply by now. The blind trust towards his parents was crumbling quickly, and Regulus felt himself uncertain of what to do now that his moral concepts and alleged knowledge were dissolving at an alarming rate. But as many tumultuous hard feelings as he allowed himself against Sirius for abandoning him and escaping, he did not think that being gay changed something about his brother...

Wasn't sexuality something you can’t help? That has always been like this? Then, hadn't he always been gay and knowing about it did not make him a different person. But Regulus hardly doubted that most of the NHL shared this train of thought, let alone their parents.

This can ruin Sirius' career... but isn't hockey supposed to be about the game and the game only? His mantra came back from the dead.

Why should it be of any importance for his game where he put his dick, or let other people stick their dick, for that matter? Regulus shuddered at the thought that his brother had a sex-life but he found himself not cringing at the idea of Sirius liking men. It was more the fact that he had sex in general. He denied that brothers, just like parents did this at all. Being the living proof that his parents had definitely had sex, was irrelevant.

Regulus decided to keep his brothers secret. He would not hurt him any more than he already had.

Coming home, around three in the morning, tired but much more at ease he found himself able to really sleep for the first time in what felt like years. Come next morning, he would grow a pair of metaphorical balls (he already had actual ones, thank you very much) to tell Sirius about the Interview and apologise. He would not talk about his brother’s sexuality, didn't want to intrude. It was not Regulus' business after all.

Regulus never overslept but this very day, he did. When he woke up, his brother was already gone. Thats that. I hope you liked it :)

Stay safe and channel your inner Hufflepuff

[randomoranges]

to no one’s surprise, i deal with emotions and feelings by writing about them.

today was the last day with the kids.

today edward gets to be me.

End of Year Blues [Farewell Lullaby] 

 Edward’s free – in a sense. The kids are officially on summer vacation and he only has a few pedagogical days left before he can fully disconnect. It’s been a tough year, in so many different ways, and his group has been – hard, to say the least. There’d been discord between the kids, behaviour issues that had persisted no matter what and kids he’d never felt he’d bonded with despite trying. He’d been snappier, discouraged and there’d been times when he’d lost his temper with them. He’d tried, obviously, and had sat down to think of better ways to conduct lessons and make things interesting, but no matter what he’d done, it always seemed like the kids didn’t care. Or, well, enough of them that it had slowly but surely eaten away at his motivation.

 He’d been counting down to the end of the school year since March break and now that it’s finally over – now that he’s free of this group he’d at times – hated – he feels a deep ache settle inside of him.

 He loved them, in the end. Despite it all. He’d come to love them something fierce. They were his kids. His terrible kids that were a rambunctious bunch that could never stop talking. But they were his. And he’d loved them. And they’d – loved him as well. In their own way.

 He knows they’d gotten better over the months – they’d started from so far back and he’d been genuinely proud of their progress – had told them repeatedly – had written it in their personalised end of year cards that had gone with their end of year gifts, but he’s a maelstrom of emotions as he sits in his living room and lets the day and its emotions process in the back of his mind.

 He’s going to miss them. He already misses them. And it’s when he reminds himself to tell something to one of his student’s tomorrow that it truly hits him. It’s over. He’ll never see them again. He’ll never be M Édouard to them. He’ll never start a day with them ever again. He’ll never get to share inside jokes with this group of his. This adventure – these 182 days of school are over. The year has come and gone and his fifth graders are now off to be sixth graders. Another chapter over.

 Despite it not being his first class, he’d gotten attached to them. In some bizarre way. Had grown protective of them. And the fact that now everything he’s lived with them has gone to the archives of his mind, he finds himself reeling. It had gone by so quickly and so slowly, much like the year had been full of ups and downs.

 It takes Edward a moment to realise that his shoulders are shaking and that there’s a tear running down his cheek. He feels silly for getting so caught up, yet he finds himself replaying those last moments of the day over and over. When he’d sat back in his chair and had taken in his boisterous group one more time. The energy of them. Etched every one of their faces in his mind. Their dynamics. Their loudness.

 As the kids had straggled out, there’d been an impromptu group hug followed by many iterations of “have a nice summer” and “I’ll miss you” and “you were a good teacher” and “thank you”. There’d been tears then. Maybe even from him as well.

 He’d left with a final hug and a promise of seeing most of them in August – when the new term would start and with a heavy heart he’d walked out of the school. This moment would never be again. This group had ceased to exist.

 He’s used to this and has lived through a version of this for years now, yet every time it happens it takes over for a while, until he settles in his new norm.

 He tries to console himself with the fact that he’ll always have his archived memories and that come August, he can start all over again. It’s not much, but at the moment, he’ll take it. For now, however, he’ll bask in his feelings for a while longer, until the ache slowly soothes itself.

 FIN

[elizoearn]

HOME AT LAST

CHAPTER 1

Summary: Harry has finished his fifth, and worst, year at Hogwarts, and he now has to face a summer from hell at the Dursleys, until Albus decides that it is time to get him properlytrained. Harry will finally have the mentors and the family he had dreamt of, so many times.

I’M POSTING THE FIRST CHAPTER HERE, TO GIVE YOU A TASTE...

Harry sat in his room at Privet Drive. The clouds had covered the sky. Thunder was making his windows tremble. He sat watching the rain — frankly it matched his mood. A month almost had passed since Sirius was taken through the veil. He couldn't even get himself to say that he had died. Who was he fooling? He wasn't the chosen one! He couldn't even get his life in line. How could he save the entire wizarding world? He replayed the conversation with Dumbledore over and over in his head. He would have to kill or be killed. That was his destiny. Right now the latest seemed his preferred choice. Maybe Voldemort was the way to get out this miserable life of his. Otherwise he was too coward to do it himself. Damn the Gryffindor spirit of his. Where was it when he needed it most?

He held his quill in his hand, a bit of parchment in his desk.

Dear Professor Dumbledore, I am leaving and never coming back —no scratch that—he drew a line over the sentence. I hope you're doing fine. I'm not. I can't sleep, nightmares you see, I can't eat, or rather I'm not allowed to, I can't leave this godamn house. I feel like the walls are closing in. I don't think I can take it much longer. I was writing to apologize. You were trying to protect me and I couldn't understand that. I just wish things were different. I wish... Sincerely Harry James Potter The Boy who never had the chance to Live, and will Die. ******************* He left the piece of parchment on his desk and sighed deeply. He really felt like he was going in circles. He wasn't going to send it. He had just wished to put some of his thoughts on paper, maybe ease his heartache. Little did he know that the headmaster was feeling as sad as he did right now. Said headmaster was watching the fog out of his office's window. Harry was constantly on his mind. He had avoided the boy all this year for his good only to find out he had done him more harm with this decision. He had seen how devastated Harry was when he left Hogwarts a month ago. He had began searching for the horcruxes. He had an idea of where to find the ring. He was just debating if he should tell Harry or not. A voice in his head told him that he had already hidden too much from Harry. But it crashed his heart even the thought of having to tell Harry that ultimately he would have to die. Both Minerva and Severus had insisted that he should bring the boy at Hogwarts. Severus had learned about Harry's fate. He was so angry with him. But it seemed that he didn't want to give up hope. As much as he disliked Potter, he didn't hate him, he knew that the boy had a lot on his shoulders and that his life wasn't easy. But he was forced to pretend in front of his Slytherins. He was a spy after all. Severus almost pleaded with him to bring Harry over the summer, let him learn Occlumency correctly, train him, prepare him and maybe he would stand a chance. Minerva told him so too. Mind finally made, he took a piece of parchment.

Dear Harry, I hope you're as fine as you can be. I have a situation to discuss with you so I will come tomorrow morning at 11:00 am sharp to retrieve you if this is acceptable. Please answer as fast as you can. Give your message to Fawkes, he will make sure I receive it immediately. Yours, Albus Dumbledore

"Give this to Harry, Fawkes. You know where to find him." The Phoenix hooted in agreement, took the small piece of parchment in his beak and let the flames surround him as he departed straight to Harry's room in Surrey. ***************** Harry was startled when flames erupted in the middle of his room. The flames dissolved and he saw Fawkes. "Hey, Fawkes..." He caressed the head of the Phoenix who let out a sound of satisfaction. He took the letter from his beak and read it. He wondered what the Headmaster wanted to discuss. He put some treats for Fawkes to eat and gave some to Hedwig too. He sat again in his chair and turned the letter around.

Professor Dumbledore, I have no problem. Either way I have nowhere to go. I will expect you tomorrow at 11 am sharp. Respectfully, Harry Potter

He let Fawkes eat in peace and then watched the phoenix as he disappeared again. Albus received the letter of approval from Harry. He felt his guilt overwhelm him. "I have nowhere to go". The phrase played through his head. He firecalled Severus and Minerva. Once they arrived Severus asked:

"What may seem to be the matter Headmaster?"

"I will go to retrieve Harry from the Dursley's tomorrow. He will be staying here, from now on. We have to make a plan. You Severus,will train him. Teach him Potions and Occlumency, anything he has to know. I know you despise him, but we are at war. I can't afford to lose either of you. You Minerva, I want you to show him the art of Transfiguration. Teach him how to become an animagus. Study with him books with tactics, useful spells, healing. Me, I'm going to teach him how Voldemort thinks, his story and I will practice with him defense. I want him to be as prepared as he can be." Severus, as much as Dumbledore's decision displeased him, understood his reasons and agreed with them. Minerva too. It was time to show Potter that he had the upper hand. Let the magic inside of him finally reach its fullest potential.

"He will be ready Albus, I'll make sure of it." He said to Albus.

"Me too." Minerva promised too. They departed from his office to make their plans each.

"Severus, could you stay for another minute?" The Potion's Master turned and faced Albus.

"I want Harry to stay with you. He has endured great psychological pain. He was neglected, abandoned, he has suffered loss that no one his age should ever have to. Only you can help him heal from that."

"Albus you know, I'll do more harm,than good."

"I don't think so Severus. If you want this war to be over, you have to make amends."

" With all due respect Headmaster, Minerva or you are far more capable to help the boy than I am. We don't get along and I don't trust his arrogant and far too stupid thinking."

Snape was barely managing not to yell at the Headmaster.

"You have never had the chance to get to know Harry. The real Harry,Severus, the one that resembles yourself a lot, the one that resembles Lily. Now my boy, I think that if you give Harry a chance, you and will get along just fine." Severus tries were futile. Once Albus had a plan thought out, he always executed it. ******************* The next day Albus went to retrieve Harry. He apparated to Privet Drive and knocked on the door. Sure enough Harry answered. "Harry m'boy! How are you?" Albus' tone was soft as he put a hand in Harry's shoulder.

"I've been better sir, thanks for asking though. Please come in. Will you mind if we talked to my room? The Dursley's will be back soon and they don't like people like us a lot, I'm afraid."

"Don't worry Harry. We will not be staying here. You are coming to Hogwarts with me. Let's go get your stuff, shall we?"

"To Hogwarts? To stay? For the summer?" Harry asked surprised.

"Yes Harry. With me and some teachers. It's time you trained for what it's coming. Come on now, we don't have a lot of time!" Harry showed Albus to his small and almost empty room upstairs. Albus with a flick of his wand made all of Harry's belongings go in his trunk. He shrank it then and put it in his pocket. As Harry let Hedwig out of the window with instructions to meet him at Hogwarts, Albus picked up the small piece of parchment addressed to him on the desk and put it in his pocket. He turned to Harry then.

"Keep your cloak and wand ready Harry. Do you wish to grab anything else? I'm not sure if you'll ever be coming back home again. I'm instructing your relatives to leave as fast as they can, I wrote them a letter."

"No sir. This was never my home anyway." Again Albus was overwhelmed with guilt and sadness.

He left the letter somewhere to be found by the Dursley's and then instructed Harry to grab his hand and apparated with him at the gates of Hogwarts.

"Welcome home Harry." He said to the teen softly as he put a hand on his shoulder. Harry let a small smile form in his lips. He was indeed home. He followed Dumbledore to his office and took a sit as the Headmaster instructed across him.

"I know it seems sudden but, it occurred to me, that you're just as safe, if not more here,than in Surrey. Do you know why Harry?"

"I can guess. It's because of Voldemort's strength that's growing and the blood yards are failing. They never loved me or cared for me so the wards stopped working."

"They haven't stopped but they have weakened very much indeed. There is another reason. I think it's high time we train you . And by we I mean Severus, Minerva and myself included. You have to be prepared for everything that is to come. Dark times are ahead of us Harry. Very dark. For your stay here, you will live with Severus, for the remaining of the summer, in his quarters. Maybe sometime we will go to my cottage outside Fraserburgh. I know you and him don't get along. I know what happened last year. But for both of your shakes and survival, you need to learn to work together. I want you to start and get to know each other. Your real selves."

Harry knew he couldn't protest and he wouldn't either. What had transpired between him and Snape was insignificant in front of the war. He knew he had done something he shouldn't last year with the pensieve and just for this once Snape was rightfully mad at him. Harry truly felt embarrassed for his dad and Sirius. He was amazed deep down by Snape's courage to be a spy and for saving him many times. But that didn't mean that he would be all sugar with the man now. They had things to solve and if Snape continued to make him miserable Harry would of course confront him.

"I suggest you go and settle in. Get to know your new room. I'll meet you at lunch." Dumbledore continued. Harry just nodded and went for the door.

"And Harry... I know how you feel, I really do. And I know it is too much on your shoulders but we will all try to make it a little bit lighter. Severus, Minerva, your friends and me. You are not alone. Bear that in mind."

Unlike the last time Harry had been in this Office, something in the old man's voice and face told him that Dumbledore really knew what a loss of a loved one felt like. Harry swallowed hard. Even the thought of Sirius' passing brought tears in his eyes. He nodded again and left. Albus sighed deeply. He took the small piece of parchment out of his pocket and read it. What had he done? His eyes filled with tears. He would inform Severus of this, and keep a very close look on the boy. He promised he would do everything on his hand to make Harry's life as happy as he could. ****************** Harry made his way to the Dungeons. He knocked on the door of the Potion Master's office. Snape's deep voice answered from inside.

"Come in" he said dryly. Harry opened the door and stepped in closing it behind him. Severus didn't even look up from his papers. Harry stood in the door uncertain as to what to do.

"Do you plan on standing there and infuriate me Potter?" Snape snarled.

" No sir." Harry walked towards the man. He finally put his quill down and stood up.

"Follow me" he said curtly. Snape guided Harry in the very back of the office where stood a big portrait of potioneer, Zygmunt Budge.

"Put your hand on the cauldron." Severus instructed pointing at the cauldron in the drawing. Harry did as he was told. Snape took his wand and said some long Latin incantation which Harry didn't understand.

"I keyed your signature to my private quarters. This way you can come and go as you please."

The door opened and Severus got in as Harry followed him. He looked around the big living room. It wasn't at all as he had expected it —dark, gloomy and sinister. On the contrary, the room was well lit, it was beige and had dark brown leather furniture. A big bookcase from wood covered two whole walls. There was a fireplace next to which stood an armchair with a pique blanket on its arm and a matching footstool. A small commode was sitting between the armchair and the fireplace. Harry figured this must be Snape's chilling spot. Snape continued to move quickly down the hall from the living room.

"This is the kitchen." He pointed on his left to the small room. It had wooden cupboards and a matching table in the middle but nothing more. "This is my room. You are not to get in unless it is an absolute emergency. And this is your room." He indicated the door next to his room.

He opened it and Harry's jaw almost dropped to the floor. His room was huge! Even bigger than Dudley's! It had a magical window that lit it with natural sunlight and had a view to the Quidditch pitch. A king sized bed with white bed sheets, a grey douvet and matching pillows was in the far end of the room. The room itself was painted dark blue and light grey. It had a wardrobe to put ones clothes in, a desk for his studies, a nightstand beside the bed, a gray carpet and a painting with a hippogriff that moved around.

"You have your own bathroom through here." Snape indicated the door close to his bed. His own bathroom with a bathtub! He could take baths! Harry was amazed. "All of the toiletries like toothbrushes and toothpastes, razors, foam, shampoo and others are in there. Close your mouth Potter!" He snapped. What in Merlin's name! Snape thought infuriated. Hadn't the boy seen a bedroom before?

"Y-Yes sir. Thank you." Harry composed himself. He was really grateful.

"Don't thank me. Professor McGonagall customized it besides my protests. Lunch is at two. I expect you can keep track of time."

"I can."

"I can what?" Snape looked him warningly.

"I can sir." Harry didn't mind Snape right now he was too focused in his new room.

"I have simple house rules. You wake up early, you attend your training schedule on time. You don't disturb me unless necessary, you don't get in my room, you don't miss a meal. When you have visions you tell me or anyone else, you keep yourself presentable, not with these rugs you're wearing. You must be escorted to go outside and you are back here before 9:30 at night. Am I understood?" Snape handed him a piece of parchment with the the rules, in his neat hand writing.

"Yes Professor." He would have to memorize them. He didn't want Snape having a reason to yell at him or punish him like Uncle Vernon because Harry was sure the man was capable of much worse. Snape just strode out of the room being sure that Potter wouldn't even bother to go by his rules. Harry closed his door and took a dive to his bed, letting the soft mattress and clothing surround him. He would certainly have to thank McGonagall for this. He unpacked his trunk and by the time he had put everything in place it was almost 1:30. He put on his best pair of hand-me-down jeans and a grey t-shirt with the snitch on it that Hermione had gotten him from Hogsmeade. He washed his face and tried to tame his hair. He then put on a pair of well worn sneakers and made his way to the Great-Hall.

He opened the doors and noticed that the whole room was empty, except for a smaller than the usuals, table, in the middle of the Hall. The teachers were sat around it. Harry saw Dumbledore sitting in the middle, on his right was McGonagall and on his left two empty seats,Hagrid at the edge, next to him Flitwick, then Sprout and on the other side Sinistra, Madame Pomfrey, Hooch and Trelawny at the very end.

Dumbledore's eyes lit when he saw Harry. "Harry m'boy! Come on, don't stand there!" Harry made his way to the table and took the seat next to Dumbledore.

"How do you like your new room?" Albus inquired.

"It is great sir! Thank you! And thanks for the decoration Professor!" He addressed Minerva.

"My pleasure Harry. I knew you would like it." Harry just gave a small smile. And started putting food on his plate. A small serving of mashed potatoes, some peas and carrots and a piece of roast chicken. Just then Snape walked in too.

"Ah Severus! Join us!" the Headmaster exclaimed happily.

"Thank you Albus," he said with a small smile to his Head. He then took his seat next to a surprised Harry.

Harry noticed that every time Snape spoke with Dumbledore or McGonagall it was like his bastard self dissolved. He was always more soft in tone, civil, even managed a small chuckle sometimes when Albus said something funny and McGonagall scolded him. He sat besides Harry and frowned as he observed Harry's plate.

"Put more chicken and vegetables on your plate Mr Potter. This serving is for children not for growing men in adolescence." he remarked.

Harry was a bit dumbfounded that Snape was looking out for what he was eating, but then again one of his rules was not to miss a meal. He put a bit more food in his plate and a glass of pumpkin juice and started eating as the rest of the teachers chatted around him.

"So Minnie, you still owe me that flying contest."

"Albus, I said categorically no! I'm not going on a fly contest with you!" McGonagall said almost angrily. "Besides, Minerva would still beat you Headmaster. You do remember she is one of the best seekers to ever pass from this school" Rolanda Hooch commented.

"That's why we should have the contest! To prove her ability!" Albus insisted. Harry heard Snape sneer and he knew that the Potion Master had rolled his eyes without even having to look at the man.

"How about a Quidditch match some time? Now that we have young Harry, he can play seeker against Minerva! Would you like that Harry?"

"Very much Professor!" Harry answered Dumbledore. Harry would very much like to see the teachers playing Quidditch.

"What position do you play sir?" He asked Albus.

"I'm the referee of course! Too old to actually play, but young enough to ensure a fair game while on my broom!" He winked at Harry.

"Rolanda and Severus play chasers, Filius and Aurora are excellent beaters, and of course Septima and Pomona manage as keepers.We know that the teams are short, but it is better than nothing!" McGonagall explained.

With these kinds of teams Harry's interest was piked. What wouldn't he pay to see Snape trying to goal at Sprout! Even the thought amused him. Maybe if Dumbledore let him he could call over the Weasleys and form normal teams to play. Harry ate some chocolate pudding for desert and when lunch ended he walked with Dumbledore, Snape and McGonagall to the Headmaster's office.

"Potter, this is your training schedule." McGonagall gave him a curriculum.

Monday 9:00-10:30 Advanced D.A.D.A (S.Snape) 11:00- 13:00 Dueling ( A. Dumbledore/ S. Snape) 17:00-19:00 Advanced Transfiguration ( M. McGonagall / A.Dumbledore) Tuesday 9:00-10:30 am Potions (S. Snape) 11:00-12:30 pm Battle Tactics ( A. Dumbledore) 5:00-6:30 pm Healing ( M. McGonagall / P. Pomfrey) 7:00-8:00 pm Occlumency (S. Snape)

For Wednesday he had the same courses as Monday and for Thursday the same as Tuesday. He had a free day on Friday and the weekend to study any assigned work. On Sundays he also had meetings with Dumbledore to learn more about Voldemort that would help him defeat him.

"It is a loaded program but the other alternative, is to let you die in the hands of the Dark Lord," Snape said to Harry in a sneering tone. McGonagall and Dumbledore nodded in agreement though.

"We find it also necessary for you to go and do some shopping. That is why, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape will take you today to a town nearby to shop anything you wish for. Some new clothes and shoes are a must. And the books you will need for your training have been ordered and will be here tomorrow."

"Uhm... As much as I'd like that sir, eh... my vault has enough money to get me through two more years of Hogwarts... I don't have much money to spare..." Harry felt his cheeks begin to warm as a pink color overtook them.

"You won't have to pay for anything Harry! My mistake, if I made it look that way... As your temporary guardian, and since you are underage, I will pay for you, as any mature grown-up should pay for their guards." Harry saw a flash of anger pass through Dumbledore's eyes, with his innuendo to the Dursley's incompetence to raise him correctly. "And don't you even try and say thank you young Mister. It is my mistake, that you weren't provided with the absolutely basic necessities from the beginning." Dumbledore spoke as soon as he saw Harry open his mouth to protest. Harry's eyes were fixated on the floor as embarrassment got the best of him.

"Yes sir!" Was all he managed.

"Further instructions for your lessons and any inquiries you have, you can come to any of us to answer. Also, as I'm sure Severus has already told you, it is of imperative importance that you do not go outside unless escorted by one of the staff. You are relieved from your summer homework, after unanimous decision with of the teachers, you will be else occupied all summer, either way. You will practice, though, some of this year's curriculum, be assured."

Harry nodded understanding exactly what the Professor was saying.

"If you don't have any objection I think it is a good time for us to go to town now." Snape said looking at Minerva and Harry.

"It's fine by me, Severus."

"Me too." Minerva agreed. They said goodbye to Dumbledore and left for the gates. Once outside Hogwarts they stopped and put on their glamour charm. Snape transfigured his, easily recognizable, black cloak, to black jeans and a white button down, underneath a grey sweater. His hair became short and he grew a beard. McGonagall on the other hand, transfigured her robes to a long black skirt and a green sweater. Her hair was let down from the strict bun she wore everyday and from dark grey-black they became completely white, making her look like a very old lady, something amplified by the deep wrinkles that appeared in her face. Harry's hair became light, his scar invisible and grew a small beard. His appearance looked a lot like Snape's and someone could easily confuse them for father and son.

"We are apparating there. Grab my arm tightly Potter." Ordered Snape.

Once Harry touched him, he felt like being sucked through a small tube and that he couldn't breathe. A moment later he landed on a deserted alley. A loud crack was heard and McGonagall landed next to them.

"Let's go on then."

They entered a big mall down the road. They got into the first shop that had clothes. Harry picked four pairs of blue jeans, two pairs of black. A khaki and black pair of cargo pants, some button down shirts, several t-shirts in different colors were also scratched from his to 'buy list'. Sweaters, hoodies, underwear, socks, pajamas and of course winter jackets, a scarf and gloves went in as well. Then they went to pick up shoes, tracking pants, and sweatshirts in an athletic shop. Harry got two pair of sneakers, two pairs of running shoes, three sweatshirts and four tracking pants. It was fortunate that McGonagall had been with them because Snape only insisted on buying the black pieces of clothing and frankly Harry didn't like black at all.

When they finished almost four hours later, everyone was exhausted. They apparated back at the school just in time for dinner. Harry are in a hurry wanting desperately to go and lie down and sleep but Snape kept putting food in his plate. When everyone was finished,Harry and Snape said goodnight to everyone and walked to the dungeons.

"You start your schedule tomorrow morning. I expect you to be up at 6:30. Then you and I will go for some exercise, eat breakfast by 8:30 and at 9:00 potions. We will exercise every morning Potter. You have to gain some muscle. It will help with your magical training as well." Harry had for a long time wanted to put on some muscle and had tried, in vain though. When they were in Snape's quarters, the Professor gave him permission to call for a House Elf if he needed anything and then, with a last look to Harry, which seemed full of envy he walked to his room, his robes billowing behind him. Harry almost rolled his eyes at Snape. He got into his room and saw that his new clothes had been washed and ironed, probably the House Elves. He picked up a pair of pajamas, wore them and set his bedside magical alarm at 6:00. The minute the soft pillow touched his head, he was out. ****************** End of first chapter! Please review if you liked it, and send me any of your suggestions! Thank you all for your support!!!!

[jumpship90]

wip whenever

cheers for the tag @damejudyhench. This (quite long) excerpt is kind of cheating because it’s actually being removed from my next chapter (and just referred to briefly by Jaq instead) but here is something from Felix’s POV as he attempts to watch a tossball match and is instead distracted by having to convince Jaq to go for it with Phineas.

I think most people have been tagged but just in case, tagging in @antoncrane @lamiahypnosia and @saltunafish

“I call shotgun on the shower!” Felix yelled, bounding up the stairs of the Unreliable two at a time.

The boss made an irritable noise but they didn’t argue and he heard the familiar sound of the captain’s chair creaking as they settled into it. They were probably going to contact the Doc anyway, he thought. They usually did whenever they returned from a mission.

They’d been on Monarch almost a week, beating back the bandits who were attacking the supply routes and delaying the rations making it out from Stellar Bay to rest of the settlements. It had been heavy going, but with the support of the Iconoclasts they had eventually cleared the route. Felix had hoped they’d have been due some sort of reward on return to the city but instead Jaq had spent several hours in meetings with Mr Nandi and Zora, and rather than hang around listening to them talk politics he had drifted over to Left Field to catch up on the tossball league. There were games on tonight he didn’t want to miss.

He stripped off rapidly and dove under the showerhead before the water had finished warming up. He shivered and puffed out his cheeks, working to scrub the marauder blood from his skin. The pressure wasn’t as good as he’d gotten used to on the Hope but it would suffice in washing out the stains and the smell of sulphur from his hair.

By the time the steam had started to rise in the bathroom and obscure the mirror, he was done and out, wrapping himself in a thread-bare towel before darting down the corridor with soggy feet. SAM would get to the puddles before Jaq was done chatting, he could still hear their voice echoing up from the cockpit, and very faintly in the background, the familiar laugh of Doc Welles.

He was glad to be back aboard the Unreliable but Felix did miss the Hope, more than he’d expected. At first he’d been disappointed when Jaq had told him he was staying behind and missing out on the adventures they were having but he’d discovered it was actually pretty good fun getting to rebuild the abandoned facility and help out with experiments. That and it was nice hanging with the younger lab techs and watching tossball with them.

Oh, shit! If he was quick he might catch the end of the Hammers game before Rangers v Backers kicked off.

Felix bounded down the hallway and into the mess, snagging a case of zero-gees from the fridge and a bag of spacer-chips. It sounded like Jaq was still finishing up their conversation so he flicked on the aetherwave and flopped down on the sofa.

It was nearing the end of the first quarter when Jaq finally emerged from their room. They dropped down beside him and Felix passed them a bottle of zero-gee that had grown lukewarm in the time it had taken them to freshen up.

“Everything ok with the Doc?”

He sure hoped so. The old man was surprisingly fun to be around, always ushering Felix over when he had a cool new chemical to show him or something really weird happened with an experiment. And Phineas never made him feel stupid, even when he had to ask for the super long science words to be explained. The Doc would get all excited and break it down for him so he could understand and Felix was starting to get a grasp on some of the processes that went on in the lab.

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Jaq replied taking a long swig on their drink. “One of the door mechanisms had jammed in the crew quarters and apparently the team of four bio-chemists he sent to fix it couldn’t figure out the wiring.”

Yeah, Felix could imagine that all too well. In his time aboard the Hope he’d discovered half those lab-coated so-called geniuses couldn’t figure out how to build a bunk or salvage the workable bits from an old air-scrubber.

Jaq snorted and took another swig. “Anyway, Phin wanted me to talk him through the electrics whilst he had the panel open. He’s fixed it now.”

“That’s good. He’ll be disappointed he missed the Hammer’s game though.”

Jaq gave him a confused look.

“Phin watches tossball? I thought he hated it,” they said, as a crunching tackle sent a chorus of cheers up from the crowd watching in the stands and Felix punched the air.

He reached for the chips and stuffed down a handful before nodding. “I’ve been teaching him the rules. He seemed real surprised how much maths is involved. I never really thought of it like that, but anyway, he’s kinda starting to get the plays. I think.”

“Huh. And he supports the Hammers?”

Felix frowned. “Well, yeah, obviously. I said he had to pick a team and he asked who your team was and I said you backed the Hammers but that was a real bad choice because their twenty-eighth back has been injured all season and they don’t have a good defensive play and – oh come on, ref!”

The replay showed the towering Rizzo’s fifth back hurling the Backers forward off the ball.

“Anyway. I did warn him but I guess it makes sense he’d pick them, to avoid rows and stuff. I mean, I could never date anyone who didn’t support the Rangers. No offense, boss.”

There was a sudden spluttering noise from beside him and when Felix finally dragged his eyes away from the aetherwave Jaq was wiping frothy suds from their mouth with a damp sleeve. They gave another cough before taking a tentative sip.

“We’re not . . . dating,” they said eventually and Felix didn’t miss the red glow to the back of their neck.

“Oh, really?” That didn’t make any sense. “But you talk over the secure transmission all the time and he’s always real happy afterward, like bobbing around the lab and humming and stuff.” Felix scratched his head and turned back to the game in time to see a two man tackle go in on a forward who’d begun a promising darting run at goal. He winced as the player hit the deck with a thud picked up clearly by the mics.

“Really?”

Jaq didn’t seem to be paying attention to the game and Felix really wanted to concentrate on it but they were being kind of weird so he nodded. “Yeah, and he talks about you all the time. It’s always, ‘Jaq did this’ and ‘Jaq said that’ and ‘Jaq’s a big hero.’”

It was kind of fun actually. Phineas always wanted to hear all the cool adventures the crew had been on and he never seemed to get tired of Felix talking about what life used to be like aboard the Unreliable. He’d always listen intently and chuckle at things or ask questions about the boss and the others. Well, mostly the boss, now he really thought about it.

“You really aren’t . . . like . . . a thing? But didn’t he stay in your bed that time?” he asked with a grimace. He liked the two of them and it was nice to think they might be happy together but he really, really didn’t want to think about them smashing asteroids. Gross.

Jaq’s neck was about as red as a landing beacon at this point and Felix decided it was best not to look in their direction.

“I told you before, the camp bed is uncomfortable,” they muttered.

Felix shrugged and went in for another handful of chips. Jaq really didn’t seem interested in the food and they’d finished their beer but were still picking at the label on the empty bottle, swilling the last of the dregs.

“So, you think . . ?

The Rangers’ forward pack were beating their way through the Wednesday zone now, repelling backs left right and centre. He fidgeted in his seat, gripping the edge of the sofa as they battered through the last defensive line on the way to the goal . . .

“You think he might be interested in me?”

Felix whooped, diving out of his seat and spraying crumbs across the floor. “What a shot!”

He punched the air, grinning with elation before dropping back onto the sofa. Jaq didn’t seem very excited about the goal.

“Sure, boss. Trust me, I’ve watched loads of serials, I know what a proper romance looks like.”

Felix drained the last of his zero-gee whilst the teams set up for the restart. If Rangers kept this up then he would be collecting his winnings from Left Field tomorrow morning before they got back to work. He was contemplating whether he might be able to afford a new souvenir jersey when a sudden thought occurred to him.

“Wait, hang on,” he said, turning to Jaq who was staring into space. “If you and the Doc weren’t busy raising profits that night then Ellie owes me 20 bits!”

[blahblahwritings]

Contracts and Captains. - IV

A/N: Remember how I posted something before one of my other fics saying that I had been consistently updating for weeks? Neither do I lmao who was she? Don’t know her anyway heres the fourth chapter of this black sails fic.

Words: 1823. Honestly I’ve been writing this since about 12pm I don’t know how its so short and its probably shit bc I haven’t written anything in months.

Warnings: Mentions of vomit as per the last chapter. Think thats it lmao. See you in three months.

As your eyes opened, there were a blissful couple of seconds where the previous night’s encounter didn’t exist in your memory. But, just like the sun flooding the room, unwanted flashes of vomit and slurred words rose like a tidal wave in your minds eye. You rolled over, burying your face and groaning into the pillow out of sheer embarrassment as a dull throbbing started in the depths of your skull. 

Why did you keep drinking? You could’ve simply had one or two before retiring for the night and you wouldn’t have met that boatswain or thrown up on your own boots. What was his name again? Ben? Boyd? No, they weren’t quite right. Either way you made a mental note to apologise again whenever you next saw him. 

Slowly, you tugged your still clothed limbs from the thin sheets, trying not to jostle your stomach too much for fear of whatever was left in there making an unwelcome appearance. Your pants were scuffed from where you took a tumble outside the tavern, your shirt was half undone, probably from a failed attempt to undress before not-so-gracefully falling into bed. A single boot was thrown on the floor alongside your coat, the other still stuck on your foot. What a mess. 

A hot bath, that's what you needed, and a hearty breakfast if your insides don’t bring it back up. Pulling on the other boot, you made your way to one of the girls working downstairs, trading her coin to fill the tub in your room. You must’ve looked rough as you passed her to get to the man at the bar because when he turned to look at you, his brows shot up, disappearing behind his hair. 

“You look like you could use a little hair of the dog, love.” He chuckled, eyes scanning your disheveled form. A grimace was your immediate response. “Some food then.” He offered, filling a bowl with something that you didn’t stop to look at as you practically inhaled it. The man watched you with a knowing smirk and had you not felt so terrible you’d have spat out a snarky comment. You chose to gulp down your water instead.

“Thank you.” You huffed with a small nod, tossing some money on the counter before you headed back upstairs. The state you were in just added to this morning's growing list of regrets but you weren’t quite sure if you cared how you looked to anyone else right now. All that was on your mind was a piercing headache and a good soak.

Stripping off, you stepped into the water, sinking down slowly as your body got used to the heat. Finally, with a heavy sigh, you rested your head on the back of the tub, your aching muscles beginning to relax. Scented oils and soaps were left on a stand by the bath. Working a generous amount between your palms, you massaged your limbs and torso getting rid of any tension and purging the memories of last night’s… festivities. In the quiet of your room, you took a moment to trace the small scars that littered your form, fingers landing at last on the freshly healed knife wound from only a few weeks ago. The soft pink flesh was still tender, and if you moved the wrong way it would ache. It was dangerous to be alone on this island, in this line of work. You needed friends, not just contacts. A crew, perhaps. 

Letting your mind wander, you thought about your new found place among Flint’s men. You had to keep bringing in leads to be of any value to him, lest you risk being tossed aside and left in the dirt. He and his crew were among the most revered on the island, therefore cementing your part in that would bring security. It would ensure that other crews would leave you alone, as you were important to someone they feared and the consequences of harming you could be severe. 

Then again, there was a little more than security on your list of perks as you thought more about the taller man from last night. He was kind to you, not that the others weren’t having bought your drinks and all, but, he made sure you were safe and fed. Billy Bones. You recalled. Replaying the meeting in your head, you winced at the slurred introduction and the puking soon after. Why did you care about how he saw you? Was it because he was the crew’s boatswain or because he was handsome and softer than most pirates you’d met. 

Catching that last thought, you shook it from your head, refusing to let it take root in your brain. Attachments like that are a weakness here and you cannot afford to have those. You’d only met the guy once and he probably didn’t want anything to do with you anyway, especially after that drunken show you gave him. Cupping a handful of water, you splashed your face, scrubbing any further thoughts of the man from your head, instead, choosing to focus on finding a new lead for Flint. 

They would be leaving to chase down the details you gave him yesterday in a couple of days, if not sooner, which meant you probably had around two weeks to find something of substance upon their return. You’d struggled last time but after sending out letters to old friends in neighbouring ports, you were hopeful something would turn up. 

Padding your way to the dresser, you pulled out some fresh clothes and got ready, feeling much better than you did even an hour before. The food had settled your stomach and the water you guzzled seemed to bring some life back into your face as when you left to go hunt down some work, the barman from earlier spouted something along the lines of ‘A whole other woman’ when you walked by.

---

An uneventful morning led to an uneventful afternoon. There were no new letters or leads and the streets were pleasantly calm compared to usual. You certainly weren’t complaining, you had been feeling better since this morning but your body was still recovering. The easy day was probably just what you needed. You were sat on the beach, sipping some water and watching passersby as you sketched in the journal you kept.

It was something you’d taken to keeping since arriving in Nassau just over two years ago. A small leather book to help keep track of potential jobs and record anything interesting that happened. Really, though, you just loved to draw. You’d already filled a couple just like it with sketches of people, ships and landscapes that caught your eye, often accompanied by your messy scrawl. You were just about satisfied with your latest addition when Mr Gates clapped you on the shoulder making you jump and slam the journal closed. You’d never shown anyone the contents before. 

“Sorry, Miss Devereux, didn’t mean to startle you.” He began, chuckling lightly at your reaction. “I heard you and the lads had quite the night..” He moved to stand by you as you got to your feet, dusting the sand from your pants. Tucking away the book, an amused smirk finds its way to your face as you look at him. 

“Depends on who you ask.” You replied. “How were they this morning? Feeling sorry for themselves?” Your brows raised in question as you both started aimlessly wandering along the shore. A snort met your ears as his head fell forwards, looking at the ground then back at you. “I didn’t see the majority of them until at least noon and they were still in a sorry state, although I wonder how you must’ve been. I heard that you hurled your guts up right after meeting our boatswain.” Gates mused, eyes crinkling as he watched your entire face turn a lovely shade of red. You tried to keep your cool but your expression faltered into one of sheer embarrassment. Apparently, this was hilarious as Mr Gates exploded into a fit of hearty laughter, and as much as you told him to stop you couldn’t help but have a good chuckle yourself as you covered your face with a half-sandy palm at the thought.

When you both regain your composure, he gives you a reassuring pat on the back.

“Don’t worry, the only people who know are Billy and myself, the men still think you can hold your drink.” He winked. You made a move to argue that you could in fact hold your drink but he began talking about the plan to set sail the day after tomorrow. You listened intently and explained that you were awaiting correspondence from friends in other ports to supply more promising leads upon their return. 

---

It had been four days since the crew left in search of another haul using your most recent information. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened, you’d made some money here and there through smaller jobs and pickpocketing but overall, there was nothing of real interest. You spent the days reading anything you could get your hands on or drawing and you’d even had your eye on some paints in one of the markets, but all you could do was wait. Checking for mail at the front desk of the inn you were staying at every morning had become a routine, desperate for any work or ships that you could relay to Flint. It was on the fifth day that you had gotten a response from someone in Port Royal.

As you read over the letter for the third time, you could feel your eyes widen in disbelief, your heart hammered in your chest and you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. This was far too good to be true. Surely this was a myth. A prize of this magnitude was simply unheard of. Your eyes scanned over the paper again, barely able to focus on the words because your hands were trembling so violently. Calm down. You told yourself. It can’t be the truth. You thought as you stared at the other envelope that had arrived alongside it. At the bottom of the letter it read:

“P.S

Should you doubt my information, I sent you the correspondence shared between the dead man and the merchant with evidence pertaining to this gold. Best not ask how it came into my possession.

Your dear friend,

Josiah.”

You ran to shut the windows to your room and close the drapes. If anyone found out you had this information and the evidence to go with it, you would surely be killed for it. Tearing open the paper, you unfolded its contents. It was all here. The initials of the merchant, R.P., details alluding to the existence of this gold and the name of the dead man involved in plotting the course it would be on. 

Vasquez.

[fan4196]

Mother-in-law (Part 4)

Hey everyone! Here's (probably) the last part of this multi-chapter. I think about adding a fifth part, playing a little in the future, but I don't know yet. Tell me what you think.

Also thank you again to @angry-slytherin for beta reading.

For now, hope you like it! Enjoy!

-

...

"So answer my question, Princess. Why are you still hanging out with my family?" The atmosphere is way lighter now. They are laughing together, while Alex is still holding Jo's hands under his.

"Well four weeks after you left I found out that I was pregnant. I called you but you didn't pick up like all the other times before and the next number under your's was your moms. I saw her name in my contact list and just called her. I hadn't heard from you in four weeks and I wanted to know what was going on. But she told me that you had never been there. We talked, I cried, she comforted me and eventually I told her that I was pregnant. She was so happy and she wanted them in her life. And I wanted her in their lives; I wanted them to have a grandma and an aunt and uncles and cousins by blood. Even though I knew that they would have aunts and uncles at the hospital, I wanted them to have a real family. So I stayed in contact with your mom. I call her at least once a month and Amber too. Amber and I actually became really good friends, she was there when the twins were born-"

"When's their birthday?" Alex interrupts her with that question.

She grins at him. "Believe it or not but it's the 3rd of July." Jo's nodding softly while looking into his eyes, which look at her in disbelief but immediately soften.

"Wow. That's-"

"The day we met for the first time." She says softly and smiles.

"Wow, the universe is freaking cruel." He's looking at her with warm eyes.

"Trust me I cursed the world all the way to the OR. I actually asked Carina DeLuca if they could wait until midnight, but nope. Our babies got born on our anniversary." She replies with a laugh.

"I can imagine that. You know what I can't imagine. My sister in scrubs, trying to calm you down in the OR."

He's laughing too.

"She was anything but calm. I had to calm her down, while Carina tried to calm both of us down. Their birth was a mess." Jo's closing her eyes for a second, replaying the day of her babies birth.

"Tell me more about them." Alex is desperate to know more about his kids. He always wondered what his and Jo's kids would have been like and now that those kids really exist he wants to know everything.

"Alright, so- they are obviously twins. Emery is two and a half minutes older than Parker, her second name is actually Helen, after your mom, because she really was my rock during my pregnancy and because I knew that you wanted your daughter to have her grandma's name. Parkers second name is Joseph, after me, kind of. They were almost a month too early so they stayed in the NICU for a month and a half. They were really easy babies, thank God." Jo grinnes remembering her once tiny babies. "Their first word was actually 'Dada', which I was pretty pissed about. They love Pizza and their favorite sweets are donuts, but only the powdered sugar one. Parkers favorite color is green, Emery's is purple. Ahm- Parker wants to be either a bone surgeon or a ghost hunter, he's not quite sure yet. Emery wants to be a babies surgeon but only if she's allowed to wear her Tinkerbell wings over her lab coat. They are both really ambitious but they got the double dose of stubbornness." Alex has to laugh at that comment.

"They invented a new holiday 'Hallochristmas', which means they run around in costumes from Halloween until Christmas. If I hadn't talked them out of it they would still wear them. Their favorite bed time stories are when I tell them about cool surgeries or when I tell them about you." She whispers those last words, but Alex hears her clearly. He can't say anything because he's blown away and love struck. They are so perfect.

"Now tell me about your twins." Jo's trying to change the subject, while she's playing with his hand, which is now between her hands.

"Ok. They are eight now. They also both want to become doctors. They love our waffle sundays. They love animals, which we had way to many on that stupid farm. They are really good at school, they have amazing grades. Eli plays football and the trumpet. Alexis dances and plays the violin. And I have full custody for them but they visit Izzie once a month."

"What?" Jo didn't expect this kind of news.

"Yeah, ahm after Izzie tried to change every little thing about me I called it quit. We were always arguing so I moved out. I was still there every day, I just slept somewhere else. After a month or so Izzie got a new boyfriend. They went really fast and got married after only three months of knowing each other. I told her that I thought that they were moving way to fast but she wouldn't listen. One day I got a letter that her husband wants to adopt the twins and I had to give up my half of custody. I fought them in court and got full custody for the twins."

"Wow, what a bitch." This makes Alex laugh and Jo immediately gets infected by his laugh. But their laughter gets interrupt by someone opening the front door. A little head with curly, light brown hair pops out.

"Mommy, grandma told me to come get you because the food is ready."

Alex takes the blanket of them and offers Jo his hand to helps her up. Silently they walk towards the door where Emery is still waiting. Her daughter is about to run back to the kitchen when Jo calls after her.

"Emy wait a minute. I want you to meet someone."

While Jo gets rid of her coat and boots, Alex closes the door and also puts his jacket and shoes aside. Emery is watching the two adults, while she waits.

"Come here, Princess." She scoops her daughter up in her arms and walks closer to Alex.

"Emy, this is your daddy Alex." Jo introduces her daughter to Alex.

"Really?" The eyes of the three year old grow big, while she looks from her mother to Alex and back.

"Yes." Jo's nodding with a big smile.

"Can I hug you?" The little girl askes shyly. Alex answers with a big smile.

"Of course." He's taking her from Jo's arms into his and holds her close to his body. Emery puts her little arms around Alex's neck and kisses him on the cheek.

"I love you, daddy." She lays her head down on his shoulder and squeezes him a little tighter. The smile on Alex's face says it all. He couldn't be more happy right now. Jo watches them with the biggest smile on her face, also getting a little teary.

With his daughter still in his arms the three walk into the kitchen where everyone is already sitting at the big table. Alex and Jo take their seats and Emery lets go of her daddy's neck and takes the seat right next to him.

After they ate and talked, they make their way to the living room to finally open the presents. All of the kids are sitting on floor, while the adults are on the couches.

Jo is sitting next to Alex with a sleeping baby Evie on her chest. His right arm resting behind her on the couch. They are watching their kids playing together and laughing. Alex turns his view to the beautiful woman beside him and leans closer to her ear.

"Thank you for the best Christmas present I could have ever wished for."

Jo's looking confused at him, not quite understanding.

"Thank you for being here and thank you for those two amazing kids." She's answering with a smile and puts her head on his shoulder, while she keeps watching their playing kids.

"I think about moving back to Seattle. A few weeks ago Bailey called and made me a really good job offer and I consider taking it. Well- to be honest I know I will take it. Because the second I saw you made me realize what I want-" He puts a loose curl behind Jo's ear but before he can continue, she interrupts him.

"Alex, no. I can't do this, not with them." She grabs his hand out of her face and looks at him.

"I'm not only responsible for my own heart now but for their little hearts too and I can't let you break their hearts. I can't let you back into our life just like that. There are still things we have to talk about, so let's- let's start with being friends again, ok?"

"I promise you, I will do anything to not break your or their hearts. I've learned out of my mistakes. I won't repeat them. But I want to be in their lives. I want to be their dad and I want you. And I will do anything to get your trust back." He's talking calmly and he means every word.

"Let's start with hanging out and drinking beer again. And then we see what the future holds." She's smiling at him, while he's smiling back.

[hawkinshellfire]

Right Where You Left Me

Chapter 6 - The Last Time 

TW: Abusive Parents 

All roads, they lead me here

I imagine you are home

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Hop, We need to talk.  Meet me on the field after the game tonight.  Joyce

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The week following the party, Joyce finds herself in a strange place. She hadn’t spoken to Hopper, she was being actively pursued by Lonnie Byers and she found herself waving to a few of her peers in the hallway, something she never would have done a few weeks prior. 

Joyce never bothered with getting to know her classmates. She had Josie and Eli to enjoy her lunch with and she had Hopper. Now that she and Hopper were no longer speaking, she assumed she would just muddle through on her own. She was surprised to discover herself instead making friends. She isn’t sure she enjoys the concept, but she figures it’s worth pursuing until she decides she’d rather be on her own. For now, she didn’t mind having to say hello to a few of her classmates. 

Lonnie Byers was another story. He was clearly interested in her and while Josie had been right and there was a certain spark between them, it just wasn’t right. She was interested in her best friend. Even if those feelings went unreciprocated, she wasn’t looking for something serious with anyone else. This was one of those problems, she decided, that could also be put off until it absolutely needed to be dealt with. In the meantime, she would keep him around for some fun. 

She knows she should probably cut him loose, yet something about the way Hopper’s jaw clenched when he saw them together prevented her from telling Lonnie she wasn’t interested. It was wrong, but she couldn’t help herself from wanting Hopper to feel the way she did when she saw him with Chrissy. 

Ever since her party, Hopper had been skipping out on science class, which initially annoys her but later she decides that it’s probably for the best. She has no clue what she plans on saying to him the next time she sees him. As more time passes, she begins to regret slapping him. 

Their kiss left her feeling confused and upset, but more than anything, being with Hopper reminded her of how much she missed spending time with him. After much deliberation, she decides that she can’t stand losing Hopper and that she is willing to forget about everything that happened between them if it meant they could be friends again. 

She valued her friendship far more than her anger, which is why on Friday, she decides to leave a note in his locker asking to meet him after the game. 

And now, here she is, standing on the bleachers in her acid wash jeans and leather jacket, cheering for the Hawkins High football team. She feels out of place in her dark coloured clothes. It seems the students around her are all dressed in some type green and orange spirit wear and she wonders if it was some kind of unwritten rule that you wore school colours to the game. She hopes not, green was not a colour suited for many people. 

Though she and Hopper had been friends for all of high school, she’d never once attended one of his games. Sometimes, after the game ended, he would come over and tell her about his favourite parts, though he never pushed her to come and she had no interest in standing on the bleachers with a crowd of unfamiliar faces. 

Even tonight, she debated not showing up. She wasn’t sure he’d received her letter, or if he would bother meeting her and her father had just about lost his mind when she told him that she was going out. 

.

.

After checking herself over in the mirror and fixing up her red lipstick, Joyce grabs her bookbag and heads for the door. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” her father barks from where he’s seated in a recliner opposite the stairs. He’s facing the television, and not her, but she can tell by the heaviness in his voice that he’s been drinking. 

“Out,” she tells him, offering no details. 

“Out where? You have a curfew.”

“I’ll be back before curfew,” she lies. 

He stands, slowly, places his bowl of chips on the overcrowded side table, sending an assortment of newspapers scattering to the floor and he approaches her. 

“Where?” he demands. “Where did you get that? No doubt your mother taught you how to do that,” he says, pointing to her red lips, “No daughter of mine is going out looking like a whore.”

She considers telling him that it’s only lipstick but instead opts to wipe it off on the back of her hand. It leaves her knuckles stained red and she wishes she’d packed the tube of lipstick in her bag so that she could reapply it once she left. She did steal it from her mother, who was conveniently out of town for work. Joyce doubted she would even know it was missing. 

“Where ya off to anyways?” her father demands to know. He stays leaning on the back of the recliner as Joyce edges closer and closer to the door, desperate to get going and escape his nonsensical line of questioning. 

“There’s a football game at the school,” she explains. 

“You don’t even like sports,” he huffs. 

“I’m meeting some friends.”

“I doubt anyone would miss you if you stayed home and vacuumed.”

“I’ll do it tomorrow. I promise,” Joyce tells him. Before he has time to make another remark, she slips out the front door and slams it behind her. She knows he won’t follow after her, he’s too lazy. Instead, he’ll mutter to himself about how disrespectful she is and he’ll plop himself back in the chair that she’ll find him asleep in when she returns home. 

“They’d miss me,” she mumbles to herself as she begins her walk to the school. She wasn’t exactly meeting friends, but if she was, they’d miss her. She was certain they would. She liked to think that she was the type of person that would be missed. Some days, she believed that no one would know if she vanished. Other days, she was determined to believe that even she would be missed. 

She wipes the red from her hand onto her bag and curses at herself for not packing the lipstick. 

.

.

Watching the crowd around her, Joyce feels a sense of calm and belonging. Everyone was chanting and waving, excitedly jumping up and down as the cheerleaders lining the track wave their pom-poms in the air. Joyce spots Chrissy and her heart sinks. She’s dressed in her tiny pleated green skirt and matching crop top, with her curly blonde hair pinned back in a green hair tie and she has sparkles on her eyelids that make Joyce cringe. Chrissy catches Joyce’s eye and smirks before joining in on the ridiculously over peppy song being sung by her peers. 

No wonder Hopper was interested in her. Her uniform was practically non-existent. 

Joyce leans back against the wooden plank making up the bleachers and pulls out a cigarette. Mr. Samson had scolded her for smoking in the stands when she first arrived, but he was long gone and she needed a cigarette if she was going to make it through this game. Besides, she and Hopper sometimes ditched fifth and sixth period to share cigarettes beneath the bleachers all the time, she didn’t see what was so different about smoking on them. 

After relaxing a bit, Joyce watches the commotion unfold around her as the team takes the field. She recognizes Hopper by his jersey number, 11, and follows him as he crosses the field in a slow jog until reaching his teammates on the sidelines. Crossing one ankle over the other, she stays seated while everyone around her erupts in cheers and prays that football games are short. Mr. Samson returns to scold her for smoking twice during the first quarter, but each time she rolls her eyes and pretends that she can’t hear him over the roar of the crowd. 

.

.

In the locker room before the game, Hopper places his shoulder pads over his head and fastens the strap around his side. 

The team was buzzing around excitedly, ready to take the field and face their opponents in the final game of the season before the play-offs began. Boys chant and holler while getting ready, but Hopper is silent. He’s trapped in his own head, not as focused on the pending game as he should be and it’s all Joyce’s fault. He hadn’t spoken to her since she cursed at him and told him to leave her party. He’d spent countless hours replaying the events of that night, and all of the ways it could have gone and after much deliberation concluded that what happened was possibly the worst thing that could have happened. 

He wanted Joyce to know what she meant to him, but he wasn’t sure how to tell her. And then there was Chrissy and the fact that he was still dating her. Two things became clear after kissing Joyce. First, that he was a fool for ever believing he could cut her out of his life, and second, that he wanted to kiss her again. Only, he was certain she hated him for kissing her and he wasn’t sure she wanted to speak to him again, let alone kiss him again. He’d been avoiding her since that night, unsure of what he would say to her. He’d even gone as far as to skip class because he wanted to sort things out in his mind before he made an even bigger mess of things. And now she’d gone and left him a note saying they needed to talk and he had no clue what she meant by it; only that she was probably at the game tonight. She’d never once come to one of his games and his stomach lurches with the need to impress her. 

He’s angry, but also confused and now both Joyce and Chrissy were going to be staring at him while he played; the fact that Joyce watching him excited him more than Chrissy in her tight little uniform rattled him to his core. 

He decides to channel his anger and confusion into the game and excitedly claps his hands before proceeding to get ready. 

“Why do you look so cheerful?” Hopper asks Benny, who is getting ready at the locker next to him. 

“I’m meeting Helen after the game,” Benny smirks. 

“Things are going well I see.” 

“Honestly, they are. Thank god for Joyce’s party,” Benny laughs. “Oh, wait! I never asked where you ran off to the other night at the party.”

“I told you, I had too much to drink and Chrissy picked me up and drove me home,” Hopper says. 

“I mean before that.”

“Oh,” he pales, “I had to talk to Joyce.”

“And yet, you two still aren’t talking,” Benny remarks sarcastically,  “Am I missing something here?” 

“We’re talking,” Hopper grumbles. They weren’t. He hadn’t spoken to her since that night and he was now ditching science class so that he wouldn’t have to face her. Why was Benny so concerned about his relationship with Joyce anyways, he thinks to himself. Well, based on her note, maybe they’d be talking after tonight. 

“Did something happen between the two of you?” Benny asks. 

“Why would something happen between us?!” he snaps. 

“Woah, take it easy man. I was just asking if you’re fighting about something besides Chrissy.”

“We aren’t fighting about Chrissy.”

“Then why aren’t you talking?”

“It’s complicated.”

“It really can’t be that complicated,” Benny sighs. “Look, I’m worried about you man. You and Joyce have been inseparable since the day I met you and I haven’t seen you together in weeks.”

“It’s fine, Benny. Maybe we’re just growing apart.”

“We both know you don’t actually believe that bullshit. Talk to her.”

“Why are you suddenly so invested?”

“It’s my job as one of your best friends to make sure you don’t do stupid shit that you’ll regret one day. Chrissy might be hot, but Joyce, she’s something special.”

“Benny, how many times have I told you, it’s not like that with us.”

“Isn’t it? You care about her, no?”

“Well, of course I do.”

“Don’t smack me when I say this, because I’m planning on needing this arm for the game,” Benny smirks and jokingly steps away from Hopper to defend himself, “but I’ve seen the way you look at Joyce, and it isn’t how you look at Chrissy. Hell, it isn’t even how my parents look at each other. There’s something there.”

“Benny-”

“Alright,” he tosses his hands up, “no more from me. I’ll never bring it up again, I just had to tell you what I see. Now, let’s get ready to go and kick some ass!” 

Hopper continues to get ready and does his best to ignore what Benny has just said, but the thought is paralyzing. He knew how kissing Joyce made him feel, but were his feelings really so obvious to everyone else? And if that was the case, why weren’t they obvious to Joyce? 

.

.

In the third quarter, the Tigers are leading by 10 and Joyce is surprised to find herself clapping along with her peers, invested in the game. Hopper scored the team's second touchdown, bringing the crowd to their feet, including a shocked and excited Joyce. She wasn’t going to make a habit out of coming to games, but she had to admit, this wasn’t so bad. 

Between the third and fourth quarter, the cheerleaders take the field to perform and Chrissy once again catches Joyce’s eye. The cheerleader laughs and flips her ponytail over her shoulder, while Joyce pretends to be distracted by something on her shoe. 

The cheerleaders line up across center field and begin their performance. Joyce tunes out while they chant about spirit but notices Chrissy flick her skirt up and wink at Hopper, who is watching from the sidelines. She expects him to be drooling over the performance being put on for him, and instead finds him staring up at her in the stands. She swallows hard and forces herself not to wave, instead offering him a shy smile. He doesn’t look away after she notices him, choosing to stare at her instead of the show being put on at center field. When the whistle blows indicating the start of the fourth quarter, he snaps his helmet back on and takes the field. Chrissy remains oblivious to the fact that her boyfriend hadn’t watched her show and flashes a satisfied smirk in Joyce’s direction when she returns to the far side of the field. 

Joyce tries not to read into what’s just happened but Hopper being all over the field and the crowd chanting his name as he scores yet another touchdown forces her to focus on him. 

Someone holds up a sign that reads, “#11 on the field, #1 in our hearts,” and Joyce just laughs. She had a front row seat to the Jim Hopper show tonight, there was no escaping it. 

Once the game comes to an end and the teams graciously shake hands, Joyce lingers on the bleachers until the field is clear and she can effortlessly climbs down onto the track. She leaps over the chain-link fence and leans against the post nearest to the men's locker room while she waits for Hopper. Luckily, the cheerleaders had also vacated the premises and it looked like most of her classmates were headed off to party’s or the diner to celebrate the team's big win, so she has the field all to herself. 

She rolls her head back and stares at the scoreboard with a smile. Maybe football wasn’t the worst sport. After tonight, she understood why Hopper loved it so much. As she waits for him, her nerves begin to get the best of her and she wonders if this is the best idea. What if he didn’t want to hear what she had to say? Or worse, what if he hadn’t got the note, or did get it and decided to stand her up? Before she begins to spiral out of control, she takes out another cigarette and twirls it between her fingers. 

Joyce notices the locker room door creep open and spots Hopper peak his head out and look around. When he spots her, a smile breaks out across his lips and he makes his way over to where she’s been waiting for him. Beneath the flood lights illuminating the field, his eyes look a neon shade of blue and she’s tempted to fix the messy curls left in his sandy hair by his helmet. She resists the urge and instead stuffs the unlit cigarette in her pocket. He’s still wearing his grass-stained jersey and shoulder pads, which makes her feel smaller than she usually does when settles in front of her. 

“Hey,” he says softly.

“Hey.”

“I got your note,” he smiles. “I’ve missed you.”

“Look,” she begins, awkwardly holding her hands together behind her back, “I’m sorry that I slapped you.”

“Joyce-”

“No, please let me finish,” she begs. “I’m sorry I did that. I miss you too and I would really like to just forget about everything that’s happened and be friends again.”

Hopper purses his lips and folds his arms over his chest, “Huh?” 

He was certain that she had feelings for him, but now she was telling him that she wanted to forget about everything that happened and while he was on board with fixing their friendship, he didn’t want to forget everything. Things changed when he kissed her. He knows she felt it too. She must have. 

“Joyce,” he begins. He was going to get through the speech he rehearsed this time around, he’d screwed up enough, this was his chance to right his wrongs. “I don’t want to forget about it.”

“W-what?” she blinks. 

“I don’t want to forget about it,” he states more definitively. 

“You don’t want to be friends again?” she asks meekly. 

“That’s not what I said. Of course I want to be friends again. Hell, I’ve missed talking to you so much these past few weeks Joy. And I’d love for us to forget about our stupid feud and move on, but… it’s just… I don’t want to forget about what happened at the party.”

Caught off guard by his own admission, he runs his hand through his hair and looks down. It was true, he wanted to mend their friendship, but he couldn’t forget about the way being with her made him feel. 

“You - why?” she stammers. 

“Look, I hate to ask this but Benny thinks that maybe you were upset with me because you’re jealous of Chrissy. Are you?”

“Why does it matter?” 

“It matters.”

“If I am, it doesn’t mean anything,” she admits. 

“It matters to me,” he says. Surprised they’d even made it this far into the conversation without her getting upset with him for accusing her of being jealous, he takes a deep breath. 

“Why? Why can’t we just forget about all of this and go back to the way things were?”

“Because,” he pauses and steps towards her. He reaches down and softly lifts her chin so that she’s forced to look at him. “Joyce, that kiss.”

“It was nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing, and we both know it.”

“You felt something?” she asks in a whisper.

He nods. 

Overwhelmed, Joyce tries to pace away a few steps but Hopper is quick to place a hand on her waist and instead pulls her half a step closer to him. “Didn’t you?” he breathes. 

“Hop-” she squirms out of his grasp and he drops his hand as she steps back. Tears flood the corners of her eyes and she shakes her head.

“Tell me that I’m wrong and we’ll forget it all happened. But, we don’t have to. I know you felt it too.” His words come out as a plea and she pinches her eyes closed to try and not give in to the desire to launch herself into his arms and tell him that of course she felt it. She needs to stay focused. He was with Chrissy and he wasn’t thinking clearly. He didn’t want her. Not really. He may be fascinated with the idea of her, but the lust that clouded his mind would fade away and their friendship would be left in ruins. She wanted him to be saying this because he wanted her. All of her. She needed to know that he wanted this for the same reasons she did; that she wasn’t just a passing phase. 

“If I tell you that I did, how would that change things between us? You’re with Chrissy. Nothing good will come of me agreeing with you. It’ll ruin everything.”

“It doesn’t have to.”

“If I tell you that Benny was right, or that I felt something when you kissed me, it won’t be enough. I want more.”

Her voice breaks and she gasps. Hearing herself admit what she wanted aloud for the first time is overwhelming yet calming. “I need more,” she sighs. It’s a vague statement, she knows, but she doesn’t completely know what she means and is hoping his interpretation will tell her. 

“What do you mean, more?” he asks. He’s staring at her with such intensity that she feels the world around them has vanished. 

“There you are!” A third voice interrupts their moment and Joyce knows that their conversation will remain unfinished while he’s still dating someone else. 

Chrissy flits over to them, the pleats of her green skirt bouncing as she glides effortlessly across the track and launches herself into Hopper’s arms the way Joyce wishes she could. Joyce steps back and away from Hopper, giving his girlfriend room to toss her arms around his neck and kiss him in a far from PG manner. 

An uncomfortable look settles over Hopper’s face as he helps Chrissy find her footing back on the ground. His eyes remain trained on Joyce, even while Chrissy attempts to deepen their kiss, and he awkwardly clears his throat with a cough. 

Chrissy steps to his side and hooks her hand through his arm and smirks at Joyce. 

“Chrissy, you remember Joyce, right?” Hopper says awkwardly. 

“Of course! I just love your jacket,” Chrissy responds with the fakest complement Joyce has ever heard. 

“Nice to see you,” Joyce whispers. She stuffs her hands in the front pockets of her jeans and shrugs. “Anyways, I should get going. Um, good game Hop,” she says, smiling half-heartedly at him. 

“Do you want a ride? We’re going to the diner,” Hopper calls after her. 

He can feel Chrissy glaring at him for inviting Joyce, but he isn’t done with their conversation and he desperately wants her to agree to the ride. 

“I’ve got one, but thanks,” she waves. Joyce turns and makes her way to the parking lot, racking her brain with what to do next. She was hoping that she and Hopper would have resolved things and he could have given her a ride home, but with their conversation ending where it did, she wasn’t keen on climbing into a car with him and Chrissy and she really didn’t want to walk home. 

That’s when she spots him, leaning against a beat up old car with a cigarette dangling between his teeth, and the idea strikes her. 

“Lonnie,” she greets him as she approaches. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you at a football game.”

“Yeah well, something to do. I could say the same about you.”

“It’s not my usual scene,” she admits. 

“I was going to head to the diner, you want a ride Horowitz?” he offers. He puts out his cigarette by aggressively stomping his heel into the dirt. 

“I’d love one,” she beams. She steals a glance over her shoulder and notices Hopper is watching while he and Chrissy walk towards his own car. Desperate to show him she’s unphased by Chrissy, she leans over to Lonnie and presses a kiss to his lips. 

“What was that for?” he smirks when she pulls back and rounds the car so that she can climb into the passenger's seat. 

“Consider it a thanks for the ride,” she winks.  

She makes eye contact with Hopper as she and Lonnie back out of the parking lot and she notices his fists are clenched at his sides. She knew it was wrong and childish, but she can’t help herself. She put her heart on the line tonight, it was Hopper’s turn to make a move and prove that he wanted her as more than just a best friend. 

This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong

This is the last time I say it's been you all along

[girlsbtrs]

My Senior Soundtrack - Playlist

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Allison Thompson. 

At the end of this month, I’ll finally be graduating high school. Typing that sentence definitely felt surreal. 

Years and years of hard work and stress, with some not-so-bad times mixed in, will culminate in the moment I’ve been waiting for for as long as I can remember. I had been told countless times that senior year would be easy and that high school would consist of the best years of my life, and while I did enjoy a lot of it, there were also some incredibly difficult times, especially this year. 

What follows is a list of songs that got me through some of those darker moments. I hope that they can be there for you too. 

“Roses” - Watsky

Favorite Lyric: “Leaving is supposed to be hard / Man, I thought it so was selfish of people I love to keep falling out of my life / But now I know / No, I don't take it personal”

This was a song that I connected with a lot when making decisions for college - did I want to move away and start a new adventure on my own, or did I want to stay home with all the people and places that I knew and loved? Listening to these lyrics helped me feel better about my decision to move away for school, learning that I wasn’t selfish for wanting to start fresh.

“Never Grow Up” - Taylor Swift

Favorite Lyric: “And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots / But don't make her drop you off around the block / Remember that she's gettin' older too / And don't lose the way that you dance / Around in your PJs getting ready for school”

Taylor Swift is one of my favorite artists of all time, and this song has been hitting particularly hard for me lately. For as much as I can’t wait to start this next chapter of my life, there’s so much about home and my family that I’ll miss more than they will ever know.

“Boston” - Augustana

Favorite Lyric: “She said ‘I think I'll go to Boston / I think I'll start a new life / I think I'll start it over / Where no one knows my name’”

Augustana’s most popular song, I listened to this track a ton when I was first starting high school, dreaming of running away someday. The fact that that day is almost here is crazy to me.

“Swim” - Jack’s Mannequin

Favorite Lyric: “You gotta swim, swim in the dark / There's no shame in drifting / Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark / Yeah, you gotta swim, don't let yourself sink / Just find the horizon / I promise you, it's not as far as you think”

Another song that I loved in my late middle school/early high school years, this band and all of Andrew McMahon’s projects in general have been staples in my Spotify library for years. This track in particular served as motivation for me to keep going during hard times.

“North Hansen” - Bearings

Favorite Lyric: “I've got dreams, I've got needs / I've got things I believe / That I just can not let go / I still, think about you every single day / I still miss that old North Hansen Home / Sometimes I wanna go home / All I'm saying is the ending scares me every time / Your words replaying / Over and over I save them in my mind / Now I'm grabbing a hold / Of what's about to unfold”

On the flip side, Bearings has been a huge part of the last few years of my high school experience; their 2019 tour with Grayscale, Belmont, and Rich People was the first tour I ever did multiple dates of, and those days and nights I spent traveling and singing my heart out truly changed my life. I leaned on this band’s entire discography during my junior and senior year, but this song specifically reminded me that it’s okay to be scared of leaving home as the future approaches.

“Ribs” - Lorde

Favorite Lyric: “This dream isn't feeling sweet / We're reeling through the midnight streets / And I've never felt more alone / It feels so scary getting old / I want 'em back / The minds we had / How all the thoughts / Moved 'round our heads”

How could I make a “coming of age” playlist without this song on it? Lorde has been a big part of my life for a while now - her hit song “Royals” was the ringtone on my first Smartphone in fifth grade, and I saw her live for the first time on the night before my 15th birthday on her Melodrama World Tour in Brooklyn, New York. Much like the last song, this track perfectly captures the fear of the future and getting older.

“Atlantic” - Grayscale

Favorite Lyric: “This place feels more and more like nowhere to me / I'm sick of waiting for a fire to ignite / I could just leave here without a goodbye / I'll burn down this bridge / And set my life up in smoke...I want to go / Run from this panic / I need the unknown”

As I mentioned earlier, attending four dates of Grayscale’s Nella Vita Part One Tour and six dates of the album cycle in total (bringing me to a grand total of ten times seeing this band) was a formative experience for me. Getting to end every night screaming the lyrics to this song, once again, dreaming of starting a new life as soon as I could, was cathartic.

“City Lights” - Emblem 3

Favorite Lyric: “Caught up in those pretty city lights / Wishing on a star for your direction / Thinking of a new and different life / Babe, I know this one ain't what you've been dreaming”

I choreographed my “senior solo” in my dance class to this song, one of my favorites for many years. Although I have a feeling it’s about someone moving thousands of miles away to chase dreams of stardom rather than moving two hours away to attend college, it certainly served as a source of comfort for me.

“Play” - Rich People

Favorite Lyric: “Because I know I'm beautiful enough / For someone to love / I don't know many things / But I feel everything / And I'm just too young to give up”

Rich People is my favorite band of all time, which you probably already know if you follow me on social media, and getting to watch them perform and connect with them was a major part of why following the Nella Vita Part One Tour was so pivotal for me. This song is my favorite off of their most recent album “Harmony”, and my graduation cap will have these lyrics in frontman Rob Rich’s handwriting on it later this month. This band and this song mean everything to me.

“Dream Envy” - Rich People

Favorite Lyric: “It's no way to live / Sitting on the fence asking myself ‘what if?’”

Another Rich People song, no surprise here, this is one of my favorites from their first release, “Jacob’s Ladder.” It reminded me that “sitting on the fence asking myself ‘what if?’”, is, indeed, no way to live, and it pushed me to make definitive decisions, leaving no stone unturned.

“Something Bigger Than This” - Trophy Eyes

Favorite Lyric: “I'm still flying through my twenties / Waiting for someone to say I made it / Golden boy, tiny paycheck / Big ideas and broken heartstrings / Waking up in the same old skin / It ain't easy to believe / We were born for something bigger than this / It don't make much sense right now / But it will all come together when the lights go out”

I saw Trophy Eyes live for the first time at the start of my sophomore year at the Stereo Garden in Patchogue, New York, leaving my last-period algebra class early to attend their show with Neck Deep, WSTR, and Stand Atlantic (sorry, Ms. Sloane). Their music has resonated deeply with me since then, and this song has especially been a huge source of motivation for me when I was feeling down about myself.

“Forevermore” - The Maine

Favorite Lyric: “Never really ever felt this type of vulnerable / Don't have to hide, don't have to fear / All you have to be is here...And I said, ‘I wanna feel like this forever’ / Even if forever's just for now / We're on fire, let us burn / As the outside world, it turns / We are here and alive / In our corner of time / Forevermore”

The Maine is another band that I feel has been here for me for as long as I can remember, remaining in my daily rotation since the summer before high school started. This song, off their most recent album “You Are OK”, has reminded me that wherever I am is exactly where I need to be at that point in time and to embrace every single moment.

“Flowers on the Grave” - The Maine

Favorite Lyric: “Feel the moment all around you / And the quiet that surrounds you / The time you have is sacred / Don't wait around and waste it / They can't take that away from you / Everything is temporary / Even the sorrow that you carry...'Cause you don't plan life, you live it / You don't take love, you give it / You can't change what is written / So when fate cries, you listen / And flowers on the grave / Of the child that I used to be”

The first time that I saw The Maine was at the New York City date of their “The Mirror” tour at Webster Hall. When they closed with this song, I was near inconsolable; my friends were practically passing me around to hug me and make sure I was alright. Similar to the last song, this track reminds me to live life to the fullest and not take anything for granted, not wasting any time mourning the past and only looking towards the future.

“Old Book” - Real Friends

Favorite Lyric: “It really weirds me out / Because I never thought I'd be where I am today...This isn’t where I want to be / Getting older scares the shit out of me”

On the topic of bands that were constants for me in my formative years, Real Friends was one of the first pop-punk bands that I truly loved. I wore a shirt with their “The Home Inside My Head” album cover on it on my first day of high school, and their 2018 show with Eat Your Heart Out, Grayscale, and Boston Manor at Irving Plaza in New York City was one of my first real general admission concerts; I don’t think I’d be where I am today if I didn’t go to that show. This song  always served as a reminder that I wasn’t alone in my worries about the future, and that it would all be okay, even if I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going.

“Satellite” - Rise Against

Favorite Lyric: “We'll come clean and start over / The rest of our lives / When we're gone, we'll stay gone / Out of sight, out of mind / It's not too late, we have the rest of our lives...This is a life that you can’t deny us now”

Four years ago this week, I saw Rise Against for the first time, opening for Deftones at Jones Beach in Wantagh, New York with my dad; at the end of July, I’ll get to see them kick off their latest tour at Pier 17 in New York City with one of my best friends. If that isn’t a full-circle moment, I don’t know what is. Rise Against is one of my favorite bands of all time, and their music has always made me feel strengthened and empowered. This song specifically inspired me to reclaim my own life, not letting anyone else determine the outcome and my mindset but myself - it’s also the perfect angsty soundtrack to a fresh start.

“Something Special” - A Will Away

Favorite Lyric: “‘Pull out your clothes / You're made for something special’ / If that's what it takes to get you out of bed / You think you're meant for California / But that's just in your head / I saw you howling at the street lights / Pressed against the skin you want to shed / You tore down all the walls for answers / And found this shit instead...Don't let the poison that surrounds you / Stifle out the life you want to live / Please know it truly doesn't matter / And truly never did”

Though I’ve been listening to them since my sophomore year of high school, A Will Away is a band that I really got into this year as a senior. “Something Special” is my favorite song off of their album “Here Again”, and while I know it wasn’t written about finding friends that feel like family, rejecting negativity, and starting a new chapter, that’s certainly what it’s about for me.

“Lead Balloon” - Vanna

Favorite Lyric: “This isn't how we die / You're not reading the ending right / You are meant for greatness / Open up your eyes and face it / Now to your feet and follow me / The road is hard but you're harder / Can't you feel your heartbeat starting?...You're weak but you can feel now / Your soul slowly getting out / You are so strong / And you'll have to carry on now / Cause I know that you know how”

Vanna’s “All Hell” was an album I discovered around this time last year, and I listened to it non-stop for all of summer 2020. It became one of my favorite records ever (and not just because of the pink aesthetic, though I do appreciate the use of my favorite color). When I was struggling a lot during the first few months of the COVID-19 pandemic in more ways than I could count, this song really helped me through, these lyrics in particular. It gave me hope that I’d make it to the end of my senior year celebrating, which, thankfully, I did.

“Give Yourself A Try” - The 1975

Favorite Lyric: “Won’t you give yourself a try?”

While the lyrics of this song are a bit odd, frankly pessimistic, and hard for a teenager to relate to, its catchy, more optimistic chorus served as a mantra for me throughout my last few years of high school. If I couldn’t take a chance on myself, why would anyone else want to? This song’s refrain sparked a ton of self-love in me, and I spent many nights dancing around to it in my bedroom. Also, I couldn’t leave this band off of this list - I’ve been listening to them since their self-titled LPs came out when I was 10 years old, and the album that this song is off of, “A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships”, is one of my favorite records of all time.

“Garden Song” - Phoebe Bridgers

Favorite Lyric: “I don't know how, but I'm taller / It must be something in the water / Everything's growing in our garden...She told me my resentment's getting smaller / No, I'm not afraid of hard work / I get everything I want”

Much like A Will Away, Phoebe Bridgers is an artist that I had known of and had recommended to me for years, but I only really started listening to her as a senior in high school. “Kyoto” and “Would You Rather” are probably my favorites by her, but this song, along with “It’ll All Work Out”, helped me through feeling scared for the future and wondering how I grew up so quickly.

“Growing Up” - The Maine

Favorite Lyric: “We'll never lose what we had...Growing up won't bring us down / Graduate, what's a kid to do now? / Get away, yeah / We've got so much to prove / 'Cause it's time to move on / And I start to let go...We're in this together / Yeah, we'll make it somehow / Nothing's gonna stop us now”

Finally, to close it out, one more song by one of my favorite bands ever, and one of the bands that carried me throughout my senior year, as well as all of my high school years. I had to include this one - my graduation pictures were captioned “graduate, what’s a kid to do now?” At its core, this is a song about holding on to childlike energy and teenage memories despite growing up and moving on. Every time I listen to it (which has been a lot, lately), I’m reminded that I have the best friends in the world who have given me some of the happiest years of my life, and that doesn’t have to end just because we’re getting older. “Growing up won’t bring us down.”

For more songs like this, you can follow my Spotify playlist titled “senioritis” here. 

Congratulations to everyone who is celebrating this month, whatever you might be graduating from!

[captainmarvels]

wicked games [23]

Summary: Tom's past has finally caught up to him; but will it be the be-all and end-all of his life?

Pairing: CEO!Tom Holland x fem!Reader

Warnings: mention of sexual harassment (just the words, but still warning in case)

Word Count: 2734

A/N: today is Dec. 10th which means it’s been 2 whole years since I first started writing wicked games! I want to say thank you so so so so much for reading, enjoying, and loving this story as much as I love writing it - all the excitement and love some of you have given me, chapter after chapter, has made me stick around for the long run! xx caro

masterlist | tag list - add yourself!

You know that sinking feeling - the one that roots itself in the pit of your stomach like a tree, immovable? The feeling that drowns every nerve ending in your body in anxiety? Worry? Fear?

That was all Tom could feel as goosebumps spread along his arms, a cold sheen of sweat appearing across his forehead.

“Toyko? For a whole year?” His eyes felt like they were going to pop out of his skull from the building stress.

Dom nodded, a smug grin replacing the eerie smile he donned before.

“You and Harrison used to go on and on about the Asian market this, the Asian market that, and I figured that the fifth year anniversary of your company was as good a time as any to start up a new headquarters abroad,”

“How can you expect me to just up and leave for an entire year?” Tom asked, no longer hiding the shock on his face.

Dom shrugged. “Easy. You just do it, Thomas. You’re the CEO, for God’s sake! How can you expect to run a company of this magnitude well if all you do is sit on your lazy arse!”

Tom rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as Dom continued.

“I’m handing you the chance to expand and grow your company in a new direction, on a silver fuckin’ platter, and all you do is complain. I don’t understand how children can be so ungrateful,”

“I’m not a fucking kid, I am an adult, who is fully capable of making decisions for my company-”

“Is that so, Tom? Are you fully capable of handling the blow back from the media, your partners, the entire fucking world if they knew what you’ve done behind closed doors? Don’t think I’m ignorant enough to not know when my own blood is a drunken coke addict.”

The deafening silence seemed to swallow Dom’s words, yet they still rang clear as day in Tom’s ears.

Taking a deep breath, Dom set down another folder on Tom’s desk, and headed straight for the door before stopping, his hand gripping the handle tightly.

“Your flight leaves the 4th, at 11am. Don’t be late.”

“I’m gonna need you to repeat yourself, mate. Your dad knows?”

Harrison was pacing the floor of his apartment living room, hands fussing with the mess of curls on his head.

Tom sat on the sofa, eyes shut tightly as he replayed the conversation with his father in his mind.

“Oi, if he knows about the coke, then he has to know it was me, right? Why’d I have to be your goddamn drug dealer, Holland?”

“I don’t fucking know, alright? I didn’t think he’d ever find out about the coke, but if he knows about that, he’s got to know about all the other shit I’ve done,”

“You haven’t done meth, have you?”

Tom looked up at Harrison, his glare more than enough to shut up his best friend.

“Look. He knows about the coke; doesn’t mean he knows it was from you,”

Harrison rolled his eyes. “I was practically your only friend at Stanford, you idiot!” He scoffed.

“Fuck off, Haz! Listen to me - Dom’s a fucking prick, but I’m used to the threats. He’s nothing more than talk, alright? If he did anything to me, it’d taint the whole family name, and that’s not what he wants. He’d die before he lets anyone, even me, ruin the family legacy he’s spent years building.”

Tom pinched the bridge of his nose, silently counting his breaths as Harrison resumed his pacing.

“Have you told…” 

Tom shook his head. “I haven’t even gone home yet. I came straight here, I had to sort out my thoughts and everything,”

Harrison dropped down on the couch next to Tom, and gingerly placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You are gonna tell her, yeah?”

“I promised her no more secrets, mate. Besides… it’s hard to hide the fact that I'll be gone for a year.” Tom leaned back, eyes fluttering shut once again as he tried to steady his racing heart.

“And the drugs? Does she know about all that?”

Tom’s silence was enough of a response for Harrison.

“You said no more secrets, right? This will come back and bite you in the ass, you know.”

“Yes, I know. But I can’t just go dumping every one of my fucking problems on her, Haz. Everything with my dad is already too much for even me to handle - I can’t expect her to handle all this right off the bat. I need to focus on her and what we have - I just got her back.”

“You have a point. You’re really gonna do this, then? Leave for a whole year?” Harrison could feel the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes.

Opening his eyes, Tom glanced over at him. “There’s not much else I can do, can I? He’s already signed the lease for the apartment, and the check for the office space is waiting for my signature. There’s over three dozen resumes sitting on my desk, and I have to interview candidates as soon as I get off the plane.” With every word that rolled off his tongue, Tom could feel his anxiety spiking. He really was trapped.

“Tough shit, mate.” As they locked eyes with one another, neither could stop from breaking out in laughter. Tom shoved Harrison off the couch, only to receive a kick to the shoulder. 

“You’re gonna pay for that!”

“Bring it on!”

When Tom asked you to take a seat, you could feel your heart folding over itself as it began to brave for the worst.

Harrison sat next to you on the sofa, with (what was supposed to be) an encouraging arm wrapped around your shoulders, but it only brought more anxiety and tension.

What was going on?

Tom was pacing back and forth, his hands buried in the pockets of his suit.

“Should I be concerned?” You whispered in Harrison’s ear. He shook his head no, never taking his eyes off of Tom.

“My bastard of a father wants me to go to Tokyo for a year - for the sake of the company, or so he says.” Tom stopped in front of the tv, one hand on his hip, and the other on the back of his neck.

Oh. An all too familiar sinking feeling appeared, replacing the anxiety that had begun to consume you.

“He’s already got an apartment for me, and a deal’s been negotiated for office space in one of the best locations in the city - all that’s left for me to do is sign the check.”

You sat up, resting your chin on your hands as you repeated Tom’s words over. He could see the gears turning in your mind, and he wasn’t too sure if that was a good sign.

“He doesn’t do this sort of thing often, does he?” You aired the question for both of them, but clearly it took them aback.

“What do you mean by that?” Harrison asked, brows furrowed. Tom met your gaze and nodded.

“From what I know and have heard, seen, and whatnot - Dom really doesn’t seem to stick his nose in company affairs most of the time. Only when he needs something, in some sort of capacity. For example - why did he give you the money to start the company in the first place? What motivated him to sign a check for over $4 million to his inexperienced - sorry! - son?” 

Locking eyes with one another, Tom and Harrison seemed to share the same memory at that exact moment.

It was three in the morning when Dom got the call from Tom’s bodyguard.

“You’ll need to be present if you want him out on bail.” He heard over the phone.

“Is that Osterfield boy with him?” He asked, still groggy.

“Yes, but he was not arrested. He tried to stop him and-”

“Enough. Tell him to go home. Tom can sit in jail for a few more hours. Let them know I’ll be there with the cash before 8.”

 The entire car ride back to his apartment, Tom couldn’t stop fidgeting.

He fucked up. Worse than any other time, and he knew this was going to cost him.

Recognizing the iron-wrought gates of the family estate, Tom glanced over at Dom.

“Your mother is in London with the twins. We need to talk, and I’m not setting foot in the dungeon you call an apartment.”

As the SUV came to a rolling stop outside the front door, Tom bit down on his tongue.

Every time he did something wrong - arrested for possession of marijuana, Adderall, coke; quite possibly every drug imaginable- or caused a scene at some fancy nightclub, Dom was there to break his fall. 

That break always came with a price.

Sometimes the price was as simple as losing a percentage of his trust fund money. That didn’t bother him as much, considering $75,000 was mere change in his pocket. Other times, however, the price was a gamble. Like the time his father had to pay off a landlord so he wouldn’t break the lease after Tom and Harrison completely wrecked the vacation house they had been renting.

Tom wasn’t sure what this would cost him this time around.

They had barely entered the mansion foyer when Dom turned on his heel, and locked eyes with his son.

“You’ve been 21 for less than six months, and yet you’ve managed to put yourself through the goddamn ringer almost every week since then. Do you even care about your fucking reputation anymore, Thomas? Or any idea what this could do to the company?”

Fuck. The company.

The night of his 21st birthday, his father had signed him the coveted check for well over four million dollars - a check that wouldn’t be deposited in his account until he proved to Dom that he could get his shit together, put on a suit, and take on the role of CEO. 

As his father had put it - Tom had had his fun, but as his undergraduate career came to an end, he needed to start focusing on making a name for himself; getting a seat at the table that was his birthright. 

A start-up was just what he needed to set himself straight.

The project was well underway - it had made headlines the day Dom purchased the most lavish office space New York City had to offer. The plan was simple - have the company up and running smoothly by the time Tom graduated, so he could slip on the CEO suit and take over.

But nothing was ever simple when it came to Tom.

He had fought for hours with his father before they finally settled on an agreement for the money that night - only for Dom to turn around and slap him with a hold on the funds.

And here he was, rubbing it in once again.

“Are you listening? Graduation is months away, and yet here I am, bailing you out of jail for being a pathetic son of a bitch.”

“What the fuck do you want from me?” Tom spat, anger flooding every inch of his body. He won’t get away with this.

“I don’t even know anymore, Thomas.” His father sighed. “But this I know for sure; you fuck up like this again, and you can kiss the company and your trust fund goodbye.”

Tom’s jaw dropped, eyes threatening to pop out of his head from the utter disbelief.

“No you- you can’t fucking do that!”

“I can, and I will. I listed the company under the living trust, with the conditions we agreed upon the night of your birthday. If I deem it necessary, everything in the trust will be seized. You will have nothing if you don’t get your act together.”

“Is the company still part of the trust?” Your mind was trying to process everything Harrison and Tom had just laid out for you, but that was the one piece of information that stuck out like a sore thumb.

Harrison looked at Tom. Tom bit his lip.

“If the company is still listed in the trust, mate -”

“That means your father still has control over it-”

“He can just do whatever he wants, can’t he?” Tom fell to his knees, brushing off the agonizing pain in his bones as you came to him, your arms enveloping him completely.

Harrison felt a familiar sting in the corner of his eye as he walked over to his best friend and crouched down by his side.

“We’ve got you, mate.”

Once you were able to finally calm Tom down, you discussed in detail exactly what the plan was going to be. Even if it wasn’t what any of you wanted. 

Tom decided he would agree to Tokyo if, and only if, he was able to bring his two best assets - you and Harrison. He planned to go to the office early Monday morning to call Dom and see if he could convince him.

It was the best you could all come up with.

Sunday morning, you remembered you’d forgotten a stack of letters at the office, which you needed to sign so they could be mailed out first thing Monday morning. With Tom at a conference upstate, you ended up having to head into the office by yourself.

When the elevator bell rang at the top floor, you were surprised to see the lights were already on in the waiting area.

Who else is here?

Making a sharp left turn at the end of the hall, you decided to move as quickly as possible - the motion sensor lights only lasted 10 minutes, so whoever set them off was still in the office, somewhere.

You spotted the stack of letters on your desk, and working diligently, got them all put away nice and neat in your briefcase. 

A soft knock on your door nearly gave you a heart attack.

Dropping the case to the ground, you look up and lock eyes with the last person you ever expected to cross paths with.

“I hope you don’t have the company’s secrets tucked away in there, dear.”

Dom was looming in the doorway, his smile wavering as you just stared at one another.

Why the fuck was he there?

“I seem to have startled you, and I’m quite sorry about that - I honestly wasn’t expecting anyone else to be here on such a nice day,” He was a boulder blocking your path of escape, and your growing anxiety was making your skin crawl. 

“I don’t know- I don’t know how I got to be so distracted, but I forgot these- these, um-” You picked up the briefcase, dropping your gaze from Dom as you ran the palm of your hand over the soft leather. “I have to get these letters signed so they can be sent out first thing in the morning.”

“Signing letters? Seems like such a clerical task for a woman in your position,” He took a step forward, and you stepped back, your hip hitting the side of your desk.

“I uh, wouldn’t really say that-” Tripping over your words, Dom could see you were on edge.

“No? Then what exactly does my son have you work on here? When you’re not busy attending to his… other needs.”

You almost choked on your spit as you looked at Tom’s father in disbelief. Does he… know?

“You see, darling,” Dom took another step forward, and you found yourself pressed against the window, struggling to keep your balance. “As a father… well, parents are always fussing over their children, aren’t they? I’m worried about Tom, and I know you probably know him better than I, and, well. I need to ask a favor of you.”

The look on his face was something that would haunt you forever.

His index finger was tracing the photograph frame on your desk, his eyes never leaving yours. 

Without another word, he pulled out a folded up piece of paper, and held it out to you. Encouraging you with a nod of his head, you grabbed the sheet, and unfolded it, your eyes scanning over its entirety while an uncomfortable sense of nausea filled your stomach.

New York Police Department

34th District

Report

Scrawled in blue ink were the words that would leave anyone distressed. 

Sexual Harassment. 

tags - part one:

@cherrynat @anytimebitches  @jobean12-blog @emotchalla @enigma-xlii @illletitgrow @cloverrover @justaveryobsessedfangirl @ssweet-empowerment @killmongerdreams @spideytrxsh @eyestheyseeyou @aussie-mantle @spidergirlwanab @i-think-i-am-adorable @amanda51015-blog​ @princessskylarsblog​ @whoneedsalifeanyhowxx​ @chinalois​ @clairesrainbow @darkerthanspace​ @slighttinsomniac​ @curlytomholland​ @wanderlustomaha​ @hollandazing​ @mendes-marvel​ @wowspideyholland​ @joshuatparker​

[amintyworld]

Chapter Two: No Way - Sanders Sides Six AU

A/N: Guess who’s back! I worked very hard on this for a few months to bring ya’ll, and I hope you enjoy it. Special thanks, as always, to my test reader and friend @dee-ree-vee who’s helping me so much with this series. It totaled to 9 pages on a google doc, so hopefully, this helps if you need something to read these days. - Minty

First - Last - Next

TW: Cursing, manipulation, toxic relationship, mention of possible murder, near-death, bullying. (Tell me if I missed any!)

Summary: A look into Daniel (Deceit)’s past.

Remy yawned as he stretched, walking over to his bed. It was late, another boring dinner to get through - polite conversations about politics, the weather, and the governor’s new niece. Dull, and seemed always as a test to prove himself to the people of the court, as if being the ‘trouble’ child wasn’t enough.

He had kept his composure until the advisor had so graciously asked - “Now Remy, as we all know your… qualifications, it’s only fair to ask if you’ve considered a… alternate, if you were to not meet the needs of the people.”

King Thomas had to grab Remy’s arm from under the table to keep him from doing something he might regret. Remy struggled to keep his voice steady. “And why, may I ask, would we ever need an alternate?”

“Well, it just seems that your training has been to a lackluster performance at most. Truly, my prince, you cannot expect yourself to be ready for such a big position?” The advisor had smiled in mockery, for it was all too clear the real intentions behind his eyes - to make him cause a scene, and boy, did he know how to get under his skin! “Maybe it would be better if we could consider a position for you to use… your…” The advisor sized up Remy in distaste. “… ‘special’… talents…”

He barely got through the dinner without strangling the advisor’s smug face.

High above, a green spirit had been pacing, a light blue and bright yellow watching him. “Why, if I outta- he has no right saying anything like that to my great-grandson!”

“Slow your temper, Remus. You’re going to end up causing a scene and breaking some dishes again.” The bright yellow spirit had said - half his face was covered in scars, his eye cloudy. His hand reached up to rub his temple, and the light blue spirit at his side - a flowing blue gown with circular glasses and his long curls held up in a bun - had given him a reassuring glance, which made his yellow counterpart smile. “I swear if it weren’t for you and Roman messing with the mortals-”

“When I get a body, I swear I’m gonna give him the old one-two and then-!” Remus’s smile crooked too wide, his eyes wild. “THEN I’ll show him 'special talents’!” Remus said, laughing a bit madly, before resuming his pace.

Roman fazed through the wall in a bit of a hurry. “How’s Remy? Did he read it yet?!”

“Barely got through the first few pages, I’m afraid.” The light blue spirit, Patton had said warmly, looking toward the spirit in question. A growl could be heard from behind them. “Remus is in a bit of a haze after dinner.” Patton looked to Roman. “How’s Logan? The poor thing seemed so pale today.”

“He’s…he’s fine. The healer’s doing everything she can, but…with his old age…” Roman trailed off, not knowing the words, or rather, not wanting to say what was next. Patton rubbed his arm comfortingly, giving Roman a warm smile. 

“Hey…” Patton’s voice was warm and soft. “He’s Logan - you know more than anyone he’s not going down without a fight, just like his father.” Patton smiled. “Remember how stubborn he was growing up?”

Roman smiled. “Yeah… every time I’d beat him in a sword fight, he’d get up and demand a rematch, no matter the scuffs and bruises. Tough kid.”

The yellow spirit sighed, utterly displeased as he held Remus back from going to go give a certain someone more than nightmares. “Remus, stop being so childish! Remy needs our advice, not someone to murder all his problems away!

Remus struggled against the restraint, growling. “Why can’t he have both?!” Patton looked over and sighed, strolling over. Time to sort this out.

“Remus?” Patton said. “You know if there was a death in the castle, especially overnight, people would wonder what caused it, and people would leave. They’d leave, and what would we do then? We can’t follow them, and we’d be stuck in a cold, dark, castle until the end of time. Do you want that?”

“N-no…but that bastard has NO RIGHT-”

“He’ll eat his words, I promise. But no murdering, okay?”

Remus grumbled. “Fine. No murdering.” The yellow spirit promptly released him, letting the green one slide down, his arms crossed. “The things I do for this family…” He muttered. 

—————————–

Prince Daniel loved his husband more than anything in the entire world - This was a fact that didn’t need to be verified, nor confirmed. One could tell from the way Daniel’s eyes flickered to his love’s own frequently, admiring the way he looked out of the stiffness of his duties. One would revel in the way they danced, even when they hadn’t for weeks or months it felt like it had been mere hours. 

When you were in their presence, you could tell they were meant for each other, that they balanced each other, and that truly, their hearts beat as one. 

Salkenshire was their home, where they fell in love - where the teenaged prince was lovestruck by the siren voice beneath the balcony. They met in secret in the gardens, Benjamin held Daniel’s hands and made him feel like he was flying - like he was truly alive. On his 18th birthday, Benjamin smiled and held his lover close as he kissed him goodnight.

Daniel knew, in that moment, that kiss would be burned into his mind forever. He told himself that he’d never forget that night as long as he lived. 

But, time can be a cruel mistress, even to those as happy as they.

——————————

Remy scanned the page full of doodled hearts and words of passion. 

Passion coming from one of the empire’s most ruthless leaders? He must be dreaming. 

Everyone knew the story of how the empire came to be - every citizen was brought up on the stories, plays were acted out every independence day, and the parents always scolded their children - “Don’t be so cold-hearted, my child! We don’t want you to become like King Daniel, hm?”

The words on the parchment made no sense at all - yet they were there, in front of Remy’s eyes. He could never have pictured their founder as such a romantic. He flipped the page, where their wedding was described in great detail, and he sighed. “Someone’s a bit obsessed.”

The yellow spirit just crossed his arms and stared off as the others, at the prince’s comment, turned to look at the royal in question. Daniel bit his lip, looking out the window at the rain. It felt familiar, like an old friend. He sighed, the argument replaying in his mind over and over, and it felt as if his heart broke and was pieced together, over and over again.

Daniel didn’t talk about the past much, not with anyone except Patton and Remus. Even then, the conversations were vague. In Daniel’s eyes, it was for a good reason - no matter how much the past stung and hurt, it couldn’t be changed. Daniel’s eyes watered, as the few tears left watery streaks down his cheeks.

No matter how much he wished it would. 

——————————–

Daniel smiled as he rode in the carriage - it was their twenty-fifth anniversary, and he was heading home after talking with the Farwood Duke and Duchess on tea for that Saturday - they were expecting a wonderful baby boy, Jonathan. Their alliance was very strong, and the two kingdoms were very good friends - Daniel liked the still calmness of Lady Valentine. She was the type of person who radiated power and yet never seemed to need to enforce that power. 

As Daniel looked out the window, he saw a crowd of angry people as the guards tried desperately to calm them down and keep things from becoming too heated. 

A rebellion had stirred, restless in Salkenshire. Many did not want an alliance with Farwood - wounds from the war between them still hadn’t completely healed. The war had been gruesome, and many casualties weren’t forgotten. Many of the people still considered them traitors.

The carriage had come to a sudden halt, leaving Daniel pretty confused. Royal carriages don’t stop very easily, or for very many reasons, either. “Franklin? Is everything all right?”

The sudden jolt forward made the royal stumble backwards, tossing him back in his seat harshly. The carriage moved much faster than previous brisk trot, and made Daniel fly all around the carriage as they turned in many different directions. 

Something was most definitely wrong. 

Suddenly, a stranger opened the carriage door, brandishing a dagger. Daniel didn’t need to even think as he punched the attacker in the nose. So this was the trouble.

The attacker, now bleeding heavily from his nostrils, kicked Daniel square in the face as he fell back on the floor of the ride. His crown knocked off, Daniel slowly slid it under the seats for safekeeping as he rolled up his sleeves - time to do some dirty work.  The attacker landed with a thump inside the carriage, standing over the royal with a grin as Daniel, with a determined look, kicked the attacker firmly between the legs, sending him toward the ground. He quickly restrained the attacker pushing his restrained arms toward his shoulder blades on instinct.

“So this was your plan, huh? Hijack a carriage and kill the crowned Prince?!” Daniel yelled. “For what? To stop the alliance?!”

The attacker squirmed against the Prince’s strong grip. “Not…enough…exactly, your Highness… but… ugh…. Basically.”

“Not exactly…?” Daniel asked. “What do you mean?”

He hadn’t noticed the second attacker until he felt the blade up to his throat. Time seemed to slow, and he couldn’t breathe. “Alex, you pissbrain. I told you he was trained.” Daniel gulped as the knife pressed harder to his neck. “I suggest you let him go, your highness, or things are going to get ugly.”

Daniel slowly let go of his grip, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. “What now? You kill me?”

The second attacker gave a deep chuckle.

“Now, your highness? You enjoy the ride.”

As quickly as they came, the two jumped out and rolled quickly down into the dirt. Before Daniel could even piece together what they had meant… his eyes widened.

That’s when Daniel saw the ravine. 

Next? Darkness.

—————————-

The first thing Daniel remembered was the pain. It was numbing at first, almost bearable, like a small cut or scuffed knee. Then, he remembered how his head pounded like a drum, and he could hear his heart beat loudly in his ears. He felt a weight press down in his stomach, and then the sting of his legs. His face felt hot, like it was on fire.

He remembered opening his eyes and seeing white, thinking he was dead. When his eyes adjusted, he saw the carnage - blood and intestines, skin and bone - splattered all around him. He was trapped nearly drowning under a pile of rocks, the only survivor.

The first thing he wanted to do was throw up. Whether it was because of what he had seen, or because of his own injuries, he didn’t know. The second thing he tried was to move, but it seemed the more he did the more pain he felt swirling in his mind. He tried screaming, but he had no air to call for any help, only to sustain himself. 

The first few nights were the hardest. Daniel couldn’t even say it was a few nights - he’d blurred in and out of consciousness while the sun beat down on him, making him crave water and even more so, food. 

After a week he felt tired, and weakened. He could even start to feel his body slowly begin to shut down. He thought everyone thought he was dead - after all, it was a miracle he’d survived the fall in the first place, and very unlikely anyone would think it would even be possible. 

Daniel was sure no one was coming for him.

So, one couldn’t blame him for thinking it a mirage when he thought he saw a group of knights and guards climbing down the ravine. Even as his mind told him it was a dream, Daniel pulled out his bloodied hand and waved it with all the energy he had left. His world slowly began to fade as the sounds of moving rubble echoed in the distance. 

————————

Benjamin was known for a lot of things. He was known for his stance on the Farwoodian War, which had made him an orphan at 12. He was known for his strict coldness toward everyone, no matter the status. 

That is, except, his husband. 

Daniel had been known to be one of the most gorgeous people in his kingdom, and he was determined to wed him - just to look at his smile, to drag his fingers through his perfect hair, and to own his chiseled body. 

Benjamin was good at getting people to do as he wanted. All it had taken was a few love poems and Daniel was head over heels for the royal. Benjamin was a very good actor when the situation called for it, and had all the pieces fall into place so Daniel could be his complaisant husband, and his eye candy. All that was needed was a bit of romance to ensure his pet wouldn’t stray too far from the flock, and he was set.

Of course, when the King had gotten word of the accident on their anniversary, he had acted sick with grief. His heart didn’t feel very broken, instead feeling a mighty rage that Daniel had wasted all his preparations for the perfect night - he had practiced his lines for weeks, after all. 

His servants and allies had given him great sympathy. The palace was filled with sweets and gifts from all who knew him. 

Benjamin had given the order to search for Daniel’s remains around a week after the news. He was sad to see his pet go, but he had a replacement waiting in the wings when the time was right - he was young, hot, and the foreigner duchess’s son from Monasia. He was perfect. All that was needed was for the funeral arrangements to be made and the funeral held, and then his new husband could finally move in. He had to admit - he needed someone to look at.

What Benjamin didn’t expect, however, was for the knights to bring back his husband alive.

He had been so happy - his eye candy had returned, after all. The healer had done all she could, but couldn’t get rid of the scarring across Daniel’s face, nor the blindness on his left eye. His husband’s beauty turned utterly bland, and left the King extremely displeased. He couldn’t handle having to live the rest of his life without a husband as handsome and as worthy as himself, but he couldn’t ever act that way. 

After all, a King is only as ever powerful as his people. 

Daniel had been overjoyed to be alive and with his love, the one who loved him more than anything in the entire world. He rarely left Benjamin’s side, and Benjamin could admit it was getting annoying - the looks he sent his way weren’t the same without the sun kissed glow or the honey glow of his eyes. Everything Daniel did before only angered him from seeing that fat scar each time and fake a smile. 

He was… in a bit of a situation. Nonetheless, Benjamin would find a way to get rid of him, one way or another. 

—————————

Daniel had never been this angry in his entire life. He’d never felt so betrayed, so upset, so devastatingly sad. He clutched the bundle of letters tightly as he burst open the doors, getting his husband to look up from the work on his desk with a glance and a sickeningly sweet smile. “My dear, what angers you so? It pains me to see you so upset.”

“Benjamin J. Shawcross, you have a lot of explaining to do.” Daniel spat, throwing the letters on his lover’s desk. Benjamin just looked at the letters, still retaining his smile. “Excuse me, but could you please leave me and my husband alone for a moment? We have some… private matters to discuss.”

The council members and handmaidens quickly took their leave after they saw Daniel’s expression. The kingdom had never seen it’s highness get angry before, and it was more than a frightening sight. 

After the double doors were firmly shut, Benjamin just laid his head in his hands. “So, you found the letters.”

“Is that all you have to say, Ben?!” Daniel yelled. “You’re cheating on me, and that’s all you have to say?!”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions, dear. He’s only a friend.” The King said cooly.

“Friend? A friend who you ask to describe his ‘beauty’? Who you call your ‘honeybee’?” Daniel snapped. 

“If you’re going to overreact this much, I want a divorce.”

Daniel looked like he was slapped. “Excuse me? Why?”

“It’s clear that you don’t trust me and think that I would cheat on you, so-”

“Honey, I’m half-blind and I can see the evidence right in front of you!” Daniel yelled. “I have done nothing but be by your side and support you for over 25 years, and you-” Daniel looked to the side, crossing his arms, too angry to even finish the sentence. 

“You know, you’d think after 25 years your husband would learn to trust you-”

“Bull. Shit.” Daniel interrupted. “I trusted you, I LOVED you, you liar-!” 

“Now my lovely husband wants to accuse me of lying?” Benjamin looked shocked. All this did was anger the Prince more - he was blaming all this on HIM?!

“I’m no husband of yours.” Daniel hissed. “Did you even mean everything you said at the altar? Did you even mean all the kisses, all the talks, everything?!” Daniel yelled, exasperated, the pain so great it stung in an unfamiliar way. What did he ever do to deserve this? Why wasn’t he enough?!

“Of course, my sweet, I meant every moment I had with you.” Benjamin cooed, walking over to his husband and holding him close. “You seem so upset, my love.” His voice was like a siren’s, worming its way into Daniel’s mind and making him feel uneasy. “Did you get enough rest, my sweet?” Benjamin rubbed his husband’s arms soothingly. He knew this song and dance too well, the lovesick fool always fell for it.

Rest?

Daniel felt embarrassed at his husband’s soft tone. Was he tired? He WAS the only one yelling, was it really not that big of a deal? Maybe…

Wait. Wait, wait-

Daniel quickly pushed away Benjamin, utterly disgusted. “Get away from me.” His touch felt so uncomfortable, so caring and loving that it felt unreal. Too unreal. 

It was so weird. His touch never felt uncomfortable before. 

It was like the background around him was fake, and it toppled over in front of him. Fakeness clouded everything around the man he’d called his husband. 

“What’s wrong dear? You look so shaken.” Benjamin looked at his husband in deceitful care. 

“What’s wrong…? You lied to me, cheated on me, and manipulated me for 25 years.” Daniel looked to his husband in pure hate. “I think we’re not going to work out, Ben, and that’s putting it nicely.” Daniel stood tall, staring him down sternly. He felt as if he’d just woke up from a dream, a dream where everything was perfect because he had someone who loved him. He felt slapped, though there were no marks on his face. Even though he wanted so badly to go back to his perfect fantasy world, it would feel tainted and poisoned with chains of control. Control that Daniel wanted back.

Now, Benjamin’s face turned quickly into a chillingly cold grin, as he looked at his husband and laughed deeply. Daniel had never heard him laugh before - it made his entire body tense just at the sound. “You’re smarter than you look, you know.” The king stood in front of his prince, radiating power. “In all the years I’ve been with you, I never thought you’d figure it out.”

“What…?” Daniel breathed, feeling like he was in a nightmare.

“Oh, let me tell you honey, you were hot back in the day. Beautiful enough to have anything and everything your little heart desired. We were both alike in that way, it seemed. What I wanted, dear… what I wanted was you. You were everything I deserved - the most gorgeous person in the kingdom as my husband.” Daniel glared down at his husband, trying to stay composed. “I’d figured that when you got older, I’d have to stage an accident to bring in some fresh meat, but those protesters had given me the right opportunity.” Ben smiled, his hands behind his back as his gaze turned ice cold. “But then you had to go and ruin it by surviving that fall - a miracle indeed, dear. That’s why you need to go.”

“Go…?”

“I’ll have the divorce papers on your desk by tomorrow morning.” The King said, turning to go back to his desk and finish his papers. 

“Wait, I… I don’t-” Daniel turned him around. “If we’re getting a damn divorce, at least give me the decency if telling me why.”

“Why?” The King almost laughed. “You haven’t put it together already dear?” Benjamin grabbed him close and traced his finger along his scar, pushing enough so that Daniel had felt it. “I don’t want damaged goods.” Daniel’s breath hitched at the touch, before his husband had dumped him on the floor. “You’re to grab your things, sign those papers, and leave. I don’t want to see your ugly mutt for as long as I live. Now, shoo.”

Shoo?

Daniel stood and marched over to his desk, slamming his hands on it to grab his attention. “You listen here and you listen good, asshole. You may have been able to order me around like I was your pet for a long time, but I’m not your pet anymore. You think that you can just get rid of me like that, all because of a scar you just can’t bear to see?!” He got up close to his face, practically spitting the next words. “No. Effing. Way.”

—————

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[therainroguefanfiction]

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 029 [Todoroki’s Story]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,397

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〈“Have you ever had a dream? Would you fight for it? Would you go to war? Would you die for it? So now I’ll take my stand, now I’ll make you see.” I Prevail, “Bow Down”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“Only one minute left! Todoroki has cornered the ten million point team and is poised to seize the ultimate prize! At least that’s what I would have predicted five minutes ago! Unbelievably, team Midoriya’s been able to keep away from the ice master for the last half of the game!”

My scowl turned into a grin as I watched the silverette open his palm to look down at the headband. “Gotcha bitch.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “S-Shimatsu tacos?!”

Midnight had told us we had to wear the band around our forehead, but she never said the numbers had to be showing. Aoyama had put the numbered band on first, with the taco band on top, turned around so the logo was hidden.

“They duped us!”

“Get them!”

Flames shot up in front of us, acting as a barrier to keep them at bay. With that metal body of his, he can withstand my fire, but for how long? And that air attack, can it bypass my flames?

“Team Aoyama has used a bait and switch tactic to full their opponent, but can they keep their distance until the clock runs out?! Team Bakugo nabs two headbands and moves into third place! The final moments of the game have been full of shakeups! Oh, to be young again! Bakugo is a merciless force!! What a point hog! That was a shield breaker heard ’round the arena and I can’t wait to watch the replay!”

The transparent chain shot through the wall of fire, grazing my cheek as I jumped to the side. I tried to grab it, but nothing happened – I was just grasping at air. A metal arm shot forward through the flames, fingertips grazing Aoyama’s face. I cocked my fist back, the fire raging hire as my body temperature rose. “Piss off!” I slammed my fist against his, pushing against each other. The metal on his skin started to soften from the intense heat but he refused to back down.

“S-So hot.” Aoyama whimpered, his body shaking against mine. Shit, I momentarily forgot about him. I took a deep breath and my flames lowered, giving metal man a solid opportunity. He grabbed the front of my shirt, the other arm reaching for the bands around Aoyama’s neck. “Hang tight, mademoiselle!” He shifted his body, swinging his right leg over my shoulder, his boot slamming against the silverette’s hand clutching me.

“Oi, what are you -”

Aoyama shot off his laser and my body jerked backward violently, away from the stunned team.

“With just eleven seconds left, team Aoyama makes a harrowing escape from the competition, but can they stay on their feet until the clock runs out?! Oh no!! Team Midoriya didn’t get the ten million points after all! The game is almost over! Time for a count down!”

My feet slid across the ground. With the angle of Aoyama’s body and the sudden blast of his laser, my body is off balance and I don’t think I can recover! If Aoyama touches the ground, all our efforts will be for nothing! That means… I did all that exercise and thinking for nothing! Shit, shit, shit. My foot slid out from under me and Aoyama squeaked.

“TIME’S UP!!!”

My back slammed against the ground, him landing on top of me and knocking the wind from my lungs. He lifted a shaking hand, giving me a thumbs up. I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes.

“And with that, the second round is officially over! Now, let’s take a look at who our top five teams are! In first place, team Todoroki! In second place, team Bakugo! In third place, team Aoyama!”

“We fucking did it,” I groaned, smacking him on the back.

“In fourth place, team Tetsu – wait what? It’s team Shinso! When did they come back from the dead?! And in fifth place, we have team Midoriya! These five valiant teams will advance to the final round! Now, let’s take an hour-long lunch break before we start the afternoon festivities! See you soon! Hey, Eraserhead, let’s grab some food.”

“I’m taking a nap.”

Aoyama rolled off of me and I sat up with a huff. My head fucking hurts. My back fucking hurts. What is my life right now? I pulled myself to my feet, glancing down at the blonde clutching his stomach and holding my hand out to him. “Looks like your plan worked, bro.”

His eyes met mine, accepting the hand. “It was a good thing you kept that band, the plan went perfectly.”

“I want my band back.” I muttered, turning around and approaching the silverette and his team.

His eyes narrowed at me when he noticed me. “What, did you come to gloat?!”

I pointed at the band being held by the ash-blonde boy with no lips. I’m calling him Skeletor. “I just want my taco band back, man.”

He continued to glare at me, folding his arms over his chest. “You could at least say please!”

“What can I say? I’m American, I’m a rude bitch.” I responded blankly. He started to yell loudly but I ignored him, turning toward Skeletor as he stepped forward, holding out the band.

“Here. That was a pretty slick move.”

I took it, tying it around my forehead again. “Wasn’t my idea, but thanks. You guys did well.” I sent one last look to the metal man, who was still ranting and raving, before walking away. I didn’t get far.

“Jen!” An arm was thrown around my neck, pulling me close to another body. Ryuu pouted at me, poking my cheek. “You ended up with my points, after all.”

I scratched my cheek. “Sorry about that. You did start it, though.”

He grinned. “I was hoping to catch you by surprise, but you’re really strong! Class A is really something else.”

I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “Todoroki and Bakugo are the total package – powers, instincts, and intelligence. Izuku’s greatest asset is his intelligence, drive, and quick thinking. He’s also pretty powerful, but he can’t control it yet, so.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “You don’t include yourself with them?”

“Not really. There’s nothing driving me to be the best, ya know? I don’t have some grand dream or goal I want to achieve, which makes me weaker than them. Plus, I don’t really feel like it’s fair to lump myself in with them since I’m older.”

“Older?”

“Yeah, I’m seven… teen… fuck.” My eye twitched. I’m turning into Izuku with my fat ass mouth, fuck’s sake!

“Oh, really? Did you get held back or something?”

“Uhh… something like that. You’re not gonna tell anyone, are you?” I asked, tugging at his wrist as a bead of sweat rolled down my cheek. I hadn’t even told Bakugo that yet.

Ryuu smiled brightly, tugging me closer with the arm still around my neck. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Can I ask you something else?”

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you use your quirk against me?”

My body tensed up. Well shit, I wasn’t expecting that question.

“I was observing you for the first half of the cavalry battle. Your quirk is mostly offensive, but it can also make a solid defense. When someone gets too close to you, your quirk is almost an instantaneous reaction, almost like a reflex.” His eyes bore into my own, making me shift uncomfortably. I hated being stared at. “But when I went after you, that reflex wasn’t there. Do you not consider me a threat?”

“What, no! It’s not like that, it’s just…” I scratched my cheek as I lowered my gaze to the ground. Why didn’t I use my power against him? I was prepared to as soon as I felt his presence, but as soon as I realized it was him, I lost all drive to attack him. “I don’t know… the thought of attacking you… I don’t like it. I’m not underestimating you, Ryuu, or looking down on you. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I just… you’re special to me.”

He smiled brightly, gently grabbing my shoulders. “I understand. To be completely honest, I know you’re stronger than me, so even if you were looking down on me, it’d be justified, but I was mostly just curious. No hard feelings, okay?”

I nodded, tugging him closer so I could wrap my arms around him. “Sorry you didn’t make it through.”

He hummed. “My hopes and dreams are on you now, Jen~”

“Hey, Rin, let’s grab some lunch!” Called a brown-haired boy from the end of the hall.

“I’ll be rooting for you in the next game!” He sent me a smile, giving me a squeeze before running down the hall after his friend.

…fuck, I forgot there’s another event! When will this end?

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

I turned the corner and paused. Bakugo’s back was flush against the wall. Is he… eavesdropping? I raised a brow, stepping closer. “Oi, Bak -”

His hand slapped over my mouth, eyes narrowed. “Be quiet.”

I nodded and he removed his hand, stepping closer to the edge of the wall. I leaned against it behind him, perking up my ears.

“I was overwhelmed.”

Todoroki? I leaned around the blonde, seeing him standing at the end of the hallway across from Izuku, who looked nervous as fuck. What, are they clashing again?

“And it made me break the promise I made to myself a long time ago. Iida and Kaminari, Yaoyorozu and Tokoyami, Uraraka. None of them felt it. In that moment, I was the only one that could sense your true power. It reminded me of something – experiencing All Might’s quirk.”

“O-Oh yeah? Okay… is that all?” Izuku tried to hide it but his voice shook with anxiety. I should teach him how to play poker so he can work on bluffing.

“I’m saying… the power coming from you felt the same as All Might’s.”

Bakugo tensed from in front of me.

“Midoriya, tell me… are you really All Might’s secret love child or something?”

I smacked my forehead against the wall, shoulders shaking with laughter. Bakugo smacked me in the stomach, glaring at me. How can I not laugh at that? He said it in such a serious voice! This fuckin’ kid…

“Well, are you?”

“No, no way! That’s not it at all! But I guess even if I was, I totally would say I wasn’t so you wouldn’t believe me no matter what, I bet!” He’s officially panicking. “Anyway, I promise, you’ve got the wrong idea. And… why would you even think that about me?”

“‘That’s not it at all’, is interesting wording. It suggests there is something between you two that you’re not supposed to talk about.” Todoroki paused. “My father is the hero, Endeavor. You must have heard of him, which means you’re aware that he’s the number two hero. So, if you’re connected to the number one hero, All Might, in some way, that would mean… that I have even more reason to beat you and Winchester.”

Bitch what, why me? Bakugo glanced at me with a raised brow and I shrugged, giving him a confused look.

“My old man is ambitious,” he continued. “He aims for the top. He used his power to make a name for himself as a hero, but he was never able to best All Might, so the symbol of peace is living proof of his failure. He’s still at it, though, trying to take down All Might. One way or another.”

“I’m not really sure what you’re getting at or why you’re involving Jen… what are you trying to tell me, Todoroki?”

I think I might have an idea, but I’m really hoping it’s just my cynical mind jumping to conclusions.

“Have you ever heard of… quirk marriages? They became a problem in the first few generations after superpowers became widespread. There were those that sought out potential mates solely with the intention of creating powerful children. Many people were forced into relationships. They were simply viewed as old fashioned arranged marriages, but clearly, it was unethical. My father not only has a rich history of accomplishments, but plenty of money to throw at his problems. He bought my mother’s relatives to get his hands on her quirk and now he’s raising me to surpass All Might.”

My eyes widened, heart skipping painfully in my chest. I knew this kid was edgy but fuck. I wrapped my arms around Bakugo’s neck, my forehead resting against my arm. To think this kid has been suffering this goddamn much… and because of a hero? Aren’t they supposed to fucking save people?

“It’s so annoying… I refuse to be a tool for that scumbag. In every memory of my mother, I only see her crying. I remember, she called my left side ‘unbearable’… before she poured boiling water on my face.”

What is this bullshit?

“Calm down,” Bakugo muttered, his hand resting over my arm. My skin had been heating up and I didn’t even realize it.

“Sorry.” I held him tighter as I took deep breaths to calm the boiling rage in my gut. I wanted nothing more than to take Todoroki into my arms and tell him everything would be okay.

“The reason I picked a fight with you was to show my old man what I was capable of doing… without having to rely on his damn fire quirk.”

Fire? That’s why he was always glaring at me when we first met… He said I reminded him of his father. It must have triggered the trauma he went through, no fucking wonder.

“You see… I’m going to show him that I reject his power… and I can take first place without using it.” He started to walk away. “You and Winchester are obviously connected to All Might, even if you won’t tell me about it, but no matter how fiercely you come at me in the future, I will defeat you using only my right side. I can assure you of that.”

“Hey, wait!” Izuku took off after him and the two were out of earshot.

Bakugo clicked his tongue, pulling himself from my grip and walking away, leaving me alone in the silent, dark hallway. I’ve decided that I’ll do my best to protect Todoroki from now on. I’ll protect him and Izuku. And that twat, Bakugo.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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[hazelnmae]

Lies Travel Faster Part Two: Chapter Three

Summary: Sophia Murphy’s past is coming for her. Can she outrun it?

Tags: Tommy Shelby x Original Female Character

Warnings: angst; smut; violence; language; rape/non-con; death

CHAPTER 3 Read Chapter 2 here

Months earlier, Sophie had held her breath as the car made its way through traffic. Yelling from the streets, car horns, sirens carrying forward from somewhere behind them--all the sounds overwhelmed her after spending so much time in seclusion.

She was thankful when the driver finally came to a stop in front of the ornate building and couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. She thanked the young blinder who’d driven her, and made her way up the marble stairs and through the rotating brass door.

The city never ceased to amaze her. New York was bigger than she left it all those years ago. And though she hadn’t spent much time there--just a few weeks as she was on her way in or out of the country--she remembered it very different from the New York she found when she came back.

Sophie did her best to avoid the city at all costs, opting at first to check in with Michael via phone so she could stay firmly planted in her one room rental further south. After a few months, though, she could sense that he was pulling away from her and decided it was time for a different tactic.

He was far more open when she began her biweekly visits in person.

“Tommy must be happy with the information you’re feeding him,” he said one day as they spoke casually in his office.

At first she bristled at the name, but Sophie quickly laughed to cover up her unease.

In truth, it was Arthur who tasked her with keeping an eye on Michael. His cousin had been charged with legitimate Shelby Company business and was shipped off to America and out of Tommy’s sights. As much as Tommy hadn’t wanted to deal with him, Arthur knew his cousin needed guidance. He was, after all, tasked with investing their capital responsibly.

And so he connected with Sophie shortly after Tommy’s letter arrived. Arthur promised to be in touch on a regular basis for updates, but she didn’t realize at the time that he’d so quickly become her only conduit to her previous life in Birmingham.

She walked confidently down the hallway, listening to the sound of her own heels on the expensive tile. She hadn’t had many occasions to dress so posh in her small and simple life in the mountains and relished the silk of her dress, the soft hug of her stockings, the curls of her hair bouncing as she walked.

Michael welcomed her into his office with a grunt after she peaked her head in the door. Sophie promptly slumped into the velvet covered chair across from his desk, but Michael waited to let her speak first.

Sophie cleared her throat to get his attention and he looked at her over the newspaper he was reading to finally meet her gaze.

“Good morning, Sophie,” he said, still reading.

Sophie just smiled at him.

“And how are you, today?” he asked.

“I just wish I didn’t have to come to this fucking city to see you,” she said lighting a cigarette and laying her head back on the chair.

“No one said you had to see me,” he responded, finally placing the newspaper down on his desk.

He was right. No one had insisted she see him. She’d chosen that route on her own. But rather than admitting he was right, she let the comment go.

It’d been eighteen months since they came back to the states. Eighteen months and she’d gotten no closer to her goal. A year and a fucking half and no more satisfied with the trajectory of her life than when she ran away from Birmingham.

In the first year or so, Arthur kept Sophie apprised of happenings back in Birmingham, but she asked him to stop when he told her of Tommy and Jesse Eden.

“It doesn’t mean anything, Soph,” he said, trying to reassure her that Tommy was still very much in love with her.

“Don’t say that, Arthur”

“It’s true.”

But she knew it wasn’t.

After his initial letter, Tommy hadn’t made a single attempt to contact her. She was sure he was having her watched--likely tasking someone with the same objective she had watching over his cousin. But he never so much as wrote, called, sent a fucking telegram. Nothing.

It was as if she’d never existed.

And for a while, she thought maybe she hadn’t. She spent months questioning their relationship--replaying everything over and over in her mind until she’d nearly driven herself crazy.

In the end, she decided to believe it was real.

There had been something between them. She knew she’d loved him. That she still did. And she chose to believe he’d truly loved her.

“Soph. You okay?” Michael asked from behind her.

At some point she’d stood and moved toward the window, though she didn’t remember doing it.

“How long have we been here, Michael?” she asked in return, shaking off the confusion.

“A year and a half.”

“And how many times are you going to ask if I'm okay?" she asked.

“Until I know you are,” he said, not missing a beat.

It was that day she decided to take time away, to pull herself together and finally return to the small town where she’d grown up. To look for him, Vincenzo, the only surviving member of the Changretta family who she held responsible for what had happened to her own family. And finally put a bullet in his head.

That night Sophie told Michael of her plans. She also made her monthly call to Arthur, to keep him apprised of Michael’s personal life and affiliations.

He’d met a woman. A young, blonde, American woman, who seemed more infatuated with his success and money than him. But she’d seen it many times--a man falls in love with a beautiful woman who falls in love with his fat wallet. And she assured Arthur the woman was of little consequence and wasn’t cause for concern.

Then she packed her bags, returned to her small house, and spent the next several months preparing to track her target.

__________________

Tommy downed another glass of whisky. His fifth? Sixth? He was no longer sure.

All he knew was that Betty, the barmaid, would continue to serve him as long as he wanted. And that at some point in the night, he’d stagger home and fall into his bed hopefully to a dreamless sleep.

The dreams still came, but they were different.

He rarely dreamt of the tunnels anymore. His dreams had taken an interesting turn, but one that terrified him as much as the war.

Grace appeared to him. Urging him to end it all. To join her. To put that bullet in his brain.

But sometimes it was Sophie who appeared. And she urged him to stay. To push forward. She reminded him that he was needed. That, regardless of what others thought, of what he thought himself, he was a good man. He had good intentions. And that he deserved a good life.

He tended to believe Grace. But he chose to stay alive and hoped for sleep night after night on the chance he’d see Sophie. Even if he didn't believe her.

___________________

“I have no fucking clue where she is, Arthur. I’ve been searching for months,” Michael shouted into the phone at his cousin on the other line.

“You’re coming back,” Arthur answered. “We’ve already booked passage.”

Michael ran his hand over his face and through his hair. He’d fucked it up. Had ruined it all. He dreaded seeing his family in Birmingham. Of facing his mother. But he actually feared Tommy. He knew what the man was capable of doing to his enemies. And chances were Michael had just made a pretty good enemy of himself.

“But Michael, you’re not coming back to Birmingham without her.”

Michael let out a sigh.

“Fucking find her,” Arthur said, abruptly ending the conversation.

Just as he slammed his phone on the receiver, Michael heard a familiar knock on his office door. It creaked open. Sophie poked her head in the small opening, smiling as if nothing had happened.

Clearly she hadn’t heard.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Sophie. Where the hell have you been?” he shouted, charging toward her.

“Whoa, calm down, Michael. Fuck. I thought you’d be happy to see me,” she said with a smirk.

Again, Michael let out a deep sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose and Sophie thought instantly of Tommy. Of how he did the same thing when he was stressed or overwhelmed.

“What’s going on, Michael?” she asked, concerned now.

“We’re going back, Soph. Pack your bags.”

“Wait. What do you mean?” she asked as she felt her heart rate climb. She’d dealt with Vincenzo only two weeks ago. And while that’s what she’d wanted to accomplish, she wasn’t ready to go back. To face them again. To face him.

“It’s over, Soph,” Michael said, pacing around the room and aggressively pulling drag after drag of his cigarette.

“Michael, slow the fuck down,” she said, grabbing his shoulders and squaring his body toward hers so he’d have to look her in the eye.

But he didn’t look her in the eye. Instead he hung his head in defeat and stared at their shoes.

“The New York Stock Exchange--it’s crashed.”

___________________

Read Chapter 4

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[calpalirwin]

You’ll Always Have Me

Summary: Alyssa and Ashton have been best friends ever since Alyssa moved in across the street the summer before second grade. Together, they were tackling the stereotype that boys and girls can’t just be friends. That is, until they almost kissed right before their junior year of high school. Can their friendship survive the jealousy that stems from their newfound feelings? And what happens when they realize these “newfound feelings” really aren’t all that new?

Chapter 14

~Alyssa~

The next day, I drove Ash down to the base. I think his parents knew that I needed this time with him more than they did. We cranked the radio loud, both of us refusing to acknowledge the knots tightening in our stomachs, as we sang along at the top of our lungs.

When we arrived at the base, I hugged him tight. As I clung to him, I committed to memory as much of him as I could: the plain black t-shirt, the blue jeans with a hole in the left knee, sandy blonde hair that fell into his hazel eyes with those flecks of green and gold, that smile with those perfect teeth that used to be just a smidge offset, the scratchy stubble of him having gone too long without shaving that was rough against my cheek as I buried my head in his neck. Ashton Fletcher Irwin; my best friend, and absolute love of my life; my hardest goodbye, and favorite hello; the boy who thought he was nothing, and the man who was more than everything to me. I let go and stepped back, my cheeks wet with tears.

“Aw, Aly,” he giggled as he wiped his thumb across my cheek. “It’s fine. I’ll be home before you know it.”

“I’m still gonna miss you like crazy,” I told him, my voice breaking.

“I know. I’m gonna miss you, too. But, it’s temporary. You know you’ll always have me,” he said the words I had first told him back in fifth grade. Our words.

“I like having you across the street, not across the world, Ash.”

“I promise, you won’t even notice I’m gone. You have college, Calum, Lu, and Si. It’ll feel like you just blinked.”

You think too low of yourself if you’ll think I’ll just forget you’re gone, I thought to myself. “Just come back to me in one piece, alright?”

“Deal,” he promised.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, never wanting to let him go. His arms wrapped around the small of my back, holding me tight against him. Much like our hug only moments before, I committed him to memory: his shirt that smelled of Tide and his cologne, his hair that was soft as I ran my fingers through it at the base of his neck, his arms that were strong as he held me to his chest which was equally strong but somehow still soft. I thought about how much I was in love with him, how I was missing my chance to tell him now once and for all, and how I wanted him to hold me just like this forever. “Ashton, I…” I started to say, as I pulled back just enough to look up at him, deciding it was now or never.

“I know, Alyssa,” he said, pressing his lips to my forehead. “I’ve always known.” And with that, he let me go, slung his bag over his shoulder, and walked off towards his future.

I didn’t register that we had both used our full first names until I got on the highway as I replayed the conversation. What had he always known? That I love him? That he felt the same way? God, why did he leave everything hanging in the balance like that?

I fumbled with the radio, choking back the tears as I replayed every memory of us: the smiles with missing teeth, the ice cream running down our chins, us chasing each other through the streets and our houses, all those late night phone calls and unsaid feelings, all those not-so-secret handshakes. Fuck. We didn’t do our handshake. I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I pulled onto my street. How could we have forgotten the handshake?!

The tears started falling and I finally took note of the song coming in through the stereo. I smiled and let the tears fall as our song came on. I parked outside my house and sobbed-sang the song, missing him more than I had missed anyone in my entire life. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to stop crying, let alone ever feel okay again.

I sat there crying in my hands, wanting to get it all out before I went inside. Every time I thought I was done, I’d glance over at his bedroom window and start all over again.

A knock on my window startled me out of my downward spiral. For half a second my heart leapt in my chest thinking it was him, that he had changed his mind and took a cab home after me; that we would finish that conversation that had seemed all-knowing and so final.

I looked up to see Calum standing there instead. He frowned when he got a look at my face. “C’mon baby, open up,” he coaxed.

I stepped out of my car and into his arms. I started sobbing harder as I realized that everything I used to love about Calum, I suddenly hated. His tanned skin was suddenly too tan. His dark eyes and even darker curls lacked the blonde streaks and flecks of green and gold I desperately wanted to see. He was the boy I loved, but I wanted the boy I was in love with. 

“Shh,” he soothed, as he led me to sit down on the curb with him. “Aw, baby. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not… Cal, I…” I whispered, gathering my strength for another difficult goodbye.

“You’re in love with him.” His face fell. “God damn it… I fucking knew it…”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“So, I was just… a distraction? A way to make him jealous and kill some time? Fuck! I actually liked you, y’know? Loved you, even.” His disbelief and hurt turned into anger and blame with each word.

“Cal…” I begged, sobbing again for a different reason. “Please… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He sighed deeply, anger fading back into hurt. “Just tell me this wasn’t a joke to you. Even if it’s a lie, just say I meant something to you. Please…”

“Cal… I swear everything I’ve put in this relationship has been nothing but genuine. I love you. I do.”

He sighed again. “I love you, too. But, I can’t be someone’s backup. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Cal. You weren’t a backup.”

“But, between me and him, you’ll choose him, won’t you?”

I choked on a sob as I nodded. “God, I’m so sorry.”

He kissed me lightly on the top of my head. “I’m sorry too, baby. But, we can’t do this anymore. God damn, he better know how lucky he is. If he doesn’t, I swear I’ll kick his ass.”

I laughed in spite of the world crumbling around me. “Cal?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For… well, everything I guess. I have no regrets about our relationship and a part of me will always love you and what we had.”

“Me too, Lys. Me too.”

As I watched him get in his Jeep and drive off all I could think was that I had lost 2 boys I really cared about in as many hours because I just couldn’t say how I felt when I felt it. As I steadied my breath and wiped the tears away, I wondered how I was going to be able to continue to put on foot in front of the other. As I stood up and made my way towards my front door, I decided the answer was simple: consequences be damned, next time I saw Ash I was going to kiss him, and I wouldn’t stop until I made up for all the time I had lost.