#crazy ass end of year rewatch challenge

[becauseimanicequeen]

Rewatching Pit Babe (ep. 8) and the Colors

This is part of my Crazy-Ass End-of-Year Rewatch Challenge where I will rewatch some of my favorite shows, my least-favorite shows, and some shows in between.

I can't promise cohesive thoughts in these posts because it's the end of the year, I'm currently living in right-brain land 10+ hours per day, and I'm TIRED because the darkness of winter is coming. You've been warned.

My previous post: episodes 1-2, episode 3, episodes 4-5, episodes 6-7.

Also, since this is a rewatch, there are spoilers ahead.

Episode 8

We start off with Jeff and Alan. Jeff is afraid that Alan will fire him now that everyone knows he and Charlie are also Mr. Red's adoptive sons. But there is no trace of red on his body here. He's wearing that grayish-blue shirt because he's loyal to Alan and X-Hunter.

And on the topic of blue, it looks like the blue is haunting Way now.

But the red is still making itself known in the background and through the light shining on him. Things are definitely changing...

The interesting thing is that even though Pete is comfortable with Way and his red past (because he has his own past association with Tony), the red keeps hanging around Way while the blue light is shining stronger on Pete's side.

In comparison to Way, Pete is never going back to Tony. Not even though he has some red details on his jacket (and on his watch, which we saw in the previous episode).

Then we have Jeff in an even deeper blue than before. And a green shirt. Alan has worn some green shirts before (I would say at least a handful of times). And now Jeff is wearing green.

He's getting really comfortable around Alan.

(Also, that blue shirt has some yellow stripes on it. And, I know that you know what colors make green.)

Even though Jeff has worn green once or twice before this, I would definitely say that this combination of blue and green is a sign that he's getting a lot more comfortable with Alan. And thank goddess for that! I need them together, stat!

Also, I'm glad this news channel is reminding us all of Tony's true color:

As well as the room he rented for Kim:

And the details around his henchmen:

Because he seems to have forgotten it himself...

Anyway, let's go back to a character who doesn't piss me off. Jeff! Who comes home with his red bag as a reminder of his past.

And, since it's a reminder of his past with Tony, it's simultaneously a reminder of his powers. Which show up as visions that, very fittingly, flash in hues of red.

You know, Tony can try and hide his true colors all he wants, but the red suits him perfectly.

And, on a completely different topic...

Another one of my favorite scenes in the show is the confrontation between Pete and Kenta.

The sexual tension got me good.

Why weren't these two endgame?!

Anyway, back to the colors before I get pissed over this missed opportunity, lol...

I'm not surprised Jeff added some red on his body before he entered Tony's home...

Just in case he would get caught (which he does).

By my pretty fallen angel.

Also, since I know the person Jeff saw Tony talking to at his house was Way, it's nice to see the red next to Way in the garage when they're planning how to deal with Tony:

He has a different reason for being around X-Hunter now, in particular Babe. And Jeff, the only one who knows about Way's true reason, is trapped.

Also, it's nice to see Babe in his white tank top. Not just because of Pavel's arms (even though that's a factor, lol), but because Babe has lightened up a bit from his usual dark colors. I'm sure Charlie's positivity has contributed to that.

And when it comes to Sonic...

I'm deciding to surrender my frustrating at all his colors and just call him Mr. Rainbow from now on. He practically wears all the colors of the rainbow and more anyway.

So, let's get back to the usual programming...

As Babe and Charlie (I can't really count on Way, lol) are trying to find evidence against Tony, red shows up everywhere:

And if that wasn't enough red, Winner Winner Chicken Dinner continues to show his true color...

And proves exactly why I want to knee him in the groin.

And on that positive note, this episode is over. I'm once again so close to the image limit that I have to change to another post...

[onebraincell-itmiebcraft]

Liveblogging real life part 2: Joel (it's been 12 13 days) (already watched)

Okay so maybe we'll do the liveblog-every-five-minutes-unless-something-crazy thing also idk if I should link this up to my intro post (idk how) or reblogged my og one with this oh well we'll figure it out why am I eating AGAIN doing this

I got inspired after rewatching secret life my beloved for the umpteenth time :P

Okay ep. 1/finale is hilarious and new "series" 😭

Joel why did you point out the cursor I can't take my eyes away

First batch

Joel jumping then immediately keeling over in nausea:

Idk how to respond to that but it struck a chord within me, how true

BigB wholesome waving but it also looks like his arm is BENT I can't get over VR arms man 😭

Punching BigB because he's so tall is so real tbh + love the smash cut to Gem being salty

Headpatting + baby-ish voice "little gem/Ren/skizz" what a gentleman makes me think of the try not to cry challenge or Jimmy's crazy christmas series where he says Joel is a crybaby and Gem says he's a romance guy in a mental gymnastics train of thought

Grian throwing his head back from the outside?! Cryptid behaviour

The real life vids don't make me motion sick but Joel making retching and vomiting sounds does NOT help it makes me sick by proxy or something I hate being disoriented and nauseous too buddy

There's probably a video out there of someone comparing regular mc to vr because vr just hits different like proportions wise

Joel noises

Love this Joel-Gem duo already idk how to describe it just fun

Also Joel having to process out loud he won't throw up on Gem I remember playing Richie's plank experience or whatever years and years ago shit was REAL

Joel's inventory becoming disorganized with things that can be stacked together :(

Hey what gem said kinda reminds me of what grian said :D at the end of his episode awful :DD

Poor Joel he's battling his height complex alongside his motion sickness (rip bozo poor little meow meow)

I think almost everybody had the problem of facing the wall dude, it's okay it's very silly

Water foreshadowing (he will swim with his future gang and become incredibly sick)

Geminislay that pig

Wait till Joel learns about lying down‼️‼️

JOEL STOP MAKING NAUSEOUS SOUNDS I'M GONNA FROW UP 👹

"...Falling in powdered snow" kinda reminds me of this short story I read in grade 9 English class "The Bamboo Trap" protag fell in The Bamboo Trap™ and got bitten by big ass spiders or something the idiot, also I think got published in the same anthology as the most dangerous game 👊

Joel admits to weakness

Weird ass snow, someone built this or something?

Joel with his arms out looks so silly, so does gem

Oh gem how graceful with the figure skating history 👊👊👊✌️👉✌️✌️🤜🤛🤛🤜🙏

Lol they learn about the wrist chat

Second batch

Jimmy, oh iconic Timmy

Shield (why did I write this again?)

Bi shoes, love seeing gem's skin wearing the bi shoes I forget about it every once in a while and when I see it again it's a pleasant surprise

Vr players learn to pvp

When you use the shield to block in first person it looks kinda stupid dude

Campsite vibes tbh, I really like it.

Bee spotted 🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝 what is it doing

Shaky controller cursor over top chest plate I feel you

Falling irl indeed (recursive mention about plank)

LOUD holy moly Joel is loud (not negative)

Healf being something people can't look at at all times is actually a kinda funny mechanic

Smajor friendship aww when will they team up (did I forget about a series)

The poor beg for bread, we live in a society ✊😔

Grian killing??? Since when??? (Sarcastic)

Batch three

Peace and love is why they haven't died yet 😘

Arms again! Weird looking things

Hand gesture reminds me of that one diamond scar short with etho's greedy "I want the diamond" voice

Flint and steel? Weird looking thing

Omg red club looks like bugs, the way the trio gossips about them ♥️

Right no out messages...

Can't believe the most motion sick man gets in the water not once but TWICE this ep

Does he know

Where did the horse thing come from

Can't remember if I mentioned this but when the sword swings without critting in VR it looks so silly it pokes

A bugs life: the sequel

Club: deadly euphemism

Sword 😐

Something about jimmy doesn't get burnt...

Why is Jimmy jiggles the only one with a wooden sword???

Strong words from a man on the verge of mania 👀

Lol knowing impulse breaks the ground under Joel big brain man going for the kill

Something about the disappointed way Joel says "scar!" And scar stabbing him in the first caused this

Tim is so British he says "get in" so much

Joel, again exasperated, cries out "where's all my stuff?!"

Funny Minecraft men, my favourite funny Minecraft men

My god seeing from Joel's perspective his second death is from zombie

I think Joel was about to saying bluming + the cover behind house + the constant begging for his stuff back + violence as an answer (he hits men)

4

Oh scar up to no good again

JOEL GETS IN THE WATER AGAIN!!! MOTION SICKNESS WIN!

Joel and scar just did mitosis stop being scared of biology 🙄

What was Mr solidaritygaming doing in that hill and said yes to did he finally get iron?

Aw the silly arm motion I love greeting people with spirit fingers reminds me of that

GOON SQUAD?! (neuron activated)

Famous moment

Oh more famous moment here comes the smallidarity kiss

Love Tim's body language once again the sharp smooth head turn to grian he's like a cartoon character

(what grian mean they are suited and booted he cut this part out I don't remember the other povs 😢)

Leave it to solidaritygaming himself to be the most homoerotic straight man there is of course + Joel is still patting him on the head? + Timsel being cringefail needing to jump multiple times on ONE BLOCK + Joel did NOT need to lean that much he looks like he's powered by springs + Jim's arms always being so tight together. Makes him. Look like. An old granny??? + Joel IMMEDIATELY checking his wrist afterwards like it's a Tuesday and he's on break + homophobic GRIAN + impulse's dad delivery one liner

The more I watch smallidarity kiss the more bizarre and asinine it becomes to me 😀

When did Joel learn to button jump (he WAS mental for jumping irl irl)

Okay Joel cut out that canary comment why don't you 🙄🙄🙄

WHACK 💀 SHAKE YOUR HANDS REAL FAST 💀💀 JOEL SCREAM #3997 💀💀💀

Fond of Joel's cadence of saying "hello guys!" And "I'm coming in boys!" And "HAHA!" oddly musical

Okay aaaaaaand he dies worst ranking ever good for him the end

Idk if I should liveblog scar next or watch Ren because I've already watched up to skizz + me 'ead 'urts oh well

[detroit-grand-prix]

Montreal Thots (strictly about the race weekend and not the city itself or my trip. Those will be separate.)

Things I’d do differently next time

Probably would have been more fun if I hadn’t gone solo. I wasn’t supposed to, the friend I was supposed to come with had Yeticon this same weekend. The closest I got to hanging out with other people was getting dinner two different nights with some girls I’m in a group chat with. The good thing is that I’m an American and an extrovert at my core so I managed to strike up conversation nearly everywhere but it’s not quite the same as having a friend or significant other to enjoy everything with you.

Definitely also wouldn’t pick the grandstand I was in. Sure, the price was good, but it was just on a straight between the hairpin and the DRS zone so I saw absolutely no action.

So. Much. Walking. Holy shit. I did a MINIMUM of four miles each day and now I feel like my legs and feet are about to go on strike. I feel like my body was NOT prepared, so I would definitely need to like, start walking more before leaving:

Next time I need to be better about sunscreen application. A bitch is crispy.

Also, the raincoat and umbrella I bought were horrendously inadequate. Next time I need to bring a poncho that covers my backpack too. The “ushers” in my section also seemed to be really pissy about umbrellas but that didn’t seem to be something that was strictly enforced in every section.

I wish I’d packed more snacks. I stopped at Dollarama Sunday morning for some but that was the first time I’d done that.

The support races in Canada suck ass. Maybe it’s because I’m not a Motorsport diehard that likes watching racing for the sake of racing (I’m sorry, I’m just not) but just having some random Canadian junior series that doesn’t even have an up to date website and a Ferrari Challenge race is nnnnnot worth it. If I could do it all again I’d pick somewhere that has an F2/F3 race as well.

The commentary over the track speakers was inaudible over the cars so I had to rewatch the regular broadcast of the race when I got back. It didn’t help that it was a bilingual broadcast and they switched languages very quickly and without warning.

The pit lane walk was worth it for my own reasons (will discuss in a second) but it was probably the worst organized thing all weekend. They made it a ticketed event this year but they also made the entrance the same as the exit so the line ended up feeding back on itself which really slowed things down, so I don’t know how much good making it a “ticketed” event did. I spent most of that time listening to security yell at everyone in front of the “big three” garages. I was honestly a bit worried of a sudden stampede or something happening because I constantly felt like I was about to get swallowed by the crowd because I was shorter than most everyone (except for kids ofc). I got super anxious and probably would’ve bailed if I wasn’t on a mission so that was that.

Things I liked

The atmosphere was crazy good, and people were civilized for the most part. I didn’t feel like I’d be potentially unsafe as a woman traveling solo at any time, unlike some of the horror stories from Zandvoort and Austria from last year. People weren’t even that drunk I don’t think, at least not in my section.

Things seemed pretty organized even though the park is on an island with only one metro line on and off. I know there was another bridge to the island but I think getting from my grandstand back to the metro station by my hostel only took 40 minutes, which surprised me. Most of that time was just walking.

The water bottle fill stations were amazing but there needed to be a lot more of them!

I made it to some of the fan zone interviews, which were super fun. The Ferrari and Mercedes ones being cancelled because of the rain sucked, but that’s Canada for you.

The way people would cheer whenever they showed the groundhogs on the camera was amazing.

Note that I did not stay for Martin Garrix or the podium ceremony.

I did see Lewis (kind of) and saw Charles! They did not see me but I got okay pictures

Other thots (mostly about the tapestry)

I am glad I managed to get the tapestry to Mercedes, and that Rosa (the woman I handed it off to, who is one of their communications directors) seem to be really amazed by it. I’d also been chatting with one of Lewis’ engineers about it on Twitter and I brought him a thank you card. Rosa brought him out of the garage to meet me and we talked for a few minutes. That was nice.

I am glad I tempered my expectations about what they would do because… in truth, I have not heard anything about the tapestry. I don’t know if anyone in the team got to see it. I haven’t seen it show up in any pictures on Merc socials. Nobody from Merc’s social team has dropped me a DM about it. I’m a bit miffed because some girl made little Charles and Carlos amigurimis and they tweeted a little thank you to her. That said, maybe it will show up in an unexpected way later, like that crocheted George doll they used in the “what’s in the box” video, maybe they will thank me later somehow. I know, it was a gift, and gifts that are conditional aren’t really gifts at all, but while I was working on it I kept having these wild fantasies (maybe I’d get to meet Toto or the drivers if they wanted to thank me in person, maybe they’d invite me for a garage tour or a tour of the motorhome, things like that. It certainly wasn’t the point of me making it, but it was more like, ‘what are they going to do when they get this, it’s such a big project and they probably don’t get things like this all the time.’ But, maybe they do and it was bigger in my head than it is in reality to them.) to keep myself motivated, and then nothing ended up happening at all. Not as of yet. We’ll see.

Do I regret doing it, even with the team’s radio silence so far about it? Not even a little. I would do it all over again. For one thing, maybe they will plan on doing something cool with it. I gained a lot of new followers and mutuals that cheered me on, which is always amazing. For another thing, It was a challenge to make, but I learned new techniques and produced something I never would have thought possible, so I’ve honed myself craft a little bit. I’m very proud of it, at least artistically. It’s got me planning more similar projects (though just for my own sake this time) and even making it feels like a major accomplishment. (I am also happy that i don’t have to take it back home with me. Even folded up it was pretty bulky) Plus, the picture of the moment Rosa took it from me and into the garage is still one of my favorites from the weekend. I’m happy just knowing that it’s somewhere amongst the Mercedes personnel, and I hope they all get to enjoy it.

Anyway, I go home tomorrow and I’m so ready. I might add more to this tomorrow, I mostly just started scribbling down things in my head as they came to me.

Very happy that I got to see Lewis and Fernando on the podium, too. 😌 Not so happy about seeing George having to DNF.

[1kook]

disney+ & bust

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb. It’s not. It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door.  warnings; arguments, feelings of insecurity, bit of asshole jk, smut in the forms of degradation, dumbification, choking, fingering, spit kink, self punishment, unprotected but [ passionate ] sex, jk losing his cool, return of mean jk, he is actually an emotional mess in this one wtf miscellaneous; ANGST, anniversaries, the L word😳, app developer kook, rip ‘pretty girl’ </3, we all become phineas and ferb stans word count; 13k !!

notes; me: *writes couple who’s whole arc is being silly* y’all: MAKE THEM SUFFER GIVE US ANGST!! u ask I deliver so now we all suffer 😐 ngl it was hard writing this fic n u might notice there’s some parts that seem weird n that’s bc this was TWO fics w diff wording but I ended up mixing them bc I’m insane. still had a lot of fun! felt like I challenged myself!! not proofread bc when I say we suffer we SUFFER

please let me know what you think!!! a simple ask goes a long way <3

previous part: kissanime & foreplay

Approximately one week after The Bullet Bestie’s rise to prominence, Jungkook grows annoyed with it as his weirdly competitive nature rears its ugly head the more and more orgasms that little vibrator coaxes out of you. It turns on a weird switch in him, something slightly stuck up and snooty that he’ll never admit to out loud but is there nonetheless. By the following Friday, The Bullet Bestie is nestled deep in your garbage can and Jungkook’s back to pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers alone.

He had those moments in him, the ones where he liked to think he was better than any and everyone else, and occasionally they manifested against inanimate objects like a bullet vibrator.

Despite his polite and generally soft exterior, you catch glimpses of that cocky spirit more than anyone else. Over the past year, you’ve come to realize that Jungkook’s personality was like a coin that had been left out in the sun too long. He had this sweet and reserved nature you saw most times, a kindhearted boyfriend who adored you almost as much as you adored him. He was your angel whom you knew had a heart of gold, even if you were slowly bringing out his more childish tendencies. You knew him like the back of your hand, knew what his mom’s favorite color was and how he liked to stack the plates in his cabinet according to size and make. It was a side that was rusted from years of being out in the sun, basking in its adoring warmth, and you loved every inch about it.

And still, there was this other side to him you rarely saw. This cocky asshole who hid beneath the soft smiles and careful hands, making his appearance only through sly smirks and a tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek. He was a braggart, a man who knew his greatness yielded for no one and wanted that fact shoved down everyone’s faces. This Jungkook, this other side that never saw the light of day, was like the Hyde to his Jekyll. An unexpected, almost mean side to him that only dared make his appearance when his exhilaration was at an all-time high. Like when he was fucking you into another dimension, or kicking your ass in Mario Kart, or like now, when he was receiving an award at an annual tech ceremony.

On the eve of your one year anniversary, Jungkook’s company invites him to an awards ceremony for other web and app developers like him. It’s a grand event, filled with all the biggest nerds in the developing industry here to present the baby nerds with awards. Jungkook lies somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, both a seasoned player and a rookie all at once. He spends the night tolling you around in a floor-length gown and fangirling over all the “legends” in the room.

You know next to none of these people and none of their accomplishments but still pretend you respect them to hell and back. By the end of the main dinner, you’re sympathizing with Barbie’s ever-smiling features because your cheeks feel sore.

Towards the end of the night, Jungkook wins that random award— okay, who were you fooling? He wins the Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award, recognizing him for all the hard work you’ve seen him put in this past year. It’s probably the highest recognition he can receive at this point in his career. It was an esteemed award that was bestowed upon only the most innovative developer of the year among tech companies, something Jungkook had briefly mentioned he always wanted. It’s basically the equivalent of placing first place in his field, but given Jungkook’s competitive industry and his young age, you think it’s like telling all these old Facebook lords to suck his big fat cock. (But that was your job when you got home.)

He gives a short little thank you speech, promising to work hard and own up to this title. The people around you are swooning, obviously endeared with his soft puppy dog features and melodic voice. They don’t know him like you do, don’t know that uppity twist to his grin like you do. It doesn’t slip off his face even when he steps down off the stage, arms wide open as he comes barreling towards you. Even with you in his arms, the congratulations that are thrown from every direction ring loudly in his ears and swell that ego of his.

The night goes like that for the most part, Jungkook’s acquaintances approaching him every few minutes to rain down their praises. He goes a little crazy at the open bar after a while, shoving the gold trophy into your arms as his beloved work seniors whisk him off for drinks. You don’t mind because you resigned yourself to a night of playing Jungkook’s perfectly perfect partner anyway, watching him politely mingling with his coworkers. Despite his earlier success, you know he won’t brag about it verbally. No, he’ll wait until the two of you get home—your place or his—and remind you how amazing he is with a quick snap of his hips.

As you said, he’ll never boast aloud.

However, that doesn’t mean you won’t.

“That’s my boyfriend,” you explain to the seventh person that greets you that night, excitedly pointing to where said boyfriend was slowly losing all sense of self by the bar. You don’t know anyone here beside Jungkook, and you’re pretty sure no one in their hammered minds is going to remember who you are anyway, so a little gloating never hurt anyone. “He won the ‘I’m Better Than Everyone Else’ award tonight,” you emphasize to the tipsy woman beside you who only laughs at your exaggeration. You assume she’s like you, accompanying one of the many developers here, because as soon as you finish boasting about Jungkook she moves to brag about someone too.

Truth be told, you spend the whole night re-analyzing the Zootopia movie you saw on Disney+ the other night in your head. So if the little fox fellow didn’t control himself would the city have fallen to ruins? Why was the useless sheep girl so evil and bitter? Why was there an unreal amount of romantic tension between the fox and the rabbit? Whatever, you’ll have to rewatch it some other night, and with your new Disney+ account, you could watch it anywhere you wanted to.

Now, you had never bothered to purchase a Disney+ subscription or even tried to swindle Jungkook for his password before. As far as you know, Disney+ was filled with old tv shows from your childhood, sitcoms that made you laugh when you were ten. There’s nothing wrong with that, but personally, you were a firm believer that that which was perfect should not be touched once finished; in other words, you were utterly terrified you’d rewatch an old episode of The Wizards of Waverly Place, only to find out the same joke you’ve been regurgitating for the past ten years doesn’t actually go that way.

However, the harsh reality was that Disney+ was good for a few things. Ugh, you hate when giant corporations provide decent services. Aside from Zootopia, you’ve watched about every animated media on there as well, all of which you replay in your mind as Jungkook has the time of his life with these nerds, knocking back champagne glass after champagne glass.

Anyway, the night ends a little past midnight, and Jungkook who is buzzed on alcohol and high on exhilaration ends up calling an Uber for the two of you. Your apartment— the new one he had not only helped you hunt for but also helped you move into, greatly cutting the cost of movers out with those glistening biceps and thick thighs —is still going through her rebellious phase where the potted plants are trying to take over, courtesy of Kim Namjoon. So for now, there’s a potted plant in an awkward corner that both of you stub your toe against on your way to your bedroom.

You’re thinking Jungkook is going to go to town tonight, given the fact he’s on Cloud 9 and has had his ego stroked by a bunch of dudes for the past couple hours. Maybe you guys can try out the hot role-playing scenario you saw on GirlsWay a few weeks ago, or the handcuffs you impulsively bought from Amazon one Monday night. Or maybe, and this one really makes you flutter, he’ll let you fully take the reins for once.

All those lewd fantasies end up being for naught because just as you shimmy out of your gown (with the help of his hands, of course) and turn to climb him like a tree, he’s on the other side of the room getting your makeup remover out for you. And also talking. A lot. And way more than usual.

“Did you see him, babe?” he sighs, dare you to say, dreamily, handing you the cotton pads as he begins pulling a million pins out of your hair. Slowly and with a lot of confusion, you pull your fake lashes off and begin cleaning your face. “He was amazing.”

“Uh-huh,” you say, having absolutely no idea who ‘he’ is or why Jungkook is so in love with him and not you at this very moment. “But so were you,” you add. Perfect. Stroke his ego and then stroke his cock.

Jungkook sputters at your praise. He’s carefully placing your hairpins on your thigh, cheeks flaming red every time he leans over you. “Was I?” he murmurs, voice sweet in that cute little way it always gets when he’s downed one too many shots of whiskey, enough to be buzzed but not enough to be wasted.

You turn and the pins clatter to the floor and across the bedsheets. “Yes,” you confirm, ignoring his sad huff at the mess you’ve made. Instead, you grab him by the collar of that pink button-up he taunted you with all night. “You were fucking incredible and I think incredible men deserve to have their dick sucked.”

Jungkook laughs at your vulgar statement, holding you gently by the hips as you climb into his lap. “Is that so?” The soft, shy persona is gone now, replaced by the gentle stirring beneath his dress pants. You nod hurriedly, plopping down on his lap and running your hands through his styled hair.

“Yes,” you confirm, kissing the corner of his mouth. “Luckily for you, I know this nymphomaniac who would gladly gobble up your cock at your every command.”

He snorts just as you push him into his back, nose adorably scrunched up. “First of all, you know I hate that word,” he chuckles, finally gracing you with a sweet peck that only makes you want him to fuck you into the fifth dimension. “Secondly, please don’t ever say you’ll gobble my cock up ever again.”

Something inside of you squeals with excitement as he rolls the two of you over, firm body pressing down on yours. “Oh, baby,” you groan, lazily throwing a leg over his hip. Jungkook grins and then decides to entertain you for a few minutes with a sloppy kiss.

You say a few minutes because just as things are heating up, he pulls away. He smiles apologetically. “As much as I’d love to be here with you, I actually have an early morning tomorrow.”

You frown at the sudden change in events. “Huh? They’re gonna make you work the morning after a Gatsby party?” you gasp, sitting up as he gets off of you. With every step he takes away from the bed your heart breaks a little more. “They can’t do that— that’s illegal!”

From the doorway he levels you with a comically raised brow. “No, it’s not.”

You scamper after him down the hall, watch the muscles in his back flex as he pulls his suit jacket on. “You can’t work on our anniversary— that’s illegal!” you offer instead.

He stops at your front door, feet squeezed back into his shoes. “Baby, it’s not,” he rolls his eyes, leaning down to peck your forehead. “It was either I work in the morning or work at night,” he explains, giving your messy hair a soothing caress. He’s looking at you with those eyes, the ones that make your heart lodge itself into your throat and make life a tightrope experience. There’s a devastatingly lovesick part of you that wants this moment, this kind face, to be engraved into your mind for the rest of your life. You want this to be the first and last thought you have and nothing else: just Jungkook’s adoring gaze on you for the rest of time.

The moment ends too soon when he flutters one last peck against your lips. “I’ll be done in the afternoon, okay?”

You pout. “Okay, your place?” you huff, making sure to get one last octopus squeeze around his waist. He nods. “Promise you won’t be late?”

The corners of his gaze soften. “You know I won’t,” he smiles, leaning down to bump your noses together playfully. “Can’t stay away from my pretty girl too long. Besides, I have a gift for you tomorrow.”

It’s with that sentiment and a hammering heart that you let him go. With Jungkook gone, there’s really nothing for you to do now. You took the next two days off in preparation for your anniversary sex, so you don’t have to head to sleep early like usual.

With nothing else planned, you decide on rewatching that Zootopia movie that had plagued you all night, ready to dissect every plot hole to hell and back. You don’t think Jungkook’s seen this movie yet so you add it to your long list of animated movies you’re forcing him to watch.

Part of you is actually really surprised Jungkook left. Well, kinda sorta, very, but not really. Jungkook was a good boy, that much was obvious. He took his job seriously, and if his job wanted him to come in at the asscrack of dawn, then he’d come in before the sun even rose. He was a goody-two-shoes, but even so, you were occasionally able to bring out that darker side in him.

Jungkook working, like actually working in an office setting, was pretty rare though. The dude had a chill job that let him stay home most of the time, and essentially clock in whenever he wanted. Every now and then you were able to convince him to stay, tucking him beneath your body or the covers, depending on the night, and refusing to let him go the morning after.

Once he had eaten you out until the wee hours of the day, ravenous between your thighs, and then went to work the next morning like he hadn’t broken you. Another time you had persuaded him into watching every season of the 2017 DuckTales reboot through the night. When the alarm had rung in the middle of the season finale, he had simply gotten into your shower and gone off to work.

So maybe you were a little confident in your skills, and Jungkook slipping between your fingers tonight was a huge bummer. But there was no use crying over spilled milk, you tell yourself, flinging your bra off somewhere in the corner as you snuggle back into your sheets. You’re ready to tear this Zootopia movie apart, scene by scene.

Even though your apartment is a little cold, you’re comforted by the fact Jungkook will be here to keep you warm all day tomorrow.

All men do is lie.

Despite his promise to come home early the next day, Jungkook ends up lying. The meeting he had been in all morning— the same one that had stopped you from getting bent like a pretzel the night before —drags on well past noon. Then, Kim Namjoon, AKA Jungkook’s favorite senpai in the entire world, catches wind of Jungkook’s success last night and absolutely has to take him out to lunch to celebrate.

You scoff, glaring down at your phone and the impulsive messages you’d sent out an hour ago when Jungkook had first texted you telling you he would be late.

You whirl around to stomp off in the direction of his living room, where all of yours and Jungkook’s favorite foods were growing colder by the minute. You had spent the longest time carefully laying them out, making sure the fried chicken was closer than the pizza but not closer than the breadsticks. Truthfully it’s a nightmare. There are about eight stomach aches worth of food sitting on his coffee table, the greasy stench makes you gag and will certainly stick to your hair for weeks, but none of that mattered because it was all for your beau.

Your very late beau who was making you grow more and more agitated with each minute that passed. Ugh! How inconsiderate of him to test your patience on a day like this. You didn’t want to be upset with him, but this was your first, real milestone as a couple with him. You had wanted to spend the whole day cuddled up, maybe finally tell him how much he really meant to you— definitely not waking up alone with eyeliner crusted eyes and an aching heart.

Deciding you’re being a little too dramatic, you head into the bedroom to calm down. This was fine, you tell yourself, carefully laying out the damn near harlotrous lingerie you had yet to put on. Jungkook would come over soon and everything would be A-okay.

Except for the part it’s actually F-not okay because soon it’s nearing sunset and the food has gone cold so you’ve stocked it into the fridge, and the pretty sheer bra has a wonky wire that’s two seconds away from piercing through your heart, but that doesn’t even matter because Jungkook being late for your all-day anniversary celebration has already ripped it to shreds anyway.  

You plop down on the couch in defeat, impulsively opening up the Disney+ app to cry through another episode of Phineas and Ferb. You’ve abandoned the satin robe that came with the lingerie in favor of donning a big t-shirt that smells like him and makes your heart hurt even more. The setting sun paints the living room in muted oranges, the chirping of birds outside the soundtrack to your lonely day.

You end up watching some other cartoon on Disney+, avoiding the Marvel section because you had promised Jungkook he could be there when you lost your Marvel virginity. Well, at least one of you was good at keeping promises, you think bitterly. For a second, you think about randomly watching one of the infamous MCU films out of order just to spite him. But then you think of that soft puppy gaze and how disappointed he’d be in you.

Whatever! It wouldn’t ever match up to the way you felt now.

Anyway, you circle back. When you’re five episodes into Phineas and Ferb you hear the doorknob rattle.

You sit up just as the door swings open, visible from your spot on the couch. He meets your gaze almost immediately, big doe eyes caught in the act. What act? You’re not really sure. In fact, you don’t even know what you’re looking at when he walks in because he’s drowning in shopping bags. His lips twist into a grin. “Honey, I’m home,” he says playfully.

You don’t laugh.

Jungkook frowns, dumping all his bags down at the entrance before waddling over towards you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, coming to stand before you and cupping your face in his hands. He’s towering over you, so tall and gorgeous but for the first time, you’re not dazed by his beauty.

“Kook, you said you’d be back hours ago,” you say slowly, avoiding his gaze. You try to keep the frustration out of your voice, but you’ve had hours to dwell on it now, and those annoying cartoon characters, though charming at first, had only served to multiply your annoyance.  

Jungkook blinks, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I mean… yeah. But I got you presents?” he beams, glancing back at the mountainous pile he made by the door. You look over too. There are some luxury bags squeezed in between other shops you like, the occasional jewelers' logo on the side.

You stand with a sigh, sauntering off into the kitchen with him on your tail. “I don’t want presents,” you mumble, reaching to pour yourself a glass of water. You’re briefly aware of how childish you must seem. Jungkook hovers behind you.

“What? Yes, you do,” he says. “You had an entire wishlist on my Amazon of things you wanted.” It’s his turn to level you with an unreadable expression, slowly crossing his arms over his chest.

Your frown only deepens as you turn to match his stance against the counter. While it may be true that you did indeed have an entire list of impulsive items on his Amazon, that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted them all. Sometimes you just wanted to stare longingly at a pair of satin gloves without actually buying them. You don’t know how to explain this much to him. “They’re not…” you stop with another deep breath. “Forget it. Thank you for the presents.”

Now it’s Jungkook’s turn to question you. “What,” he says in an unimpressed tone, padding over to you before you can escape back into the living room to watch the entire princess movie collection on Disney+. “No, tell me what’s wrong.”

For some reason, that’s exactly what you don’t want to hear. “Jungkook,” you say flatly, narrowing your eyes at him. “You come home six hours after you said you would without telling me why, and normally I wouldn’t care, but today was supposed to be a special day for us.”

Jungkook reels at your bluntness. “Babe, I was out getting stuff for you. I know it’s our anniversary— that’s why I wanted to treat you,” he responds, oddly condescendingly like you’re a child who doesn’t understand what exactly he was doing.

You brush his hands away from your shoulders. “Yeah,” you huff. “Now I know that. But I spent all day waiting for you,” you stress, chest puffing as you grow more and more agitated by his inability to understand you. God, can he let you go now? At least a bunch of animated, geometrically drawn cartoons won’t question you like this and make you feel as childish as he was.

When he doesn’t say anything else you stomp back into the living room, snatching up your phone from its forgotten spot against the couch. “I’m going to bed.”

At that Jungkook seems to kickstart back to life. “What? ___, it’s barely six,” he says as he follows after you into your bedroom. You ignore him, shuffling beneath the covers. In all actuality, you’re going to bed to mope and watch more animated family shows, maybe cry under the guise of the plot just being so sad. Jungkook sits beside you just as you click back on to finish off your episode. “Baby, I don’t get it,” he sighs. “You’re always talking about how much you want this or that, and I go out and get you it all but now you’re mad?”

You bite down on your lip, eyes lasered in on the pictures moving before you. “Jungkook, just forget it.”

“No,” he says, more sternly than he’s ever been with you before. “If there’s a problem, tell me.” There’s a heavy pause, and then he says, “don’t make me waste my time guessing what’s wrong, okay?” 

“Waste your time?” you scoff, sitting up with pinched brows that you find match his. “I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time— in fact, that’s hot coming from you, Jungkook.”

He rolls his eyes. “What are you even saying? You’re mad because I took a little long getting presents, for you, might I add,” he huffs, plopping down on the edge of the mattress beside your knee. “You’re always saying you want this and that, but you can’t handle me going out to get those things? Do you hear how weird you sound?”

You whip the covers off of you. “Me talking about things doesn’t always mean I want them,” you defend.

Jungkook snorts. “Yes, it does,” he says. “Anytime you ramble about stuff for minutes like a little kid it’s because you want me to buy it for you.”

You blink. “Like a little kid?” you repeat, stunned by his comparison. Granted, you always knew you were the more childish of the two, but you never thought that would equate Jungkook thinking of you as a child. Something red and nasty flares in your chest. “Well sorry,” you spit, crossing your arms over your chest defensively, “sorry we all can’t be perfectly mature golden boys who would never see the light of day if I constantly wasn’t dragging them out.” You know it’s a somewhat low blow, especially because Jungkook’s told you before how his introverted tendencies were a sensitive issue growing up, but you can’t help it.

Jungkook groans, dropping his head into his hands. “Baby, don’t do this now,” he warns, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Stop acting like this.”

“Like how?” you spit, “like a kid?” Jungkook says nothing, leveling you with a blank stare from the corner of his eye. You roll your eyes, phone falling off your lap. Another episode of Phineas and Ferb had started, the corny opening tune filling the space between the two of you. “At least now I know what you think of me,” you mutter over the guitar riff.

“Oh my god,” Jungkook blurts, sitting up wildly. “Of course I’m gonna think of you as a stupid little kid, look at you,” he seethes, gesturing at the phone beside you. You flinch. “All you do is watch kids shows and whine whenever I wanna watch anything normal adults watch. You complain every single day about the most normal things, like your job? Why should I fucking care that you’re working a dead-end office job in a field you didn’t even study for— that’s not my problem, __!” he snaps, eyes narrowed into little slits. “I just won an award last night,” he says suddenly, voice back to its regular volume. “I’m at the height of my career and I’m only going up, but I can’t even enjoy that because I have to come home and cater to you,” he finishes, a loud scoff punctuating the final word.

You had never imagined Jungkook finally bragging about himself would be at your expense.

A beat of silence passes, the angry glint in his eyes quickly fading away the longer you don’t say anything. You sniff once, turning your head idly to the side where Phineas and Ferb is still blaring loudly from your phone speaker. Picking up the device, you throw it across the room where it hits his closet door with a terrifying bang the breaks the silence.

The sound snaps Jungkook out of whatever shock he’d been in. “Baby…” he says slowly, carefully, like you’re a caged animal that’s just escaped the zoo.

“I’m going home,” you say, also a little too calmly. You saunter over towards his closet where your shattered phone screen glares up at you as you yank a pair of sweats off a hanger. Jungkook is still frozen on the edge of the bed, watching you with wide eyes as you move about the room.

It’s when you’re in the hallway leading downstairs that Jungkook finally snaps out of his daze, scampering behind you as you descend the stairs. “Baby,” he rushes out, loudly bounding down after you, “___, wait,” he gasps, catching you by the kitchen counter collecting your keys. “I-I didn't mean that,” he rushes out, eyes wide and frantic as they flicker over your expression. “I don’t think that—I don’t, baby, please, just… let me explain, please.”

“Jungkook, let go of me,” you respond, shaking your wrist in an attempt to release yourself. He’s not even holding you tightly— he never would—but the sound of your heart pounding in your ears makes your movements jerky and erratic. “I wanna go home.”

“No,” he chokes, cornering you against the counter. “No, baby, please just listen to me, I-I—“

“You what, Jungkook?” you snap, placing a hand on his chest and forcefully pushing him away. He lets you, stepping back with a wobbly bottom lip. “You need to tell me how you’re too good for me? How much I hold you down because I wasn’t lucky enough to get a job like yours straight out of college?” He says nothing, swallowing roughly as you jab a finger into his chest. “Well let me tell you something,” you snarl, chest heaving, “I may be childish and a huge complainer, but I’m not stupid enough to let someone walk all over me like this.”

With that, you make your great escape. Truthfully, you don’t want him to see the tears in your eyes as you yank his door open, stomping down his steps and in the direction of the nearest bus stop. The door opens right after you tug it shut, painting your shadow across the sidewalk. There’s the scrambled sound of house slippers against the concrete that follows you down. “Go the fuck back inside,” you snap without missing a beat.

Sensing your obvious anger, he pauses before he can reach you. “Text me when you get home?” he calls out quietly.

“No,” you respond.

You would never admit to anyone that you spend the entire night eating a tub of mint chocolate ice cream. It’s disgusting and makes you gag, but it’s the only one you have in your apartment. And of course, it was brought over by none other than Jeon Jungkook himself a few days ago. Even when you’re trying to comfort yourself over how mean he was, on your anniversary night no less, you’re plagued by thoughts of him everywhere.

As much as you want to brush his words off, put on that cool girl exterior you’ve maintained since high school, there’s something different about this situation. You guess it’s impossible to brush off such hateful words when they come from someone you love and adore so much.

Were you too childish? You had always believed that side of you was what made your relationship with Jungkook so perfect. The two of you meshed well because of your differences, like yin and yang. So how had he been able to so easily deconstruct every inch of that balance in a matter of a few seconds? Was this perfect reality all in your head this whole time?

You want to tell yourself it was just a heat of the moment outburst from Jungkook, give him the benefit of the doubt because he’s never snapped at you like this before. Of course you’ve fought a couple of times in the past year, but neither of you had ever stooped as low as you did yesterday. Furthermore, the insecure part of your brain says he obviously felt this somewhere in his heart to bring it up at all. What he had said to you wasn’t something someone could make up on the spot.

You don’t text him when you get home, partly to spite him, but mainly because you had left your phone at his place anyway. You know he tried calling you last night because the call log is synced up to your laptop. He called on and off for about thirty minutes before he probably found your phone in his room. Whatever, he can mope in his regret for all you care

—is what you wanna say, but the longer he goes without showing himself to you the more your insecurities and hurt fester. Was this it? Was this the end of what was probably the best year of your life? It’s too painful to think about, to even consider the possibility that Jungkook might have gained a new insight last night and decided, hey, maybe this is for the best after all.

You drown yourself in an ungodly amount of sugar for breakfast, your laptop blaring yet another episode of Phineas and Ferb on the dining table. Muscle memory has you making Jungkook’s favorite pancakes before you can stop yourself, and by the time you do realize, you’ve resigned yourself to the blueberry smell anyway.

There’s a pounding on your door a little past noon, so hard and rough, that you almost think it’s the police finally coming to catch you for all your years of illegally pirating Phineas and Ferb.

It’s not.

It’s just a really drunk boyfriend wailing for your forgiveness at the door. You open the door with a fright, jumping back when he slumps forward and almost crashes face-first into the floor. “You didn’t call,” Jungkook cries, leaning a little too much of his weight onto you when you reach out to steady him.

The thundering of your heart slows upon registering it’s him. “Kook?” you frown, nose pinched at the ungodly stench of alcohol wafting off his clothes. “Have you been drinking?” you ask even though the answer is staring you right in the face (and in the nose).

He groans, staggering deeper into your arms. You blindly push the door shut behind him, resigning yourself to this new situation while your pancakes grow cold in the other room. “Baaaby,” he slurs, letting you guide him into the living space. He’s unceremoniously dumped onto the couch, half-opened eyes gazing up at you. “Let me,” a hiccup, “explain.”

You won’t lie. There’s a very obvious sense of discomfort sitting in your chest, torn between two paths that you don’t wish to choose between. His skin is warm and flushed like he’s just walked all the way here in this morning sun. You step over to the window that faces down onto the street below. There’s no sign of his car; you would have killed him if he ever tried to drive in this state.

“Did you walk here?” you ask instead, deciding there’s no need for one singular path, not when you can walk straight down the middle, both cleaning him and grilling him at the same time.

Jungkook’s response is delayed, head lolling from side to side as you help him out of his sweater. His skin is sweaty beneath, scorching to the touch. “Uh-huh,” he groans. Jesus, you sort of assumed but him confirming it really set things into perspective.

By no means did you and Jungkook live on opposite ends of the earth. On a good day, a drive from your place to his took about ten minutes. But walking? Easily an hour. Had he walked all the way from his place, drunk on top of that?

You brush his hair away from his face, his eyes fluttering shut at your touch. His lips are pouty yet chapped, dehydrated from the sun and the alcohol he reeks of. “Sit up for me,” you instruct, scampering off to your room for chapstick and water.

“Anything for you,” Jungkook wheezes, throat probably dryer than a desert. When you return, he’s two seconds from face planting into the coffee table and breaking that pretty face of his. You catch him with a hand on his shoulder, keeping him balanced. “Tell me what to do,” he chokes out, voice hoarse.

“Just need you to drink some water,” you say, pressing a cup against his lips. He drinks it, but a drop still dribbles down his chin.

“No,” he groans, catching your wrist in his hand when you reach up to apply some chapstick on him. “Tell me what to do,” he stresses, “to fix this. Fix us.”

His words make you pause, the tube of chapstick hovering over his plush lips. “You don’t have to do anything,” you respond quietly, trying to finish the application so you can pull away.

Jungkook doesn’t let you go. You try to look away, but there’s something about him that looks off. Maybe it’s the raw skin under his eyes, red and swollen. Or the sad droop to those same eyes that hold you captive. Or maybe it’s the subtle tremble in his hands, the fingers that hold tightly to your wrist, not to keep you there but to ground himself. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he rasps out, shakily bringing your hand to his mouth, where he presses one airy kiss to your knuckles. “Tell me ho-how to fix this and I’ll do it,” he pleads, a vulnerable look in his eyes.

Unable to withstand the sheer amount of agony on his expression, you look away. “___, please,” he chokes out, stumbling off the couch in his drunk and desperate haze until he’s kneeling in front of you. “I can’t… I can’t,” he sniffles, tears clouding those pretty eyes you’ve come to love so much. “I don’t know who I am without you.”

You clench your jaw. “You’re Jeon Jungkook,” you murmur, slipping your hand out of his hold to run through his hair. It’s knotted and a little too greasy, two things Jungkook would usually never allow. “This year’s Platinum Mobile Standard of Excellence Award recipient,” you remind him, trailing your thumb across his cheekbone when he turns to look up at you with those big Bambi eyes. “Sweet and shy, but you love being rowdy with your friends. You love movies and TV and organizing your shirts according to fabric type. You work harder than anyone I know and never complain. You date me, even though I’m a huge child,” you smile sadly.

“No!” he jumps, turning that frantic stare back into you. “Y-You’re not— it’s not,” he stammers, words still slurring together. “I’m a liar,” he cries, resting his forehead on your knees. His shoulders shake. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps quietly. You place a hand on his shoulder. “Y-Y-You make my life so much better, ___, so colorful and fun. I-I wish I knew you in high school,” he admits, “maybe I wouldn’t have been so emotionally constipated now.”

“You’re not,” you reassure him softly.

He disagrees. “You bring out the best,” he hiccups, “the best in me.” Your heart skips in your chest. “I-I love you, you know that?”

You sputter, eyes wide at his sudden confession. “I… love you so much, y’know? I think about you ev-every night, ___,” he rambles, eyes dreamily gazing off into some miscellaneous spot on the wall behind you. “I can’t get you out of my head. Like you're a song, o-on repeat but it’s not annoying because it’s my favorite song, and I could listen to it for the rest of my life, y’know? My favorite song, I know all the words b-because it’s all I think about! I love... My love… I love you so much.”

“Kook,” you rush out, cheeks flaming as you try to pull him away from where he’s slumped over your legs. His passionate speech has you abuzz, body tingling everywhere until you feel overwhelmed, head spinning like you’re on a rollercoaster. “Let’s get you to bed.”

He nods sleepily, seemingly coming down from whatever alcohol induced rampage has allowed him to walk for an hour straight in this searing heat just to confess to you. “Y-You don’t have to say it back,” he continues to stutter as you guide him through the living room on wobbly legs. “I just-I just— can I?” he babbles. “Can I love you, ___?”

You pass through the kitchen space, where whatever you were watching on Disney+ is blaring loudly. It distracts Jungkook for about two seconds before his attention returns to you. When you don’t answer, he presses on. “Is that okay?” he asks, whirling around to face you, catching your shoulders in his hands. He towers over you by the entrance to your bedroom, dark curls tickling your forehead. His eyes are dark and glazed over, both in tears and an emotion so raw and unfiltered it squeezes around your chest until you can’t breathe. “Is it okay for me to love you?” he murmurs softly, knocking his nose against yours.

Your cheeks blaze. “Yes, th-that’s fine, Kook,” you blubber, placing a hand over his chest, where his heart is also hammering away. “Just need you to go rest now, okay?”

He nods sleepily, nudging your nose with his one last time, like a soft almost-kiss, before letting you push him into the room. “Yes, yes,” he breathes, his body finally crashing from his adrenaline spike. He flops down onto the bed unceremoniously, dark waves fanning across your pillows. You try to wiggle him out of his shirt, but it only gets about halfway up his chest before he blindly reaches for the covers. His legs stick out awkwardly, clad in the sweatpants you’ve come to associate with him.

When he’s all swaddled up in your blanket he finally goes limp, tiny snores leaving his lips as he dozes away from reality. You sigh, pressing a palm to his forehead. He’s still warm and clammy, but at this point, there’s nothing you can do but wait for him to sober up.

With a final kiss to his forehead, you leave the room, closing the door behind you before sliding against the wooden surface. There’s a trapped bird in your chest, wildly flapping its wings in an effort to get out, and it’s all stupid Jungkook’s fault in the next room. Stupid Jungkook who demolished and remodeled your heart all in less than twenty-four hours. It doesn’t calm down, even when you rush off into the kitchen for a glass of water, or when you try to immerse yourself in some other show on Disney+. It stays beating against your ribs and your chest until you’re forcing yourself to sit down on the couch and process.

He wakes up a little before dinner. You hear him from the living room, where you’re flicking through the options on Disney+ for the nth time that day. You’ve seen the first fifteen minutes of about twenty different series and movies by now, always growing antsy and abandoning them early on. The only reason you know he’s awake is because the shower turns on for a few minutes, and then his bare feet are heard padding across the hallway back into your room.

By the time he resurfaces in the living room, you’ve resigned yourself to just more Phineas and Ferb, nonchalantly watching the silly cartoon. (Except you’re anything but nonchalant, and your heartbeat rings in your ears.)

Jungkook hovers by the door, clad in a pair of shorts he’s left here before, and a t-shirt you stole from him. “Hey,” he says quietly, lingering by the doorframe. You nod back in response. “Can I watch with you?” Again, another nod.  

Slinking over to the couch, he’s rather careful as he sits down, leaving a few inches of space between the two of you. You don’t even think he can see the screen of your laptop until he murmurs, “he’s my favorite character,” when Perry the Platypus appears on the screen.

You hum. “Thought you didn’t like these kids shows?” you ask. You don’t mean it to sound as petty and backhanded as it comes out, but that’s really no one's fault but his own.

Jungkook’s breathing tightens beside you. “No,” he admits, “I don’t. Only watch them because I know you like them.” You contemplate pausing the episode and engaging in a real conversation with him, but at this point, you’re very tired from the events of the last day. Jungkook doesn’t press either, just shuffles more comfortably beside you.

You get about five minutes in, quiet chuckles shared between the two of you, before he strikes. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” he says, so hushed you almost don’t hear it. His hand is resting in the space between you, pinky brushing against yours. “About… being late. And the presents.”

You inspire slowly. “That wasn't even the problem, silly,” you brush off. From your peripheral, you see Jungkook’s slow nod. “I didn’t want any presents,” you mention, “I just wanted you.” You look away from the screen immediately after, pretending like the spot on the ceiling is actually really interesting.

The two of you fall into silence, the animated characters on your screen rapidly chattering away. “Oh,” Jungkook says after a moment.

You roll your eyes. They’re moist but you don’t want him to see. “Yeah, oh,” you parrot back softly, relaxing into the couch again. “Did you eat the food I left out?”

Jungkook shuffles beside you, the soft lull of the speakers soon being cut as he reaches over to pause Phineas and Ferb. A couple of seconds pass and then he’s leaning into you, head resting on your shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, placing a palm over the hand he had been teasing for the past few minutes. “I thought I knew what I was doing but I was wrong.”

His voice is so soft and sincere, it makes your chest ache. You try to burrow your face against your opposite shoulder, try to hide the stray tear that escapes out of the corner of your eye. “It’s fine,” you brush off, voice choked off and hoarse.

Jungkook leans up, pecks your cheek so tenderly it makes you go mushy. “No, it’s not fine. I acted like a know-it-all and said something way out of line,” he murmurs, raising his head to look at you. His hand feels warm over yours. It’s the touch you craved all day and yesterday, the warm feel of his body against yours. You’re embarrassed at how easily you melt into it. “You’re the best thing that has happened to me in a long time,” he tells you, holding your hand close to his chest. “I had no right to say those things to you.”

You sniffle, resting your head against his shoulder now. His heart beats loud enough for you to hear. “Was it true?” you mumble. “Do you really think of me like that?”

He shakes his head, his soft breaths fanning across your forehead. “No, never,” he answers. “I think you’re incredible. My brain was just trying to justify my dumb anger.”

You nod, even if you don’t believe it just yet. But that was a conversation for later, you suppose, sometime in the future when you aren’t on the verge of tears and threatening to crumble apart at the simplest word that leaves his mouth.

“I should have come home like you wanted, thought about my words before saying them,” he says, snuggling closer to you. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” you sniffle, covering your face with your free hand as he presses a kiss to the vein that runs over the back of the hand he’s holding captive. “Now it just sounds like I'm just being inconsiderate of your gifts and a crybaby.”

Jungkook kisses your temple softly, gently. “Don’t think about the gifts,” he says. “Just tell me what you wanted to do, doll.”

His voice calms you, has you like putty in his arms. “Watch movies,” you mumble, toying with a thread on your couch cushion. “Be with you.”

He hums. “Then we’ll do that,” he says, reaching for your laptop again. The screen nearly blinds you when it flickers back to life before you, Jungkook’s low breaths against your ear making it near impossible for you to process the titles on the screen. “You liked Disney+?”

Belatedly, you nod. “I like the animated movies,” you admit quietly, the anxieties of before slowly melting away, even more so when he slides his arm around you, pulling you close against his chest.

Unlike other times where he’ll critique the hell out of such childish films, Jungkook says nothing as he starts up the Zootopia movie instead, the same one you had wanted to show him before, right from the beginning. “That bunny looks like you,” you murmur when Judy Hopps first appears on the screen.

Jungkook snorts. “You say that about every cartoon bunny.”

You turn your head to glance at him over your shoulder. He meets your gaze with a small smile you return. “It’s because you’re so cute,” you say softly, lips twisting playfully when his cheeks grow scarlet.

He knocks his forehead against yours, eyes fluttering shut. “Not cute, just lucky,” he chuckles. “Lucky enough to have you.” Your heart turns over in your chest, threatening to burst out of your rib cage at his words. You try to turn in his arms. Before you can say the words that have been sitting on the tip of your tongue for months now, he’s beating you to it once again. “I love you,” he confesses in a hushed whisper, no alcoholic influence. 

Something inside of you blossoms, eyes wide as he chastely kisses you. He pulls away without you ever reacting, too caught up in surprise to kiss him back properly. He stays close, curls tickling your forehead as he leans over you. “You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know. I love you,” he says again, long lashes blinking down at you. “So much. It makes me feel like a stupid teenager again, going to the mall to buy a gift for my crush.” He laughs sheepishly, reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “Is that okay?” he asks quietly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles.

It mirrors the confession he’d given you that morning, those slurred words and teary eyes. It had been difficult to pinpoint the legitimacy of it before, the meaning scrambled by his hazy mind. But with him staring at you like this now, like you single-handedly plucked the stars from the sky to put them in those sparkly eyes of his, it makes something inside you ache.

Still, you choke on your own spit. “I-Is it okay for you to love me?” you sputter incredulously, realizing the oddity of the same question he’d thrown at you earlier. But now, you’re both sober and you can really tear apart that sentence. Jungkook nods a little too seriously for your liking. “Are you crazy?” He blinks in confusion, brows pulling together as you slowly but surely lose the last bits of your sanity. “You’re an idiot, Jeon Jungkook,” you huff, “a stupidly handsome, rich, walking dream, idiot who goes out with stupid girls like me.”

“Not stupid,” he murmurs, closing in on you again as he finally understands the truth behind your masked insults. He smells minty and like his favorite body wash of yours.

“No,” you deny. “You’re actually, like, insane. You have a bachelor pad, make enough money to sustain an entire litter of kittens, look and talk like every teenage girl’s dream boyfriend— but you mess it all up by dating evil, conniving hoes like me who lose their shit over Disney cartoons.” He says nothing, watching you with an amused grin as you talk over yourself, basically regurgitating his statement from yesterday except it kinda seems plausible now that you’re over it. “It’s stupid. No, you’re stupid. No— I’m stupid.”

Jungkook chuckles, kissing the corner of your mouth gently. “Done?” he says, a dimple appearing on his cheek. You could kiss it away, but you need him to know the amount of stupidity in this room was astronomically high. “You’re not stupid, baby,” he says. You level him with a look. “Well. You have your moments.”

“Moments?” you repeat, standing up in a hurry that has him flopping down beside you. Your laptop is lost somewhere on the cushions, the voices faded as they grow farther away. “I am so stupid. I called Namjoon a whore for taking you out for lunch!” you cry. “I am the stupidest person in the world.”

Jungkook cackles, standing up beside you. “Yes, yes, you’re my stupid girl,” he teases, tapping the pout on your lips playfully. “So stupid she slanders herself instead of just telling me she loves me too.” He bumps your noses together, dark eyes staring at you almost daringly after his claim.

You fold soon enough. “I love you,” you mumble, “even if I’m too stupid to say it.”

He rewards your confession with a kiss, pulling you into his arms soon after. He sighs, almost wistfully. “Whatever shall I do with my very stupid girl?”

After exactly three minutes of feeling safe and loved in his arms, he abandons the living room in favor of leading you back to your room, where he pushes you down against your mattress. You cling to him, leaving him positioned over you at an angle. His chest presses against yours, arm curled around the back of your head. “Gotta get up, baby,” he laughs.

You shake your head, caging him in your arms. “Nuh-uh,” you murmur, legs wiggling when he places a hand on your hip.

Jungkook chuckles, pressing a kiss against the side of your ear. “Your movie is still playing in the other room,” he reminds you, thumb drawing soothing circles on your hip. You don’t release him, his mindless touch only encouraging you to keep him close. “Babe?”

You say nothing, relishing in the comfort of Jungkook’s presence. His hair smells good and feels even softer against the side of your face. The cotton shirt he found is crumpled beneath your fists, dark blue pattern wrinkling. Finally coming to terms with his new home, Jungkook eventually relaxes into your hold with a sigh.

“Alright,” he hums, patting your hip as he repositions himself more comfortably. “I get it. My pretty girl must’ve missed me, huh?” You nod, soaking in every detail about him in this moment. Jungkook shifts, the hand on your hip suddenly falling over your thigh instead. “Or should I say my stupid girl?” he purrs, hand slipping between your thighs. “My stupid, little girl?”

A gasp catches in your throat when he runs his fingers over the front of your panties. Your legs kick out wildly at the sudden touch, toes curling at the hands you dreamt about all day and night. “Oh,” you pant, each brush of his fingers feeling better than the last.

“What?” he says, mouthing against the side of your neck. His tongue feels warm, but the trails of saliva he leaves have you shivering. “Too dumb to speak?” he scoffs, biting down against a particular spot on your neck. You whimper, unsure if it’s because of his hands or his mouth.

“N-No,” you try to sneer back, fingernails digging into his skin through his shirt. His hands are getting braver now, the pad of his pointer finger dancing over your engorged clit. The sheer material of your panties certainly doesn’t help, each touch feeling like it’s being magnified three times over. And if it felt this good with underwear, you can’t even begin to imagine how it’d feel without.

You don’t have to ponder for long, because soon after Jungkook is slipping his hand beneath your waistband, touching your sensitive pussy head-on. “Kook.”

He uses your momentary vulnerability to ease himself from your hold, finally recoiling enough to smother your mouth with his. You moan in surprise, thighs quivering as he gets to work circling your hardened bud sans your panties. Jungkook isn’t the least bit kind as he kisses you ruthlessly, likes he’s trying to compensate for something with his movements. When he finally pulls away it’s with an obnoxious pop and cherry red lips. He huffs, glancing down to see where he’s got his fingers pleasuring you.

Your thighs are squirming back and forth, closing around his hand every few seconds. Jungkook snorts. “Huh, look at that,” he mutters, trailing down until his fingers are gliding over your quickly sopping folds. “Stupid girl is good for something.”

Your cheeks burn. “Kook, I’m not—“

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed glare. “Not what? Not stupid? But I could’ve sworn you just spent the last few minutes saying you were,” he drones meanly, landing one light slap against your cunt that makes your hips buck.

You bite down a whimper. “I was just…” you trail off, eyes rolling back when he teases one finger against your opening.

“Kidding?” he supplies. “Well, I wasn’t.” Your heart stutters in your chest, eyes growing wide as he finally pushes himself off of you, propping himself up with an elbow beside your head. His gaze is dark and unrecognizable. “I think you’re so fucking stupid, doll,” he sneers. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

You should have seen this moment coming, the manifestation of that shiny side of the coin finally reaching its full potential.

While Jungkook wasn’t exactly shy about his interests, he certainly wasn’t tripping over himself to tell you every new kinky thing he wanted to try. You sort of guessed he had some interest in this sort of play a few weeks ago when you watched the Barbie movie at his place. A lot of that night had branded itself into your three am wet dreams, but there was one particular moment that stood out to you. That was you, on your knees, with him condescendingly patting your head. Or just last week, you vaguely remember the term slipping through his lips as he pleasured you with The Bullet Bestie.

The thing about Jungkook was that, until last night, he would have never admitted, or so much as even thought, that he was better than you. That was fine because you would say it enough for the both of you anyway. Did you think Jungkook was amazing, an absolute diamond among these measly rocks? Absolutely. (Were you slightly biased because you were his girlfriend? Skip.) However, you also had this insane evil villain complex that made you want to brag about everything you possibly could, especially if that meant bragging about your boyfriend.

Realistically speaking, he was better than you, that much you could look past yesterday’s anger to admit, and not even in a stuck-up, conceited way; he had a really good job, an architecturally amazing house, and a hot girlfriend. Meanwhile, you had a mediocre job, an okay apartment, and an insanely sexy Calvin Klein boyfriend, half of which he had pointed out yesterday. Regardless of how powerful that third factor was, he still outnumbered you three to one.

Sue you, Jungkook was amazing. Anyone could see that! Except, maybe, himself.

And if the only time Jungkook would openly brag about his greatness or establish how much better than you he was, was in a post-fight, sex-induced setting, then you were more than happy to be his punching bag. So long as it was on your terms, and not as a result of his weirdly bottled up feelings.

(Yeah, you would have a long talk about that tomorrow.)

But for now, you pout up at him, clamping your thighs shut purposefully. “You’re stupid too,” you defend, “stupid and mean.”

Something in his expression changes. Suddenly, he’s moving at superhuman speed as he snatches his hand out from where you had previously trapped him between your legs, yanking you up by the front of your shirt. “Mean?” he mocks. “Isn’t that what you always wanted?” You shiver, fingers wrapping around the wrist that holds your sweater. “Wanted me to be mean and push you around like a little rag doll?”

Jungkook looks at you for another two seconds, before he’s slowly pulling away from you, leaning back on his knees. His tongue is pressing against the inside of his cheek, jaw tightening from the movement. “Baby,” he says so quietly it instills a prickle of fear in you, tainted with delicious excitement.

“Yeah?” you whisper, sitting up tentatively as you watch him, He was a bit frightening, like a wild animal about to devour you whole.

Jungkook rolls his neck, the joints in his spine cracking as he begins tugging off his shirt. You salivate at the sight, too focused on the sinewy muscles of his body to catch the dark gaze he levels your way. He throws it off to the side, his sleeve of tattoos that wraps around his bicep and begins to crawl down his chest wonderfully unobstructed now. “Eyes up here,” he says and you quickly meet his gaze. He leans forward, muscled arms coming to cage you against the headboard. “Stupid little sluts don’t have the room to make such comments,” he rasps out, unamused expression adorning his normally soft features. “Don’t you think so?”

“I-I don’t know,” you stammer, leaning away as he comes closer and closer, eventually just turning your head to the side to avoid that emotionless look. It’s the wrong move, and Jungkook lets you know as much by forcefully digging his fingers into your cheeks and turning your face back around to meet his gaze.

A hand grabs beneath your knee, tugging harshly until you’re flopping down onto your back with a squeal. You settle with his knee pressed hotly against your core. Jungkook stays towering over you. “Dumb little girls who make me watch cartoons,” he spits, tracing a hand over your chest, molding your breasts beneath his hands roughly enough to make you gasp. “And watch little animal movies on Disney+. Aren’t they just so stupid?”

“So stupid,” you concede, subtly shifting your hips for some desperately needed friction. Jungkook snorts, finally granting you your wish with one rough slide of his thigh against your core.

“I agree,” he says, and surprises you with a hand around your throat as he leans in to properly grind his thigh into you. “All they’re good for is being dumb little sluts with good pussy,” he murmurs darkly, thumb pressing into the side of your neck forcefully. “Sometimes, they don’t even do anything,” Jungkook continues, his other hand on your hip hauling you higher up his thigh. You mewl, soaked panties rubbing roughly against your folds. You miss the soft swirl of his thumb, the gentle prod of his fingers. Even so, you can’t deny this change in Jungkook is doing something to you, riling up a part of you that you hadn’t known existed. Maybe it’s the horniness from yesterday that was left unfulfilled, the one year anniversary sex that was put on pause. “Just lay there and take it, too fucked out and dumb to say anything.”

His fingers loosen for the briefest of seconds and you gasp for breath. “That’s terrible,” you whimper, rolling your hips up into his thigh, so close to his swollen cock.

Jungkook chuckles without an ounce of humor, pressing your foreheads together as he helps grind you to completion. “Isn’t it? I think that stupid little girl is cute though.”

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, vision spotting as he tightens his hand back around your throat. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you moan, stomach tight from all the stimulation.

Jungkook hums, slowing you down with a tight grip on your waist. “Hm, what are you sorry for?” he croons, pink lips pulling into an evil smile. “You said you weren’t that stupid girl, __.”

You shake your head, trying to roll your hips up again but he’s holding you too tightly now, rendering you immobile beneath him. “I am,” you choke out shamefully, grabbing at the hand on your hip in a feeble attempt to remove it. “I am a stupid little girl.”

Jungkook smirks, leaning down to slot his mouth over yours. “That’s right,” he murmurs, “nothing but a dumb little slut.”

You shiver, opening your mouth when he slides his tongue against your bottom lip. He’s not the slightest bit nice, and more messy than usual. He pulls away with a bite to your lower lip, meeting your trembling gaze with that same unrecognizable glint in his eyes. “Come on, dummy, keep up,” he snarks before devouring you again. You try to, you really do, but he’s moving like an animal today, despite his slow and drunken movements from that morning. So you end up with his saliva dripping down your throat, clinging to the corners of your lips as he begins slowly grinding you against his thigh again. He flashes you a wicked smile, pearly teeth on display for you as he glances down at your messy appearance.

“Are you gonna touch me?” you ask, lower lip trembling at the thought after your desperate rutting. Jungkook purses his lips together in thought.

“Mmm,” he hums. “Don’t know yet.”

You whine. “Jungkook, please,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist. “I need you.”

Jungkook chuckles, running his hand up your waist and taking your shirt with him. He slips his fingers beneath your bra, pushing the wire over your chest as he mouths at your neck. “Cute,” he says. “Can’t do it yourself?”

You tremble, chest arching into him as he rolls your nipple between his fingers. “I-I can,” you gasp. “Just feels better with you.”

Jungkook follows your statement with a nip against your skin, tongue soothing over it right after. “Why? Because I do everything better than you? Even make you cum better than you?”

Your cheeks heat up at his blatant ego rearing its head, hands carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. You say nothing, and that only eggs Jungkook on. “Come onnn,” he teases, finally, finally rolling his hips down onto your core. You squeak, head falling back against the pillows as you’re granted the one thing you’d been chasing. “Say it.”

“Say what?” you ask, voice wobbly as he continues to slowly rut against you, the front of his shorts pressing against the soaked crotch area of your panties. “Oh, oh, Jungkook,” you whine.

Suddenly he bites down harshly, teeth digging painfully into your skin. You yelp in surprise, pussy throbbing at the pain that shoots throughout your body. Jungkook pulls away and doesn’t bother soothing over it as he leans up to capture your jaw this time. “Say you’re a stupid little slut who can’t do anything without me,” he purrs, kisses too soft for the words he says.

Your mind blanks, torn between the humiliating phrase he wants you to say and properly checking him in his place. In the end, it’s with a twisted need to please him that you’re repeating the words back to him. “I-I’m a stupid slut,” you whimper, fingers digging into his shoulder blades as he continues pushing you right along the edge. The rope pulled tightly in your core is slowly being pulled apart, threads hanging on for dear life. “Can’t... can't do anything without...”

“Without who?” he asks, reaching down and untying the front of his shorts. “Can’t do anything without who, baby?”

“Without you, without you,” you cry, bucking your hips up against his, the combined movements of both your bodies making you shake like a leaf. “Ah, K-Kook,” you wail, hips stuttering as your orgasm finally swallows you up. Your panties quickly grow wet and icky from your own arousal that pools between your thighs. Jungkook lets you writhe beneath him as you chase your high, mouth sucking a pretty blossom against your jaw.

You know better than to expect the night to end here, especially after seeing the glint that had been in his eyes as he watched you unravel.

He leans close, let’s his nose brush against yours as you catch your breath. “So perfect for me,” he groans, slotting his lips against yours. You can barely keep up with him, languidly going along with his hot tongue. “Perfect, perfect girl,” he murmurs, a stark change from the less than friendly adjectives he used just moments before. “Tell me you love me?” he says softly.

You nod, mind fuzzy as you wrap your arms around his neck. “Love you,” you exhale, letting your fingers knot in his hair. Your proclamation does something to him, makes him grind the front of his cotton shorts hard against you. For someone that was often rough and brutal with you in bed, he sure was sensitive to the mushiest of things.

“Don’t deserve you,” he huffs, hot breath fanning across your skin. He switches gears fairly quickly. “Tell me you hate me,” he begs hoarsely, rutting against your soiled panties. “Tell me I’m a piece of shit and you could do better without me,” he pleads, voice too airy to be another one of his usual sex-induced thoughts.

You shake your head, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he rolls his hips. “It’s not true,” you whisper, “I love you more than you’ll ever understand.”

Jungkook groans, suddenly winding back and tearing your ruined panties down your legs. You gasp in surprise, letting him haul you about in his blind, self-inflicted rage. “Stupid, stupid,” he huffs, though at this point you can’t tell who it’s directed at. With your underwear out of the way, he wastes no time plunging his fingers back into your cunt, bypassing the tight ring of muscle around it without any of his usual care. “You should hate me,” he snarls, lips pressed against your ear.

You moan, back arching at the sudden pleasure that blossoms between your thighs. “I-I don’t,” you gasp, toes curling.

Jungkook groans, the sound traveling down your spine and straight into your pussy. “Stupid girl,” he huffs, slipping an arm around you to pull you so close until you can’t breathe, chests lined up together. His skin is warm to the touch, scorching almost. “Fuck,” he groans, curling his fingers inside of you. You whimper and moan, incapable of staying still beneath him as he tortures you with a thumb to your clit. “Tell me you hate me,” he seethes again.

Despite the fog that’s settled over your mind, you still manage a resolute shake of your head. “N-no,” you cry, digging your nails into his back. They run dark red lines over his skin, making him hiss at the sting.

Whatever punishment he’s trying to put himself through is falling through with your refusal to admit such a thing. It aggravates him even more, your adamant stance on loving him so, and he’s retracting his fingers before you can cum again. “Please,” he chokes, face tucked into your neck. He’s sloppy with his movements; as he pulls his shorts down and kicks them away, he nearly suffocates you with his weight. “I don’t deserve you, ___, please.”

“I love you,” you whimper for lack of explanation. Jungkook leans back, that same madman gaze in his glossy eyes. He’s looking at you in disbelief almost, pouty lips puckered and swollen. Your hands slip from around him, falling on either side of your head.

Like a cobra he strikes, collecting your wrists in one hand he pins above your head. The sudden movement has him leaning in close, lips brushing over yours. His lashes are coated in a wetness he refuses to acknowledge, looking at you like you drive him insane. “If you ever try to leave me,” he whispers, jerky breath fanning over your skin, “I’ll lose my mind.”

He loves you so much it aches.

“I won’t,” you whimper, feeling your own eyes well up with an emotion that consumes every inch of your being. “I’ll never leave you, you stupid, stupid boy.”

A faint smile crosses his features at your words, lips quirking to the side. You relish in it for all of two seconds before he’s ramming his cock into you, your sensitive walls spawning around him. You sob loudly, eyes rolling back into your head. Your legs instinctively hook themselves around his waist, digging into the base of his spine as he rolls his hips into you.

You feel full and complete like he belongs there in this moment and every moment after this. It makes your heart constrict painfully. Jungkook’s soft groans follow your more unraveled noises, the vulgar slapping of skin on skin the underlying melody to it all. “Ffffuck,” he spits, greedily swallowing your moans up. You whine, arms bucking in an effort to hold him close. But he’s determined in his act of restraining you, long fingers tightening around your wrists until they hurt. “I warned you, didn’t I?” he huffs, snapping his hips into you.

Your walls clench around his hard cock, the drag as he exits sending shivers throughout your body. Jungkook’s body towers over you, glistening in sweat as he nails you into your mattress. “Remember what I said?” he asks, voice but a shuddery exhale. You shake your head numbly, overwhelmed by the rough drag across your walls. “All those months ago, when you first came over,” he adds. The hand on your hip abandons its post to cup you beneath the jaw, palm pressing sinfully against your throat enough to block the tiniest of airflow. “I’ll fuck you and keep you forever,” he murmurs, voice deeper than the pits of hell. He licks a fat stripe over your cheek like you’re nothing but a sweet for him to devour. “Do you remember that, pretty girl?”

You nod jerkily, hips arching up into him when he thrusts into you again. It’s a memory that replays in your mind every so often, your first night with the man you had planned to humiliate over a mere misunderstanding, now your boyfriend of one year. “Want that,” you gasp, tears blurring your vision when he begins picking up the pace. “Wanna be y-your pretty girl forever.”

Jungkook groans, kissing the corner of your mouth. His thighs are some magnificent beings, keeping his pace consistent even as he loses himself in his overwhelming need to kiss you. “Always,” he manages, soft lips pressed against yours. “I won’t ever let you leave.”

A shriek tears itself from your lips as he picks up that harsh piston, releasing your jaw to hold both wrists above your head. It makes his curls dangle in front of his eyes, covering that beautiful dark gaze. It makes his thin little necklace swing back and forth too, though it’s too small to actually touch your face. The rhythmic swing has you hypnotized, just like everything else about Jungkook.

With the length of his hair, you’re left staring at his lips, pulled taut between his pearly white teeth. The word from before sits heavy in your chest, begs to drip from the tip of your tongue. But he’s moving too fast and too hard, scrambling your thoughts until all you can think about is the cock plunging into your heat. His name falls from your mouth like mindless blubber instead, arms thrashing as your second orgasm swallows you up. It sends you crashing, body spasming as the sheer euphoria waves over you slowly and then all at once.

“Perfect,” he grunts, leaning down to slot his mouth against yours, “my perfect girl.” Your cum makes the sound of his hips erotic, the loud squelching following your panting. Still sensitive from your high, your body unconsciously tightens around him, keeps his cock from fully leaving. It brings a soft whine out of Jungkook, one he tries to muffle against the side of your face.

“Inside,” you whimper, even though your body feels like jelly beneath him. “Cum inside, Kook, please,” you beg.

It only takes a few more thrusts into your leaking hole for him to finally reach paradise, hips stuttering when that first shot of pleasure hits him. “Fuck, fuck,” he growls, wildly snapping his hips into your achy cunt. You moan, feeling just about brainless at the overstimulation. His cum leaves you full, almost makes your belly bulge from it. When he’s done he doesn’t bother pulling away, simply slumping into your limp form. His cock, though quickly softening, serves as a plug for the cum threatening to spill out of you.

There’s a muted noise coming from the other room, the faint sound of the mail slipping through your letterbox, the quiet chattering of the street outside. And of course, the loud blaring of your laptop playing the Phineas and Ferb theme song. Jungkook registers it at about the same time as you, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

He pushes off of you soon after, leaning on his palms over you. He’s got that molten look on his eyes, the heat of a thousand suns burning behind those irises as he looks at you. Like he can’t get enough, even though he’s just about taken everything there is to take. “Love you,” he murmurs quietly.

A drop of sweat rolls over his forehead, clinging to the end of his eyebrow. You reach up and brush it away, let your hand trail down his face to cup his cheek. Immediately he leans into the touch, eyes falling half shut. “Love you more,” you respond.

“Impossible,” he scoffs.

Soon after you’re both stumbling out of bed, clothes haphazardly shrugged back on as you drift through the living room. There’s a thin, hot pink package sitting at the door, just having slipped through the letterbox; the stark Sexuality Unleashed logo is printed on the visible side, so you have to wonder what Doyeon could have possibly ordered this time that could be so thin. The laptop is awkwardly sandwiched next to a throw pillow, barely open a crack. Jungkook retrieves it, sets it on his lap as you scamper over to the couch.

“More Phineas and Ferb?” he asks quietly. He hates it, you know he does. And still, he wants to watch it with you.

You nod. “Please.”

He isn’t so concerned with the plot as you, clicking some random episode to start. You snuggle into his side, quietly singing along to the opening. After a moment, Jungkook speaks again. “Phineas and Flirt?” he offers cheekily.

You roll your eyes. “That might’ve been your worst one yet,” you sigh, trying to drown out his indignant huff by focusing on the screen.

“I don’t exactly see you coming up with these,” he points out, obviously feeling wronged.

Without missing a beat you say, “Disney+ and bust.”

epilogue

commercial break one ; the resolution

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[teresa-moyocoyotzin]

QUEEN OF THE SOUTH FINALE 5x10 POST-EP REACTION

spoilers! under! the cut!!!!!

holy fucking shit!! it’s over!!!! wow wow.

get ready for some ramble-y ass, v unorganized, first reactions to the finale, because i am wine drunk and emotional and still trying to get my heart down to a resting pulse and i have so many thoughts

- okay that was a damn gripping episode, i was on the edge of my damn seat the whole time. i went in with like 99% faith that teresa and james were gonna come out alive but they still had me STRESSED the whole damn time!!!! like even tho i was seeing the little signs throughout the episode that it was all a plan my heart was pounding like crazy!!

- i went into today thinking as long as teresa and james were alive in the end i would be happy but then rewatched a bunch of old episodes right before the finale and remembered that i did indeed care about pote and kellyanne and really actually would be upset if they had died, so i was quite stressed, especially for pote at the end!! when he’s fighting boaz!! which also! was super badass btw. all the sicarios backing off at the end!! lol at the random dude who save pote’s life by making boaz take the “sicario’s challenge” tho (which like? lol what?) like okay haha

- everyone loves chicho so much haha him and pote are so cute!!! i love how much chicho gave his all for pote and KA this episode, i’m sad he couldn’t come w them but it was SO CUTE to see chicho with marcel at the end!!! building a bunch of legit businesses and growing the PCCC!!! i love that journey for them.

- i really didn’t think pote was in on it because honestly i didn’t think he would be able to be that good of an actor (the character, not the actual actor, hemky is amazing lol) but i mean pote really pulled thru. he let all his damn emotions out for that performance cuz i was fully convinced he didn’t know until the end when it shows them telling him. actually i got an inkling when he was saying goodbye to marcel and chicho and gave marcel the ~gift~ from teresa lol.

- i do wish we had gotten more flashbacks because like when exactly did james figure out that devon was gonna order him to kill teresa? when did he tell her? did they figure it out together? teresa said she had a boat on standby for TWO YEARS does this mean the plan had been in place that long??? like before james left phoenix??????? or was the boat just always there and the plan came later??? idk tho. i watched 3.05 today and the “if they come for me, i’ll be ready” “if they come for you, I’LL be ready” REALLY HITS A LIL DIFFERENT NOW TBH what if james already had an inkling and when devon showed up that night it confirmed his suspicions.. and they started planning like. that night after they fucked. dude. idk the wheels are turning too fast in my brain rn. ik they probably just planned it this season after james was “let go” by devon and they knew it was too easy, and maybe just in the past couple weeks’ episodes. but who the fuck knows!!!

- i still wanna know how exactly they faked her death. no confirmation on the powder/ coke theory.. and no discussion of the coke habit if it was one. but if this was the long game situation and they’ve been planning all along.. maybe that theory still holds water.. idk y’all that’s the explanation i’m going w because i can’t think of anything else lol

- okay THE ENDING OMG!!!!! was it a bit cheesy and predictable and entirely too short? yes. did i LOVE IT ANYWAYS OMG LOOK AT THEM THEY’RE ALIVE AND HAPPY!!!!???? YESS BITCH okay by the end i was just so damn relieved that they were alive i honestly didn’t care that the teresa’s-alive-reveal happened like 4mins30secs before the end lmao because they were a beautiful almost five mins. i may get saltier about it but LOOK how happy she is!!! look how happy james is!!! and pote and kellyanne have a sweet lil child that teresa and james can be auntie and uncle to and it’s SO CUTE I NEED ALL THE FANART SINCE TERESA AND JAMES DIDN’T ACTUALLY GET A SCENE W THEIR HONORARY NIECE😭😭😭 FEN?? SOMEONE?? i’ll do it myself if no one else does, maybe even if someone else does because that’s so cute (eventually lol)

- do u think james and kellyanne coordinated their respective swim shorts (surf shorts?? lmfao) and nail polish on purpose because they are THE EXACT SAME SHADE OF HOT PINK and i think that’s so cute for them lmfao

- james in that button up w the wavy hair 😍 teresa in her cute lil beach top and her wavy hair 😍😍 them being happy and in love and alive in a cute lil beach house with their family 😍😍😍��🥰🥰 i’m so happy for them!!! they made it out!! they outsmarted everyone!! teresa outsmarted everyone!! without shutting out the people in her life!! we love to see it!

- even though we didn’t exactly get a callback to a jeresa moment, we did get a “you okay?” “yeah” which kinda counts and i’ll fucking take it because you know what?? SHE IS ACTUALLY OKAY FOR ONCE. THEY ARE ACTUALLY BOTH OKAY. MORE THAN OKAY. NOW I’M NOT OKAY WHAT THE FUCK.

-also i LOVED the appearance and disappearance of The Queen there at the end!! her little approving nod and willing departure!! and that james was the one to notice her floating off and bring her back to earth from her final vision or hallucination of her queenpin self!! and then he makes a toast to their new life!! the one that she risked it all to build with him!! ahhhh i’m emo y’all!

- i am also still a little confused about some things tho, namely, why exactly did devon suddenly order boaz to back down and send pote to solitary confinement for protection?? was it really just because he believed he was being the “good guy” and that pote was doing his “deserved” time (even tho it wasn’t even for cartel stuff but ok) and he didn’t like the way boaz did business? cuz i feel like he wouldn’t care that much about pote’s safety even if that were the case i mean.. he wanted them all dead like two seconds before that.. i really don’t get that so if anyone has insight please lemme know!!!

- oh my god i don’t even know y’all that was so much!!! i’m sure i have more thoughts but i can’t even think of them rn!! i just wanna reblog all the gifs and see everyone’s thoughts!!! woo! we did it y’all! we made it. they made it!!!! thank fuck! 🥰😍❤️🎉😂

[blackmissfrizzle]

F Like a Pornstar

Pairing: Angel Reyes x black!reader

Summary: Angel finds out a little secret about you.

Warnings: Smut

A/N: My rewatch of Mayans helped me come up with this idea.

Lightly edited, so sorry for any mistakes

Too caught up running after your sister, you didn’t pay attention to the motorcycles in front of the house. Kyle stormed into the house, yelled her husband’s name, and ran up the stairs.

“Y/N.” You heard a familiar voice call you, halting your journey. Turning around you saw your boyfriend crooking his finger telling you to come here.

“Baby!” Your whole demeanor changed when you saw Angel. As you made a beeline to him you greeted the other Mayans. Looked like the whole crew was here.

Right when you were in arm’s reach, Angel hugged you and kissed your shoulder, that earned him a bunch of joking ‘awwws’ from his brothers.

Angel flipped them all off. He didn’t care what they think as long as he has you. “What are you doing here?” He asked, confused at how you ended up at a whore house.

You explained to him how you and Kyle were out for drinks when she decided she wanted to see where her no-good husband was. The Find My app led you to Vicki’s and now you were pretty sure that Kyle’s husband was about be murdered.

“Damn, Vic, you gonna let her kill her husband?” Coco asked, turning his attention away from the girl in his lap.

Vicki assured everyone that Kyle wasn’t gonna kill him. Apparently, this happens all the time and its good entertainment for Vicki and the girls. Plus, she just charged your douchebag brother-in-law extra.

Someone else called your name, but this time it was a woman. In her black kimono and matching black lingerie came Mimi running towards you. “Y/N!!! OMG, girl you look good.” She juggled your boobs.

Angel took in your outfit in its totality and he agreed with Mimi. You looked good, a little too good for his taste. You wore a burnt orange top that crossed in the front, which showed off a generous amount of cleavage, light washed ripped blue jeans hugging your ass, brown heels showing off those pretty white toes Angel wanted to suck, and Fenty Gloss Bomb and Body Lava to top it off. He can’t believe you went out like that without him.

“She’s right, mi dulce. You look fucking sexy, wait til we get home.” Angel smacked your ass and nibbled on your ear.

An unimpressed grunt was heard across the room. “I doubt she can pleasure him.” A short blonde told another girl.

This wasn’t unusual. Angel being a Mayan and extremely attractive made other girls jealous of you and disrespectful. Early on you used to jack them up, but eventually you learned to ignore them especially since Angel proved he only had eyes for you.

“Don’t do my friend like that! Remember Vegas, Y/N?” Mimi came to your defense.

As you remembered that weekend, a smile crept on your face. That was one wild ass weekend.

“What happened in Vegas,” EZ asked, noticing your smile.

“Old same old same old,” Mimi answered. “Partying, drinking, gambling. But then we got invited to this sex club and Ms. Thang over there had sex with a pornstar.”

All the men in the room were interested now. It was no secret that you were wild child, but they didn’t expect that.

“Who was she?” Eagerness laced Angel’s voice.

You were about to lie. Angel didn’t need to know all the sordid details, but Mimi had to open her big mouth. “She?! No, she got to fuck the Manuel Ferrera.”

Desperately, you tried to get Mimi to shut up, but she wouldn’t. “Remember he said you were the best he ever had? Didn’t he get your number?” You confirmed her guess with a slight nod. “My girl got the shit that yanks!” Mimi bragged as if she was talking about herself.

At this point you could’ve burst into flames by how hot your face was. You could feel Angel staring holes in your head and the bemused faces on the other Mayans didn’t help.

“He was aight. Nothing to write home about.” You tried to calm the storm brewing in Angel, but once again Hurricane Mimi blew in.

“Just okay?! Girl, you couldn’t shut up about the dick the whole way home! Best dick of your life! Didn’t you cal-” Mimi was about to go on, but she finally caught the look on your face. “Um, I think I heard a customer,” Mimi pointed to the stairs. “Imma catch you later.”

“Best dick of your life, huh?” Coco took a drag of his cigarette and smirked. He loved giving you shit.

Angel looked at you expectantly, but you kept your mouth shut. This was a discussion better for home.

“Okay, then.” Angel spoke to himself then threw you over his shoulder. “Let’s see if he’s still the best.”

An inhuman screech came out your mouth as you called Angel’s name. “You can’t do this here! Vicki has money to make, she can’t be wasting it on us!”

Gilly pulled out his wallet and gave Vicki a couple of hundreds, for which Angel thanked him and promised to pay him back.

“Fuck you, Gilly!” You double flipped off said man as Angel went up the stairs.

Gilly toasted his beer to you. “Looks like Angel already about to beat me to the punch!”

An eruption of laughter broke out as Angel continued up the stairs. On the first try, he found an empty bedroom and threw you on the bed.

“Aw c’mon Angel, you can’t be that upset about a guy I messed around with before you. Anyway, I’m the one who should be upset. You’re the one at a brothel!”

“We’re checking on Creep.” Angel began undressing himself. He knew your brain always short-circuits when he takes off his clothes.

“Well, he uh he looks fine to me. Let’s finish this at home.” Angel pulled you off the bed and stood behind you. You could feel his hardened length against your back.

His fingers expertly unbuttoned your jeans and he went straight for your clit, rubbing small circles. “Angel,” you cried out in ecstasy.

Licking your hand, you reached behind you and started stroking Angel. “Fuck, querida.” Angel groaned, leaning his head back. “See, you don’t wanna stop, sweetheart. I think you wanna show that little puta down there that you can more than enough please your man.”

“5 minutes.”

“I knew your ego couldn’t handle being challenged.” Angel undressed you and pushed you back to the bed. “Would you have even agreed if she didn’t run her mouth?”

“I’ll never tell.” You pretended to zip up your mouth and throw away the key, but Angel knew exactly how to get you to open your mouth. Without warning he slid into you and the both of you moaned.

Angel leaned in closer to you. “Shit, Y/N, it may be less than five minutes by the way you’re gripping me.” His pace started off slow, but he couldn’t help to pick it up. When y’all got home, Angel planned to take his time, explore your body, tease you, and slowly make love to you, but right now wasn’t the time. He had a point to prove. You had a point to prove.

“Whose pretty pussy is this?” Angel slipped his hand between the two of you and rubbed on your clit.

“Yours,” you whimpered against Angel’s lips.

“Mmm, that wasn’t loud enough. Try again.” Angel pushed your legs back until your ankles were by your ears.

His dick went deeper than before, so deep that you could feel him in your stomach. “It’s yours,” you screamed at the top of your lungs, your nails marking up his back.

“Damn right, mi dulce! I better not hear about that man ever again; do you understand me?”

You brought your lips up to Angel. “Yes, now make me cum!” You ordered against his ears.

Angel smiled against your cheek and gave you a sweet kiss. “Yes ma’am.” But that kiss was completely different by the way he was pounding into you. Angel’s thrusts were becoming erratic, letting you know he would be coming right along with you.

Soon, the both of you were yelling out each other’s name in euphoria with a string of curse words followed by some heavy panting and a little laughter at the current situation you were in.

Finally dressed, you checked yourself in the mirror to make sure that nothing was out of place. “Angel, I swear if you sweated out my blowout, you’re paying for the next one.” You tried your best to slick down some of your fly-aways.

Angel buckled up his belt as he came to stand behind you. “I told you not to get it, but no you just had to. I should let your little spoiled ass look crazy.”

Facing him with a mega-watt smile you slid your arms around his waist. “So, that means you’ll get it?”

Rolling his eyes, Angel to agree to paying for the next blowout. “Spoiled ass,” he mumbled when y’all exited the room.

Another door opened as soon as y’alls did, revealing an old white guy with thinning hair and beer belly. “How much for her?” He asked, his eyes unashamedly raking over your body. In no time, Angel pulled out his gun and told the disgusting man that you weren’t for sell, making the dude scurry back into his room.

As the two you were laughing down the stairs, you heard Kyle tell Lance she wanted a divorce. “What? What do you mean you want a divorce? Just because you heard your sister get fucked like the biker whore she is, you want to leave me? Me? Pathetic.” Venom was dripping from Lance’s tongue and you were about to knock him out like you did the first time you found out he cheated on Kyle, but Angel stopped you.

All of the Mayans perked up and immediately were on the defense. “Watch your mouth before we have to do something about it.” Bishop ordered the prick. Lance may be oblivious and unappreciative, but he wasn’t a total idiot. In a hurry, he left Vicki’s before he got his ass beat.

It was quiet for a little bit after Lance left in a rush until you spoke up. “So, all I had to do was let you listen to me have sex and that’s what would’ve got you to leave his lame ass?! Bitch I would’ve done that a long time ago!”

Kyle waved off your silliness even if it was true. Albeit repulsive to hear her baby sister to get her back broke, it awakened something in her. Never in her entire ten years with Lance had she known pleasure like that. And then to see Angel doting on you just after it sounded like y’all have the nastiest sex made her want more.

“First order of business: get you some new dick! Gilly? EZ? Coco?” You were arranging the men like a buffet table. EZ was mortified, Gilly had the sense to pretend to, and Coco looked like he was up for game.

“Y/N,” she sighed at your fast attempt to get her a rebound. “Not now. Anyway, can I drive your car back home? I planned on riding back with Lance, but that’s obviously not happening.”

Angel dug in your back pocket and threw the keys to Kyle. “Here you go. I’ll get her home safely.” You gave Kyle a hug goodbye and you promised to bust Lance’s kneecaps if he tried to do any fuck shit.

For a couple of more minutes you and Angel stay behind to check on Creep and say your goodbyes. When you hugged Mimi, the snooty blonde was near her and she still seemed pissed off that you managed to bag Angel. “Next time,” you fluffed her hair ad if you were friends. “Try another bitch because I’m not the one, two, or three.” You patted her shoulders and gave her ‘I’ll kill you bitch’ smile.

Angel started to guide you towards the door before you can do any damage to the girl. Once you got to the front door threshold you stopped and turned to the girl. “Oh, if what you heard earlier wasn’t proof that my shit yanks, maybe I’ll invite you to watch and you may get some pointers.” You stuck out your tongue and twerked on Angel to the music in your head.

Mimi pointed a perfectly manicured finger at you and screamed, “HELL MOTHERFUCKIN’ YEAH! MY GIRL SHIT YANKS!” Everyone either shook their head at your antics or broke out in laughter, except stanky ass attitude girl.

Now Angel needed to get you home asap. He smacked your ass to push you out the door. “Yo, you into that exhibitionism shit?” By the way he asked and the look on his face, you knew he was hoping for a yes.

“Only if you also allow another man to watch.”

“Fuck no!” Angel strapped in your helmet a little too tight due to his little outburst of jealous.  You cackled as you hopped on the back of bike. Bet, he won’t ask another stupid question like that again.

Tagging: @marvelmaree​ @titty-teetee​ @thickemadame​ @cocooned-butterfly​ @ladydragonpurplefire​ @mrsamaroevans​ @sparklemichele​ @briannab1234​

[mypersonalrambling]

Passion Warfare

Warnings: Violence, Sexual themes, Language, Smut, Angst 

Word Count: 11087

Pairing: Alex x Reader, Bill X Reader

Requested: By  @walkxthexmoon​ :). I hope you enjoy this piece. Thank you for being patient during this process! 

Author’s note: This took awhile for me to finish. It’s been one the more challenging pieces to write because I know next to nothing about boxing. I wanted to make sure the sequence of events was as close to reality as possible, although there still may be some inaccuracies. 

Summary: AU Alex Hogh Andersen and Bill Skarsgard are well known Scandinavian boxers. The two know nothing of each other until an encounter has them realize they both want the same woman. 

                                      .......................................

Today is the only day Alex hasn’t been in training. The two of you are watching his last boxing match on TV. Alex repeatedly states he needs to watch his matches over and over, to learn what he could have done better. He isn’t one to let things go when it comes to boxing. Anything he could improve on he was going to. Even when he has no upcoming matches he’s in the gym training close to every day. This isn’t a complete shock though, you’re ex-boyfriend, Bill, is also a boxer and it was the same way. You realize that if you are going to continually date boxers then your life will consist of always being second to the ring. 

Unlike Bill, however, Alex is more flexible, understanding, giving you time and attention. Alex and you aren’t even dating and he makes time for you. Bill hardly ever did and the two of you dated for four years. You met Bill before he’d made it big. He wasn’t training much in the beginning then he won his first match and things went crazy from there. Bill blew up seemingly overnight. He went from fighting a couple of times a month to only fighting three or four times a year, to give him time to prepare. “You okay, Babe?” Alex questions, bringing you out of your thoughts. 

“Yeah, just daydreaming is all. What were you saying?” Alex looks concerned but he lets it go. He knows if you aren’t ready to talk about something, there is no use prying. 

“See right there, I should have put my weight on my left leg instead of my right leg. I wouldn’t have fallen back when he hit me,” he points his finger at the huge screen, rewinding the recording for what felt like the hundredth time. 

You try to appear interested but you’ve heard this all before. It makes you nervous, knowing the relationship could take a turn, ending up how it did with Bill. “If you’d kept your weight on your toes, it would have given you more leverage to block, but also allowed you to maneuver out of the way.” 

“See that’s why I like you. You don’t mind watching and listening to my critiques. Plus you’re able to give tips. No one else is ever interested in this. They all complained and always asked to be doing something else.” Alex rests a hand on your thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb. Though you would rather be engaging in other activities, you take any time spent with him. 

“Yeah, I’ve been around it for so long that I’ve picked up on some techniques.” Alex knows your ex was a boxer but you’ve kept him in the dark about who it was. You made a promise to yourself to not tell him in case he ever met him or worse fought him. 

“I remember you saying that before, but you’re with me now. I’m not going to be like him. I know I train all the time, but I still make time for you, right? I know there are times like this where we’re watching the last match so I can improve but we’re still together. How about we go out to dinner tonight? That little place on the corner is open late. They have the best Chinese food.” You shake your head yes, appreciating the gesture. He may not always have time, but he makes up for it with nice gestures and letting you know how much he cares for you. 

The two of you spent the next few hours watching and rewatching his match. He virtually fills an entire notebook of improvements to be made. He would take them to his trainer, Leif, tomorrow so the two of them could come up with a game plan to incorporate the adjustments needed for Alex to become better.  

By the time you arrive at the restaurant, the dinner crowd was slowly filing out. This made the dinner more intimate, able to focus on each other. Alex isn’t extremely well known but enough at least one person usually comes up to ask for an autograph when the two of you are out. Conversation flows freely, the two of you are able to talk about anything. Alex pays attention to the littlest detail when it comes to you. He grasps onto everything you say. “I love listening to you. I could listen to you talk about your passions forever. You invest your time into such important issues, it makes me wonder why you would ever put up with a simple boxer like me.” 

“You’re not just a simple boxer. You care about important issues as well. And if you don’t think I feel the same way about listening to you talk about boxing then you’re mistaken.” You reach over to rest your hand on top of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The food was magnificent, you forgot how delicious food could be when it wasn’t frozen. The end comes way too quickly, however much to your pleasure Alex invites you to stay the night. 

By the time you awoke he was gone, the first thing you do every morning is to make a cup of coffee. Alex had preset the coffee machine to have a cup ready for only a few minutes ago; the steam still rising out of the cup. He left a sweet note on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine, “Thank you for spending the day with me yesterday, Doll. I’ll be back around three and I made reservations at your favorite place. Be ready by five, see you soon, have a great day.” The note is signed with the letter A accompanied by a smiley face. 

Since today is one of the only two you didn’t have to work, you decide to get Alex a little present. The first thought you have is to grab his favorite dessert, for after dinner. However, since he was training you decide to get him another sweet treat. There is a lingerie shop a few blocks from you. You make the short trek to the shop, eager to find the perfect piece. Considering Alex’s favorite color was red, even his boxing uniform had to have red in it, you look for any ensemble with red.  

Walking into the shop, the choices are overwhelming, so many colors and styles. You want a piece that is simple, but elegant. Understated is usually your go-to, although today you are feeling adventurous. Suddenly a dark, red ensemble catches your attention. It was simple with lace cups, flowy at the bottom, yet would accentuate all your amazing assets. He would never know it was under your clothes until he was getting ready to take them off of you. 

Alex keeps to his word and is home by three. He looks worn out, you’re unsure if he will even still want to go to dinner or if the only thing on his mind was sleep. “You’re looking rough, tough workout?”

“Yeah, it’s been kicking my ass. My trainer wants to continuously get me into better shape for any upcoming fights there may be in the future. Let me rest for a bit, I’ll hop in the shower then we can head to dinner.” He throws his bag on the floor by the door. You knew it would be there until the next morning when he stuffed even more clothes into it. 

“Are you sure you aren’t too tired? We could always reschedule.” Of course, you want to go however, you know the toll training has on his body. You learned long ago plans would inevitably be canceled more than kept. A moment of thought crossed his face but soon is replaced by exhausted determination. 

“No, no I’m just needing a moment to relax. A massage might help,” a smirk spread across his face. 

“You know if that happens we won’t make it to dinner. Now go take a hot bath.” He makes his way to the bathroom. You take this opportunity to change into the lingerie and the outfit for the night. You hope he invites you to spend the night again or at least accepts the invitation if it comes to staying at your place. Alex comes out not too much later looking like a new person. He practically looks as if he hadn't been training all day. “You look refreshed.”

“The bath helps, but probably not as much as a massage would have.” He winks always having to make a cheeky comment. He is never one to hold back when it came to sex or jokes about sex. Usually, he would make the comments at the most inappropriate times, only loud enough for you to hear. 

“Maybe if you’re good. I’ll give you one after dinner.” Your eyes take in his entire body. It’s difficult not to stare when he is standing completely nude. He isn’t shy about his body, not that there was a need to be, he has a relatively perfect physique. 

“Oh yeah? What do I have to do to get one?” He and you have slept together a few times that never stops you from being amazed at how good he looks. His body is defined from all the training, his muscles becoming more prominent by the day. “Helloooooo, you know it’s not polite to stare?” He says, waving a hand. 

“Sorry, you just look so good. Dinner is a pretty good start, may add more stipulations later.” You throw clothes at him, signaling for him to get dressed. 

“Well, that’s not fair. How am I supposed to be good if there are no guidelines?” He makes a show of nonchalantly putting his clothes on. Knowing you wouldn’t be able to keep your eyes off of him. His playfulness is one of the many things you like about him. 

“Life isn’t fair, you should know that. Now come on, let's go or we’ll be late.” He finishes getting dressed, and you know he isn’t done with the teasing. It would be an all-night event. 

The dinner goes successfully, the conversation flowing freely, and the food is delicious. It’s a small hole in the wall joint that makes the best pasta around. Alex and you can barely keep your hands to yourselves. The two of you are sitting on one side of a quaint booth. Throughout dinner Alex keeps a hand on your thigh, giving a gentle squeeze here and there. As you suspect he skips dessert, knowing if he didn’t, it would mean an extra hard workout the next day. 

Alex drives with one hand on your thigh. His skin is hot against yours. He always seems to have his hand touching some part of you. It feels peculiar to be with someone who is openly affectionate. You are used to a minimal amount of touches or caresses. Not that it was necessarily a bad thing, you aren’t the best at showing affection. He drives you back to your apartment, the anticipation killing you. He parks out front waiting for you to initiate, “Do you want to come in?”

Alex didn’t take long to say yes. It’s easy to see the lust in his eyes. Now you’re standing in the bathroom staring, hoping he likes the lingerie you chose. Although, you know Alex likes you in anything. He’s told you plenty of times you could wear a garbage bag and he would love how it looks on you. He was the type to just appreciate having an intimate moment together. When you finally open the door you see him lying on the bed propped up on his elbows, “Wow, you look…….exquisite,” he pauses before the last word. 

“You think so? I picked red because it’s your favorite color.” You sit down straddling his lap, running your hands through his hair, watching as his whole body relaxes. Moving your hands to his shoulder, beginning to knead them giving him the much-needed massage. As you begin to stand up, Alex lets out a frustrated humph. “Take off your shirt and lie on your stomach,” you say motioning the action. 

He doesn’t need to be told twice, turning until he’s lying face down. Grabbing the oil that’s set on the nightstand, you kneel on the bed so you’re straddling him. You generously pour oil on to his back, already able to feel how tense he was. Even though this is a foreshadow of the night's events, you want to do your best to make him feel better. You work slowly, making sure to knead every tense spot. “Ughhh, your hands are magic. I swear it doesn’t even feel this good when a professional does it. Have you ever thought about changing professions?”

Though you know he is only joking, it has crossed your mind a couple of times. Every single partner you’ve been with had suggested it to you. You did plan to massage his entire back, however, Alex couldn’t wait for the end. He flips you over about partway through, “Sorry Doll, can’t wait any longer.” You’re able to feel how hard he is and begins to grind while he’s on top of you. He presses you into his chest, trying to get as close as possible. The two of you spend the night getting your own type of workout that would have him extremely tired for tomorrow’s training. 

You work the next couple of days, they go by in a blur. You and Alex talk a bit on the phone, just to check-in. You‘re excited to go see Alex train today, it is one of your favorite things to do, watch hot, sweaty men beat the shit of each other. By the time you get to the gym, Alex has already been training for three hours. You find Alex has been utilizing the heavy bag and speed bag. One to improve his speed the other to improve accuracy and technique. Currently, he is hitting the speed bag. His arms moving at such a fast pace, it was practically impossible for you to be sure how he could see the bag to hit it properly. Leif is giving improvements as he went, Alex taking and utilizing them promptly. 

Two hours later, Alex is finished for the day, he tells you to wait while he takes a quick shower so he doesn't stick all the way home. You sit outside the locker room, scrolling through your phone until someone coming out of the locker room catches your eye. Doing a double-take, your breath hitched. It couldn’t be him, he is usually in Sweden, why would he be here in Denmark? You try not to stare, but your eyes are glued. You must have made a noise because the next thing you know, his eyes are locked on yours. You wish he would walk away without saying a word. The two of you haven't talked in months and now isn’t the time to do so. He doesn't seem to feel the same because he makes his way to you. “Hello, Y/N,” his voice is strained. 

“Bill, what are you doing here?” Your heart is racing, what if Alex came out? How would you explain this to him? You’ve kept Bill from him, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He isn’t one to not show his protectiveness over you; it would be even worse after finding out Bill was your ex. 

“I train here now, closer to my new apartment.”

“You have an apartment here?” Shit, he even moved closer to you. It seems impossible to get away from him. Bill and you didn’t end on the best terms. “Why did you move here?”

“I moved because my trainer quit and I found out this place has the best trainers. I couldn’t just go to any trainer. They need certain qualifications. What are you doing here?” He is agitated, his jaw set, his nostrils flared, his hands were balled at his side. 

“Just waiting on my friend. They train here as well.” You know that isn’t the whole truth, however, it isn’t a lie. Neither you nor Alex set a title for your relationship. Without a doubt, you know Bill wouldn’t accept that answer. He is never one to leave things alone. 

“They...are you waiting on a boyfriend?” His fists clench even tighter, inevitably knowing his nails would be leaving marks on his palms. 

“No, it’s not a boyfriend.” 

“Then who?”

“It just...doesn’t matter. I don’t have to tell you. We aren’t dating anymore.” Now you are beginning to get angry. Who did he think he is? Acting as if you were still part of his life anymore. He didn’t have the right to know your life. He lost that right when he failed to put any effort into the relationship.

You shift from side to side, hoping Bill would leave before Alex came out of the locker room. It would cause even more problems than you’re already facing. Much to your dismay, Alex pops out seconds later.  

He makes his way over to the two of you, “You ready to go? Who is this?” Alex knows who Bill is. He’s too popular for Alex not to know that he is also a boxer. 

“I’m Bill and you are?” Bill’s voice is overly sweet although his facial expressions gave his true feelings away. 

“Name’s Alex, how do you know Y/N?” He isn’t any better at hiding his emotions than Bill is. It makes you wonder if all boxers have that issue. 

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Bill states. 

“Pretty sure I asked you first.” Distain seeping through Alex's voice. 

“I’m Y/N’s ex-boyfriend. We dated for four years. Surprised she hasn’t mentioned me.” 

“Oh, she has, most of it not good I’m afraid.” It wasn’t necessarily true, you did speak about the good times you shared with Bill, however, you let Alex know upfront about your apprehensions of dating another boxer. 

“Oh really?” Bill’s eyebrows raise in shock. You would do anything to disappear at this moment. You never wanted to have them in the same room together, let alone having a conversation with each other. 

“Yeah, she’s much better off now. Anyway, we need to get going, don’t we Babe?” Alex slips his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. If either Bill or Alex could get away with it, you were sure either of them would throw a punch. 

“Yes, yes, we have a lot to do.” The reality is Alex and you would go separate ways tonight. Though you know there would be a long conversation about the events of today. And you knew there is a high probability he is going to be very upset at the fact you never mentioned Bill’s name. 

“Of course, I’ll see you around.” Bill gives a forced smile before Turning the other direction and walking away. 

“He’s your ex? I’ve seen him here for the past couple of months. He’s here almost every day that I’m here and I’ve been training beside him, not knowing this is who you’ve been talking about all this time. I thought he was an arrogant bastard before. Now I know he is, all the shit he put you through.” Alex runs his fingers through his hair, giving the ends a little tug. He isn’t one for confrontation, outside of the ring of course. Although he isn’t able to hide his emotions, you know that he would never actually hit someone without being provoked. 

“I’m sorry, I just thought it would be better if you didn’t know, for this reason. You’re in the same sport, you were bound to run into one another. And he can be a little cocky at times. Well maybe really cocky, but this right here is what I wanted to avoid.” Your voice squealing at the end, unable to fight your anxiety any longer. “Please can we just go.” Your whole body feels as if it would implode at any second, your entire body shaking. 

To no surprise Alex takes you home, leaving you to think about the events over and over; wondering if there was any way to avoid it. Then you realize, nothing you did would have avoided this. If they hadn’t met today, they would have met at some point at a match. 

You lay in bed until you’re unable to keep your eyes open. You knew you had to wait until your physical exhaustion overtook your anxiety-ridden mind. 

Meeting Alex happened by accident. You went to the gym to find Bill, however, you ended up funding Alex. Seeing him in person was completely different. You kept up with all the up and comers, Alex being one of them. He stopped his training session just to come to talk to you. “Hello, I’m Alex. What’s your name?”

“I’m Y/N.” You were unsure of his intentions. Bill was nowhere to be seen. You hoped he didn’t come out anytime soon. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at the cheesy line. “Sorry that was so bad, has that ever worked on anyone?”

“Got your attention didn’t it? So it can’t be that bad. You looking for someone might be able to help you find them.” 

“Uh, just a friend, doesn’t look like they’re here though.” you hoped Bill didn’t pick this time to show his face. Maybe this was the sign you needed to not go back to him or more attempt to have him take you back. Alex is confident but hadn’t crossed the line into cocky. You awoke in a sweaty mess. Of course, your dreams are filled with the two of them. You couldn’t even get a break while asleep. Looking at the clock, you sigh in relief when you realize there are still a few hours to sleep. Turning on a podcast, hoping to take your mind in a different direction. 

The morning arrives all too soon. You make your way to work thankfully it was a short shift. Meaning you would have time to go see Alex train for a bit. 

The moment you walk in your heart stops, Bill is training next to Alex. All this time you’ve never seen him, now he’s appearing everywhere or so you felt. Walking over to Alex, he stops to greet you, “Hello Doll, how was work?”

“It was good, nothing exciting happened. Looks like you’re training hard. How much longer do you think you’ll be?” 

“Maybe an hour or two. You can always wait for me at my apartment if you’d like.” 

“I can wait. I like to watch, you look good when you’re all hot and sweaty.” There is just something so hot about seeing sweaty men that turns you on. It makes you wonder if that’s the only reason you continue to date men who are involved in extreme sports.

You watch as Alex gets into the ring with Leif. Leif was a former world champion boxer, now turned trainer after he became too old to compete. Both put on the required equipment, appearing determined. Leif’s fighting style is an out-boxer whereas Alex is a swarmer. Alex isn’t short, but he tends to be smaller than most of his opponents so he has to overwhelm them. He is very good at bobbing and weaving. He’s fast on his feet, easily able to evade most other fighters. Alex usually gets hit countless times before he can land a solid punch. 

Alex invades Lief’s space, immediately trying to close the space between them. Leif, however, is more of an out-boxer, wanting to put more space instead of less. He easily steps out of Alex’s reach, returning to a defensive stance. Alex knows exactly the offensive steps to corner Leif. Alex backs into the corner letting Leif come to him. Leif steps forward, leaving enough space Alex would have to step forward to hit him. Alex keeps his gloves to his face, shuffling until he can throw a hit. He misses, this doesn’t stop him from pushing Leif backwards until he is against the rope. This gives Alex ample opportunity to land punch after punch. The two seperate, Leif informing him of everything he needs to improve on.  

Watching him box is so sensual to you, the way he concentrates, the way he calculates moves. His strength and power showing through, making you want to jump him right there. Your shifting must have been noticeable because Bill caught your gaze, his mouth set in a straight line. Bill begins hitting harder, faster, knowing you’re watching. Your shifting worsens, the desire between your legs growing. Your mind wanders to both of their bodies pressed against yours the only thing on their minds is your pleasure. The two of them working together to make you feel nothing but pleasure. Their hands roaming your body, lips pressing against your skin leaving marks to be discovered later, A grunt pulls you out of your daydream. By the look on Alex’s face, you must have been staring at Bill. 

Excusing yourself you head to the restroom to splash water on your face. The coolness doing nothing at first. The desire between your legs isn’t any better, no amount of shifting was helping. Sitting down on a bench, giving yourself a moment to get your thoughts straight. Time escapes you until a message from one of your friends pops up making you realize Alex should almost be done training. 

Once you are done, you make your way back to the training area. Much to your relief Bill is gone. Alex begins to gather his belongings, giving you the side-eye. You watch as he gathers his gear, not once looking at you. Usually when he’s done the two of you make plans for the rest of the night. He doesn’t say anything but you know what he must be thinking, “I wasn’t staring at him,” You blurt, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. 

“ No one said you were.” Alex does his best to keep the irritation out of his voice. 

“I was just daydreaming.” you sound defensive, knowing you’re giving your guilt away. “I...I…didn’t mean to. Alex, he and I dated for years, it’s still difficult to see him.” 

“I know, I’m sorry, I don’t want to lose you to him. I like you Y/N.” This is the first time Alex truly sounds like he’s letting his emotional guard down. It’s enough to break your heart. This is the first time you realize how much of your past relationship you’ve brought into this one. From the start you let your apprehensions be known about dating another fighter. You can’t believe it’s taken this for you to understand. Alex has been fighting against Bill this entire time. If you didn’t let past things go this would never work out with Alex because you would never let your guard down enough for him to truly win.

“You won’t, Alex it’s...he was a part of my life for so long.” This situation is bringing up all your buried emotions for Bill. However, this is just what you need to work through the suppressed feelings. Alex is a genuinely kind person, someone you didn’t want to lose. “I’m sorry, I should have never brought my pain from my past relationships into ours. I know right now there is nothing I can say will make it better, but I am sorry.” 

“I know Y/N, I know.” You remain quiet, letting the moment settle. The tension didn’t alleviate much, however, Alex drives to his apartment not willing to part with his routine. Many words aren’t spoken but that doesn’t stop the two of you from sharing one of the most passionate nights since you’ve met. Alex makes a show of letting you know the type of person you’re with now. A person who rarely puts himself above others, someone who never lets you forget how important you are to him. The night left you feeling more secure than you’ve felt in a while. 

The next few days went by like usual. When you aren’t working, you are at home or with Alex. Before this you had failed to recognize the routine Alex and you have fallen into. It makes you feel empty when there’s deviance. Everything has been going smoothly until you are at Alex’s apartment on a Friday afternoon. The television has been on in the background for most of the day. Paying it no mind until Bill’s face came onto the screen. “I challenge Alex Hogh Anderson to a match for the Scandinavian Championship title.”

“That asshole thinks I won’t.” Alex jumps up from the couch, rapidly pacing in front of the television. “Knew I couldn't stand him, he thinks I’m scared. I’ll show him,” he declares, punching the air a few times, getting into his defensive stance. “He’ll wish he’d never challenged me.” Alex has yet to sit back down. The news keeps replaying the segment. After hearing and seeing the smugness of Bill’s challenge a few times, you shut off the TV unsure of anything to say. Alex took this as guilt from you, “You’re awful quiet, did you know he was going to do this?’

“Of course not Alex, I don't talk to him. The last time we spoke was at the gym. I know you can beat him, but this is exactly what he wants from you. He wants you angry, he likes to know that he can get under your skin. Don’t give him that satisfaction. He’ll never let you live it down, he’ll always have that power over you.” You’re still in shock. Bill had always been competitive and cocky, you just now realizing how much. The nerve he had to challenge Alex, only because you’re with him, making your blood boil. Did he think this would win you back? Part of you wants to message him, but you know it was useless. And would only irritate Alex more. Alex calls his manager to let him know he isn’t going to back down from the challenge. 

On your way home, you wonder if this is worth it. Being with boxers is exciting, of course, but there always seems to be drama, no matter what. You don’t know how much longer you will be able to handle this. Is dating them worth this? You could find someone with a different profession, maybe a teacher. Someone who’s career doesn’t involve fighting or competitiveness. Although in your heart you know that would bore you to death. 

Lying in bed you will your mind to rest. Nothing would be more satisfying than sleeping for the rest of the night. Thoughts of Alex’s answer float through. You can only imagine the anger that will seep through his press talk. Alex has an almost perfect public image, he’s very knowledgeable about the art of remaining composed just enough for the camera’s yet having enough showmanship to attract the eye of new potential sponsors. Images of Bill and Alex flood your mind. The thought of them fighting made you sick to your stomach. Deciding there is nothing for you to do at the moment, you grab your favorite book, knowing eventually it will help you fall asleep. Before you know it you awoke to a book flung onto the floor, your phone buried under the covers, and a sore shoulder from falling asleep in the most uncomfortable position. 

You barely heard from Alex during the next few days. He’d send a text now and then, telling you he was training harder for the next few months. He promises you he isn’t upset however your gut is telling something completely different. Without evidence to support your irrational thoughts, you let the situation be for now. Bill messages you after the broadcast asking to meet and talk. You type and re-type a message a hundred times, yet no words seem right. Nothing good would come of meeting with him. If anything it would make matters worse. You know Bill would only apologize for the behavior then continue to not change. Bill tends to be impulsive and you are sure he is only doing this to attempt to get you back. He has learned something because he isn’t blowing up your phone. Bill used to be relentless, hardly ever letting things go even when you begged him. 

After a week of little communication, Alex finally messages you stating they have a date for the match. It’s five months away, giving both enough time to prepare. You are nervous for Alex; Bill is bigger and has more experience. Both of them are competitive with a bloodlust for winning. The fight would not be easy for either, it would take a complete knock out for the other to win. Messaging back you ask if the two of you can spend time together. 

A couple of hours go by before he responds. “I don’t have much time. I’m training once if not twice a day now. But I can squeeze you in. I feel bad for not seeing you lately. Would you mind meeting me at the gym? N’ bring an overnight bag. If you want that is.” 

You respond with a simple, be there as soon as I can. Instead of packing your normal overnight back with extra clothes to change into after sex, you only pack the essentials. It isn’t that you don’t want to have sex with him, however, you know from the sounds of his training schedule, he would be lucky to stay awake for longer than a couple of hours. 

Arriving at the gym, you take a few deep breaths to prepare yourself encase Bill happens to be there as well. Thankfully, Bill is nowhere in sight. Alex looks in even better shape than he generally does. His six-pack defined the lines sculpting a perfect shape. His arms are more prominent, the veins popping out when he clenches his fists. Even his jaw seems more defined, though you doubt it’s true. “Hi, Alex,” you keep your voice monotone, not sure how his mood is at the moment. 

“Hello, I'm glad you could make it.” A smile breaks out across his face. His demeanor would have you thinking, nothing rocky has happened in the past few days. 

“It’s quiet here today, generally more people are training.”

Alex must have read your mind because he goes quiet for a minute, “Yeah, Bill took his trainer to a different gym so we could train without the other seeing all of our moves. Both of us would have been too focused on watching the other to learn their style rather than focusing on bettering our own.” He goes back to punching the bag in front of him, hitting the same spot over and over. This has always been one of his best strategies, able to land multiple blows with force to the same spot. 

You sit down, enjoying the view. Alex trains for the next few hours, you occupy yourself by scrolling through your social media feed, wandering the gym, and attempting to hit the punching bags as you’ve seen Alex do. It makes you laugh when you can’t hit the bag more than twice in a row. You know there would be no boxing career in your future. Towards the end of the session, your stomach lets itself be known. Leif and Alex look over both give a small laugh. “Sounds like someone is ready to go. Let’s end it here for today. No training for tomorrow, you need a rest day with these extra workouts. I scheduled a massage for you in the morning, take it easy. I mean it,” Leif states giving a side-eye to both of you. 

Alex doesn’t clean up at the gym, wanting to get home as soon as possible. The two of you hop in the shower, you give him a mini massage of your own. Neither of you bothers to take Leif’s advice, by the time you are finished it was difficult to move. You can’t imagine how he must be feeling. It doesn't take much effort at all to fall asleep or stay asleep. 

You wake up feeling more refreshed than you have in a long time. Alex is still sound asleep, snoring loud enough to wake the neighbors. Since it is the first time in a while you are awake before him, you decide to fix his favorite healthy breakfast. He stumbles out just as you’re finishing, “Mmm, smells delicious. You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.” 

“ I know, but I wanted to. You deserve a day of rest and being catered to.” You sit a plate in front of him. He shovels a couple of mouthfuls in while still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “What time is your massage?” 

“Eleven, I believe. It’s only an hour though then we can spend the rest of the day together.” 

“What do you suppose we do with the rest of the day? I was thinking we could watch a couple of movies, maybe eat some popcorn, and just relax. I don’t want you to be too tired to train for the rest of the week.” Many more things pop into your head that you would much rather be doing, however, Alex needs to focus on his workouts to prepare for this fight. 

“Sounds like a great day to me. This is delicious by the way.” By the time you finish cooking your food, he’s almost done. 

“Thank you, now go hop in the shower before you’re late to the massage.” 

“I would much rather you be the one giving me a massage.” He finishes the rest of his food before hopping in to take a quick shower. You clean the kitchen before taking a shower yourself so you can go to the store and grab a few snacks. You make sure they are healthy so he'll be able to eat snacks without feeling guilty. 

Alex trains harder than you’ve ever seen him in the past couple weeks. Most days he is in the gym with only an hour or two break. While he’s gone you set up the living room for the most comfortable possible way to lie there all day. You hop in the shower before throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt. 

He returns home, not much later looking somewhat relaxed. “How was the massage?” 

“It felt great while she was doing it, but now I’m sore. I’m gonna get some ibuprofen. Then we can spend the day watching movies.” He moves slowly, you feel bad, wondering if he should just lie in bed instead of on the couch with you. Though you know either way he is still going to be sore. 

The rest of the afternoon is spent watching a variety of movies. Everything from pure romance to the bloodiest scary movie. Although some movies go unwatched because the two of you are too busy catching up. You choose to stay the night, not knowing when the next time this will happen. It’s easy to get back into sync with the other as if your routine never strayed. 

The next four months continue in this pattern. You see him maybe one night a week for a few hours. You do appreciate the effort and any time you can see him. Many times you think about going to watch him train at the gym, but didn’t want to distract him. Only once did you visit him while training, however, that was to only drop off some extra workout clothes. He gave you a quick thank you, see you later before rushing back to training. 

Next week was the big press conference where Bill and Alex would trash talk, weigh-in, attempt to intimidate the other. Neither of them is the type of person who is easily intimidated. There is a high chance you are terrified enough for everyone. Alex could talk shit with the best of them, but so could Bill. The only difference was Alex was better at keeping his composure. Bill has a difficult time not showing his emotions on his face. This whole process was eating you up inside. You are with Alex but Bill is still important to you as well, though you hated to admit it. He was your first love and you’re unsure if you’ll ever be rid of feelings. 

In the next few days, you feel as if you are going to jump out of your skin. Your anxiety was so terrible, hives began to break out on your legs. Great, you thought, just what you need, another thing to worry about. You’ve been using every coping skill available to you. Some worked more effectively than others. You can’t wait for this to be over until then you are going to put your focus on the positives. Alex invites you to stay the night, even though the two of you will most likely be sleeping. 

The day of the press conference finally arrives, your nerves on edge. Alex leaves early in the morning, wanting to ensure he has enough time to make last-minute touches to his speech for the conference. You make the short drive to your apartment, giving yourself enough time to raid your closet. You want to make sure you have something appropriate to wear. Another part of you wants to dress alluring to throw Bill off his game. 

You settle for a compromise between business and alluring. You pick a blue dress, Bill’s favorite color, that hugs your body perfectly. A small part of you is uncertain whether it’s the best idea to try and attempt this. There is a chance this could backfire and would anger Alex even more than he already will be. These last few months have been hell for the two of you. Alex barely had any time for you, you were even lucky to receive a message from him. It’s been a long, lonely road, one you hope to never go through again. 

When you arrive at the conference, the place is already packed. The fans wait impatiently for it to begin. Alex makes sure to have a seat up front for you but off to the side so you aren’t grouped in with the fanatic fans. He knew how quickly things could become chaotic. You sit calmly, scrolling through your phone, answering the few messages from friends about the fight. Your best friend has been by your side, listening to you complain, talking you through the overthinking and doing their best to keep you sane. The stage is set so the moderator is in the middle of the stage with stools on each side. The closest two are where Bill and Alex will sit. Far enough apart the two wouldn’t be on top of each other, but close enough when things become heated, they could be in each other’s face. 

Finally, the moderator comes out on stage, “Is everyone ready?” Almost the entire crowd screams “YES!” at the top of their lungs. Nervousness washes over you, your stomach instantly began to hurt. “Alright, alright, here they are. Bill Skarsgard, a two-time champion and Alex Hogh Andersen, a first-time contender!” They work their way up to the stage, each sitting on opposite sides of the moderator. Bill scans the crowd, his eyes becoming glued to you the moment he sees you. You’re able to see his breath hitch for just a second. Alex watches the interaction, a moment of displeasure crosses his face. Someone who didn’t know Alex very well wouldn’t even notice, but you did. He knew you only wore the dress to tease Bill. 

The press conference is one of your most favorite parts of boxing challenges. There is just something thrilling about watching the two trash talk, doing their best to agitate the other. The conference starts calmly, however it doesn’t take long before the two can barely contain their disdain for the other. Every few minutes your eyes lock with one of them. The longer Alex sees you in the dress the more irritated he becomes. 

Both give and take little jabs at each other. Before long the two are in each other’s faces, close enough you’re sure spit was hitting the other every time they spoke. Bill did some of the best trash-talking, that was until the very end. Alex let the crowd die down as the conference was coming to the end, “I would just like to thank everyone for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of this. I most want to thank my gorgeous girlfriend Y/N. You know her, don't you Bill? Well, maybe not so much anymore.” Bill’s face turns red, clenching his jaw, and tight fists at his sides. If there hadn’t been cameras and a thousand or more witnesses you’re sure Bill would have punched him right there. The crowd goes silent, everyone waiting for Bill’s response, however instead Bill walks off stage. 

After the conference, you meet up with Alex for just a brief moment. The two of you sit in his car not saying a word. You decide to break the silence, “Really Alex? You just had to bring up the fact I’m with you know. There was no reason for that.” You know you shouldn’t be as pissed as you are, but you felt he crossed a line.

“Yes because I knew it would get to him. I couldn’t think of anything else at that moment. He deserved it, after all, he said to me. But you’re right I should have tried to think of another comeback.” 

“I’m sorry, I overreacted. I know it’s hard to think on the spot when you're in front of that many people. This whole thing is ridiculous to me so it seems everything puts me on edge.” You grab his hand, rubbing your thumb over the back. The two of you spend the next hour talking about all the activities you’re going to do after the match. The one thing you agreed on is a vacation, it didn’t even matter where. 

The match is finally here. You aren’t sure if you’re calm because your anxiety has passed beyond feeling anxious or if the fact the day finally here, you are excited for it to be over. 

Alex messages you, “Good morning. Can’t wait to see you.” He must have gone to his trainer to prepare. Nothing would make you happier than being able to relax, Alex told you after this fight, he was going to take it, at least easy for him. 

When you arrive, the only people there are the crew and the building personal and of course Alex and Bill. You walk to Alex’s locker room to see him and Leif going over last-minute strategies. “If he backs up, keep moving until he’s in no position but to fight. Don’t let him maneuver past you, his defense will be thrown off.”

“Okay.” Alex’s voice gave away his true feelings. There was a barely distinguishable shake in his voice. 

“If that isn’t an option, try to stay back until he tires himself out. Use his strategy against him.” Alex shakes his head, looking focused. 

“Hey, Alex.” Your voice is meek not wanting to interrupt them, but you doubt they would have stopped talking anytime soon. 

“Y/N, you’re here early. Thought you wouldn’t be here until a little later.” 

“Yeah, I just wanted to see you before the fight. I can leave and come back if you’d like.” 

“No, no it’s fine. I’m happy you’re here.” He walks over, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you in for a kiss. “I do have to prepare though. Can she stay?”

“No, I want all of your focus on preparing. Sorry Y/N.” Leif did sound genuinely apologetic. It makes you wonder if Alex had told him who Bill was to you. 

“I understand, I’ll see you after.” Leif did inform you there is a lounge to sit in if you didn't want to leave. You decide to stay so you won’t have to fight the crowd coming in again. You sit down on the couch, grab your book out of your purse and begin to read. 

A couple of hours later you take a break, checking your phone, ignoring all of the texts flooding your phone. You know most of them only want to discuss the fight. Getting on Twitter you see the championship is trending, everyone debating on who they thought is going to win. It’s split fifty-fifty; some thought Bill would win due to the fact that he has more experience. Several thought Alex would win due to his fighting style and determination. 

The lounge remains empty, much to your enjoyment. You didn’t have the energy to talk with anyone especially knowing it would only be about who you thought would win. Only a few members of Bill’s team would know your relationship with him and would take too much energy to explain you’re here for Alex. 

Around an hour before the match, you change into a custom made jersey dress. It’s red and black with Hogh Anderson on the back. You didn’t tell Alex about it, wanting to surprise him. You opt to go to the locker room for hopefully a short, encouraging pep talk. Alex’s eyes grew huge when he saw you in the dress. “You like?” You grin, giving him a little twirl. 

He closes the space until you’re pressed into his chest. “Very much so,” he leans in to press his lips against yours. It’s as if no one was there besides the two of you. He pulls away first, “Now that’s what I call a good luck kiss. Sorry to cut it so short, but it’s almost time.” 

“Of course, I’ll see you afterward. Good luck baby.” You whisper the last part in his ear. 

Walking towards the arena you scan until you see Alex’s family. You and his mom converse, that is until Valter notices you are sitting beside him. “Hello Y/N, long time no see.”

“Uh...yeah, been busy.” Your brain pauses unsure of what to say. It crosses your mind to ask one of Alex’s family members to switch seats, but you aren’t going to let him get the best of you. 

“I bet dating a boxer is difficult. Although you would know since you’ve dated two. Funny how you left one just to date another.” Heat shot to your face, is he really going to talk about this here. Bill let it be known you’d hurt him, but maybe even more than he let on. 

“Really? Are you seriously going to talk about this now? It doesn’t even concern you.” Valter doesn’t seem fazed. He turns back to his family, acting nonchalant. 

Soon Alex and Bill walk out of their locker rooms, followed by their teams. The crowd erupts in cheers. It takes a few minutes for everyone to settle down. The announcer, Jesper,  stands in the middle of the ring, the crowd quiets down to a murmur. He faces the camera informing the fans in person and at home, the fight would soon begin. Alex and Bill are in their respective corners, both turn to face the middle, their teams hyping them up. “Welcome to the Heavyweight Championship of the World. In this corner, we have Alex Hogh Anderson.” Jesper reads off Alex’s stats, a mixture of boos and cheers arise from the crowd. “AND in this corner, we have the returning Scandinavian Champion, Bill Skarsgard!” Jesper then reads Bill’s stats from the previous year. 

The referee then steps in announcing there will be twelve rounds, lasting three minutes and explains the rules to each contestant. Both appear focused, only one thing on their mind, winning. Alex and Bill stretch, jump and wait for the bell to ring. Shortly after the bell rings signaling the beginning of the first round. Alex makes the first move, trying to get Bill pushed into a corner, Bill  maneuvers himself out of the way. Alex tries once more to no avail. Bill analyzes the situation waiting for the right moment to take his first swing at Alex. His fist collides with Alex’s left cheek, stunning Alex. The arena erupts in cheers, the excitement of the first hit landed. It doesn’t take long before Alex regains his composure, starting his method of attempting to corner Bill. He isn’t able to accomplish this before the round ends. They go to their corners, taking a break, their trainers reminding them of techniques. 

The next few rounds continue in the same fashion. Alex and Bill, both get in their punches. They become more and more exhausted as the match goes on. There are many instances where it looks as if they are cuddling in the ring. It makes you giggle if only the two actually liked each other that much. Bill is usually the first one to push away, giving him the best chance of trying to catch Alex off guard and get a few hits in. This only works a couple of times. It doesn’t take Alex long to learn Bill’s strategy. 

By the time the final round arrives the anticipation is killing you. Both have gotten their fair share of hits in. At this point, it seems to be anyone’s game. As much as you hate to admit it, you are surprised Alex has been able to keep up with Bill. The differences in strategies add a level of learning for both of them. They have to try and gauge the other’s next move though it’s different than what they themselves would have done. 

Bill lands a few punches making Alex unsteady, blood dripping down his face. Alex dodges Bill’s assault for the next thirty seconds. Regaining his composure Alex comes back twice as hard, pushing Bill until he has nowhere to go but in a corner. Alex lands punch after punch. Bill is only able to block a few, his efforts to push Alex back appear useless. The timer continues to count down until only ten seconds are remaining. The crowd shouts along with the timer until it hits zero. When the bell signals the end of the round, Alex backs away, leaving everyone to see Bill’s bruised and bloody face. Bill slumps down unable to move. Alex looks more shocked than anyone. 

Medical personnel and Bill’s team swarm to give him the appropriate medical attention. Once he regains consciousness they go to their corners, their teams help them rehydrate, take their gloves off, and wipe off the sweat. The energies exuding from either side are vastly different. Cameras are instantly in the ring, ready to interview them. They interview Alex first, giving Bill time to have his wounds cleaned. After the interviews are over, the crowd disappears slowly. You remain in your seat until there is almost no one left. You hope it’s enough time for Alex to have time to rest. 

Arriving at the locker room, you’re surprised to see it empty besides Alex and Leif. The two are reviling in the win. Walking a little closer you can hear what they’re saying, “I told you that I knew you’d win. That’s your first knockout Alex and against a previous champion. It’s no easy feat. I’m proud of you Alex.” Leif hugs him, giving him a few pats on the back. 

“Alex,” you announce wanting to get his attention, but not wanting to interrupt.

“Y/N, I can’t believe I won,” he says bewildered, making his way towards you. The two of you stay in the embrace not wanting to let go. It’s been so long since the two of you have had time to just enjoy the other’s presence. Leif excuses himself, letting Alex know they would celebrate tomorrow so he could have the rest of the night to relax. “I want to thank you, Y/N. You don’t know how much your support means. It’s one of the only things that kept me going. You know I’m gonna take it easy for the next few weeks and give you all my attention.” 

“Alex, I’m just happy it’s finally over. I know the risks of dating a boxer. Of course, I was going to support you. I am happy you won.” You lean in to kiss him. You are happy he won, however, the relief of it being over overshadowed the win. He doesn’t seem fazed, not wanting anything more than to be with each other. “Here let me help you with your wounds.” He sits down while you gather the supplies. 

He flinches when you first apply pressure. It doesn’t take long since most of his wounds had been tended to during the match. A soft knock causes you both to turn. Bill is standing near the door. “Hi, I just want to say congrats on the win and sorry for causing all of this.”

“Thanks, man. You did a great job, surprised I won actually.” You knew that had to hurt Alex to admit, but he was trying to play nice with Bill. The tension in the room was thick, almost suffocating. 

“I’m sorry for starting all this Y/N. I shouldn’t have challenged him just because I was jealous. I was upset about losing you, especially to another fighter after you said you didn’t want to date me anymore because training took too much of my time. I was having a hard time letting you go,” Bill says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Thank you for apologizing. I’m just glad it’s over. I will admit the process was exhausting and the match was entertaining.” What you want to say is the match was provocative. The two of them fighting, their sweaty bodies pressing together. The imagery brought heat between your legs. 

“Y/N?” Alex questions raising his hand in front of you. “You not staring at Bill again?” He asks smirkingly. 

“I...uh…” You’re at a loss for words. There is no way you are going to be able to explain your way out of this. 

“Again?” Bill appears confused, but also intrigued. 

“Oh, yeah a few months ago before this all started. When you first began training at the gym. She blurted she wasn’t staring at you. Can’t help but wonder what goes on in her head.” You’re starting to panic, how are you going to get out of this?

“Oh did she. I bet I know what’s going on in her head.” Bill has known you much longer than Alex, giving you time to confess some of your deepest sexual fantasies.  

“Oh yeah?” Alex stares inquisitively.  

“She mentioned a few times a fantasy of hers was to have a threesome. I assume you already know about how hot she gets from watching us box.” Bill’s voice is laced with cockiness. 

“She’s mentioned the latter, but never the first part.” Alex raises an eyebrow at you. The tension in the air soon turned from awkward to sexual. Alex makes his way over to you first, Bill follows soon after. Alex stands behind you, placing kisses to your neck. Bill is more hesitant waiting for permission from you. Giving him a reassuring nod, he shuffles forward placing a hand on your waist. Looking into his eyes feelings of lust come rushing back. Bill pulls you closer to him leaning down to kiss you. 

Alex’s hand slips under your dress, fingers grazing over your covered core. Instinctively you tangle a hand in Bill’s hair, bringing back the last time the two of you were together. He follows Alex’s lead, bringing a hand under your dress to knead and pinch your nipples. You tug at the bottom of Bill’s shirt wanting it off, you want anything standing between you and the two of them gone. 

They follow your hint, the three of you racing to get clothes off. You stand back looking at the two of them: cocks hard, dripping precum, their bodies bruised from the fight, their eyes almost black from dilation. Making your way to them, dropping to your knees, grabbing both cocks in each hand. Both men let out a slew of cuss words, their hands naturally tangle in your hair. Bill’s cock is long and slim, whereas Alex has more girth, both beautiful. 

Quickly you move your head until your lips are almost touching Alex’s tip. You lick a long strip up his shaft, teasing, knowing he loves it. After a few short licks, you take him in your mouth until his tip is reaching the back of your throat. Your pace is moderate, not wanting him to come too soon. Popping him out of your mouth, you switch to Bill. With no hesitation, you take him into your mouth. It’s more difficult than you could have imagined trying to concentrate on two people at once. 

Bill pulls you off of him, pulling you so you are standing. He attaches his lips to your neck: sucking, biting, sure to leave a mark. You’re so focused on him you fail to notice Alex dropping to his knees, only noticing when you can feel his hot breath against your thighs. Alex gives you no mercy, leaving many marks behind. Bill soon switches his assault to your breasts. The feeling is so overwhelming, you can barely keep your knees from shaking. Thankfully both of them have a grip on you. 

With no warning Alex wraps his lips around your clit, sucking, using his tongue to draw circle eights. You feel fingers running along your pussy, collecting the quickly forming juices, though it isn’t until they’re slipped in, you realize it’s Bill’s fingers. Bill is still working on making as many marks as possible along your torso. Sweat begins to form on your forehead, a tightening in your stomach, you are grasping at the air. Your orgasm rushes over your body, both men holding you up until you regain your composure. Once they’re sure you can stand for yourself, they move away. 

Alex searches for anything to throw on the floor. He finds and throws a couple of towels down, hoping to cover enough space to lie down without being on the cold floor. He lies down waiting for you to climb on top of him. You hover above him, so you can align yourself. A moan escapes your lips, loving the feeling of having him inside of you. You move your hips in circles, Alex’s hands resting on your hips. Your high is close approaching, so fast you almost forget Bill is standing there. “Come join us.” You whimper. 

Bill looks unclear of where he should place himself. “I have lube in my bag,” your breathing is labored. A puzzled look crosses his face, but not for long. He digs in your bag finally finding it at the bottom applying a generous amount to his fingers before running a couple around your puckered hole. Bill inserts his fingers slowly, stretching you until he’s sure you’ll be able to take him. You’ve never been so thankful for almost always carrying lube in your overnight bag. 

Alex stops thrusting so Bill can inch into you. Bill takes his time when he’s fully in neither of them move. You thought you’d felt fullness before with just one of them, this, however, is one of the most breathtaking sensations. “Please...move.” Your voice is weak and pleading. Alex thrusts first setting the pace of long, hard strokes. Bill attempts to copy Alex’s movements so they were thrusting at the same time. 

The feeling of two cocks thrusting at the same time was euphoric. It’s nothing that you’ve ever felt before, practically too hard to explain in words. Their strokes switch to short and fast, Alex hitting that sweet spot inside of you each time. The two finally are able to sync, pleasure building, becoming too difficult to hold off. Alex brings his fingers to your clit, rubbing circles, applying pressure wanting to feel you come around them. Bill’s lips are pressing against you, surely leaving more marks. 

Your second orgasm was approaching hastily, your body still tired from the first one. Your eyes are barely open waiting for the high to wash over you. Alex knows one thing that will get you off pretty much every time you’re that close, “Come for me Princess,” he feels your muscles tightening around him, “That’s it, come Princess.” You love being told when to come. There’s something powerful about someone else controlling it. 

It’s your turn for a slew of curse words to escape your lips. Your second orgasm of the night hits you like a truck; your legs shake uncontrollably, your hands grasping at Alex’s chest, your walls clenching around them. Both keep thrusting through your high, you can tell they’ll come soon after. Bill comes first, his cock twitching, spurts of come filling your ass. Alex comes soon after, holding your hips to his. 

The three of you lie there catching your breath. You would have never imagined this happening especially after the events that took place. You’re the first to move, gently sliding forward until Bill’s cock slips out of your ass. When you stand up, all you can feel is come dripping down your legs. Alex hands you one of the towels he’s been lying on. Once you’re cleaned up, you sit down on one of the benches. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.” You say in a gleeful frame of mind. 

“Me either,” Bill states. Alex gave an affirming nod. “So what now?” Bill asks, still processing the events.

“Well I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m starving,” you announce throwing your clothes on. They begin to clean up as well until there’s no trace anyone has been in the locker room, let alone had sex. Bill decides it’s best to home, not wanting to push his luck any farther. 

Alex and you end up at his apartment and order food. You had planned to talk with him about the situation however you decide you're not up for that discussion right then. You replay the night’s events in your mind over and over. You don’t know where this leaves the three of you, but what you do know is having a threesome was more mind-blowing than you could have imagined. You fall asleep wondering what the future has in store.

[themattress]

Rewatch: My Bride is a Mermaid Ep 23 - 24

Two episodes that are absolutely hilarious...and then sucker-punch you HARD with Feels.

Episode 23: The Man Without a Past

The episode opens up with a Masa Today, which launches us right into the main conflict: Masa is revealed to have no memories of his past beyond when he began working for the Seto Gang 10 years ago. At the same time, Akeno reveals that she is searching for her older brother, who disappeared 10 years ago while on government business to the Seto Inland Sea, and she wants to kill him for bringing shame upon the Shiranui family...and on a more personal level, for abandoning her. Yeah, anyone can see where this is going: Masa is Akeno’s brother who got amnesia after being struck in the head by a drunk Gozaburo. Desperate to save Masa’s life, Nagasumi and Gozaburo team up to stop him from recovering his memories, but their crazy attempts only end up causing that very thing to happen.

There is a lot that is funny in this episode: Gozaburo and Nagasumi actually needing to work together for a common goal, Sun constantly addressing Akeno as “Aki” which she never did before and never will again as though she just randomly decided she’d give Akeno a pet name for that day and that day only, Akeno briefly losing her memory and reverting back to her 4 year old state of mind, and the ultimate pay-off to Nagasumi’s homoerotic feelings for Masa with him pretending to be outright in love with him in order to keep his memories suppressed...a choice that he is seriously, hysterically regretting by the end of the episode.

But when Masa actually recovers his memories, the episode takes a shocking turn into true emotional sincerity. Masa has a mental encounter with his past self and expresses shame and disappointment in his whole existence being nothing but a lie, and he is willing to fade away to give the original persona his body back. His past self, however, makes him see all of the friends - family, really - that he made in the 10 years he’s been around, telling him that he can’t just disappear from their lives. And so it’s his past self that fades away, with parting words asking Masa to be there for his sister. Akeno, in 4 year old mode, is crying for her big brother and it’s legitimately heart-wrenching: for all her teenage self’s declarations of hatred and a desire for fatal vengeance, deep down all she really wants is to have him back. Masa goes over and hugs her tight, saying that even if he’s not the brother that she remembers, he wants to be the brother that she has now. And at the end, he even tells the guilt-stricken Gozaburo that he bears no grudges toward him for accidentally causing him amnesia, and that he loves him, Sun and the whole Seto Gang. It’s beautiful, and it actually got to me.

Can the show possibly top it? Yes. Yes, it can.

Episode 24: Farewell, My Friend

Kai Mikawa and Hideyoshi “Chimp” Sarutobi have consistently been two of the most unlikable characters on this show, but this episode pulls off one of the best redemptions for jerks that I have ever seen, up there with Eddy from Ed, Edd n’ Eddy and Lars from Steven Universe. And it must be noted that it’s the other episode in this anime that has no basis in the manga, which means this show’s writers must be applauded for pulling such a fantastic turnaround. 

It starts when Kai, in a typical narcissistic mindset, is trying to hide the fact that he was visiting a hospital because he’s developed a boil on his butt. While the rest of his classmates actually guess that this was the case, Chimp refuses to believe it because he’s grown to care for Kai as a true friend and doesn’t think he would keep information from him unless it was something serious. This leads to Chimp staking out the hospital and overhearing part of a conversation that makes it sound like Kai has something terminal. He confronts Kai about it and Kai, thinking Chimp knows the truth about his “ass acne”, swears him to secrecy, which Chimp takes as Kai being so noble that he doesn’t want everyone else distraught and worried over him. However, Chimp is unable to keep this promise as he has to tell his classmates what’s going on so that they won’t act antagonistic toward Kai even when he’s being a jerk. This info then spreads to the rest of the class, and to the teachers, and to the whole freaking town, with absolutely everyone pitching in to pamper Kai and celebrate his existence in order to make his “last days” the best possible for him. What a wacky misunderstanding, eh?

But even amidst the natural humor in this situation, legitimate character insight is being given to Kai. As an agoraphobic who grew up around a bunch of yes-men, Kai has developed the belief that nobody loves him naturally and that he can only get love through flaunting his money, his good looks, his material goods, etc.  And from this he developed an entitlement complex when he feels he isn’t being given his rightful due from others. So when everyone starts showering him with love and kindness, he can’t recognize it for what it truly is and instead thinks that everyone has just “come to their senses” and are treating him the way he “deserves” to be treated. Even when he learns of his “terminal illness” from a TV report, he can’t connect the dots between it, the way people have been treating him, and how they feel about him - he’s too consumed by the horror of believing himself to be dying. The fear turns to sadness, and then to anger and hatred toward one target: Nagasumi Michishio. Kai decides that if he’s dying, then he wants to take his rival whom he is so envious of with him.

A showdown at high noon ensues, with Kai even taking off his protective space helmet and suddenly having white hair for...reasons. But Nagasumi’s improved reflexes from all the time he’s spent dodging attacks across the series combined with the emotional breakdown Kai is having leads to Nagasumi being victorious. The scene transitions into a huge tear-jerker once Kai begins sobbing and admitting what his real problem is: he genuinely thinks he has no real friends and no-one that truly loves him, whereas Nagasumi does and he’s jealous of that, and the thought that he’s now going to die without that being rectified while Nagasumi gets to live a Happily Ever After with Sun is more than he can bear. “SOMEONE LOVE ME BEFORE I DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!” he screams up toward the sky, all onlookers choked up with pity.

With Sun and Nagasumi leading the way, all of Kai’s classmates gently protest his claims: they’re his friends and they love him, they wouldn’t have done all that they’ve done for him if that wasn’t the case. And Kai never needed to ask for love from them, or buy it from them, because otherwise that isn’t really love. Sun may not love him romantically, but she still loves him all the same, and so does his rival Nagasumi which is the whole reason why he even accepted his potentially fatal challenge. And then the episode delivers the biggest gut-punch when Chimp, fucking CHIMP, rushes to Kai’s side, crying his eyes out as he declares that he loves him more than anything in the world and that if he could he’d gladly take his place and die instead of him. In-universe, this is what fully breaks Nagasumi, who has to turn away as he begins sobbing uncontrollably (MAJOR props to Eric Vale and Anthony Bowling’s voice-acting; they sell their emotional lines in this episode and especially in this scene perfectly.)

Kai flashes back to the various times he’s hung out with his classmates and realizes that he was never alone, he never lacked love and friendship. He was just too self-absorbed to recognize what was right in front of him the whole time. As he lays down to die, he sums it up by saying “All of you have shown me how big your hearts can be...but me, all I did was show you how small mine was.” He apologizes to Chimp for taking him for granted, saying that he’s the best friend a guy could have, and then he thanks Sun and Nagasumi and tells them to be happy together. And then...he passes on. OK, not really, but the scene plays it totally straight and does it so well that for a moment you might actually forget that his terminal illness isn’t real and was just a misunderstanding. Naturally, this creates a huge mood whiplash when we suddenly get the final scene where the status quo reasserts itself at school, with everyone hilariously reacting to the fact that they went through all that emotional turmoil for nothing.

But as we’ll see in the two-part series finale, Kai and Chimp have come out of this experience somewhat changed: they aren’t the complete pricks they were before and even play a major heroic role, with Kai especially showing how much both Sun and Nagasumi mean to him. While Chimp on his own still isn’t a particularly good character, he is an excellent accessory to Kai, whom this anime has made one of the strongest characters in the cast over the course of just this single episode. Kai, you definitely have my love. (And Kai/Chimp OTP 4evah!)

[flavourlessfiction]

Ice Melts When Heated ~ Chapter 3

Relationships: Jason Todd/Tim Drake

Rating: Mature

Tags: Alternate Universe - Skating, figure skating, Rivals, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies is a slight overstatement tho, Banter, Time Skips, Rating May Change

Ao3: x

Three sharp raps on his hotel room door. It couldn’t be the national representative who was effectively his handler for the comp. She’d left just ten minutes ago and they’d already selected him for the gala. God knows why. It wasn’t often that someone who finished in tenth got the opportunity to skate in the gala, especially when it wasn’t in their home country.

The knocking started again, Tim pushing himself up and slowly trudging towards the door. He was fortunate to end up with his own hotel room, although could one really be fortunate when they’d choked? Or when their coach picked a minor competition over the last major event before Worlds? “What can I-” He started to say, stopping dead in his tracks when he was met face to face with Jason. No, he did not need to spar with Jason right now, he’d had a bad enough day without listening to the winner gloat. “- fuck off.”

“Hey, wait!” Jason’s foot got caught in the door frame, preventing him from shutting the door in his face. He couldn’t just slam it on the foot either, it would look like he was attempting to take out his competition. “I know you don’t want anything to do with me right now but you can’t be alone after something like that.”

“Go away, Jason.”

“Come out with me, we’ll have some drinks and you can think about anything other than that skate.”

Of course, his idea of a good time was going out and getting drunk. Forgetting about the skate and Bruce was certainly a good idea but that didn’t mean it was the right thing to do, they had practice for the gala tomorrow, as well as the actual performance and showing up with a hangover wasn’t going to make him look any better in the eyes of the skating federation. “I’m eighteen.”

“The legal drinking age in China. Tim, we don’t have to go out or drink. I just don’t want you to be left feeling how I felt just because Bruce can’t see what his skaters need.” There was the first dig at Bruce, it was to be expected and if he wasn’t pissed off with Bruce he might have defended him. Bruce had allowed all of this to happen, however, and he wasn’t going to pretend like he could just move past it. Not tonight at least.

Lowering his eyes Tim opened the door wider, flinching as Jason gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. If it was anyone he liked it would have felt comforting but with the other it just felt so wrong. “You were injured, you didn’t just fall apart.”

“That’s true, but I shouldn’t have been allowed to skate. Just as you shouldn’t have been sent here without anyone. I’m not going to talk about that, get changed and we’ll go do something. You need a distraction.” That was probably fair, he’d already watched the skate twice in the time he’d been alone, not bothering to watch the scores or his reaction in the kiss and cry. He hadn’t exactly stopped feeling that way and it wasn’t about to change rewatching it for a third time. “Tim please, if they think you’re going to spiral they’ll force you to give up your spot at worlds. The best thing to do right now is at least look like you’re socialising and not panicking.”

“Okay,” He said, kneeling down in front of his suitcase. There definitely wasn’t going to be anything inside for going out to bars and clubs, aside from the suit he’d brought with him the nicest things he had were jeans and plain t shirts. They could work but it still didn’t leave him with many options. “Did it look as bad as it felt?”

“You hitting the boards multiple times or the breakdown,” it didn’t seem like Jason needed a response, the soft sigh that followed told him enough. “You just looked like you were in a lot of pain and this was the last straw. People might think you’re actually human now at least.” Quiet and awkward never translated to being robotic in Tim’s mind, but it was a joke that came out of multiple people’s mouths despite knowing him, despite the fact that he looked like anything but a robot on the ice.

It wasn’t important, his public image would never be the person he was even if he tried to remould it now. Everyone would still see him as a kid. “I’m surprised Talia isn’t up your ass for even trying to go out when you’re basically the main event tomorrow.” Thrown away, meaningless chatter, he just didn’t want it to be constant jabs at him or it to be talk about skating.

He didn’t need Jason to laugh about it though, and whilst his laughter was charming it wasn’t a welcome sound to his ears. “I disagree, I saw the music you’re using on the running sheet for practice tomorrow, are we seeing a return of girl Tim?”

“Uh, no. I’m doing a different version of the song.” There was a shirt that didn’t look like something he’d sleep in, keeping his back to Jason he shed his jacket and training shirt, hurriedly pulling the black ¾ sleeve shirt over his head. “And I know people will probably claim I’m going too many different exhibition skates in one season, but Dick did a new one every comp the year he won Olympic gold, so what does it matter?”

He wasn’t defensive, sure he knew plenty of people would say that if he had trained for the comp better; he wouldn’t have lost the way he did. Except it had nothing to do with that this time, it wasn’t new choreography, it was just a different version of the same song. “I think people will just be happy to see you skate, some people thought you really hurt yourself, in all honesty, you’ve got people in your corner.”

“I’m talking to you so that’s not accurate. Before you ask, Dick isn’t here because he couldn’t get a visa in time, which translation means he wasn’t given enough warning because everything’s so fucking disorganised lately.”

“Could he have gone to-”

“Yes.” He looked over his shoulder to see a tight-lipped Jason nodding, eyes averted picking up that Tim was just going to change in the middle of the room. Well at least he wasn’t going to have to awkwardly shuffle into the bathroom despite the fact that it was his hotel room. “I guess it’s appropriate that I hang around you, you’re kind of the master at being pissed off with Bruce Wayne.” It takes less than a minute and he’s sliding on a pair of shoes, looking like he was prepared to go out this whole time.

“Well if he tells you how mad he is about what happened, just tell him to eat a bag of dicks, this was his fault not yours.” He didn’t have to be friends or friendly with Jason, but he was right, he needed to be around someone, both for perceptions sake but so that he didn’t drive himself crazy. If that meant going to an obnoxious bar with music so loud that he couldn’t think, well then that was a positive thing. They didn’t need anything to say to each other, exiting the hotel, Jason looking at his phone briefly before setting off in the direction of wherever he planned on going, Shanghai had a nightlife scene of sorts, he was aware of that but he doubted there were clubs that were like American ones.  “Would you rather go to a club or a bar?” He’d rather go to neither but he’d agreed to come out and he wasn’t about to be a sulking mess the entire night, he already knew he didn’t look great, just by how his eyes felt from all the crying.

“I don’t mind, I can’t speak mandarin very well though, so unless you’re skilled in it we might want to go to a must see place for American tourists.”

“I thought you spoke fine in Hong Kong… Wait that’s Cantonese, okay I can understand. Don’t worry I’ve already got a place in mind but it’s more of a club.” He didn’t feel game enough to ask just what kind of a club and in truth he wouldn’t know where or what it was.

Just follow and look around at the sights nearby. Well it wasn’t quite following as Jason had fallen into step with him. He was still certainly the one guiding although even Jason was glancing at his phone every so often, obviously using a maps app to direct him. At least they weren’t going to get completely and utterly lost. Finding their way back might be a challenge depending on how drunk Jason got. He knew the hotel name so he could get directions back there if the other was completely useless. “Arkham?” Jason only laughed, how he found a place that held the same name as the prison in their home city was amusing but he was sure the choice in venue was based upon the proximity to the hotel. They’d walked for no more than ten minutes to get there.

Thankfully they didn’t have to wait long to get in and even less to get a drink. He didn’t question what it was, it looked well enough like a bottle of beer and he wasn’t all that focused on enjoying it. It was loud enough in here with EDM that if he stayed sober he’d end up with a worse headache than what a hangover could possibly give him. “Drink and have fun.” A hand sat at his side, Tim recognising the touch as less for the purpose of being comforting but to prevent him from stepping away due to the breath against his ear as Jason spoke to him, it being the only way they wouldn’t be completely drowned out by the music.

It wasn’t music he’d ever skate to, he’d once joked about skating to a Portuguese pop song but one look from Bruce told him that wouldn’t happen in a million years. In truth he knew Bruce was irritated enough by his exhibition programs but didn’t deny him them because they were just supposed to be for entertainment’s sake. Pop music had been a quick line in the sand however, although it could be because Dick had a few too many obnoxious pop skates of his own and Bruce wasn’t willing to indulge any of his skaters after Dick.

The first drink was finished quickly, and whilst it took ten minutes or so to hit, he could definitely feel it. That wasn’t to say he was already a stumbling drunk, merely that there was a warmth synonymous with mild intoxication that was undeniable. That hand was still touching him, although he’d made no effort to squirm out of the touch either. He was a foreigner here and whilst he wasn’t thrilled to be here with Jason he didn’t want to end up alone and stuck. “I’d love to know the truth to a rumour about you.” Tim shifted slightly as he placed the bottle on the table in front of him, motioning for Jason to continue. “I always thought you were gay but someone said you and Tamara Fox hooked up on the road at Stars back in July, which one is true?”

Now that was a complicated question. There were always rumours but that was one he hadn’t thought would get out. Either of them. “Sexuality is complicated, yes we did.”

“Would you date her?”

“No, I’m not interested in dating women.”

“So… you hooked up with her to see what it was like and to know if you are gay?”

“It’s complicated.” It felt like a pitiful excuse but he wasn’t going to explain it now, everyone always just assumed it was an experimental excuse that he was covering up his sexuality when in truth Tim wasn’t attracted to women for the purposes of relationships. “I’m getting another drink.”

His feet hurt, someone had definitely stepped on them or dropped something on them multiple times when he was on the dance floor. At least Jason hadn’t entirely left his side to allow him to do something stupid, but he’d given him some amount of space. Although he had grabbed him around three in the morning, he’d had what, five drinks in the few hours that they’d been there?

He wouldn’t say he was plastered by any means but he was a lot closer to that than being sober. It was probably why it took so long to get back to the hotel.

No! They were slower because his feet hurt! He couldn’t wait to lay down, Jason had an arm around him again, keeping him from stumbling and getting hurt. He was definitely doing a much better job at not looking like a complete and utter mess. Maybe he hadn’t drunk quite as much as he had. Although Tim could have sworn that Jason was at least one drink ahead of him. It wasn’t fair!

Although what had been fair about the past week or so? No, he didn’t want to think about it, if he did he’d just get mad or sad and he’d certainly cried enough in the kiss and cry earlier. “Why are you helping me?” He grumbled as he was ushered into an elevator, it was lucky there weren’t any officials hanging around in the lobby, there needed to be as little evidence about their inebriation as possible and that would be given up all too quickly if they were forced to talk to anyone important.

Jason seemed to ignore him at first, opening his mouth to ask again before he was smothered with and embrace, being backed into the corner of the tight space, the chatter of the people that had joined them explained a lot. There was nothing more uncomfortable than getting called out right now. “I understand.” It was soft, even for someone that should be drunk, Jason never exactly came across as the guy with good volume control but perhaps it was more based upon the fact that he tended to not care.

Ordinarily he would have shoved Jason away, told him not to touch him but it was comfortable, he might have been stuck in a corner but for someone he’d been rather scared of following what happened at the Grand Prix Final a few years back, Jason was the safest person in Shanghai. A thought that he’d probably be sickened by in the morning. The elevator door opened and their company left, Jason letting out a small hiss. “Fuck, your hands are cold.” His hands? Tim hadn’t been aware that he’d reciprocated the hug, a fact made more startling as he realised his hands were under Jason’s shirt, seeking out the warmth of skin on skin.

He wouldn’t have thought it to be a pleasant feeling, although Tim didn’t think too hard about these kinds of touches, they just weren’t important compared to how a doctor might touch a sore spot of the feeling of skin rubbing off in a new pair of skates. “Yeah… ‘m sorry.” The words weren’t quite slurred but they didn’t come out easily either. He didn’t bother taking his hands away though. Tim finding himself resting his head against Jason’s chest, it was only a few more storeys up but to be able to rest for even just a few seconds just felt right. He was by no means about to pass out and embarrass himself.

He was released the second the elevator stopped moving, Jason giving him a moment to straighten himself before stepping back. Tim didn’t think he swayed at all but the pitied look Jason gave him told him otherwise. He definitely needed some assistance, stumbling over the slight lip in the carpeting from the open elevator door. Irresponsible design plan rather than his own struggles in walking, but there was an arm around him once more, guiding him towards his hotel room door.

Their night was certainly coming to a decided end, not by his own choice but given they had to be awake for the practice in just a few hours’ time, awake and sober, he could accept his fate and sleep likely would come quickly. “Do you have your key on you?” Tim felt around his pockets, pulling out his wallet and handing it over to the other, it wasn’t like he couldn’t have gotten the card out but he could also acknowledge the fact that if he did there was a decent chance that if he did the rest of his cards would spill out.

They were inside quickly, Jason standing awkwardly at the door whilst Tim made his way over to the bed. Laying on his back as he tried to kick his shoes off. “Jay… Don’t leave.” It was almost breathless as though kicking the shoes off was a real struggle for him, as though he wasn’t a professional athlete.

“I need to go to sleep and you don’t seem like you’re great at sharing a bed.” That got him to sit up, his lips pressed in a thin line. He could stand up and drag Jason over but then again, he would likely fall over within two steps. He wasn’t going to be able to conquer getting changed into more suitable clothing either.

“You won’t know until you try.” Defiant, almost childish as though he was trying to prove a point. “Sends a fuck you message to others… to Bruce.”

“I also don’t feel like having hungover Tim killing me for drunk Tim’s poor decision making.” He wobbled as he rose, Jason taking two long strides to grab a hold of him, set him back down on the bed.

Jason mustn’t have expected what came next, Tim’s hand gripping at Jason’s wrist and pulling him down onto the bed, he didn’t make a noise but an outsider would be able to see that he was startled by the movement. “I’m not some mindless drone who can’t stick up for himself and doesn’t know what he’s doing.” He whispered, hovering over Jason. He couldn’t read his expression, in all honesty he didn’t want to.

It wasn’t about Jason, it was about him. About what he wanted, to do or otherwise. Their lips didn’t crash together, at first it was all Tim, kissing him forcefully and desperately, it not being returned until a begging, ‘please,’ slipped past his lips. What did he want? The back of his mind told him this was more than enough, a thought that was quickly shoved to the side by the greedy voice that wanted to take as much as he could.

Kiss, touch, breathe each other’s air. It was something he needed, a touch that was unfamiliar but felt so safe, unlike others there wasn’t this residual fear that he’d intentionally hurt him. In the past or the future perhaps there would be but not tonight.

Was this the actual reason why Jason wouldn’t let go of him for most the night? Not because he’d wanted to avoid one or both of them getting lost but out of interest in him? It didn’t matter. It was happening unless one of them stopped it and Tim had no interest in letting it stop. Jason might have tasted like whatever crappy beers they’d been drinking, mixed in with a sweetness that Tim had no idea where it came from. Truthfully Jason could have started drinking cocktails at some point and he wouldn’t have noticed, he’d stopped paying proper attention to him the moment he moved over to the dance floor.

Kisses moved from Jason’s lips to along his jawline and neck, pushing up his shirt at the same time. It didn’t last long. A frustrated groan escaped him as a firm hand to his chest pushed him away. He got it, keep it light, only for Jason to jerk his head away when he tried to kiss him again. “Tim, no.” He let his hand rest on the bed, not understanding why he was turning him down, perhaps his previous review of the night had been completely wrong.

“I’m not a kid.”

“I know how you’re feeling, you’re pissed off with Bruce and you think this will get back at him. I’m the gold medallist at being pissed off with Bruce but I’m not going to let you do this.”

“It’s not just about Bruce.” He wanted nothing more than to show Jason exactly what he meant but he wasn’t about to endure the humiliation of being rejected again. God, he shouldn’t have tried anything. Jason was right hungover Tim was going to be mad about drunk Tim’s decision making. “I’m going to go…”

He could hear Jason suck in a breath between his teeth as he stood, Tim glancing down expectantly for whatever opinion he had. “It’s your room.”

Oh, right. Better sit back down then.

“I’ll leave, get some rest and we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” That probably wasn’t true, Tim already wanted to start avoiding Jason, well just earlier tonight he wanted to avoid everyone but had let Jason in after a few convincing words. “Tim?” He really didn’t want to respond.

He should though. “Yeah, I’ll sleep.”

“That’s not what I’m- okay, just make sure you set an alarm.” There was a wave and then he was gone. Alone again, it wasn’t as bad as earlier though, he was thoroughly exhausted now but he still had the sense to check that his alarms were set. Other things were not taken care of however, leaving the lights on and still dressed he allowed himself to crash.

Drinking had been a mistake, not because of the headache. That hadn’t been half as bad as he’d expected it to be. No the mistake came from the fact that he remembered every detail from the night before, it was humiliating at best and now he had to not recoil under Jason’s gaze, he couldn’t shy away without people realising Tim had tried to get with him only to be rejected because it had been interpreted as revenge.

It hadn’t been. He knew that much. He’d wanted comfort and his intoxicated mind told him that Jason was the person capable of giving him said comfort. That sex was the best form of comfort. At least he hadn’t forced conversation on him, but that was because the practice had been busy, there was still time to be backed into a corner, whilst they waited to skate or at the banquet later tonight. He should have just changed his flight and gone home a night early.

That wasn’t going to be any easier though.

Going back home meant showing up to the rink and that wasn’t something he wanted to face for quite some time. If ever.

At least the jumps didn’t feel as off today. He didn’t exactly have anything to prove to anyone and if he popped them well at least he landed them. That wasn’t entirely true, he now had to prove he didn’t have some sort of injury and that the mistake riddled free program was nothing more than a fluke. That they hadn’t put too many eggs in the basket of a younger skater when they could have taken up someone who had been solid for years even if those solid scores didn’t always guarantee a podium finish.

“Tim are you running through the skate or are you just winging it?” Laughter came from the several skaters that were on the ice, it wasn’t comment he would wing it but the last time he’d used the song he had claimed to be doing so. A thumb up was all that was needed for them to put CD in, the piano was in a different key compared to last time, the piano rather than the odd synth mix coming through that anyone that was a fan in the stands watching the practice would likely be recording it to put it online. There were no secrets when it came to music and that was why the first time they’d gotten away with it had been such a coup.

In truth it probably looked like he was winging it right now, marking certain patterns, making sure he didn’t risk having any clashes. He might have right of way but focus still lapsed and there were more people on the ice than normal. The only things he did full out were the spins and the axel with the falling leaf  flourish he’d put in there, purely to see if he could hit it. It didn’t feel quite right but he wasn’t going to let it weigh on him.

This was a Gala, it didn’t mean anything. It might be an emotional song but he was still entitled to have fun with it. He just couldn’t screw it up.

Iris Allen West    @WestFigures                                                1 minute ago

And I thought his original version of this skate made me feel things.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯            @PranceOn                                                            1 minute ago

BRUCE WAYNE’S PHONE ABOUT TO BLOW UP WITH THE MESSAGE THAT JUST GOT SENT!

Wally West        @WestSpeeds                                                       2 minutes ago

I was promised trash club beats! @Tricky-Dicky you lied to me!

Dick Grayson    @Tricky-Dicky                                                       30 seconds ago

Lies and slander!

Mel -> Shanghai @MelMonster                                                       2 minutes ago

JFC can he just do this skate forever. So many phone flashlights on.

Joker                     @MistahJSays.                                                      2 minutes ago

No one could possibly be entertained or enthused about watching Tim Drake skate.

Dick Grayson    @Tricky-Dicky                                                   3 minutes ago

God I wish I could be there to watch that live. Come home so I can force you to skate it 50 times over #TimTrash

Tim Drake Trash                @TinyTimTeam333                         3 minutes ago

ASDFGHJKL DICK IS TIM TRASH NUMBER 1

Skater Zoned                      @SkaterZoned                                    2 minutes ago

Your beautiful choreography always helps!

Tim’s Coffee      @JennyWeeps                                                  4 minutes ago

How many times are you going to make me cry this week Timothy?!??!

[lindsglenne]

Hello! Pop culture and entertainment rule my life. I decided that it would be fun to do a little recap of all the media I consume each month:

December

End of the year, otherwise known as: TIME TO CRAM! Cramming in books for my reading challenge, cramming in movies before the Golden Globes.

BOOKS!

Always and Forever Lara Jean by Jenny Han♥♥♥

Finishing up the series from my reread during November. Loved it just like the rest of the series. I think Han finished up Lara Jean’s story in such a beautiful and satisfying way. ♥♥♥♥♥

  Snow in Love by Kasie West, Melissa de la Cruz, Aimee Friedman, and Nic Stone

I talked about my feelings about this book in a post about winter anthologies earlier in December, but basically I loved the stories from Kasie West and Nic Stone and didn’t care for the other two. From what I’ve read from other people, the feelings were mutual. ♥♥♥

Dumplin by Julie Murphy

I had just watched the movie and I needed much more Bo lovin’! I reread it one morning when I hadn’t slept all night. ♥♥♥♥

Pride by Ibi Zoboi 

This is a Pride & Prejudice retelling taking place in Brooklyn centered on Afro-Latina Zuri and her big family as two new boys move in across the street. I felt it was a little rushed towards the end, especially with the situation with Layla and Warren. I also think towards the end the back in forth between Zuri and Darius got a little too repetitive and they seemed to be constantly contradicting themselves. But I really love Ibi Zoboi’s writing and this gave me another reason to actually read Pride & Prejudice. ♥♥♥♥

Goodbye Perfect by Sara Barnard

My third Sara Barnard book of the year and I think my favorite? She has become an auto-buy author for me, even though I have to get her books from Book Depository. This story really looks at how far you would go for a friendship and when you realize how much you do know about someone who you think is your best friend.

  To Make Monsters Out of Girls by Amanda Lovelace

It wasn’t until Amanda Lovelace that I really started to appreciate poetry. Her voice draws me in and she has such a way with words that really paints a picture. Beautiful. ♥♥♥♥♥

    Some Girls Are by Courtney Summers

After reading Courtney Summer’s book this year, Sadie, I had to read her earlier work. This book deals with sexual assault and bullying that sometimes felt a little unbelievable. The things that were being done to the main character Regina were unbearable and like no adult was around to notice anything? No parent or teacher sees damaged property or literal fights? Some of the relationships also seemed a little to over exaggerated and unbelievable.You can really tell how much Summers’s writing has evolved and improved over the years. ♥♥

Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson

Beautiful book. The prose was so lyrical it could even be considered on very long poem. The storyline was fragmented, jumping around from past to present, from descriptions and memories to facts. However, all of that just clicked. It all worked so well, I felt like I was in her head. And a person’s mind is far from linear. I read this because I needed something short to quickly finish my GR reading goal but I got so much more out of it. ♥♥♥♥♥

    TV!

The Marvelous Mrs Maisel

I fucking love this show. Rachel Brosnahan is an absolute joy. I think taking the show to the Catskills for a few episodes was a great change of pace and it brought us Zachary Levi as this kind of surly curmudgeon who is fascinated with Midge. I really did love them together. And the dynamic between Suzy and Midge is just perfect and we really saw so much of it during their disastrous tour. Ugh and then we have Lenny Bruce! I love the friendship he has with Midge. They could have easily tried to get them together but their friendship is really special.

MOVIES!

Dumplin‘

I did a whole post about my feelings on this movie but as a recap: loved it!

Crazy Rich Asians 

This was a welcomed rewatch and now I want to own it on DVD.

Spotlight

This was another rewatch, my parents started watching it after dinner one night and I was reminded how incredible this movie is and how great the cast work together. There was a reason this won the Best Picture Oscar.

Blackkklansman

I can’t believe this is a true story. A black man and his white partner go undercover in the Ku Klux Klan. John David Washington (Denzel Washington’s son) and Adam Driver were spectacular. Some parts were really funny and other parts where just unbelievable. It’s crazy that people truly had—still have— so much hatred in the hearts that they would treat people so horribly just because of the color of their skin or for being a different religion.

Mary Poppins Returns

One of my most anticipated movies of the year! It made me so happy, from beginning to end. When I heard Emily Blunt was going to be Mary Poppins I knew it was going to be in the right hands. There was still so much magic and wonder from the first movie that really shines through. And LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA! My baby boy! I loved his crush on Jane Banks and his amazement of everything Mary did. He was perfect, the whole movie was perfect.

Bohemian Rhapsody 

I don’t get it. People are obsessed with this movie and I just don’t get it. There were parts that were so unbelievably cringy and cliche that I started shifting in my seat. Such obvious *winking* at the audience. It’s just an incorrect telling of the history of a band set to a good soundtrack. Despite all this, even I can’t deny how great Rami Malek looked like Freddie Mercury. Too bad the writing was such trash.

Vice

The more I separate myself from this movie, the more I dislike it. The acting was great, I mean Christian Bale was incredible as Dick Chaney, as much as I hate to admit it, but there was just something about it that bothered me. I just have a hard time putting it into words.

The Favourite

Yorgos Lanthimos, you complete weirdo! Now that this movie is getting so much attention, I hope this gets people to see the director’s other work, like The Lobster. Everyone was bat-shit crazy and I never knew what was going to happen next with Queen Anne and her two ladies. This movie is definitely not for everyone.

A Simple Favor

Finally! I had been waiting to see this for such a long time and it was serious worth the wait. Blake Lively is a bad ass. She takes power suits to a whole other level. This story about two mothers is another one where I had no idea where it was going to go next. It started to get a little convoluted towards the end where they kind of needed to pick a direction and stick to it but all the performances were excellent.

Monthly Entertainment Recap: December Hello! Pop culture and entertainment rule my life. I decided that it would be fun to do a little recap of all the media I consume each month:

[aion-rsa]

TV’s Most Confusing Episodes From Doctor Who to Westworld

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There has to be some confusion in a TV drama, a procession of things not-yet-understood. That’s the deal: accept temporary bafflement in the expectation that at some point, all will be revealed. Or even if it won’t be, at least there’s a reason it’s been left unsolved, like a Sudoku you’ve got jam on. 

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TV

Enough, Scrappy-Doo! The TV Dogs Who Need to Chill the F Out

By Alec Bojalad and 3 others

TV

TV’s Most Stressful Episodes From Battlestar Galactica to The Handmaid’s Tale

By Alec Bojalad and 2 others

What doesn’t work is when a TV show that’s supposed to be taking you along with it, leaves you behind. That could be your fault (Did you stay awake? Skip an episode? Were you checking your phone? Was your dog doing that weird thing with the curtains so you had to get up and miss a bit?). Or it could be the fault of a TV show either too ambitious or inaccessible or illogical for comfort. We’ve chosen the episodes that left us scratching our heads; you can judge who’s to blame. 

Doctor Who ‘Twice Upon a Time’ (2017)

So named because twice is the minimum number of times you have to watch the 2017 Doctor Who Christmas special before you have the weakest grasp of what’s going on. Considering that most will have only watched it once, and that, from inside a boozy, gravy-based fug, it’s staggering how esoteric this one is – impressively so. As showrunner Steven Moffat’s farewell episode, it’s a distillation of the sort of clever, complicated, ambitious, self-referential writing he’s known for.

There are two Doctors (three if you count the post-Regeneration glimpse of Thirteen), two overlapping Doctor Who stories, a Dalek, an ancestor of The Brigadier, a ship’s pilot made of glass, a moving historical WWI moment and three companions who aren’t really there. (Or are they?) It’s about regret, or reminiscence, or saying goodbye. It’s definitely about something and is doubtless very meaningful and poignant once you crack its shell, but there’s the sense that, unless you’re one of the Who hardcore, it doesn’t really care for you to try. Why be so aloof? It’s Christmas. Let the rest of us play too. LM  

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 4 Episode 8 ‘I’m Not the Person I Used to Be’

This was a bold move from a bold show. When Santino Fontana chose to leave Crazy Ex-Girlfriend after his one year contract ended, the character of Greg – assumed by many to be lead Rebecca’s romantic endgame – was written out in early season two. Then in the fourth and final season, Greg returned but this time played by Skylar Astin. Instead of glossing over the casting change and pretending as though nothing had happened (like when, say, Ross’ ex-wife Carol on Friends or mercenary warrior Daario Naharis on Game of Thrones changed faces), Crazy Ex-Girlfriend hit it straight on.

This smart, innovative series had always been filtered through the unreliable perspective of lead Rebecca Bunch (hence the extravagant musical numbers that take place in her head). So when Greg’s character was recast, the show used it to comment on our impressions of other people. ‘I’m Not the Person I Used to Be’ lampshaded New Greg with a psychoanalytical reflection on changing perceptions and personal growth. It was brave. It was innovative. It was admirable. It was… really confusing and distancing. However great Astin was in the role, and however clever the idea was, New Greg was the point at which some Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fans began to peel away from a show clearly unafraid to leave viewers behind. LM

Westworld Season 3 Episode 8 ‘Crisis Theory’

The Westworld season one finale was confusing in a delicious, grinning ‘Oh, you clever devil’ kind of way. The Westworld season two finale was confusing in an exhilarating ‘Blimey. All right then!’ kind of way. The Westworld season three finale was confusing in a way that made you feel like you’d watched the entire Terminator trilogy on fast-forward while downing a 12-pack of Red Bull and trying to rewire the electrics in your house. It wasn’t a good feeling.

I still don’t know which world-dominating AI was which, who was fighting who, what the evil French guy wanted, how many people were secretly Dolores, whether Maeve still only existed in the Matrix, and why Jesse from Breaking Bad was the new Jesus. If free will still exists by the time season four comes, I’m using mine to either get a valium prescription or change channels. LM

Rick and Morty Season 4 Episode 6 ‘Never Ricking Morty’

“Never Ricking Morty” is a particularly divisive episode of Rick and Morty – even at this very website! Some of us loved it, while others weren’t big fans. One thing that’s undeniable, however, is that this midseason 4 episode is the show’s most complicated narrative endeavor yet. “Never Ricking Morty” takes place on a “Story Train,” meaning that the plot initially goes through your typical three-act storytelling structure.

Once Rick and Morty realize where they are, however, Rick understands that the only way out of the Story Train is to reject the conventions of storytelling altogether. This means that any natural storytelling inclination must be resisted. It also means that the show burns through about nine series finales worth of epic nonsense right at the end as Rick and Morty’s “canon” is sucked right out of them. It’s tremendously challenging to watch, much less understand, and the episode wants it that way. – AB

Russian Doll Episode 7 ‘The Way Out’

Like many other Groundhog Day-style “time loop” stories, Netflix’s Russian Doll goes out of its way to establish the “rules” of its sci-fi premise. Every time Nadia Vulvokov (Natasha Lyonne) dies (which happens with disturbing frequency), she returns to the night of her 36th birthday party, washing her face in the bathroom as Harry Nilsson’s “Gotta Get Up” plays. That much is easy to understand, and Russian Doll has fun seeing how far it can make Nadia last before perishing and returning to the night in question.

Once she meets another person stuck in a time loop, however, things start to get wacky. Russian Doll’s seventh episode, “The Way Out,” is about as off-the-wall an experience as you’ll find on television. Nadia’s loved ones start to disappear. Then she flashes back to memories of her mother. Before you know it, teeth are bloodily falling out. Russian Doll settles in for a relatively logical ending in its eighth episode, but this penultimate installment is pleasantly incomprehensible. – AB

The Nevers Episode 6 ‘True’

The Nevers’ premise is bold enough to begin with. The HBO series is set in a fictional Victorian era where a select portion of the population (most of them women) have been “Touched” or blessed with supernatural abilities. Apparently, however, bold wasn’t nearly bold enough. The Nevers’ sixth episode, which serves as a de facto season finale due to a COVID production delay, upends everything.

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TV

Sky Atlantic’s The Nevers Proves That Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

By Lacy Baugher

TV

The Nevers Part 1 Finale Is The Most Surprising Hour of TV in a Long Time

By Alec Bojalad

This episode begins not in 19th century London like every other installment thus far, but in a far flung dystopian sci-fi future. Earth is barely habitable and humanity is on the ropes. The only possible hope that the human race has left is in the form of a powerful alien species known as the Galanthi. If this all sounds complicated, you don’t even know the half of it. “True” is notable for not holding the audience’s hand through this disorienting experience at all. The episode makes no attempt to tone down its futuristic jargon and it’s not entirely clear what’s even happening until halfway through. By episode’s end, it’s apparent how “True” connects to The Nevers’ original concept, but no one would be blamed for needing multiple rewatches to really get it. – AB

Farscape Season 4 Episode 7 ‘John Quixote’

Let it never be said that Farscape was a TV show afraid to take a big creative swing. In season 4, we get this trippy and confusing episode (written by series star Ben Browder), which sees Crichton and Chiana trapped in a virtual reality game based on the memories of Black-T Crichton (because, yes, this was after the storyline that saw the show’s main character split into two, equally valid humans) and a neural template from Stark. The game is designed to keep C & C trapped in the gameworld until they die so their consciousnesses will be trapped in the virtual reality—wait for it—forever.

This hour of TV actually holds up quite well upon rewatch, probably because it is packed to the brim with clever pop culture references, but an initial watch of this series installment is absolutely bonkers, featuring Aeryn as a southern belle, Rygel as a version of Monty Python’s Black Knight who can shoot fire out of his ass, and D’Argo as a lederhosen-wearing Hansel who, at one point, eats baked beans out of Jool’s intestines. I can only imagine what someone watching this episode out of context would imagine this show is actually about. – KB

Fringe Season 2 Episode 11 ‘Unearthed’

Some episodes of television intentionally challenge the viewer’s ability to interpret what the hell is going on, and some episodes of television are broadcast wildly out of order, seemingly bringing back a character killed off in the previous season for a humdrum monster-of-the-week installment. You may have guessed that I have a specific example in mind for that second category and, if so, you would be right. Written and filmed to be the 21st episode of Fringe’s first season, “Unearthed” was instead recycled to be a mid-season installment in the second season of Fox’s usually pretty great sci-fi drama.

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This might have worked—it’s a basic episode that sees the Fringe team exploring the mystery of a teen girl who is pronounced dead, only to wake up screaming an alphanumeric code while doctors are working to remove her organs—save for the fact that it features a Fringe team member who was killed at the end of the previous season. Honestly, I can laugh about this now, but, at the time, it was jarring and confusing, with the network (Fox, if you were wondering) offering no pre-episode or in-episode explanation offered for why the aforementioned deceased character might be up and walking. For this to happen in an episode that also features a guest character thought dead revealed to be alive is icing on the cake. – KB

The OA Episode 8 ‘Invisible Self’

The OA is one of the most aggressively bizarre shows in Netflix history. Created by and starring Brit Marling, this two-season sci-fi series is fit to bursting with strange, at times difficult-to-comprehend concepts. The storyfollows Marling as Prairie Johnson, a young woman who resurfaces after disappearing – only now she refers to herself as “The OA (or original angel)”. Prairie/The OA recruits several disciples who she promises to take to another dimension. In “Invisible Self”, the final episode of the show’s first season, it all somehow culminates into…well, into this:

Yes, what you’re seeing there is a group full of cult weirdos engaging in an interpretive dance to stop a school shooter. And mostly succeeding! The OA‘s second season gets even stranger in many respects but it’s hard to top the confusing majesty of this first season finale.

Twin Peaks: The Return ‘Part 8’

Legendary filmmaker David Lynch has absolutely no concerns about being dubbed “confusing.” In fact, when it comes to Lynch’s filmography, that’s kind of a feature, not a bug. In-between crafting mind-bending classic films like The Elephant Man, Blue Velvet, and Mulholland Drive, however, Lynch took some time to stamp his name into TV history with the surprisingly straight-forward Twin Peaks. Sure, Twin Peaks was frequently abstract and strange throughout its two-season run but it had a coherent plot, which is more than many Lynch movies can claim.

That sense of narrative coherence all ends during a particular episode of the 2017 revival Twin Peaks: The Return. “Part 8” is absolutely bonkers. Episode co-writer Mark Frost described it as “what you might describe as a Twin Peaks origin story, [showing] where this pervasive sense of darkness and evil had come from.” In Frost and Lynch’s world, that sense of darkness comes in forms including but not limited to: the detonation of the first atomic bomb in 1945, oodles of primordial ectoplasmic fluid, a frog/cockroach creature, woodsmen manifesting out of mid-air, and of course: a performance by “The” Nine Inch Nails. It’s one of the most confusing episodes of television in history…and one of the best.

Dark – Every. Single. Episode.

When trying to pinpoint one episode to highlight for this article, Dark fought back and I came to the conclusion that every single episode of German multigenerational sci-fi series Dark is borderline impenetrable. Just when you think you have finally wrapped your head around what’s happening in the small town of Winden, Dark will throw in another layer to this timey-wimey, multiversal story that assures that you, in fact, have no idea what the hell is going on.

That being said, unlike some of the shows on this list, the confusing nature of Dark’s narrative isn’t a bug; it’s an intentional feature. This is a show that asks a lot from its viewers, but gives us satisfying answers in return. And it’s OK if you only ever have half an idea of what’s going on—if that’s the case, you’re doing better than most of Dark’s characters. – KB

The post TV’s Most Confusing Episodes From Doctor Who to Westworld appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[becauseimanicequeen]

Rewatching Pit Babe (ep. 1-2), A Post that Started Messy but Turned Into One About the Colors

This is part of my Crazy-Ass End-of-Year Rewatch Challenge where I will rewatch my favorite shows, my least-favorite shows, and some shows in between. After a few days of trying to figure out what to start with, I pulled Pit Babe out of a bowl (yes, I literally wrote each show on a piece of paper, put them in a bowl, mixed them around, and pulled a title because I couldn't decide).

I can't promise cohesive thoughts in these posts because it's the end of the year, I'm currently living in right-brain land 10+ hours per day, and I'm TIRED because the darkness of winter is coming. You've been warned.

Also, since this is a rewatch, there are spoilers ahead.

Background

I watched Pit Babe as it aired last year because racing alphas, betas, and omegas sounded like some chaotic sorority collage show that could possibly tickle my fancy (I had no idea what omegaverse was back then, so excuse my idiocy, lol). Little did I know I was walking into a world where dudes could, theoretically, get pregnant? (Again, excuse my lack of knowledge of that world.)

Setting that aside, though... Besides Pavel looking all fine and tasty and me being on a high from hearing Nut's voice again (there's just something about that slight rasp of his voice that gets me every time), it became a chaotic wild ride I enjoyed so thoroughly that I gave it a 7/10.

Will I change my rating after this rewatch? Who knows. I'm more interested to see how much of it my currently fucked up memory has forgotten already.

Anyway... Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go! (I clearly haven't forgotten the song, though...)

Episode 1

We are back with the neon colored intro!

I'm already vibing with this because I'm such a slut for neon lights!

I'm always talking about how neutral I am when it comes to characters. But teams are a whole other thing. And I'm all for X-Hunter here.

Not because of Dean because all I want to do is kick his shins, lol. But blue is one of my favorite colors, and I'm a simple girl. Give me blue (or purple, pink, and especially all of those in neon) and I'm in heaven.

But, let's get back to the show, shall we?

Which is when...

The sniffing begins! I approve.

Oh, look:

It's Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. (Every time I hear Winner's name or see him on my screen, my mind goes: "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner" for some reason. So, I'll obviously continue with that, lol.)

Excuse me as I obsess about these reddish/pinkish neon lights for a moment because... just look how pretty that light is on both of them!

The way it enhances their beauty. The way it symbolizes both Babe and Charlie's naivety (yes, Babe is naive too since he trusts Charlie so fast even though Charlie has a hidden reason for being there) and that someone is lying or withholding information.

But if we ignore all of that for a moment and just look at the light... It's so fucking pretty!

But, again, I'm a slut for neon lights, so I might be biased and over-obsessing about it, lol.

The Way I'm laughing at this bitch, though:

Way is feeling Way more threatened than he would like to admit. (Btw, that red light covering some of Way's reflection in the image above and shining behind him in the image below made me think about lightsabers and Darth Vader. And it's justified.)

Way, my sweet lovesick cinnamon bun (I don't know, that just came to mind as I'm eating one at the moment, lol), your Way will never be Babe's Way. Babe's Way is turning in another direction.

In this direction, to be specific:

I guess he just smells better.

You know what? I'll also change my Way in this post. Because...

That red light above is literally glaring at me to make sure I notice it and what it wants to communicate to me. And, since I haven't written about the colors in the shows I'm watching for a while now, I might just turn this rewatch into posts with word vomits about the colors in the show...

Yes?

Yes.

So, let's rewind for a bit.

The show has already established that it's the red team, Red Racing, against the blue team, X-Hunter. To put it in rough strokes, the red team is the bad side with Winner Winner Chicken Dinner, and the blue team is the good side with Babe and Alan (I won't include Way here because of the red that follows him around, and since I've already watched this show once before, my choice to exclude him are justified).

On the blue side: We've already seen Babe in blue. We've also seen Charlie in blue, but he's not on the team yet, he's only trying to fit in at this point (because he has his red moments too!). Alan is blue, and Dean is blue (for now).

On the red side: We've seen Winner Winner Chicken Dinner–I mean, besides his racing overalls and car, look at that image above from the bar and you can see the red details on his jacket and the red light behind him. Does that red light look familiar? It should since I wrote about a similar light crossing over and showing up behind Way in the images above. So, if you ever felt off about Way, the colors were telling you that you were right to feel that Way, even though Way's on the blue team.

AnyWay...

This crossing of colors happens a lot. A lot. So come with me into the second episode and more of the crossing of these two colors (and perhaps some additional colors will pop up as well? We'll see...).

Episode 2

On the subject of the red team. Let me introduce the major(?) investor:

Surrounded by all that red. Interestingly, there are spots of blue as well (there's a car and some signs in the background, and the reporter's microphone as well as a band he has around his neck). And let's not ignore Tony's clothes. The suit looks like it's dark blue and the tie is definitely blue. He's trying to pose as someone he's not. But he never fooled me! That man is a walking, talking, charming problem investing in a red team that suits his fiery temperament!

And then we're switching over to the blue team, where the pool table's mat is in the right color.

But even here, there are red details (like the machines, or whatever, in the background and the balls on the table), showing that the line between blue and red is crossed on both sides. And I'm not just talking about the colors crossing in the different teams' garages, I'm referring to the characters in those teams as well (if you've seen the show and noticed the colors, you know what I mean).

The only ones we can be sure of are Alan, who is the owner of X-Hunter and loyal to the blue, Tony who is investing in Red Racing and hides his psychopathic tendencies behind a calm and peaceful facade once in a while (or perhaps more often than I remember? We'll see...), and Winner Winner Chicken Dinner who will always stick to his true color (good for him).

Everyone else seems to be mixing the blue and the red. Babe, for example, had a red past.

The same goes for Way, Charlie, and Jeff (which we're getting hints of, and I'll show them throughout these posts).

Also, Way just used his manipulation power. This is the first time we get to see it, already in episode 2.

You know, it's funny that I was more sus about Way during my first watch of this show than I ever was about Charlie. But I think Way's manipulating Ways/power was what made me unable to fully trust him.

Charlie, on the other hand... How can someone as cute as this:

Hurt anyone?

Okay... How can someone as cute as Charlie be manipulative?

Ehm... How can someone as cute as Charlie have an evil bone in his body...

Fine, I give up!

Charlie is sus... (But he's harmless.)

Yes, he has red in him too. But I'll get to that in a bit because first, Jeff is introduced while drinking a red drink and arriving at the X-Hunter garage dressed in blue carrying a red bag:

He's walking the same line between red and blue just like Charlie (and Babe and Way).

Also, both the red and the blue show up when Jeff and Charlie are discussing why Jeff applied for the job at X-Hunter.

And if that wasn't dropping enough hints, Charlie is framed with the red and blue at the gym.

And while he's fighting Kim, they're both on a blue (and red) mat with red velcro on their gloves:

These boys are all over the place (color-wise and on the floor) and I'm loving it! Nothing is red or blue here (well, except Alan, Tony even though he's trying to hide it, and Winner Winner Chicken Dinner). Nothing is black or white, and I love stories like that. You're not quite sure about any of these boys because they're all hiding stuff and making secret plans.

The only difference with Charlie, though, is that even though the red is glaringly obvious around him...

He's still choosing the blue...

Loyalty isn't an issue for him when he's chosen whom to be loyal to.

Now, with all this said about the blue and red...

I still have no idea what's going on with these two idiots who seem to always mix red and blue...

And knowing where this show is going, I won't be able to figure it out this time either, lol.

Anyway... That's the end of the 2nd episode. And, because I've basically reached my 30-image limit (which Tumblr really needs to increase because this artist needs visual aids in my long-form posts about color!), I'm moving on to a separate post for the next (however many) episodes.

[inonesingleline]

Ooh, yes, I have a lot to do today before I can do any celebrating, so naturally let’s procrastinate with the end-of-year fandom meme! THIS GOT REALLY LONG I’M SORRY.

1. Your main fandom of the year: The Good Fight, which is a madness while it’s on, always a dull aching hum in the back of my mind while it’s off, and still makes me feel instantly sick to my stomach every time I see a bit of news about it. Fun! But yeah I guess this is the only thing I participated in fandom for anyway; I wrote a little fic, I made some gifs, I tried to offer comfort to my fellow sufferers. (The show is great and most of you won’t feel sick about it, lol)

2. Your favorite film this year: Another year of not being much of a movie person--and to think 5 years ago it was everything! But favorite film in cinemas was Lady Bird; at home, I’m glad my recent Lesley problem has given me a chance to watch some great Mike Leigh films--I loved High Hopes, Another Year, and All or Nothing. 

3. Your favorite book this year: A slightly better year for books; after years of shamefully managing, like, five, I read 26 this year and, more importantly, really got back into the habit in the last few months so I think 2018 will be even better. I read many mysteries, which is always a go-to genre when I’m in a reading funk. But the very best book I read, far and away, was Cassandra at the Wedding by Dorothy Baker. Shout outs to Still She Wished for Company by Margaret Irwin, Alias Grace and The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood (hmm wonder why I read those), The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark (how had I never read it before???) and Excellent Women by Barbara Pym. Of the mysteries, there is a reason why And Then There Were None is revered; holy shit. The rest were just comfort food. If any of this sounds like your thang, we should stalk each other on goodreads, hmu

4. Your favorite album or song this year: Yeah if I’m embarrassed about my engagement with film and literature this year, let’s not even talk about music. I don’t think I listened to a single new (or new-to-me) thing this year. The only music I listened to at all was a playlist of old favorites I can sing along to on longer drives. And this a year with new St Vincent! Shameful. I did listen to a fuckton of podcasts. All my music time has gone to podcasts.

5. Your favorite TV show this year: Honestly, The Good Fight. And if you want a ridiculous list of honorable mentions, here are all of the currently-airing shows I adored this year in approximate descending order of my love for them: The Good Place, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Harlots, Grace and Frankie, Catastrophe, Feud, Big Little Lies, American Vandal, One Mississippi, The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, Search Party, Insecure, Alias Grace, The Handmaid’s Tale, Transparent, Brooklyn Nine Nine, Orphan Black, Broad City, GLOW, Better Things, Stranger Things, I Love Dick, Veep, The Bold Type, Younger, One Day at a Time, Schitt’s Creek, Jane the Virgin, The Americans, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Speechless, Colony, The Worst Witch. Among older shows, I discovered To the Manor Born and watched it like seven times in a brief but heady love affair this summer, and The Good Life, too. I rewatched Ugly Betty and As Time Goes By. Oh, and while I guess it doesn’t count for 2017 shows, I honestly adored Mum. And had a weird week where I snarfed down a whole season of Strictly Come Dancing. OK that’s probably enough about television. Clearly, television is what keeps me from engaging with any other form of media. :|

6. Your favorite Tumblr this year: I LOVE ALL MY MUTUALS EQUALLY AND ARDENTLY, even if I’m pretty bad at keeping up conversations with you all xo

7. Your best new fandom discovery of the year: Can I use this space to talk about my year in situations? Obviously in these last weeks I’ve been losing my fucking mind over Lesley Manville, who is a sleeper situation, but clearly a Code Red Level One now. I also had some delightful times with Penelope Keith and Raquel Cassidy, who occupy that delicious but not all-consuming space in my mind that Lesley once did. I almost had a thing with Ashley Jensen, but I guess Penelope stole me away before that got off the ground. And Christine Baranski is clearly my forever girl. I didn’t think my fickle ass could ever love anyone so deeply for so long, but here we are. 

8. Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year: Ummm...? I can’t really think of any, although I will say it was frustrating when all I wanted was a good mystery book series to lose myself in and I had to toss aside many half-read or after the first book. (If I’d finished all the books I started this year, I would have finished my reading challenge and then some.) But of those the biggest frustration was, despite enjoying the Agatha Raisin tv series because Ashley Jensen, and enjoying the Agatha Raisin audiobooks on a different level because Penelope Keith, how honestly terrible I found the Agatha Raisin books. So instead I read summaries of them all because I was weirdly invested in that ship for a hot minute, lol. Not worth it. Please come back, tv show.

9. Your TV boyfriend of the year: NONE but ugh I still have embarrassing Gary Cole feelings, and also Peter Mullan’s character on Mum is allowed to date my girlfriend, yeah. 

10. Your TV girlfriend of the year: So many??? AUDREY FFORBES-HAMILTON is all goals, Diane Lockhart forever and always, yeah I want to softly cuddle and bathe in the luminous glow of Cathy on Mum, Hecate Hardbroom, both Grace and Frankie, and I had a dream about awkwardly trying to date Tig Notaro, so.

11. Your biggest squee moment of the year: DIANE TURNED OFF THE CAR AND WENT BACK WITH HIM!!! God damn it, I am still so fucking embarrassing about this ship. Also, so many Audrey/Richard moments. I keep thinking I cannot fall in love with another het ship, but if you make mah girl all googly-eyed, I’m probably gonna be there for it. 

12.  Your most missed old fandom: Nothing buuuut if it counts I did really feel sorry about the Major Crimes fandom after they fucking fucked Mary/Sharon over, and kind of gleefully monitored the carnage from a safe remove. Honestly so terrible, glad I got out of that mess years ago.

13. Your fandom you haven’t tried yet, but want to? Hmmmm I don’t know? I feel like if there were anything major I would be on it already. I know what I like and I do not delay gratification. But if anything, I think I should probably watch Janet King very soon? Also I’m hovering on the point of diving into The Crown; I did try the first episode for Harriet reasons, but could nooooot get into it. But a number of friends/culture bloggers I admire love it. So I may give it another go. If only in anticipation of Olivia Colman!queen yas!

14. Your biggest anticipation of the New Year: P H A N T O M T H R E A D and seeing Lesley on stage doing Long Day’s Journey :3 and the return most especially of The Good Fight and Grace and Frankie. I also do very seriously intend to diversify my fandom interests in 2018: read more, watch more films, listen to more new music. If I have one concrete resolution, it’s that I will see every movie directed by a woman that comes through town--I mean, of course, through the good indie theater, anyway. I’m setting a reading challenge at an ambitious-by-recent-standards 50 books and intend to meet it. And I want to get better at focusing? If I’m watching a show or a movie, I should really watch the show or movie, not play on my phone half the time. Maybe get better at documenting my experiences and reactions. And continue enjoying this Lesley thing until she wears me out. 

Everybody do this, I’m really interested in everyone’s fandom year!

[xcorruptedgamesx]

Hi again,

I haven’t been on here in awhile, I kind of feel regret for this.

It’s the end of the year and my deep ass is reflecting and re reading, rewatching videos, going through old pictures... life is just so fucking crazy.

I can’t believe how fast I change. It’s kind of scary, actually. Sometimes I feel afraid of myself. Sometimes I feel like i can trust others more than I can even trust myself. How does one moment feel like forever but the next feels like the end?

How do you want to be a dance so bad earlier this year but now at the end you want to be a dentist so bad? I guess it’s better to be choosing between two rather than one. I guess people left your life for a reason and your hip got injured for a reason as well as everything else, right?

I feel so lucky to have met Nu. I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. I hope I’m not lying to myself again. Am I actually lying though? Am I just stupid? I don’t know what each and every moment will hold next. I guess that’s the beauty in life.

I feel like I’m ready for love, like really true love. I’m ready for commitment and to build a family while I also build my career. I really want to make this my next biggest thing to overcome.

Last month when my best friend Christine visitied me, we went out. She told me at the end of the night hours before her flight that she could tell that I’m not happy, she can sense something. I realized in that moment that I don’t want to be single. I want to be partnered and partnered is what I’m meant to be. I have so much to give.

I’m grateful for all of this time that I have alone, as I’ve never had this much before. Being with my thoughts is a really hard, challenging, task that I feel I’m conquering. I feel grateful, so fucking grateful every day and for every thing and every person in my life. I feel like I’ve grown so much this year. My soul has ascended so high this year. I know it will continue to connect and grow but it’s just done a lot and I’m proud.

[writcrinthedark]

The Queen’s Justice: Thoughts on the episode

Hello! Guess who’s back! Another Sunday, another post. This time, we’re here with a thoroughly enjoyable episode 3 of Game of Thrones: The Queen’s Justice and boy, am I shooketh. I actually don’t know what I’m going to do with myself right now, or for the rest of the week as I wait for my next scheduled suffering allotment. I both love and hate Game of Thrones in equal measure, I swear to god.

As par for the course, spoilers under the cut!

This won’t be linear, since I’m still trying to process what just happened, but here is my attempt at writing everything out: DANY MEETS JON!!! HOLY SHIT!!! OH MY GOD HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I EXPECTED BUT IT WAS !!!!! SANSA AND BRAN REUNION!!! EXCEPT BRAN IS LIKE A FORTUNE TELLING ROBOT NOW!! OLENNA TYRELL OWNS MY ASS AND I WILL LITERALLY DRINK THAT POISON WINE INSTEAD OF HER!!! FAMOUS LAST WORDS, INDEED!!!!! HOO BOY ELLARIA AND THAT ONE SAND SNAKE. BRUTAL. I AM BEYOND WORDS. I AM!! HERE!! FOR DANY MEETING JON!!! ALSO WHAT THE HECK THE TWIST OF CASTERLY ROCK AND THE REACH I AM BLINDSIDED. I FEAR FOR MY SON GREYWORM’S LIFE.

Basically that was my thought process the entire episode. And yes, I do think in exclamation marks.

First off, the long awaited meeting of Jon and Dany. I was so, so excited for this happening and I had my go at speculating how they would interact just like everybody else. No lie, when Tyrion wanted Jon to ask for something sensible I actually thought he was hinting at Jon to ask to marry Dany as an alliance cement?? But it didn’t let me down at all. I know some people (including me but I don’t want to admit it) expected instant chemistry, but instead they were just annoyed at each other and flexing their metaphorical biceps of power. And I just couldn’t forget this one line that Dany said:

“It was faith. Not faith in any gods or myths. Faith in me. Faith in Daenerys Targaryen.”

And I just went !!!!! inside and I didn’t even know what to do with my hands because… guys…. Dany has come so far from Season 1, it’s almost crazy to rewatch the series. She has gone from being passed around helplessly to believing in herself and becoming empowered and /guys, I cannot even deal. / I know a lot of people dislike Daenerys, but I honestly do not see why. She has such a great character arc, and yes, while she can be a hypocrite, nobody isn’t perfect. Food for thought right there.

I love the fact that Jon is standing his ground and not bending the knee to her. His conviction and grit were always the best thing about him, aside from his hair, of course. (Have I mentioned how the man bun, Ned Stark makeover got me all over the place? Like yes please.) It’s a little jarring when you realize that Jon is just meeting some nameless queen to negotiate, not the Daenerys we all know and love, and that Dany is just meeting some pretender who is challenging her rule and not the grouchy Jon Snow we all adore. Also, that double take he did when he first saw her? Same, Jon. Same

Also, a quick amen for Sansa Stark, finally in command. Baby did not disappoint!! Look at her go, being wise and managing resources. If only shed kick Littlefinger out of Winterfell instead of letting him creep around whispering creepily in her ear like a creep. Yes, talking about Littlefinger does require that many creeps. And Sansa meeting Bran! Not quite the Stark reunion I was expecting, but okay, I can work with this. Except Bran is not quite the same anymore, is he? It’s heartbreaking to see Sansa realize that she has lost the Bran she knew forever even if he was there in person. Can Thrones stop fucking with my feelings like this? I’d really appreciate it. But here’s a picture of my number one (two?? I mean Jon and Arya reunion would kill me on the spot right here right now) reunion waiting to happen to soothe my soul and yours until that moment finally comes.

Now, to Olenna. She won even in death so hard that it was a little hard to feel sad that she is dead. There is nobody like Olenna on Game of Thrones. Nobody. The woman died with the last laugh and the best last words.  Can we just get an amen about how she gulped down that poison like a tough motherfucker? A true queen, indeed. Olenna belonged on the Iron Throne, guys, but in her absence I guess Dany will have to do. SHE WON AGAINST DEATH, GUYS, AND ALSO GAVE A GIANT FUCK YOU TO CERSEI WHILE DOING IT. SHE!! DID!!! THAT!!!! Truly an icon for our times. Also, guess who can’t wait to see Cersei throw a tantrum next episode? Me!

Speaking of Cersei, seeing her torture Ellaria and her daughter was just… brutal. I know Ellaria was in the wrong for killing Myrcella, but I can’t lie and say I didn’t give a little cheer when Myrcella started bleeding from her nose just from the thought of how much that would hurt Cersei. Her monologue about breastfeeding Myrcella herself was heartbreaking, but actually did nothing to me emotionally. I didn’t empathize. I wanted her to die. Alas, it’s looking like we still have a few seasons to go before that happens. If it even happens. Goddammit, Thrones, you can always be relied on to kill our faves but never to kill the most detestable woman on the show. To believe I rooted for her once. Long gone were the days of Season 6, it would seem, even if it was only last year.

I can’t help but feel worried for Daenerys. She ended Season 6 on literally the best note out of everybody: she’s got three dragons, an armada, powerful allies, a Dothraki horde and an Unsullied army. Now she’s lost two of those and it’s looking like she will lose the Unsullied as well. She really hasn’t been making the best choices since she touched the beach on Dragonstone, has she? I don’t think anybody saw that twist coming, least of all her and Tyrion.

(I have an inkling of suspicion that Tyrion did see it coming but let it happen. I  love Tyrion with all that is left of my soul, but honestly he is too smart to be fooled by Cersei like this. Is this sloppy writing, or Tyrion being a double agent? I hate that Thrones has made me so pessimistic that I have actually come to this conclusion with my own brain and typed it with my own two hands. What a show.)

To end this recap / therapeutic rant session, let’s close with Melisandre mentioning that she has ‘brought ice and fire together’. You guys, she name dropped the book series and confirmed the very-obvious-but-still-nice-to-have-canon-validation theory that Dany is the fire and Jon is the ice of the series name! And Tyrion’s little quip about how Jon looks so good brooding that he’s making Tyrion fail at brooding on failing. Same, Tyrion, same. Very relatable content, A++. Never change.

I’ll see y’all next Sunday for our scheduled communal suffering. And maybe in therapy.

[thisislizheather]

July Jiffs 2019

So technically the end of August is the appropriate time to start any and all Halloween/autumn talk (I think I made up that rule, but it feels right), so I’ll respect that and wait. Just know that I’m inwardly filling up with joy in anticipation of the best time of the year. Here’s what went down this month!

I made a list of some of my favourite summer vacation-y movies that I like to watch to pass the ungodly slow summer hours.

I read and reviewed the book Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed (the woman who wrote Wild).

We had a small party for July 4th and it was the best. Here’s what I made and loved: Panzanella Salad with Fresh Mozzarella (I used the How Sweet Eats recipe, but added mozzarella and omitted the corn and avocado - I also made the croutons the Ree Drummond way, because that’s the tastiest way), Spinach Bacon & Artichoke Stuffed Mushrooms (because they’re so delicious I want to scream), I used bell peppers as the bowls for holding the ranch for the vegetables, Slow Cooker Ribs, Eggplant Lasagna (I can’t remember the recipe I used, but it was pretty basic), Peanut Butter & Nutella Cheesecake Bars (this was the second time I’ve made these and it’s a perfect dessert to make a night or two before so that it can really set up), Blueberry Lemon Bread, and a charcuterie board (which is like assembling food art & I love it).

My favourite fruit/vegetable season is the end of summer mainly because of the fresh tomatoes and corn, so I can’t wait to try some of these corn dishes available in NYC right now. Although I don’t know how any of them are going to compete with the corn gnocchi at Park Avenue Summer. (I just looked and there’s also a sweet corn agnolotti with black summer truffles on the menu now too, so things just got interesting.)

Jenn sent me a link to this lovely poem Perhaps the World Ends Here by Joy Harjo that I just love.

I watched the AOC documentary Knock Down The House on Netflix and it’s so, so good. Cried at the ending.

I went on Nathan’s podcast to talk about dogs, cheating and movies.

I went for lunch at the cafe at Lilia in Brooklyn and it was ONLY AVERAGE. So that was disappointing. Maybe I ordered badly? I got the prosciutto, parmigiano butter, balsamic mustard sandwich - and even though it looks great (love whole grain mustard), it was really just too bready and not very flavourful.

Above Photo: Prosciutto, parmigiano butter, balsamic mustard sandwich at Lilia Cafe, Brooklyn

I saw Midsommar (by the same guy who did Hereditary last year) and I really liked it. Some parts are just unnecessarily graphic (and the slow motion shots of this stuff are insane to watch), but the plot was great. Love an original movie.

Watched the entirety of Champions on Netflix and it really bums me out that it got cancelled, it was a really fun show.

Made this chocolate chunk coconut banana bread and it was goooooood.

I visited the new TWA Hotel at JFK and wrote about it over here.

So excited to hear that there will be three more seasons of Big Mouth!

I also rewatched Dante’s Peak (still a great movie) and Twister (again, it holds up). I think I was in a natural disaster kinda mood that week.

Do you remember experiencing or hearing about the ride Kongfrontation at Universal Studios in Florida? I’ve only ever heard of it, but it seems like it was probably the best ride that ever existed at that park. I hate how most ride these days are just 3D screens with no real interaction or animatronics, it’s bullshit.

Fucking obsessed with this strawberry lemonade kombucha that’s apparently only available at Trader Joe’s. I thought their gingerade was the best flavour, but now I have to reassess everything. (Also tried the “watermelon wonder” but it’s pure trash.)

Some songs that I can’t stop listening to: You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift, Blow Your Mind by Dua Lipa, Everybody by Elliphant feat. Azealia Banks, Boys by Lizzo, Let Me Go by Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso feat. Florida Georgia Line & watt, Doin’ Time by Lana Del Ray, We Were Young by Petit Biscuit feat. JP Cooper, Calma (Remix) by Pedro Capo & Farruko

Apparently I can’t get enough of Bill Hader.

I refuse to shut up about how great the (square bottle) nail polishes are at Urban Outfitters. They’ve been consistently great for years. I’ve been wearing their neon pink Hot Tub off and on for at least five years, and they keep putting out wicked new colours. There’s almost always a 3 for $10 deal and recently I got Coffee Creamer, Sun Bunny & Optic White and they’re BEAUTIFUL.

It’s currently Restaurant Week again (it’s on until August 16th), so of course I went back to The Dutch for their beautiful wagyu steak tartare. I also had the corn cappelletti with chanterelle mushrooms and marjoram that was heavenly.

Above Photo: Wagyu steak tartare, The Dutch, NYC

Above Photo: Corn cappelletti, The Dutch, NYC

I saw The Farewell and it’s everything I wanted it to be and more! Definitely go see it. It also reminded me of this beautiful song that I had to sing for a competition once years ago, Caro Mio Ben.

There’s a deal with ClassPass where you can use the service for free for two weeks, so I tried it and it’s not that great. It’s just too expensive to justify having it when I already have a monthly gym membership somewhere else. I did try an aqua cycling class through Aqua Studio during the free trial and it was… only okay. I mean, it’s fun and great to be in the salt water, but it wasn’t all that challenging as a workout.

I wasn’t planning on buying it, but I tried it, loved it, so had to buy it: Glossier’s Brow Flick. I’m still learning how to use it properly, but so far I’m really into it. It inspired this eyebrow products video that I posted last week.

I saw Toy Story 4 and I really hope this is the final one they make because the ending was so good. That’s all I’ll say. Quality series of movies, right here.

Some friends of mine recently opened up a small, late night food place called Foodstruck in Astoria and the food is really good. They’ve just opened, so they’re still figuring out their hours but I think they’re catering to the late night crowd, especially servers/bartenders who get off work late. Check out some of the food specials from this past week.

Above Photo: Burger with gruyere, onion marmalade, sun dried tomatoes & a rosemary garlic butter on a potato bun

Above Photo: Fried boneless chicken thighs with a garlic soy tamarind glaze

Above Photo: Fried chicken sandwich with a spicy mayo, cheese sauce & pickles on a potato bun

My too-kind friend Irene got us a housewarming gift of a Diptyque candle (in eucalyptus) and somehow it’s still going after three months of daily use, which is incredible. Do not look up how expensive this candle is.

I watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix and really liked it! Especially the hot tub scene. But let’s not get into it. I double-checked to make sure they’re both over 21 and they are, so all’s good.

Made this pappardelle pasta with mushroom ragu when Nathan was out of town (I like to get my mushroom recipes in when he’s gone) and it’s definitely going on my favourite-dinner-recipes list.

I ate at Misi in Brooklyn because I’ve wanted to go for ages and the pasta was solid as hell, I’d definitely go back. We had the charred peppers, marjoram, and whipped ricotta crostini, the corzetti with marinated sungold (peeled) tomatoes, garlic, pecorino & summer herbs (have you ever eaten a PEELED tomato? It almost feels wrong. The good kind of wrong), the strangozzi with pork sugo, nutmeg and parmigiana and for dessert we had the strawberries and cream gelato (it was a special that night) and the espresso gelato. Everything was so crazy good. The service was fantastic and the space is huge. Is it better than Lilia or L'Artusi (pasta-wise)? Ugh, that's such a hard question. It's really good. I'll have to revisit to get more intel to make a final decision on that.

I went to Coney Island with Irene and it was great, as it always should be.

I visited the Profundo Day Club (mainly to get my ass in a pool) earlier this month, and I highly doubt that I’ll return. Mostly because even though the pool was nice (small, but nice) and refreshing, the blaring house music in the middle of the day was a little excessive. There’s also a disco ball above the pool itself. And a unicorn floatie that drifts around the water. And waitresses who shoot sparklers off when someone buys a bottle of liquor. It’s… not for me, let’s say. And the cheapest pass was $70 (tax included), which is waaaay too expensive for Queens. Let’s be real.

There’s a new season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee and the Martin Short episode is just lovely. It almost killed me when he was talking about when he bought his house and said, “We bought it in 1986” even though his wife passed away years ago. Am I being ridiculous in thinking that him using the word “we” is so sad and sweet and nice? Or maybe that’s a normal thing to say and I’d melt at anything to come out of his mouth. And while it was a good episode, I got so fucking sick of all the filler shots of coffee being brewed, coffee being poured into a cup, beans being tossed in a can, flowers sitting in vases - for fuck sake JUST TALK TO MARTIN SHORT AND SHOW ME THAT. Annoying as hell.

Nathan and I started watching season three of Stranger Things and… it’s not good? We saw all of the first season, which was pretty good. Attempted season two and never finished it because it became boring. And last week, we watched the first couple episodes of season three and I think we’ve silently agreed on just stopping it altogether. And look, I’m happy other people like it, but it’s just not for me. Demogorgons are too close to being dragons, maybe that’s why I can’t care about them?

I like to go to at least one baseball game each season, so I went to a Mets game last weekend and got this beauty that was the giveaway (below) since it was the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.

Honestly, this bobblehead makes me so happy for some reason. I love going to Citi Field especially ‘cause the food is always so good. We got the filet mignon steak sandwich from the aptly named Pat LaFrieda’s Original Filet Mignon Steak Sandwich, incredible fries from Box Frites, souvenir cups & drinks from Effen Vodka Bar, mozzarella sticks from Big Mozz, and chips & queso with ginger lime margaritas from Cantina.

Above Photo: Pat LaFrieda’s filet mignon steak sandwich, Citi Field

Above Photo: Fries with parmesan ranch and cheese sauce from Box Frites, Citi Field

Two new things that I’m going to start doing:

1. Buying less things off of Amazon. If there’s an alternative, independently run company that I can find the item at (and if the price isn’t wildly more expensive) then I’ll shop there instead. Every new thing I hear about Amazon makes me shudder, and I hate that it’s become my default place for me to buy anything.

2. If a store/restaurant is cashless (ie. credit cards only), then I’ll refuse to shop there. It’s insane that this isn’t illegal everywhere yet. I’m so sick of it and cash should be accepted everywhere, it’s nuts that I even need to say that. (I was excited to have lunch at Ole & Steen in Union Square for lunch the other day, but they’re “cashfree” so fuck them!)

Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: I’ve already sent in my email requesting tickets for Saturday Night Live (you can only request tickets during the entire month of August), I can’t wait to see Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark with Layla, there’s a tomato gelato that I want to try that sounds either awful or life-affirming, going on our anniversary trip at the end of the month, excited for a Canyon Creek caesar salad with Harmeet, planning on going to the CNE with my mom (haven’t done this in years), going to two weddings (!!) and I love weddings, being in a pool with Marla and a bunch of our kids, and taking advantage of a few more Restaurant Week specials. Excited for the last month of trash weather!