#jon is genuinely my favorite character in media ever

[lailas-in-space]

"I wanted to do it. It felt good. But at least I know I can stop, I just- don't know how. I... I don't want to stop."

[hemi-demi]

I have a lot of feelings about TMAGP 23, and I gotta let them out. As much as I would love to talk about the amazing statement and the other lovely moments between the cast, I am unfortunately very stuck on one specific part, and not in a good way.

Spoilers below cut:

I'm gonna be perfectly honest, this one hurt me way more than I thought, and I'm worried about my enjoyment of the series.

I truly want to enjoy Protocol for what it is. I've been an Alice defender since day 1, I love her moment with Gwen this episode, I love that Lena seems to be showing a bit more care for her employees. But even with all that, I can't keep doing this with the TMA references.

Look, I've never in my entire 32 goddamn years of living felt like a character in media represented me. Ever. And now I have two. Jon and Martin's relationship feels like seeing parts of myself love each other despite their problems. It's a relationship that resembles the one I have with my partner, and I see a lot of him in Martin especially. Listening to TMA was a wonderful experience because, yes, I knew it was a tragedy and I wish they could have a happy ending, but it was the ending they earned, and they got to go together, and the ambiguity was good enough for me.

I want to enjoy the new writers, the new characters, the focus on alchemy and try to piece together what's happening in the story with everyone else because I missed out on that with having binged TMA after the fact. I cannot do that if they keep taking the corpses of characters I love and dangle them in front of me with the vague hope that they might spring back to life.

But they teased that maybe Jon and Martin can be okay in one reality. I've seen people say they haven't, but between the "Hey, this sounds like them in therapy!" bit, and the Gerry and Gertrude scene, I genuinely believe they did to a degree, even if unintentionally.

Maybe we could have something nice, just one little scrap of "they're happy somewhere else" with the TMAGP versions as a nice cameo. I got my hopes up, hopes I didn't ask for, only to be told "Oh, they never knew each other, and they're dead. If they're happy together in any reality, it sure isn't fuck in this one. The characters you relate to more than anything can never be happy, and you're stupid for thinking that they can ☺️."

This hurts. I feel like I've been stabbed. We were told explicitly this could be enjoyed separately, and that Jon and Martin's ending would be left ambiguous. Unless they pull the rug out from under us and say "Oh, Fr3ddi isn't Jon and Martin at all" (which I've been saying since the beginning. I'm of the "stolen voices" camp and I hope that's what it is, or something else.) then I'm now listening to a show where my favorite characters are suffering, again. And even if they do, the versions in TMAGP are presumably dead anyway.

It's like in fanfiction how you always tag stuff like "Bad endings" or "Major character death". You do that because people have grown attached to these characters and don't always want to watch them suffer again (or do, then you filter by it). The new characters I signed up for hearing their pain and torment, I don't know them yet, and I want to see how their stories play out even if it's painful. But I feel like I'm reading an untagged fanfic right now that is cutting into the original story I did want to listen to.

I want this to be its own thing. I want to care about Alice and Gwen and Sam so when they inevitably die I can feel like I did with TMA again, in a sort of reverent peace with things.

And then chasing that with "Oh, also, Basira and Helen-" just felt like extra salt.

I don't want people to take this as being cruel to the writers, or that I'm being entitled. I genuinely didn't want them to have to dive too deep back into TMA, I'm here for the new stuff. And I'm sure I'll get a bit of "this isn't the genre for you, then, horror is-" I know. I've been engaged with horror since I was much too young. It's my favorite genre. I'm fine with character death. I thought TMA handled it very well.

But I can't pretend that this doesn't hurt, either. I'm sure they have more planned, that this could just be a red herring, but that doesn't stop this from hurting right now when I have no idea what comes next.

I had a glimmer of hope that I was perfectly fine with watching from afar, that they made into a beacon too impossibly bright to ignore. Then, when I steer my boat towards it, I'm lured onto the jagged rocks. Just because they throw me a life preserver a few weeks later doesn't remove the water from my lungs.

Idk. I know some people are excited about this, and I hope they get everything they're looking for out of the story, but I worry that at this rate, I might not. At least not until the wound heals some more.

Okay, I'm gonna go back to writing fanfiction where they get to be happy. Pretty sure that's as close as I'm going to get.

[elia-nymmeros]

who would you say is your all time favourite character? could be any media, not just asoiaf :)

tysm for the ask!! i genuinely wince every time i think about favorites bc my mind suddenly wipes clean and i can't remember any piece of media ever. as far as i remember, i really like henry winter from tsh, natasha romanov from marvel and elizabeth bennet from p&p, but i'll say that right now my all time favorite character is brienne tarth. very long propaganda about her under the cut!

at the risk of sounding deranged, i could talk for hours about all the facets of her character that i think work so well with asoiaf's themes? for example, the fact that she's a genuinely ugly (and i think it's super important to her character that she's considered ugly), shy and socially awkward young woman in a world where your appearance determines your morality in the eyes of society and where noble women are expected to perform certain social roles. these traits work very well in her story about knighthood, because she's the one character in the main asoiaf saga that cannot be considered a knight by society (and, in fact, is not even considered a woman in many cases) and yet she truly embodies the values of knighthood (chivalrous, brave, defends women and children at her own cost) to the point that i think her quote 'no chance, and no choice' raises her to the position of the one true knight in westeros (echoing 'are there no true knights among you?' from dunk, her literal ancestor!).

and yet, even though she sounds like the perfect character who is superior because of her morality, she's actually not very successful canonically? like, she failed at protecting renly (and renly didn't particularly liked or respected her), she failed at protecting catelyn and has not been able to find the stark sisters so far, she failed at bringing jaime to king's landing too (and she won their duel because he'd grown rusty after being chained for months), and in her greatest scene so far, fighting seven against one, she's defeated and mutilated and has to be saved by gendry bc she's not actually superhuman and fought while heavily outnumbered.

in most other sagas she'd have been a petite and graceful girl, she'd have defeated rorge's companions without suffering debilitating injuries, she'd be loved and respected by everyone after seeing her noble personality and excellent swordsmanship. grrm goes deeper than this, so brienne embodies the traits of a knight and yet cannot ever become one, she behaves like the hero of a story and is mocked/insulted/assaulted constantly because she's not the ideal of a hero in westeros' social canon (just like dany, tyrion, jon, bran, arya, etc), she's a very capable and strong fighter and yet has also been in 3 different sides of the war with no success (and probably will end up in another side yet again if she lives to fight the others), and long emotional abuse has left her deeply insecure, paranoid, resentful and doubtful of her ability to perform gender (to the point that she calls herself a 'son' at some point bc she utterly fails at westerosi femininity)

idk, i think in her character there are a lot of super interesting themes intersecting, such as gender, social expectations and naivety, bravery and honor, self-esteem and physical ability, treachery and prejudices, what does it mean to be a good knight in an unfair, deeply hostile society, and what does it mean to be a hero where your only reward is most likely going to be injury, mutilation and/or death. she's even more interesting to me when you compare her journey/themes/decisions to her foils jaime and cersei, so there are lots of ways you can explore her character and find very cool meanings (also i've been the biggest braime shipper since i was 15, so that's a bonus!)

[laurelindebear]

Let's get it out of the way: The Mummy for the movie/TV show ask

Haha, someone had to do it! :D

favorite female character: Evy, obviously! Not exactly a lot of choices, but even so, Evy is one of the best female characters I've seen a film. Hero, scholar, ancient princess, legend: LIBRARIAN.

favorite male character: Do I even need to say it? I love all the men in the squad (yes, you too Jonathan, you goose) but Ardeth Bay owns my heart and soul.

worst female character: By default I guess it's Anck-su-Namun, although I feel more sorry for her. Meela in TMR is vicious and cruel, however.

worst male character: Probably creepy Warden Hassan. He's greedy, corrupt, and disrespectful. If we're including the sequel I might give it to Balthus Hafez because my professional pride is insistent that that is not how you curate a museum! 😡 (Also, the egregious brownface - Alun Armstrong as an Egyptian??)

otp: Ardeth and me Rick/Evy forever and ever and ever. ❤ Maybe I'm basic, but they are such a strong and charismatic couple, and buck a lot of the tired and unhelpful tropes about M/F pairings in media.

brotp: Oh gosh, so many! Rick and Jon, Ardeth and Jon, Rick and Ardeth, Ardeth and Evy, the literal Evy and Jon, even Rick and Winston...honestly don't know how to pick. If the sequel counts I might give it to Ardeth and Horus out of pure sentimentality, but I'm trying to stick to the first film. I'll say Evy and Jonathan, because their sibling squabbling underlain by genuine love and affection feels real to me.

notp: Hassan/Evy (Hassan/anyone, honestly), Imhotep/any of the protagonists, Seti/Anck (stop keeping wives/concubines as property against their will. Not ok.)

[an-aura-about-you]

Hi @an-aura-about-you 👋🏻 I love doing these Q&A things with my followers and those who I follow! So, I thought it would be fun to ask some friendship questions to you, as you seem like a very lovely person that makes me want to get to know you better, and the fact that we both follow each other! 🥺🥺

1. What is your favorite season and why?

2. What is your favorite genre of music and why? If you have one, what is your current favorite song/artist?)

3. What are your favorite ships and why? 🤔

4. What is your favorite book genre? (If you have one, what is your favorite book series/book/author?)

Thank you for taking the time to read this! ❤️❤️

*sees that I hadn't been following you and re-follows* That was probably an "I'm catching up on my tumblr backlog" thing. XD; But rest assured, should I unfollow someone, it is not out of malice or thinking we're not friends. (I've unfollowed irl friends before just because blogs didn't jive, y'know?)

My favorite season is a tie between spring and autumn. As I get older, I find I don't like extremes as much. The welcome warmth of spring and the refreshing chill of autumn are my favorite times. But honestly, there is some charm in every season.

My favorite genre of music is classical music, but more often than not nowadays I find I like music that tells stories. So not just opera and ballet but also concept albums. Covering all my bases on that, my current favorite song is Blood and Whiskey from High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms and my favorite... well, not artist so much as composer is Tchaikovsky.

My favorite ships are: Jon/Martin from The Magnus Archives (I am not immune to office worker enemy to lover romance in my horror media, but also how they just genuinely become friends on the way to becoming a couple), Hamid/Azu from Rusty Quill Gaming (not just romantically but any way you could put them together, they're best friends and have such an instant rapport, like I swear Azu picked Hamid up and That Changed Him As A Person), Aziraphale/Crowley from Good Omens (I am also not immune to the opposites attract/not so different dynamic, especially when it's been going on for literal ages), and Mytho/Rue from Princess Tutu (so the thing both Mytho and Rue are missing for most of the series is agency but while Mytho's problem is he's a storybook character who literally lost his ability to make choices Rue's problem is coercion via parental abuse and I really fucking love that the first time she ever truly makes a choice on her own it's for his sake and hers).

Somehow I think my favorite book genre has become celebrity autobiography? I wasn't seeking this out as a genre, but my favorite book and some others I'm fond of can be called that. Right now, my favorite is The Disaster Artist by Greg Sestero with help from Tom Bissell. It is Sestero's account of his friendship with notable So Bad It's Good movie director Tommy Wiseau and how his magnum opus The Room came to be.

Thank you for sending these in! <3

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

Dan Povenmire, co-creator of Phineas and Ferb and the voice of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, just did a zoom call for fans, and this is a link to it on Google Drive and a link to it on YouTube.

Here’s a brief overlay brought to you by my incessant live blogging, and because I was speed typing on my phone, I can guarantee not everything made the cut. If you’re interested in hearing Dan talk about growing up an artist and becoming an animator and trying to pitch Phineas and Ferb and working on the show and movies, I would definitely suggest checking out the full 75 minute video. The highlights from the call are below the cut.

They added Doof and Perry because they liked chase scenes. They realized fairly quickly that more than not, the pair led to good comedy, and found it much more interesting to see how their relationship developed. He also says that they are "the most important person to each other” and “they’re really good friends.”

They wrote the Perry theme song in an hour between meetings with Disney

They decided during the pilot that they weren't going to try to get comedy from the characters saying mean things to each other. Even Doofenshmirtz wasn't motivated by evil, he just wanted to get the attention he didn't get at home.

Doof’s backstories were not Dan and Swampy's idea. They were from Jon Barry and Chris Hendrick, who [itched the lawn gnome backstory. It was long and compliated and Dan and Swampy couldn’t stop laughing. They also provided the "it all started on the day of my birth” one the next day.

making the 2D movie while making the movie was the busiest Dan says he has ever been, and that's not even counting the PnF Take Two and Doof's web show and all the interviews. Basically, 2010ish was a very busy time in the Dwampyverse.

They decided to give each pair of writers their own section of an outline to work on, and each pair got to make up the dialogue and jokes based on it. it works well for the show, but writers kept going on their own tangents and the movie ended up like 6 hours long. Dan and Kyle Menke had to redraw 80% of the show because they had to cut gags out and rewrite it so it was still funny. Note: in the new movie, they did the opposite — they wrote a script and told the board artists that they could put brief gags in but nothing too long

He thinks the show became one of the most beloved shows bc it was innocent and the adult humor wasn't dirty so the whole family could watch it together. He also said the songs at the closest thing you get to immortality in a show. Those combined made the show as big of a hit as it was, and hopefully those things will get older people to watch the movie.

His advice if you want to follow in his footsteps are to draw (and suggest you check out Cartoon Animation by Preston Blaire and How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way by Stan Lee) and to know that these jobs are out there

One of his favorite gags in PnF are the silent moments where something big happens and no one reacts (like something big fell in an early episode and crashed next to Phineas and co and at first they were all shocked but Dan changed it to them just kinda looking at it for a moment with no emotion)

Q: Did you ever want to quit what you were going?

A: "I don't really... do... anything else..."

He finished his new pilot today (July 2nd, 2020) and the movie is due tomorrow.

He would love to do more PnF and there's been talks of another PnF movie

He would love to do more Milo Murphy's Law, but it never got huge ratings and Disney's not too big on it but if people start watching it on Disney+ they might get to keep doing it. They did that with Family Guy, and it could happen to MML too.

The movie feels like old Phineas and Ferb and there are a lot of great songs! 

And now, the Q&A (in which he draws random characters are he talks)

How was the process of kicking the voices?

It was sometime easy but sometimes very difficult. For Phineas, they listened to maybe a thousand people. they actually recorded someone but they put it to animation and it didn't really work. He knew as soon as he heard Vincent that he loved him. They literally recasted the lead (Vincent) the day before they had to deliver the pilot.

He knew immediately that he liked Alison Stoner. She was the second Isabella he heard, and he listened to maybe 50 others afterwards, but he knew he wanted Alison Stoner

They decided on a different Candace and they sent it to the head of the channel and the guy asked if he heard Ashley Tisdale. He told Dan to have her come in and give her direction and Dan was hesitant bc he had one that he liked but he was lowkey forced to bring her in. It was his only audition that day, and after his big block of text Dan gave her like 20 notes and she wrote the notes on the big block of text and she did it again and it was perfect and obviously Candace (but he feels bad for the actress that was almost Candace bc she'll never know how close she was)

What was the most impactful episode you worked on?

Either the last (hard to watch w/o crying) or three moments that made himcey while doing them: the end of Summer Belongs To You when Phineas gives up trying to get off the island and decides to watch the sunset with Isabella which was what she always wanted and she exploded and talked him back up onto being the person he is even tho it's a sacrifice on her behalf. He later says he started crying while pitching to his wife the AYA scene of Phinabella getting together.

Do you regret any episodes?

There are some he likes more and some he likes less but he doesn't regret any of them. He was a little disappointed in an early episode without a sing but he watched it alter and decided it was actually pretty decent. None of them make him cringe or wonder why they did that.

How has social media impacted PnF?

He recently got on TikTok and found out that's where all the PnF fans are. He was thrilled to see the response everything was getting and it made him feel good about everything he accomplished. The fact that this generation knows what an aglet is is his biggest accomplishment in pop culture.

Favorite part of working on the show/movie

He likes editing, but writing the songs is the most fun bc it feels the least like work

Who is Ferb's mom?

Never established or really thought about Ferb's mom or Phineas's dad AND IT'S NOT DOOFENSHMIRTZ THEY MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR THAT TO BE TRUE STOP ASKING and Phineas and Candace are full brother and sister. The bio parents aren't interesting to them bc the family already has a mom and dad and the other ones are just out of the picture and not important.

Will there be a new character in the movie?

Super Super Big Doctor (and Disney keeps telling him what he can and can't talk about)

Are there any secrets or theories that he can tell them?

The freaking creepy pasta about schitzophrenic Candace IS NOT TRUE Phineas and Ferb do exist and are alive. There's also a theory that Candace is not based on the diary of a teen girl in Russia who killed herself, and that's not true either. He genuinely thinks they are really freaking stupid theories and they make no sense at all.

Who is your favorite guest star?

Writing a song with Slash from Guns n Roses was really cool. He also liked working with Ben Stiller, Christian Slater the delivery guy (he called and said he'd do any part in MML so they wrote him a role), Jack McBrayer (Irving/Fix It Felix), Wayne Brady (co-wrote In The Empire)

What is the motivation of Candace to bust the boys?

He's not trying to hurt them. She doesn't dislike them. She gets irritated but she's really just looking for fairness. If she built a rollercoaster in the backyard, she'd get in trouble, so they should get in trouble, too.

How did you think about hot to end the show?

Disney was starting to cool off on PnF. The merch wave had plateaued. Dan and Swampy had the next two years in the show already made, but Disney wouldn't pick up another season until they finished airing that season. They'd have to restaff for a new season and they didn't like that idea, so they turned one of their hour long specials into the finale. He wanted to be able to say goodbye and thank the fans.

[bugaboo-valerie]

In light of the recent GoT fandom drama going on with Targ/Dany stans and their criticism/hate on Sophie Turner... I want to pop in and give my genuine opinion[s].

Last year, when I was seventeen-almost-eighteen and in my senior year of high school, I was going through a really awful time mentally. My grades were dropping, I was having anxiety attacks, was extremely unwell mentally and gained a bit of weight. It started at the end of January, which wasn’t too long before I discovered Sophie through the Jonas Brothers’ documentary (as I’d been a fan of them since childhood, and was so excited when they got back together, so I watched it on Amazon Prime as soon as I could). When I searched her up online for the first time, one of the first things that came up was her interview on Dr. Phil where she spoke about her depression. I didn’t regularly watch him nor was I really a fan of his (more so indifference than anything), but I wanted to watch it to hear what she had to say as I was going through a hard time myself. As I began to watch more and more of her, I really began to love her as a person and think of her as my role model, and hearing her own story made me have hope that I would make it through my own hard times (and I did soon enough). Safe to say, she means a lot to me, and is one of my favorite celebrities and actors for her awareness, activism and in general, I really love and admire her as a person.

Back on topic - as someone who’s part-black (black, white, Latina and Brazilian, but not 25% of each yet with the ethnicity of my grandparents and great-grandparents on both sides), I think it’s sick that so many Dany stans want to accuse Sophie of saying the n-word and trying to make her into a racist/the Antichrist just because they don’t care for her. Instead of trying to start rumors about an actress/actor you don’t like and trying to make them into a terrible person with questionable views/politics/opinions etc., why don’t you focus on actual non-black celebs who’ve said the n-word or other racist/offensive slurs? And not to mention, there are so few white celebrities who are being genuine right now when it comes to the current protests and movements, and as a WOC/POC, I can TELL when someone is being genuine. And imo, Sophie 100% is. Not everyone who likes her is white, and you may never know; she, Sansa or both could mean a whole lot to many people outside of a fictional character on-screen, and I’m one of them. She and her character can mean a lot to people who were depressed like Sophie herself, or who went through emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse like Sansa. Regardless of color, gender, class and sexuality, as a LOT of people like to say that all her stans are rich cishet white girls

But it doesn’t stop there with their Sophie hate - and even though they happened a while ago, the following few I’ll discuss beneath the cut are also quite... sick.

Let’s start off with what they’ve said just this year about Sophie’s pregnancy. Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING that anyone else in the fandom has done, no matter who they are will ever beat that level of vileness. There’s no excuses for anyone who did that, regardless of who they are (sexuality/gender, race, religion and disabilities are no excuse to be a disgusting POS who wishes harm on a pregnant woman, Janet). No question, they deserved to be called out and criticized for those actions (the Dany stans who did, not the ones who were actively against it and called out their own kind). I’m not even going to get into this one, because anyone with common sense or any type of morals should know just WHY what they said about Sophie’s pregnancy was so fucking sick and wrong. And if you don’t/disagree with me, please, block and unfollow me ASAP.

And the second one is revolving around a rather controversial topic in the fandom: The reunion special.

Let’s start with the story of how the drama in the fandom all went down: Sophie made a joke about Kit showing up to set drunk, it was completely harmless to everyone except for Dany/Targ/Emilia stans who decided that Sophie was the Antichrist and were having fits of unholy screeching in their corners.

But before people can twist my words, no, I do NOT think that it’s funny to make jokes about addiction. It’s so fucking distasteful, and I can get exactly why some people are triggered/upset by it. But, keep in mind that the special was actually filmed in June 2018. A long time before anyone in the cast or the media and people knew about Kit’s addiction. Of course, I’m NOT saying that I would defend her if she already knew and still proceeded to make jokes about it - because I wouldn’t. I’m just saying that she didn’t know and was genuinely joking, so I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt in that particular situation. Nobody knew about Kit’s struggles then, as it was filmed in 2018, and not 2019 like a lot of people. I love Kit as well, and did feel sorry for him when his drinking problem was revealed, but Sophie genuinely didn’t know, so I won’t bash or chastise her for her comments.

And while we’re on the topic of Kit’s drinking problem - didn’t some Targ stans on Twitter say he ‘deserved’ it because of Jon killing Dany? And their hatred towards the cast doesn’t just stop at him; Isaac, Maisie, Nikolaj, John Bradley and I believe Lena had to experience it too (after Cersei killed Missandei), however, I could be wrong. But TL/DR: It’s sick that Targ stans would start such awful rumors about Sophie just because they dislike her and stan for Dany/Emilia (who, while I like her, DEFINITELY has her flaws off-screen and I have disagreed with several comments she’d made and some things she’s done). Racism isn’t a funny joke you can get away with and start rumors about a celeb you don’t like doing racist things just for shits and giggles or because you hate them for absolutely zero reason.

Now, don’t get me wrong - there ARE bad/toxic Sansa and Sophie stans. Every fandom has shitty fans, and just about every character/celebrity does too. And it’s true that they CAN be gross - but they don’t even come CLOSE to the level that Her Satanic Majesty/EC’s stans do. And if you have to completely and utterly destroy and demonize one character (Sansa) to make another look good (Dany), like a lot of Dany stans have done in their own original content (along with the crosstagging, but I won’t get into that here), you’re only proving just how bad your fave is.

[hervoidfury]

Gratitude [ Tribute to Jon Huber, 1979 - 2020 ]

He knew exactly how to captivate a person both in ring and out of the ring, you could see it in his eyes; the way he moved, the way he spoke ... His work will never be forgotten, Luke Harper and Brodie Lee will never ever be forgotten. Thank you Jon for bringing life into both these characters and most importantly for making everyone smile with your hilarious bits on Being The Elite 🙏❤

- My Original Female Wrestling Character is built around one of my all time favorite role models Selena Gomez, her name is Vanessa and she's one of the best characters I have built in my life. You can see just how much Vanessa had been impacted by Jon's infectious light. ❤🙏

Heartbreak comes in many forms, the most painful form is the loss of someone who defined the meaning of an angel; in life you meet individuals that leave a lasting impact in your life and for Vanessa, Jon Huber was one of those people — initially the two had never spoken beyond pleasantries whenever Vanessa trained with her best friend Stephen Farrelly, and even then she could see just how friendly and kind the male was, which presented a clear contrast to his on screen persona.

Jon was more than a wrestler, he was an entertainer, a person that captivated you with his words, in ring skills and most of all his intimidating, strong presence in the ring. That's how devoted he was to his craft, behind the scenes he presented a vibrant supportive soul that loved to bring a smile onto anyone he crossed paths with.

Vanessa recalled two of the many significant moments in which he truly left an impact in her life and career as an in ring performer, …

__

— 2016,

“ Stephen wasn't lying when he said it was a party ” muttered Jordan as she and Vanessa stood at a corner watching their fellow peers chat with one another.

It was a rarity to find time to just relax and enjoy yourself in this hectic business however luckily, just two days before a pay per view was set. Stephen decided to host what he referred to as a small party to help his friends relax, Vanessa being the only non WWE performer felt a bit like an outsider despite having many friends within the company.

“ Yeah he wasn't ” muttered Vanessa, Jordan sensed the distress on her best friend and gave her a smile. “ Don't worry I'll be fine, I am gonna get some water to drink and get some fresh air ” she adds making a beeline for the kitchen.

Taking the glass of water, she went out to the back porch and took a deep breath to calm her nerves, she hated how easily her anxiety got to her. Come on, you're better than this! She chastised herself silently.

After a few minutes she went back inside to find Jordan, who was conversing with Jon Huber and his wife Amanda. Vanessa admired Jon's dedication to his character but even more so she admired the love he carried for his wife and sons. It was a rarity to find in this world, Jordan immediately smiled at Vanessa. “ I am sure you remember Vanessa, Jon ”

Jon smiled, “ I do, Stephen talks highly of you and I had seen clips of your matches. You got a light in you every time you step into the ring ”

“ Our son loves your show as well, he goes around the saying ... I am gonna be as strong as Alex Russo ” adds Amanda smiling.

It wasn't as often that people mentioned Vanessa's past as a Disney child, so it definitely warmed her heart to know that not only she can do what she loves but she can also inspire the younger generation — “ That's so sweet to hear! ”

“ You seem a bit anxious, is everything alright? ” said Jon.

“ It's nothing, I sometimes struggle with anxiety ” Vanessa shrugs.

“ Don't belittle your struggles, you got this far — you're a fighter ” said Jon, “ You both are, and one day the world will recognize the change you ladies are trying to bring into this world ”

Both Jordan and Vanessa smiled in gratitude, the conversation changed and flowed so easily as the couple began talking about their kids — Vanessa's heart always warmed when seeing love right in front of her and that was what Jon and Amanda held for one another, true love.

__

“ Vanessa, Are you okay? ”

Much like Vanessa, Jordan had been gutted by the passing of Jon. She recalled seeing him in Chikara here and there but only ever got to speak him during her time in WWE and in AEW as well.

“ I want to do a tribute episode on my podcast, to celebrate his life because so many people only see what is on screen and a rarity got to see the man behind the characters he played. So I am gonna contact Amanda and hope this all goes well because I feel like I need to do this to pay my respects ” said Vanessa.

Jordan nodded, fondly remembering the last interaction they both had with him during a taping of Dark, backstage where he congratulated the pair on their impeccable in ring work. “ I'll help ya out! ”

“ That'll be greatly appreciated ” said Vanessa, smiling as she remembered meeting him right before she made her debut in AEW.

__

— 2020,

“ Okay, you can do this! ” said Vanessa as she stood near the entrance area, today she was set to make her debut as the mysterious entity who would be assisting Jon Moxley to deter and throw off his opponent MJF.

“ Hey kid, you alright? ”

Vanessa turned around to see Jon smiling at her, apparently he had heard about her debut which up until now only a handful of people knew about it. “ I am nervous, and excited. I don't know how the social media sphere will react ”

“ They will be happy, of course some might not be but that's the way it is. What matters is when you go out there? You show them why you are the best at what you do! I saw Jordan doing just that when she got here, you will be making that exact same statement that'll get them talking ” said Jon encouragingly. “ Then, when all is set in stone! You unleash that beast within you and show them why the wrestling world calls you the Hardcore Queen ” he adds smiling.

“ You think so? ” said Vanessa with a smile.

“ Oh I know so! Those clips I saw were just a glimpse of what you hide inside of you and tonight you will throw that first stone in, that'll have the fans coming back to tune in and see more of the incredible talented girl you are ” said Jon.

Vanessa sighed in relief, feeling the bundle nerves slowly leave her body. “ Thank you, for always reaching out and showing your support be it through text or social media. It means a lot to me ”

“ Remember what I told you and Jordan, you ladies will change the business, five years, ten years, fifteen years from now, your legacy will always resonate ” said Jon.

Vanessa nods, fighting back the tears. “ Thank you, truly ”

“ Go out there and knock them off their feet ” said Jon smiling.

__

— Instagram,

@jadebug92; Around 2016, I had ran into @brodielee in a party hosted by @wwesheamus before that we didn't actually have proper conversations beyond pleasantries here and there whenever I saw him. But even then I was captivated by the way he carried himself, we truly got to talk when he saw how anxious I was due to the fact that parties were never my cup of tea.

He saw me and @jtofficial at a corner and was so kind and gracious with us, telling us how proud he was of our work and the effort we put day in and day out. One of the things he said that will always stick by me was " You and Jordan will change this business " and that's what we set out to do. His belief in us was a breath of fresh air. 💕

We saw the love he carried for his wife and it was beautiful to witness something so raw and real, he was a family man and a genuine soul. ❤

When I got to AEW, he was one of the first people to welcome me. And I got to witness him be his true self as Mr. Brodie Lee, leading a large group of talent with his wisdom, strength and experience in the business.

Thank you so much Jon for your undying support and love to myself and every young wrestler out there, I send my thoughts and prayers to his wife, his children, his family and all of those close to him. Your spirit will shine on for all eternity, Fly High ❤🙏

Note; this is only the beginning ... I will try my best to keep his memory through every piece of writing. Because he was truly someone you cannot forget 🙏🙏

@worldxwonders

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[pocketseizure]

Disneybound

Case #0180602. Statement of Ted Nakamura, regarding a strange experience at the Haunted Mansion attraction in Disneyland, California. Statement recorded directly from subject on June 2, 2018.

Jonathan takes the statement of someone whose memories may not accurately reflect the events of his childhood. He then has a short conversation with Martin and learns something (perhaps not so) surprising about Elias.

The events of this story take place after Episode 103, "Cruelty Free" (the one in which Jon reads the statement of a farmer in New Zealand with a monster pig).

( This story is also on AO3. )

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jon cast a level gaze at the American sitting on the other side of the table. He was fit and clean-shaven, and he appeared to be in his early thirties. He wore a wide grin and a bright red shirt depicting Minnie Mouse posing in front of the Eiffel Tower.

Jon sighed and pressed the record button of his tape recorder.

“Statement of Theodore Nakamura – ”

“Call me Ted, please. Or Teddy, if you like. All my friends do.”

“Ted Nakamura, regarding a strange phenomenon he experienced at the Haunted Mansion attraction in Disney World – ”

“Sorry, but it’s ‘Disneyland.’ Disney World is the one in Florida.”

“In Disneyland, California. Statement recorded directly from subject on May 25, 2018.”

“This is exciting! I love the detail you’ve devoted to authenticity. The tape recorder is a nice touch.”

Jon grimaced. “Statement begins.”

A hint of uncertainty crept into Ted’s smile. “I’ve never done this before. Is there a protocol? Maybe some sort of standard introduction I should start with?”

“Just tell me about the incident you came to report. You can start whenever you’re ready.”

“All right, I’ll start at the beginning.”

Ted clapped his hands on his knees and took a deep breath. Jon watched as his eyes made a brief circuit around the densely packed shelves arranged in disorderly rows at the rear of the room before finally coming to rest on one of the objects jammed between the accordion folders and cardboard boxes. He’d witnessed this process often enough that he could pinpoint the object of the man’s attention – a cloudy snow globe with a tarnished metal base. It wasn’t connected to any of the cases on file in the archives, merely something Gertrude had brought back from one of her travels on a whim.

“I guess you could say that I’m not the sort of person who would be the star of a Disney movie,” Ted began. “I’m not an orphan, and I had a happy childhood. My mother was an architect who moved from San Francisco to Los Angeles during the construction boom of the 1980s, and my father went to business school at UCLA and never left. His family is from Seattle, and they made some money in real estate in the 1990s. We’re comfortably middle class, but I went to one of the big public schools in Orange County.”

He paused, seeming to expect some sort of reaction. When it became clear that no such reaction was forthcoming, he continued.

“Even in LA, where everyone tries to stand out, high school was all about belonging to a group. I didn’t have any interest in the grandstanding of my school’s Gay-Straight Alliance, and I didn’t have the looks or the talent for the student theater club, which is where a lot of kids like me spent a year or two on their way out of the closet. Mostly I kept my grades up and my head down as my circle of friends from middle school gradually went their separate ways.

“My mom worked from home, and she made sure our house had the first high-speed internet connection in my neighborhood. I don’t mind admitting that I spent a lot of time online. I posted an embarrassing number of bad stories about cartoon characters on LiveJournal, and I eventually ended up being invited to join a popular Disney fan community moderated by a friend of a friend. All the people I spoke with on the comm were strangers, at least at first, but we gradually got to know one another as we responded to each other’s posts and comments.

“Between one thing and another, we somehow managed to figure out that most of us were the same age. Oddly enough, a lot of us lived in SoCal, so we decided to meet up over the summer at Disneyland. Everyone showed up, and we had a great time. We met again the next summer, and then again after my senior year.

“Nothing bad happened, but I stopped updating my LiveJournal after that. I went to college in New York, got a job in the city, and fell out of touch with most of my online friends.

“I moved back to LA four years ago, not that I do anything glamorous. I manage the back end of a tech company’s website and intranet, mostly database stuff, but I still have an IG account. I started it just for fun, but I joined early and picked up more than a thousand followers in less than a year. Someone suggested that it would be cool for me to visit to Disneyland and post photos, so I thought, why not? Like, I love Disneyland!”

Jon cleared his throat. “And what is this ‘strange incident’ you came to report?”

“Hold your horses, I’m getting to it. It’s important that you know my background, right? What I’m trying to say is that I’d only been to Disneyland three times before. It wasn’t a major part of my life. But it was a good part of my life – that’s important.”

Jon nodded in acknowledgment. “Very well, then. Duly noted.”

“Disneyland was considered to be a little seedy when I was in high school, but it’s gotten fancy in the past ten years or so. It used to be that you could just walk in, but these days you practically have to make an itinerary. So I did some research, got a group of people together, and we went and saw the sights. Everyone wore an outfit to match the style of a character, and we took a lot of pictures. The photos were so popular that I hit 5k followers in less than 24 hours, can you believe it? Everyone and their sister is into DisneyBounding these days, but picking up that sort of following from on-location fashion photos was still a thing you could do in 2015.

“Like I said, I had a happy childhood, but no one ever paid me that sort of attention. It was such a dopamine hit, you have no idea. Or maybe you do?”

Jon grit his teeth. “Please continue with the statement.”

Ted laughed. “Pushy, aren’t you? But that’s all right. It’s weird, but I feel like I can tell you anything. Has anyone ever said that to you before?”

“You’re not the first.”

“Maybe it’s the librarian thing you’ve got going on – or archivist thing, sorry. Puts me right at ease. And I appreciate that. If there’s an adult who willingly goes to Disneyland for fun, especially someone like me, people tend to think that’s creepy. The therapist I was seeing at the time called it ‘Peter Pan Syndrome,’ of all things. I never went to another appointment with her again, but that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to say is that I kept going back to Disneyland, usually with friends but sometimes with my boyfriend, who I met on Insta. We bonded while sharing theories about the Haunted Mansion, which is… Well, it used to be my favorite ride in the park. It still is, I guess, but I can’t go on it anymore.

“It took me long enough to get here, but this is the part of my story that should interest you. The reason I like the Haunted Mansion is because it reminds me of my mother, who passed away from a heart attack while I was living in New York. It was very sudden, completely out of the blue, and I never got to say good-bye. I never cared about the Haunted Mansion when I was in high school – we all thought it was cringe for some silly teenage reason that probably involved how awkward it would be if we were in the dark with each other. It wasn’t until I visited the park again as an adult that I finally went on the ride. When I did, I had this sudden flashback to a childhood memory.

“I must have gone to Disneyland with my parents when I was young, because standing in the dark and listening to the music made me recall being on the ride with my mother. This was during the lead-up, before you get in the Doom Buggies and begin the ride proper. I remember being absolutely terrified by what I thought was an endless maze. I felt like that line, after it entered the building, lasted forever. Kids can be like that sometimes, but my memory of this is crystal clear – the corridor genuinely didn’t end. I felt like there were people all around us, there had to be, but somehow it was just me and my mother, alone in the darkness.

“And then I remember that this terrible thing appeared out of nowhere. I’m not sure how to describe it. It definitely wasn’t a person in a costume, but it was too realistic to be the projection of a cartoon, and it was talking to us in voice that sounded like laughter and crying at the same time. Like it was hurt, but it found its pain amusing. Meanwhile, the walls kept stretching, and as they got taller I started to see awful things in the gaps between the ceiling and the floor.

“My mother held my hand the whole time. She kept whispering to me: ‘It’s going to be okay. You are brave, and you are strong. Nothing in here can hurt you.’ Just that, over and over, until the ride was over.

“When we finally got out, I ran straight to my dad, who knelt down on the pavement on the other side of the gate and hugged me. He and my mother both patted my back as I cried. I was so relieved to be outside again that my tears wouldn’t stop.

“My dad seemed confused by how afraid I was. This didn’t occur to me until I started thinking about it much later, but isn’t it strange that he didn’t understand why a young child would be frightened by a scary ride?

“I moved back to LA almost immediately after my mom’s funeral, but Dad became a little distant with me. We were both grieving, and it must have seemed callous to him that I was posting shots of myself at Disneyland on social media right after Mom died. Really I just needed a break from the move, from my job, from mourning, from everything – and I guess a part of me felt like my mother would never die as long as I kept returning to that memory of her holding my hand in the Haunted Mansion.

“My dad eventually moved on and married a younger woman. She would probably be my evil stepmother if my life were a Disney movie, but she’s actually a princess, and I adore her. I spend more time with her than I do with my dad these days, but I’m trying to do better. I thought I could reconnect with him if I took him along with me on a visit to the park, but he turned down my invitation. He told me he enjoyed my photos, but that he had never been to Disneyland and had no interest in going. Too many screaming children, he said.

“That was a surprise to me, so I told him about my memory of the Haunted Mansion. While I was talking, his face went completely pale. I don’t mean that as a figure of speech – it was like all the blood had been drained from his skin.

“He insisted that he had never been to Disneyland with me and my mother, but then he told me something strange. When I was about five years old, we went to visit his family in Seattle. My grandfather had just taken on management of a property in Capitol Hill, one of the old Gothic Revival mansions that used to be common there before the neighborhood gentrified. It was an old house, almost as old as the city itself, but my grandfather was having trouble finding potential buyers. The property had been designed by the student of a famous British architect by the name of Robert Smirke, and he wanted my mother to come take a look. Do a walkthrough, point out any potential areas of interest and value, that sort of thing.

“According to my father, my mother had a bad experience in that house. She refused to talk about it with him or anyone else, and she never went back to Seattle. She took me along with her on her tour of the property, and I was apparently just as upset as she was when we came out, even though my dad says we spent less than ten minutes inside. If I thought this place was the Haunted Mansion, and if the ride at Disneyland evoked such a strong memory, it makes me wonder – what did we see in that house?

“I checked with my grandfather, and he said the property never did find a buyer. The only person who seemed seriously interested was a British woman by the name of Gertrude Robinson. Shortly after she made inquiries, the place burned down. Imagine my surprise when I ran a search and learned that this Gertrude Robinson was employed by an institute dedicated to paranormal research.

“So,” Ted concluded, meeting Jon’s eyes, “I gave you my statement. I hope it will be useful to you. I was wondering what you could tell me in return.”

“Not much, I’m afraid. As you can see, we’re still in the process of organizing our records. We’ll investigate to the best of our abilities and contact you if we learn anything.”

“I would love that, thank you. Well, you have my information so…”

“We’ll be in touch. I believe I see my assistant Melanie hovering around. She used to have a large following on social media herself. I’m sure she’d be happy to show you outside.”

“So you’re from LA,” Jon heard Melanie say as she held the door open. Ted directed his dazzling smile at her, which she returned before allowing the door to slam shut behind them.

“Statement ends,” Jon muttered as listened to their conversation growing fainter. He ended the recording and leaned back in his chair.

“Any thoughts you’d like to share, Martin?”

“Oh, I, um,” Martin stammered. “I didn’t want to interrupt the, you know. The statement.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he emerged from between the shelves.

“It’s fine, Martin. It was a relief. To know that you were listening.”

“I’m sorry, I… What? It was?”

“I’ve never been good with people like that.”

“People like… Wait, excuse me?”

“People who are so…” Jon made a vague gesture to illustrate his point. “Sunny. Bright. Content. When someone comes here to make a statement, they’re usually upset.”

“Ah, right. I can see what you mean. But he looks like he just got back from a trip to the happiest place on earth.”

“The happiest place on earth?”

“You know, Disneyland Paris.”

“Disneyland Paris? They finished construction?”

“A few decades ago, actually.”

Jon sympathized with Ted Nakamura’s father. Between the crowds and the relentless sunshine, he couldn’t imagine a more ghastly location, and by this point he considered himself something of an expert on cursed geography.

“I don’t suppose we’ll have to go there ourselves to investigate,” he said, making an attempt to smile. He failed. His muscles were still tense from the process of taking a statement, and his face felt frozen.

“Really? You… want to go to Disneyland Paris? I suppose I could come too, I mean, if it’s not…”

Jon was alarmed by how red Martin’s face was becoming. Did Martin want to go to a theme park? Jon didn’t know much about Disneyland – or Paris, for that matter – but his childhood had been unusual, to say the least. He’d never asked, but Martin’s family couldn’t have been much if he had nowhere to sleep but down here in the archives. Perhaps he could use a vacation. Perhaps they both could.

Jon turned to face his assistant. “Martin, I…”

“Did someone say Disneyland Paris?”

Jon frowned. “Does this conversation interest you, Elias?”

“I heard you were planning a trip. You really must go sometime. It’s fantastic, quite the experience. I went myself, back in 1996.”

Elias made a quick series of taps on the screen of his phone before holding it out in front of him. Jon and Martin leaned forward to get a better look.

In the photo, Elias was posing next to someone wearing a Mickey Mouse costume. He wore an aloha shirt over denim shorts, and he was grinning from ear to ear. The camera had caught him in the act of pulling a tall man with a square jaw and a severe expression into the frame. The image quality was poor, but the man seemed far too pale for the summer sunshine.

Jon’s frown deepened. “And that is…?”

“Oh, this is Peter. You’ll meet him soon enough, I’m sure.”

“Do you, um. Do you go to Disneyland often, then?” Martin asked.

“Just the once. Peter lost a bet, you see.”

“Right.” Jon couldn’t put his finger on it, but he had a bad feeling about this.

“I wouldn’t mind going back. We could all go together, make an office party of it. It would be fun. You do know what fun is, don’t you, Archivist?”

Martin’s eyes darted between Elias and Jon. “I don’t think it’s safe to…”

“Come now,” Elias interrupted. “Would you have any reason not to?”

“China.”

“Excuse me?”

“China. I need to follow up on a statement, something Gertrude was looking into before she traveled to New Zealand.”

“Excellent. I’m glad that’s settled. I’ll leave you to your preparations, then.”

“Damn it.” Jon clenched his fists on the table as Elias left. A trap had been set, and he’d walked right into it.

“Don’t feel bad,” Martin said, oddly perceptive. After everything they’d been through, Jon was coming to appreciate that about him. “At least we know that Elias is still human. He likes Disneyland, after all.”

Jon wasn’t convinced that a fondness for theme parks qualified someone as being ‘human,’ but what would he know? He had to admit that Elias was right about one thing – it would do him good to get out of the archives.

“Are you really going to China, then?”

“I suppose I am.” Jon removed his glasses and rubbed his forehead.

“I’ve always wanted to go someplace like that, somewhere far away,” Martin said, his eyes darting to the tape recorder on the table. “I’d like to hear about it. If you don’t… If you don’t mind, of course. Maybe I could, I mean, we could go out for a coffee together. After you get back.”

“All right,” Jon replied, replacing his glasses. That would be rather nice, actually. “After I get back.”

[qqueenofhades]

I know she wasnt one of your favorite characters and you dont watch the show anymore but what is your opinion on this whole mad queen Dany thing from a storytelling perspective? I personally hate it. But I am really attached to her character.

Short answer: It’s an idiotic giant pile of steaming bullshit.

Longer answer: It’s an IDIOTIC GIANT PILE OF STEAMING BULLSHIT BY A COUPLE OF MEDIOCRE-ASS FAKE-WOKE MISOGYNISTIC RACIST WHITE MALE HACKS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO STORY-TELLING OR COHERENT NARRATIVE ABILITY WHO THINK THEY ARE BEING ~LE RISQUE AND IN FACT ARE ACTUALLY JUST FUCKING DUMBER THAN A BOX OF TRUMPS.

(Deep breaths. Deeeeeeep breaths.)

Obviously, the question of whether Dany was going to be “mad queen Dany” was played with a little and could have been thoughtfully or subtly done (if these hacks possessed any writing ability, which as noted, they do not). But (again, bearing in mind that I don’t watch the show), from what I saw, she went evil in the span of like… an episode and a half? After Jorah, Missandei, and Rhaegal died, and she is justifiably upset and fucked into a corner by illogical plot decisions and contrived writing, apparently these misogynist fuckburglars were just like “oooohh that would Drive a Bitch Crazy!!! UNLEASH THE KRAKEN OF CRAZY!!!” Which perhaps isn’t unique to Dany, since they busily destroyed everyone’s character arcs and 7 seasons of development, but wow.

(Plus I have heard spoilers/hints about Jon having to kill her next episode, which is a whole new LEVEL of Yikes. We knew they were misogynistic asshats and the treatment of female characters had always been gross, BUT WOW.)

Dany’s arc, both in books and show, has had some other problems. I.e. the very cringy “white saviour” business and how POC were generally reduced to props for her story, whether “savage” or as “noble savages” or slaves who needed saving – as usual, the show made that much worse, because again, they cannot write and their entire ethos has been to hammer home Shock Value Grimdark as much as possible. Especially since they apparently claimed that Dany’s turn into madness was foreshadowed in season 1 when she had a “chilly” reaction to Viserys’ death. You know, the brother who mentally, physically, and sexually abused her and sold her into an arranged marriage for his political ambitions. According to these monumental crapsacks, that definitely means a woman is Crazy, if she doesn’t break down in tears over her abuser’s death. They have managed to send a fuckton of gross messages about women throughout the show in general, but that’s a new one.

Dany has, at this point, struggled for seven-plus seasons in show canon to make the right choices, to realize how hard it is to be a ruler, to deal with her Targaryen heritage, to help the entire North in the Long Night (honestly, why didn’t they end the show after that? It’s been nothing but downhill since). They already forced her to act irrational and to play up the Dany-Sansa feud, rather than acknowledging two complicated female characters and their different philosophies and allowing them to find actual common ground. So having us believe (again, when apparently the takeaway here is to kill everyone she cares about Because Bitches Be Cray and then have that drive her into murderous insanity) that within like…. 1.5 episodes, she’s supposed to be the End Level Boss is… wow. (After Cersei got killed by…. a falling ceiling, and don’t even get me started on Jaime and Brienne.)

As far as I can tell, these bogglingly incompetent hacks either got bored with the season/project (since they were offered the budget for 10 episodes but were like “nah we’re good with six!”) or indeed, this was the plan all along. I would not be surprised. They have been absolutely wedded to ham-handed Shock Value as their main plot tactic all along (it was one of the many reasons I quit several seasons ago) and mistake gruesome mistreatment of their female characters as Gritty Medieval Realism ™ or Strong Female Characterness ™. So we can’t say they weren’t on brand until the end. The assumption here is clearly that we were all chumps to “expect a happy ending from Game of Thrones!” …. which, I seriously doubt anyone was. In my version of the ending (TNR), it’s genuinely bittersweet. Not all the favorites make it, in the epilogue it’s clear that the post-war years have been difficult, and so forth. But it’s also not a pointless, nihilistic bloodbath of eight seasons of audience investment masquerading as Woke Postmodern Grimdark Super Smart Cutting Edge Ending.

(Also in my version, Dany melts down the Iron Throne to help fight the Others, survives the final battle, forgives the fake Aegon, becomes Queen of the South, eventually gets married and has a son, deals with the death of her dragons and the contestations to her rule long-term, and doesn’t go goddamn crazy.)

I don’t care how Realistically Grimdark your media is (and I have written many posts on how I would like this whole trend to die with fire and I blame GOT for making other franchises think this is the way to go). In no universe is your audience going to think that sending everything to hell within less than 2 episodes of the final season is a satisfying and meaningful ending, and if you think so, you really have no idea how fiction works and should not be writing it. A GOOD ending does not need to be a rainbow-fluffy-bunnies one. But in no realm, as evidenced by the uproar that my entire dash is in, does this one qualify. The paranoid terror of social media and spoilers is making them go so far as to gaslight actors, film false endings, and then break their hearts when they find that a decade of their hard work is going up in smoke like this.

As far as I know, Emilia Clarke had at least two serious health scares while working on GOT, and when she found out this ending, she left the house and just wandered aimlessly for three hours and tried to drink her sorrows away. How is that acceptable to do on a professional level, far less what you may think of Dany or her character or anything else? When again, the takeaway from this is that anyone who ever identified with Dany or her struggle to overcome abuse, enslavement, helplessness, etc, and admired anything about her, was a chump to do that. Sure. “Mad Queen Dany” was one narrative possibility. But if they were going to pull it off (which, again, I cannot emphasize enough how bad they are at writing) this needed to happen way before. Not out of the blue in the last two episodes of the show, because Women Are Emotional LOL, Must Be Stopped.

I am so sorry to everyone who loved her, or any character on this show, but I honestly, deeply am not surprised. As bad as it is, I have… known for a long time that they were capable of ruining this on a fundamental level, have never actually understood the characters or cared about narrative coherency, and their treatment of women is disgusting on just about every level. But even I am gobsmacked at how badly they managed to fuck it up. That should tell you something.

Me to D&D, every time they have or will open their mouths for the rest of time:

[waterlilyvioletfog]

I haven't read the ASOIAF books, but I'm considering it. Daenerys is one of my favorite characters and I connect with her for very personal reasons, like the fact that mental illness runs in my family. I really don't want to invest myself in the books if she's just going to eventually go crazy and turn into a villain. Honestly, I don't need another piece of media saying I'm doomed to become insane because of my genetics. What are your thoughts on the Mad Queen theory? Think it'll happen?

Oof, Nonny. Hard to say.

First off, read the books. Get to know these amazing characters. Join the fandom. We have memes. Follow my sideblog, @vi6sixofasoiaf and some other people: @lyannas @gaystannis @seaworthit @shebsart @amuelia @nobodysuspectsthebutterfly @asoiafuniversity and there’s a bunch more; those are just a few dependable starters. I also suggest reading @poorquentyn and listening to Girls Gone Canon and the NotACast, but there’s a lot more essayists and podcasts out there than just the folks I listen to. We’re a sizable community, and the only real Discourse I’ve seen on tumblr from the ASOIAF/valyrianscrolls/books-only peeps has been some Stannis vs Renly shit. Then again, I’m very selective and I’m not on Twitter or reddit and also I’ve only been here for- I want to say two years? Three? So YMMV.

Okay, on to the heavy shit.

The Nuking Of King’s Landing is something that I do expect to happen, yes. The Wildfire caches are too big a Chekhov’s gun not to go off. Whether Dany nukes the city or JonCon and Faegon or Cersei end up actually doing it, I’m less sure. All three camps are likely parties because all three are going to be in King’s Landing sometime soon.

I do think that Dany will reach a low point. I don’t think she’ll be *the great evil villain who was villainous the entire time* though. A lot of speculation I read pre-s8 thought so, too- most of it by @turtle-paced and I think it was common thought- that once Dany crossed the Narrow Sea, there’d be some sort of Event, surrounded by emotional and mental darkness, with a possible dragon-back suicide run to defeat the Others at the very end as Dany’s path. That path sits fairly well for me because Dany is very Hero Who Dies Tragically For The Greater Good to me. But it also could taste bad because “abuse survivor with family history of mental illness goes on kamikaze suicide run to redeem themself” is icky for several million reasons.

Jon killing Dany seems fairly likely now, too, post-s8, though it does leave a bad taste in the mouth because “abuse survivor gets killed by man she was in love with and trusted” is icky for several million reasons.

Otherwise with the show canon of Dany? Ehhhhhhhhh.

I think most things will happen differently for different reasons. I think Daenerys is not incapable of having a temper, particularly when she has to deal with people she doesn’t like. Certainly, she’s impatient.

I don’t think book!Dany is such a sudden ticking timebomb, either. She may well be one, I just don’t think it’ll be so *snap* you know?

Dany is not going to burn the Water Gardens.

And in all honesty? I genuinely don’t expect book 6 to ever get published. I really really hope it does, but I’m not going to die without the last two volumes. So create your own ending. C’est la vie or whatever.

Hope that helps, dear.

[astronomifier]

Magnus Archives Relisten, Eps 1 and 2

The Magnus Archives is exploding right now, so in the lead-up to it’s final season (and the first season that i will be fully caught up for), I felt i’d go back to the start and do a grand relisten and ranking of all of the show’s past episodes. I know that the next season is still over 3 months away, but the Magnus Archives has a LOT of episodes, so even starting as early as i am, if i’m to get through them all on time i actually have to listen to more than one episode per day!

I’ll be listening to 2 episodes every weekday until season 5 drops (or i run out of episodes, i have a few extra days incase i miss something for some reason) and giving my overall impressions in the form of a rating out of 10, a brief spoiler-free review, and then a spoiler-marked section on the episode’s place in the larger series. 

Today: Angler Fish and Do Not Open: 

Episode 1: Angler Fish Case #0122204 Statement of Nathan Watts, regarding an encounter on Old Fishmarket Close, Edinburgh.

This episode is a pretty good start, i think. A clear, but not overlong introduction to the premise of the show and Jon’s stuffy, skeptical character, with just enough hints at various mysteries to keep things interesting. The statement itself is quite a strong opening, with a delightfully uncanny monster that can stand alone as a frightening encounter without further explanation. At the same time, the utter lack of explanation for what the Angler Fish is or wants leaves some questions open to be answered in the future, though it strikes a good balance between making you want an answer and not actually needing them to appreciate the story.

One small criticism of this episode is that our narrator-of-the-week, Nathan Watts, is... pretty boring. Not much of a personality, and really nothing more than a generic drunk college student. This is fine, as the episode is primarily focused on getting impressing the image of the swaying figure into the listeners mind, but in light of future episodes with very interesting narrators, its a bit disappointing. I also felt that Watts’ discovery of the cigarette that matches the brand that is sticking out of a victim’s pocket in a missing persons poster was rather contrived. Took me out of the story a bit. Overall though, a solid, scary standalone story that gives you a feel for the show without making it to complex. 

7/10. I should note something here about how im ranking episodes. Specifically, im scaling it relative to the quality of The Magnus Archives, not all media ever made. Therefore, a 1/10 is my least favorite episode of the show, a 10/10 is my favorite episode, and a 5/10 is a solid, but middle of the road episode. In the case of the Angler fish, the episode is genuinely scary, and manages to be so dispite pulling double duty as an introductory exposition dump, so it pops a bit above the crowd without being overwhelmingly exceptional.

SPOILER PARAGRAPH: One thing I love about this episode is that even when we eventually learn what the Angler Fish’s deal is, its’ starring episode never gets less creepy. Jonny has himself mentioned that horror/mystery series run into a problem of losing their horror element as the mystery is revealed, but I think the Angler Fish manages to dodge this. It helps that even though we eventually learn why the Angler Fish is taking people, we never really learn how the creature works or the details of what it does with the people it takes, even as we do learn the final outcome. If anything, learning about the disturbing fate of the Fish’s victims just makes the creature creepier. I also liked the little touch that the tape becomes staticy whenever the line “do you have a cigarette” is uttered. Its not something most people will notice on first listen, but its a little hint at the future reveal that the tape Knows when something genuinely supernatural is happening.

Episode 2: Do Not Open Case #9982211 Statement of Joshua Gillespie, regarding time in possession of an apparently empty wooden casket.

Another good episode to start out. I don’t like this one quite as much as the Angler Fish, but theyre both solid episodes. The coffin is creepy and atmospheric, and the implication of some kind of supernatural mafia that is somehow able to track Gillespie’s spending even after years brings a second flavor of creepiness into the episode. I think the scariest thing about the episode is that final mystery, though: why the hell is Gillespie’s seemingly mundane apartment complex completely uninhabited for the duration of his time there? It implies that the supernatural has some kind of greater influence on the word that deeply unsettles me, for there is no obvious indication that Gillespie’s choice of apartment has anything to do with the coffin, John, or anything supernatural. Also, its nice to learn that Jon (the Archivist) is from Bournemouth. Places him in the world as more than just a disconnected narrator. If there is one criticism here though, its that the vagueness as to what the coffin actually does beyond make weird noises and Gillespies fairly effortless thwarting of its’ mind control keep the horror from getting any further than “somewhat creepy”. Which, i mean, thats something you need now and then, but this episode definitely wont be giving me nightmares anytime soon.

One thing that definitely doesn’t fail me this time round is the narrator-of-the-week. Joshua Gillespie is a bit of a meme amongst the Magnus fandom for his genuinely clever idea to freeze the coffin key in ice, as well as how... absurdly rational he manages to be in this situation. He’s quite fun as far as one-off statement givers go, even if again his backstory is little more than “drug using college student”.

6/10. This episode is above average, and its a fun listen, but it is neither as creepy as the Angler Fish before it, nor as emotionally moving as future episodes of this show will eventually become.

SPOILER PARAGRAPH: The Buried perhaps my favorite of the entities. What interests me about this episode, though, is that despite the Cramped Casket eventually becoming the shows’ flagship manifestation of the Buried, this episode calls upon basically every aspect of the buried *except* claustrophobia. There is a line about feeling supernaturally “weighed down”, but its a metaphorical weight, not a literal one. Theres also the discriptor of the key as “heavy”, but beyond that not really any direct references to the Buried’s main theming. Instead the episode focuses on rain and water (i liked the line about Gillespie “drowning out” the sounds. a bit cheeky, but fun). This episode also hints at perhaps the most interesting aspect of the Buried to me: debt. Gillespie doesn’t receive the coffin until he spends some of Johns’ money; until he owes John something. We also later learn that after the events of this episode, the coffin, lacking a new victim, seems to bind itself to Breekon and Hope, somehow. Oh yeah, first appearance of those guys, we’ll talk about them more later. The Buried’s focus on money and debt is never fully explored, but its an interesting thread that pops up throughout the series. I really love how subtle Jonny can be in his writing even when describing bizarre supernatural situations like this one. Also, John is an interesting character. As far as i know he only appears in this episode, but between his odd appearance and his money that knows when you spend it, he’s clearly supernatural in nature. Perhaps he’s an Avatar of the Buried that we simply never meet again thanks to his implied coffin-stuffing at the end of the episode. Thats another odd thing about the Buried: so far, we don’t have any avatars who appear for more than a single statement. I don’t think that really means anything, but who knows. Its amazing to me how many unanswered questions this episode leaves, really. We still don’t even know why John or the Casket were even doing this. 

[uncommon-etc]

5 Ways in which bad writing was the real villain of GOT 8x05

I know tempers are running high right now but after lying awake for hours being angry about the way this season is going I’ve decided to try and rationalize just what it was about this episode that left such a bitter taste in everyone’s mouths. Did I think there were obvious elements of misogyny and racism at play? Definitely. But pointing that out without concrete proof isn’t going to win any arguments and none of it would have happened if it weren’t for a total disregard for the basic principles of good storytelling so let’s dig in: 

1. Hitchcock’s Law of Suspense? What’s that? 

In creating his high-intensity thrillers (on very limited budgets and with minimal special effects compared to today’s media) Alfred Hitchcock often referenced a scene in which a bomb goes off under a table while two characters are talking. He said it was better to get 15 minutes of suspense rather than 15 seconds of surprise so rather than simply let the bomb explode for shock value why not show the bomb being planted, allow the characters to carry on with their conversation as the audience is literally yelling at them that a bomb is about to go off then you could have someone defuse it at the last minute. 

8x05 threw this out of the window in multiple ways but if you want an example of a time when Game of thrones used it to amazing effect look no further than season 6 and the blowing up of the great sept of Baelor. The music was textbook suspense building, the reactions of the characters to Cersei not being present at her trial are a genius way of building tension, the futility of lancel’s attempt to stop the wildfire exploding and then the actual climax of the scene make it one of the most memorable uses of suspense in modern television. Did we get that in this episode? Nope, we got lots of people being burned alive needlessly, several huge anti-climaxes and an over-use if CGI. 

On a lesser not Jaime’s decision to return to King’s Landing was a major wasted opportunity in the suspense stakes, had he made his motives less clear and allowed the audience to wonder whether he was returning to King’s Landing to kill Cersei or save her his final scenes would have been much more compelling. 

2. Show, don’t tell.  

Part of the reason everyone seemed so out-of-character this episode was because the writers seem to have forgotten the basic principle that instead of going round telling everyone that a character has certain qualities/motivations you should demonstrate said qualities to the viewer to win them around to to that character’s perspective here are a few examples:

When Tyrion is initially named hand of the king the writers want you to think he’s the cleverest character so rather than have other characters be like “he’s the cleverest character” they have him outsmart the likes of varys, littlefinger and maester pycelle to find out which one of them was informing on him to Cersei, it was a brilliantly well-executed scene and set him up as one of the smartest characters on the show. A+ 

When Tyrion is named hand of the queen he makes a lot of stupid decisions, we’re told that a lot of this stems from underestimating his own family yet previous seasons establish he and Cersei as having one of the most intriguing complex sibling relationships on the show by allowing the events of the plot to foster constant mistrust between them. We’re constantly told Tyrion is still one of the cleverest characters but without a hidden agenda none of his current actions make any sense in relation to those qualities. D- 

3. Proper Characterization is a marathon, not  a sprint. 

The last thing viewers/readers who have spent years with a character, understanding their motivations, qualities and back-story should feel is that the writer’s weren’t sure what to do with that character half way through the episode but that’s exactly how many viewers felt upon watching Jon and Danaerys’ arcs unfold in 8x05. Neither were given any build-up or foreshadowing to the decisions they made and it  Simultaneously ruined the 7-season character arcs of two fan-favorites. 

Jon’s been stripped of many of his more interesting qualities as a leader this season and in attempts to make him look like a loyal, brave hero all the writers have done is make him look weak. If they were setting him up to have to kill Danaerys and save the realm next episode they did an extremely poor job of it, mainly because the one scene they shared together this episode was such a confused mess. 

If the writers’ wanted Jon to be a cold and calculating political leader he occasionally appears in the books they could have made him work a lot harder at convincing Danaerys that he loves her and would do anything for her, probably going a lot further than one kind of awkward kiss.  

And if they wanted to show him genuinely being in love with her and retaining some semblance of humanity his response should have been more like “Yes I love you but we’re related and it’s weird and I’m still coming to terms with the fact my entire identity for 7 seasons has been a lie so could you maybe give me some space to process that.”

Somehow the destruction of Danaerys entire arc managed to be even worse as they’ve spent all this time building her up as a protector of the innocent and a fair ruler. They abandoned the kind of nuanced and considered writing that found her struggling to rule in Mereen (which happened to be one of her most interesting story-lines) in favor of pure shock-tactics. 

There were many better ways in which the destruction of king’s landing could have played out with very similar consequences. The bell-ringing could have been a ploy to put her armies at ease before more Lannister soldiers appeared from out of nowhere and start slaughtering them so she has no choice but to attack, the wildfire could have been a major plot-device rather than an afterthought and the burning of the red-keep could have triggered much larger explosions all over the city. So it wasn’t only out-of-character, it was badly timed and made no actual sense in relation to the plot.  

4. Don’t invalidate your own work

As a writer the last thing you should to is completely go back on your own plot developments but when a lot of viewers are asking “So why didn’t Danaerys just take Olenna’s advice and burn King’s Landing in season 7, then she’d still have three dragons and most of her army” then you’ve messed up big-time. 

Killing off fan-favorites, sending characters down dark paths, regressing on certain aspects of character-development and reminding people of the horrors of being a civilian caught up in a conflict are all valid means of storytelling and can be used very effectively given the proper time and foreshadowing to see it through but when writing one scene badly makes almost everything else you’ve written seem futile and pointless not only are you failing as a writer your failing those who have invested considerable time and energy into those characters and their story-lines/redemption arcs/perspectives.   

Which brings us onto my final point

5. Look at your story in a wider context 

Like it or not, no narrative exists in isolation and no matter how fantastical a setting it will always be the characters, their emotions and the way they relate to each other that viewers and readers are captivated by. Many of a character’s actions may become horribly dated as times (and attitudes) change, one need only watch any film about a young working class man made between 1960 and 1987 to see that treating female characters like crap used to be the norm even for well-liked protagonists but with this in mind writers still need to be conscious of the way their story will be received.

If Game of Thrones was ever supposed to be about disrupting an oppressive feudal order, giving voice to those who were robbed of it and dismantling the power structures that allowed might and ruthlessness to triumph over intelligence and common decency then it failed miserably. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t read a lot into these things but it seemed pretty obvious that the message was one of utter futility; never try to escape a toxic relationship, you’ll just end up going back and it’ll be the death of you, never try to be better than your insane family, you’ll just end up turning into them and if you’re born a slave don’t try to be anything else because you’ll probably still die in chains. And that’s before you even dig into how much the show is wrecking Sansa’s character arc by implying that she should be grateful for all the horrible things which happened to her rather having her consciously decide to do things differently to those who tormented her. 

So those were the biggies. There were countless other examples of sloppy writing (Qyburns scorpions being able to take down a dragon from behind and island on a boat but not being able to hit one and point blank range, yara being robbed of the chance to kill her uncle, Varys not even knowing Jon but being determined that even though all Targaryans have the potential to be nuts he’d be the better ruler) but I digress, if I’ve missed anything major message me or leave me a comment, I’m sorry that this has been such a long post but I’ve invested too much of my life into both the show and the books to allow this mess to pass for acceptable writing.   

[friendlycybird]

Season 3 Reactions - Part 1

I’ve developed a strange association since I’ve begun listening to The Magnus Archives.  I don’t know how it started but somehow, my go-to food choice for listening is, for some reason, Cup of Noodles. Chicken Flavor, Typically.  I don’t understand how this happened, or why, but I strongly associate Cup of Noodle with TMA and I will never understand it, I’ll just go with it. So it is with a Styrofoam cup of cooking noodles set beside my computer that I begin this post.

I’m halfway through season 3, which I was told way back when I was halfway through season one would be the big Lore building season. I just didn’t anticipate how much.  I know so much more now then I did at the end of last season, and I’m fully aware I’ve only scratched the surface. So, as of right now, here’s what I think of the first half of season 3. 

81. Jon’s awareness of his personality flaws dating all the way back to childhood is, on one hand, good. On the other, I’m always wary when I hear a parental figure described as having “done their best” with a troublesome child...I’m never convinced that was a healthy upbringing. 

82. I have a lot of feelings about Martin’s unwavering faith in Jon. Well, unwavering may be a slightly strong word for it but I almost cried when he had that pleased reaction to being told people say he and Jon are close. 

83. I love Georgie. Also, I am of course, not surprised that it was a circus display, of all things, that went wrong in this statement. 

84. I am so happy that Martin’s reading statements now? I mean. I’m not happy for Martin since reading statements is obviously extremely draining and difficult but I love Martin so getting more of him is always good for me, however bad it may be for him. Also, Melanie stepping in to replace Sasha gives me some...mixed feelings. I really like Melanie and I’m glad to have her on board but this...this kinda makes it real, you know? I think this is when that last bit of hope I was still stupidly clinging to, even after Leitner stated point-blank that Sasha was dead, finally died as well. Sasha’s well and truly gone and has been since season one.  It’s Melanie’s turn. 

85. I’ve heard this rhyme before. Taking it to its logical conclusion like this was deeply unsettling. 

86. This episode was a reminder exactly why I didn’t use to listen to TMA at night. I’ve become a lot more flexible on the subject, and yes, I regret it. I fully intended to sleep with the lights on after I listened to this episode. My partner needed it off so she could get to sleep though so I gave in and settled for just not being alone. 

87. I’ve listened to... thirteen episodes after this one. Thirteen. When I listened to this episode, Gertrude’s closing comments were...largely nonsensical to me. All I knew was that something was that she’d been injured somehow, and that this statement suggested an unexpected alliance between avatars and a rushed timeline for The Unknowing. Already a lot of information.  I just went back and read the transcript of her closing statement and...there’s so much here. The connection between Gertrude and Jude Perry was one I picked up on a couple episodes later.  Looking at this now, it seems like a pretty clear who’s-who of the biggest players currently on the board. 

88. I love Martin and I genuinely feel so bad for him with all this.  Recording statements is hard and change is harder and everyone expecting him to know things. 

89. It’s not often anymore I hear a piece of media and have a bone-deep jealousy of the performer. Jude Perry is a character I want to play.  Her dialogue, her *statement*, her power, her...god. She’s just. She might be my favorite antagonist. 

90. Poor Tim. He tried to leave, he actually tried to just pack up and go, and it almost killed him. He hates this place with everything in him and hates himself for working there but he’s not ready to die just to stop. 

91. I can not tell you how taken aback I was by the fact that the first line we hear from Mike Crew is “You’re sure I can’t get you a cup of tea?” The fact that it seems all he really wants is to be left alone with his powers makes him...I can’t properly say sympathetic. Not after episode 75 but close enough that I’m a little sad Daisy killed him.

92. I was...genuinely prepared to come out of this hating Elias. God knows everyone who was in that room did. I don’t though.  Elias comes off to me as nothing so much as the tutor who’s finished his masters thesis on a subject and is sitting down with a first-year undergrad in that subject and trying to explain that yes, I absoloutly could tell you exactly how all of this works but if you don’t learn it for yourself you’ll never pass your tests.  Except, with the stakes turned up to 11. I think about Elias a lot. I don’t...I’m not as attached to him as I am to the others, to everyone else who was in that room...but I like him. He’s...interesting. 

93. Admiral is a good kitty, comforting Jon like that at the beginning. But the exchange toward the end I will never be over is “I don’t want to talk about it.” “Tough.” “Look, I’m moving out anyway, so just...just forget it. I’m out of your life. Alright?” “No.”  - Just. Georgie’s absolute refusal to take Jon’s shit and insistence on actually properly *helping* him - I love her. 

94. I remember we’ve seen this philosophy before, the idea that “The moment that you die will feel exactly the same as this one.” the idea that the present and the future are not distinct from one another. I can’t remember what episode it came up in before but also the thought that - accepting that? Accepting the...smallness? Of the universe? Of the human experience? Would just kill you where you stand or, if you survive it, stop you from ever feeling fear again? That’s...a powerful statement really. And one I’m not sure I agree with? It’ll take some time to unpack the philosophy here. 

95. Poor Martin. I say that a lot but no really, poor Martin. He’s trying so hard and it’s all just too much. For him to give up on professionalism is just sad. His exchange with Basira at the end is another look into the philosophy it seems the show is building. What do you do in the face of helplessness?  “You make the best of things.” Basira says. Of course, as interested as I am in the overall message of TMA (beyond always carry a fucking flashlight, which was the lesson I took from season 1 and now there’s one clipped to my purse) I’m even more overwhelmed by the fact that the idea of escaping himself never occurred to Martin. 

96. Feels good to get some answers about Breekon and Hope finally. Proper ties to the circus it seems, although the questions from episode 93 all still stand.  TMA is really good at it, at giving you an answer, and it’s definitely an answer you know something you didn’t - and yet, none of your actual questions have been answered. 

97. As if it wasn’t enough that the statement hit a little closer to home than the typical TMA episode as I live in Oregon, so less then 500 miles from whatever the fuck that pit was. Of course, when the statement occurred I was safely down in California but all the same, unnerving.  As if THAT WASN’T ENOUGH. Fucking. Orsinov fucked me up, guys. I was *shaking*.  I don’t know what it is but she is, as a character, well beyond terrifying. I. I don’t have words for how much she scares me. I don’t even know why. I just. Everything about her is just. Fuck. 

98. I quite enjoyed Tim pointing out the problem with the “They can never know I have to project them” bullshit that Jon is prone to. That said, I find it ironic that Tim can, in the space of a page, go from calling the Institute, and by extension the Eye, evil, to saying “ignorance isn’t going to save anyone.” - because that’s what The Eye seems to be. Just knowledge. Observing, Learning, Knowing.  It’s not...at least...I don’t know that it’s as evil as Tim thinks it is.  Ruthless, detached, inhuman, yes. Evil? I’m not at all sure of that. 

99. Another American Statement, this time about The Dust Bowl. We also get names of several more...powers. The Spiral, The Buried, The Hunt. But more then that. We find out that Michael use to be Gertrude’s Assistant!  Which. Is he like Mike? Did something change him? He always felt...older...than that? It would explain why he seems to have so much curiosity toward the archive and the archivist though...

100. and finally, an anthology of sorts, of what happens when people who don’t have The Archivist’s ability try to take statements live. Two things stand out to me about this.  The first? Martin, you absoloute sweetheart why are you trying to pay the woman? She gave you fuckall and might not even have been telling the truth.  And also... “Elias can be quite... ‘protective’ of his people.”  Like. !!!!!!! I mean.  After reading that statement, that whole speech for Jon before everyone got there back in episode 92... after all that and people like Peter Lukas still see Elias as ‘protective’  ...I..you know I think it might be true? His total lack of anger when Melanie tried to poison him and just the fact that he’s trying so hard to prepare Jon? I don’t know. It’s funny, I’m always inclined to think the best of people. With Elias though, I’m not so quick to think there might be anything genuinely good to him, but, I definitely can’t see him as evil either. 

[onimiman]

Film Review: Watchmen: The Ultimate Cut (2009)

On the tenth anniversary of the film Watchmen’s theatrical release, I decided to rewatch the film, only this time, I would watch the film’s Ultimate Cut. Whereas the theatrical cut ran approximately 2 hours and 42 minutes (including closing credits), the Ultimate Cut ran at 3 hours and 35 minutes (again, including closing credits). Having watched this film as a teenager and loving it to the point that for a few years, I’d called it my favorite film ever, I went into watching the Ultimate Cut with trepidation; I had feared that now that I was in my adulthood, I might not look so favorably toward the film as I had when I was a teen. I also feared that if I were to still enjoy the film, I hoped that it would not stem from a blind sense of nostalgia and that I would look upon this less favorably anyway. A similar feeling came over me a few years ago when I had rewatched Tim Burton’s Batman.

So what did I think of the Ultimate Cut of Watchmen? i absolutely loved it, and what few gripes I do have with it are so minute that I wished I wouldn’t even have to mention them here. And I can say with utmost certainty that not only did this movie stand the (albeit so far small) test of time of a decade, but if anything, it made me wonder if this film would have been more successful, critically and financially, if it had been released sometime this decade, what with R-rated films like Deadpool and Logan being so successful in both areas. 

But enough about all this prelude. What was it that I loved about this film? What I love about this film, as I did when I was a teenager, was something that had been simultaneously praised and criticized even at the time of this film’s release, which was its faithful adherence to the source material and making only the most necessary of changes for it to be at all filmable. The film’s strength stems largely because of the graphic novel from which it is based, as Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ Watchmen is not only considered to be one of the greatest comics of all time, it’s considered a landmark piece of English literature in general such that it, as a piece of the superhero genre, can be studied on serious thematic levels in colleges and universities (I’d cite my sources, but admittedly, I am quite lazy in that regard; but don’t take my word for it, look it up).

The film, like the graphic novel, is set in a fairly realistic world, much like our own in 1985, but with the twist of superheroes existing within it. The story showcases these heroes’ now-outlawed influence on this world, as that influence (namely from Dr. Manhattan) has led the U.S. and U.S.S.R. to the point where nuclear Armageddon is more of a possibility than even during the Cuban Missile Crisis. The plot follows the investigation of one such outlawed vigilante, Rorschach (who, btw, is one of my favorite characters in all of fiction), who is looking into the death of the Comedian, a controversial (to say the least) hero who has been mysteriously murdered. Rorschach’s investigation leads him to a “mask killer” theory that, as time goes on and the threat of nuclear annihilation looms ever so closer, gains more credence as more of his fellow heroes, including himself, are attacked by an unknown powerful figure. With the aid of Nite-Owl and Silk Spectre, two of his former colleagues, Rorschach aims to find out who the mask killer is and ultimately uncover the possibility of that killer’s involvement with the impending global doom.

The film’s plot, like the novel, is given a fair amount of focus and does get a resolution that is as satisfying as it was unexpected (something that Rian Johnson seems to have trouble with when it comes to Star Wars: The Last Jedi). However, both the film and comic’s attention on the plot itself is surprisingly minimal compared to its focus on its own character studies, which is the core strength of both the film and comic. So let’s go into our six lead characters.

1. Rorschach: As I mentioned before, Rorschach has been one of my favorite characters in all of fiction, and here, he is probably given the most faithful depiction on the silver screen. Jackie Earle Haley’s performance as Rorschach is, in my opinion, more Oscar-worthy than something like Black Panther, as it is abundantly clear just how well Haley understood this character. He portrays an incredibly damaged sociopath with an uncompromising view of black-and-white morality so well that it makes me sad that Haley never gets the respect for playing this character as well as Ryan Reynolds does for playing Deadpool, Hugh Jackman for Wolverine, Kevin Conroy or Michael Keaton for playing Batman, or Robert Downey, Jr. for playing Iron Man. My hat goes out to you, Mr. Haley. Your performance here rates 10/10 for me still. :)

2. Nite-Owl a.k.a. Dan Dreiberg: As a teenager, I had an underappreciation for both the character of Dan Dreiberg and for Patrick Wilson’s portrayal of him. While I thought then that Wilson had done a good job playing Dreiberg, I didn’t much care for the character in general as a teen, as I thought that he was just a boring everyman. As an adult, however, I found both the character and Wilson’s performance to be as important as, if not more than, Rorschach and Haley’s performance of that character. Wilson’s portrayal of a defeated, pathetic sad-sack of a human being who has an underlying anxiety concerning the threat of nuclear annihilation is an important emotional anchor point for the film (and comic, of course); as entertaining as Rorschach is, I can imagine that not a whole lot of people can relate to him on a deep level. If Rorschach is the Jack Sparrow of what I can loosely call an adventure here, Dreiberg is Will Turner; you might not like him as much as the guy who gets the attention for his craziness, but you realize you need him as the everyman if you want your story to really work. 

3. Silk Spectre a.k.a. Laurie Jupiter: Unfortunately, while my opinion on Nite-Owl had changed, my opinion on Laurie Jupiter, as well as Malin Akerman’s performance, has not. I hate to say it, but she’s essentially the female equivalent of Dreiberg, and while she does have some interesting emotional turmoil going on, I don’t find the character to be particularly likable. And I think the biggest reason for that stems from Akerman’s performance; I find her to be too wooden and bland in her delivery. While Akerman does make the character more likable than in the comic, her eye candy appeal doesn’t distract me from the unconvincing performance that she delivers throughout the film.

4. Dr. Manhattan a.k.a. Jon Osterman: A character, and performance courtesy of Billy Crudup, that I gained more appreciation for, like Dreiberg and Wilson’s depiction of that character. The nihilism and disconnection from humanity that serves as the basis for Dr. Manhattan is one that is properly delivered by Crudup’s deliberately robotic performance, and as a character, he stands out as incredibly unique in fiction. As a fan of Rick and Morty, I find Dr. Manhattan to be what Rick Sanchez would be if he had less personalty and gave even less of a shit about the universe in which he inhabits. A nihilistic character can be hard to pull off without coming off as boring, yet the writing and Crudup’s performance manage to almost perfectly convey someone who maybe layered in disinterest, but who, at his core, still retains enough of a sliver of humanity that he wishes to find any reason to still be a part of it.

5. The Comedian a.k.a. Eddie Blake: Now here is a character that you probably wouldn’t see much of in the superhero genre. As unique as Dr. Manhattan is when it comes to his nihilism, Edward Morgan Blake is probably what would happen if Rick Sanchez were actually grounded in reality and his actions had legitimate consequences. Jeffrey Dean Morgan manages to play a despicable human being so incredibly well that even though he says and does some genuinely heinous things, like attempted rape or shooting a pregnant woman dead out of anger for slashing his face with a broken beer bottle because he wouldn’t agree to raise the baby that he impregnated her with, he still manages to come off as understandable and believably human. This is especially highlighted in a scene where he actually breaks down crying to someone who had been his enemy for decades. It’s a shockingly real depiction of a monster who is still all too human and it’s one that I don’t think would be depicted in the mainstream media these days. 

6. Ozymandias a.k.a. Adrian Veidt - As a teen, I thought that Matthew Goode’s performance as Veidt was dull, but now, like with Wilson and Crudup’s performance of their respective characters in this film, I now consider his performance to be an incredibly strong one. While giving this character a much more sinister and menacing air than the more tragic atmosphere surrounding Veidt in the comic, I can now assess that Goode is able to deliver a performance that is quite respectable for someone who can be reasonably argued to be the film and comic’s true hero rather than its villain. I don’t find it to be nearly to the same caliber as Josh Brolin’s performance as Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War, but I’d say it’s at least within the same ballpark.

Now that we’re past the characters, I have to mention the extras that are part of the Ultimate Cut of this film and whether or not I think they add or subtract from the film’s quality overall. I can really only think of two scenes that I thought were unnecessary. The first is one early on that I thought made no sense, in which Rorschach somehow managed to survive being shot by a cop without even so much as flinching; it wasn’t even something that was from the book either, so what the hell? Also, I thought that including Hollis Mason’s death in the film was unnecessary, as it doesn’t really have a resolution, and that’s a criticism that I levy at the comic as well. However, in spite of these somewhat weak bits, I felt that the film’s inclusion of the Tales from the Black Freighter is one that lends some very interesting thematic weight to the film’s main story, just as that did in the comic. The Black Freighter sections were incredibly well animated, Gerard Butler put in a fantastic performance as the Captain, and it was a great representation of the comic-within-a-comic; I have no complaints here, but I do understand why it had to ultimately be cut from the film’s theatrical cut.

In conclusion, the film adaptation of Watchmen, as bolstered through most of the extra material of its Ultimate Cut, is not only an excellent adaptation of its source material, even if Alan Moore didn’t want his name attached to it, but it’s also a great film in its own right that I find to be incredibly underrated. I rate this movie 9.5/10.