#jokes aside it really is a jake thing to do

[copingchaos]

[the-acid-pear]

Yesterday I had 3 thoughts but I was like I'll remember tomorrow I won't wake up to type them now and I forgot two BUT I remembered one of them so that's huge

[songbirdseung]

angry angel / park jongseong

synopsis: you say I deserve better but what could be better than you?

pairing: jay x reader, grumpy x sunshine

warnings: arguments, hinting at a breakup, angtsy (cause that's all i know) but still fluff in the end, lmk if i missed anything

wc: 3k

You always wondered why he told you to keep the key to the padlock when you both pushed the latch of the lock that is supposed to symbolize unbreakable love. Wasn't the whole purpose of the love locks being to throw the key into the water to show that the love lock would be bound to the railing, just like how you two were to each other?

When you started dating Park Jongseong, all you friends questioned your taste and judged your decision-making skills. Since you two were the complete opposites, it didn't seem right for little miss sunshine to pair up with Mr. grumpy pants.

But something about that serious and nonchalant behavior, you saw a gentleman and a committed lover. To which he was, he was no lovey dovey prince charming. But you were so attracted and drawn to the person he was. You were just hoping that one day, you'll get to the bright side of Park Jongseong, the cute and soft side.

For Jay, his friends felt the same. They were always expecting Jay to settle down with someone who was like him, so when you walked in the room holding his hand; let's just say shock was an understatement. When they were told, they were going to meet his girlfriend, they thought a sophisticated, old money kind of vibe, laid back woman would show up. But there you were with your bubbly and friendly personality.

Nonetheless, they loved and adored you. It was something they definitely teased Jay about once he arrived back to the house after dropping you back home.

Jake, Heeseung, and Sunghoon are lounging on the couch, chatting and laughing. Jay enters, looking a bit flustered but trying to maintain his usual composed demeanor.

Grinning mischievously "Well, well, well, look who's back from his romantic rendezvous." Jake says. Jay raises an eyebrow "Very funny, Jake. Can we not start this?"

"Oh, come on, Jay. Don't be such a killjoy. We're just curious about your date with YN."

"Yeah, we're dying to know how Mr. Serious managed to snag such a bubbly girl like her." Hearing this from Sunghoon, Jay sighs "She's not that bubbly.

"Oh, really? Because when she walked in here earlier, she practically lit up the room with her energy."

"Yeah, and compared to her, you look like you're about to give a lecture on quantum physics."

Jay was used it, but he did share the same thought on how he managed to start a relationship with you and why were you both so attracted to one another.

But that did not change the fact that he did love you and did do things that you never expected from him.

Every morning, you wake up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of Jay bustling around the kitchen. Despite his grumpy demeanor before his first cup of joe, he always manages to make you a perfect cup, just the way you like it. As you sip your coffee, Jay places a gentle kiss on your forehead, mumbling a sleepy "Good morning, beautiful" before heading off to tackle the day.

Or after a long day at work, you come home exhausted and stressed. Jay, despite being equally drained from his own day, immediately springs into action. He starts preparing your favorite comfort food, humming a tune to himself as he works. As you sit down to eat, he listens intently to your day, offering words of encouragement and support, reminding you how capable you are even when you feel overwhelmed.

Even that one evening, you're feeling particularly down about a personal setback. Jay, knowing how much you love spending time outdoors, suggests taking a spontaneous evening walk together. Despite his initial reluctance, he puts aside his own concerns to focus on cheering you up. As you stroll through the park hand in hand, he shares stories and jokes, doing his best to bring a smile to your face.

But the funny thing was in public, you two weren't even seen as a couple since both of your aesthetics don't even blend. A few to mention; You and Jay decide to grab dinner at a trendy restaurant downtown. As you walk in, Jay, dressed in his usual business casual attire, heads straight for the bar while you, in your bright and colorful ensemble, take a moment to admire the decor. As you wait for your table, you catch the curious glances of other patrons.

"Excuse me, are you waiting for someone?"

"Oh, yes, my boyfriend. He went to grab us some drinks."

Jay returns with drinks and wraps an arm around your waist, prompting surprised murmurs and raised eyebrows from nearby diners.

Then, at a friend's party, you and Jay arrive separately due to conflicting schedules. You, in your vibrant and flowery dress, mingle with the guests, while Jay, in his usual attire and his blazer hangs back near the snack table. Throughout the evening, friends and acquaintances approach you.

"Hey there! I didn't know you were single! You're always out and about on your own."

"Actually, I'm here with Jay. He's around here somewhere."

Also, during a weekend shopping trip, you and Jay browse through stores at opposite ends of the mall. As you peruse the racks of colorful dresses, you overhear nearby shoppers speculating about your relationship status.

"Look at her, all dressed up and shopping alone. Must be single."

"Actually, I'm here with my boyfriend. He's probably browsing in a different section." Jay unexpectedly appears by your side, pulls you into his arms for a quick kiss.

Over the years, they created countless memories together, each moment etched into the fabric of their shared history. You two explored the city's hidden gems, from markets to serene parks, finding beauty in the ordinary and joy in each other's company. Jay, with his practical nature, was always there to ground you when your dreams soared too high, while you, with your boundless optimism, infused Jay's world with color and light.

The love you had for one another was not without its challenges, of course. There were moments of doubt and uncertainty, times when you and he clashed and disagreed. But through it all, you both remained steadfast in their commitment to each other, weathering the storms of life with unwavering strength and resilience.

As the chatter and laughter filled the air at their friend's get-together, Jay found himself engaged in a conversation with Jake, one of his closest friends. They stood by the drinks table, sipping on their beers as they caught up on each other's lives.

"So, how's work been treating you lately?" Jake asked, leaning in with genuine interest.

"It's been alright, you know, the usual grind," Jay replied, his attention momentarily diverted by the sight of you across the room, deep in conversation with another guest.

Jake noticed the shift in Jay's demeanor and followed his gaze. "Hey, everything okay?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," Jay muttered, his eyes still fixed on Yn and the other man, who seemed to be hitting it off effortlessly.

Jake raised an eyebrow, sensing his friend's unease. "You sure about that? You seem a little distracted."

Jay sighed, torn between wanting to trust Yn and the gnawing feeling of insecurity creeping into his mind. "I don't know, man. It's just… seeing her talking to that guy over there, they seem to have so much in common, you know? They're laughing and joking like old friends."

Jake nodded in understanding, placing a reassuring hand on Jay's shoulder. "I get it, but you gotta remember, Yn chose you for a reason. You two have something special that goes beyond shared interests. Trust in your connection, mate."

Jay nodded slowly, his thoughts swirling as he tried to shake off the nagging doubts clouding his mind. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Jake. I needed to hear that."

As the day rolled on, the group migrated to Heeseung's place for some video game fun. Jay settled in next to you, eager to spend more time together after the earlier bout of insecurity. However, his hopes were quickly dashed when you turned to Sunoo, suggesting to team up for Mario Kart.

Confusion and hurt flickered across Jay's face as he struggled to comprehend your unexpected choice. He had been looking forward to bonding with you, but now it seemed like you had other plans.

"You sure you want to team up with Sunoo?" Jay asked, trying to keep his tone light despite the turmoil brewing inside him.

You glanced at Jay, her expression guarded. "Well, you never really cared for video games, Jay. I figured you wouldn't want to play with me anyway," she replied.

Jay's heart sank at your words, the sting of jealousy and insecurity gnawing at him from within. He wanted to protest, to assure you that he did want to play with you, but the words caught in his throat, drowned out by the weight of his emotions.

With a forced smile, Jay simply nodded, his silence betraying the turmoil raging beneath the surface. As you and Sunoo dove into the game together, laughter and joy filling the room, Jay couldn't shake the feeling of being left out, of being replaced by someone who shared your interests more closely.

As the game progressed, Jay's thoughts spiraled, his jealousy and insecurity consuming him from within. He watched you and Sunoo's playful banter, their shared excitement over each victory, and felt a pang of longing for the connection they seemed to share.

But amidst the turmoil, a small voice in Jay's mind reminded him of the strength of his bond with you, of the countless moments they had shared together, each one a testament to their love and commitment to each other.

As the evening drew to a close and it was time to say their goodbyes, Jay watched you flit from friend to friend, your infectious laughter and warm hugs filling the room. He couldn't help but marvel at how effortlessly you connected with others, a social butterfly in her element.

Meanwhile, Jay lingered on the outskirts of the group, his own circle of friends much smaller in comparison. He had always been more reserved, more comfortable in the company of a select few rather than a bustling crowd. And yet, seeing you thrive in the midst of so many people, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of inadequacy creeping into his thoughts.

As you bid farewell to each of her friends, Jay's gaze lingered on your interactions, he noticed your exchange with Sunoo. You two made plans to meet up again tomorrow, a casual invitation that seemed to hang in the air between them.

Soon after, you walk up to him. "Ready to go, baby?" taking a hold of his hands and placing them around her waist, then proceeding to place her hands round his neck pulling him closer. "Yeah, let's head home."

As they made their way home in silence, Jay couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled over him like a heavy cloak. He longed to voice his concerns, to express the insecurity gnawing at him from within, but the words remained trapped in his throat, unsaid and unresolved.

Deep down, Jay knew that his feelings stemmed not from any fault of your, but from his own struggles with self-doubt and insecurity. He knew that you loved him for who he was, differences and all, and yet, the fear of losing her to someone more like her lingered in the recesses of his mind, a nagging doubt that refused to be silenced.

"Hey, Yn," Jay began, his voice hesitant yet determined, "what are your plans for tomorrow?"

You turned to him "Oh, I'm going go-carting and to this cute arcade cafe with Sunoo," you replied, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"Why not with me?" Jay blurted out before he could stop himself, his words tinged with a hint of desperation.

Your expression softened, a flicker of understanding crossing your features. "Well, you mentioned before that you weren't interested in doing those things," you explained gently, reaching out to squeeze his hand reassuringly.

Jay felt a wave of remorse wash over him at her words, a bitter taste of regret flooding his senses. "I… I know," Jay murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Yn. I shouldn't have said that. I… I regret it now."

Yn offered him a sympathetic smile, her eyes soft with understanding. "It's okay, Jay." Jay took a deep breath and mustered up a small smile. "Just… be safe tomorrow, okay? And have fun," he said, his words laced with genuine warmth and sincerity.

You nodded, returning his smile with one of your own. "I will. Thank you, Jay," you replied, voice filled with affection.

As the weeks passed by, Jay couldn't shake the growing unease that settled in the pit of his stomach. He watched from the sidelines as you and Sunoo grew closer, bond seemingly strengthening with each passing day. They laughed together, shared inside jokes, and spent more time together than Jay and you did. And with each passing moment, Jay felt the distance between them widening, a gaping chasm that threatened to swallow him whole.

Unable to bear the weight of his doubts any longer, Jay knew he had to confront you about the growing rift between them. He waited for the perfect moment, a quiet evening at home when the world seemed to stand still around them.

"Yn, can we talk?" Jay asked, his voice trembling with uncertainty as he watched her from across the room.

You glanced up from her book, sensing the gravity of Jay's words. "Of course, Jay. What's on your mind?" you replied, setting the book aside and giving him your full attention.

Taking a deep breath, Jay sat down beside you, his heart heavy with the weight of his words. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and… I don't think this is working anymore," he began, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your eyes widened in shock, a flicker of hurt flashing across your features. "What do you mean?" you asked, voice barely a whisper.

"I mean… I think we should break up," Jay admitted, his words hanging in the air between them like a heavy cloud.

But before he could say anything more, you reached out and placed a gentle hand on his arm, touch a comforting anchor in the storm of his emotions.

"No, Jay," you said firmly "We're not breaking up until you tell me what's really going on."

Jay swallowed hard, the lump in his throat making it difficult to speak. "I just… I feel like you deserve better," he confessed, his voice barely audible.

Your brows furrowed in confusion, your eyes searching his face for answers. "Better? What are you talking about, Jay?"

"You deserve someone who's like you," Jay continued, his words tumbling out in a rush. "Someone who shares your interests, your personality… Someone who can make you happy in a way that I can't."

But before he could say anything more, you cut him off.

"Why can't you be that 'better' man for me, Jay?" you asked, "Why do you think I need someone who's exactly like me? I fell in love with you, not some carbon copy of myself."

Jay blinked in surprise, taken aback by your words. He had never considered that he could be enough for you, just as he was.

As you and Jay sat together, enveloped in the warmth of your embrace, you felt a rush of emotions wash over you. With a deep breath, you took Jay's hands in yours, your gaze locking with his as you poured your heart out.

"Jay, I want you to know that I've always tried my best to support you and your interests," you began, your voice filled with sincerity. "I may not share all of them, but I've put in effort to understand and appreciate the things you love. Remember when I spent hours learning about vintage cars just so I could have meaningful conversations with you? Or the time I surprised you with tickets to that basketball game, even though sports aren't really my thing?"

Jay's eyes softened as he listened to your words, a flicker of realization dawning in his eyes. He had never fully appreciated the lengths you went to in order to connect with him, to bridge the gap between your differences and find common ground.

"And it's not just about the big gestures," you continued, your voice growing more earnest with each word. "It's the little things too, like making your favorite meal even when I'm tired, or watching that action movie marathon with you even though I prefer rom-coms. I've done all of that because I love you, Jay, and because I believe in us."

"I'm sorry, Yn," Jay whispered, his voice choked with emotion. "I've been so blind to everything you've done for me, so focused on my own insecurities that I failed to see the love and effort you've poured into our relationship."

As the tender moment between you and Jay lingered, a playful glint sparked in your eyes, and a mischievous grin spread across your face. "You know, Jay," you teased, your voice filled with playful banter, "I was just thinking about heading to that tower where we placed our love lock. Maybe I'll grab the key, just to keep you on your toes."

Jay's eyes widened in mock horror, a playful gasp escaping his lips. "You wouldn't dare!" he exclaimed, his tone mockingly dramatic.

You laughed, the sound echoing through the room like music to Jay's ears. "Oh, you know me, Jay. I'm full of surprises," you replied, a twinkle of mischief dancing in your eyes.

As the laughter subsided, curiosity sparked in your mind, and you turned to Jay with a quizzical expression. "Speaking of the love lock," you began, "why did you tell me to keep the key instead of throwing it into the water like you're supposed to?"

Jay's gaze softened as he looked at you, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Well, Yn," he began, his voice tinged with warmth, "I wanted us to have a reminder of our love, something tangible that we could hold onto, even when times get tough."

You nodded in understanding, touched by Jay's sentiment. "That's sweet, Jay," you replied, your voice soft with emotion. "I'm glad we have that reminder, especially on days like today when we need it the most."

With a gentle sigh, Jay pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around you in a comforting embrace. "Me too, Yn," he murmured, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. "Me too."

As you continued to bask in the warmth of your embrace with Jay, a playful glint still dancing in your eyes, you couldn't resist teasing him a little more. "You know, Jay," you teased, your voice laced with amusement, "you were actually kind of cute when you were jealous of Sunoo."

Jay's eyes widened in surprise, his cheeks flushing slightly at your words. "Wait, you knew I was jealous?" he asked, his voice tinged with disbelief.

You chuckled softly, reaching up to gently stroke his cheek. "Of course I did, Jay," you replied, your tone affectionate. "You weren't as good at hiding it as you thought you were."

Jay shook his head in disbelief, a sheepish smile spreading across his face. "I guess I need to work on my poker face," he admitted, his voice tinged with self-deprecation.

With a soft giggle, you leaned in to press a tender kiss to Jay's lips, your heart swelling with love for the man beside you. "Don't worry, Jay," you reassured him, your voice filled with warmth. "I love you just the way you are, jealousy and all."

As Jay's arms tightened around you, holding you close as if afraid to let go, you couldn't help but feel a surge of gratitude for the love you shared. "And besides," you continued, your voice growing more serious, "why would I ever want to end our two-year relationship over something as silly as jealousy? We've been through so much together, Jay, and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world."

With a tender smile, Jay pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, his love for you shining brightly in his eyes. "Neither would I, Yn," he murmured, his voice filled with sincerity. "Neither would I." And as you melted into his embrace, the doubts and insecurities that had once plagued you melting away, you knew that as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm that came your way. For in each other's arms, you had found your home, your sanctuary, your forever.

[lostreverb]

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS / HEADCANONS ABOUT MAX COOPERMAN

just realized that aside from jake, most of max's relationships with people were either superficial or transactional which he probably just thought was normal growing up as a rich kid who was a "loser" learning that ppl only liked him when he had something to give them.

of course, when he was younger everyone loved to go to his birthday parties b/c his parents were loaded and they always planned something extravagant to try and make up for the fact they were never really around but, as he got older his parents stopped really caring to put on those parties. after that, no one bothered to give max any attention or befriend him unless they saw his wealth as something useful, or just brought him around so he could be the butt of the joke. and the second they got what they wanted from him they discarded him. being the kind-hearted and naive boy he is, he doesn't really fully grasp it until after ryan beats him to a pulp. he brushes off what happens but it honestly profoundly affects him from then on.

he thought ryan was a friend but turns out he was just being taken advantage of, his parents didn't care to come see him in the hospital despite how serious his condition was, and jake, the only genuine friend he ever had, ends up leaving (prolly bc college) and max later refers to him in passing as "a guy i brought up back in the day" which hints that they likely don't talk anymore.

so college starts. a fresh slate. max guards himself with this macho (with a very small hint of being an asshole) persona. he's got a leadership position as the RA of his floor, got two nerdy "friends" that are very reminiscent of ryan and his guys (remember when they snicker along with him at mike?), and a semi-famous reputation online. he loses weight the summer before college and decides to stop fighting (probably caused by the trauma from ryan) but we see he uses hand grips so even he definitely wants to keep himself strong for his physique and to protect himself. though max is still fairly lean which is likely an insecurity for him. the last thing he ever wants to be seen as is a dork.

let's not even talk about how being conditioned like this affects his views on women and relationships. first off in highschool he only gets attention from baja's friends b/c of his association with jake, then in college he gets all this attention because he's "attractive" now and has this cool car, dorm and fame due to the fighting videos + promotions. he's (mostly) only ever made out with drunk women at parties or events that just throw themselves at him but it never goes further than that.

he likely has made himself believe that he should think of women as prizes (again as awful as ryan was max kind of molds his new self with his influences subconsciously. he had the kind of attention, the girls, the intimidation factor max aspires to have), but if a girl were to ever genuinely like him it would fry his brain. he wouldn't understand the idea of someone wanting to spend time with him, even if he wasn't really doing anything. to intently listen to him and partake in his interests. or how much happier you'd look after just going on a walk around campus with him vs. when he bought you jewelry or flowers.

it left him with a feeling he only experienced once before when jake saved him, and went after ryan.

it just clicks for him like-

oh. this is how it feels to be genuinely cared for.

it's not soon after he realizes that you tell him you love him for the first time, while cuddling in bed (he's sure his mother used to say it to him when he was younger but he honestly can't really remember anymore-- the most communication he has with his parents now is the deposits into his bank account).

once the door closes, and you've left for your classes.. he feels the lingering heat of your lips, your words echoing in his head and the way you looked at him...

and he cries.

[levandright]

HII this is my fluff wip tht i scratch away bc i hv too many smut reqs

Summary : One of them writes a love letter to get over their feelings, but it accidentally ends up in the other’s hands. Not knowing the letter is about them, they ask the writer for advice on how to respond to their own letter, sparking a chain of misunderstandings until the truth is revealed.

What i had in mind :

-Jake wrote it to y/n

-He accidentally lost the letter while he was walking on the hallway

-The letter ended up in front of y/n’s locker

-She picked it up and read it

-Told jake abt the letter (but they r both idiots) until somehow they figure it out bc it got obvious

Feel free to change the plot!! ( I might write a part 2 from ur fic if u make it <3)

Letter of the Heart

pairing : jake x f!reader ୨ৎ content / warning(s) : fluff, they're friends, funny misunderstanding cause they're idiots(jake specifically but its okay <3), highschool au ୨ৎ word count : 1k ・ archive

synopsis. when y/n finds a love letter at her locker, she has no idea who it’s from, so she asks her best friend, jake, for help with what to say. jake, being the good friend he is, jumps in—giving advice, joking around, and even offering to “practice” her responses.

ᐢ..ᐢ lev notes : ended this on a cliffhanger hehe >:3 hope you like what i did mama belle <3 cause i had an awesome time, thinking of what to add on to make it more fun.

part 2 here!

it all starts with a love letter. jake, who’s been silently carrying a crush on you for ages, finally pours out his feelings on paper. he didn't plan on giving you the letter—it just something he wrote to work through his emotions. but the next day, while walking to class in a rush, the letter slips out of his notebook and lands right in front of your locker.

later, you spot the folded note, curious, and decide to read it. your heart flutters as you take in the words—gentle, vulnerable, clearly written by someone who has been holding these feelings close. but who could it be? the handwriting is neat, but familiar. intrigued, you decide to find out.

during break time, you bring it up to jake. “i found this letter outside my locker,” you say, holding it up, eyes sparkling with curiosity. “it’s… really sweet. but i have no idea who wrote it!”

jake, obliviously laughs. “a secret admirer, huh?” he teases, thinking of all the possible suspects. “what did it say?”

you blush reading a line out loud: “‘every time i see you smile, i feel like everything makes sense.’” jake’s heart skips a beat, hearing his own words, but he quickly pushes away the strange familiarity of it.

-------------

later that afternoon in the cafeteria. you hold up the love letter, cheeks flushed as you read through it again. you sigh looking to jake for help. “it says, ‘you make me believe in all the little things that make life beautiful.’ how… how am i supposed to respond to something like that?”

jake laughs, trying to brush off the pang of recognition he feels. did he… write that? he wonders but shakes the thought away, assuming it’s just an odd coincidence.

“maybe say something like, ‘i didn’t know i had such an impact on you!’” he suggests. “or if you want to be bolder, add, ‘tell me more about these little things.’ you know, just to tease them a bit.”

you beam, nodding. “that’s actually perfect! you’re a genius at this.”

jake chuckles, putting on a casual smile while his heart races. “just call me the love doctor.” he can’t shake the strange feeling, but he pushes it aside, too embarrassed to imagine he might be your admirer.

-------------

in the library the next day, you and jake go over the letter again, trying to analyze every word.

“whoever wrote this,” you murmur, pointing to a line, “has a way with words. ‘every time i see you smile, i feel like the world gets a little brighter.’ that’s… that’s intense. do you know anyone who’d say something like that?”

jake’s pulse quickens as the words ring a familiar bell in his head. that sounds like… something he would write.

trying to cover, he shrugs. “uh, well, it’s probably someone with a soft side,” he jokes, mentally kicking himself. “maybe they read a lot, or… watch a lot of rom-coms?”

you laugh, clearly enjoying the mystery. “could be… but it feels so genuine, like they really meant it.”

he tries to smile, but his mind races. could it really be… his own letter? the thought sends his heart racing, and he fights to keep his cool, feeling embarrassed that he might be guiding you to respond to his letter.

-------------

that night, as jake lies in bed, an unsettling thought lingers in his mind. could it actually be… my letter?

the more he thinks about it, the more familiar those lines sound, and his stomach twists with both excitement and dread. sitting up, he grabs his backpack and rummages through it, pulling out his notebook. he flips through the pages, looking for the tucked-away letter he remembers putting there. but as he gets to the back of the notebook, his stomach drops.

the letter isn’t there.

“no, no, no…” he mutters, flipping through each page again. but it’s nowhere to be found. he recalls that day in the hallway when he’d been rushing to class. it must’ve slipped out then!

jake groans, covering his face with both hands, completely mortified. 'she’s been reading my letter this whole time… and i’ve been helping her respond to it!'

-------------

as you sit in class together, you try to bring up the letter again. “so, about my response… i was thinking of adding a line about—”

jake quickly interrupts, laughing a bit too loudly. “oh, yeah, sure, whatever you think, it’s all good!” he blushes, then looks away. “i mean… i’m sure whoever it is would be thrilled with anything you say.”

you narros your eyes, studying his red face. “are you okay, jake? you’ve been acting really… weird since yesterday.”

jake scratches the back of his neck, glancing everywhere but you. “who, me? no, no, i’m fine. totally normal. it’s… totally normal for me to help you write a love letter to someone i don’t even know, right?”

he lets out a nervous laugh, mentally cringing at how ridiculous he sounds, and you just raise an eyebrow, watching him closely. is he blushing? you wonder, putting the pieces together bit by bit. but you don’t say anything yet, waiting for the right moment.

-------------

the next day, you read the letter over again, something finally clicking. as you recall jake’s reactions, the strange look in his eyes every time you talked about the letter, you suddenly realize the truth.

the next day during lunch, you turn to jake, a small knowing smile on your face. “jake… i have a hunch. about who wrote the letter.”

jake’s heart stops. “oh? who… who do you think it is?”

your eyes search his, twinkling with a new understanding. “i think it was… you.”

jake’s eyes widen, and his mouth opens, but before he can respond, the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. you stand up, leaving him stunned in his seat as you head off to class with a glance over your shoulder, you give him a teasing smile.

“see you after class, jakey~” you say with a playful tone.

jake is left sitting there, his heart racing, unsure of what you’ll say—or what he’ll say—when you finally meet again.

perm taglist.@honeybelleee @honeychocos @manaah02 @kozumesphone (open!)

requests. open!

©levandright

[roosterbruiser]

𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐌𝐞

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞: 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐀𝐊𝐀 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐘𝐨𝐮 ��𝐮𝐜𝐤: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

"Wait, don't--!"

His hips stutter as he throbs inside of you, anchoring you against his slick body with a painfully muscular arm. He hears you over the sound of the rushing water, over the blood rushing through his ears, over his ragged breathing.

And really, Jake isn't an asshole. Not in the ways that count, at least--especially with the women he has sex with.

So he does try to pull out as soon as he realizes that's what you mean by your unfinished sentence, the one that was strangled through your grit teeth. But the thing about that is you didn't give him much notice--granted, he shouldn't have assumed you were on birth control--and he was genuinely already partway through spilling inside you when he registered your words.

"Shit," he sighs, reeling at your sudden loss of contact.

You're pressed up against the wall still, breasts against the steamy tiles, and you're panting too.

"Shit, I'm really sorry," he apologizes, shaking his head. "I just didn't even realize what you said and by the time it registered, I--!"

You shake your head, sighing.

"Hey, it's fine," you tell him, really meaning it. "This is why God made morning-after pills."

It makes him laugh--it's a dry thing, one that is riddled with exhaustion. He's spent honestly--going from pulling 7G's to fucking you so furiously in the shower had proven to be a lot on his body.

You want to make a joke about child support or something, something dumb and inappropriate to say to a man that just accidentally came inside you the first time you had sex. But you don't say anything--you just catch your breath and so does he. It's quiet aside from the running shower and your heaving chests.

Jake leans forward and lets his body rest over yours, forehead resting against your shoulder. He's very warm--which you know is not just because of the lukewarm water raining down over the two of you. He's always warm--hot-blooded. And Jake thinks you feel very soft beneath him; he thinks that he might even like the way your skin feels pressed against his. And you both are just being still, resting in each other's arms. It's probably one of the only times the two of you have ever been in another's presence without arguing.

Before Jake even really knows what he's doing, still in that post-orgasm haze and enthralled in the absolute strangeness of just having fucked you, he presses his lips against your shoulder. At first he just kisses very softly, little things he peppers all along your naked shoulders and neck. And you don't tense at the feeling--for some reason, with your cheek agains the tile and your hair slung over your other shoulder, you're totally okay with him kissing your skin. And then he just lets his lips rest, stilling right there on the back of your neck.

And in almost total tandem, the both of you think it: this is kind of nice.

"You okay?" He asks suddenly, shooting up when he realizes that he's been kissing your skin.

You nod, eyes slipping shut.

"I think so," you whisper.

Things are different after that.

At first it's small things.

Like when Jake meets you at the pharmacy after the two of you leave base (at separate times, of course), he not only buys you Plan B but a protein bar and Gatorade, too.

"Post-coitus protein," he tells you when you look up at him with raised eyebrows.

He sits in your car as you take the pill, fiddling with your radio, looking at the interior you keep so clean. You have a strawberry air freshener in there that smells like his sisters childhood bedroom--he likes it. It's a nice evening so the windows are rolled down and the sun is setting in a blaze of orange and pink in the distance as the blinking, neon PHARMACY sign casts a red light over your face.

"Easy-peasy," you whisper, stuffing the box back in the grocery bag.

He nods, smiling softly, leaning back in your passenger seat. You're leaning back, too, tapping your fingers against the steering wheel. Your hair is still wet and the warm wind feels good when it filters through it.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jake asks.

It very nearly startles you when he says it. But when you look over at him, he's still fiddling endlessly with the radio and fixing his gaze everywhere but you.

"The sex? Or the...Plan B?"

He pulls his brows together, finally glancing up at you as a Joni Mitchell song floats through the radio. You look very soft right now--your face is naked and your damp hair is pulled back. You don't look angry at him for once and your face is open.

"Your dad," he says after a moment, swallowing hard.

It's vulnerable, really, for both of you. Jake is sitting in your car after fucking you, after buying you a protein bar and a Plan B, after splitting a lemon-lime gatorade with you, and A Case Of You is playing as he looks into your glassy eyes. And you had a breakdown--finally cracked and told someone about your father and the little time you have left with him. Then he made you cum and fucked you against the shower wall and now you're here--basking quietly in the glow of the pharmacy sign.

It's confusing, too, because up until about two hours ago, Jake Seresin was just about your least favorite person on earth. But now you think that he looks downright pretty when he's being earnest the way he is right now. And he thinks that you look beautiful, too, even with that drop of Gatorade on your bottom lip.

"Not right now," you say quietly, shaking your head.

Three hours ago, if he'd have asked, you'd have snarled at him. You probably would've hissed, "Not to you, dickhead." But things are different now. You both know it.

He's not hurt that you don't want to talk about it. He gets it--really, he does.

"Yeah, I get that," Jake says softly, trying to remain casual even though there's a strange sense of affection for your capturing every vital organs in his body. "I'm here if you...want to."

You nod, biting your thumbnail.

"Thanks," you whisper.

"And I guess, um, like for the record..." Jake says softly, scratching the back of his neck just to have something to do with his hands, "I don't think you're a bitch."

Something jolts inside of you, climbs up your chest and sits thickly in your throat. It feels strangely close to affection.

"Thank you," you whisper, biting your lip. "I don't think you're that big of a dick."

And then you're both laughing--it's the first time you two have ever really shared a laugh together. He's always heard your laugh from the other side of the room, in some conversation that he isn't a part of. Being so close to it now makes his fingers feel warm.

"I am a dick, huh?" He sighs, still smiling.

You shrug.

"You can be," you say, sighing. "But at least now I know you let ladies finish first."

He snorts softly.

"I'm a dick, not a monster."

Then you two are sharing your second laugh together. It fills your little car and nestles in snugly against your strawberry air freshener and Plan-B trash.

"Well, I've known plenty of monsters," you sigh, rolling your eyes at the mere thought of ex-boyfriend's and their ineffective fingers and short strokes.

"You're giving me a big head," Jake teases.

You smile--it's a real, genuine smile. The stretch of it on your lips feels unfamiliar. It's been a great while since you've smiled, you realize.

"I can deflate that ego anytime," you tell him, a teasing lilt in your voice. "Just give me the go-ahead when you're ready."

He takes a swig of your Gatorade. You watch him, watch his pink lips wrap around the rim, watch his throat swell as he swallows. He looks beautiful right now--partly in the afterglow and partly just because he is beautiful. That is undeniable now.

Then he offers the bottle to you--you take a drink, too.

"You like lemon-lime, right?" He asks.

He's asking fruitlessly--he knows you do. He's seen you buy it at the base vending machine more than once.

You nod. Of course you do. But he already knows that.

Another thing that changes is that he saves a seat for you. It starts the very next morning the two of you are on base together.

To the untrained eye, it would seem like nothing. But your eye isn't untrained. When you walk into the training room on Monday morning, Jake is sitting at the desk with his feet firmly planted on the floor, not in the seat beside him like they usually are. And when you slip in beside him silently, the way he was hoping you would, he glances at you from the corner of his eye.

"Mornin'," he greets quietly, chewing on a tooth pick.

You smile softly as you unpack your bag, nodding at him in greeting.

"Good morning."

He taps his knuckles on the table, trying to keep his voice steady.

"How was your weekend?" He asks.

You shrug.

"Fine. Lots of family coming in and out so...loud, I guess," you breathe. "How was yours?"

Something in his throat feels tight that you're just mentioning this fact in passing. He knows that your family is filtering in and out of your home because your father is dying--that this time must be very precious for you and yours and you're still coming into work every single day like nothing is wrong. But you're telling him this now, the only person on this base that knows about your ailing father, and it feels like you trust him. And you suppose that you accidentally kind of do trust him now--a little bit more than you did on Friday at 1 o'clock.

"Just great," he sighs.

Truth be told, he had thought of you all weekend. He was confused about the whole thing, since the two of you were sworn enemies but have now found yourselves in the no-man's-land between enemies and friends and lovers.

The next morning, the seat beside him is open again. And this time, there's a lemon-lime Gatorade waiting for you there like it's marking your spot.

And after that, it just keeps happening. Each morning, Jake somehow gets on base before you, buys a Gatorade, and leaves it at your seat. You wonder if he's spending a fortune in quarters and for about a month, he is--until he thinks better of it and just buys a pack of lemon-lime in bulk and starts bringing them from home.

Other members of the squadron notice that the two of you have seemingly formed some sort of truce, but no one is brave enough to outright ask what's happened between the two of you. Payback and Rooster sniff around wherever they can, trying to snuff out who the winner of their bet is, but you and Jake remain mum.

The next time you have sex, it's less of a surprise.

It's almost two months later--two months full of everyone dancing around the fact that your father is dying, two months of your family's door being a revolving one, two months of the stress of your recent detachment--when it all reaches a head.

You need a release and despite your better judgment a few weeks ago, you'd given Jake your phone number. Your text messages started our sporadic and random--sometimes just sending each other gossip you heard in the hangar or memes that made you think of the other. But then they'd evolved into something more constant than that recently--the two of you even catching a movie or a late dinner here or there.

So when you showed up at his door past midnight on a Saturday, almost two months since your shower encounter, he wasn't all that surprised to see you. It wasn't very odd to see each other off base now.

But what surprised him is how quickly you kissed him, walking over the threshold of his front door hastily. And he's kissing you back right away, blinking away his chock and his previous fatigue. You're ferocious in your kisses, all tongue and teeth and spit, and he's trying to keep up with you.

"Hi," he mumbles into your mouth, his voice deliciously gravelly.

"Hey," you whisper back, pulling back for a moment to behold him.

He looks good right now--scruffy and comfortable with his beard and his sweatpants low on his hips and his old band t-shirt. He's had a couple of beers and his lips taste like Stella Artois and peanuts. Before you came over, he was sitting on his couch, watching some highlight reel of a football game and putting off getting ready for bed.

And he's looking right back at you, at your pupils that are blown and your cheeks that are flushed. You are desperate for him like you were the first time the two of you touched, but it's different now. It's different because the two of you don't loathe each other--there's actually something between the two of you that resembles a friendship.

"Everything okay?" He asks quietly, his hands firmly planted on your hips as you press yourself into him and lace your fingers in his hair.

"No," you tell him honestly, biting your lip.

He wants to press you more--wants you to tell him what's wrong. He wants you to let it all out and he actually wants to listen to it because the two of you are suddenly people that care about each other. He cares about your Aunt Lisa and her bitchy comments that she makes to your mom and the way it hurts your feelings, too. He cares about your dad starting hospice last week. He cares about you skipping lunch most days--which has prompted him to start packing you bags of apples and walnuts and cheese--and he cares that you don't like red wine at all.

And you can feel that care--really, you can. Whoever the Jake was before you had sex is not the Jake that's looking into your eyes now with his brows blanched in sympathy. This Jake that's holding you genuinely wants you to be okay--this Jake hasn't tried anything sexual with you since your first encounter but is kissing you back right away.

Despite yourself and your efforts, you care about him, too. You care that he was grounded for two weeks--enough for you to have your dad talk to Cyclone and get the penalty dropped. You care that he doesn't usually get invited to group hangouts outside of The Hard Deck and have deemed yourself the official Hangman-inviter. You care that he likes rom-coms but doesn't like to admit it--so you pretend to suggest them all on your own.

"What can I do?" Jake asks, tenderly reaching up to swipe his knuckles across your cheek.

You lean into his touch, lean into his calloused fingers, and let your eyes fall shut softly.

"Fuck me," you whisper.

He nods, brows furrowed.

"I can do that," he whispers to you.

And all at once, things are happening. He's bracing his forearms beneath your ass and you're wrapping your legs around his hips. You're kissing and panting, tugging at the hems of each others shirts and leaving a trail of discarded clothing on the stairs as he carries you to his bedroom. And then he's laying you down on the bed, tugging your pants off without breaking your kiss, swallowing every precious noise that your mouth makes. He loves those sounds, loves the way they feel on his lips.

Then, after a few more minutes of kissing and petting and shedding, you're both naked.

You're lying flat on your back in his dark bedroom against his cold sheets, your eyes bleary with pleasure as he stands over you. He's naked except for the silver chain on his neck, his cock pressing thickly against his thigh. You're both flushed all over, both silently letting your eyes graze over each other's bodies.

Without another word, he reaches for you. He's careful with you as he first sinks his fingers down on your cunt--very carefully grazing your lips and gathering the wetness that has grown there. And he's just gazing down at you, treasuring that little crinkle between your brows and that twitch in the meat of your thighs. And when his fingers slip over your clit, he keens at the way your chest rises off the bed, at the way you inhale your breaths so sharply.

It feels good--like overwhelmingly good. He knows how to touch you, he knows where to touch you. All of his movements are seemingly perfectly calculated, one finger rubbing lazy circles on your clit while the other pushes into you. He's gentle, pumping at the pace you desire, bringing his other hand to his own cock to relinquish some of the tension that has risen there.

There's no haste. You two still very obviously want each other, you two are still very obviously desperate for each other, but you're not in the locker-room on base anymore. You're here in Jake's dark bedroom and he's savoring every moment that his fingers are buried in you.

"Jake," you whisper, clenching his sheets.

"I know, baby," he coos softly, squaring his jaw as he picks up his pace just slightly, "I know. I'll get you there."

His words alone are making you quake, making your toes curl. But everything he's doing just feels so good, so perfect. You know you must be absolutely slick with anticipation, that his fingers are more than enough to push you over the edge. He knows this, too--which is why he stops suddenly.

"What--?" You pant, sitting up on your elbows.

But Jake is just pressing his fingers against your mouth, the ones that had just been inside of you. And you're taking them without hesitation, a mutual sense of trust aiding in your malleability.

His eyes are dark as he watches you suck his fingers clean of your arousal, as you swirl your tongue along his fingertips. But they're not dark in a way that frightens you--they're lustful and adoring.

So when he lowers to his knees, when he hooks your knees over his shoulders and scoots you to the end of the bed, you don't shy away from him. You lay back on the bed, kiss each of his fingers and let them settle against your right nipple, and blink up at his ceiling.

When his tongue first circles your clit, you cry out, back arching off the bed. And because his hand is already there, he lets his palm lie flat in the middle of your chest, and pushes you back down against the mattress.

You taste just like he thought you would, very sweet and earthy on his tongue, and he can't think of any other place that he would rather be than hear between your quivering legs. He lets his tongue run across your slick folds and settle comfortably on your silky clit, lapping at it languidly as you writhe above him.

"Jake, that's so good," you manage to whimper, gasping as he hums against you.

"Want you to cum," he mumbles against you. "Cum for me, Wisty."

You're mewling, grasping for anything to hold you down to the bed as an impossibly tight coil springs in your belly. You can hardly catch your breath, can hardly keep your hips from bucking, when he reaches out to take your hands. It's a simple gesture, one that anyone in the world could do, but you are grateful for it. You dig your nails in his skin and he just holds you right back.

Maybe it's the sheer intimacy of it all that pushes you over the edge finally--or maybe it's because Jake is just that damn good with his tongue--but you nearly black out when you cum.

And because he cares about you, because he really does want you to feel good and be good, he coaxes you through it all. He holds your hands tight, keeps a flat palm to your chest so you don't come completely off the bed, laps up every bit of your nectar without overstimulating you.

And then he kisses his way up your legs, over your precious thighs and hips, all up your belly and between your breasts. Then he kisses up the column of your throat, nipping very lightly, bringing his hands to softly knead your breasts.

When his face finally hovers yours, when you're blinking up at him with bleary and glassy eyes and wet eyelashes and bitten lips, he feels like he's going to blurt something out that he might regret any other time.

"That was...nice," you whisper, voice trembling.

Truthfully, that was the best orgasm you've ever had.

"Nice, huh?" He laughs that pretty laugh, carefully pressing your hair behind your ears and letting his hand linger against your cheek.

"Didn't want you to get a big head," you meekly answer, smiling weakly.

The smile that tugs on his lips is one of utter fondness--one that usually prefaces sweet nothings. So you lean up and press your mouth on his, your lashes fluttering shut in tandem. The kiss is slow and sweet, very different than the clashing of tongue and teeth downstairs.

He slowly lowers his bare body on top of yours, pressing every surface of his skin against you, letting his cock rest against your hip. It feels good just to be this close to each other, just to be kissing each other with such sweetness.

"I really like you," Jake murmurs against your mouth.

And even if he's had a couple of beers, he knows that's not why he says it. He says it because he means it, because his cock is pressing against you, because he can still taste you on his tongue.

You thought your head would be spinning in this post-orgasm euphoria, but it's not. You feel everything is crystal clear as you rest your forehead against Jake's, as you swipe your thumbs cross his cheek softly. Affection is sitting very heavy on your body now, similar in weight to Jake.

"I really like you, too," you whisper.

You two have the good sense to use a condom this time, which hardly interrupts the flow of things, not when your blood is running so hot for each other.

He hovers you, relishing in the feeling of your legs coming up to wrap around his hips, relishing in your skin beneath his palms and your half-lidded eyes looking up into his. He's lined himself up perfectly, desperate to feel your warm walls around him, but then he pauses and stills--just like last time.

He reaches down, less hesitant than he was before, and lets his hand rest on your cheek. If you were another girl, one he didn't know very well, maybe he'd press his thumb into your mouth and have you suckle as he fucked you. But he merely strokes the soft skin of your cheek. And then you turn just slightly, just enough to press your lips against the pad of his thumb in the most tender kiss he's ever been given.

"You want this?" He asks, his voice strained.

You nod, leaning into his touch. Jake feels like no one has ever trusted him enough to lean into the palm of his hand like this--it feels good. It feels really, really good.

"Yes," you whisper quietly. "I want you."

𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭: 𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦

that gif is my entire note. that's all. I'm deceased. goodbye now, world.

here is my tag list!!

also would the world want another part of this?? maybe when iceman...dies...or something angsty like that?

[seosracha]

CUPID'S ARROW! lee heeseung x f!reader

SYNOPSIS-> you and heeseung, the schools hot topic and archer, have always despised one another. ruining each other's presentations, tripping each other in the hallways- you name it. so when the boy stops tormenting you due to his new girlfriend, you realize maybe you wanted him more than you thought you did.

PAIRING-> lee heeseung x fem!reader

GENRE-> enemies to lovers, highschool au, fluff, a little bit of angst maybe?!:!:??' oneshot

WORDCOUNT-> 9k ! (hello ?)

AUTHORS NOTE-> in honor of my favorite libra i decided to comeback🤗 if this flops im leaving again Okiiiii Purr👌 this took me 5 years By The Way. I dont even remember if i had a perm taglist Hel! Update i found itReblogs are greatly appreciated let your favourite enha tumblr senior pop off

PERM TAGLIST-> @bubblytaetae @qghosty @viagumi @artstaeh @bigtoewinwin @strwberrydinosaur @enhacolor @rendezrei @shinsou-rii @notrosemary

The school's atmosphere was always bustling, you and your small friend group never felt like outsiders in these rusty walls. Graduation was right around the corner and as much as it should have been a good thing, you felt as if a huge part of your life will be taken away from you. Instead you'll receive a piece of paper for the countless sleepless nights and mental breakdowns. You wondered where all the time between freshman year and the last months of senior year had gone. 

Niki. He was with you since birth, or at least you liked to believe that. It was the perfect cliche, next door neighbor and family best friend born on the same day. You always called him a walking red flag for the numerous times he'd do something against the norms. It was small things like pouring his milk first or more concerning instincts where he’d tie his shoes before actually getting into them. He’d defend himself with the barrier of time saving, but you doubted it was even true. But aside the weird things he’d do, the true him was a sunny and caring person. He liked the feeling that making people happy gave him. He put the people closest to him before himself. In Conclusion, he had a heart of gold but a brain full of air. 

Jungwon. It has always been hard for you to give a coherent depiction of his personality. Every first of the month he became a new person. In September he made ‘deez nuts’ jokes but as soon as october came they were old and cringe. His confusing being made Jungwon an interesting and alluring person. Although he changed his identity every month or so, his heart and kind nature never changed. He was your personal 911, under the phone for every small inconvenience or big downfall. You loved every part of him and would never trade the clumsy boy for anyone else. 

Yunjin. She was outgoing and so talkative it was almost impossible not to fall asleep during one of her storytimes. In freshman year you told her to befriend the school's most envied girl, Miyoung. The moment you almost lost her to the shit person Miyoung was, you realized how much your friendship really meant to you. Yunjin was stubborn so it took you a lot of courage to confront her about the problem. She also pulled the swim team's captain, Jake . Most people envied her for the bond she shared with him, some wondered how these two people even got together in the first place. It was true. Yunjin was nothing like Jake, but maybe her true self was the reason she fit so well into the mold he gave her. 

 You all assumed the entirety of your small town was or is in this school. The people were welcoming and talked until their tongues went dry. You all internally agreed on making the most out of the time spent in school before going on with the miserable life this town was offering. 

The only exception was Lee Heeseung. 

He tried to make your life miserable even before graduating. One dirty look could make you shut off for the entirety of the next period on your time table. And if that wasn’t enough he’d try to ruin everything good you had left of that day. Sometimes he’d leave you alone, just to make you believe it was all over. Those days always felt like the rain before the storm. He was nothing but a full of himself asshole who rode off of academic success and school popularity. Girls admired him for his archery achievements and tall, sporty figure. 

It was hard to tell exactly where it had all started, the competitiveness and hatred he shared towards you. How did sitting together at lunch, or attending his competitions turn into something so disastrous and sad. 

Perhaps it was the track you both took up, and had to compete against each other in. Or maybe your final results that topped his. On the other hand it could've been the brief relationship between you and his best friend, Park Sunghoon. But you’d rather believe it's just pure jealousy. You were always better than him in everything except that pointless arrow shooting he cherished so much. No one performed as well as him in archery so maybe that was the reason he liked to rub it in your face every chance he got. 

You got to know him from both sides, and sometimes you’d deny the fact you missed him before he got brainwashed by the meaningless highschool fame. 

“It’s eight, right?” Heeseung asked, pen pointing towards the answer in the middle of all his scribbles. 

His glasses were constantly sliding off his nose, as he used all the brain power left after the tiring school day to solve his algebra homework. The numbers started to look all the same, and he wondered if x was a number or the problem he had to solve. 

“I got 4” you said and he sighed. 

His head hung low as he scribbled over the answer once again. Heeseung’s eyes traced over the equation, looking for the moment he made a mistake. He looked disappointed, and you felt bad for being the smarter one at that moment. It’s not like you corrected him to boost your own ego. 

“How do you do it? Why do you always get the right answer?”he asked quietly, embarrassed with himself. 

You had wondered yourself. Why did you always have the right answer to everything and algebra equations? It came to you naturally, and you never thought of it as something others didn’t possess.  

“Show me your paper, Heeseung, '' you asked politely. His wrought hand slid the paper towards you, avoiding any eye contact. “2608 divided by 652 isn’t 8”you pointed to the set of numbers. 

He said nothing, just wrote down his final answer on the spot under the question on his work sheet. 

A beat of silence came in the library, and you just noticed how quiet it has gotten. Usually the small whispers of other students caught your ear, but now it felt as if you two were the only ones in this modest room. Your eyes trace the study desks and contrary to your belief, all of them were packed with groups of students studying. Some were deeply focused on their literature assignments or chemistry homework, others rather spoil the learning process for the rest. 

“I think I’ll just give up. This is pointless” Heeseung murmured, packing his things back into the emptiness of his backpack. 

“If you give up now, later it’ll be even harder for you. We’re only in freshman year” you said, grabbing onto his hand. 

It was cold, and you felt the feeling of failure radiate off of him.

“Heeseung, I believe in you, I promise. Let’s just finish this and I’ll reward you with some dinner after this. How does that sound?”you sounded like a mom, but he didn’t seem to care. 

A smile briefly decorated his face, as he brought the black backpack back up to his chest to pull out the worksheet once again. He grabbed a pen from your pencil case without asking, and continued to focus on the next question. 

“I think that sounds nice,” he answered in a moment of comforting silence. 

The thought of that day brought you back to the memory of the Heeseung you learned to like. 

///

“Oh c'mon I have no money!” Jungwon said cuddling up to Niki. 

Niki’s lunch plate was full of delicious food and the most random items the school's cafeteria offered. He looked at Jungwon and just slapped his hand away, pushing a handful of chips into his mouth. To show off probably. Jungwon sighed and moved onto his next target. 

“What about you Y/nnie? I’m so hungry, can you hear my stomach rumbling?” he questioned giving you puppy eyes. You just scoffed and slid your extra sandwich towards him. 

He squealed in excitement, and took the smallest bite, savoring the treasure in his hands. Niki  just shook his head, and kept on eating what his plate gave him. 

“I thought we agreed on sabotaging Jungwon every lunch?”he commented, and Jungwon glared at him confused. 

“What do you mean by that?”he asked, concerned for himself, and his empty wallet that accompanied him to every lunch period. 

“Where is Yunjin?” Niki asked, dogging the older boy's question. 

Jungwon just sighed and finished whatever he had left of the sandwich in his hands. 

“With Jake, I’m not sure,” you replied.

“They're probably making out under the bleachers again. I mean it’s summer time” Jungwon  said, wiping his fingers on the soft material of his pants. 

Every summer time, Jake and Yunjin would be caught under the bleachers of the football field. They’d usually get detention, and continue it there. All of you saw it as their little tradition, as disgusting as it was. The bleachers reeked of the most disgusting smell, probably not being thoroughly washed since they were built. 

Jake seemed like the typical player type, full of himself, and way too proud of his athletic achievements, but he was the complete opposite. He liked to hide away in the depths of the school, never interrupted class with the stupid jokes boys his kind made, and loved small gestures people directed towards him. Jake liked Yunjins company because she brought out the best in him. She brought him to heights he's never seen, and that is not in a sexual context only. People didn’t envy her for being with Jake, but rather for being the missing piece in his puzzle. 

“We should go to the football game next week!” Jungwon asserted excitedly at the thought of Yunjins and Jake's tradition.  

“Isn't that something straight people like doing?” Niki snorted. 

He didn’t see anything special in seeing the boys of this highschool compete against some other highschool nearby. He had a point though, our school is going to lose either way.  

“I thought you and Sunoo were friends?” you said,  remembering Kim Sunoo was a famous quarterback. He was tall, really attractive and actually looked decent on the field with all that gear. 

Even you found yourself crushing on him in the beginning of sophomore year. He had a charming aura that you wanted to get to know better. It obviously didn’t work after he indirectly rejected you. Looking back at it now, you aren't sure what went through your mind.

“Well my friendship with him doesn’t mean I care enough to watch him throw a ball around” Niki shrugged. 

It was hot and dry, the sun peeked through the large windows. It hit your back, warming you in a not so comfortable way. 

“I could really get a cold water right now” you sighed and looked over to Niki who despite having an overflowing plate, didn’t possess any drink at all. 

You regretted voicing your inner thoughts as the chair behind you jerked. It was like you could predict the future when Heeseung’s tall figure covered the boiling sun that spread through your back.  

“You want something to drink, Y/nnie?” Heeseung said and you could feel his eyes burning a hole on the back of your head. 

His arms extended to grab the Sprite off his table. Sunghoons hand stopped him. 

“Leave her alone dude” he said calmly. 

Jay and Sunghoon have grown tired of Heeseung’s childish antics. They knew he had absolutely no reason to keep on making you miserable. They’ve called him out on it countless times, but he doesn’t seem to care at all. 

“And what if I don’t? You’re not her boyfriend anymore”he whispered and groped the drink in his hand. 

He turned back to you smiling, your body was already facing his, a look on your face he knew well. It was you signalizing you knew what was coming. It’s not like he hasn’t pulled this ‘prank’ at least forty times this year. 

“Back to you. What about a Sprite, hm?”he said with a sly smile. 

“Can you just leave me alone, seriously?” you said, unfazed by his dominant act “You already spilled coffee on me last week, Heeseung”you added and he chuckled. 

“Yeah I did, and it was fucking awesome” he said twirling the can in his hand. 

You felt the fizzling liquid quickly move on from your freshly washed hair to your forehead and along the length of your shoulders. You felt sticky, and disgusting. Heeseung laughed, probably being the only one who found the incident funny. 

The chair jerked once again, and Sunghoon stood up pushing Heeseung away from you. He took the tissues from the pocket in his jacket and handed them to you. 

“You don’t have to help me, you know?” you said avoiding eye contact. Sunghoon shrugged. 

“This is the least I can do to make up for having an annoying and childish friend”he mutters, but the admission alone was enough to calm your heart. 

Your warm hand trembles slightly as you grab the tissues from him. You wiped whatever you could off your face, and put the wet hair into a messy ponytail. Words leap at the tip of your tongue as you hold back everything in you to keep yourself from wrestling Heeseung to the floor. 

“I think we need to talk, Heeseung” you say and he calms his laughter down. 

“For what? No need to waste anymore time on you today” he laughs and gives you that dumb face you hate. 

You exhale yet another breath of annoyance “I don’t think you have anything better to do, if this is the peak of your day” 

“I do, right Sunghoon?” he asks, hoping to get the answer he wanted but Sunghoon stays quiet, observing the scene before him. “Why do you still act the way you did when you two dated? Seriously, it’s so annoying” he huffed. 

“Cause you’re being an asshole, Heeseung” Jay interjected, still seated by the trios usual table. 

“And you’re being stuck up. What's wrong in having a little fun?” he sighed. 

“You’re the only one having fun, Heeseung” you said, and he stared into your eyes. 

He wasn’t fazed by your words or anyones in fact. He wanted the high ground in life so going under the influence of peoples opinion wasn’t even an option for him. 

“I have to put myself first” he giggled, and you rolled your eyes at his stupid comment. 

He was standing inches away from you, and you could swear the heat was radiating off of him. He smelled of Japanese cherry blossoms. You found that strange, expecting a man like him to wear the strongest cologne out there. 

The truth was, Heeseung always went for a softer look. He had the whole package from the hair to the shoes. Maybe it was one of his tactics to stand out and showcase his individuality as best as he could. 

“Can you just let this go? The whole act you have going on. It’s become old”you say, your voice monotone. He looks around the cafeteria. 

“I don’t see anyone better to make fun of” he states, and grabs your hand “Consider that as a compliment” he adds, and smiles brightly. 

No matter how much time has passed from the day you met to this moment, his sweet and charming smile never changed. It was made to mesmerize others, and sometimes you couldn't help but get excited. 

Your hand jerks away from his “Fuck, just cut it out, please. Just let me have some fun with my friends before graduation” you plead. 

Heeseung has never seen you actually beg him to stop. As much as an asshole he was, maybe you were right. He didn’t think about graduation until now. 

Heeseung was scared to graduate and leave his school career behind. He knew whatever accomplishments he had in archery would give him nothing in return in college. He knew the adoration of younger girls wouldn't transcript to college. And he knew his friends wouldn't waddle after him. He knew he’d be alone again. 

He stayed quiet. The only thing consoling the immediate silence in the small circle you made, was the chatter of other students placed around the cafeteria. Heeseung’s heart courses unsteady blood through the canyons of his uneasy stomach as he exhales a rocky breath. 

“Whatever” he murmurs into the sunshine, leaving you and his friends behind as he walks out of the large lunch hall. 

/// 

The school days became more steady and quiet. No clouds in the sky, and no interruptions during lunch. No dumb comments when you spoke in class, and certainly no cocky notes in your locker. 

You didn’t see Sunghoon’s and Jay’s smiley faces waving at you anymore as you sat down at your usual lunch table with Niki, Jungwon and Yunjin, since they didn’t sit behind you anymore. At first you wondered why, but you just assumed it was a blessing from the god above. Not that you hated Sunghoon or Jay, you could never, it was more about the boy you despised. 

Sunghoon and you used to date, and you knew he couldn’t get enough of the comments Heeseung made about it on a daily basis. He started using it as an insult, and scolding him everytime he tried to help you after one of Heeseung’s foolish pranks. The reality of your relationship was pretty sad. Cause not only is Heeseung using it as a taunt towards your now ex boyfriend, but he was the authentic reason for your breakup. He felt as if you stole his best-friend from him, so he made your lover choose between you or him.  The choice is probably obvious by now. I mean he had no certainty this love would last. 

“It’s been pretty quiet without Heeseung coming around, hm?” Yunjin whispered, doodling hearts around her English worksheet. A smile perks up on her lips as she writes Jake's name in one of them. 

“Well, finally”you reply shortly, focusing on the question before you. You twirl the pen between your fingers, as Yunjin chuckles softly. 

“Weren’t you used to it by now? I mean isn’t it weird to not have him spill drinks on you anymore?” she nagged you once again, knocking you out of your trance.

“Who wouldn't be used to it? But I definitely do not miss having wet hair and clothes for the rest of the day”you smile, and write down one of the answers. 

Of course you felt like something was missing, but you’d never actually admit it. You knew something was missing, but coming to the full realization of what that was, belittled you. 

“Didn’t you ever like Heeseung? Like at some point you had to like him. Especially when you two were practically besties!”she exclaimed, and you had to hit her, afraid Jay might hear. 

Jay sat next to Yeonjun, head in hands. You snook secretive glances at the boy, and he seemed just as confused as you were. He kept asking his deskmate for answers but from what it looked like, he didn't have them either.  

“I don’t know, Yunjin. Maybe, but it surely wasn’t anything big. You know, Heeseung used to be pretty fucking cool back then”you smiled, your mind rushing back to the memory of freshman Heeseung. 

“Niki was so jealous of him, I’ll never forget that” Yunjin giggled, and grabbed your pink highlighter to color in her heart dedicated to Jake. 

She smiled as the heart filled with a bright pink color, fading her boyfriend's name a bit, but she made sure to correct it right after. 

“Don’t you ever hang out with Heeseung? Especially since you spend so much time with Jake?” you asked curiously. 

She chuckled and shook her head. 

“We never hang out with a third person. We’d probably make them really uncomfortable,“ she answers, and you laugh along with her. 

“Back to you, Jake told me Heeseung doesn’t even talk about you anymore. Can you believe that?” she huffed, as if it should have offended you.

You shrugged. The less embarrassing things Jake, Sunghoon or Jay knew about you, the better. But you wondered why he’d talk about you in the first place. 

“He’s also been really secretive lately. They were supposed to go play some games at Jay’s, but he bailed out. Jake said he never does that '' she exclaimed dramatically. 

“I really don’t care, Yunjin. Maybe he finally realized what a shit person he truly is” you explain, and she just laughs. 

“I hope so too” she whispered a short response “Are you still coming to the game? I finally convinced Niki to come ‘see his friend throw a ball around’ ”she made air quotes, and you chuckled. 

“Yeah, me and Jungwon wanted to go from the start anyways” you say, and she squeals excitedly. 

/// 

“Can we sit here?” Sunghoon’s voice caught your attention, as he stood alongside Jay and Jake. 

Yunjins face lit up at the boy standing in front of her “Yes!” she squealed, and clung onto Jake’s side “You never sit with me at lunch, baby” she murmured into his chest, and he giggled. 

“She’s right, you guys never sit here. What happened to mood killer Heeseung?” Jungwon asked, and they shrugged, just as curious as him. 

You looked around the cafeteria, but in fact a six foot, blue haired man was nowhere to be seen. You always wondered why he chose a hair color that could potentially make him look like an idiot amongst the towns people, but you couldn't lie and say it didn't fit him. 

“He’s not here, and he’s not answering our calls, I think he’s skipping,” Sunghoon said tiredly. 

“I heard he’s been ditching you guys quite often lately” Niki asserted sarcastically , picking at his lunch uninterested. 

His parents cut off his money after he failed his math exam, so he no longer had the option to buy out the whole buffet. He was stuck with the disgusting, soggy food the school offered for free.

“Yeah, he has. I don’t want to offend anyone, but after the lunch incident it’s like something has changed in him,”Jay said, being a witness of the scene. 

“Why would I be offended by all people, the more freedom, the better” you said, and Jay silently agreed with you. 

Getting rid of the fear's tight grip, really washed a lot of other things off of you. It made you so much more comfortable and especially much cleaner, literally and practically. But his sudden ignorance and complete change in demeanor wasn’t all pluses, but maybe it was too early for you to realize that. 

“Seriously I should've studied for that exam” Niki muttered, pushing his plate of soggy pasta away. He reached for his backpack but found nothing edible inside. 

“What’s wrong with him? That pasta used to be the highlight of my day in freshman year” Jay hummed. 

“There is something seriously wrong with you, man”Niki responded “That pasta tastes like battery acid, and maybe like the crumbs on my bed on a good day” 

“You eat the crumbs you find in your bed?” Sunghoon asks, disgusted. 

Another red flag Niki carried around with him. 

“Yeah, you don’t? I thought everyone eats the crumbs in their bed” he said, and nobody agreed. 

“First of all, I wash my bedsheets and don’t eat in my bed” Sunghoon said, and Niki scoffed. 

“You’re seriously mentally ill, all of you actually. Bedsheets are supposed to be changed every two months or maybe every month if I feel generous”he educates them. 

“Me and Y/n once slept over at your house, and I woke up with crumbs in my ass” Jungwon said, and Niki rolled his eyes. 

“Could have slept on the floor then”Niki asserted, and sneaked one of Yunjins fries into his mouth. She was way too occupied with Jake to even notice or have any awareness of the people around her “Okay I think we should stop talking about my crumbs now, please”

“Trust me, no one wants to know about your disgusting ass habits,” Jungwon sniggered. 

Somehow you found yourself looking around the hall for that one familiar face, yet as good as your vision was, you couldn’t spot him anywhere. Why did you want to see him so bad?

“What about you, Y/n?” Jay asked, and you had no idea what the initial conversation was even about. 

Jay had changed the subject, moving on from Niki a long time ago, but your mind was focused on something, or rather someone else. 

“What?” 

“I asked what you plan on doing after graduation” he smiled, and you pushed your focus back onto the group around you. 

“I don’t know yet. I do want to go to college, a lot actually, but what for, I’m still trying to figure that out” you said quickly. Jay nodded understandingly. 

“What about a boyfriend?” he smirked and nugged Sunghoon. He just rolled his eyes and moved away from the boy. 

“I don't think I need one at the moment”you answered with a smile.

It went quiet as Jungwon's face changed drastically. He saw something others couldn't make out just yet. 

“Speaking of boyfriends and girlfriends,, is that fucking Miyoung?”Jungwon exclaimed, and the mention of her name made Yunjin jump away from Jake’s arms. 

“What are you talking about?”she said, her body trembling. Her heart began racing as Jungwon pointed to the entry door. 

You didn’t want to look, suspecting the outcome. 

“So that's where he went,”Sunghoon laughed, and before he could call them over, Niki stopped him. Sunghoon quickly realized, and gave up on that idea. 

“No way he actually started dating Miyoung, isn’t she like a total bitch” Jay said, directing his words towards Yunjin. 

“She is the most awful person I’ve ever met,” Yunjin said, her gaze still glued to the couple. 

“Well that explains why Heeseung’s dating her now,” Jungwon chuckled. 

There was the confirmation you didn’t necessarily want. 

Heeseung and Miyoung are dating now. 

“So that’s why he doesn’t bother you anymore! He doesn't want to make his girlfriend jealous” Jay exclaimed, you just laughed quietly, and tried to completely cut out your friend's words with the company of your own phone. 

“This has got to be a serious one if he gave up on teasing Y/n” Sunghoon said. 

As much as it made you happy he left you alone, the reason behind it did not fire up that same emotion in you. But you could not stop life from moving onwards, and if this is what makes him satisfied then so be it, right? 

“Why did you stop being friends with her anyways, Yunjin?”

…

“I can’t, me and Miyoung are going to the movies” Yunjin said excitedly, but you couldn't quite return her feeling. 

Once again, you were being ditched for Miyoung, and it felt pretty fucking shit. It felt as if Yunjin was drifting away from you for some new girl she barely knew. But you couldn’t stop her, she was your best friend and her happiness was your priority. 

So when Yunjin and Miyoung were enjoying the movies you and she loved, Heeseung was by your side. He listened, and helped you cope with the pain of being replaced. You remember him holding your hand so tightly, telling you how much you mean to many people, and to never doubt Yunjins platonic love for you. It was a new thing for you and him. You were usually at each other's side when exams came, and when he competed for the gold medal, but never when a crisis striked. 

You wondered why he did it. Did he just feel bad for you and didn’t want to make you more miserable when you came to him?  

Miyoung was your complete opposite, she was more like Yunjin. That’s why they connected so fast. You envied their friendship despite the fact you were still considered Yunjins best friend. 

When Heeseung heard all about Miyoung, he couldn't hold back the shit he had to say about her. Every bad thing he recognized within her, from him, sounded fifty times worse. It was his way of helping you realize Yunjin will grasp that soon enough too. 

And he was right. Miyoung had nothing but bad intentions towards Yunjin. 

…

Maybe seeing him all over Miyoung hurt ten times more  because he was there for you when no one else was. He was there when his now girlfriend wanted to tear your friendship apart.

/// 

“You’ve been acting really off recently” Jay commented, while you two accompanied each other on the walk back home. 

Jay lived in the same apartment complex as you, but you never cared enough to notice him. Usually it was only you and Niki ignoring the rest of your neighbors. 

“I think it’s just your imagination, Jay '' you laughed, and took another bite out of Jay's candy bar. 

He made a sad and offended face when half of his chocolate bar was gone. 

“No seriously, even Jungwon noticed, and I trust him”he said. 

“You and Jungwon really hit it off, hm?”you asked, trying to bring the spotlight off of you. 

You guessed it worked when Jay's face lit up “Yeah, we did! He actually seems to like spending time with me”

“We all love spending time with you and everyone else, Jay” you smiled brightly, and he laughed. 

It was true. Ever since Heeseung completely cut them off for his girlfriend's company, your friend group adopted them. Yunjin couldn't be more happy now that she got to spend every second of her day with Jake. And you felt happy cause they gave you the little unreal pieces of Heeseung you found yourself missing. 

Seeing him with Miyoung, turned something upside down in you. It didn’t let you function properly and it felt like you've hit rock bottom. You couldn't help but wonder, why her? Although anybody else wouldn't make the growing feeling in your stomach any better. It was still a new thing to you, and you couldn't quite put into words what it was. 

“Do you miss Heeseung? Or at least the person he used to be?”you asked, and Jay wasn’t expecting you to be the one to initiate a conversation about Heeseung. 

“Well obviously. We still talk, but it isn't the same at all. I really want to go back to the day when it all went downhill, maybe I could've done something,”he answered with a fabricated confidence. 

“Don’t blame yourself for something you can't control,” you said, holding his hand. It was a habit you picked up from the one and only Heeseung himself. “For the short time I knew Heeseung, he’s just like that. You never know what's coming until it's already done”

“Short time? You and him were constantly talking in freshman, I’m really shocked you didn't catch feelings for him back then”he laughed. 

Feelings. Now you realize that maybe after all you did like Heeseung. It came to you after you found yourself reminiscing on the memories you shared. He used to mean a lot to you, and when he started changing his demeanor towards you, it wasn't easy to let go. You tried to fix it but you didn't have any tools. You just had to buy a replacement, but there weren't any others like him in stock. That’s why you started dating Sunghoon, because he was the closest you could've gotten to Heeseung.

“I don't think I catch feelings that easily,”you laughed. 

Lie. 

You lay in your bed helplessly, the sheets clinging onto your sweaty body. Your room elopes you in a constant darkness, and the wind blows softly through your open window. You can’t focus on anything, your heartbeat picking up at every sharp inhale. 

Your mind was racing from one thing to another, but someone who stayed consistently flooding your brain was Heeseung. Because you have finally come to the realization this was never about Miyoung or the childish pranks, it was about him. 

It was an untypical connection you longed to study. 

/// 

“I know what's going on so you either say it yourself, or I’ll just be blunt about it right now”  Niki said through the speaker of your phone as you kept on straining from the real purpose of the call. 

You trusted Niki, but this is something bigger than the time you told him about Sunoo. Back then the only thing you two could do about it was laugh and make up fake scenarios with you as the main character. 

“If we both know then why talk about it? It doesn't matter anyway” you murmured, fiddling with the settings of your fan. 

“Because I want to help you, and if you don’t tell me the full thing I have nothing to stand on” he explained, and you sighed. 

On one hand, you wanted to hear Nikis advice, but would that really help? Would any of this really help your already fucked up situation? 

“I don’t even know where to start, Niki” you said and he let out a sound of understandment. 

“Just tell me everything, don’t hold back. You can trust me with this” he told you after a brief moment of silence. 

You stayed quiet, attempting to process everything through. The admission alone was hard enough, but spilling out the truth to one of your bestfriends was the real challenge. 

“Niki, I’m not sure myself, if what I feel is real. I’m wondering if any of this is real” you started softly, and he kept quiet signalizing for you to continue.  “I want to have him all for myself, and I know it’s selfish, but what can I do anyways” 

“Do you seriously want this?” he asked. 

“I don’t know Niki, I don’t know anything just yet” you responded. 

“I think it’s okay to not have answers,” he assured. 

There was nothing that could help your blossoming feelings for Heeseung. Even after he embarrassed you on multiple occasions you couldn't do anything but fall deeper in love with him. Maybe it’s because you still had the feeling his freshman self was still somewhere inside of him under the pile of shit he’s been consuming lately. 

“Okay” you mutter. “Just be realistic with me” you ask of him, and he nods understandingly. 

“I would never lie to you, Y/n” he whispers “Just follow your gut, okay? I know that may be hard, but if you actually want to try, do it. There's nothing to lose here anyways” he says. 

You nod, unable to say anything. It’s weird, the feeling you're experiencing. It leaves you uneasy, the thought of your current situation. You’re unsure of anything going on. 

“I want you to be nothing but happy, if it's with him, or anyone else, but sometimes things don't go the way we want them to because we don't trust ourselves” he adds, noticing you've been awfully quiet. 

“I don’t want to embarrass myself again, Niki '' you mutter. 

What were you thinking, seriously? Heeseung was the unreachable boy, only the prettiest girls of this school could have. Miyoung was one of them, drop dead gorgeous, skinny with porcelain skin. You didn’t see those features in yourself, but maybe it was just your insecurities getting the best of you. 

“You can’t embarrass yourself if you don't even try. Even if you do, what's wrong with that? You know you have us, we’ll never make fun of you” he assured with a soft smile. 

“Is it even worth it? I mean I don't have any assurance this would last if anything. What if we just went back to hating each other, and I’m left all alone again” you ask, and he shakes his head. 

He gets closer to the camera, head in hands. “Just because of what happened with Sunghoon, doesn't mean you have to kill any hope you have of a relationship with others.  That's not how it works” he tells you softly. “Just trust yourself, and the process, okay?”

/// 

You had a goal. 

Win Heeseung back by graduation. 

You always considered  yourself to be a competitive person, not exactly in the right field, but competitiveness always lingered somewhere in your gut. And that’s exactly why you would do anything to feel his touch again. 

It didn't take you long to realize you took his teasing for granted. Your mind was begging for him to leave you alone, but your heart perhaps liked the constant attention, and the fact he’d think about you more than anyone. It was stupid, but what could you do? It was hard not to miss the not-so sweet nicknames he’d give you. It was hard not to miss his dumb pranks and sweet laughter. 

How were you going to reach your goal? You didn’t exactly know. You just decided to follow your gut, just as Niki said days before. Maybe you were reaching too far, but what's wrong in admiring the stars? 

“Sunoo said the team has been actually working hard this month. I’m starting to gain hope in our schools first win” Niki said, clicking away at the Superstar SM on his phone “Fuck, I lost” he groaned. 

“Only the best can do Kick It on hard mode” Jay shrugged, receiving a death stare from Niki, who loaded up the song again. 

“I don’t think you should get your hopes up too high, Niki. Sunoo said that last time, and guess what?They lost” Sunghoon murmured, copying Jake's chemistry notes. 

You silently agreed with Sunghoon. The only reason you all tagged along for the game was the free food your school was giving out on match day. It was probably their way of compensating for the awful game our football team was about to present to us. 

“You’re seriously so bad at this, '' Jay laughed, and pulled out his own phone when he saw  Niki lose once again. 

“Don’t be a show off, I’m just having a bad day. Look, I literally have two stars on Cherry Bomb” he shoved the phone into Jays face. 

“Stop being annoying, Niki” Jungwon commented, and the boy looked like he was about to kill him. 

“It’s not my fault, he started it!” he said, offended. 

“I just got an S level Doyoung!” Jay squealed. 

“No way, you’re such a liar, '' Niki said, sliding over to Jay's side. 

While the two boys were preoccupied with the beloved game, and Jake was busy keeping Yunjin her special company, Sunghoon and Jungwon were copying Jay's notes, you couldn't stop looking over at Heeseungs table. He seemed to find himself new friends amongst Miyoungs circle. He sat there laughing with Kwangsun and Taehyun, keeping his arm around Miyoung. 

Kwangsun and Taehyun were Jakes teammates so you knew them very well. Not only were they the worst on the swimming team, they also had the worst personality. Talking to them was like talking to a wall, they lacked any sense of humor and interest in the world around them. You wondered how Heeseung was talking to them so comfortably. Probably because they weren't responding so it didn't even matter what he said.

“How are you feeling? Everything alright?” Sunghoon asked, keeping his eyes on the notebook. He didn’t look at what he was writing down, just blindly copied Jay's work. 

“I’m okay? Why are you even asking?” you answer with a question. 

He laughs, and drops the pen. Jungwon takes the opportunity, and slides the notebook closer to himself. 

“You’ve been awfully quiet, you know?” he states softly. 

“You shouldn't worry about me, Sunghoon. I see you have a lot more to copy, seriously do it before lunch ends” you say trying to change the subject. 

Was Sunghoon suspecting something? Did he know something you didn’t? It was hard to tell, and that was making you even more stressed than you already were. 

“I’m your friend, I worry about you, Y/n. But i respect it if you don’t want to talk about it now” he smiles and picks up his blue pen “Give that book back” he groans, and slides the book back over to the middle. 

“This is unfair, I can barely see what's written there!” Jungwon fights, but the boy next to him just shrugs. 

Were your friends catching on? Were you really that obvious? 

“Life is still going on, three rainbow stars, beat that” Jay exclaimed, a cocky tone to his voice. 

Life is still going on, right. 

/// 

“I’ve been waiting for this for so long!” Niki exclaimed happily, as his eyes scanned the buffet in front of the football field's bleachers. He looked like he was ready to stuff his face any moment now. 

“Don’t get too excited, we might not be able to pack you into my car after this” Jay said, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Very funny, Jayshit. Let a man enjoy his food” Niki responded, grabbing the first pastry in sight. “Sunoo claimed some really good seats for us, by the way” he added bluntly. 

“Maybe you really are useful sometimes, Niki,” Jake said, and got a middle finger in return. 

“I remember last time we got some nosebleeds,” Jungwon said, helping Niki sneak half of the buffet into his backpack. 

“This is why I am always useful,” Niki said, smiling at Jake. 

“That makes no sense, if you were useful you’d get the good seats too last game” Jake asserted. 

“Shut up, Jake. Don’t you have a girlfriend to take care of?” Niki rolled his eyes. 

You chuckled at his child-like behavior, and grabbed Jay’s drink to take a sip yourself. 

“What's up with you and always stealing my shit, get some yourself” Jay said, and jerked the drink away from you. You laugh, and smile at him. 

You look around for any familiar faces, but it seems as if no one has arrived yet. That's what you get for being two hours early, just because Niki can't miss out on the strawberry donuts. 

“Isn’t that Miyoung, and Heeseung? I  thought he hated football” Jake chuckles. 

They're here too? It can't get worse can it? 

“Miyoung likes it. Her brother is on the team” Yunjin says, and Jake nods. 

You drop your head to the ground, and start playing with the strings of your hoodie. Maybe if you don’t say anything you’ll sulking will go unnoticed. 

“He hasn’t talked to us for a good two weeks. He really is down bad” Sunghoon comments. 

“Do you think Miyoung forbade him from talking to us?” Jay asked, hoping for Yunjin to answer, since her brief friendship with the girl might allow her to know. 

“She usually does when she doesn't like her partner's friends” Yunjin fulfilled Jay's wish. 

“Why so? Especially since I have probably never talked to her” Sunghoon said, a confused look spread on his face. 

“I wish I knew that one,” Yunjin said. 

Seeing Heeseung with her was different for you this time. It's like something turned inside of  you. Maybe it was because of the fact he loves her enough to sit through a game he hates with his whole soul and heart. You wonder if he’d do the same for you. 

The scenery was beautiful. The sound of soft chatter and the summer breeze swayed through your features. The sun hid behind the clouds, the only source of light being the large lamps placed around the field. It was the perfect highschool cliche, but your mind was constantly at war with the bound feelings. It never left you alone. Before you fell asleep, while you ate breakfast, while you showered or brushed your teeth. He always flooded your brain. 

“I think I’ll get in a quick bathroom stop before this mess starts” you smile, and get up from your seat next to Jungwon. 

“You want me to go with you?” Yunjin asks, averting her gaze from Jake to you. 

“Sorry, I don’t really feel like making you hear me pee, I’ll be back soon” you smile, and Yunjin just giggles, setting her head back on Jake’s soft shoulder. 

You can’t look at her being happy with him anymore. It makes you want to throw up. 

The gentle sound of the latest pop hits poured from the speakers mounted in every corner of the school building as you made your way to the restroom, feeling helpless. Various students hastily made their way to the field. 

Yeah, sure, you did hate him. But one look at said enemy, all those words could be shoved out the window. 

The air felt so heavy, as you sat on the sinks marble. No matter how hard you searched, there still was no answer. There was no escape and you’ve already lost any control of yourself. You were going insane each sleepless night thinking about him. 

You looked into the mirror's reflection and didn’t recognize yourself anymore. Have you changed out of your own pure will, or was it because maybe you weren’t enough for Heeseung when he left. Was it the way you looked, acted or was it any of your other flaws? There’s no answer. 

You completely lost track of time, but nobody seemed to be looking for you anyways. 

A quiet sound echoed through the bathroom. You didn't even bother to look, expecting Yunjins voice to hit your ears anytime now. 

“Do you know how much I hate you?” a so familiar voice reaches your ear. 

It still hasn’t hit you. The same person you were bawling your eyes out over, was so close to your helpless figure, yet the calmness of your heart didn’t let the feeling sink in just yet. It was probably the years of Heeseung’s torment that made you believe he was here only to return to his old antics. 

You can’t bear to look at him. It’ll just go full circle, and explode, really.  

“No” you respond, still avoiding eye contact. 

“Words can’t describe” he says, and you can feel him smile. “I go fucking insane whenever I think of you” he added breathily. 

You shiver at the harshness in his voice. You didn’t remember it being so coarse. 

“Don’t do this, Heeseung” your voice shakes. 

“Look at me,” he whispers, and harshly lifts your chin up to make you eye to eye with him. 

A long drawn-out sigh from the bottom of his chest leaves him. He slowly lowered his head, and immediately froze in position; making the closeness between you much more intimate. The air around you felt warmer as his eyes pierced through you, studying every detail of your face. 

“I’ll show you just how much I hate you” he finally speaks, 

Any thoughts you had before Heeseung stepped into the pity party you were hosting in the bathroom, flew right out as his lips smashed into your soft and delicate ones. Your heart heaves uneasily, as you give into the feeling of him against you. 

The kiss is lustfull, full of anger he had stored up ever since you went separate ways. He didn’t hold back, his tongue relentlessly prying your mouth open until you gave into his action. The lack of oxygen pulled you apart, your mouth still open from the initial shock. 

Yet his lips felt like a magnet; pulling you closer and closer, un-allowing any resistance. You couldn’t stop yourself, leaning over again, wanting to feel his soft lips once again. There really was no turning back.

“Could Sunghoon make you feel this good?” he asked breathlessly, as his lips planted softs kisses on your jawline. 

“No” you breathe out, and he smiles. 

“That’s what I thought” he smirked, caressing your warm cheek. 

Even the mere thought of you and Sunghoon made him burn inside. He liked having you all to himself. Sharing was never an option. 

It suddenly hit you. 

“Heeseung, why are you doing this?” you asked, backing away from the boy, throwing his hands off your face, feeling a sudden disconnection between the two of you. 

“You know how obsessed I am with you?” he whispered, maintaining eye contact. “You remember when you asked me to leave you alone, because you wanted to have just a little bit of fun before graduation?” 

You nodded, not knowing exactly what this was about. Hearing all the sweet, yet concerning things that came out of his mouth, made you want to forgive him right there and then without any good explanation to the years of hell he gave you.  

“It made me realize, you know, maybe I wanted you more than I thought I did” he finished and although he tried to maintain a dominant act, you could still see his sly smile peek through. 

You couldn't give into him that fast. 

“Oh so you decided to start dating Miyoung? Makes so much sense Lee Heeseung” you scoffed, trying to intimidate him at least a little bit. 

It obviously didn’t work because Heeseung seemed to be unfazed by your words. 

“Feelings get caught up in the mind” he said calmly “But loving you long makes it feel a little better” 

Whatever he was trying to say didn’t matter, because really you didn’t care. You weren’t gonna lose the opportunity you’ve been manifesting ever since he left. 

“Promise this is the last time you pull this type of shit?” you ask after a minute of silence. 

Heeseung lets out an airy laugh and smiles. He lifts up his pinky finger, and intertwines it with yours. 

“Promise” 

Heeseung really wasn’t that tough after all. 

/// 

Heeseung can’t exactly go back to the moment he started to fall in love with you. Maybe it was the day you helped him with his math homework, or maybe the time you cheered him on while he competed in the archery finals. 

But he knows exactly when he realized it. 

“You promise you won’t tell him, right?” you ask, smiling. 

The two of you sat at the back of the library for your weekly study session. You’ve been giving him hints of a recent love interest, and as an unusually curious man he wanted to know more. 

“Who's he, just tell me! And I know him, interesting” he laughs. 

“It’s Sunghoon. Yes, your best friend Park Sunghoon” you announce and he feels his heart drop. He hoped you’d take him by surprise, and let the words, ‘You Heeseung, it’s you whom I like’ leave your lips. But it was Sunghoon. 

Fucking Sunghoon.

Of course, he wouldn’t let this ruin his friendship with Sunghoon. He was sure his friend didn’t even like you back, and soon enough he could be helping you get up after the heartbreak. 

But what he didn’t expect was for you two to actually start dating. 

At first he held all his anger in, trying his best to avoid any contact with you. Soon it turned into ignorance, and he found himself completely overlooking you. He thought of it as the better way out. When it got to the point he couldn't look past anymore, he made Sunghoon choose, knowing what would be the result of it. Sunghoon chose him, but you submitted to the feeling of hatred. 

/// 

Now, after all this time, Heeseung could watch you bicker with your friends over the tiniest things with his own eyes. He could finally sit down at your usual spot in the library and receive the most prized tutoring from you once again. He could watch you accept your diploma, and run back to him with the biggest smile on your face. 

Expressing love for you was different. Years of uncountable pranks, and hateful messages were all just the sweet feeling in disguise. 

[gretavanmoon]

an omnipresent force• ch 1

Chapter 1- DARK PHENOMENON

Jake x reader (we'll get there... I promise)

Words: 10.5k

A/N: Semi-AU// Set six years in the future, the world has decided to cast humankind aside, starting with the poisonous entities that are destroying her the most.

Warnings: Dystopian Horror Cursing, Smoking, Mention of Alcohol, Feelings of Fear and Uncertainty, An Apocalyptic World, Hunting, Violence (mention of firearms), Looting, Kidnapping, Wounds and Pain, Blood, Death & Dying, Burials, Lying, Deceit, Sadness

enjoy my dabbling in the sci-fi world

•

Cheatham County, Tennessee 2030

Y/N

It feels like only yesterday that I noticed that the hillside beside my garden seemed as if it had taken on a different shape, the sycamore tree perched at the foot of it tilted and stretching way lower than it normally did. I squinted in question at the sight, wondering if my eyes were playing tricks on me. The day was chilly and windy but the sun still shone, casting late-evening shadows across the garden ground. ‘Strange,’ I’d thought to myself as I realized. ‘A sinkhole?’ 

I stood from my knelt position, wiping my hands against one another as I cleared the dirt from them.

I wasn’t wrong, the ground was sunken and almost rutted, almost as if it had quietly shrunken itself down five or six feet sometime throughout the day. When my toes poked up to the edge of it, I backed away quickly, realizing that the ground could potentially give way again at any second, and take me right along with it. The wind had picked up as I skipped backward, putting as much distance as I could between it and me. A strange type of fear had taken over my body, one that I’d never felt before. ‘Sinkholes don’t happen here, do they? Don’t they normally occur in sea-level land, or near river beds where the bedrock is weakest?’

Hell, I didn’t know for sure. I’d never seen a sinkhole in real life before, nor had I ever really done much research on them. I made my way back inside as a light drizzle began to coat my face, letting the door slam behind me with the vacuum pull of the wind mixed with my open windows. I sat down at my kitchen table, pulling my phone from the charger as I searched up my grandfather’s contact. 

I pulled the phone to my ear and listened to the tone ring out, and his gruff voice greet me on the other end. 

“Evening, youngin’! What are you wastin’ time with today?” he joked. 

A smile cracked across my face. “Nothing, Papaw… was just cleaning up the dead weeds from the garden. Hey, I noticed something out in the yard, I think I have a sinkhole…”

I heard him inhale his cigarette smoke. “A sinkhole? How in god’s name…? You sure, youngin’?”

“I’m positive. Look, I’ll send you a picture.” I turned my phone and snapped a quick few photos out the kitchen window, showing the land he knew just as well as I did, and how it now sat very, very differently. “There. Should be coming through, now.”

I listened as he puffed his cigarette again and clicked around on the screen of his phone, still very uncomfortable with the thing, and why it was really necessary in his life. “Hell’s fire, you’re right. When’d you notice it?” he asked. 

I sat back down in my kitchen chair, crossing one leg over the other as I peered up at the ceiling. “Just… Now…” My voice trailed off as I inspected the ceiling and wall in front of me, seeing that a giant crack had formed right along the load-bearing wall in the center of my small home. “Damn, Paps, there’s a crack in my wall, too…”

Suddenly, I felt panicked, standing up to run my hand along the fracture. It was big, almost a centimeter thick, all the way from the floor to the ceiling. 

“You’re kiddin’ me. Go downstairs, go to the basement, see if there is a crack there…” he ordered, so I did. I kicked the old paint cans to the side as I rounded off the bottom step of my basement, trying to make sense of where the floor would line up with the walls above me. Sure enough, there it was, the old stone foundation that was holding up the footers of my little home had begun to collapse, sinking down into the ground right in the center of it all. 

“Shit, it’s here, too. It’s bad, Paps, what do I do?!” I panicked, looking around for something as if I could prop it all back up. 

“Get everything that you can, all your valuables, sis. Pack it all up and come here. Come stay with me and your Gran. Don’t be afraid, just be aware. I’ll call your Daddy and tell him what’s happened. Me and him and your brother will come out and assess it once’t this rain passes.”

I felt as though my chest was starting to heave, the sudden mind-bending fear that my whole home was going to cave in on itself and crush me now scaring me more than anything I’d felt in a long, long time. “Okay, okay I’ll be there soon. Thanks, Paps,” I said as I hung up the phone, making sure to snap another few quick photos before I dashed back up the stairs in search of my suitcase. 

Little did I know that that would be the last time I would ever set foot in my tiny little cottage, the first home I ever had after I moved from my parents’ in Nashville after college. I’d bounced from apartment to apartment before I finally moved back out to the country to be near my grandparents. The cottage was tiny, and it wasn’t much, but it was mine. I’d stayed single for the majority of my life, never settling on any one man, finding flaws in damn near all of them that I brought home with me. I was 32 at the time, and settling down into a relationship or marriage was the absolute furthest thing from my mind. I’d cherished that home, filling it with antiques and spice racks and multicolored lace curtains… transforming it into the home I had always wanted while maintaining my steady work-from-home career. 

I remember my head spinning like a top as I packed up my valuables… my laptop and my important paperwork, my toiletries that would last me a few days, along with a few practical outfits that would keep me warm with the changing season. Surely I didn’t need to pack for more than a few days, long enough for my dad and brother to come and see if they could fix the footer under my house and allow me to grab a few more things.

But I was so, so sadly mistaken.

I never got to set foot in my little cottage again. That home eventually got eaten up in what turned out to be the first sinkhole in Tennessee. Well, not the very first, obviously. But the first one that would spawn a series of many more across the state of Tennessee, and Kentucky, and all the way down into Alabama and into Mississippi. 

That was so long ago, now, and the way of life I knew and loved changed forever that day, as the world as we knew it tilted itself on its axis, never to be the same again. 

That day, that very day, the Earth had decided that she was going to rid herself of these heartless beings that someone had decided would inhabit her, stretching and breaking and destroying everything in her power to extinguish all of mankind and all that mankind had created in spite of her. The Earth didn’t need us anymore, and though we were all completely reliant on her, we had also created an invisible force of a blend of scientific knowledge and powerful mechanics that, inevitably, had drained her completely dry of her natural resources. 

No one believed it was the end of days, there was no giant announcement that came across our radio waves and on our phone alert systems. There was no dark, biblical occurrence or seven plagues like those who believed in such things had predicted… it just… happened. 

One day I was weeding my garden, and the next, I was coming to terms with the fact that I had no choice but to thrust myself into full on survival mode. Living with nothing more than what I had at that very moment, and watching as everything in my life dwindled down more quickly than anyone could even fathom. 

Earthquakes shook the planet. The rivers all over the world had begun to overflow, the trees began to uproot themselves and fall like timber. Animals would be dead on the side of the roads, even animals that seemingly had absolutely nothing wrong with them. Birds, bears, wolves… lying and littering the hillsides as if they had just laid down to go to sleep.

Even the sun wasn’t the same. It just felt different. The normal heat that fell onto your skin seemed to sear it now instead of warm it. The wind, when it did blow, made a hissing noise as it’d pass by. The sinkholes continued, even some as big as lakes, swallowing up unsuspecting neighborhoods and taking everything with them in their wake. 

In the weeks following that day, my father had forced my grandparents and I to come back to Nashville, given that there hadn’t been any disturbances in the land there, yet. So the three of us packed up what we needed, saying goodbye to the home that my grandparents had lived in since marriage, and loading everything into their old pickup truck. We made the short drive back home to my parents’ where they had prepared the guestroom and my old bedroom for our arrival. 

My younger brother James still lived at home with them, still young but never having the want to move out and be on his own. He was eight years my junior, twenty-four years old and working on his master’s degree in engineering and technology. Truly, he was too smart for his own good. My parents had allowed him to live at home as he was a very quiet creature, devoting most of his life to his studies instead of being any type of social butterfly. He was strong, though, and never hesitated to be the one to come and pick me up after I’d had one too many drinks at the bar. 

“Hey, sis. Sorry your house got swallowed up,” he’d said as he took me in his bear-hug embrace, patting the back of my head with his giant hand. 

Though my body was reeling with fear of the unknown, James was the one to bring me back down to earth with his overwhelmingly warm embrace and matter-of-fact way of speaking. My only sibling, though much younger, always knew exactly what I needed, right when I needed it. “Thanks, pipsqueak. Kinda fuckin’ sucks, actually,” I’d replied with a defeated lilt. “Didn’t think I’d be living back at Mom and Dad’s during the apocalypse,” I joked. 

I still remembered how his face had contorted hearing that word, still a shock to the system to hear it said out loud. It shocked me too, even as I said it. The two of us retreated to the living room as my parents assisted my grandparents in getting their room unpacked, which at the time seemed like nothing more than a menial task to mask the reality of what was happening around us. Menial actions to make the situation feel less threatening and more like something we could ignore. 

“Is this shit really happening, Y/N? Like are we really going to have to–”

“Yes, James. You saw my house, you’ve heard the talks on the News… it’s happening. And it’s happening fast. Everywhere.” I was always a very straightforward person, getting right to the point of things instead of beating around the bush. I always thought it was a waste of time, ignoring the reality of things. 

“Fuck,” he’d mumbled under his breath, his leg bouncing up and down as he hugged one of Mom’s old decorative pillows on his lap. My little James, always wearing his heart on his sleeve and possessing the inability to hide his emotions. Though his stature was monstrous, his personality never mirrored it. 

My eyebrows furrowed as I pondered him, feeling that strange aura that only siblings share bouncing right off of him. “What is it, James? What’s wrong?” I’d asked, now really getting worried as I watched his eyes scan the room aimlessly. 

He sniffed hard through his nose, scooting closer in the chair. He held his giant hands out to me, palms down, his knee still bouncing furiously. “What?!” I asked. “I’m confused… What is it?”

He swallowed and finally flipped his hands over, revealing to me something that I had never seen on him before. His palms and fingers were covered with some type of bruise-like rash, marks that resembled heavy birthmarks but a very deep purple as opposed to a light pink. “What happened? Did you burn yourself?” I’d asked, taking his wrists in my hands to observe him.

He shook his head. “No, they just… it just appeared a few days ago. It started out like weird bumps, then it’s turned to this. And it’s spreading, sis. I don’t–” his voice trailed off as my eyes met his, full of worry. 

“Does it hurt?” I asked, not prepared to hear the truth. 

“Yeah. It doesn’t feel good… I’ve been hiding it from Mom and Dad, I don’t want them to worry any more than they already are, ya know?” 

I shook my head in agreement as I let my fingertips brush over the strange marks. “Anywhere else on your body?” I asked. 

“No. Not yet, at least…”

“Care if I take a photo, just so we can try and look it up? I’d make you an appointment, I just don’t think…” I trailed off again as the same thought process flew through both of our heads. There won’t be any more going to the doctor.

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” he muttered as he exhaled and I snapped the photo, my recent album now no longer full of my lavish boardwalk lunches and blurry nights out with friends, but instead screenshots of international news articles and how to tie paracord.

We’d holed up there with my parents for a month or so before our next greatest fear came crashing down over us. Suddenly, like a blackout in a storm, every piece of technology as we knew it ceased to do its job.

The big stuff went first– internet telecommunications and hubs… then went the cell phone towers and television broadcasts, little by little it all began to fail, thus cutting off communication between us and the rest of the world completely. There was no such thing as using your cell phone anymore, and those who still had landlines only were able to get them to work some of the time. Wind turbines, hydroelectrics, newer vehicles… all of it simply just stopped performing. Though the most intelligent scientists and blue-collar employees on earth tried as they might, nothing worked. Nothing held up. It was like all technology had forgotten its only purpose, the only reason it was created in the first place.

We knew things were bad when we caught word that the major hospitals had closed down and had already begun resorting to old medicine. A new sadness fell upon us as we realized that my grandma would no longer be able to just run out to the pharmacy for her medications, and the realization of that was almost harder to swallow than knowing that James’ hands were being eaten alive by something inside him.

But I would find them. I would venture out and get them for her, no matter what it would take. None of us had really bothered to leave the confines of our home, knowing that anything past our neighborhood was probably a warzone of greed and looting. Or worse, full of more sinkholes. We truly had no way of knowing, except for the quiet and quick conversations held with our trusted neighbors over the fence line. Everyone was simply terrified.

We’d already started to notice a strange amount of people walking the streets by my parents’ house; the normally calm and quiet neighborhood full of retired musicians and elementary school teachers was now teeming with sketchy foot traffic. My dad and grandfather wasted no time in resorting to armed protection, pulling out my dad’s arsenal of weaponry he kept locked away in the basement since my childhood. Never did he think he would actually think about using it.

The days were long, and the nights were even longer. Each day brought a new fear to us, a new way of questioning how we were going to survive, if we were going to survive. It was almost like we were sitting around waiting for someone to tell us what to do next. And when we expected to hear something from our government, all we got was silence. It was like they had left us all for dead, never once giving us even a sliver of advice.

There were days when my mother would have a complete mental breakdown, her fearful tears turning into full-on panic attacks that would leave her exhausted and still, my sweet father and grandfather by her side whether she needed them or not. 

Next came the fall of electricity as a whole. The whole world, shrouded in darkness as panic fell upon everyone surrounding us. No longer did we have the simple luxury of being able to turn the lights on and off. Hot water had to be heated manually, and we learned to cook over a small campfire in the back yard. 

One night, as the weather began to cool, the six of us gathered in our living room, cooking over a propane stove Papaw had thought about packing last minute. The wind was blowing a lot colder, now, but we managed to keep warm as the season began to change over into winter. Luckily, the almanac had said this was to be a mild winter, and we still had enough supplies to last us through, but my grandfather and I had noticed that it would be necessary to venture out for food, soon. 

He and I were always on that same wavelength, speaking to and through one another and making decisions far ahead of time. We were both doers, and pretty smart ones, at that. 

“We’ve got to go back,” I whispered to him after supper that evening as we did our best to clean the dishes. “You know that, right?”

His crows feet became more prominent as he winced at me. “I know we do. But the question is when? And how will we convince them that we need to retreat back to Cheatham?” It’d become obvious to me in the past week or so that it was time to go back out into the country to my grandparents’ home, away from the middle of the city where the dangers were creeping in around us at a quicker pace.

“There will be an argument, I’m sure. I know your mother won’t want to leave her home, and she will say that the city can give us more supplies than my farm could,” he whispered. What my grandfather and I both understood was that while that much was true, the supplies would only last so long before they’d be all gone, forcing us all to retreat anyway. Not to mention the stores have probably all been looted clean, by now. 

“Dad and James and I will go into the city for last minute supplies. Gran’s medications and anything else we can get our hands on,” I decided as he dropped his dish, grabbing my wrist firmly in his, holding it steady. 

“You’ll do no such thing, youngin’. I’ll go. You stay here, with your mother and grandmother.” His voice was stern, and though I was a full-grown adult, I knew better than to argue with my elders. 

“But Paps, you’re… no spring chicken,” I said with a hint of warmth in my voice. One last attempt to make him stay, and let me go. He may have been old, but he was still stronger than any man I had encountered in the past few years. 

“No matter. You’re stayin’ with them,” he said, picking up his dropped dish and rubbing the cloth over it again. Deep down, I knew it was because if it really was as dangerous as they said it was out there in the new public, he’d selflessly choose to put himself in the middle of it if it meant saving my life. 

I sighed. “First we’ve got to convince them to leave.” And that was going to be the hardest part.

+++

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of my grandmother shrieking in pain. It woke all of us, actually. My family and I met in the hallway of the freezing cold home, all of us rushing to my grandparents’ bedroom to see what was happening. 

We pushed the door open to find them both in the floor, my grandfather hunched over my grandmother’s body in the fetal position, her hands gripping at her chest. 

“Dad, Dad what’s wrong with her?!” my father yelled as we all fell to the floor with them in a panic. “Is it another heart attack?!”

“No,” my sweet and timid grandmother was able to choke out. “My skin, it’s– it’s burning so–” just as her words stopped, her body lurched backward, her muscles tightening so rigidly that my grandfather had no choice but to catch her. Her hands still gripped at her chest, her fingers now scratching  and ripping her pajama top off, the buttons flying all across the room. “It burns!” she cried.

My father and I crept closer, my brother helping my grandfather to hold her body. I ordered my mother to grab a flashlight, and when she returned, we shone the light on the area that my grandmother was grasping so tightly. And there on her chest, right below her breastbone, right where her heart was, was the exact same bruised rash that had overtaken the skin of my brother’s hands. 

My eyes shot to him, both of us falling into pure panic as we simultaneously realized what we were seeing.��

“Is it a heart attack, Jane, are you–”

“NO!” she cried. “My skin is on fire, right there, right here–” she pointed, and another look to my brother told me that the fire sensation was the exact same that he had been experiencing on his hands. Suddenly he shot up, rushing into the living room while the rest of us tried to console my grandmother in the pale darkness of the morning. He returned quickly with a cloth in his hands, soaking wet and sopped with water. 

“Here, Gran. Let me… this will help,” he begged, kneeling beside her as he flattened the cloth over her rash. She yelped in pain again, her hands and legs growing stiff at the reaction as he forced the cloth to her. But after only just a few seconds, she relaxed, her once screwed-shut eyes finally opening to look at us.

A tiny cry of relief left her thinning lips as her muscles fell limp, obviously feeling somewhat free of the pain. 

“James, how did you– How did you know that would help her?” my grandfather asked as we all stayed sat in the bedroom floor. 

I watched as James swallowed, finally sitting up enough to bring his hands into the barely-there glow of the rising sun through the window. He slowly turned his giant palms upright, showing my family the wounds that he had been secretly hiding from them for some time, now. Except since he showed them to me last, they’d doubled in size. Exact same color, exact same shapes as the bruises on my grandmother’s chest. 

“James, what on earth is that?” my mother cried, rushing to his side to hold his hands and inspect them more. “Why didn’t you tell us?!”

“Couldn’t worry you more, Mom, I just couldn’t add to the…” James shook his head, unable to finish. 

“Do they hurt, son? Like Jane’s…?” my grandfather asked him. 

James nodded, swallowing harshly. “Yeah, and they’re only getting worse.”

+++

A bit later that same morning, James found me in the hallway, bringing his face close to mine as he spoke quietly. “It was her pacemaker,” he mumbled.

His eyes avoided mine as they shot around, his words catching me off guard. “What?”

“Her pacemaker. In her heart,” he said. James had always been a man of few words, but right then was a time when I needed him to explain to me his thoughts in grave detail. 

“Yes, James, but what do you mean? How do you know that?” I pressed, trying not to upset him.

“Think about it,” he said, grabbing my arm and twisting me away from earshot of the family. “My hands… All I’ve done my entire adult life is touch technology. Hold it, work with it… hell, I build computers, sis. I held my phone day in and day out. My laptop… My entire life was spent on them. And Gran, her pacemaker, right at the skin above her heart…” 

His words didn’t make sense to me at first, and they honestly confused me even more for a few seconds, until he turned his hands over to me again. The rashes had begun to centralize over his fingertips, the places on his hands that made direct contact with the technology he worked with. 

“James, you don’t think…?” I breathed, my heart suddenly falling. He maneuvered his hands to mimic holding a cell phone and how his fingers would hit the screen, the rashes sitting exactly where the phone would have touched his hands most. Then again, he moved them as if he was typing on a keyboard.

“Radioactivity?” I asked, still shocked and confused. 

He shrugged. “I dunno, maybe. But, does it not kind of make sense?” he asked, leaving me unable to answer. “If I had to bet, I would say that Mom and Dad will be next.”

My heart had gone from swimming in my stomach to sitting in my throat, making my breathing chopped and anxious. My father had climbed cell phone towers and repaired them, and my mother was an x-ray technician. 

“Fuck, James,” I said, crossing my arms. “It can’t be, what about me? Why haven’t I gotten any rashes, I’m around technology, too,” I argued.

He shrugged again. “Not really, though. Not as much as we are. Hell, Y/N, you spend more time in your garden and with a book in your hands than you do anything else. You lose your phone fifty times a day, you never even watch TV for Christ’s sake,” he blubbered, his voice also becoming pained. 

I was left stunned, unable to disagree with him. But still, shouldn’t my parents and I be showing signs of the rash, if James’ suspicion was true? He pushed past me, grabbing his winter jacket from the hook on the wall as he carefully slipped his arms through the sleeves. 

“We’re going into town. Stay here with Mom and Gran. We’ll be back tonight. Don’t come looking for us if we don’t make it back by dark,” James said. 

“James, no! I will go! It’s too dangerous! Paps needs to stay here, plus your hands–”

“Fuck my hands, sis,” he growled, his face close to mine again as his jaw clenched. I could tell he was in pain. He rounded the corner and plucked his shotgun from its place against the wall. “We’ll be fine. Take care of them.”

JAKE

I’d never seen my twin look at me that way, before. We’d shared everything… every first, every win, loss, every new experience and every happy moment, we shared them all, together. Feeling the exact same emotions at the exact same time because our shared DNA told us that we had to. In our 33 years, I’d never seen his eyes so full of fear, so full of uncertainty that I was sure if I didn’t act, my chest was going to collapse. 

And he’d only glanced at me for a second, maybe two.

We’d been preparing to wrap up the tour of our fifth album when the world shut down. Yeah, we’d all been through the whole Covid thing, but that was no match for this. A drop in the bucket compared to the entire earth as we know it ceasing to work alongside us anymore. It’d begun giving up on us, pushing us out as if it didn’t even know we inhabited it. Mother nature was fucking us, and there was nothing we could do about it.

Just those short ten-odd years ago, the four of us had gathered in that cabin out in the mountains to write what would come to be The Battle at Garden's Gate… running away from the infected world and hiding away from the virus to drown ourselves in our instruments and sound. The uncertainty was wild then, but now, fuck. This… this is something more wicked than any of us could have ever anticipated. 

Josh’s eyes bored into mine, speaking a thousand words before he downcast them, then looked back onto the hands and arms of our sound engineer. Completely covered in purple bruises and blisters, his fingers swollen to the point that they looked like they may explode. He was the first one we saw with the rash. 

We’d canceled the last half of our tour as shit went south, not like we’d have been able to do anything anyway, as all the technology falling to shit would have held us to strictly little acoustic sets. But we were stupid to even think about doing that. We were naive to think we could even go on. That anyone would even show up for the shows. There wasn’t even any point.

We’d heard the rumors about the rash, but we hadn’t seen one first-hand yet, until that day. It was the same day that our mother called and said our aunt and uncle’s home had been swallowed by one of the sinkholes. We were all terrified, no one even had any clue what to do. Where do we go? Back home? Do we stay together? Do we run?

I knew why Josh’s eyes were so cripplingly fearful that day. Not because of what was happening around us, not because of the bewilderment of being faced with a thousand situations at once, but because he was scared I would be next. I knew that, because after his eyes left mine, they shot directly to my hands. 

Our sound engineer had only gotten on board with us less than a year ago, but he’d been in the business longer than any of us had been alive. Our hearts broke for him, as he explained his pain to us and how he wished he could stay along with us, helping to play around with our sound as we distracted ourselves from the world falling apart. 

But we knew it was all for nothing. Things were only getting worse.

+++

“Tell me you don’t have any rashes. Tell me right the fuck now that none of you have anything on your hands…” Josh barked at Sam, Danny and I as we shut the van doors behind us, enclosing the four of us. We’d decided on doing the same thing we’d done a decade ago- retreating to the wilderness to write. Or, whatever the fuck. There was hardly any electricity… how I thought I could finalize anything without an electric guitar was beyond me. Shit was so fucked.

Sam and I glanced at one another from the two backseats, shaking our heads quickly as we both understood we’d be the ones most likely to show signs first, our instruments being ones with the most electricity pulsing through them. “No,” we both muttered, holding our hands up. “Nothing.”

“Good. Daniel?”

Danny mirrored our actions, holding his hands up after buckling his seatbelt. “No, I’m clean so far,” he said quietly from the passenger seat. 

Josh put the old van in reverse, taking a deep breath as he backed from the space of the parking lot. Our decision to retreat like this was a quick one, none of us really knowing what the best route of action was. Everyone around us had dissipated, gone back to their homes and families, and apparently the outside world had truly begun to crumble. We’d been a little hidden away from it all, having just returned from a leg of touring in Greece where things hadn't hit too hard, yet. Things in the US were apparently much, much worse. And when we returned home, we found it to be absolutely true.

Luckily, our families had all decided to meet us there, and hunker down together as a unit. We were all we had left, at this point.

“The first sign of any of it, we tell each other. Got it? I don’t care if you think it’s nothing. If you see it, share it,” he commanded of us. We all nodded and agreed, knowing that if the rumors were true, the three of us would most likely be the ones to see it first thanks to our constant use of our instruments.

It was quiet in the van as we drove through the looted and abandoned city we once loved, people roaming the streets aimlessly as the pure confusion began to set in. There were no stop lights, no heavy traffic, hell, there weren't even any storefronts open. Luckily we’d filled up fuel tanks at one of the last remaining gas stations before the electricity had shut down, and hit the road running North, back home to Michigan to gather our families and go to Yankee Springs. Anything was better than nothing, and where better to be than away from the looting and rioting and hide in a secluded few cabins, able to fend for ourselves and worry about nothing more than taking care of one another. 

+++

Naive, naive. 

Little did we know that our rations would run out quickly. Little did we know that we’d quite literally have to live off the land. Fish for food. Mom had to re-teach herself to can. Dad and Sam caught fish and killed squirrels with his old BB gun. 

There was no time to write. Fuck, there was no time to even play. We spent our time surviving. We’d had almost no contact with the outside world in almost a month. It was then that a few other families had gotten the same idea as us and joined us there, breaking into cabins and preparing winter camps.

We warmed ourselves with the fireplace, and we boiled our water to drink. We collected tools and stashed them away, and we hid every bit of food we brought deep in the basement of the cabin. Many nights were spent gathered around the fire talking and telling stories, trying our best to keep some type of normalcy about ourselves. But most nights we were all too exhausted to even care, crashing into our beds that we considered ourselves fortunate to still have.

I was scared. Of course I was scared. Things had happened so fast that three months felt like the blink of an eye. I hardly even kept up with what day it was. We'd gone from traveling the world and playing shows for thousands to hiding away in unmarked cabins in the woods, praying that we'd survive into the next day. I remember my mind being in a constant state of buzzing awareness, while at the same time feeling so numb and unable to grasp the fact that the world was ending that I could hardly see straight. 

Ending? No, maybe not. I’d read enough books and was educated enough to know that the Earth goes through her changes. She doesn’t care for the fact that we’re here. She’s going to go through it whether we are here, or not. Her job isn’t to protect us. Her job is to stabilize herself through her ages, making sure she doesn’t implode from the inside out and return to stardust to join the other millions of stars of our universe as she’s simply unable to keep the life that lives on her, alive.

The Ice Age, the Pleistocene, Quarternary… all of it happened, and is happening. We’re just here to witness this one it as it does, and record it in history books. 

“Holy fucking shit, man,” Danny exclaimed as we all had reclined on a hillside that night, passing around a bottle of Irish whisky. The wind was absolutely freezing, but luckily, we’d all become acclimated to it again. “Wait, are you saying… wait.” Danny sat up, his curls a mess as he’d long forgotten about his hair routine. “Josh, did you write…?”

I’d been drunkenly sharing my wise words and hypotheses about this supposed ‘end of the world’ with them all evening, accentuating my tales with my grandiose words to make them seem more intriguing. Just like I always did. Just to fit the bit.

“Did I write Age of Machine to go along with the literal historical changes that the earth makes? Yes, I did,” Josh replied matter-of-factly. “Though I wrote it to be inflicted by humans and not the Earth itself, but…”

“...Did you not know that, Daniel? Really?” Sam butted in with a slur.

Danny leaned back on his elbows. “I mean, yeah, I guess I kinda remember you explaining it as you wrote it, but god, that was ten years ago. And if I remember correctly, Sam and Jake were the ones that put in the work for that one because I had smoked a bit too much that night. But yeah, I guess I never really put two and two together…”

I smiled at Danny’s realization, and the fact that it took him nearly a decade to understand what Josh’s lyrics to that song had meant. And how eerily terrifying and ominous they were even still. I would have explained my hypotheses more in-depth had I known that Danny hadn’t ever put everything together.

A silence had fallen over us again as we watched the only constant in our lives these days– the moon gliding and rolling on her backdrop of stars. Without the filter of light pollution, every single one was visible, now. 

“How did you know, Josh?” Danny finally whispered.

“How did I know what?” Josh replied, and I could tell there was a lump in his throat. He didn’t want to talk about this. 

“That song… everything literally fucking happened, is happening… how did you…?”

“I didn’t, Daniel. Of course I didn’t fucking know this was going to happen,” Josh argued with venom in his voice. “Not in our lifetimes, at least.”

I heard Sam swallow hard. Finally, it was out on the table. The one thing we’d all been thinking, all too scared to bring it into the light. Except Danny, I guess. That damned haunting song we wrote ten years ago, somehow predicting the near future almost to a tee.

“Wait,” Danny rolled to his stomach to look at us. “This is insane… man, we… we wrote a song about this, about this exact shit happening… how in the fuck did we do that?”

Just then, a bright white and purple light lit up the dark night sky, a giant ball of exploding flashes so close it made us all jump to our feet in fear. It made no sound, of course, but the streaks of light burned bright as the sun for just a few seconds before fading away, the light burning down into blackness again.

“What the fuck was that?!” I yelled, looking to my brothers for confirmation. 

“Satellite,” Sam said. “It exploded…”

We all stood for a few seconds and watched to see if anything else was going to happen, and I remember my heart was beating so hard that I swore everyone could hear it. There’s no time to fall into fear, Jake. Embers of burning metal fell into the atmosphere, floating in space to maybe one day hit the earth. A contraption created by man and thrust out into the universe to give us knowledge of things we couldn’t see, exploded and died right in front of our eyes.

Just then I watched as Danny lowered his head, turning toward Josh to shove the bottle into his hand. “God machine… really malfunctioned and blew, hm?”

Y/N

My mother’s rashes came next. Deep purple bruises and red blisters began covering her entire body, centralizing over her hands mostly, too. They ate away at her, sending her into an almost comatose state as her body shook and vibrated in pain. We tried to keep her in a cold bath, and it brought some relief, but the rashes spread so quickly that we were nearly unable to keep up with them. We found that basic Ibuprofen did help with their pain control, but as the rashes worsened, the drug was little help. 

My father and grandfather and I were beginning to reach a point of helplessness as we were caring for my mother round the clock, my Gran and James doing whatever they could to help us, while still suffering with their own pain, too. 

We talked to the neighbors, and they all had begun to experience the same thing. Some had even made contact with health care professionals in their families, all reporting the exact same things, with no care plan in sight. The government apparently was still silent about it all, causing riots in the streets and parades onto our public law buildings. People looking for answers, guidance. Anything to help us. There was no such thing as seeing police patrolling the streets anymore. No ambulance wails heard in the distance. Nothing. We were helpless. Confused, lost, and utterly at our wit’s end. 

The day my mother finally succumbed to her rash was quite literally the worst day of my life. We all sat gathered in the bathroom, letting her body try and be soothed by the freezing cold water we’d submerged her in. We held her hands as gently as we could as she cried out in pain, my father nearly inconsolable as he crouched in the floor beside her. 

“I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so sorry… If I could take this pain away from you, I would. I’d take it in a heartbeat,” he’d cried as his head fell onto the side of the tub. 

I’d gone numb. I was unable to maintain and regulate my emotions as life had begun happening so fast. I cried into my pillow the day she finally passed, trying not to let my screams be heard by the rest of the family. I could do nothing. My father, my grandfather… none of us. The house sat silent for hours.

James had sat on the back porch steps as he was unable to grip a shovel handle, watching as Paps and I dug a hole in the frost-dusted ground of the back yard. None of us spoke. Hell, none of us really even breathed. Dad carried out the body of his beloved, his face straight and emotionless as he dropped her lifeless body into the cold ground. I tried not to think too much about the action I was performing, knowing if I did I would surely lose what little food I'd eaten the past few days. 

The loss of my mother sat heavily on us as a few neighbors brought over what rations that they had barely been able to prepare, themselves. We allowed ourselves a few days to mourn her as the weather grew colder, and James’ rash spread to his arms. 

It was a week later that James had become unable to care for himself any more, and a week after that that a rash appeared on my father’s chest and hands. Both of them, being eaten alive by the ravishing blisters, leaving my grandparents and I in a mental state so disconnected from reality that we were hardly surviving. No longer did we care for ourselves. No longer did we enjoy the simplicities that came with life. Round the clock care, constantly. Ice baths, unending doses of pain killers, preparing scrap meals, and trying to get them to eat and drink while they all were being blinded with pain. 

Most of our neighbors had left. The street was nearly empty. Packs of wild dogs rummaged through homes that had been deserted, and what few people had stayed behind hid away in their homes in fear. Our plan of retreating back to the country had been put on the backburner when my Mother passed. And by some act of god, or maybe of sheer luck, my grandfather and I showed no signs of the rash, at all. My grandmother’s was spreading, of course, but at a much slower pace as everyone else’s, and her pain wasn’t nearly as horrific. James and I knew it was because she wasn’t exposed to technology, as much. His prediction had come true. 

First we buried James, and then we buried my father. Right there in the backyard, next to the garden that was now a pile of old, dead weeds that we hadn’t bothered to clear from the soil as Autumn turned to Winter. 

My grandfather cared for my grandmother as best he could, and I in turn cared for them both. Somehow, some way, I was able to compartmentalize it all, my brain going into overdrive as a trauma response, I guessed. I was the protector, now. The young and able one, stepping into the role of caretaker of my elderly grandparents. Truly, I had no other choice. 

I packed up my hiking bag with everything that I could, and convinced my grandparents to do the same. Paps agreed, it was time to retreat. There wasn’t anything here for us, anymore. 

There, we’d at least have a wood stove and firewood. Gran’s cellar full of canned vegetables, and a fenced-in yard with a barn where we could capture chickens and goats that were most likely still roaming the countryside of neighboring farms. Why we had ever agreed to come to the city in the first place was beyond me. Thought it would be easier, I guessed. Bigger house, close to the city and resources. Never did we think that things would get this bad. Never did we think that my grandparents’ homestead would have been the better option. But then again, never did we think we would lose three of our family in a matter of a month.

But now, as a cold and blistering wind blew across the shutters and creaked the house on its foundation, I made the executive decision to move my grandparents back to Cheatham County. Back to their farm, back to what they knew, in the house that they’d built. 

At dawn that next morning, the three of us stashed as much as we could into my Paps’ old pickup truck, and filled the tank to the brim with the diesel fuel my dad had stowed away in the garage. We prayed that their house wasn’t eaten by a sinkhole, and we prayed that everything would be just as we had left it. The three of us bundled up and clambered into the bench seat of the truck, and I mentally prepared myself to see the city I once knew and loved in a state that was going to be no less than jarring. 

I stuck the key into the ignition, hearing the old gears roaring to life. The sound was truly like music to my ears, a noise that none of us had heard in what felt like years. I pressed my foot to the gas pedal, revving the cold engine to come to life even more. We can do this… We can run away…

The sound of the engine ignited something deep in my chest, giving me an urge that I hadn’t felt in so long. It was the feeling of freeing myself, running away from all of the horrific scenes that my parent’s house had just been witness to. It was time to run. 

“You ready for this?” I asked my Gran as my fingers sat on the gear shift, ready to thrust it into drive.

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” she replied, her gaze downcast on the street ahead of us. 

“Paps?” I asked. 

“Hit the gas, sweetheart.”

He rolled the crank window down and let a cold gust of air fill the cab as he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, lighting one up as I pulled out onto the street, completely unknowing of what we were about to encounter. The smell of his smoke lit a new fire inside me, filling me with a newfound encouragement. And for the first time in months, I saw a glimmer of hope in my grandfather’s eyes. 

JAKE

Josh hadn’t spoken to us in days. Only the necessary words needed to get us through the motions of preparing meals, cutting firewood, and the like. Danny had questioned him about it again, the same conversation that had happened a few nights ago, when we watched the satellite explode. Danny didn’t intend to piss him off or whatever, but he had just had time to sit and think back on it, and dig a little deeper into the caves of Josh’s mind while we wrote that damn record. 

“This is the fucking New Age Crisis, isn’t it?! The one you wrote about?” Danny had said as mom cleaned up the dinner table one night. “You wrote about the fucking age of machine way back when we were writing Black Smoke, man!”

“Why in the fuck are you just putting all of this together, Daniel? Huh? Those words have been written for over a fucking decade, and you’re just now figuring all this out?!” Josh had retaliated, leaning his body across the table.

“No, I fucking knew it all, Josh! But don’t you think the fact that it’s kind of all coming true isn’t a little fucking weird?!” Danny replied, raising his voice. In the days since that first conversation, Danny had done nothing but appear to be in a constant state of thought. Deep thought. “It’s like you told the fucking future! And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!”

“God damnit Daniel,” Josh said as he shoved his chair under the table. “I’m not going on about this anymore, you don’t see anybody else caring about it.”

Danny looked my way. “Do you not think this is fucking weird, Jake? Seriously.”

I opened my mouth to speak, not wanting to further their argument. “I–I don’t think it’s that serious, I mean, there are similarities but…” I said calmly, running my nervous hand through my hair that hadn’t seen a wash in days. “Josh isn’t like, psychic or some shit…”

Danny slammed a fist onto the table, startling us all. “Why the fuck did you tell the video directors to make the whole Age of Machine video spin, hm? Did you want it to look like the viewer was being hypnotized? Just like you wrote about in Brave New World fucking years before? We fucking did what the literal lyrics said the other night, Josh. Outside, looking at the dark night sky and watching a satellite or a power of lies fucking die, just like you said. Kill fear. It all happened!”

“Daniel! Calm it the fuck down,” Sam said. “You’ve known this, we’ve all known this… he intertwines all his lyrics, he always has… why is this such news to you?”

Danny lurched himself to Sam’s face. “Because it’s coming fucking true Sam!” he spat, yelling in his best friend’s face. I raised my hand up between them, hoping to calm them before anything got out of hand. This was way out of character for Danny. 

Danny stood quickly from his chair, shoving it backward as the rest of our families came storming into the dark, candle-lit room to see what all the fuss was about. “I’m not fucking stupid, Josh. I know you know what the hell is going on. And I want nothing to fucking do with it,” Danny grit his teeth as he spoke, pointing his finger into Josh’s face before turning and retreating up the stairs of the cabin. 

“What in the hell is going on here?!” my mom asked, coming to Josh’s side.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Danny’s mom followed him up the stairs. 

“I don’t think there’s any getting through to him,” I stopped her. I hadn’t said anything, but I wholeheartedly had picked up on Danny’s strange, obsessive behavior lately. “I think he’s…” I swallowed. 

“He’s what, Jake?” she asked.

I slowly brought my finger to my temple, poking at it. “Getting in his head, a little,” I said gently. She gave me a sideways glare before her lips turned into a half-smile, and she finished rushing up the stairs. 

Yeah, Josh hadn’t talked to any of us since then. And neither had Danny, really. He spent his days locked away in his room, practically freezing himself to death and ignoring all our knocks as he sat at his desk with a notepad and pen. It was so strange of him. Completely out of character and it honestly started to worry us. 

One morning I woke and walked out onto the porch that faced the lake, looking out as a few random folks checked their fish nets and began their treks toward the woods to hunt. It had gotten significantly colder, and I could see my breath in the air. As I gazed out, something on the lake caught my eye. 

It was Josh, out on the John boat, paddling further out around the bend of the water. 

“Josh!” I yelled, signaling for him to turn around and come and pick me up. I needed to talk to him; Sam and I were going crazy without the two of them speaking to us. I bounded down the porch steps, rickety and soft from their old weathered age. “Josh!” I yelled again. Finally, I caught his ear. “Come here! Come get me!”

His shoulders dropped but he listened, paddling slowly back to the shore until the side of his boat tapped the grass. “What?” he asked. 

“I wanna go too,” I said, kicking my leg around to step into the boat. The misty fog was just settling over the calm water as Josh huffed a breath. 

“Why?” he asked as I made myself comfortable. 

“Because, you won’t talk to me, and I don’t like it. Figured I gotta resort to forcing you,” I replied with a smirk. I could feel the tip of my nose getting cold. 

Josh stayed silent but began paddling again, pushing us back out into the open water. We faced one another in the boat, my fingers interlaced as I watched him go stroke for stroke. Once we got to the middle of the water, he finally stopped, resting the paddle across his knees. I would wait for him to speak. No one could hear us out here. Just him and me. 

“It was all based on a dream, you know,” he said solemnly, his eyes cast out across the water. 

“What was?” I asked, already knowing the answer but wanting him to tell me more. 

“All of that shit, all the stupid fucking lyrics. I had a dream when I was like, what, 15? A nightmare, actually. A bunch of them. It was like I had… built this world in my sleep-state, like once a month I would have another one that built on top of the last. I wrote them all down, as soon as I woke up. I’d go to these other worlds that felt real in my head, as I dreamed them. I created so much while I was asleep. And the fucking weed and booze didn’t help the matter,” he went on, using his hands to talk, now. 

I was having trouble understanding. “...But, we all kinda helped write that stuff, Josh. Like, a lot of it…”

“Yeah but how do you think I was able to expand on that weird fucking world we built? You guys putting your two cents in, making me think so hard about it all, then going to sleep that night and having the most realistic dreams about it. Then waking up, and turning it into music,” he explained, biting his cheeks in as he gave me a devious smile. “Danny’s fucking right. All of it is happening. Maybe not really in the same context, or the same order, but. It’s happening. We’re watching it. I dreamed about the video we made for that fucking song. The setting, the context, all the weird props and shit…” 

“The drugging?” I asked, remembering jumping from my skin as we filmed those scenes of saline being dropped into our eyes.

“Yeah. The fucking drugging. The big white building. The cots, us being held hostage there by someone… it’s exactly how it all happened in my dream. I made sure of it. And I’m fucking scared, Jake…” he said, leaning across the boat and pulling on the collar of my coat. 

I looked into his eyes and swallowed. I knew why he was scared. If things kept going the way they were, the only thing that would come next would be an entity coming in and taking us… using us for some experimental bullshit like we’d had them do in the video. 

“Starcatcher was a little bit of a break from the norm of my nightmare worlds… I tied it all in, but I really based it off of one of those side-story ideas that you and Sam got that one night. Cults and blind faith and all that shit,” he whispered, rocking the boat a little. “But this last album…”

This last album. 

The one we didn’t even get to finish touring. We’d managed to fit one in right after Starcatcher had wrapped, continuing on with the world we’d built all those years ago. The world that I guess, now, came straight from Josh’s dreams. That one concentrated a little more heavily on love and romance and the freeing of oneself through intimacy, but this latest one, it was some of our darkest work, yet.

“Danny wasn’t kidding when he said that was only the tip of the iceberg. Shit got a little fucking dark with this last one, didn’t it?” he muttered, reminding me of all the lyrics we’d stayed up late writing just a couple of years ago. 

Lies, deception, control, death… we really did get a little heavy with it. We wound lyrics into symbolism with governmental control and all that. We really tapped back in to lyrically beating around the bush. And unfortunately, things seemed to be moving right on par with life as we fucking knew it, right then. 

“Yeah, it really did,” I agreed. “But listen, you don’t need to put that on yourself. Danny’s just… going through something I think. Getting in his mind too much. We’re isolated out here, Josh. Our lives just fucking stopped, now we’re out hunting to feed ourselves?! I think we all deserve to give ourselves a little grace right now, don’t you think?” I tried to reason with him as I felt my toes freezing in my boots. 

He sat almost emotionless, staring at the water beside us as he tapped the oar in his hands. “I wish you could see into my mind,” he breathed, almost soundless. “My nightmares… Danny’s right." He sighed heavily. "It's only going to get worse."

"How the fuck do you know that, huh? How do you know that shit won't go back to completely normal tomorrow?" I pressed, trying to fight an unending battle.

Josh's face turned green. "Did you not hear me just now? I said I wished you could see into my mind...see those dreams that I had." His voice was raising, chopping up with enraged tears. "It's like I'm fucking watching it all come to life. Every bit of it."

He leaned in closer to me on the bench of the boat. "Remember those damned symbols we put on Garden's Gate? I'd stayed up late one night reading through old symbology books and finding runes and shit just because I thought they looked cool... I picked out the ones I thought might go along with what we had for the album. Hell, I didn't think it would ever end up like this..."

"Like what?!" I squealed, raising my hands into the air.

"I don't know, Jake. I swear, it feels like I knew this was going to happen before it ever even did. And that sounds crazy, but I swear on everything, I thought I was just writing about my nightmares. Using them as fuel for lyricism. Never did I think I'd watch it all play out in real time..."

My heart hurt for him. I could tell he was truly internally struggling. He looked like he hadn't slept or eaten in weeks. But this notion that he had seen all of this happen before? No. It made absolutely no sense.

"You can't feel responsible for this..." I muttered.

"No. I don't. But I do feel like I had a hand in perpetuating it. Like I could have stopped it or--"

"Stopped the fucking apocalypse? Yeah..."

He dropped his head into his hands. "Shit, this is all so fucked up."

I watched his shoulders rise and fall as he shuddered through deep breaths, trying to calm himself, trying to make sense of what was happening in his mind.

"So you know more?"

He lifted his head, his eyes swollen and dripping with tears that weren't there for sadness. He was terrified.

"Yeah. I know more."

+++

It was three nights later that all hell broke loose. I was awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of the front door crashing open, and loud, heavy footsteps barging across the hardwood floor. In my half-asleep state, I thought it was maybe Sam trudging back inside after a late-night smoke, knocking the snow off of his boots, but when my gut felt that feeling of uneasiness, I shot up from my bed. I threw my sweatpants and a sweatshirt on, shoving my door open to rush down the stairs of the cabin. 

I was met with Josh already at my side as he had heard the commotion, too, and then we were met with the sound of my dad’s voice yelling and echoing off the wood walls. 

My dad’s voice had always carried, and he tended to be a very lighthearted man, but we all knew the way his voice sounded when he was serious. Scared. 

It was pitch black, but luckily I knew that cabin like the back of my hand, and Josh and I undoubtedly could navigate it even with our eyes closed. My shoulder was touching his as we finally hit the landing, my stomach churning with nerves to see what the hell was going on. 

I was met with a scene that I was sure I had seen in a movie before– silhouettes of tall men in dark clothing, black masks covering their faces as the weapons they held illuminated the space with tiny red laser lights. One had his boot across my father’s chest as he lied on his back on the floor. My mom was shrieking, pushing against one of the men as they held her back from getting to my dad.

“What in the fuck is going on?! Who are you? Get the hell out of here!” I yelled as I pushed my way through in the darkness, tripping over chairs and rugs and Josh’s feet as I moved to shove myself into the man holding my father down. All I remember was chaos. Fists, yelling, darkness… my mind wanting to protect my family and Danny’s family but also wanting to protect myself. It felt as if there were six other people in the cabin with us. And looking back, I think my count was about right, though I could hardly see a thing. 

I heard the sound of breaking glass, or maybe a plate or something as I caught a shadowed visual of Danny breaking a heavy ashtray across one of the men’s heads, but Danny was promptly thrown onto the floor, himself.

I felt the butt of a gun smack across the back of my head, knocking me forward to land in what I learned to be Sam’s arms, stumbling back as he caught my weight. It hurt, and I instantly felt a rush of blood to my skull and a metallic taste in my mouth. The red laser lights flitted around the room, only illuminating objects and people here and there. My vision was blurred and I felt like I could vomit; I saw quick flashes of Danny and my mom… Josh and Danny’s dad… But I couldn’t tell you a damn thing that happened from then on. The rush of confusion was blinding, my body on auto-pilot.

Some time thereafter, I woke up in the back of what felt like a truck, the walls high and metal around me. My arms were bound at my back, and my mouth was taped shut. I could hardly breathe, my head was pounding, and I could feel dried blood resting at the crook of my neck. The vehicle roared beneath me and I could hear the tires screeching around every turn. 

Yes, definitely in a vehicle.

When I had finally gotten my wits about me again, I tried my best to look around and get my bearings, and all I saw were the painted black walls of the truck, and the rugged rusty metal of the bed of it below me. I was enclosed. I screamed from behind my taped lips, unable to make hardly a sound as my chest and lungs felt deprived of air. I looked, I searched- nothing. No one. I was by myself. My mind raced back to what had happened at the cabin, and my memory only gave me that same blurred chaos. Six men. Weapons. No words, violence. 

And then, for the next hour, I was alone.

•

Tags: @gretavangroupie @britney-gvf @sacredstarcatcher @wetkleenex-gvf @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @writingcold @builtbybrokenbells @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @fleet-of-fiction @milkgemini @gvfpal @ageofcj@dancingcarbon @highway-tuna @stardustjake @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface @gvfmarge @gracev0609 @myleftsock @literal-dead-leaf @peaceloveunitygvf @ageofbajabule @slut4lando @jordie-gvf @sadiechar @tinydancer40 @rosabellagvf @capnjaket @lyndz2names @thetroublegetssoloud71 @gretavanomens @spark-my-nature @josh-iamyour-mama @anythingforjtk @alwaysonthemend @danieljlmwagner @klarxtr @fortunatelytinybasement @demonrat444 @gretavansara @watchingover-hypegirl @hippievanfleet @digitalnomadz @raviolilegs @lipstickitty @hippievanfleet @klarxtr @strange-whorizons @do-it-jakey-baby @myownparadise96 @gvf-luna @starshine-wagner @cassiesgreta @joopsandjangs @whimsiliz @kiszkas-canvas @whimsiliz @joopsandjangs @broken0mens @scoreofinfantryvines @whereiskeara @do-it-jakey-baby @miravanfleet @heckingfrick @kiszka-canvas @whimsiliz @joopsandjangs @broken0mens @scoreofinfantryvines @whereiskeara @do-it-jakey-baby @miravanfleet @heckingfrick @jenniferkiszka

[pandenewie]

PROLOGUE: The Contract

Masterlist | Next

Niki has never been big on love. It’s become a running gag in the friend group, as all of the boys have fallen in and out of love over the years while Niki makes sarcastic comments from the sidelines. His friends all claim he’s just being immature, that he’ll soon meet someone and stop being “bitchless” (in Sunghoon’s words). But Niki doesn’t know when that day will come and to be honest, he doesn’t really care.

What he does care about, however, is the teasing. Being the baby of the group, he’s used to getting away with pretty much anything. He’s usually the one dishing out the insults and jokes - not the one at the receiving end. So when Jake started the running joke that Niki was going to be forever alone and all his other friends jumped in on it - to say he was not impressed would be an understatement.

“Wait, you guys seriously broke up?” Sunoo asks in disbelief, causing Jay to shrug. “Dude, summer break is supposed to be when you start relationships, not end them. That’s completely backwards.” Heeseung shoves his younger friend, earning an eye roll in response. “I know that but things weren’t working out. You guys know what it’s like.” Jay says. “Well, Niki doesn’t.” Jake laughs, causing the rest of the group to snicker towards their youngest. “Haha, really funny guys.” Niki says sarcastically.

“So, no summer romance for you, Niki?” Sunghoon teases, ruffling Niki’s hair. “Don’t rub it in!” Jungwon laughs, trying to nudge Sunghoon off their friend. Niki rolls his eyes at their teasing. “Rub what in? I doubt you have anything going on.” He points out, his words causing Jungwon’s cheeks to pinken slightly. “I was working most of the break…” Jungwon mumbles, annoyed at how this was somehow turned on him.

“At least he has an excuse.” Sunoo states. “Yeah, what’s yours? Other than being too cool for yucky love?” Heeseung teases. Niki can feel the annoyance bubbling in his stomach as his friends continue to laugh. “What if I told you that I did have a summer romance? Maybe some of us aren’t so immature that we need to talk about it 24/7.” Niki grumbles. The sound of Jake’s high-pitched cackle only annoys him further, as he watches his friend almost collapse from laughing.

“Sorry… just the fact that you thought we would believe you is, like, really funny.” Jake giggles, wiping a tear from his eye. “I’m not kidding! Just because I have a personality aside from whoever I’m dating, doesn’t mean I’m not dating at all.” Niki points out smugly.

He’s technically not wrong - Niki certainly isn’t the type of person to limit his discussions solely to his relationship status. The only problem with his sentence is that he isn’t in a relationship. Not even close. He hasn’t even had his first kiss yet - but his friends don’t need to know that.

“So you had your first kiss then?” Jay asks, raising an eyebrow. Okay, so apparently they do know that. “He’s making it up, Jay.” Heeseung rolls his eyes, causing Niki to scoff. He’s not sure why his friends not believing in his fake relationship makes him so angry, but it does. “I’m not lying. I just like to keep some stuff private.” Niki mumbles, suddenly avoiding eye contact. “Wait, he’s blushing! It is true!” Sunghoon exclaims, pointing at Niki’s red cheeks. He’s blushing because he’s embarrassed but, sure, that works too.

“Alright then, who’s the special someone who stole our maknae’s heart?” Jungwon teases, throwing his arm over Niki’s shoulder and nudging him in the side.

Shit… Niki hadn’t thought that far ahead. He can’t name someone that they know, because the guys will ask them about it. But what if he makes someone up and they call his bluff? He’s never been the best under pressure.

As Niki’s brain scans through every person in his year, he suddenly lands on Y/n. It’s almost perfect - a friend of a friend, so it’s not completely insane if they were to meet, but also someone with no ties to anyone else in the group. The closest would be Sunoo, whom they share a history class with but Sunoo doesn’t even go to history so Niki highly doubts he’ll know them.

“Their name’s Y/n.” Niki mumbles, growing slightly dizzy from Jungwon’s shaking. The group all look at him puzzled as they try to rack their brains for any knowledge of Y/n. “Who the fuck is Y/n?” Jake asks, confused. “Probably made up.” Heeseung shrugs, causing Niki to roll his eyes. “Y/n L/n, my year, they’re in history with Sunoo.” He clarifies, wanting to immediately slap himself. Why the hell did he say that? “Damnnit, the one class I don’t go to.” Sunoo sighs, pouting slightly.

“It’s fine, you can just introduce them to us, right Niki?” Sunghoon asks, teasingly. Um… what? Niki looks up to see the rest of his friends, looking at him expectantly. “Oh haha… I mean, yeah I guess. I’ll have to ask them first but… okay.” Niki rambles.

He absolutely will not be doing that.

Niki wasn’t lying when he said Y/n had no ties to the group - so much so that he hadn’t even seen them all day. He likely would have forgotten about the whole thing, if it weren’t for Jake and Sunghoon bringing it up every 5 minutes.

“So… are you gonna tell us more about your romantic summer with Y/n?” Jake asks, wiggling his eyebrows. “Um… what do you want to know?” Niki asks nervously. “How did you guys get together? You can’t leave school lonely as fuck and then come back with a whole ass relationship and not give us answers.” Sunghoon points out.

Shit. Niki really hasn’t thought this through. How do people get together? Is he supposed to describe some big romantic event that happened? He really should have planned this out…

Looking around nervously at the group, he tries to think of a story. Something simple and romantic, but not so crazy that it sounds unbelievable. His eyes land on Sunoo’s drink, the familiar pink and yellow can catching his attention. Sunset Pash - it’s his friend's latest obsession, a passion fruit blend that’s refreshing and light. The can causes a light bulb to go off in Niki’s head.

“It wasn’t anything crazy. We were both at the beach for a week with our families and just ran into each other. One night, we went to watch the sunset together and we just kissed… then when we got back, we figured we’d try dating.” Niki shrugs, trying to make the whole thing sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Kissing while watching the sunset? How romantic.” Heeseung teases, causing Niki’s face to heat up with blush. “Our baby really is growing up.” 

“So when do we meet them?” Jay asks, causing Niki to internally groan. Why do his friends have to be so nosy? “Give him some time. It probably hasn't even been a month yet.” Jungwon says. Niki has never been so thankful for Jungwon's rationality before. “And knowing him, it probably won't last till then.” Jake snickers. “First of all, rude. Second of all, Y/n wouldn't want to hang out with you guys, anyway. So you will not be meeting them.” Niki says.

“I have history last period. Maybe I'll actually go today and ask them myself.” Sunoo shrugs, causing Niki's eyes to widen. Sunoo can't go to history! If he talks to Y/n, he'll find out that they're not actually together and Niki will be exposed for lying. They'll make fun of him for that even more than they did for him being single. Niki will just somehow have to track Y/n down before last period and convince them to play along with his lie.

Niki has no idea how to track down Y/n. He doesn't know what classes they take (except for History, which is apparently last period) and even if he did - he probably wouldn't know where the classrooms are. Realising he probably won't just magically run into Y/n, Niki settles for plan B - Eunchae.

The first few times Niki tried to get Eunchae's attention fell flat - earning him nothing but a scowled expression and whispered “Shush”. He tried tapping her on the shoulder, nudging her in the side - he even threw his pen at her.

Eventually, he settles for a good old-fashioned note; I need to talk to you written in bold ink and subtly slipped onto her desk. Eunchae reads the note carefully before rolling her eyes.

“What is it? I already told you, I'm not giving Jay Yunjin's number.” She replies in a hushed whisper. “No, it's not that. This is more important.” Niki says. Eunchae looks at him suspiciously, making Niki sigh. “I need to talk to Y/n about something but I don't know their classes.” He admits. 

The suspicion on Eunchae's face gets swapped with confusion as she takes in Niki's words… what does Niki want with Y/n? As far as she’s concerned, Y/n and Niki have met like twice.

“What do you need to talk about?” She asks. “Um… that's between Y/n and I.” His answer does not satisfy her, evident by the deadpan expression on her face. “Well now it’s between Y/n, you and me… spill.”

Eunchae has never really been someone Niki confides in… but right now, she’s the only person who could potentially save him from devastating embarrassment. “If you tell anyone, I’ll tell them all about your anger management teddy that you use to take out your aggression.” Niki threatens, his words making her eyes widen. “Don’t you dare talk about Mr Stuffles.” Eunchae says, earning a shrug from Niki. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Eunchae looks at him with narrowed eyes before holding out her pinky, Niki quickly securing it with his. “Okay, so I kind of might have lied to my friends and told them that Y/n and I got together over summer break so they’d get off my ass about being single.” Niki admits. Eunchae chokes on her saliva, looking at Niki in disbelief. “You’re kidding.” She laughs, making him shush her as he nervously looks around the room. “I’m not,” He says in a hushed voice. “So I need to find Y/n and get them to play along before Sunoo talks to them during last period.” 

Eunchae has to stop herself from laughing out loud. “You’re such an idiot.” She giggles. “I’ll help you though, just because this is insane.” Eunchae pulls out her phone and starts typing a message to Y/n. “I think they’re in calc at the moment and then they’ve got bio and then history… I’ll double-check though.”

Thank god Eunchae is so willing to dish out information on her friends.

“Y/n!”

The sudden call of their name causes Y/n to stop in their tracks, spinning around with a slightly confused look on their face. They spot Niki leaning against a group of lockers, his hands in his pockets and a stupid smirk on his face.

“Niki?” Y/n asks, having to rack their brain to remember his name. They honestly don’t think they’ve ever spoken to him without Eunchae present. “Can we talk? It’s kind of important.” Niki asks. Y/n looks up at the clock to see that they’ve got 5 minutes till their next class starts. “Uh… just make it quick, I guess?”

“Okay so this is going to sound really weird but like, I promise it’s not actually-”

“-Sorry, that’s actually my locker.” Niki’s sentence gets cut off by a kid pushing past him, causing his ears to flush pink with embarrassment. “Oh… yeah… sorry about that.” Niki coughs awkwardly, causing Y/n to giggle slightly. The two move out of the way of people and Y/n gestures for Niki to continue.

“Okay so basically my friends have been making fun of me for like… years, because I don’t really date people and I was getting really annoyed with it, right? So I made up a little story about how I started dating someone over summer break and my friends asked who and I just said your name without thinking so now my friends all think we’re together and Sunoo’s going to ask you about it in history today so would you be able to maybe pretend that we’re in a relationship for a little bit?”

Y/n stares at Niki blankly as they try to take in everything he just said. He made up a story about them dating? All because his friends were making fun of him?

“I get that this is probably really uncomfortable for you but I promise, it’ll all be sorted out soon I just-”

“How did we start dating?” Y/n asks, cutting off Niki’s sentence. He looks at them confused, making Y/n smile slightly. “If I’m going to get questioned by Sunoo, I need to know how we got together.” They say simply. Niki goes to reply but gets cut off by the bell ringing, indicating that they need to get to class. “Meet me on the bleachers at lunch, we can talk about it then.” Y/n smiles, causing Niki to immediately perk up. “Oh… okay.” He agrees, a little too eager. He continues to stand there like an idiot as Y/n waves goodbye before walking to class. Oh shit. Niki needs to get to class.

Y/n doodles little stars in the corner of their page as they wait for Niki on the bleachers. A few minutes after lunch started, Niki comes running over, his bag slung loosely over his shoulder.

“Sorry, my friends were pestering me about hanging out with you.” He pants slightly, dropping his bag next to Y/n’s feet before sitting down. “It’s okay, I wasn’t waiting too long.” Y/n replies sweetly, closing the cap on their pen before turning to Niki. “This is going to be our contract.” Y/n states, holding out their notebook so Niki can see. So far, it’s just an empty page - except for the words NDA (Not Dating Actually) written in orange gel pen, surrounded by scribbled stars and hearts. 

“Why do we need a contract?” Niki asks. “If we’re going to do this fake relationship, there needs to be some boundaries, things we will and won’t do together.” Y/n clarifies, opening their pen to write the first rule.

Rule One: Eat lunch together

“Why is that a rule?” Niki asks, his eyebrows furrowed. “All the other couples at school spend at least one of their breaks together. If we want people to believe we’re actually dating, we need to fit in.” Y/n shrugs. “So we’re just… adding stuff we have to do together?” Niki asks, earning a nod from Y/n. “Stuff that’ll make our relationship believable, yeah.”

Niki thinks for a moment before reaching into Y/n’s pencil case and pulling out a purple gel pen. “What days are you free after school?” He asks, making Y/n look at him slightly confused. “Every day but Friday.” They say, earning a nod from Niki. Y/n places a hand gently on his shoulder and leans closer in an attempt to see what he’s writing.

Rule Two: Wednesday = study date

“Why do we have to have study dates?” Y/n asks. “There should be at least one day a week where we hang out outside of school, right? That way if people ask it’s more believable.” Y/n can’t argue with his logic so they just nod in agreement. 

“We should do some boundaries next.” Y/n mumbles, carefully taking the book from Niki’s grip. They quickly jot down their rule before passing the book back.

Rule Three: No Kissing

“Wait.. but won’t it be obvious we’re not actually together?” Niki asks, causing Y/n to sigh. They guess he’s right… the other couples at school do a lot more than kissing. They’ll stick out like a sore thumb. “I guess you can kiss me on the cheek and stuff… just not the lips.” Y/n clarifies. Niki nods, jotting down (on the lips) next to rule three before quickly writing the fourth rule.

Rule Four: Don’t fall in love

Y/n can’t help but snort when they read what he wrote. “Do we have to specify that?” They ask. “Just being specific, I’m quite a catch, you know.” Niki teases, making Y/n playfully roll their eyes. “I don’t think we’ll need that rule, but okay.”

Y/n takes the notebook once more and jots down the fifth and final rule.

Rule Five: Break a rule, break the contract

“What does that mean?” Niki asks. “If either of us breaks one of the rules, we stop this immediately.” Y/n says simply. Niki nods. That seems simple enough. “Is there anything else you want to add?” Y/n asks, looking at Niki expectantly. He hadn’t even thought to write a contract to begin with so he shakes his head no. “It’s sealed then.” Y/n smiles, signing their name at the bottom of the page with a heart. They then hand the book back to Niki, watching as he writes his name in bold print next to their cursive one.

“I was going to ask… why are you going along with this? I mean, it’s not like you’re getting anything out of it.” Niki mumbles as Y/n begins to pack up their pens. “I don’t really have a reason not to. You said your friends were making fun of you and if doing this will help them stop then I don’t see why not.” Y/n shrugs, looking at Niki with a small smile.

Y/n is a good person - almost too good. They’re a part of the school’s sweethearts, Y/n, Eunchae and Danielle, also known as the sunshine trio. Whilst others wouldn’t do something unless they had something to gain, Y/n does so without even batting an eye. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, they’re in. Niki is beginning to think that they were the perfect person to drag into this mess.

“Can you tell me the backstory now?” Y/n asks, their lips curving downwards into a slight pout. A tiny part of Niki’s brain almost freaks out at how cute they look, but he quickly pushes that thought to the very back of his mind. “I tried not to be too specific, I just said we were both at the beach for a week and ran into each other. We kissed one night while watching the sunset and started dating when we got back.” Niki shrugs, causing Y/n to nod. “...so it’ll be our one month soon?” Y/n asks, causing Niki to look at them confused. “People usually wait a few weeks before going away to try and beat the summer rush. If we went on holiday a few weeks before summer break was over, that would mean we’ve been together for almost a month.” Y/n says.

Niki hadn’t thought to rationalise it out like that. He guesses it makes sense, though. Y/n is probably a lot more prepared for this sort of thing than he is. 

“Is there anything else I need to know?” Y/n asks, tilting their head slightly as they look at Niki. “You can probably just make the rest up… just let me know what you say so the stories are consistent.” He says, earning a nod from Y/n. 

They hold out their phone, causing Niki to look down at it with confusion. “I’ll need your number.” Y/n clarifies, causing Niki’s mouth to drop into an “o” shape. Just as the two finish exchanging numbers, the bell for the end of lunch. The two start collecting their things and Y/n suddenly stands in front of Niki, expectantly. “Do you want to walk me to class?” They ask, holding their hand out for him. “Oh… uh… I guess I can do that.” Niki mumbles, carefully taking their hand in his, as if it were made of glass.

Walking hand-in-hand with Y/n down the school halls was not how Niki imagined his day to end. He can’t help the way his cheeks flush a subtle blush as a handful of classmates notice the pair. Just his luck, the two even run into Jay and Heeseung on the way to class - resulting in Heeseung almost spitting out his water when he noticed the couple’s intertwined hands.

“I didn’t know this was all going to be so… public.” Niki mumbles as the two finally make it to Y/n’s classroom. “Welcome to dating in high school.” Y/n replies softly, peaking into the classroom to check if Danielle is there yet. When their eyes land on their friend, they send a small wave before turning back to Niki. “I’ll text you later?” Y/n asks, smiling when Niki nods. He doesn’t know exactly how to say goodbye. Does he give them a hug? A kiss on the cheek? Niki settles for gently squeezing Y/n’s hand and giving them a quick head pat, before turning on his heel and walking to his own class.

Y/n almost laughs at Danielle’s confused expression as they sit in the empty seat next to her. “What the hell was that? Since when were you close with Niki?” She asks, causing Y/n to bite their lip nervously. “I’ll explain it all later.” Y/n whispers, lowering their volume when Mr Yoon walks into the room.

Sunoo didn’t end up questioning Y/n that afternoon, Mr Yoon not giving him the opportunity to do so. He forgot how fast-paced his teaching was - blink too long and he’ll be on a completely different topic. Sunoo did, however, see Y/n and Niki’s cute little goodbye at the beginning of class. And with the way that Y/n and Danielle quietly whispered to each other throughout the lesson, there certainly seemed to be something going on between his friend and his classmate. He’ll just have to investigate another day.

TAG LIST (open): @j-wyoung @thesassy-mia @luvistqrzzz @yourmyst4r @heerinnie @odisdad @wzy3ka @mrchweeee @rizzkisworld @beomsbeanie @ablackbtsstan @sweet-kisses-and-bloody-screams

[demigod-shenanigans]

What are your Nyssa Barrera hcs? She is my favourite side character and there is virtually no fan content of her.

Also, what is your favourite side character?

Collection of Nyssa hcs (sorry this got angstier than I originally intended):

-I’ve seen some people say sword lesbian and I agree with that so much actually. Also she’s terrible at getting the hint when girls actually try to hit on her.

-I feel like Nyssa is a year-rounder by choice rather than strictly by necessity. She was a temporary resident until the end of the Titan war, but when Beckendorf died and Jake got promoted, she knew Jake wasn’t up for the task and someone else would have to be emotional support for their younger siblings. She’s almost as old as Jake and has been his second in command since day one.

-I don’t know how close she and Charles were, but I feel like at the very least she looked up to him a ton, and his death was pretty hard on her.

-She never wanted to be a hero but she will do what’s necessary to protect her siblings. Felt relieved when Leo volunteered to join Jason instead but definitely felt guilty about that relief later on.

-Harley immediately attached himself to Nyssa the second he got to camp and she’s got the softest spot for him. She’ll let him get away with damn near anything (looking at ToA where she’s actively supportive of his little death race that involves chainsaw frisbees LOL)

-She misses her mortal dad so much, but she tells herself her family is safer with her at camp to make things a little easier for herself. Her dad insists on sending her postcards all the time, since phone calls aren’t safe. She keeps every single one of them.

-She’s got a younger half-sibling back home that Leo reminds her of, which is part of why she struggles with laughing at his jokes (aside from the general “stressed about being in charge when every single thing we do goes wrong”-thing)

-She has a lot of feelings about Leo sacrificing himself at the end of the Gaia conflict. She’s already lost one brother that way in the last war, and having it happen again but getting a front row seat this time was hell for her. She also spent months thinking about how to break it to Harley that Leo wasn’t coming back because she was convinced he was dead. So, yeah, when he does come back she inevitably curses at him for a while and doesn’t really know how to deal with any of it. She loves him to death and she’s glad he’s okay but things are just kind of a lot.

Hmmm favorite side characters… so I’m not exactly sure what we’re counting Reyna as since technically she’s a POV character in Blood of Olympus but she’s also definitely more minor than the rest of the seven? So if she counts as a side character it’s definitely her

If she doesn’t count it’s probably Harley. Chaotic gremlin child and it’s just really sweet to me how much he looks up to Leo

[im-yn-suckers]

hey can u do opposite version of "its not my fault you didnt tell them"

i mean yn came back from tour and bisit niki while his sleeping itd be cute

ohmygodohmygodyesss anon really having a big brain moment rn

its not my fault you didnt tell them (original here )

pairing bf idol niki x gf idol reader

warnings- petnames, goofy petnames, kissing, cuddling, playful fighting, talking to enha like theyre your brothers if that counts, calling heeseung broski (my humors broken) calling niki pookie bear over text, uh idek anymore.

synopsis- you show up at your boyfriends dorm after being on tour for a month. niki doesnt tell his members the pet names you uses and they eavesdrop when you questions you about it and list off all the secret petnames.

y/n: broski, let me in so i can see my pookie bear. dont tell him tho

heeheeseungg: alr gimme a minute.

it was 11 am and you were let in to the boys dorm. you set your bags down, since your members dropped you off at the dorms, you still had your bags. they took to nikis room. you told the members they could watch, until niki kicked them out.

you snuggled under the covers and cuddled up to nikis back, seeing he was still sleeping you switched to lay in front of him. you snuck under his arm and nuzzled your nose into his neck, wrapping your arms your him.

he looked up and pulled you impossibly closer, you felt the smile on your neck. after pulling away, he kissed you softly and passionately. hearing the guys giggle, he pulled away and hid under the covers.

they closed the door a little bit but stayed there, being nosy. "i missed you my prince." they guys laughed and nikis face turned red.

"GUYS GET OUT PLEASE" they shut the door but, once again, they stayed there.

"yn, they dont know about the petnames, whyd u ruin it. theyre gunna tease me"

"i miss you too."

"sorry, i missed you so much, but still, WHYD YOU CALL ME THAT IN FRONT OF THE GUYS."

"am i not allowed to express my love for you?" pretending to be offended, you batted your eyelashes is a 'sad' way.

"you are, just not when ALL of them are there."

"what else did you not tell them about?''

"uh, alot. definitely not the petnames"

"so you didnt tell them about pretty boy, cutie, sweetie, honey, darling, or jack skellington?"

suddenly there was tons of laugher coming from the door, causing niki to get up and yell at them.

long story short, nikis a tall ass skeleton and doesnt tell people.

JOKES ASIDE, sunoo and jungwon (the shorter memebers of the group, even though they are tall asf too) called him jack skellington. heeseung called him pretty boy, jake called him cutie, and the others did a mix of all of them

hope this was up to ur standards anon, u and ur big brain. and IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE, IVE BEEN BUSY WITH HOMEWORK BECAUSE MY ALGEBRA TEACHER CANT LIVE WITHT THE FACT THAT WE HAVE THINGS TO DO OTHER THAN MATH, but never mind that.

send requests yall, ill do em when i have time

[godlygreta]

god is fair | j. t. kiszka

title | god is fair

word count | 7.7k

warnings | swearing, mentions of alcohol - nothing too terrible... yet ;)

author's note | i've had this in the chamber for some time now, i just lost the inspo to write, which is why i haven't in a long time. this isn't a promise that i'll post more fics as they come to me, seeing as i'm a senior in college who has a fuck ton of other things to do. there will be a part 2 to this fic, but i couldn't tell you when it's coming :)

also, very much so listening to god is fair, sexy nasty by mac miller while writing this & starting the next part, so take that as you will ;)

unedited as hell so pls excuse any mistakes !

You always had this rivalry since the beginning of freshman year. This guy, Jake, would never show up to any of the classes the two of you had together, but always got the highest grades on every single goddamn exam that your Intro to Bio professor gave out. It infuriated you.

You figured that in the spring semester, you would be freed from the disappearing boy, but you weren’t. While the teacher called roll, everyone shouted out here. She landed upon his name, calling out to the class and looking through the rows of students. He had been there for orientation, sitting in one of the middle rows, slouched in his seat.

You planned to confront him the next day you had class together, on Wednesday, but Jake was nowhere to be found. Your roommate and your friends had heard your exhaustive theories as to why he was never in class. “Babe, you sound insane. Just let it go.”

But you couldn’t.

Competition lived deep within your roots, having an entire competition with the second top student in your graduating class in high school. Though the rage held between each other was never taken far outside of the academic realm, the two of you never thought to be friends and encourage one another. Thankfully, the two of you resolved the competition when the two of you realized you would be going into two very separate fields of study in college. 

Camren, who knew she was going to be a chemist from the time she first learned about chemistry, had told you she loved the competition – made it fun and kept things interesting. And there you were, going to school for Pre-Med with the same feeling. The two of you kept in contact, updating each other on the strive for greatness in college as well.

You kept a close relationship with a lot of your teachers, making sure to get on their good side before classes had really begun. You emailed most of them, especially your Anatomy and Physiology professor, Dr. Sahnya Heinz.

She was incredibly skilled in her field, leaving the active medical field to teach the new and future minds of medicine. It was a cliche line she delivered on the first day, but it encouraged that familiar competitive fire that dwelled within you.

You don’t quite remember how you came to figure out that Jake was ahead of you, but you had found out somehow from your professor, although it was an accident.

It made everything in you burn with anger and frustration. Anytime someone mentioned him, or mentioned the fact that you were second, you clenched your jaw and your teeth gritted together. Your friends had an inside joke that you were only mad because you had a huge crush on him.

“I barely even know what he looks like, Mel! I fucking hate the guy. Don’t start shit.” You’d plead, beer can in your hand in the lounge of some fraternity floor.

Over the next few semesters, you kept trying your hardest, spending most of your free time in the library, reading everything that you could to prepare for every exam. You wrote papers early, having them done at least three weeks in advance. As soon as you would be told about a new one, you’d immediately start finding sources.

You sauntered around campus, thinking that you would be way ahead of him. He still never showed up to any classes, aside from orientation and exam periods. You’d stare at him for a few moments while the teacher passed out the exam, looking over his face as much as you could.

His long hair would obscure your vision on occasion, making it hard to catch any of his features at all. From what you could see though, he had nice, full lips. His nose was something you could have stared at the entire exam period.

You watched him as he licked his lips, whispering a thank you to Heinz before grabbing his pencil from his desk and getting to work. You looked away from him as soon as Heinz put your exam on your desk, offering her a small smile and a quick thank you before getting to work.

It was almost spring break, meaning some of your assignments had been slowing, some of them had been increasing. A group of your friends from different majors told you about one of the lounge parties a fraternity on campus was throwing. “Sigma Tau has the worst lounge parties, Tamia. You know this.”

“They’re joining forces with the Delta’s though, so it’ll be better than normal! You have to come, you’ve always got your nose in a book. You haven’t drank with us in so long, I forget what you’re like when you’re drunk.”

“I don’t know… I need to work on this Midterm paper I have in Kainz’s class, it’s due next week.”

“Babe, it’s been done for weeks! You just keep editing it trying to find mistakes and there are none! I’ve literally read it five times. Please, go out with us, just tonight?”

You looked between Tamia and Mel, knowing in the end you would give into them anyways. “Ugh, fine! Tonight, and tonight only, just this once. If I don’t like it, though, I’m leaving and going to bed early.”

“You’ll have so much fun, I swear!” Mel and Tamia looked between each other, sharing expressions of excitement and happiness on their faces. You rolled your eyes, standing up from your chair.

You let them raid your closet, trying to throw something together quickly. Most of the time, Tamia and Mel never obeyed the dress code for the lounge parties, hating the idea of giving into the male gaze of the fraternity brothers. Tonight, however, was a bit different. The theme was Western, meaning it was cowboy hats and very tiny shorts.

You looked over the outfit that laid out in front of you, straw cowboy hat that Tamia had bought from Amazon (one for each of you), a pair of short shorts that may or may not show your ass a bit, and a red bandana top that Mel let you borrow last semester that you forgot to return. “I don’t know about this. I don’t even have the right shoes.”

“You forget we wear the same size, bitch, you’re going. No backing out.” They joked, tossing you a pair of white boots. “Just put that shit on while we heat up the curling iron, okay?”

“Fine, fine, okay.” You peel off your shirt, throwing on the one they picked out. Next to go were your pajama pants, which were replaced by the shorts. You kept the same socks on, knowing that nobody would see them anyways with the boots going up to the middle of your calf muscle. “I look fucking ridiculous.”

“You look fucking hot, now sit down while we do your hair and makeup,” Mel spoke, pulling out your desk chair while Tamia smiled wickedly with the curling wand in hand. You were nervous, looking at the both of them, but the good kind that settled under your skin and was left hidden behind the smallest smile.

You talked about upcoming exams with them while they did your hair and makeup, much to their dismay. They attempted to fill you in on the various drama situations going on around campus while you had been heavily plugged into your textbooks. You gasped often, finding shock and awe in some of the things they had been telling you about classmates.

They spoke about Jake, letting it slip that he had been planning on attending the party, joined at the hip with one of the girls he had been rumored to have been dating. One of the many. “Ugh, he just sounds like a douche. Gives me even more reason to hate him.”

“We’re not feeding into your delusion that he’s some douchebag. Dropping it.” Tamia spoke, putting her hands up in a surrender. Mel laughed, pulling away from you with an eyeliner pen in hand. “Maybe we’ll get you drunk enough to admit you like him.”

“I don’t like him, and I thought we were dropping the topic.” You looked at Tamia in the mirror, watching her face deadpan as she looked back at you.

“I have something hot in my hands, don’t be rude to me.” The three of you laughed, getting back into the rhythm of getting ready. You let them do their thing to you, curling the last bit of your hair and putting the finishing touches of highlighter on your brow bone.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, marveling at the job they did. You thanked them for getting you all dolled up, watching them change into their outfits. It was mostly just them taking off the sweats they were wearing, throwing them over the back of your desk chair. You took a few pictures with them in your mirror before finally deciding to head out.

The party had started a half an hour ago, walking into the party late like most people did. The three of you got in easily with matching the dress code, immediately looking for the drinks table. The boys in charge handed the three of you a free shot of anything you wanted. Mel chose for you, starting the night out roughly with a shot of Svedka.

You grabbed a Sprite from one of the boys in one hand, the shot of Svedka in the other. The three of you tapped your glasses together before downing the shot. The alcohol burned as it slipped down your throat, trying to soothe it with the taste and coolness of the Sprite. You shook a bit, throwing the cup away in a nearby trash can.

“That was fucking gross, I hate you so much for choosing Svedka.”

“I could’ve chosen something even more nasty, like Jack.” Mel laughed, leading the three of you over to a section in the lounge where you could stand a decent enough distance away from one another, instead of being piled on top of one another.

“I would have rather taken a shot of Jack, Mel.” You spoke, sipping more of your Sprite. Tamia pointed out a few of the people they had talked about earlier, letting you put names to faces.

In the midst, two of the Sigma brothers decided to start a dance battle, capturing the attention of those around them. Everyone joined in, gathering around the two guys. Mel and Tamia joined too, but you had slipped out of their grasp by telling them you had to use the bathroom.

You were happy to escape the party, sneaking out with a bottle of Smirnoff the boys had left unattended. You walked outside, taking a deep breath in. You were thankful to be met with the smell of fresh air, not smelling sweat and booze everywhere. Your peace and tranquility was ruined by someone’s voice, “Well, don’t you look adorable.”

Your head snapped towards the voice, seeing Jake sitting up against the bike rack with a cigarette between his fingers. “Shut up.”

“What? I can’t compliment you?”

“No,” you started, crossing your arms with the bottle still in your hand. “No, you can’t.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I hate you.” Jake looked at you, up and down, taking a drag of his cigarette. You screwed off the cap of the bottle, taking a pull. You tried your hardest to not make a face, looking away slightly when the familiar sting settled in your throat.

“Why do you hate me? I’ve never spoken to you before.”

“Do I have to have a reason?” You asked, walking closer to him.

“Suppose not. But if I knew why you hated me,” he tossed his cigarette butt on the ground, stomping on it with his boot. “Then maybe I could find a way to make you not hate me.”

“Unless you flunk your next exam, I guarantee that won’t happen.”

“Oh, I get it.” He chuckled, standing up from the bike rack he was leaning against. He grabbed his cigarette butt up from the ground, tossing it into the nearest garbage can. He turned towards you, staring at you with his brown eyes. “You’re just mad because I’m smarter than you.”

“You’re never in class. You shouldn’t be ahead of me.” You glared at him, lips moving into a frown.

“Just because I’m never there doesn’t mean I’m not getting the information. I work five, sometimes six days a week. We only have class three days a week. Typically, I gotta work those days. Heinz sends me the powerpoints and the assignment notes so I never miss anything.”

“Oh yeah? Where do you even work then?” You asked.

He chuckled, fingers brushing yours that were wrapped around the bottle. “Now if I told you that, it would ruin all the fun,” he looked you up and down once more, licking his lips slightly. “Well, maybe I’ll see you and your bottle inside.” 

You waited til the doors closed behind him to roll your eyes, and huff outwardly. You took the bottle of Smirnoff, turned on your heels and walked towards your dorm hall. You hated Jake. You really hated Jake.

—

Your midterms came and went. The stress decreased slightly, but only to be raised again as the end of the semester loomed around. Assignments started piling up, various papers and presentations due all around the same week. Since the end of Spring Break, you had been holed up in your room, left to your mountains of homework.

Your Microbio class had a presentation due that coincided with the research project you had been working on all semester long. Human Anatomy and Physiology (or affectionately known as BIO 312) had a major cumulative exam on the entire semester, which stressed you out more than any other homework assignment or exam you had.

Thankfully, your school held an all day event that attempted to boost the morale of the students on campus. Filled with a bunch of free things, you took advantage of everything offered.

Lined up on tables were various student organizations set up, with their own little games and prizes. A few of them had speakers that played the music they wanted to listen to, all speakers attempting to outman the other. However, the one that ended up winning was a tie dye station located in the lawn, handing out free t-shirts to dye.

One of the guys at the tie dye station had a wide smile on his face while his hands were dripping with dye. Setting your prizes down at a table where Tamia and Mel had put their things, you walked over to him. He welcomed you over with a smile, “Hey! Lookin’ to tie dye?”

“Yeah, I’m a medium.” You smiled at him, blocking the sun with your hand. He called over to Benny, asking him to pull a medium out for you. Benny handed you the shirt with a smile. “I’ve never dyed anything before.”

“Never?! That’s a crime against mankind, darlin’, let’s get this shirt dyed.” He spoke, talking you over the colors in each of the buckets. He explained to you some basic color theory, although you had remembered that from your high school painting class, you didn’t stop him; he was pretty when he spoke.

The curls on his head stuck out from the shaved sides, the gold of his earrings stood out underneath the blistering April sun. He licked his lips often, using the back of his hand to wipe sweat from his forehead. He helped you pick out the style you wanted, making sure the rubber bands were placed exactly where you wanted them. “I’ll dip them in the bucket for you so you don’t get your hands dirty.”

“Thank you. I could’ve managed on my own, but I definitely appreciate it.”

“Of course. What’s your name?” You offer up to him, before he lets out a chuckle. You question him with a pull of your eyebrows. “Jake talks about you.”

“You know Jake?”

“Yeah, he’s my twin.” As soon as the word left his mouth, you could see the resemblance; you almost scolded yourself for not realizing it sooner. They were similar, especially in their features and their eyes, although the two of them had very distinct color differences. Josh, as he told you after dropping the bomb on you, had warmer eyes, filled with caramel colored hues of brown in relation to Jake’s colder tones; his eyes were a darker shade of brown, with the occasional gleam of flirtation laced within the reflection.

He spoke quite differently from Jake, mostly just with the sound of his voice. It matched their eyes, their personalities. Josh’s bright, bubbly stature followed in his voice, almost theatrical as he spoke. “I guess that makes sense, you two do kind of look alike. Minus the hair, of course.”

“Well, of course. Mine’s better,” you liked that about him - how kind his tone was. You attempted to grill him about what Jake was saying about you, curiosity flowing violently through your bloodstream as if it lit your body on fire. “He just says that you’re second in the Bio class you have with him, and that it makes you mad.”

“It does, Jake’s never there. I’ve seen him three times, and two of those times were for exams.” Josh wrung out the part that had been soaking in the dye for a bit, watching the water fall back into the bucket.

“Yeah, it’s cause he’s working all the time, if I’m honest. Jake stays home during the week to work at the nursing home in our hometown. We don’t really have a large CNA population, most of the people who work there are highschool kids, so Jake’s really been their guy. Especially since high school, as soon as he graduated he moved to full time. All the old ladies love him.” He snorts, dipping your shirt into the blue dye.

“I didn’t know that.” You thought he was lying about where he was, which is why guilt started to eat away at you. You felt terrible for making assumptions, but you couldn’t take any of that back now.

“Jake doesn’t talk to a lot of people, but we love him anyway.” You chewed at your bottom lip, rethinking your opinion of Jake. “You goin’ to the concert later tonight?”

“Hadn’t decided. Mel and Tamia want to, so I’ll probably end up going. Are you?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll probably go.”

“Do you know who’s playing?”

“Some local band I think? I’ve heard a lot of the girls think the frontman’s pretty handsome.” He spoke with a smirk. You promised him you’d go, just to see if the girls had been right. He handed you your t-shirt to hold while he grabbed you a plastic bag. He also handed you a piece of paper with instructions on how to take care of your new tie dye.

“Make sure when you wash it, you wash it by itself. Otherwise, you’ll dye all of your other clothes and believe me, you don’t want that,” he chuckled, as if he was speaking from experience.

You thanked him with a warm smile, waving to him before returning to your room. As soon as you got back, you opened your window, allowing the air flow to travel inside. It kept you cool, allowing you to walk around comfortably with a t-shirt and shorts on. You put your plastic bag in the closet of your room, writing on your white board to remember to take it out and wash it tomorrow.

You texted Mel and Tamia, knowing that Mel would probably have some smart comeback about why you want to go to the concert. It wasn’t that you didn’t join them on nights out, you just had a lot riding on your academic success. Not only because you were the first one in your family to go to college, but also because of your mass of scholarships that only continued to flow if your GPA was at a suitable level. Anything below a 3.2, and you would lose almost all of them.

To: The 3 Dumb Sluts

Are we going to the concert tonight?

From: The 3 Dumb Sluts - Mel

Are you offering to come with us without us needing to beg and plead for you to join?

To: The 3 Dumb Sluts

Don’t make me take it back, Mel

From: The 3 Dumb Sluts - Tamia

We’re absolutely going. Come to mine whenever you want to get ready :)

To: The 3 Dumb Sluts

The doors open at 8 right? I’ll be over about 5:30-6ish. Gotta finish up this paper for Heinz real quick

You locked your phone before they could scold you for doing homework on a day that was designated for relaxation and recuperation. You pulled out your Anat and Physio binder, pulling out the sources you printed off in the library. You ran through the last one with a blue highlighter between your teeth. 

You set an alarm on your phone for five o’clock, saving enough time for you to shower.  You were about halfway through the last page when your timer went off. You silenced it, attempting to hurriedly finish highlighting the page. The article was placed onto your desk, highlighter returned to the cup on your desk filled with various writing utensils.

You pulled out your shower caddy, putting it on top of your dresser before pulling out your robe. You laid it over the edge of your bed, removing all of your clothes. You threw them into your hamper and put on your robe. You slipped on your slides, grabbed your caddy and traveled to the bathroom.

Underneath the uneven streams from the showerhead, you thought about Jake.

Maybe your first impressions of him were wrong. When Josh told you about the nursing home back in their hometown, you felt instantaneously bad for assuming that he just never showed up. You knew from what Jake had told you, that he had work, but you figured that was just an excuse.

You bit at the skin of your lips, hands on your shoulders as you soaked the warmth of the water in. You were pulled out of your thoughts very quickly as someone flushed the toilet, making the water fade in from super hot to super fucking cold. You hated the school’s water system.

You finished your shower quickly, drying off with the towel slightly before putting your robe on and throwing your hair up into your towel. You walked back into your room, locking it behind you. You set your caddy back where it originally was.

You threw on a pair of jean shorts that hadn’t seen the light of day since early October, pairing it with a long sleeve shirt that you had gotten back in high school for Christmas. It was plain, brown, but hugged your body well. The sweatshirt debate lasted a few seconds before you remembered how hot it was going to be outside. A record temperature for mid-April, almost 80 degrees outside.

When you checked your phone getting back from the shower, it was just barely five thirty. You texted the groupchat again, asking if it would be cool to come over a half an hour earlier than you had originally said. You knew it was a dumb question, you would always be welcome in their room. You chuckled at Mel’s response of, “Are you fucking dumb? Of course you can come over. Bring wine if you have any left! No carry-in’s allowed at the concert.”

You put your phone down for a second and slipped on a pair of shoes that were comfortable enough for you to stand in for a long time. They used to be white, but had gotten progressively dirty from the years of use. You shoved your phone in your back pocket and slid a few different bottles of wine into your backpack, separated by extra clothing so the bottles didn’t clink together.

You walked down the stairs, out the door and over to the other dorm building across the walkway. You scanned your keycard to get into the building, walking through the hallways waving to the RA on duty, McKenna. She had been in a few of your classes and was always incredibly nice.

Her room this year was actually a few down from where you were living. McKenna was a great RA, knowing exactly how to handle the rowdiness of the floor while still keeping the resident’s respect. She didn’t bother them unless she needed to, and they didn’t bother her unless needed. She kept it underwraps about the underage drinking that would inevitably happen, mostly by telling the floor they could do what they want, as long as they were quiet by quiet hours (which was around ten thirty on the weekdays, and one in the morning on the weekends).

You took the elevator to the second floor of East Sunderland, getting off as soon as the doors opened. The booths that had previously been up had begun to dissipate, bringing the plastic tables back into the buildings they belonged in. You took a last glance at the people cleaning before heading into Mel and Tamia’s dorm building.

You knocked on the door, coming as soon as you announced yourself to Mel and Tamia. The girls laughed as you walked in, looking at a picture of Mel from when they were a kid. The two of them showed it to you as you settled your bag onto Mel’s chair in the corner of their room. “Your buck teeth! Oh my God, you were adorable, Mel.”

“Oh shut up, I bet you didn’t look any better.” Mel spoke to Tamia, making the three of you laugh. “Anyways, what wine did you bring?”

“The Barefoot we didn’t finish the other weekend, and then I still had some Rose, so I brought those over too. I wasn’t sure what we were feeling.” Tamia pulled some glasses from her shelves, passing them out to the two of you. You filled their glasses with the Rose you brought.

The three of you talked specifics on the plans for tonight, hitting up another fraternity party as soon as the concert ended. There were two separate ones going on at the same time, so the two of you weighed your options over which one to go to. “The Sigs are throwing one, but I’d rather die. Delta’s throwing one, too, we’ll go to theirs instead. And maybe see if anyone’s at the Sig party that we like and stop there before heading back to the dorms.”

You walked down with them to the Athletic Department, hoping to have gotten there early enough to get a good spot. As soon as the doors opened, you were filtered through the doors, making sure that you were students with the college. The three of you half ran to the barricade, settling yourselves against it on the right side, although still somewhat in the middle.

The show wouldn’t start for quite some time yet, the three of you talked amongst yourselves about upcoming finals, what you had to do for various classes. You also found a few people around you to chat to while you waited, hearing laughter roaring through various parts of the crowd.

A few students from the Admissions Office had taken the stage, playing a random playlist of music that matched what the band was going to be playing. Rock thundered through the speakers, filling audience members with anticipation. Rochel addressed the student body, “Hello everyone!” welcomed by the sounds of cheers and screaming.

“We’ve got about fifteen minutes before the band comes on stage, so help us warm them up to the stage!” Everyone clapped, although some of the girls around you looked unenthused as they stared down at their phones. You checked yours for any text messages from any family members. You had nothing, so you put it back in your pocket.

Around four songs played before Rochel turned the microphone on again. Everyone shouted before she talked. “Well, it’s that time! Please, give a warm welcome to Greta Van Fleet!”

Rochel and the two other students walked off the stage, passing by what you had assumed to be one of the band members. He sat behind the drums, smiling and waving off into the crowd. You cheered for him along with Tamia and Mel, cheering just as loud when their bassist walked onto the stage. Both of their hair was longer, goofy smiles on their faces as they got situated with their instruments.

Your mouth hung open as you watched the last two boys walk on stage, seeing the twins. Jake’s eyes scanned the crowd as he slung his guitar over his shoulder. He found you after a moment, sending a smirk your way. You closed your mouth, glaring at him. Mel laughed at you, noticing your demeanor shift. “How we doin’ tonight everyone?”

Everyone cheered. “A lot of you might know me and Jake, seen us on campus and stuff. It’s wonderful to see all of you here, coming to support us as we celebrate the onslaught of spring! It’s been a particularly warm one today, so make sure to drink water! There’s plenty to go around.”

Jake started them off, pick between his fingers as he strummed the beginning chords to one of their songs. Some of the girls had begun to scream, shouting at Jake’s response to Josh’s little speech before he began playing. His signature smirk formed, watching the girls go crazy, eyes scanning the crowd before he found you again.

As Jake continued to play, he looked over to you any time he could. It was hard to tear your eyes away from him, enthralled by the way he looked on stage. You tried your hardest, truly, to look at any of the other boys on the stage aside from Jake but you just couldn’t. He fit the stage just right, bringing the attention away from Josh and demanding to be seen by the entirety of the crowd. He belonged up there.

Jake went to the center of the stage during his solo. Josh lingered around the drummer, keeping to himself, drinking whatever was in his cup. They kept on playing as Jake took the spotlight, everyone cheering and screaming for him. You kept silent, wanting to hear him play. His fingers worked against the frets of the guitar, not before sliding down and up it quickly. 

You tried to hide the awe you were in, but your friends knew. They saw it written all over your face. The frustration and annoyance you felt when you first spotted Jake on stage dissipated the second his guitar solo began. You swallowed thickly, watching as his attention turned from his guitar to you, pointing it in your direction. Your cheeks flushed, and your thighs pressed together.

This was going to be a long night.

The second the concert was over, Josh thanked everyone for coming. His smile was wide as he waved goodbye to everyone, walking off next to Jake who had his guitar by the neck before he passed it off to one of the stage hands. Josh put his hands on his shoulders as they walked off stage.

You stuck around mostly waiting for the crowd to die down before trying to leave the building. Mel and Tamia talked about the show, saying that it was fucking dope, commenting on how excellent Jake’s playing was. You didn’t speak about Jake’s playing, mostly praising Josh for his spectacular performance. “I never expected that voice to come out of him, how heavenly.”

“Talking about me?” Jake cuts through your conversation, walking over to you with Josh not far behind. You roll your eyes. Tamia and Mel congratulate him on such an amazing performance, gushing about how sweet his guitar looks. “Why thank you, ladies.”

“Mel! I didn’t think you were going to be able to come.” He gushed, wiping his hands on the sides of his khaki shorts he had changed into.

“Yeah, well, Miss Quiet over here wanted to see her archnemesis, didn’t you?”

“I-I–” You turned your head slightly towards Jake, who had an amused smirk written all over his face. “I did not, Mellie, stop lying.”

“By the redness of your cheeks, sweetheart, I’d say she was telling the truth.” You had barely noticed that Mel, Tamia and Josh had slipped away from the two of you, leaving you alone.

“I didn’t even know you were playing.” You admitted shyly, hiding underneath a guise of innocence.

“Even if you did, you looked pretty hot and bothered by my playing.” You held the back of your arms, trying hard to maintain eye contact with him. You looked into his eyes, they were staring straight at you.

“Yeah, sure. I actually came because Josh said he was going. He neglected to mention that he was going to be singing,” you looked at Josh who wore a smile that read ‘guilty as charged’ before patting you on the shoulder.

“Hey, you didn’t ask. You just asked if I was going.” You rolled your eyes and chuckled slightly. “Anyways, Sam and Danny are gonna spend the night in my room, so I’ll have to find somewhere else to be tonight. Are you guys going to either of the frat parties tonight?”

“We’re going to the Delta party. The Sigs’ reputation is not the best, and I don’t feel like seeing whether or not it’s right.”

“That is completely understandable. I shall see you ladies there then. You coming, Jake? We still have a lot to put away.”

“Yeah, in a second,” he turned towards Josh who had begun to walk away, waving him off before turning back to the three of you. “I hope you guys enjoyed the show, maybe I’ll catch up with you at the party.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah, actually, I would.” He smiled at you before joining the other boys cleaning up their amps and cords.

“Jesus Christ, the two of you just need to fuck or something. I don’t think I can handle another interaction like that,” Mel joked, making a gagging face when she finishes her sentence. You pushed at her arm, turning around and walking out of the gym.

Tamia and Mel giggled profusely about your and Jake’s rivalry. The two even started making bets on when the two of you would finally ‘get it on’, as Tamia put it. You just rolled your eyes at the conversation, changing the subject to something different.

—

The party, though filled with lots of fun and drinking, was a bust. While Josh had shown up with his younger brother and his brother’s friend, as you learned, in tow, Jake was nowhere to be found. You thought to ask Josh why he wasn’t there, but he was too busy dancing with Micah. Through the grapevine, you learned that Micah and Josh had been together since high school.

You stayed around the party for almost two hours before you wanted to go back. A small part of you had wished Jake had actually come. You wondered if maybe the two of you would get along if you put your competitive nature aside. You tried not to dwell on thoughts of Jake’s absence for too long, wanting to enjoy the rest of the night with your girls. But when you had enough of the party, you shouted in Mel’s ear to let her know you wanted to leave.

Mel and Tamia had made sure you got back alright about two hours into the party. Your legs were tired and your feet had begun to hurt. The two of them stumbled with you back to the door of your building, making sure you were inside before leaving to go back. They almost came in with you, until you insisted otherwise.

Laying on your bed with your head pointed towards the ceiling you started thinking about Jake again. What was his reason for not being at the party? Did he just make those comments beforehand just to rile you up? It seemed like the only valid reason your impaired mind could come up with.

You grabbed your phone, almost dropping it on the floor. You sluggishly opened Instagram, and searched for Jake’s profile. You scrolled through, looking at the few photos he did have on his page. Most of the pictures he had were of his guitar, or places he’s traveled. You were sent into a panic when you realized you had accidentally liked an older picture of Jake’s, one from freshman year of college. Hurriedly, you unliked it and immediately locked your phone.

That had been a few days ago.

Now it was Wednesday and your first final exam was here. It was for the class you shared with Jake, BIO 312.  It wasn’t exactly final exam time, but Professor Heinz was going to be away at a conference for a week starting Friday. You didn’t mind, though, since it spaced out your other finals enough to have a decent amount of time to study for them.

You sat at your desk, looking over your notecards one last time before the exam began. A frequent look around the room and you noticed Jake walking in, going to a random seat a couple rows in front of you. He set his bag down next to him, before bending down to grab his laptop. He noticed you watching him and sent a wink your way.

You looked away as you tried to hide the rush of rosy skin that fanned over your cheeks and heated up your ears. You tried to ignore him again until at least when the test started, embarrassed that you got caught looking at him. Your phone pinged and you pulled it out of your bag to look at it, as well as turn it on silent.

jacobtkiszka wants to send you a message.

You swallowed and hit the notification taking you straight to the message.

“Person who turns their test in last pays for coffee?”

Your lips curved into a small smile, feeling your fingers type the first thing that comes to your head.

“Hope you brought your wallet with you, Kiszka.”

You put your phone on Do Not Disturb and shoved it back into your bag. The professor walked through the door, setting her things down on the desk in the front of the room. Her coffee mug still had steam coming from it, freshly poured. A quick look of her watch after getting settled and it was time to start the exam. “Okay, everyone. It’s time for class. Take out your laptops and begin your exam. You may leave when you have finished. Thank you for a great semester, and good luck.”

The questions on the exam were all ones that you knew and had studied for for weeks. It was strenuous, trying to remember everything on the cumulative exam. You had hoped it would go quickly and you would answer them faster than Jake could. Occasionally, you turned to look at Jake, seeing if maybe he was trying to look at you too.

With one question left of your exam, you click the answer and press submit after a minute of debate. You had a bad habit of second guessing yourself occasionally; it was actually the bane of your testing experiences. You hated when you felt confident about an answer, until you really sat with the other possible answers it could be.

You put your laptop back into your bag, zipped it up and noticed that Jake had already left. You cursed to yourself, knowing that now you had to buy Jake a coffee. You waved goodbye to your professor with a smile and walked out the doors. Jake sat outside of the classroom at one of the tables they had throughout the building. “Whatcha reading?”

“Josh recommended it to me, but I’m going to be honest, I fucking hate this book.” He laughed, shoving it into his bag. “You know any good coffee shops around here? I’m kind of tired of Starbucks.”

“I just so happen to know the best coffee shop in town, but it is a bit of a walk, if you don’t mind that?” You asked, walking through the door that Jake was holding before muttering a thank you to him. 

“I could also drive, if you’re okay with that.”

“I’m more than okay with that,” you chuckle, letting him know that your dorm building had enough stairs; any chance you could get to use an elevator, or get driven somewhere, you would take that opportunity in a heartbeat.

The drive was short in comparison to the twenty minute walk it would have taken to get to the shop. Jake tried to offer the radio to you, but you let him play what he wanted to listen to. You didn’t know exactly who was playing, but the blues music that played through the speakers was a breath of fresh air.

Your typical shuffle had a plethora of music from differing genres, whether that be rap or old country. You hadn’t known much when it came to blues music, especially the difference between good blues music and bad. Eventually, you got the courage to ask who was playing and Jake answered, letting you know that the song was by Buddy Guy. “It’s called She Suits Me To A T. I tried for weeks to learn this song when I first started playing music more seriously.”

“This is the coffee shop, at the next corner.” You watched his hand as he made a right turn, noticing him steering with just the palm of his hand. Letting the leather steering wheel glide back to its original position in his hand, elbow propped on the door with the window rolled down.

It’s all you thought about on your way into the coffee shop, completely relying on autopilot. Your responses to Jake were almost textbook, one word sentences that could continue the conversation without much effort. “What’re you thinking of getting?”

“Oh, um, I’m not sure. I usually have them surprise me,” you admit, shoving your hands into your jacket. “Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not. That’s the gamble you take.”

“I like that a lot, actually. I think I’ll have them surprise me too, if you don’t mind.”

“No, not at all.” You smiled at Jake before he went to order for the two of you. You found a place to sit in the meantime, offering a spot towards the windows so you could watch people come and go, each on their own paths of life.

By the time Jake sat down, both of the coffees were in his hand. After a few questions, Jake set the iced drink down in front of you, and the hot drink in front of himself. “Yours is an iced chai, with brown sugar syrup and vanilla. Mine is some sort of tea, I wasn’t really paying attention to what she was saying. I just wanted to remember what she put in yours in case you liked it.”

“Oh,” you spoke, bringing the cup towards you. “Thank you, that’s really sweet. Do you like your drink?”

“You know, it’s really not bad. I wouldn’t have gotten it otherwise, but it’s really not bad.”

“You hate it.”

“I hate it. It’s not good.” The two of you chuckled before you offered him a sip of your drink. “Mhmm,” he moaned. “That’s good, oh my God.”

The two of you continued small talk, whether it was over the classes you had previously taken, memories of parties from past years – anything. You shared previous high school experiences, mostly about the ridiculous things that were considered parties in your teenage years.

Conversation with Jake was surprisingly a lot easier than you thought it would be. Especially since you’ve hated him pretty much your entire college career. You figured he’d be stuck up, aware of his academic achievements and ready to flaunt them in front of anyone who’d listen.

He was the opposite. His sentences were wrapped with kindness, and the reflection in his voice seemed nothing but positive. His voice was like silk, he could’ve talked you into damn near anything as long as his voice sounded like that. It hurt when the conversation slowed, spending a few moments to take in the scene around you two, as well as finally being able to drink more of your drink (which was very delicious, it was almost like crack).

“How long have you been playing guitar?” You asked after the silence became almost uncomfortable to sit with.

“Oh jeez. I’ve been playing since I was… like three? Yeah, three.” You stared at him with eyes slightly wide, mouth agape. “What?”

“N-Nothing, that’s just a really long time. You’re what, 21 now?” He clarified that he was only twenty, his birthday roughly a week away. You poked fun at him, mentioning how you were older, even if it was by less than a year.

“Josh is throwing us a birthday party, if you want to come. Since it’ll be our 21st, we’re having it at our parents cabin on Lake Michigan. You’re welcome to bring Mel and Tamia if you’d like. Sam and Danny are going to be there, even though they’re underage, but we’re gonna pretend like they’re older.” Jake spoke with one last sip of his drink, letting the empty cup echo on the table as he set it down.

“I will let Mel and Mia know. I can’t make any sure decisions without talking to them first, but I’m pretty damn sure that they’ll say they would love to go.”

“Yeah, I don’t think they’ll say no either. They seem pretty adamant that you have a little crush on me or something,” he said, putting your cups inside of a bus tub to be picked up and washed.

“I don’t have a crush on you,” you laughed, walking out of the coffee shop with Jake. “I actually hate you, remember?”

“You may say that you hate me, but you’re not really good at showing it.”

[hacked-by-jake]

I'm currently in my third run and one thing doesn't give me peace. In the conversation between Ash and Charlie. Charlie asks Ash if she told us he could help us. But damn, what does he mean by that? 😟 I always rack my brain when I read this passage.🤔 what is your theory about what Charlie could mean? how could he help us and with what? 😩🧐 I wish you a nice day and look forward to your thoughts! 💜

YOUR THIRD???? HOWWWW??? ARE YOU A WITCH? A WIZARD?? JAKE??

Okay, joke aside. 🤭

Yes!!!! This is bothering me sooooo much as well. Like, do not do this, Everbyte! Don't throw this in front of our feet and run away! We wanted a piece of cake! Not only the crumbs! 😭

I seriously have no idea what this could mean. We know that we don't have contact with the group anymore. And we also know that out case was everywhere on the news. So the question is, what did they say there? What kind of information did they share which made Charlie belive he can help us?

I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with Jake. Ash told us they never mentioned Jake. But this could also be a lie since I don’t really trust her yet.

I could maybe imagine that the group... Even if I don't know if it makes much sense... But maybe our lovely friends had to join Phil in prison, lol.

Sounds weird and unlikely, somehow, I know. But if we remember all the crimes they did. Breaking in, keeping informations a secret, lying to the police, driving under the influence of alcohol 👀

Oh, and of course hiding a government-wanted hacker. I guess that could be a huge problem. And maybe it's not even the fault of the Duskwood police. We all consider the FBI not really kind. So maybe they don't like it if you hide their main suspect and that's why they had to join Phils little prison party.

I don’t know, this could be one thing.

The other thing, but I don’t know if that could help the others... 🤔

But I mean, we still suspect that Michael Hanson is alive. He just left and started a new life. And maybe this new life happens in a small city called Redlog Pines.

But as I said, I don’t know why this should affect the others in any way.

And it seems not logical enough to me that Charlie means he could just drive to Duskwood to talk to them. That would mean they know we don't have contact to the group anymore. But I don't think that's something they news would report. xD

Wahh, I don’t know. I mean, what if Charlie is a hacker as well? Not as good as Jake. Just someone who learned about it and is able to hack some websites and systems etc.

But somehow... Another hacker? I don’t know.

WAHHHHH, this question is killing me. xD

OK wow wow wow wow wow, I had just remembered something.

Whaaaaat if... Okay that's weird now and it's complicated since it's only a thing male MC experienced at the end of Duskwood. If I remember correctly, it was even you who told me about it.

But anyway.

At the end of Duskwood, Jessy tells make MC that she had a boyfriend but it wasn't a very good relationship.

And I mean, why was that mentioned? Sure it fitted the story but what if there's more behind it..

What if... What if Jessys ex is one of the new guys? And that's why there's a connection with duskwood? 🤔

Could that be? I mean, it sounds unlikely, even to me. But somehow... 🤔

Uhh, I don’t know, I'm guessing a lot.

Of course I was hoping it has something to do with Jake but I don't really think that's how it is. Not everything can be about him and it would rarely have to do with the Duskwood group.

But maybe Charlie has a connection with one of them. Maybe Dan or Thomas? Oh, maybe Thomas? As I remember correctly, Thomas did not grow up in duskwood.

But then again, Charlie's shock when he realises that we're the MC from Duskwood.. I mean, would you still react this way when you know someone who was also part of it?

And also, Ash seems to know as well that Charlie can help us. Otherwise he wouldn't have asked it this way.

Oof, I don’t know. Right now I sadly can't think of anything else but I'm dying to find out what is meant by that. And I hope we don't have to wait that long to find out. :')

Have you any idea for it? I love to read it soo..

And thank you so much for asking, it was very interesting to think about it and I feel honoured I was the one you asked, hehe. Does that sound weird? 😅 Anyway. I hope my thoughts are entertaining or similar.

And of course, I hope you will have a wonderful day. Take care of yourself and stay healthy and safe 💚🫶🏻🥰

[vivalas-vega]

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part two

another painful chapter. I’m very very sorry... kinda :/ 

as always pls lmk what you think and if you want to be added to the tag list!!!

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ sersesin x reader / part two

add yourself to my taglist

prologue - part one

word count: 4.2k

warnings: language, drinking, mentions of surgery, medical inaccuracies (all of my medical knowledge comes from grey’s anatomy) angst :(

Semesters came and went, Christmases and Thanksgivings, late night parties and commendation ceremonies. Time was moving quicker than you maybe wanted it to, suddenly you blinked and undergrad was over… you blinked again and you were flying through medical school. That boy from molecular biology turned into your boyfriend and Matt was fine… he really was, you couldn’t find anything wrong with him no matter how hard you tried. Sure, he was a little self-centered but as you had found out there was only one man who wasn’t intimidated by your drive, there was only one man who celebrated you when you were off to medical school before anyone else, and there was only one man whose opinion you actually gave a damn about… which is why standing there in your apartment holding a letter accepting you into Massachusetts General’s residency program there was only one person you wanted to talk to.

“Hey, J, what’s up?” Jake answered as you propped your phone against your water bottle on your kitchen counter… you didn’t say anything, you only stood staring at the paper in your hands as he watched you through the screen, “what is that?”

“Jake…” you started, emotions clouding your voice and your hands shaking.

“No way,” he said and you heard clattering on his end, him telling people to shut up. “Tell me that’s what I think it is.”

“Mass Gen, Jake. I’m going to be a resident at Mass Gen,” you said, giggling as you held the paper up for him to see and he cheered on the other end, his smile illuminating your whole phone screen. “I’m moving to Boston.”

“You’re moving to Boston! What did Matt say?” he asked and you set the paper aside as you slid into a bar stool.

“Haven’t told him,” you replied and Jake gave you a look.

“You told me first?” He ran a hand through his hair, “well, I’m flattered but I’m not the first person you should have told.”

“He’s in class… and he’s going to tell me not to take it,” you sighed.

“Why on earth would he do that?”

“Because it’s the hardest residency program there is, it’s going to bruise his little baby ego,” you said with a laugh and Jake just shook his head. “I’m breaking up with him… there’s no point anymore.”

“You sure that’s what you want?” he asked, though he was certain it was what he wanted… he didn’t like Matt, never did. Where you cut him slack for his insecurities, Jake didn’t. Sly comments under his breath at your undergrad graduation and eye rolls when Jake came to town went overlooked by you, but not by Jake and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been hoping and praying for your relationship’s demise… not because he wanted your relationship to fail, not at all, but if you were going to be with anyone other than him than they needed to be great. Supportive, encouraging, secure enough in themselves to not get butthurt at your every accomplishment and Matt just wasn’t those things. He wasn’t good enough for you and everyone knew it. And so you broke up with Matt, packed up your shared apartment and met Jake in Boston who took a short leave to help you get settled into your new place. 

“Hell of a view, Jupiter,” he said, standing in front of your bedroom window that directly overlooked the hospital.

You beamed, “I know,” but when you met his eyes you realized he was joking and your face fell, “oh. Well, this is my dream view. The next year of my life is going to be hell but at least being a minute away from the hospital means I’ll always be the first to answer a page which hopefully means cool surgeries.”

“You’re such a weirdo,” he chuckled, crossing the empty room to wrap you in a hug, “but you’re my weirdo and I’m so proud of you.” This was all you had ever wanted and Jake thought back to the day the two of you made the hardest decision to enter the next phases of your lives unattached, the way you’d scolded him for not assuming you’d end up here in Boston. He knew you would, you were a lot of things and true to your word was one of them… if you said you were going to do something, well that was that. 

And it was hell, your intern year all but chewed you up and spit you out. You spent countless hours running around the hospital trying to keep up with all of the residents and attendings, anticipating their moves and trying to impress them and stay on their good side… which was nearly impossible because interns were the rats of the hospital. And that was okay with you, you were learning so much it felt like your brain was simply going to explode with all the new information being crammed in on a daily basis. It didn’t matter if the attendings were annoyed with you, despite what they said or how they treated you, you were the favorite. Nobody knew the surgical floor like you did, not even the nurses and that meant you logged more OR hours than any other intern. 

“I literally don’t understand how you do it,” Holly said from beside you at the bar, “the attendings love you, did I tell you Dr. Adams kicked me out of his OR today because I wasn’t you?” 

You chuckled, “yeah, I got that page.” 

“And he got mad at me because you didn’t show up.” she grumbled.

“I had another surgery!” you protested and she shot you a glare.

“Again, I literally don’t understand how you do it.”

“Look, it’s not your fault… this is what, the first time I’ve been at the bar in weeks? You guys are here after every shift, sleeping around, making first-day mistakes a year in… oh wait, it is your fault,” you smirked, sipping your beer and she just softly hit your shoulder. “You gotta buck up, you can’t just stand around meekly after rounds waiting to get assigned to a case. That surgery I was in today? Removing a tumor we honestly had no business removing from someone’s brain, and I sure as hell didn’t get it twiddling my thumbs waiting for Dr. Harris to pick me.”

“What the fuck,” she sighed. “All I was doing with Adams was an appy.”

“You were assisting on an appy?” you asked and she nodded, “this is what I mean, Hol, I’ve done appys, that’s probably why Adams wanted me so he could fuck around and read the paper. You heard what the chief said on our first day. Don’t be the intern that washes out, it’s bad for my brand,” you teased. Your phone started ringing in your pocket and you pulled it out to see an incoming facetime from Jake and you propped him up on the bar as you answered.

“Jupiter! Are you in a bar?” he asked and you nodded, “same!” he said, twisting his phone around to show you some of his pilot friends and you chuckled.

“What are you doing calling me when you’re out and about?”

“Coyote missed you,” he said, panning the camera towards him and you beamed.

“I miss you too, Coyote, Jake lies to me so how was the mission?” 

“All good, nothing to report,” he said and you narrowed your eyes.

“Yeah, you lie too, that’s exactly what he told me. Give me back to Jake.”

“Right here, angel,” he said and you flushed.

“Guess what I scrubbed in on today?” 

“Hmm… something really cool that’s going to make me nauseous?” he replied and you chuckled.

“A massive brain tumor, Jake!” Holly exclaimed from beside you, “fucking brain tumor, I hate you,” she grumbled, getting up and joining everyone else at the dartboard while you just laughed. 

“She’s cranky, all she did today was assist on an appy,” you explained.

“How big was it?” he asked and you held your hand up to gesture about the size of a golf ball. “Disgusting,” he muttered.

“God, it was huge, you don’t think of something that big being able to exist in someone’s brain! And it was smart, Jake, like truly brilliant. It was a pain in the ass to remove, I honestly thought it was a hopeless case, thought at the very least we were going to leave her blind or mute or paralyzed but we didn’t.” This is how your days usually went, you’d facetime Jake when you had a spare moment and traumatize him with the gory details of the latest surgery you’d seen, or catch him up on hospital drama while he told you all about the newest flight maneuvers he was learning or which person on his squad was the dud. You’d never forget the day he called while you were in the gallery, observing surgery and studying, and when you flipped the phone around to show him the exposed heart he grew pale and threw up into a trash can.

Coyote told you that you needed to call more, said Jake (or Hangman as he called him) was in a much better mood when you did and you promised you would but… it was hard, your schedules never aligned. You were always in surgery, or prepping for surgery, or studying for the intern exam, or passed out in an on-call room somewhere and he was usually halfway around the globe in a cockpit, or on some base across the country training. These moments were rare, the moments where one of you called and it didn’t go unanswered, every time you saw him on your tiny screen you felt like Jake looked different, and he felt the same. Stress had worn you both down, your careers had hardened you and it showed.

Life only got harder after your intern year, you had your own interns to babysit and more responsibilities and Jake was quickly becoming the best pilot in the Navy which meant more deployments and longer deployments. Each year passed with new patients and new places for Jake to ship out to. Your parents had come to visit you for Thanksgiving and you’d ended up sneaking them into the gallery to watch you assist in removing a turkey carver that was lodged in someone’s arm… Christmas was a no-go with the amount of fall injuries and ornaments in places ornaments shouldn’t be and it was the same for Jake. He’d tried time and time again to come see you, he’d promised you the gallery facetime was a one-off, he just hadn’t been prepared to see a heart like that, he wanted you to sneak him in so he could see his best friend in action but it just never worked out. A deployment always came up, and you were always so busy you rarely responded to the text until a full forty-eight hours later.

“What do we got?” you asked as you entered the trauma bay, taking the chart from a nurse and reading it over.

“25 year old GSW to the chest, immediate return of 860 cc’s of blood, losing more by the second.” 

“Chest films?” you asked, taking the scans and holding them up to the light, “damn it,” you motioned one of your interns over, “what do you see?” you asked.

“It’s pressing against his heart,” they answered and you nodded. The on-call trauma surgeon entered the bay and you gave him a verbal assessment of the patient and he nodded as he handed the films back. 

“Run point, page me if you need me,” he said as he moved to leave.

“Wait, sir- run point? I’ve never run a trauma-”

“In three hours you won’t be able to say that anymore,” he answered, “you’ve got this, Jupiter. Page if you need anything,” he replied as he left the room. 

You looked to the nurse beside you, “did that just…?” she nodded. “Okay, uh… we’ve gotta move. Call up to OR four, tell them we’re coming and to load up on O-neg, page cardio, have them meet us there. Let’s move people, and carefully, that bullet is one jostle away from tearing his heart apart.” you ordered as your intern looked at you with wide eyes.

“There are no cardio surgeons on call, Williams is in surgery for the next few hours,” he said and you looked at him expectantly.

“Okay, so what are you going to do?” you asked, gesturing for the team to take him to the OR and prep him, and the intern looked at you like a deer caught in the headlights as he looked side to side over the ER as if he was looking for a lifeline. “Dr. Samuels, I am asking you what are you going to do for your patient?” you asked again.

“I don’t uh- can we wait? We can-” 

“Can we wait? There is a bullet lodged in that man's chest and you want to wait for Dr. Williams?” you raised your voice now, looking at him incredulously. You sighed when he realized he wasn’t going to get it, “get Dr. Kerr on the phone now. Give him the patient history and tell him we need cardio, I will page trauma and we’ll get him opened up. He needs to hit the ground running when he gets here.” you said and he nodded as he stood there. “What part of now do you not understand? Go!” you said, sighing forcefully as he scurried away and you ran a hand over your forehead as you felt a hand tug on your elbow and you turned to meet those green eyes you loved so much. 

“Hey, rockstar,” he said with a bright smile and your eyes widened as you wrapped your arms around him, careful not to let your gloves touch him, and you pulled them away and discarded them as he let you go.

“What are you doing here?” you asked, motioning for him to move with you as you headed for the elevators. 

“Finished my mission, got some last minute leave and thought I’d come see you. You are a hardass, Jupiter,” he chuckled.

“You saw that?” you asked sheepishly as you hit the buttons for the OR floor and the gallery floor. “I want nothing more than to leave with you right now but, I…” you trailed off and he just nodded.

“You’re saving lives, I knew you’d be busy, I just wanted you to know I was here.” he said and you smiled up at him as the doors opened.

“Okay, uh… I can’t go with you, I need to be scrubbed like twenty minutes ago, follow this hallway, find the gallery for OR four, if anyone asks you’re a med student from Baylor.” you directed, kissing his cheek as you pushed him out of the elevator and frantically pressed the close button. You bounced from foot to foot as you scrubbed, truly only thinking about the moment you could leave this hospital and finally spend some time with Jake.

“Dr. Jupiter, good call on paging Dr. Kerr, knew you could handle running point, he’ll be here shortly,” the trauma surgeon said as you entered the OR and smiled beneath your mask at the scrub nurse who held out gloves for you.

“You do know that’s not actually my name, right sir?” you asked, stepping up to the patient.

“It’s got a good ring to it…” he said with a chuckle and really you didn’t mind… truthfully you didn’t care what people called you as long as it had doctor in front of it. The surgery was seamless, well about as seamless as removing a bullet from someone's chest could be, and when Dr. Kerr scrubbed in he even let you pull it out.

“Have you given any thought to a specialty?” he asked as he instructed you to close the patient. 

“Yes sir, I’m starting my applications for trauma fellowships,” you answered and he nodded.

“Good. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to steal you as my cardio fellow when the time comes, you’re great with hearts but you’ve got a knack for handling stressful situations. We can teach you how to throw a whip stitch and remove tumors but we can’t teach you how to stay calm.” 

“Thank you, sir.” you replied as you smiled under your mask.

“I’ll monitor the patient post op, you go ahead and get out of here,” he said and you started to shake your head.

“That’s okay, Dr. Kerr… you weren’t even on call, I don’t mind.” 

“Go get that boy from the gallery and enjoy your night… there will be plenty of time to make up for it when you’re my age.” he replied.

“Sir, I- I’m sorry-” you started but he just chuckled.

“Your secret is safe with me… snuck my wife in several times during residency. Now go,” he repeated and you nodded as you stepped back and began removing your gown and gloves. 

You motioned up to Jake as you exited the room and met him on the gallery floor where he all but tackled you in a hug, “holy shit, Jupiter, that was insane.” he said and you giggled as he lifted you from the floor. When he set you down you tugged his arm to follow you as you made your way to the residents lounge to change out of your scrubs and grab your belongings, answering every one of his excited questions about the surgery as you went.

“So, what would you have done if the bullet actually punctured his heart?” he asked and you chuckled as your friends all looked at you questioningly.

“Well, in that case we would have relied on the films to tell us how far it had gone and what exactly was compromised but other than that we would just have to figure it out as we go… GSW’s are all unique and there’s no real way to prepare for them, you just gotta deal with what comes up.”

“Is this one of the med students from Baylor?” Jordan asked, another third-year like you.

You shook your head with a laugh, “no, this is Jake, my best friend.” you introduced and Jake extended his hand.

“The infamous Jake, I guess you’re who we have to thank for everyone calling this one Dr. Jupiter,” he said and Jake looked at you, chest swelling with pride.

“Do they really call you that?”

“They sure do, I meant it when I told you that nickname really stuck.” 

“We’re all headed out for a drink, do you guys want to join?” Jordan asked and you shook your head.

“Maybe tomorrow night, if you’ll be here?” you asked, smiling when Jake nodded. “No offense but I spent eighty hours a week with you and I haven’t seen this one outside of a screen in too long.” You felt like you had floated the entire way home, laughing with Jake like it was old times except it wasn’t… he had just watched you in surgery and surprised you with a visit on his first time stateside in months. He’d kissed your cheek before you jumped in the shower and ordered pizza the same way he always did back home, but when you got out he’d shown you photos of his F/18 and a video he took from the air. Looking at him now he was all grown up, his muscles had filled out and there was an edge to him he never had before… and as he looked at you he thought the same thing. You’d grown into yourself, and he could tell just by looking at you that you’ve seen a lot in your short time as a resident. You’d gone on a giggly late night beer run but instead of sneaking into his parents garage you were walking the streets of Boston and pointing out all of the sights as you went, taking him the long way instead of to the convenience store just down the block.

“So, I’m starting to apply for fellowships for next year,” you said as you sipped your beer next to him on the couch. 

“Anywhere cool?” he asked and you nodded.

“Baylor is an option, they’ve got an amazing facility but I don’t know how I feel about going back to Texas,” you chuckled, “right now San Diego is at the top of my list.” 

He smiled softly, “we keep just missing each other,” he said and you cocked your head in confusion. “When I leave here in a few days I’m headed back to Top Gun.”

“Top Gun? What, did they realize you failed the first time?” you teased and he shook his head.

“Something about a top secret mission, I don’t know anything yet but it’s probably pretty serious if they’re sending me back there for new training,” he said and you nodded in understanding.

“You know… I’m really good at college applications, it’s not too late to be a doctor in a safe hospital, I promise it’s just as exhilarating as flying a plane.” you tried and he laughed at your effort.

“Sweetheart, don’t get me wrong… I loved watching you in action today but I was so close to throwing up several times, I mean his heart was just… out there in the open, and you were touching it with your bare hands.”

“I was gloved,” you interjected.

“Same difference,” he replied, “besides, you can’t speak to the exhilaration of flying a plane until you’ve done it.”

“That’ll be the day,” you laughed, finishing your beer and setting it on the coffee table. “No more work stuff… how are things on the personal front?” you asked, but it was clear what you were really asking.

“That was subtle,” he chuckled and you just shrugged. “Dating isn’t exactly easy with what I do… no one sticks around past their first deployment… and I get it, it’s a lot to ask of someone,” he said and you nodded. 

“Hangman, the notorious ladies man,” you said and he narrowed his eyes at you.

“You’ve been talking to Coyote,” he accused and you laughed.

“Worried I’m going to steal your second best friend?”

“Incredibly worried, if it’s a competition I’m sure as hell not winning,” he said and you laughed again.

“From what I hear Hangman would never admit to being incapable of winning something…” he just shook his head at you.

“You know, I kinda like hearing you use my callsign…”

“Is that so?” he nodded, “well don’t get used to it, I think it’s silly… and I can’t wrap my head around it, you leaving people hanging? Just seems so unlike you.”

“It’s a different world,” he shrugged, but you knew there was more to it he wasn’t sharing. You weren’t going to press.

“Is Jupiter like, my callsign?” you asked and he nodded again. “Look at me, like a cool pilot with a callsign.” you picked up your phone as it dinged on the coffee table and squealed in delight, “guess who got their shift covered tomorrow?” 

“You didn’t have to do that,” he sighed and you shook your head.

“I see you, what, twice a year? Maybe three times if we’re lucky? There are a lot of people who owe me for covered shifts and I’m just cashing in. Besides, what would you have done? Wander around Boston all sad and lonely, or even worse wander around the hospital all sad and lonely?”

“Why in both scenarios am I sad and lonely?” 

You ignored the question, “come on, off to bed. You need your beauty rest for all the fun we’re going to get up to tomorrow.” you said, standing and tugging him from the couch. As you melted into him beneath the covers you felt your heart ache… you missed this. The two of you hadn’t been intimate together since that hotel room in Annapolis, you’d decided it would be for the best if you didn’t after a breakdown on your part at the airport and it was the right call. It made each departure just the slightest bit easier but you missed him in every sense. You missed the way his arms wrapped around you, encasing you in warmth and safety, and you missed the way his breath fanned over your face.

“Do you ever wish we weren’t so ambitious?” he asked and you opened your eyes to look up at him.

“All the time.” 

“Life’s easier when you’re not… I look at my sisters and I wonder how they’re content to live the life they do but I realized it’s not about the job or the success for them, they built families and that’s why they’re happy.” 

“I don’t think we would be though.” you replied, and as much as it hurt you to admit, you truly believed that.

“No?” 

You shook your head before laying back down on his chest, “no. I’ve thought about it, quite a lot actually… one of us following a less demanding career path, and in every scenario the one who did ends up resenting the one who didn’t.” 

“You’re probably right,” he mused. “Do you think we’ll ever get our moment again?”

You sighed softly, “I don’t know… I hope we do.”

“Me too, sweetheart… me too.”

previous part / next part

taglist: @mamaskillerqueen​ @clancycucumber230​ @the-romanian-is-bae​ @dempy​ @alldaysdreamers @zzsloth @emma8895eb​ @novagreen04 @classyunknownlover​

[danthediamondminecart]

Hi! Took me awhile to think of these questions but here we go!

1. In the RBB Superheroes AU! Do some of the heroes recognize each other as civilians but not in their hero identities?

2. In your RBB Superheroes AU, do they recognize each other through their voices or is this the same kind of thing that miraculous has going on?

3. In your RBB TMA AU! I noticed your new video but I'm confused on a particular thing. What does Russo mean, "I see a man who makes it out alive, but it's no longer you?"

4. How is DJ and Russo's friendship in your RBB TMA AU? Like how does a hunt avatar and a eye avatar manage to be chill around each other?

5. In BLSMP, is there an alternative way for the battlers to leave the SMP or are they forced to do the whole, "Last man standing" kind of thing?

6. In BLSMP, if you lose all your lives and get well kicked out of the server, are they permanently dead or no?

7. Are there any hybrids aside from Booshot in the RBB Contestant?

8. If PinkLeaf dies again in a world with no respawn. Does he die or no? Considering he is dead himself.

9. Do you have any RBB ships, if so what are they?

10. In your RBB Pokemon AU, what are the specific types each gym leader and elite four use?

That's all for now!

Let's go, more questions!

Q1) Not really. Well, Kreek and Devoun know each other in their civilian identities, Leah and Ashley have interacted as part of their civilian jobs and maybe Kreek and Denis have chatted a few times, but they otherwise don't interact much outside of work - and the Hero Organisation much prefers it that way.

Q2) Some of this is done via Jack and Sanna's experimenting and limited glamour on the suits, some of it is that their features do change when they use their powers. For people like Devoun, his eyes change colours completely - from blue to green, others like Kreek remain having blue eyes, but they look much brighter when using his powers. Also, Kreek and Leah both get hair colour changes when using their powers. There is probably jokes passed around that they 'look' like the heroes, but a lot of people get that, not just them.

Q3) What Russo is saying is "You [Kreek] could've made it out of the supernatural side of reality with your humanity intact...but at the rate you're going, it's unlikely." After all, you often need to die to become a full avatar, don't you?

Q4) They were friends before they got claimed by their respective entities. When Russo became the Archivist, he explained the whole thing to DJ (Sabrina knew about it because she worked full time at the Foundation, but DJ isn't on the contract and really only assists when he can, so he didn’t know about the Entities.), so DJ doesn't care about his Eye allegiance. When DJ started going down the path of being a Hunter, Russo tried to stop him, which strained their relationship (Sabrina had been replaced by a Not-Them at this time), but after the real Sabrina was found and the Not-Them killed, they were able to repair their friendship.

Q5 + 6) No spoilers, you'll find out eventually :)

Q7) Yes! Many, in fact. Actually, just take my species tier list.

Flamingo is a flamingo hybrid (duh), Calixo is a shark hybrid, Jake is a tiger hybrid. There’s a sliding scale between the three of them of how much their hybrid DNA shows (Albert has strong flamingo traits, Calixo’s somewhere in the middle, and Jake’s tiger hybrid barely show except from fangs and oddly coloured body hair growing in weird places.)

NightFoxx and PrestonPlayz are…weird, species wise. Preston is a lava-creeper-human hybrid, so he has power over lava and fire as well as having creeper traits. Because creepers don’t exist in Robloxia, his Lava Elemental traits show through far more in Robloxia. NightFoxx is a hybrid between a Starborne and the Starborne equivalent of a fox - a Night Fox. Since starbornes are elementals, he’s an elemental-human hybrid. Even they don’t like explaining it.

Q8) Yes. See: Antithesis.

Q9) No, I've never been big on shipping at all to be honest. Technically I ship TeraBrite (DJ X Sabrina), but that's about it. (I've assumed you were asking after romantic headcanons specifically and answered accordingly.)

Q10) Some important context first: The Elite 4 (and Top Champion) in my Pokemon AU have achieved a rank called 'Champion Rank', earned for beating the Elite 4. Kreek and Tanqr have both earned the 'Top Champion' rank, as they've both beaten the Top Champion respectively. Because of this, the Elite 4 (and Top Champ) can use two types in their teams, but they must have a 'primary type' which is a type unused by any gym leaders.

On with the list, primary types are bolded. I'll include Tanqr as well:

Thinknoodles: Ground

OminousNebula: Ghost

MeganPlays: Bug

LeahAshe: Psychic

Calixo: Water

Jayingee: Rock (Flamingo: Flying)

Jackeryz: Ice

Bandites: Fighting

DenisDaily: Normal/Ground

iBella: Fairy/Psychic

PinkLeaf: Grass/Dragon

KreekCraft: Fire/Fighting

Tanqr: Dark/Ghost

Thanks for asking!

[realityisweird101]

My Heart is Yours, Do With it as You Wish. (Pt.1)

toxic drake - one-sided drake - drew angst - 2.8k words

cws: mentions of sh (not depicted), mentions of sewerslide (ex: 'it would be better if he wasn't here', 'he just wants to die', 'without ___ he's nothing'), obsession, mentions of violence (nothing really happens), major mood swings, BPD, throwing up, depression, edd, not taking care of oneself rly, implied underage drinking

aka: batshit crazy drew. ur welcome!!<3

Drew's never gotten the ideal of getting friends. Sure, they were amusing, but Drew never felt anything with other people his age.

So he tried. He really did, he tried making a connection, and it worked, since he had friends, but it didn't feel as nice as everyone said it did. Liam and Henry—they were funny people, sure. Drew liked being friends with them, but only a miniscule amount more than everyone else his age.

But—those…freaks. They made Drew feel something other than just tolerance, which was how he felt about almost everyone else. They made his eyes roll, his teeth clench, his smirk turn from just smugness to full on cockyness. 

And so Drew made sure they hated him, so he had a reason to hate them.

 

It was better than just…nothing, after all. So, he became some sort of bully, which wasn't his goal, but it still made that purple-haired weirdo hate him, and so the rest did as well.

But…but then—

Drew's eyes caught chocolate brown ones. They were warm—so warm, and Drew loved them.

Jake.

Jake.

Jake Sterling.

That name sounded so right in his brain, occupying it's own space, pushing all unnecessary affairs aside. 

Jake.

Jake became his new best friend, and Drew finally understood the ideal of getting a best friend. This…this warmth in his chest was better than anything he had ever felt before. Sure, hatred was better than…whatever he felt before, but happiness felt like fireworks erupting in his stomach, like hot chocolate on a cold, cold day.

Drew supposes that was how he felt before. Cold. With twinges of joy and hatred at times.

So Jake remained his best friend. And the music club remained his enemies. And life went on as it should, with equal amounts of hate and joy, which made his life finally feel complete.

_______

Daisy.

Daisy was a nice person, Drew tolerated her a bit more than everyone else.

(But she was the reason why Jake went away, why he left Drew—left forever.)

Jake liked Daisy. He had an idiotic crush on her, which led him to him leaving Drew, and him joining the music club of all things. But, Jake was still his best friend, so it was fine. It was okay.

_______

“Dreewww! Don't you think about anything other than Jake? Seriously, you're glaring at your lunch as if it killed your grandma. Or Jake, since you probably care about him more than your grandma.” Henry said in a sing-song voice. He was probably joking, but now that Drew thought about it, he never felt anything for anyone else. Sure, he wasn't emotionless, but he didn't particularly care if they broke an arm, or something.

Drew never did care much about his grandma. He had never met her, either, so that was probably it. 

…he remembered something his parents said about a dead mother or father, but why would Drew care if he didn't feel anything about it?

“Shut up, Henry. And it's just the fact that he keeps on ditching us to hang out with those…freaks. God, they're probably going to embarrass themselves all over again.” Drew grumbled, picking at the school lunch. It looked gross. Even grosser than usual, and wasn’t that strange.

“If I didn't know better, I would think you're in loove!” Liam snickered, winking seductively, and Drew glared at him.

“No, you idiots. We're just friends, duh.” Drew mumbled. “‘Thought that was what everyone meant.” He mumbled even quieter, afterwards.

“Dude, I get that you're…friends. It's just that you never act like that about Liam and I, and you're practically always obsessing about Jake. It's not really best-friend-esque.” Henry said, taking a sip of his signature lettuce juice, which is…gross, by the way.

“Whatever. I like Jake, I like both of you, I don't like the music freaks, end of discussion.” Drew said, staring at both of them in a way that dared them to disagree.

They changed the subject.

_______

Zoey. Zoey was a strange phenomenon. At first, Drew was convinced he liked her. Maybe it was those brown eyes, or the blonde and pink hair. 

Or maybe it was the fact that he could barely piece his memories together, since all the ones without Jake had slipped out of his mind.

…and there were far more memories without Jake than with him, at the time. He had to spend a few days rearranging his memories, since he could barely remember what his own name was.

But, he did care about Zoey, a little bit of happiness which drove him to her. She wasn't nice, but she made the perfect model-girlfriend, so Drew didn't care much.

He did care about her though, he wanted her to be happy, so she didn't know that he wasn't.

But after Jake, Drew's care started to dwindle…

______

“Drew? Drew, what's wrong? Drew?” Liam—Liam? That name sounded wrong. 

Jake, saying his name, the way his mouth moved.

Jake, blinking, the way his lashes collided as his eyes closed.

Jake, walking, walking closer to him—

Jake, his Jake—

“Mmph.” Drew…Drew, grumbled. His head felt light, and heavy, although his heart felt lighter. He had a headache, and he…where was Jake?

“Drew, seriously, you're scaring me.” Henry said, sounding concerned. Drew didn't know why they were worried.

And where was Jake? 

“Wh't's ‘rong?” Drew mumbled, his words slurring together.

Jake, smiling, the way his teeth shimmered in the sunlight.

Jake, holding a remote controller, how he did a stupid dance to celebrate his win.

Jake, crying, as he poured his guts out to him.

Jake, his Jake, his perfect Jake—

“You—you haven't been to school in days, and you won't text us. Or Jake, and you always text Jake back.” Liam mumbled, and he seemed a bit upset by that fact.

Jake, he didn't text Jake back? Oh. Oh Jake probably hated him, and he couldn't have that—

Where was his phone? Wait. When did he get a phone? Why were they in his house? How did they get into his house? How long had it been?

Jake, brushing his hair.

Jake, hugging him, telling him it would be okay.

Jake, calling him when Drew couldn't breathe—

Jake, his oxygen, his sun, his world—

“Drew, talk to us. Your eyes keep on going hazy—have you even eaten? Have you slept? What's wrong?” Henry tried, his hands on Drew's shoulders, shaking him, and Drew blinked.

“‘M okay. Uh…jus’...tired.” Drew mumbled, and tried keeping the haze of Jake from obscuring his vision. 

“Shut up! You're not fine, Drew. You're—you're not anything! You're sitting here, doing God knows what! You're not talking to anyone, not contacting anyone, and you won’t even eat, sleep, or anything!” Liam burst out, and, and—

He had eyebags under his eyes, his usually styled hair was messy—as if someone brushed a hand in it too many times, and he was dressed in only sweatpants and a loose shirt. He looked stressed. But Drew didn't care because Jake—

Drew wanted Jake to hold him. He wanted Jake to love him. He wanted Jake, point blank. He…

…felt a tear roll down his face.

“‘M sorry, okay? I didn't—I'm trying, to be a human, to be real, to be Drew. I'm trying to be alive, to eat, to sleep, to be functional. But nothing matters and I'm trying to find something that matters but the only thing that matters is Jake and he's gone.” Drew gasped out, and he was. 

“Drew—Drew. Don't—Don't cry. It's—Jake's not gone, he's here, we're here, aren't we enough?” Henry said, and he had tears streaming down his face. Drew couldn't, he couldn't look at one of his best friends cry like that—

He let himself drift away with the haze, because in the haze there were no heartbroken friends, no aching hearts, no need to be human.

In the haze there was Jake.

And Jake was enough for Drew, better than the world, than the sun, than anything else in the world.

_______

Drew looked at the blonde haired boy beside him, and smiled, wider than he had in a while. 

Jake caught his eye, and looked surprised for a moment, his eyebrows shooting up, but smiled back widely, if not wider than Drew.

It made a burst of warmth fill Drew. 

Jake was his. He loved Jake. (But not like that, he was a guy. Drew doesn't love guys.) 

_______

Drew looked at Jake and Hailey.

Hailey, a stupid freak who had stolen Jake.

Jake looked so happy, he was smiling, he was grinning, he was laughing.

Drew wanted to tear her apart, to rip out her heart, to drive her away. 

Jake was happy, he was happier without Drew. 

He couldn't be, he wasn't he couldn't—

_______

Drew slammed his back against his bedroom door, glad his parents weren't here, and screamed.

_______

Drew giggled, and stared at the photo in his hand. It was a photo of the ‘Jomies’, and there was Jake and he was smiling.

He looked happy with Drew.

(Not as happy as he was with that freak—)

He scribbled the other faces with black marker.

It was Jake, wasn't it? And he was smiling, and he wasn't with those freaks. Oh, it was Jake, fantastic, wonderful, beautiful Jake.

_______

“Go away, go away, go away, go the fuck AWAY—”

The brown haired boy looked afraid, but left him alone anyways.

_______

Drew didn't want to get up. He didn't want to do anything.

He wanted Jake. He needed Jake, but Jake didn't need him.

Oh, wasn't that funny?

The one, one person Drew loved—loved, wasn't that hilarious?—had left him.

And Drew called him a freak, the final nail in the coffin.

God, Drew couldn't, he couldn't he couldn't breathe he couldn't speak because—

_______

Drew: hi

Liam: drew? drew r u ok? that was heated. r u ok? 

Liam: shuld i come ovr?

Drew: no. don't. actually, fuck you.

Liam: ???

Drew: fuck u. if u hadn't stayed with me maybe jake would've stayed. maybe 

Liam: drew, dude, ur making no sense.

Drew: i dint care, he's gone, okay? he's GONE. don't you fucking understand? he's gone, liam, he hates me. us.

Liam: drew, pls, are u okay?

Drew: fuck you. fuck you. fuck you.

Drew: he's gone, and ur asking if im okay? he's gone, he's gone, liam.

Drew: go away, fuck you, fuck me, i should've done something. i should've just left the freaks alone because i already felt something and so there was no point and it's all my fucking fault oh god

_______

Jake won the competition.

Drew should feel happy about this.

(He doesn't.)

Maybe something’s wrong with him. He knew something was wrong with him. He just…ignored it, because it didn't matter.

But that was the problem.

Nothing mattered.

Everything felt insignificant. He felt things, but he felt things so minorly that most of the time he could barely manage a smile.

And so—so when he felt an actual emotion, it was overwhelming and he needed—

_______

He screamed and screamed and screamed until his throat felt raw—

_______

Crimson.

The color reminded him of something.

Of freckles, eyes, and soft words.

And disgusting jokes.

But all he could think of was chocolate brown eyes.

Of warm hugs.

Of stupid jokes and stupid haircuts.

Of love.

Something hurt.

Maybe it was his heart.

_______

Henry: drew? drewy-bear!!!

Drew: ?

Henry: OH HI I DIDNG THINK U WOULD ACTUALLY RESPOND

Henry: haha i mean hello dude

Henry: uve been ghosting us 4 a while now, u okay?

Drew: yeah

Drew: im fine

Henry: we could come over, if u'd like.

Drew: No.

Drew: don't. I'm fine.

Henry: …

Henry: that wasn't a question, dude:)

Henry: we're coming over.

_______

Drew wrapped bandages around his arms because they were bloody and he didn't know why.

Jake was still gone.

He hadn't texted him, or anything.

Drew felt…he felt…shit—

“Drew! You look like shit!” Henry exclaimed, and Drew jumped. He had a grin on his face, which faltered slightly when he actually looked at Drew. “Really, really fucked up shit.” He added, more concerned that time.

“Yo.” Liam said, looking slightly better than he did the last time Drew saw him. “Oh, you do look like shit. Have you eaten? Or slept? Or showered? It's been like, a week, dude.” Liam asked, and Drew blinked at him.

It felt like much, much longer.

Henry and Liam helped him eat something, and didn't say anything when he couldn't manage anything down.

Henry and Liam helped him take a shower, and brush his teeth.

They helped him re-dye his hair, because his real hair color made him feel antsy.

They helped him clean up his room, which had become a mess.

They helped him go outside. Only for a short walk, but it was something.

They helped him feel human.

They saw his arms, which Drew couldn't clean because he didn't want to see them. 

They hid all his sharp items, for a reason Drew couldn't understand.

They played a video game with him.

They stayed the night, and they all had a cuddlefest during the night.

They didn't say anything when he woke up during the night, they didn't say anything when he cried in their arms, they didn't say anything when he couldn't breathe.

(Well, they did say something. But only good things.)

They made him feel human again.

But of course, that just had to get ruined—

______

He screamed, he screamed because he needed Jake and he was gone and he screamed and screamed and—

______

He wanted to cry, to cry and cry and die.

Not die. That was a bit too far.

(But he was nothing without Jake, so what was the point in living?)

______

Everything felt hazy.

He took a sip.

His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

He took a sip.

Where was he anymore?

He took a sip.

He couldn't remember anything.

He took a sip.

He was outside somewhere, wasn't he?

He took a sip.

“Drew?”

He dropped the bottle.

_______

Drew opened his eyes, which felt much too heavy. His arms stung—that wasn't good. He couldn't remember what happened last night, but his head was throbbing and his mouth tasted acidic.

“Drew, you awake?” A soft voice spoke, and Drew felt his heart melt somewhat. “You—you okay?” The voice asked, and Drew hummed.

“‘Mm, ‘m ‘Kay.” He mumbled, “head ‘urts.” He huffed, and opened his eyes a little. The light burned his eyes, as he suspected, but he could see brown hair and red eyes.

Liam.

Huh. Why did he go to Liam's house?

“You're lucky my parents aren't here, y'know. They would kill me if they knew I had a guy over. ‘Specially if it was you.” Liam huffed, and Drew's face twisted in confusion.

“Why especially me?” Drew asked, and Liam didn't answer.

“...Drew. How…how…how'd you get something sharp? I just…I thought me and Henry…” Liam started, and Drew stiffened. He…he didn't—

Liam didn't push any further. 

Drew was glad.

_______

The first time Drew went to school without Jake was two weeks after they stopped being friends. No one really noticed Drew was gone, and so no one noticed he had come back.

“Yeah! You're back! The Dromies are back together!” Henry exclaimed, a wide grin on his face.

And…and Drew felt something.

“What the hell are the Dromies?” Drew asked, rolling his eyes. Of course, during his fit Henry and Liam went on to name their trio something stupid.

“Homies, but Drew style!” Henry exclaimed, shooting finger guns at Drew, who cringed.

“Uh. I do not have a style, thank you very much. Never do…that, again.” Drew said, gesturing at all of Henry. Liam let out a choked laugh, and suddenly Henry started laughing as well, and well, if Drew started laughing a tiny bit, no he didn't.

_______

Drew saw Jake in the hallway and his heart dropped.

He looked…so happy.

He was with the freaks—the entire gang, and of course he and Hailey were glued together like peanut butter and jelly. He was grinning, joking around, and laughing whenever Hailey blushed.

Blushed.

Were they dating?

Were they—

Drew rushed to the nearest bathroom, and puked his guts out.

He couldn't even look at Jake.

How pathetic.

_______

And that's the end of pt.1! errm i hope it was ok?? idk. so like it's disorganized in the writing and that was on purpose bc ofc drew's head is a bit mushed up at the moment. if it doesn't make sense at some parts, it probably isn't rly supposed to, but u probs still get the gist that drew is OBSESSED, riggght?

also. the way Henry and Liam are handling what's going on may seem bad (ex: not telling anyone, not getting drew any help) but i don't rly think so bc for teenagers the way they dealt with it was pretty cool, and if they told anyone drew would probs js not improve at all and probs would've gotten worse so like idk js wanted to let yall know that. they were probs kind of freaking out as well so that's a reason.