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Yesterday I had 3 thoughts but I was like I'll remember tomorrow I won't wake up to type them now and I forgot two BUT I remembered one of them so that's huge
#luly talks#something w Lucis and Dee. I'll draw it later#it's very important to have two ocs for the same franchise so they can do things the other can't#girls who died as kids but are now on their 20s...#i did think a lot about lucis biology and i remember joking about them only being a demon bc they're argentinian#though that's a bit silly ambiguous bc like. sure in their comic everyone is a monster but like#they're also more psychotic than me so there was a thought of them being actually just human and seeing everyone like this bc bleeh!#lucis story really is one of neglect isn't it#i mean same one i faced but worse#bc lucis got too silly w it#i also thought a bit about their biology i think I'm gonna implement the angel demon thing with their grandma being a form of angelic being#but (bio) grandpa a demon#hence why their dad and them are one too#and well something that is STILL canon is that their mom is a clown but clowns are a kind of imp#so that's why their little brother is impish#idk what their step dad would be but i know their older brother would be part ram bc. its funny#he's an aries you see.#but i didnt just think of lucis in general i had had thoughts about dsaf i forgor 😢#aside from this one 👍#i mean i remember L.L. having a breakdown too but WHEN arent they not having one?#something about midori but i remember that too well to be one of the forgotten memories#like i vaguely recall something w the phoneys either harry or pete but nothing coherent#i do remember i y#thought of drawing jake w high heels pussy puss puss style but i think that was something i thought in the afternoon#you people can't imagine how many thoughts per second i experience y'all literally get such a mostly sanitized version of it#I'd make a chart of Lucis' relationships w her coworkers tho........ i rlly like Lucis lmao#OH SHIT I REMEMBERED I THOUGHT OF MIDORI AND DTRAP INTERACTING id think of that further there's something there ok#<- related to l.l. of course. her daughter etc.
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The absolute biggest thing I've learned as a trans guy: there is nothing more masculine and manly than not caring about looking or acting masculine or manly. Growing your masculinity or manhood takes time and care - you have no obligation to let the world water your garden when you can do that just fine (and you can, even if it doesn't feel like you can!)
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#trans advice#got a stereotypically 'feminine/woman' piercing and. i feel like a man *inverted shania twain riff from man! i feel like a woman*#nothing affirms my manhood more than not caring about the genuinely toxic imaginings that the world has about manhood and men like me 👍#yes it can be a struggle ESPECIALLY if you're somebody who actively has to defend your masculinity/manhood...#...it's hard for me too sometimes. i had to not only build my manhood but jealously defend it from the 'phobes...#...but i am all the better for it because this is MINE. i have never truly owned something in this way...#...i don't own other people nor my cats nor even my material possessions - not in the way i own my manhood...#...i own it like a tiger owns his territory and i defend it similarly...#...i do not WANT to own my loved ones or possessions the same as i own my manhood and masculinity. this is special to me#my manhood was *made* for me to be owned anyway. i feel that applies to every trans person who hasn't felt able to own themselves#this is in the same vein as learning to cast aside the cissexist views of bodies&experiences that can make dysphoria worae
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I have never been able to get into the dragon age games for one reason or another but I took a chance on Veilguard and I am having so much fun!!!
#it fixed almost everything that bugged me about the other ones#it’s extremely newcomer friendly too which is great cause I have no clue about anything#I absolutely adore Rook and the level of customization you can add to a mostly linear character#I was worried I’d keep comparing it to bg3 but they’re really not that comparable???#like aside from both being highly customizable fantasy RPGs they both have unique strengths and weaknesses#and I just don’t see the need to put one against the other#so far Lucanis is the standout fav#which surprises me but also doesn’t#I did just meet Emmrich five minutes ago so perhaps the old man will win me over yet#I actually am fond of all of them so far#anyway I don’t see myself getting into this game the way I’m into bg3#I lack the necessary nostalgic attachment a lot of people have for this world#but it’s an extremely fun game and I do see myself playing it for a long time#I recommend so far 👍#life#Hannah plays veilguard
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you'll be pleased to know that on my first day back at my job after my two week vacation i am already in one of my semi-regular Job Crises where i feel like if i dont find a new, better job soon im going to explode into 5 billion pieces
#in case you were wondering if i was handling it well#considering getting some sort of degree . but i cant afford that!!!!!!!!!#but i may need one. if i want a better job........#this is so evil. where are the jobs where you can just do fuck all#in all seriousness back to the degree thing im considering getting a degree in library sciences but i dont even have a bachelors 💀#i was too broke for college! had to work! still have to work! no time or money to go to college then or now!#my crisis aside its extremely funny to me how im not even through my first day back and im like oh lol right i hate every minute of this 👍#also im trying not to have Severe guilt abt the ticket(s) i bought the other day like some crazy person but thats another story#yes ill make the money back yes ill enjoy the show but the Guilt..........#which was entirely because my dad was like >:( when i told him i got a ticket for a Far Lesser amount#and im just hoping he doesnt notice how much my bank account has gone down. oops#but that aside and back to my job crisis:#i cant stand it here!!!!!! i really do hate it!!! and i need a new job. however? everything abt the job process is awful and against me#i was planning on writing an article when i got back from vacation but you guessed it im now too stressed/upset to be creative#which is hampering any possibility of my creative aspirations becoming some sort of career#im so tired. already right back to where i was before my vacation when i really needed a vacation#:( . like ill be fine lol i just. am going through it and these tags have gone on too long#but i think i really will get worse if i stay here for longer and its not even that bad but by god sometimes it is#anyway . im taking it well
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it’s a little frustrating sometimes to watch people try to “debunk” gay mike evidence by quibbling over things that are. kind of beside the point? like arguing that mike’s consistently negative (or even neutral, if you want the benefit of the doubt) reactions to girls aren’t “disgust” therefore they don’t mean anything. but like 1. yeah i agree, cates gate isn’t about mike being “disgusted.” mike’s face when el kisses him isn’t “disgusted.” mike’s reaction to el, to max, to girls in general doesn’t really read to me as “disgust” either. so 2. what DOES it read to you as? incredulity? confusion? discomfort? those…. still aren’t positive reactions.
the point is that mike actively and blatantly Does Not react positively toward el kissing him. and he also Doesn’t react positively to dustin’s description of a girl being “hotter than phoebe cates.” he asks “is she cute?” with maybe preemptive incredulity (in line with will's question "girls go to science camp?") over a girl who goes to science camp being cute, or perhaps just a neutrally curious state over dustin's new girlfriend, but then dustin doesn’t say “she’s hotter than phoebe cates.” he says, “think phoebe cates. only hotter.” that’s a prescriptive statement. you want to know if she’s cute, mike? think about phoebe cates, and then imagine someone hotter than that. and mike’s expression doesn’t improve in the slightest. think about someone hotter than phoebe cates, dustin tells mike. and mike? remains confused and entirely unintrigued. no, he’s not disgusted, but the point is not his negative reaction, it’s a complete lack of any sort of positive reaction. if he’s listening to dustin, he should have, in that moment, thought of phoebe cates. and his reaction?
nothing.
(but. this is also just to say... i don’t even think it's fair to call most of mike’s facial reactions “proof” of his sexuality in any argument… i think they’re fun little easter eggs that add an extra visual element to his gay characterization. but. it’s not WHY people think he’s gay. it's funny to point out BECAUSE he's gay)
[edit: AND this is not even to mention the direct line drawn to this in season four via stobin's discussion of fast times, linking phoebe cates to 'people who like boobies.' #notmikewheeler]
#y’all want gay to mean nothing less than ‘disgusted by women’ and pretend that’s not homophobic#‘he’s kissed a girl without throwing up so he can’t be gay check mate’ maybe check your homophobia 👍#this was inspired by a bylr confession anon that i shouldn’t have seen bc i have that blog blocked but it showed up anyway. this is why#(i know i called this proof uh. two years ago but it's not 'proof' i recognize that. also not going on another tangent but. there is no One#irrefutable gay mike proof and that's also the entire point. you can point out specific things out of context and say hey i think this#points in this direction. but if you pull EVERYTHNG together and analyze IN FULL then the entire narrative only makes sense from a gay mike#perspective. imo. 'well i think this one is a reach' ok fine but if you see it all together and your only argument is 'idk it's just not#that deep' i mean. fine i guess but the burden of proof is on you then. the issue is then that no one who is against gay mike is willing#(or. um. able.) to put together a COMPREHENSIVE analysis that supports bi mke as a Full narrative without brushing a bunch of stuff aside#as 'eh idk i don't think that means anything' and instead fall back to 'it's just a headcanon i don't have to prove anything to you'#but refuse to recognize that gay mike is not actually a headcanon it's a theory. backed by analysis. we are not the same.)#idk. got annoyed might delete later 😗✌️#beets posts
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which of these are better? :>
#just me hi#poll#they're both good on specific foods :> 👍#but my mom and dad are always arguing about which is best so this should be fun lol#//i'm never going to forget that time i fully squeezed an orange onto my leftover rice by mistake :(((#there is 1 one wrong answer on this poll Hfbvhsf#my grandma was stealing fruit from trees i think and nobody could tell the difference betwixt the oranges and lemons she nabbed#that thing looked like a fully-ripe lemon and then it turned out to be a fully-ripe ORANGE i have never tasted such bitter#and backstabbing truth in my LIFE#how can truth be both obscured beyond recognition and yet so sharply distinct auhhghgughgu#worst day of my life#not true but my other options for a meal were my dear dear grandmama's spaghetti#[leans in close] She Put Ketchup In It And Said It Was The Same Thing As The Sauce .‿.#reread that sentence and please just consider it for a moment. a minute even. maybe i'm being dramatic but do you see what i'm saying here#//anyway food horrors aside citrus is cool 10/10 fruit truly#can't go wrong with citrus :3#//now let's see if i go n do something or end up reblogging stuff for like an hour Lmao o7 o/
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why is learning spirit the hardest thing ive ever done
#aside from trying nurse Once lol#like huntress i get. get hatchet. throw hatchet. profit.#im not saying im *good* im just saying i fully get it#i know the add ons i like. im playing with build but its like. i get the idea yanno#BUT SPIRIT?#girl i cant look with my eyes and hear w my ears at the same time.... bruh 😭#my main flaw as huntress is that im oblivious to my surroundings and loose people easy#this isnt improved. shockingly. when you cant see who youre chasing.#but shes cute and i like her so. 😔 i shall try to learn#huntress is just so. cozy for me to play idk even when im missing shots its like. i know why i fucked up yanno?#and when u do snipe a hatchet..... brother its amazing#idk i want to try some more killers too though. idk like the onryo comes to mind. mr head also.#i wanted to try nurse but i did try that and im good actually 👍 no thanks 👍#and plague at some point. bc shes cute.#my post#dbd
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made a tierlist of my kuwagami fics for funsies (+ notes for a few) ↓
(everything listed in the same tier are equals, so the order they're listed in has no meaning)
#jitxt#fic extras#for those of you who also frequent the kuwagami ao3 tag ❤#crazy that i have enough fics posted to be able to even do this lmao#i probably could write notes for each of these but i wanted to keep it short and sfw. too much text makes the tierlist harder to parse#judging from the tiers here you can see i think pretty positively of my (posted) work which is probably for the best!#eating my own kuwagami food or whatever 👍#“jichan what's that fic with the big long title in A tier” nothing don't worry about it#OKAY okay joking aside that one is in the drafts but it already has a name#and also i like teasing. and also it's a funny name lol#i said that as a joke while writing the 7k long fic from last sunday six#and fourwhitetrees told me that i better make that the title. and listen. how could i say no to that?#tentative A tier since new fic = excited for it. maybe it's actually B tier quality but for now it's there#hopefully i post it soon#everybody say thank you to fourwhitetrees for giving me feedback so fast so i can (hopefully) also post it fast#i don't always ask for feedback but for this one specifically i wanted it#anyways! a peek into my mind for you all...#if anybody actually has a favourite of my fics i would love to hear it... or if anybody has an ask or anything... 👉👈#no pressure though i just like talking about kuwagami and my work#my assumption is that most people have no deep thoughts about it anyways
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also I got a new job
#Aside from the cafe one#I also do that thing where yk u carry ppls shit to transportation trucks#Whatever it is called#Very easy to get hired do recommend 👍
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In a similar vein, since moving out, I miss hugs. Like holy fuck I want a hug so bad
#I wish I had even ONE close friend here#aside from my roommate who I see like 4 times a week bc she is always busy doing something with other friends#by see I mean walking past me in the kitchen or sometjing lol#which like. idc she has her own life and I don’t want to be pushy but also. sigh#ellyposting#this post is very pathetic but posting about it into the void is like the closest I’m gonna get to actual comfort rn so 👍
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not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)
#i actually think his points make sense this time. which tbqh is not normally how i feel when he criticizes smth i love#basically he was like s3 was a completely different show from the first two seasons#and he didn't like how all over the place and directionless it felt#and honestly yeah ok i can see that#personally i think the choice to broaden the focus to moralton broadly vs mostly just orel is really interesting#and it allows for different facets of their critique of fundie waspisms to extend to situations/characters orel wouldn't really be privy to#(could you imagine 'alone' with orel there? me neither)#and i personally liked them fleshing out the marginal characters. i never found that boring or like a major diversion#again they're like 11 min episodic(ish) things it's hard for them to feel like they drag on y'know#it shows a lot of ambition and i think they pulled it off really well tbh (cancellation aside)#but i will agree that the transition is a little sudden. nature is such a big moment for the series#and for orel's arc specifically but then we spend little time with orel post-nature so the tone shift doesn't#necessarily align with his realization (at least in terms of the canon timeline. ep release order does align)#it's sudden but we jump back to before the shattering. it's disorienting and i think it's kind of cool as hell#a realization like orel's in nature is gonna throw the past into question and color his life and thus the town#(bc let's face it orel is the real mayor of moralton kfhsjs) and while we've been seeing Some of moralton's ugliness#in every episode until now it's shown in full force in and post-nature (release-wise). so when the timeline jumps around#and it all feels twisted and hazy and sickening and it All Comes Back To The Hunting Trip as our point of reference#for when things are happening it makes it feel like the trip Caused this disturbance. it's almost a spatio-temporal THING#like orel IS the center of this universe. my point is it's weird and i like it a lot i think it works#but anyway i think s3 is a natural evolution of s1+2 albeit an accelerated one#and i really wish we'd gotten to see more of what s3 morel was cooking bc it was setting up some really cool stuff imo#like he hated everything w mommy censordoll x clay but it's SUCH a cool place to take their characters. freud would go crazy#moral orel#and i think if they knew where they had to end the season maybe focusing on other characters was a way to keep orel stagnant enough to like#end the finale where they needed him. maybe.#we actually DID finish it yesterday. i rewatched the finale the day before bc i was impatient but yeah 👍#now it's chapter black time >:}
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oh my god i am so crampy that i cannot move right now so fuck it. ag watch through is happening. will be tagging it with #ag watchthrough if anyone wants to mute that. one post with all my thoughts per episode .I did this once before but couldn't commit, but I'll try again. I need something to focus on right now, but not something I need to THINK about and this feels like a compromise. The goal will be one episode a day, counting queueing posts. Will I regret this a third of the way through season one? probably but so it goes.
#long tags. accidental methodology infodump#my therapist wants me to schedule time to relax so i can do this and say i set aside at least twenty minutes a day#genuinely need to get the cramps sorted out before i stop online classes though#i cannot function out in society like this#doctors were like 'yeah sounds like endo. no we won't check.'#like okay :) thanks :))) 👍#would love to see more studies and info on the link between endo and eds#bc there are heavy anecdotal links#it seems like a really common comorbidity#i found one study that showed a link but it was from 1995 and was of 41 women#and it wouldn't let me in to actually read over the study and methods. it was author info and the abstract only#so idk how much was self reporting or what#and it looked like a voluntary selection which skews stuff BUT I COULDN'T GET IN TO LOOK#bc like ok here's the thing#Do I think there is a link given how heavily people report overlap and given the width of eds comorbidities? yes#but in a study where people volunteered for it#if they saw 'eds/gynecological disorder study applicants open'#then people who experience eds AND gynecological disorders will likely be the ones who apply for it#so any link might be misrepresented as having a larger correlation than it actually does#GOD I would love to get into this kinda stuff for a career if i could only do math#and like it gave numbers but no baseline#it said that the correlation was certain percentages but did not give percentages to compare it to for the general population in the abstra#and numbers like that are important due to their context and can be meaningless or innacurate without it#like. COMPLETELY RANDOM AND INNACURATE example. numbers are bullshitted#you can say that people should avoid traveling in cars because five percent of car crashes are fatal#that sounds worrying doesn't it? you can accept the 'thesis' as fact based on that statistic. it sounds reasonable.#and 70 percent result in up to severe injury#but you need the context to look at how many people use cars every single day and don't get in crashes#you need that larger context to it because cars ARE safe actually#and also think. what does the statistic count as 'injury'?
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man. knowing techno had a song for a final sendoff really Hurts bc i've thought about what mine would be for a very long time and now that someone has given me theirs i actually dont think i like the feeling it leaves behind! idk if i could do that to someone else
#tw death#grief#whatever yall are tagging idk#chat#if you've been here long enough (most of you have tbh) you might know music is like 90% of the way i navigate my emotions#cant feel anything? try music maybe you'll understand what's happening in your brain 👍#so of course i had songs in my head that were like. if i wanted to help someone understand my death this is what i would show them#but now that i have one from someone else#i dont like the pain this specific thing gives. it hurts enough normally but music is so EXTREMELY personal to me#i always wanted to hear more songs he liked aside from the few i knew from tristam and fox stevenson. But Not Like This#my go-to is poppyfields by coldplay btw. if you're curious. mostly the instrumental part at the end#but there's a few more#excursions by c418 was a big one to me. phil played it when he was building techno's thing and i had to leave :(#are those weird choices? maybe. but they make sense to me. maybe not anyone else if i would show them lol
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sure phone restrictions suck but hey at least it excused me from the “no phone in class” rule 💪
#marlo’s stuff#i literally cannot go onto google to cheat on tests or anything#i also have literally no social media on my phone. aside from youtube.#so i got a pass and i could still listen to music 👍#*technically* i can use google with the one more minute option thing but that is one minute#i get maybe a few question answers out of that
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author: msppatih
Demian and Galina - star-crossed lovers beyond life and death 💀💔
#fun fact: she's the only reason Demien agreed to create and go through the apocalypse 😳👍#she's basically his Eurydice who waited for him in limbo#still laughing about how his decision to create the apocalypse did not just anger God and his angels#it angered Azik to the point where he attempted to murder Demien several times and almost succeeded in that#but I think the funniest shit happens when after one of the attempts he falls in love with Demien's sister (Varya)#and you'd think that they'd become the most toxic relationship but PLOT TWIST - they're the only healthy couple in the entire series#well... aside from Sveta and Svyatoslav whoare the ultimate goals😭💙💙💙#let's just say that Varya and Azik are the healthiest couple LEFT ALIVE 🤡#doomsday (2022)#конец света (2022)
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wow it sure is great to be back to normal ibs stomach pain instead of intense flu stomach pain!
#i say this half jokingly bc like. at least this i can manage. i've been here 3000 times#at least this one doesn't end w me naked on the bathroom floor having convulsions 😀👍#anyways how we feelin tonite. im living my best life aside from the Usual Horrors#.woof.
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