#john was azazel all along

[luna-nigthshade-wood]

Today I will share with you my Supernatural Conspiracy Theory TM, which is John was possesed by the YED since the fire, brought to you by my lack of sleep

Proof? None

Doubts? Zero

So lets begin with how this started...

When the prequel was announced I made a post about how the story would only made sense if it went full circle with the ending being the fire and John looking up with yellow eyes. (I mean alternate universe also made sense, but I mantain my posture)

So anyways, afterwards I started to think about my theory and to me it kind of made sense so here is the "evidence" I gather

Evidence #1 Young John Winchester

So first we have the young version of John Winchester in the show (we are ignoring the prequel as a tecnichallity of them not being in the same universe) Here is the thing, Matt Cohen´s version of John and Jeffrey Dean Morgan´s are totally two different people. Hell, Cohen´s version would be the first to murder older John. And it could be pointed out that grief can change a person but to that degree, I dont think so. So something must have made him change to that degree, so my answer the Yellow Eye Demon

Evidence #2 Azazel

Alright, say the first evidence can be debunked quickly, and the grief changed John into a different person. Here is where I ask my question if you were a millenias-old-demon would you truly leave things occur by chance? Because lets be honest Sam could have died when he was younger due to John´s neglect and we know by the whole show that Sam was the favorite because he was Lucifer´s meat suit. So the demon´s best bet would have been to be close to the boys and who was closest than their dad.

And you might say but the others hunters could have notice. But how would they? Holy water was proven not to work with the YED nor any of the other tests (Also there is the fact that John was never close to catching the yellow eyed demon until it upped his game so )

Evidence #3 Favoritism towards Sam

Thinking that YED raised the boys it is any wonder that Sam was the golden boy. Because Jonh would have never accepted half the shit Sam pulled if it had been Dean doing it

Conclusion

I think John was possesed at least half the time and that is why he changed so much from his young version

(I will also clarify this isnt a John Winchester´s defense post)

[anassemblageofpassions]

The thing abt john winchester is that he is too complex for the majority of the spn fandom and for a good portion of the writers on the show too.

Because at his core john is about love over everything else. When he looks up at his sons (yes, up, the fact that they’re both taller than him>>>>>), there is love seeping achingly from every single pore of his being even as he abuses them, as he destroys their souls beyond belief. He does it all entirely out of love. And he is so, so wrong for it. A part of him knows it. But he wants to keep dean alive, and he wants to keep Sam pure. And he loves them so much. And he damages them so horribly. John Winchester is the foundation upon which they are both built, they only become more of what he made them as the series goes on. Sam stops fighting it, Dean continues to mold into his image no matter how hard he tries to fight it.

Hell puts them both on steroids, but their individual trauma responses that influence this are the foundations that John built into them. No wonder azazel wanted sam to win so badly. John Winchester crafted his sons into alastair and Lucifer’s ideal victims, respectively, and dean was a better (worse) john than John ever was. John held out in hell. Dean acquiesced to his abuser despite all of his efforts to fight him, and he’s never been the same since.

Sam fought like hell, and he fought destiny, but at his core, he did what John always wanted him to by doing what dean wanted him to do, and then he stops fighting at all, loses the fire he showed john in adolescence that john immediately notices when he returns in s14.

And the sad thing is. They filled their roles so well that John is saddened by what they’ve become. He didn’t want dean to break. He didn’t want Sam to be dimmed. He’s sad to see what Sam is like in s14. In the process of recovering his wife, he ensured he would mold his sons into what he wanted them to be, and when he got what he wanted, he was devastated.

John Winchester is so driven by love and grief and he’s so filled to the brim with both that it’s painful to watch him on screen because he destroyed his family because of it. And he wanted this all along but he didn’t realize what he’d have to give up to get it.

[420technoblazeit]

like im not actually all that interested in debating whether john or rowena were worse parents. bc it kind of just comes down to viewer interpretation. we dont get a lot of details about crowley's childhood and sam and dean are both unreliable narrators who vary greatly in their opinions on john. this isn't a debate that has a single concrete answer

but i do think it's important to acknowledge that john legitimately thought that what he was doing was best for sam and dean. he was overrun with guilt and paranoia and he thought that raising them to be hunters would protect them. that doesn't change what he did but it provides context for his actions. and part of the tragedy of his character is that in season 1 when he says that they can just be a happy family again and live normal lives after azazel's dead he seems to actually believe it. john isn't aware of the damage he's done until the end of season 1 and that realization was a huge factor in his decision to sell his soul to save dean's life

rowena on the other hand was intentionally abusive towards crowley so she wouldn't grow to love him. she says that herself under the witchcatcher's influence in season 11, she grew spiteful and bitter and took it out on him and then left when the going got tough. the fact that crowley remembers how much she hated him speaks to the fact that she made it really clear that he was unloved and unwanted in all 8 years that she spent raising him. the way she acts when she reunites with him is also a really good indicator of this because she immediately starts manipulating him and seems to be really comfortable with downplaying her actions and pretending that she cared about him all along

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

yessss yess the real question would be who starts yelling first. my bets are on dean. i need 12.14 type anger but worse

I’m pretty sure @finalgirlsamwinchester said this first but supernatural episode 14.13 “lebanon” except it’s succession austerlitz family therapy

[zepskies]

Smoke Eater - Part 18

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

🔥 Series Masterlist

Word Count: 4,000 Tags/Warnings: Angst, fluff, brief mentions of the events of Part 13, some ADA Sam, Detective John, and a cliffhanger…

Part 18: “V for Vendetta”

After that first rocky month, Dean started to improve physically, and so did you emotionally, as he tried his best to let you help him when he needed it. 

In turn, you did your best to gauge his moods; when he truly did need help, and when it was best for you to just be his girlfriend, not his caretaker.

January rolled onwards, and the resulting winter cold snap brought a kind of calm before a storm. Nick Savage still hadn’t been found, but that didn’t mean your worries were over.

Dean knew that this would hang over all of your heads until both Nick and his father were caught and exposed.

Today Dean walked with Sam on his day off, doing a few laps around the neighborhood as part of Dean’s rehab. They knew a police car was stationed nearby, watching them for their safety. It was a bit unnerving, but necessary.

They were walking back into the building when Sam stopped to check the mail. The box for their unit was along the wall in the corridor with several other locked boxes. Sam unlocked theirs and pulled out a rolled-up newspaper, some coupons, and a stray folded note addressed to Dean. Sam’s brows furrowed.

“What’s that, a love note?” Dean asked dryly. He took it from Sam and unfolded the scrap of paper.

20579. Your badge will join your dad’s on the wall.

Both the Fire Department headquarters and the 84th Precinct had a wall to commemorate firefighters and officers who had given their lives in the line of duty. Each of their badges had their own display plaque hung on the respective walls.

In short, the note was a threat.

Sam’s worried frown deepened as he watched Dean’s good mood evaporate. He crumpled up the note and pocket it, before he met his younger brother’s eyes.

“Keep this between us,” he warned. As in, don’t tell you.

Sam shook his head. “Dad needs to know, at least. And you two need to be careful.” 

“That goes for you and Eileen too,” Dean replied. He reached for Sam’s shoulder and squeezed. “Don’t matter that you’re an ADA. Azazel goes after cops and their families. He’s gonna be gunning for an opportunity to get to one of us.”

Sam’s lips pressed together, but he acknowledged that with a nod.

They went back upstairs together, where you were dressed casually and gathering up your purse.

“Heading out somewhere?” Dean asked. Sam shot him a glance, which Dean silently answered with a short nod. He looked back at you when you offered him a smile.

“Yep, we need a few things. Milk, eggs, more Twizzlers, apparently,” you quipped, lightly smacking his stomach. Dean quirked a smile.

“Give me a sec. I’ll go with you,” he said.

You made an uncertain sound. “Didn’t you just get back from a walk? You sure you don’t just want to shower up and relax?”

“I’m good,” said Dean. He knew you didn’t like the idea of him overexerting himself, but he didn’t feel comfortable letting you go out alone. He could tell by the look Sam once again threw his way from the kitchen that he didn’t think it was a good idea either.

Dean slid a hand up your arm. “How about this. I’ll stay in the car. I just want some more fresh air.”

You tilted your head at him, but you conceded. He followed you to the door and held it open for you.

“Can I drive?” Dean hedged.

You chuckled. “Don’t push it, Lieutenant.”

On the way back from the grocery store, you discreetly eyed Dean’s profile. His knee was bouncing as he stared out the window.

Sometimes he checked the rearview mirror of your Camaro. Sometimes he fiddled with the radio or checked his phone.

It was all nervous behavior you took a catalogue of. By the time you pulled back into the parking lot of Dean’s apartment building, he finally seemed to relax a fraction. You parked the car and turned to him. 

“Okay, what’s the matter?” you asked.

Dean gave you a curious look, but there was an unmistakable tension in his demeanor.

“What do you mean?”

You tried your question a different way. “What’s got you all on edge?”

He didn’t seem to want to answer at first.

“Dean,” you prodded. “Does it have something to do with why you insisted on coming with me, even though I can see that you’re tired?”

His face tightened, but he reached over for your hand. Your fingers curled around his. Now you were getting worried.

“We’ve got the police watching us here, but anything could happen out there,” Dean said. “Until this blows over, I don’t think you should go out by yourself.”

Until this blows over. You wanted to ask when that would be, but you knew he wouldn’t be able to give you an answer.

“Zachariah called me this morning,” you admitted. “He’s standing in for Nick as CEO. He said I have a job waiting for me when I get off medical leave next week. Everyone’s been working from home since the fire, but we’d be going to a new building the company owns downtown.”

Dean tightened up, just like you knew he would. His eyes closed as his head tilted back against the headrest. He let out a long breath through his nose. You stayed quiet, both waiting for what he might say and preparing for him to get upset.

He surprised you by calmly looking over at you again.

“It’s not a good idea. If Nick’s still alive, it means his dad probably knows you know who he is,” he said. “And not for nothin’. Even with Nick out of there, that place’s probably been built on blood money.”

Both were fair points.

“I know. I’m going to find something else, as soon as you’re better,” you said. Dean shook his head and held your hand tighter.

“Don’t let me be an excuse,” he said. His gaze was firm and direct meeting yours. “I need you to start taking care of yourself too, all right? Please.” 

Faced with his earnestness, you couldn’t help but soften. After everything he’d done to save you, to protect you, was it fair of you to keep making him worry?

In the past, you’d felt justified. You couldn’t quit. You needed the money. You could handle it, whatever came next. You would deal with it because you had to.

But maybe this time, you didn’t have to. It wasn’t worth all this.

With that resolve, you let out a breath.

“I’m going to call Zachariah,” you said, “and tell him that I’m working from home, or I quit.”

Dean stared back at you with a measure of surprise.

“I’m not going back,” you said, squeezing his hand. “If he has a problem with that, I’ll use whatever I have left in my savings. Hopefully that’ll be enough until I find a new job.”

After a moment, Dean expelled a breath of relief. He beckoned you over, and carefully as you could over the upholstery, you leaned over and caressed his cheek before you went in for a kiss. He welcomed you, with his hands slipping up your sides and around your back, pressing you into him with a heady warmth.

He paused against your lips after a while. His forehead rested against yours.

“You don’t need to drain your savings. I can help you,” Dean started to say, but you pulled back and held your fingers to his lips.

“You’ve helped me enough. You’re already letting me live with you rent free,” you pointed out. “Let me figure out the rest.”

After a moment, Dean wordlessly agreed. He wanted to argue that you wouldn’t have had to move in with him if not for Azazel putting you in his sights, but at the same time, Dean understood that you’d been providing for yourself for a long time. He respected you for it.

So he just guided you back to him for another slow kiss.

John Winchester owned a condo approximately 20 minutes from his sons’ apartment. It was the home they’d grown up in after the house fire, over thirty years ago.

John had learned a lot since then. In fact, some might say that he’d become a paranoid bastard.

Aside from a professional alarm system, he’d installed hidden cameras inside and out of his home, and at every window. It meant that even when he was asleep, his eyes were never truly closed.

When the intruder took his first steps into John’s bedroom, the man himself was waiting with a gun cocked and loaded. The safety clicking back made a small sound, but in the silence, it might as well have been a gunshot.

The masked man swiftly turned and ducked, throwing a punch. The scuffle that followed was quick and covered by darkness.

The cameras on “Night Mode” picked up every moment.

And that was how John later showed video evidence of Alastair Rolston breaking into his condo, and subsequently getting his ass handed to him.

Both men had their fair share of bruises, but at the end of the day, Alastair was the one cuffed to a chair in the bowels of the 84th Precinct. He sat beside his court-appointed lawyer.

Meanwhile, Cas watched the scene from behind the one-way glass window of the interrogation room. Rufus Turner, their Lieutenant, was beside him, along with ADA Sam Winchester. He watched the man his father questioned very carefully. 

“Well, I think you know what this means, Mr. Rolston,” John drawled.

Alastair’s stance in the chair was relaxed, almost unfazed. He gave the detective a wry smile.

“What’s that, John?” he asked.

“I’ve got you dead to rights on attempted murder of a cop,” said John. “It ain’t a good look, my friend.”

“Don’t answer that,” said the lawyer. Alastair glanced at the man, unimpressed, to say the least.

“No fucking shit,” he replied.

“I’d say you’ve got two options,” John pressed forward. He leaned on the table between him and Alastair.

“Did Azazel…excuse me, Daniel Savage, put you up to this? You can answer that question, or I could just skip to the part where you sit in a cell for 20 to life.”

Alastair’s face gave away nothing but calculation and amusement. John nodded, with a grim smile.

“I’ll bet you set the fire at Savage & Co. Trying to get Nick to look like a victim in all this—the consequence of doing business with the likes of Azazel,” he said. “Better yet, I think you’re his favorite hitman. Clean, precise, no tracks left behind, no traces of evidence. Perfect kills. I’ll bet you consider yourself a goddamn artist.”

Alastair lifted his gaze, and John saw the familiar depths of a killer.

“I don’t like setting fires,” said Alastair.

John was nonplussed. “I’m sure you don’t.”

The other man rolled his shoulders.

“It’s all very…messy, you see. Unpredictable.” A smile graced his lips. “But I know someone who does.”

“He’ll give you his employer,” the lawyer said. “The person who ordered the hit.”

“Which hit?” John arched a brow. “I can’t be the only special one. What about Paul Richardson, Jerry Stillwell, Amanda Waller?”

The lawyer shared a look with his client. Alastair rolled his eyes and leaned over to whisper in his ear. After a moment, the lawyer nodded and met John’s gaze.

“He’ll tell you what you want to know, but only for a blanket deal of immunity.”

John could’ve guessed. Alastair smiled once more and leaned back in his seat.

The detective held up a finger and exited the interrogation room. He met Sam’s gaze, and the latter already knew what his father was thinking.

"Give me a minute," Sam said. He went into the room and tried to negotiate with Alastair and his lawyer, but the man wouldn't accept a plea of 20 to 25 years, even to serve all the murders they could charge him with concurrently. Nor would he accept 15 to 20, or even Sam's best deal: 10 to 12.

Sam exited the room and hid his discouragement. He met his father's waiting gaze.

“We can’t give him immunity,” Sam said. “He’s likely the one who committed Azazel’s hits. Not just for the past six months, but for God knows how long, and how many bodies.”

“At this point, it’s the only way we’re getting a chance at Daniel Savage,” John said. “Not just finding him, but pinning him as the mastermind behind the whole operation. Drug trafficking, arson, murders…the whole thing, Sam.”

Sam didn’t like it. No one did, for that matter, but even Rufus heaved a sigh.

“You can’t move forward without a trigger finger willing to testify,” he said.

“Yeah, because hitmen make notoriously credible witnesses,” Sam retorted.

“Do think he set the fires as well?” Cas asked John. “He seemed to imply that he committed the murders, but not the arson.”

John hummed in contemplation.

“We’ll find out. But first, I want a confirmed name from the horse’s mouth,” he said, shifting his attention to Sam. “Can you get me that, son?” 

Sam’s lips pursed.

Within an hour, the paperwork was drawn and the plea deal was arranged. Father and son sat side by side on one side of the interrogation room, while Alastair and his lawyer sat on the other. Alastair finished signing the final document as the cuffs on his wrists jangled.

“All right,” said John. “Tell me what I want to know.”

Alastair smiled and spread his hands as wide as he was able.

“I’m an open book, Johnny. Ask away.”

John leaned forward.

“Let’s start with this,” he said. “Who ordered you to kill me?”

Nick Savage was unearthed from a luxury apartment in the south of France. He was extradited back the United States and hauled into a courtroom in Lawrence, Kansas for arraignment.

Sam Winchester was the prosecutor on the case. As luck would have it, one of his favorite judges was also assigned for this docket.

“What do we have here?” asked Judge Devereaux. He was a portly man, short and graying, with square black glasses that framed his perpetually surly face. The man now adjusted his glasses so he could read the slip of paper the clerk had just handed to him after reading off the docket.

The charges included four counts of murder in the first degree: the murders-for-hire, enacted by Alastair Rolston.

Followed by attempted murder in the first degree, ten counts of murder in the second degree (those who had lost their lives in the most recent building fire), conspiracy to commit murder, arson, and if that weren’t enough, a charge each of attempted sexual assault and sexual harassment.

When the last two charges were read out loud in the courtroom, Nick looked visibly angry.

Sam glanced over at the defendant with thinly veiled satisfaction. Some days, it was difficult for him to come to work.

Today was not that day.

“All right, that is a laundry list of potential misdeeds,” Judge Deveraux remarked. He looked up at Nick Savage. “How does the defendant plead?”

At the prodding of his lawyer, Amelia Richardson, Nick spoke up.

“Not guilty,” he said. Though he rolled his eyes, as if this was a waste of his time.

“What’s the deal here, Mr. Winchester?” Judge Devereaux asked.

“The primary charge is a murder-for-hire, your Honor,” Sam replied. “Mr. Savage hired a hitman to murder at least five people, and succeeded with four. He also masterminded several arsons. This includes a fire at his own company building, which claimed the lives of ten people and injured several others. This is all part of a larger connection to organized crime, which the People intend to prove in our case. Due to the nature of the charges, and the defendant clearly being a flight risk, we seek his remand to custody without bail.”

The judge raised his brows. He turned to the defendant’s lawyer.

“What about it, Miss Richardson?”

Amelia shot Sam a glance, but she replied to the judge.

“What we have here is a conflict of interest, your Honor,” she said. “Detective John Winchester has a vendetta against my client. Therefore, Mr. Winchester should recuse himself. It’s a family affair, Judge, and they have no evidence for any of these charges, except for the testimony of a confessed murderer.”

“It’s called prosecutorial discretion,” Sam cut in. “Our evidence goes beyond Mr. Rolston’s testimony and will more than support our case. I’ve also tried my father’s cases before, your Honor. This defendant is no different.”

The judge peered closer at the docket with incredulous eyes.

“Except for the fact that one of the attempted murders was on your father. John Winchester?” Judge Devereaux actually chuckled. “Oh, Mr. Savage. Many have tried and failed on that regard.”

“Judge,” Amelia tried, but Devereaux waved her off. Sam took in that small victory without giving anything away outwardly. The fact that John was on the docket as a “victim” was easily Sam’s biggest challenge in this arraignment, but he just couldn’t hand this off to another prosecutor.

“And what’re these last charges about?” the judge asked.

“Mr. Savage attempted to sexually assault one of his employees at a company Christmas party in the defendant’s home, your Honor,” Sam replied. His gaze once again cut over to Nick, who glared back at him with a sneer.

“That’s a goddamn lie!” Nick shouted.

Amelia grabbed his arm and tried to shut him up, but Nick jerked out of her grasp.

“Put a gag on your client or I will, Miss Richardson,” Devereaux warned with a deepening frown.

“Hey,” Amelia hissed a whisper, grabbing the sleeve of Nick’s suit jacket this time. “Get it together and shut your mouth. Remember where you are.”

He ignored her to try and speak to the judge himself. 

“That bitch tased me. Did she tell you that?” Nick levied Sam a look, before he turned back to Devereaux. “Yeah, she assaulted me, Judge. So that charge is fucking bogus.”

“I’ve heard quite enough!” Devereaux snapped. He raised his gavel and slammed it down loud enough for Nick to flinch. “The defendant is remanded to custody, without bail.”

It was more satisfying than John would admit.

While the development wasn’t exactly what he had expected, having Daniel Savage’s son dragged out of his new prison home to sit in another musty holding cell was the highlight of the new year.

This was the poor excuse for a man who’d given him such a headache these past few months. This was the little shit that nearly got his son killed, and who’d been terrorizing you for months, if not years.

But he would be a means to an end.

“I’ll tell ya what, Nick. You don’t look like a man that could organize a handful of murders and arsons, but here we are,” John said.

He scratched the back of his head and sat on the corner of the desk. Sam was seated across from Nick, and Cas was hanging back within the cell, watching the exchange (and watching Nick’s reactions for any tells).

On the other side sat Nick himself, dressed down in his gray prison garb. It was a far cry from the $5,000 suit he wore in the arraignment. Next to him was his lawyer, Amelia Richardson.

“Is there a question in there somewhere?” she asked. She shot Sam a glance.

They had dated in law school for a few months. It had ended abruptly when her husband returned from Afghanistan. It had been a shock to both of them, since the man had been presumed dead.

Clearly, Sam had moved on since then. He was happier with Eileen than he ever was, but he could tell that Amelia had never quite recovered from the “what could’ve been” of their relationship.

Still, Sam had set all that aside the moment he stepped into this room. He watched his father work.

“Why did you set fire to your own building?” John asked.

He’d expected Nick to be more explosive with his denials, but the man was quietly simmering, like he just wanted the questioning to be over. It reminded John of when his sons were teenagers. Maybe he hadn’t been the perfect father, but intuition was telling him something…

“You didn’t do it, did you?” John mused. “At least, not that fire.”

It was interesting, however, that Alastair had pinned the Savage & Co. fire on the son—that Nick had started it himself, along with the other arsons. Alastair had just been the muscle, committing the murders and the brandings on the victims.

John wasn’t so sure he believed that. He leaned in a bit and gave Nick a wry smile.

“Did Daddy do that one for ya?” he asked.

At that, Nick held firm. “My father has nothing to do with this.”

Hmm, a bit of familial loyalty? Maybe trying to prove himself, John detected. How far is he willing to go to protect his dad?

“So you did do it, along with the other arsons,” John said.

“Are you trying to get him to confess without a plea deal?” Amelia snarked.

“I’m trying to figure out how badly this kid wants to stay out of jail for the rest of his life,” John said.

“I’m not a fucking kid,” Nick grumbled.

“If you have something for us on Daniel Savage, then we’re willing to listen,” Sam added. “Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in jail?”

Nick crossed his arms, clearly uncooperative.

Sam narrowed his gaze. “This is your last chance, Nick.”

“You don’t have anything on me except for the word of a murdering felon,” Nick retorted. “I’ll beat this trial in a few months and I’ll be out free…but if you really want to know, I’ll let you in on a little something.”

He leaned in, meeting John’s eyes.

“Dad retaliates,” said Nick. “I think you know that best of all, Detective. This time, I think it’s one son for another. And you’ve got two to pick from.”

“Nick,” Amelia warned, but he ignored her.

He glanced at a carefully stoic Sam before he smirked in John’s face, which had become devoid of all humor and revealed the stoniness underneath.

“If I were a betting guy, I’d put my money on the one that had a fucking building fall on him.”

After leaving the county jail, John drove Sam and Cas back to his sons’ apartment. They couldn’t treat Nick’s warning as an idle threat.

Sam was the prosecutor on the case. He wasn’t willing to step down, so the best they could do for him was give him a police security detail that would have to be with him at all times. However, all three men agreed that you, Dean, and Eileen needed to be put in protective custody during the trial.

“Damn it, Dean,” Sam muttered. His brother wasn’t answering his cell.

“Try him again,” said John.

“Is Eileen still at work?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, but she’s talking to the principal now about a temporary replacement for her classes,” Sam replied. He was worried about her safety, but he was also worried about you and Dean. Neither of you were answering your cell phones.

He later let John and Cas into his apartment, where all looked normal and clean.

“Dean!” Sam called out. He was just about to search the apartment when the man came out of his room, looking freshly showered.

“Hey, what’s up?” said Dean. “The gang’s all here, huh?”

“I’ve been calling you for an hour. Where’ve you been?” Sam asked in annoyance, though it was edged with a hint of more that tipped off Dean.

He sensed the tension in the room between his brother, his father, and his friend. He frowned.

“I had a doctor’s appointment. Why?”

John explained the latest round of questioning with Nick Savage, and his most recent threat. John asked where you were right now, if not in the apartment. Dean’s expression shifted to one of worry as he went to find his cell phone.

“She had a job interview,” he admitted, scrolling through his phone to find your name. “She couldn’t reschedule it, else she would’ve gone with me.”

He’d been uneasy about you going to the interview by yourself, but you hadn’t wanted him to change his appointment, and you had assured him it was only a few minutes away…

Dean held the phone to his ear and waited what felt like an eternity as it rang.

Pick up. Pick up, damn it.

Finally, the line connected.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted…but you didn’t answer.

“You there?” he asked. There was a pit forming in his stomach when he glanced up at John. His father met his gaze with furrowed brows that betrayed concern.

The line was silent for one more painful moment. Dean opened his mouth to call out to you again, but a smooth voice interrupted.

“Dean, Dean, Dean,” a man replied. “Forgetting something?”

AN: ���� Sorry lol.

But the next chapter will bring the final showdown...

Next Time:

Dean’s heart began to pound. His mouth parted, but for a moment, the words wouldn’t escape.

“Who is this?” he said. His voice was a hint unsteady.

“I think you know, son,” the man replied.

Keep Reading: PART 19

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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[arjwrites]

Bless the Broken Road- Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: A glimpse into the broken road that led Dean Winchester to you. Based on Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. Warnings: Language, minor references to sex, lots and lots of pining and angst A/N: I threw this together pretty quickly and pretty late at night, but the idea had been nagging at me for a while. I hope you enjoy! As always, feedback welcomed <3

-

"I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you"

When John Winchester went missing, and Dean hit the road to retrieve Sam from Stanford, there was one more person he knew he needed on his side. An old friend, a fellow hunter, a comfort from the life he had been living in Sam’s absence. It was vulnerable of him to do, he knew that, but what were friends for?

Little did he know how quickly Y/N would come running. The sight of his name glowing brightly from her buzzing phone drew her in like a moth to a flame. Wherever Dean Winchester went, wherever he needed her to be, she would happily go. All he had done was ask her to meet up with him, to be there with him when he picked up Sammy, to help them find their father. She knew it wasn’t anything more than that, just a job and a little friendly moral support. Dean had made it clear to her years ago that he couldn’t get attached, that there would never be anything between them. But Y/N was called into action, heart racing at the opportunity to be there for Dean. “Anything you need, Dean, you know that. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

As the trio had found John, encountered Azazel, opened the gate to hell, and everything beyond, Y/N remained at Dean’s side. It seemed like the work just kept coming, and he kept asking her to help out with the next obstacle they faced. Of course, it was her job as a hunter to stick around. Selfishly, though, Y/N was taking every chance to linger in Dean’s presence a little longer. Self-indulgently, she hoped that each time he extended her invitation, a piece of his armor had chipped away, and he was that much closer to letting her in, to letting himself love her back. But time and time again, it was all business and no pleasure. Just hunt after hunt, case after case, and Y/N soldiered on. Anything for you Dean, you know that.

"I think about the years I spent just passin' through

I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you"

A few years and a few apocalypses later, it seemed that Y/N had established herself as a regular part of the team. She, Sam, and Dean had been through too much together- they needed her just as much as she needed them. As much as she needed Dean. She clung tight to every scrap of him she could gather- stolen glances through the Impala’s rear view mirror, hesitant touches while stitching him up after a difficult hunt, and any chance the two could be alone together. Dean was driving an ache into her chest, a pining that she’d never felt before. 

She had spent years watching Dean flirt with girl after girl and bring home hook-up after hook-up. She couldn’t help but feel like he was rubbing it in her face- dangling everything she had ever wanted right in front of her eyes. It wasn’t the flirtations or the sex that she craved, but his love, his care, his commitment to her. I would take anything you gave me, Dean. You know that. 

“He really does love you,” Sam admitted to her one night, the two sharing a few drinks in a dusty motel. 

“No chance. To him I’m a hunting partner, nothing more,” she sighed, silently cursing Sam for giving her any hope. Hope was her problem. Hope was why she had stuck around so long. 

“I wouldn’t count on that. He’s in his own head, he’s scared to lose you, but soon enough, you’ll see. He’d do anything for you, you know that.” 

"But you just smile and take my hand

You've been there, you understand

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true"

“You don’t get it, Y/N! I don’t deserve you, and if I let you in, I drag you down with me! I’m not good for you, dammit!” Dean roared, his harsh tone slightly wavering with a nearly undetectable emotion. This fight had been bubbling inside him for several long, torturous years. He couldn’t keep the truth in much longer. 

“No, YOU don’t understand, Dean! What you fail to recognize is that I know who you are! I’ve been here at your side to watch as the world has beaten you down, time and time again! And no matter how hard the monsters, the losses, the literal hell hits you, you never fail to land the final punch yourself- you can’t let yourself love, you can’t let yourself be happy!” 

Her outburst hung in the air as the world around the pair came to a standstill. 

“Dean, I understand if you don’t want me. Say the word and I’ll leave. But you can’t keep me here, you can’t keep torturing me, just because you’re scared to love me. Not when I would drop everything for you, and you know that.” The end of her sentence had come out more severe than intended, but she had truly had enough. She had been hurting herself just as long as Dean had- letting herself be strewn along, her hope dwindling with each passing day. 

But Y/N’s words had landed the final blow. In front of her feet fell the mighty Dean Winchester, hard and fast. He dropped to his knees, and just as quickly dropped a lifetime of defenses. Heavy sobs wracked his body as she knelt to meet him.

“I love you. I’m sorry. I love you so, so much. I am so sorry. Let me fix it.” His confession leaked out, barely above a whisper. Dean was ready to love her, to let her in. And it was all she could’ve ever asked for. Everything she had wanted for years, what she had lost sleep over, tortured herself over, she was now holding in the palm of her hand. 

And so, she held him. She held him tight and close, in a way that nearly a decade of his resistance had prevented her from doing. Now that he had let her, all she ever wanted to do was wrap her arms around him, whisper to him that it was okay, that she forgave him, that she understood. She loved him so deeply that she could never leave- he was engrained into her soul. “I’m not going anywhere, Dean. I love you. You know that.”

It had been a broken road, but if Dean was ready to let her in, every last mile was more than worth it.  

"And now I'm just a-rollin' home

Into my lover's arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you"

[crucifysam]

walk with me here okay. azazel fucking sam and talking about how much sam reminds him of mary, of her heat, her pretty moans. talks in depth about how invigorating it felt using her wearing samuels skin. how her exclaims of disgust, her please, dad’s sound just like sams. the feel of sam, inside n out, his hair, his smell, just like mary. its the closest sams felt to his mother fucking ever. the more he’s learnt about her aside from johns drunken ramblings. all the while azazel is achingly loving, sweet-talking sam with such adoration and reverence for his creation. saying how sams his as much as he’s johns, how his blood runs through sam just as heavy, just as thick, implies that sam might’ve been mary’s & his’s all along. god. is this thing on.

[dearmrshudson]

Listing top 10 saddest moments was fun, so let me do it again and think about my top 10 satisfying moments of Supernatural.

10. Family dinner:

To be frank, 14x13 is not one of my favourites, I think a lot of fillers ruined the episode and the return of John could be more poignant and meaningful than it was in this. But still, the Winchester family dinner definitely feels satisfying as this is the dream of our Winchester boys manifeating into reality. Afterall how many of us could ever sit in a family dinner with our dead parents, no matter how much we dream of it?

9. Sam shoots GOD!

Sam's BADASS moment! Despite knowing the consequence he just gave it back to the Supreme. We all knew nothing will happen, but still cheered at this.

8. Dad's on a hunting trip:

Such a great beginning of the fifteen years journey, isn’t it? The pilot episode is always so much fun, the wonderful chemistry between Sam and Dean hooks you with the show from the very first episode- and it starts right from the point where the two brothers meet in Sam's dark apartment after years. And the iconic delivery of 'Dad's on a hunting trip' is something that sets the vibe of the show right ahead. It becomes so poignant and satisfying as we get more invested to the show.

7. Baby

Baby is such a beautiful and fulfilling episode for every brothers' fan. And the scene where both of them sets out in their dear old ride, singing along together, laughing, catching jokes and brotherly banters- it automatically brings smile in your lips. Such a complete picture of the happy Winchester family.

6.John and his sons

Maybe not on everyone's list, but the scene where John meets his boys is so much comforting for me. The moment of Dean's eyes met John, and he ran to hug him- the shock, the relief, the longing - everything is so clear and fulfilling here. This immediately follows with the hug with Sam, where the stubborn Dad and rebel son met after so long time and embrace themselves forgetting all the bitterness.

5. Close the trunk, off we go

This scene depicts completion of their life mission and propagating towards the next. It's like a chapter closing with utter satisfaction before the next chapter starts.

4. Jerk- Bitch

How to say I love You brother in true Winchester fashion ❤️

3. Yellow eyed demon kill

Sam and Dean have defeated so so so many evils in their lives- including God himself, but nothing feeled more satisfactory than the kill of Azazel- the og demon! The whole setup, the thrill, the development - everything was so on point!

2. The final ride

This scene- followes by the ride in the impala feels so so fulfilling... See the wave of satisfaction reflecting in their eyes. It's not just Sam and Dean, it is Jared and Jensen- and their journey for 15 long years!

1. Forever for the eternity

This completes the whole show. A journey filled with laughter, tears, happiness and love.. The most satisfying, the most fulfilling, the most complete moment❤️

Must have missed a lot from the list. Please share your favourite most satisfying moments as well.

[2sw]

🖤Understanding Season 4&5 Sam🖤

long post, 30 gifs

sorry I don't care if my english sucks or not anymore. I live with the urge to defend Sam 24/7, that's what it's about.

this post looks weird on pc… recommend you to read on the app

Supernatural S1E01 Pilot // S1E06 Skin S3E08 A Very Supernatural Christmas S4E19 Jump the Shark

Do you see the parallels here? This is why I think people who say season 4 Sam was annoying also hate every other character in this show, they just don't realize that. It was not a big deal when other characters treated Sam the way they did, but when Sam started to mirror them you suddenly find it annoying? That's absurd. I know almost every filmmaking choice of this show is unfair to Sam and I hate that too, but still we audiences can see things from various angles and think for ourselves. And sometimes you need to see the story as a story, not something to take sides.

Supernatural S3E16 No Rest for the Wicked Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Sam lost his entire family at the end of season 3. He was full of remorse, and to make up for that he was literally following his family's footsteps. Sam became obsessed with revenge like John did after Mary died. Season 4 was about that vicious cycle, the tragedy of it. Dean sold his soul for Sam just like John did for him. Sam tried to be more like his dad and big brother and did what they taught him. And Sam's relapse was a part of the addiction cycle. But Dean locking up Sam in the panic room changed nothing, the final seal was broken after all. So Lucifer gets out, and the oldest family drama is about to start all over again. It wasn't about who was right or wrong. It was about the circle, a never ending story. The next season was about restoring trust in each other and seeking redemption, and Sam eventually broke the chain by sacrificing himself. That's what makes Swan Song the tragic ending of all time. (though it all comes back as the show keeps going on... but what is spn without The Codependency™)

So, yeah, it's beyond me how some people can't see the reason behind Sam's choices in this season cause the context was SO clear. If you watch the show, you can see how much Sam and Dean affect each other and how much both are affected by John in different ways. And it's natural because they are family. We are who we are because of everyone and everything that has happened in our lives, and same goes for every fictional character, including Sam. It's just as simple as that. Sam was just trying to live by his brother's will while battling with grief and loss. He had to keep on fighting without Dean. And the reason why Dean wasn't with him was because Dean sold his soul to save Sam and went to hell for it. It not only made Sam the sole survivor of the family but also made the very being of him their entire legacy. Starting with Mary making a deal with Azazel, every choice ever made in this family is what brought him there. As I said earlier, it's the cycle. And a consequence. In short, if it is a sin, I think it’s everyone’s.

Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Sam and Dean's fate to be vessels? Their destiny? It doesn't matter in the end. This show was always about fate AND free will. Free will was always there. You always have choices. Sam was the one who believed that most desperately so he became the one who broke the cycle. Even though it was only the last page, he ripped out the written fate anyway and wrote the ending himself. YES HE IS THE MAIN CHARACTER. And after everything he did for the world, the story made him suffer eternal agony with the Devil because he is also a tragic hero figure. (SIGH literally the character of all time)

You can see this all only as an observer, as an audience. For Sam, the only thing he could do at the moment was just find the person to blame―in this case, it's a demon named Lilith― and get revenge. And he was lost somewhere along the road, he became an addict because he couldn't do anything about his loved ones dying, but when he drinks the demon blood it gives him power and a sense of control. (aaaaaand I still don't get why writers wrote this as some kind of diabolical desire in 4x18. I get it sammy what the fuck would chuck know about helplessness)

You can say you wouldn't suck up the demon blood, that's fine, but this story was written in this way, and if Sam didn't do that, the story couldn't go forward. Why? Because he is the main character. (It always had to be you, Sammy!) And reminds you that if you want to watch a show with multiple seasons, you have to remember what happened before to understand what’s going on now. So please don't make up things in your head, just go back to where it all started. There are contexts in everything. Everyone is a consequence of each other, but we don't have to be bound to that fact. We have choices: to change, to make things better. That's why we should be kind to each other, and for that, I love and respect Sam so much cause he didn't let his traumas define him and always tried to be a better person. ♡

I'm not done yet!!! see also this:

Supernatural S3E04 Sin City Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Dean worried when Sam killed a demon with the Colt to save him cause it also killed a person who was being possessed, and it was 'cold'. But then when he finds out about the demon blood, he is so mad that he doesn't even care about the fact Sam was saving possession victims and just screaming in Sam's face "Use the knife!". It's so??? What is the logic here? This just proves it's always been about his feelings, not really about saving people. Is that an evil thing? No, I don’t think so. Dean is just a human, he can’t control what he feels. But if you use this to beat up Sam, I'll go feral then. Cause Sam is a human too.

And look at Ruby's masterful manipulation skill. Makes Sam feel guilty about everything, and comes back with what he needs when no one's left around him. She really was the best of those sons of bitches.

Supernatural S4E04 Metamorphosis

Seriously, what was Sam supposed to do? Everyone on this show didn't even bother to understand Sam and just decided everything he ever did was fundamentally wrong. Sam was using his own body to change the things outside of him, cause there is nothing he can do about the fact of his body, the blood in it. In life, there are things we can change and we can't. We have to live with that non-negotiable fact for our whole life. Sam learned this most painful way... And one thing about Sam is that he never let the unchangeable things make him give up the things he can change. It's not always a good thing though, cause Sam in s4 was very self-destructive. He was obsessive, and that is one of his problems. Sam is so stubborn and doesn't give up on anything easily. Actually this problem could be solved after s7 cause he tried to move on, but s8 happened… so it got worse, kept getting worse, and look what happened in s10. The most heartbreaking domino effect, I'd say...

Supernatural S5E03 Free to Be You and Me Supernatural S5E06 I Believe the Children Are Our Future

Anyways, back to the point. Unfortunately, Sam started the apocalypse. And what did he do after that? When the whole world tried to hunt him down, the devil wanted to crawl inside him, and an angel called him an abomination? He didn't give up there to remain that abomination. He didn’t surrender. Instead, Sam begged for a second chance. He wanted to atone, wanted redemption. He still believed in others even though he lost trust in himself. He believed there was still something he could do about it. Even when he was possessed by Lucifer, he fought till the end to save his brother and the world. And he did it. He was a fucking hero at that moment, sadly a tragic one too. But the important thing is: Sam Winchester represents hope. (I think Swan Song was a perfect ending as a tragedy. This show got weaker and weaker after s5 which kinda ruined the perfection, but I'm also so glad the show continued cause this message fits more hopefully in Carry On. I needed to see Sam rewarded with something better than eternal agony after all those additional tortures of 10 more seasons.)

One last thing, you know what's funny about Metamorphosis? Dean had nothing to say about the fact Sam saved more people than when they were hunting together, so he just went "That what Ruby wants you to think?" Dude what was going on in your mind. like that was what Ruby intended, he was right about that only by chance, but I still find it funny that Dean said that at this exact moment. And he does this a lot, attacking the messenger when he can't refute the message. He didn't have any rational reasons like Sam, he just didn't like it and that's all(and honestly I think this can be an actual reason too cause there's a history behind it which I talked about it here. I wish Dean had just talked to Sam and had a real conversation. but he never talks about his feelings, that's what Dean Winchester does. so… yep not gonna happen. also, if the brothers have a healthy relationship, that is not supernatural lol), so he brought up Angels and evoked Sam's religious guilt. And the Angels in question also turned out to be manipulative assholes later. Everyone makes mistakes, but somehow Sam is always the one who gets most condemned and blamed. Dean, On the other hand, is justified by the narrative so many times even when it is actually his fault. As I said, unfair. This is not even a Dean crit post, I'm just mad at unreasonable people and the way this show works in general.

I swear I was normal before watching this season. Sam's demon blood arc was what made me insanely fall in love with him, so when I found out all those hate for Sam… that really could be my villain origin story but instead I chose to be on tumblr, so yeah I believe love wins<3 ha what a way to end a post. sorry guys

[queen-of-deans-booty]

New Life's Purpose

Pairing: No Pairing (female!reader)

Word Count: ~1.3k

Warnings: fluff

Request by anon: Hey can i request a imagine with both of the Winchester with a tribrid (werewolf, witch, vampire) and half angel daughter of any archangel that is over 600 years old look like 25 and study some many careers and is super intelligent and have a lot of money,  companies, etc and when the Winchesters find out they are surprised and fascinated?

Summary: You've completed your life's mission. You've lived a luxurious lifestyle. You want something more. You want to do something more with your life. Something like a new life's purpose.

Square Filled: “I’m not saying I’m amazing, but sometimes I’m distinctly above average.” (2021) for @spnquotebingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

All these choices yet you don’t know which one you want. The manager gathered everything he had that fit the description you gave but you’re still having a hard time deciding.

“If I may, ma’am, I think this one would look fantastic on you,” he says and points to the necklace.

“It’s not for me. It’s for a friend.”

The store manager is nervous because this is such a high-end store that the only people who come in to shop must have millions to their name--which you do. More like billions, but that’s neither here nor there.

You tap your fingers on the desk rhythmically as you look at all of the options. People pass by the store on their way to other stores that they can afford but none of them interest you. Not until two men walk by that makes you smile.

“Sam! Dean!” Both men stop and look into the store in confusion. “Over here. Come here.” They look at each other in confusion. “Come here. I need you two.” They step inside, unsure of what is going on. You grab the necklace the store manager pointed to and one that you had your eyes on, and you place both necklaces on Sam and Dean’s neck. “Which one would look better?”

“What the hell is going on?” Dean asks.

“It’s hard to say, ma’am. They both compliment their skin tones.”

“I’ll get both,” you shrug and hand the necklaces back to the manager.

“Of course, ma’am,” the manager grins and takes the necklaces back. He rings up the very expensive necklaces and accepts your cash before handing you the bag with them in it. “Have a pleasant day, ma’am.”

“I intend to. Thank you, Tony.” You grab the bag and leave the store knowing the Winchesters are going to follow you. You hold the bag to Sam who takes it with a confused look. “Hold this for me, please.”

“What is going on?” Sam mutters to his brother.

“Who are you? How do you know us?” Dean asks.

As you’re walking, you look into the windows of various stores, only interested in ones that have the price tags in the thousands.

“You’re Sam and Dean Winchester, born to Mary Campbell and John Winchester. Mary died when Sam was six months old by Azazel and John died by selling his soul for Dean to the same demon. You two grew up on the road with fun Uncle Bobby who later died by a gunshot wound to the head, courtesy of that dick, Dick. I’m sure I missed an angel or two in there somewhere.”

Dean immediately stops you outside the store you’re looking for.

“Okay, lady, who the hell are you? I won’t ask again. How do you know us?”

“My name is Y/N, and I’m the daughter of the archangel, Michael. I’m a tribrid of a werewolf, vampire, and witch along with angelic grace floating around inside of me. I guess that makes me a quad-brid,” you chuckle at your joke. You walk into the store and look around for some new clothes since your old wardrobe is getting pretty boring to style. “Ooh, this would look good on you, Dean. Feel free to get whatever you want. My treat.”

“Why did you find us? What do you want?” Sam asks.

You take a nice shirt and hold it up against Sam, deciding that this would look good on him. You do the same for Dean and let the younger Winchester hold your purchases.

“I’m six hundred years old, rich, and smart. I’m kind of tired of spending all day every day in stores all around the world spending my money aimlessly. I’m not saying I’m amazing, but sometimes I’m distinctly above average.” You pick out a few shirts you like and toss them to Sam who catches them easily. “A life of luxury isn’t all that glamorous. I want to hunt and that’s why you two are here.”

“Okay, why us?” Sam asks, grunting when you toss two pants at him.

“Why not you?” you scoff. “You’re the best of the best or so I’m told. I haven’t been in touch with Heaven for quite some time now, so if things have changed and you’re not the best anymore, I will go elsewhere.”

Dean steps in your way just as you pick two pairs of pants for both brothers. He crosses his arms trying to make himself look bigger than he is.

“Sweetheart, we’re the best of the best.”

You toss the pants to Sam who scrambles to catch them.

“Thought so,” you smirk. You walk to the cash register and pay for everything that’s in Sam’s arms. You take the bags and hold them out to Sam who takes them from you. “So, can I join you?”

“No offense, Y/N, but we don’t even know you. How can we trust you to know what we do?”

“Quiz me if you want but do it while we eat. I’m starving. You two hungry?”

You leave the store and head to the food court where you order three meals and bring them to an empty table. Sam set all the bags on the empty chair just as Dean dug into his meal.

“Dude,” Sam whispers.

“What? I’m not going to turn down a free meal,” he says with his mouth full.

“Okay,” Sam nods, not yet touching his food, “how do you kill a Djinn?”

“A silver knife dipped in lamb’s blood. Or bash its brains in. Both are very effective.”

“Rugarus?”

“Fire.”

“Shapeshifter?”

“Silver.”

“Vampires?”

“Decapitation.”

“Vetala?”

“Silver to the heart and twist.”

“Okay,” Sam nods, “what about a Phoenix?”

“Iron or the Colt.”

“Dragons?”

“Dragon-killing sword.”

“How about a Jefferson Starship?”

At the name, Dean smirks.

“Silver, decapitation, or just ripping their hearts right out of their chests,” you smile. “Did I pass?”

“I’m impressed,” Sam chuckles.

“My turn,” Dean says and swallows his food. “How do you change the sparkplugs in a car?”

“Seriously?”

Both you and Sam give Dean a weird look to which he shrugs and continues eating.

“Okay, Little Miss Quad-brid. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you haven’t fought a day in your life.” You didn’t say anything so he assumes you’re not going to correct him which means he’s right. “How the hell are you supposed to fight a monster?”

You take a bite of your food and stare at Dean in the eyes. Suddenly, every single fluorescent light in the food court explodes and shatters. The only light source is the sun coming from the windows. Two of the food place signs crackle and spark before crumbling to the ground. People scream and run from the place but you continue to eat your food as if nothing happened.

“Like that.”

Sam and Dean are stunned into silence, fascinated by your powers.

“Okay, then why do you want to hunt?” Sam asks.

You sigh and push aside your plate of food.

“I was created for one thing and one thing only. To make new angels. Heaven is dying and Michael wanted new angels to repair the damage Metatron caused when the Angels fell. I did that. I made plenty of new angels and Heaven is now thriving, but I want to do more with my life now that my ‘mission’ is over. I have multiple degrees, mastered skills, and got rich in the six hundred years I’ve been here. I loved the fancy lifestyle before but now I want to try something different. I want to save people and bring meaning back to my life. So, can I hunt with you or not?”

Sam and Dean look at each other and have a silent conversation through their eyes.

“On one condition,” Dean says when they’re done.

“What?”

“Endless supply of alcohol. Like, top-shelf shit.” Sam rolls his eyes and you chuckle. “Oh, and I want spa days.” Dean snaps at his brother before he can say anything. “Shut up.”

“My wealth is yours,” you smile. “Spend it how you’d like.”

“Then you got yourself a deal,” Dean nods.

Maybe this time, you can do something good with your life. Humans are creatures that need to be protected, and this is your way to make sure that happens.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[aliusfrater]

thinking about this scene and ruby's choice of words in the sentence, "your appetite's gotten much bigger," and how it feels like something a mom tracking the growth of her newborn would say and while, yes, there's the immediate double meaning of their relationship and the fact that ruby is grooming sam into the perfect vessel for lucifer, not just physically but she's also grooming his willpower out of him through both addiction and a similar kind of control/relationship dynamic that dean has over sam, but only to an extent that manipulates sam into thinking he still has control over himself and replacing it with a kind of complacency that you would typically find in any relationship that can be described as provider and their ward, there's also the overhanging dynamic of mother and son. the choice of ruby's words mirroring that of a mother's takes the physical substance of her demon blood out of a role that's just physical and mental relief for an addict or just a source of/perpetuation of power and into a role of a substance that is not only nurturing and nutritious but also necessary; there's an indirect comparison between demon blood and breast milk. this is crucial to sam's relationship with demon blood as a substance:

azazel describes his blood as being 'better than mother's milk' when the origin of sam's power, something that is now inherently tied to his motivations and agency as a character, is revealed to have been as a result of the being sam and his family have been hunting all along, the being that killed his mother. there's an intrinsic link between azazel feeding sam his blood and ruby's relationship with sam with how they relate to each other as metaphors for childhood sexual assault. there's another angle added to this when it's revealed that mary is the one that had originally let azazel into their home and that john had known this about sam but chose to keep the information from him. there's also the idea that ruby had originally coerced sam into having sex with her, inherently relating their sexual relationship and demon blood to one another and placing it at the forefront of their seemingly collaborative relationship. there's also more to consider when you relate the idea of azazel possessing samuel's body to bargain with and ultimately kiss mary — an act of almost explicit incest that had transpired through coercion — to the metaphor of childhood sexual assault as well the idea that mary named sam after her father, the same man whose body was used to violate her and, by proxy, violate sam's

this kind of fuels my idea of sam as a nucleus character when it comes to the exploration of the inherent rot of/within the nuclear family; there's an existing atmosphere and set of relationship dynamics that basically ensures that he will be assaulted and violated in some way or another over and over again. in 1.06 skin he tells his college friend, "anyway, what can i do? it’s my family," as a conclusionary sentence to his absence at school and why he takes part in hunting and i think that's a pretty perfect encapsulation of how childhood abuse, particularly sexual abuse, goes unnoticed or without intervention. it's their family so they either don't report or bring attention to it at all either because they don't want to hurt their family or because they think it's normal. it's their family so even if they do report or bring attention to it, it's dismissed because it's their family. it makes this all the more satisfying that he's referring to hunting here, the family business, because hunting is the ultimate metaphor for rot within the nuclear family in supernatural. hunting has provided the ultimate atmosphere for sam's bodily and mental autonomy to be violated over and over again; it's also quite literally his fate to be violated by lucifer and the power azazel violated his body to give him propels him further and further into this fate first under the guise of genuine agency then once again through the same genuine guise of agency but accompanied by a more prevalent force of abuse

[incesthemes]

hi, ciel! happy (late) wincest wednesday! :)

if you could have any two versions of sam and dean meet (e.g., s15!dean & boykingofhell!sam, etc.), which pairing do you think would get along best, and which do you think would get along worst? would any of them hate, love, or fear each other? which ones? hope your day is going well! <3

-lizzy

happy wincest wednesday!! sorry i'm late as well 🥴 i got wayyyy too absorbed in my book this past week.

this is such an interesting question!!! if i had to say, maybe late season 2 dean and season 10 sam might get along the best; their goals and desires regarding their relationship match up really well, and their levels of endless devotion to each other are nearly identical. they'd probably be able to live out some semblance of domestic bliss together, especially with sam no longer being under azazel's thumb. destiny successfully averted.

for getting along the worst, i think stanford era sam would really not mesh well with season 8/9 dean. dean operates on a fundamental, mutual understanding that they are each other's most important person and he's willing to push past any kind of boundary to ensure sam's safety and presence in his life. meanwhile, stanford era sam bears a grudge and a fierce, spiteful independence which is only sated by dean's willingness to let go. early seasons wincest only ever works because dean lets go of sam in the first place, so if sam meets a version of dean who is no longer willing to do that, then that development toward each other would probably never happen, or would happen only through arduous pains and so, so much conflict.

i'm not sure if there is a version of sam and dean who could ever truly hate each other, but the closest they could get is probably late seasons dean and stanford sam 🤔 but hate?? idk, in my humble opinion they're way too blinded by the soulmatism to ever hate each other.

this isn't exactly love per se (of course, all versions of sam love all versions of dean, and vice versa), but as is the popular opinion, demon dean and bloodfreak sam would match each other's freak way way way too much. ruby who??? no this is my brother and he makes me stronger with his devil blood. christ almighty.

maybe this one comes off as a stretch, but i think season 5 sam would fear vampire dean (probably not the other way around, but maybe there's guilt there instead). i think sam would see himself in dean's bloodlust, in a way that strikes too hard at something too fresh in his mind. he would look at dean and see reflected the version of him that dean watched helplessly for a year—and what's worse is that he would have no idea how to fix it. lock him in a panic room for a week and he'll come down and be "fixed" eventually. but there's no solving the vampirism, especially if he doesn't know about the cure or if dean has already drunk human blood.

the match-up i'd like to see though is post-canon sam and stanford era dean (2005 dean, right before the pilot): i think their yearning game would be apocalyptic levels of intense. especially if sam is fresh out of 15x20, still wallowing in his grief, still begging for dean to come back to him—and he does, but in the most unexpected way. and dean, four years into missing sam—maybe it's right after john goes missing and dean has never felt so utterly alone in his life. and they find each other, at two wholly different stages in their life, but the longing is the same, the grief is the same, the desire is the same.

anyway thank you for the ask!!! this was a lot of fun to think about :)

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Dean isn't controlling. In fact, he's barely hanging on. His life has been spiralling out of his control since before he was 4 yrs old. Remember him comforting Mary when she and John were fighting? If that had been it in his childhood it woulda been fine, he woulda been fine. But Azazel had other plans, didn't he. So Dean has been trying to hold his family together his entire life, and his family keeps flying apart at the seams, and Dean cannot stop it, no matter how hard he tries. But he still tries because his family is all he has. And the fewer members of the family remain, the tighter he tries to hold them together. His mom got taken from him when he was too little to do anything about it. And he watched as it slowly took his dad from him as well. But he drew the line at Sam. Everything kept trying to take Sam away too but that's were Dean dug in and refused to let it happen. Sam was the baby, his little brother, who he'd spent practically his entire life trying to protect. So yeah no, Sam was going to live and if anyone else had to go, it was just going to have to be Dean. Because Dean couldn't live without his family and Sam was all the family he had left. So if he came across as a bit controlling and bossy, well, too fucking bad. It's not like Dean ever had any real control over anything but himself anyway and he never could make Sam do anything that Sam didn't chose to go along with. So yeah, Dean lied sometimes to get Sam to agree, to just go along and stop fighting every step of the goddamn way.

[millionsghosts]

thinking about the comparisons of Sam to John and the revenge shit is what really gets me because like. John raised his kids as hunters because he lost himself in his grief over Mary dying and obsession with revenge. Sam almost lost himself to it too at the end of season 1 (he would have if he shot John), but he stops himself because his alive family is more important to him than revenge for Jessica (the big difference between him and john!).

In contrast, when Dean dies in season 3 Sam doesn't have anything left but the revenge. His brother is dead and there's nothing he can do. That's when he loses himself and lets the want to kill Lilith take over. The powerlessness he felt when Dean was going to hell and confirmation that he could do nothing was what Ruby needed to get him hooked on that demon blood, too. This is similar to how John became hooked on hunting Azazel, but is also a more literal addiction (demon blood addiction as a metaphor for Sam's revenge quest, anyone?). Just like in season 1, Sam is paralleling his father here.

However! I believe it's at least a little bit of an unfair comparison to make. Sam's circumstances were a lot worse than John's with Ruby spurring him on (and the actual addiction to the blood). Plus, he didn't have a responsibility to his family like John did until after Dean got back. When that happened he did continue what he was doing, but at that point he was already hooked on demon blood/in too deep with Ruby anyways. He was also convinced he was already unclean! At most he thought he could use it to kill Lilith, right?

Also, Sam's obsession was much further along than John's when the opportunity came to put revenge over family (since Dean had once again. Been dead.). I'm not saying he didn't fuck it up, he 100% did! He betrayed Dean's trust and made a HUGE error in judgement, no matter how sympathetic I am towards him

(Not denying this is a Sam defense post! But I also have enough media literacy to understand that even when I love and am defending a character, that doesn't mean they did nothing wrong. I'm saying Sam is a better person than John was, not that)

Anyways, this betrayal still isn't comparable to John, who started out with two very young children to take care of from the beginning! He doesn't have the excuse of his obsession developing or getting in too deep while his family wasn't around like Sam does. Also, for all the shit Sam's addiction causes, he at least doesn't force Dean into it. This is as opposed to John, who raised his kids to be hunters too!

Anyways Sam, when in his right mind (not an addict being manipulated!), knows to choose his family over the revenge. When he doesn't, it's because he's a victim of severe, completely different circumstances. John Winchester left his normal life for the sake of revenge while he had two kids in the backseat. For all the similarities between John and Sam, despite the many many parallels and connections of their stories, that's the big, important difference between them. That's what matters

[preseriesdean]

Talk to me about s2 supremacy. Spare no details.

thank you for asking and allowing me to gush 💕

maybe most importantly: it still has that early seasons 2000s vibe with flip phones and tape decks and newspaper articles and wide angle shots and americana and grainy film and desaturated colors and grittiness and loose layered working class clothing and shitty motels and grungy bars and this rough edge to everything

another main point is that it finds the perfect balance between monster of the week episodes and a season-encompassing story/myth arc by generally combining the two when necessary, unlike some of the later seasons

an overarching theme is the morality of hunting and whether or not truly every “monster” is really evil or deserves to die: “what if we killed things that didn't deserve killing?” (bloodlust, the usual suspects, croatoan, hunted, born under a bad sign, roadkill, heart) which plays into my next point

the pacing of the season works really well to set up everything about the season finale: sam's storyline with simon said, croatoan, hunted, born under a bad sign; and dean selling his soul, first through john’s deal with azazel, then with children shouldn't play with dead things (“what's dead should stay dead” / “when someone's gone they should stay gone. you don't mess with that kind of stuff”) and crossroad blues (“i think you did it for yourself. so you wouldn’t have to live without her”) and somewhat in croatoan where he's ready to die with sam

literally every single episode is a certified banger in my opinion. i can only think of 2 episodes that didn’t hit the mark too well for me personally but every other one i could rewatch endlessly, and those two still objectively have merit within the framework of the show/season

i won’t talk about each and every ep, but specifically the entirety of playthings, one of the most, if not THE quintessential, gothic episodes of the show. immaculate vibes.

the usual suspects, which shows how well sam and dean work together without even being in the same room and just how generally Weird they can be to outsiders, as well as continuing the theme of “demons i get / people are crazy” which was first set up in s1

as well as the entirety of what is and what should never be. no further explanation necessary i think.

also sam and dean look really nice

cinematography is on. point. the entire time. these shots alone from 2.09 and 2.04. museum worthy.

sam and dean’s relationship is just. sublime. “we were just starting to be brothers again” (2.01) – “he's the only one who gets to call me [sammy]” (2.03) – “you make a move on him, you'll be dead before you hit the ground” (2.09) – “if i ever turn into something that i'm not you have to kill me” (2.11) – “i can't, i'd rather die” (2.14) – “i thought it was supposed to, to be this perfect fantasy” / “it wasn't” / “we never went hunting and you and me just never, uh... you know” (2.20) – “i had to look out for you. that's my job” / “and what do you think my job is?” (2.22)

without taking the focus off the brothers as its core or feeling suffocating, s2 introduces more recurring supporting characters (bobby... kind of, as a rollover from the s1 finale; jo, ellen, ash, gabriel, victor henriksen, gordon walker) and expands on the monster lore, lending some depth to the spn universe before it begins to really ramp up with heaven and hell etc. from s3 onwards

the music was so good, too, although that’s true for other seasons as well. from ‘bad moon rising’ playing on the radio after the car crash in 2.01 and ending with ‘don’t look back’ in 2.22 and everything inbetween; dean singing along to ‘can’t fight this feeling’ in 2.05, ‘hellhound on my trail’ in 2.08, ‘renegade’ in 2.12, ‘back on the road again’ in 2.14, ‘house of the rising sun’ in 2.16, ‘silent lucidity’ in 2.17, ‘rooster’ in 2.19, ‘americana’ playing during sam’s death etc.

they just... did not hold back in all hell breaks loose part 1. earth shattering.

season 2 is funny (hollywood babylon, “maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie cause they think it sucks”) and heartbreaking (all hell breaks loose) and silly (tall tales) and deep (what is and what should never be) and philosophical (houses of the holy) and tragic (heart) and creepy (croatoan and pretty much all the rest) and intelligent (the usual suspects) and beautiful to me 💛

[zepskies]

Smoke Eater - Part 17

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

AN: Ready for some feels? ❤️‍🩹

🔥 Series Masterlist

Word Count: 5,500 Tags/Warnings: Angst, injuries, hurt/comfort and feels, tinge of spice.~

Part 17: “The Real Deal”

The first time Dean was awake for longer than a few minutes, he asked about you.

Sam wasn’t surprised. He was frankly relieved that he had an answer for his brother.

“She has carbon monoxide poisoning,” he said. Dean’s brows furrowed, but before he could start worrying too badly, Sam cut in again. “She’s okay. They’ve got her on 100% oxygen. Eileen and Andréa are with her right now.”

Dean nodded on a breath of relief, despite coughing himself. He still wore an oxygen mask, but he knew his exposure hadn’t been as bad as yours.

“CO poisoning’s no joke. Don’t let her take off that damn mask for anything until they clear her,” he said.

Sam raised a placating hand. “Don’t worry. She knows she’s got to stay put this time.”

Dean shook his head. You were so damn stubborn. He still couldn’t believe you’d dragged yourself out of bed within minutes of waking up, just to see him.

…Well, he could believe it, but he didn’t have to like it.

“Okay, do you need anything before Eileen and I run home to get you guys some stuff?” Sam asked.

He’d already drawn up a list for both you and Dean of things you two would need for the next couple of days in the hospital. Dean’s stay would likely be longer than yours.

“Nah, I’m good, man,” Dean replied.

He was still trying to find a comfortable position in bed. His back couldn’t fully touch the mattress, so he had to lie on one side or the other. Truth be told, it sucked. His head swam with the effects of the painkillers and antibiotics they were pumping him with, along with his head injury.

While his body wanted to keep sleeping, Dean wanted to see you. He wanted to make sure you were all right. He wanted to know what happened before the fire, and how you’d found out about Nick being Azazel’s son.

And he wanted to get you both home.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to get to do any of those things, any time soon.  

Sam saw his discomfort and frowned in sympathy. He went over to help Dean shift onto his other side. Dean shot him a look of annoyance, but Sam was firm.

“Let me help, or I’m calling Nurse Jeff,” he warned.

Dean's lips pursed. Jeff was nice and all, but Dean could concede this time. At least when it was his brother helping him, he didn’t feel like a complete invalid.  

“Andréa’s gonna stay with her?” Dean asked, while Sam helped him ease over and nodded at his question.

“Yeah. Ellen and Jo are on the way too. They’ll keep you company.”

Dean wanted to quip that he didn’t need a babysitter, but he held it in. It would be nice to see Ellen. He remembered seeing his father, briefly, before he fell back asleep. Sam told him John had gone back to the precinct to work out their protective detail, once you and Dean were eventually discharged from the hospital.

Over the last few hours, the rest of his team from Firehouse 25 had come in to see him in small groups, including Benny, Gordon, and Jack, Meg and Chuck, and Bobby himself, with his gruff worrying. Dean knew the Chief felt responsible anytime his firefighters got hurt, but Dean also knew the only one to blame was himself.

Still, he didn’t regret breaking ranks to go and find you. He’d never regret that choice.

Sam’s hand on his shoulder grounded Dean back into reality.

“Okay, I’ll be back,” said Sam.

Dean nodded, with a hint of a smile. “All right, Sasquatch. Get goin’ then.”   

Sam’s face betrayed his dry amusement…and a hint of fondness. He squeezed the shoulder he held, and hesitated, almost like he was steadying himself before he left his brother alone.

“Hey,” Dean said. He gave his little brother a true smile, if one edged with tiredness. “I’m okay. I don’t break easy.”

After a moment, Sam nodded. His lips flickered at a smile.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, clearing his throat. Before they both might’ve succumbed to a dreaded “chick flick moment,” as Dean called them, there was a knock at the door. Ellen’s head soon peeked through into the hospital room. She smiled as soon as her gaze landed on Sam and Dean.

“There’s my boys,” she said. Sam welcomed her in, along with Jo, before he slipped out. The Harvelles brought food, of course, for you and Dean. And Ellen had bought some flowers.

Dean took off his oxygen mask and teased her a little. “Ooh, for me? You shouldn’t have.”

Ellen shook her head at his familiar antics. Jo came up on his other side of his bed and gave him a softer smile than usual. He tried to return it.

“These are for your girl,” said Ellen. “How’s she doin’? Have you been able to see her?”

Dean’s good humor dimmed. “She’s got carbon monoxide poisoning from the fire, but Sam tells me she’s resting. I haven’t been able to get over there yet.”

Ellen frowned, but she nodded and rubbed his arm. “Okay, well you just stay here and rest. I’ll go over and bring these to her, make sure she’s doing all right. Then I’ll come back and give you a full report. How’s that?”

Dean met her gaze with relief and gratefulness in his. “Thanks, Ellen.”

She nodded, giving him a motherly pat on the cheek. Maybe her brown eyes welled up with tears she would refuse to shed. And maybe Dean pretended he didn’t see them, knowing how she’d hate for him to call her out.  

“You two are gonna be just fine,” she said. Dean agreed with a nod and a smile. She left soon after with the flowers, discreetly wiping at her face.

When the door shut behind her, Jo took a seat beside his bed. She was looking around at the wires, the monitors, the minor burns and scrapes on his face, while trying not to look at the gauze spanning his upper back.

“How’re you really feeling?” she asked eventually, when she was able to meet his gaze.

Dean chuckled a little. “Like shit.”

She laughed too, though it soon ended in tears. She bit her lip against it, with her eyes squeezing shut.

Dean faltered. “Hey, none a’ that.”

It was an effort, but he reached for her shoulder. She clasped his hand there, then she held it between both of hers. Dean squeezed her hands.

“I’m okay. Scouts honor,” he said. He wished he didn’t have to keep telling people that, but here they were.

When she drew his hand against her cheek though, Dean internally sighed. He had to pull away.

Jo felt the loss of his hand, and of him. She looked up at him with sad blue eyes. Dean couldn’t answer her. Or at least, he couldn’t give her the one she wanted.

She ducked her head and tried not to cry harder.

“Jo,” Dean sighed. “Listen to me.”

She wiped at her face and managed to look up at him again. He was direct, but still gentle as he could be.

“You know I love you like family,” he said, “but you also know…I can’t be that guy for you.”

Her brows furrowed as she shook her head. “We had something, Dean.”

“We did,” he acknowledged. He could admit that much, even as he blew out a breath. “I fucked it up.”

At that, Jo’s face shifted towards resignation. “I did my fair share.”

“You were worried about me on the job, that’s all.”

“But you also didn’t fight for me. The second it got hard, you left and called it quits.”

“I know,” Dean admitted. He thought hard, and he nodded. He was a different man when he and Jo began. He hadn’t totally figured out what it was he wanted. He’d just known, instinctively, that it was different with her. He’d wanted to try to be more for her.

But, he’d let Ellen’s warnings and his own fears take over. He knew he’d been a coward, and at the time, he’d convinced himself that Jo was better off without that in her life. He knew now how that had just been a nice justification for breaking her heart.

“I know,” he repeated. “I guess I wasn’t ready for the real deal…but you’re the first one who made me want to try.”

Jo heaved a tremulous sigh, laced with tears that she brushed away from her face. She had already known it, deep down, but now she supposed she had closure. She knew now that he loved you, for real.

“And she’s the one who made it stick,” Jo supplied.

“Yeah,” Dean said. The truth was in his eyes. She’s the one.

After a moment, in which Jo locked away the rest of her heartbreak and denied herself a flash of jealousy, she wiped her face dry and looked up at Dean.  

“Then you rest up,” she said, with a small smile and red-rimmed eyes. “And whatever happens next, you better fight for her.”

Dean smiled back. He gestured at his prone form with a hand.

“And what do you think I’m doing here?”

“Looks to me like you’re sitting on your ass,” she quipped.

Dean laughed so hard he started coughing. Jo shook her head and helped him put his oxygen mask back on.

“God, you’re a mess,” she said.

Dean gave her a mock incredulous look. “Hey, no sympathy for the injured here?”

“If it was sympathy you wanted, you should’ve kept the mask on.”

Hours later, Sam and Eileen came back freshly showered and with plenty of clothes and necessities for you and Dean. And when his hospital room door opened, Dean fought through the haze of the drugs and his swimming head to wake up. He smiled at Eileen, who stepped through the door first. But then his eyes widened.

Sam carefully guided you in a wheelchair, with your oxygen tank rolling in next to you. You held the mask to your face, but Dean still spotted the edge of your smile.

Your eyes shone bright with unshed tears the closer you came. He had to clear his throat himself before he reached for your hand at the same time you held out for his.

“Hey,” you said.

“Hey, yourself,” Dean replied. He brought your hand to his lips and held it there. “How you doin’, sweetheart?”

“I’m okay, thanks to you,” you said, smiling, even though your voice shook. Tears slipped down your cheeks. Your lips trembled, and your face ducked down. “I’m so…so sorry.”

Dean frowned and squeezed your hand. “Don’t you do that. This isn’t on you.”

You shook your head, like you didn’t believe him. Or you didn’t want to believe.

He wasn’t having that.

“Hey, look at me,” he demanded. He tugged on your hand, until finally you did as he said. Your eyes were red and spilling over with tears. It made his heart clench, and out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Sam holding Eileen close. Both of them were getting emotional, though Sam was trying not to. 

Jo stood with her mother in the corner. While Ellen dabbed at her eyes, Jo had to avert her gaze. That part, Dean didn't notice, because his lips pressed together as he returned his attention back to you.

“You don’t gotta worry about me,” he said. “I’ll shake this in a few weeks. Tops.”

You nodded, but your denial was still obvious as your shoulders trembled. He could see there was no reasoning with you on this one, so he just tugged you closer—as close as you could get without leaving your wheelchair or taking off your oxygen mask.

He managed to reach for your face, soothing his thumb across your tear-stained cheek. You covered his hand and kept him there, for as long as he was able.

You were discharged from the hospital a couple of days later. It was a few more before Dean was able to join you. He wasn’t happy to learn that his head injury would put him out of commission for at least one to three months.

You wished he would be more fair to himself. He’d suffered a subdural hematoma after he was struck by the beam. The doctor officially labelled it a TBI, or a concussion, and he was already dealing with headaches and bouts of vertigo.

Not to mention the large second-degree burn that was only just starting to heal across his upper back. The doctor also warned that he might suffer some mood swings, due to the head injury.

Meanwhile, you were starting to recover from your cuts and yellowing bruises. Though the carbon monoxide had been driven out of your system, you still had your own headaches, nausea, and a lingering cough.

You both were a bit of a mess. Sam and Eileen had incredible patience, and you were so grateful for their help in those first days back home in Sam and Dean’s apartment. However, you couldn’t shake off your nature to help as much as you could in taking care of Dean while Sam and Eileen were back at work.

You knew your boyfriend wasn’t used to being catered to. He didn’t like being, what he deemed in his mind, “useless.” In your mind, that was just too damn bad. He was going to be cared for whether he liked it or not.

So you helped Dean adjust where he lied in bed for the third time this morning, arranging the pillows just so. All while you ignored his crabby mood.

“How’s that?” you asked, fluffing one more pillow between the small of his back and the headboard. You’d managed to find a way for him to sit up without his upper back touching the bedframe.

“Fine,” he said grumpily. He was channel surfing on the TV above his dresser. “And it was fine half an hour ago.” 

His mood was always dour after a shower; it meant you had to help him stand, and make sure he didn’t kill himself by slipping and falling. You sighed and brushed your fingers through his wet hair, mindful of the shaved and bandaged portion on the back of his head. He sure was an awful patient. 

“You used to like it when I joined you in the shower,” you tried to tease gently. He shot you a glance.

“Yeah, that was before I could barely piss standing up,” he replied. You rubbed his arm.

“Come on, babe. Don’t be like this. You’ll be healed up in a couple of months, and we can put this behind us,” you said. If he really wanted you not to feel guilty about his current state, then he was doing a bang-up job.

Dean turned to you then, and you understood the look on his face. Will it really be over?

You couldn’t fault him for it because you didn’t know the answer either. You both knew that Savage & Co. burning down was likely just another battle with Azazel, not the end of the war. 

And that was when John and Cas arrived for a visit, with the doorbell interrupting the silence. It was the first time they’d come together, and that told you one thing: this was more than a familial check-in.

You welcomed them into the apartment and made some coffee for everyone. Cas helped you get the mugs ready in the kitchen. Meanwhile, it gave John a moment with his son.

John dragged a desk chair over and sat by Dean’s side of the bed.

“How’s your head?” John asked.

Dean nodded, though his face said he wished people would stop asking him that.

“On the mend,” he replied instead.

John nodded in return. The space between them was awkward and quiet, except for the drone of the TV. Both men had their protective walls and their thoughts, but neither one was able to lower their guard.

When you and Cas came into the room with fresh coffee, it was a silent relief all around. You sat beside Dean in bed and handed him a mug of decaf. You might’ve claimed it was the real stuff, but Dean’s nose knew the difference; he didn’t play when it came to his coffee. Yet another reason why he hated being on these antibiotics. 

“So, let’s start from the beginning,” John said. He lowered his mug into his lap and looked straight at you. “What happened before the fire? Start from the very top of the day.”

You took in a deep breath and glanced at both Cas and Dean. Cas seemed encouraging, while Dean looked just as grave and interested as his father. 

You explained everything from the moment Marv came to give you his report, intended for Nick. You were going to just leave it with his assistant, but his office door had been open a crack, and you’d heard the voices within. You’d been curious enough to approach the door and listen in.

You recounted what you’d heard between Nick and the other man.

“We’re working together on this,” said Nick. “Keep an eye on the cop. Wait for an opportunity.”

“Together, huh? Azazel has his orders. You trying to take his place?” the other man replied. His voice was thin and nasal. You saw his profile, however. His eyes were dangerous.

Your eyes widened at the implications of his words though. Azazel?!

“Dad agrees with me. The guy’s not getting the hint, so we’ll need to remind him who really makes the rules,” Nick said.

Your eyes widened. Holy shit…Nick’s father is Azazel.

You clasped a hand over your mouth before the gasp could escape. A sharp breath still echoed through the hall. The men’s heads began to turn, but you did as well—away from the door and booking it down the hall as quietly and quickly as you could.

You remembered going back to your office, just to find Nick Savage waiting for you.

Dean’s grip on the bedsheets tightened when you told that part of the story. You tried to spare the details, but there were some things you couldn’t avoid…

A strong hand grabbed you and hefted you up. You felt a trickle of wetness rolling down the side of your face as you stared up into his. It must’ve been blood, but all you could focus on was the satisfaction in Nick’s eyes. Finally, they seemed to say.

But then he paused. Confusion was written across his face.

“Do you smell smoke?” he asked. You both saw it climbing under the door of your office.

It was a distraction that broke you out of your frozen fear.

On pure instinct, you jabbed at Nick’s ribs with your taser.

“After I…managed to get out of my office, that’s when I saw the smoke,” you said. Your voice became a tad more unsteady as the memories flit through your mind.

“It was chaos. People were getting trampled trying to get down the stairs…and when we saw the fire coming from below too, I barely made it out of the stairwell.”

You raised a slightly trembling hand to your mouth, but a warm hand slipped into yours, taking it from you. You met Dean’s furrowed brows and softened eyes.

“Come ‘ere,” he said quietly. You let him pull you towards him, against his side, and you blinked past the sting of tears.

“The rest you guys know,” you continued. “I couldn’t get out. Dean and his guys came and found me. He got hurt trying to get us out of there.”

Dean’s hand rubbed up and down your arm in comfort. He pressed a kiss to your forehead while you wiped at the few tears that managed to escape.

“Did you see Nick at all after what happened in the office?” John asked.

You shook your head. “No. I hope he burned to a damn crisp.”

“He’s officially missing, but his body hasn’t yet been identified from the remains at the building site,” said Cas.

That sobered you. You knew there were many people who hadn’t made it out of the building in time. You just couldn’t fathom the kind of person who would intentionally set that fire, damn the costs.

“What about the other man he was talking to?” John asked. You shook your head, but you provided a detailed description of him, from what you could remember: tall and lean, graying short hair, a nasal sounding voice.

“Any other details you can remember? Anything at all. Could be something you saw or heard, or even smelled,” John pressed.

Your lips pursed. The stress alone of reliving all of this was giving you a headache, not to mention making your chest feel tight. Your reply was a bit more clipped than you intended.

“What, other than the part where I was fighting for my life?” you said. “I think I gave a pretty good statement of the events, Detective.”

John paused. His mouth firmed, but he watched you with more sympathetic eyes. Dean saw that his father was trying to ease up. He rubbed your back in comfort again.

“All right, it’s okay,” said Dean. “You did good.”

You glanced at him and took a small, steadying breath. You relaxed a bit and met John’s gaze.

“I’m sorry,” you said, with sincerity. “If I remember something else, I’ll let you know.”

John nodded.

“That’s all right. We’ve got enough to arrest Nick Savage on assault charges, once we find him.” He shared a brief look with Cas. “In the meantime, we’ve got a couple of guys stationed outside the apartment building here. They’ll keep an eye on things.”

You and Dean nodded; it was a relief, but also disconcerting to know the police were watching you. A chime on your phone soon distracted you though. You reached over for where it lay on your nightstand and read the reminder notification. You turned to Dean.

“Ready for your pain meds?” you asked him. You saw the answer in the tightness around his tired eyes. You rubbed a soothing hand on his thigh. “You should eat something first though. Want some of the soup Eileen made?”

Dean shrugged, making an unenthusiastic sound. Your head tilted as you considered him. Then, an idea struck you.

“Ooh, I could make you a grilled cheese on the side,” you offered in a tempting tone. Your leading smile was just enough to get Dean to smile back, if more reserved.

“Hmm?” you prompted. “Come on, three different cheeses on some buttery bread…”

His smile became more genuine. “Okay, sounds good.”

You nodded and pat his thigh once more. You looked up at the detectives.

“You guys want lunch?” you asked. John started to shake his head, but Dean cut in.

“Trust me, you want to get in on this,” he said. The promise of your cooking managed to cut through some of the haze of his pain and discomfort.

Cas conceded first, with a nod. Though he got up from where he’d been sitting at the end of the bed.

“I’ll help,” he said, rolling up his sleeves. He soon followed you downstairs into the kitchen.

Again, it left father and son glancing at one another in silence. John was leaning elbows on his knees, hands folded. His lips drew upwards as he looked up at his eldest.

“Want some advice from an old man?” he asked.

“What’s that?” Dean replied.

John nodded, quirking a smile. “Hold onto that girl.”

A couple of weeks later, however, tensions were still running high. Dean was frustrated with his own inability, worsening with each bout of vertigo, and every time the pain in his skull necessitated a pill to cope with it. Part of it was also that he needed so much of your help when Sam was at work.

Every time Dean saw you cooking, cleaning, changing his bandages, reminding him to take his meds, helping him get around when he was feeling off…

He was grateful, more than you knew. He just couldn’t feel right about letting you do it all when he saw how tired you were. You were still healing up too. And he could only imagine how stressed you were after everything you’d been through in the past few weeks. Hell, in the past few months.

He felt guilty, and useless, and angry at how you’d gotten caught up in all this, and at Nick Savage and Azazel and everything in between.

So Dean now stewed in all of this while he sat watching mindless reruns of some dumbass show about fake ghost hunters, even though he was trying not to think of anything at all. Somehow he had nothing to do but think, even though the meds he was taking often made him want to crawl into bed and sleep.

You appeared from down the hall, looking and smelling like your nice floral soap after a shower, wearing nothing more than one of his old shirts. Your thighs were bare. Your hair was twisted up on top of your head, just asking to be taken down with a practiced hand. 

Dean liked the look of you.

Not that I can do anything about it, came a dull reminder.

You came around the couch with a roll of gauze and a medicated cream for his burns.

“Okay, Dean. Let’s go ahead and change the bandages,” you said, nodding at his back.

He was reluctant to move. He was finally somewhat comfortable sitting in the corner of the couch with a shit ton of pillows propped against his lower back. And he hadn’t told you this, but a headache had been building for the last hour. He’d been trying to wean himself off the pain meds.

“It can wait until Sam gets home,” he said. “Why don’t you relax? Take a nap or something.”

You frowned at him, tilting your head. “Sam works late every night. Doesn’t it make more sense to get it over with now?”

“You see it would, if you hadn’t already done it yesterday,” Dean replied, with a dry edge to his tone.

You arched a brow at him. You'd re-bandaged the burn across his back yesterday morning. It was now late afternoon.

“The doctor said once a day,” you said. “You want to get an infection?”

The back of Dean’s head pulsed with pain. He gritted his teeth in trying to ignore it.

“You want to get off my back? Literally?” he snarked.

You frowned at him and set down the medical supplies. Your hands went to your hips as you looked down at him.

“I don’t appreciate the attitude,” you said. “I’m just trying to help you.”

“I get that, but you don’t have to take care of me right now,” he said. “You can just let me watch this shitty-ass show in peace.”

Your brows knitted together. Both of you were stubborn, if in different flavors. You tried to come at it with a gentler approach, drawing near him to set a hand on his shoulder.

“I know it’s unpleasant, but you can’t change your bandages by yourself,” you said. Your thumb swept along his neck. You really hated seeing him in so much discomfort. “Don’t you want to get it over with so you can relax for the rest of the day?”

A sharper pain pulsed behind his eyes for a moment, making Dean take in a deeper breath through his nose. He could later admit, he lost patience with you (and his temper).

He turned off the TV and tossed down the remote.

“What is this compulsive need you have to control everything? Do everything?” he snapped. “Contrary to what you might think, I don’t need you to wipe my ass! Just give it a goddamn rest!”

Irritation was hot under his skin…until he actually looked up at your face. The open-mouthed look of shock, and hurt, your eyes welling up with tears as your hand fell away from his shoulder…

That’s when Dean knew this concussion was fucking with him.

There was no way he could be this much of an asshole, could he?

“Shit. Baby,” he tried, but you shook your head at him, making a negative sound when he reached for you. You walked away from him.

“Hold on!” said Dean. His first attempt to get off the couch was unsuccessful, and it made his head swim.

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered. He grimaced in annoyance, but he used the couch and the coffee table as leverage and pushed through onto his feet.

Once he knew he was steady, he thought he heard you in the kitchen. He found you there, trying to hide your face behind the open door of the pantry while you cried. It broke his heart, really.

“Sweetheart,” he called to you. His hand rested on your back, prompting you to look up at him with red, watery eyes.

“What now?” you asked. “Want to yell at me some more?”

Dean’s sad frown deepened as he tugged you closer, guiding you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I really am. I don’t know where the hell that came from.” 

Maybe the knife stabbing through the back of your head, 'cause you're too stubborn to take all your damn meds, came the dry edge of his conscience.

You held onto him as tightly as you dared while you pressed your tear-stained face into his chest.

“That wasn’t you, Dean,” you said. “I get that you’re in pain, and that you're frustrated, but you don’t have to white-knuckle it. Or take it out on me, for that matter.”

“…I know,” he agreed, laying a kiss on your forehead. “If it happens again, I give you full permission to slap me. Concussion be damned.”

You snorted at that, despite a couple more tears slipping down your cheeks. You wiped them away.

“I know I was being a bit pushy,” you said, with a sigh. “But Sam does work late. I’d feel like shit just lying around here waiting for him to help you. And I’m the reason this all happened anyway, so I might as well—”

“Wait. Stop,” Dean said. He pulled away so he could grasp your arms and look down at you. His brows furrowed, and his jaw worked. “What did you just say?”

You looked up at him, and he saw the vulnerability in your eyes. Your lips pressed together, and you averted your gaze.

“No,” he said, curling his fingers under your chin and lifting your face back up to his. He didn’t like what he saw.

“Okay. Sit with me,” he said. He guided you to the dining table, where he pulled out both chairs. After you sat, he raised a waiting finger to you, just so he could grab his prescription from the kitchen counter and down what should've been his morning dose of pain medication with some water. Then he returned to the table and sat across from you.

By the time he got you to look at him again, your eyes were already filled with tears. He took your hands in both of his.

“What happened to me wasn’t your fault,” Dean said at last. He’d said it before, but apparently it hadn’t gotten through your head.

“You disobeyed a direct order to find me,” you argued. 

“I would’ve gotten called to that fire no matter what,” Dean countered. Still, that didn’t seem to sway you.

“You don’t know what it was like,” you said. You squeezed his hands, and your voice shook. “When I saw you in the ICU…”

All those wires, the newly wrapped burns, the oxygen mask, his skin pale and clammy, and his eyes closed…

“Before you got to me, of course I was scared. For a minute there, I thought I was going to die,” you managed to say. His hold tightened on yours. “But in that room, it was…it was different. It was you, but it was also my grandfather all over again. And I was so damn afraid.”

After that confession, you crumbled once again.

Dean slid his chair forward and held you close. His fingers swept through your hair after taking down your haphazard bun. He managed to pull you into his lap and he shushed you gently.

He glanced up heavenward and actually asked George for the right thing to say to you right now, because he had no damn clue.

After a moment, he released a humorless chuckle.

“You wanna know fear?” he said. “When my dad told me what you’d found out about Nick. And when I got the call that the building was on fire, somehow, I knew you were still in there.”

His fingers brushed along the shallow cut above your brow that was still healing.

“You had to deal with that bastard by yourself. That alone pretty much kills me,” Dean admitted. “And if I hadn’t gotten to you when I did…I’ll never regret that. Ever. I’ll take the whole damn building on top of me if that’s what it takes.”

You leaned back and shook your head at him, but he took your chin between his fingers and stilled you.   

“But I told you,” Dean said firmly. “I’m not leaving you.”

Your eyes met his before you let out a shaky breath. Maybe this time you would believe him.

He leaned down and kissed you soundly, so you’d get the idea. Your hand reached up to caress his cheek, and you moaned when his tongue caressed yours. His hand tightened on your hip.

“Dean.” Your warning was gentle. The doctor hadn’t cleared this yet for him, and he knew it.

“Just a little bit,” he said, smiling against your lips. His hand slipped under your (his) shirt and teased the edge of your panties.

You sighed with conflicting need when you felt the pads of his fingers stroke you through the fabric. It also stroked your arousal back to life.

“Okay, bedroom,” you caved. “But go easy. I’m serious, Dean.”

He smirked and pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

“Oh, I’ll definitely be easy.”

AN: Lol trust Dean to push his limits there. 😅 We also got some closure on the Jo & Dean arc, some supportive Sam and Eileen, and some major feels.

In Part 18, Sam and John work together to try and pin down Nick and Daniel/Azazel, Law & Order style...

Next Time:

The charges included four counts of murder in the first degree: the murders-for-hire, enacted by Alastair Rolston.

Followed by attempted murder in the first degree, ten counts of murder in the second degree (those who had lost their lives in the most recent building fire), conspiracy to commit murder, arson, and if that weren’t enough, a charge each of attempted sexual assault and sexual harassment.

When the last two charges were read out loud in the courtroom, Nick looked visibly angry.

Sam glanced over at the defendant with thinly veiled satisfaction. Some days, it was difficult for him to come to work.

Today was not that day.

“All right, that is a laundry list of potential misdeeds,” Judge Deveraux remarked. He looked up at Nick Savage. “How does the defendant plead?”

At the prodding of his lawyer, Amelia Richardson, Nick spoke up.

“Not guilty,” he said. Though he rolled his eyes, as if this was a waste of his time.

“What’s the deal here, Mr. Winchester?” Judge Devereaux asked.

“The primary charges are murder-for-hire, your Honor,” Sam replied.

Keep Reading: PART 18

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