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I need an update! Please! Little nightmare channel change
Hiiiii sorry things have been really crazy, I got a new job that is full time now, and may need to move next year, so I'm trying to do some research on what I can do and where I can go for that..... so I've had significantly less time for my typical art things at the moment... As for Little Nightmares Channel Change, I'm roughly on page 28/67. I think once I get to page 35, this time, I'm gonna start releasing one page every two weeks instead of all at once, that seems to be more enjoyable for people, on top of them having to wait less while I'm still working on the other pages. So I'm hoping to start releasing stuff no more than two months from now, if not a little earlier depending on how my schedule goes.
#its insane how much having a full time job sucks away all your time#they call it a 9 to 5 but in reality its a 9 to 8 because by the time you eat dinner do chores and get home from traffic#you have little time for anything else#anyway just been insanely busy#i miss the time i used to have but i live in california and we have a housing crisis#little nightmares#ln channel change#channel change#channel change au#LN au#ask#status update
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never in my life have i wanted a Daddy more than i do rn 😭
#personal#i'm going to ramble and drop it all in the tags#i'd like to have a pity party for myself thanks#the election?#fucked i've just been scrambling for a week now to prepare for the worst that feels like it's rapidly approaching#vaccines updated birth control bought out stockpile of food started passport appointments made tasers and protective gear purchased#banned books put on a wishlist#the holidays?#trying to make them enjoyable instead of so so so triggering#husband's new job?#barely home he's barely home i feel like a solo parent#i'm absolutely drowing at home mainly alone with two toddlers who have found their spirit and resilience and attitude...#the new house?#we've been fighting we are not vibing it's taking forever for me to feel in love with it#we do not get along rn lol#writing? personal time? self care? nonexistent i have no time alone during the day and then i spend the two hours i have to myself at night#fighting sleep and doing nothing#took a shower today and when i got out my eyelash line started burning and then my eyes were burning and then my nose was running and#then my eyes were watering and i could barely open them and goop started building and then they were SWOLLEN to the point where i could see#the muscles bulging and then i couldn't move them left or right#so i drove I DROVE myself to the urgent care#turns out my water has way too much chlorine in it and now that i've started taking hot as fuck and steamy showers it's just made me#susceptible to severe allergic reactions to chlorine?#it's been horrible my eyes are so sore now and they're just now not sopping in goop#and yeah#just...#i live the same day every day and i'm spiraling and drowning and about to go off the rails while also trying to SUCK THE JOY out of the las#month we have before democracy crumbles so#i just wish i had a Daddy to take care of me and tell me things are going to be okay 😭#preferably a Big Daddy that would let me sleep for days and would bring me food and let me hug and snuggle on him and not talk
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Lucky | Feysand
It was a throw away comment and Feyre knows it.
“Stop leaving glasses out!” Rhys had said, half laughing, tugging the end of her ponytail and dropping two cups and a mug into the sink.
Rhys makes her a cup of tea every evening, and it’s one of the hundred little ways that Feyre feels spoiled. She does like to keep a glass of water on the night stand, and where Tamlin hated it when she worked, Rhys has always supported her career. So they both leave early in the morning and more often than not, there’s a small collection of glassware in their bedroom.
It's completely fair that Rhys would prefer that she take them to the kitchen in the morning.
So why is it that the comment unsteadies her?
“I’m sorry,” Feyre says, and rushes to the sink. Her hands shake on the sponge. “My brain doesn’t function in the morning, I’ll remember to wash up before bed.” She goes for casual but it comes out breathless, and the Rhys looks over with a frown.
Maybe it’s because she’s been here for four weeks but doesn’t trust this yet.
Not Rhys- he’s been nothing but gorgeous, and patient, and kind. He’s so completely sure about her and in some ways that’s the most wonderful thing about him. And in some ways, it’s a lot of fucking pressure.
Rhys comes to stand behind her and puts his nose on her neck. Closes his fingers over her wrists until she stops moving, and wraps his arms around her waist.
“That’s fair,” he murmurs. “It’s not a real gripe.”
Some nights, Feyre lies awake in the dark, long after Rhys has fallen asleep, and tries to deep-breathe the fear away. It never works. But how can she tell him? It’s not his fault. The problems are all in her head.
“I’m sorry,” Feyre whispers, and she doesn’t mean the glasses.
She knows it’s not realistic, but it’s hard to fight the urge to be as perfect as possible, because she’s never had it so good, and the fact that it could break any day now is more than enough to keep her guts in permanent knots. She’s been holding her lips closed over the anxiety. She’s been trying so hard. She’s brittle enough that the shallow criticism lands like failure in her stomach.
“It’s okay,” Rhys murmurs. He picks up a tea towel and dries her hands, dragging her waist away from the sink. “You’re safe, honey.”
Sometimes Feyre forgets that Rhys does know. Knows better than most- after all, he’s known Tamlin longer than she has. Still, she’s both embarrassed and relieved that he can read her so easily.
“I didn’t mean it,” Rhys says. “Please leave cups in the room. It means you live here and that is so wonderful, to me.”
Rhys sits down on the couch and pulls her into his lap. Feyre hides her face in his chest and wishes, for the thousandth time, that she was better than this. That her fear of Tamlin’s anger would not be an unwelcome third in her and Rhys’s house.
“Hey,” Rhys whispers. “Don’t be sad, beautiful girl.” He slides his hand under her hair, and touches their foreheads together. “You’re okay.”
And then he kisses her, and it helps.
Feyre takes a deep breath, and kisses him back. It’s difficult to be here, it’s difficult to let herself be loved like this. But touching Rhys is always easy, and soon her fingers find his collar and his jaw and the raven curls at the back of his head. And she can feel him smile against her mouth when she tugs him closer.
“Does this help?” he asks. Feyre just nods, and kisses him again. The rough of Rhys’s palms walk up her back, under her shirt, until his hand rests behind her neck.
“I have less anxiety when you’re touching me,” she admits, and Rhys chuckles softly.
“That’s good,” he says, and in the next moment he’s lifted her up out of his lap and laid her back down on the couch cushions. He settles easily between her legs, and every time it’s a thrill to Feyre that he’s hard because of her. His mouth wanders from her lips to her throat to her collar bone and back up.
“I’m not mad,” he says, because that’s always what she’s afraid of and he knows it. “Of course I’m not, you’re such a good girl, how could I be?”
And like clockwork those two words make her brain slide, and her eyes close as his tongue travels the indent that runs from under her sternum to her navel.
“Please,” Feyre breathes. Rhys just looks up at her from under the ink of his eyelashes, and continues kissing down her stomach. “Please,” she says again, and this time he leans up and kisses her heavy on the mouth.
“That’s such a pretty word on your tongue,” he tells her. Feyre doesn’t respond, she’s concentrating on Rhys’s belt buckle and the button beneath it. He glances down, and then gives her a pitying look. “My poor darling,” he says. His teeth graze the corner of her jaw. “You need this, huh?”
Feyre wins her battle with Rhys’s zipper and slides her hand down the front of his jeans. She’s rewarded with a shudder that rips across his shoulders, and it only makes her melt further into the couch.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“You need it?” Rhys asks again. He grinds against her palm and she loves how even when he’s in control, he comes undone a little under her hands. “You need me to fuck it better?”
“Yes,” Feyre says again, and now she shoves his jeans the rest of the way off him, and Rhys pulls his shirt over his head in one motion. He gets his mouth on her throat and his hand on her breast, and Feyre’s limbs reach up and around him to pull him closer than skin. He drags her tights off, agonizingly slow, and then her shirt, and every inch that’s exposed is immediately pressed up against the warmth of him, searing but sweet.
“Tell me how much,” Rhys says, and it’s only the cotton of her underwear that’s between them when he rolls his hips against hers. Feyre closes her eyes, speaks against the slant of his cheek.
“Too much,” she says. He hooks her leg over his shoulder and Feyre’s back arches up off the couch. “And too often. You have no idea…” she trails off, trying to press up against Rhys as he moves all too slowly.
“Too often?” he asks. His fingers drift down, toying with the waistband of her panties.
“All the time,” she gasps. Her hands scrabble on his shoulders as he drags the elastic down over her hips.
“I wish you’d tell me.” He starts to kiss down over her breasts, but Feyre pulls him back up to her lips and slide her tongue against his. He groans softly in her mouth, and she pulls her knees up the sides of his ribcage, digs her heels into base of his back. “I wish you’d lean over, while we’re watching TV, and tell me how bad…” here Rhys pauses to draw a shaky breath because Feyre is wet against his naked cock, “…you need to be fucked.”
“I’m telling you now,” Feyre argues, and lifts her hips to prove her point.
“You are,” Rhys concedes, and presses up against heat of her. “And you’re doing such a good job.” He pushes inside her, and Feyre’s head drops back against the cushions. She breathes in, and it feels like a long time she’s been holding her breath. “Look at me,” Rhys says, and when she opens her eyes he’s watching her face change when he moves out and back in. His hips punch forward when she meets the violet of his gaze, and Feyre gasps.
“That’s it baby,” Rhys murmurs. “Keep looking at me.”
It’s easier said than done- Rhys’s eyes scald her and every time their hips touch her mind slides.
“Come on honey, you can do it.”
Feyre’s eyes snap open, but somehow there’s five hundred years in that stare and it’s a lot to bear. She tips her head back and throws her arm over her face.
And then Rhys’s fingers close over her throat, and it’s strange that this makes her feel safer, that it always makes her feel safer when he’s holding her down because every other moment she’s on the verge of floating away altogether.
“Is that better?” Rhys asks. His eyes darken above her, and she loves knowing that he likes her like this.
“Yes,” she breathes, and his grip tightens.
“You’re so good,” he tells her. “My good girl.”
Feyre can’t help it, she moans at the praise and the sound pushes Rhys’s pace up. This time when her eyes squeeze shut he lets her. Sits up on his heels to get a deeper angle and puts his teeth on her ankle.
“You want to be good for me, don’t you?” Rhys asks. He slides his thumb against her tongue for a second, before touching it to her clit. She can’t answer, because he keeps his rhythm while he talks to her and it’s knocking the breath from her lungs. “You look so pretty like this, baby.” His eyes rake over her, hooded and muddled, and there’s nothing quite so intoxicating as watching him look at her.
Rhys leans his forearms on either side of her face and leans down over her. Feyre’s hands come up automatically to follow the muscles of his back. She thinks he’ll kiss her, but when she tilts her face up he just flicks his eyes down to her mouth and then back up. He slows down now, moves in long, languid strokes that make Feyre feel like she’s drowning.
“You know,” he murmurs. “You can always tell me if you need this.” This time he does kiss her, and the next time he speaks it’s right next to her ear. “I’d drop everything and bend you over. Empty your head just like you like.”
Feyre‘s nails dig into Rhys’s shoulders and he shifts again, moving fast now and breathing shallow.
“Come on baby,” he says, and she can hear the strain in his voice. “Feel good for me.”
She doesn’t need to be told, he always feels good and today is no exception. Not when the snap of his hips makes a steady undertow that she is fast being dragged in by, not when the smell of him this close is enough to drive her to distraction, not when she can feel him start to chase his own release and knows that she’s the one making him feel like this.
“Give it to me,” she whispers. “I want it, want to feel you…”
But Rhys just laughs and shakes his head. “You first, angel.”
Feyre is tempted to see if she can make him lose control, but the way he moves is too good to ignore. And, she’s never one to pass up an opportunity to show him how good she can be.
“Right now,” Rhys says, under her ear, and honestly it’s so easy with him. Feyre breaks in between one breath and the next, and it’s a thing that wrings her out over and over in the cage of Rhys’s arms. It’s somewhere in the aftershocks that Rhys comes too, and she hasn’t told him but this is the part to Feyre that feels so intense she never quite feels like she’ll survive it. But of course she does, and minutes later the world filters back in and the couch cushions are scratchy against her back and there is sweat in Rhys’s hair and her heart is still beating painfully hard in her chest.
And Feyre feels calm, in this moment, which is rare but increasing. She presses her nose against Rhys’s forehead, where he’s half dozing on her chest, and tries to remember the feeling of it, because there will be a next time that she feels anxious and afraid, but if she’s very lucky, and she has been very lucky, there will also be a next time for this part right here, and that makes everything worthwhile.
****
Well hello there angels! It's been a hot minute, I'm rusty don't laugh at me!
But seriously a lot of things have happened and I still kinda feel a little lost (read: completely out of control)- and not all in bad ways. I've been meaning to post some one shot type things and to talk about my book but man it is HARD. So for now here is a little angsty thing that may or may not be just be T-Swifting it about my current sitch and my book links: UK and international US eBook Australia
And ummm this feels like I am too irrelevant to pull this anymore and I'm sorry if you do not want to be on this but,
MASTERLIST
TAGLIST: @ghostlyrose2 @highladysith @stardelia @feysand-loml @tillyrubes10 @ratabrasileira @live-the-fangirl-life @maybekindasortaace @annejulianneh111 @thebonecarver @rowaelinismyotp @loosingdreams @pitrsattabhaadmeinjao @achernarlight @swankii-art-teacher @sjmships @courtofjurdan @teddytdr @positivewitch @thalia-2-rose @darling-archeron @rapunzel1523 @fairchildjace @hopefulacademia @story-scribbler @fandomstalker27 @realbookloverproblems @dealfea @s-tormwitch @cretaceous-therapod @whenyadoesntcutit @scatterbrainedgirl @whoever-you-choose-to-love @endlessdaydream @elentiya-whitethorn @rarephloxes @timesconvert @mis-lil-red @alerialumina
#feysand#feysand fic#acotar#ooookay does anyone come to the tags for the life updates#because if you do heres the scoop#i live in london now#im about to lose my job boo#but im starting an apprenticeship yay#but its unpaid boo#anyway so end of the year im out of a house and an income#also i have a new boyfriend who wait for it is not an alcoholic#and i cannot fucking handle it because im full of trauma#anyway please read my book okay byyeeeee
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This happened a little over a week ago and it was funniest and is one of the most gender euphoric inducing things that has ever happened to me
#trans#transgender#arthrobug#bugbrain#trans men#queer#lgbtq#art#comic#illustration#spidersona#spider character#oc#sona art#monster#btw i turn 18 tomorrow and i was literally told to call on my birthday wish me luck#ill update with how it went hopefully on the 11th lmao#oh my god i just fucking realized i never colored the phone AHAHHH#nov 4 update: lol no one wants me so i have to first trick someone to give me a job but thats not even working out so nothing is going well#oh and since tomorow is the 5th: please vote for I and millions of others' survival and lives. dont be heartless and soulless.
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#'i think i finally found a job i want to do. captain of the enterprise-b.'#HOW DID I NOT KNOW ALAN RUCK WAS IN STAR TREK#star trek#star trek generations#star trek: generations#john harriman#succession#i only know that show through memes and ny friends live updates but boy it sounds like a show of all time
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why is everyone pretending like cyberpunk edgerunners is good. the writing is so bad i hate it
#i'm rewatching it for the third time 😋#i remember seeing a post i think from demilypyro abt how 2077 was a shitty game that everyone forgot how bad it was because of the anime#and the anime is terrible#all of the reviews online call the ending sad but it's literally just 🧍♂️ okay so. big whoop.#which would've been great for like to explore the futility of doing jack shit in this world bc it can be taken from you like that#they did a good job of this in the first 6 episodes before the timeskip#but the timeskip ruins everything#and u have to balance how unsatisfying that kind of thing is w the reality of that's just how it is#but NO#it's SAD because EVERYONE DIED#we didn't get a chance to slow down with the characters and get an update post timeskip#and the timeskip negates everything interesting about lucy (my fave 4evr)#and it changes her from a strong independent character that's scary good at her job because she was a lab baby and trained since birth and#an archetype of character i like in cyberpunk (a character that looks sexy without sexualising themself or getting sexualized by others)#(and in context most people wear something similarly revealing regardless of gender or presentation and modesty is the outlier)#wait i take that back she does flirt with david in her introduction scene. but i think it was done tastefully to show that she's confident#in herself and her abilities. and not in like an i'm hot do what i want way. we see her in the same episode being genuine and vulnerable#on multiple occasions. and then it reveals she was just buying time for her group to ambush him#she's a really interesting and cool character guys i swear#but the timeskip takes that and turns her into a stay at home expecting mother damsel in distress wanting to settle down and start a family#and the domesticity is so disturbing bc its like. i guess she wants to leave the edgerunner life behind to live on the moon.#BUT THAT'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY DID HERE#she doesn't pass the bechdel test anymore suddenly. who is she#they mischaracterised my blorbo so bad#it's like their writing budget got slashed mid show.
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I gotta be so real right now, writing in this fandom sucks so much sometimes. this is so little interaction to be had and those that are here are usually just looking for an argument.
I love creating and writing but I feel like I push myself to write for a dying thing I once had. Fandom 10 years ago was SO different compared to now. No one interacts. People only comment when they want an update. It’s exhausting.
Don’t mean to rant, it’s just frustrating when you put a lot into something only to feel lonely about it. I love writing fanfic but I feel like you get to a point where you wonder why you’re doing it if there’s no one to share it with, if that makes sense.
#sam speaks#will delete later probably#i’m just salty#people demand updates and i don’t interact but when i do post i get tumbleweeds#its more of the entitled reviewers i get#i get that the story has gained a following and i’m so grateful for it but some of y’all gotta chill#i work a full time job that i live and breath#i don’t just sit around writing all day and when i do it’s like crickets#i guess the lament of interactions only happening when people want something#and then when i give something it’s crickets#so annoying
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I would like to say that I am so sorry for not posting any new fics since September. I swear I would love more anything to be able to feed yall weekly fics, but I just don’t have time. My coursework is incredibly demanding (someone shoot whoever told me double majoring was a good idea!). I’m so burned out from school and work, I get home most days late at night to eat and pass out. And on my rare days off I just want to do nothing but watch movies and sleep. The fics are cooking in my head, but I physically can’t find the time nor the energy to write anything. I’m in school until the first week December so that should help my writing schedule. For now know that my first mandated fic will be Cooper. Eric will also be getting some well deserved love from me.
Til then, enjoy me desperately reblogging about how horny i am, and Josh. Besitos.
#life update#but not really#im a full time student with a job#it doesn’t get any more miserable than that#my will to live in nonexistent#but here we are#I will write filth soon I promise
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can anyone confirm if there are multiple qsmp eng updates twitter account admins or if it's literally just one person held hostage until badboyhalo decides he's gonna turn off stream
#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#it is 3:30 am where bbh is to my knowledge#he's still live.#please tell me the eng updates has people from the us time zones; british time zones; and australian/new zealand time zones#bc oh my god if not i feel so bad for these poor souls#i hope they just pop in a discord gc like 'ok guys i'm passing it to you [UK user] bad is still live' 'OH MY GOD AGAIN'#at this point i think the qsmp eng updates twitter admins deserve their own tag lmfao#shoutout to them even though i don't use twitter. SHEEEEEESH they're putting in Work. good job <3
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i dont ship them per say i just think they understand each other in a way no one else can and while this could bring them together it’s much more likely for them to reject the horror of being known and cannibalize each other like oscars
#eunyung baek and haejoon goh. to me#i dont think they’re getting together i think theyre going 2 years without talking and then runners into each other and acting like no time#passed at all i think theyre just like adult besties that kinda hate each other#like yeah thats my best friend hes a shithead tho. kinda cant stand him. we’re going out for drinks thursday and i just know hes gonna be#a mess and itll suck. but ill go anyways#haejoon texts him like hey man whats up its been a few months whereve you been#and eunyung sends a photo of himself like in the mountains or some shit with no context#hes like yeah i joined an expedition lol ive been living in the woods for 3 months#they go like a full year without talking and haejoon goes wonder what hes up to and its always something crazy#i think thats how theyd have to be i think if the less time they soend together the better friends they are#eunyung: i joined a commune i think its a cult tho idk its kinda fun#haejoon: please just fucking use my guest room for the love of god#eunyung transitions and visits for the holidays because juwan invited him and haejoons like#something is different. is it weird if i ask. does everyone else know. will they think im homophobic if i ask#eunyung: hey can i bring my boyfriend to thanksgiving#haejoon: absolutely fucking not.#eunyung: homophobic.#haejoon: im gay bitch i dont want anyone youre dating in my house regardless of gender. im going to hate them.#haejoon sends him job listings and apartments and is like i will drive you to your interview please get a normal job#and stop getting involved in multi level marketing schemes#and eunyung goes no 🫶 die#i hust wanted to talk about them. miss them. i caught up to my translation im reading and now i gotta wait for updates
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you know you've hit rock bottom when by the end of the session your therapist hits the head in hands pose and goes "let's. l-let's just try to stay alive for now. n-no meds we'll just focus on finding the reasons to keep you here"
#we actually talked about possible meds options but. we just don't know what to go with jdkskskd#the ONLY antidepressants that worked on me are made only where i live and they literally taste like acid#and this is not even me exaggerating my therapist said this stuff could probably burn your stomach if you took too much. yikes#and they're like VERY strong so like. i'll probably need something just as strong. can i just get lobotomy atp#at least i brought my sunday plushie with me. i kept it in the backpack the entire time#but maybe one day he'll actually participate....#my mom took me taking sunday there so seriously like she kept asking for updates#and when i was done she was like “is sunny still there with you”#and i sent her a pic of him and i was like “we'll be home soon :)” and she was like “good job you two”#anyway bro yeah im trying. im trying#though tbh the problem is. not me having no reason to live but more like#having all the reasons and motivation but feeling like i don't deserve it#so it was like before sunday drip marketing “YAYAYAYAYAY I'LL DEFINITELY GET HIM I'LL DEFINITELY GET HIM”#and then after i was like “HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME STAY ALIVE FOR YOU” 😭😭#i-it's okay if it doesn't make sense to you im just. saying stuff#[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]#mmaybe i'll post a linagram vd tomorrow
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How have you been? :)
#asks#thank you for asking im actually pretty okay i just got nuked by monthly blood curse#also im the resident ffxiv guy at work so the triple whammy of writing up event guides+locking in for the live letter at the same time#i still have to write out the digest on the job changes before raid tonight ugh#bro im tired. but like in the mundane way not the soul crushing way#i also havent had the chance to sit down and write for a little creature and im trying not to feel guilty abt it#bc guilt is the number one fic killer tbh i get too intimidated to work on it#but also its been sooo long djdjjf i need to update
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Not to be an old fart yelling on my lawn but I’m convinced the people freaking out over not seeing Taylor in the media when she’s off tour is because TikTok has convinced them that she (and other celebrities) are not people but content to be consumed and get mad when their favourite app isn’t updated on the daily. The bite-size-ification of content through platforms like those is dehumanizing society to such a degree that people’s worth is judged by what they can provide and has warped a subset of its users’ perception of what it actually means to exist on a basic level.
#I’m not just talking about Taylor but just content creators in general#but even normal people who get drawn into these viral moments and have their lives upended#Taylor and other celebs may be billionaires etc#but they’re people and they don’t exist to update your social media feeds everyday#unless that is their actual job description lmao#instead of complaining she isn’t appearing at events be grateful she’s living her life in peace!#which then helps her to do her job!
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Celebrated my birthday earlier this week and am so, so proud of this cake.
She was a labor of love filled with a gluten free olive oil sponge, mascarpone mousse, fennel-white balsamic marmalade encased in pistachio swiss meringue buttercream. Bonus points for the pistachio paste turning the buttercream the most delicious and ugly shade of green, my favorite.
#look i love my job#but i'd be lying if that little voice told me to quit the bs and just bake cakes for a living#another update: your early 30s are spectacularly weird
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~
#I know I just got back on tumblr but I'm going again#gotta pack!!#packing up my whole room moving across the state#going to go live with my fambily again :}#feeling surprisingly good about it too#I don't want to live with my parents Forever but for now I think it'll work out well! I'm better at being assertive now#I've grown a lot as a person in college#hmmmm do I have any other updates for friends before I go...?#oh yeah!! when I get home I'm going to try to take pictures of all my new ceramics! I have some real winners!#Also I'm planning on trying to see if part-time work with part-time pottery can work out to sustain me for a while!#pray for me in the job hunt plz#also I'm going to go see my uncle this summer I'm SO EXCITED I'm going to fly out to his house probably#and be on an airplane for the third time ever#okay that's about it for now! bye-bye!
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It's the right of every transmasc to use their old girl clothes as lingerie <3
#Creature rambles#inspired by me rooting through my girl clothes for a boywife fit#preT it wouldve made me so dysphoric but now its just sexy boywife cosplay#im so eepysleepy rn but im tempted to make a bunch of my old underwear crotchless too <3#im really living the life over here#updated tags 5 minutes later i did indeed make a pair of old underwear crotchless#i did kinda a shitty job but thats why the gods invented the needle and thread
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