#jobs are weird
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tales from the sportsbook! context under the break
this person was a regular, in that he was barely of age but never had ID and kept coming in with minors. a sportsbook is a casino. you are not allowed to do that. i kicked him out whenever he wasn’t alone.
“kur ne me boli” is basically our “i do not give a singular fuck”. but you are also directly calling to the existence of your penis when you say it.
so i was kicking him out, he’s making all these excuses, as they do… and he looks super surprised when i say this and looks at my crotch?? like he makes a big dramatic show of looking at my dick and then being amused about it. like damn, what is your problem.
#art#ftm#trans#lgbt#oc art#trans man#transgender#comic#sportsbook stories#kladilnica#slavic#nekh draws#nekh is trans#jobs are weird#customer service is weird#balkans#kladilnici are also where you find the absolute worst our countries have to offer!!
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It's been a rough day
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#relatable#not feeling the best#not feeling it#bad day#therapy needed#i need a therapist#rough day#I am currently bleeding#dent in car#passive agressive#adulting is hard#i am still in highschool why does everything already have to be difficult#jobs are weird#college classes are hard#dual enrollment#exams are killing me#bad weather#under the weather
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don't be weird guys
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#DAV#DA4#at the end of the day#it's a job for them guys#so don't get fucking weird about these actual people
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Ghost Kitchen (brought to you by criminal entrepreneur, Red Hood)
Danny’s got the easiest job in Gotham.
He works as a fry cook at a shoddily-run, independent burger joint. Hardly anyone comes in, despite prices being criminally low, and portions insanely large, and while the manager looks like the average tough-as-nails ex-con, he lets Danny mess around in the kitchen whenever the place is empty. (Which is often. This place has to be the city’s hidden gem or something!)
Mr. Manager’s the only one ever there with Danny, except for sometimes when his buddies come over to smoke and play cards. Danny would find it shady, except part of his job is not to ask questions. Literally, he was told during the interview.
(It was a weird interview. Why would they need to hire someone who’s been in a gunfight before? Like, he has, but Gotham’s idea of “hirable qualities” is so bizarre.)
So instead he whips up some killer burgers with the frozen ingredients, and basks in the praise as the guys tell him he shouldn’t have, he does too much for this joint, ain’t that friendly!
Now, Danny’s a chef on the newer side. As a teen he’d preferred the look of Nasty Burger over anything with Michelin stars, and he only really took up cooking after Jazz moved out for college. But just like ecto-exposure used to turn the groceries sentient, Danny’s low-level ecto signature imbues all his food with something historically haunted Gothamites just love! And Danny’s never been one to half-ass a job when it makes people happy.
With fresher produce, real meat, Danny’s sure he can take his dishes to the next level. It takes a couple months of badgering, but his manager finally agrees to contact the mysterious store owner, who keeps the place going, despite profits Danny knows have to be in the red.
Danny spends the morning prepping. He pours his heart into his food, eager to impress. The big boss will be here soon, and he wants to prove that despite the dangerous location, this place has real potential!
It isn’t until the Red Hood shows up that Danny realizes he’s been working for a money laundering scheme.
#ecto has a weird effect on them actually. a lot like how danielle drinks ecto to keep her stable#ecto has positive health benefits for gothamites! it boosts their immune system gives them a little more energy makes them less irritable#silly hc but i think its fun#also danny just. thought it was a normal ass interview. the person who hired him was heavily hinting at the criminal element of his job the#whole time. danny just kept thinking man i cant believe all interviews are like this in gotham. every one of the#m asks if im okay lying to cops. i am but its weird i never got asked this in amity#dpxdc#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#dead on main#ghost kitchen au#danny fenton#jason todd#kipwrite
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surely this has been done
#this episode of Good Omens sponsored by Chilis#good omens 2#ineffable husbands#what a weird scene#mygoart#shoemaking and obstetrics are hilarious jobs for a snake(no feet) with no generative organs
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Long distance besties. This definitely happened after the third movie (source: trust me bro)
Based on this
#anyways time to yap in the tags 😋☝️#but first ummmm lemme just tag some shit#how to train your dragon#httyd#httyd hiccup#hiccup haddock#hiccup horrendous haddock iii#toothless#httyd toothless#ok i think that its done#anyways this definitely happaned after the dragons left like just trust me bro 🙏🙏🙏🙏#omfg i wanted to make this with hijack as well cause lol. do you get it. they're long distance LOLOLOL#maybe i will make it who knows. is it weird to make the same art trend with different characters??#OH WAIT FORGOT ANOTHER TAG#hicctooth#is this the duo name for them#or is it called#hictooth#doesnt matter. what matters is that theyre literally the definition of platonic soulmates bro#like wtf i love them#sorry for making them look miserable i didnt meant for them to look lile that 😭😭😭😭#omg with that being said#BROOOOOO I AM NOT GONNA DRAW DRAGONS ANYMORE IM DONEEEEE HOW DO YOU DRAW DRAGONS 😭😭😭😭😭🙏🙏#anyways first attempt do you like it. SAY YES RIGHT NOW#if you read this much till the end you need to kiss me rn muah muah muah#also say i did a good job at making them look like cookies like#say it rn#okie bye byeeeeee#I FORGOT TO ADD HIS BRAID IM GONNA KMSSSSSS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#omg i failed
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Danny: Hey, I need you to be my boyfriend for a week.
Jason: What.
Danny: My parents are coming over and I've apparently accidentally talked about a partner more than once and only realized when they said they wanted to meet them.
Jason, currently still solidifying his power as a Crime Lord: Excuse me?
Danny: Let me get this out of the way, I do not consider you at all a person of romantical interest and a friend. But I need you to act as my partner for only a week until my parents go on their merry way over to my sister, okay?
Jason: Is there, quite literally, no one else to ask this?
Danny: You're my only friend who lives in Gotham, plus we share the same apartment.
Jason: That's almost sad.
Danny: You in?
Jason: Sure, why not.
===
Maddie: Danny, honey.
Danny: Yes mom?
Maddie: I don't mean to.... question, who you choose as your parent but. Well, me and your father was just wandering if he was a... [Maddie gestures with her hand] you know, one of those.
Danny, uncomprehendingly staring at his mother's hand: What.
Maddie: Oh dear, how do I bring this up. You know, one of those.
Danny: Mother I need more context.
Jack: If your boyfriend a crime lord!?
Maddie: Jack!
Jack: What? Beating around the bush wasn't helping!
Danny: Say WHAT?
===
Danny: Hey dude, thanks for helping with this even though you didn't need to!
Jason: No problem, I wasn't doing anything too [Crime Lord activities flash through his mind] important.
Danny: Can you believe my parents thought you were a crime lord though? Weird am I right?
Jason:
Danny: Jason. You are scaring me.
Jason: Haha, yea that's weird isn't it?
Danny: Jason.
Jason: Well, I have to leave now to attend to my totally real and totally not crime related job at the ice cream shop.
Danny: [Squints eyes]
Jason: [Internally sweating bullets]
Danny: Suuuuure, bring me back some ice cream though.
Jason: [Thumbs up and leaves]
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dcxdp#dc x dp crossover#Danny isn't romantically interested in Jason in the least#Neither is Jason romantically interested in Danny#But he needed a partner and Jason was the only one available#Jason somehow managed to balance that and being a crime lord#Jack and Maddie instantly had the suspicion of him being Red Hood aka a crime lord aka a criminal aka a danger to their boy#Danny doesn't know at ALL though and so they hang that theory up because if Danny didn't know then he probably wasn't a crime lord#Jason's identity was almost blown because he pretended to be the boyfriend of his friend#Again Danny doesn't know shit about him being Red Hood he just thought dude was dedicated to his job plus its Gotham#Not that weird to come back with scraps and scratches
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Thinking about Weird Barbie and how she's the very obviously queer outsider of the Barbie world, she straddles the lines between Barbie and the Real World. She's the most aware of the performative nature of it all. She supports Barbie while also gently mocking her panic at losing the hyperfeminine perfection. Her weird house is also home to the discontinued reject weird Barbies, the outcasts (including very gay earring Ken) who never fell into either the original matriarchy or the Kentriarchy brainwashing.
The other more classically heteronormative and beautiful Barbies both pity and fear her, and at first the narrative pities her as well. She's the vessel of girls going weird and crazy and feral on their dolls and that's amazing. Weird Barbie is aware of who she is and how the world sees her and she loves it. She's Weird Barbie and She Owns It.
#i couldnt identify with a lot of the Barbies Feminine Crisis on as deep a level as other women i know#but holy shit did i see what they did with Weird Barbie aka Queer Barbie#GOD this movie did such a great job capturing the feeling of#gender is fake and but also its real#ive been having gender thoughts#mostly about how im so goddamn ambivalent about gender that i can't even identify#with the idea of thinking about What Is My Gender enough to say its nonbinary#my gender is Sure Okay#she/her yeah fine its whatever#barbie
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I was reading the Attack of the Clone's script for *research* purposes, and it's been a while since I've seen the full movie but:
OBI-WAN: You look tired. ANAKIN: I don't sleep well, anymore. OBI-WAN: Because of your mother? ANAKIN: I don't know why I keep dreaming About her now. I haven't seen her since I was little. OBI-WAN: Dreams pass in time. ANAKIN: I'd rather dream of Padmé. Just Being around her again is... intoxicating. OBI-WAN: Mind your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you. You've made a commitment to the Jedi order... a commitment not easily broken... and don't forget she's a politician. They're not to be trusted.
Literally I will never be able to take the "Obi-Wan is so mean he didn't let Anakin go find his mother" argument seriously ever again. On a purely factual level, there's not a single indication Anakin told Obi-Wan his dreams showed him his mother was in danger or that he thought they were dreams from the Force. Anakin says himself that he doesn't know why he's dreaming of her, which makes Obiwan's "Dreams pass in time," so incredibly reasonable.
Wait wait wait let me update the language to the *pretentious voice* modern parlance. It'll be like a Shakespere "translation." Here we go:
Obi-Wan: you look tired Anakin: I haven't been sleeping well Obi-Wan: Cuz of your dreams? Anakin: Yeah I've been randomly having dreams about my mom all of a sudden. Obi-Wan: They'll probably go away if you wait a bit. Brains are weird like that sometimes. …
The only evidence Obi-Wan might have to the danger point is that the dreams are disrupting Anakin's sleep. But Obiwan is the one to bring up the dreams, in context of them disrupting Anakin's sleep. If Anakin was looking for an opening, that was it.
But way more importantly to me currently is the fact that Anakin transitions out of talking about his mother by going "I'd rather dream of Padmé. Just Being around her again is... intoxicating."
Wtf anakin??? Who says that??? Let alone to their brother-dad???
He seriously goes from talking about his dreams of his mother to how his crush that he's known for a couple days total at this point is really hot, and people expect me to believe that Obi-Wan was supposed to divine from this conversation that they needed to immediately run halfway across the galaxy to prevent imminent disaster?????
Let me continue my translation:
… Anakin: I'd rather dream about having sex with Padmé. She's so hot and pretty and nice Obi-Wan: Anakin remember how the beliefs you've been committed to for the past ten years are maybe important to you? Also politicians are generally corrupt, we eat the rich in this household.
This is a fanfic type miscommunication plot at best, except for some reason people act like Anakin isn't being about as clear as mud.
#star wars#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#obi wan and anakin#padme amidala#attack of the clones#Anakin literally did a BETTER job of communicating about his dreams in ROTS#THAT'S now bad and weird this is
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oh you hate musicals? oh so youre allergic to all fun and whimsy then? youre against all joy and giddiness brought in front of you huh? you just hate any and all happiness and silly times dont you?
#“hamiltons so overrated” this#“falsettos is so cringe” that#“the dancing in six is so embarrassing” this#“ride the cyclone is so weird” that#“people dont break into song in the middle of a sentence irl” this#“its unrealistic and not historically accurate” that#SHUT UP#ACTUALLY SHUT UP#YOURE NOT ORIGINAL#YOURE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE BC YOU THINK UR ABOVE MUSICALS#STOP TALKING AND APPRECIATE THE LEVEL OF TALENT EVERYYTHING ABOUT THAT SHIT TAKES#STOP MAKING FUN OF ACTORS FOR BEING GOOD AT THEIR JOB#musical theatre#kal rambles!!#musical theater#broadway#sorry i just got a little angry
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hi does anyone else think about april throwing herself over leo to shield him in the shredder strikes back despite having no weapons no way to defend herself and probably assuming she was going to die. does anyone think about that all the time. every day. uncontrollably
[ID: Digital fanart of Ninja Turtles 2003 depicting a scene from The Shredder Strikes Back part 2. April kneels over an injured Leo, cradling his head and looking back over her shoulder to snarl viciously at the camera, though there is obvious fear in her eyes. Her hair has partially fallen out of her bun, the loose strands sticking to her face with sweat. She has a cut on her cheek. Only a portion of Leo’s face can be seen from behind her shoulder. He looks up at her with a sad, pained expression. He has a swollen, bloody shiner on his cheek in addition to other cuts and bruises on the rest of his body. They are on the wooden floor of a dark attic. End ID.]
#she’s so protective of her fambly man….. i think she should have gotten to call that wasp a bitch in ‘‘april’s artifact’’#anyway.#you ever think about how in almost every version befriending the turtles leads to april having these huge moments of loss#losing her shop her job her home her father her LIFE and yet she accepts it all bc she jsut decided to fucking love them more than anything#take my hand. do you think about it……#tmnt#tmnt 03#tmnt 2k3#tmnt 2003#april o'neil#leonardo tmnt#described#cw blood#she rlly asked is anyone going to adopt these weird turtle children and then didn’t wait for an answer#frogs.art
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Jason’s massage therapist deserves a fucking pay raise.
He has no idea how the fuck the dude gives back massages that quiet the goddam pit but you bet your ass Jason is recommending Danny to anyone who looks like they need a massage.
#dp x dc#writing prompt#danny fenton#dc x dp#jason todd#sometimes shit goes weird in the body due to fighting crime#how did Danny get such a job?#why the nice lady who owns the place gave him a place to rest when he first came to Gotham and he never left#Danny: this dude feels a bit death-y#Danny pushing a bit of his ecto outward: this should help him relax
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#was looking for some fics with these two#I imagine this is one of their first interactions and Hunter is already fed up with Darius#but Darius is just trying to get to know the successor of his mentor and check if he's at least a little bit capable of doing his job#he's also a little weirded out by the similarity between these two#basically I imagine Darius gave him a couple of vibe checks that Hunter had failed#and Hunter takes it as questoning his place in the coven#god darius design is so pink and awful#it's so jover uni starts tommorow#it's like the most boring drawing ever but I'm just still in my I have to get better at backgrounds era#and also if I'll draw 100 awful things I get a decent one eventually#it's like inktober but lasts your whole life and devours your soul in the process#no caption just pure tags now I understand those few people who keep reblogging all my tags cuz I give all the fucking context there#there's probably like 10 things I would spot tommorow that would fix the drawing a whole bunch but I just ...don't want to ig#the owl house#sheerak#the golden guard#darius deamonne#hunter toh#toh hunter#hunter deamonne#toh fanart#the owl house fanart#dadrius#not yet but#you guys most fellow toh fanartists moved on and fanart fiona and cake but I keep brainrotting the same stuff over and over#good old toh trashpile
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gwendolyn bouchard and lena kelley are both canonically women, yes. however this does not change the fact that they are trapped in an unhappy heterosexual marriage with each other.
#“my bitch wife is blackmailing me for a job she doesn't even want”#“my idiot husband keeps sending me out to meet up with weird freaks”#tmagp#the magnus protocol#lena kelley#gwen bouchard#gwendolyn bouchard#boukelley#tmagp shitpost
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imagine being scotty in tos. every day your friend group goes on dangerous yet exciting adventures to new planets but you can never go because they always make you babysit the ship. also you have to stay on facetime with them the whole time in case they need a lift. you are the eternal designated driver. the seventh wheel. you dont mind as much as you should though because you sort of want to fuck the ship
#an a24 film#kidding i know babysitting the ship is his job and he loves it#i do think about scottu alot though because hes always excluded from the triumvirute and we can assume chekov uhura and sulu are all close#because they are bridge crew so scotty’s not as close to them either#no wonder scotty wants to fuck the ship#hes the seventh wheel:(#i guess he can hang with bones if you belive the mcscott shippers#still i would not want to be scotty even though he is baller af#he has no bestie on the enterprise except the warp drive#i didnt think i had this many thoughts about scotty#weird#star trek tos#tos#montgomery scott#scotty tos#star trek#jim kirk#spock#bones mccoy#the triumvirate
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Dauntless Matchmaker Part 2
Danny knew that his strange new boss was rich. He figured that much out by the overly priced suit and the wad of cash, but when he followed him into an Uber, he never thought he would wind up at the Waynes.
Everyone knew who the Waynes were. Danny personally thought it was no exaggeration when people called Bruce Wayne the Prince of Gotham.
He thought it fit the lovable man far more than the title of White Knight. It wasn't that Bruce didn't do the most out of all the ultra-rich to help the city, but rather, it mirrored the Dark Knight too much.
Danny thinks Bruce Wayne and Batman were too different to be compared like that. At least Mr. Wayne is real.
"Welcome home, Master Damian." The butler said as soon as the two walked through the door. His intrigued eyes slowly glanced at Danny, causing the teenager to stand straighter. "And who might our guest be?"
"I believed he was here for Drake." The young boy- apparently named Damian, fibs. Danny is a little impressed that he can sound so uncaring about what is happening despite being the whole reason he is here.
Danny knows that his job is to fool the butler and act like he isn't very aware of Damian. He offers the man his best smile. "Yeah, I came to see Tom. "
The older gentleman raises a brow while Damian shoots him a look of utter venom. Danny fights the urge to cower underneath the boy's displeasure. That is one nasty scowl the boy had.
"I am afraid Master Tim, is currently unavailable in his room"
Aw, crude, he said the wrong name. "Um, I know he said he needed a few minutes to get ready, but I was allowed to go up to his room. I'm sorry, sir I'm a little nervous."
"I see," The other says carefully before sharing a look with Damian. There is a moment where the two just stare at each other, and after a few small hand signs- sign language, maybe?- the butler clears his throat.
"That's quite alright, young man. You may go to Master Tim's room. It's up the main stairway on the third level, fifth door on the right."
Danny practically ran to the stairs, throwing a quick "Thank you, sir!" as he scurried away from the Butler and his boss. The boy still looked greatly displeased with his performance.
He prays he gets better at it once he speaks with Tom-er Tim and gets their story straight. Curious, He glances around, taking in the tasteful night pictures of Gotham City and the scattered few statues.
His breath catches when he sees a large frame photo of a man lying on an old couch looking into the far distance, his smile curving with mischievous glee and the sunlight reflecting the blue of his eyes.
There is a background of an old library, but the sun streaming through the window drapes him with a glow that makes the other man seem otherworldly.
It feels like it should be a painting, but it is so clearly a photograph that Danny has half a mind to wonder if someone who looked like that could possibly be real.
"Wow." He breathes, stepping closer to the frame.
"Wow, yourself." A gruff voice suddenly says, making Danny jump. Whirling around, he finds a boy about his age leaning on the doorframe.
It takes Danny a moment to realize that he is the subject of the art he was just admiring. But while the teenager in the photo seemed like a visiting angel, draped gracefully put together the teenager before him is, in a slight word, a mess.
He was wearing an oversized, fluffy, red open bathrobe. He seemed to only bother to slip on some baggy sweatpants and one sock. His hair didn't seem to have been combed in days, and there were dreadful bags underneath his eyes.
Despite that, Danny felt his heart flutter slightly when he made eye contact with the other.
"Who are you?" The stranger asks, voice a soft mutter.
"Um...I'm looking for Tim?"
"You found him." There is a half smile, but it falls quickly as the boy's demeanor seems to grow sad. Welp, his boss did say he was recently heartbroken.
"Oh great! I was told by Damian to do this when I found you." He places his hand on the wall, knocking six times, pausing for a few seconds, then knocking four.
Tim's face flashes through emotions faster than Danny can understand before the other teens' eyes water. That's all the warning he gets just as Tim bursts into tears.
He has no idea what's happening, but Danny's protective core has him rushing forward to bring the sobbing boy into his arms. He fumbles for a few seconds, unsure if it's welcome, until Tim melts into him, sobbing softly into his chest.
"It's okay. Shh. Shhhh. It's alright, everything will be alright. Why don't we head to your room?"
"Okay," The other whimpers. Danny helps him to his room, trying his best to offer as much support as possible. He is just starting to wonder if he should offer to get him some water or something when Tim kicks the door close, and the tears are all gone.
"Alright, we managed to fool Alfred. He was watching from the stairway," Tim whispers, leaning in close to Danny's face. He gave the startled half-ghost a sneer. "Now, who are you, and why did Damian send you to be my fake boyfriend?"
"Wait, you guys have a code for fake dating? That's what that was?"
"That's not important. I want to know what your objective is."
Danny tells him everything that Damian has told him since finding him. It's only been a few hours since he was fired and since he was taken by Damian.
Tim took it all in without much emotion.
"So you're here as my pity date to get Alfred to leave me alone? And was the Demon Brat the one to hire you? A likely story."
"No, I swear everything I've said is true."
"Oh, and I bet Batman is going to come out of the closet, too," The other said, rolling his eyes.
Danny frowns. "Batman isn't real."
At once, Tim's entire body seemed to have frozen. He blinks slowly, almost as if he is delayed in the reaction. "What did you just say?"
"Batman isn't real," Danny repeats slower, suddenly afraid for Tim's mental health. Next thing he knows, Tim will say the tooth fairy is real.
"Yes, he is."
"No, that's what the government wants you to think so they can hunt him down."
Tim blicks even slower before a blush starts to climb along his cheekbones. He reaches up to play with the hair at the back of his neck. "If that's true, then what is Batman really?"
"A ghost," Danny says confidently and Tim's face grows even redder. It's....endearing.
"You're weird," Tim says, looking away. His gaze lands on a hanging mirror, seemingly taken aback by his reflection. "Oh, I haven't showered in a few days, have I? Do you mind?"
Danny shakes his head, smiling. "No, go ahead. "
Noehter notices the small boy who moves away from Tim's door. And if that boy happened to be pumping his fist into the air in celebration well, that's no one business but Damian's
#dcxdpdabbles#dc x dp crossover#Dauntless Matchmaker#Part 2#Tim has a type#When you accept weird jobs you roll with the punches#Damian found a conspry guy#Danny doesn't belive in Batman
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