#passive agressive

[ub-sessed]

Passive aggressive or just neurotypical?

So often NTs come across as passive aggressive to me, because they don't say what they actually mean, and Why aren't they saying what they actually mean?*

For example, this evening I was doing laundry in the kitchen when my baby-daddy came in, asked if we were hungry, and after some discussion announced that he would make grilled cheese. I said, "OK, lemme just finish doing the laundry." He leaves, and I continue with laundry.

Fifteen-ish minutes later, I'm putting towels in the bathroom, and he comes out of his room and asks, "Any progress?"

And my poor brain! Because of course the answer to that question is "Yes." I have made progress. But then I immediately realize that that couldn't be what he's actually asking, because there's no way he thinks it's possible that I haven't made any progress.

So I start to ask, "I'm assuming you aren't actually asking if I've made any progress, so what do you mea--"

But he cuts me off with, "I'm hungry and I want to know if I'm going to be able to use the kitchen any time soon."

And again, my brain is confused, because I don't know what he means by "soon". So I tell him it'll probably be about 10 minutes.

The thing is, if he wanted to know how soon I would be done, why didn't he ask that? Is "Any progress?" NT code for "How soon will you be done?" Or maybe "Are you done yet?" Or actually "Hurry up!"? Or is this not actually normal polite NT communication but rather griping or being passive aggressive? How do you tell the difference?

I would ask him, but he has a history of getting very cranky when I "misunderstand" or ask for clarification, pointing out that the meaning would be obvious to other people, which is completely irrelevant, because he's not talking to other people, he's talking to me, so what difference does it make what other people would understand?

But yeah, I guess if I am going to ask for clarification, I would like to know what other people would understand.

(I have learned, for instance, that when he says "Watch out!" he doesn't actually mean to be on the lookout for some immediate threat, but rather, "Excuse me, I'd like to put my body in/near the spot yours is currently occupying; can you please move?" For which I say "Beep beep!" Which I think is clearer, but who knows.)

*I will never understand why NTs don't just say what they actually mean. What are they afraid of? Wouldn't it be easier for everybody if the people you were talking to knew what you actually meant and didn't have to guess? Why speak in code? /rant

I recognize that this is also to some extent a cultural thing: Some cultures consider it rude to beat around the bush, and others consider it rude to be direct. Both baby-daddy and I are effectively Jewish WASPs, so we're both a mess when it comes to that.

[asphaltangel-1]

[beautifulbookishdisaster]

I did it because I thought it would offend you; but, as you made no objection, I never did it again.

Jane Austen, Emma

[sillypotatobleh]

Narrator voice: The irony of this whole situation is not lost on her, she is utterly confused but also wants to burst out laughing

Narrator voice: her brain is doing cartwheels, not the exciting type the wtf is going on type

Narrator voice: she doesn't understand if being called small is a compliment or a threat....

Narrator voice: her brain is malfunctioning....what is this feeling? is she getting....flustered? Omfg abort mission nooooo.......(narrator panicking sounds)

Narrator voice: aww they are cute.......wait is that villain? Wtf is she trying to do here, ruin the moment between the lovebirds? (narrator angrily flips table)

Narrator voice: as much as I want to just deck the villain, I'm an entity that exists outside of their world so I can't do anything (narrator sighs)

[esotericgal]

'' i was kidding, chill'' no bro YOU chill.

[roo-north]

It's been a rough day

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.

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[doctor-mccoys-sanity]

european culture is passive aggressive “xx” on the end of texts

[reidtomewinchester]

Dude, the way I am fighting back tears in a public place. I am reader and reader is me. This is a scenario that happens all too often in my own life, however, I’ve learned the apologies are meaningless because nothing ever changes. But I digress. This is so wonderfully written, bravo! 👏🏼

Passive Aggressive - Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

WC: 2.1K / navi / preview

Summary: Spencer’s stressed, and he takes it out on you. You’re sure it would have hurt far worse if he’d shouted, but instead he broke you down bit by bit, his cold demeanor leaving you crying in your car.

Contents/Warnings: passive aggression, stressed spencer, brief mentions of missing persons, tension, hurt/comfort, angst with a fluffy ending

feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!

“Not right now,” Spencer mumbled, not even bothering to look up at the sound of the door opening. He knew it’d be you, you were the only other person in the apartment, but that didn’t dull the edge in his voice.

You hesitated in the doorway, your hand gripping tight to the doorframe as if it would stabilize the part of you that had deflated at Spencer’s tone.

“I just wanted to let you know lunch is ready.” Your own voice had lost most of the vigor that you had intended for it to possess, instead coming out meek as you monitored Spencer’s reaction.

His shoulders tightened almost imperceptibly, and you heard a brisk sigh escape from his lips, “I’ll be there soon.”

That was it. No thank you, no tension-diffuser, nothing. Just that same sharp, biting tone.

“Right,” You hesitated in the doorway for only a few seconds more, teeth grating against the inside of your cheek as you tried figuring out if you could get away with saying anything else. You gave up, shutting the door quietly behind you as you trudged back to the kitchen.

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[mrspasser]

Yesterday I gave someone a 3 out of 5 star review because they left a used mouth mask (eww!) in the pockets of a dungaree they sold me online. I deducted 2 stars and calmy stated why in the review.

Their response was very passive agressive and you'd think I kicked their puppy or something. I got multiple direct messages in a row to indicate how I was the bad person. They also left me a 1 star review about how I was undesirable to do business with because I wasn’t a nice person at all.

All because I deducted 2 stars because they left something really unhygienic in the pocket.

Worst thing is that I'm still thinking about it today. The interaction really left me reeling.

Am I the asshole here?

[ieatlegs]

tumblr just gave me a badge…

OK YES I GET IT I NEED TO STOP SCROLLING GOD

[lord-tekron]

Brain is now using 15% of it's power in an attempt of devising schemes it will never act upon to try and get more people to read The Springlock Paradox. May god have mercy if I have to start using 20% cause then I may start enacting on one of those schemes, which I will guess will happen after another year of little attention/traffic for the chapters to add onto the previous 5 years. :V

[nangbaby]

I will never understand the mindset of stealing someone else's work to make fun of them and have people surreptitiously exclude them under the guise of "it's public"....but actually voicing your concern about someone's work in a public way that the content creator can respond to is considered rude.

It's ruder to gossip and talk about people behind their backs than it is to talk to them to their face. The former is passive-aggressive backbiting. The latter means you're confident and assertive enough to endure the blowback.

If you wouldn't say something to someone, don't say that same something about someone.

[rox-of-iu]

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