#jl spoilers /

[februarys-wednesday]

i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

like

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

-

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

-

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

-

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

-

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

-

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

-

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

-

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

-

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

-

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.

[redsray]

that trope where jason gets caught by the justice league and has to get (a) rescued by bruce or (b) reveal his connection to bruce or (c) both except it's steph.

and it's not because she was doing anything incriminating, no, it's because she wanted to find Bruce, who was not answering his communications nor was he in the cave; so obviously, the next place she'd look is, y'know, the watchtower. because surely they'd know who she is, right? there's a bat on her chest.

she's proven entirely incorrect.

because for some reason, bruce is not only not on the watchtower, but has also neglected to tell the justice league about any associates outside of the robins they've met. these superpowered wonderful people are all under the impression that the only person batman works with is robin.

since they never met steph as robin, the bat on her chest doesn't mean much. she could be anyone. she insists she works with batman, but none of them can contact him to confirm this, so they just kind of... let her stay. monitored, of course, because she could be a threat, but they do.

cue steph chatting with the justice league and them realising that oh, batman has more children. oh, batman works with others than just the robins. oh, batman has not introduced them to a robin- they'd thought they've met them all.

Green Lantern: So you were... also Robin?

Steph: Yeah. not for long though.

Green Lantern: But you're not...

Steph: Not what, green boy? Black-haired and blue-eyed? A boy??

Green Lantern, backtracking: No, no, no that's- that's not what I meant-

Steph, laughing: Hood was right, you are easy to tease. good lord.

eventually Dick swings by and explains that Bruce got kidnapped in his civilian persona and that the others are handling it. as soon as the League sees him, they complain about not being told about Steph, Cass and Duke. Dick's only response is;

"Oh, he didn't tell you?"

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

"Please stop asking how I got in here," the white haired kid said, annoyance laced in his voice, "All I want to know is if any of you can do detective work in the supernatural world!"

Constantine just barely opened his mouth before the kid turned on him, "Not you! You have terrible reviews!"

Bruce tensed as Lazarus green eyes locked on him, "How about you? You're the worlds greatest detective, right? I know you probably won't take gold as payment since Bruce Wayne is your sugar daddy, but I can offer up information on the Infinite Realms instead!"

Batman, calm and collected even as Green Arrow and Flash snickered from across the room, "Infinite Realms?"

Phantom grinned, "Is that an agreement? Cause Prince Psaro could really use your help. He has so many questions, and the answers may save his life. You want to save the life of a teenage boy surrounded by demons and monsters, don't you?"

Bruce stared at the teen, not looking away even with Constantine motioning not to agree, Bruce nodded.

And in a moment, they were gone. They reappeared in a grand hall with a ruby eyed teenager looking impossibly small from his place on the massive throne. Silver hair shined oddly in the light of the purples flames that danced in the sconces, making the boy seem more ethereal.

"Hey Psaro!" The white haired kid from before greeted, "I brought you a detective like you asked. Don't forget you have to teach me magic now!" The first teen vanished without a trace leaving Batman and what he now recognized as an angsty goth alone together.

As it turns out Psaro had many questions and offered to pay him a generous amount in gold each day.

Some of his questions include:

What kingdom was my human mother a princess of?

Why can't I remember key information from my childhood, such as my brothers very existence?

I was framed for the murder of all of the "Chosen Heros" loved ones. How do I prove im innocent before he comes to take off my head?

Why do Rose's tears shatter?

Is there a way to stop his younger brother from destroying the world without caging him or killing him?

Ect.

Bruce has his work cut out for him, but between the mysterious white haired kid popping in now and then to give him cryptic conversations, the team on litteral monsters he was given to defend himself with, and his access to royal libraries and vaults this might not be so bad

[fawcetttweets]

Related to that last tweet of Billy sad about the Pigs flying in the wrong account, what about a reaction from some of the heroes of the JL, some that agree with him and some that don't? I know for a fact that there are some comic runs that aren't just Batman (and batfam) and Captain Marvel that deal with corrupt cops overruning the precint.

I don’t know very much about most hero’s other than Billy Batson or the batfam 😭. I looked it up but couldn’t find much about characters who are involved with police other than a few who I’ve never heard of but I do know that nightwing and the flash were/are part of the police system!

ACAP (PM2)

Whoops… this ended up being a lot more Batfam than I meant it to be lol. At this point I may as well be a batfam blog (not really… but kinda).

Masterlist // First // Previous // Next

[bitter-hibiscus]

HES BACK, BABY!!!

[schrijverr]

It Just Hits Different When It’s Batman

5 times a League member heard Batman use slang + 1 time they knew where the fuck he got it from.

This fic is based off this post by @wednesday-if-it-was-tuesday bc it was just too good! Hope you don't mind :D

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~~~

1. Flash

Barry is pretty sure he has to get his hearing checked as he speeds through a city, trying to find a series of bombs, courtesy of a new alliance of villains. He and Batman are on bomb duty, thus sharing a private com line as to not distract the others or be distracted as they coordinate.

However, Barry is very much distracted by his own partner in this whole mess, because unless he’s gotten a few too many hits to the head in recent years, he’s pretty sure Batman just reported: “The bombs look like yassified thermos flasks.”

“What?” Barry chokes, nearly tripping over his own feet as he does.

Batman doesn’t seem to notice, instead explaining the bomb, not his wording: “The casing looks to be made from plastic, likely to escape Superman’s notice. Start checking water pipes, I found this one near a toilet. I’ll report again once I figure out how to disarm it.”

Okay, questing his sanity later, finding bombs, now.

So he zooms off again, having to agree with the fact that the bomb does look like a yassified thermos flask. He wonders if he can use that in his report or if Batman will scold him for language. He has worked with the man for long enough that he knows Batman isn’t above hypocrisy.

Then he wonders again if he even heard it right. In the heat of battle, the brain sometimes does weird things, especially when someone thinks at the speed of light. Or faster.

He’ll put it out of his mind for now, maybe tell Hal about it just so he’ll have someone to share the bizarre experience with.

Clark probably has a thesaurus, he should probably also find a synonym for yassified. Does a thesaurus have slang too?

2. Green Lantern

It’s true that Barry had told him about Spooky saying yassified in that one battle, but Hal hadn’t truly believed that Bats was capable of something like that. I mean, look at him. The guy might be a weirdo who dresses up as a Bat, but he’s not a weirdo who says shit like yassified.

However, at the moment it is starting to look more and more likely. Fuck, Barry is gonna give him so much crap for not believing him.

The moment in question is Batman working with him on the stealth mission. It’s one for the Green Lantern Corps, so Batman is doing him a favor. Though Hal is starting to wish that he hadn’t done him that favor, because Batman has just said: “It looks like Luthor is being thristy for Superman again. For someone who hates the guy, he sure wants his attention a lot. That’s Kryptonian honing device.”

Hal doesn’t react, still thinking about the fact that he’s just heard Luthor, thirsty and Superman in one sentence. In Batman’s voice no less.

“What?” he says.

“A Kryptonian honing device,” Batman repeats, sounding as if he thinks Hal is stupid, not uncommon. “So he can hone in on Superman, find him. Something we need to do something about.”

Hal decides to take the smart way out and lets the whole thing drop in favor of focusing on the mission. He’s not just telling Barry, but Ollie about this as well.

3. Cyborg

Being in the Justice League isn’t much different than being on the Teen Titans. Like right now, being in a building that could explode at any moment unless he hacks into the system and stops that from happening.

Ah, good old life-threatening pressure.

Batman is fighting some of the goons in the background. They’re on their own here, with the others fighting through an army outside to get to them. But it’s mostly up to them. Batman yells: “Cyborg, status.”

“I’m getting through, but something is bugging me about this whole thing,” Victor calls back. “I think there is someone I’m missing that will allow me to crack this.”

There are a few grunts in the background as Batman fights on, while Victor starts to scan through everyone who worked for the organization, trying to find the missing link.

He is interrupted by Batman, who says: “I took a tour here once. There was an intern, Kyle Paulson, he was kind of sus. Look him up.”

For a second, Victor is thrown by the sus in that sentence, but he quickly focuses back on what’s important. Indeed finding Kyle to be the missing link that gets him to disarm the bomb. While Batman is taking out the last of the bad guys.

In fact, the whole thing slips his mind until he’s writing his mission report, going through the footage to get accurate information in there. Then he pauses again, before dismissing it. Those who trained under Batman are always prepared, maybe it’s not slang but shorthand to be useful in the moment. Or he’s trying to include him, sweet, though unnecessary.

Victor puts it out of his mind.

4. Green Arrow

Ollie doesn’t believe Barry or Hal for a second. Like, really? Batman using slang that the sidekicks are using?

Sure, Nightwing sometimes uses some here and there, but Red Robin is always very professional and Robin is closer to a Shakespearean actor than a TikTok teen. There isn’t anyone else he could have gotten it from and it doesn’t make sense with his whole ‘I am the Night’-persona.

Victor suggested it was to make the newbies more comfortable when he overheard them talking, but that’s even more ridiculous in Ollie’s opinion.

So, he’s not at all in the slightest prepared for Batman’s reaction when he shows him the new arrows he developed. Because Batman’s reaction is: “Hm, serves cunt.”

“Excuse me, what?” Ollie says, his eyes nearly bulging out of his skull.

Batman just stares at him, then in a confused sort of voice goes: “You know, it slays? It’s, you know, good? Positive.”

“Huh, what? No, I- I know what that means. How the fuck do you know?” Ollie splutters.

“I’m Batman,” is all he says. Then he walks away and leaves Ollie to stand there, still frozen in time, because what the hell was that? Batman can’t just do that, can he? That’s illegal. How does he even know that?

What Ollie doesn’t know, is that this was a calculated move. Bruce had overheard the three talking as well and decided to have a little fun. All the times before, it just slipped out in the heat of battle, but this one was purposeful.

Bruce knows Ollie would know what it meant, because billionaires Bruce Wayne and Oliver Queen have done TikTok trends in the past and try to keep up to date, despite their age. Not that Ollie knows it’s him under there.

And last gala, he left Bruce for the wolves – Vicky Vale – so now Bruce is dealing psychological damage to him as petty revenge.

5. Superman (and Practically the Entire League)

They’re in a meeting with most of the Justice League members that are present on earth at the moment. It’s not often they hold such meetings, since they are a little overwhelming and tend to drag on more than be productive.

However, Clark thinks it’s important to ensure there are avenues through which ever member can state their piece and be heard. So, here they are again.

Booster Gold is complaining about always being on the sidelines and never in the heat of the action, even though he’s a great hero. He’s claiming that there is a bias against younger heroes, despite the fact that the ‘old guard’ will have to give it up eventually.

Apparently, Batman has had enough, because he gets up and snaps: “We don’t have bias based on age, we have one based off skill. Maybe if you stopped abandoning your post and being someone reliable, you might get put out in the field more often. Now stop being salty about it.”

It’s silent.

Clark is scrambling his brain, to figure out the meaning. As a journalist he tries to stay up to date on current language use, however, the only person he’s heard use that word is Jon. The boy never explained, but Clark guessed what it means. Doesn’t explain why Batman knows it.

Then the silence gets broken by a snort, everyone’s head whipping towards the source. It’s Nightwing, a newer addition and one affiliated with Batman himself. The only one there brave enough to laugh at Batman, mirthfully asking: “Did you actually say salty?”

There is no change on Batman’s face, but as a longtime friend, Clark knows he isn’t emotionless. Indeed, when he listens close, he can hear the blood rush to his face, blush hidden by the cowl.

“That was not the point of the sentence, Nightwing,” Batman counters, the name a little bit pointed on is tongue.

“Okay, okay,” Nightwing grins easily, showing his hands in surrender, an act which is made null by him adding: “Just pointing out that this is an official meeting. You’re on the record and you know I’m reporting this to the others.”

Red Robin and Robin, Clark fills in mentally, the other two known associates. Everyone already guessed that Nightwing must be close to them as well, since the younger two are closer to being Batman’s children. Now that is confirmed.

“Thank you for reminding me,” Batman says tersely, before quickly pivoting to the next point on the agenda. No one calls him out for it.

However, just because no one calls him out on it, doesn’t mean they drop it. In the weeks after the incident, whispers make their way through the halls of the Watchtower as people speculate why or how Batman came to use the word salty and how out of character it is.

Clark can hear the gossip all over the Watchtower and he’s sure Batman is aware of it too, because some brave souls have asked about. Especially when some of the others talked about the incident not being the first one.

Batman hasn’t replied yet to any of the questions or rumors. Clark thinks he likes the mystery and chaos, likes that they don’t know why the hell he sometimes lets slang slip. Even Nightwing has been seemingly silenced, never commenting with a sort of professional ease at evasion.

Nightwing is the only clue they have, along with Robin and Red Robin, but none of them seem like the culprit.

It just doesn’t make sense and Clark can’t help but have his reporter brain itch.

+1. The Batfamily

There is going to be an attack somewhere in a major city in America tonight. They cannot figure out where, so there is a nation wide stake out at all the important places. Nearly the entire Justice League has been pulled out for it and even then they don’t have enough.

Batman insists on having a skeleton crew remain on the Watchtower in case the threat turns out to be a distraction. And when it is protested, he pulls out an army of associates none of them have ever heard about to fill out the last gaps in their observational net.

The sudden introduction of about six new Gotham vigilantes, which have apparently been operating inside the city as well as outside of it, would have been the main shock if it weren’t for how they are on coms.

Red Robin and Nightwing are known as professionals like Batman, while Robin isn’t a known entity in missions, though those who have met him, know him to be serious. However, with the introduction of the others all of that professionalism melts away.

It starts about 45 minuted into their mission when Spoiler’s voice suddenly crackles over the coms: “I fucking hate stake outs, they’re so boring.”

“I know right, my ass is starting to hurt,” Red Robin – to everyone’s surprise – replies.

“No chatter on the coms,” Batman dutifully reproaches like he always does, but he sounds less stern this time. It’s as if he knows they won’t listen, but says it because it’s his role to do so.

Red Hood ignores Batman completely, idly commenting: “I don’t know, stake outs always hit different for me.”

“That’s just because you’re boring AF,” Spoiler says, an eyeroll practically audible.

“Oi, take that back,” Red Hood says, offended. “I didn’t die to have you slander my name like that!”

This is horrifying news for most of the other people stuck on the coms, however, there is a cacophony of annoyed groans as well. Why anyone would be so blasé about someone mentioning their death, they don’t know.

Until, Robin says: “Cease mentioning your death as excuse. It’s unbecoming to be so reliant on one measly event. You’re not the only one who has died, don’t be – what was it? – ah, yes, don’t be basic, Hood.”

“Yeah, Hood, don’t be salty just because you’re becoming a boring old man,” Red Robin pipes up, sounding smug. That solves the salty mystery.

“Shut up, Replacement,” Red Hood huffs. “I can talk about my death as much as I want to and you can’t stop me.”

“Hood, please, stop talking about your death, you’re going to make B sad,” Nightwing suddenly interjects, stopping the conversation before it can get out of hand.

Those with super hearing will hear Barry mutter in a shocked manner: “Is he talking about Batman?” But he is overshadowed by most of the newly introduced (and already) known Bat-associates booing loudly.

“Don’t be a fucking suck up, Dick” Spoiler hollers, only those in the know picking up on the fact it’s his name. It’s the only time Batman won’t correct them, because not everyone will know it’s a name unless it’s pointed out.

“Periodt,” the quiet voice of Black Bat supports Spoiler.

“Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, BB,” Spoiler cheers when she hears the other girl.

“That was the correct usage?” Black Bat asks.

“It was, well done,” Oracle’s kind voice comes over the coms, from where she is in her lair helping with coordination.

After that it all quiets down again for about half an hour, then Bluebird breaks the quiet again, complaining: “I can’t believe I had to stay behind in Gotham of all places.”

“You live there. Willingly,” Signal answers. “And I had to stay behind too, you know.”

“They’re sleeping on us, Signal, be upset with me,” Bluebird exclaims, indignantly.

“Okay, but tea though,” Spoiler says, most of the Justice League listening in are starting to learn she likes stirring the pot a little.

“Don’t be a simp, Spoils,” Red Robin says.

“Oh, look who’s talking about being a simp,” Red Hood snorts loudly. “I observed you, loser boy, you’re the simp.”

“It’s not as much of the serve you think it is to admit to stalking me,” Red Robin deadpans.

“RR, not to be that bitch, but you’re the OG stalker, maybe- maybe don’t do that,” Nightwing says cautiously, which is apparently funny enough that multiple people start laughing.

Meanwhile Red Robin complains: “Stop laughing at me, when I did it was totally different, I didn’t plan on killing any of you.” Which is mildly disturbing

“Oi, I never planned to actually kill you-kill you either,” Red Hood protests, even more disturbing. The Justice League is starting to wonder why Batman works with the man.

“Stop with the chatter,” Batman interjects again, before it can go further. “It’s not just us on the com lines now. At least try to be professional.”

And much to the horror of the League, who could never imagine doing such a thing, Batman gets booed. Again. This time directly.

Then to add to the horror, Batman doesn’t explode in anger, like everyone would have imagined, instead he just sighs. Defeated. Batman is like a cockroach, he doesn’t get defeated. However, these kids are managing.

Batman remains defeated too, because the Gotham vigilantes continue to idly chat all throughout the next hour. They are definitely bat associated, because they never reveal any information that could be tied to their civilian identity. Instead discussing other missions, general news, funny things they saw on patrol and personal grievances with the others on the line.

If this is what Batman deals with on the day to day, some are starting to see why he would prefer the heroes of the Justice League to keep their mouths shut on missions unless it’s important.

Most try to tune it out and focus on their own stake out, though the voices keep them awake. But they notice when Spoiler’s voice suddenly becomes serious as she reports: “Sus individuals moving towards the Mayor’s office.”

“Received, getting visual on your location,” Oracle’s voice replies, also snapped back into professionalism.

Spoiler reports their appearances and currently location, until Oracle has them, running a check on them, before confirming they have a criminal record and might be thugs for hire. Spoiler says: “I am going to move in.”

Batman says: “Do not engage, Spoiler, they could be a decoy. Try and get more information first.”

“Alright, alright,” Spoiler huffs. Then adds petulantly: “I’m not gonna do it, I was just thinking about it.”

Which sounds pretty reasonable for most listening in, who aren’t of the right age group to know the meme. Batman, however, does know, because he’s been subjected to it multiple times. So, he yells: “Spoiler, no!” startling some members.

A second later, there are sounds of a fight and Spoiler gleefully saying: “I did it.”

Batman lets out a frustrated growl, but Spoiler pays it no mind and she can’t truly get chewed out, because more and more start to report suspicious individuals moving in on the targets they’re watching.

Within minutes of it starting, Nightwing reports: “They’re decoys with targets. Not the main attack, but will do damage if they succeed.”

“Everyone make sure to take out the decoys,” Batman says. “Those without decoys, keep your eyes peeled, you might be at the real target.”

“Done with my targets, moving to help the others now,” Nightwing reports seriously, before he adds: “And can I just say that I’m the GOAT. Dibs on cookies for finishing first.”

“Okay, shade much,” Bluebird says.

“Don’t be arrogant, it’s unbecoming,” Robin retorts as well.

“Yeah, stop flexing,” Spoiler adds. “I’ve wrapped up too, by the way. You’re not special.”

“Let me have this,” Nightwing complains. “You already took all my shit, let me be cool. You all used to think I was cool.”

“Yeah, used to,” Red Hood scoffs. “Then we all realized you’re a looser.”

“Ha, get wrecked,” Red Robin snorts.

“Baby bird, wasn’t I your favorite?” Nightwing asks hurt, though over the top enough to show he is faking it.

“No, sadly, that was Hood,” Red Robin replies, sounding a little like he’s grimacing.

“No cap?” Red Hood asks, surprised.

“No cap,” Red Robin confirms.

“Now I feel kind of bad for you,” Red Hood says, before some bullets are fired. “Wrapped up here, moving to help.”

Red Robin seems glad to not have to reply and none of the other Gothamites do either. With what the League has heard so far, they’re also kind of happy the topic is being dropped, unsure what to think.

Batman’s associates are among the first ones cleaning up, however, soon others are joining them and the true battles grounds – yes, there are multiple targets, these people are organized (Batman will likely obsess until he has tracked down their organization afterwards) – are discovered and heroes move in to fight them.

Throughout the battle, everyone catches snippets of this strange, newly introduced group. A group, who works well together, like an oiled machine, yet obviously made up of highly competent parts that can act on their own as well.

Like Black Bat calling out: “Red Hood, yeet,” before those fighting alongside them see Red Hood boost her into the air, so she can come flying at the terrorists.

But they also make comments about the people they’re fighting and the others that are fighting alongside them.

Signal calling out: “Bluebird is pulling some sick ass moves. Another one for her on the slay-board, Oracle.”

Or Spoiler commenting: “Okay, not to be like that or whatever, but these terrorists are kind of looking snatched.”

To which Batman sighs: “Spoiler, please, no chatter,” in a vain attempt to get them under control.

“What?” Spoiler says. “I can appreciate when they’ve at least tried to pull a fit instead of that usual para-military, ninja type BS.”

“Go off,” Black Bat pipes up again and Spoiler cheers while Batman drops it. Defeated again.

They also check in on each other, with Red Robin hissing in pain, which is immediately followed by Nightwing going: “RR, you good, fam?”

“Gucci,” Red Robin replies. “Just low-key got stabbed.”

“There’s nothing low-key about getting stabbed!” Nightwing exclaims, getting called a hypocrite by many people, while Batman is already calling for Oracle to get a visual and for a medic to head Red Robin’s way.

By the time the battle is over, the Justice League understands how different the team is that Batman usually works with. If they were surrounded by heroes who talked like that continuously, they would have probably picked up some things here and there too.

Still, it fucking weird when Batman checks over his horde, before declaring: “You were all lit out there,” causing multiple of the kids around him to groan loudly, with Bluebird calling Batman a boomer.

Clark, however, sees a small uptick in Batman’s mouth. And in that moment, he knows Batman is doing it on purpose, that he’s enjoying it. That he’s fucking with them. He doesn’t know what to do with that, nor does he think that anyone will believe it. So, he decides to share the amusement and drop it.

They’re never going to figure out Batman.

~~

A/N:

This work is going to get dated so so so fast lmao, but it’s fun rn (if ur commenting in the future, welcome to outdated slang vibes from someone who wasn’t that up to date with current slang when writing it, bc im secretly a grandpa).

Hopefully I didn’t overdo it to an unrealistic degree, but if I did, such is the story that was being told oops

Also this whole fic is just an excuse for me to write batfam banter bc I love it lmao

I didn’t include Batwing, Batwoman and Flamebird here, sorry, but writing the batfam is always so hard bc there are so many characters T-T

[bloodraven55]

M A N 🫠

[hadesisqueer]

She got her masters in Cuntology with a concentration in Motherlogical Studies from the University of Servington

[bumblebysupremacy]

They’re such soulmates I can’t even. I’m actually going insane how they both pop their leg while kissing. I love them so much 💛🖤

[bumblebybelladonna]

Their mind breaking.

[yourtypicalhopelessgay]

Family photo 🤗 They’re so cute

[infinizero]

Danny as The Ghostly Informant TM except nobody realizes it's the same person

Danny after retiring, maybe because the portals are closed or maybe because he became Ghost Royalty or Important Ghost TM who told everyone not to come to Earth, decides to go travelling like or with Dani/Elle

Its really up to anyone whether it was reveal gone right after graduation and dude wants to find himself before doing the whole college thing or reveal gone wrong and is running away maybe in another dimension maybe in the same and Amity Park is a blind zone in any case he goes travelling

The first one he encounters is a more easygoing JL member maybe Flash maybe Wonder Woman trying to figure out how to defeat a Realms ghost so Danny, seeing them struggling, decides to help and either talks the ghost down or soups them

In both cases he opens a portal to the realms and lets them go back through.

They talk a little, Danny as Danny introduces Infinite Realms ghosts as they are trying his best to figure out if they also want to hunt down ecto-entities. The JL member would want to learn more so they exchange information details just in case something like this happens again

Around this time, a JLD member gets wind of the new Important Ghost around the area and needs to find out more about them. After scouting around a little, he finds a way to summon what seems to be a young protective spirit who seems close to the Important Ghost.

Spoiler alert: the protective spirit and Important Ghost are both Danny. All the time travel stuff are attributed to Important Ghost and the beating up other ghosts who come near a specific place to protective spirit. Bonus points if there is a misunderstanding that Important Ghost is protective spirit's parent that's why they beat up Pariah Dark

So they summon Danny as Phantom to ask questions and eventually get the ok to summon him again just in case they need to know things, with the understanding that neither will hurt each other (the JLD member also has the vague idea of asking Phantom to bring Important Ghost over to their side if another worldending thing happenes again)

Soon enough, Danny as Danny meets one of the younger JL adjacent teams (Teen Titans or Young Justice when they're babies? Maybe even Damian's team that I don't know the name of? Maybe the Outlaws?) and helps them out against one of his rogues.

If it's the same dimension, Danny sees that they are younger superheroes and/or not as connected to the government as the older ones, so he warns them about the anti ecto acts and being careful since being so close to death is very slowly making them more liminal/if they're liminal then tells them to stay away from GIW

If not the same dimension then he just gets talking to them about ecto-entities and does basically the same thing as the first JL member he met, eventually exchanging contact information

This pattern continues for a while as Batman receives reports from whichever Robin about ecto-entities being a thing and either holding a meeting because of the anti ecto acts or because there is an entire species that could destroy all of us by possessing Superman and none of you JLD thought to inform me???

At this point of time, most of the JL has met and some even asked for his help and they talk about the various things they've learned from their Informant(Danny) and because it's Danny they slowly get a full picture of everything because he talked about obsessions with one person and cores to another and so on so forth

They all eventually come to the conclusion that they should ask for more details from their Informant

Cue Danny being bombarded by text messages of all the people he's helped asking him about the Realms while being summoned as Phantom.

[astralwukong]

Blake blushing because of Yang (im madly in love with you edition) ✨

[frownyalfred]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne Characters: Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Hal Jordan (Green Lantern), Oliver Queen, Dinah Lance, Arthur Curry (DCU), Barry Allen, Wally West, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Zatanna Zatara, Victor Stone, Roy Harper Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, Protective Clark Kent, Justice League as Family (DCU), The Watchtower (DCU), Sleep Deprivation, Spells & Enchantments, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack Treated Seriously, Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Cryptid Batfamily (DCU), BAMF Bruce Wayne, Metahumans, no beta we die like jason todd Summary:

The Justice League is cursed to stay awake, or fall into a coma. For the Batfamily, extreme sleep deprivation is really just another Tuesday.

[thevoidstaredback]

Spoiler took her cue about five minutes after Batman left for the Watchtower to ride into the Cave. The heroes were with Robin by the display of their costumes, paying special respect to Jason's memorial. She made sure to rev the engine of her bike further down the tunnel to announce her arrival.

"Spoiler," Robin greeted her after she'd parked and pulled off her helmet. "These are some of the heroes in the Justice League. They were invited by Batman and Nightwing to come see the Cave."

Spoiler grinned widely at the group, "Hey! Nice to meet you all, I'm Spoiler." She'd never met the group during her few months as Robin, but her suit sta proudly between Tim's and Damian's.

"We weren't aware that there was another hero working in Gotham," Martian Manhunter nodded to her in greeting.

She gasped, her right hand moving do sit directly on the purple bat on her chest. "There are heroes operating in Gotham?" At the confused looks from the group, she cackled and dropped her hand to sit on her hip, leaning her weight more onto her left foot. "We're vigilantes in Gotham. We work outside the law, not alongside it."

"But, Batman-"

"-works with the law when working with the Justice League," Robin cut Cyborg off, successfully pulling everyone's attention to him.

As soon as their eyes were off of her, Cass switched out with her. It was seamless. SpoilerBat (Cass as Spoiler) emerged from her place in the darkest shadows of the Batplane, tapping Spoiler on the shoulder and pointing to the training room. She caught Robin's eye as Spoiler left, nodding and using the LoA signs to tell him the switch was done.

Robin nodded and continued his explanation of the displays, not naming anyone. "Batman's suits are all lined up on the upper tier. He improves them based on his needs and the changes of technology he has at his disposal, resulting in the nine suits you see, as well as the tenth that he's currently wearing. Robin's and Batgirl's suits are lined upon the middle tier. From left to right we have Robin 1, Batgirl 1, Robin 2," He didn't mention that this one was obviously a memorial. "Batgirl 2, Robin 3, Robin 4, Batgirl 3, Batgirl 4, Robin 5.1, Robin 5.2, Robin 5.3, Robin 5.4, and Robin 5.5." He adjusted his stance as SpoilerBat came to stand next to him.

"The lower tier are suits for others in Gotham," she explained, expertly ignoring the whispers about her being a different person a few minutes ago, "Same order: Discowing, Nightwing 1, Nightwing 2, Nightwing 3, Nightwing 4, Redwing, and Nightwing 5." she pointed as she named them, skipping over all five of Jason's suits, as well as the sixth empty one for his current costume, "Red Robin 0, Red Robin 1, Red Robin 2, Red Robin 3, Red Robin, 4, Drake, Red Robin 5, Spoiler, Black Bat, Orphan, Signal." Of the named suits, four suits were missing; Nightwing 5, Red Robin 5, Robin 5.5, and Spoiler.

Because the stealth suits were made specifically to be stealthy, they were never displayed in the open. Instead, they were kept in the locker rooms. No one who didn't know they had them knew any of them were even missing.

"Why are there so many?" Superman wondered.

"We all operate out of the Batcave." Robin stated as though it were obvious, "Our costumes change as we need them to."

"So," Flash began, getting close to the displays but no touching them, "Who all shares costumes? Or do they all belong to different people?"

Robin and SpoilerBat shared a quick look, neither wanting to explain. Let them think what they want. Skewing the numbers via omission will only help their plans along, as well as work to keep their identities.

Moving on, Robin told of how the penny and the dinosaur had come to be in the Cave. He warned to keep away from the edges because of the chasm.

"Chasm?" Aquaman had a smirk on his face, "Why do you need a chasm?"

"To keep the dragons." Robin said. he and SpoilerBat led the way to the garage. "The platform the Batplane rises and lowers as needed. The area above it is a door that can only be opened via remote in the plane itself or via command on the Batcomputer. Over there is the garage. The Batmobile, the Batcycle, the Wingcycle, Ricochet, the Redbird, the Batpod, the Spoilermobile, and Spoiler's motorcycle. Honestly, he turned to SpoilerBat, speaking to Spoiler, "You still haven't named your motorcycle?"

SpoilerBat shrugged.

Green Arrow took his time to look over every present vehicle. "Impressive. None of these are mainstream."

"That's because they're all custom made." Robin preened.

"Really?" Flash asked, bouncing like an excited puppy, "Which one's yours, little man?"

Robin scowled, but didn't address the name. "The Batcycle is the one I am permitted to use. Although, Batman has given his consent for me to drive the Batmobile in case of emergencies."

Cyborg was looking over Ricochet, Red Hood's bike, closely. "This doesn't look like any of the others."

"How do you mean?" SpoilerBat tilted her head slightly to the right.

"It's got the obvious base of a Harley Davidson," he pointed out, "It's also a lot less tech focused than the others."

"The second Robin build that bike from scratch," Robin said shortly, "Do not touch it."

"Right, sorry."

SpoilerBat decided to lead the way to the training area. Robin followed behind the group.

The training area was a clump of four offshoots from the main area of the lower level of the Batcave. The widest area was full of standard gym equipment. In the offshoot to the left was a taller cavern full of gymnastics equipment. The offshoot to the right was weapons training. The offshoot directly across from the main area was for sparring matches on mats or in the ring.

Wonder Woman regarded the gymnastics set up with a keen eye. "You all are trained, yes?" SpoilerBat nodded. "Can we see a routine?"

"Sure," SpoilerBat said. She stepped up to the starting point of the obstical course they had yet to take down from last week. Taking a deep breath, she began. About halfway through, she was out of the heroes' sight long enough to land in the rafters that Duke, Tim, and Steph and occupied temporarily. When she landed, Steph jumped down to continue the routine as Spoiler.

Having finished the routine, Spoiler landed, breathed again, and then jogged to rejoin Robin and the Justice League. A minute nod from the littlest bat let her know that the visiting heroes didn't see the switch. "So, what'dya think?"

Green Lantern did a double take. After a few false starts, he finally managed, "Are-are you a different person?"

Spoiler tilted her head to the right in a perfect imitation of Cass. "What're ya talking about? I'm the same me you met!"

Green Lantern didn't say anything more, choosing instead to follow the others as they explored the sparring mats and the weapons room.

Green Arrow and Martian Manhunter were the ones to take the most interest in this room. The wall on either side of the opening was dedicated to storing all kinds of weapons. The left side of the wall directly opposite the opening was a shooting range for all kinds of ranged weapons. The rest of the room housed training dummies.

"Let me guess," Aquaman admired the shorter ranged weapons, "You all forged these on your own, as well?"

Robin scoffed and crossed his arms. "Of course not. The swords were gifted to me by the finest of swordsmiths. The daggers as well."

"Yeah," Spoiler nodded along, "The only ones we actually produced are the Bird and Batarangs."

"Where do you get the materials?" Martian Manhunter inquired, holding one of the Batarangs to the light.

"There wasn't always a chasm." Red Robin said from where Robin had been standing. The Justice League heroes all whipped to look at him, dropping into ready stances. Red Robin held his hands up but didn't flinch or move back otherwise. "Whoa there, calm down. What spooked ya."

"Where's Robin?" Superman demanded.

Red Robin and Spoiler looked at each other. "What'd ya mean?" she asked, "He's right here."

"No," Flash looked between the two, around the room, and then back to Red Robin, "Robin is a child. You, decidedly, are not."

Red Robin huffed. "Are you okay? 'Cause I've been here the whole time?"

"Really?" Superman asked.

"Yeah," Red Robin crossed his arms. "Spoiler can vouch for me."

"Ah, but she can't!" Green Lantern pointed as though he'd caught them in a trap. "She's been switched out with someone else!"

Again, the two Gothamites shared a look behind their masks. "Alright," Red Robin shrugged, "This is an enclosed space with exactly one accessible exit-" if you don't know your way around, that is, "-if we were being switched out, where would they hide and why wouldn't Superman have been able to hear them?"

The answer is the sheer number of bats. The rafters are high and hidden enough in the ceilings that they blend in with the natural formations. The bats hang from the rafters. Because there are so many of the animals, and because of their training and spite, the Batfam have been able to hide their heartbeats within the throws of bats'. Superman's hearing would be able to pick up any sound that doesn't match with the nocturnal animals. The flutter of a cape could easily be the flutter of a bat's wings. The heartbeats that are slightly too slow are easily taken to be an older, sleeping bat. Movement is just a bat that's been disturbed.

The heroes were all quiet as Superman listened intently. Then, after a few minutes, he sighed and shook his head. "I can't hear anything out of the ordinary."

"But-!" Flash tried.

Red Robin shook his head. "If you guys are too paranoid about being here, we can take you back to the Zeta Tubes. I don't think we'd be able to convince B to let you come back here, though."

"No," Wonder Woman composed herself, "We apologise. Please, continue."

Hesitant, RR turned to take them to the large med bay. "Alright, if you're sure."

Part 5 Part 7

[geeky-nightphilosopher]

🦇Batfamily🦇

At the Watchtower for some reason (meeting most likely,)

All Kids (Minus Cass and Dick): *To Bruce* I brought you ibuprofen, cuz we are your headache.

Bruce: *Having a headache because of this meeting and not because of his kids for once* Did you just...?

Jason & Tim: *Knowing his question is about breaking into the Watchtower* Yes.

Justice League: *Not knowing Batman had kids* 😮