#jinx mom era

[honibiuart]

arcane s2 spoilers ‼️

i like to think jinx would want to be the sister she never had

anyways here’s my version of the aftermath of the big fight

[hadesisqueer]

Caitlyn: My sister in law killed my mom and I'm in my lesbian dictator era

Vi: My girlfriend broke up with me right after we kissed

Jinx: I got reversed adopted by a random kid

Ambessa: *manipulating Caitlyn*

Sevika: *gambling with her new arm*

Viktor: *is Yaoi Jesus*

Jayce, Ekko and Heimerdinger: What the fuck is going on

Mel's subplot:

[wintfleur]

₊˚ෆ summer bummer babe !

𝓹airing ∿ stella hughes (oc) x rutger mcgroarty

𝓢. some photo dump’s of stella’s summer

𝓻oro's note. this was so fun to make! just a little inside look on what her summer looked like

entersteller

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🏷️ rutgermcgroarty, colecaufield, _alexturcotte and more

🎵stick season - Noah kahan

entersteller; in my country concert era 🍺

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📍 colecaufield disclaimer ‼️ It was my beer she just wanted to take a picture ‼️

lhughes_06 you were sneaking her ‘sips’ the whole night?

entersteller you are so fake I can’t even @/lhughes_06

Lilybaileys SHIRT IS SO REALL

Lilybaileys Yellowstone rewatch when you get back?

entersteller it’s a date 🫦

_alexturcotte you and rut being all lovey dovey was disgusting to watch

entersteller LEAVE US ALONE OMG?

adamfantilli okay but like, is that my hat?

entersteller well you left it at mine, so technically it’s mine…

adamfantilli ykw whatever you say stell 🙂

trevorzegras I’m having major fomo

lhughes_06 it’s cause you are 👍🏻

entersteller Luke leave him alone 🤓

LiamBarlowe but was it better than the Luke Bryan concert we went to?

entersteller NOT EVEN CLOSE 🤠

rutgermcgroarty I love you so fucking much 🩷

rutgermcgroarty I hate to side with Luke but you were def a little tipsy…

entersteller you tell me you love me then expose me???

lhughes_06 WAIT WDYM HATE?

_quinnhughes 🩷

jackhughes it’s gonna be a good summer 😁

entersteller great you jinxed us 😔

entersteller

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🏷️ carmenbarlowe, Lilybaileys, tatemcrae

🎵 unwritten - Natasha bedingfield

entersteller; girls n’ pups trip

📍 Lilybaileys BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE 🙌🏻

carmenbarlowe amen 🙏

tatemcrae amen 🙏

entersteller amen 🙏

rutgermcgroarty my girl 😍

rutgermcgroarty 🫦🫦

rutgermcgroarty you’re so freaking pretty Stella

rutgermcgroarty you were gone for too long 🙁

Lilybaileys she was gone for a week get a GRIP

tatemcrae my sexy gf 🫦

entersteller 🫦🫦🫦

carmenbarlowe body tea face card never declines 😻

tatemcrae @/Lilybaileys what have you been teaching her 😭

Lilybaileys I feel like a proud mom rn 🥹

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entersteller

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🏷️ carmenbarlowe, Lilybaileys

🎵 la vie en rose - zaz

entersteller; olympics with the girlys 🫶🏻

markestapa not bringing me with you guys is crazy 😒

Lilybaileys ‘Olympics with the girlys’ emphasis on GIRLYS 🗣️

markestapa I CAN READ 🙄

carmenbarlow Paris misses us…let’s go back!

entersteller booking the flight as we speak

Lilybaileys the aura you have bbg, everyone was asking to get pictures with you 😭

entersteller it’s my charisma 🫶🏻

tatemcrae GAWDDD MY GIRLS SEXY 😻

elblue6 my pretty girls 🩷

nicolassturniolo 🤸🏻‍♀️🤸🏻‍♀️

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entersteller

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🏷️ rutgermcgroarty, markestapa, luca.fantilli

🎵 feels good inc. - gorillaz

entersteller; camping with my boyzzz

markestapa okay but like why that picture?

entersteller everyone deserved to see how cute you looked burning your tongue on a s’more 🤗

luca.fantilli you forgot to add favorite in the caption 💪🏻

entersteller I knew I missed something 😖

rutgermcgroarty okay but like why is luca so good at telling scary stories

entersteller mark was so freaked 🤣

markestapa I can’t believe you guys made me sleep with luca he kept on pretending he was getting possessed

luca.fantilli dude I shake in my sleep

entersteller wow really insensitive estapa 😒

edwards.73 I can’t believe you guys went without me

entersteller you were busy 🤷🏻‍♀️

edwards.73 ur cold hearted hughes 💔

_willsmith2 bc boys and stella camping trip when?

ryan.leno_4 STELLA PLEASE

gabeperreault44 🙏🙏🙏🙏

entersteller checking my calendar now

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entersteller

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🏷️ vinniehacker, pshoon2002

🎵 supersonic - fromis_9

entersteller; business trip in seoul with vinnie + seeing hoonie 😽

vinniehacker already planning our trip back

entersteller we have to go to the car cafe this time omggg

pshoon2002 you weren’t even here for long 😣

entersteller I’ll be back soon I promise 🩷

rutgermcgroarty your not leaving again, missed you to much 🩷

entersteller missed you more stud 🫶🏻

jackhughes stop traveling (without me)

entersteller cut the cord Jacky

jackhughes I was trying to be nice brat 😡

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entersteller

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🏷️ luca.fantilli, carmenbarlowe

🎵 no surprises - Radiohead

entersteller; a week of room rotting with minnie n’ luca

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carmenbarlowe luca looks so bbg in that pic

entersteller he’s my bbg 😖

luca.fantilli 😇

colecaufield why are you listening to Radiohead?

trevorzegras bro she’s like depressed I think…

entersteller @/trevorzegras ITS A GOOD SONG LEAVE ME ALONE !!

matthew.sturniolo those fortnite games went crazyyy

entersteller hopping on when I get home 😋

christophersturniolo LETS GOOOO

rutgermcgroarty my girl is so talented

entersteller marry me 🫦

rutgermcgroarty don’t tempt me, I’m already on my knees

pshoon2002 WHAT is that last photo

pshoon2002 dimples where did you even get that?

entersteller I made it 🙂

pshoon2002 why am I not surprised

jackhughes z texted me and said ur depressed, ya good?

entersteller omfg

entersteller IM NOT DEPRESSED LEAVE ME ALONE @/trevorzegras ‼️‼️

trevorzegras well sue me for caring 🙄

tatemcrae omggg where did you get that shirt 😻

entersteller @/pshoon2002

pshoon2002 she only loves me for my money

entersteller LIES !! DEFAMATION !!

williamnylander can’t wait to hang those up when they get here

entersteller I sent them this morning!!

_alexturcotte silly goose

entersteller 😖

_quinnhughes not healthy behavior, go on a walk please

entersteller I wasn’t being serious ✋🏻

lhughes_06 most peaceful and quite week with you locked away

entersteller my 13th reason

entersteller

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🎵 think fast - Dominic fike & Weezer

entersteller; what mark said…

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markestapa firstly, where tf did you find that picture

markestapa secondly, yes

markestapa I look so good wow

entersteller I think you mean me…

mackie.samo missed you stell!

entersteller missed you to mackie 🫶🏻

edwards.73 my favorite photographer 🫶🏻

entersteller eth 🥹🫶🏻

rutgermcgroarty you’re amazing Stella

rutgermcgroarty that dress 😩

rutgermcgroarty 7th pic 😳🫦

entersteller check the pics I just sent you 🤓

rutgermcgroarty 😻😻😻

jackhughes DISGUSTING 🤮

dylanduke25 marks talent at always finding the camera needs to be studied

entersteller seriously, like I’m jealous

carmenbarlowe The Hughes hair is hairing

entersteller ikr my brothers hair surprisingly looks good

jackhughes rude but like thanks?

lhughes_06 wtf is that supposed to mean

Lilybaileys your hair usually sucks @/lhughes_06

lhughes_06 😾

Lilybaileys freak mark 😒

entersteller but freak mark 🫶🏻

markestapa what is this language?

_quinnhughes you went crazy on that dance floor, are you sure Jack didn’t slip you a drink?

entersteller my feet still hurt, and no I wish 😖

_quinnhughes I told you to bring a pair of flats just in case 🤷‍♂️

stellashotboyfie going to that wedding with you made me think of our future wedding 🥹

entersteller it was all I was thinking about tbh ☺️

stellashotboyfie to the Pinterest board!

entersteller I love you 😭

Lilybaileys okay but why did lanky Luke put his ass on the bathroom counter

entersteller HAHA LANKY LUKE

lhughes_06 LEAVE ME ALONE UR OBSESSED

Lilybaileys lanky- more like cranky 🙄

entersteller

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🏷️ rutgermcgroarty

🎵 summer bummer - Lana Del Rey (feat. A$AP ROCKY & playboi carti)

entersteller; i don’t want him out of my veins

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📍 rutgermcgroarty 1:45 (real)

entersteller real

adamfantilli the fridge is on fire 🫦

entersteller stop flirting with my bf Adam!

ryan.leno_4 what a man….

entersteller MY man….

trevorzegras 🥹

entersteller hi trevy 🫶🏻

trevorzegras stop growing up.

mollyannmcg cuties 🥹

tyler__duke5 Rut my tire needs changing 😩

rutgermcgroarty where are you? Send me your location

entersteller babe he’s trying to make a move on you 🙄

rutgermcgroarty oh

lhughes_06 you guys make me sick

entersteller well your face makes me sick

lhughes_06 wow how creative 👍🏻

luca.fantilli abs abs abs

entersteller come over

stellashotboyfie please

jamie.drysdale 🩷

entersteller Jamie 🥹🫶🏻

jackhughes love is disgusting

LiamBarlowe you literally cried yesterday when we watched that romcom

jackhughes correction, stella and rut in love is disgusting

entersteller just say ur obsessed with us

rutgermcgroarty our number one fan ❤️

jackhughes HATER NOT FAN

entersteller

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🎵 just that girl - drew seeley

entersteller; family football n’ training

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williamnylander sick shorts who got them for you?

entersteller just my favorite Swedish hockey player ☺️

williamnylander I know that’s right

colecaufield #youdontmattergiveup

entersteller bitchh

gabeperreault44 BC RAHHH 🦅

entersteller UMICH ON TOP 〽️

ryan.leno_4 🦅🦅

entersteller GET OUT OF MY COMMENTS

mollyannmcg ur perfect

entersteller marry mee 😩

g.brindley4 〽️〽️

entersteller ‼️‼️

stellashotboyfie that arch tho 😮‍💨

entersteller BABE 😭

carmenbarlowe mama ellen is so cute 🥹

entersteller she’s going through our baby pics rn 🥹

lhughes_06 my favorite family picture

entersteller I’m not in it tho ☹️

lhughes_06 exactly, it’s cause ur adopted

entersteller 😟

jackhughes 🤣🤣🤣

_quinnhughes Luke Jack stop being rude to Stella

jackhughes I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING ???

entersteller you breathed 😒

jackhughes QUINN ARE YOU NOT GONNA YELL AT HER FOR BEING MEAN?

_quinnhughes haha good one @/entersteller

jackhughes the clear favoritism is crazy, at least we got each other @/lhughes_06

lhughes_06 Stella is my favorite too 👍🏻

colecaufield #youdontmattergiveup @/trevorzegras

trevorzegras what the hell….

tyler__duke5 best dog ever

entersteller I miss him already

tyler__duke5 thank you for painting my face blue and yellow for the game

entersteller anytime ty 😭

tatemcrae the bows are everythingggg

Lilybaileys watching you and Carmen skate makes me feel like I’m levitating

colecaufield #youmatterdontgiveup @/jackhughes

jackhughes really 🥹

trevorzegras now wtf

entersteller he’s such a troll @/trevorzegras

trevorzegras haha literally 🤣

colecaufield 😞

edwards.73 mark almost dropping you after I took that picture was teww funny 🤣

markestapa emphasize on almost bitch 🙄

entersteller yea bitch @/edwards.73

rutgermcgroarty you’re so perfect

rutgermcgroarty blessing my eyes

rutgermcgroarty I love you 🩷

entersteller I love you more rut 🩷

jackhughes I’m still shocked that that guy walked up to you and asked for your number

entersteller I guess ur just not that intimidating

jackhughes STELLA DONT SAY THAT

jackhughes TAKE IT BACK RN

jackhughes I AM VERY INTIMIDATING

entersteller sure bud 🤣

elblue6 my lovely girl 🩷

entersteller love you momma 🥹🫶🏻

christophersturniolo hard

vinniehacker 🐶

jacob_truscott20 〽️〽️〽️

nicohischierluvergurl

liked by LiamBarlowe, tatemcrae and others

🎵 Juno - Sabrina Carpenter

nicohischierluvergurl; I miss my bf sm, come back 💔

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carmenbarlowe mom??? girl 😭

nicohischierluvergurl and they call me MOTHER 💅

_willsmith2 need that man neow 👅

nicohischierluvergurl I will provoke your priv privileges rn 🤠

tatemcrae okay but like think of all the songs your writing 🫣

nicohischierluvergurl the only + in my sad girl era ig 🙁

pshoon2002 distance makes the heart grow fonder or some shit like that??

nicohischierluvergurl I DONT WANT DISTANCE HUGSY 😰

luca.fantilli look at those arms damnnn

nicohischierluvergurl I just wanna nom nom 🫦

stellashotboyfie MILF STELLA 2024 👅

nicohischierluvergurl rut the math ain’t mathing

Lilybaileys MILF STELLA 2024 👅

nicohischierluvergurl NO RUT GOT TO YOU TOO 😭

_quinnhughes idk how i feel about being here

nicohischierluvergurl PRIVILEGED WDYM?

_quinnhughes Stella please you are to young to be a mom, omfg you two are stressing me tf out

stellashotboyfie dw gotta by her a house first 💪🏻

stellashotboyfie I miss you to pretty girl, dw I’ll see you soon 🩷

nicohischierluvergurl not soon enough ☹️

stellashotboyfie iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

nicohischierluvergurl I love you so much fuckk I’m gonna cry again

stellashotboyfie no tears baby, answer my call ok

au masterlist - you can find everything under #👩🏻‍🎨 ͡ ꒱ Stella Hughes!

𝓻oro's note. AHH HI HI MY LOVES 🫶🏻 okay let’s forget the fact that i used the same pic twice — please give me some feedback!! sorry for the lack of comments on some posts — my creativity ran out

˖ ་ taglist : @cixrosie @toasttt11 @lovings4turn @bunbunbl0gs @petite-potato4 @winterbarnesblog @yoontwin @iceflwers @dancerbailey3

©️WINTFLEUR

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 18 🍒

"I Wanted It To Be You"

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 7,467

Summary: Moving on from Joel, your life takes many unexpected courses: college, marriage.. yet you keep wondering What If..?

(Warnings contain spoilers, so please check beneath the cut if you're curious)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (the difference is 17 years, and there are a few time skips throughout this chapter), starts in late 2003 and ends in 2023, Angst Angst Angst, brief mention of jailtime, breakup, parental issues, heavy on the mom guilt, underage drinking, dry humping, anonymous drunk sex (never ever do this, folks), vomit, reader going through a slutty era after getting her heart broken (just like Joel in Chapter 14), allusions to smut, time skips (labeled), panic attack, mention of drugs and alcohol, rough sex, creampie, surprise pregnancy, infidelity, lil bit of a makeout sesh with Tommy, semi-public sex, pussy pronouns, light degradation, Ellie is Joel's daughter, mention of cyberstalking (not as serious as it sounds), mention of reader having a therapist, Joel and Tess are married. If I left anything out, please LMK!

Author's Note: this took forever to write because the more I edited the more I wanted to add. And I know this chapter has quite a few time skips, I just wanted to highlight the important parts as much as I could. ALSO: I apologize for the unrealistically speedy law process at the beginning. I have no idea how that situation would pan out, but it would almost definitely drag out for months if not years.

So much angst here, but now the reader is all grown up! I wanted to add the convo with Sarah but this chapter was already getting so long, and I think it'll fit better in the next installment anyway.

Series Masterlist

"I would've said yes."

You've lost count of how many voicemails you leave Joel, who's been ignoring your calls, but this is the only time you say it, that you admit your love could have gone a different way if you'd just gotten back to that hotel room together.

You replay that night over and over in your head, but with different endings. In a perfect world, your father would never have even been there in the first place. In a separate, less perfect world, you would not have called out to him, just ignored him the way he ignored you. Then you'd have some peace of mind, and you'd belong with the man you love.

Each time you call Joel, you expect to hear his gruff voice on the other end of the line. And soon enough the ringing stops and goes straight to voicemail, where you leave him the words of your bleeding, broken heart:

"I would've said yes."

You haven't taken the ring out of its box, worried you'll jinx whatever luck you have left. Joel is supposed to kneel, take your hand in his, and place the ring on your finger. You've never envisioned what getting engaged would look like, but it definitely bears some semblance to tradition.

When Chris refused to press charges, the law stepped in and did it for him. Thirty days in the Bexar County Jail is what they sentenced Joel. That was why you couldn't reach him, why you felt like you were hitting a brick wall. It's a relief when you're finally able to speak to him.

"I'm so sorry," you cry to him over the phone, his voice like a warm and soothing balm. You imagine yourself curling into his embrace, allowing his arms to enfold you, make you small and safe, hidden from the dangers and ugliness of the world.

"You ain't got nothin' to be sorry for," he grunts.

"I love you." You sound pitiful over the phone but you don't care. "Joel, let me come see you and we can work it out. Please."

He sighs. "I got somethin' I need to tell you. Might change your mind how ya feel about me."

"What?" you ask quickly, your young mind scrambling to imagine what he could say, as if to fortify your already shattered heart. Your stomach sinks, nausea threatening to make the bile rise in your throat. "Joel, what is it?"

He's quiet for awhile and when he speaks it's monotone. "I've been seein' someone else."

It sounds like he's speaking a foreign language. You shake your head, looking at your wall calendar. It's only December. You last saw him in late September. The biblical manger scene on the church calendar your mom put on the fridge is an evil harbinger of time now lost.

"Who?" you ask, dreading the answer.

"Doesn't matter," he says gruffly, sounding uncomfortable.

"Tell me who," you insist.

With a deep sigh he relents. "Hailey."

Again, it's like hearing a foreign language. "Hailey? The girl I worked with? The one who went to Sarah's party? That Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"How.. how did this happen?"

"Ran into her at a bar my first night out of jail. I was lonely and she was.. she was there for me."

"What do you mean? Did you-" you take a moment to breathe, try not to let your emotions take over.

"I slept with her. That's all it is between us, just fuckin'."

It's like a punch in the gut. No, worse. It's a blade plunging into your heart over and over.

In a blur of upset and disappointment, you utter the words of anyone who's ever had a broken heart: "How could you do this to me?"

There's no answer for it from his side. His refusal to go into detail feels like he's hiding his fling with Hailey on purpose, withholding part of his new life to you, but you never stop to think he might be saving you from the pain he knows is due.

You cry after hanging up on him. You cry more than you did when he left you in San Antonio. You cry until you can no longer see because your eyes are puffy, nearly tiny slits that still somehow shed tears when you think of Joel with your ex-friend.

Once the sadness has been cried out, there remains only rage, simmering and profound. With small, practiced movements, you take the engagement ring in its box and mail it to Joel's address. No note, and no explanation needed.

"You're not yourself," your mom mentions one night when you push your plate away, your dinner barely touched.

"Not hungry," you mumble.

She sighs in exasperation. "I don't know what to do with you. You won't talk to me." She pushes her own plate away and downs the rest of her cheap wine. "You come home from God-knows-where, with a damn bruise on your face."

You touch your cheek where your father had accidentally knocked you backwards, wishing it was the only physical pain you endured from that night.

"..you don't bother with the chores anymore, you lock yourself away in your room, probably not even studying. Do you even attend classes anymore? Do you even care about your future?" she continues.

"No," you say quite simply.

"No??"

You shake your head and shrug, as if answering something as easy as 'do you want to watch a movie later?'

"I don't. Give. A shit."

Anita scoffs, refilling her glass. "Great. That's just great. Maybe I'll drink this entire bottle and give myself alcohol poisoning. Then I wouldn't have to deal with your shitty attitude anymore."

The scrape of your chair as you push away from the table is as loud as nails on a chalkboard. "You want me to talk? I'll talk." You lean forward, relishing this moment where your mom looks scared as shit.

"I said I was in College Station, but I lied. I was fucking Joel every weekend I was away. We met up in hotel rooms and fucked each other's brains out. And the best part of it all was that he loved me," your voice breaks but you're wickedly delighted by the look of shock and disgust on your mother's face.

You're on a tirade now that can't be stopped. "Two months ago I found Dad in San Antonio. I did," you nod, a psychotic kind of laughter breaking from you when she gawks. "And do you know what? He's forgotten all about us. He has a new family, new kids, new young wife. And he doesn't give a shit about you or me. He never really has, has he?" You realize you're standing, towering over her as you spit out all the venom she's ever poured into you right back at her.

"Now.. how does it feel to have the truth shoved in your face? To be deprived of the fantasy world you wanted so badly to live in, cushioned by your idiotic pretenses? Because I'll bet you could've gone your whole life not knowing, staying innocent. Well, Mother Dearest, fuck you."

Without a word you pack your things, your body moving way ahead of your brain, stuffing every necessary item into a couple of bags before you leave her house, with the intention to never return again.

Summer 2004 Louisiana

Staying with friends in a shitty apartment, you finish the rest of the semester before transferring to another school. Three schools in one year probably isn't a very good look on your transcript, but it's the first choice you make that is truly your own. Working two jobs over the summer you finally have the money you need to survive as you begin a new chapter in Louisiana.

You do everything in your power to get over Joel. The first step was deleting his number from your phone, even though you've already memorized it by heart. To be safe, you also delete Tommy's number, and Sarah's. It feels final, and a small part of you wishes they could get a notification informing them you no longer consider them important enough to keep, even as data.

It still stings when you think of Joel with Hailey. She's older, more experienced, and can probably do whatever he wants without being asked. After you've deleted the Millers from your contact list, you hover over Hailey's name, pressing it and, in a moment of antagonism, send her a text. I thought you were my friend, Turns out you're just a fucking slut Then you delete and block her number.

Dating other guys doesn't come very easy. It's as if they can smell the heartbreak on you, sense your loneliness and unease, the untempered anger simmering below the surface of your smile. You're a walking red flag and you know it, but that doesn't stop you.

You grind on a guy at a club after he buys you a few appletinis. Never mind that he's twenty five and trying to get you drunk so you'll fuck him. With your twenty-dollar Charlotte Russe dress hiked up as you drag your sopping panties over his clothed hardness, he sucks the apple flavor off your tongue, one hand gripping your hips while the other slips inside your underwear to rub your clit and you come for the first time in months. So loud, in fact, that you're caught and promptly kicked out of the club. When your partner (you never remember his name) asks to continue at his place, you decline, already walking to the next bar.

Once the high wears off, you are consumed with guilt as you think of Joel. What would he say if he found out? Would he even care? Maybe he's fucking Hailey right now.

And it hits you that it's already been a year since you first slept with him.

You pause in the middle of the street, coming back to earth when a car honks at you, cursing at you to hurry up and fucking move dumb bitch!

Walking on, you can't get the memory of the feel of Joel out of your head: the way his tongue licked into your mouth, fingers traveling down to play between your folds, telling you he needed you nice and wet before he fucked you, those thick fingers slipping in and playing you like a well tuned instrument, his lips gliding over your throat, resting just above your pulse point, then finding their way down the slope of your breasts, taking each nipple between his lips, his beard rasping against your skin.

You try to force the thought away, but it returns manifold. His mouth, the stiffened warmth of his tongue lapping at your cunt, drinking up every fucking drop and telling you you taste so sweet. He doesn't stop until you come more than once, finally fitting himself inside you, teasing you with the first few inches. Sure you can handle the rest, babygirl? before sliding in in one smooth thrust, joining you body and soul, moving against you just how you need.

You cover your face with your hands and wander into an alley, overcome with despair at the loss of your love, the loss of what innocence you thought you had. Both of those things given to someone who only saw fit to fuck you as he wished and discard when he couldn't handle the reality of your personal life.

"Are you okay?" a voice asks, approaching softly from behind. You turn and see a man, another college student like yourself, dressed in jeans and a striped button down. His features blur together until all you hear is his soft Southern accent and all you smell is his Curve cologne. The next thing you know you're kissing him, begging him to touch you, fuck you, and then he's spinning you to face the wall, dress hiked up, panties pulled down. Your arms support you against the wall as he pushes into you from behind and all you think about is him fucking the pain away, pumping into you hard and fast. He's nowhere near as big as Joel, but you've been so touch starved that the sounds coming out of your mouth are shameless.

Without warning you vomit, splashing your shoes and the wall in front of you with appletini puke, and the guy pulls out immediately, getting away from you as fast as he can, tucking himself back into his jeans.

You rest your forehead against the cool brick wall, spitting out the sour taste in your mouth as tears weep freely from your eyes.

September 2004

At the start of sophomore year you're the only one who doesn't have family come down to help move in, to visit with and take silly, memorable photos with. Nobody comes to your dorm and helps you decorate and put your belongings away. By the time your assigned roommate comes with her parents and little brother you're already set up, fresh sheets on your twin bed, your side already claimed.

You're reading when she comes in, a young girl, freshman, with hope in her eyes, excited to meet you, looking forward to her new life away from Montana or Missouri or wherever she says she's from. You're barely listening.

Who you do notice is her dad: mid-forties, slight beer belly, wearing a polo shirt and cargo pants with brand new New Balance shoes. You make eye contact immediately before he shifts his gaze away. His daughter, your new roommate Jessica, starts to unpack, asking you questions about the classes, what student groups to join. You offer what advice you can, stretching out on your bed in your tank top and running shorts. Her dad's eyes roam over your curves when his wife and kids aren't looking, and you unabashedly flirt back, making sure your shorts ride up, pulling down your tank just a little to expose more cleavage.

Once they leave for a quick tour around the campus you're back to your reading.

Jessica's dad comes back. Alone.

"I think I forgot my wallet in here," he says, giving a forced look of timidity as he checks his pockets.

"You didn't," you smirk, putting your book down and sitting up. "But you can stay if you want.."

He doesn't make an excuse about his family and you wouldn't care if they walked in anyway. Once the door is locked his hands are on your body, grabbing your ass while your hand goes down his pants. You tell him exactly what will make you come, and he does it so willingly it almost touches your heart.

Later as he's leaving and you're trying to get his cum off your bedsheets, he's asking you not to say anything to his daughter, as if you'd proudly exclaim that you fucked him, having barely remembered his name.

You're learning that a lot of men are the same at their very core.

You're a fantasy for the older ones, a college coed with daddy issues and an IUD. Having already been with an older man, you know just what they like, and when you give it you live for the way their eyes light up, and a little of their youth comes back to them for a moment.

It's almost pitiful how easy you figure out the opposite sex. Once you know what they want it's easy to become that, to dress how they want, to feign interest in the things they like, even to keep your thoughts to yourself. You learn to live inside your head, which until now has been the hardest thing to do.

But it's necessary when you're holding onto the headboard of some frat guy's bed while fake moaning as he's holding your hips, going as fast as he can because that's what they do in porn. Each and every guy has a Scarface poster above the bed, or Playboy centerfolds taped to the walls, neon lava lamps on the nightstand along with CDs by Kanye West, Franz Ferdinand, or Velvet Revolver. Your thoughts are elsewhere as you give halfhearted head.

You learn to feel nothing, not even pleasure, because they certainly can't tell that you fake every sigh and gasp.

But the older men, the professors, TA's, even men you meet off campus at the bars in town.. they are what interest you. It's not common for you to find yourself bent over a desk during your professor's office hours, or with your panties around your ankles when a one-on-one study session turns to something else.

You fuck men who remind you of Joel because you can't fuck Joel. It's his hands on you instead of theirs, his breath hot on your ear.. but no one else can fill the part of you that Joel hollowed out for himself when he made you his on a hot Texas summer night.

Though you think about him every day, soon enough, you start to wonder whether he was ever even real, or just someone you made up.

March 2006

Spring Break finds you at a beach house on the coast. The friends you came with are nowhere to be found, and you're pretty sure your drink is laced with something. The music is so loud that you hurry out into the night, seeking solace before the roaring waters of the gulf, black water topped with silver waves. Their rushing sound is soothing, yet you sink to your knees because your world is too heavy.

"I'm dying," you whisper to yourself, crying. Your chest feels tight. It's so hard to breathe, and it feels like your heart will explode.

Only one person on the entire planet comes to mind, and after all this time you still remember his number. You dial it, fingers savoring the press of each button on your phone. How many times have you called Joel and hung up before he could answer? There have been a couple of times when you dialed him while having sex, not sure if he ever picked up, hoping that he heard you moving on and moving away from him. That'll show him.

But you can't even breathe to talk to him. And what if he doesn't answer? What if he's changed his number?

You leave all his numbers entered on the screen but you don't hit the call button. Not yet. You have to think of something to say. Tell him you love him before your body rejects the air it's trying so desperately to claim into your lungs.

"Hey, are you all right?" a gentle voice asks behind you, and a hand is on your shoulder.

You flashback to that night in the alley, the guy who took advantage of you, but this time it doesn't go that way.

A man with soulful eyes and a kind smile kneels next to you, his hand remaining on your shoulder. "I think you're having a panic attack. Can I help you with that?" His voice is as kind and gentle as he looks, and you nod.

"Can you breathe for me? Like this." He inhales deeply and slowly, and when you try it it feels so foreign but you manage it.

"There you go," he says quietly. "Now breathe out.."

Soon he has your breathing back to normal, and you don't have to force your body to do what it naturally does.

"Tell me five things you can see," he continues.

A shaky breath in. Hey, at least it's a breath. "Um.. the water.. the sand.. the moon.. you.."

That's when you get your first good look at him, beyond the smile that works its warmth into your heart, and the eyes that search yours, exuding humanity that you haven't experienced in a long time. He's really cute. You can't deny that your heart skips a couple of beats.

"One more thing?" he says, his voice soft.

You snap back to reality. "Uh.. a ship.. out there in the distance?"

He glances behind him at the water, seeing the great big liner, possibly a cruise ship, on the inky horizon, and takes a seat next to you. "How are you feeling now?" he asks.

"Good.. I think. Better." You nod. "Thank you."

"May I?" he lifts your hand from your lap and turns the palm up, his fingers poised above your pulse point. You nod again.

He presses his touch to your wrist, and you watch his eyes calculating, his lips silently moving while counting. Despite everything you've been through the past two years, this is the most intimate thing you've felt.

"Your pulse is normal." He gently places your hand back on your lap. "Do you want to go back to the party or do you want to stay out here a little longer? If you want to go back," he adds, "I'll be with you, make sure you're okay."

You opt to stay on the beach, embracing the quiet for a little longer. This is the first time a man has had you alone and hasn't tried to fuck you. It's nice, for once.

Towards the end of the night he leads you back to the party house, guiding you through the throng of people there, the air rife with alcohol and the pungent aroma of weed. You're holding his hand, you realize as you walk together. He's your lifeline in this very moment. You grab your jacket and purse from one of the bedrooms, passing by couples making out, some slipping into rooms to do much more than kissing. To think you could have easily ended up there with a random guy makes your skin crawl.

"What was your name again?" you shout to him over the music.

"Justin!"

"Dustin?"

"Justin!"

You both laugh. You tell him your name and of course he mishears you.

He drives you to the small motel room you're sharing with your friends who are inevitably crashing at the beach house, too drugged or drunk or fucked to return for the night.

Justin smiles at you as the engine idles. "Is it okay if I ask you out?"

You exchange numbers, your heart thrumming with a pleasant nervousness. You haven't had a boyfriend since..

..not since Joel.

Don't think about him.

"You can reach out to me if you ever just feel like talking," he says. "I'm here."

So you do, and after a week of texting and a couple of late night calls and getting to know each other, you go for a date for the first time in three years.

Justin picks you up in a Honda Civic, and as you get comfy in the passenger seat you breathe in the scent of the black ice air freshener and his spearmint gum. The radio blasts Smashing Pumpkins at a level you know is too much but it only adds to the excitement of the evening.

He's a year older than you, native to Louisiana, and on leave from the Army.

Living just a half hour from your campus, you start to spend much of your time together. Movie dates, dinner dates, and dates where you just drive around, talking about nothing and everything.

You only sleep with him three months into your relationship, desiring to take things slow for once, to know him better than you have ever known anyone.

It's nice. It's like what you see in the movies, two people wrapped up in each other, soft, no words needed. For once your head isn't forced down into the pillow, or your pussy spit on. For once it's just normal, and normal feels so good.

June 2008 New Orleans, LA

Bourbon Street is alive, electric, no matter that it's a Sunday night. People will drift into work tomorrow still drunk on Zombies and Hurricanes. The entire street reeks of piss, but people either don't care or have been here long enough that it no longer harasses their senses. But more often than not, people are having too much of a good time to care.

You're behind the bar at little hole-in-the-wall place, slinging daiquiris and kamikaze shots when you hear a familiar voice and a tap on your shoulder. "Hey there, Cherry."

You turn and your eyes go wide. "Tommy!" You reach over the bar to hug him, nearly spilling a beer on him in the process. "It's been ages! How are you?

He looks older, more mature, even though it's only been five years since you last saw him: he's letting his facial hair grow, but his eyes still sparkle with mirth and kindness. "It's good to see you, girl." He's no longer with Sofia, their romance having ended a few years before, on friendly terms or so your cousin claimed. You always blamed yourself for the demise of their relationship, believing that your breakup with Joel cast a shadow over her own connection with Tommy.

"What are you doing here?" you ask.

"We're good, just here in town, expanding the business."

"We?" Your hands start to shake, and you put away the bottle of gin you have your grasp on. Your heart starts to pound before the next words even leave his mouth.

"Yeah, me and Joel are lettin' off a little steam, wanted to toss back a few before we go back to the hotel."

You feel his eyes on you before you're even aware that he's here. Looking up, at a small table near the entrance, is Joel Miller. Your heart stops, and you don't know how it is you're still alive. He looks you up and down, appraising every feature and detail about you, and you wonder if you've changed in five years or not. You wonder if he still loves or hates you.

"...and we thought this was that bar where girls dance and pour tequila down guys' throats, but this is just as good 'cause you're here."

Tommy manages to snap you out of your trance. "Oh.. you mean Coyote Ugly.."

"Yeah, they opened one in Austin a couple years back but this one ain't never wanna go nowhere," he motions back with his head to Joel.

You return your gaze to the older brother but he's no longer looking at you, his glance dotting along the crowd, following a younger woman as she saunters up to him, smiling, flirting. Your stomach turns and you force a smile at Tommy.

"Whatever you want is on me."

Tommy's smile and laughter is infectious. "You sure about that, Cherry?"

"I'm sure," you say, pouring out a shot for yourself. "You know, nobody's called me that in a long time."

"What's that?" he catches a bright sparkle on your left hand, and quickly takes it within his own. "Cherry, you didn't tell me you were engaged!"

Joel must have one ear straining to listen because Tommy's outburst got his attention right away and he swivels his head to look at you.

"Yeah.. he's a nice guy." That's how you describe Justin to everyone: he's a nice guy. He'd proposed last year after your one year dating anniversary. "He's in the Army, they're shipping him out a week after our wedding. And I'm going with him."

"He's a good guy if he's an Army man," Tommy approves, just as Joel approaches, the woman he was talking to now gone. "So? Are we invited to the weddin'?"

You can't tell if he's teasing or not, and Joel's poker face gives zero indication as well. "I already sent out save-the-dates, but if you'd like to come I won't object. The more the merrier." For the first time you see Joel up close and your heart stutters, an irregular beat that you'd gotten used to in the aftermath of your disastrous breakup.

He's still so fucking handsome: the dark brown of his hair fading to what you can already see as gray, with gray patches in his beard. There are more lines around his eyes. There's still that jolt of electricity when your gazes meet.

"You happy?" he asks, his countenance giving nothing away of his true feelings, so it's difficult to gage whether he's legitimately asking, or simply being nice.

"I'm happy." But it sounds forced, like taking the pliers to your own mouth to fix your own abscess.

Joel only nods as you pour a couple whiskeys for them. "To Cherry getting married!" Tommy beams his salute and the three of you down the shots quickly.

It's sometime after your shift, and you're in the parking lot with Tommy, his arms around you as he presses you to the side of his truck. Or maybe it's Joel's truck. You don't know and you don't care, all you want is to feel something again. The nearness of Joel all night has rewired your brain, and as Tommy deepens the kiss, you're disappointed that it's not Joel's taste, not Joel's scent that surrounds you. Luckily he's not a bad kisser, and his hands roam everywhere you want them to be.

Better the wrong Miller than no Miller at all, your whiskey-soaked brain tells you.

"Always thought you were pretty," he whispers, hands palming your breasts over your shirt. "But you were Joel's from the moment he set eyes on ya, told me so himself. Leave that one alone, she ain't for you.'"

"He didn't want me enough.." your voice cracks as tears spill effortlessly down your cheeks.

"Don't cry," he says gently. "I don't got any tissues with me." He uses his thumb to wipe away your tears. "Still want me to give you a ride home?"

You nod, telling him you need to make a quick trip to the ladies' room to fix your makeup, and in the narrow hallway where the restrooms are hidden from the rest of the bar, you run into Joel.

"Sorry," you mumble, trying to get around him, but he puts his large hand on your shoulder to stop you.

"You gonna take my brother home and fuck him? Then marry some Army jackass?" he says as in disbelief.

You put your guard up, tougher now than you were five years ago. "What I do is my business. By the way, how's Hailey?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb." You push past him and start for the women's room to fix your makeup when Joel stops you again.

"You ain't gonna fuck my brother tonight, or any other night, babygirl," he utters.

There's a fire lit under you now. "Oh? What are you, the Morality Police? Fuck off."

"Fuck me," he says. "You know you want to. You're probably wet from Tommy, and I appreciate his gettin' ya ready for me, but I notice the subtler signs: your eyes are glistenin', you've been lickin' your lips every time you look at me, and you probably haven't noticed, but your nipples are pokin' right through your shirt. I bet they're just beggin' for attention, huh?"

He says all this while just standing in front of you, not crowding you like any other guy would. And you realize he's not even trying to rile you up. He's giving you a choice.

"What makes you think I want you? I have a good man who loves me. He's all I need."

"Needs and wants are different, babygirl. Once you're married you're stuck with him til' death. Hope you realize that."

"I'm aware." But it's already hit you: you'll be with Nice Justin for the rest of your life. You'll be a Nice Wife and maintain a Nice Home for the inevitable Nice Kids you'll have. You hate Joel for putting this thought in your head.

"He fuck you like I did?" he asks in an intimate tone.

You shake your head, already pulling him into the restroom with you. "Joel, no one's ever fucked me like you did."

Your body delights in the quick, sweet reunion with him. It's as if time has never separated you, as if both your hearts are whole again. His mouth greedily devours your kisses. He tastes like whiskey and cigarettes, the latter a bad habit. You're shoved into one of the stalls, fumbling with the lock while Joel's hands find their way across your body, one under your shirt, palming your breast, the other going into your jeans, expertly finding your soaked panties, crooking his fingers into your cunt.

Your back is pressed against his broad chest, his cock already hard inside his jeans, rubbing furiously against your lower back until he bends you forward to press against your ass, finally pulling your jeans and panties down in one go.

Too much time has passed for you to be gentle or even careful. He presses you to the stall door, nothing but heat and raw need between you. Words not needed, your only communication grunts and whispered curses that echo against the tiles of the cramped space.

"You ain't takin' no slow and gentle with me, sugar. i ain't got the patience for that right now." He nudges against you and it's a wonder you don't burn up with all the fire that inflames you. After so long it's a labor of love to fit him again, but as his fingers add pressure to your clit you get wetter, opening for him as easily as you did years ago.

"There she is," he says. "Been waitin' for me, been needin' a real man to fill ya up, ain't ya, babygirl?" he huffs in your ear, breath warm against your skin. "Answer me, baby."

"Yes.." your voice comes out in a hiss, your brain only thinking about his cock, the way it stuffs you, the only thing that completes you.

"That's what I thought. These lil' college boys don't know what to do with such a tight, pretty pussy. And neither does your fiance." He hikes one of your legs up, tucking your knee under his arm, keeping you nice and open, watching himself slide in and out of your weeping slit, slamming himself against you as he sinks his thumb into your puckered asshole, eliciting an all-but muffled gasp from you. "I know you called me just so I could listen to them fuckin' ya.. I know you never came with them, not once. This pussy is mine, has been from the very start."

You're no longer a virginal high school grad, and he takes what he wants from you, giving you what he knows you need.

The door opens but he doesn't stop, just quiets his own noises and clamps his hand over your mouth to squelch your sounds. The stall door jiggles and you put your hand over it until the person grumbles and walks away, muttering about having to piss. When they're gone Joel pumps into you relentlessly, chasing his pleasure and yours. He knows by now what will make you come, which combination of touches and kisses make your knees weak and your clit stand at attention.

"Fucking come for me, you little slut," he whispers, his tone almost loving if you didn't know better, and when you let go the pleasure is almost painful. Years of need and pent-up longing are released as your cunt squeezes around his rigid cock, milking him, smiling when you feel the warm spurt of his come as he presses deep at your cervix.

"That's my girl," he says proudly, your come spilling out already, lining his dick with a mix of both of you. "She's wrecked, split wide open like she's meant to be.. gonna send you back to your man drippin' with my come, used up like a good lil' whore."

His words add a sweet sting to the pleasure that has yet to ebb, resounding through your veins like thunder that takes its time in rolling away from the storm. Whore.. well, he's not wrong.

When your heavy breathing has subsided, you feel him start to slip out of you and you put your hand back on his thigh, a silent gesture to hold off.

"Missed you.. needed you," you mutter, tears of joy and relief and heartache brim in your eyes, until you allow the pleasure of the moment to take over without thought or feeling.

"I know.." he says softly, slipping out of you, careful as you're still sensitive.

That could have been the end. You could have gone your separate ways, but you're drawn to each other, and that doesn't go away easily. When you emerge from the rear entrance of the bar, Tommy looks up, and you can tell he expected that you'd end up with Joel instead. He simply nods as you pass him, walking with Joel to the tiny apartment you share with Justin, who's out of town visiting family. And as you and Joel spend the rest of the night locked in each other's embrace, you realize you don't care if he walks in on you, kicks you out, breaks off the engagement. You're with Joel and nothing else matters.

By dawn you wake up to find that he's gone, leaving only the scent of him on the pillow next to you. No note, no explanation, no goodbye. And once again you're sure you only dreamed up Joel Miller, used him as a mental escape for the life you were tying yourself down to.

It's very atypical for you to forgo a period, even at your most stressed, you can count on seeing that bright red stain on the toilet paper around the middle of every month. And when, by mid-July, you haven't even spotted, the first thing you do is take a pregnancy test.

All the men before have been careful, or you've been fortunate enough not to have a scare. But when you finally force yourself to look at the the little blue plus sign developing on the test strip, you realize this is no scare.

You're pregnant with Joel's baby.

The wedding takes place as expected, and your heart sinks when you walk down the aisle, seeing the joy on Justin's face. You've told him the baby is his, and he doesn't doubt it for a moment, that's how much he loves you. But for a fleeting moment you want so bad for it to be Joel at the altar instead.

The ceremony goes by in a blur, as everyone warned you it would. Group pictures are taken, the videographer is capturing the moments that photos alone can't encapsulate.

"Over here, honey!" photographer gets your attention. You barely hear him as you watch a figure walking out, one of the last guests to leave the church. From behind he looks like Joel, but you can't quite tell, and when your eyes fully focus, he's gone, and your own vision can't be trusted.

Tommy gave his regrets that he couldn't attend, and Joel simply never RSVP'd. But in your heart you know it was him, you know he had to come and see for himself that you're moving on, growing up and growing away from him. The only tether you have to him is the baby growing in your belly.

"Front and center, Mrs. Williams," Justin smirks, giving your cheek a soft kiss. "One more picture then we're onto the reception."

March 2009

Your daughter is born in the springtime, a loud and howling child from the moment she leaves you. The only time she's quiet is when she's in your arms.

"We need to decide on a name," Justin says, a little miffed that his daughter cries when he holds her despite his best efforts to soothe her.

"I told you, I like Ophelia," you say, gathering her into your arms to feed her.

"It's such a prissy name. And I can already tell she's not gonna be prissy."

"Then what do you suggest?" you ask tiredly. He doesn't seem to understand you've gone through labor for twenty four hours, only thinking of himself.

"Eleanor, after my mother."

You groan. "I always hated that name."

"Please, babe. It'll make her so happy to have her granddaughter as her namesake."

"Fine. Fine. But her middle name is Ophelia."

"Deal." Justin smiles as he fills out the paperwork.

"Eleanor.." you tell your baby. "But I'm going to call you Ellie."

Your mother once told you that when you become a parent, your life is not your own anymore. She said it as a kind of warning, a prophecy yet to be fulfilled when you were just a pre-teen, rolling your eyes at her warning you away from all kinds of danger.

You never expected she'd be right. Every waking moment holds more weight than ever before. Ellie is completely dependent on you, even as she grows and becomes more independent. It's you she looks to for validation when she does something right, and you she looks to when she knows she's in trouble.

She's smart as a whip, quick with a comeback and well versed in anything she can get her hands on. She excels in sports too-- individually, at first. As she gets older you notice a little bit of a mean streak in her. While she craves friends and wants to be part of a team, she has trouble making connections sometimes.

You have to wonder if part of that comes from Joel, his stubbornness and his lone wolf tendencies. Has he unknowingly passed down the most insecure parts of himself to his daughter? Sorry, his secondborn daughter?

Now there's literal proof of Joel Miller as a person, in human form, and she's trudging upstairs with her field hockey equipment and slamming her bedroom door.

Between the years of 2004 and 2008 you could almost convince yourself that he didn't exist, that he was a figment of your runaway imagination, born of a father complex and attachment issues. You work on yourself in therapy, feeling small as you divulge the innermost secrets of your heart and the intrusive thoughts, even going so far as to reveal that you've looked for Joel on social media, now that everyone has a profile.

Born of an intrusive thought, you type his name into the search bar on Facebook. Getting quite a few findings of those with the same name, you narrow the search. Joel Miller, Austin Texas His company logo comes up as its own page, and you notice it's changed, probably Tommy's idea as Joel never liked change.

Searching further you find his picture. There it is: Joel Miller, Boston Massachusetts

Huh?

You click on his profile while your heart thumps strongly within your ribcage. You wish you could let it out, set it free.

There he is, looking older than the last time you saw him, the grey more prominent in his hair, looking serious in his selfie. Even though it's just a selfie, a random moment in time, you can't help blushing, as if he's looking at you through the screen, appraising your own measure of aging. You wonder what you were doing that exact moment he took the picture.

But your hunger for knowledge needs to be fed, and scrolling down you swear you misread it at first.

Relationship status: Married

There's a roaring in your ears as your mouse hovers over the name next to those words: Tess Servopoulos

From there you check out her profile, see that she's from Detroit, five years younger than Joel. While his profile pic is only of himself, hers shows them together, on a hiking trail somewhere, Joel's arms around her from behind.

You slam the laptop shut, your blood buzzing in your veins. You feel distractingly alive, the heartache spreading through every muscle and nerve ending. Your past is brought to full fucking focus.

Against your better judgment you open the screen again and search through Tess's photos, specifically the ones of Joel. Most of the comments are from a couple of guys named Bill and Frank, who after some digging you come to find are married, and friends with Joel and Tess. You hit the jackpot when you find a video she uploaded, a fifteen-second clip of Joel holding a baby. Your heart stops when you realize the baby isn't his but Sarah's, and he's now a grandfather.

It feels like you're spying on them. You know so much about them by now, and the one glaring omission is children. They don't seem to have any.

Going back to Joel's profile, you hover the mouse dangerously over the Add Friend button. When you click it, it's the strongest rush you've felt in ages.

Weeks later, he hasn't accepted it. The sparkle of your anticipation is dulled, and with a heavy heart you click to cancel the request.

A couple years down the road you get a notification from Facebook Messenger while you're watching Narcos.

Message Request. Sarah Miller Hey! It's been forever! How are you?

dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

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[waitmyturtles]

Double Savage, episode 11 (penultimate episode) thoughts:

1) Jumping to the preview for the finale next week (ha) (I can’t help myself) -- I’m not technically seeing redemption for Dad Beng yet. His trying to give the money for his treatment back to Korn screams of asshole to me. BUT, I’m not gonna put it past New Siwaj to do something dumb LIKE redeem Dad Beng, because of the relative messiness of this episode 11.

2) Ohm and Perth.

Damn. I don’t need to ship them, I don’t need to see them in a BL (but I’m never saying no outright, heh). I want to see them work together again in a stronger, fuller, more honest, more well-developed drama -- maybe like a 10 Years Ticket, or something else with Fon Kanittha directing. 

Ohm and Perth saved the first half of this episode. Korn fully owning everything he knew about Win (which we’ll get to in a second) and spitting it back out to Win from last week to now -- I think at least that part was paced well, and the control they both had over their rage against each other was acted out beautifully. 

Perth came into his own fully in this episode. He played Win gorgeously, which is to say: he absolutely demonstrated how PATHETIC Win ended up being (Win in his George Constanza moment: “you never loved me?!?!?!” Come awn.)

At the same time. That conversation about how Win suffered vis à vis how Korn was kept close to the family via the mother and Li. That’s not linear. That would have been complicated for a young Win to understand vis à vis the messaging he (Win) was getting from his father. His father saying, Win, you’re the best, and Korn’s a jinx. Mom and Li staying close to Korn, keeping Korn in the family system. I didn’t have enough empathy for that complicated mindset that Win must have suffered under. And then in adulthood, as Li and the mother continued to long for Korn to rejoin the family, while all the pressure was put on Win’s shoulders to be the golden child -- and then Win spitting out “golden child” right back to Korn. 

BRILLIANT. That’s my kind of family trauma that I like to see illuminated in the complicated relationships and boundaries that shows like this explore. 

We REALLY need to see Perth more outside of BL. He was FANTASTIC. (Yes, I’m excited for Dangerous Romance, but he clearly does family dramas VERY well, and should do more of them.) (I don’t have Never Let Me Go to compare it to, but I heard he was weaker in it.)

3) Film/Rung in her revenge era.

I still do think that the writing of Rung is against her misogynistically. I’m not ENTIRELY sure she needed to sweep in and do all this damage against the ENTIRE family. But: I think Film/Rung played the revenge bit VERY well until the end anyway, and I do think Rung had her own karma come to her, as Korn noted at the memorial hall. I didn’t expect to see her witness Li’s heartbreak over Ah, and how the boys were fighting up until the moment that Li was contemplating the gun, and I think Rung got, at that moment, how much the weight of her entire life, and what had happened in it via Korn’s family, hit her -- I thought that was acted wonderfully by Film.

All three of these actors -- Ohm, Perth, Film -- I’m glad they had this vehicle in Double Savage to go outside their usual GMMTV boundaries to do action/revenge/crime, because they completely killed their roles.

4a) AWL the flashbacks, good lord. As a filmmaking mechanism, I thought they were overused in this episode.

So we find out that Ah and Li had been together, and that they both intended to never tell the brothers. We find out that Win was the one who caused the car accident that killed Rung’s parents (MORE. ON. THIS. IN. A. SECOND.) We find out that Korn and Rung BOTH KNEW ABOUT THAT ACCIDENT, and that’s likely when Korn himself stopped pining for Win as a brother and started to suspect him as a bad cop.

4b) Before I complain about the flashbacks, lemme just say this (ha) as a literal driver of a car who drives everyday (ha) -- Win, BRO, WHAT were you doing passing like that?! HA. I mean. THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE ABOUT THAT ACCIDENT -- at least, I beg of New Siwaj, PLEASE, because -- that was terrible driving, bro! I mean! Swerving your car like that, come awn! Just honk, dude, or like, roll down your window and say something or like, toss a Diet Coke at them, if you want them to go faster! UNLESS you thought you were chasing another car with like, criminals inside or whatever. Bad driving in shows, I would have never expected it! Pleeze, y’all. 

ANYWAY. (Thank you for allowing me that moment, ha.) (I swear I don’t do road rage, I SWEAR.) I say there needs to be something about the way Win was driving (WHICH WAS BAD) because that was a big chain of events for Win to lead Rung’s parents down.

4c) In any case, back to the flashbacks -- I honestly don’t think it does us great to leave the rest of the reveals to next week. We need to know HOW Korn and Rung KNEW about Win causing the accident that killed Rung’s parents. As I type that out, I really wonder -- it could NOT have been just by way of Win’s bad driving, but I’m not sure I trust New Siwaj to wrap that up nicely like that, just with bad driving as an excuse and everyone accepting it.

Next week, we’ll clearly learn from Pea/Satang to Rung/Film how Korn helped her during her time on the lam. 

And I’m hoping, HOPING, as I thought at the start of the post, that we don’t see a redemption for/from Dad Beng. That’s certainly my inner Asian child crying out for that conclusion. 

Because...

5) These flashbacks are taking away the ability for us to see some real emotional growth from the characters. We’re getting hints by, say, the change of colors they’re wearing (thanks to @shortpplfedup for pointing that out to me), and in next week’s preview, we see Rung cleaned up (where did the eyeliner go, gurl). We need to know how things have unspooled, for sure, but -- shit. A LOT HAS HAPPENED TO KORN AND RUNG. We need enough time to know how they’ll end up, and I’m not sure New Siwaj will give us enough time to process it all.

Anyway. Complaints here, and praises there. Ohm/Perth/Film, again, SAVED this episode. 

So, eff, omg, next week. Monday: end of Double Savage. Wednesday and Thursday: Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy. I’m effed. My heart can’t take much more!

@miscellar -- this one’s for you!

[doodling-doodle]

Through The Eras

It had been three weeks since the… incident at Swan Tower in Eternyx. Wanderlust had somehow managed to keep the whole thing away from his parents, and was planning on keeping it that way. 

But at least he had new friends! Brezziana and Mihlay were really cool and fun to be with. Sara was still in her world…

But… he hadn’t seen the one other person that he met that day, and it worried him.

Until he finally found him in the last place he expected

…

Wanderlust sighed as he woke up, Discoball nudging him to sit up.

“Yeah, yeah… I know…” He said, sitting up and rubbing his face, “Right… meeting is today.” He stood, yawning as he went to his vanity and brushed out his hair.

“I still need to call Brezziana… And I need to go to Dancecity tonight… The day is packed.” He said to himself.

Discoball beeped softly, setting themselves on his vanity and looking up at him.

He smiled softly at them, “Yeah… Could be worse! But I really can’t be left to my own devices anymore after that, can I?” He said, going to get his clothes.

They were going to Sun Horizon today. He really didn’t know what it was about, but his father was always going to one Danceverse or another. It was kind of why he preferred staying with his mom, she was able to relax more and didn’t have to go around as much.

He really didn’t know why his parents didn’t live together. His working theory was that their magic combined could destroy a universe if used. But they were able to see each other once in a while, mostly around holidays and whenever there was some type of event… Speaking of, The Showdown was soon and he still didn’t know what he was going to open it with.

Well, either way, no more stalling. He needed to get to the lobby, his father was probably waiting for him.

He quickly braided his hair after he got dressed, weaving his crown into it and running down to the lobby with Discoball.

“Wanderlust! Come on, we need to go!” His father called out.

“Coming!” He yelled back, running down the stairs with Discoball.

“There you are. Come on, we have a meeting in ten minutes.”

“Yes, father.” 

That was another reason he preferred his mom’s palace… His father was great, just… emotionally distant from him a lot of his life. He didn't think his father was really capable of strong emotions anyway, but it was a little difficult, especially growing up…

He didn't think his father necessarily understood being burnt out. Or understood being mentally tired, which he was a lot lately from… what happened.

Now wasn't the time to think about it, just go through the meeting, meet up with Brezziana and then Dancecity. Easy!

Hopefully… maybe he just jinxed it.

…

So maybe he ended up jinxing it just a little. Estrella got into a heated discussion with another dancer, from another Danceverse, and he had tried to calm them down… tried. After that, he really just let them talk it out. But Showdown rehearsals were starting soon so he needed to pick up the pace. He opened up with his own performance every year, and every time he tried to make it more interesting than the last… even if it wasn't his own songs a lot of the time. 

He didn't put out a lot of music, only recently, and that was Can't Stop The Feeling. Just something he wrote when he was bored, but in a good mood.

The songs He didn't put out were the ones with true meaning. Granted, a lot of them were written when he wasn't feeling great. When he would go through breakups, or family struggles, or so on. He did a few times, but his father warned him that he shouldn't change his public image too much. So he didn't. He stuck with his “feel good” music or love songs. Which he enjoyed writing, but wished he could do more… and that he'd have enough music that it wasn't a shock when he actually sang something original at award events.

Anyway, mixed feelings and slight panic to think of songs aside, he had to go to Brezziana's place.

“When will you be back?” His father asked when they got back to the SpaceTime Hotel.

“Uh… maybe nine? Nine-thirty at the latest.” He said.

“Alright, I'll have dinner for you. Stay safe, okay?” 

“I will!” He said, smiling as he opened up a portal, “love you, father!”

“Love you too. Have fun, Wander.”

He quickly went through the portal, sighing. He was already tired. 

Discoball beeped as they flew around his head, looking a little worried.

He smiled softly, “It’s fine. I’ll be fine, buddy.” He said, “It’s just whatever she needs and then the city…” 

He walked to the beach, where Brezziana told him to meet her at, and he found her almost immediately.

“Hey!” She called out, running up to him. She was still in her Lifeguard uniform, just got off duty.

“Hey, Brezz!” He chuckled, hugging her as she ran up to him, “What’s up?”

“I honestly just… wanted to check up on you.” She said, “I doubt being turned into some type of bird-monster felt good… at all.”

He sighed. He never wanted to talk about it. It messed him up more than he wanted to admit.

“I’m… fine, Brezz, don’t worry-”

“Lies.” She said, “I know it.”

He looked down, “Yeah. Yeah, it wasn’t great. I still think about it… It honestly hurt.” He said, sighing, “But I can’t really think about it. If I do, then it’ll be obvious and I’ll have to tell my parents what really happened, and how I ended up getting someone from a different world here, that we had to jump around Danceverse’s to save coaches, and that I met with Jack Rose… Father won’t be… the most thrilled about that.”

She nodded, “But… it’s nice to be able to talk about it, right? Just… be able to get it out of your system?”

“Well… Yeah, a little, I honestly just don’t often… talk about things that are bothering me.” He said, shrugging, “I'll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I promise!” He smiled, “I'm fine. Don't worry about me.”

She nodded, smiling softly, “if you say so.”

Well… at least he could lie.

“Anyway, what about you?” He asked, “how are you holding up after that?”

…

He spent a little longer with Brezziana than he was expecting, but it was fine. At least he was finally in the city, after this he could curl up and sleep, and hopefully relax tomorrow.

He decided to go up on the paths that people had made on the rooftops. Stay a little more out of sight. He hardly wanted to deal with much more today.

The city was always filled with life, and music, and people always dancing. It was a beautiful place… Just loud. And he didn’t have any more energy for it.

But this was it. He just needed to check on something and he could go and relax. Maybe he’d spend tomorrow writing things.

Until Discoball started beeping like crazy.

“You okay, buddy?” He asked, and watched as they looked over to a roof across from them.

“What is-”

And that’s when he saw Jack Rose for the first time in three weeks.

“What…?”

He was just sitting on a rooftop, a notebook in his hands and looked like he was singing to himself. He looked… peaceful. He actually looked comfortable. 

“He’s here…” He said to himself, shaking his head, “What time is it?” He asked, turning to Discoball.

It was 8:30.

This might be his only chance… He needed to take it.

He decided to go to him.

Jack didn’t notice him at first, he was being really quiet, listening to him…

“... I’ve spent forever, wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you~”

It was quiet. Hell, it was barely audible, but… it was really pretty.

“Please don’t be in love with someone else, please don’t have somebody waiting on you…”

It… really didn’t sound like something Jack would write. 

So he wondered how much of his own career was Night Swan.

Discoball nudged him slightly, looking at him in annoyance, trying to tell him to hurry up.

He sighed, stepping around the corner…

“Jack?”

He quickly turned around, face softening at realizing who it was.

“Prince Wanderlust…?”

“When did you… get here?” He asked, walking up to him and smiling

“I… managed to leave through one of the portals that you opened.” Jack said, relaxing slightly, “Went with Mihaly. They got me here. So I got my own apartment, and I’ve been staying here since.”

He nodded, “I… I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner.” He said, sitting with him.

“I assume you had things to do. You are a Prince, after all.”

“But… I could have at least tried… I kinda thought you were still in Eternyx.”

“At least you did find me, right?”

Wanderlust looked over to him, seeing a soft smile on Jack’s face.

“Yeah… I did.” He said, sighing, “What are you up to, then?”

“Writing some thoughts out.” Jack said, “Might not ever be published, depending on… well… Mother, but it’s nice to just think about these.”

“You don’t want to put them out because of her?”

“I put them out, she finds out, finds where I live. Then what?”

He nodded softly, “I’m sorry that she’s stopping you from it…”

“One day, she won’t be able to… hopefully.” He sighed, “And you? What have you been doing?”

“Uh… Father has been in a lot of meetings, so I’ve been in those…”

“And your mother?”

“I haven’t gotten to stay with her in a while… I think she was also dealing with another part of Night Swan’s mess.”

“Makes sense. Her bullshit probably spreads into every little corner of every Danceverse…” He groaned, “What are the meetings about?”

He shrugged, “Showdown, mostly. Which I still don’t know what I’m going to open with…”

Jack chuckled, “Doubt you could do any of mine and get away with it.”

Wait… that’s not a bad idea!

“I don’t know, what were you humming to yourself when I walked up?” He asked

Jack smiled softly, “It was called ‘Enchanted’. Wrote it when I was about seventeen, one of my favorites from that album…”

“What was it?”

“Speak Now. I got to write it almost entirely on my own…” 

He was getting somewhere. He could work with that.

“You have music, don’t you?” Jack asked, “I feel like you do.”

He sighed, “Not as much as I want to… Things I write that can’t be put out.”

“By choice?”

“... Half my choice, half my parents.”

Jack nodded, “I know the feeling.” He sighed, “What do you have, then?”

He lit up slightly. He could… talk about his songs. 

He had his notebook on him too! He was able to show him!

The last time he really put out music that was about his life, he was fifteen, when-... he shouldn’t talk about it, or think about it.

He didn’t need to. Jack kept reading through all the words that were in his book, and he would briefly add to each of them…

Until it was finally 9:30.

“Oh- Oh, no, I have to go.” He said, “I can come back tomorrow.”

Jack smiled, “I’d love that. Why not?”

He lit up, standing, “Then I’ll be back.” He said, opening a portal.

“Goodnight, Wanderlust.” Jack said as he turned back to look at the city.

“Night, Jack!” He ran through his portal, going to the lobby of the hotel.

He sighed, and tried to go up to his room…

But once he got upstairs, Discoball beeped disapprovingly, shaking themselves in a way of saying “No” as they redirected him to the kitchen.  

“Alright, fine…” He said as he walked to the kitchen, “I honestly forgot, okay?”

Discoball rolled their eyes, and he chuckled, “I’m going to eat, okay?”

He saw a plate sitting on the counter, still semi-warm. He just took it and sat down, thinking.

“Jack liked what I wrote…” He said, half talking to Discoball, half himself, “Maybe he could use it. I doubt most of them will ever be made by me…”

Discoball sat themselves on the table, looking up at him confused.

“It was only once. And I had to lie about it. Both of them thought it was another cover… You don’t know how much I was threatened with being grounded after that show…”

Discoball looked even more confused.

“Talking about how I felt, fifteen years old, about my parents having fights and being sick of it? In public and then getting an award for it? Yeah, they weren’t happy… did feel really good though.” He sighed, “So I probably can’t do what I want to. I’ll let him have it and I’m sure he can do it better than I would…”

“There you are.” His father said, making him jump slightly as he saw him walk into the kitchen, “How was your day? You must’ve been in the city for a while.”

“It was fine. I’m just tired, Brezz decided that I was a good text subject for a class she’s working on.” He said, chuckling, “City was fine… ran into someone I didn’t expect, talked with him for a while.”

“Who was it?”

“Believe it or not, Jack Rose! He’s finally out of Eternyx.”

His father looked stunned, “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I went there a few weeks ago, I got to meet him. He’s honestly really kind, just wanted to write his own music.”

“You… went to Eternyx?”

“Yeah, I heard about something and I wanted to see if it was true. It was just outside of Cygnus. Ran into him. Found him tonight in the city, and he was just happy to be there.”

That was something that only really he knew… He was a good liar. 

And his father had no clue that he just told one.

“Wow… Okay then…” He said, “Do you have any idea of what you're going to do for Showdown? That wasn’t touched on today.”

“I have an idea. I’ll go to the rehearsals once they start up.”

Alright. Anyone you want to invite?”

“Mihaly and Brezz, mainly…” 

He would have said Jack, but he knew it wouldn’t have ended well.

“Alright. I’ll see what I can do. Your mother will be here in about two weeks.”

He nodded, “Anything going on tomorrow?”

“Not that you have to be involved in. I’ll probably be out before you wake up, if you need anything, the guards and staff will be here.”

Perfect.

“Alright… I’m just going to finish eating and go to sleep.” He said, sighing.

“Sounds good. Goodnight, son.” His father said, turning to go up to his own room.

He sighed, looking back down at Discoball.

“Wouldn’t you be scared of that, too?” He said, chuckling slightly as he finished his food, going to wash his dishes and finally go back to his bed.

He unbraided his hair, sighing in relief as he took out his crown, setting it on his vanity as he went to change clothes.

So… Jack’s songs were an option- a very nice option at that. A peaceful rebellion! 

He decided that he’d listen to Enchanted in the morning, while he was making breakfast maybe… Maybe he’d listen to more while he was at it.

So he went to bed, just glad that he had a full day of nothing. 

He’d meet with Jack in the afternoon. Give both of them some time.

The next morning…

He found himself still in the kitchen, on his laptop, looking into Jack’s things. 

First off, the album covers were really pretty. It seemed all of his tours were in Eternyx until his latest, “1996”. But that was nearly three years ago. 

There was one that was different from the others. Lose Yourself, was the title. The imagery was different, the titles were different. It looked like something he fully wrote and made himself, with no input from Night Swan.

Was he listening to Speak Now all morning, though?... Yeah, he was. And after he finished listening to it, did he listen to Enchanted over and over?... yeah. 

So it was settled what he was doing for Showdown.

But now, he was going to actually look decent and go to that rooftop to find Jack…

[argowrites]

Love and Legacy, Chapter Three!

“I just…I’m sorry. I wanted to come to the lab last night. We need to talk about…”

Jayce trailed off with an unclear gesture. It was hard not to pity him at that moment, but then again there was barely anything to pity him for.

“Don’t forget our work, Jayce. That is all I ask,” Viktor said quietly.

His hand was on Jayce’s arm before he quite realized it. Jayce stared at it a moment before Viktor felt him relax. When he looked up, his eyes were soft.

“V, I won’t. But I’m on the Council now and—”

“What?” Viktor said, cutting off whatever soft thing Jayce was going to say.

“You’re mad, aren’t you?” Jayce said, deflating. “I told you, my mom—”

“It’s not about the lab, Jayce.”

“Then what are you—”

“You ended my life’s—our lives’ work without a thought,” Viktor said.

“I already—”

“Without consulting me,” Viktor continued over Jayce, several hours of stewing on the true problem had only increased his bitterness. “Am I your assistant now?”

“No, V, I don’t think that. I never thought that. You—”

“Then act like it.”

“I…okay. I’m sorry. I just…we need to keep the city safe. Both cities,” Jayce said with a sigh.

Act IV of my Viktor Quartet Series

Fandom: Arcane: League of Legends

Rating: Mature

Chapters: 2/?

Characters: Viktor, Singed, Silco, Jinx, Ekko, Jayce, Mel, Heimerdinger, Caitlyn, Vi

Relationships: Jayce/Viktor, Jayce/Mel, Jayce/Mel/Viktor, Singed & Viktor, Silco & Viktor, Jinx & Viktor, Ekko & Viktor, Jayce & Caitlyn, Silco & Jinx, Minor Cait/Vi

Additional Tags: Angst, Viktor-centric, Author knows a little about League lore, Divorce Era (but short)

[disgruntleddemon]

If you had to direct a Scooby Doo movie (or series), what would it be like and what would you include? Which series/era would you take the most inspiration from? Would the mystery/locale be inspired by real events/locations or something totally different?

Ooooh!!! Fun question!!

For both a show and movie I'd take the most inspiration from the renaissance era movies! I'd probably be a bit more mature in audience since i think there's a lot of fun horror potential w Scooby doo, while also keeping the goofier aspects. Also hopefully take inspiration from the renaissance era art too, cause it's seriously so good i wanna eat it.

For a movie specifically I'd have it focus on Mothman! I think that would be really fun and atmospheric! I'm honestly surprised Mothman HASN'T been used yet, cryptids work so well for sd (like ik they technicallyyyy did chupacabra, but it's not like either predominant descriptions of chupacabra, so i don't count it)

Not entirely sure of the plot, but definitely a fun spooky woodsy vibe.

For a series, I've actually thought about it a bit before. I'd have monsters be real, and a well known thing. Common enough to realistically have someone pretend to be one to scare ppl off, but uncommon enough not everyone would be able to spot signs of a fake.

I'd have the gang go around researching monsters, or at least taking an intrest in them, and recording any findings. Some episodes would have people in costumes where the gang is able to recognize fakes based on their monster knowledge, real monsters that they have to deal with in some way, or sometimes monsters they think are fake, but are actually just new or rare ones. Maybe a variation on a common one.

I'd really like at least one scooby snack factory episode, cause I'm a sucker for those, but also to add a personal hc/au of mine. I like to think Scooby is a family name on his mom's side, and that that side of the family founded the scooby snsck company. That episode would be helping out Scoob's mom! There'd also be a moment where the gang is like "wait, does this mean Scooby and his mom have the same name??" And his mom would reveal that his original name was Spooky Doo (ignoring that one comic character, or maybe having Scoob named after him lol), but he changed his name to Scoobert Doo after the Scooby snacks founder. Party cause it suited him better, partly cause he thought the name "Spooky" would jinx him and he'd end up in scary situations lmao.

This fits less, but I'd also like to squeeze in my Scrappy headcanon of him being half alien, and being a magnet to the supernatural. Little revival for him, as a treat. He wouldn't be a main character, but would appear for a few episodes. Always episodes that have real monsters hkvkcjc

I'd also like to squeeze in poly mystery gang if possible, but if not, probably just not feature any romance in the series. It's just never my thing when it comes to sd media tbh. Definitely lots of slice of life moments regardless tho. I'd like to emphasize their familiarity and closeness y'know?

[benefits1986]

homage ding 3x

Dragadagdag para sa lahat! LOL.

2009 or 2010 --- the first year I watched RPDR. I don't know where I came across it, but it was on Twitter or Plurk, perhaps. And as the niche comes more alive with a super thickening plot, let's try to curate the scenes in my book, shall we? Side Note: I am fully aware that there are so many controversies about this sub cult, however, it's but another art form on its experimental x postmodern era. Also, I don't like beaucons, pero, eto, pakkkakk. Sumasapak.

Why do I love drag race? The tuck is just so pivotal. And I see the kweens as babylans. Ganern. The duality of these creatures are soooooooo lovely to watch especially when they share their crazy stories that can go south, north, east, and west.

1 Ongina x HIV x Mac Viva Glam Campaign Challenge: This is where RPDR got me. Uwian na.

2 Reveal Violet Chacki: I had an era where plaid and jumpsuits are divine. Actually, until now, I love both! Seeing Violet made me believe there's more to the typical drag race cult.

3 Trixie Mattel and Katya: Super duper loooveee these girls because they don't look typical. And they look good even outside drag. Very butch. Also, they proved that they don't need a title to be on top. Trixie won All Stars naman din, but she remains relevant even now. Ang galing. Katya naman, super culture queen and again, super strong personality.

4 Pearl's nonchalance: Pearl is easily one of the prettiest faces. I think she was the first one who irked RP on air, or is it just me? LOL. What I love best about her is ang gwapo niya and ang chixxx niya talaga kahit walang effort. HOHOHOHOHO.

5 Kandy Muse and Monet X Change: The plus-sized ladies with unapologetic personalities. Periooodddtzzz. As punggok and a towering girl, galing nila magdala tapos very vulnerable and vocal din nila. Very kanal with a twist.

Living vicariously through them because my new body shape as I am fucking aging is like me getting to know me again. JUSQ. Apparently, from pear-shaped na punggok, NASA hourglass body type era na ako. Shemay. Gusto ko ng pabawasan 'tong dibdib kasi mhie, nakaka-ugh siya tignan. Though sabi naman ng tatay kong pakitong-kitong and mga purple people ko, it looks fine. Sabi pa ng tatay ko kung laser sa mukha na basic, anxiety levels ko 1000000x, paano pa pag may turok saka hiwa na. LUH. Hahahahahah. Hassle lang kasi I need to adjust my drips din because alam mo naman. Dati kasi in denial pa ako pero no. Andito na tayo. My body shape now is much like my mom and sa nanay ng nanay ko. For the past three decades, sa side ng dad ko kasi kaya naman, haynakoooow. :((((( 'Di ako insecure sa body shape ko, pero kasi alam mo 'yung naiba na siya tapos sa side pa ng nanay kong dragon. LELS.

6 Symone's Win: One of the ugggh-esst bit of the franchise is no person of color is winning. Ang tagal ko na napapansin neto to the point na parang gusto na lang ni RP na siya lang ba ang POC na may spotlight? There have been rumors na baka kaya nanalo si Symone is pressure and shift din ng power dynamics, socially speaking. All her outfits are soooooo well thought of. Nakakabilib pati her acting skills and everything else.

7 The Vivienne: An ode to Europa, iba ang kweens ng UK. As in. Hahahahahaha. She is such a vibe and very good din siya in representing her breed. Baka need ng deep dive neto kaso 'di naman masyado nage-gets cult nila din.

8 Jinx Monsoon: My baliw-baliw babyyyy. She is soooooo crazy na feeling ko 'may ka-wavelength ako. Pero syempre, living vicariously through her kasi 'di naman ako marunong ng sing, dance atbp. LOL. Everything about her is just magical to the point that I watch content outside the franchise na mga interviews and podcasts niya. LELS.

9 Sasha Velour: Super looooooveee her because her vision and execution are always spot-on. Superlative talaga. And she's known to have no wigs pero pakkkkakkkk na pakkkakk. She's a walking art talaga.

10 Utica: Isa pa 'tong super duper atypical na napaka evident sa Snatch Game na kadire na as Bob Ross. But her sleeping bag runway look is just sooooooo elevated.

11 Gottmik: Isa sa pinaka crush ko kasi naman her story is just sooooo divine. She's also this tiny babe na ang ganda ng voice and sarap pakinggan ng podcast nila ni Violet. Bagay sila pero parehas pasuyo kaya naman, baka naman or baka naman hindi. Hahahahaha. I love her looks pero obvious na ginastusan talaga. My fave looks niya is 'yung runway na 'di umano, USD 8,000-ish dripping in watches, 'yung dalmatian, 'yung parang santo na may sapi, atbp. LOL. 12 Raja: Super crush din because I loveeee that she embraces age and she ages gracefully. HUHUHUHUHU. Gwapo pa in all levels! Very Asian pero poppin'!!! LOL. LUL. Hahahaha. For the PH franchise, I think that it deserves another post because kakatamad mag-isip and watching all sesons para naman mas pakkkkkk. So what? LELS. This is a reminder that the queer life is the best life. Salamat sa lahat ng seasons dahil more than the kanal, kabaklaan, atbp na kadire side, this is a statement. I can't imagine a world where queers are literally crucified, died, and buried. And even when PH is still very tolerant lang rather than acceptant, andyan naman Taiwan or HK e for you know... making things legally binding, just in case. LELS. Hahahahaha. LUH. Let's not go there because alam mo naman. LOL.

And just in case I see my inaanaks and junak-junakans get on the queer game, jusq, ako mismo sasama sa bawat ganaps nila. LOL. Taruhhhh!

[kait16xo]

Dance Moms: A New Era: Thoughts (Episode 7)

As usual, spoilers under the cut :)

* Every time Domenica talks it gives me whiplash…love her curls tho

* Oh they’re talking shit about a kid how cute

* Well, Ashlan is spoiled but I still don’t think that was her mistake 😐

* Girl Gina NEEDS to be there sorry not sorry

* Not episode related but my god does this website I’m watching this on SUCK. Guess we’re moving to music free youtube 😔

* Aww happy tears from Bellatrix! :)

* Yay Bellatrix finally got a solo! Also I did not know that name meant “female warrior”

* THE MENU MENTIONED!!

* Girl I would’ve been that head in a heartbeat but good for her

* “I’m a dance mom of course—“ STOP ITTTTT 😭 at least they’re having fun

* “Yes chef!” Ohhh my god lol

* Ashlan absolutely needs a break maybe Domenica ate for once

* Omg of course it’s this fuck ass music

* Ashlan didn’t get in trouble bc of Gina…Gina didn’t fuck up the circle

* “Good for you, Roxce” eat her ass up Gina actually

* Can you not two take your issues with each other on your fucking kids please. Let them fucking talk to each other or this dance is gonna fall apart

* This “cut off their breast” line reminds me of when Abby told the s8 kids what happens to an injured horse and Brady was just “ 🫢 “

* “I’d rather have my butt than my boobs cut off” oh Leilah I can’t with you lol

* Omg Roxce the least you can do is apologize to the kid for being nasty right in front of her 😐 idk if she messed you up or not

* She took her shoes off she means business. Also THANK YOU for not doing this in front of her kid

* *literally not even a minute later* Well…nevermind I guess! :D poor kid

* Lily taking yet another L :(

* “This isn’t a fair team” girl…your kid wasn’t holding her weight I wouldn’t say this is why the team is unfair

* Aww bellatrix and her short hair I love it

* GIRL NOT GINA GETTING A LAST MINUTE SOLO WHERE HAVE I SEEN THIS PLOT BEFORE

* “Cinnamon Paradiso” that is…okay subtitles

* Ugh Gina’s technique is SO GOOD

* Bellatrix’s jacket in her interview is so cute

* Leilah is doing ALL the dangerous stuff I see lol

* You know it’s bad when even Domenica is over it

* Well Jing and Roxce just jinxed the next 7 years of their lives 😭 also damn the producers bought those cute little mirrors for y’all and you’re just gonna throw em 😔

* “Go out there and kick some ass” abby is in the corner having a stroke at that whole interaction

* OMG THE MUSIC ISN’T CUT FROM THIS VIDEO WE’RE SO BACK BABY

* Gina is such a good technical dancer

* It took me way too long to realize what MD stood for

* Oh nope Bellatrix’s music was muted 😔 but the cheers weren’t so this is so awkward!

* Oh no bellatrix fell :/ she did some cool stuff too

* “Yes chef!” 💃 “yes chef!” 🕺

* No one: Lilly: 👁️u👁️

* THE STREAM JUST…CUT THE GROUP DANCE?? IJBOL…GUESS IM GONNA PAUSE AND WATCH THAT RQ

* Ok so update the dance was literally amazing. This was Audrey’s best lead performance + everything that initially went wrong went off without a hitch 👏 this is probably one of my favorite groups so far alongside medium

* Uh oh Bellatrix got 5th

* gina got first slayyy (no one is surprised)

* HELL YEAH 1ST PLACE GROUP

* Holy shit is this the first episode Ashlan didn’t cry??

* Gina deserves a solo at nationals idc

[honibiuart]

arcane s2 spoilers ‼️

ummmm so act I happened 😀 i’m already addicted 😭

i love them so much i hope nothing bad happens 😬 pls forgive bad quality tumblr HATES ME

.

.

[bbblogspot]

Haven’t been here in a minute

Things are going well. Actually surprisingly well. I don’t want to jinx it, but I think I’m hitting what I’ve decided to call ‘the golden era’

I grew up in a house with very low income. Struggled for food, mom worked insane hours just to keep a roof over our head, and even then that didn’t always work out.

Things were okay when I married my husband. We lived comfortably. Didn’t have much, but I never had to worry where my next meal was coming from.. even if I had to get creative. About a year ago that all changed. For the past several months, we’d been living in his parents basement. Both working part time at a pizza place just to try to make ends meet. Absolutely emptying our savings just to keep our phones on. I’m grateful for his parents helping us stay afloat, even with the toll it took on us both mentally.

But we did it. We moved out, found a place with insanely low rent (in this economy?!) and my husband just got his va benefits letter. I won’t go into details, but we’re both truly humbled and unbelievably blessed. We will never have to struggle again. Food, bills, extra spending money.. all guaranteed. Healthcare, school for us and our future children.. forever. We made it.

I guess for me it really still hasn’t sunken in. To put it in perspective. We went from lower to upper middle class overnight. My husbands been spoiling himself and me like crazy meanwhile I’m constantly worried we’re going to run out of money or something will happen. I’ve been stashing receipts away from the expensive things he’s buying me, and if he sends me any money I throw it immediately into savings.. just in case.

He assures me constantly there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. He bought me a brand mew switch the other day without even flinching. We went to a different store for some games, and I was already feeling bad about it, but he picked up a new PlayStation controller for me without asking my input because it was pink. I begged him not to, I really didn’t need it, but he did anyway. Later I mentioned that while I was unbelievably grateful, I’d rather return it for switch controllers because I already have two PlayStation controllers, and he said ‘you don’t understand.. where we’re at right now, we can just go back in and get you a switch controller too’

Now this is not a man who’s irresponsible with money. He and I both grew up the same way and he completely understands the value of every dollar. He’s worked himself to the bone to provide for us over the years. Right now he’s eyeballing a super car for himself and wants me to go house hunting. Maybe I’d feel better if I could see the numbers? Develop a budget and look at what’s left? I think that’s a good idea.

[letters-to-rosie]

what I'mma do is go through this post with some thoughts and then circle around to what I think was closer to the point I was trying to get to (and Cherry as well)

I think with Caitlyn the key here is that many of the Undercity's characters have flaws that are direct responses to their setting and their experiences of being oppressed

Viktor is reckless with his body (and Sky's) because he's dying an early death caused by his childhood exposure to toxins

Silco recounts days of being forced to work in a mine and seems to have decided that a lot of murder and drug dealing is preferable (which we can dispute lol, but I think the greenhouse scene suggests he wouldn't be doing all of this in the way he's doing it without that backstory)

Vi and Jinx are set off on paths of destruction by having their parents murdered in the opening scene by a guy who was presumably also forced to work in the mines and was trying to fight back

Ekko is best boy lol but even him stalking Jayce is at least partially motivated by the fact that he's a child laborer and he and his friends need money

Caitlyn, by contrast, is explicitly shielded by her mother and joins the enforcers 1) to get out from under her mother and 2) because of her admiration for Grayson, who at the point she would have joined would've been dead. those certainly are understandable, but the difference is that Caitlyn uniquely among the cast has the means to find out what the enforcers do and doesn't. again, some of this seems to do with her mother continuing to shield her. but her mom is one of the most powerful people in the city. she's rich beyond belief. she could have had any job, and she chose that one. perhaps out of ignorance, but I'mm argue it's a bit deeper than that

I said in another post that I really hate what she says to Ekko about a cycle of violence. I understand why she says it, but she really doesn't learn as much in the Undercity as she thinks she does. in her mind, the cycle of vioelnce started when Jinx blew her up. even if she can accept that Jinx might've been motivated to do so by some outside factor, all that Caitlyn seems to see as a means of healing is related to restoring the status quo before the hexgem was stolen and removing corruption in the enforcers. what she doesn't see is that even in some pre-Marcus era, the enforcers were oppressing the Undercity, even if mitigated through Grayson and Vander's deal. Caitlyn returns to that meeting in uniform presumably not only because it's good rhetorically but because on some level she still believes that the enforcers were/can be a force for justice. it's basically like in real life when people see (for instance, because I'm a black woman from the US) a cop kill an unarmed black person and respond by bemoaning bad apples in the system. what system begets bad apples? a bad one

what's also invisible to Caitlyn is the way her family's house presumably has been able to make their living off the exploitation of the Undercity that underwrites so many other character's motives. if she's rich and others are poor, that doesn't happen in isolation. but that's invisible to her. it makes sense as a character flaw, but it is, again, one people are allowed to dislike and criticize her for if they want to

then, of course, there are outside considerations. the show's framing of the oppression of the Undercity is, to be quite honest, not very realistic. I'm not the only one who's pointed it out, but the way almost every one we see doesn't have like an actual job makes it easier to disconnect the riches of Piltover from the impoverishment of Zaun, even though we can connect the dots through dialogue and general context clues. I think this is lame, honestly, but it's not surprising that the show ultimately shies away from making a critique about capitalism

another outside consideration is that in real life people tend to react pretty poorly to criticisms of the police if they think the police are a good institution that serves them. Cherry (who originally responded to this post) and I are black women from the US, so that is distinctly not our reality. I can't speak for her, but I've certainly had times when I've spoken up in favor of the victims of police violence of social media and been ranted at by people who can't handle it

and that brings us back around to the original point: liking someone because their character is a cop in a fictional setting where they didn't really make cops better is perfectly reasonable. I get it being annoying if you feel like people don't see the character's motivations and so on, but I would argue that suggesting that someone disliking Caitlyn being a cop doesn't understand why she is one is not really getting to the heart of the issue. it's also easy to totally understand why Cait's a cop and still dislike her for it. I get trying to look at her actions in the show, but her actions still exist in context, and that context paints a grim picture. that context, I think, is why she's primed for a more morally dubious arc in season 2. she never gets to the bottom of the contradictions that shape her life and her position as a rich girl cop. and because she doesn't get it, she's acting with ethics that are also abstracted from context, which doesn't make for the best ethics, frankly

my personal solution to this is only reading/writing fics where she's not a cop lmao but to each their own. I think it's fine to like Cait. as mentioned, I like her myself. but context obviously affects people's interpretation of characters

I also understand that you're saying it's fine to dislike Cait, but I wanted to flesh out more why her the situations that surround her actions make her more complicated than she is when you only look at her actions

So one thing I've noticed about a lot of caitlyn haters is that they dislike her either because she's an enforcer or because she goes against jinx... I wanna break something down a second here

First of all, a lot of people seem to have a problem with enforcers in the show because they relate them to real life police. Guys this is a fictional world. And yes, there are problems in their system as well, but Caitlyn is not a representation of those issues, she counters them and is seemingly trying to lead by example as to what should be done. At no point does she treat anyone different because they're from the undercity. Like literally never. She only used her gun when necessary, and trades it in a heartbeat all for Vi.

The only reason she does not do the same for Jinx is because it is impossible to approach Jinx entirely passively, because Jinx does not trust Caitlyn, and so immediately resorts to defensive methods. Even so, she does not fire at Jinx in the last episode, but she greatly controls the situation by showing her power, but not abusing it. She doesn't want to hurt Jinx, she wants to ensure Jinx doesn't hurt other people again.

Which ties to my second point that Caitlyn has no choice but to go against Jinx. There isn't a middle ground, its a case of what is the best route. Caitlyn thinks rationally, she doesn't just attack Jinx because she's a threat. She knows Jinx is capable of so much destruction without any moral holdback. Unlike Silco, who plans what he's going to do to get the power he wants, Jinx acts to get attention, make an impact and without thinking what consequences there might be. As well as this, she is largely influenced by trauma, and has killed multiple people because of it. She is quite literally Topsides main threat, not just to Power but to people's lives, and safety, which then also becomes a threat to those of the undercity.

Maybe I'm just a massive Caitlyn defender, but I have my reasons. And don't get me wrong, I love Jinx, I think she's a great character, but she is highly flawed.

[pink-bird-30]

Titans 4x03

SPOILERS AHEAD

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!

(Might be pointless at this point since most people have already watched 4x03)

Sorry this is a little late, I've been busy with Grad school work and my job lately.

Let's dive in!

-I'm glad we picked up where we left off in episode 4x02. 4x02 left us on a big cliffhanger of Raven losing her powers. Her hair turning white and her gem breaking is a huge deal. The more episodes we get into the more I see the parallel between Titans and Teen Titans season 4.

-This is more of a personal comment, but we've been here for 4 seasons and they can't get a more realistic wig for Raven? Gar's wig has a nice part that looks natural, and so does Kori's wigs. But for some reason Raven's still lacks for me. Don't get me wrong, it's perfect for Raven, but it needs to look a little more natural.

-Jay is finally getting his training!!! I'm really excited to see how he develops into his own hero and become Red Robin. I know some people are bothered by him (idk why, he's great) but I want to see him come into himself and how he will contribute to the team. He had a great impact last season with helping Donna to come back and reunite Hank with his brother. I can feel he will do great things and we have much more to see.

-Dick's development these three episodes is such a 180 from the man we've seen the last 3 season. It still irks me that it has only been about 2 weeks since they left Gotham, and he's already made such big changes and his developing feelings for Kori. To me, it seems rushed on some part, but the other part of me has to realize this has been building for 3 seasons. But I can't ignore that Dick from a month ago went off to face Jason without back-up. That is why I was glad Dick told Kori she was coming with him to meet up with Jinx. He wanted her there to help him and I think that is a big change for Dick.

"We're a team, we take this on together."

I feel like a proud mom.

-I love that Krypto is pretty much a ESA(Emotional Support Animal) for Connor cuz that kids really does need some emotional support. Between Kom last season and Lex literally being murdered in front of him...kid needs a big fat hug.

-I love that last season we had Gizmo and now we have Jinx. Are we entering a HIVE era?!?!?!?

-Jinx has always been an interesting character for me. The most I know of her comes from Teen Titans, and I won't lie, she's a pretty cool anti-hero/villain. I aways liked her powers and the badass person she is. But what I did not like about her on Titans is they made her another one of Dick's flings. I just don't understand the purpose of this. Why can't she just be a woman from Dick's past that he tried to help but she turned on him? Why bring up that they used to hook up at some point and she betrayed him? I think the only relevant part of their past that should be brought up is Jinx is deceiving and will betray you. That is enough to get the point across without whipping out Dick's long list of lovers.

Moving on before I rant too hard...

-Dick's reaction to Kori turning into stone was too precious. Immediately this man was ready to fight for this woman. He was overly concerned and adamant that Jinx turn her back to normal. But when she didn't Dick was ready to do anything to get her back to normal.

-It's a big deal that Raven lost her demonic powers, a huge deal if the Cult wanted her powers for the crystal. But Raven is so happy not to be an empath anymore. Like this poor little girl is calm and free of demons for the first time in her life. And I hate that she will experience this freedom, a brief taste of it, and then eventually she'll have her demonic gem back and she'll have these dark powers again. I'm unsure if they will have her experience her mother's magic and discover it or just keep her powerless until the red moon.

(Also, Raven taking a swing of maple syrup was fantastic.)

-I've been saying it since 4x01 but with Gar's visions from the "skin walkers" and them warning him of the Red Moon and the troubles they will face in the near future, MAJOR. THE. END. VIBES. Like there is no doubt in my mind that Trigon will be resurrected as well as Slade as his servant, because if I recall correctly from the promo, Slade was in it. In Teen Titans, Slade did Trigon's bidding and went after Raven, but it seems like Mother Mayhem is also part of this servitude as well. Now it makes me wonder what Sebastian has to do with all of this. Mother Mayhem speaks of him like he is her lost child, but who is he?

-I really liked the moment between Gar and Rachel. I like knowing that they have each other's backs when weird shit starts to happen.

-Random, but I need to say it. Why the hell was that dude barreling around 40 gallons of blood?! Is that even sanitary? Is that FDA approved?! I also feel for the guy, he was about to propose and he gets killed by a blood spider, a fucking blood spider. I already have arachnophobia but that increased my fear by tenfold.

-I love Dick having a long list of things he hates: Ninjas, and now Magic.

Okay, the big scene of the episode (in my opinion): Kori's vision.

-It was nice to know Kori wasn't completely unresponsive while in the state she was in. But her having visions again is interesting. In 4x01, Dick is listing off Kori's destinies and that is a big foreshadow for what is to come. So far her destines were: Kill Rachel, Save Tamaran, Kill a bunch of people, & Save Gotham (as per Dick Grayson). But during her vision Zadira, her old trainer from Tamaran, tells her there is so much more to come. And that her destiny is still evolving.

But

But

Dick is a huge part of that destiny and I want to know right now. We already have an idea of what Kori's destiny with Dick will be since Dick saw part of that destiny in the form of an adorable little Mar'i Grayson, but I need it now. I am deprived!!

But I also want to point out hat Kori will have a big part in the Red Moon. Will she be the reason is comes to be? Will she be the one to resolve the issues associated with the Red Moon? What will be her purpose and how will it lead to her destiny with Dick???

Let's bring it back.

-When the bullshit with Jinx is over, Dick straight up is done with her antics. I'm glad he extended an invitation for her to help them since they are so out of their element with magic (even if it was a bribe to get out of some debt). But it was a smart move to make, but I have a feeling it will backfire at some point with Jinx history of betrayal.

Now for that scene: "To lift the magic you have to kiss her."

-When I say my jaw dropped, it dropped. Dick seems to pause for awhile and I'm glad he didn't just straight up do it because A) that would be their first kiss outside of their relationship from season 1. B)Hellllooooo consent is key people!!! C) Part of him definitely did not believe Jinx, which I'm glad for the hesitation.

(I also want to point out that Brenton played Prince Phillip in Maleficent and you know the story of sleeping beauty. I thought it was a cute nod to his previous character, especially since he had to give up the role in the second movie to stay playing Dick Grayson for us.)

Once Kori is woken up from the spell, I love the fire and rage she has towards Jinx.

"I will fuck you up."

I got so hyped up after that.

Last mentions:

-I will mention the scenes with Sebastian-I'm curious to see what Mother Mayhem has in store for him. They really keep fucking with him and now that he's with the Titans, I'm expecting a big fight scene next week. Or maybe even a rematch between Mother Mayhem and Super Boy. That would be pretty cool to see.

Lastly,

"When the blood moon is full, the world will fall to evil."

The chills I experienced after that line.

We are really in it this season and I'm beyond excited.

Until next time! Hope you like my break down of the episode!

[dandeliononthemoon]

Era my sunshine how are you?? It's been a while since we talked. How's uni? Did you celebrate diwali? Are hydrated ??

I got you some serotonin here

And some nice vibes

In other news Jackson Wang is coming to India yo!!!!

Unfortunately he's not coming to my city

Hiii pixie baby!!

Omg i have been meaning to send you an ask as well cuz it had been a while!!!

I am good, i have lately been realizing i might have adhd after talking with some friends who have it. Like damn, i didn't know some of the symptoms were actually part of adhd, otherwise i might have checked this out ages ago. But yeah, one of them has been helping me make a list of symptoms and going through the questions on the form she's had so that when I talk with the gp i am well prepared lol

Uni is... Well it is going. I have exams coming up in a few days, one of which i am absolutely not confident about and it is the worst course ever. Thankfully i have friends who are in the same shit so it is bearable 😂

Diwali was really nice!!! My dad couldn't be there so we celebrated just my mom, sis and i. My mom and i cleaned up the house and then hung up a bunch of lights and it is still there for Christmas/new year. I was at uni so on the day itself so i couldn't really help with more decorations but my sister (who isn't too keen on creative stuff) did some rangoli with my mom, and it turned out to be really pretty, i unfortunately don't have the pic for it.

Oh but we did try to make a lot of photos of us, but it is always a struggle to have nice pics when it gets dark outside

How was your diwali? How are you? Any interesting updates? Some new fics you are working on? i am not much on this app anymore so i don't know what is going on here. I hope uni is going well for you!!

OMG YEAH I HEARD i think he is only coming to Mumbai. I am in the exact same position. Dude's only coming to Paris and London for the Europe tour 😭 I considered going to one of those to not only visit the concert but take it as a long weekend holiday to hang out in the city as well, but i would need companion for it (i am not coming back from the concert hall to the hotel in the dark on my own in a city i am not too familiar with +plus it is fun hanging out with a friend in a foreign city) but yeah, i have no one around me who is interested his music/his concert so yeah, i gave up on it :(

Btw have you heard his new song Fire to the Fuse? He made it for League of Legends and omg it is so good! This is his live performance . I had seen a video of his from a recent fanmeeting where he rec'd Arcane, now i understand why, dude's been doing research lol (@potato-jem tagging you here cuz i know you like arcane as well, p.s. Jackson said Jinx is his fav character from LoL and it doesnt surprise me one bit)

P.s. here's a jaguar having a bath and tis adorable

Edit: i just realized, @onetimetwotimesthreetimess eeshu you can go to that concert 👀. Do a girl a favor and consider going, let me live vicariously through you

[sidecarghost]

Kripke: Family (as a source of trauma)

Sam and Dean’s brotherhood and the dichotomy of loving your brother while also disagreeing with him on almost everything at a fundamental level.

Azazel fostering a group of special children to serve in his holy war, and John raising Sam and Dean as soldiers for his holy war.

Filial piety taken to the extreme where any agency is given up. Meg’s blind faith in Azazel and then Lucifer, and Michael’s blind faith in following through with God’s plan for the end.

John Winchester’s legacy of hate and revenge being passed down to his children, Sam and Dean.

Dean, Cas, and Micheal and the consequences of absentee fathers and their sons hopelessly trying to gain approval from them.

Found family that helps emotionally support each other with team free will Sam, Dean, Bobby, and Cas vs the toxicity of the family you are born to. Similar parallel to fate vs free will.

Gamble: Identity (roles we assume vs our authentic self)

Souls as the fundamental particle that establishes our internal compass, but also capable of being lost or weaponized.

Assuming a role at the cost of being authentic:

Dean and Lisa where Dean tries to be a better father to Ben than John was to him

Cas as God where Cas tries to be a better God than the father he never met

Sam as soulless where Sam tries to be a better hunter than John, Dean, or the Campbells ever had been

And Leviathan becoming better capitalists than humans (authentic chameleons that live their best life by assuming whatever form let’s them be the most effective predator)

Carver: Oppression (being a hero to some makes you a villain to everyone else & the only force strong enough to cure oppression is love or total annihilation of the oppressors)

Abuse of power at all levels: Hell, Heaven, Earth

Monsters are shown to be morally complex and an oppressed population

The MoL is a defunct organization of humans that oppressed monsters.

Sam and Dean as the inheritors of the MoL legacy of oppression. They are never redeemed and carry on killing monsters until the end of the series.

Cain saves his brother Abel from damnation, but the cost doomed millions. His only escape was conquering the mark because of the love of one woman.

Naomi overriding the free will of angels by reprogramming them to keep them kowtowed to her agenda for heaven. Cas is able to conquer Naomi’s reprogramming because of the love of one man.

Metatron ejects the angels of Heaven forcing them to live among the people heaven has oppressed in the name of God. The show frames Metatron as a hero and a villain because good and evil can be subjective.

Rowena as the narcissistic mother that sees Crowley as a failure because of her own failings, and attempts to emotionally manipulate and influence his role as king of hell. Eventually Rowena is redeemed by developing genuine love for her son and team free will.

Styne family as a dynasty of white supremacists trying to make a race of superior humans. Their reign of oppression ends with their annihilation by Dean.

Sam clings to faith and hope in a righteous God even though he has suffered his whole life. Sam’s relationship to faith is never resolved through the end of the series.

Light oppressing the Darkness. God’s only sister was kept entombed by her only brother. Love for each other was the only force strong enough to stop their suffering.

Dabb: Fuck if I know???? (Cw: racism, suicide ideation, rape, incest) Dabb era is the most racist era of a very racist show. Other eras were problematic, but at least they attempted to tell a story based on an interesting theme. I cannot, for the life of me, come up with a theme for Dabb that the season wide plots feed into (calling it plot is a misnomer because there really is none in s12-s15, that shit cannot be consumed serially).

Destiel is shamelessly queerbaited, because Dabb has found that the queer and queer ally portion of fandom responds favorably to these crumbs.

BMoL as oppressive but now also British, and a new bunch of white people are added to the cast, because in the Spn universe Britain is solely populated by white people.

Lucifer keeps appearing to antagonize the protagonists, even though his relevance as a legitimate antagonist ended 7+ seasons ago.

Lucifer rapes a woman by posing as her lover. This results in the birth of the Messiah and death of the woman. No one ever seeks justice for Kelly, instead they endlessly obsess over her fetus.

The actor cast as Jack, the Messiah, is yet another white person in a cast full of white people.

Alternate universes are found that are like the main universe but way more boring.

Crowley is killed because Dabb is out of ideas for the character.

Sam and Dean are only interested in finding a way back to the apocalypse universe because their mom got stuck there. They express no desire to find a way back to help the universe where humans are being exterminated. They have completely given up on altruism and are living it up as privileged white people in their bunker mansion.

Black archangel Michael is villainized and loses any of the moral complexity that white archangel Michael exhibits.

Kevin Tran (one of the few recurring PoC), reappears in the Apocalypse universe just to blow himself up as a suicide bomber.

Archangel Gabriel was being kept imprisoned by Colonel Sanders who moonlights as a prince of hell. Does any of this mini arc impact the overall narrative? No. Just more white men added to the story because Dabb can’t figure out where to take the franchise.

Mary Winchester is fridged, yet again, by another yellow eyed supernatural being, so a singular family member can go into a vindictive rage about it.

Canon bisexual God is villainized. I would say for plot reasons, but I have yet to discover anything in s15 resembling a plot.

Main universe Kevin Tran (who sacrificed everything to devote his short life to helping Sam and Dean) reveals that God sent him to Hell all those years ago. Kevin is then doomed to wander Earth as a ghost until he goes insane. At which point, white guy Sam is probably going to kill him sending him back to suffer for eternity in Hell.

Billie, a black woman, becomes Death, a primordial entity and a stronger force than God (will reap God in the end). She is villainized and killed by white men for being committed to keeping the universe in balance and adhering to the natural order. No one seeks justice for her.

W*ncest is shamelessly baited because Dabb has found the portion of fandom that prefers bros as soulmates responds favorably to these crumbs.

Romanticizing suicide in a meta attempt to inform viewers that this show has lived past its useful shelf life and keeping it alive is a punishment to be endured.

Spn Prequel: ??? Not to jinx the prequel but at least it should not be worse than Dabb era.